Shame Brené Brown

Shame � “Shame is the swampland of our soul” � Guilt vs. Shame � First form of shame: “I’m not & will never be

enough” � Second form of shame: “Who do you think

you are?” � Shame is a result from fear of disconnection

Shame � Highly correlated with negative outcomes

�  Anxiety, depression, addiction, eating disorders, etc.

� The warm wash of shame feels the same for all

� But gender triggers shame differently �  Women: Must do it all, do it all perfectly,

and never let them see you sweat. �  Men: Must never be perceived as weak.

Shame � Epidemic in our culture � To get out from underneath it, we must

understand how it affects us � Shame grows exponentially in secrecy,

silence, and judgment � Shame is extinguished with empathy and

voice

What’s Behind Shame?

Fear of Vulnerability

Vulnerability � To let ourselves be fully seen � Emotional risk � Exposure � Uncertainty � To be fully honest

Vulnerability � Fuels our daily lives � Most accurate

measurement of pure courage

Wholehearted Living � Must believe that we’re worthy of love

and belonging in order to experience a strong sense of love and belonging

4 Characteristics of Wholehearted Living: 1.  Courage to be imperfect.

�  Courage: to tell the story of who you are, with your whole heart

Wholehearted Living 2.  Compassion to be kind to yourself first

and then to others 3.  Authenticity to be who we are

�  Connection happens when we’re willing to let go of who we think we should be in order to be who we are

Wholehearted Living 4.  Embrace vulnerability

�  Believe that what makes us vulnerable, makes us beautiful

�  Willingness to do something with no guarantees, breathe through the unknown, invest in a relationship that may not be permanent

What’s standing in our way 1.  We numb vulnerability

What’s standing in our way 2.  We make everything that’s uncertain,

certain

What’s standing in our way 3.  We pretend that what we do doesn’t

have an effect on others.

But wait, there’s another way!

� Love with our whole hearts, even if there’s no guarantee

� Practice gratitude and joy �  If we truly believe “I am

enough,” we’re kinder and gentler to those we know and love

“It  is  not  the  critic  who  counts;  not  the  man  who  points  out  how  the  strong  man  stumbles,  or  where  the  doer  of  deeds  could  have  done  them  better.      The  credit  belongs  to  the  man  who  is  actually  in  the  arena,  whose  face  is  marred  by  dust  and  sweat  and  blood;  who  strives  valiantly;  who  errs,  who  comes  short  again  and  again,  because  there  is  no  effort  without  error  and  shortcoming;  but  who  does  actually  strive  to  do  the  deeds;  who  knows  great  enthusiasms,  the  great  devotions;  who  spends  himself  in  a  worthy  cause;  who  at  the  best  knows  in  the  end  the  triumph  of  high  achievement,  and  who  at  the  worst,  if  he  fails,  at  least  fails  while  daring  greatly,  so  that  his  place  shall  never  be  with  those  cold  and  timid  souls  who  neither  know  victory  nor  defeat.”    

-Theodore Roosevelt

Comments? Brené Brown: Shame

Training Prepared by Allie Gross, MSW Intern