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.OFTEN IN ERROR - NEVER IN DOUBTN cA 94122

UTCKEY DEVOT'RS ITIE COOKTE IqONSTER:

What would happen if Mickey Mouse impregnatedMiss Piggy? What was once an academic questionis now a tacit real i ty. The Disney acquisit ion

F- of Jim Henson's Muppets is the f inal tr iangle

/ in a geodesic formula designed to addict,/ control and eventually steer the world's

population through a cross-breeding ofmerchandising and entertainment licensing. Bycentury's end, subtle triggering signalsimplanted trtanchurian Candidate-style into theminds of internat,ional youth wil l make possiblethe Disney Era, an age when government,industry and society wilI emphasize social and

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environmentaldomesticity.

concerns and neo-nuclear

Within the next decade, Disney's scientists wil l have perfected the mergerof audio-animatronics and three-dinensional computer video and in doing so,become the first to achieve the ambitious and elusive target of virtualreaTity. This remarkable new technology will perpetuat,e the everlastingmarketing of both f ict ional characters and actual perfonners, now deceased.The result - a compassionate, benevolent consciousness manipulated accordingto an idolatrous pre-ordained theology hypothesized by WaIt and pre-recordedon video programs which are periodical ly played for the Disney subordinates.This Disney dictun is based upon three essential concepts:

Continued on Page 6

FF,OM th6 EditorLfGHTS, CA!!!ERA, @\IERNIIEIiIT The jointmarketing of the filn Land Before Time by MCAand the Post Office proves what A&R Reportreaders knew months ago - that the governmentis buying into Hollywood in a big way (see ish27, Yfe Ought to Be in Pictures: Uncle Sam GoesFor the Big B.O.) Other joint ventures: TheU.S. Army-Paramount release of Elvis: The Arny Years (timed bincide with

- the L990 release of the Elvis Nicke1) and the ABc-sEc joint production ofSeTTing Short, the lvan Boesky docudrarna.BIIY OR CRY Last, month's renewal drive was a true thrill for staffers!Thanks for your support! And for those who missed the offer, this is yourIast month to sign up! Ti l l next ish - ed.

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joy that brought me into this game. DoI have to look at an audience and

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Well, it f inally happened. For a longtime now, l've been saying that ifpeople kept throwing stuff at bands,someone would get hurt, and sureenough, they did, and it was me!

Some miserable coward sat in aroom the night before our show inLjubljana, Yugoslavia, and sharpeneda coin especially to throw at me. Canyou figure that? Anyhow, he hit me,and it went through to the bone in theback of my hand. I was in the hopsitalfor six days and we had to cancel twoshows, one in Dortmund with my friendOzzy-which lwas looking forwardto-and one topping the bil l in Paris.

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-. i body part inside them. A trans- It I plant expert predicts pigs will 1ilr become the main sounce of or-'Yf gans for humans. Dr. Hugh Au- |

fu :li!:'$':' tT$lil{'l#;n"1":1 ilf t versity, says chimps and baboons ',

I are a better match, but pigs are Igf 1 cheaper and easier to breed. D 1O r - - a - : = J -

do'toassau'taband-T,i'Jlil$:J"' ^0 ; h,hJtr rfbt+ 3t] |*.4ffi*:Eil1;J;14fiflry:,Jfi#,ffii'i*ffiyou. lt 's so alien to the s

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- _Three-year-old Mark Bingham took hiJfather's brand-new $90,000 four-wheel-driveear on a wild ride - and wreeked it justone hour after it wasdelivered.

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OOPS! Mork Einghom (top left) releosed the Ibroke on his dod's cor (left) ond roced down o rhill (obove),croshing through t"".".. gio["" Irne shows his omozing route. _ _*1

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&{?ont o{ 'the thn"{ ,pr4.Xed il,{ band *i{t^ sow,e{ting,like b.rr oi a sel b€r bdttle, firorldn*ktt '16 +he boss pla.lec aot a shoc;l- or * he wo: ju;t rnad, but 1.,. ltre*, do*n h,5, ar.,*rr -looL *t rr,*a ,he cou,d a$hr hacr*.tharr road nana$ef ,, tleffrn6 .. gel qb wr{h,*t i.t U"fon r{oge + get }o u,octsl" 5o nc bast phf:.. ge+t bcv,rn'*Ji-on[ +, sp"t 1,r ],.1 ogain+ gocs o{* hcc ogarn * had > B res*ra,nal \ hrs band rnatei 5o *iq dijnt *u {o riist"TrrrlreS" but ,{qrhd ug agdrn wr{r^ " J'nn not 5a*rs{id.' ()ne o* tlr rirare son0s w.5* b\tztireg Bop." Boc4sige a(#r ,ihe show, -lt e band wrs Searr.hinq {ton}r^tl, g1 1\itrohr botfb o{ r,odtsa which vrqbe ihq {houSht a hn hcl d"lcn'* b"t-1}.3 {o"nI *. Oneqrc\ &,n said h Frrs" I lgyr qN gu$s. I{ T cauld 6-6.6tr ,\t,J br5 afibgur recrr/S."Nn[ \wos tlrinEing ",urhot Krhd o{ a lt,irg is tyf, S tq?'Ihe'{a^ fuJ }ov 5qid"I \qu€ d gou, reconl5, qd +op6 u$-| cDs-ant T_:hint j,h* fie girl Cn oqv"d Krrs

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#:d. rp * agphuJ.d + eard how beq.^rt,{rl ru hpr war + -ttat .rf wol jrit whatrlhegvlssJcA on .rt1re br?,.(readers, lhis is flre h?, berng rr,ode avoifcbk lo 5ou ltrorglntne A*R Rego;t' -cd'; + Peter, who w.t ghrrtlejs + Jr{rn3 h,mser{ o*f wi.th a hu,el* h'\ upfer bodS looked o toi i,f

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Disney l{anifesto (continued from page f-)

(1) Creating a Compelling Sense ofReality amidst Complex Delusions: At theheart of the Disney PIan for mind controlis the archetypal anthropomorphiapropounded first by Mickey Mouse (and hisprogeny) and later in non-anirnatedcreatures and objects ( i .e. uThe ShaggyDog", /That Darn Cat'). In addit ion toinjecting human quali t ies into non-humans, this processing creates themindset essential for post-2Oth CenturySpecies and Environmental Concerns. Hencethe necessity of acquiring andcontrolling the Muppets and sinilarcharacter l icenses.

(3) The Emphasis of the Super EgoExperience: Central to aII Disney nindcontrol is the principled conviction thata universal psyche can emerge by theincorporation of perception and €9o,hence the favored split personality themein so many Disney f i l rns ("L.e. , TheParent Trap and Big Eusjness) as well asthe mu1t,iple t'tickeys and Goofys prevalentat all theme parks. This nultiPlepersonality psyche mindset is crucial forl a y i n g t h e g r o u n d w o r k o faudio-animatronics (the talking Abeexper iences wi th T iv ing per formers (e.9. ,

(2) The Application of ExperimentalDisciplines As A Means of Social andEnvironmental Problem Solving: Buried deepwithin oisney filns such as Honey' IShrunk the xids and The Absent-IlindedProfessor is a secret agenda to promotesocial understanding through scientif icreasoning. This bel ie f is a lso in fusedwithin adolescent sensibi l i t ies via themepark experiences, particularlY a.Center and Tommorrowland.

tvtichael Jackson in Captain Eo) .

By rnerging these three theories, Walt's L00 year plan for an eleemosynarysociety, based upon an unstoppable merchandising model, wil l actively capturevarioul generations (aII ensnared with youthful experiences) and triggerbehavior patterns with future cable television and video. Eventually withthe sale of virtual reality experiences, Walt wil l have paved the way for hisultimate dream, bringing the dead back to l ife and his cryogenic de-frostingwill be the crowning event of this 1-00 year strateglzr

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T'ICIGY O FRTENDS IN FRONTOI SPACESHIP EARTH

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"She's Sick of Disclaimers" things Just to f i l l out thecards. I think she may be

Dear A&R: r ight. What 's wrong with me?Strange Stan, Philadelphia, Pa.

Sometimes at the end of a moviethere wi l l be a disclaimer Dear Stan:saying that aLl the charactersare f ict i t ious and that any There's nothing wrong with you.resemblance to real people is Many . people want to sharec o i n c i d e n t a l . W e l l , s o w h a t i f o t h e r w i s e c o n f i d e n t i a li t i s c o i n c i d e n t a l ? I f t h e r e i n f o r m a t i o n w i t h l a r g ewas a movie with a character manufacturing corporations.who had my name and looked Some people believe that theseexactly like me but vras a cards serve no purpose. But inpsychot ic chiLd ki l ler, what real i ty, they are effect ived i f fe rence wou ld i t make i f i t so l i c i to rs o f marke t ingwas a coincidence? That makes information. This informationme irate. And what also gets me is subseguent ly compi led formad is when f br ing my f i lm in your protect ion.to be developed and there is asign saying that the store "He walks Behind women"i s n ' t l i a b l e i f i t l o s e s m yp ic tu res . Wel I , who is l iab le? Dear A&R:I t makes me s ick . What 's wrongwith me? Angry and nmhittered. Sometimes when I walk down theFort Slorth, IN. street, I f ind myself behind a

lroman. I sense that sheDear Artgry: perceives me as a potential

at tacker and to rel ieve herThere 's no th ing wrong w i th you. s t ress , I hur ry ahead. Of ten IMany experts agree that the pass one woman to find myselfworld is descending into an age behind another, unt i l I pass soof absentia culpa - an era when many women that I'm moving athumans are unable to accept the an accelerated pace. This oftenr e s p o n s i b i l i t y o f t h e i r g o e s o n f o r b l o c k s . h l h a t r sact ions. This fai lure of wrong with me? Bob V., Sanaccountabi l i ty creates enormous Francisco, CA.s t ress . Your b ra in i sfunct ioning as a l ightning rod Dear Bob:for this phenomenon. For yourown wel l-being, relax and avoid There's nothing wrong with you.act iv i t ies prone to proprietor Your desire to defuse femininel iab i l i t y . fear i s p rov id ing you w i th a

healthy cardiovascular workout ."He Fills Out cards" If you wish to further avert

this womanJ-y worry, tryDear A&R: carrying a baby or infant

s imu la t ion .Whenever I buy something newlike an appliance, I can't wait 9[IAT'S wnonc wfTII YoU?to f i l l out the quest ionnairepostcard that comes in the box. I f you feel l ike something'sI answer al l of the guest ions wrong with your wri te to Theabout my age and how much I A&R Report, P. O. Box 22113,earn and what other appl iances Sunset Stat ion, San Franciscof own. My w i fe says tha t I buy CA 94122.

Speciql Renewql Offer

Along w i t f r you r subsc r ip t i on renewa l , you '11 rece i ve a spec ia l bonus .

the j us t - re leased ANGEL CORPUS CHRIST I so lo acco rd ion casse t te ! !

20 pop songs made famous by the Ro l l i ng S tones , t he Monkees , B r ian

W i l s o n , R o g e r M i I I e r , a n d m o r e !

Do drurns !

Enclosed

NAME

is my $10 payment.

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ADDRESS

M a i l t o : A & R R E P O R T P . O . B o x 2 2 L L 3 S a n F r a n c i s c o C A 9 4 l - 2 2