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ERROR #1: “UN CAFÉ DE MOCHA”

“A MOCHA COFFEE” IS WHAT I WANTED TO SAY• BUT I SAID “DAME UN CAFÉ DE MOCO”.• THIS SENTENCE CAUSED A FEW GIGGLES. WHY?

• THE WORD, “MOCO” MEANS “SNOT” OR “MUCOUS”!

ERROR #2:“SU PERRO JUELLE RICO”THE WORD “PERRO”

MEANS DOG AND I WANTED TO SAY, “YOUR DOG SMELLS GOOD.” (THE DOG HAD JUST COME FROM THE GROOMERS.)

BUT IT SOUNDED LIKE I SAID “PEDO”SEE, I AM NOT VERY GOOD AT ROLLING MY R’S.. SO IT CAME OUT SOUNDING LIKE “SU PEDO JUELLE RICO,” WHICH CAUSED EVERYONE TO LAUGH. WHY? BECAUSE PEDO MEANS “FART”. YEP, I HAD ACTUALLY SAID: “YOUR FART SMELLS GOOD!”

ERROR #3: “TIENE SOPA?”I WAS IN THE BATHROOM AND I WANTED TO WASH MY HANDS, BUT WE WERE OUT OF SOAP. SO I ASKED MY SPANISH-SPEAKING MOTHER-IN-LAW

“DO YOU HAVE SOAP?”

IT TOOK HER FOREVER TO RETURN!•WHEN SHE FINALLY CAME BACK, SHE BROUGHT ME A MICRO-WAVED BOWL OF SOUP.•WHY? (GULP) BECAUSE “SOPA” MEANS “SOUP.”•SOAP TO WASH YOUR HANDS = “JABON”

ERROR #4: ESTOY MUY EXITADA!I SAID“YO ESTOY MUY EXITADA SER AQUI.” IN ENGLISH: “I’M REALLY EXCITED TO BE HERE!”

UNFORTUNATELY! I SHOULD HAVE SAID“YO ESTOY MUY EMOCIONADO SER AQUI”WHY? BECAUSE “ESTOY MUY EXITADA” TRANSLATES TO ... READY?“I’M VERY HORNY BEING HERE!” DEFINITELY NOT GOOD.

ERROR #5 “VAMOS A LA CASA”•I WANTED TO SHOW

AN ATTRACTIVE HEAVY-SET WOMAN A HOUSE, SO I SAID TO HER, “VAMOS A LA CASA” WHICH MEANS, “LET’S GO TO THE HOUSE,”RIGHT?

EXCEPT THAT I SAID CAMA NOT CASA•“VAMOS A LA CAMA” MEANS “LET’S GO TO BED”. •AND I SAID IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY WIFE TOO! • THE WOMAN LAUGHED IT OFF, WITH , “SI, SI, VAMOS A LA CAMA.” •I DON’T THINK I’VE EVER LIVED THAT ONE DOWN!

ERROR #6: THE WORD “LA BALLENA”•THE WORD “LA BALLENA” IN SPANISH MEANS “WHALE”. SO “LA BALLENA GRANDOTE” = HUGE WHALE.

TWO L’S IN A WORD = A JAY SOUND•IN PLACES LIKE ARGENTINA AND SPAIN, THE DOUBLE L SOUNDS MORE LIKE A “JAY” SOUND. •SOMETIMES I DO THIS THINKING I SOUND COOL•SO I SAID “LA BAJAYNA GRANDOTE”. SAY IT NOW! • WHEN I SAID IT, SOMEONE BURST OUT LAUGHING! THEY THOUGHT I SAID, “THE ENORMOUS VAGINA.”

ERROR #7 THE WORD “GANGAS”•THE NEIGHBORHOOD LOOKED SHADY SO I SAID “HAY GANGAS AQUI?” ARE THERE GANGS AROUND HERE?

GANGAS ACTUALLY MEANS COUPONS•OR “BARGAINS” •NOT REALLY APPROPRIATE WHEN YOU’RE

IN A BAD NEIGHBORHOOD UNLESS MAYBE YOU’RE SEARCHING FOR A DISCOUNT ON SOME DRUGS OR GUNS?!•THE WORD “BANDA” MEANS “GANG” AND

“GANGAS” MEANS COUPONS.

CHICKEN AND KITCHEN• ACTUALLY THIS ONE IS A SWITCH-UP

FOR MY SPANISH SPEAKING FRIENDS. THEY GET CONFUSED WITH THESE TWO WORDS. FOR EXAMPLE, MY FRIEND SAID TO ME IN ENGLISH, “HEY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE MY BIG CHICKEN?” I SAID “SURE.”

WHERE’S THE DAMN CHICKEN?• AND HE BROUGHT ME

TO HIS BIG, MODERN KITCHEN.• “WELL, WHAT DO YOU

THINK?” HE ASKED. • I SAID, “IT’S NICE BUT..

THAT’S IT FOR NOW•HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT!•SHARE THE GIANT VAGINAS AND CHICKENS WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND HAVE A FANTASTIC DAY!•FOR MORE FUN STORIES, CHECK OUT•WWW.SELLINGOUTSIDETHESQUARE.COM

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