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Contents

HELP - OUR CHILD IS GIFTED

Guidelines for parents of gifted children

Shirley J. Kokot

Revised edition Centurion 1999

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Contents

HELP - OUR CHILD IS GIFTED! : GUIDELINES FOR PARENTS

OF GIFTED CHILDREN.

© Shirley J. Kokot 1994, 1999.

Dr Shirley Kokot has asserted her moral right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with

international copyright.

Published by:

Radford House Publications

P O Box 15156, Lyttelton, 0140

Republic of South Africa

Printed and bound by: Henkos Printers (Pty) Ltd

Second edition, first impression 1999.

ISBN 0-620-24413-5

© All rights reserved. Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of research,

criticism or review as permitted under the Copyright Act, no part of this book may be

reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical,

including photocopying and recording, without permission in writing from the

publisher.

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Contents

FOREWORD

In the late 1980s, South Africa was considered to be amongst those countries

most committed to providing educational opportunities for gifted children.During the 1990s, the lack of money experienced by the education departmentsseverely restricted and even curtailed some of these programmes. Growing

teacher-pupil ratios in classrooms have caused an escalation of the difficulties

faced by gifted learners and their teachers. But most of all, lack of

understanding of the real nature of giftedness and the needs of children who can

be described as gifted is really the primary cause of frustrations and

unhappiness in such children, their parents and their teachers.

The first edition of this book was spurred by the need to explain some of the

behaviours demonstrated by gifted children in an attempt to help create betterunderstanding. Five years on, the questions haven’t stopped and new teachers

(and parents) continue to struggle to understand these children. Without

support from education departments, universities and teacher training colleges

will not offer specialised courses in gifted child education, nor include this field

of study in their curricula.

There is a lack of published resources on gifted child education in this countryand so I find myself in front of my computer again - with the hopes that the time

spent will be of some value to gifted children. This book, like the first edition,doesn’t pretend to comprehensively cover all aspects of the enormously

complex state of being “gifted”. It merely tries to explain some of the most

important challenges facing these children and their educators to foster

understanding.

Since writing the first edition, I founded a school for gifted children in

Johannesburg in response to desperate parents. The children of Radford House

have contributed a great deal to my knowledge about giftedness and so it is to

them that I dedicate this edition.

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Contents

TABLE OF CONTENTS

FOREWORD

CHAPTER 1: How do I know if my child is

gifted?.............................................................. 1

- Some early indications of

giftedness...................................................... 3

- At school age..............................................9

- The two-sided coin................................10

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How do I know if my child is gifted? 5

- A checklist for doubtful gifted

children.......................................................10

CHAPTER 2: So what does gifted mean?............... 15

- Elitism and giftedness......................... 15

- “They don t need any help”................ 17

- The great IQ debate ............................... 19

- What is “giftedness”?.............................. 21

- Dabrowski s theory...............................32

- Overexcitabilities ...................................32- Kinds of giftedness................................42

- More about “intelligences” ...............46

- Bright child or gifted child .......... 50

CHAPTER 3: Gifted children who fail to thrive

at school .................................................... 53

- Learning styles ........................................54

- Learning problems and disabilities55

- Attention deficit disorder (ADD)

or not?.......................................................... 61

- The great Ritalin debate....................65

- Underachievement............................... 70

- Remediating underachievement.. 77

TABLE OF CONTENTS

CHAPTER 4: Challenges faced by gifted

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children......................................................80

- Truths about being one of the

clever ones ................................................80

- Social and emotional issues about

being gifted................................................84

- Sensitivity ..................................................86

- Empathy .......................................................87

- Perceptiveness ........................................... 91

- Perfectionism ...........................................95

- Stress management............................ 104

- Peer relationships.................................112

- Career decisions .................................... 125

- Family roles ............................................. 136

- Depression................................................. 141

- Coping with giftedness..................... 143

CHAPTER 5: Challenges faced by parents ......... 146

- Feeling inadequate ........................... 146

- Disciplining gifted children.......... 159

- Sibling rivalry........................................ 165

- Increased tension................................ 168

- Motivating gifted children.......... 168

- Boredom......................................................171

- Guidelines for parenting ................ 178

- You re not alone.................................. 178

- Conclusion: Gifted children:

gifted parents........................................ 180

Appendix: Checklist to help recognise

exceptional ability.............................. 183

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CHAPTER 1

HOW DO I KNOW IF MY CHILD IS GIFTED?

Why have you picked up this little book to read? Perhaps your child

has been identified as Agifted@ by a psychologist or termed as Avery

bright@ by the school. You are perhaps wondering what this means oreven doubting that you could have a gifted child. After all, most of us

imagine a gifted child as being a wonderfully able, high-achieving all-

rounder. The words Agenius@ and A prodigy@ come to mind, and

you can=t equate those with your child. These are also surely those

matriculants who get their picture in the papers with 7 or 8 (or 9 or10)

A=s, a long string of accomplishments, and often a bursary to some

prestigious university.

Read on for the whole truth!

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On the other hand, perhaps you feel that there is something

Adifferent@ about your child. Perhaps your child is not yet in

school, but you are wondering about some behaviour, remark,question or skill. Perhaps friends (and often grandparents)

comment that she is advanced in some way, or seems to be able to do

things that their children can=t yet do. If you have some inkling of

a special ability in your child, you must try to have him assessed.

Parents are very often correct as far as their observations and

knowledge about their children are concerned. Lots of parents have

come to me, saying almost apologetically that because they are first

time parents and have no other children to compare theirs with, they

need help or at least another opinion regarding their child's abilities.

In my experience, about 95% of these parents are proved correct and

I have the pleasure of meeting yet another potentially able child.

Other parents look for help because they find their young child very

difficult to manage: they wonder why their three-year-old is able to

manipulate them and shows such uncanny stubbornness. And many

parents are referred to me because of problems that their child is

experiencing in school. Although it is always saddening to hear yetagain of a child who is unhappy in school, this also enables me to

meet another gifted child!

Right from the start then, let me squash the myth about gifted

children being little angels and a teacher =s delight. Of course,

many of them are and their parents probably won=t need to read this

book but too many of them turn out to be the proverbial square peg

in the round hole of our education system and the friction caused bythe bad fit leads to much conflict, frustration and stress.

Will the school identify my child as gifted?

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If you think your child is gifted, what are the chances that her

giftedness will be confirmed by the school? Not so good,

unfortunately. Most schools rely on teacher observation and school performance. Neither source is necessarily reliable.

Some schools still screen for giftedness by administering a group IQ

test, but this is not the best medium for identifying giftedness.

Because gifted children are often original in their thoughts, their

responses to the questions asked in IQ tests can be different from

those considered "correct" by the test designers. This ability to find

original solutions to problems may be spotted by a psychologist who

administers an individual test, but the questions in group tests have amultiple-choice answering format, which does not allow for

interpretation of the quality of answers. The higher the ability of the

child, the greater the failure of group tests to reveal such ability.

This is especially true of creative children, whose very strength lies

in their ability to seek out unusual answers.

Teachers may be good at spotting gifted children, but this will have a

lot to do with the training, personal interest and experience theindividual teacher has in the field of gifted education. Researchers

from the USA, Britain and Europe have found that teachers fail to

recognise many gifted children in their classrooms. These studies

claim that between 25% - 50% of gifted children are not nominated

by teachers for possible identification. The problem seems to be that

most tend to view only well-behaved, compliant, neat, achieving

children as being gifted. Creatively gifted children are very seldom

identified at school - unless their creativity finds expression inartistic or musical outlets that are easily recognisable. In this case,

it is usually the art or music teacher that nurtures the child, but the

classroom teachers will fail to make adjustments for the creative way

of being that makes this child so unique in all areas.

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This puts more responsibility on you, as a parent, to confirm your

suspicions about your children's potentials so that you can see what

can be done to support their educational and emotional needs.

SOME EARLY INDICATIONS OF GIFTEDNESS

Checklists for identifying gifted behaviour are not very accurate and

so I didn't plan to include any in this book. Apart from not being

reliable, they are misleading. If a checklist includes characteristics

such as Aasks many questions@ and Aseems very alert as a baby@,

many children could be identified as gifted. It is not so much the possessing of a particular attribute that determines high ability.

Rather, it is how many signs and how much of a characteristic that

makes the difference. There is, after all, a fine line between being

an intelligent, capable human being (as is the majority of the

population) and one with really high potential that we call

Agiftedness@.

But I know that there are many parents of very young children who

are wondering about early signs of giftedness. For these, I've

included a few characteristics that are regularly seen in young

children who are later found to be gifted. For this reason they can be

regarded as fairly good indicators of developing intellectual

giftedness.

Because the potential for giftedness has to do with a quick rate of

development, it helps to compare the mental development of

possibly more advanced children with what is considered "normal"for a particular age. I've included some examples to show what is

considered advanced for a particular child.

Early use of advanced vocabulary.

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Early language development is a very reliable sign of developing

high potential. Many gifted children begin communicating with

words long before their first birthday.

Most children at age 2 make sentences like: "There's a doggy." A

two-year-old who is potentially gifted might say, "There's a brown

doggy in the backyard and he's sniffing our flower." Gifted two-

year-olds= sentences may average seven or eight words with correct

use of all parts of speech. So an advanced vocabulary might show

itself in the length of sentences, in the amount of words understood

and in the accurate use of words. D., for example, always used the

correct word for things from the time he started talking, even four

syllable words.

Of course, not all gifted children are verbal or show early use of

language. One three-year-old never seemed to use functional

language, but instead chose to communicate by using sounds. His

mother took a while to break the code!

Keen observation and curiosity.

A potentially gifted child may ask a series of questions like, "What

makes sticky tape sticky on one side and smooth on the other? How

can they make a machine that puts on the sticky part without getting

the machine all gummed up? Why doesn't the sticky side stay stuck

to the other side when you unroll the tape?"

They also ask many "intelligent" questions about topics in whichyoung children do not ordinarily have an interest. For example, at

aged 3, while flying on a plane and the pilot came back to talk to the

passengers, P. became very worried and asked, "Who's flying the

plane?" He often asked how things worked, such as the vacuum

cleaner and the automatic washing machine, and how planes stayed

in the sky.

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A gifted child will also observe details. At a very young age the

child might remember where all the toys go on a shelf and replace

everything correctly. When T. was two or three she would notice ifthe smallest item in a room had been moved.

Retention of a variety of information.

Gifted children amaze parents and teachers by recalling details of

past experiences. For example, one six-year-old returned from a trip

to the transport museum and reproduced an accurate drawing of an

aeroplane he had seen.

At two and a half, W., when being instructed why streets were

dangerous, remembered a parade he had watched six months

previously and said those people shouldn't have been walking in the

street. At age 3, he recalled incidents of eighteen months previously

that had not been mentioned since, such as "Remember when I fell

out of the pram and got scratched right here?"

Periods of intense concentration.

A potentially gifted one-year-old might sit for five minutes or more

listening attentively to a story being read to an older brother or sister.

Older gifted children can become engrossed in a book or project,

totally oblivious to the events happening around them. Older

children persevere for literally hours on projects that challenge them:

I well remember an all-night session that my son held when about 8

years old, in order to >crack = an adventure computer game.

At two-and-a-half, M. would play in her room for up to an hour

working on projects of her own.

At three-and-a-half, J. would tell her mother which Lego model he

was going to make and then spend up to an hour building it.

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Ability to understand complex concepts, perceive

relationships and think abstractly.

Although an average four-year-old looks through a picture book of

baby and mother animals with interest, a gifted four-year-old is more

likely to observe concepts such as how much animal mothers and

babies look alike except that the baby is smaller.

If a Grade 5 class had to write a story about what it's like to be poor,

most of them would write: "I would be hungry" or "I wouldn't have

enough money." A gifted child may tend to view the problem moreabstractly and might write, "Being poor would only be a problem if

others were not poor. If everyone else also had very little money,

then we would all have less to spend and things would be cheaper."

A broad and changing spectrum of interests.

Gifted children often show an intense interest in a subject, perhaps

dinosaurs, one month, then turn to a totally different subject such asracing cars the next.

Strong critical thinking skills and self-criticism.

Gifted children evaluate themselves and others. They notice

discrepancies between what people say and what they do. They can

be very disappointed if their parents fail to carry through their

promises. But they are usually most critical of themselves. For

example, a gifted child who has just won a swimming race might

complain, "I should have beat my time by at least one second."

Signs of unusual talent in music, drawing, rhythms, or

other art forms.

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Some examples given by parents of children showing early potential

in these areas are:

At three he sang songs in tune and clapped to the beat of the music

on his own.

... He would hum many songs back in perfect tune by age one ... at

four we learned that he had perfect pitch.

At three, she drew a picture of her baby sister in a pram from side

perspective ... at five, a picture of tigers camouflaged in a junglescene.

Other signs of early development as given by parents include:

She had a sense of humour at two and was not fooled when teased.

She would turn the situation around to benefit her.

He understood cause and effect relationships at three and wouldtheorise about what would happen if ...

She was extremely sensitive to the feelings and needs of others at

three, had a fear of death at four ...

At two she realised situations that were potentially dangerous and

would tell others to be careful if, for example, they went near to the

edge of the swimming pool.

She kept eye contact from the minute she was brought to me in the

hospital. When the doctor entered the room, she left the breast to

watch him walk around the bed. I=ve never known such an alert

child.

To summarise, the characteristics most frequently seen in gifted

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children are:

* unusual alertness during infancy* long attention span

* high activity level

* less need for sleep

* advanced development through milestones

* keenly observant

* extreme curiosity

* excellent memory

* early and excellent vocabulary development

* rapid learning ability* abstract reasoning

* sensitivity

* perfectionism

* advanced ability to play with puzzles, mazes or numbers

AT SCHOOL AGE

So many parents report that when their children enter primary school

they are bored or show problem behaviour, or become quiet andunhappy in the classroom. Parents must also help identify school-

age gifted children. Don't think that once he or she begins school,

the school will take care of everything. Not so!

Remember too, that your creatively gifted child will display some of

the characteristics that I mentioned above but may also differ from

intellectually gifted children in many ways. They are likely to have:

a reputation for having wild and silly ideas or ideas that are off the beaten track; a sense of playfulness and relaxation; a strong tendency

to be nonconformist and to think independently, and/or considerable

sensitivity to both emotions and problems.

Creative thinkers are divergent thinkers; that is, they look for a

number of alternatives and creative answers to questions. More of

the highly gifted are in this group, although they may receive lower

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school symbols than other types of gifted children. They conform

neither to teachers' standards nor to the expectations of their peers.

They aren't the leaders, and they don't want to be. They often asksearching questions. Extremely creative children show signs of

sometimes almost uncanny intuition - even extrasensory perception.

Also consider your rebellious children. They may be rebelling

because neither the school (nor the home environment) is

challenging them. They do not achieve well but may have a high

potential.

You should recognise that although your child may not be achievingin school today, and may even be failing, he or she may still be

gifted. Hopefully you've kept some kind of early record of your

child's development. This may be used to check for signs of early

advanced development. If you suspect that your child has

exceptional potential, look for help. Try your school first: they may

know of someone who is knowledgeable and qualified to identify

giftedness. Other resources may be teacher training colleges or

universities in your area. People in these institutions may be able torecommend psychologists who understand gifted children.

THE TWO-SIDED COIN

From the description given above, you can see that a gifted child can

display some behaviours that don=t sound like the stereotyped image

most people have. In fact, many times I=ve been alerted to the

possibility of a child being gifted due to the negative things thatteachers and parents report. Sometimes it is hard to be gifted and

the very potential these children possess manifests itself in less

acceptable ways. The following table gives positive characteristics

of giftedness on the left-hand side and possibly negative

consequences of those characteristics on the right-hand side. The

negative ones are very often seen and in fact eclipse the special

abilities - especially in educational and other settings that do not

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understand giftedness and so fail to give the child the support she

needs.

2-SIDED COMMON CHARACTERISTICS

POSITIVE NEGATIVE

Learning comes easily Develops carelessness, lazy, omits

detail, resists guidance

Abstract reasoningabilities; philosophic

outlook

Tends to pseudo-intellectualise;makes excuses; loses contact with

realityQuestioning attitude;critical thinking skills

Impatient and critical of others;

being Adifferent@ creates problems

with peers

Ability to work

independently; formulates

unique ideas

Can become an elitist, misfit or a

nonconformist

Possesses a keen sense ofhumour Can be aA

pain@

; sometimessarcastic to the point of cruelty

Good memory; strong inanalysing and synthesising

Dislike for routine or drill; unwillingto get down to tasks; can easily

become bored

Good task commitment;goal directed

Stubborn; often refuses to changedirection

Has a variety of interests Sometimes interests take a single,

narrow and inflexible pathEager, alert, high energy

level

Frustration when things don=t go

own way; gets Aturned off@ easily

Sensitive, empathic Fragile ego; extreme sensitivity tocriticism

A CHECKLIST FOR DOUBTFUL GIFTED CHILDREN

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Lots of very bright children seem to think that adults are mistaken

when they consider them as potentially gifted or even showing clearsigns of giftedness. It=s hard for them to regard themselves as

something different or special. Some even feel guilty and nervous

because they believe that in some or other way they are deceiving the

world and are waiting to be found out! Others disbelieve because

they have been called Astupid@ and Alazy@ because of poor school

marks. For the sake of these gifted children who doubt their own

giftedness and want some sort of "proof" that they really are like

many other gifted children, I'm including a list.

Answer yes or no.

Do you sometimes think you know more about a particular subject than other children your age?

Do you listen to adults discussing a topic and feel sure that they have missed something important?

Do you solve problems (or think of things) in ways that make people say, "I'd never ever have thought of

that!"?

Do you often find yourself bored with things that amuse your friends?

Is there anything that you do better than your friends?

Are you often surprised that other people have trouble with something you find easy?

Do you watch someone struggling with a project and instantly know that he or she is going about it all wrong?

Do you find a lot of school lessons boring - and obvious?

Do you sometimes irritate adults or experts in a field by asking questions that stump them?

10. Do you find yourself saying things like "They were both right," or "It's all a matter of perspective"?

11. Do you "see through" things other people say?

12. Do you find yourself asking, "I wonder what he/she really wants?"

13. Do you laugh at jokes that others don't understand?

14. Do you like to sit quietly and think, and feel unhappy if you don't have time for your own thoughts?

15. Do you enjoy your own company and rarely feel bored when alone?

16. Do you like being around bright, witty people?

17. Do you find yourself wanting to stay after class to discuss things (or argue a point) with a teacher?

18. Do you ever question your minister or rabbi's sermons?

19. Do you ever develop your own theories about an issue?

20. Do you sometimes think that you could have done something better than whoever did it?

21. Do you create new things (a new recipe, a new hairdo, your own clothes, a design for a carpentry project,

etc.)?

22. Do you ever apply something you learned in one field to an entirely different field?23. Do you like to try new, different, or exciting things?

24. Do you like to read the newspapers? Do you enjoy radio or TV quiz shows?

25. Do you find yourself wanting more information after hearing a political speech?

26. Do you think a lot of advertising is false, an insult to your intelligence?

27. Do you occasionally think "That was really stupid," after hearing other people talk?

28. Do you want to know how a machine, a watch, a violin, and so on, really works?

29. Do you like watching the educational channel on TV once in a while or do you find it simplistic and feel

you could explain better?

30. Do you like to read?

31. Do you ever read an encyclopaedia just for the fun of it? Do you really like factual books? Can you look

up something and get sidetracked by all the interesting things you find?

32. Do you ever daydream about doing something no one else ever did?

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33. Do you consider a lot of fads stupid and a case of herd-following?

34. Do you have trouble making and keeping friends because they consider you somehow weird?

35. Do others find you too intense and inclined to make them feel uncomfortable?

36. Do you find that language is sometimes inadequate for communicating images and ideas? Other people

don't seem to be on your wavelength?

If you gave up to about twelve yes answers you are possibly gifted; up to twenty-three yes answers, probably

gifted; twenty-four or more, definitely gifted.

Some of these points will be discussed in a little more detail in following chapters, so you may want to read on

instead of giving this book back to Mom or Dad.

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So what does AGifted @ mean? 20

It just isn't possible to begin a discussion of giftedness without facing the question of what is meant by the

terms "gifted" and "giftedness". Many people object to these terms because they imply that someone has been

given something valuable without having had to do anything for it. Most people believe that individuals

should be given the opportunity to develop to their full potential and also wish for excellence in education, yet

fear and reject elitism, which is thought to be embodied in the term "gifted."

ELITISM AND GIFTEDNESS

The majority of societies today are becoming more and more

concerned with the notion of equality and democracy and dislike the

thought that some are born with certain privileges, or "a silver spoon

in their mouths." One person or group should not be seen to be

inherently better or of more value than others. To avoid this, a

policy of equality or "the same for everyone" is enforced and highintellectual ability as suggested by the term "gifted" is rejected.

If one upholds the view that giftedness indicates a difference in

ability of the mind, then one can argue against this rejection. It is

not true that recognising differences is equal to elitism. Recognising

the skill of a soccer or piano player is not an indication of the belief

that this ability or skill makes the person a better human being than

CHAPTER 2

SO WHAT DOES A GIFTED @ MEAN?

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others.

Some people can act elitist for many reasons: we all know good-

looking people, wealthy people, athletes and entertainers, for

example, and we allow them to be opinionated. We even hero-

worship and model ourselves on them. Yet so many people reject

the idea of intellectual excellence even though there is nothing to

suggest that "gifted" children act in more elitist ways than the guys

in the school's first rugby team.

My personal belief is that democracy in education means equality of

opportunity for all levels of ability, whether potential or realised. In

this sense, "gifted" children have equal human rights to an education

and a curriculum that meets their particular needs.

A synonym for "gifted"?

The terms "gifted" and "giftedness" conjure up images of undeserved

handouts. Also, many people mistakenly imagine these terms to

refer to a single gift or a single dimension of being gifted, whereas in

fact there are many dimensions of potential ability - such as musical

aptitude, sporting aptitude, artistic aptitude, leadership aptitude,

artistic aptitude and so on.

The term gifted also seems to suggest extremes, namely "gifted"versus "not gifted", which is unacceptable when we consider that so

many human beings have abilities or talents that occur in different

areas and in differing amounts.

If people believe that the word "gifted" implies getting something for

nothing, they will resent any attempts to make educational provision

for these children. Why give more to people already wallowing in

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privileges! In fact, achieving excellence in any field takes very hard

work, as you will soon discover if you read up about people whoreally achieve in life. There is no truth in the perception that

giftedness equals effortlessness.

These elitist connections have led to attempts to avoid such terms.

Perhaps we should speak of aptitude or potential and indicate the

degree of ability or promise with terms such as exceptional or

extreme. So children who score in the top ten percent on a test of

mathematical ability may be referred to as youths who reason

exceptionally well mathematically, or who have an exceptional

potential for maths. Those who score in the top one or two percent

may have an extreme aptitude for maths. This is a rough and ready

way to try to convey the meaning of a child's performance in some or

other area without offending by the use of the term "gifted." Other

possible synonyms which may cause less emotional opposition are

"high ability", "high potential", "high promise" or "able" children.

"THEY DON'T NEED ANY HELP!"

Another misconception that interferes with our provision for the

special needs of high ability children is that they will make it on their

own. A typical comment that I have heard many times is: "They're

so clever, they can learn the work by themselves - why must they

distract the teacher from helping those pupils who struggle to

understand?" Indeed, many case studies can be used to show how

an inadequate and unchallenging school curriculum coupled withinadequate parenting and emotional difficulties can all but extinguish

the spark of potential excellence in individuals.

This misconception arose as a result of a massive study that was

conducted by Lewis Terman and associates from the 1920's onward.

His study showed that gifted children are (amongst other things)

supposedly physically stronger and healthier as well as being

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psychologically and socially better off and more stable than their

peers. This gave rise to the belief that gifted youngsters are all sowell adjusted and able to cope that they do not need counselling or

other assistance.

The problem was that the gifted children selected for this study were

from a very privileged middle-class and were not representative of

all gifted children. This study thus created the myth of self-

sufficiency and because Terman's findings include interesting facts,

the study is still reported in many textbooks - and so the

misconceptions continue to be taught and perpetuated in teacher

training colleges and universities.

A big fuss about nothing?

Perhaps you are wondering if it is necessary to make a fuss about

gifted children and their education. Do we really need "gifted"

people? My answer to this is to ask you to consider a world

without the music of Mozart, the art of Michelangelo, the medical

marvels of modern times and the technological progress made by

humanity since our appearance on earth - such as the computer I am

using to write this book! Perhaps we possess these things already,

but imagine what we may miss in the future if we fail to support the

development of the bright minds in our classrooms of today; imagine

what we may have missed already. Some people express the

opinion that society needs to nurture its ablest members for its own

benefit. Others believe that while it is wrong to exploit our fellows,it is a human right to support each other towards actualising all the

potential we possess. Philosophies and ideologies may differ, but

there is no humane argument for ignoring the fact that some children

stand out by virtue of their abilities and the fact that without our

help, most of these children will fail to realise their potential.

To put all this more simply: we didn't invent giftedness - we simply

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find ourselves with a gifted child in our midst and whether you like it

or not, these children can be very miserable and unhappy if theydon't get the love, support and understanding they need. That

should be enough reason for the little bit of time and effort we

demand for them but there's an even better one: note the reaction of

the biggest critic of such elitism when he or she is in need of medical

attention. All of a sudden the brightest and the best is sought after.

So much for some of the misconceptions surrounding giftedness. It

is important now to discuss what exactly giftedness is and what

being "gifted" really means. To answer this question, I must first

discuss the question of IQ testing and its relation to high potential.

This is necessary as I'm sure that you also find yourself thinking in

terms of IQ to define giftedness. In fact, are you able to distinguish

between these two concepts in your thoughts on "being gifted"?

The firm belief that gifted = a very high IQ has been seriously

challenged in recent years.

You can happily skip this section if you feel that this is all too

technical: I'm including it anyway because I know many parents ofgifted children who are just like their children and like to know as

much as possible about things.

I am going to mention why so much emphasis is placed on IQ, and

then try to explain exactly what makes up the complex characteristic

of giftedness, followed by some more detail about intellectual

giftedness. Most children identified as gifted in our school system

are intellectually gifted so I think this needs the most attention.

THE GREAT IQ DEBATE

In earlier years, intelligence was rather smugly believed to be what

IQ (intelligence quotient) tests measured. There is no record of

when "gifted" came to mean having "high intelligence" but for years

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people have considered that being gifted is being of high

intelligence, as determined by having scored high on a group orindividual IQ test. The IQ was seen as the absolute measure of

intelligence, and consequently, giftedness. This belief is still very

much in evidence all over the world. Our South African schools are

not the only ones that identify gifted scholars mainly on the grounds

of how their test scores compare to a predetermined IQ cut-off point

(usually around 130 and higher). The origin of this belief is in

earlier research which selected subjects on the basis of high IQ.

Their relative success in later life was used to justify the IQ test as a

way to define and identify giftedness. Recently, it has been pointed

out that most of these subjects were from very supportive

environments and that other factors (which I shall discuss later)

could also be considered as important to their success or failure in

life.

A second, even more compelling argument against the widespread

and exclusive use of IQ tests is that they are not culture-free. This

means that they may discriminate against individuals who are from adifferent culture to the one that was used to standardise the test.

With South African=s enormous diversity of cultures and languages,

the use of IQ testing is a very sensitive issue. Other countries, most

notably the USA, have long questioned the under-representation of

minority culture groups in programmes for gifted children and

largely blame this on the use of IQ tests for admission to such

programmes. This began the search for a more comprehensive

definition of giftedness and more effective ways of identifying giftedchildren.

The value of IQ tests

IQ tests have certain value if they are correctly used. They do

measure a general intellectual ability, or a kind of mental strength

needed for abstract thinking ability that is required for high level

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intellectual tasks. As such, they are useful for measuring some

aspects of intelligence.

The results of such tests have been found to predict a child's possible

academic success in school with a fair amount of accuracy.

However, measures of thinking abilities have a history of uncertainty

in reliably predicting realisation of potential giftedness or success in

later life. The early confidence in IQ scores has been seriously

knocked by the fact that many high IQ children lapse into relative

mediocrity even before finishing their school careers. Experts in

the field of giftedness now agree that giftedness requires a

combination of many things. An IQ test is not capable of

identifying more than an amount of certain cognitive power that an

individual possesses in comparison to his or her peers. They can't

tap things like interpersonal skills, athletic ability, creativity,

motivation, adaptive skills or emotion.

WHAT IS A

GIFTEDNESS@

?

Sheer common sense should tell us that it takes more than mere

extraordinary brainpower to become demonstrably gifted. Of course

a generous amount of mental ability is needed but this can, at most,

only indicate how well a person may cope with certain tasks. It does

not guarantee how well the person will do or foretell in what exact

area the person will excel. To realise the potential of a highly

efficient brain needs a whole lot of personal characteristics plus an

environment that is enriching and full of the right kinds ofopportunities. Some of the personal attributes and external

facilitating conditions are known and recognised by human

scientists, but others are still being investigated.

A A formula@ for giftedness

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To explain giftedness, I need to describe what is necessary for a child

to first of all show early promise and then to be able to achieveexcellence in a culturally valued area of activity. A respected

American theorist in the field of gifted education named Abraham

Tannenbaum describes the essentials of giftedness as a "filigree of

factors" which have to be "interwoven most elegantly for a child to

become truly gifted".1 The following mathematical metaphor

shows the most important ingredients making up giftedness and what

it needs to be realised in gifted achievements.

Giftedness = intellectual factors + social factors + chance

factors emotional factors

All of these factors are quite complex in themselves, so need some

elaboration under separate headings. Please note the position of

"emotional factors" in the formula. (The word emotion means more

than feelings. It includes temperament and moods and emotionality

makes up a large part of our personalities.) Emotion is an important

function or component of each of the three groups of factors on thetop line. Emotions play a vital role in the lives of all humans and can

be seen as the catalyst of all striving, fulfilments or achievements. I

hope this emphasises the vital function of the emotional life in the

realisation of giftedness.

"A filigree of factors"

Each of the factors in the formula is, in itself, quite a complex

matter. Make no mistake - giftedness is anything but simple to

understand! The following tries to describe the most important

aspects of these factors, one by one.

1 Taken from a chapter by A. Tannenbaum entitled "The social psychology of giftedness"

in the book, "Handbook of gifted education", edited by N. Colangelo and B.A. Davis, in

1991. Published by Allyn and Bacon in Needham Heights, Massachusetts.

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Intellectual factors

Intellectual factors, in terms of giftedness, may include (a) superior

general intelligence, and (b) special aptitudes.

(a) Superior general intelligence

This is the sheer brainpower that I referred to earlier, that may be

called "intelligence" and that may partly be measured by IQ tests. I

say partly, because intelligence is made up of more than just efficientneurological functioning in the brain. This aspect can perhaps be

summarised with another formula, with an explanation of each

component following:

Intelligence = power + tactics + content

emotional aspects

"Power" here refers to the intellectual quickness, or rate, of learning;the mental strength that comes from the neurological make-up of the

individual. This is largely determined by one's genes and is found in

the structure of the brain.

Tactics refers to thinking skills. In other words, the individual's

knowledge of how to use the mind; what skills can be bought into

play to make the most of the brain's capabilities. These skills are not

necessarily inherited but can be taught and exercised by mental

activities. The role of education or a stimulating environment isobviously significant in this respect.

Content means that the individual has a rich knowledge base.

Mastery and possession of factual material is at the heart of high-

level thinking and effective problem solving. We know how

important it is to be well-informed or at least have access to facts

when we are faced with decisions. It is easy to see how an

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environment rich in knowledge will benefit a child in this regard.

The emotional base is important because no amount of latent

brainpower or available knowledge will benefit the child who is not

interested or curious or keen enough to firstly gain and secondly

retain knowledge. The use of intellectual potential is determined by

the proportion of emotional investment the child is willing to make:

the interest in using the mind, and willingness to become involved in

learning and discovering the world.

(b) Special aptitudes

Special aptitudes are responsible for the area or areas of an

individual's ability and also help to determine the individual's degree

of success in a particular area of competence. While IQ tests try to

measure general intelligence, aptitude tests are designed to identify

special strengths (and weaknesses) in different fields of ability.

Aptitude tests resulted from the work of Thurstone, whose studies

led to our recognition of seven special abilities, namely verbal

meaning, reasoning, word fluency, number facility, memory, spatial

relations, and perceptual speed. These abilities may singly or in

combination be responsible for one's competence in many fields of

study and work.

A person's intellectual functioning is thought to be the result of a

combination of his or her general intelligence and the relative

amounts of these special abilities that exist in the make-up of the brain.

Social factors

Giftedness does not occur in a vacuum but needs the kind of

environment that will enable it to develop and bear fruit. By

environment, I mean the interpersonal relationships that make up our

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social contexts; the human systems that influence and are influenced

by each one of us through our relationships with each other. Weexperience the world and ourselves in these relationships and it is

these experiences that are very important for the development of

children's abilities. It doesn't matter how much general intelligence

or how many special abilities a child possesses: in order for potential

aptitudes to develop into giftedness, they have to undergo nurturing

experiences that encourage them to crystallise and become enriched.

The child grows up in several human systems, the most important

being the family, peer group, school and the community. In order for

potential to flourish, these systems need to nurture, encourage, urge

and perhaps even push the kind of talent that the particular system

needs and respects.

Family

The status, or social class of a particular family does not seem to

have much to do with the emergence of giftedness. It is rather theway parents encourage and provide opportunities for their children

that stimulate and motivate children's potential. This includes the

pressures (open or subtle) that parents put on children to achieve at

school and out of school and to develop good language usage. It also

includes the provisions parents make for enhancing children's

learning opportunities outside school.

Many studies have shown that a nurturing, challenging homeenvironment is common amongst achieving adults, yet by no means

is this always true.

In the case of nurturing families, studies about children who grow up

to excel, such as Olympic swimmers, tennis players, concert pianists,

sculptors, mathematicians and medical specialists, reveal that their

homes shared many of the following characteristics:

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- parents are keen for their children to be involved in learningactivities as often as possible;

- children are expected to do their best, to make productive use

of time and to measure up to high standards of performance;

- homework is checked regularly and the family code seems to

be that work comes before play;

- little time is allowed for idleness as parents arrange a fairly

steady stream of constructive activities;

- children are often introduced to their field of talent at an early

age. Often informal lessons begin with an older brother or

sister but later expert tutors take over.

Other studies show that high achieving individuals have emerged

from families and situations that are far from ideal. Dominating,smothering or abusive parents sometimes seem to act as the

motivation to escape an oppressive family or to excel as a protest

against impossible odds.

This seems to indicate that we cannot generalise about the ideal

social environment needed for gifted behaviour. Each child is a

unique individual and will react differently to similar situations.

One type of parental approach may spur a child on to creative effortwhile it may meet with a completely different response in his or her

sibling. You need to understand the type of pressure or home

environment that will evoke a response in your child and motivate

his or her involvement in developing a possible area of excellence.

The school

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There is very little doubt that schools do make a difference. The

myth about gifted children being able to excel without attention fromtheir teachers should once and for all be dispelled. We all know the

stories about Churchill, Einstein and Edison, who were supposedly

not affected by disastrous school careers but many more cases can be

quoted about children who underachieve miserably because of a lack

of quality education.

Well-thought out programmes to challenge high ability children and

empathic, supportive teachers do help to encourage achievement and

personal growth. The latest research is not directed at whether

special educational provision makes a difference, but rather which

able children benefit from what kinds of educational provision in the

schools.

The peer group

The climate or learning atmosphere in a classroom is partly created

by the peer culture that exists in every classroom. The amount of"fit" with this culture goes a long way towards making school an

enjoyable or unbearable place for any child and the attitudes of peers

towards excellence in whatever field will certainly affect the

performance of children and adolescents.

The jokes about "geeks" and "brains" abound in most communities

and don't need further mention except to say that the good or ill-

natured use of such terms by youngsters does correspond with theethos of their schools and families. So parents and teachers have a

role to play in encouraging positive attitudes towards academic and

cultural achievements and not fall into the trap of over-emphasising

athletic or sporting activities.

Chance factors

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Some people may baulk a bit at the thought of acknowledging the

presence of chance or fate in our lives. This introduces a mysterious,unpredictable element to otherwise manageable phenomena. This

aversion is understandable, but the fact that some people just seem to

be in the right place at the right time is irrefutable. Luck does exist

and can make the difference between success and failure. When

comparing the development of individuals, in some cases there

seems to be no other factor but chance to explain the variance that is

found. Studies into different "types" of luck and circumstances that

could be described as chance have been done, but discussion of this

is beyond the scope of this book.

An example

To illustrate the role of chance, I would like to tell you about a

longitudinal study attempted on 31 fine arts students. After

collecting considerable data on backgrounds, abilities, personalities

and processes by which they executed a creative work of art, the

researcher conducted a follow-up study five to six years after their

graduation in order to see how well earlier signs of talent led to

subsequent success in the field. Of the 31 former fine arts students,

seven could not be located and were considered as either having

abandoned a career in art or were not visibly successful in it. Of the

24 who could be found, 8 had abandoned art as a career, 7 were only

marginally involved, and the remaining nine had achieved various

levels of success as fine artists.

The report reads1

There were idiosyncratic accidents and exigencies

1 Getzels, J.W. reported in Handbook of Gifted Education, edited by N. Colangelo and G.A.Davis, 1991. Published by Allyn and Beacon in New York.

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determining each artist's life and achievement that could

not be reflected in the group data - for example, a personal event that turned one highly talented student

from art to social action, a move in residence from one

part of the country to another that unexpectedly caused a

disconcerting change in another artist's palette.

Obviously, whatever information that could be gathered about these

subjects as individuals during their years in art school revealed only

a little about prospects for future success in the field. Too much

depended on events in the lives of the budding artists which the

researcher could not have anticipated.

The existence of chance factors may help to explain why it is easier

to predict success at school than at work in the years after school. In

school, the rituals and requirements for success are fairly

straightforward. There are few surprise changes in this world. Life

in the world of work is far more complex, with surprises happeningall the time to boost the chances of some and to distract and

discourage others from making it successfully. The unexpected can

surface anywhere, in the economy, the social environment, the

workplace, the family and even within the body itself.

In short, both the knowable and unknowable interact in a mutually

dependent way: without the presence of high potential, no amount of

good fortune can help the person achieve greatness: on the otherhand, without some experience of good fortune, no amount of

potential can be truly realised.

Emotional factors

Perhaps a better term for emotional factors would be non-intellective

aspects of the individual, since this includes personality traits as well

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as the more commonly recognised emotions. I prefer using

"emotion" because it constantly reminds me of the importance thatfeelings play in children's growth and development.

The emotions certainly play an enormous role in the development of

the gifted personality. Gifted children do not only think differently

from their peers but they also feel differently. A definition of

giftedness that gives credit to its emotional aspect is as follows:

"Giftedness is a greater awareness, a greater sensitivity, and a greater

ability to understand and transform perceptions into intellectual and

emotional experiences."1

The emotional depth and intensity that is characteristic of gifted

children presents them with special challenges, which will be

mentioned in Chapter 4. What is relevant to this chapter is the

unique emotional life that is part and parcel of being gifted and

should not be ignored or neglected in favour of intellectual

stimulation. Nor should the emotional signposts be overlooked

when identifying gifted children.

A different approach to defining giftedness, concerning the uneven

development showed by so many gifted children, helps to highlight

the way gifted children experience the world and certainly helps us

to understand them in terms of their emotional life:

Giftedness is asynchronous development * in which

intellectual abilities and intensity of experiencingcombine to create inner experiences and awareness that

are qualitatively different from the norm. This

asynchrony increases with higher intellectual capacity.

1 Dr Annemarie Roeper wrote this in an article entitled "How the gifted cope with theiremotions" which appeared in the Roeper Review, 5(2) 1982, pp.21-24.

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The uniqueness of the gifted renders them particularly

vulnerable and requires a special kind of parenting,teaching and counselling in order for them to develop

optimally.

Asynchrony in gifted children means a lack of synchronicity in the

rates of their intellectual, emotional and physical development; in

other words, uneven development. For example, a five-year-old

may have the mental abilities of a ten-year-old, the physical abilities

of a six-year-old and the emotions of a four-year-old.

Being "out of sync" causes great inner tension. Take for instance the

four-year-old who sees a horse through the eyes of an eight-year-old

but cannot accurately model the animal in clay with her four-year-

old fingers and so cries in frustration.

If you remember that the

capacities of high ability

children can be subject todifferent rates of

development, it will be

easier to understand their

needs. (Here, at least, an

IQ test can help in that it

can give an indication of

the mental age of a child

and so be used to provideinformation about the gap

between emotional and

mental development.)

Take Kate, for example,

with an IQ score of 150+.

She may be six, with a

"mental age" of ten and a half ... Unfortunately, Kate, like every

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highly gifted child, is an amalgam of many developmental ages. She

may be six while riding a bike, thirteen while playing the piano orchess, nine while debating rules, eight while choosing hobbies and

books, five (or three) when asked to sit still. How can such a child

be expected to fit into a classroom designed around norms for six

year olds?1

1 Written in 1989 by S. Tolan in a chapter entitled "Special problems of young highly gifted

children" in the Journal Understanding our Gifted, 1(5),1, 7-10

Emotional sensitivity has often been mentioned as a characteristic of

gifted children but until fairly recently many people have been

unaware that intense emotions are part and parcel of being gifted.

Nowadays, this intensity has become a way of identifying giftedness.

DABROWSKI'S THEORY

A psychiatrist and psychologist who emphasised the role of emotions

in human development was Kazimierz Dabrowski (1902-1980). His

theory was based on his work with gifted and talented individuals

and is being expanded by researchers in various countries around the

world.

Dabrowski believed that gifted children have the capacity for self-

actualisation and higher level emotional and moral development than

others. An essential part of this capacity is what Dabrowski termed

"overexcitabilities," and now commonly referred to as OEs. This

term is a translation of the Polish word Anadpobudiwosc,@ the literal

meaning of which is Asuperstimulatability.@ The strength of a

child's overexcitabilities with special talents and abilities, makes upthe individual's development potential.

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OVEREXCITABILITIES

OE=s are thought to be inborn in a child. They can be thought of as

channels of information flow that are often wide open in children

possessing them in abundance. They are psychological

characteristics that nourish giftedness and talent and are meant to be

positive, even though the behaviours so often resulting from an

overexcitable child are usually seen in a negative light by parents and

teachers!

OE=s can be seen in infants and so are thought to be present at birth.

Five broadly defined areas of psychological life have been described

as OE=s, which are the life of feeling; imagination; the pursuit of

knowledge; level of energy, and sensual aliveness. They mean that

the individual has an unusual capacity to care, an insatiable love of

learning, vivid imagination, endless energy, and so on. They are an

abundance of physical, sensual, creative, intellectual and emotionalenergy which take particular forms and expressions.1 The over

excitabilities and accompanying behaviours are shown in the table

overleaf.

Children with an abundance of physical energy are "doers" - highly

active, restless and always on the go. This kind of surplus energy is

also shown in rapid speech and gestures, marked enthusiasm, love of

fast games and sports, nervous habits and impulsiveness. They can

be exhausting to live with and tiring to have in the classroom. Thisform of energy is sometimes incorrectly thought to be hyperactivity

but there are differences: hyperactive children are usually unable to

control their actions, whereas OE children are simply very active,

with few other symptoms of hyperactivity. They do not have

problems with concentration when they are interested in something.

1 Much of the following material is owed to the writings of Linda Silverman, of the GiftedChild Development Center in Denver, Colorado, USA.

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One of the earliest signs of psychomotor OE is a need for very little

sleep in infancy. (More about the fine distinction betweenhyperactivity and highly active, gifted children later!)

Overexcitability Characteristic behaviours

Psychomotor high level of energy and enthusiasm;exceptional psychomotor abilities; high-

spiritedness; restlessness; tendency to

become physically involved in activitiesSensual heightened awareness of and sensitivity

to beauty; seeing more, getting more out

of stories, films, and poems;

perceptiveness and openness to

experiences of the inner and outer world

Imaginational sense of humour; playfulness;

intuitiveness; imaginativeness; fantasises,da dreams, has free flowin ima ination Intellectual rapid insight into cause-effect

relationships; capacity to be puzzled;

ability to concentrate; curious

Emotional unusual sensitivity to others; unusual

emotional depth and intensity; advancedaffective capacity; high degree of

A person is not necessarily gifted if she only has psychomotor OE.

It must be integrated with other OE=s before it can be taken to be a

sign of possibly high potential.

Sensual OE is a difficult capacity to understand or measure. It

represents a heightened experiencing of sensory pleasure or

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displeasure. Children with this form of overexcitability enjoy

touching and smelling; have an intense enjoyment of certain foodsand show a reaction to the feel of certain clothing or other materials.

One little girl I know refuses to wear shoes, and insists on having the

labels cut out of her blouses, T-shirts and dresses. Early signs of this

OE include allergies, intense reaction to noise and discomfort

(crying) when nappies are wet.

The incidence of sensual OE in gifted children is not known, largely

because of difficulties experienced in measuring it or understanding

its relationship to giftedness.

The other three OEs are more commonly associated with giftedness.

Imaginational OE has to do with the ability to fantasise and is related

to creativity. It includes unusual visualisation abilities, vivid visual

recall, dreaming in colour and love of poetry and drama. It can be

recognised through rich association of images and impressions,

inventiveness, the use of image and metaphor in speaking and

writing. Its presence can also be inferred from frequent distraction,wandering attention, and daydreaming. Imaginational OE is often

seen in gifted adolescents. Early signs of this OE may be imaginary

friends, the ability to tell stories including coming up with mixtures

of truth and fiction which may sometimes seem like a tendency to

untruthfulness. Older children with imaginational OE tend to enjoy

science fiction and fantasy and express themselves in figures of

speech or in amazing (and tedious!) detail. Sometimes these

children find it difficult to express themselves in words because theythink in images. Their sense of humour may border on the bizarre,

and on the negative side, they may be prone to nightmares.

Intellectual OE is especially related to intellectual giftedness. It is

associated with an intensified and accelerated activity of the mind.

Curiosity, concentration, theoretical thinking, introspection, love of

reading, an enjoyment of problem solving and moral concerns all

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point towards an abundantly busy and active mental life that seems

to strive for understanding and probing the unknown. One of theearliest signs of this OE is the curiosity that leads to probing

questions. For example, at age 18 months: "What is air? How high

does it go?" A three-year-old asks: "How do people breathe?"

Another three-year-old queries: "Will I still be me when I grow up?"

Others may ask pertinent questions about global and abstract issues,

concerning politics, war, world peace, death, pollution and the

universe.

Most gifted children are found to score high in Intellectual OE -

particularly intellectually and creatively gifted. Here it must be

mentioned that Intellectual OE is not the same as intelligence. Not

all intelligent individuals are intellectuals or have high levels of

Intellectual OE. For example, there are those with high IQs who

excel in practical intelligence but have little interest in theoretical

matters or literary pursuits. (More will be said about types of

intelligence in the next section.)

Finally, we have Emotional OE - perhaps the most important of all,

because this dimension gives the promise of an ability to develop to

levels of humaneness and compassion to which very few people can

aspire. This is the capacity for emotional depth, attachment to

people and animals, intensity, sensitivity, empathy, self-criticism,

fears, guilt and anxiety. Gifted children show high levels of this OE

from very early on. Reports from parents regularly indicate a

sensitivity to the feelings of others and themselves:

- A (aged 4) "is such a sensitive child, and so proud of his

brothers and sisters."

- B (aged 4) "wears her heart on her sleeve and is so honest in

sharing her feelings."

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- C (aged 3 2) "is so hard on himself. He doesn't forgive himselfif he has hurt someone or makes a mistake."

- D (aged 3) "is so loving and caring. She can't stand to hear

other children crying."

- E (aged 5) "is such a leader at playschool because he will take

trouble to include other children in activities if they seem to be

left out."

Sensitivity does not decrease with age and gifted adolescents in

particular sometimes struggle with their depth of feeling and the pain

that super-sensitivity brings. More will be said about this very

important aspect in Chapter 4.

Thus gifted children may be overexcitable in one or more of these

domains. To have an abundance of sensual, emotional and

intellectual capacities is not always a "gift" but many such childrenregard it as a burden. To be open to outside stimuli sometimes

causes overloading, as Jane (today a gifted adult) tries to explain:

Supersensitivity is both a joy and a pain. Nothing is

ordinary. Rather, the entire world is full of radiant

aliveness, an extraordinary interplay of light and shadow,

colour and sound, so intense that it would daze me and

the world was a rich tapestry of woven colour so purethat even today I see them in my mind's eye as the

'untamable colours'. Sometimes my senses seemed so

bombarded from both within and without that I would

crawl into a dark area I made by pulling my wardrobe

away from my bedroom wall and erecting blanket

barriers. This gave me time to rest.

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Expressions of OE may be cognitive, emotional or behavioural innature. They nurture giftedness, originality and talent but are not

necessarily linked to high marks or high test scores. It is better to

look for signs of high OE=s in children and consider them to be the

raw material that nurtures giftedness.

Other emotional aspects often mentioned

Whether arising from overexcitabilities or not, negative emotionssuch as unhappiness, insecurity, tension, hate, jealousy and the rest

inhibit a child's involvement in learning and developing abilities

while their opposites serve to encourage it. The role of emotions in

the realisation of high potential remains a key issue. Among the

most often used terms in schools and families is "motivation" and so

this warrants a mention here.

Motivation

The question of being highly motivated to succeed is so important to

giftedness that task commitment is considered an identifying

characteristic of gifted individuals. In Dabrowski's terms, it is an

intense drive to reveal the truth or to devote surplus energy to

sustaining effort at a task.

The fact that task commitment may be impaired if the child decides

to hide his or her talents under a bushel due to any one of a number

of reasons, leads to underachievement and a failure to recognise the

potential in the child. It is also possible that minor learning

problems such as attention deficit disorder may interfere with a

child's concentration span and obscure a possibly high potential from

easy identification.

Other personality characteristics can interfere with motivation as

well: the impulsive child finds it difficult to persist with a task; a

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child with many interests is easily distracted and impatient to change

streams; a creative child may be diverted by fresh ideas and prefersomeone more practical to actually complete any "donkey work".

So task commitment on its own and unrelated to overexcitabilities is

a bit of a problem as far as being an identifying characteristic is

concerned.

The courage to choose

Some other emotional concepts that play an important role in gifted

behaviour include perseverance, strength of will, an inner locus of

control (which is the belief that one is able to affect the environment

and carries responsibility for own actions, rather than being a

helpless puppet who dances to the tune of others), and the courage

that is necessary to make the choice to realise one's potential to

achieve.

It takes courage to take a chance at trying "new" or "way out"

solutions to problems; to lead; to aim for excellence; to be different.

The courage to be gifted involves playfulness, so that one can be

willing to view risks as a game and not take oneself too seriously.

Some potentially gifted children experience problems in this regard:

they and their parents regard their potential in a very serious light

and are excessively scared of failing.

Ultimately, potentially gifted children should be helped to acquireemotional skills which they need to have the courage to be

something special in situations which are not always certain and to

be able to accept responsibility for themselves and society.

Personality characteristics of gifted children

Since personality and emotions are closely related, it seems

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appropriate to list some of the aspects of personality that are so part

and parcel of being gifted that they are used to identify giftedness.It is not clear whether these characteristics are partly the cause of

giftedness or are caused by giftedness. This is an academic question

and the answer is not really needed. What is important is that

understanding the kind of traits that many gifted children have in

common helps us to understand what giftedness is. Of course, not

all gifted children show all these characteristics, but many gifted

children show many of them:

Insightfulness

Need to understand

Need for mental stimulation

Perfectionism

Need for precision/logic

Excellent sense of humour

Sensitivity / empathy

Intensity

Perseverance

Acute self-awareness

Nonconformity

Questioning of rules/authority

Tendency towards introversion

Because some of these characteristics can create emotional and

social challenges for gifted children, I will be discussing them again

later.

Self-concept

I have included this area under emotional factors even though it is

not entirely clear whether a high self-concept is necessary for

excellence or achievement. Certainly success should lead to a better

self-concept and reinforce a drive to excel. However, results of

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So what does AGifted @ mean?

studies in this regard very often show sometimes lower, sometimes

higher self-concepts among gifted children who manage to excel in a particular field.

Rating identities

This may be explained by the fact that the self-concept is not a single

entity, but is made up of self-judgements regarding many, many

aspects of being human, which are called identities. For example, I

have a concept of each of my identities, including me as a female,daughter, wife, mother, driver, cook, lecturer, writer, swimmer,

dancer, consumer, and so on, ad infinitum! Some of these aspects I

may rate highly, but some certainly rate very poorly in comparison

with other people and the standards laid down by my culture and

community. The important thing should be that more are rated

adequate than not, and so, by and large, I am not too unhappy about

myself. This results in a positive or high self-concept that will

protect me from failures in certain areas of endeavour. If too many

were found wanting, I may feel very differently about myself and

not dare to risk writing this book or trying to succeed as a lecturer,

counsellor or leader.

So, a gifted child with a generally low, negative self-concept may

still be fairly confident about his or her performance in a small field

that offers security in the knowledge that it can be done well, but

generally may not feel good about other aspects of the self. This is

why it is important to try and understand what a child says about

herself in connection with many activities and identities. If the self-talk is negative, help may be needed.

Areas that are considered to make up the total self-concept of

children are: academic self, family self, physical self, social self,

values self and psychic self.

Risk-taking

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A second important point to note is that a seemingly high self-concept must be actualised through risk-taking behaviour. If a child

speaks highly about himself, and so demonstrates a high self-

concept, he should be willing to take risks and submit himself to

demanding tests. If this willingness to venture is missing, the

confidence may be little more than empty bravado or self-delusion.

Sometimes gifted children are unpopular because they appear

arrogant with their very high self-concepts. If, however, they did not

believe so strongly in themselves, they would not be able to invest

maximum effort in striving for yet another extraordinary

accomplishment.

These are the broad factors that are responsible for the emergence of

giftedness. Not one factor is sufficient on its own for high ability to

be realised but they enmesh in special ways to result in special

capacities.

The special capacities may be divided into types of giftedness or

fields of excellence, which need to be mentioned so that giftedness is

not seen as a single kind of ability that is common amongst all gifted

people.

KINDS OF GIFTEDNESS

The recognised areas, types, kinds or categories of giftedness have

developed as a result of the work of numerous theorists in the field of

gifted education. Broadly speaking, there are six main categories of

gifted pupils that may be distinguished.

Categories of giftedness

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- Pupils showing superior general intellectual potential .

Intellectually gifted children are characterised by their ability to

excel at school work, excellent memories and an abstract

thinking ability. More will be said later about this kind of

intelligence because it is especially this child who is identified

in our educational system and who usually shows all the

"typical" signs of giftedness.

- Pupils showing exceptional aptitude and interest in a specific

academic field .

Children in this category show exceptional ability or

achievement or aptitude in a certain subject of field. Examples

are very able mathematics students or pupils who excel in

languages while showing only average ability in other fields.

Many people consider these children as being talented rather

than gifted.

- Pupils showing exceptional creative ability or potential which

is realised in original thought or through some medium such as

art or music.

Often these children show a suppleness of thought, are

independent and non-conforming, have belief in their ideas and

show an unusual way of viewing the world and solving problems. They also may show an amazing amount of

sensitivity, perceptiveness and intuition and as a result are

faced with their own particular challenges in ways that differ

markedly from the intellectually gifted child.

- Pupils showing exceptional leadership potential .

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This refers to the ability to influence other people. In children,

this is usually exercised in the peer group. Gifted leaders oftenshow their special talents at an early age. They have a natural

air of authority and often display social skills such a tact and

insight which they use in their interaction with others. This

quality is sometimes referred to as "social giftedness" and may

show itself from pre-school age. Nursery school teachers often

point out children who show unusual regard and sensitivity to

the welfare of others.

- Pupils showing exceptional talent for the performing arts,

including singing, music, ballet and drama.

This category of giftedness may overlap with creativity in that

these gifted children have a need for spontaneous expression of

emotions and they satisfy their inner selves by performing or

through the use of an artistic medium. They are also usually

referred to as highly talented people. These pupils often apply

for entrance to the schools of ballet, art and drama in some ofour major centres.

- Pupils showing exceptional psychomotor abilities, including

speed, strength, coordination, suppleness, ball control, and so

on.

Children who fall into this category are often those who excel

on the sports field; who set national records and who eventually

participate internationally. Such children will have aboveaverage but not necessarily exceptionally high intelligence.

They are also the luckiest of the lot because in this country, as

in most around the world, their talents are sought after, if not

actually bought, and they generally do not lack support.

A closer look at intellectual giftedness

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This section is a little technical and meant for those of you who want

to really get to grips with the idea of intelligence. Others mayhappily skip it although I feel they may miss out on something. It's

also possible that you may recognise a description of your child

under one of those given.

As I've already discussed, intellectual giftedness has most frequently

been defined as a one-dimensional concept that is measured by a

single IQ score. This view is slowly losing ground in the face of

ongoing work and Robert Sternberg, of Yale University, has

proposed three main kinds of intellectual giftedness which should

help us to recognise more potentially very able children. These

three kinds of high ability are described as analytic, synthetic, and

practical giftedness.

Analytic giftedness involves being able to dissect (or analyse) a

problem and understand its parts. People who possess this ability do

well on conventional IQ tests because analytic reasoning is

emphasised in such tests.

An example of a child who possesses analytic giftedness is given by

Sternberg. He describes "Alice", who scored high on intelligence

tests and school achievement tests. Her teachers thought she was

extremely clever, and she did well in almost all the things that are

traditionally viewed as part of intellectual giftedness. However,

Alice experienced difficulties when she was in advanced years of

university study. Although she was excellent at analysing ideas, shewas not nearly so good at coming up with clever ideas of her own.

Synthetic giftedness is found in people who are insightful, intuitive,

creative, or otherwise very adept at coping with novel situations.

People who are synthetically very able do not necessarily do well on

conventional intelligence tests. Sometimes they get answers wrong

because they see possible solutions that the test compilers do not.

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So people with synthetic giftedness may not be the ones with the

highest IQ scores, but may be those who ultimately make the greatestcontributions to scientific, artistic, literary or dramatic fields. It is

also possible that they are the successful stock market investors and

so on: they see things in a different light than most people; they

envisage new possibilities and can create new products or services

that the world needs.

"Barbara" is the example of a synthetic gifted student. She did not

do well at all on tests but was seen to have unusual creative and

insight skills. She was employed by a university and subsequently

proved herself to be enormously creative in producing ideas for new

research. Although she may not have been as strong as Alice in

analysing problems, she was much better at coming up with new

problems of her own.

A third kind of intellectual giftedness is practical giftedness, which

describes the person who can go into an environment, work out what

needs to be done to succeed in that setting and then do it. Many people have strong analytic or synthetic abilities but are unable to

apply these abilities in practice. Sometimes the practical situation

entails negotiating successful relations with other people, or simply

getting ahead in a particular career field. The practically gifted

person specialises in being able to put abilities to the best use.

The example Sternberg gives of a practically gifted person is "Celia".

She did not have high analytic abilities nor particularly well

developed synthetic abilities but she was very good at working outwhat she needed to do in order to succeed as a university lecturer.

She just seemed to know what kind of research was valued; how to

get articles accepted for publication, how to impress people at job

interviews and so on. In other words, although she did not have the

abilities of an Alice or a Barbara, she could turn the skills she had to

her advantage in practical situations.

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Naturally people do not possess merely one of these different kinds

of abilities but have a certain blend of the three. In addition, it isimportant to note that the "blend" can change over time because

intelligence can develop and develop in different directions.

Sternberg writes that giftedness "is as much a well-managed balance

of these three abilities as it is a high score on any one or more of

them. I therefore sometimes refer to a gifted person as a good

'mental self-manager'".1

MORE ABOUT "INTELLIGENCES"

1 Sternberg, R.J. A chapter entitled: A triarchic theory of giftedness in the book:

Conceptions of giftedness. Published in 1986 in New York by Cambridge University Press.

Long standing debates exist about types of intelligences and areas of

competencies exist. One view that is highly respected is that of

Howard Gardner of Harvard University. His theory of multiple

intelligences proposes seven different intelligences: linguistic,

logical-mathematical , spatial , musical , bodily-kinaesthetic and two

areas of person-related understanding, interpersonal and

intrapersonal . Others consider these so-called intelligences to be

similar to different talents or aptitudes and at least logical-

mathematical, spatial and linguistic are represented in most aptitude

tests. Gardener is working on alternative methods of assessment for

children from preschool to high school to pinpoint those who are "at

promise" in one or more of the intelligences.

The seven "intelligences" can be summarised briefly as follows:

Linguistic intelligence is an area that has received lots of attention

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over many years because language has always been a revered human

competency. Linguistic intelligence can be broken down into sub-components such as syntax, semantics and pragmatics as well as

more school-oriented skills such as written or oral expression and

understanding. In children, an ability in this domain may show

itself in the capability to tell rich and coherent stories or to report

with accuracy on experiences they have had - not simply in the

ability to repeat sentences and define words on a standardised

measure of intelligence.

Logical-mathematical intelligence has also received much

attention. It can be divided into a few sub-components, such as

deductive reasoning, inductive reasoning, computation and so on.

This kind of intelligence is needed for the roles of mathematician or

physicist. In children, a potential may be shown by an easiness when

working with numbers, such as counting, calculating and the early

ability to visualise mathematical concepts in terms of symbols and

formulae (abstract notation).

These two intelligences represent the skills most useful and valued in

the traditional school situation. They are also considered to be the

basic elements in "raw intelligence" and so form the foundation of a

great many measures of intelligence. Gardener, however, believes

that their importance has been over-emphasised and that all seven

intelligences should have equal claim to priority.

Spatial intelligence involves the ability to represent and manipulatespatial configurations. The architect, engineer, mechanic, navigator,

sculptor and chess player all rely on spatial intelligence in the work

they do, although perhaps not always in the same way. Mechanics

need to understand the relationships of various parts of a machine;

painters must be able to use space when creating a visual work of art;

land surveyors must be able to recognise features of a landscape

from a number of different perspectives. This intelligence may be

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demonstrated in a young child who completes puzzles with ease, or

can sculpt clay "in the round" or show an intuitive ability to dealwith perspective in drawings at an early age.

Bodily-kinaesthetic intelligence refers to the ability to use all or

part of one's body to perform a task or make a product. This is

obvious in the work of a dancer, athlete, mime and surgeon. Because

of the great value placed on different sports and activities such as

ballet, modern dancing and the like, such talent is usually recognised

quite early in children.

Musical intelligence includes pitch discrimination; the ability to

hear themes in music and sensitivity to rhythm, texture and timbre.

In adult life, it integrates into the ability to produce music through

performance. The musical child is often recognised by the habit he

may have of singing to himself as he tells a story, or noticing the

different sounds in his environment, and so on.

The final category of intelligence can be subdivided between twotypes of abilities regarding people.

Interpersonal intelligence entails the ability to understand other

people by their behaviour and their motivations as well as the ability

to act productively as a result of that knowledge. Teachers,

salespersons, psychologists and religious leaders use this

intelligence. Children skilled in this domain may be recognised by

their leadership and organising ability; their knowledge about howother children spend their time and their sensitivity to the needs and

feelings of others.

Intrapersonal intelligence refers to one's understanding of the self.

It includes knowledge of one's own mental or intellectual strengths,

styles and intelligences and well as one's feelings and range of

emotions. It also entails the ability to put that knowledge to use in

planning and carrying out successful activities. The young child

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may show unusual potential in this sphere when she explains her

feelings to her teacher and suggests a solution (e.g. "I feel a bit sad because my mother can't fetch me from school today. Can I stay

with you until I feel better?" or "I love drawing best, even though I

can't draw as well as I want to.")

Each of these intelligences is a separate, relatively independent

potential that can function without the others. There may be

individuals who perform at the same level over all the intelligences

and even some who excel in all. However, most people would

possibly show strengths in some areas and weaknesses in others. It

is important to note that a high level of ability in one domain does

not mean that a similar high level exists in another. This fact is often

overlooked by some adults who are confronted with an identified

gifted child and believe that the child must be equally competent in

all fields and over all tasks.

Gardner has identified an eighth intelligence, termed Naturalistic but

this has not yet been fully accepted around the world and hisresearch to justify this aspect of being human continues.

The significance of Gardner =s work is that all children, including

gifted children, have to identify their particular strengths (and

weaknesses). Parents can help their children discover in what area

they are Asmart@ and nurture the Aintelligence@ while helping

weaker areas develop to at least a level of competency. Too often

too much attention is paid at home and at schools to weak areas -hours of extra maths, for example, are given in spite of the fact that a

child who is naturally weak in this area will seldom rely on or even

use mathematics after school in order to earn a living. The child=s

real strengths are sometimes not given half the attention that their

weaknesses receive.

Some final comments

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This chapter has tried to emphasise that giftedness is not merely ahigh IQ. There are many complex personality and environmental

characteristics that contribute towards the emergence of high

potential.

Nor is giftedness equal to genius. The old idea that an IQ of over

145 represented "genius" is certainly not believed by anyone any

more.

Different levels of giftedness do exist and perhaps we can settle for

three, described as (1) specific talent, (2) giftedness (or high

intellectual potential or ability) and (3) genius. Talent is covered by

specific academic ability, or high ability in the fine or performing

arts, or psychomotor . Giftedness is a more fundamental being of the

person and combines high intellectual potential with personality

characteristics that are as important in the identification of giftedness

as test results or school achievements. Genius is a very rare

phenomenon. Its promise may be seen in child prodigies, but genius

is usually only recognised when the adult has produced work or a

performance of a standard that is not often found in all of humanity.

BRIGHT CHILD OR GIFTED CHILD?

Very often people ask what the difference is between a bright (or

>clever =) child and a gifted one. Here=s a table that helps to

understand the fine line separating the two, but remember that not all

gifted children will show all these characteristics:

BRIGHT CHILD GIFTED CHILD

Knows the answers Asks the questions

Is interested Is highly curious

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Has good ideas Has wild, silly ideas

Works hard Plays around, yet tests wellAnswers the questions Discusses in detail, elaborates Top group Beyond the group Listens with interest Shows strong feelings/opinions

Learns with ease Already knows Enjoys peers Prefers adults Grasps the meeting Draws inferences

Completes assignments Initiates projects Is receptive Is intense Co ies accuratel Creates a new desi n

Enjoys school Enjoys learning Absorbs information Manipulates information

Technician Inventor Good memoriser Good guesser

Enjoys straight forwardsequential presentation Thrives on complexity

Is alert Is keenly observant

Is pleased with own learning Is highly self-critical

Now that the question of giftedness has been discussed in some

depth, is it possible to give a definition of this state of being? This

is something that I still find difficult to do - there is a lot to try andinclude in a simple, short description. David George, a friend and

colleague in England, counted 184 existing, different definitions of

giftedness. His very concise suggestion, and one that I like as well,

is that a gifted child is one who, in some aspect of human potential

and/or achievement, is far more advanced than others of the same

chronological age.

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Gifted children who fail to thrive at school 58

The abilities and characteristics mentioned so far mean that gifted

children have to contend with living in a world that is made uplargely of other people that do not share their ways of thinking,

responding, feeling or learning. This means that they have particular

challenges to meet in and outside of their classrooms during their

growing years.

Many gifted children meet these challenges successfully, even if the

way is a little rocky! Many, in fact, seem to thrive on the challenges

and achieve well at school and in life. Others do not, and need help.

Chapter 3 will consider some reasons why intellectually gifted

children fail to succeed in school in spite of their high intelligence. Iam putting this chapter ahead of the others because I know that many

parents reading this book are looking for the causes of their child=s

struggle at school.

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An intellectually gifted child is expected to be able to do well at

school. Academic tasks are well suited to the child who displays a balance of good visual and auditory strengths, excellent memory and

reasoning skills. Children falling into this category but who fail to

do well are usually said to be underachieving. Of course, gifted

children can underachieve because of the poor fit between their

giftedness and the education system - something I always think of in

terms of >square pegs in round holes,= with much friction and

conflict (and pain) being caused by the sharp edges.

For instance, gifted children often show a style of learning which is

geared to analytical or lateral thinking. This causes them to react

negatively to traditional teaching methods and curricula. In addition,

because gifted pupils have above-average problem-solving abilities

and may be well ahead of their class, they very soon become irritated

by the slower pace. They also tend to dominate classroom

discussions or digress from the subject matter in order to explore

related aspects under consideration. Such children are especially inneed of a flexible curriculum and teaching methods.

Gifted children have a need for self-expression, self-fulfillment and

productivity. As a result, they behave in ways which are

misinterpreted as displays of stubbornness and lack of cooperation

(and sometimes this is no misinterpretation: with continual refusal to

acknowledge their needs, very real stubbornness and uncooperative

attitudes develop). An example of this may be if gifted pupils insist

CHAPTER 3GIFTED CHILDREN WHO FAIL TO THRIVE AT SCHOOL

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on expressing their views at inopportune moments or insist on

completing a piece of work rather than go on to the next. By actingin accordance with their own needs, they become aware that they are

criticised, disapproved of or cause others to become irritated. This

contributes towards a negative self-concept. The need for creative

thought, for divergent thinking, for non-conformity all call for

special provision in their education. Equally needed are people

aware of their tendency to demand perfection from themselves (and

others) as well as their heightened sensitivity.

Also, because gifted children are apt to think in very independent

ways they often react unexpectedly and appear cheeky, rebellious

and disruptive. Instead of having their unconventionality resulting in

punishment they have a need for greater acceptance to be what they

are. Those who meet with relentless efforts to force them into

conformity often turn their backs on society and its education and

begin to show characteristics of underachievement.

LEARNING STYLES

The preferred learning style of a gifted child can also affect his

performance at school. It is not true of all gifted children that they

can learn equally well through auditory, visual and kinesthetic

modalities. Those gifted learners who have particularly strong

visual strengths may fail to thrive in a classroom that depends on a

great deal of teacher-talk.

These children, termed visual-spatial learners, dislike listening to

lectures, rote learning, drill and practice exercises. They are not

good auditory, sequential learners. They need stimulation of their

powerful abstract visual reasoning abilities. They are holistic

learners, who often learn something Aall at once@ rather than

through a series of steps (so typical of normal classroom teaching)

and so need the big picture presented to them in order to grasp the

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interrelatedness of concepts. Many of these children have a

photographic visual memory. Gifted spatial learners enjoy abstractconcepts, complex ideas, inductive learning strategies, multi-

disciplinary studies, and activities requiring synthesis; they are

natural pattern finders and problem solvers. When their educators

teach them according to their learning style, they are capable of

original, creative thought.

At school they may have problems when having to deal with

simplistic concepts, to show steps in solving maths problems and

having to memorise too much fine detail.

Apart from these difficulties, there are other reasons why gifted

children seem to be underperforming in and out of school. I would

like to discuss this failure to thrive under two headings: one being

underachievement itself and the other being due to the possibility of

a learning problem.

LEARNING PROBLEMS AND DISABILITIES

Most people can=t reconcile the idea of a gifted child having

problems with learning. To most, the idea of giftedness is

synonymous with high achievement and low marks are immediately

seen to be due to laziness or lack of discipline. The parents blame

the school, often because the child speaks of boredom and

disinterest, and the school wonders if the parents are indulgent or

refuse to cooperate with homework supervision and so on.

The truth is that a large percentage of gifted children suffer from

learning problems and these are very often the underlying cause of

problems with school learning. Typically, the very bright

preschooler has no problems at nursery school and enters Grade 1

with good reports and the expectation from adults that she will fly

through school. Often Grade 1 proceeds well, although problems

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may begin to show up at this level as well. If the teacher is very

well trained, understands giftedness and is on the lookout for thetype of problems experienced by gifted children, problems can

sometimes be identified early on. However more frequently the

child can hide problems and weaknesses through Grade 1 by relying

on their strengths. Many of them who actually struggle to read, for

example, conceal this by memorising the words in their readers and

so seem to be reading fluently. Typically, the child=s performance

begins to falter in Grades 2 and 3 and his behaviour may reflect the

discomfort he feels in an education setting that demands too much of

his abilities in certain areas. Disruptive behaviour may be due to

boredom, but all too often it is a sign of a learning problem. Active

gifted children, with high energy levels that are stimulated by

frustration at not being able to master learning tasks, may all too

easily become a problem for teachers who struggle to keep them in

their seats. Avoidance of work becomes a way of coping for such

children.

It has also been found that those gifted children who are able tocompensate for their learning problems rarely get referred unless

they show behavioural problems. At the same time, because gifted

children with learning problems seldom show consistently high

achievement, they often go unrecognised as being gifted. This

means that many gifted, learning disabled children are not identified

as such and their educational needs are not met.

So, if a bright child begins to show problem behaviour of any sort, itis worth investigating the possibility of a learning problem. Make

sure that the psychologist you consult is familiar with the diagnosis

of these learning problems in gifted children. All too frequently I

have read reports that skim over the necessity of addressing the

problems and suggest that a school or programme for gifted children

will solve the behaviour problems by giving the child the

Astimulation or challenge he needs@. Of course a school for gifted

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children will help because the child will receive the understanding

and support in the classroom, but other forms of therapy may be vitalas well in order to remediate the problem and help the child catch up

on skills.

What is a learning problem?

This is a difficulty with acquiring such skills as reading, writing or

numeracy. It may have its roots in emotional factors, for example,

excessive fearfulness (as the result of super sensitivity) or

preoccupation (as in the case of a problematic home life). The basisof the problem could also be environmental - perhaps a school

setting that is too unstructured for a particular child. (From

experience, I have found that gifted children need far more structure

than often supposed. They thrive in surroundings that offer firm

boundaries but a great deal of flexibility within these.) Biological

factors can also cause learning problems. Often, more than one of

these factors is involved and a comprehensive psychological

examination is necessary to discover what roots a learning problem

has and what roles the various contextual factors play in a child=s

difficulties.

Biological causes can include health problems or inefficiencies in the

workings of the brain. Of course, gifted children are presumed to

have super-efficient brains so this is where the myth comes in

regarding the impossibility of these children suffering from learning

problems. In the case of an area in the brain not working efficiently,

the learning problem is more properly called a learning disability.So the term Alearning problem@ is a general term that covers

learning disabilities but the term Alearning disability@ refers to one

particular type of learning problem.

What is a learning disability?

This is a learning problem attributable to a malfunctioning of a

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certain area of the neurological structure of the brain. Gifted

children with a learning disability typically suffer from an auditory processing problem, a visual perception problem, attention deficit

disorder, or display difficulty in following a sequence of verbal

directions. This interferes with mastery of schoolwork, so these

children will have a specific academic deficit coupled with an

executive processing deficit.

Some weaknesses that are frequently seen are: poor handwriting,

poor spelling, lack of organisational ability and difficulty in using

systematic strategies for solving problems. On the other hand,

strengths in speaking, understanding and identifying relationships, an

excellent vocabulary, general knowledge and keen observational

skills may be observed. In general, thinking and reasoning processes

are usually not impaired but the mechanics in writing, reading,

arithmetical computation and completing academic tasks are arduous

for the child.

This means that superior intelligence does not make a child immuneto a learning disability. So a very bright child may also have a

learning disability, which is considered present when a child is

functioning two or more years below the expected level for her age

and her assessed IQ.

Can medication cure a learning disability?

No known medication acts on the cause of a learning disability.

Most children with learning disabilities can be helped throughcorrect diagnosis and therapy and in some cases, correct placement

in a special school. Medication can help for problems often

accompanying learning disabilities, such as difficulties with

maintaining concentration and hyperactivity.

Most remedial schools are not ideal for a gifted child with a learning

disability. These children must be seen as being gifted as well as

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being learning disabled. They will, therefore, show characteristics of

both their giftedness and the disability that impairs their learning.Thus gifted children with learning disabilities will find too much

repetitive drill work in unchallenging contexts as frustrating as those

gifted children without learning disabilities. In many cases, a school

catering for gifted children may be a better alternative, if supporting

therapy for the specific disability can be offered in addition.

Everyday signs of a learning problem

The following are signs that can alert you to the fact that a child mayhave a problem - regardless of whether or not the child is gifted.

Overall disorganisation. Papers are crumpled, homework is

untidy, library books are lost, letters are never brought home

from school.

ACareless mistakes.@ There are misspelled words, misread

instructions and misheard directions.

A know-it-all facade. When asked how today=

s test went, thechild=s usual answer is AIt was easy.@

Classes are often described as A boring.@ Homework is usually

Aall done@ in an amazingly short time. Of course, gifted

children are often believed by their parents and in many

instances they may be bored at school, but nevertheless, be

cautious if these remarks are too frequently heard.

Underachievement. Watch for signs of serious difficulty in

some academic areas in spite of the child=s good intelligence.Sometimes the child changes from being a Agood@ to a A poor @

learner without reason.

Forgetfulness. AI forgot@ is a favourite phrase. Books are

forgotten at home or at school; homework is forgotten, and so

on.

Refusal to do schoolwork. Tasks that are half-finished;

reluctance to attempt homework and so on may be signs of

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difficulties.

Slow performance. The child may spend an excessive amountof time to complete homework. Teachers complain that the

child does not complete tasks at school. Sometimes this is due

to perfectionism but it may also be due to a problem.

Has difficulty in working independently. He needs more

attention and guidance than classmates.

Has trouble switching from one activity to another. Many

children with learning problems dislike change. So do many

supersensitive gifted children - so again the confusion is easilyunderstandable!

Other signs less related to schoolwork and observed at home as well

are:

Inattentiveness. The child does not seem to pay attention to

instructions or discussions.

Anger or sadness. Irritability and explosive temper outbursts

when asked to do something may occur. A lack of interest in

the things she used to love may be indications and she may

complain about tummy aches or headaches.

Impulsiveness. The child acts before thinking and often in

ways inappropriate to his age.

Daydreaming. The child often seems to be lost in her own

world. Many such children are termed Aspacey.@

Restless. She fidgets, has a hard time sitting still, and is always

dropping things. She can also be very talkative - almost

compulsively.

Poor ability to tolerate frustration. He has trouble sticking to

and completing hard tasks. He tries to avoid things that are

difficult for him, loses his temper and may become aggressive

when he is unable to accomplish something. He cries easily.

Regression to earlier interests and routines. She returns to

playing games she gave up several years ago. She reverts to

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baby talk.

Shows A bossiness.@ He tries to set the rules and to makedecisions about what he does and when he does it. Can be

considered very Adifficult@ by parents and teachers and even

rebellious and careless of authority. Can also be disliked by

peers on the playground because he insists on having

everything his way.

Poor self-esteem. The child doubts herself, as if she knows

something is not quite right.

Seems to march to a different drummer. She doesn=t seem toconsider other people=s feelings or ideas. She is on a different

wave length. So are many gifted children for different reasons,

so again it is clear that giftedness and learning problems have

overlapping areas that may confuse the picture and cause the

child and her educators many uncertainties.

ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER (ADD) OR NOT?

Daniel=s teachers say that he could do better in

school. He seems to understand the content but

doesn=t complete tasks; he puts down answers

without showing how he arrived at his answers

and his handwriting and spelling are poor. He

cannot sit still in class but fidgets all the time,talks to others and often disrupts the class byinterrupting others. He used to shout out the

answers to the teachers= questions but now heday-dreams a lot and seems distracted. He says

that school is boring.

Very often gifted children have been referred because of certain

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behaviours they show, such as restlessness, inattention, impulsivity,

day-dreaming and high levels of energy. Because these are also thecharacteristics listed as criteria for Attention Deficit and

Hyperactivity Disorders, the resulting diagnosis has been ADD. In

fact, it is sometimes very difficult to find the fine line between active

bright children (who don=t need medication) and gifted children

with ADD (who very often need medication in order to thrive in

school).

Dangerously, sometimes doctors or psychologists have diagnosed

ADD simply by listening to descriptions of a child=s behaviour

given by teachers and parents and a cursory observation of the child.

Although a child may be gifted and have ADD with or without

hyperactivity, this is not possible to tell without very careful

evaluation.

The difficulty lies in the similarity of behaviours associated with

giftedness and with ADD/Hyperactivity. The following table of

characteristics may help to illustrate this.

ADD/Hyperactive

behaviour Gifted behaviour

Poorly sustained attention in

almost all situations

Poor attention, boredom, day-

dreaming in specific situations

Diminished persistence ontasks not having immediateconsequences

Low tolerance for persistenceon tasks that seem irrelevant

Impulsivity, poor delay of

gratification

Judgment lags behind

development of intellect

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Impaired ability to regulate

or inhibit behaviour in socialcontexts

Intensity may lead to power

struggles with authorities

More active, restless thannormal children

High activity level; may needless sleep

Difficulty adhering to rules

and regulations

Questions rules, customs and

traditions

To try and differentiate between giftedness and ADD, it is important

to determine when and where the Asymptoms@ occur. Gifted

children will probably not show difficult behaviour in all situations,

whereas ADD/Hyperactive children cannot control their behaviour

from one situation to another. For example, one teacher may

consider a child to be Aimpossible@ whereas another may report no

problems. The school may report continual bad behaviour while

there are no problems at scouts, at music, at home, and so on. Incontrast to this, ADD/hyperactive children typically show problem

behaviours in all settings (although the intensity may fluctuate from

one context to another.

In the classroom, a gifted child=s behaviour may be affected by

boredom, a limited curriculum, mismatched learning style or many

other factors. A gifted child who has to spend much of his day

waiting for others to catch up may show disruptive behaviour that is

an attempt at self-amusement.

While both hyperactive and gifted children have high energy levels,

gifted children usually show activity that is focussed and directed.

The intensity of their concentration allows them to spend long

stretches of time and much energy focussing on whatever truly

interests them. In contrast, hyperactive children show unfocused and

undirected activity.

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Gifted children are able to complete tasks that interest them eventhough their interests will change with bewildering speed, while

hyperactive or ADD children may struggle to complete tasks. ADD

children also show continual activity and random interests and have

very brief attention spans in virtually all situations, but usually

excluding television or computer games. Often, these latter activities

cause the child to Alock in@ and it is difficult to gain their attention

in this state. This can also happen in other circumstances, where the

child is intensely Alocked in@ to an activity to the extent that the

intensity of attention seems abnormal. This is why so many parents

of ADD children are bewildered by the diagnosis and argue that it

cannot be because their children can spend hours sitting still and

watching TV/playing computer games. This is no proof of an

absence of ADD.

One characteristic of ADD/Hyperactivity that does not have a

counterpart in children who are gifted is variability of task

performance. Children with ADD are normally very inconsistent inthe quality of their performance, whether this be in terms of

schoolwork or home chores, and the amount of time used to

complete assigned tasks. Gifted children usually show consistent

efforts and high academic achievement - at least in classes where

they relate well to the teacher and are intellectually challenged -

unless, of course they have a learning problem.

Thus, it is possible that a gifted child who is under stimulated andunchallenged in school can behave in ways that may be incorrectly

diagnosed as ADD or hyperactivity. However, it is possible that a

gifted child is also ADD - particularly if scholastic achievement

seems to be lower than observed or measured intellectual potential.

Symptoms of ADD

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ADD is usually described in terms of three behaviours that occurtogether in the child: inattentiveness, impulsiveness (speaks and acts

without thinking and has a short fuse) and overactivity. In addition,

other associated behaviours are commonly observed in varying

amounts in individual ADD children: social clumsiness (known as

lack of social skills), insatiability (constant nagging, never satisfied,

never lets a matter drop); poor coordination (clumsiness, poor

handwriting), disorganisation (doesn=t notice the mess, compelled to

touch everything, has problems structuring work), variability (mood

swings, good and bad days), poor self-esteem and specific learning

disabilities.

It is important to stress that over half of all children with ADD will

have a significant weakness in some academic area. If your child is

not having problems with schoolwork but is disruptive, inattentive,

etc., then perhaps this is another sign that she is gifted but not ADD.

THE GREAT RITALIN DEBATE

Even though Ritalin is nowhere near as widely prescribed as, for

example, antibiotics, most people have heard the word and know that

it is a psychoactive drug given to children who are hyperactive or

attention deficit. Most parents are vigorously against the drug,

although many others have blessed the effect of this drug on their

child=s behaviour and the resulting improvement in the family=s

quality of life. The majority of parents have not carefully studied the

arguments for and against the drug nor have they read the medical

literature relating to actual studies done on its value and possibleside-effects. Too many base their view on popular beliefs and make

important decisions affecting their children on these.

In fact, Ritalin has been studied worldwide for more than thirty

years. At present, there is no conclusive evidence of long-term

negative life-threatening side effects in individuals taking Ritalin.

There are side effects that you should be aware of and should

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carefully monitor. The most discussed side effect is height and

weight suppression. Numerous studies have shown that these effectsare not long-term or permanent. A growth rebound typically occurs

after the first year of treatment and during drug-free holiday periods.

Studies of adults who took medication as children have not

confirmed long-term decreased in height and weight. One reason

may be that the drug can be discontinued for catch-up periods,

during which growth may occur.

Ritalin can be habit forming, but it is a myth that it can lead to drug

addiction. Massive amounts would have to be taken to have an

addictive effect and most doctors insist on careful monitoring of the

amounts taken. Cough mixture also contains habit forming

chemicals. Individuals who become addicted to drugs may well be

prone to this because of high impulsivity - something that Ritalin

may help to control.

Having said this, I must add that I am not necessarily in favour of

prescribing Ritalin for every child who seems to be ADD,hyperactive, disruptive or anything else! My position on using

Ritalin for medicating ADD or hyperactivity is that these disorders

are complex and cannot simply be cured by this pill. It is important

to understand what effect the medication may have on the child=s

troubling condition. If all other attempts to help alleviate the

conditions have failed to bring about adequate improvement and if

the drug can help alleviate the symptoms of the condition, it is

worthwhile to consider using it. But parents must realise that it isnot a complete therapy for ADD or hyperactivity: it must be seen as

merely one form of treatment. Other problems related to the

condition must be identified and other forms of support must be

given to the child to control, cope with or solve those problems that a

drug alone cannot solve.

Things to try before you try medication

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Restructure the environment

Change where the child sits in the classroom (front, back,

isolated) If possible, change the type of classroom (structured,

specialised)

If possible, change schools (smaller, specialised)

Make sure bedroom and / or study area at home is organised

and free from distraction

Provide good models

Place the child next to appropriate role models (achieving,

organised)

Pair the child with a Astudy buddy@ to help with directions and

tasks

Do projects with organised partner(s)

Share your own methods of organisation with the childChange the time of work

Arrange the class timetable to suit the child=s best time of day

Change homework/study time

Restructure tasks

Assign one task at a time

Break tasks up into smaller parts

Circle key words in instructions

Have child make eye contact and repeat oral directions

Reduce the amount of copying and written work required

Allow child to use alternative modes to show knowledge (oral)

Use the computer whenever possible for written expression,

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drill, and practice

Implement behavioural interventions

Use systematic praise and ignoring

Give immediate reprimands for off-task behaviours

use token reinforcement

Set up a home-school feedback-reinforcement system

Use time-outs for disruptive behaviours

If the home and the school have done everything in their power to try

these interventions and the levels of activity, distractibility and

impulsivity are still impacting too negatively on the child=s school

and social performance, then perhaps it is necessary to consider

medication.

What medication can do

Ritalin (or other stimulants) may do much to alleviate the symptoms

of the child=s condition. This makes it easier to help the child face

up to other effects of ADD/hyperactivity and to work out ways of

dealing with them. Medication generally can have the following

positive effects:

Children may be more Aon task,@ complete more work and

work may be more accurateChildren=s behaviour may appear more Anormal@ and they

show increased ability to sit still for longer. They may feel less

frustrated

Medication may improve short-term performance and thus

improve school marks

Medication may make children less aggressive, less negative

and more responsive to parents. It can also help children be

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more compliant to rules and responsive to punishment. They

may be less disruptive and less impulsive in the classroom andas a result, their status in the peer group may improve

Medication may increase the effective use of time

Medication may result in improved handwriting

Medication may decrease emotional reactivity and the child

experiences fewer mood swings

Medication may help the child be more receptive to social

learning

What medication cannot do

Children on medication do not show long-term improvement

on achievement tests. This means that although medication

improves productivity and performance, it does not increase

knowledge. For example, although children may perform more

accurately in maths, there is not increased mastery of maths.

This is disappointing and a puzzle although school marks willimprove somewhat.

Medication may affect intellectual functioning in different

ways. For example, although a child on medication may

improve her performance on basic arithmetic calculations, her

performance on word problems may decrease.

Medication does not teach unmastered academic skills or fill

gaps in learning. Medication can=t put knowledge into

children=

s heads or teach them what they can=

t do.Medication cannot overcome learning disabilities. If gifted

ADD children are also learning disabled, their basic processing

or perceptual problems will not be overcome merely by taking

stimulant drugs.

Medication does not teach socially acceptable behaviour.

Ultimately, the ADD or hyperactive child must learn positive

social skills and appropriate ways of interacting with peers

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Medication doesn=t help a child feel happier. Sometimes

children on medication report that they don=t feel likeinteracting with their peers and may actually feel and act less

social, more anxious and sadder.

Medication won=t make the child more organised. or less

forgetful. The former is a skill that must be taught. Memory

is not really a problem associated with ADD/hyperactivity but

because these children are more distracted and impulsive, they

seem to be unable to focus on the sequence of actions that must

be completed: thus they seem forgetful. Medication helps toslow down the flight of ideas, allowing the child to learn

organisational skills. Routines need to be in place to allow

better organisation and these need the rigorous and consistent

intervention by parents (and teachers).

Medication does not feel calmer. Although they can pay better

attention, better complete tasks and listen better, they do not

necessarily feel less anxious or less stressed. They thus need

help to develop relaxation techniques, good stress management

and ways of countering anger and dealing with anxiety.

The above list should illustrate why I said initially that Ritalin or any

other medication is not a cure for ADD or hyperactivity. It can only

help in the total management of the condition. Much help is still

required to develop healthy coping skills in the child so that he can

function adequately in both school and other life situations.

Never, never believe that giving Ritalin to your child in the morning(or supplying the teacher with a stock once a term) is the end of the

problem. It is only the beginning and success will depend far more

on the adults= continued support and teaching than the chemicals in

the little white pill.

UNDERACHIEVEMENT

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It is never easy to find obvious causes or explanations for human

behaviour because human beings are far too complicated and unique.Likewise, it is not easy to determine the causes or reasons for

underachievement in intelligent pupils but a diagnosis of why the

child underachieves must be attempted if we are to be able to help.

How many comments are found on children=s school reports which

read something like AJohn could do better if he tried.@ This type of

statement is so futile. A physically and psychologically healthy child

who receives sufficient support from his environment wants to learn.

Why are they sometimes uninterested in learning or seemingly

incapable of >doing their best?@

Jim Gallagher wrote that underachievement is a

social tragedy Athe extent of which is difficult

to measure but which is surely great. How canwe measure the sonata unwritten, the curative

drug undiscovered, the absence of politicalinsight? They are the difference between what

we are and what we could be as a society.@

The incidence of underachievement among gifted children is

widespread. Research conducted in this field suggests that between25% - 58% of gifted children achieve below their potential in school,

and although some go on to excel in later life (such as Louis Pasteur,

Karl Jung, Winston Churchill, Edison and many more), there is no

way of knowing how many are lost to society because of

underachievement during school years.

Possible causes of underachievement

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There are many theories regarding the roots or underlying reasonsfor underachievement. In the first place, however, there is no doubt

that being gifted in a non-gifted world may itself lead to

underachievement. I refer back to the beginning of this chapter to

stress this. But merely being misunderstood is not the only cause of

underachievement. In fact, reasons for this complex, difficult issue

may be widespread.

One delightful view of underachievement that fits in with the

explanation of giftedness that I gave earlier on in this book is that of

a starfish metaphor.

The five necessary conditions for giftedness can be imagined as the

arms of a starfish. When one or more of these arms are missing, then

underachievement will occur. Like starfish, who are able to

regenerate arms, underachieving children are able, with help, to

replace the missing arms and so fulfil their potential. Many

underachievers have small arms, indicating that parts of the particular condition needed for giftedness to emerge were present.

Others have > buds=, which represent small but hopeful signs that

arms may still grow. But no underachievers are whole, and none

have yet been found to be exactly alike. A normal starfish would

have no damaged arms. If each arm represents one needed condition

for giftedness, it would look like the drawing on the next page.

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A starfish illustrating an achieving, gifted child

In contrast to this complete starfish, consider the following three

cases of underachievement.

A child, (Muriel) may have a high general ability (e.g. IQ 130+) but

show no special abilities. Muriel=s IQ score was a surprise to her

parents and teachers: her scholastic achievement was only average

and she had a parent and older siblings who were classified as

mentally retarded. Was her underachievement because of low

parental and teacher expectations based on family background? Her

interactions with family members and teachers were thus not

stimulating enough to enable her potential giftedness to emerge.

Abdullah has a history of living with a series of foster parents where

he had been malnourished and physically abused. He has since been

adopted into a caring family. He has asthma and is hyperactive. His

social and emotional skills are severely delayed and he frequently

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flies into rages, becoming physically abusive to others. Given all

these difficulties, it is amazing that his teachers still noticed thespecial spark of giftedness in him. They remarked on his exceptional

artistic ability, which involved him for extended periods of time, and

presumed that his extraordinary broad and precise vocabulary must

indicate something. This child shows > buds= of talent and also the

bud on the >chance= arm in that he was adopted and saved from

abuse and malnourishment. Abdullah=s potential giftedness in the

intellectual dimension was finally encouraged to develop by the

stimulating and supportive environment provided by his fosterfamily.

Nigel shows a strongly developed >social= arm meaning that his

family and social interactions were sound. He was identified as

gifted in Grade 3 because of his unique ideas, his sense of humour

and his excellent projects. As he progressed through school,

however, he experienced more and more difficulty with time

management and could not complete tasks or tests. It was

discovered, at the end of Grade 6, that Nigel could not read

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sufficiently well (due to a learning disability) to understand maths

problems or the text books dealing with other subjects. Thus, Nigellacked a necessary condition in the intellectual domain.

Some underachieving gifted children seem to have general

intellectual ability and many have special abilities. Some have

learning disabilities that mask or depress their general ability scores.

Some children have strong environmental support in that both home

and school recognise and encourage their giftedness that showed in

special abilities. Others, however, have to deal with overly high or

exceptionally low expectations from parents and teachers, sexual

bias in the family, neglect of basic physical, psychological, social or

educational needs. Still others have to endure some or other form of

conflict in the home or suffer too much freedom and too much

responsibility. Some underachievers endure physical disabilities due

to birth defects or to neglect.

In nearly all cases, one or more of the arms will be missing, but

without exception, it appears that underachieving gifted childrenmiss at least some non-intellective (emotional) skill. Many (but not

all) have very low self-concepts. Many have poor work study skills

or lack time-management skill. Many lack social skills or > playing

the game= skills for school success. Many show inappropriate risk-

taking behaviour while others are unwilling to take any risks at all.

This behaviour means that children will prefer to fail because they

choose to do so rather than risk actually failing and so threaten their

vulnerable self-concepts. Some children are emotionally immature.Others show tremendous unresolved anger, overwhelming stress, a

complete lack of trust, incapacitating rebellion and perfectionism.

This metaphor for understanding the complex processes causing

underachievement is appropriate because it aptly conveys the

importance of thorough examination of all aspects of a child to try

and remedy the underachievement. However, the bottom line is that

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Acuring@ underachievement is a very, very difficult exercise. The

sooner underachievement can be identified the better the prognosis.Attempts at turning around long-standing underachievement,

resulting in an uncaring, defiant and demotivated child is often

doomed to failure.

This is the reason why early screening and identifying of gifted

children is so important.

Signs of underachievement

Here is a list of the characteristics which have often been seen

among underachieving gifted children.

Teachers may see:

Achievement at or below the average for the grade in one or all

of the basic skill areas

A superior comprehension and retention of concepts when they

are interested. They may also see a vast gap between the

qualitative level of oral and written work and an exceptionally

large general knowledge

Avoidance of trying new activities (in order to prevent a

possibly imperfect performance which points to perfectionism

and a tendency to self-criticism or a fear of failure).Inability to function comfortably in a group of any size.

Poor motivation, particularly intrinsic motivations. Such

children are unwilling to become involved, lose interest very

quickly and cannot concentrate on their work for long.

Purposeful action and single-mindedness is very short-lived.

Poor study habits, little homework completed, tasks

uncompleted.

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Rigid thinking

Less persistent, less assertive and more withdrawn in classroomsituations than achieving children.

Few hobbies or interests or a wide range of interests and

possibly Aspecial expertise@ in an area outside the academic

sphere.

Test phobia

Lack of ambition and no clear future or career goals.

A preference for careers involving manual activities, business,

sales occupations or anything with a strong persuasive trend.They tend to avoid socially oriented or professional

occupations.

Parents may see:

Signs of feeling rejected by their families and believing that

they cannot satisfy their parents.

A marked hostility toward authority figures and a mistrust ofall adults. This can show itself as high levels of aggression and

antagonism.

Resistance to influence from parents and a belief in their own

viewpoints. They regard their own rights and interests as being

more important than those of others.

Feelings of being victimised.

A dislike of school and their teachers.

Rebellion.

In the peer group, underachievers often choose companions who

share their negative attitude towards school, authority and adults.

They may be leaders in these groups when engaged in non-academic,

anti-social activities. Amongst the wider group, they are not

recognised as leaders and are not popular. Underachievers often, in

fact, have problems with socialisation.

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In general, they show signs of a low self-concept in that they

evaluate themselves negatively. Their feelings of inferiority underliedistrust, indifference, lack of concern and even hostility towards

others. They believe themselves to be generally disliked. They also

show signs of disliking themselves, and their aggression is often

directed towards themselves.

A feeling of helplessness causes them to take no responsibility for

their actions. They are inclined to externalise conflict and problems.

This means that they blame circumstances, bad luck or other people

for their lack of success. Accompanying the helplessness may be

anxiety and tension, depression, insecurity and signs of emotional

immaturity. A lack of self-discipline, a tendency to procrastinate, a

reluctance to undertake challenging tasks, impulsive behaviour, a

tendency to be easily distracted, hypersensitivity to anything

affecting themselves, and a general irresponsibility are other

commonly noted characteristics.

REMEDIATING UNDERACHIEVEMENT

As I stated earlier, underachievement is a very difficult problem to

cure, so prevention is something well worth striving for. Every

teacher and parent should be on the lookout for signs that a gifted

child is showing less willingness to become involved in school or

other activities.

What doesn=t work

If we keep the metaphor of the starfish in mind, it is easier to

understand why some attempts to remediate underachievement are

unsuccessful. Remedial programmes that are designed for children

with supportive, nurturing home environments will not work for

children who lack the emotional traits necessary for success. It is not

always enough to provide children with the opportunities to take

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risks or to encourage the showing of their abilities or to mix with

other gifted children if they lack the emotional or other Asocial@ arms.

Another common mistake made is to immediately offer the child

A better @ study methods. While some gifted children do need more

efficient study methods, one needs to carefully consider the reasons

for underachieving. If children choose to underachieve because their

aim is attention, power or safety, they will not want to improve their

study skills. If a child has a learning disability or attention problem,

study skills will not help much either unless the underlying problem

is diagnosed, understood and managed.

What may work

As soon as possible symptoms of underachievement occur, the

following should be done:

∼ Clearly assess the problem and, if possible, the causes. Try to

make opportunity to observe such children in different

situations e.g. at home, at school, among their peers, and try to

discover what motivates and interests the children.

∼ Communicate your observations to the children. Give your

hypotheses of the problem behaviour and the cause as you see

it. Share your understanding of the problem, using your own

personal experience and invite the children to share their perceptions of the problem. Children at risk of

underachievement will not want to change unless they regard

the situation as personally unsatisfactory or uncomfortable.

Such children must desire change before the third step can be

taken.

∼ Form a partnership with the child, and include the parent or

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teacher if possible. Actively consider solutions to the

perceived problem by engaging in problem-solving together.

The apparent ease of this approach shouldn=t mislead you into

believing that underachievement is easy to rectify. Most

professional people who have experience in working with

underachievers stress the importance of a team approach. It is vital

that the parent and the school work together and preferably include

in the team a trained psychologist as an advisor. It needs a

psychologist to offer therapy to alleviate anxiety and tension, to train

skills for self-government and social relationships and channelling

aggression. Remedial teachers may be needed to catch up on thescholastic backlog or to correct the learning deficiency once the

psychological blocks to learning in the particular area are removed.

Correct study methods may be offered by the school or an

educational psychologist. Lastly, it is also important that the team

ensure that underachieving gifted children experience success more

often than failure in academic tasks. Once the psychological and

scholastic problems have been dealt with, it is important that the

children are given the chance to relate to their intellectually equal peers so they should be included into groups of achieving gifted

pupils.

I hope the message has got through that underachievement results

from complex dynamics both within children and within their

environments. It cannot be seen as a relatively simple, cause-effect

relationship.

Understand too that remediation of underachievement is fraught

with difficulties. It is a problem that will not solve itself, and if not

reversed at least by early adolescence, becomes a firmly entrenched,

self-defeating pattern of behaviour that will handicap the most able

child.

All schools should consider the possibility of underachievement

amongst their potentially brightest learners and be prepared to devote

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relatively little time and money to these children. This investment is

worthwhile, compared to the cost of the personal and social

consequences if schools (and parents) do not intervene. Of course,the aim should ideally be prevention . Knowledge about giftedness

is vital for teachers and parents in order that these children=s needs

can be correctly met.

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Challenges faced by gifted children 88

The previous chapter discussed obstacles to learning that some gifted

children experience because of learning problems. This chapter is

going to discuss some of the things about being gifted that can make

life less than easy for high ability people even though they may learn

many things or selected subjects easily and quickly. But first I want

to list some simple truths about being gifted that may have been

experienced already by some of my younger readers, or that parents

should know about because they may have to be faced in future bytheir children. So, while this next section is mainly for gifted

children, parents are strongly advised to read it as well.

TRUTHS ABOUT BEING ONE OF THE CLEVER ONES

Some of these truths may be in your favour, and some may not -

decide for yourself.

People expect more of you

This is a fact to be faced and it's not always a pleasant one. Being

gifted (or talented) does not always mean being clever in every area.

Sometimes your teachers and/or parents just don't understand that

you really battle with English creative writing even though you're a

boffin at everything else. ("You just don't study hard enough/ want

to put some effort into it" is what you often hear). They also don'tseem to allow you to genuinely dislike or be less interested in a

particular subject. You have to cope with everything.

People give you more responsibility

Being so clever is taken to mean that you can act a lot older than

CHAPTER 4

CHALLENGES FACED BY GIFTED CHILDREN

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your age and not do any of the things that other children do. You're

expected to be a paragon of virtue who always uses that superior

brain to look after others (particularly your younger brothers and

sisters). "I never thought you could act so stupidly", or "I really

expected you to take care of things" or "I expected more of you" are

the type of response you get for acting your age. The next truth ties

in with this.

When you use the vocabulary you're quite comfortable

with, others forget your real age. It can be annoying and hurtful to always be expected to act older

than you really are. Because you're able to discuss something at a

level with a parent (or teacher), they consider you to be an equal.

You aren't allowed to like dressing like the crowd, or to enjoy the

same music, or to go to the same club: somehow everyone thinks

you should be above all of that.

You tend to expect more of yourself too

Generally, you realise your own ability and like to stretch yourself to

the limit. You enjoy winning/ achieving or generally excelling. But

this has its down-side, because too much perfectionism can wear you

down and, sometimes you begin to feel that you are loved only for

your brains and achievements. You can also drive yourself to

distraction by your drive to win and the intensity of feeling that goes

with this.

Your sense of humour is not always shared by others

Absolutely brilliant people can be totally without a sense of humour,

but really unintelligent people cannot have a brilliant wit. A sense

of humour needs at least an average intelligence and seems to

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develop with one's IQ. (Haven't you noticed how less intelligent

people seem to find real slapstick quite hilarious and laugh at things

like pie-in-the-face. They also like foul-mouthed comedians and

jokes that put other people down.) It takes brains to laugh at "The

Far Side" or "Calvin & Hobbes" and so on.

You may sometimes find yourself hugely enjoying something that

others totally miss and this can make them consider you to be rather

weird. Be careful not to scorn their sense of humour - although it's

hard to laugh at things you don't find funny, it helps to try.

You will probably be a leader in your community

This is really true whether you believe it now or not. Being clever

does give you more confidence - if not now, then later in life.

Because you can see more sides to an issue, and have the ability to

come up with ideas and considered judgements, others will respect

you, trust you and ultimately look to you for leadership. This is, of

course, if you take the trouble to try and understand people ingeneral.

Remember that, just as a person with a really low IQ can=t be

expected to understand people with an average IQ, so average people

can=t be expected to understand what it=s like to be really quick and

find things easy to understand. So it=s up to you to understand them

and learn to get along with your fellow humans.

You find less intelligent people boring

This is nasty, but it is true. It means that you have to find a

boyfriend or girlfriend with at least a similar amount of ability else

you simply can't stand their company for very long. In fact, some

gifted people find it very stressful to have to be in the company of

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"ordinary" people.

Your interests may bore others

Another painful truth. You tend to go much deeper into a

subject/topic/theme than others and once you've got your teeth into

something, your single-mindedness may drive even your best friend

crazy. You keep on and on and on and on with whatever it is that

interests you - whether a project or an argument. You can never be

satisfied with the superficial and can't understand the attitudes of

others.

Of course, you also tend to lose interest quickly too. Today=s

passion loses its lustre tomorrow and off you go in another direction.

This isn=t always understood by your parents and teachers. Even

your friends find it hard to keep up with your changing focus.

Being gifted means hard work

That is true, isn't it! And not everyone realises this but seem to think

that excellent work means no effort for you. Perhaps some things are

easier, but you do have to study and work hard to maintain good

marks. Perhaps you should let your persistence take the credit rather

than your brains. Note what Calvin Coolidge wrote:

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent

will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men of

talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost proverbial. Education will not; the world is filled with educated

derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.

Others consider you peculiar

This is unfortunately true too. Don't worry too much about it but

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read the rest of this chapter and perhaps you'll find out why. It isn=t

easy to be different from the norm and your intelligence, creativity or

passion sets you apart from others. Don=t blame them - you also

consider other people peculiar when you don=t understand them.

For comfort, see the next and last truth:

You are, all in all, going to have a better life than most

people.

Yes! Perhaps not in terms of financial success, but you can and probably will experience more in every sense and generally squeeze

every drop out of really being alive. Which is what its all about

anyway. Just watch out for the tendency to feel depressed about life.

Work on being positive.

Anne Nietzke wrote: "The price we pay for

avoiding the pain of being fully alive is that weare excluded from the pleasure as well."

SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL ISSUES ABOUT BEING

GIFTED

Books and articles about the social and emotional life of giftedchildren suggest that, as a group, they are well adjusted and usually

enjoy good relationships with their friends and family. No wonder,

with their delightful sense of humour , quick wit, good memories and

general knowledge. They are not only fun to have around, but useful

too!

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In spite of this, there are emotional, social and behavioural issues

associated with being gifted that present special challenges to

children. Generally, the more gifted the child, the more challenging

the task of fitting in to a world that has relatively few kindred spirits

or like minds.

Special areas of vulnerability

There are special areas of vulnerability that are challenging and may

develop into problems if not well-managed by the child and his or

her family. In the emotional realm these include heightened

sensitivity, emotional intensity and excitability, perfectionism,

perceptiveness, feeling different, and experiencing uneven "out of

sync" development of intellectual, social and emotional areas.

(Yes, a very fearful list! It is certainly not always easy to be gifted.)

Variations and cultural perceptions

All these characteristics appear to be an integral part of giftedness but they can show great variations in the way they appear in a child.

Psychological and physiological factors such as age, gender, degree

of introversion/extroversion, locus of control, preference for certain

types of sensory stimulation (for example, visual vs. auditory) and so

on can cause great differences that make each child unique.

Some children may show several of these characteristics but some

may be more dominant than others. Also, some may be seen as positive traits in one individual and as negative in another. It is the

way they appear in the child's behaviour that give them social and

emotional significance. In other words, it is often adults and other

children's perceptions of these characteristics that cause them to be

seen as particular strengths or weaknesses in the gifted child. Here

culture plays a role. In a culture that values critical, analytical

thinking, an outspoken, enthusiastic and mentally active child will be

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regarded as a positive delight. The same child may be considered

rude and disrespectful by cultures that believes in reflective, intuitive

thinking.

Another challenge that faces many high ability children involves

difficult decisions about subject and career choice.

Let's consider some of these challenges.

SENSITIVITY

The gifted are by nature emotionally sensitive. This characteristic

appears in the first few years of life and remains with the individual

throughout life.

Sensitivity can be a sense of identification with other people,

animals, nature and the universe by being able to associate on a deep

level with the things that make up the world. Passion and

compassion are also aspects of the sensitivity that is characteristic of

many gifted individuals. Passion refers to the intensity of feelingthat is experienced and is responsible for the ability to form deep

attachments with others or with ideals. Compassion has to do with

caring for others and decreasing the pain that others may be

experiencing.

Not all gifted children show compassion but those that do often

commit their lives to relieving suffering, as Mother Teresa. Other

examples of compassionate gifted people include Gandhi, St. Francisof Assisi and Albert Schweitzer.

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Kate (aged 7), being a gifted child with greatcompassion and intuition, regularly rescues bees

with broken wings or other injuries and brings

them into the house for rest. Strangely, she hasalmost never been stung. When asked to verify

this statement she answered: "A bee only stungme once but he was in great pain and blamed me

The young gifted child with a great measure of compassion mayshow it by placing great importance on friendships. They seldom see

the faults in others but react to the potential that they see inside the

person. Even if hurt over and over again, the child will not give up

the friendship.

The passionate gifted child will show dedication to a particular goal.

This may bring him into conflict with adults but he gets his reward

from a feeling of kinship with the universe.

EMPATHY

Sensitive, compassionate gifted children may show a great amount of

empathy. This is not merely knowing what others feel, but actually

feeling like the person themselves. So whereas most children know

when a parent is angry, sensitive gifted children feel the anger inside

themselves. They are sensitive to others' being hurt, to injustice andalso sensitive to criticism and pain. This can cause them great joy

but also great pain if they are not able to separate themselves from

the pain coming from other people.

Positive feelings take the form of being "flooded by unexpected

waves of joy" or feeling "incredibly alive with incredible energy that

I hardly need any rest", or "sometimes I can be so happy that I want

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to laugh and cry or be silent and shout, all at the same time." These

aren=t always caused by interaction with people, but can also be

brought about by a beautiful scene in nature, or a piece of music, or

artwork.

On the negative side, there are children who, when seeing someone

being physically hurt in reality or on a TV or cinema screen,

experience more pain than if they were injured themselves.

Extremely sensitive children have ways of coping with this. They

may withdraw, and so become isolated and disconnected from

others.

Another way is to form an inner shield, or defence, but the price ishigh: the result is a loss of emotional vitality, lack of enjoyment of

one's successes and achievements and a lack of a sense of who one

is. This is particularly true of the gifted sensitive child who grows

up with too much criticism or ridicule. The child who responds to

questions about his feelings by saying that he is never particularly

happy or unhappy may be a child who has suffered an emotional

trauma that has led to walled off feelings. Such a child urgently

needs help.

Yet another coping strategy is to try and make others happy. In this

case, they may take on too much responsibility for the emotional

experiences of others. If the other person is unhappy, the gifted child

feels she is responsible, and so on. A kind of perfectionism can

develop as a style of dealing with the stress of sharing others'

feelings: they try to avoid negative confrontations by always being

exceptionally good (perfect) at all times.

What can you do?

Many such children can benefit from help in learning to create

boundaries between themselves and the overwhelming emotions that

flood in from everyone around them. However, it is not a good idea

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to discourage giving from this type of child because this may lead to

the child's belief that this part of the self is being rejected as

undesirable. These children need to understand the consequences of

giving too much; to realise that receiving from others can also be a

compliment to others; that there is a difference between selfishness

and having a self.

Things you as a parent can try are, for instance, concrete suggestions

about distancing the self from another's emotional state. Try asking

the child to describe how she was feeling prior to sensing the other's

emotions, and how she feels now. Discuss the difference betweenempathy and compassion so that the child understands what he is

experiencing. Mental imagery may help: for example, taking a deep

breath and relaxing, and then imagining a high, glass wall between

the self and others. The child can see and hear the others but not feel

invaded by the feelings of others.

Depression in gifted children may be rooted in this extreme

sensitivity and the ability to feel so intensely. Depression can stemfrom the child's perception that his feelings or experiences differ

from those of "normal" people in society. Gifted adolescents and

adults often feel that they shouldn't have conflicts or negative

feelings. They have been labelled "too sensitive," or "too intense"

by so many people in their lives that they believe that there is really

something wrong with them. See more about depression later on.

Strong feelings are good

All through most of our lives, we are given the message that it is

better to "control" our emotions. Even infants are told to "Hush now,

don't cry". The message that it is wrong to cry is retold all through

childhood - particularly to boys. School is the place where we really

learn how to control, repress and deny our emotions, as part of the

socialisation process. But repressing emotions also represses one's

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vitality, which may just be one of the reasons why children "lose"

their motivation to learn. After all, motivation is emotional, not

intellectual.

A noted writer in this field1 said:

1 M.M. Piechowski (1991) Emotional development and emotional giftedness. In N.Colangelo & G.A. Davis (Eds), Handbook of gifted education pp.285-306, Boston: Allyn & Bacon

The intensity of emotional reactions in (gifted) children may

sometimes be difficult to understand, especially when ... the

child is strongly upset over "nothing". It requires

considerable patience and knowledge of the child to see that

this "overreaction" comes from the child's sensitivity and the

need for his or her own order of things to be preserved ... Toa sensitive and intense child who may be disequilibrated

often by his or her own emotions, departure from something

routinely expected, for example, the way a story is told, may

be extremely upsetting simply because the need for support is

all the greater. The strongest support, without doubt, is the parent's loving patience and acceptance.

These gifted individuals (and their families) need to realise that

strong feelings are not inappropriate. They also need to be helped torealise that part of the problem can be that they actually feel what

others feel and passionately share in the concerns of the world. This

is a positive sign of emotional giftedness and not an indication of

emotional disturbance.

Perhaps the most pressing need of sensitive gifted children is to have

an environment that is understanding of their emotional intensity and

empathy. Our responsibility as parents (and teachers) of the gifted

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is not to teach them to curb their feelings nor to merely tolerate their

feelings. We need to be emotionally alive ourselves, as good role

models, and to honour these children's sensitivity as a positive trait.

Every gifted child needs a safe place to cry. The home, the

principal's office, an understanding teacher's classroom, should be

havens where gifted children can express the depth of their feelings.

Boys learn early in life not to show their emotions of the playground

or in the classroom. If they deny or bury their feelings, their

intellects will grow while their emotional development can remain

stunted.

A defence mechanism

A common, harmful coping mechanism for many gifted children

whose environments do not support their need to verbalise feelings

or share sensitivities and values, is called intellectualising . These

children (usually adolescents) usually refuse to discuss things on a

feeling level, but turn everything into an intellectual debate or

discussion. They often ridicule the role of emotions, scorn poetry,certain plays or films, and lean heavily on logic to interpret their

experiences. Many of them suffer because they become emotionally

cold and cannot form deep, intimate relationships.

Sensitivity is a precious commodity. If it is abused, it can lead to a

warped and distorted personality that lashes out in pain. If it is

allowed to develop fully, it results in altruism and a desire to mean

something to humanity. We need to guard it well.

PERCEPTIVENESS

Perceptiveness often appears as an intuitive knowing, but the two

differ. Perceptiveness means that several points of view may be

understood simultaneously; several "layers" of self in another person

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may be understood; and the core of an issue may be quickly

perceived. In interpersonal situations, such perceptiveness helps

gifted children see beyond the superficiality of a situation to the

person beneath. It is more commonly called insight and allows such

children to quickly assess people and situations. In fact, they are

skilled at sensing the difference between social facades and real

thoughts and feelings. On a more down-to-earth level, this allows

gifted children to sense the feelings of others. Does your child pick

up your feelings, even though you believe that you are covering up

very well?

The question of morality

Such perceptiveness gives rise to certain values in gifted individuals:

they recognise and need truth, justice and fairness and these become

issues to them. They clearly see the unfairness in the way people are

treated and sometimes the idea of showing different "faces" to the

world is puzzling to them. These children regard truth as an absolute

and both look for and tell the truth - sometimes with devastatingresults!

This shows at an early age: sometimes it seems as if a gifted child's

first words are "it's not fair". This is in response to injustices to

themselves and others that they notice when still very young. This

keen sense of injustice inevitably leads to questioning of rules and

authority figures.

Taking a high moral stand can cause conflict in the home, school and

any other social setting - particularly if the value system in these

systems does not regard issues of justice, fairness or truth in the same

light, or at least to the same degree as the child. Those of us who are

prepared to recognise the grey areas in some matters are regarded as

hypocrites by children intensely committed to morality. They expect

the adults in their world to be paragons of virtue.

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Even differences of opinion are difficult for them to understand

because they see only one truth or one correct opinion. This rigid

attitude towards right and wrong is something that all children have

to come to terms with as they grow, but it is a particular problem for

very perceptive children at all stages of development. Our attempts

to sometimes look past the truth or tolerate another opinion is

regarded by them as foolish or misinformed and they don't often

tolerate this. They may feel betrayed and disillusioned by the rules

that we preach but do not seem to practice. This can lead to a sense

of mistrust and a lack of security in some children, and later acynical and arrogant attitude to authority figures.

These highly perceptive children need to learn to trust their own

perceptions while coming to an understanding of the limitations of

others. It means they have to receive adult support, feedback about

the accuracy of their insights and some help in understanding how

others think and feel. They especially need to understand that most

other people do not like having their errors pointed out to them, orwhy they may choose to continue to do something that seems so

clearly wrong.

A high degree of perceptiveness also leads to problem finding and

problem solving. Many parents of gifted children have said that

their children have unusual approaches to problem solving and

unusual solutions. This is accompanied by an ability to understand

meanings and see relationships between experiences.

Some extremely intuitive and sensitive children have the ability to

read so much into situations or people that their own perceptions

scare them. Their ability seems to be more psychic than intellectual

because they appear able to read minds or predict happenings. Such

children need a great deal of positive support - especially if they feel

responsible for what happens. They must be guided to realise that

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their feelings are given not earned and that, while they are

responsible for their own behaviour, other events that occur are

beyond their control. So they should not blame themselves or feel

somehow responsible for certain events or the behaviour of other

people.

Questioning of authority

Following on the previous paragraph, perhaps more should be said

about the gifted child's tendency to question authority - even in

cultural groups that strongly discourage this.

Most inquisitive children question everything. Questioning and

arguing are forms of mental exercise for gifted children that they

engage in for pure pleasure, for learning purposes or simply to win a

point. Children with devastating logic and highly developed

intuition are simply born to argue and usually win.

What can you do?

Some families communicate well through arguments. Children in

these families usually understand the rules of the game and the most

persuasive member usually wins the battle of wits. Often, highly

intuitive children will play devil's advocate and argue an opposing

point of view merely to hear the other person's rationale. These

children can be very intimidating to others. If they have

underdeveloped emotional sensitivity they may be highly

competitive and too bent on winning at all costs. Theirargumentative and verbally aggressive skills need to be tempered

with understanding of other people's feelings and reactions to their

argumentativeness.

They can also be helped by discussion about other people's

discomfort at being constantly challenged. Other types of social

interaction must be taught and rehearsed. Effective conflict

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resolution and negotiation skills that are aimed at a win-win result

should be practised.

Furthermore, in connection with the gifted child's drive for justice,

issues about the concept of fairness can be discussed. Often books,

films and real-life situations with this as a theme can be shared. Ask

such children "When is mercy more appropriate than justice?"

When younger children cry "It's not fair", try to introduce the idea of

other people being involved. Ask the child "Is what you want fair

for yourself only, or is it fair for everyone involved?" Gifted

children have the advanced reasoning ability to cope withdiscussions about global interdependence and the need for

cooperation to replace competition in order for planet Earth to

survive.

Children who must win every argument and who are threatened

unless they are right all the time are displaying the signs of a low

self-concept. A certain amount of counselling may be needed to get

to the bottom of the problem.PERFECTIONISM

Whereas the capacity for abstract thinking is the most common, most

accepted characteristic of intellectually gifted children, perfectionism

is perhaps the second most common, but least understood - even

though perfectionism is directly related to the former attribute.

Are you wondering if your child is a perfectionist or not? Howmany of these characteristics describe him or her?

$ Is a poor risk taker. Wants to be sure she will succeed or be

"the best" before trying something new.

$ Is on a self-esteem roller coaster of highs and lows. Feels great

when she is first or best; feels terrible when she isn't.

$ Tends to focus on himself. Is so concerned about his

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performance that he has little time to care about others.

$ Punishes herself for not being "the best." Doesn't recognise

improvement.

$ Often gives up before giving something a fair chance. If it

appears that something may be difficult, or if success isn't

guaranteed, he may not even try.

$ Is less productive than her classmates. Because she overworks

and over-analyses everything, she simply gets less done.

$ Has a hard time accepting compliments or feedback from

others.

$ Doesn't trust that others have the same high standards.

$ Procrastinates, then blames "lack of time" for his own "lack of

perfection."

$ May have trouble getting started on activities. Fears making

mistakes or not getting it right.

$ Tends to be inflexible. Avoids new approaches or ideas; feels

most confident if she can do things her usual way.

$ Tends to be too much in control of his emotions. Does not

want others to know what he is feeling.

$ May not allow himself to really experience his feelings or

openly express them, even to himself.

$ Sets goals either rigidly high, so they may be unattainable, or

unchallengingly low, so he knows he will achieve them.

$ Believes that she "is" her marks or achievements. Has little

sense of self separate from what she does.

$ Holds unreasonably high standards which cause him to do his

work over and over again, trying to make it even better.

$ Doesn't value her accomplishments because she is anxiously

looking towards the next goal.

A valued trait

Perfection is an abstract concept that conveys the idea that one can

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be aware of what is possible. The ideal is always abstract in that it

refers to something beyond that which currently exists in reality.

Perfectionism is the conflict between "what is" and "what ought to

be". In these terms, perfectionism is a positive quality - an energy or

a striving for something better that drives the individual toward a

higher level of functioning or development.

It is perfectionism that is responsible for humanity's progress. We

should not want to eliminate it as a characteristic in our children or

"cure" them of it - it should rather be nurtured to ultimately result in

the excellence that the world strives for.

Having said all that, I will admit that perfectionism is very difficult

to live with - both for the perfectionist and everyone around him or

her. They will set unrealistic standards for themselves, will persist

when others have given up, will maintain their visions of what is

possible in spite of everything. This causes them untold misery and

a great deal of stress because not only do they strive for perfection in

their own work - they usually demand perfection from others as well.

Perfectionism is also sometimes due to the uneven development of

the gifted child. When the mind develops faster than the body, the

mind can "see" the completed object and the child sets standards for

herself based on her advanced awareness or perception. When the

body is unable to meet the needed demands, as in the example of the

five-year-old fashioning a horse out of clay according to the vision of

her eight-year-old mind, frustration sets in. It may appear that thechild has overly high standards, unrealistic self-expectations, is too

perfectionistic. But is this really so?

When you think about it, that part of the child setting the standards

(the mind) is not expecting too much, and the standards may seem

reasonable if matched to the abilities of the mind. Such a child can

be helped by appealing to the advanced mind to understand the

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limitations of other parts of the same individual system. You can

help by explaining that different parts of people grow at different

rates, and reassure your child that eventually everything will catch

up.

To deal with perfectionism, the child needs to recognise it as a

positive way to achieve excellence - not as a negative thing that one

uses to berate oneself for futile attempts or past mistakes.

However, perfectionists need help to use rather than abuse this

characteristic.

Strategies for helping your perfectionist child

Help to set priorities

Using perfectionism productively means, in the first place, that

children must be taught how to set priorities. Nobody can be

perfectionistic in too many areas at once: this is a sure recipe forextreme, harmful frustration. For example, if a particular biology

project is very important, can the child perhaps settle for a B for a

science test - just this once? Another positive approach to take is to

forget the word "mistakes" and replace it with "learning experience"

or "experiments" or steps to future accomplishments. Use Edison's

story to help get this idea across:

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Thomas Edison tried 1,500 different filamentsfor the light bulb before finding the right one.

After the last experiment, an assistant asked,

"Well, Mr Edison, how do you feel about having1,500 failures to your credit?" Edison replied,

"No, they weren't failures. We now know 1,500light bulb filaments that don't work!"

Help to set reasonable and reachable expectations

It=s unreasonable for him to expect that he will perform equally well

in all subjects. If he has an exceptional ability in maths, he can work

toward - and probably achieve - an A in maths. But he may not be

able to perform at the same level in his creative writing or history if

his talents and interests don't lie in these areas. Insist on adequate

effort, but let him know that it's okay to get less than the best marksin those subjects where he is less able. He also needs to have help in

coming to a realistic knowledge of exactly where his strong and

weaker areas are. So help him to recognise that he has areas of

greater and lesser talent and interest.

A good way of doing this is to use the seven intelligences mentioned

earlier, and to encourage children to find their particular Aways of

being smart@. This makes it easier to be less than perfect ineverything.

Refrain from criticism.

These children often criticise themselves for their lack of perfection.

Therefore, choose your words carefully and be aware of your body

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language and facial expressions. A frown or a look of

disappointment may cancel out your positive and encouraging

statements.

Introduce him / her to new experiences.

It might be easier to get her involved if you set a time limit on her

participation. For example, if a teacher assigns a project, try to get

the teacher to agree that the child choose an activity completely

different from what she would typically select. (Perfectionists will

consistently choose the activities that have been successful for them

in the past.) Ask the teacher to say "Next time you can do what you

want, but this time I want you to try something new." Or, if you're

trying to convince a reluctant daughter to attend a camp, you might

say, "I'd like you to go for the first two/three days. Then we can

decide together if you should finish out the week." Perfectionists

often enjoy new activities, if you can just get them through the door.

Show that your caring has nothing to do with performance.

Perfectionists are inclined to believe that they are what they do.

They "are" their marks, their performance in whatever field. Be

careful not to over celebrate success or over analyse less than

"perfect" results.

Create a safe environment

Classrooms and homes should be places where effort is more

important than winning or losing. Children should never be nervous

or unhappy about being "only average." Let them know through

your words and actions that you support them no matter what.

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Focus on strengths and successes

If she is inclined to worry about the single mark lost on a test, or the

minor faults found in a performance, try to help her see what went

right rather than "what I did wrong." Perfectionists tend to chew

over mistakes and see the future as being full of opportunities to fail.

Remind her of past successes.

Help them set goals (or plan rewards) that do not require perfection

Don't ever challenge them to earn straight A's or 100% test marks.

Do always stress appropriate levels of performance and reasonable

standards.

Sometimes perfectionistic children have

parents who are also perfectionists. Be veryhonest with yourself: are you perhaps

projecting your striving for perfect

performance onto your child?

Perfectionists need people who have faith in their visions. We need

to foster this quality rather than to stifle it. I feel quite strongly

about this! But our children need us to help them manage their

perfectionism so that it does not overwhelm them or others. This is

the message I hope is getting through in this section. One mistake

parents should avoid is to become trapped into becoming a co-

worker. If your child has a vision, support his endeavours - don't try

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to make his dream come true through your own efforts. This makes

a tyrant who will, in later life, be incapable of tolerating the mistakes

of others because he has had too much eager help in providing or

supplementing his efforts towards a perfect product. Other people

are then seen to be responsible for achieving his ideals and will also

be responsible for failures, which are never tolerated.

For the younger readers: 10 ways of managing

perfectionism

The chances are that you have heard of these before so will be

inclined to say "Oh ja! I know all that." I challenge you to consider

whether you actually practice these 'obvious' ways of making life

more manageable.

Use visualisation. This means picturing yourself doing something

before you begin. See yourself answering the questions in your

exam paper, doing a successful oral. Visualising yourself positively

is a technique tried and tested with athletes who want to overcome

tension and do well. It works in any situation (like imagining asking

someone to go out with you: mental rehearsal, in other words).

Don't start over. Identify parts of the work that might need

revision or alteration. Resist the temptation to throw everything out

and begin again.

Remember that there's always a next time. When you

evaluate your work, performance, or whatever, try to focus on the

positive. Think in terms of "I learned ..." statements. Then think of

all the times you succeeded at something you did. Only then may

you think about what can be improved for next time. Recognise the

fact that you can and will improve next time.

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Aim for your personal best rather than "the best." How

has your performance improved? How are you better today thanyou were last month, year or whatever. Athletes use this 'personal

best' strategy. Keep a record and celebrate your personal successes.

While on this topic, I may add: don't fall for unrealistic role models.

TV, adverts, videos and films are always thrusting "perfect people"

under our noses. But nobody is really so perfect. Being human

means having flaws and making the most of your personal best.

Can you laugh at yourself? Do you take yourself so seriouslythat you become angry, guilty, anxious or embarrassed when you

could have been laughing at a situation? Check with your

friends/parents on this.

Catch yourself trying to be perfect. Whenever your

perfectionism is showing, stop and think about it. Is it absolutely

necessary at that time and place? Perhaps you have just finished a

biology drawing, and you notice an area that could be better. Askyourself if anyone else besides you would even notice the difference.

Isn't there something else that needs your perfectionism that will be

of greater benefit all round? Can you give yourself an order such as

"Oh come on, ______ (insert current insulting name), snap out of it!"

Say what you feel. Practice communicating your feelings,

whatever they may be. Share them with your family and friends

because talking about feelings helps gaining perspective on them.Use the assertiveness formula: "I feel ______ when ______. I

would like you to _______."

Stop making up rules. Follow your teacher's instructions about

projects/work and try not to add your own. If the teacher wants X,

why should you give him X + Y? Consider the expectations of your

parents, trainers, and any other significant others. Do your

expectations agree with theirs? Are you writing in extra rules or

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expectations where none are necessary?

Learn to set priorities.

What are your strengths and interests? These are the areas that need

your personal best. In other areas, it is unnecessary for you to

achieve near-perfection. Try to remind yourself that in some areas

you must be average, because you can't waste yourself by trying to

spread your abilities over too wide a field. Decide on where you will

choose to exercise your perfectionism.

Get comfortable. You need to feel comfortable with feedback

from others, and to see it as information rather than criticism. You

can learn from this. Secondly, when something doesn't turn out the

way you hoped it would, don't consider it a failure. Get comfortable

with the idea that some situations aren't raving successes, but you

can learn from them. Pull the best out of any situation, then move

on.

STRESS MANAGEMENT

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Gifted children are as susceptible to stress as anyone else - in fact,

because of their uneven development, sensitivity and perfectionism,

they may be even more vulnerable. In extreme cases stress has even

led to ideas of and attempts at suicide. One author wrote:

A major difficulty .... is why some youth experience these life

stressors with seemingly little negative impact on their self-

worth, while other teens - who may appear to be quite similar

to their more mentally healthy peers - experience such pain

that suicide is seen as a viable alternative.

Jane is a six-year-old who reads the newspaper quite

easily. After reading a report about people who were

poisoned by medicines that had been tampered with, she

begins to have nightmares about poisoning. Soon she

began to insist that her mother check all her food to besure it doesn't have poison in it.

John is a member of the school's swimming team as well

as being an academic achiever and the editor of theschool's newspaper. One day, he doesn't turn up for

swimming practice. He has no excuse or explanation buthe just refuses to swim again.

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Karen has been admitted to a school for arts andballet. She is happy and proud to be in the school

because she knows her parents are happy about it.

A short while after being admitted, she developssome nervous habits like biting her nails. She

even begins to lose some hair. The only diagnosis adoctor gives is that she is nervous and anxious.

These gifted children are under severe stress.

Some common stressors that are associated with giftedness are

loneliness, feeling the need to hide abilities in order to be accepted,

excessively high standards and academic pressure. Extreme

emotional intensity and a tendency to become easily overstimulated

helps to make life stressful for these children.

"Pushy" parents

It is interesting that many people immediately assume that gifted

children under stress are being "pushed" by their parents. The

favourite cause of stress is overly high expectations of parents and

teachers and many writers have tried to show a relationship between

these ambitions and children's experience of stress. Of course there

is some truth to the notion that stress is related to overly highexpectations of others but this is not always the case. Some children

have ambitious, hard-driving parents but are relaxed and easy-going.

Others seem tremendously anxious and success-orientated yet have

casual, easy-going parents with only moderate expectations for their

children. It is not likely that parental pressure alone is the cause of

stress in the gifted child.

But, for some gifted children, meeting others' expectations becomes

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a spiral of ever-increasing effort.

The child who is expected, not only by parents

but also by teachers and others in the

community to be achievement-oriented mayindeed feel pressure. The small town "scholar-

athlete", the High School's Olympiad winner,

the school's only historian who has won a

national contest all may feel pressure as a resultof their unique status.

Gifted children have described a cycle in which achievement is

followed by expectation of higher achievement, which is then

followed by higher achievement in a never-ending spiral, so that the

child believes that no matter how much she may try, no attainment

will ever be enough.

Intrinsic and extrinsic motivation

So, is there a way of breaking out of such a vicious cycle? Perhaps

one way is to help the child move from extrinsic motivation to

intrinsic motivation. Extrinsic motivation is the dependence on

others' approval, recognition, and rewards. When this is not present,

the child may become extremely anxious, looking around for the

usual way of evaluating her performance. Intrinsic motivation, onthe other hand, is characterised by self-evaluation and an

independence from the opinions of others. Children who have

internalised their own set of standards can judge their own

performance, be more autonomous and confident about their

abilities.

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For example, when looking at a test result, you could point to a mark

and say, "You got an A for French. Is that what you expected? Is

that what you believe you deserved?" Or, "I see you got a B for

History. Is that what you would have given yourself? How much of

a challenge was that for you?" This helps children to decide on the

level of effort that he or she will consider satisfactory, rather than the

actual outcome or mark that he or she will consider satisfactory.

Not all stress is unhealthy. At low levels, it can improve

performance by increasing energy and alertness. At high levels, it

can interfere with performance.

Symptoms of stress

Stress is the body's response when an individual feels unable to cope

with circumstances. It is a signal that the self is in danger. When

this signal is ignored, physical illness can result, as well as

depression and, in extreme cases, suicidal ideas. Stress shows itself

in symptoms such as headaches, mood changes, upset stomachs,exhaustion, poor sleeping habits or difficulty in falling asleep, bed-

wetting, nail biting, general anxiety behind fears, worry, over

sensitivity, ulcers, skin rashes and respiratory disorders.

Some gifted children, with their over-commitment to school

activities begin to resemble hard-driven businessmen - rushing from

one appointment to the next and having to be in more than one place

at time. The remedy for them, if they begin to show any of thesymptoms mentioned above is exactly the same as that recommended

for the harassed executive: a change in life style. They need to learn

to slow down. They need help in finding time to rest, for proper

eating and for recreation. Most important, is that these bright

children seem to have forgotten that they are children and need to

play. They must be encouraged to let go of some of their structured

activities and replace them with unstructured, spontaneous things

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that all "normal" kids do.

Another important source of stress in the lives of many gifted

children is that they are often asked to make decisions that are

simply beyond their capabilities. This is perhaps because of the

"mental age" trap.

Adults expect that children can make difficult decisions because of

their excellent reasoning abilities. These advanced abilities are of no

help in weighing emotions and if children are given choices beyond

their maturity they may react with avoidance, confusion and anxiety.

The trick is to allow the child to be part of the decision making process but to carefully guide the child towards a healthy decision.

I=ve observed situations where parents have insisted that teachers go

against their better judgement in order to accommodate the wishes of

a child. This in spite of the fact that the child=s wishes were not in

his own best interests and detrimental to his well being. Once you

have arrived at a mutually satisfactory decision, regardless of what

the decision entails, support your child. Get together and thrash the

matter out, listen to the child's point of view, but take responsibilityfor the final decision and avoid being manipulated! If the child

seems eager to make a decision, then clearly show your support for

the decision and the willingness to be a back-up if needed.

Preventing stress

It is not always wise to wait until the child is over-stressed before

doing something about it. Stress management, as a preventativemeasure, is an important life-skill to be learned.

Parents of young gifted children who are easily stimulated can help

them to relax at bedtime by singing to them or using any other

calming routine at night. This may include back rubs, soothing

music and relaxation exercises. Older children can be helped by

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encouraging them to discuss their perceptions of problem people or

situations; to examine the expectations of others and be helped to

gradually move from dependence on others' evaluations to self-

evaluation.

Some ways that parents can prepare children to deal with possible

stress are:

* Concentrate on positive spiritual as well as physical

development.

* Adopt an attitude that no problem is too monumental to besolved.

* Establish a sense of purpose and direction.

* Establish and maintain a strong support network.

* Develop effective time management.

* Learn to recognise and come to terms with your feelings.

* Take a systematic approach to all problem solving.

Steps to manage stress

A set of steps specifically designed to handle or overcome stress may

help children to cope with stressful experiences if they are taught to

work through each step.

1. Become aware of the physical sensations of stress.

2. Stop the interactions causing the distress.

3. Remove self from situation.4. Find some place to be alone.

5. Become aware of feeling.

6. Express emotions.

7. Do relaxation exercises.

8. Try to understand reasons for the reactions.

9. Take a different perspective on the situation.

10. Develop a plan for resolving the conflict.

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11. Implement the plan.

Let's look more closely at each of these steps.

Children can be taught to deal with negative feelings. These are

often accompanied by physiological symptoms of stress which act as

danger signals. Some individuals feel different emotions in different

parts of their bodies. Humiliation or embarrassment may cause

blushing; stage fright may cause a rapid heartbeat, or butterflies in

the tummy; anger may be experienced as backache; frustration as a

sore neck or shoulders. Help your children to become aware of the

signals of tension by asking "What are you feeling?" "Where are you

feeling this?" "Where in your body do you react when someone has

just insulted you?" "Do you put a big hurt in the same place as a little

hurt?" Other signals may be sleepiness, tummy aches, mood

changes, and so forth.

If the child takes note of early warning signals, she should try to stop

whatever it is that is causing the stress. Most of the time we can

stop an interaction and remove ourselves from the situation until we

have a chance to calm down. Even if this is in the middle of a

heated argument, individuals can learn to call a break by announcing

a need for "time out". Discussions can resume later when everyone

is calmer. This is preferable to storming out of the room and

slamming the door.

Once the child has escaped from the situation, he can consciously

focus on his feelings: pain, hurt, fear, frustration, anger. At this

stage, venting feelings is very helpful: jogging, punching a punch

bag (or pillow), screaming, drawing, crying ... any of these may be

used to release tension and bring back a state of calm. Many gifted

children find release in writing.

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After emotions have been expressed, the next step is relaxation.

Children with high overexcitability levels need to be taught

relaxation techniques to help them cope. Relaxing involves ...

* Concentrating on breathing. Control it until it becomes slow

and easy.

* Relaxing the body. Close your eyes, start at your toes, and

work your way up. Tell each part of your body to let go of

tension, stress and strain.

* Visualise a quiet, calm place. Use your imagination to take

you there and practice relaxing in your "special, safe place."

After she is calm, the child should try to understand the reasons for

the emotional reaction. What did the other person say or do to cause

the stress? What were the reasons for the other person's behaviour?

Next on the list is conflict resolution. This is where experience in

problem solving can be valuable. One needs to think of the possible

alternatives to the problem or situation. Help from family, friends or

other interested parties can be useful here and a brainstorming

session can be held. Negotiation skills may be useful in dealing

with possible conflict situations. Many children do not know how to

ask for what they want, how to hear what another person needs, and

how to negotiate to the point at which everyone is satisfied and awin-win solution is reached.

The final step is implementation of the plan. If it is unsuccessful,

alternative strategies can be tried. Sometimes it helps if the child is

given the opportunity to rehearse a conversation or negotiation in a

safe environment before coping with negative ones. Role playing is

always useful. Visualising a successful outcome is also good

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because it helps to create a positive, non-aggressive attitude.

Managing stress involves a direct, active approach to stressors.

Individuals have to work at preventing or overcoming stress and

emotional support from a close, or caring adult is very important.

PEER RELATIONSHIPS

The peer group, composed of friends as well as enemies, is a very

important part of the lives of all children and no less important to the

healthy, happy development of gifted children. I think most parents

unconsciously realise this, because they are often more concerned

about their children's social lives than their academic achievements.

If you don't, consider the case of Neil described overleaf.

Neil had a background that almost isolated him from other children

and, while helping to develop his awesome intellectual powers, did

not help him to develop social skills at all. Children can be

extremely cruel to one another, especially to one who doesn't seem to

"fit in". Unfortunately, Neil's parents had not understood hisunhappiness. They tried to bolster him with sayings like "Sticks and

stones can break your bones but words can never hurt you." What

an inaccurate, ridiculous saying!

Gifted children may have peer groups that differ slightly from those

of other children. In the first place, they may have friends from

different age groups. If you remember about these children having

several different ages (for example, thinking two years ahead of age,emoting one year younger, playing chess at four years ahead, and so

on), then it shouldn't be too surprising when they seem to gravitate

towards different aged people in different situations. This should be

encouraged. In particular, don=t worry about older friends. Many

gifted children really enjoy adult friends as well as they find

knowledgeable adults to be stimulating company who help them add

to their general knowledge.

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Neil, at 15, was undoubtedly one of the cleverest

children at school. He was also one of the mostdisliked. He was regularly challenged to fight,

ambushed in dark places, poked fun at and putdown whenever possible. It never seemed to

bother him until one afternoon he turned pale,

and said he felt sick. Teasing by the other boys

began, as usual, until he suddenly bent over andvomited almost pure blood.

It was found that he had a perforated duodenal

ulcer that required surgery. Afterwards, when

he received counselling, he confessed that he

hated feeling hated and had begun to think of

Introversion and extroversion

Many gifted children have lots of friends and are generally popular -

particularly if they are extroverted and have had the chance to

develop good social skills. Their imaginations make them

fascinating playmates who are never at a loss for new games or

pranks and their sensitivity means that they know how to make sure

others are included in the game.

Gifted children who tend more towards introversion, who are very

intense, some gifted girls (particularly adolescents) as well as highly

gifted children all may experience more difficulties in finding and

making friends. These are often the children who are really in need

of a single, intimate friend, and if they fail to find this special person,

they can really suffer much unhappiness.

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Some parents try to "make" their children more extroverted by

forcing them into social situations, egging them on to be more

forthcoming, or involving them in social activities. The reason they

give is that their child will enjoy "coming out of himself" once he

has tried. Please don't do this. It is important for you to support

your child in his or her search for friends or to acquire social skills

needed to make friends, but you can't change the nature of your

child. It is cruel to try.

We are inclined to believe that the school will be the source of

friends because the children are lumped together with others of theirown age. Many of us are convinced that children need to relate

socially with their own aged peers, regardless of ability. This simply

does not work very well with gifted children because they tend to

develop friendships with others who have the same interests and

abilities - in much the same manner as adults make friends. Age and

sex are of lesser importance.

The importance of social relationships

Children who can't "connect" with others are at risk for social

alienation, damaged self-concept, antisocial attitudes, withdrawal

from social relationships and depression. If a gifted child expresses

a wish for a friend, this desire must be taken seriously and parents

need to help the child find friends. This is one reason why I am such

an advocate for bringing together groups of gifted children in a way

that will allow them to get to know one another and each others'interests. Other possibilities are, of course, the extramural activities

that are available for children with a common interest, such as chess

clubs, karate or judo, drama lessons, and so on.

If a gifted child is having trouble with his social life, the cause may

be rooted in either the attitude or social skills of the child or in the

attitude of those around him.

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Problems with other children at school may be a sign that the child

needs help in acquiring interpersonal skills, understanding of others,

learning to view herself and events with humour, and assertiveness in

place of aggressiveness. However, it would be very wrong to

suggest that a failure to adapt socially is due to a lack of one or

another of these attributes. Even the most socially adaptable gifted

children experience problems with their peer group. Some of the

more frequently reported problems are:

* social isolation (lack of true peers)

* bullying by older classmates* play interests that can't be shared

* few peers with whom to share interests

* great dependence on parents for companionship

* high expectations from others

* hostility from others towards their abilities

Another aspect that may interfere with the child's ability to form

good peer relationships is the feeling of being different that iscommon to many gifted children. Any child who feels different

from other children is bound to interpret this difference to mean that

there is "something wrong with me". The child whose giftedness is

never realised, or is recognised but not told that he is gifted may well

have feelings of being unacceptable and inferior to other people.

Gifted children may be teased by other children, and called a variety

of names, which vary in places and from time to time. They needhelp in learning to respond to such taunts in a way that will perhaps

change the perceptions of others. More importantly, they should be

helped not to internalise these messages.

Children learn to like or love others only when they have learned to

like or love themselves. This process usually involves the following

stages: (1) self-awareness; (2) finding kindred spirits; (3) feeling

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understood and accepted; (4) self-acceptance; (5) recognition of the

differences in others; and (6) the developing of understanding,

acceptance and appreciation of others.

There is another side to this story. Some parents find cause for

alarm because their child has far too many friends. They may see

the friendships as being casual or superficial; not to be encouraged

because of differences in age, ability, social background or sex.

Once again I=m going to emphasise that, particularly in the case of

gifted children, friendships are based on a number of needs. Not

many childhood friendships continue into adult life because needsand interests change as the years pass and new friendships develop.

However, it is also true that deeply sensitive gifted children may

make true friends for life.

What can parents do?

If there is an acute problem, parents may need to find help. If the

problem is not extreme, perhaps the school and home may be able towork together to provide settings where unforced friendships might

develop. Schools are often approached by parents and asked to do

something about unhappy experiences on the playground and during

class times. Teachers are also often aware of difficulties that gifted

children have with peers but can seldom help effectively without the

close cooperation of parents. Many social skills begin before school

going age and may need practice at home if not fully developed. In

addition, the school cannot always punish children who seem to bevictimising the gifted youngster.

Making friends depends on relating well to another person. Shared

interests, appreciation of each other's qualities, a similar sense of

humour and tolerance of differences are just a few of the things

which help make a friendship work. For children, friendships are at

first exploratory and tentative. Skills develop over time.

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Here are some case studies as examples of what parents have done:

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In this case, the mother =s presence at the school was a great help.

Teachers on break duty seldom have the time to concentrate on one

child and if not on duty, need their breaks in order to avoid their own

stress!

In Jeffrey=s case, it wasn't an acute problem, but again school and

home worked together to provide settings where unforcedfriendships might develop. A team was formed which needed Jeff's

skills on the computer; he was invited to be a sub-editor on the

school newspaper; he joined an orchestra at a nearby High School,

who welcomed younger members. He now had opportunities to talk

to people with similar interests or abilities.

Andrew started school when he was 5. He could already

speak English and German and was able to read andwrite. He found school learning very easy, but learning

to play and share activities were harder lessons for him.

Mother and teacher joined forces eventually to help

him. Mom volunteered to work in the tuck shop at

school so that she would be there at breaks to see howinteraction could be encouraged. The emotional

outbursts, the displays of aggression, the intolerant and

tearful reactions to others slowly disappeared.Friendships developed as he learned how to play as afive-year-old child and work out for himself (with

mother's and teacher's help) the social skills involved.

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Adults did not try to force friendships in the case of these two boys.

They just tried to make it easier for friendships to develop. This

worked for Andrew because he learned how to relate to his group.

Jeff had become very set in his ways and his difficulties weren't

picked up when he was very young, so time will tell if his social life

changes.

For gifted children

If any of you younger readers are by now thinking that you need help

so that you can be more popular, you need to begin by asking

yourself what do you do? How do you cope with not being too

popular?

Jeffrey was eleven and found what many may consider to

be a strange solution to his problem. He moved to a newschool and his levels of achievement were pure joy for histeacher. He was gifted in almost everything and

charmed all the adults with whom he came in contact.

One observant teacher noticed his problem. He formedno friendships and was isolated outside the classroom.

At break he seemed active and involved, walkingpurposefully from one place to another, one group to

another. He would often stop to talk to the teachers onplayground duty. His problem was that he had nosignificant contact with any of the children. He had

learned to conceal his lack of friends very well. At 11, hewasn't looking for friends anymore. He could cope

without them but put on a facade to hide the fact when

social mixing was expected - as during breaks at school.

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Ask yourself some questions: Do you lord it over people who are not

as bright as you are? Do you brandish your superior intelligence in

the face of someone who makes a mistake or gets lower marks? It

may make you feel good at the time, but in the long run you will feel

rather lonely when the rest of the class dumps you.

Being (and feeling) superior can be a good armour that seems to

prevent you from getting hurt, but it also prevents others from

getting close to you.

Do you ever get impatient or irritated when others don't catch on tosomething as quickly as you do Again, the boost to your ego is very

temporary, but the long term effects of showing impatience can be

devastating.

Social skills are difficult to learn if you haven't done so

automatically. You are generally as socially skilled as your parents

because this is where you learn how to get along with other people.

If you feel unhappy about your skills (or your parents) don't worry, because there are things you can do.

Firstly, go to the library and read. There are books about how to be a

good friend and what kind of behaviour is suitable for different

situations and occasions.

Secondly, watch people who are popular with others. Don't fall into

the trap of believing that you have to be gorgeous or built or talentedin order to be popular. If you really study popular people, and

analyse what and why they behave like they do, you'll begin to see

what makes others like them. This girl that everyone likes - is it

because she's a good listener, because she really hears what people

say to her? Is that guy so liked because he has a great (but kind)

sense of humour, the kind that laughs with people, and not at them?

What else do you notice? What can you try for yourself?

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One of the greatest, not so secret secrets of being liked is a very

simple one: People like people who really listen (and keep what they

hear to themselves). It isn't too simple to work - try it.

Thirdly, study people who get on your nerves and analyse why. You

can learn a lot that way too once you begin. Do you like people who

are so argumentative that you can't ever open your mouth without

being contradicted? Do you like people who are so intense about

everything that they exhaust you in five minutes? Do you like

people who brag? Do you like people who are so in love with theirown voices, opinion and who can't stand not being the centre of

attention? Do you like people who think they know everything? Do

you like people who are so self-absorbed that no matter what is

going on, they don't respond or ever really listen?

Once you've analysed the situation, practice behaviours that are right

for you. Don't try to be the opposite of what you are. If you are a

quiet, introverted type, don't try to become the hearty party type. Tryout a joke or some light conversation with one person who seems

friendly and unlikely to reject you. Then ask questions and listen to

the answers. This I simply can't stress enough.

What about using your abilities to make friends. Can you volunteer

(in a quiet, low key way) to help a friend with a problem in some

subject? If you are an athlete, can you offer to help someone else

with his or her technique? Just remember never to be (or feel) patronising, superior or snotty about the fact that the subject or

technique is easy for you.

Join a club that involves something that really interests you. If the

school chess team seems to hate you, find one in town that doesn't

know you. In whatever social setting, do everything required of you

cheerfully - volunteer to help others, and contribute your good ideas

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without getting irritated if no-one seems to pay enough attention.

Whatever you do, don=t be arrogant!

If others don't share your sense of humour, don't force it onto them,

but laugh with them at the things that they enjoy. In other words,

enjoy the laugh itself, not the reason that is provoking the laugh.

Having people not like you really hurts deeply. Losing friends you

thought you had hurts as much. If you really feel desperately lonely

and useless, get help. Don't join groups who may appear to like you

and solicit your company for the wrong reasons, like wanting youinvolved in things like crime or drugs. That would be really wasting

it.

Especially for gifted girls

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Perhaps what I'm going to say here doesn't only apply to girls, butthe joke (my attempt to lighten a difficult area) certainly is meant for

the girls. Guys can benefit from the insight this section may bring.

The old stereotypes about men liking females without brains are

changing, but slowly. Have you noticed how, on TV or in movies,

there are examples of intelligent, achieving women who are feminine

and lovable. They manage to have successful careers as well as good

relationships with men. You=re lucky! In my day, these were theexceptions. More often, successful women were portrayed as being

butch and sexless.

Perhaps this was the fault of some of the women's libbers of the 60's.

These women, who led the fight for some sort of equality, know they

would be discounted if they marched and protested in heels, frilly

dresses, salon hairdos, jewelry and makeup - for the simple reason

Adam, talking to God: "Tell me God, why did you create

women?"God: "So that you would like them."

Adam: "Oh. Why did you make women so pretty andsoft?"

God: "So that you would like them."

Adam: "Oh, well, why did you make women smell so nice?"

God: "So you'd like them."

Adam: "Well, okay. But why did you make them sostupid?"

God: "So they'd like you."

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that they had been discounted for years when they tried to look

"feminine" while working for better treatment and equal pay for

equal work. So many of them adopted a butch appearance, trying

hard to deny their femininity. They wore shapeless clothes, straight

and often unkempt hair, no makeup and even combat boots! The

message men got was, "We don't need you!" - and some men still

equate that message with women who are achievers or bright or

accomplished, even though the message is not fair or correct.

Stereotyping women is not the only reason why gifted girls

sometimes have trouble finding guys that they like and that likethem, but it can affect relationships. Consider Tracy's story (see

overleaf) as an example.

The moral of this sad little story is unfortunately true in many so-

called enlightened societies today. The male ego finds it extremely

difficult to value women for their intelligence and, let's face it, many

girls use their intelligence in less than tactful ways sometimes.

Many clever girls turn boys off without intending to because theycome across as critical or condemning or as flaunting their own

abilities. Many, many men, like Steve, need girlfriends who are

"inferior" to them in every way - younger, shorter, weaker, and

"dumber".

Tracy met Steve and it really looked like they were meantfor each other from the start. Steve told his friends that

she was certainly a permanent fixture, and Tracy told her

friends that he was exactly the kind of guy that she couldlive with forever.

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This leads to many gifted girls hiding their talents - especially at

High School. During Primary School, it seems to be acceptable for

little girls to "do better" than the boys - see every year's prize-giving

to confirm this. However, when these same girls and boys reach

their teens and begin regarding each other in a different light, the

boys begin to work harder and become more serious about academic

achievements - and do not want to be bettered by girls any longer.

Clever women are considered as threatening even by older men in

the workplace.

This happy state of affairs continued for six months, but

then Steve began to criticise Tracy for everything. Hepicked on the clothes she wore, her hairstyle, her friends,

her activities and so on. Poor Tracy was bewildered because

she hadn't made any radical changes to her normal style ofdressing, doing her hair, or her choice of friends.

Tracy was crushed. The worst part was that she couldn't

understand why Steve had acted like that. And, in actualfact, neither could he explain his behaviour.

Their problem was actually very simple in spite of being reallyvery complex! Tracy was an academic boff - studying seven

subjects in Grade 9 and getting A's and B's for most of

them. Steve was an average sort of achiever, only really

performing exceptionally well at athletics. Tracy's

brightness made Steve feel inadequate. At first, herintelligence had entertained him - she never made him feel

bored. Later, he began to feel that she constantly showed

him up by out-performing him at school and making him feel

inferior.

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135

The thing to do is be extremely tactful and remember that boys are

given tremendous responsibilities in many societies. Its not their

fault that they have to act so "macho" - the same society that

demands a stereotyped female role from you demands an equally

daunting role from males.

There are guys out there who will appreciate you for what you are -

as long as you appreciate their shortcomings as well as their

strengths. Try not to fall into the trap of gearing your mind down to

fit with a seemingly ideal guy. This will result in stress for you in

the long run and almost certainly a break up. Be yourself, but practice tact, remembering that boys take things personally and feel

rejected very easily. Ask your brother for advice; watch how you

relate to people in general and get feedback from your friends.

Work at being happy and warm. Men and boys have been known to

say that warmth of personality attracts them more strongly than

looks. Retain your femininity - dress like a girl in spite of possibly

feeling that external trappings are superficial and hopefully you'lleventually meet someone who has realised that bimbos are boring.

This will perhaps only happen after school, when you're study at

some Technikon or University. Really intelligent people who value

intelligence will come into their own at tertiary institutions. In fact,

no guy wants to date an airhead at College or University. These are

the types of guys you have been waiting for.

CAREER DECISIONS

In this day and age, perhaps a better heading for this paragraph

would be Life Planning . Careers spanning 40 years are becoming

something of the past with the world moving towards multiple

careers, and an average of 4 career changes in a lifetime. There is

also the real possibility of unemployment somewhere along the line.

A more worldly view is resulting in many people, the gifted in

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particular, selecting to work in areas that will enable them to create

meaningful lives and contribute in terms of service to a global

society.

An awareness of social issues coupled with a sense of social

responsibility, the exhilaration felt when chasing a goal, and a desire

to make a mark on society are characteristics of gifted individuals

that influence their life plans. Many gifted people want the security

that a job offers, but few are satisfied with the mundane. Added to

this are other aspects of being gifted which make a career decision

particularly difficult. Let's consider some of these.

Multitalents

Effective career decisions are usually based on abilities, interests,

personality and personal aspirations.

The number and range of abilities and interests that characterise so

many gifted children makes it difficult for them to decide on one particular career. For this reason, aptitude tests and interest

questionnaires seldom help them to make a career decision because

these merely tell them what they already know: they are capable of

studying in various different fields and are interested in as many.

These young people are showing multitalents or multipotentiality.

They are often at the receiving end of the comment directed by a

teacher or career counsellor who says "You can be anything you

want."

Help! This statement, while being rather unhelpful, is actually

damaging, because it denies what and who they already are, placing

them on a treadmill of continually becoming something that they

should be but that is beyond their immediate being.

This multipotentiality emerges in primary school and shows itself in

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the diversity of activities, achievements and interests which are

revealed by school records and tests. It also shows itself in the

behaviour of these pupils who delay decisions about careers, whomake misinformed, misguided or just plain wrong career choices.

This last happens when gifted people make career choices based on

conformity with peers, money-making potential and other pragmatic

reasons rather than interests, needs, strongly held values or even

finely developed talent.

Characteristics of multipotential people

Primary school

! Difficulty with making a choice when given an

opportunity to choose a topic or project from among many

options.

! Multiple hobbies with only brief periods of enthusiasm.

! Difficulty in finishing up and following through on tasks,

even those that are enjoyable.! Excellent performance in many or all school subjects.

High school

Grades 8,9 ! Continued difficulty with decision making.

! Continued difficulty with follow-through.

! Continued excellence in many or all school subjects.

! Multiple social and recreational activities with no clear

preferences.

! Week completely full with few free times.

Grades 10,11,12

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! Decision making problems generalise to academic and

career decisions.

! Extraordinary diversity of participation in school activities

such as athletics, social clubs, debating, drama,

environmental clubs, olympiads, etc. etc.

! Chosen and appointed as leader of a wide variety of

groups in school, religious activities and community

organisations. High marks in most or all subjects.

! "High flat" interest and vocational questionnaire profiles,

showing interests in an unusually large number of

occupations. They may also show too many average

interests in too many fields, which can mean that they are

very uncertain.

! Occasional signs of stress and exhaustion: absences,

frequent or chronic illnesses, periods of depression and

anxiety, particularly during busiest times.

! Delay or vacillation about planning for tertiary study ordecision making.

College or university

! Multiple academic majors.

! Three or more changes of course, majors or institution.

! Continued intense participation in extracurricularactivities.

! Concern and worry over choice of a career.

! Continued academic performance.

! Hasty, arbitrary, or "going along with the crowd" career

choice.

Adulthood

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! Multiple jobs in short time period.

! Excellent performance in most jobs.

! General feeling of "lack of fit" in most jobs.

! Feelings of alienation, purposelessness, depression, and

apathy despite high performance and excellent

evaluations.

! Periods of unemployment and underemployment.

! Pattern of falling behind same-age peers in career

progress and sometimes in social development (marriage,

family, community involvement).

Children showing signs of multitalents should be helped from as

early as possible. Hopefully the school's guidance programme will

address some of these children's needs, but if what you hear about

guidance does not seem to fit the bill, perhaps you could speak to the

Head of Department about your concerns. You could help at homeas well.

The following are some guidelines for interventions that can help the

multi potential child.

In primary school

Τ Provide realistic exposure to the world of work. Encourage parents to share information about their work; tour work places

of parents; tour work places of friends of parents and teachers

who are professionals (such as doctors, engineers, professors,

artists, publishers, etc.). To this list one must add the self-

employed entrepreneurs in the informal sector that forms a

large part of today=s work force: the flea-market artists,

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businessmen, small factory owners, and so on.

Τ Encourage career fantasies through dress-up and plays. Keep

boxes of costumes and props at home, in the classroom, etc.

Τ Encourage focus on activities that require goal setting and

follow-through (class projects, scout badges, etc.)

Τ Use biographies of eminent people as career education material.

Encourage book discussion groups centred around the lives of

famous people in science, the arts, education, government, and

entertainment.

Τ Help teachers (and parents) evaluate skills, talents, and interests

carefully in order to help the child understand possible areas ofgreatest interest.

High school

Τ Hold discussions about the meaning and value of work.

Τ Discuss family and community values pertaining to work.

Τ Keep a referral list of light volunteer work in several areas of

interest.Τ Provide "shadowing" experiences in which the pupil spends the

day with an adult working in areas of greatest interest.

Τ Discourage over involvement in social and recreational

activities for the sake of involvement; help children set

priorities and decide on a few extracurricular involvements.

Τ Provide appropriate vocational testing for interests, personality

characteristics and values.

Τ Arrange visits to college and university classes in a few areas ofinterest. Don=t discount non-traditional training areas: today,

many of the most well-paid computer jobs are the result of in-

house or specialist college training.

Τ Encourage more extensive volunteer work.

Τ List possibilities of mentorships.

Τ Provide value-based guidance emphasising choosing a career

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that fulfils deeply held values (see next paragraph).

Τ Discourage conformist, stereotyped career choices.

Tertiary institutions and young adulthood

Τ Provide career counselling that includes assessment of interests,

needs and values.

Τ Encourage enrolment in career planning class.

Τ Encourage careful course selection.

ΤHelp student find a mentor.

Τ Help student engage in long-term goal setting and planning for

post-secondary training.

The role of values

If you listen to the kind of questions gifted adolescents ask, such as

"What career would be really worth while for me to follow?",

"Where is the greatest need?" and "Which field would allow me toreally make a difference?" it becomes clear that they are concerned

with their personal values. This is an important area to explore with

gifted children because if they are to decide upon a career (or

careers), they will need to base their decision on what is really

valuable to them: what they value as being meaningful to humanity

or to themselves and what they are prepared to commit their lives to.

Guidelines for career counselling

Some pointers can be given to help such multi talented individuals:

* Prepare them for many options. Here you can encourage them

to study a variety of subjects at school (and as many as 9 or 10,

which is happening in our schools today) and in a tertiary

institution. This will prepare them to enter any one of several

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fields, or to enter several different fields throughout their adult

life.

* Help them to explore careers that would allow them to

synthesise interests in many different fields.

* Allow them to delay their final decision. Some gifted children

make career decisions at a very early age, and stick to their

original choice. Others complete their schooling without

knowing what they want to do with their lives. Try not to rush

them, but let them explore as many options as possible beforedeciding. This is where help in arranging shadowing (following

a professional for an entire week to see what a particular career

or job entails), internships (working as an apprentice in a

professional setting for a period), mentorships (when the

youngster works directly with an individual who helps to

advance his or her knowledge of a particular field),

community/volunteer work (as guides, fund-raisers, tutors,

assistants for the aged, hospital visitors, SPCA assistants, etc.), part-time employment (as in businesses, restaurants, etc.) all

help the individual to gain real-life experience in a school.

* Discuss the possibility of serial or concurrent careers. If what

they value is not likely to support them and a possible family,

other plans have to be made. More and more people are taking

jobs in critical skill areas to allow them to "survive" while

fulfilling their true desires in a part-time or "second job"

capacity. Examples of these are musicians, actors, artists,writers and craftsmen who have two concurrent careers.

It may also mean that a particular career field is entered with

the full understanding that a drastic change may be made later

on. In other words, the decision is not seen as final - like a life

sentence, but part of a serial making up a full life story.

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* Suggest the possibility of creating new careers. The gifted have

the potential to create their own careers to suit their aptitudesand interests or to modify existing ones. Anticipating future

trends by analysing and sensing emerging roles leads to new

avenues. Think of how many of today's careers did not exist in

our parent's youth (For example, ecologists, word processing

specialists, computer software designers, IT directions and even

video shops!)

* Exploring life themes. Young people may be helped to make adecision if they are encouraged to explore the experiences that

have made the greatest impact on them. What films, news

broadcasts, world event, and so on, affected them deeply? This

can lead to the identification of certain life themes that may

lead to a commitment in life or a direction and goal. An

interesting study2 may give some guidance for doing this:

2

By Csikszentmihalyi, M. and Beattie, O.V. entitled "Life themes: a theoretical andempirical exploration of their origins and effects" in the Journal of Humanistic Psychology, Vol. 19,

pages 45-63, 1979.

Thirty men from poor immigrant homes were interviewed. Halfhad become successful intellectuals and the other half were

blue-collar workers. The aim of the study was to find out what

had influenced the lives of these two groups from similar

backgrounds. It seems that early in their lives (between the

ages of eight and eighteen), each of these men developed a life

theme around a particular problem that he had experienced.

One labelled the problem poverty, and his solution was to work

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hard and be careful with money. Another labelled the problem

injustice, and his solution was to do his part to prevent injustice.

All those who became professionals had been read to whenyoung, or, if their parents were illiterate, had been told

elaborate stories. Reading became an important part of their

lives and an activity that took up a great deal of their spare time.

Through their reading they discovered that others in the world

had experienced similar problems to theirs. This allowed them

to generalise their experiences to others and to imagine possible

solutions. They eventually set themselves professional goals

and their sense of community through reading supported theirstriving for success. In contrast, none of the subjects who

remained in the blue-collar working class generalised their own

experiences to others and so worked more for the survival of

themselves and their immediate families.

What about gifted girls?

Gifted girls have some unique challenges when faced with thequestion of careers. In addition to the dilemmas faced by all gifted

youngsters, girls have to consider other issues. For example, many

careers are still considered unsuitable for women; inequalities in

status and salaries still exist; male hostility to women in the

workplace - particularly in higher positions - is alive and well, in

spite of the attempts by the South African government to include

women in positions of authority. Also, the desire to care adequately

for children is difficult in the face of expensive childcare alternatives;

and the belief that somehow high pressurised work and femininity are

incompatible.

Girls need to be encouraged to explore career possibilities that have

traditionally been male dominated. They need confidence to take

risks and face unrealistic beliefs about their own abilities. They need

to know that their career paths are likely to be even more erratic and

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uncertain than men, as they have to confront and balance the

demands of a family with those of the workplace.

Girls need role models of women who are happy and fulfilled in a particular role in life. This means that they should be helped to

learn about the lifestyles of women who have successfully combined

marriage, children and careers. They also need to meet successful

women who have chosen to have a marriage and career but no

children, as well as women who have chosen not to marry. Lastly,

they should also meet women who are content with a more traditional

role as homemaker and mother.

Those girls who choose to combine a full-time career with marriage

and children must be helped to work out a feasible time schedule for

entering these different roles and being able to cope with the

demands of each. Coping successfully with multiple role demands is

no easy matter and they need to prioritise their goals at certain stages,

and work out the pros and cons of various timing patterns.

When it comes to choosing a life, whether this be a career or not,many eminent women have found the purpose they need to direct

their lives by "falling in love with an idea." This means committing

oneself to a deeply held value, a theory, or an attitude. Falling in

love with an idea is the same as the process of discovering one's

calling or one's vocation.

Passion makes for commitment.

Many of the distresses facing gifted girls and young women can be

relieved when they develop a deep sense of purpose. Falling in lovewith an idea is like developing an identity and it means that the gifted

girl understands her specific abilities.

Parents can help here because it is sometimes necessary for you to

point out how passionately a gifted girl feels about a particular

activity even before the girl herself realises her involvement with it.

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Statements like "Cathy, you put such an enormous amount of hard

work into your poetry. You really love creative writing, don't you?"

Or "Cathy, you always seem to end up in some or other leadershiprole . Leadership seems to be a theme that runs through your life.

You should be thinking about a career that allows you to lead others

because you have the talent and the passion for it." In this way, you

are giving your girl permission to fall in love with an idea and

helping her to do this is perhaps one of the greatest gifts you can give

her.

In summary, gifted girls do not simply choose a career: they choose alifestyle which can be damaging or enriching and thus needs very

careful consideration.

Changing male roles

While on the subject of juggling family and career demands, I might

add that this is no longer purely the domain of the female. With more

women entering the work force, ever high divorce rates and the factthat more and more fathers are gaining custody of their children,

many dads are today combining career and family. This also has

implications for the education of boys, who need to accept the

changing roles that may await them in life. Traditional stereotypes

about male and female roles are vigourously being challenged

amongst young, gifted black South Africans. The boys, although

supporting the career ambitions of the girls, are worried about coping

with their new, future roles.

One characteristic of gifted children is their tendency to not

stereotype roles as much as other people. They are less rigid in their

attitudes towards gender roles or, in fact, any other roles. This can

benefit them greatly in terms of deciding on career paths and then

moving fluidly from role to role.

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Boys are faced with particular challenges in life which affect their

career decisions. The modern world still expects boys to compete,

achieve and succeed. This is called the Success Trap and boys are believed to be better, smarter, more decisive, more capable, better

leaders and so on. Gifted boys may feel extremely daunted by this

attitude and almost certainly forced into a career field that is

considered suitable for them by their culture.

FAMILY ROLES

Sometimes, being a gifted child in a family can affect the roles thatthe family members play and so affect the happiness and well-being

of a gifted child. If the gifted child is cast in the role of bringing

glory to the family, he or she may suffer enormous amounts of stress.

On the other hand, if being female in a family means taking on a role

of providing service to the men and being less in need of an

education, such a child may also experience intense frustration and

unhappiness. Joyce Longdroff wrote a book called Balcony People

in which she said that a healthy family is made up of balcony peoplewho sit in the balcony or stand in the wings and cheer you on.

Unhealthy families are made up of basement people. These function

at a lower level and try to pull their members down to it even when

motivated by love.

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Sarah's father is an economist with a Master's degree.

He is an elder in a church that believes that children

and women should be seen and not heard. He shrugs off

women's liberation movements as a "lot of hogwash" andbelieves that Sarah should consider something like a

secretarial job before getting married and caring forher husband. Sarah's mother is a meek woman who has

never been anything else but a housewife. Nobody can

ever remember her arguing with her husband about

anything important.

Continued....

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Shaun was "good" at school from the very first day.His parents are very proud of him and let him know it

constantly. His dad frequently says "You're the hopeof this family. I know you'll do better in life than I

ever did." Shaun hopes so too because his dad is in a

lower level job which holds little hope for promotion.The family is poor.

Continued.....

Sarah's older brother is the "family star", asshe puts it. He did very well at school in bothsport and academics. In his first year at

university, he is continuing to do well. His

parents are very proud of him and talk a lot

about his abilities and successes.

Sarah's marks have, in fact, always been higher

than her brother's. She has rarely failed toget an A average, and is considered to be one of

the brightest girls in her school by her friends.

But, when her parents speak about theirchildren, Sarah's scholastic successes are

never mentioned.

In this family, women are not particularly valued for anything but

their supportive role as wives and mothers. Sarah=s academicexcellence was made fun of. Her eventual response was an unspoken

"Why bother? It doesn't matter anyway," and she stopped trying to

excel.

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Shaun would like to play sport and go out a bitmore with his friends, but he can't afford to lethis studies slip because, although he is still doing

well, he has to make sure that he gets a bursary

to study one day. He feels tremendouspressure, and under it a lot of anger and

rebellion. As a result, he gets frequent stomach

aches and headaches.

Shaun has been cast in the role of "family hero." He is the one who

will give the family economic stability and security by perhaps in the

future making enough money to take care of his parents. He is the

hope of the family in a life that is mediocre and at times uncertain.

His increasing tension in this role may make it difficult for him to

keep up his high standard of work.

Amit is sadly one of many gifted children who feel incapable of

coping with the stress of being a community Awonder child.@

Amit excelled in all fields - academics, cultural

activities and on the sports field. The community

were in awe of his achievements and showed his family

much respect as a result. They pressed him to takepart in team and individual competitions and he felt

under enormous pressure to uphold his reputation. In

Grade 11, Amit attempted suicide.

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Cathy's parents are both highly qualified people.

Her father is a medical doctor and her mother wasa dietician but works only part-time now. Her

older brother is also studying medicine, and her

older sister is doing very well in Grade 7. Her

younger sister is also clever, and regularly gets

awards at school. They are a warm, loving familyand share different interests and activities.

One morning in school Cathy really looked tired,with dark circles under her eyes. When a teacher

commented, she explained that she had stayed upuntil late the night before to finish a project for

Biology. She "just couldn't seem to get it right."

Cathy's teacher is worried about her now. Hefeels that Cathy is under too much pressure at

home, that her parents may be driving her withhigh expectations.

The teacher's concern about Cathy isn't justified. Everyone in

Cathy's family is brighter than average and used to achievers. They

simply expect Cathy to do well and do not pressurise her at all.

Cathy feels the expectation but does not feel any pressure. It is the

way she is being brought up: the way the family is. There is no pressure to stay up and perfect a project. Because the family is

warm, loving and close, Cathy doesn't feel in the least rebellious

about being expected to do well.

These are just hints at the many types of family roles that being gifted

may cause children to play. Such roles can be manageable, some can

be unpleasant and others can be a heavy burden.

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For younger readers

What should you do if you find yourself cast in this type of role?

Firstly, recognise that your family and their feelings are not you

responsibility. You certainly owe them a degree of loyalty but you

do not owe them your life. With this in mind, get outside help. Talk

to a teacher or a counsellor. This might be very difficult for you,

especially if you love your family. Talking about how they are

treating you may seem like a betrayal, so if you can't speak to people

who know you fairly well, perhaps you can try outside resources.Many large churches have youth ministers, or there are the

anonymous crisis numbers that you may telephone. In extreme

cases, there are people in the juvenile court system that have

resources for helping - especially if you are a child who is being

pushed to the point of breaking the law. Social workers are another

good source of help.

If your problem doesn't warrant such extreme measures, I still sayfind someone to talk to. Get objective advice and help. You have a

lot going for you and you don't need your life messed up by your

family -even if they love you and are acting out of ignorance. You

can still help yourself without hurting them.

DEPRESSION

I've included this section because depression among gifted children is becoming more and more of a concern of parents.

Many of the same situations or conditions that cause stress in

children are responsible for depression. When a child is exposed to

prolonged stress, he can gradually lose motivation, energy and the

will to go on. In the previous section on stress, mention was made of

children who are overextended and over involved. Those who have

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not dealt with the stress of over commitment eventually become

depressed. In the same way, children who have been forced into

situations that demand too much of their emotional and intellectualcapacities will often move from anxiety into depression.

"Burn-out"

When a child converts stresses and anxieties into headaches and

stomach aches, he or she is still trying to succeed beyond his or her

abilities. The depressed child has stopped trying.

This is a sign that help is overdue and intervention should have come

much sooner. Time management and stress reduction techniques

will no longer be effective. Depressed children feel sad and

"frozen". They are apathetic and sometimes say that they seem to be

unable to feel any emotion at all.

This type of depression is similar to the "burn out" described as

happening to various types of people, including teachers and thehapless executives. It should be treated in the same way. It needs an

immediate suspension of all non-essential activities, a slow process

of rewarding engagement with essential activities and at least short-

term counselling or psychotherapy in which the child can discuss

feelings or lack of feelings. Often family and friends need to be

brought into the process in order to help the child create a new

manageable and rewarding life-style.

Existential depression

Another type of depression that is perhaps unique to gifted children is

a kind of premature existential depression. This occurs in gifted

children and adolescents when their capacity for absorbing

information about disturbing events is greater than their capacity to

understand it. Six-year-olds who read newspaper or magazine

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reports about violence and wars, pollution and poverty, may

understand the information but not be able to deal with their

helplessness to do anything about it.

This type of depression also comes from their participation in

activities that call for greater maturity. One bright girl was so

effective in working with animals at the local SPCA that she was

given ever-increasing amounts of responsibilities. Her duties

eventually included helping with the euthanasia of dogs and cats as

well. This 12-year-old volunteer was heard to say, "I've seen too

much death."

The meaning of life, the inevitability of death and the beginning of

the end of the earth are all subjects that may lead to depression in the

child who is trying to understand them. A young child, whose brain

is still "dualistic", that is, perceiving the world in terms of absolutes,

such as right and wrong, or good and bad, may be disturbed by

reading about or hearing questions for which there are simply no

right or wrong answers.

These are not the only reasons for depression and mention has been

made elsewhere of circumstances that may be causing the sadness

and lack of energy that is so typical of a depressed child. This is

something that perhaps calls for professional help, so unless the cause

of depression is very clear, you should consider counselling.

COPING WITH GIFTEDNESS

It isn't possible to discuss all the challenges facing gifted children in

one small book but some of those most often experienced have been

mentioned. In summary, coping with giftedness means being able

to:

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155

* understand one's differentness, yet recognising one's similarities

to others so that one knows how to adapt and live as a gifted

minority amongst a less potentially able majority;

* understanding how to accept and give criticism;

* being tolerant of oneself and others;

* developing an understanding of one's strengths and weaknesses;

* developing skills in areas that will enable gifted children to

further develop their intellectual and emotional development.

These needs of gifted children cannot possibly be satisfied by the

children themselves. Hence their need for understanding adults -

especially parents and teachers - and hence the following chapter.

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Challenges faced by parents 156

I wonder if any parents are reading this book feeling a little

bewildered because their children don't seem to show any signs of

being the least bit concerned about these "challenges." Perhaps

you're even wondering if your child is gifted at all because she

doesn't seem very bent on achieving or even thinking seriously about

schoolwork, is not particularly sensitive, and to all extent and

purposes, seems as normal as any other child you've ever known.

Hooray! Don't worry - if your child is recognised as gifted by the

school and professional assessment, he is gifted. Many gifted

children sail blissfully through life without any "problems." Another

reason may be that he is still young (emotionally at least), and has not

yet matured to the stage where he will begin to use the potential that

is undoubtedly there. Sometimes I worry that we make too much of

the possible "problems" and difficulties faced by gifted children.

Talking about them all the time gives the impression that they are

more prevalent than is actually the case. But we must discuss thesethings because when they do happen, families can be disrupted and

need help. But if your family is seemingly unaffected, enjoy the

peace: others will envy you.

A considerable number of parents of gifted children share the view

that having a gifted child (or two or more) in the family is a mixed

CHAPTER 5

CHALLENGES FACED BY PARENTS

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blessing. As babies they exhaust their parents with their high activity

level (which includes a lesser need for sleep) and their constant need

for stimulation. As they grow, their competitive nature,

argumentativeness, idealism and perfectionism are merely a few of

their particular personality traits that manage to maintain their

parent's state of exhaustion. Believe me, there are parents who do

not quite know whether they consider their gifted children as gifts or

not!

To make it worse, as parents of gifted children you seem to get little

support from the community. What parent has enjoyed going toschool evenings or to the principal's office in order to say "I believe

my child may be gifted and has particular needs." Too many parents

have heard the patronising reply "Yes, Mr and Mrs Joe Soap, all our

parents think their children are gifted."

How many of you parents have approached a teacher and tried to

explain a child's excruciating sensitivity to be met by the "I'm the

professional around here" attitude. This is so sad, as our teachers areactually well-trained, children-loving professionals who try their very

best to accommodate individual differences in their classrooms. It

does say something for the lack of support for gifted children in

general and the fact that very few teacher training courses give much

more than a perfunctory mention of such children.

So I do agree with those that say parents of gifted children sometimes

have a harder time of it than the gifted children themselves. At leasttheir children have them for support and as advocates. Parents need

advocates too, as well as counsellors that understand the children, the

educational system, their worries and the roles that they as parents

need to play.

FEELING INADEQUATE

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When parents realise that their child is gifted, or even before the

actual assessment, when the child begins to show signs of being

somehow Adifferent@, parents wonder if they are adequately

prepared to meet the needs of their child. Such parents voice the fact

that their problems are compounded by many factors. Some of these

are the myths and misinformation about the gifted that so often

causes the blatant or covert hostility toward them; the lack of

available information or guidance, and limited financial resources.

Gifted children can be very expensive to raise if their particular

talents need equipment or if they need long years of study.

Questions about parents= roles

To start this section, I=ll give some questions that are often asked

about the role parents play in the development of their gifted children

and try to briefly answer them.

Do children learn best in a particular type of home

environment before they go to school?

Most parents work instinctively to provide a good home for the

family. Its natural that this includes all the accepted material things

such as washing machines, television sets, refrigerators, cars and

maybe video recorders and computers. The real essence of home life,

however, lies in the quality of caring and sharing, providing

intellectual as well as bodily nourishment.

It would seem that children can learn the most and best in homes that

encourage independence and creativity. For optimum development,

it seems that parents should explain possibilities for choices and

plans; allow children the chance to take the initiative; encourage

activity but keep control of the child=s learning and understanding;

allow the child to explore, debate and approach problem solving from

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different perspectives. Independence also means allowing the child

to face consequences for his or her actions and not being over-

protective. Such an approach seems to produce children who are

active and verbal, with an assertive and concentrated approach to

learning as well as being highly receptive to instruction.

Give time

Generally, though, giving time is more important than giving the

most expensive and sophisticated toys. Answering questions and

explaining things as they happen is better than an expensive set of

reference books. Helping eager hands to master a new skill and

receptive ears to hear stories both told and read beats all the wizardry

of child entertainment made possible by TV and computer software.

In due course, all the books and equipment will have a place but get

the priorities right for your child when he or she is still very young.

Give time.

A tip: Always remember that we are talking about a child firstand foremost who also happens to be gifted. Just because a child's

mental abilities may be far beyond those of children the same age,

she is still going to behave like other children in most respects. Don't

be surprised or annoyed when she cries about things other children

cry about. And she may sometimes throw a tantrum because she's a

child. Don't expect every statement to be profound, every question to

be perceptive. The gifted child also says childlike things and asks

childlike questions. And the gifted child needs the same kind of loveand guidance from you that all children need.

What kind of parents bring out the best or the worst in

their children?

Many potentially able children who fail to realise their potential

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come from unhappy homes where there was illogical parent

discipline and inconsistent handling. The message is, particularly in

the early years, keep a sense of proportion; be prepared to give of

your time. Be consistent, warm and human and put opportunities in

your child's way. Having said that material things are less important

than your quality time, you're probably asking "What kinds of

opportunities?" In the years before school, simplicity is often the

key. Watch a child on the seashore or lake side picking up rocks and

shells, enjoying their texture, colour and pattern, ordering them,

sorting them, picking up and discarding. See her watching a crab,

studying its way of movement and how its body is made. She=sexcited by it, curious, slightly apprehensive of nipping claws, but

eager to discover more.

Share their world

The sensitive adult comes in as a partner; doesn=t give a long

explanation or lecture, or take over the collecting but will answer

questions, draw attention to interesting detail and offer help. Honestyis vital. AI don=t know, but we can try to find out@ is an acceptable

answer to a question. Pretend to know, relying on the child=s

ignorance, and you=ll be found out sooner or later. This diminishes

trust and confidence in you. Overdoing it will also cause the child to

avoid showing interest in future. Nobody enjoys being lectured at

length about everything - even the most curious child will get tired of

having every comment or query met with an overenthusiastic attempt

to teach everything there is to know about the focus of interest.

Look at the world around you and enjoy it again through your

child=s eyes. Watch while they discover, and be prepared to offer

what they may need. Have handy books with good illustrations,

drawing and painting materials, scissors and glue, magnifying

glasses, boxes and containers, just in case. Offer to share: AShall we

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collect ..? Could we make ..? You could use my ... Perhaps we can

find ... Look what I=ve found ...@ And ask some questions yourself:

AWhat would happen if..? Would it be possible to ..? Suppose you

tried it the other way ..? Why won=t it fit this way?@

And when your patience has worn thin and you=ve really had

enough, don=t feel guilty for opting out and asking for time off.

Children also need to learn to see the other person=s point of view

and limit their demands accordingly.

At a later stage, when school age children come home frustrated,

bored or irritated, they look for the chance to unwind, let out the

pent-up frustration. They look for understanding if not sympathy for

the things that have gone wrong and they note your reaction.

Protective instincts rise quickly to the defence of your child=s

unhappiness, and it=s important that you don=t rush into a situation

without knowing both sides of the story. Gifted children are

particularly quick at learning to manipulate adults and play one group

off against another. If allowed to do so, they can stop respecting adult

opinion and accepted rules in society. Try to be fair and help your

child to see the points of view of others.

How much help should I give my child?

Gifted children see their parents as strong sources of support in

developing their interests. It is very seldom that a child rejects a

parent=s help. Help, though, is very different from interference.

Assisting with a project is different from taking it over and

dominating. This can cause a child to lose confidence in her own

abilities and become dependent on your help (or merely lazy and

unwilling to make an effort on her own seeing that you are so willing

to do the dirty work!).

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The best thing to do is to wait and respond to a request for help.

Willingness to share ideas, to be a sounding board for possible

solutions to problems, to brainstorm for topics or essay content, and

so on, is positive support. Insisting that your ideas be adopted and

implemented is not. Writing most of the poem for the competition is

not helping; getting the child to recite a public speaking speech to

your liking is not helping; coaching a child before a test is not

helping. Rather make suggestions about rhythm and rhyme;

comment on the effect a child=s speech makes on you (both negative

and/or positive); suggest ways of studying content for a test. In this

way, you are giving valuable feedback without taking over. It is alsonot helpful to always praise what they do. Positive criticism is

important and gifted children need to learn to take criticism. Many of

them find it difficult to admit to failure or to have their products

criticised. They need to learn positive ways of giving criticism to

others= work. You can be a role-model here.

It is not a good idea to fall over backwards in an attempt to try and

provide everything the child may want at any particular time. Brightchildren understand how to negotiate and bargain to get what they

need, but if everything were conceded by an over indulgent parent,

then the art of improvisation and the challenge of seeking alternative

ways would be denied. Better and more expensive equipment won=t

develop their thinking skills particularly well or the level of

performance.

Schools are quick to see when a parent has enjoyed a project morethan the child. It is a joy for teachers to see the result of a child=s

imagination and attempts to portray her ideas in some or other format

but disappointing to receive beautiful, parent-produced work which

the child can=t even explain because she had so little input in it. If

you do help your child, follow her directions; help her take

photographs but let her be the director; write headings for her if she is

too young to write but let the headings be her words, and so on.

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The following story celebrates innovativeness and necessity!

A town council organised a fancy-dress competitionfor primary school children to raise environmental

awareness. It was held one afternoon after school

and the children were challenged to find a way ofrepresenting something in a garden.

Tembe=s mother was competitive and dedicatedtowards helping her children. She spent the entiremorning fashioning a costume to represent a tree.

It was complete with branches and pink blossoms

and looked quite magnificent. She spent a good

deal of money on it as well. Tembe arrived home

from school and was thrilled to see such a beautifulcostume.

Her friend David was rather taken aback. His

mother, while offering to help him brainstorm

ideas, was far too busy to go to such lengths. Withonly an hour before the competition time, he

wandered into the garden and through the garagefor inspiration.

15 minutes later, he was ready, and that evening heproudly displayed the certificate that he had won.

His Acostume@ was a hessian sack with some holescut into it for his legs and arms, and some twigs

protruding from the opening which he tied around

his neck. He represented a bag of compost and his

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In general, parents who allow children independence for project

design and homework completion, who show an interest in and

satisfaction with their personal careers and who enjoy learning for its

own sake are important role models for their children who then tend

to become achievers.

A tip: Don=t overfeed you gifted child=s intellectual appetite. He

does not have to be busy

with some specific

mental or physical

activity all the time.

Give him time to stare

into space and think and

dream. Encourage him

to play and relax, to do

some things simply for

the fun of it and not

because they will

sharpen his mind orcoordinate his body.

Don=t force him into a

sport you think would

be good for him. As

with all children, it must

be your child=s choice.

Is there a >best= parenting style?

Here I can only share some results of research that was done to study

differences in adjustment and functioning of adolescents in four types

of homes.

Youngsters from authoritative (characterised by lots of warmth and

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control) homes showed the most positive levels of academic

competence, good social skills and few behaviour problems.

However, this parenting style does not seem to produce creative

children.

Authoritarian (characterised by little warmth but lots of control)

families produce children with excellent behaviour and a positive

attitude towards school but they are less competent and socially

skilled than those from authoritative and democratic homes.

Youngsters from Democratic (characterised by being high in warmthand low in control) homes have greater social competence and higher

self-concepts. Self confidence means that these children are more

prepared to try and risk failure in new endeavours.

Finally, Neglectful (characterised by being low in warmth and low in

control) families produce children who are least competent and most

prone to problem behaviours.

Although the authoritative style of parenting seems to be the best,you shouldn't try to adapt your style if it is different (although its

difficult to imagine anyone feeling happy about being a neglectful

parent). Personality and other factors of the individual parents and

children also play a role. And some researchers who have studied

different parenting styles maintain that it is more important to be

consistent in your style of parenting than to worry about the style

itself.

How much home stimulation is correct?

Home stimulation doesn=t mean expensive equipment or toys.

Stimulating children means involving them with you in learning

about things. Parents who interact a great deal with their babies are

amongst those who most frequently find the babies growing up

gifted. In spite of this, many parents are uncertain as to how much

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and what kind of home stimulation is appropriate or correct. As I

wrote above, reading to children, supplying them with books (or

visits to the town library) and/or talking, explaining and answering

their questions is correct. But how much is too much and when does

stimulation become "pushy" and threaten later "burn out"?

Perhaps you can take a measure from studies that have been done.

Parents of happy, successful gifted children have been found to be

generally responsive rather than too controlling. They appear to

respond to the requests or observed needs of their children and

support and encourage their activities rather than always initiatingand persuading children to become involved in what they believe to

be necessary or desirable. The rule of thumb seems to be to let the

child guide you rather than you have an action plan to develop

intelligence!

Successful families

One particular study questioned over a thousand families of well-

adjusted gifted children to list the most successful ways they workwith their children at home. The most frequently cited activity was

reading together. Indeed, in my work with gifted children, probably

the most common activity of such families is early and continued

bed-time storytime. Second was consistent encouragement and

praise for children's achievements. Other frequently mentioned

activities included conversation; participation in community

activities; visits to museums; holidays spent together; discussions;

listening; and asking and answering questions. Of course, these arenot forced on the children but if parents ensure that early outings are

fun, children will be more willing to go along with parents=

suggestions in future.

Other studies show that parents support their children's "healthy"

development by providing strong family values, clear standards of

behaviour and good role models. Mutual trust and approval;

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emotional support from family members including aunts, uncles and

grandparents; encouraging curiosity and active exploration; holding

high expectations for children; encouraging autonomy; valuing

creative and intellectual endeavours; quality time and communication

and helping children to believe in their dreams all fall under the

heading of good parenting. So does time off to watch the clouds go

by and simply do nothing but dream.

So the rule of thumb is to try and provide stimulating activities if the

child is eager, interested and enjoying them. If the experience is fun

for both you and the child, it can't be harmful. On the other hand,don't push unwanted "enrichment" on your child.

This idea of enrichment should embrace all the family and not be a

programme focussed on the needs on one child. Everyone needs to

be enriched and refreshed and it shouldn't be a duty but a relaxation

for the family.

My gifted child is so demanding and needs constantstimulation - I am exhausted.

Some gifted children seem to be insatiable in their demands for

attention and diversion. They never stop. They often sleep for

minimum periods of time so that parents become exhausted. Their

patterns of living are disrupted and the family routines no longer

work.

Sometimes this happens seemingly from birth through infancy until

school-going age. One mother recalls the first twelve months with

her eldest son:

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He screamed from the moment he was born. Hewould cry all day long, and often into the night.Nothing I did seemed to calm him or put things

right. I tried leaving him alone, carrying him

about, feeding him, playing with him, walking

him. Nothing worked. The odd times when he

slept - and he didn't sleep much either B were

heaven. I dreaded his waking up. I was sure

the neighbours thought it was all my fault, thatI was a bad mother. I ended up almost hating

the child. I often thought I might go mad andharm him. I certainly wished I'd never had him.

I know that many of you have had this kind of experience in varying

degrees and you will be able to identify with this mother's feelings.

What can one do with a child who refuses to be soothed even though

all obvious possibilities like hunger, pain or general discomfort have

been taken care of? It might well be worth considering the

following:

Over stimulation

Very sensitive babies can easily become over stimulated and

exhausted by the bombardment of sound, sight and touch. The more

sensitive the child, the more acute the distress. If a baby cries a lot,

he may be overwhelmed by noise and movement. Jiggling and

rocking may make matters worse. Wrapping him up snug and tight

in a shawl and sitting calmly with him in a quiet place can sometimes

help. A slow, gentle rocking can soothe, or gentle caressing of the

baby's back and limbs. The aim is to try and reduce the sensory input

the baby is getting.

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Later, when he is bigger and stronger, a highly responsive child may

get overtired much more quickly than others. He may seem grisly,

scratchy, easily upset. Again it is worth considering this behaviour in

terms of over sensitivity and try to reduce the excessive strain.

Under stimulation or boredom

An eager, responsive baby will want to explore the world. Such a

baby needs change to keep his attention. One way is to hang

different mobiles over his cot or pram. When making them, try to

introduce not just colour but materials such as aluminium foil, glossy

paper, tinsel, coloured balls, metal bells - in fact, anything that will

catch the light and breeze.

Another idea is to move the cot about the room to vary the view;

sticking pictures or different shaped and patterns on the wall (or the

ceiling); hanging wind chimes in the window to produce changes in

movement and sound.Early power struggles

The next stage that produces many problems is the so-called

traumatic period around the 3-4 year old time. This is often a

difficult stage for all parents to manage, when children become aware

of their growing competence and independence and begin to

challenge their parent's authority. It is the stage of the dramatic

"No's" and the temper tantrums. The child, caught up in thefierceness of her desires and her frustration at being prevented from

immediately gratifying them, is often terrified by feelings of being

overwhelmed by the strength of her emotions.

What the child needs above all is to find that the world is safe and

that her parents remain the all powerful and safe protectors they have

always been. Parents must be able to reassure the child, through

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behaviour, that no matter how angry or how bad the feelings are, the

world stays the same. Once the boundaries have been tested and

found to hold, the child is then safe to continue to explore.

One of the major problems for gifted children at this stage is that the

parents do not hold on to their power. The children catch glimpses

of their parents' frailty at a time when emotionally they cannot cope

with anything less that parents who seem rock-like in their

infallibility. Some adolescents remember this nightmare period.

They speak of consciously outwitting their parents, of feeling

scornful of their dismay and confusion. The youngsters speak of theshock of discovering the ability to manipulate adults and, having

successfully done so, their own fear.

It is much safer and more comforting for the child if the adult can say

quite simply: "I know you feel that way, but I am telling you that this

is how it is." The important thing for children is for parents to be

clear in their minds as to what they feel is right, what should happen,

when and how, and to follow their decision through, calmly but withdetermination.

Gifted children are certainly no exception to the rule that children

require firm management. In fact, because of their vulnerabilities,

such handling may be of even greater importance.

If your child is running you ragged, you may need help in examining

your management of the child. Perhaps you need to learn to firmly

demand your own time, and structure the child's day so that she or helearns that at certain periods, adult entertainment is not forthcoming.

DISCIPLINING GIFTED CHILDREN

This is a difficult area for many parents of gifted children as these

youngsters can sometimes be very cheeky and arrogant.

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Its wise to use your child's strengths to avoid confrontations rather

than to allow challenge of authority to become a theme in your

family. For example, gifted youngsters usually have a keen sense of

justice and respond well to democratic practices in certain household

matters. This means that they appreciate having a voice in decision

making and many tend to resent authoritarian parenting styles.

Fortunately, most parents of gifted children tend to reason with their

children rather than resort to punishment and other external forms of

power.

I say fortunate because, no matter the cultural context of your family,these children do not easily accept the idea that adults have more

power and therefore more rights and privileges. "Respect your

elders" may receive grudging (temporary) obedience from some but

generally leaves these youngsters without respect.

This does not mean that the children are in charge in the home. I

have spoken to families where it is not at all clear who is in charge in

their households. I have met sons and daughters who becomeaggressive if a parent even tries to discipline them. I have worked

with ten-year-olds who regularly sabotaged any time set aside for

homework. If your child sounds like these, its time for you to

reclaim control of the situation.

Power imbalances happen when parents (and teachers) don't set rules

or guidelines, or do not consistently enforce the ones that have been

set. Children begin to test the limits of their power and eventuallygain control of the home (or classroom).

The question of power

Power struggles happen more between parents and gifted children

than other families for various reasons. One is the children's

confidence in themselves. Another is their advanced reasoning

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ability that makes it possible for them to tie your arguments in knots.

Gifted children will try to manipulate you in situations where they

feel powerless or not respected. It is important to try and create a

family system with a balance of power and in which all members feel

supported and respected.

Parents are in charge of their children and need to maintain control.

However, control does not necessarily always mean that parents must

win in a conflict situation. The "no-lose" method of conflict

resolution is a far better approach for parents (and children) to

practice if harmony is to reign through the growing years.

A no-lose method of approaching problems

If you, as a parent, decides on the solution to a problem and

influences the child to accept it, either by persuasion or by power or

authority, then you win. This is an authoritarian method. On the

other hand, if the child determines the solution and uses her power to

persuade the parent to give in, then the child wins. Perhaps this is adescription of a very permissive parent. Neither of these situations is

ideal for the development of balanced, well-adapted children.

A more effective method of solving problems is based on a "no

power, no-lose approach in which the solution to a problem is

acceptable both. Our country's continuing marathon in political

negotiations must surely be a prime example of this approach!

The approach works like this: When a conflict situation arises,

parents and children offer possible solutions, each of which are

critically evaluated in terms of fair, rational criteria (which means

you can't say something like "Because I say so!"). The solution

which pleases both parties the most is taken as final. The

effectiveness of this method is that

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* the children are motivated to carry out a solution;

* there is a greater chance of deciding on a high-quality solution;

and

* the gifted youngster's critical thinking skills and problem

solving skills are exercised and utilised. (Yours too.)

A more authoritative approach

Perhaps your family traditions do not allow for such a democratic

approach. That's quite all right, because other approaches have

worked well too.

If you feel you have lost control or are losing control, or wish to plan

how never to lose control, here are six guidelines:

1. Establish rules that clearly define the "do's and don'ts" of your

home. Make sure this list is not too long but these should be

non-negotiable rules: carefully selected for safety, security and

harmony.

2. Deal fairly with rule breakers. This means taking

circumstances into account and giving the transgressor a chance

to explain. At the same time, clearly communicate that you are

in charge and don't be too fair too often.

3. Operate from a position of strength. Use reason, but convey

your seriousness. Express your concerns without resorting to personal criticism.

4. Make sure that your child understands that you disapprove of

her behaviour, not of her. Show and tell her that you still care

about her.

5. If a problem arises, be willing to listen and compromise on a

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solution, but stick with the rule.

6. Keep in mind that, if control was lost long ago, reclaiming it

isn't easy. Your changed behaviour and insistence on rules will

almost certainly lead to confrontations. Just remember that you

really are doing it for the good of the child. Things may be

rough for a while, but in the end your persistence should have a

positive effect on the family climate (and the child's well-

being).

Power and underachieving gifted children

It may be significant that underachieving gifted children very often

have excessive childhood power. Its interesting that the children

have too much power for their own good, but typically feel that they

have too little. Their power is directed towards manipulating parents

so as to avoid responsibility rather than move towards actual

accomplishment.

Fostering self-discipline

Perhaps the best way to approach the disciplining of gifted children is

to foster self-discipline in them.

I've mentioned respect a couple of times with good reason. Nearly all

children respond well to respect, but gifted children, with their

perceptiveness and insight to the faults and idiosyncrasies of othersand ourselves feel even more right to your respect. The question is,

do you really show your children respect? Try the following

exercise:

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Close your eyes and imagine that you are asking your mother-in-law or mother to get off thephone because you need to make a call. Observe

everything you can about yourself while doing this.

Now imagine that you are asking your child to get

off the phone. What differences do you notice in your choice of words, tone of voice, facial

expression, body language and length of time you

are prepared to wait.

Are you laughing? If so, you no doubt have realised how little

respect we really give people younger than ourselves! So you will

also realise how difficult it is to try and equally respect everyone in

the family.

A really good suggestion to try and achieve a balance of power in afamily is to create and maintain a family council. This means that

everyone in the family gets together on some sort of basis - it could

be that you meet only when a crisis occurs, or when someone needs

discipline or when rules have to be made or changed (and remember

that with growing children, rules have to be adjusted regularly).

Everyone is given the opportunity at council meetings to air

grievances, request changes in rules or ask for advice in handling a

breach of promise or flagrant disobeyance of rules.

These councils have many advantages - apart from preventing

undesirable behaviour (which happens because people are more

inclined to obey rules they helped to establish), there are other spin

offs. During such meetings, negotiation skills are learned, as well as

conflict resolution techniques and procedures of meetings

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Effective communication skills are modelled and practised as well.

And, if a time for compliments as well as complaints is made

compulsory, such meetings can be valuable for building positive self-

concepts. Gifted children can participate competently at such family

meetings from pre-school age - depending on the level at which the

meeting is held. From about aged seven, they can really contribute

positively.

Again a word of warning: don't suddenly decide to form such a

council because you have a grudge and want to get some support for

disciplining a difficult child. This kind of council should be formedwhen no problems exist between members, so that they become a

well-established routine in the home. Then they work really

effectively when big issues crop up.

Punishment

In spite of the best efforts to raise well-behaved, self-disciplined

children, there are times when one is almost forced to use punishment. Some punishments work fairly well with bright

children, like "time out" alone in a room (preferably one where there

are no fascinating books or a computer to provide convenient solace

for the so-called period of punishment). Another is to give up

privileges for a certain time. However, for this to work, some things

must truly be regarded as privileges in the first place.

Other discipline methods that you use with all children may be usedwith gifted children as well. Being gifted doesn't mean that you can't

have a spanking! But do try to bear in mind that different children

react differently to forms of punishment - especially highly sensitive

children.

A tip: Discipline your gifted child when he needs disciplining.

Correct him when he needs correction. Give direction when he needs

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directing. He should not be granted special privileges nor should

unacceptable behaviour be tolerated because of his intellectual level.

The gifted child, above all, should not be exempt from the rules and

codes other members of the family and the community must live by.

SIBLING RIVALRY

I've known parents who were reluctant to confirm that one of their

children were gifted for fear of the effect this would have on the rest

of the children in the family. This fear is justified because sibling

rivalry may exist in families with gifted children.

Keep in mind, though, that feelings of jealousy and competitiveness

occur in relatively few families with a gifted child. It has also been

noticed that problems tend to disappear within five years.

Being a gifted child in a family where there are others who are highly

able does not create great difficulties for the children. They seem to

be accepting of each other's abilities and supportive of each other. Inmany cases siblings express pride in the achievements of a gifted

brother or sister. This happens when families concentrate on the

particular, unique strengths of each individual - helping each find his

or her own area of talent, no matter how humble.

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Interestingly enough, time after time one seesthat, even though only one child in a family may beformally identified as gifted, the intelligence of

the other children is not exactly "low". In more

cases than not, siblings are close to each other in

abilities (sometimes not more than 5 to 10 IQpoints), although they may show great variation in

the fields of endeavour and in their choice to use

their potentials. This is the source of parents= often heard comment "They are so different!"

Stress on possibly non-gifted siblings happens when the family is

focussed on the achievements of one child over other children, or

when their achievements are compared. This happens in school as

well - "So you're Michael's brother (or sister). Are you as clever as

he?" Painful pause. "You're not? Uh ... well ..." And the non-gifted

sibling feels like an inferior idiot.

Left to themselves, brothers and sisters would not be jealous of each

other. It's fairly logical that it is only the attitudes of others that

causes problems. Clearly brothers or sisters will resent a sibling that

is too perfect, always held up as an example, and placed on a pedestal

by adoring parents. Unfair comparisons are damaging to family

relationships.What to do

If you become aware that pressures are building up between your

children, check whether you are doing the following:

* Do you try to relax the tension with some fun activities for the

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whole family?

* Do you focus on the individual differences and achievements of

both/all children?

* Do you show each child that he or she is valued - that many

different qualities are extremely desirable and valued (e.g.

humour, spirit, honesty, loyalty, industry, caring)?

* Do you save some of your praise for the gifted child to deliver

in private; reinforce all children equally in public?

* Do you make sure you give each child as much one-on-one

time as possible? Do you let the gifted child's talent take up all

your time?* Do you give your love impartially?

Also consider the position of the gifted child in the family.

Sometimes they are jealous of the non-gifted children. Living in the

shadow of outstanding ability can be a very discouraging, negative

experience. Being the cause of the shadow can be equally disturbing

and a gifted child can be made to feel odd and out of place in a

family just as happens sometimes in school.

A tip: Enjoy your gifted child because she's unique. And enjoy her

brothers and sisters because they're unique in their ways. It is not

necessary to concentrate a great deal more on the gifted child in order

to fulfil her needs. Occasionally she will require more time and

attention, but on occasion, a brother or sister will also require more

attention - perhaps for different reasons. Don't compare the gifted

child with her siblings, or vice versa. No one gains from suchcomparisons and everybody runs the risk of losing something -

especially her individuality. Rather than compare, make your

children aware of their own strengths. This may seem similar to

comparison if you point out to a child that she is different from a

sister in that she has her own individual strengths, but this kind of

comparison is positive and realistic.

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INCREASED TENSION

Apart from the rivalry or strain that can be present among siblings,

giftedness causes tension in the family for other reasons as well.

Tension may be created when parents hold different views of

giftedness. Very often mothers believe in their children's giftedness

while fathers are sceptical about the label. Also, fathers tend to view

giftedness as an achievement, while mothers see it in terms of

developmental differences.

Even if parents agree about giftedness and no rivalry exists between

siblings, there is still bound to be tension in families with gifted

children. The characteristics of gifted children - intensity,

perfectionism, sensitivity, and argumentativeness - are not limited to

one family member. Everyone shares them to some degree so

prepare for intensity magnified! A perfect setting for sparks to fly.

If yours is such a family, don't worry but remember that strongfeelings are healthy. Intense inner feelings and experiences are

positive signs of emotional development.

MOTIVATING GIFTED CHILDREN

If your gifted child is unmotivated and seriously underachieving at

school, you need specialised help from a professional. Severe

underachievement is more than mere boredom experienced in anunchallenging school environment and is not within the scope of this

book. They need a thorough, comprehensive diagnosis as early as

possible.

What I'm going to discuss here is how you can influence your child's

motivation in a positive way, followed by what you can do if you

have a bored child.

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What is motivation?

Simply put, motivation means doing something willingly because

you are interested in it for a particular reason. The reason is usually

a goal of some sort.

Gifted children love to learn and they are continuously learning -

even when they are not achieving in school. One point that I'd like

to stress is that you can't give a child motivation or "motivate" a

child; it must come from within. But you certainly can promote it

and support it.

Activities that foster motivation

To start with, motivating parents supply the kinds of materials and

activities that not only stimulate and enrich the child but help to stir

curiosity and interest in learning. You'll see immediately that these

behaviours are exactly the same as recommended under earlystimulation:

< Furnish books that cover a wide range of subjects and reading

levels

< Plan field trips and library visits

< Set aside time for reading

< Plan ways to apply what the child has learned in school or by

discovery on her own

< Encourage participation in outside activities

< Share the daily news and relate it to school learning

Attitudes that foster motivation

People who have the following attitudes generally promote

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motivation in a child:

* They encourage trial and error

* The encourage novel ideas

* The encourage goals set by the child

* The encourage setting long-term goals

* They help the child to recognise his or her own strengths and

weaknesses

* They give constructive criticism and praise learning efforts.

* They recognise achievement

* They encourage independence* They are enthusiastic and optimistic

* They give honest evaluations

* They are models of achievement themselves. It is necessary to

show what it=s like to set goals, reach them, and feel good

about it.

* They introduce children to other adults who are achievers in his

areas of interest.

* They communicate their expectations to the child. It isn'tenough to say "You have to study every night." Instead, rather

say "I expect you to use 30 uninterrupted minutes for learning

every night."

* They give children some "how to" help on getting motivated.

For example, a boy who loves to act had to do a biographical

study for an English project. His father suggested that he tape a

video interview with a historical character who would be

himself dressed up and playing the role. Guess who gotexcellent marks for a really good piece of work!

* They make sure children have time to develop and practice the

skills necessary for success. Even highly motivated children

will have trouble learning if their days are filled with music

lessons, sports, chores and other activities. Leave time for

homework each day - preferably a regular time in a regular

place.

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BOREDOM

Gifted children crave a great deal of mental stimulation seemingly

from soon after birth! Such infants quickly lose interest in familiar

things and look for novelty. Their excellent memories, advanced rate

of development and rapid learning rate are all easily and frequently

noticed signs of their giftedness.

This leads to a major problem for these children in school because

there is a mismatch between their learning rate and the pace of most

of their classes. In addition to the pace of the classes, they are also

faced with content that may be less than novel to them. How many

young gifted children have told me that they are heartily sick of

learning about the different seasons year after year - not to mention

their despair about having to write once again about their holidays or

pets!

So the problem for these children, especially when they are stillyoung, can be that they know too much for their age. In school they

find that their classmates are just beginning to learn to read, to do

maths, to know about any number of things for the very first time.

Our gifted children are way past this stage. The teacher introduces a

new book about whales/ dinosaurs/ snakes and so on, only to

discovers that the gifted child knows (or has herself read) not only

that book but many others. The teacher begins an explanation of how

to multiply two-digit numbers only to have you-know-who shout outthe answer, which he seemingly plucked out of the air. And so on.

These children read widely, listen avidly to adults (and TV

programmes) and understand what they hear. They are self-taught in

many areas and, with their good memories, much of what goes on in

school is simply repetition for them. In some classes, knowledge is

frequently old and stale (in their view) by the time the teacher has

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succeeded in getting everyone in the class to grasp whatever it is.

Knowing too much and understanding too quickly becomes a

handicap that begins with boredom and may end with their becoming

nuisances in the class.

The theme song of gifted children

Of all the complaints I've heard from parents about the difficulties

their gifted children face, probably the most frequent one is that the

child is bored in school. This boredom is either a general complaint

or is associated with its results - such as disruptive behaviour, loss of

interest in learning; unwillingness to go to school; frequent morning

tummy aches that never happen over weekends or afternoons;

"bunking" school; deterioration in performance; and the inevitable

complaints from the teacher and finally the principal.

What to do?

There are some steps you can take to prevent your child from

suffering simply because they are gifted and "know too much too

soon".

1. Recognise the fact that he is genuinely bored, that the

schoolwork is not challenging his abilities.

2. Discuss the matter with the teacher. You may be fortunate

enough to find an understanding person who will accept thechallenge and try to help the child with an individual

programme during classes.

3. Try to have the child placed in the group most appropriate for

him or in a school more sympathetic towards the needs of gifted

children.

4. Don't wait too long to make inquiries about appropriate

schooling for your child. Get professional help as soon as you

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suspect that your bright child is not happy in school. Schools

are more inclined to listen to you if you have a professional by

your side (or at least a report in your hand).5. Whatever you do, sympathise if a teacher responds by giving more of the same work. Gifted children

are people, just like everyone else, and none of us likes to work harder than others. Giving 20 maths

sums to do instead of 10 is just an invitation for a gifted child to slow down deliberately so as not to

finish so quickly. Telling a child to write a full page instead of half a page is seen as unfair and it is.

So many gifted children will not respond to this Asolution@. But the frustration inside doesn=t go

away.

6. On the other hand, many gifted children enjoy showing and sharing their knowledge. A favourite is

being able to research an area of the syllabus and prepare a lesson for the entire class. This is a good,

positive technique for stimulating bright children and also just as stimulating for non-gifted children.

After all, teaching is said to be the best way of learning.

7. Teachers often use brighter children as assistants in their classrooms. Some gifted children enjoy

helping weaker classmates. Others dislike this intensely. One young man developed psychosomatictummy aches because his teacher dealt with his boredom by making him listen to weaker readers

during class time. Listening to their struggles was more than he could handle. Many gifted children

do not enjoy group work because members of their group may rely too heavily on their ability and

desire to work for good marks.

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I really know how important it is to investigate

boredom because we had this experience

ourselves, when one of our children sufferedtummy aches all through Grade 4.

The school wouldn't listen to our pleas for more

enriched work or at least a change from a fairly

average class to one containing a few children

who could challenge or at least work with ours(and whose teacher would possible listen to us).In desperation, the doctor eventually operated

and when he removed a perfectly healthy

appendix, we knew that the school would have to

get our message loud and clear. We insisted on

a change, and got it.

That was the end of the tummy aches. Otherproblems certainly stayed with us throughout

this child's schooling but at least we learned thehard way about the effect of boredom on a

bri ht child!

8. If you are faced with an uncooperative school situation and no

alternatives, try to help your child understand the difficultiesinvolved. Discuss the matter with him or her and explain the

importance of conforming with the basic rules or regulations. At the

same time, give your frank support and provide out-of-school

opportunities for the child to develop interests and meet with

congenial friends.

9. Do not teach your child from the same books that are used in

school or try to anticipate what the teacher will be covering.

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Introduce your child to special interests. Encourage her to

develop hobbies. Let the child read from a variety of books.

Use the public libraries.

10. For older children, especially, lessons in tact, diplomacy and

common courtesy are helpful. Help them to understand that

showing up the teacher's errors and embarrassing the teacher

before the class or visitors is, at the very least, rude. There is

no way you can relieve the children's boredom in school, but

you can help them to cope by explaining the realities of life.

11. Children who "bunk" classes or want to actually drop out of

school very rarely do it only because they are bored. Theyusually have poor motivation and no direction for their lives.

Children have been known to carry out the most tedious tasks

when they have an aim or purpose in what they are doing.

Children need to learn that life can be a garden of roses only

when we learn to deal with the thorns. Boring school sessions

can be balanced with interesting and purposeful activities at

home.

12. Its always good to talk to the proper authorities in school, beginning with the teacher and going up the ladder. Above all,

support and back up your children, and don't expose them to the

wrath of officials who are not sympathetic to their cause. On

the other hand, you can contribute to your child's unhappiness

and even failure if you are an overly ambitious parent who

won't take the advice of cooperative and knowledgeable school

personnel.

13. Keep in mind that another reason for being bored is work that istoo difficult or that something has not been grasped. Gifted or

not, it may just be possible that your child feels lost in a

particular class. Learning problems are fairly common among

even gifted children, as noted in Chapter 3. So be sure that a

lack of understanding is not the cause of low marks, explained

away by the child as a lack of interest or dislike of the teacher.

GUIDELINES FOR PARENTING

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In a particular survey, gifted youngsters in America were asked to

comment on the most valued gifts they received from their parents.

Several themes emerging from the replies showed that the children

appreciated: warmth and affection, respect, honesty, support for their

interests, opportunities to develop independence, understanding of

their emotional needs, and stimulating home lives.

The following guidelines are an abbreviated (thumbnail) set for

parenting gifted children.

Talk with them in an adult manner, but do not "adultise" them.

Do not expect them to be miniature adults.

Arrange private times with each child at regular and frequent

intervals, so that he or she does not always have to compete for

attention.

Set appropriate boundaries so that adults have "adult-time" to

refresh.Read aloud to them, even after they are old enough to read to

themselves.

Praise them for taking risks rather than for successful

accomplishments. This enables them to cope better with

failures and helps them to remember that you love them for

themselves rather than for their achievements. Also, because

all risk taking needs to be supported, and because gifted

children may take more intellectual risks than others, they needto be praised for trying. Teach them that Afailure is a recipe for

success@.

Reason with them rather than setting down arbitrary rules.

Give them opportunities to make choices. Appeal to their

growing sense of fairness.

Discipline them privately rather than publicly.

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Avoid sarcasm.

Avoid comparison: it invites competition.Give them responsibility as early as possible, gradually

increasing the size of the tasks as they are ready to assume

them.

Let them discover their own ways of doing things. Allow them

to make mistakes. Avoid criticism or unnecessary corrections

which might embarrass them.

Nurture their creativity. Encourage them to develop their

imaginations and to discuss their imaginary companions.

Invent visualisation games and fantasies with them.

Provide opportunities for them to interact often with other

gifted children, older children, and stimulating adults. As they

get bigger, be on the lookout for sympathetic adults who may

be possible mentors for career guidance or just simple

inspiration.

Help them learn social skills of enhancing others' self-esteem.

Help them gain confidence in their own perceptions, even when

they differ from other people's.

Take time to listen to them. More than anything, gifted

children need good listeners.

Be open to their questions. Don't think you have to know all

the answers. Instead, ask "What do you think?" Encourage

self-evaluation. Take the opportunity to help the child learn

research skills and look up the answer together in a reference

book.

Do not try to create extraverts out of introverts.Accept that some children will have narrow interests and others,

broad interests. The world needs both types.

Hold family councils, so that they will have an opportunity to

participate in shared decision-making.

Don't expect that their lives will replicate yours. Each child is

unique.

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Don't sign them up for too many activities. Allow them time to

think, play, daydream and be children/teenagers.Do not cater to their every whim and ask nothing in return.

Teach them how to give.

Recognise them for being rather than for doing.

Keep your expectations realistic.

Encourage their autonomy.

Do not attempt to inhibit their perfectionism or sensitivity -

rather help them manage it.

Do not encourage them to hide their abilities.Be their advocates. Support their right to be themselves. If you

need help, solicit the aid of an expert to support you in this.

Don't compare them to other children in the neighbourhood.

Don't brag about your gifted child's exploits in front of friends

and acquaintances, especially if you want to keep them as

friends and acquaintances. You may do a little bragging to

grandparents, but even relatives tire of a steady recitation of

how bright their grandchild/ nephew/ cousin is.

If you are saying to yourself "But I do all this already", then hooray!

If you're saying to yourself "But all children should be parented like

this", you are quite correct. Of course gifted children don't differ so

much from other children - their basic needs are the same - and the

bottom line of this list is love and respect for each unique child.

Hence:

Above all, love them and enjoy them.

Even if you faithfully carry out all of these guidelines, you and your

gifted child will probably still experience some problems in some

areas. It is, however, very likely that you and your child will be able

to share the problems and work together on solutions.

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YOU'RE NOT ALONE

If you're the parent of a gifted child, you may feel you need or want

the support of other parents. How often haven't you been at a PTA

meeting and the speaker is describing child behaviour. All over the

room heads are nodding and laughing at the same time. You feel

surprised that so many other children behave as yours do. You also

feel a little relieved that other parents are also struggling a bit.

We all like to get together with other people for support, and so, as

gifted parents, you may like to meet others in your own

neighbourhood, school area or community. How should you go

about it?

Here are some possible ideas:

* Place a small ad in the local newspaper.

* Put up a sign in the supermarket, inviting other parents to

contact you.* If your school attends an extra-mural activity for gifted

children, ask him or her for the names of parents of other gifted

children. Call these people and invite them over for coffee.

* Ask your child's teacher or principal for the names of parents of

other bright children. Then follow through with phone calls

and an invitation.

* If the parent's organisation at your child's school publishes a

newsletter, ask the person responsible if he or she would inserta small notice in an upcoming issue.

* If you are fairly self-confident, you may want to stand up and

make an announcement at a parent's meeting.

If you don't want to have meetings at home, perhaps you can arrange

meetings through the school or in the town library, and so on.

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If you get parents together at your home, have someone take brief

notes and get the name, address and telephone number of those

present. You will be able to get in touch with the same parents again

and the notes will help you or someone else in the group to write

brief article on the meeting. The article may then be submitted to the

school newsletter, your neighbourhood newspaper or any other.

Include your name and phone number or those of another parent.

Other parents of gifted children who read the article then know where

to call if they would like to get together with you and your new-found

friends.

You should join the National Association for Gifted and Talented

Children in South Africa (NAGTCSA). Contact me at Radford

House (Tel: 011 478-1864). The NAGTCSA has a newsletter that is

sent out three or four times a year. This newsletter, called Excedo,

contains news about giftedness. Members of the Association are

welcome to use the newsletter as a forum for discussing concerns,

meeting other parents or any other means of networking parents and

teachers of gifted children across Southern Africa.

CONCLUSION: GIFTED CHILDREN: GIFTED PARENTS

Giftedness is a family affair. If this phenomenon is present in the

family, there will be implications for every single member. Whether

or not gifted children are recognised, labelled, encouraged or not,

there is no escape from the impact of giftedness on the family system.

The characteristics and needs will be there and can't be denied.

It isn't too farfetched to say that giftedness is a quality of the family,

rather than a quality that differentiates one child from the rest of the

family. Parents and children are usually well matched intellectually.

It may be that the parents have had fewer educational opportunities

and that something was missing from the filigree of factors (as

discussed in Chapter 1) but potential lies somewhere inside.

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It has sometimes come as a surprise to parents to learn that they are

as bright as their children. Some have recognised that when they

were children they had the same characteristics that their children

demonstrate. But their parents ignored such signs and they grew up

thinking they were strange or somehow just a bit "different."

Mothers are especially reluctant to acknowledge their own possible

giftedness. They still equate giftedness with achievement and if they

have not had high powered careers, or done something particularly

outstanding in some area, they flatly refuse to recognise signs of potential in themselves. However, look again at that son or daughter

that so many people say are so like you. Especially as your

daughter's role model, you should acknowledge your own abilities

(otherwise your message to her is that no female can be gifted).

Forget the stereotyped portrayal of the "nice but dumb" mother in the

film Little Man Tate. Most parents of gifted children are

intellectually equipped to raise their children effectively.

I leave you with these thoughts and hope they serve you well. Above

all, I wish you success and the joy that comes from seeing your

children grow up happy, successful ... and gifted.

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Appendix194

Acknowledgement

My thanks to our daughters Penny and Kerrin who provided the

illustrations.

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Appendix195

APPENDIX

Checklist to help recognise exceptional ability

Checklists are not meant to be totally reliable indicators of a child’s

ability. Each child is unique and it is very likely that all children will

show at least some of the characteristics listed, even though they are

not what we understand to be gifted. Checklists do, however, help

parents know what kinds of things to look for - the signs of talent or

extraordinary ability that they may otherwise miss.

Many checklists exist. If they are too short, they leave out too many

possibly important signs of exceptional ability. If they are too long,

they usually fail to discriminate between gifted and perhaps above

average or even average children. The one given here is a

compromise - it tries to include the most commonly mentioned

features without being overly detailed1

Potentially able children may show some of the following:

1Thanks to Susan Leyden, author of Helping the child of exceptional ability.

1. Great intellectual curiosity: a desire to know the why’s and

how’s of all events; provocative and searching questions;

dissatisfaction with simple explanations.

2. Superior reasoning ability; ability to deal with abstract

concepts, to generalise from specific facts, to see

connections between events.

3. Unusual persistence; a determination to complete tasks totheir own satisfaction; ability to concentrate for long

periods of time.

4. Exceptional speed of thought, rapid response to new ideas.

5. Ability to learn quickly and easily; understanding a task

often before the full instructions or explanations have been

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Appendix

given; needing little or no practice to acquire competence.

6. Good memory; apparent lack of need to rehearse learning,

or to revise.

7. Extensive vocabulary; heightened sensitivity to languagegenerally; insistence on the precise meaning of words;

delight in technical terms.

8. Acute powers of observation; close attention to detail.

9. Vivid imagination, both verbally and in other creative

work such as drawing and model-making.

10. Divergent thinking; tendency to look for unusual ways of

solving problems.

11. Great initiative; preference for independent work.12. Highly developed sense of humour, often esoteric; delight

in verbal puns.

13. Unusually high personal standards; frustration if they

cannot achieve the excellence they demand of themselves;

perfectionistic approach, not satisfied with approval from

others.

14. Impatience, both with self and with others; intolerance

towards others less able than themselves. Contempt foradults who talk down to them.

15. Sensitivity and highly strung behaviour: quick to react to

disapproval; easily frustrated; highly perceptive.

16. Wide range of interests: hobbies that are sometimes

unusual and which are followed with great enthusiasm and

competence. Often keen collectors.

17. Extensive knowledge and expertise in a particular subject

18. Preference for the company of older children and adults; boredom with the company and interests of peers.

19. Desire to direct others in play and in group activities.

20. Preoccupation with matters of philosophical and universal

concern, such as the nature of man, the meaning of life, the

concept of space, and so on. Very keen sense of justice.

IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT GIFTED

CHILDREN MAY NOT SHOW THEIR ABILITIES IN

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Appendix

OBVIOUS OR ACCEPTED WAYS.

They may, for example, be

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Appendix

1. Unusually articulate, but unable to produce good or neatly

written work.

2. Restless, inattentive, given to daydreaming.

3. Reticent, unwilling to reveal their knowledge, affecting

ignorance.

4. Unwilling to follow instructions for class tasks, preferring to do

things their own way.

5. Unenthusiastic about class work generally; appearing

ungracious, uncooperative or apathetic.

6. Hypercritical, persistently questioning the reasons given.

7. Quick to note inconsistencies, to point out errors of logic or

information.

8. Uncomfortably forthright in their assessment of situations and intheir ability to recognise discrepancies between what people

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