34 Chapter 2 ■ Skills for Success

Communicating

Communicating lets youconnect with other peopleto share thoughts andideas.

Open and honest communication with other peoplehelps you make healthy choices. Communicationprevents misunderstandings. It gives you a way to

share ideas. It even makes it easier for you to appreciateand respect other people’s opinions.

At its most basic, communication is an exchange betweena sender and a receiver. The sender transmits the messagewith a specific intent. The receiver interprets the messageand responds.

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Effective communication is when the receiver interpretsthe message the way the sender intended. Ineffectivecommunication is when the receiver misinterprets themessage. Sometimes the sender thinks the message isclear, but in fact it might confuse or mislead the receiver.

In order to ensure effective communication:

■ The message must be clear■ The sender must be able to deliver the message in a

concise and accurate manner■ The receiver must be able to hear and receive the

message■ The receiver must be able to interpret the message

correctly

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Skills for Success ■ Chapter 2 35

Using the CommunicationProcessYou can communicate effectively byusing a six-step process:

1. Be clear. The receiver is morelikely to get your message if youdeliver it in a way he can under-stand. Speak slowly. Considerwho he is. You probably use dif-ferent language when you talk toa teacher than when you talk to afriend. You might even use acompletely different type ofcommunication—face to faceinstead of a social networkingsite.

2. Be personal. Use the other per-son’s name—then he’ll know youare communicating with him. Use an “I” statement—a statement that startswith the word “I”—to frame the statement in terms of you and your goals. An“I” statement indicates that you are taking responsibility for your thoughtsand feelings. It helps the receiver understand your point of view and respondto you, instead of focusing on himself and how your statement affects him.

3. Be positive. Phrase your message in positive terms. Say what you want, notwhat you don’t want.

4. Get to the point. Follow the “I” statement with an explanation of the messageyou are sending. Explain how or why you feel a certain way, or how or whyyou think a certain thing.

5. Actively listen to the response. Pay attention and make sure you hear theresponse.

6. Think before you respond. Make sure you understand the message. Repeat it, ifnecessary, and ask questions for clarification. Use critical thinking to makesure you are not letting emotions and preconceived ideas get in the way.

Verbal Communications Verbal communication is the exchange of messages by speaking or writing. Formost of us, verbal communication is the most common way we stay in touch withother people in our lives. We talk face to face or on the phone. We send text mes-sages, e-mails, and instant messages. We write blogs, pass notes, and send cards.

Talking is usually a very effective form of verbal communication. When you speakclearly and use language the receiver understands, he or she almost always gets themessage the way you intend it.

Nonverbal communication helps put words into context. This form of communi-cation includes visual messages that the receiver can see, such as a smile when youare talking. It also includes physical messages, such as a pat on the back. During aconversation, the tone of your voice and the language you use combine to providecontext for the words.

When you write, you lose some of the context, which can make the communica-tion less effective. Exchanging written messages doesn’t take place face to face. Itmight be across great distances. When the receiver can’t hear your voice, he or shemight misinterpret the message.

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If you think people get the wrongmessage when you communicate, youmight need to work on context.Context is the information surround-ing your message that gives it mean-ing. What if people think you are kidding, even when you are being serious?✭ Nervous laughter might make a

serious message sound like a joke.✭ Rolling your eyes might distract

the listener.✭ Making eye contact lets the other

person know you are serious andattentive.

✭ Adding smiley face icons, pic-tures, and extra punctuationmakes a note or text seem lighthearted.

Context includes nonverbal communi-cation, such as your tone of voice,expressions, and body language. Italso includes an understanding orknowledge about you, the situation,and communications you might havehad before. How can you improveyour communication skills?

What message are you trans-mitting when you roll eyesand look away when some-one talks to you?

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Cross-Cultural CommunicationsNonverbal communications can be tricky when you are com-municating with people from different cultures. Personal

space, touching, and gestures frequently mean different thingsdepending on where in the world you live.

For instance, in the United States we call someone to us by bending ourindex finger. In Asian cultures, that gesture is used to call dogs and otheranimals and is considered insulting if used to a person.

Do you know of any other types of communication that mean differentthings to different people? Can you find examples on the Internet? Make aposter that shows an example and display it in your classroom.

36 Chapter 2 ■ Skills for Success

Active ListeningActive listening is an important part of effective communication. When you arean active listener, you pay attention to the speaker, and make sure you hear andunderstand the message.

Use these skills to be an active listener:

■ Show interest using eye contact and positive nonverbal messages.

■ Let the other person finish speaking before you respond.

■ Ignore distractions such as cell phones and other people.

■ Set your predetermined opinions and emotions aside.

■ Repeat the message that you hear out loud, to make sure you received it correctly.

Active listening is a sign of respect. It shows you are willing to communicate andthat you care about the speaker and the message. When you listen actively, theother person is more likely to listen when you speak, too.

Barriers toCommunicationBarriers to communication causea lot of misunderstandings. Yourfriend asked you to send her ahomework assignment, but younever did. What might haveblocked you from getting themessage?

The technology malfunc-tioned and your Internetconnection went down.

You were distracted by callwaiting, a text message, orsomeone else in the room.

She used an abbreviation or slang word you didn’t recognize.

She talked too fast.

She was complaining aboutthe assignment, so youstopped listening.

When you didn’t respond,your friend called again. Shespoke slowly and clearly andmade sure you understoodwhat she was asking.

Recognizing barriers and elimi-nating them will help you be abetter communicator, which willhelp you make more healthychoices. Can you think of otherbarriers that might get in theway of effective communication?

Why is it important tonot have distrctions whensomeone is trying to talkto you?

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Asking for and Giving Help You do not have to make every decision or solve every problem on your own. Youhave many people around to help, including family, friends, and teachers.

You might think asking for help is asign of weakness, but it’s really a signof strength. Recognizing that youneed help shows that you are respon-sible. It proves that you understandyour limitations. Face it—you don’tknow all the answers. Asking for helpshows that you want to learn fromthe experience of others.

When someone comes to you forhelp, remember it is his or her prob-lem to solve, not yours. With that inmind, you should listen carefully andcritically, and then share yourthoughts and opinions. Try not tomake the decision yourself—it’s notyour responsibility. If you don’tthink you are qualified to help, sayso, and then suggest someone whomight be. You can probably help afriend decide what to wear on a date, but a parent, teacher or counselor might bebetter equipped to offer advice on how to prepare for a job interview.

How can you recognizewhen you need to askfor help?

TECH CONNECT

Technology can make effective communications easier byeliminating barriers. Take the combination of video cam-eras and voice over Internet Protocol (VoIP). You can useyour computer to make a phone call and see the personyou are talking to on your monitor—including gestures,

facial expressions, and all those nonverbal messages that give context towords.

Can you think of other technologies that eliminate barriers to communica-tion? Research one and prepare a report about it. You might start bysearching for the key words communication technology. Share your reportwith your class.

WWhhoo CCaann HHeellpp??There are people who can help you inall the areas of your life. What if anolder student is teasing you on yourwalk to school each day?✭ Your parents can drive you to

school.✭ Your brothers and sisters can

walk with you.✭ Your friends can walk with you.✭ Your teachers can contact the

older student’s parents.✭ Your neighbors can look out for

you when you pass by.Can you think of a problem the people in your life helped you solve?

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