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EnglishFor Conflicts and Disputes

Presented by: Stuart SimpsonNovember 14, 2016

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Proper Language

"Just as we must know what we are looking at to see it, so we must have the proper language to think about the natural world." 

Bernard Leikind. What Will Tomorrow Bring? 2016. www.skeptic.com/reading_room/what-will-

tomorrow-bring/

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English as a 2nd Language

• Using the English Language for Conflicts & Disputes• Limitations of only ONE Language• Proper Language creates order from chaos• “Reality” is the map we have in our minds• Mental Paradigm• Tools for Communication

• Distinctions make the language useful!

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Useful Distinctions•Conflict or Dispute• Interests create Positions•Curiosity requires Listening•Questioning: the Good, the Bad & the Ugly•Understanding differs from Agreeing•Controlling the Outcome

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Conflict Management or Dispute Resolution

• One person’s Point-of-View

• “if only people would just act a certain way – whatever that way is – things would just be great!”

• “We need to impose guidelines for people to follow!”

• Two+ Disagree

• “a situation where you and another person have a disagreement over resolving a situation”

• “agreement to discover a solution”

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Interests and Positions• “Positions” – what they say they want• “My Position” – a solution that I say satisfies my “interests”• “Their Position” – a solution that they say best satisfies their “interests”

• “Interests” – what is really important?• Beliefs, values, priorities, desires, goals• Mostly subjective and personal

• Focus on “Interests” not “Positions”• Determine what is really required, not just what is requested

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Curiosity: links to Understanding

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

― Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

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Being Curious

Stop Talking! Start Listening! Ask Questions!

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Asking Questions• The Good: “Open

Questions”

• The Bad: “Closed Questions”

• The Ugly: “Why Questions”

What, where, when, how The four “good W’s” Being Curious

I’m so smart! This is what I think! Aren’t I right …?

Only response: Yes or No

Defensive response … because … Replace with “Good” question Curiosity not Provocation

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Understanding Differs From Agreeing

• Empathy:“the ability to understand and share the feelings of another”

• Sympathy:“feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune”

• Curiosity leads to understanding, achieving a true empathy!

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Controlling the Outcome: Who Decides?

• Negotiation

• Mediation

• Adjudication

Parties choose Outcome

Parties choose with assistance of a process-focussed facilitator (not a subject/topic expert)

Not medication, or meditation

Expert/Authority imposes decision on participantsLegal/Social System enforces existing laws and regulations

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Summary: English for Conflicts and Disputes

• Conflict• Dispute• Interests• Position• Curiosity• Understanding• Empathy• Mediation

Change the way you choose to “see” … Disagreement with someone over some thing Identify Common Interests Build Common Position; a solution for both parties Shift from talking to listening by asking questions Different from “agreeing” The bridge to shared feelings A third-party assists with the “process”

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Thank You

Stuart SimpsonContact: s.simpson.cms@gmail.com