Shailin O’Connell, Biehl International Research … · 4 Shailin O’Connell, Biehl International...

1 Shailin O’Connell, Biehl International Research Fellowship, Summer 2016

Analysis of Matchmaking Practices and Shifting

Marriage Attitudes in Osaka, Japan

Shailin O’Connell

Biehl International Research Fellowship, Summer 2016

Asian Studies Department

INTRODUCTION

Will an economic powerhouse drop off the map? Thanks to record low marriage

and fertility rates, Japan is currently experiencing a population crisis that could stagnate

its economy for generations. According to the Japanese Cabinet Office (2011), 86% of

single Japanese people report wanting to marry, even though the Statistics Bureau of

Japan reports that marriage rates stand at only 5.1 per 1,000 people, compared to 10.0 in

just the 1970s (2014, Japanese Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications).

Moreover, according to the Asia Research Institute, among couples that do marry, the

average age for first marriage has moved from around 24 for women and 26 for men in

1970 to 29 for women and 31 for men in 2005 (2011, The Economist). During my


semester studying abroad in Japan last fall I developed an indepth written survey, which

I then administered to fifty Japanese and international college students, asking them

questions about their views of marriage and relationships in Japan. This small research

project spurred my interest in the subject and this summer, thanks to the Biehl Fellowship

I spent eight weeks in Japan again, expanding upon the issues that I found to be of

particular interest.

My project aims to show a snapshot of the current state of marriage in Osaka,

Japan, and to explore some of the reasons people are marrying late or never, a growing

phenomenon which is known as “Bankon” in Japanese. My data also sheds insight into

how Japanese people themselves view that particular issue and think that it could be

addressed. The primary reason that the marriage decline is troubling is because childbirth

outside of marriage is exceedingly rare, making up only 2.11 percent of all births

(compared to 41 percent in the US), and the Japanese fertility rate is at an alltime low of

1.37 (Ezawa, 2008). Japan has virtually no immigration, so the low birthrate has resulted

nearly one million fewer Japanese citizens in 2015 than in 2010, and a quarter of the

population aged over 65 (Soble, 2016). This is creating an economic situation where

there will soon be not enough younger Japanese to support the aging population. By 2050

there will only be 1.3 workers to support each unworking senior, and social security costs

are estimated to make up a quarter of the country’s GDP by 2026 (Ghosh, 2014).

In my research, I addressed the question of why Japanese couples are marrying

later and less often. Specifically, I studied how this issue comes about and how it is

viewed in Japanese society. Though arranged marriages are not nearly as common as they


used to be, “Nakoudo” (or Japanese professional matchmakers) still play a visible role in

the dating game by reviewing client profiles and arranging dates, “Omiai” marriage

interviews, and “Konkatsu Paati” marriage parties where singles can meet and socialize

with potential spouses. I explored both the Nakoudo matchmaking system as well as

more familiar forms of meeting potential love interests, such as bars, nightclubs, and

dating applications, to examine how Japanese people are approaching the hunt for a

partner or spouse.

In my eight weeks spent in Japan, I conducted paper surveys on 107 people, 98 of

whom were male, and 9 female. I also interviewed one man working as a Nakoudo at a

matchmaking company, one man and one woman who had been clients at such a

company, and nine other men with no relation to the industry. Their opinions and

experiences shed light on how gendered expectations and stereotypes, economic

conditions, and the discrepancy between one’s ideal spouse and the reality of the dating

pool, all come together to create a marriage landscape that is looking more and more

bleak. By conducting surveys and interviewing Japanese people who were both involved

in the marriage search and not, I also explored the construct of marriage as it stands

today, which painted a picture far more nuanced than the statistics would have it seem.

PROJECT DIFFICULTIES AND SETBACKS

In early May I began reaching out to companies that organize dates, Omiai, and

matchmaking parties for Japanese singles. I utilized an online company registry to find

websites and sent inquiries to ten first, then another two every time I received a negative


reply. All of the replies I received were refusals, mostly under the reasoning that they

were in a confidential business and needed to protect the privacy of their clients. Though

I of course promised that the nature of my research was confidential, and that I would not

be asking for any of their client’s personally identifying information, they were

understandably concerned about compromising any of their confidentiality agreements.

This made it impossible to get the contacts I was hoping for prior to my arrival in

Japan in midJune, and also quite difficult once I was there. I had originally hoped to

interview at least ten employees and clients of matchmaking companies. Since none of

the companies were willing to meet or work with me, I fell sadly short of that goal. Once

in Japan I continued to email until I ran out of contacts, and eventually had to resort to

less formal methods of collecting research subjects. Thankfully, I was able to reach out to

many people that I met through mutual friends, and began approaching strangers at bars,

in stores, and on the streets. Many of the people who consented to help with my project

also gave me the contact information of friends they knew who might also be willing to

help, which is how I finally managed to talk with both a professional Nakoudo and two

former clients.

A MALE – CENTERED APPROACH

It is certainly worth mentioning that my respondents for this project were far from

a representative sample, and my numbers cannot possibly qualify as statistically

significant. Rather, what I have accomplished is a short ethnography of sorts, and my

data is qualitative though not quantitative. One thing that stands out immediately is that


nearly all of my research subjects are men, though they range in age from 18 to 53. I

noticed this early on, and decided to focus my attention on the male point of view.

Though I provide some female statistics and commentary in this paper, I am

concentrating on the males and their opinions, experiences and unique perspectives. This

further narrowing of my topic allowed me to dig deeper into the data that I gathered from

my subjects, and to specialize my theories and conclusions regarding the information

they provided me.

A NOTE ON TRANSLATION AND PRIVACY

In order to protect the privacy of the individuals referenced in this paper, all

names have been changed, and no other personally identifying information such as

specific location or name of employer has been included. Many, though not all, of the

comments I received in both interviews and surveys were originally in Japanese, but are

presented in English for the purpose of this paper. Translations were done to the best of

my ability, consulting a dictionary and/or native Japanese speaker when necessary.

BRIEF HISTORY OF MARRIAGE

Traditionally, families in Japan operated based on a patriarchal and hierarchical

system, with parents and/or extended family living together with a married couple. A

Nakoudo, either a professional or trusted acquaintance, would find a suitable match, work

to negotiate a marriage agreement between two families, and arrange the formal Omiai

meeting where the couple and their parents met for the first time. The couple themselves


usually had very little say in the matter: it was their fathers and, to a lesser degree,

mothers who had the decisionmaking power. If the Omiai was a success, marriage

arrangements would commence. In most cases, the bride would move in with the groom’s

family, unless she had no brothers and the groom was to be adopted into her family as the

heir. This was the predominant style of marriage across classes until Japan opened to the

world in 1868, when some slight shift towards love marriage began. Change began in

earnest however after World War II, when women began seeking higher education and

mass entry into the work force. According to Kumagai, love marriages made up only

13.4% of all marriages in Japan in 1935, but by 2010 they accounted for 88.1%; arranged

marriage conversely fell from over 70% to only 7.3% (Kumagai, 2014).

Since then, family structure has been shifting towards nuclear (or conjugal)

structure, and marriages tend to be for love more often than by familial decree (Kato,

2013). Though Omiai are still a fairly common practice compared to Western standards,

the decision to marry lies with the couple, and personal compatibility and love are criteria

for even Nakoudoarranged marriages. Despite the relative freedom to marry for love,

however, marriage in Japan is at an all time low and the birth rate continues to drop.

Once standing at 4.54 children born per mother in the 1940s, as of 2013 that rate has

fallen to 1.43, well below replacement (Alter, 2015). Similarly, in the 1920s, only 2% of

Japanese men and women remained unmarried their entire lives, but as of 2010 that

number has grown to 20% for men and 11% for women (Kumagai, 2014). Recently, this

Bankon phenomenon has posed such a problem that governments at the local and state

level have begun stepping in to promote dating, marriage, and procreation. Events such as


“Machi Kon” are townlevel group activities organized by the local government for the

express purpose of getting men and women to meet each other, and municipal offices in

most prefectures operate their own Omiai services to residents. As of yet, however, their

actions have yet to reverse or even slow the stagnation of marriage and childbearing in

Japan.

SHUNDAI’S SEARCH FOR MARRIAGE

Shundai, a 39 year old man from Osaka with a wellpaying job at a publishing

company, confided in me that he used to be searching for a wife, but has since given up

hope. “If I meet someone, and we get along well, then of course I would want to marry

her… but I am no longer hopeful that will happen. I will probably never marry.” Shundai

is a fit, reasonably attractive man who can promise economic security to a potential

spouse, yet he, like so many others in his position, lacks the confidence and optimism to

search for a wife. “I wish I was married, I think my life would be a lot happier with a

wife. Now though, I am living alone and it is pleasant enough, I think that this is the best

I can hope for,” he explained, with a forlorn smile. He continued to tell me that when he

was younger, he had tried to meet women at bars or through mutual friends, and at one

point had a serious relationship with marriage potential. Now, however, his social life

consisted of drinking with his bachelor coworkers and the occasional barbecue, with no

women in sight.

“I would like to have children, but that does not seem possible,” Shundai stated,

echoing a firmly held belief that children should not be born outside of a married couple,


shared by an incredible 100% of my survey respondents. He continued that though he

believes the falling birthrate to be a looming problem for Japan’s economy, he thinks that

children themselves are contributing to the marriage crisis and subsequent decrease in

children. “Before you are married, you are free to live how you want and to put yourself

first. After marriage you need to provide for a wife and children, and all your money goes

to making them happy. Many people want to put off marriage because they do not want

to lose that freedom.” Shundai was not alone in this sentiment: many of the respondents

to my paper survey mentioned their reluctance to give up economic freedom as a primary

reason to delay marriage and procreation. He proposed that an increase

governmentsubsidized or lowcost daycare and preschool options would help married

couples feel comfortable taking on the expense of a child, or multiple children.

Shundai decided that he was unlikely to be able to find a wife, and therefore has

long since given up on trying. When I asked why he did not try using a professional

matchmaking service to find someone, Shundai said that he felt they were too

mechanical, and too expensive in what he saw as the inevitable event that he fail to find a

partner. He explained his cynical views on Omiai and matchmaking to me, making it

clear that he felt nothing but scorn for the practice. Though commonplace in Japan

historically, Shundai felt that they were an outdated and pitiable industry today. “Only

people who are desperate and unhappy would use such companies… it is like paying for

a wife. As a man, I have to prove my economic merit, pass background checks, show that

I would be a good husband and father, before I even meet a woman! Then what if I don’t

like her? Women who use Nakoudo services are often ugly and selfish, I do not think I


would be happy with an arrangement like that.” His negative views of matchmaking

services were more extreme than those of most Japanese I gathered data from, but some

disdain or skepticism was a shared by many.

In my survey I asked the question “Would you consider using a traditional

Japanese matchmaking service?” From all my respondents, only two females and seven

males, 8.26% of the total, answered that they would readily do so. Another seven females

and thirtyeight males, or 41.28%, answered that they would use it if they believed it was

their only option, and the remaining half answered that they would definitely not consider

it. Why is the idea of utilizing a matchmaking service so unappealing to Japanese today?

Assuming that one wants to get married, which approximately 99% of my respondents

did, why is the practice of Omiai so stigmatized?

NATSUKI’S PERSPECTIVE

One of my most valuable interviews was with Natsuki, a 49 yearold Nakoudo

working at a prominent matchmaking company whose Osaka branch office I visited.

Natsuki had been at his company since shortly after he graduated college, over

twentyfive years, and was excited to share his experiences with me. “Matchmaking is

not as clinical as people think, it is an art […] helping people to find their perfect match

is a very rewarding career,” Natsuki smiled as he began to talk with me, and I could not

help but be touched by his passion for the job. Natsuki was now a manager at his office,

and wanted me to know that even though he did not believe his superiors would approve

of him talking to me, he was hopeful that understanding his point of view may soften the


opinions of many towards companies like his own. “Many people do not understand why

I work as a Nakoudo, I am often told that it is outdated, or women’s work, or that I am

wrongfully profiting from other people’s happiness. Even my wife does not understand

why I love working for my company […] we met in college and married for love, so she

thinks that all people should meet like us.”

Natsuki’s company ran similarly to many other matchmaking businesses that I

researched, where both men and women pay a series of fees to the company ranging

anywhere from a few hundred USD to the low thousands, depending on the type of

service, how long it takes to find a partner, and how much attention and personalization

that the company provides. Both individuals then fill out many forms such as resumes,

personality profiling, spouse preferences, family medical, educational, and marital

backgrounds, their own dating history, and a personal statement of why they are using the

service and a detailed timeline of what they hope for in the future should they meet a

suitable match. Some men also submit to having a personal investigator do an indepth

background check including things such as interviews with extended family, college

professors, and work colleagues, to make sure that he is trustworthy and desirable. These

exhaustive reports go so far as to include any “potentially troublesome habits” that the

man might have, such as “chewing his chopsticks” (Pitman, 1993).

Natsuki was well aware that his business faces criticism, especially, he said, from

younger Japanese. “Everyone nowadays wants a love marriage, they want to meet

someone who is their ideal, and they won’t settle for anything less.” He continued,

“Some people, like me, we are lucky, and we are able to marry happily without any help


[…] but many people need friends, family, or even professionals to help them find

suitable matches, to introduce them.” Even outside of paid services such as Natsuki’s,

many couples in Japan are set up on dates by friends or family members, and all of my

interview subjects reported having gone on many first dates that way.

Natsuki explained to me that he believed a big problem facing Japanese people

today is that expectation of finding a ‘perfect’ partner, and refusing to consider dating

anyone who does not immediately meet their sometimesimpossible ideals. He surmised

that this was also a strong contributing factor in the Bankon phenomenon, since many

people only find someone who meets their standards late in life, or more likely not at all.

“Eventually, many people are lonely so they settle for less than they want, which is a

good thing when one’s original ideal is unrealistic. Then, some people will use Nakoudo,

but many are afraid, I think, that using an Omiai service means that they will have to

settle for someone they do not really love,” Natsuki mused to me, but he found this

construct puzzling since many people who rush into marriages for fear of being alone do

not know as much about their partner as they would if they had used an Omiai service.

The biggest benefits of companies like his, Natsuki explained, is that clients could

really know everything about their partner, and by simply reading their Omiai resume and

profiling results, could skip months of conversation that might lead nowhere. “You get to

know your date very quickly, you learn everything that is important up front, and then if

there is chemistry when you meet, you know it is good to move ahead towards a happy

marriage.”


YOICHI: LAIDBACK AND LONELY

Yoichi, a 19 yearold college student, has dated two girls in his lifetime, a number

that to him seems just right. “I don’t like spending time with girls [...] being friends with

them, hanging out with them, it’s all very tiresome. I really have no interest in being

around girls, I’d rather just hang out with my friends or spend time on my hobbies,” he

explained. Yoichi asserted that he very much loved the two girls he had dated, and even

dreamed of marrying them, but that it was simply too much effort to search through

dozens of girls to find another one that he would like to be with. He preferred to wait

until another suitable girl happened upon him, and spend his time freely how he pleased

(far away from women) until that happened. Both of his prior girlfriends were love at first

sight for him, so he believed that he does not need to have female friends or socialize

with female classmates because he will know when he meets the perfect girl. This type of

genderstratified socializing is even more rampant in Japan than in the US or other

Western countries. “Of course, I am lonely [...] I want to get married, and a good

girlfriend would make me happy, but there is plenty of time,” Yoichi said nonchalantly.

His laidback attitude failed to mask what I perceived as a casual loneliness, belied by the

longing in his voice as he reminisced to me about happy times with his past girlfriends,

and the excited tone when he explained his dreams for the future with a wife and

children.

Eventually, if he reaches the age of thirty without finding someone, Yoichi thinks

he will begin to search or even try a matchmaking agency. “They are oldfashioned, but I

think they are very useful [...] they help to weed out unsuitable matches before you have


to meet them, so it would be easier to find someone quickly,” he reasoned. For Yoichi,

the prospect of having fewer potential partners to sort through on his own was highly

appealing, and the streamlined process of Omiai was a safety net in his future if he did

not meet anyone on his own sooner. Several of my survey respondents similarly

commented that the biggest appeal of Nakoudo and Omiai was the general speed,

security, and ease of transitioning from bachelor to married man with minimum risk or

effort. “Even when you are busy with work, they will find a wife for you so you don’t

have to worry about anything,” commented a 24 yearold office worker. “Since you are

paying them, they work very hard to find you someone suitable. Even if you can’t find

someone on your own they can, even if it takes them a lot of time,” said a 27 yearold

photographer, and similar sentiments were echoed by many other male respondents of all

ages.

TAKUYA ON CULTURAL DIFFERENCES

Takuya is a 22 yearold student at a highlevel university in Japan. With less than

one year left in school, he is already thinking about marriage. “I want to get married as

soon as possible [...] to have children as soon as possible,” he confided in me, “I want to

have a family as soon as I can support the lifestyle.” He just met and began dating a new

girl within the month, but he says he is hoping to marry her as soon as next year. This

makes Takuya an anomaly among his friends, he said, who think that he is rushing things.

“Most of my friends want to get married around thirty, because they want to keep

enjoying life on their own,” he explained, citing the high amount of money, time, and


responsibility taken up by a family as why they wanted to delay the event. “They still

want to play around and put themselves first [...] but I don’t want to miss my chance, I

have played enough and I think a family will make me happiest,” Takuya said smiling,

his excitement clearly visible. His enthusiasm to commit to a family so young was unique

among the men I surveyed and interviewed, which makes him an interesting study.

At first I questioned whether it could be his rural roots that influenced Takuya’s

thinking, but he assured me he was unique among his friends from home as well.

Additionally, his family situation seemed average, and his elder brother was in no rush to

the altar, so that ruled out family as a causal factor. Takuya himself was unsure about

what made him more eager to marry than most of his peers, but attributed it to his level of

satisfaction in life. “Most guys care so much about having fun, and they don’t see

marriage as fun. I’ve already had a lot of fun, I’ve experienced everything; now I am

ready to move on,” he explained, citing that he had already tried everything else he

wanted to do, and enjoyed it to the fullest, so he did not think he would be giving

anything up to marry and start a family. Takuya’s friends, however, were afraid to lose

themselves in marriage, and were in no rush to begin what they saw as a long and boring

adulthood.

Similarly, Takuya theorized that his attraction to Western girls might play a role

in shaping his view on marriage. Though he has dated both Japanese and Western girls,

he confessed that he greatly preferred dating the foreigners, who he found to be much

more pleasant and openminded. “Japanese girls are always trying to control their

boyfriends, they want to know where I am and who I’m with, and they won’t even let me


go out on weekends,” he exclaimed, clearly frustrated that even though he was doing

nothing wrong he was unable to shirk the distrust and control of his Japanese girlfriends.

In his experience, Japanese girls “Always need to know everything, to control and be a

part of everything [...] but then they are selfish and do what they want while I sit at home

alone.” Western girls, on the other hand, had always encouraged him to see his friends

and to indulge in his interests and hobbies. When he marries a Western girl, he would not

be as trapped as many of his friends would with Japanese wives, and he would still be

able to see friends as long as he was fulfilling his duties as a husband.

Furthermore, in his past relationships with Western girls, some amount of time

dating longdistance had always been necessary, which Takuya said ensured he was truly

committed to them. “Long distance is hard and lonely, so you need to be really serious

and in love to make it work,” he mused, continuing to say that having such relationships

may have forced him to start considering his future with his girlfriends more seriously at

an earlier age than many of his peers. Takuya is preparing for longdistance again with

his new (Western) girlfriend, but says he is not worried because they are both in love and

trust each other to be faithful while they are apart. “This might be my last year without a

family to provide for, so of course I want to go out with my friends a lot, and my

girlfriend is the same [...] but we will still put each other first, and when we graduate then

we can be together and we won’t need to always be drinking or going clubs anymore,”

Takuya said matteroffactly, with a certainty of a scientist explaining gravity.

Takuya saw nothing wrong with using Nakoudo to meet a spouse, but says that he

could not see himself doing it because meeting girls had always been easy for him, and


he doubted he would find the kind of girl he was looking for through such a service.

“Since I don’t have much interest in Japanese girls, I don’t think it would work for me, I

would rather use a dating application, like Japan Cupid or Tinder,” he laughed, but said

he had never needed to use any of those applications either. For Takuya, meeting a girl at

a bar or through mutual friends was always the best way, and he said that he believed

Omiai businesses mostly cater to those who were either too busy, awkward, or

undesirable to find dates on their own.

AKIHIRO: A LOVE STORY

Tall, fit, and undeniably handsome, 31 yearold Akihiro did not immediately fit

Takuya’s description of ‘undesirable’ people who use Nakoudo services. He was a

graduate from a top University, had studied abroad at an Ivy League for graduate school,

and now worked an excellent job at an international trading company that even I had

heard of. Akihiro was charming, personable, and assured me that he had plenty of free

time and had often met women at bars and dated before he turned to Omiai. So why then

had he chosen to abandon meeting women on his own in favor of a paid matchmaker?

Akihiro described his though process to me as follows: “I have always thought that I

would have an arranged marriage, it is a good system and I felt like I could trust the

matchmaker [...] I knew what I wanted in a woman, but women often lie to the men they

date to seem more perfect. I could not trust that a woman I dated would show me her real

self until we were married.” Akihiro believed that even though women are inherently


deceitful, they would be honest with the matchmakers about what they wanted and how

they wanted to live because it was in their best interests.

Akihiro had dated women until his late twenties, but was never serious about any

of them because he planned to begin Omiai by the time he was thirty. He told me he met

a total of eleven women through the matchmaker before settling on the twelfth as his

perfect wife. “My wife is everything I wanted, and we are expecting our first child in

December [...] I would not have been able to achieve this happiness without Omiai,” he

smiled as he talked, and showed me a picture of his beautiful wife. According to Akihiro,

it was much easier to fall in love with someone he met through a matchmaker because he

knew that they wanted the same things and that he could trust her.

Though he has not received any negative feedback from friends or coworkers for

using a matchmaking service, Akihiro said that most did not understand why he preferred

to get married that way. “I always recommend it to my friends, maybe it is a bit

expensive but they will certainly come away with a good wife,” he told me, and

continued to say that two of his colleagues had also met their wives at Omiai and were

both happily married. To Akihiro, there was no sense in the idea that turning to a

matchmaker to find a spouse was a failure to do so on your own. He praised the

streamlined and efficient methods, and thinks that Japanese people should return to using

more traditional styles of finding a partner. Akihiro also propose that Nakoudo were the

ideal solution to the Bankon problem, and suggested that if the government helped

alleviate some of the cost by means of monetary grants or tax deductions, more people


would use professional matchmakers and help reverse the declining marriage and birth

rates.

AKANE: A FEMALE PERSPECTIVE

Akane is a 33 yearold preschool teacher who recently met and married a man

through a prominent Omiai company similar to Natsuki’s. For her, the decision to use

such a service was easy, but coming up with the money to pay for it was not. “Nakoudo

are fairly expensive, and I had to save for many months before I felt comfortable paying

for the service,” She admitted, seeming embarrassed that the expense was a stretch for

her. Akane reasoned that her time to find a husband and have children was running out,

and with no prospects, turning to a professional matchmaker was both natural and

relieving to her. “I knew that it was my best chance to find a good husband, so of course I

wanted to try Omiai,” she said smiling, “It is a good option for a woman in my position, I

was even lucky to find a husband quickly!” After only one other failed introduction,

Akane met her husband at an Omiai and quickly became attached; they were married less

than six months later. She seems happy with her decision and her new life, and assured

me that she would recommend the process to anyone seriously searching for a spouse.

According to Akane, one reason that younger Japanese people may spurn

Nakoudo and Omiai services is because they view the resulting union as simply

contractual, with no love or genuine attachment. She theorizes that men especially view

them this way, since the system caters to the idea that men must be able to financially

support his new family once they are wed – whereas the economic commitment for the


woman is assumed to be far less. “Maybe not all couples who meet through matchmaking

services fall in love, but I think most do, and I did. I also am not going to stop working

just because I am married, though I will take time off when my children are very young,”

she stated, a factor she believed had contributed to her marketability during the marriage

search. “Some women go to matchmakers just to find a rich husband to take care of them,

so they can use his money and not work,” Akane admitted, but assured me that this was

the minority, though she thought they gave the practice a bad name and dissuaded men

who might otherwise have been interested. Several of my survey respondents echoed this

idea that the matchmaking system was inherently sexist, and fashioned around outdated

gender roles that have been slow in change in corporate Japan.

EVOLUTION IN THE DATING AND MARRIAGE LANDSCAPE

The lingering notion of husband as boss and provider and wife as caretaker and

homemaker seems stronger in Japan than in the US or other Western nations. An

interesting contrast that I noticed in my research, however, was that most men seemed to

want their wife to continue upholding that gender role ideal while rebelling at the idea

that they may be expected to do the same. As Koichi, a 24 yearold office worker, put it,

“I want my wife to work too, so that I do not have to support my family alone,” but also

“It is important to me that my wife will cook and clean and care for the children, that is

part of being a wife.” Koichi wanted the best of both worlds, and was consequently

unsatisfied with the women he had dated because they fell squarely into one camp or the


other: they wanted to be a stayathome wife and mother, or they wanted to continue a

career and split things like housework and childcare.

Of my survey respondents, fiftysix men wrote in a value for the “other” category

when I asked what was important to them in a longterm partner. Of those fiftysix men,

fortytwo, or approximately 43% of my total, said they wanted someone who would be a

‘good wife’ or ‘good mother,’ or that who was good at housework, would take care of

them, or even ‘wants to be a housewife.’ Four men (approximately 4%) said that they

wanted their wife to be ‘submissive’ or ‘obedient.’ Conversely, only one man wrote in

that he wanted his wife to pursue her own career. If gender roles still play such a huge

role in how the average Japanese man views his wife and their relationship, then in an

age of feminism and women having the freedom and options to pursue whatever path she

may choose, it is not hard to see why some may be chafing at the idea of stepping

backwards into a marriage where they are expected to give up some of that freedom to fit

into their husbands ideals.

CONCLUSION

Japan is, to me, a magical country, and there are many parts of its unique culture

that draw foreigners in and entrance us with their beauty, cuteness, or power. A unique

culture, however, understandably comes with unique problems, and Japan is facing one

of its biggest and most pervasive problems in Bankon. Left unchecked, the country will

face a serious economic and population crisis in the years to come, but it is not too late

and there are still many things that can be done to alleviate the situation. My study shows


that attitudes toward marriage in Japan are conflicting: on one hand, marriage is still

greatly idealized and sought after, but on the other hand it is getting harder to achieve and

many people seem unwilling to take on a more active search for a partner.

All over the world, the practice and customs of marriage are always changing, and

though they have certainly changed in Japan many times, it seems time for Japanese

people to change yet again and to address the challenges that are making marriage hard.

Nakoudo and Omiai are not the entire solution, but I believe that they may be able to

become a significant part of it. In an ideal world, people would meet and fall in love

seamlessly, marry once and live happily ever after, with as many (or as few) children as

they wanted. The reality, however, is that in modern Japan, outdated gender roles,

stereotypes, and economic pressure are making such idyllic love stories few and far

between. The time that I spent in Japan was short, but I was able to observe many kinds

of people and learn about their views on Bankon, marriage, children, and Nakoudo/Omiai

services. Similarly to how online dating is viewed in the US, there is some stigma

surrounding the use of such services, but the eventual consensus among all of my

respondents, even those who looked down on the practice the most, was that if a couple

met in that way and was happy, then of course it was fine. If this acceptance could spread

into being more open to the idea of using a matchmaking service, then surely more

couples would be marrying and producing children.

This is not to say that I think matchmaking services are preferable to meeting

people informally in other ways, or that there should not be steps taken to try to

encourage and increase marriage (and procreation) at other stages before a matchmaker is


involved. However, my observations suggest that further promoting and subsidizing

Omiai and Nakoudo services more could be a positive and successful way to increase

marriage rates among Japanese people. There are many root problems contributing to

Bankon, but my findings suggest that one of the primary causes could be deeprooted

beliefs and attitudes toward members of the opposite sex. If this is indeed the case, then

in addition to simply attempting to increase marriage, it seems imperative that those

causes are addressed if anyone hopes to solve the ‘symptom’ that is Bankon. To this end,

I believe that educational campaigns starting in elementary school, increased mandatory

coeducational activities, and positive portrayal of desirable figures and couples that do

not fit traditional gender roles could all be useful tactics. For the current set of adults,

however, despite stigma and misconceptions, professional matchmakers may prove to be

the most promising option for finding a spouse.


REFERENCES

Alexy, A. & Ronald, R., Eds. Home and Family in Japan: Continuity and

Transformation. Routledge, 2013. Print

Altstein, H. and Simon, R. J. Global Perspectives on Social Issues: Marriage and

Divorce. Oxford: Lexington books, 2003. Print

Applbaum, K. D. “Marriage With a Proper Stranger.” Ethnology. 34 (1), 3751. 1995.

http://www.jstor.org/stable/3773862

Bestor, T. C., Bestor, V. & Yamagata, A., Eds. Routledge Handbook of Japanese Culture

and Society. Taylor & Francis, 2013. Print

Cohen D, Crabtree B. "Qualitative Research Guidelines Project." July 2006. Accessed

February, 2016 http://www.qualres.org/HomeSemi3629.html

FujimuraFanselow, K. Transforming Japan: How Feminism and Diversity are Making a

Difference. New York: Feminist Press, 2011.

Ghosh, P. “Japan Encourages Young People to Date and Mate to Reverse Birth Rate

Plunge, but it May be Too Late.” March 2014, International Business Times.

Accessed February, 2016

http://www.ibtimes.com/japanencouragesyoungpeopledatematereversebirth

rateplungeit maybetoolate1562867

Goodman, R. Family and Social Policy in Japan . Cambridge: Cambridge University

Press, 2002. Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications “Official Statistics of

http://www.ibtimes.com/japan%C2%ADencourages%C2%ADyoung%C2%ADpeople%C2%ADdate%C2%ADmate%C2%ADreverse%C2%ADbirth%C2%AD


Japan.” Accessed February 2016.

http://www.estat.go.jp/SG1/estat/eStatTopPortalE.do

Ito, M. “Japan, an EverChanging Institution.” November 2009. Accessed February, 2016

http://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2009/11/03/news/marriageeverchanginginsti

tution/#.VsHRt 3QrIfF

Knight, J. “Municipal Matchmaking in Rural Japan.” Anthropology Today . 11 (2), 917.

April 1995. http://www.jstor.org/stable/2783202

Kumagai, F. Family Issues on Marriage, Divorce, and Older Adults in Japan. Springer,

2014. Print

Nemoto, K. “Postponed Marriage: Exploring Women’s Views of Matrimony and Work

in Japan.” Gender and Society. 22 (2), 219237. April, 2008.

http://www.jstor.org/stable/27821634

Pitman, J. “With This Detective Agency Report, I Thee Wed; Tokyo.” The Times

(London, England). January 9, 1993. Audio. http://encore.sewanee.edu:50080/gale

go/ps/i.do?&id=GALE|A116018634&v=2.1&u=tel_a_uots&it=r&p=AONE&sw=w

Soble, J. “Japan Lost Nearly a Million People in Five Years, Census Says” February 26,

2016. Accessed February 2016.

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/27/world/asia/japanconfirmsadeclineinpopu

lation.html?_r =0

Toshiaki, T. The New Paradox for Japanese Women: Greater Choice, Greater

Inequality . Tokyo: International House of Japan, Inc., 2008. Print

Quah, S. R., Ed. Routledge Handbook of Families in Asia. Routledge, 2015. Print

http://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2009/11/03/news/marriage%C2%ADever%C2%ADchanging%C2%ADinsti

http://encore.sewanee.edu:50080/gale-%09go/ps/i.do?&id=GALE%7CA116018634&v=2.1&u=tel_a_uots&it=r&p=AONE&sw=%09w




http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/27/world/asia/japan%C2%ADconfirms%C2%ADa%C2%ADdecline%C2%ADin%C2%ADpopu

Shailin O’Connell, Biehl International Research … · 4 Shailin O’Connell, Biehl International...

Documents

Transcript of Shailin O’Connell, Biehl International Research … · 4 Shailin O’Connell, Biehl International...