Inner Game

The so-called “inner game” is essentially your mindset. It’s perhaps the most important element of dating and seduction. It is the “operating system” on which all your dating skills are installed. The strength of your inner game directly affects how you learn and apply dating techniques (i.e. “outer game”). Often, a strong inner game alone is enough to have huge successes with women.

Belief System

How do you see things happening around you? What do you BELIEVE is “the reality”?

Your Reality

This is essentially how you THINK everything in this world works. It’s based on:

Your education (from your parents, school, books, etc.)

Your social circles, i.e. the realities of your close contacts affect yours as well

Your cultural and ethnical background

Your social environment, e.g. the city in which you live

Your generation

Your experience in life, e.g. having lost virginity at an early age may make your mind think sex is no big deal, vice versa.

It’s a basic human need to have a reference with which they can predict the outcomes of different events with reasonable certainty. This “reference” is “the reality”. And because you rely on this reference to explain things around you, you would try to maintain its correctness of by ALIGNING your experience with your existing reality (which is in turn REINFORCED in the process).

In other words, everyone has his own reality and everyone tries to maintain it.

Strengths Of Reality

When two realities clash, i.e. when two people with different realities come together, the stronger reality USUALLY wins. For example, have you met someone who speaks with total conviction about a specific subject that you

cannot help but doubt yourself EVEN THOUGH you’re “pretty sure” he’s wrong?

The same thing happens in dating. When a woman/man acts as if she/he is the prize without a doubt and when everything she/he says and does is congruent, people around him/her often can’t help but get sucked into this reality. In other words, people align with people who have strong realities.

Also, strong realities are REINFORCED all the time.  Every time a man approaches a woman trying to kiss her ass, she becomes a little more certain that she is a prize and that she has all the power to choose. That is exactly why many pretty womentake for granted that all men should work hard to win them; when she believes this reality so firmly, she draws even more men who rush in to please her.

And that is exactly what YOU should achieve.

Reality Modification

Your reality is hard but not impossible to change.

When inexperienced men see how master pick-up artists work in field the first time, they would start to doubt their own reality; the first time they succeed in, say, getting a full make-out within 15 minutes of meeting a girl, they may experience another reality change and begin to see things differently.

There is really no “correct” or “incorrect” reality, and there is only one criterion for your reality (in dating): whether it’s useful or not, i.e. whether it helps you to get the girl.

What you believe in and CANNOT BE PROVEN FALSE is true.

Read the above sentence again.

In other words, it all depends on you. What you CHOOSE to believe determine what you receive.

Of course, you reality needs to backed up by the results you get, i.e. reinforcement, which is why you’re going to learn specific dating skills. However, good results are NOT the pre-requisite, and you need a firm and USEFUL reality to unleash the full power of the techniques you learn.

Self-Identity

What kind of person are you? What makes you different? Who are you?

Those questions are not easy questions to answer.

Without getting to metaphysical, you need at least know that there is a difference between “being” and “doing”.

Doing something (e.g. applying a technique, say a line) doesn’t really change who you are. If you see yourself as someone who is “not good enough” and doesn’t deserve success with women, a particular trick may work

temporarily but you would give yourself away sooner or later. If you feel the need to “get psyched” in order to get a girl, your success (if any) won’t last.

The common problem about “learning to be good with women” is to put a disproportionally big emphasis on techniques, i.e. “what should I do in this case” or “what should I say when she says that?”

Most men want QUICK FIXES and INSTANT GRATIFICATION. They want to turn on a switch and SUDDENLY be able to get all the girls; but what you really need is to change your self-identity on a fundamental level and BECOME someone who will CONTINUE to be successful with women.

If you only ask “what should I DO?”, you’re essentially putting up a front that may become obvious to a woman especially if she’s experienced as well. (Generally speaking, pretty women are more experienced than the average man.)

What’s more, if you APPEAR to be good with women, i.e. if a woman THINKS “you’ve got game”, the more she’s likely to challenge you. On the other hand, if you just put yourself out there as a man who lives in a world where he IS the prize, a woman will see it’s pointless to challenge you, because, well, there is nothing to be challenged.

In a way, the best game is not to “have game” but be ON TOP OF game.

Aim at PERMANENT change and not TEMPORARY role to take up. The former would make you a person and the latter would make you a social robot.

Role

Your self-identity answers the question “what kind of person are you?” The next question is “what do you do in life?” (Take note that the “do” here refers to your role in life and not “what should I DO when I go to a night club?”)

Most men would respond to the question “so what do you do” with “oh, I’m a programmer/real estate agent/banker…”

There’s nothing wrong with by telling her how you pay your bills, but a better answer would be telling her about your dream, i.e. the exciting role that you aspire to take up, e.g. a musician, photographer, painter, traveler, etc. Your ambition is also a part of you and it helps define you.

Think of something that you’d like to do in life that would excite you. That’s what you’re able to talk about with total conviction and congruence, and that’s what you should tell a woman, e.g. “Currently I am… BUT what I’m looking to…”

Women

Many men tend to form an antagonistic view about (beautiful and often arrogant) women. You might feel the urge to call a woman a bitch if she gives you a negative response or rejects you, but take note that:

She doesn’t know the REAL you. She’s not rejecting you but THE WAY you’ve presented yourself. Do not take it personally.

She’s a victim of various misleading messages from the mass media. She’s a creature that responds UNCONTROLLABLY to the outside world based on her experience.

There might be a few bitches in the world, but most women are, just like most men, good people deep down.

You have to love women in order for them to love you. Loving them only when they respond positively is not real love. You have to invite women into your life. Don’t just think about getting pretty girls. Treat all women nicely(including the old lady at the news stand downstairs).

You need to become comfortable around beautiful women. You cannot expect yourself to simply BE someone who’s good with women as you encounter them. If you don’t have any pretty girls in your current life, find out how you can simply be friends with a pretty girl without aiming to date her. If that’s not an option, you can always start by talking to the sales girls at different shopping malls in your city.

Sometimes, when you have made progress with a particular girl, she may suddenly seem MORE important than all the other girls you MAY meet next. Or even worse, you don’t want to “lose her” because:

You think you have more to lose than she does.

You assume that you’d have difficulty getting other girls.

However, you should NEVER get hung up on the “one girl” only because:

You’re attracted to her

You’ve invested time, money and emotion.

The truth is, quality women are EVERYWHERE. A lot of men are afraid of losing this “one girl” because they’re not taking action to meet more women. That’s sad and wrong. What you need is the “abundance mentality” – If you know in your guts that there are MORE women coming your way than you can ever handle (which, by the way, is how beautiful women typically think), would you be worrying “oh no what if I lose this one…”?

Think along this line: “I WILL get a lot of women; if not this one, then many others VERY SOON. I have nothing to lose, and I DON’T GIVE A DAMN about this one girl.” When you deeply believe that you have the access to an abundance of women, everything you say or do would be congruent with your BEING the man who gets the girls. Women can feel that too, and they will start going after you.

Sex

People are socially conditioned to believe that sex has very different impact on men vs. on women. The society wants us to think that:

Women should be careful because they have everything to lose; they should be the qualifying men for sex.

Men have everything to gain, so they should be working hard to “obtain sex” from women

From a biological standpoint, both genders desire and enjoy sex, but from an anthropological standpoint, the society does not benefit from women being as sexually active as men, especially before the invention of effective contraceptive measures. This is why women are “supposed” to “guard” sex from men, which makes them the “choosing party”.

Of course, you cannot change the popular belief of the entire society, but you must fight the social belief that sex is something that you have to strive or beg for. Instead, you should believe that sex is no big deal. If a woman sees that you’re not affected by whether to have sex, then she cannot use it as leverage against you. Tell yourself that sex is given (and will take place anyway) and you would be a lot more spontaneous, relaxed and confident.

Re-Engineer Your Reality

You should get rid of limiting beliefs in your current reality and replace them with useful ones that would help you in dating.

What you need are simply counter-examples that destroy the negative elements of your current reality, e.g. if you’ve always believed that it takes a long time to get beautiful women, seeing an experienced pick-up artist having girls laughing in their arms, making out with them in half an hour and bringing them home is enough to fix it.

But of course, the more positive feedback, proof and success you obtain directly from interacting with women, the stronger your new USEFUL reality would become. The cliche “practice makes perfect” still hold true.

Taking Action

Many men don’t take action because they NEVER consider themselves ready, so they keep on learning and learning… And end up learning forever.

The problem is, the art of dating is not like an exact mathematical equation to solve. No matter how much you learn about human nature, logic, psychology, cognitive science, relationship… you will still encounter things that you cannot explain 100%.

Do you really have to strive to be “perfect”? Not really, because you do not have to do everything “perfect” (which doesn’t really exist in the first place) in order to have success with women. I can look back on my early experience where I screwed up half of the things when it comes to dating and still end up in bed with most of the women I wanted.

You must learn to embrace a certain degree of chaos and uncertainty.

Knowledge and social intelligence (i.e. being able to tell what’s really going on) are double-edged swords. You will often find two types of men who DON’T succeed in dating:

Those who don’t have a clue in dating, represented by the majority of men poisoned by the mass media.

Those who have extraordinary ability of calibration. They can immediately tell that something went wrong and would quickly choose to give up.

At the same time, there are also beginners who received a little bit of dating education but are blind to a lot of small mistakes that they make. They keep on trying as a result of their “ignorance” and often have huge success because of the good amount of ACTION they’ve taken. They build their new reality and start reinforcing it with more practice.

You see what I’m trying to get at?

Do not aim at doing everything right. Just go out and apply what you’ve learned. Set goals on how many women you would talk to per day or how many new acquaintances you would make per week.  The key is not to expect miracles but keep moving forward.

Taking Chances

Out of those who actually take action, many fail to get the most out of every interacting with women, because they give up TOO soon.

When you encounter resistance or rejection, don’t just give up. The negative response from a woman is not directed at you PERSONALLY but at a particular situation; it may very well be temporary or even the gateway to your subsequent successes.

The bottom line is, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

Moreover, when you make advances boldly and persistently WHILE showing a woman that you are not afraid of losing her by, she will sense your confidence, your abundance mentality and the absence of neediness. On the contrary, if you always play “safe” (i.e. try to avoid all possible conflicts by advancing only when you’re totally sure), women would not find that attractive. (Of course, you have to draw the line between taking chances and being rude. Common senses usually work very well.)

Handling Rejections

The existence of rejection is actually a good thing:

It stops most other men (i.e. your competitors) dead in their tracks because they are either too afraid to take action or give up easily upon rejection.

It presents an opportunity to demonstrate your courage and value, which is attractive to women.

It can make you more efficient in dating. All women who respond to you ambiguously over an extended period of time are essentially wasting your time. If a woman turns you down after you’ve done your best, she has just helped you save time and effort that you can spend on other women. In many situations, you need to force a decision from a woman in order tocategorize her. The worst interactions are those that go nowhere (except providing you with practice).

Do not aim at getting rid of the fear of rejection, because it’s virtually impossible.The fear of rejection is a natural and healthy emotional response. The real problem is an EXCESSIVE amount of fear of rejection that would hinder you from taking action.

The fear of rejection stems of the pain of rejection, but rejection shouldn’t be painful as most men view it. It can be a little bit comfortable, but there’s nothing more to that. It’s not an attack on you PERSONALLY and it should not affect your reality in any way:

A “bruised ego” is foolish. How would you think of a small kid who turns away from your smile? You’d probably assume that the kid doesn’t know any better and you wouldn’t think any less of yourself. So why should you be angry or upset when a girl turns you down NOT because she knows you but because she has LIMITED information about you based on a particular interaction?

Disappointment is unnecessary, because you have access to a lot more women (i.e. the abundance mentality).

Embarrassment is illogical. It arises from the fear of being judged, but being judged does not entail any concrete negative consequences UNLESS you ALLOW other people’s opinions affect you negatively. If you have a strong reality, no one can influence you in any way by merely judging you.

You must also detach yourself from the outcomes that you get:

The more you’re afraid of rejection, the more you’re likely to receive it.

Focus on improving and not “getting some”. Try to desensitize yourself from any negative emotions.

Be “in the moment”. Stop worrying and calculating. Go with the flow. It’s about the journey and not the destination.

After all, dating and seduction is in many ways a numbers game. You simply cannot avoid rejections. At the end of the day, it’s all about the women you get and NOT about the women who have lost the opportunity to be with you.

Conditioning

Developing a strong inner game takes time. It’s a gradual process that cannot be completed overnight.

On the one hand, you must avoid buying into social conditioning. Whatever “romance” portrayed in movies or pop songs is most likely detrimental to your dating life. On the other hand, you must keep conditioning yourself with useful realities.

Keep taking action and taking chances in field

Continue to learn and apply new knowledge

Use affirmation to reinforce your inner game

Self-Improvement

Learning to be good with women is essentially a form of self-improvement. Learn it and learn it well:

You must be willing to work hard and do whatever it takes to succeed in dating.

You must firmly believe you CAN and WILL become a master pick-up artist.

You have to get rid of all secret excuses and step out of your comfort zone.

Pay attention to one thing at a time. Get each problem solved one by one. Apply at least one new technique every week.

Do not discriminate different techniques. Whatever works for someone else may not work for you, but whatever you think wouldn’t work MAY be very effective in actuality.

Find guys who are good with women and model after them.

Keep in mind that you do not need to learn every “trick in the book” to have success with women, and you certainly don’t need to do everything “right”. Doing just a couple of things right will make you stand out among other clueless men. (In fact, even if you don’t do thing correctly, simply taking more action will lead to more dating success.)

Learning to be good with women also helps you in many other areas of life. This self-improvement is not just about girls. It’s about building a life and becoming a better person

Social Value Explained – The Golden Key To Becoming PopularPosted on 20. Apr, 2009 by admin in Inner Confidence, Social Dynamics

Have you ever done this: Stood or sat near someone because you thought other people

would see you with them and think you were a cooler person because of him/her?

Can you can easily talk to people who are seen as being “uncool”, but struggle to say the right

thing when talking to someone popular?

You aren’t alone. Everyone does these things all the time.

If you’ve ever wanted to know the hard-core psychological science behind what makes some

people magnets for friends and attention, and others desperate for any social contact, then

what you are about to read will blow your mind.

What Is Social Value?Social Value can be thought of as a scale. Everyone has a place on it, that determines how

people react to them.

In general, there are two groups of people: High Social Value and Low Social Value.o High Social Value people are the ones who have tons of friends and connections.o Low Social Value people usually have very limited social success and are often

loners.

Where Does Social Value Come From?Social Value comes from our caveman days. Back when everyone was worried about getting

food and shelter and surviving.

Anyone who seems to be able to better our chances of surviving, or help us reproduce,

or give us feelings of enjoyment is someone that we want to be around.They Help Us Survive

Men who are dominant or leaders are high status, while women who have many connections

are high status.

Being around a leader will better your chances of survivng, so sticking around dominant guys

(if you’re a guy) and socially savvy girls (if you’re a girl) has been programmed into us by

evolution.They Help Us Reproduce

This, of course, goes back to when humans lived in caves and jungles. We have a very basic

need to reproduce.

Men who are able to attract many women are who other men want to be around while women

who are attractive generally increase the chances for both the men and women around them

to reproduce.They Make Us Feel Enjoyment

People who other people think are funny are usually high status.

We are attracted to pleasure and away from pain, so we think highly of people who can make

us feel pleasure.

In a second, I’ll show you how these three benefits: survival, reproduction and enjoyment, are

the foundation that makes some people social magnets.

High Social ValueWe gravitate towards people of high status.

High Social Value (high status) people don’t care what others think of them. These people

can be alone in a new social situation and feel comfortable.

They are confident, have high self-esteem and are comfortable in almost any social situation

For example: In a bar, an attractive woman has high social value, because she is the one in

control. Guys may come up and buy her drinks because they are seeking her approval. If she

rejects them, they feel bad. She controls how they feel, making the guys low social value.

Low Social Value

Low Social Value (low status) people feel the need for people to like them. They need other

people’s approval and validation. They are needy and cling onto high status people like

leeches.

Most shy people fall into this category.

That’s why you probably like to hang around people who are more popular than you. You are

almost trying to get some of their popularity. You see them as being a valuable friend to have,

because they are a “step” up.

Low status people are “reactive”. They react to what other people say about them. They need

people to like and approve of them. Their whole state of mind depends on what other people

think of them

How Do We Judge Someone’s Social Value?We determine someone’s social value through their body language, eye contact, voice, and

many more cues, which are nearly imperceptible.

When we judge someone’s social value, we do it on an unconscious level. We don’t even

realize we are doing it.

A man’s value is sub-communicated by the obvious and subtle behavior patterns that

comprise his personality. That will determine how attractive he is and how people respond to

him emotionally.

A woman’s value is based more on how well connected she is socially, as well as how she

looks.

That is why, in high school, the most popular guys tend to be jocks and the guys who are loud

or funny. It doesn’t matter much if they are good looking or not.

The popular group of girls were almost all good-looking. Their social value depended on their

looks and, to a lesser extent, how many people they knew.

That doesn’t mean that, if you’re a girl, you can’t become socially successful. It does mean

that, instead of changing your personality (like guys), you have to build social connections on

top of your personality, which I’ll show you how to do.

How Can Someone Become High Social Value?Because we judge someone’s social value based mostly on how they act, that makes it

possible to change how people view us by becoming better at giving the right social

cues. We can become popular by changing our personality, and personality change is

at the core of this website.

The Art of Social Value

Make Your Presence Known

Girls are really good at this. Guys, you need to catch up. One of the keys to a successful

approach with a girl is how well you make your presence known to her. It can actually

make her warmer to you because you didn’t come from out of nowhere. This is also one

reason why you shouldn’t approach a girl from behind if you can help it.

They say women have really good peripheral vision, meaning they can see what’s around

them without looking really well. We can do it too if we want, but we need to pay a little

more attention. Even if a girl may say or act like she didn’t notice you, don’t believe it. A

girl notices everything, even what is unseen - that is, subtext and vibe.

Practice being able to see a girl without actually looking at her. Practice observing the

environment around you and her without actually looking. Why is this important? Because

you have to be able to make your presence known to her without her knowing you’ve

already noticed her. This is key. Because if she thinks you’ve noticed her, now you are a

lingerer - soon to be creepy.

If you learn to see without looking, observe without turning your head, you buy yourself

time to gather info and find the perfect opportunity to start a conversation with her. It

also allows you to see if she is naturally indicating any interest in you through her

instinctive behaviors. (Because, trust me, she’s already noticed you.) You also have an

opportunity to come off as spontaneous. (More on spontaneity in another post.)

The Numbers Game is a Numbers Game

Stupid title, I know. Or is it? So, we’re talking about getting phone numbers. It’s a funny

thing. Not every girl you talk to will give you her number. And not every girl who gave you

her number will take things to the next level with you. It is a numbers game. Another

word, the more girls you talk to, the more numbers you’ll get. The more numbers you get,

the more relationships (friendship or otherwise) with girls you’ll have.

Listen to me when I tell you this. Do not try to be romantic with every girl. Having lots of

friends who are girls will actually help you get a girl of extremely high value. So, stock up.

Go get the girls. They can really add value and perspective to your life.

But when things don’t go your way, remember…it’s a numbers game.

Don’t Make it Too Easy

Alright. Lessons. Lessons. This one is something girls probably wont admit to, but they

can’t help themselves. When you, as a guy, make it too easy for a girl to get with you

(whether it’s a meet up or whatever), they will consciously or subconsciously think

something’s wrong with you. May be it’s an inherent mistrust for a guy’s intentions. May

be they’re so used to a guy selfishly wanting something from them that it creeps them out

when a guy is too helpful. May be? Umm…more than may be! It’s true with most women. 

So the next time you’re tempted to bend over backwards to “help the girl out” so she can

get with you…remember, slow your roll, big boy! You might be shooting yourself in the

foot. Don’t be so eager. Don’t make it so easy. Try saying no sometimes. That may get you

more yes’s later. 

Now for the ladies, being too eager may actually turn off a high value guy. Now, for a guy,

they might bear with you to get what they want. But, you wont be a long term girl if you

act to0 eager from the start (or ever really). 

Spacing a Conversation

This is to give you a basic understanding of how to be the person of higher value in a

conversation/interaction. This should serve only as a guideline.

In texting, here are some guidelines:

- You want the other person to send two texts for every one text that you send. This takes

patience and sheer courage to not break the pattern. Maintain your value by not texting

more than the other person.

- Take the same amount of time (or longer) to respond as the other person. Never respond

faster than the other person. 

- The other person should always text last. Do not (feel the need to) close the conversation

loop. In texting, you should not have the last word. Leave the other person hanging.

- When you are texting someone who is on the same value level, maintain mutual respect

and enjoy the fact that this person is on your level socially. Don’t go crazy because they

are not lower value than you or that you don’t have the upper hand.

In phone calls, here are some guidelines:

- Do not be needy. Ask for nothing. Suggest nothing. At least not at first.

- If you’re inviting that person to something, it needs to come across as something you’re

already doing and will do with or without them. 

- Vibe but keep the conversation short. Don’t linger.

- Seem a little busy at certain points in the conversation, even when you’re the one who

called. If you want to take it a step further, call and when you get the person on the

phone, say, “actually, let me call you back.”. If a person wants to get off because you’re

busy, let them. In fact, thank them. The job is accomplished as far as you being perceived

as high value.

- Don’t be afraid to make a person hold while you do something. But reward them with

positive energy for holding when you come back. 

- Be the rewarder and validator in the conversation. Never question yourself. Get rid of “u

know?” And “right?”. 

- Be the one to end the conversation…always!

In person (face to face), here are some guidelines:

- Be physical from the beginning. Do not seem like you’re afraid to touch. That’s just

awkward.

- Let the other person talk about themselves and validate them. Be the validator.

- Give them eye contact, but mix in “far away looks” (like your mind is somewhere else or

like you’re intriqued by something across the room). Be careful with this. You don’t want

them to feel like you’re not paying attention. You want them to work for your attention

though.

- Reward them when they say something you like. “Punish” them when they say something

you don’t like. Have an opinion and don’t apologize for it. Ignore them if they try to talk

you down. 

- Change subject whenever and however you want. Don’t be afraid to do it. Own the

conversation. You create and change the frame of it.

- Don’t give away your whole life. Keep some mystery. In fact, keep a lot of it.

- Don’t spend too much one on one time with someone. Space it out over months. When

you spend too much time, you create an emotional attachment at a level of a deeply

serious relationship, but without adequate understanding, comfort, and genuine trust with

one another (which can only be built up over time). I can’t tell you how often this kills a

potentially beautiful relationship.

One last important thing (whether in text, calls, or in person): You are not obligated to

answer every question. Ignoring or changing the subject is ok and sometimes necessary.

So, there it is. At least as much as I can think of right now. Hope it helps you.

It Takes Time and Effort

Have you ever heard of Fool’s Mate? It’s a term used in chess to describe a tactic in which

a player tries to win an entire chess game in only a few moves (2). It’s called Fool’s Mate

because it can only happen when the opponent (with White) is playing weakly (i.e. like a

fool). It rarely occurs even with beginners. So, to go for Fool’s Mate really makes you a

fool. Why? Because Fool’s Mate leaves the player that attempts it extremely vulnerable.

And when you are competing with another formidable player, you’re pretty much a fool

for attempting it because you will be found out and screwed.

Let’s face it. Becoming a true high value person takes time. You are developing yourself

from the inside out, developing high value social circles, and developing a reputation.

Don’t try to take shortcuts. Rather, take time combined with focused effort.

If you want to try some risky moves, don’t do it with someone who is in any way

connected to the social circles you’ve been cultivating. But, also remember, the new

person you are engaging is also representing a potentially beneficial social circle you can

become a part of.

This is long-term thinking. This isn’t about getting quick lays. It’s about building a life of

abundance, a life of many romantic options - and romantic options that’s chasing you

down as opposed to you chasing them down. This takes time and a focused effort.

Get the Girl You Want By Doing What You Want

This post isn’t relevant to everyone. But if you read this and think it’s not relevant to you,

I’d urge you: Check yourself. It’s usually when we think something doesn’t apply to us

that it actually does. 

This whole thing is about being a high value person, which makes you attractive and

influential among other things. It shouldn’t surprise you when I tell you that it starts on

the inside. It starts with what you think about yourself. And you can tell what you think of

yourself (truly) by observing how you treat yourself.

Make note of this: Every little thing you do (or don’t do) for yourself adds up. When you

treat yourself well, it comes across in everything you do that you are valuable. Why?

Because you are valuable to yourself. And that, my friends, is extremely desirable. (Fair

warning: Haters will ensue when you love and respect yourself.)

Ok. So what does this look like practically? Suppose there’s a place you go to eat at and

there’s this cute girl that works there. You like her. One day, you’re hungry. And you

really want some food that isn’t served at that place the cute girl works at. But you wanna

see if that girl is working there today. You have a decision to make. One respects self-

interest. The other ignores self-interest for a girl. The right thing to do is forget the girl

and go get the food you really want. 

That might seem like a silly example to you, but do you realize how many times you’ve

done yourself wrong in the little things - the little decisions that you make? 

You have to value self-interest! Because when you do, your value goes up. When you

don’t, your value goes down. Have you ever wondered why certain people have an “air” of

confidence (an aura of confidence) about them? Let me tell you why. Because at their

core, they respect themselves and their own self-interest over other things. 

Do what you really want and you’ll get the girl (or boy) you want. Have your own life, your

own dream, your own passion, your own desires. Embrace self-interest because it’ll make

you interesting. If you put others before yourself, you’re only short-changing yourself.

While you might keep some people around for a little bit, in the long run, you’ll lose them

because they’ll lose interest in you.

Back to my example above: There will be times when you’ll need to make the extra effort

to go see the girl to win her. Just make sure that when you do, you’re coming from a place

of valuing yourself as you are working to win her. Not sacrificing self-interest to win her. 

Note: Do not confuse self-interest with selfishness. Because self-interest will, in many

situations, require acts of selflessness. 

Vibing

Obviously, when you contact a girl, you want something from her. May be you are trying

for a date or a meet up. Whatever it is that you want, it is important that you vibe with her

before you start asking for anything or suggesting anything.

What is vibing? Vibing is just casually conversing - being playful and flirty. This is so

important. Often times, we think, “Well, if I can get her to go out with her, I’ll be able to

show her a good time.” So we press and press to try to get the girl to go out w/ us. Well,

what you don’t realize is that you can show her a good time ANY TIME! And if it’s always

a good time when she is in touch with you (yes, even on text or the phone), you’re gonna

get what you want from her.  

And when you can vibe with her every time you talk, she’s gonna want to hang out with

you. And when you do suggest something, she’ll be all over it. 

Cutting the Conversation Short

Yes, I know. You approached her. And she’s talking to you. She’s responding to what you

say. It’s a good conversation. You don’t want it to end. So you keep the conversation going

as best as you can so it can last forever. Umm…stop! Do not be like this.

When you just met a girl, it’s good that you get into a good conversation. But…always cut

it short. Cut it on a high note, get her contacts, and excuse yourself. Trust me. Leave her

wanting more. The longer you linger, the less will be your chance of making her yours.

She has to want more of you. You have to be the prize. 

I know. It sucks. But, trust me. Cut the conversation short. Be the one to end it and you’ll

go a lot further with her than you would otherwise. 

Why a Woman should not be your deepest desire

This is next level stuff that I’m about to share with you. A lot of what is written on this

website is about attracting a woman. (Same principles basically applies for a woman

going after a man.) So it comes off a little strange when I tell you that a woman shouldn’t

be your deepest desire. Getting laid should not be your life’s quest. If it is, you are

shooting yourself in the foot. Great men have gone down because they let a woman

become their deepest desire. Let me explain.

People of high social value live for greater things than sex or romance. What makes them

so high value is their sense of purpose. They are driven by something beyond the basic

animal instincts that are in all of us. Their deepest desire is usually not to have women or

to have sex. Their deepest desire is usually something that propels them into greatness. A

real passion. A real purpose.

Look at every great person in history, anyone who’s achieved anything great. Look at

people in current times. These people attract extremely high value romantic interests.

Why? Because they’re not after romantic interests as their number one passion. When you

have a life (and an amazing one), you are going to attract high value romantic interests.

So take a look at your life and your deepest desire. Make it something meaningful and go

for it…be great at it! You’re going to find yourself with plenty of opportunities to be with a

high value woman. Then, you can apply the basic principles you are learning from me and

other sources regarding starting, building, and maintaining romance.

How to Not Seem Like You Are Not Trying Too hard

You’ve come across people who try too hard to win you over. It’s just not an appealing

attribute. Here are a few things to help you not be the one who tries too hard in an

interaction:

1. Let the chips fall where they may (positive or negative). Be unphased by results. Hold

to your reality. Be self-validated, self-amused. 

2. Realize you do not need to “make up” for anything or “fill any empty space” in an

interaction. 

3. Listen more. Let the other person talk about themselves. Be the validator, not the

validated. 

Lastly, I should share an observation with you. Next time you go out, look out for this. In

an interaction during which the guy is successful with the girl, you’ll notice that girl is the

one who does most of the talking. In an interaction during which the guy is rejected by

the girl, the guy does most of the talking. What’s the point? The person of higher social

value almost always contribute less to the interaction. They’re good listeners and genuine

validators. 

Techniques and Types

As you are getting dating techniques (be it from me or others), keep this in mind: you

must apply right technique to the right type of women.

Here’s the reality: there are different types of women and they respond to different

techniques. When it comes to women, there’s no such thing as one-size-fits-all

techniques. 

Go read books on female psychology and different types of women. Then, use techniques

that best match the type of women you are going for. Learn to be able to figure out her

type so you can know exactly what to do. 

The Value of Pre Opening

Pre-opening is a very effective technique for building social value in an environment

where few people know who you are. It’s also very effective for making a great connection

with EVERY person/group you want to connect with. 

Here’s how pre-opening work. You see a girl/group you want to talk to. Instead of trying

to make a connection with them immediately, all you would do is go over and make a

quick comment to them and then you excuse yourself immediately and go talk to another

girl/group. You’re not trying to get any results from this interaction. You simply want to

warm them up to you. Come back to them a little later on and make a deeper connection

then. You’ll find that they’ll be very receptive to you because you’ve already “pre-opened”

them before. You’ll even get a number or two pretty easily. 

Another thing to point out is that as you are doing this, you are going to win the room

over because everyone will assume that you know everyone. Being the social person will

eventually give you plenty of options for love. When I go out, my goal isn’t to just win a

girl. My goal is to win the venue/room. 

The Perfect Combination

When dominance is combined with a relaxed state and a fun energy, you can make a

connection with just about any girl. Some people are dominant, but they’re too intense.

Some are dominant, but they’re also mean. The idea is to be dominant but in a

nonthreatening way and in a fun way. 

Being dominance is about taking the lead. By taking the lead, I don’t mean being

demanding. Taking the lead means that you state your intent/desire, then you create the

opportunity for the other person to enter into that intent with you. Whenever you are

leading, you must be super relaxed and cool about everything. Because if you are too

intense, you will come off as needy or threatening (and no one likes any of that). And to

ensure that you are not mean to the other person, make sure you do everything with a fun

energy (smile, laugh, have fun). This is the perfect combination for giving you a chance to

win the woman of the dream. 

Ignore a Girl’s BS

If you get a negative response, there is no need to acknowledge or address it. Non-

reactivity is a sign of confidence and it is very attractive once they realize you are not

phased by their bullshit. Indifference is also very attractive (not caring about anything,

not outcome dependent). But you’ve got to not give in and react. The moment you

acknowledge, you become like every other chode she’s met in her life. Attraction begins

the moment she realizes that she cannot phase you and you cannot be moved. 

Qualification Technique: Commenting on the Mood

Commenting on someone’s mood will almost always get them to qualify themselves to

you. 

You: You look bored

Her: Oh I’m just killing time

Automatically, you have the upper hand in the interaction. You are the higher value,

which gives you a better chance of making something of it.  You can comment on

whatever mood they look like they’re in. Just make sure you do it with positivity. 

Gauge Her Temperature

When it comes to approaching a girl or a group of people, you have to be sensitive to the

“temperature” of that girl/group. What I mean by temperature is:

1. Emotional state

2. Current energy level

3. Social status 

Whatever you do to start an interaction with that girl/group, your action has to be

congruent with their “temperature”. Being observant is key to success.

Three Important Elements in Seduction

If you want to turn up the heat, do not forget these three things as you are interacting

with a girl:

1. Eye contact, eye contact, eye contact!!!

2. Slow your speech down and sound extremely relaxed 

3. Touch her, hold her hand, caress her

Sometimes, after the interaction has been so good and we get to this point, we tend to

start “acting” like we’re cool and talk without looking at her, thinking we’re cool or

something. Big mistake! Escalation has to happen and keep happening until you are

irresistable. 

Try Not to Qualify Yourself

Probably the biggest sticking point for me have been making sure I’m not the one trying

to qualify myself to the other person, but to get the other person to qualify themselves to

me. The person of higher social value has no need to qualify themselves to another

person. I’ll go even further to say that if you try to disqualify yourself, you’ll actually

benefit because it’s a counter-intuitive thing. People expect people to try to make

themselves look good, so when someone intentionally disqualify themselves, it makes the

other person curious and they’ll actually think that you actually have great value. 

So when it comes to women, let them do the talking. Make comments and have good

things to say, yes. But, never…I mean never, talk like you’re trying to prove yourself to

them. Say awesome things about yourself, but weave it into an interesting story. 

When you can get a girl to qualify herself to you, you’ve got her. 

 Raise your Social Status

Now, in our society, social status is completely outdated (yet very few people realize it). In the Neanderthal periods, social status placed you in a safe secure spot in the tribe, meaning you wouldn't be out casted or left to die with lions. Caring about your social status meant the difference between death or survival, the people who didn't care.... died off. Which is why almost all humans today care to some degree about their social status.

But now it has no meaning and it has no leverage, but our own instinctual impulses still make us still fearful of it sometimes and extremely competitive of it. Worse yet! it affects our happiness. However, it doesn't matter anymore, I could live in the woods of Maine holed up in a cabin with just food and I'd be fine. Too bad we still have these old instincts that are working against us... So even if I am isolated from all other people I would feel unhappy. 

Now this post is for the people who don't people believe they have high social status. How can you raise your social status to become happier and more well adjusted? How can raising your social status give you more friends?

You are what you believe. If you believe you are low status, you will be low status. Unfortunately the reverse doesn't work so well. If you believe you are high social status, not everyone buys it. Especially if they've known you for some time. More importantly, it's very easy to detect a poser. Our body language and voice says much more than our words. But there are strong ways to change yourself and make yourself high status.

So now you are asking.... how do I get out of my "low peon" rut? 

The first rule of high social status is:You don't talk about high social status 

The second rule of high social status is:You don't talk about high social status.

Why? People who talk about things that are "high social status" or try to convey it through speaking or language are liars. I had two extremely wealthy rich powerful friends. If they wanted someone dead. They would just need to phone call daddy. They never ever mentioned to me in the 4 years we were together in college, money or status. It was evident by their mannerisms, their behavior, and more importantly... their body language. I wasn't friends with them because I wanted power but uh... I don't know I tend to attract high status people. Maybe I'm bragging, I'm not sure. 

So how can you be high social status?Step 1Stop caring what other people think. This is the most critical but HARDEST step to do. But accomplishing it will make you light-years ahead in the game. Why does this matter? It's very rooted in the social structure. If you care about what another person thinks, suddenly you've accepted that they are higher social status. It's a submission or a yield. Think about it this way. What if a King went to the farms and one of the peasants said "I think you should wear more blue colors with your robes". Well if the King was narcissistic he'd probably have him killed. ahha joke aside we all know the King would ignore peasants. Does the king care what a lowly servant thinks? He's the king! So stop caring what others think. Don't think that other people are kings or queens and have rule over you. Social status is dead. But we still need to convince people that you are high. I suggest complete apathy. They are not worse or better than you. Complete apathy. 

Now this doesn't mean you should start pushing people around and ignoring everyone. It means that if people downgrade you. Ignore it. Don't let another person's taste affect you. If someone says "damn you're ugly" respond with your dismissal "At least my mother loves this face". Someone tells you, man you are weird... "hey, not all of us can be gifted as me". Always take an insult as a funny compliment. 

Step 2. Be VERY careful of people who try to lower your status to increase their own. And actually it signifies low class. So as soon as you see someone stepping on others, avoid them. Even if they are your friend, they could be your friend just so they feel superior to you. These people are very dangerous. The main reason? They feel low class themselves. If they need to raise their own social status by degrading others... they are low. In the beginning 3 years of high school I was undoubtedly the bottom of the social structure. But one thing I saw was that the most popular kids always were kind and supportive to me. They even tried to raise my social status by cheering me on. TRULY high social status people raise the status of the people around them. So if you have friends who are not supportive or look down on you... why do you stay with them? Because they can give you something? You accept your low status if you stay with friends who treat you like dirt. You accept you are dirt. This goes for boyfriends or girlfriends too. Careful of what relationships you stay in. Never stay friends with people who don't treat you like equals. My two powerful friends NEVER EVER lorded over me. In fact, they bought me things.... for no reason. I got TITLEIST GOLF CLUBS! ($1000 value) and a big screen TV ($800). They never ever treated me like a subordinate, and never insulted me. In fact, one of them, was such a good friend. he was hanging out with some of the most handsome men I've ever seen. We all went shopping. And I did something very "uncool"... I think I fell or something. And those guys basically insulted me. Although, like everything I let it roll like water off a ducks back. because hell, I don't care. 

So, my friend said to me later... you know 180, I don't really like those guys. Even

though they have everything... They act really low class. I like you more than them. Moral? Don't put people down. Really high class people never see fit to spread negative energy. 

Step 3. Be supportive and positive. As I said in step 2 the most popular people in my high school were always kind. Is it any wonder? Who doesn't like a kind supportive person... however, there lies a danger. Being TOO kind is dangerous. It signifies you want something from someone. For example, a boyfriend who constantly buys flowers, gifts, and showers a girl and calls them constantly looks needy. If he says sure or ok to everything then he absolutely has folded his cards to her and said "Do what you want to me, I'm your slave". So how to maintain high status while being kind? You need to be strong but never in a way that would hurt yourself. Give compliments it's the cheapest and best way to raise someone's status. As long as you don't cheapen yourself by saying it..

Bad example: "You have nice shoes... god I wish I could buy expensive shoes like that" (translation, you are rich, I am poor)

Good example: "Those are great shoes! Just the other day I saw something like that being worn by models on MTV. You have good fashion sense, it's totally going to be in style this year." (translation: you have good fashion sense) 

How can you maintain this consistent positive compliment? Never ever ever think about yourself while you compliment someone. As soon as you come into the picture, you are inclined to compare. And maybe you will compare negatively or positively, but comparing is always a bad thing.

Step 5Don't compare. Never compare with someone. Positively or negatively. Comparing leads to digressions in social status. Which sentence will lead you in hot water at the job place:

You: "Bob is such a dependable guy!"You: "Bob is such a more dependable guy than Mel!"

Every time you compare someone, you run the risk of evaluating their status higher or lower. This is innately an insult to anyone. Don't be stupid. never compare kids. As parents, we have a tendency to compare our children. No no no. We all know that this only harms people. More dangerously you can run the risk that they don't perceive reality the same as you do. 

Questions: What if I compare him in a positive light? Answer: Still dangerous, if you constantly praise a child and they perceive the reality different, they are opt to not believe your praise. You become some babble machine. Convince your child that he/she is what he/she is and you love them no matter what. Best policy. I'm not a social consoler but I act like one on Steve Pavlina Forums. 

Step 6DO NOT BE AFRAID OF PEOPLE HOLY CRAP. Never be afraid of people. Most people can't do anything to you. In fact, most people will probably treat you nicely if you followed the previous 5 steps. There of course are cheaters and most of us are burned. But here is what's great. If you are following the steps, especially about compliments, then you will raise their social status, you make them feel good... they will love you and protect you. Imagine you have the perfect friend. Always compliments you, he/she is an upstanding person. Isn't a pushover and is very confident. Would you betray them for no reason? If you follow the previous steps don't be afraid! people will love

you. Believe it and it's yours.

Step 7body language and tone. This is hard. If you are able to fully convince yourself of your high status, your body language and tone will naturally follow. But sometimes we need an extra kick. Everyone knows posture is important. I suggest imagining your are invincible. This helps my posture. I think to myself. I am made of pure diamond, nothing can stop me. Your body should take a confident, indestructible, position. Your voice. Well, when you stop caring about what other people think. It conveys in your voice. Again this doesn't mean you treat them like dirt. It's COMPLETE APATHY. 

I have a lot more tips, but this post is hella long. Questions appreciated.

Qualities of High Status PeopleThis will give you a thorough understanding of how chicks act to gain and

maintain social status. Chick logic makes sense...

(Hitori came to mASF, read the manual, read some archives, thought about

how they related to her real life experience, and wrote this post.) 

The Basic Principle

Chicks act at all times to gain and maintain social status. This is more

important to them than getting laid.

Qualities of High Status People• They are admired and desirable.

All manner of people fit into this category, and to a certain extent it's

cyclical; if you have high social value you're admired, and if you're admired

you have high social value. On the other hand, there are all kinds of ways to

be desirable and admired; hot chicks fit into this category, but so do

politicians, rocket scientists, rockstars, PUAs, and rich men. In this category

HBs have the upper hand. Evolution has engineered men to pick partners for

health and beauty, so a nice set of tits WILL take you further in this world

than a nice set of pecs. Go figure.

• They are relaxed and confident

Confidence is VITAL to high social status. It doesn't matter whether you're

confident because you graduated from the school of hard knocks or because

you've had everything you ever wanted handed to you on a silver platter; if

you're confident, you are relaxed in the knowledge that you can handle

whatever life throws at you, and succeed at whatever you undertake.

You'll vibe this confidence at the people around you, and it will be a powerful

positive experience for them. HSE people will appreciate you, and LSE people

will desire or envy you.

Relaxation and confidence also means you're NOT NEEDY. This is good

because needy men tend to come across as either pathetic or dangerous.

• They behave naturally

This is what it means to 'be yourself', in the classic dating-advice sense. It

doesn't mean burp and fart and be depressing if you feel like it. It means

DON'T BE TRYHARD. I cannot stress this enough. Fake it till you make it, of

course, by all means, but for God's sake MAKE IT. Socially intelligent people

can -tell- when you are incongruent, and for women it's not just weird; it can

actually be alarming.

It implies that you're hiding something - possibly one of the more dangerous

low-social-status traits like fear, volatility, or disdain for the unattainable.

• Their time and energy has value

If you have high social value, you recognize that your time and energy ALSO

have value. This means you're willing to cut off boring threads of

conversation - even with desirable people - and that you spend your time

doing things that are ultimately productive, either in fun-value or in other

ways. If some HB wanders off 'to the bathroom' or 'to go dance' on you, you

have run out of fun-value. Sorry, tiger.

• They are socially intelligent

If you are socially intelligent, you know the score. You can tell who is tryhard

and who is not, who gets laid and who doesn't, what it means when two

chicks eyecode each other, etc etc ad infinitum. You understand, intuitively,

who has social status and who doesn't, and what's going on when two people

flirt, and all manner of other things.

THIS MEANS YOU DO NOT HAVE TO VERBALIZE IT. FEELING YOU NEED TO

TALK ABOUT IT AS IT HAPPENS SHOWS YOU ARE *NOT* SOCIALLY

INTELLIGENT. FIGHT THE URGE.

This means no "You're flirting with me, aren't you?!"s, no "Your pupils are

dilated... They say that means women are turned on...".

HANDLE THESE PRONOUNCEMENTS WITH THE UTMOST CARE. People who

recognize this shit with regularity _do not need to talk about it_. When you go

to a football game with your buddies, do you all sit around going, "Look at

that... He kicked the ball into the endzone! That means a goal, right?

Awesome! He made a goal!"

NO! YOU DO NOT. You know the score.

The bad news about social intelligence is that if you are a guy most chicks,

by and large, will have more of it than you. The good news is that it's an easy

skill to acquire; all it takes is a willingness to observe people interacting and

to TRUST the things you perceive this way. Most guys I know see many of the

same things that women do, but because they don't (at first glance) have a

clear logical framework to put them in, they ignore them as untrustworthy.

Qualities of Low Status People• They seek approval and acceptance

People with low social status suffer from a deficit of validation. Sometimes

they legitimately don't get the recognition they deserve, and suffer from

unwillingness or inability to reframe; other times it's because they're neurotic

and LSE and no amount of validation will ever be enough. Unable to validate

themselves, they seek approval and acceptance from other people.

• They are volatile and anxious

The world is a frightening place when you don't know what's going to happen

next and you don't know if you'll be able to deal with it, whatever it is. People

without confidence react to this great, frightening unknown with a level of

perpetual anxiety that they vibe at others. Driven by their own percieved

helplessness and rage, they will explode with fits of anger, or display

disproportionate fear; of women, of change, etc.

• They try to buy what they can't earn

In terms of social status, this is very important. People who don't understand

how to DHV will try to BUY approval. On ASF, this is known as supplication. It

DOES NOT increase your social status or make you desirable to women. If it's

clear you're trying to buy appproval, you will LOSE VALUE. A chick's reaction

to a man she does not already find desirable supplicating for approval is

about the same as YOUR reaction when you stop at a red light and some

hobo goes to squeejee your windshield for dollars. Maybe you'll give him your

spare change, sure - but what if he was asking for sex? Would you bang him?

I thought not.

• They disdain what they can't have

People with low social status disdain what they can't have. Helpless to attain

what they desire, they reject it pre-emptively instead.

This means men who hate hot women. 

This means women who hate hot women. 

This means UGs who hate the idea of anyone getting laid. 

This means men who hate confident, competent men.

• They are NOT socially intelligent

People with low social status are not socially intelligent. If you misuse or

DON'T use kino, this is you. If you can't recognize an AI when it whacks you

upside the head, this is you. If you don't know when to escalate, this is you.

Transfer of Status

These are general principles of things that will increase your social status. If

you don't have any in the first place, these -will not work-, I repeat, -will not

work-. They require a steady foundation of at least moderate coolness. With

that said...

You Gain Status When:• Your worth is recognized and appreciated

The higher the social status of the person appreciating you, the more status

you gain. This is key. KEY KEY KEY KEY. Get out a highlighter, use it on your

computer monitor if you have to. Remember this.

THIS IS WHY SOCIAL PROOF WORKS.

Not only that; if you establish high value, women WILL RISK LOSING VALUE to

gain your approval. They'll gamble. They'll chase you.

This is also why, in those instances when you overqualify and DHV the fuck

out of some poor HB7 until she locks up, you MUST qualify her. If you do not

qualify her, you are obviously not recognizing and appreciating her genuine

merit - there is NO REASON for someone as cool as you to take a legit

interest in her. You are using her as a blow-up doll that moans.

The higher your social value, the more women will want you to recognize and

appreciate them. If you're a sufficiently cool PUA, women will try to snag you

for an LTR _even if they're not looking for an LTR otherwise_, just for the

implicit social proof you provide. This is purely social reflex. More to the

point, of course, they'll hook up with you.

• People seek your approval

When people qualify themselves to you, or visibly try to impress you, they

are being TRYHARD. But what this says to someone who knows the score is

that you have social value. You are worth impressing; more, to

LookAtMeLikeMeDude, you are worth losing status to impress.

• You display competence naturally

When you DHV without being tryhard, you gain cool-points. This isn't rocket

science, and should not require explanation.

• You cement someone's position beneath you

There are, essentially, three ways of cementing someone's position beneath

you; you can give them the carrot, give them the stick, or give them both at

once.

For any of these to work, you must have the social status to back them up.

This doesn't create something from nothing; it broadens the divide that

already exists.

It's possible to display higher value than someone by being nice; if they seek

your approval and you grant it, or call them 'cute' or other nice-but-

diminutive-nicknames, or act - more generally - in a parental sort of way.

Also included here is genuinely helpful advice, on fashion or food or PU.

It's possible to display higher value than someone by being cruel; you can

call them out on their flaws or their low-status behaviors easily enough.

There is a danger, here, of seeming to snub because you envy. Envy implies

uncoolness.

Finally, there exists the backhanded compliment or subtle snub. You out-

AMOG some guy like he's one of your best pals, and on the surface it's all in

good fun, but his value plummets and yours soars. Likewise, if you neg some

chick or use TD's Elastic Snapband Effect, her value -insta-drops- and

because women are driven to maintain social status, she will immediately

hop-to to get it back up. It's not about getting laid; the IOI, in this case, is all

about value.

• You IMPLICITLY display social intelligence

IMPLICITLY. In other words, you THINK LIKE A CHICK. You eyecode. You

AMOG-destroy. You are part of the 'Secret Society'.

Here I'm going to back up on everything I've implied so far and say the

reverse; it's possible to explicitly display your social intelligence and make it

work. HANDLE WITH CARE, though. This is DANGER, WILL ROBINSON. If you

don't have the value to pull it off, you'll look like a creepy presumptuous

loser.

If some chick is clearly trying to qualify herself to you, or transparently

DHVing, or even just struggling for your attention, you can neg-qualify her in

the following manner, playfully: "It's okay, you don't have to (do that/try

hard/whatever) to get my attention. See?" Throw an arm around her, kinohug

her. The first time a guy did this to me, it hit me like a -bomb- of insta-

hotness. By doing this, you simultaneously A) drop her value relative to

yours, B) grant her attention from a position of power, and C) show you know

the score.

• You screen

If you screen people who are attracted to you, you increase your relative

value. This is why women maintain that NO WOMAN EVER DELIBERATELY

GETS LAID with a man who is not wildly attractive and high-status. But WE

know that of course women get laid on purpose! It's not like that HB8 you did

over the weekend tripped, fell, and landed on your dick. If someone CHASES

you, their status is lower than yours. This is why you say, "Want to come over

and look at my stamp collection?" rather than, "Want to come over and have

sex?". SLUTS CHASE. Chicks with value are accustomed to screening. It's

important for her to maintain the illusion that she did not INTEND to fuck you,

in order to maintain her social value.

A good way to display social intelligence is to understand and accommodate

this. This is why explicitly acknowledging the seduction process is dangerous:

if it's out on the table, out loud, that you're trying to fuck her and she -goes

along with it anyway- she LOSES FACE because she's been UNMASKED as a

co-conspirator in your getting laid.

This is where chick logic comes from. I'll write another post on it, sometime.

You Lose Status When:• You show outcome-dependence

When you show that you are outcome-dependent, you LOSE FACE. By

demonstrating outcome-dependence, you make it clear that you aren't

having fun (which high-status people do, remember) - instead you are

gambling your time and status in the hopes of pay-off in the form of sex with

this chick who you clearly regard as COOLER THAN YOURSELF. You are

acknowledging her value. She is the prize. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200

dollars.

• You try to buy approval

You supplicate. You imply that you don't know how to legitimately display

your own worth, so you need to resort to trying to buy the approval of those

you are implicitly acknowledging as being higher-value than yourself. If she

wasn't cooler than you, why would you care what she thought?

• Your position is cemented as below someone

You are out-amog'd. You are treated in a diminutive way. Some chick gives

you bad relationship advice and you eat it up without critical thinking. This is

all explained above, in the 'gaining status' section.

• You chase

Chasing is a _gamble_. Chasing is aggressive pursuit. It can succeed, sure -

but it allows the other person, the higher-status person, the chas-ee- the

ability to screen. They choose, you don't.

SLUTS CHASE. Women will avoid being labelled 'sluts' at all costs because

they are at the BOTTOM of the social totem-pole, with the WBAFCs. Sluts in

the traditional sense are women whose need for validation is so great that

they have gambled away all their buying power trying to fill it.

A woman who is perceived as slutty has a hard time finding quality ass

because quality ass is likely to screen _her_. She is a LAST RESORT FUCK.

Not only that, but other women (and men) on their way up the social ladder

will step on her, on the way. They will use her to reinforce their own

superiority.

The 'slut' is a lightning-rod for the 'cement someone's position as below you'

method of gaining status.

Sad, but true.

What this means for the PUA

For the PUA, this is GREAT. This is WONDERFUL. Why is this great for the

PUA?

Because the PUA has -worked- for his social status, and he knows how he got

it.

It was not delivered by the stork along with a nice set of tits, or trim and

shapely thighs and a button nose; no, he's invested field work and sweat and

other bodily fluids in getting good, and he is -good-.

Thus he can work women in ways that women are not equipped to work him.

Consider the following analogy; who's better off, a self-made millionare or a

lotto winnner? The self-made man! Why? Because he knows the value of his

money, and how to invest it and make it grow.

Some of this seems ruthless; be aware that women aren't thinking about it,

when they do it. For most women, this is all pure instinct.

6 tips to help overcome your addiction to approval seeking"Everybody approves of puppies" courtesy of suzijane

“A truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a

lion needs the approval of sheep.” ~ Vernon Howard

Sometimes things are the opposite to how they appear.

Not long ago, the archetypal ‘rebellious’ teenager sat across from me. Jason

wore the conformist non-conformist off-the-peg disaffected youth uniform: the

kind of low-slung jeans that makes running for a bus resemble the sack race

from a pre-teen sports day. His defiant stare dared me to say something he

could find stupid.

His mother had brought him to see me in an attempt to ‘make him more

pleasant’. And Jason did admit to sometimes upsetting his parents

deliberately. He’d stumbled into the well-trodden adolescent role of finding

everything wanting, ‘lame’. Contempt for reality outside of himself or his

friends had become his default setting. It didn’t matter what I said or did; he

was determined to - and here’s the crux - not just be, but seem, unimpressed.

I’m not sure I helped that young guy (or his mother) as much as hopefully

time and experience (sometimes the best therapy a person can have) will, but

it occurred to me that constantly seeking disapproval - being rebellious for the

sake of it - is, in essence, just the other side of the coin from craving

continuous positive approval. The common denominator is still an over-

preoccupation with imagining what people are thinking about you and trying

to control their perceptions of you.

In sharp contrast to Jason, Susan seemed blighted by a constant need for

positive approval. She was easier to help because she wanted to please me

by getting better; eventually she told me, only half-jokingly, that she didn’t

give a damn whether I was pleased with her progress or not - at which point,

we knew she’d made plenty.

So what’s wrong with wanting to please others?

Seeking approval whilst compromising yourself

Nothing, up to a point; approval seeking is only a real problem if you feel as

though positive approval from others is the very oxygen that keeps you alive.

Susan actually said she felt like she’d almost ‘die’ if people thought badly of

her.

She’d felt rejected by her parents, particularly her mother; yet I could tell she

was keen that I didn’t think her a ‘bad person’ when she spoke semi-critically

of her mom, who had, it seemed, only very conditional regard for Susan.

Unless Susan was how her mother wanted her to be at all times, affection was

withdrawn. In this way, Susan had been conditioned as a young girl to feel

that approval was vital at all times.

Susan’s father went along with her mother, but she felt, deep down, that his

love for her was ‘at heart, unconditional’. The problem was that now, as a

thirty-seven-year-old woman, Susan felt that anything she did or even thought

only had any ‘validity’ if it was ‘the right thing’ to say and think. I asked her

what she meant by ‘right’ and, after a long pause, she admitted she didn’t

really know - that perhaps it was what other people thought was ‘right’.

Reliance on approval seeking leaves you open to abuse

One grave problem with chronic approval seeking is that it leaves you

vulnerable to being manipulated by others. People pick up that you’re anxious

to please them, that your main priority is that ‘everything be okay’. For

example, Susan found that a particular co-worker would go into silent moods

and look disapprovingly at Susan, but this woman didn’t seem to respond to

other people like that. Somehow, she’d picked up that Susan cared too much

and used this knowledge to psychologically control Susan. Susan admitted

that she only cared about doing a good job so that other people would be

pleased.

The sleeping man and the snake

Another problem with being too eager to gain approval is that it can get in the

way of actually being effective in a situation.

I’m reminded of the story of a man who fell asleep under a tree. As he slept, a

venomous snake slithered into his open mouth. Another man, seeing this

situation, immediately pounced upon the sleeper and beat his back, held him

upside down, and generally seemed (from a superficial perspective) to be

abusing him. The man who had no idea he’d swallowed a snake complained

bitterly, thinking the other guy was deranged. Eventually, the snake was

dislodged and tumbled out of the first man’s mouth. He was saved and in that

instant knew the ‘attacker’ had really been seeking to save him, not seeking

his approval (1). It’s important to remember that the needs of the situation

sometimes far exceed the needs for instant approval.

The fact is that some approval seeking is probably inevitable. It makes sense

to ‘fit in’ with other people and even Jason (our less than affable teenager)

was, by his own account, keen to maintain strong social bonds with his

friends. He cared that they had a good impression of him.

But if we are led through life always and only really doing and being what

we’ve come to believe is ‘expected of us’, then, in a way, we cease to exist, to

live, and be real. So how can you start to care less about gaining other

people’s approval? I’ve written a little about this before in ‘How to Stop

Worrying What Other People Think’, but here I want to offer a few more

pointers for being less bound by approval (or disapproval) seeking.

Tip 1: Practice saying what you think

Not always, of course, but why should it always be you who has to ‘tread

carefully’? Start practicing speaking your mind a little more and let the

‘consequences’ sort themselves out. What you’ll find is that most of the time

no one is offended at all - and, as long as you don’t set out to hurt others, if

they are upset it’s only because you’ve started behaving in a way that lets

them feel they have less ‘power’ over you.

Tip 2: Practice pleasing yourself

Constantly seeking approval means we’re perpetually worried that others are

forming a bad opinion of us. We come to feel vulnerable and prey to whether

other people are pleased with us or not. This steals the fun, creativity, and

spontaneity from life.

Make a point of doing stuff now and then purely because you want to. This is

not being selfish; it’s letting other people know that you’re a multi-

dimensional person with your own tastes, ideas, and enthusiasms.

Tip 3: Remember you can’t control what others think, anyway

Anxiously seeking approval is often an attempt at trying to gain and keep a

sense of control. If we can just make people ‘happy’ by being what we

imagine they want us to be, then we won’t be rejected or abandoned. That’s

the common assumption; but does it work?

Well, people like ‘nice’ people, for sure; but, paradoxically, trying to be all

things to all people can make us less appreciated, because people are

generally drawn to an aura of self-confidence. So remind yourself regularly

that you can influence other people’s perception of you some of the time, but

you can’t control it. People tend to think what they’ll think.

Tip 4: Remember that sometimes ‘doing the right thing’ means appearing not to

If you had lived in Nazi Germany as a non-Jewish blond-haired blue-eyed

person, to seek approval from people around you (the ruling Nazi party) you

would have to have done and believed some monstrous things. Peer pressure

can make us go against what we truly know to be decent and civilized

behaviour. Was it decent and civilized of the helping man in the story to beat

the snake out of the sleeping man?

Pack mentality can work on any scale. The ‘leader’ decides what is ‘right and

wrong’, and the followers sometimes comply to impress the leader and others

or because they are afraid of the consequences if they don’t. This is obvious

in a huge cult like Nazi Germany or in lesser cults, but it happens much more

in day-to-day life than many of us realize.

Focus on what you believe to be right in situations, rather than what peer

pressure may lead you to do. Be your own person.

Tip 5: Don’t assume people make black or white assessments of you

I’ve noticed that people who are overly concerned with approval assume that I

and others will think them ‘a terrible person’ or ‘a loser’ if they say or do

something that isn’t somehow right. But most people don’t make heavily

judgmental decisions about other people based on a few words or even

actions. Constantly worrying that someone else is inwardly going to condemn

you as an ‘awful person’ is over-estimating the ‘black or whiteness’ of other

people’s perceptions of you.

I might sometimes be baffled or surprised (or assume I have misunderstood

them) when someone says or does something, but I rarely conclude: “She/he

is a terrible person!” As we know, generally good people can do bad things. If

you’re around people who do make blanket, negative, and premature

assessments of you based on a few words or actions, then you need to

remember that is all about them - not you.

Tip 6: Don’t play the game of disapproval

Some people use disapproval as a weapon. If you’ve had what amounts to a

phobia of disapproval, then such people will scare and therefore control you if

you play their games. Seeing reality through a narrow and prejudiced lens of

‘does this please or displease me?’ makes people pretty tyrannical. People

who are quick to disapprove (even if they just imply disapproval) can make

you on edge, to say the least.

Focus on what you think and want. If someone seems to disapprove, call them

out on it. Ask them what their problem is. As weird as it sounds, you have

every right to disapprove of their disapproval!

Ultimately, disapproval fails to deliver what it threatens. When the ‘bomb

drops’, you learn there is no bomb. When you let people disapprove of you if

they want and cease to worry, a whole new world of personal possibility opens

before you.

How to Be Hilarious and Make People Want to Be Your Friend (for Girls)15 authors | 27 revisions | Last updated: July 11, 2012

0

Article

Edit Discuss

If you want to be the center of attention, have everyone love you, and be hilarious, read this! You'll be funny like Nicole Richie in no time!Ads by GoogleMystery Shopping Provider Evaluate customer experience, audit Improve brand, revenues and profit.www.intouchinsight.com

Edit Steps1. 1

Learn some good jokes. If you want to be hilarious, you must learn some good jokes and funny comebacks. Try to read some funny books or joke books for inspiration.Ads by GoogleFind A Foreign Husband International Dating & Marriage. Browse Profiles. Join Free Now!www.InternationalCupid.com

2. 2

Smile a lot. Smiling a lot is a sign for people that says "I'm friendly." If you don't smile much and you are mean to other people, you are pushing people away, and they wouldn't want to be your friend.

3. 3

Take the time to listen to other people. This is a huge sign of friendliness. If someone is lost or shy, ask them if they need any help, listen to their problems, and then try to find a solution for them. This shows them that you are a good friend and you'll take your time to help everyone.

4. 4

Give a compliment or two. Did you like someone's essay or poem, and they're from your class? If you happen to find them, give them a compliment. (Example:I love your sweater! or Your poem is the best! Maybe you should join a poetry class, I bet you'd also win poetry contests!) Just don't lay it down too thick.

5. 5

Cheer someone up. Don't do the regular "Are you ok?" Put a note in their locker saying a good thing about them, tell them something funny that has happen to you, tell them that you'll send your flying donkey or something because that is bound to cheer up anybody's day.

6. 6

Don't be a showoff. One of the worst pet peeves people have are showoffs. Nobody likes them, so if you score the winning goal or get an A+, don't show off, please.

7. 7

Don't have much enemies. If you have an enemy, don't make things worse. Your enemy can send a rumor flying about you or tell someone about why you aren't friends anymore. People will think of you as a hater or a girl who has nothing to do but hate everyone around her.

8. 8Be yourself and relax!Ads by GoogleForex trgovanje u Srbiji Napravite profit uz stalnu podršku naših profesionalnih savetnika!www.fxlider.comMystery Shopping Mystery Shopping & Customer Experience expertisewww.catalyst-mc.comLove Compatibility Test Test Now Your Love Compatibility With this Special Someone! 100%FreeAboutAstro.com

Edit Tips Don't be afraid to share with someone. Share your lunch, share

your color pencils, think of the possibilities. There are many more ways to be funny and have friends so if the

tips on this article doesn't work, find another inspiration for you.Ads by GoogleNaked mirrors Read a collection of short poems influenced by Zen Buddhismwww.trilogyofthemirrors.comSingle Ukraine Ladies Ukrainian girls and women are looking for dating with foreign menOnline-Dating-Ukraine.com/SingleWorld Of Tanks Award Winning Army Game. Sign Up for Free Today!www.worldoftanks.com

Edit Warnings Don't be a goody two shoes. The same as showoffs, nobody likes

goody two shoes.

How to Be Unique43 authors | 137 revisions | Last updated: November 10, 2012

Article

Edit Discuss

There are loads of labels these days, and many people feel that they are unique when in fact they are simply following another trend. When uniqueness is a trend, no one is very unique. Read on to find out how to be truly unique.Ads by GoogleUnique Australian Fashion Trendy, funky, classic, retro fashion Australian-inspired.www.flakeybark.com.au

Edit Steps1. 1

Be yourself. If you try to follow a formula for uniqueness, you'll come up short. Instead, focus on your own interests and personal style.Ads by GoogleKnowing your Personality Most detailed Personality Assessment on the Internetwww.personalitybook.com

2. 2

Do things that you sincerely enjoy. For example, try a hobby or a sport that you've been wanting to participate in. When you do the things you love, you tend to meet people that are more in tune with you and will be compatible friends in the long run.

3. 3

Dress for yourself. Avoid trying to dress to please others. This may attract certain people into your life, but not those who will really resonates with you. If you follow fashion trends that you don't actually like, it will be harder to make connections because you'll be wearing a false shell. Instead, dress to suit your personality and your tastes.

4. 4

Don't think that being alone means that you are lonely. If you feel like being on your own, don't think of yourself as weird or a loner. When you are in a situation that leaves you alone though you'd rather be with others, try not to think about what you could be doing with others, and what they are doing. This only leads to dissatisfaction. Do something that requires quiet and a distraction-free environment, such as reading, practicing an instrument, writing a book, or working on an art project. Enjoy the freedom of being able to privately explore your interests.

5. 5

Labels are meaningless. Buy things that you like, look good in, and most importantly, need. If you want to be unique, avoid buying clothes just for the label. You'll look like everyone around you, and your clothing won't reflect your personal style or tell others about who you are.

6. 6

Be aware of your own emotions. Try not to be influenced by other people's emotions. Spending too much time thinking about other people's thoughts can lead you away from your own.

7. 7

Know your opinions, while being open to suggestions. Don't say something for the sake of saying it. Instead, take a moment after a conversation starts to think about what you know and what resonates with you, then begin talking. Try to listen to what other people are saying without being sucked in, and without immediately casting aside their ideas. An engaging debate can be fun, stimulating, and teach you a lot about your own values.

8. 8Have the power to think independently. Don't give in to peer pressure, whether it be your parents, friends or teachers. Be skeptical and explore ideas for yourself.Ads by GoogleHome School grades 9-12 Online High School courses at home Finish High School from home.www.aiuhs.org

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Edit Tips No matter how much money you have or how well dressed you

are, the most important thing you can wear is a smile. Smiles can make someone’s day a little brighter.

Just be yourself. Everyone's different already, so it doesn't take much effort.

Search for a unique hobby/interest that you might have and be proud of it! Don't pick a hobby or interest just because it seems unique or different. Pick something that you're genuinely interested in.

Learn something valuable from everyone you meet. Try to mix styles up. You can go from chic to edgy or mix 'em up! Have confidence! Walk into the room proud or excited. Don't be

embarrassed!

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Edit == Warnings Once you have found the courage to be yourself, be happy with

who you are. But avoid trying to push your ideas onto your friends - you will all end up looking the same again.

Do not try so hard to be unique that you give the impression of being "different for the sake of being different." Uniqueness is really about being true to yourself, because we're all naturally different people with different values, interests, and tastes. Celebrate yourself and you'll be unique without even trying.

It's easy to get called names, ridiculed or bullied for being unique, or even just for having an opinion. Just ignore it! Turn an insult into a positive.

Don't be stuck up. When someone compliments you, say thanks and compliment

their outfit in return.

How to Express Your Individuality31 authors | 93 revisions | Last updated: August 9, 2012

Article

Edit Discuss

Individuality is how one expresses him or herself. Once you learn how to be yourself, let others know!"Be yourself, everyone else is taken!"

Edit Steps1. 1

Show what you love and what you are good at, this will make you shine and not be any other person. "You can be whatever you want to be but don't change yourself for society"Ads by Google

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2. 2

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, you are great JUST as you are"

3. 3

Be true to yourself.

4. 4

Know exactly who you are. Figure out your likes and dislikes, and what's unique about you.

5. 5

Make a list of the things you like. You can make this fun, and no one has to see it but you. Be completely honest with yourself.

6. 6

Mold your life around what you like. It's alright if you like to make other people happy, it's good to be able to bend a little for other people. However, don't wear something to make someone else like you. Don't do the 'cool' things if you don't like them.

7. 7

Decorate your room the way you want it to be. If you want certain colors on your walls, buy some paint and get started! Whether you want to hang paintings or posters, or if you want to put flowers or a collection of yours on your shelves, make sure your room reflects you as a person.

8. 8

If something unique catches your eye, and you like it, buy it! This could be a pair of earrings, an unusual handbag or just an item of clothing that you think shows your personality well, be willing to WEAR it!

9. 9

Make your clothes as individual as you. Make a boring t shirt into something of your own by applying beads, sequins, badges, fabric paint, buttons, chains, ribbon, sewing detail, eyelets, iron on images and much more!

10. 10

If you don't like current fashions, make your own! Put together pieces of clothing that you wouldn't normally consider as a combination. Layer your clothes and accessories, and if it looks good, wear it!

11. 11

Don't be afraid to put your personal touches into an outfit. You could be wearing a fashionable dress, but it would be individual if you added the necklace that was passed down from your grandmother, an special pair of shoes or a pair of earrings that mean something to you.

12. 12

Wear clothes that you like. Don't feel pressured to wear something just because its fashionable. If you like a certain style of clothing or certain colors, wear them with pride. Ignore what everyone says, because as long as you like them, it does not matter what they think.

13. 13

Be happy with yourself and what you like and your personality is what makes you an individual; no one is alike ; you are the only you there is!

14. 14

Make your phone individual! You can buy stick on gems, rhinestones or just stickers, or you could buy a cool phone charm, phone case or phone holder. If you can, put songs that you like on your phone and have them as your ringtone. Or if your phone has the feature, make your own ringtones! You could have a picture of you and your family or friends, or a pet, as your wallpaper. You could also do this on your computer.

15. 15

Customize things to make them your own. Put stickers on your school books (if you are allowed), decorate your bedroom with fairy lights or charms, or brighten up a boring bedroom wall with a notice board filled with pictures of all the people and things that are special to you.

16. 16

Listen to the type of music that you like, and not whats popular. If you like a certain type of music, such as rock, listen to it and don't be afraid to tell people that you listen to it.

17. 17

Say what you feel and be honest. If you lie, you aren't showing your true feelings and letting people know how you truly feel. Tell people your dreams, your likes, dislikes, no matter how weird it feels.

18. 18

Check yourself in the mirror before going out. This may seem vain, but if what you see doesn't make you smile, then it's not worth it. If you find yourself adjusting your clothing constantly, it's obviously not something you're comfy in. Doesn't matter what it is, it needs to make you feel good when you see yourself!

19. 19Remember: Don't worry about people judging you! Anyone important enough in your life will accept you for who you are - if they judge you or mock you, ask yourself: "Does their opinion REALLY matter?!"Ads by Google

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Edit Tips Make changes gradually, don't change everything in your life at

once. Be yourself —not anyone else. Prioritize, figure out what is more important to you Try to be as individual as you can. If someone copies your

individuality, just tell them to read this article. (and maybe they'll get the hint)

Do not try to do things because others do it or have done it. Just do what you feel like doing.

Express yourself as much as you want to, in parties, in your school, at home, in the hostel, e.t.c. Do not think of how people will react to it, it won't even bother if 1. What you are doing is morally upright, and 2. If you have confidence in yourself.

Before you go out, or if you feel bad - smile to yourself in the mirror! Think of(or better - say out loud) the things you love about yourself. Don't point out your flaws. This will make you feel good about yourself.

if you are self conscious and shy, try different, more subtle ways to be an individual. Like decorating your binder in a funky way or wearing fun accessories.Ads by GoogleHome School grades 9-12 Online High School courses at home Finish High School from home.www.aiuhs.orgMystery Shopping Provider Evaluate customer experience, audit Improve brand, revenues and profit.www.intouchinsight.comKnowing your Personality Most detailed Personality Assessment on the Internetwww.personalitybook.com

Edit Warnings

Changing too much at once can cause an overload of stress...relax.

Some people you talk to might not like the fact that you are going 'against the grain'. Just remember, true friends will come along eventually, and love you no matter what.

How to Be Original54 authors | 160 revisions | Last updated: October 24, 2012

Article

Edit Discuss

Everyone goes through a phase or phases during their lives in which they want to find themselves. It's normal, and it isn't an event reserved for adolescence. As you read through the tips in this article, keep in mind that this guide is just that -- a guide.

Edit Steps1. 1

Be yourself. If you're 15 and you play with dolls, who cares? You're having fun, right? What if you're 15 and you don't like dolls? Who cares? Do what you like and be proud of it.Ads by GoogleGoldWave Audio Software Record, Edit, Restore, Convert... Voice, Music, MP3. Free download!www.goldwave.com

2. 2

Buy the clothes you like. If what everyone else is wearing appeals to you, wear it. But if you find something you want, get it! Better yet, make your own clothes if you don't want to run into the, "Hey! We're wearing the same thing. We're like twins."

3. 3

Try new things and be open to new things. This is not to say that you need to agree with, enjoy, or even care about new things you encounter. The important factor here is giving each new experience a fair chance to shape who you are, if you want them to.

4. 4

Listen to what appeals to you most. Do not conform to listening to the same type of music that people in your area also listen to. In a similar regard, don't immediately shun anything that is considered mainstream just because everyone likes it. Try to explore different genres and artists. Do not hate any genre of music. It's alright to dislike, but any piece of music deserves some degree of respect. Even try foreign music. You may not understand it, but that doesn't make it bad.

5. 5

Go against the flow if you want to, if your teacher tells your class that they can go to sleep, and everyone starts to go to sleep, don't do it because everyone else is; if you want to, doodle, read, or yodel.

6. 6

Make a difference. Start a club, band, etc. Let your thoughts be heard by people. Make a change for the better of the future.

7. 7

Be proud of who you are. Yes, it sounds corny but it works. Hiding away in the corner like a quiet little mouse will do nothing. If you disagree with a statement, say so! Don't let others push or boss you around. Although it also doesn't mean that you keep shouting at others to make yourself heard! Be understanding yet make other people understand you.

8. 8

Be independent. If you truly want to be an individual with your own originality, then don't rely on an article to tell you what to do. Think for yourself. It is your own self who can tell you what makes you original.

9. 9Believe in yourself. Do everything with confidence and never change the way you are just to be part of something. the beautiful is to be different!Ads by GoogleHome School grades 9-12 Online High School courses at home Finish High School from home.www.aiuhs.orgYour Zodiac Horoscope Insert Your Birthdate & Get Answers about Past-Present and Future. FreeAboutAstro.comUnique Australian Fashion Trendy, funky, classic, retro fashion Australian-inspired.www.flakeybark.com.au

Edit Tips Try different music, clothes, hairstyles, multi-colored nail polish, a

new look, or anything else you want. Don't do things differently just to be different; you should enjoy it. Being able to remove yourself from the pressures of a situation

always helps. If you can do this, it will be much easier to make decisions based on what you want.Ads by GoogleKnowing your Personality Most detailed Personality Assessment on the Internetwww.personalitybook.comMens Invisible High Heels Make you 5 inches Taller Invisibly 400+ Styles Selection, From $29.99www.TallMenShoes.comMystery Shopping Provider Evaluate customer experience, audit Improve brand, revenues and profit.www.intouchinsight.com

Edit Warnings Sometimes people are afraid of others who dress differently, so

don't go over the top. Or if you do, be very confident in yourself and be nice. Why should someone be scared of you if you're nice?

Always ask a parent or guardian about changing things like your hair color.

Be original and unpredictable, but be mindful of others as well. Don't try and upset people around you for the sake of being different. Bottom line: stay true to yourself.

Make sure you are in a society or situation that will accept this in the sense that you will not be penalized severely for being a nonconformist.

How to Be Respected44 authors | 184 revisions | Last updated: November 9, 2012

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Basically, don't be stupid. If anyone wants to be respected by others, wealth, clothing or physical attractiveness are not requirements. The way others perceive us isn't necessarily based on our level of education, what schools we may have attended or with whom we are acquainted. Respect is accorded to those who live respectable lives--that is, people that conduct themselves with integrity and treat others, in turn, with high regard. If we set the example by respecting ourselves - appreciating our own good qualities and using them to highlight the positive in other people's lives, then our example will be followed and that same regard will likely be shown to us in return. The most important thing to remember is that respect is earned; we must act respectably in order to receive the benefits.

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Edit Steps

1. 1

Present yourself well. Have a bath or shower once a day, be well groomed and dressed neatly. Clothing doesn’t need to be expensive but it should be laundered and in good repair. Take care of your health and your teeth. Your smile will show to others that you enjoy your own company, and theirs too.

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2. 2

Keep your language clean and respectable. Say positive things about others whenever possible, but be sincere - people can recognize the difference between true interest and forced flattery.

3. 3

Have confidence. Many people will test you, and poke your insecurities. No matter what they say, have confidence in yourself and your worth, and their disrespectful behavior will go away. If it doesn't, you will at least be able to ignore it and live with it until it does!

4. 4

Try to be positive. It is easy to point out the downside of a situation, but if we make the effort to overcome our obstacles we can lead happier lives and be an encouragement to others. Find ways to assist those who need help and your own troubles will seem less overwhelming, and you'll feel better for doing it!

5. 5

Greet people in a proper and friendly manner. It is appreciated and returned by others, and makes you feel wonderful. If someone does not reciprocate or acknowledge your greeting, give them the benefit of the doubt. Be polite. It is possible that they may be deeply absorbed in thought and as a result failed to acknowledge you.

6. 6

Never bully others or take advantage of their weaknesses. Bullies are not respected because they don't show respect. Allow people to keep their dignity. Bullies are incapable of showing respect because they typically do not even respect themselves, and/or may not know the definition of respect.

7. 7

Do not be annoying, try not to be strident, this will only cause people to scorn upon you. Try to be cool.

8. 8

Don’t act like a know it all. People do not appreciate it when you act superior to them. Listen and respect their opinions, even though these may be different from your own.

9. 9

Be a good role model. Set an example that others would like to follow. When another person imitates you, it is a sign of respect. If someone else has set a good example, let them know how much you appreciate it by your own actions.

10. 10

Be yourself. Don't just join in with the latest craze just because others may be following the popular style. Respect yourself by making your own choice, this will bring respect from others. If you are unsure of what to do and you are looking for someone with authority to guide you - always remember who you are, and always ask yourself if YOU agree with what this person says and does. Sometimes, it is easier said than done: sometimes you feel lost and are not sure what you want or what you believe. Its ok to make mistakes - everybody makes them. However, you should still remember that YOU are the final judge of everything that you say and do, and be ready to face up to your mistakes, learn from them and move on.

11. 11

Give everyone a chance. Don't prejudge people, and be pleasant to everyone (until they give you a reason not to). Even if you realise someone is a jerk, always be civil and have class. People around you will respect that more than bad mouthing or confronting them in a mean way.

12. 12

Don't be overly materialistic. Stay focused on people rather than objects that may be lost or destroyed; people are so much more important and our true value is not what we have, it is the person we are inside that others will respect. But in the same vein pay attention to the fact that while materialism is not all of life, it is part of it. We all need things to survive, and while we always must remember that things are not everything and others aren't to be judged just on what they have, we must also keep track of our things and take care of them, conserve them and expect respect for our things from others. Just don't get it in your head that things are everything.

13. 13

Respect yourself and others around you. - Keep your home and surroundings clean and well kept. Your neighbours will respect you and the neighbourhood will be a better place for everyone. Treating others with respect is the most important thing to do; if you treat someone with respect, they'll treat you with respect.

14. 14

Don't procrastinate. Always act with a purpose. When you set your mind on doing something, think about it, plan it as best as you can, and then just do it. Don't wait forever, don't let other people do your job for you, and don't get yourself into a loop of endless planning and worrying about it. People respect action, and equally don't respect procrastination.

15. 15

Live up to your promises. Don't make promises you know you can't keep, or you are unsure you'll be able to keep. It is much more respectable (and more difficult) to just say "No, I can't do that," or even "I don't want to do that." This is where you have to respect yourself and your own will, and make it clear to others in a polite and assertive way. And when you do make a promise, keep it.

16. 16State your boundaries. Clearly communicate what you are willing to accept and what the consequences for trespassing of these boundaries are. Do what you announced to do (or not to do) every time the trespassing happens.

o Example: If you want to go out to meet friends with your partner, inform them of the time and that you will leave at this time; whether they are ready or not. If your partner is not ready to go, leave the house without them. Do not let them call you back or change your plans in any way. Do not try to justify your actions, and refuse to accept blame. If at all, tell them that you informed them of the consequences and they are only suffering consequences that could have easily be avoided if they had played by the rules.Ads by GoogleKnowing your Personality Most detailed Personality Assessment on the Internetwww.personalitybook.comMen Height Increase Shoes Get 5'' Taller invisibly w/ comfort Money back guarantee, $30 upwww.TallMenShoes.comShop Japan Korea Fashion Cuties Dolly Vintage Emo Mod Japanese Street Wear Retro Punkstores.ebay.com

Edit Tips Remember that respect is something that people have to earn. It

is not given to those who live respectably! You have to prove yourself for each individual, and individuals don't have the same idea of dignity

or respect. Don't lose yourself in the socially promoted "virtues", everything you do will be seen by someone as something respectable(building a school as well as murder, genocide etc.), you just have to know exactly who you are dealing with.

Be aware that it is very important how people see you interact with others beside themselves. So be very careful when dealing with two individuals with different core philosophies, as if you please one of them, the other might lose respect for you.

Especially remember to be respectful to bullies. If they take something from you, or start to tease you, say: "Can I have that back? And by the way, that's a cool bike". It will easily throw them off guard. Don't shower them with compliments, as once you lose your unpredictability, they will take advantage of that.

Try to find what you're good at, and use it. If you're a good singer, be in the school musicals, sing for events, etc. People will recognize you and your talents. This is a great way to get 'well-known'. Also be careful in overdoing it, and chose the time and place that seem right to you.

Bring beauty to your surroundings by giving your neighbors a pleasant view of your home andyour personality. Invite the people in your neighborhood to draw near with genuine interest and friendliness. They will want to care about you, too.

Remember that people notice the example your children are following. If you treat your children lovingly and teach them to have respect for yourself and others, you will be treated with respect also.

Don't reveal too much of yourself. Mystery is part of the reason why people respect you. As soon as that disappears, people will be able to read you like a book, and where's the respect in that?

When you decide on something, stick to it. Your instincts are usually correct.

How to Be Known and Respected11 authors | 17 revisions | Last updated: August 7, 2012

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It takes a strong person to known and respected for the right things. Read this and you will be on the way to becoming the person that you WANT TO BE!Ads by GoogleFree Check For Plagiarism Check Your Papers For Plagiarism And Correct Grammar Errors Now!www.Grammarly.com/plagiarism_check

Edit Steps1. 1

It helps if you've ever read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. That is the BEST BOOK ever written on relationships.Ads by GoogleYour Zodiac Horoscope Insert Your Birthdate & Get Answers about Past-Present and Future. FreeAboutAstro.com

2. 2

Be sure to talk about others. they would rather tell you about how they stubbed their toe than hear about your stolen car.

3. 3

Make sure the topic interest them. When you talk to others, be sure to talk about subjects that can keep them talking. If they get bored change the topic. On the right topic, some people can talk for hours at a time.

4. 4

Be Honestly interested. Even if the topic is something you don't care for, be as interested as possible.

5. 5

Be polite when listening. Try to smile and say things like 'oh yes' or 'interesting' to show that you are paying attention.

6. 6

Make others feel important and mean it.

7. 7

It starts with respecting yourself. You can't change who/what you are, so learn to deal with yourself, and most important, value your self highly. If you don't respect and value yourself, neither will others

8. 8

Compliments count. If you tell one person that their bald head looks exceptionally nice, they will walk the rest of the day feeling more confident. It only takes one person to make another feel better about themselves. You can be that person. You can change the life of another for the better.

9. 9

Introduce yourself. approach with confidence and make yourself known.

10. 10

Be Remembered. Give people a reason to remember you. Give a smile, a sincere compliment, a willingness to listen.

11. 11Learn to be friendly. watch or talk to others you know about being friendly. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

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Edit Tips optional- Read How to Win Friends and Influence People practice these tips wherever you go

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Edit Warnings worst thing that can happen is rejection and even then you didn't

lose anything

Edit Things You'll Need a willing attitude confidence

How to Make Tough Decisions for Yourself16 authors | 45 revisions | Last updated: October 24, 2012

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Making a decision to do something new usually involves giving up something else. That's what makes it hard—there's a loss to deal with as well as the uncertainly of the future. We resist change when the number of Positive things in our lives is equal to the number of Negative things. Comparing these Positives and Negatives objectively helps us to move forward.Ads by GoogleMSc in Management International Hellenic University Taught in English. Apply now!www.econ.ihu.edu.gr

Edit Steps1. 1

Draw five columns on a sheet of paper, held horizontally (landscape).Ads by GooglePresentation Development Supercharge Your Presentation Skills - Five Days Based in Londonimpactfactory.com

2. 2Label the columns from left to right:  

1. "+" Score2. Positives3. What I'm Deciding to Change4. Negatives

5. "-" Score.

3. 3

In Column 3, "What I'm Deciding to Change," write the decision you are struggling to make.

o For example: "Go to College" "Buy a New Car" "Find a New Job."

2. 4

In Column 2, list the Positive things you would expect to happen by making this change.

3. 5

In Column 4, list the Negative things you would expect to happen by making this change.

4. 6

List an equal number of "Positives" and "Negatives" if possible.

5. 7

In Column 1, assign a score from 1 to 10 to all the Positives you listed in Column 2, where 1 is not-very strong and 10 is very strong.

6. 8

Sum the score in Column 1.

7. 9

In Column 5, assign a score from 1 to 10 to all the Negatives you listed in Column 2, where 1 is not-very strong and 10 is very strong.

8. 10

Sum the score in Column 5.

9. 11

Subtract the sum of Column 5 (negative reasons) from the sum Column 1 (positive reasons).

10. 12

If you get a Positive number after subtracting, and your gut tells you that the change is GOOD, decide to change.

11. 13

If you get a Negative number, and your gut tells you the change is NOT GOOD, decide not to change.

12. 14

If you get a Negative number but your gut argues with you and tells you the change would be GOOD, create an action plan to reduce the Negative reasons or increase the Positive reasons.

13. 15

Reduce the impact of as many Negative reasons as you can in preparation for making the change.

o For example, if one of your Negative reasons is: "Not enough money for tuition," investigate ways to get money for tuition such as:

apply for scholarships get a part time job find a less expensive school go to school part-time while you work full time

14. 16

Set a goal to make the change at a future date, allowing time for you to reduce some of the negatives.

15. 17

Do this exercise again after you have reduced some of the Negative reasons or found more positive reasons.

16. 18When you get a positive number that you trust, make the change.Ads by GoogleHome School grades 9-12 Online High School courses at home Finish High School from home.www.aiuhs.orgCollege/School Guide Free Directory of 3000+ University, Colleges. Browse our Listings Todaywww.SchoolGuides.com/collegesearchYour Zodiac Horoscope Insert Your Birthdate & Get Answers about Past-Present and Future. FreeAboutAstro.com

Edit Video

Edit Warnings When you calculate your answer, pay attention to your gut or your

intuition. Your decision must excite you and be something you really want to do.

BEFORE EDITING THIS PAGE, do the exercise--it is not a mathematical problem.Ads by GoogleGoldWave Audio Software Record, Edit, Restore, Convert... Voice, Music, MP3. Free download!www.goldwave.comBecome A Mentor Help high school entrepreneurs start and run their own businesses!www.build.orgProduction Tourist trains Sale of trackless trains, funtrain City trains, Fun trains, trolleys,www.funtrain.at

Edit Things You'll Need To do this exercise you will need:o Two sheets of 8.5" x 11" papero A pen or pencilo A tough decisiono An intuition

How to Be Special and Mysterious26 authors | 76 revisions | Last updated: November 6, 2012

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An article about how to make the people around you think you are interesting and mysterious. These tips are mostly for guys. Please read this with an open mind, this may reveal some things hard to believe, but just keep reading, the special guys are always mysterious and magnetic.Ads by GoogleMSc in Management International Hellenic University Taught in English. Apply now!www.econ.ihu.edu.gr

Edit Steps1. 1

Spend much time alone. Usually thinking while leaning against a wall, but you must not look sad or depressed, not happy either, just thoughtful. You must learn first to live by your own and love yourself a lot, the signal you want to project is extreme independence and not needing anything/anybody else. This crucial step will come off alone if you really are an individual who loves his own being.Ads by GooglePresentation Development Supercharge Your Presentation Skills - Five Days Based in Londonimpactfactory.com

2. 2

Be very quiet. You don't start anything that doesn't need to be started, you don't yell/LOL and you don't get in anybody else's problems. The point is: you don't need attention.

3. 3

Wear mysterious clothing like jackets, hoodies and long sleeves, and of dark colors. Not always black though, but maroon, navy and gray are serious and awesome colors. Wear clothes that don't show too much but are comfortable.

4. 4

Speak clearly. Never talk about irrelevant things (weather, tv shows) or about your issues or your life (trips, family problems), doing this is an attempt to build rapport with a person, which translates to a need of attention and/or approval. Just stick to what is needed to say and give your opinion only if somebody explicitly ask for it or you know it is relevant to speak up, otherwise keep your mouth shut. However, if some person tries to build rapport with you (starts talking about politics, for example), talk to them but keep your opinions to yourself, don't argue, let them talk and you just listen. This is the foundation of being mysterious: they never get to know anything about you.

5. 5

Let nobody know facts about you: the places you visit, what you eat, what you do on your free time, etc. If somebody ask, try to give an ambiguous answer (the infamous "guess...") or light-sarcastic answer, but without looking like a jerk, you don't want the "jerk" reputation, you are above that.

6. 6

Two powerful traits that keeps people interested in you is being unpredictable and contradictory. Be a tough guy with some traits of innocence, get lost for days that nobody knows where have you been, be super smart but never be seen studying or asking for help.

7. 7

Have something that sets you apart, may this be an ability (a talent, being smart) or like a piece of clothing, hair style, etc. That certain something must make you stand out but must be acceptable and natural, kinda an "inborn" trait (not dyeing your hair green or doing a tattoo on your face, doing that convey the message of "I need attention" and remember, you don't need attention).

8. 8

Be polite and calm in any conversation. Never snap at people if they disagree with you. Never yell, look excited or angry while talking with somebody. Never be affected by what a person says to you (be this good or bad).

9. 9

Look at people directly on their eyes when talking to them and with a piercing or relaxed gaze, but don't stare. This will make you a dominant person and people will respect you. Remember, there is power in the eyes (the soul windows) and a powerful, confident gaze makes you a magnetic person.

10. 10

Try your best to almost always look stoic, that means: not showing emotions on your face or in your voice tonality and having a calm look on your eyes (relaxed eyelids). Don't overdo it though, from time to time show a bit of emotion (like a slight smile, for example). This may intimidate some people, but it shows that you are under control of your emotions and that nothing affects you. This makes you seem intelligent and this is another crucial step: total control of your emotions.

11. 11

Have charisma, and lots of it. This is a VERY crucial step, without charisma nothing else matters. Charisma has nothing to do with smiling all the time and being nice to people, charisma comes from the inside, feeling so good with yourself as you are that you don't need approval from the outside, it is an ineffable force that draws people in, so do everything you can to feel powerful and confident in yourself, charisma is more of a mental state than anything else. If you have charisma others will automatically look up at you as a leader.

12. 12

Take care of yourself: this shows that you love and respect yourself. Eat healthy, take showers and wear clean clothes, but don't become vain or self-centered, in fact, be well dressed but have that careless untidy look, it will send contradictory signals which is a powerful trait for guys.

13. 13

Cultivate your intellect in many areas. Yes, intelligence is more powerful than muscles, but never show off, you don't need that.

14. 14Find a purpose and stick to it. The magnetic guys ALWAYS have a purpose in their lives and nothing separates them from that path, may it be their career, being the most powerful supervillian, detective or whatever, they stick to it with all their heart and due to this they excel in it, whatever it is.Ads by GoogleKnowing your Personality Most detailed Personality Assessment on the Internetwww.personalitybook.comLove Compatibility Test Test Now Your Love Compatibility With this Special Someone! 100%FreeAboutAstro.comHome School grades 9-12 Online High School courses at home Finish High School from home.www.aiuhs.org

Edit Tips These tips are not for everybody, don't try to be somebody you're

not. All of these tips must come off as natural, intrinsic to your

personality, if you try to fake something then you will be seen as a fool. Start slowly and gradually be developing. If you think it is hard or awkward then stop because these tips aren't for you. I repeat, don't change who you are because you want to be mysterious.

Never laugh. Period. What makes you special is being stoic 90% of the time (yes, The Joker laughs a lot, but it is a maniacal, crazy laugh, not a "happy" one, so it doesn't count).

Never show needy or dependent on any person.

You can have 1 or 2 close friends, just keep them at certain distance and don't be dependent on them.

The trick is to always convey the message that you don't need attention or approval from anybody, that's why you will never be seen yelling, bragging, LOLing or with expensive clothes/devices. The charismatic guys never displays any of those.

Let your actions speak for you. Do a nice action from time to time and let the words spread.

From time to time, have a slightly evil gaze, but be careful to not scare people. Lord Byron used his trademark "under look" (slightly turning his head down and then looking up with an kinda evil, powerful gaze, it is said women swoon when he did this). It is not really a evil I-will-kill-you gaze, but something very similar: showing dominance, a piercing gaze with a very slight smile projects extreme amounts of confidence. Be VERY careful with this, practice in front of a mirror until you get it, if not done well you may scare people away, very few can achieve this effect successfully, but if done well it is powerful.

Investigate on how to have and cultivate a powerful, commanding presence.

Investigate and read about Lord Byron and the Byronic Hero. This type of hero is almost universally considered a special, mysterious person.

Investigate and analyze fictional characters that are considered special like "Dirty" Harry Callahan (Dirty Harry), Gaara (Naruto), Dr. Gregory House (House MD), L (Death Note), Dexter Morgan (Dexter) and The Joker (Heath Ledger version). You will find that they exhibit many of the tips listed in here (with their own twists) and that most of them can be categorized as "Byronic Heroes".

Think of being a different kind of beautiful creature all the time and not a person like a "Dwarf"(Class of Heroes), "Growlithe and Flareon"(Pokemon) and make a story about it like being observe by scientist and wanting someone accompany him or facing nature so that you can feel out of reality and keeping yourself busy and avoiding talking to someone.

When you're waiting for whatever reason, keep your hands away from your phone. Either look like you're thinking or look around and dispassionately observe what's going on around you. If you try to look like you're thinking, make sure you look thoughtful rather than just zoned out.

Learn how to walk very lightly. Practice it. No one should ever hear you coming. If you get good, you should be able to walk up stairwells without making a hint of a sound.Ads by GoogleInstant Grammar Checker Correct All Grammar Errors And Enhance Your Writing. Try Now!www.Grammarly.com/Grammar_Check

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Edit Warnings Following these tips will make you sorta of a loner, people around

you may feel a bit intimidated in your presence, so if you don't want to be alone avoid these tips.

You may lose some friends, so be patient with them. Some people (specially other guys) may begin to hate or envy

you, just don't pay attention to them, but don't hate them. You may be called a lot of names (emo, weirdo, outcast) just

don't pay attention to these people an continue being special, remember, they are just trying to figure you out by categorizing you.

People may think that you are arrogant or feel superior to others, so be humble from time to time, when needed.

How to Not Care What People Think91 authors | 458 revisions | Last updated: November 9, 2012

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 Sometimes you need to chill out and do what you think is bestIf you're one of those people who constantly worries what others think of you, this article may help you get off in the right direction of reversing these unpleasant thoughts. It will help you if you are obsessively looking in the mirror so that you look good to complete strangers and if you want to stop caring what rumours say about you.

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Edit Steps1. 1

Stop Over-thinking. Although this is a website about empowering the readers, you are not the most important person in the world, at least not to others. It is probably in the majority of occasions that you think you are being judged where people don’t actually care for the thing you are worrying about. Do you judge every single person that you meet, probably not. If you do, you might want to sort out that side of your life first as there’s no wonder you care what people think of you. The best way to test it is to push your limits a little, do something that is a bit out of the ordinary for you and see how people react. Chances are that only your “friends” might notice the change and make comments, but a random stranger really won’t care.Ads by GoogleStrategic Product Design International Hellenic University Master in English. Apply now!www.econ.ihu.edu.gr

2. 2

Put things into perspective. To people that aren’t naturally concerned what others think about them, having an issue with it seems quite strange or even silly. The reason is that when you put ‘issues’ like this under the microscope you can see they are really not worth having. You only get ONE chance at life and you are going to allow other people’s thoughts make it less enjoyable? Sounds silly now, doesn’t it.

o Give it some time. Apart from the fact that life really is too short to worry about things like this, the other aspect is that people’s feelings change. For example, say one moment people insult you for wearing yellow trainers, therefore you think they shouldn’t be worn and that is the last time you wear them. What if this persons opinions change, and they start wearing yellow shoes themselves; is that the only time you’ll put your trainers back on? I used to know a boy who was bullied for growing his hair long, yet within 6 months, more than half the boys in my year (including those who insulted him) grew theirs as well. People change their minds, so what they judge you on now might not matter in the future. Are you going to wait until something is deemed cool or acceptable to be the person you want to be? Hopefully questions like this help you put things into perspective.

3. 3

Be confident in your actions. Seeing as it’s likely we’ll always have some thought towards the feelings of others, what if we could really eliminate the amount of times it happens? Well, you can. The trick, if you want to call it that, is to simply be more confident in the decisions and actions you are taking. Have you never seen someone that might be wearing something out of the ordinary or acting different to the surrounding crowd but things just seem normal and they aren’t being judged? If you are wearing yellow shoes and are clearly uncomfortable in your choice then people are going to target you because they can see that and they probably want to feel good about themselves. However, if you can wear the shoes with pride and confidence, whilst clearly not caring what other people think then you’ll notice the negative reactions to be very small if any.

4. 4

Learn to control your emotions. When you start to try things like pushing your limits or simply being more confident, you will undoubtedly have mixed emotions in your head. From stress, worry and fear, to relief and happiness, it can be a bit of a mind roller coaster; that is where controlling your emotions comes in. The simple practice I learned from Eckhart Tolle goes a bit like this:

o Be conscious of an emotion inside you i.e. fear or worryo Observe it within your mindo Notice that if you are observing it, it can’t be a part of youo Watch the emotion disappearo As soon as you observe an emotion, you are separating yourself

from it and thus it can no longer exist.

5. 5Accept yourself for who you are. If you are constantly judging yourself then there will be no doubt to the fact that you’ll judge what other people think of you. The main cause for this is often self-limiting beliefs or society has made you think there is something wrong with you. Understandably, accepting yourself is not the easiest thing to do but there are things that help. First of all, think of all the things that you don’t like about yourself and write them down. Now, look at them more closely and see if there is a possibility to change them. For example, if you are thin and don’t like that, then look at ways in which you can gain weight and bulk up. However, If you wish you were taller, it’s not exactly something you can change. For this, look at what could be worse, for example if you are 5″ 7′ and really don’t like that, just think that at least you are not 8″ 7′ or even 5″. You might not be at your perfectly desired height but there are people “worse off”. These things are more of a temporary solution, as if you constantly look towards helping yourself by seeing people who are

worse off or looking to change yourself, you can never accept you. As time goes by and you realise how unimportant the things you thought were actually are, things get easier and your level of caring plummets rapidly.Ads by GoogleKnowing your Personality Most detailed Personality Assessment on the Internetwww.personalitybook.comLearn Chinese Easily Visual and practical Lessons make learning Chinese more easily.www.ninhao.comPresentation Development Supercharge Your Presentation Skills - Five Days Based in Londonimpactfactory.com

Edit TipsAds by GoogleInstant Grammar Checker Corrects All Grammar Errors! Check Your Writing For Free Now.www.Grammarly.com/Grammar_Check7 Secrets of Happiness Your Brain Doesn't Want You to Know Read the Book Now!www.7secretsbykevinmeredith.comLove Compatibility Test Test Now Your Love Compatibility With this Special Someone! 100%FreeAboutAstro.com

Edit Warnings Some people say that what others think about you is a result of what you

think about yourself. This is true in that people who think highly of themselves often have high confidence, which merits a positive reaction, while people who think poorly of themselves often have low confidence, which merits a negative reaction. This is NOT to say that those who are mistreated deserve it, but a person's social success may be dependent on their own self image if they're in a setting where they're not largely judged by people who don't care what they think.

Nothing you do is stupid, you truly have immense worth, and the things that you do are amazing. Don't put yourself down for the things that you think are stupid, believe it or not, there is ALWAYS a friend that thinks you are amazing and thinks everything you do is funny and cool.

Edit Understand Realize that you are your own person and ultimately the only one in

charge of your own actions and feelings. You cannot control other people but you can control how you react and feel about them. Be yourself! life is simply not fun if you are too worried about pleasing/offending other people that you

can't even have a personality! Truth is, not everyone is going to like you anyway so why bother trying? Let them get mad over petty stuff if they want to, but don't become a victim of that kind of stupidity and small-mindedness. Just have fun.

You mean more to yourself than you mean to others - it's impossible to please everyone.

It doesn't matter to them. There are many millions of people in this world that have it a lot worse than you - if they don't like you as a person, chances are they don't respect your negative opinions of them.

Ask yourself what it is that you are uncomfortable with doing.o Is it worth doing in the first place? Your discomfort may be your

survival instincts telling you that it's a threat to your safety and it's definitely not worth doing! For example, suppose someone who lacks social skills asks you out, makes mistakes that make you feel uncomfortable (like if s/he makes repeated unwelcome sexual advances), and wants to try again and again the same way she or he practiced riding a bicycle. Don't push yourself to act confident on more dates with this person so you can try to feel comfortable having this person "practice" on you. You're not a bicycle, and if you leave then he or she will learn that what he or she did can drive people away.

o If something you are uncomfortable with doing is worth doing, and your discomfort is more like stage fright instead of fearing that your date will hurt you, can you see someone else doing it or is no one else doing it? Either way, if you act confident, it won't show that you aren't comfortable and in time you will become comfortable doing it.

The world does not revolve around you - almost everyone you pass in your life has more on their minds than how you look or act.

Edit Don't Don't be afraid to be yourself. Don't change yourself just because someone

wants you to or they are judging you. You are you, you can't be anyone different. Don't expect others to change themselves just because you want them to or you

are judging them. They are themselves, they can't be anyone different. Don't speak or act submissively - show to others that you are a wild spirit and you

roam this good old world with pride and will do what you want whether they like it or not. Don't expect submission from other people - they can show to you that they are

wild spirits and they roam this good old world with pride and will do what they want whether you like it or not.

Don't let negative people suck your energy away. Gravitate towards positive people!

Don't ever think you are not good enough, you are you, always be you, you only have one chance at life, and the chance is short, therefore you should just simply live life to the fullest, and not care at all about any judgmental opinions that are thrown towards you in life.

How to Develop a Code of Ethics6 authors | 13 revisions | Last updated: February 22, 2012

0

Article

Edit Discuss

Here you are, ready to live by your very own ethical principles and lead a satisfying and meaningful life. One can draw ideas and applications from one's religion, spiritual beliefs, higher order teachings, from a mentor or simply use your own gut instincts to implement these changes. The only problem is, you're not sure what those principles are. Ethics is about relationships. It is about working to develop a well informed conscience and it is about being true to the idea of who we are and what we stand for. It is about having the courage to explore difficult questions and it is about being accountable. You will need values, morals, concepts, to understand right from wrong, having knowledge, need wisdom, having intelligence. Here are a few ideas for getting started on coming up with your own code of ethics.Ads by GoogleMSc in Management International Hellenic University Taught in English. Apply now!www.econ.ihu.edu.gr

Edit Steps1. 1

Learn what a code of ethics is. A code of ethics is essentially a comprehensive system of right and wrong. It is a set of guidelines to help you make decisions based on your own conscience.

 Learn what a code of ethics is.Ads by GoogleEthics And Negotiation Learn ethics and negotiation through this article for buyers.www.NextLevelPurchasing.com

2. 2

 Use existing codes to develop your own.Use existing codes to develop your own. A few places to look for ideas include political ideologies, religious codes, and analytical philosophy. Ask yourself which specific ideas make sense to you and which do not. Do you agree that war can be justified, for example? Do you believe that it is important to help others, even if it is not convenient? How should humans treat other animals? Ask yourself as many questions as you can think of, and try not to let popular opinions influence you. What do YOU really think?

3. 3

 Write down your ideas.Write down your ideas. It's best to save it on your computer or write in pencil, so that you'll be able to edit it later if you need to.

4. 4

Look for patterns and organize your ideas into specific principles. Maybe you are against all types of violence, so a strict adherence to "nonviolence" would be one of your principles. Usually, you will find that most of your opinions can be grouped into several principles. This is your code of ethics.

5. 5

Adjust your code through trial and error. Once you have something on paper, try to apply the guidelines to your real life experiences. If you find that you actually feel differently in practice, you may need to change one or more of your ideals.

6. 6

Go to school, and actually listen and learn something they do want to help you and care about you.

7. 7Know and understand the law as it applies to you and your situation. The law even the (law of God is helpful here) but the law has much to do with doing what is right and consequences accompanied with it when you break it.Ads by GoogleOnly 2% tax in Cyprus on Intellectual Property income! No withholding, no capital gain taxwww.shandaconsult.comPresentation Development Supercharge Your Presentation Skills - Five Days Based in Londonimpactfactory.com

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Edit Tips Be patient with yourself. You can't develop an entire code of

ethics over night. It will take time and effort, but knowing that you are living by your own set of morals will be quite rewarding in the end.

Know the issues. When making an ethical decision, you should be aware of different intelligent viewpoints and you should try have a good reason for choosing the one you do.

Trust your instincts. A lot of times, you will hear two or more conflicting opinions on an issue and be able to see where each is coming from. This is a good quality to have sometimes, but even if you can't logically justify it, one side will probably "feel" right to you. When all else fails, go with that.

Don't expect everyone else to agree with you. The primary purpose of developing a code of ethics is so that you have an idea of how YOU should live. You may think the world would be a better place if everyone did the same, but judging others and telling them what to do will not change them. Be a solid example for what you believe in, while remaining upbeat and understanding, and others will be much more likely to follow you.

Know good from evil.

Ads by GoogleInternational Law School Leading Global Law Programs Free Online Applicationwww.McGeorge.eduCorporate Governance Access best practices, training, publications, and toolkitswww.gcgf.orgLearn Chinese Easily Visual and practical Lessons make learning Chinese more easily.www.ninhao.com

Edit Warnings Be careful not to adopt one person's or group's entire code of

ethics without question. It is probably not 100% right for you, and it defeats the purpose of developing your own.

Make sure that you stick with your code of ethics once you have it. Definitely consider what people say when they disagree in case you have to make adjustments, but if you know you are right, stick with it. Be careful not to simply change your ideas every time someone disagrees.

Can be difficult.

Edit Things You'll Need laws

Confidence And Leadership

We all know how important INNER GAME is, but have you ever stopped to ask yourself what

Inner Game actually is? Is it simply when I memorized material very well or maybe when I

perfected the delivery of my voice?

Actually, Inner Game is based on confidence, beliefs, and your overall attitude about life.

Whether you realize it or not, your attitude is constantly projected to the women you talk

to. If you have a strong, assertive, and positive attitude, women will naturally be attracted

to you. That's how most naturals GET LAID. 

They develop these three aspects of their identity: confidence, beliefs, and attitude. When

this happens, they begin to feel more confident and they start to behave like they're the

prize, which is exactly what ATTRACTS WOMAN. 

I enjoy analyzing these ideas, and I recently found something crazy below the surface.

People in general love leaders, especially women. Leaders are naturally attractive because

they radiate confidence and not easily concerned with outside criticism. 

They know exactly what they want and focus their energies on achieving their goal. I am

willing to teach you how to become a leader, how to make people follow you and even

respect you. These steps are essential to leading a successful life.

I am 25 years old, but what I have lived through, you cannot even imagine. I believe I've

learned a lot in these 25 years--possibly more wisdom than the average Joe acquires in his

entire lifetime.

The first observation is that charisma does not exist. People do not know how to describe

something that is intangible, so they say this person has "charisma", or "this guy is a

charismatic person". If you take the time to observe charismatic people, you see that they

actually have one big quality in common. 

They have a frame (or point of view) so strong that people are sucked into their reality.

Everything they do reflects an ultra-strong frame that exists inside their individual reality.

They tend to have a lot of rules that you must follow when you are around them. They treat

themselves with integrity and they absolutely will not tolerate disrespect; in fact they

punish it.

You can apply these characteristics to your own life. They are actually core lessons for

living successfully on this planet. Let's take respect for example: How do you ensure that

the people around you show respect for you and your work? First start to respect yourself

and your work too.

When you start to respect yourself completely, other people will respect you as well. If you don't respect yourself, why in the world would anyone else respect you? If you treat yourself like shit, trust me, other people will do the same because you are sending a strong signal to the world that shit is just what you are.

Next, what you must accomplish is to develop a set of unwavering rules in your life that define what people can and cannot do around you or to you. You must punish any negative behavior that impedes upon your integrity. Tell them you disapprove and make it crystal clear that they cannot behave like that if they want to be in your company. 

Kick their asses for it. Make them know they did something that you do not respect. If people treat you like shit and you let them get away with it, they will do it again and again. Other people see this, and learn to disrespect you also. Make personal boundaries for yourself, and make it clear to the people around you that these boundaries must be respected. Humans are social pack animals, meaning they will accept the strongest frame presented to them.

For example, if my girlfriend flakes on me, of course I will be pissed off, but I will show her that I am angry and will calmly state that it will not happen again. For everything that she does that I do not like, I tell her she can do it only 3 times: the first time, the last time and never again! My rules are strict. 

People will enjoy the time they spend with me. In return I will do everything I can for their happiness. I will teach them and have fun with them, but there are some rules you must follow, otherwise you won't see me ever again.

I make options for myself, so that you are not my only choice and I can go out with someone else if I choose. For now, even if you don't have other options, make it look like you do. Behave like you do. I am going to do everything for my girls. I love them and will treat them like a queen, but only as long as I think they deserve it. 

It is funny to see how, when women don't get what they want, they call me a jerk. They make not like my rules, but they will respect me if I stick to them.

Take a look at the police. They have strict rules. Break them and you'll get punished, and trust me, you won't make the same mistake again in your life. I want you to do the same in your own life. Let people around you know what is allowed and what is not. Otherwise nobody is going to respect you. 

It is funny, but people will test you from time to time to see if you are still congruent with your frame. That is why I say that "shit tests" are not problematic. As long as you are congruent with your frame, shit tests are a non-issue. Women will challenge you all the time when you are seducing them. That's just normal behavior.

My best friend has this cute little dog. The pet knows that it is not allowed to sleep on the sofa because he got his ass kicked a few times, and still months later he comes near the sofa with his cute little look. He glances at the sofa, then his owner, the sofa, the owner, just waiting for a reaction. 

He might even put one leg close to the sofa, the whole time looking at his owner. What the dog is actually doing is testing his owner to see if he is still congruent with his rule about sleeping on the sofa. Is he going to allow him to jump on the sofa or is he going to yell at him? The dog is not giving his owner shit, just making sure he is still congruent. 

Children will test you in the same way. Every couple of days, or even hours, they will challenge you to see if the rules have weakened or changed. You can observe this behavior everywhere in nature.

Now, let's get back to charismatic people. It's funny, but the more rules charismatic people have, and the more they punish those who break their rules, the more charismatic they appear. A negative examples would be Hitler, while positive examples like Christ, Gandhi, the Dalai Lama and Martin Luther King. Being assertive does not make you good or evil. It gives you power, and you choose how to use it.

These leaders issue commands and demand unquestioning loyalty. Challenging their ideas is strongly condemned and often leads to some type of emotional or physical punishment. With women, you give them pleasure and show them a really nice time when they are with you, but you must also remember to punish any negative behavior or disrespect from her.

So the first step toward developing confidence, belief, and attitude is to start respecting yourself! If you have ever gone out with me, you will notice something really unusual: as soon as I go into a set, I am not sucked into their frame. I do not live in their world. You will see that they live in my world. How do you see this? 

When I approach a set or any group of people, I don't position myself so the whole group can hear me. I don't try to yell so the whole group can hear me. First, I position myself in the most comfortable position, where I feel the most relaxed. Then I reorganize the other people around me in a way I like. 

For example, I approach them, have them open up to me, sit down, and use the space aroundme to make myself comfortable. Then, I might position the extra people to talk to each other, while the target is left to talk to me. This behavior is not something I modeled or learned, but it's been a part of my personality for a long time.

I really can't stand people who have a weak frame. For example, I hate to see guys fall into a situation like this: A guy sits in a chair, maybe one that is totally uncomfortable like the letter S, and he stays there for hours pretending he is relaxed without saying a word about it. He would rather sit there no matter what because the chair is more important than who he is. 

It is more important than his health or his body... sad. Why the F**k should I be in some uncomfortable position when I talk with some average frustrated woman? What the F**k is she for me?

You will always see me in the most comfortable position you can imagine, while I am in a set or anywhere in life. Why? For a few reasons: You can't be nervous when you are in a relaxed position. You must feel cool. People will see you as a socially cool guy. More importantly, your voice is going to be deeper and more relaxed, so that people will start to lean in to hear you. 

If you drop your voice down when they can't hear you, they will start to lean in and pay more attention to your lips in order to understand what you are saying. Looking at someone's lips for ten minutes is REALLY SEXUAL

Experience and MindsetAuthor:  Cajun

Seduction / Inner Game / Mindsets Beliefs & Attitudes /

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Average Rating: 4.91 [Total Votes: 11]

Inner game is probably one of the most popular subjects in the community. It’s a major

sticking point for nearly everyone who has trouble talking to women and it’s a problem that

can be difficult to fix as well, since it tends to be rooted in a lifetime’s worth of negative

beliefs that are based on things like fear and rejection. Inner game is also a topic that I

think can only be discussed from a personal level, that is, I can’t convince you how to think

or look at life differently, only you can, but I can tell you how I overcame the very same

problems, and hope that you can learn from my experiences.

So what is it?

To me, inner game problems boils down to two things: your experience and your mindset.

Every problem you run into with not just women, but life itself, can be attributed to one of

these two areas. I’m going to get into both of these, and give some personal insights, so

hopefully by the end of this article you’ll have a clearer understanding of what exactly it is

that you need to work on to fix your own issues.

Experience:

When people ask me how I developed my “Rock solid confidence”, I always answer the

same; “Practice”. When you think about what confidence actually is you realize that its

simply doing something that you’ve done enough times to be comfortable with. It’s only

when were thrown into situations that are unfamiliar to us that we start to lose confidence

in ourselves. The sad and somewhat ironic reality is that most men are not comfortable

talking to women simply because they don’t talk to women! It’s a negative feedback loop

that’s perpetuated by a fear of “what might go wrong”. This is bullshit! To be scared of the

possible negative outcomes is to be scared of the very thing that enables you to get better!

Think about it this way; when you were learning to ride a bike, were you too scared to get

on because of a fear that you might fall down? Maybe, but you got on anyway because you

saw how much fun all the other kids were having, even then you realized that the reward

was worth the risk. Well this is the same thing, I remember when I first started out with this

stuff I used to get drinks thrown in my face, told off, or simply ignored. The first few weeks

were rough; it took me a while before I got used to rejection enough that I could

understand where I went wrong. Getting used to rejection isn’t easy, but the best advice I

can give you is to simply accept it, don’t get mad at her or yourself, don’t go home, just

accept that it’s a completely normal, and necessary part of the learning process. You can’t

make an omelette without breaking some eggs. The sooner you realize that rejection is a

necessary evil, the sooner you can come to terms with it and move past it.

Mind Set:

Most of us grew up in a society that believed in a 2 concentric circle model of reality. That

is, the outer circle being reality, or the world around us, and the inner circle being our

consciousness. We experience the outer circle; reality, through our inner circle; our

consciousness. This is how we believed reality worked; that our consciousness was

independent of it…but recently this all changed.

We are now learning through quantum physics that reality is actually the inner circle, and

that our consciousness is the outer circle. That is; reality exists inside our mind, we create

our own reality with our thoughts (Or beliefs, if you’d rather).

What does this mean?

As far as any of us know, there may only be 1 reality; your own. Who’s to say I’m not a

figment of your imagination, your reality, writing this entire article out to send a message

to YOU, from your subconscious mind. It’s possible.

The truth is, whether any of us actually exist or not is irrelevant. Life is a game, and it’s a

game that a lot of people are scared to play. Don’t be one of them.

I recently received an email from a student of mine asking about the power of beliefs, and

how they work. I replied with the following:

“Think of it this way: what if, let’s say, 15 years from now programmers invent this

computer game that is virtually identical to reality. The AI is so smart you can’t tell it’s not

a real person. The five senses are so accurately programmed that there is no detectable

difference to reality. Now, you get to play this game, but the programmer tells you some

hints on how to play, he says this:

“This software is programmed to work intuitively with your brain. So, if you want to be, let’s

say, a rich Casanova in the game , then all you have to do is believe that you ARE a rich

Casanova, and you will become one. The trick is you have to actually believe it, and then

the program takes care of the rest. In fact you can have, and be anything you want in this

program as long as you ask for it using these “beliefs”. Think of it as your “console hack”"

I’m sure you saw this coming, but this “game” already exists and it’s called reality. You

become who you believe you are.”

Sound a little like the matrix? Well that’s ok, like I said; I can only give advice on inner

game from my own personal perspective and this is simply how I believe reality works.

I’ll end this article with something that I’ve never written about before:

I remember the very night that I became good at attracting women, I remember because I

had an epiphany that night and it was so mind-blowing that I had to write it down as soon

as I came home. It has since become my mantra, and I know that if down the road I ever

forget everything that I’ve learned in the past few years, all I will have to do is read this

piece of paper and it will all come back. What does the paper say?

“The secret to becoming amazing at attracting women is…to remember that you already

are.”

ValidationAuthor: Carlos Xuma

Seduction / Inner Game / Mindsets Beliefs & Attitudes /

Enter Your Em Free Instant Access!

Average Rating: 3.00 [Total Votes: 2]

Part of our needs as humans is to get validation along the way to assure us and make us

feel approved of. We sought this validation and approval from our parents and peers when

we were children, and we never really let go of that need when we had to "grow up."

Limit the amount of approval you need from other people. You can't worry too much

about what other people think about you. It's easy to go through life seeking approval and

never really accomplish anything because you're trying to please everyone. You can't, and

it's a belief that you must leave behind.

(Willie Loman in "Death of a Salesman" fails to achieve for this same reason. He thinks it's

better to be liked that to achieve worthwhile goals.)

What this means for you in dating is that you need to be able to communicate, through

subtle and not-so-subtle methods, that you do not need her approval. A woman will not

feel attracted to a man if she feels she has power over his sense of self-esteem.

How do you communicate this?

One way is to find and pursue your own personal interests. This can be as simple as a

hobby or a sport interest, like swimming or weight training.

The best way you can demonstrate your independence is to have goals outside

of a relationship. Having a personal direction or mission is immensely attractive for a

woman. It shows women that you have a life outside of pursuing them. Hint at a depth they

need to explore.

The more you seek approval and validation, the more it will elude you.

Raise The BarAuthor: Carlos Xuma

Seduction / Inner Game / Mindsets Beliefs & Attitudes /

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Average Rating: 5.00 [Total Votes: 3]

Why are you settling for average returns?

Most guys are treating their dating life like a piss-poor investment. They go out and ogle

the high-price stocks (the beautiful women) but they refuse to get in the game and

summon the investment capital (dating skills.)

(Maybe you're sick of the investment analogy, but I'm a great believer that analogies help

you look at things in a different light. It's easy to get complacent when you think of women

in the same old terms, but not so easy when you realize that you'd NEVER settle to get this

kind of lame return on any other kind of investment of your money, time, or energy.)

Stop settling for sub-standard performance. And I mean this for you and for her. You

shouldn't let yourself accept that what you're getting right now is the best you can get in

terms of return, and you certainly should look at where you can raise the bar for your own

performance.

How can you improve?

I played guitar for 14 years, and even though I got pretty good, I picked it up every single

day knowing that I didn't know it all. There was always something I needed to work on and

improve. The funny thing is that it was usually working on my ability to relax and let the

music come out as opposed to forcing it that made all the difference in the world.

Where can you improve?

Can you see where you're not getting the results you want and make a move on a real

investment? Are you with a woman right now that you're not getting the kind of return you

want, and you want to figure out how to improve her yield?

Don't accept what you're given freely. Chances are that the world will give you all that

you want if you'll only have the guts to sit down and demand it.

Remember, people don't give you their best until you ask for it, and expect it.

What you're getting right now is their minimum effort to get any return from you. The more

you give them back, the less they figure they need to do for you.

This is especially true in dating. This may sound negative and pessimistic, but it's a very

real fact of human nature. We slide by with a minimum of effort wherever possible.

Be careful not to let this attitude creep into your abilities with women.

Ask for more, from her -- AND from you.

How I Defeated AA ForeverAuthor:  Sasha

Seduction / Inner Game / Mindsets Beliefs & Attitudes /

Enter Your Em Free Instant Access!

Average Rating: 5.00 [Total Votes: 7]

A student recently emailed me saying that he would always get thinking too much, or

freeze up whenever he got into a conversation with an attractive girl.  My answer prompted

me to write this article. Please let me know what you guys think, and any ideas ya'll might

have on how it can be improved ... then, I'll submit the article to some sites! :)

Having fun – the long term solution to successful gaming.

There’s one key element that seems to missing from the lives of most of the guys I meet.

It’s an element that’s so fundamental to our very existence – I find it truly amazing it could

be missing from anyone’s game – and even more so, out of their lives. That element, my

friends – is HAVING FUN!

That’s right…. Fun! Think back: It’s probably your earliest memory – and your best!

Your whole life revolved around it for probably 20 years or so from age 2 onwards. (0-2 you

were likely having fun, but not on purpose as you were too busy pissing and shitting

yourself) :P

Heck – I’ve been going from age 2 to now…. And I don’t plan on stopping any time soon. So

– the questions is – what’s happened that stops people from having fun? The answer is….

life happened! That’s right! Making friends, getting into University, getting a job, earning

the rent, getting debt, paying off debt, getting fired, buying a house, and so on and so

forth.

What happened? Life happened.

And amazingly, having a good time (along with your libido) goes out the window!  And even

more amazingly – most people let it go!

Well I say, fuck that!

Every time I leave the house, my goal isn’t to pick up girls.  I’ve got a life. My mission is to

have fun while I’m living that life. My mindset when I leave the house is one of playful

curiosity, and merriment. My goal, if any – is to entertain myself above all others.  It’s not

even a goal – it’s a way of being. It really is that simple. I’m out to enjoy myself. Whether

out on my own, or with friends. Our goal is the pure amusement of our own group – and

anyone else who decides to come along for the ride.

I’ve actually noticed that If I could out there with the attitude that I’m going to “Pick up

chicks” I usually don’t do as well as if I go out seeking to merely entertain myself   For a

multitude of reasons you’re much more likely to have success if you’re going about your

daily life and approaching only when you are truly compelled to do so.

First off, some women can tell if you’re an approach machine!

That’s right! If you head out specifically to “pick up” and approach lots of girls, you may

indeed get into a pretty smooth chatty state. This can be advantageous, to a point.

However, women can sense if this is something you do often.  Also, they can feel if you’ve

got a “goal” while chatting to them. On a couple of occasions I’ve had women ask “How

often do you do this?” …. Though I’m sure many more women have thought this than have

actually verbalized it.

Furthermore, I find that when I’m out with the goal of “picking up”, the quality of girls I

approach goes down.  This means, the passion and energy that I put into each interaction

will also go down. Almost as if by magic, women can tell how interested in them a guy

really is. If you’re just “going through the motions” they’ll know and dismiss you out of

hand.  I don’t know how they do it, but they do!

Most guys are too busy worrying whether they can “get somewhere” with the girls, that

this usually gets in the way of having any success. If you change your goal to

having fun instead of trying to get laid – you will actually massively increase your chances

of both – and drastically reduce any nights you might look back on as unsuccessful. How

can you ever not succeed if your goal was merely your own self amusement? How can you

ever see any interaction as a rejection if you were only trying to spread the joy of “fun?”

Furthermore: If your goal is to have fun – YOU will never be rejected.  It’s impossible for a

woman to reject fun – and if she does, what the hell do you want with her anyways? By

opening up with good natured humour,  or sillyness; not only are you being completely

original – you’ll find yourself hooking up with the kind of girl that you want! The beauty of

my approach is, I’m automatically qualifying for the type of women I’m looking for! If I’m

not funny to them – They’re not attractive to me!

So what do I do when I’m out there entertaining myself? Anything and everything

I’ll do silly shit.  I’ll exaggerate, presume, misunderstand. I’ll joke, bump into – pretend

steal. I’ll use cheesy pick up lines – flirt with men. I’ll accuse girls of hitting on me.

Absolutely anything that’s ridiculous, outrageous, out of the ordinary. Now, I’m not saying

this stuff is for anyone.

You may not necessarily want to scare the shit out of girls on the street, or pick them up

and run off with them. Some of the stuff I get up to takes a fair bit of calibration. But, for

starters, anyone can adopt a more playful attitude. Anyone can decide to be more

spontaneous, to go against the boring flow of society.  Here’s a few fun openers I use,  for

my own amusement.

"Excuse me – I just have to tell you, you’re the second cutest girl I’ve ever seen!”

"Hey - can you help me? I'm trying to find some girls that are as cute as you guys, but rich.

I'm looking for a sugar mommy!"

"Hey... you look just like ...  my future ex wife. Shall we just get married and get this over

with?

Can you see how these types of openers set up a fun frame straight away? There’s only 2

ways this interaction can go – it can be a good time, or you’ll get blown out straight away.

Which is exactly what I want! I don’t want to waste time on girls that aren’t my type – the

fun type!

I’ve got certain “Fun” based principles I’ve learned to follow inherently so as to increase

my chances of meeting a fantastic girl. These are:

Approach out of a genuine need to express yourself, and from a place of curiosity,

fun, and love.

Smile. Always be smiling when you approach anybody, for anything. This shows

that you are friendly, having fun – and that you’re not a threat. This is a universal

rule and applies to meeting all people, in all situations.

Offer value in the form of fun. This can be a friendly chat, a well timed compliment

– or an entertaining (or enlightening) story! I make girls smile because it

makes me feel good…. Not because I want something from them!

Assume everyone is friendly initially, and behave as such. If someone doesn’t want

to chat, they’ll let you know.

Don’t let the boring/serious girls that blow you out affect your state, or your belief

system. Lots of girls out there aren’t up for a good time. It’s their loss, and has

nothing to do with you. It’s better to screen for these girls early avoid them, than to

try and with them over.  Remember: For every 10 minutes you spend plowing on

some girl you’re not really compatible with – is time you could have spent meeting

a whole bunch of other women – one of whom could be exactly the type you’ve

been looking for. Or even *gasp* … you’re future ex wife ;)

A lot of advice dolled about in the community is rubbish – but some of it gold. And one of

those golden nuggets is this:

“Whatever was fun when you were a kid, is fun now”

That advice is pure 100% absolutely right!  Bring back the child – bring back the fun. ENJOY

YOURSELVES! And you’ll attract awesome  girls!

I find the best strategy is to keep doing goofy stuff and having fun all the time.  Having fun

should be a automatic habit – like brushing your teeth (except, you should do it much more

than twice a day!)

Staying in this mindset will insure that you’re always connecting with other like minded

people throughout your day.  That’s why I get silly right at the start of any interaction. If

they aren’t up for it – it’s got nothing to do with me. It’s got to do with them not being

connected to their inner child. I feel awfully sorry for these women. Some may never enjoy

the best things life has got to offer - including sex! They’re the walking dead… and Sasha

don’t fuck with zombies!

Fall in love with the process of being social. Just get out there and enjoy yourself. Make

your mission to have a good time!  Be selfish - give value! The rest will come…

Being Chosen By WomenAuthor: IN10SE

Seduction / Inner Game / Mindsets Beliefs & Attitudes /

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Average Rating: 3.68 [Total Votes: 9]

I'm going to discuss a little on the topic of being chosen by a woman. Now why is this

important? Because it is EVERYTHING.

Just think about it... when she chooses you, you have the power, she is in your territory...

she enters into YOUR frame. YOU are the prize. The King of Spain is all powerful in Spain.

He has no power in Japan. That's why it's so important to be chosen. If you appear to be

the one choosing her, then you give away your power... Bad. Don't waste your time on a

woman who doesn't choose you... it will only drain you.

So how do you get a woman to chose you?

1) First of all, it starts with your frame. You are the prize. This is Identity level stuff. Your

GAME has to be tight. In all areas of your life... from career, home, lifestyle... You have to

represent what women want. "Alpha" characteristics apply here.

In the book, "The Evolution of Desire - Strategies of human mating" David Buss talks about

women's preferences. He states that when seeking a permanent mate, women not only

seek men with resources, but with qualities that lead to the accumulation of resources -

like ambition, status, intelligence, age, health...

2) Realize that ALL women want something. Whether it be excitement, adventure, security,

love, respect... whatever it is, you need to find out what it is that makes her happy and

what makes her smile. Find out her "criteria" for being happy. A Value Elicitation could do

this easily and give you her "criteria" ("How do you KNOW when you have X?" and "What is

it LIKE when you have X?").

A woman will choose a man that seems to be able to deliver. She has to know that you can

deliver, and what is it that you are delivering REALLY? - FEELINGS.

Many women have an underlying feeling that they are held captive by their work, life, bills,

REALITY... Why do you think that women go to "chick flick" movies, read romance novels,

watch soap opera's? It's because they have NEEDS that aren't being met and they are

trying their best (unconsciously) to meet them. Work, home, bills, etc. - all things that

TAKE... and you are the one thing that seems to be able to GIVE. How can she resist?

3) Most women are never satisfied - In all areas... from sexuality to self-esteem to career,

to LIFE. There are many women that want to live in a "TV world" where nothing is

mundane... where there is danger and spontaneity... adventure... the need to be rescued.

Many women will CREATE this DRAMA because they want it so much.

Also, the state of being in "Love" can be likened to a hypnotic state. The question is "How

good a hypnotist are you?" and to be always be aware of who is hypnotizing who. Many

women want the FANTASY, to be "hypnotized" by love and swept away. Recognize a

woman that wants this because they will often hypnotize THEMSELVES as they talk about

it. You'll see their eyes get all glassy and dream like. All you have to do is go with it. Just BE

THERE!

Women in this state are just looking for someone to BOND with - a "Daddy" who can (seem

to) DELIVER THE FEELINGS that they actually already have within themselves. Whenever

they dream of the "Perfect man and relationship" or imagine themselves in the future with

the man of their dreams, or think about their perfect wedding, they are hypnotizing

themselves. They've probably been doing this all their LIVES! They just need someone to

"BOND" with and someone to IMPRINT their feelings on. In many animal species, just as in

this scenario - the female ACTIVELY chooses the MALE and all the male has to do is push all

her "attraction buttons" because so much of this is based on "Auto-responses" and knowing

which buttons to push. Some of these "attraction buttons" are Universal for all women -

some are individual and based on a woman's past personal history. Push the "attraction

buttons" and JUST BE THERE!

The KEY is to know as much as you can about her - and how do you do this? ASK and

OBSERVE her actions both in the present and from what you know of her PAST... What she

SAYS = What she THINKS (Which may be BS and culturally programmed), What she DOES

= What she FEELS. THIS is what is important. This is why if you don't know this little fact,

women can SEEM so confusing... saying one thing and doing another. Appearing to change

their mind at a moments notice. I'd say that 99.99% of men don't know this little fact and if

they did... well then it would be a different world out there. This is what is being spoken

underneath what is actually spoken.

And once they have "Bonded" with you and thus CHOSEN you, they must know that you

can both GIVE and TAKE AWAY the feelings whenever you desire. This is the frame that you

must control otherwise it will control you.

Living a Dynamic Life: A Vague Guide to Being Interesting

Author: Adam LyonsSeduction / Inner Game / Identity /

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Average Rating: 4.00 [Total Votes: 8]

Some people are just more interesting.  For others, all they need is their desk job, a small

group of normal friends, and enough freedom to hit the bars on the weekends.  Okay,

that’s great, but there are others of us that just don’t find satisfaction in a simple lifestyle. 

Fortunately, women are drawn to interesting men.  Why wouldn’t they be?  They get tired

of the standard man who approaches them every night and fills up their phone with text

messages.  They want someone who brings something new to life, and you are going to

cultivate an interesting personality, so you will be that man.

Develop Hobbies

The number one thing that comes to mind about interesting people is that they have

hobbies.  That seems like a boring word.  It seems like an ordinary word.  But the word

hobby covers such a broad range of activities it is anything but boring.  What are some

hobbies you can think of?

There are many that lend theirself to creating a great identity, keep your life interesting for

yourself, and create value.  Rock climbing, scuba diving, painting, playing guitar, singing,

and poker all come to mind as hobbies that intrigue people. 

Not only do these add depth to your life and make it more fulfilling to you, but they give

you more to discuss with other people.  Also, they keep you busy so you are not always

following women around who aren’t showing anything in return.  When your own life is

fascinating, you don’t need others to supplicate you.

Make Friendships with Interesting People

One of the easiest ways to change your life is change the people you associate with.  This

might seem harsh, but it doesn’t have to be.  You don’t need to go through your friends

deleting them like you’re cleaning out your friends list on Facebook.  Just start to bring

others into your life who are out of the ordinary, inspiring, or eccentric. 

Look for people who remind you more of what you want to be because they will encourage

you to grow in the directions you already desire.  Making new friendships will sometimes

cause you to grow apart from old friends, but you might be surprised how some of your old

friends take to the changes.  As they spend more time with your new friends and an

evolving you, they might start to evolve as well. 

Having a mixed social circle is an intriguing trait in itself.  No one who shows up at one of

your dinners parties will be bored because there will be such a broad range of people to

talk to.  People who have traveled the world.  People who play in a band. People who dance

ballet and don’t drink.  People who believe wine is the sole reason for living.  Interesting

people inspire you.

Have Goals

If you want to be interesting, you should have a dream.  Ambitious dreamers can never

stop being excited about what is in store.  Ask some people their future plans and they

start talking about the coming weekend, which is going to be just like their previous

weekend.  You should have a dream that would make anyone salivate, and you should

pursue it.  Don’t just talk, and if you do, don’t talk about it too much.  Get out there and

live it!

Educate Yourself

Reading and expanding your knowledge is a great way to add some juice to your social

life.  Even keeping up on current affairs is great for conversations in any crowd, though it’s

usually a good idea to stay away from politics and religion.  Intelligent people often have a

richer experience of life and see the world from multiple perspectives. 

It is a fine balance though—you cannot focus so much on mental stimulation that you let

your social life suffer.  In fact, socially adept people are commonly far more intelligent then

you realize, and human interaction is great for mental stimulation.

Travel

One of the main ways to evolve as a person, have interesting things to talk about, and

keep your life experience alive is world travel.  In fact, this is a great way to escape the

recession if you can find ways to pay your way on the road. 

Before you think this is only for the rich, think again.  Life on the road is cheap by following

a budget and leveraging currency differences in some of the most amazing places on

Earth.  And there are plenty of women from all over the world to meet on the travel

circuits. 

A lot of people think this is only for irresponsible 20 year olds or retired businessmen.   Not

a chance.  From English teachers to freelance writers to poker players to internet

marketers, more and more people are using technology and a changing work force to

create the mobile lifestyle.  With that kind of experience, who needs to be interesting to

others?

Being interesting is a vague, relative concept; therefore, these tips might seem the same. 

That’s fine.  My point is that life does not have to be as basic and boring as so many people

make it, and with a more complex life you create a dynamic personality. 

It makes your world more valuable than anything you can find outside yourself, and when

women get a peek at what being involved with you means for their horizon, they will be

attracted.  Everyone wants more than their current life.  Go out there and get it, and they

will want to be guided by you to do the same.

Be Dominant Not DomineeringAuthor: Derek Vitalio

Seduction / Inner Game / Identity /

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Average Rating: 4.43 [Total Votes: 7]

As a man, you need to be decisive and make decisions.

You need to become comfortable with being in charge and in command.

If you want to go to the beach that Sunday, tell your woman, “Let’s go to the beach… and

have a barbecue! Quick, get ready.”

If she asks you which pair of shoes looks better for the evening, tell her. Have an opinion.

Don’t just say to her, “I don’t know… whatever you like better.”

Women often want to just relax knowing that you have taken care of everything. Being

decisive means taking the lead and surprising your woman.

On the other hand, if you’re unable to be decisive and take charge, your woman will feel

your weakness and take charge for you. She will start telling YOU what to do, nag you, and

try to micromanage you.

Taking charge and being decisive however doesn’t mean taking domineering control over

your woman. Taking charge doesn’t mean micromanaging her activities, telling her what to

wear all the time, or telling her who she’s allowed to see. It doesn’t mean playing dictator.

You want to be dominant, but not domineering. You want to be strong, and yet sweet.

Nor do you need to create a woman who is subservient. In fact, your woman should not

hesitate to offer you her advice based on her experience and feelings.

So do I mean exactly by “take control”?

…taking control does NOT mean being macho.

…taking control does NOT mean belting or popping a woman one when she gets out of line.

…taking control does NOT mean emotionally abusing a woman.

…taking control does NOT mean putting a woman down.

…taking control does NOT mean losing your temper, screaming, or yelling.

And never become brutal or violent physically or verbally with your woman. Creating a

Fascist Germany atmosphere with domineering behavior is interpreted by your woman as a

form of weakness, and she’ll come to despise you for it. She will lose all respect for you,

and rightfully so, because it’s cruel behavior.

A domineering man is unsure of himself. A domineering man is insecure. A domineering

man is not the romantic hero women dream of but a thug who resorts to violence for

control because he lacks control from the power of his natural charisma.

So while you rightfully want to avoid the, “I’m a desperate super-nice guy, I-have-to-kiss-

her-ass-so-that-hopefully-she-likes-me” behavior, this doesn’t mean you want to make the

mistake of being domineering either.

Always demonstrate that you are gentle, sensitive, loving, and caring. Many men make the

mistake of believing that being nice means being a pushover. It’s not. You still want to nice

and loving to your woman, just not in a placating way, but from the position of taking

command and being a man of action.

So you have to take control over the situation without losing control over yourself. You

want to be able to be in control of any situation without resorting to any sort of

domineering behavior. Being in control and being decisive simply means that you are a

man of action, that you have direction, and are comfortable taking control when the

moment arises.

If you want to better improve your relationships with women – after all, some of them you

want to keep AFTER the seduction – you’ll want to check out my Blissnosis Master

Program. Blissnosis teaches you how to become the lover that women really want, how to

keep a woman locked into a relationship, and how to fulfill your fantasies with women. It’s

all there.

Inner Game of FashionAuthor: Brad P

Seduction / Inner Game / Identity /

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Average Rating: 3.67 [Total Votes: 6]

The four qualities that lead to mating success in the animal kingdom (including humans)

are:

Dominant

Attractive

Elite

Access to resources

Now would be a good time for you to figure out what's been stopping you from showing

these qualities in the past. You can easily convey them with your clothing, if only you could

stop the blockage inside you that says "I'm scared to wear that."

I've done quite a few makeovers in my live training, and it seems like most men have the

same issues holding them back. It's not a lack of information; the information is out there

and it's yours for the taking. Most guys just filter it out, thinking "Nah, that stuff's not for

me." They limit themselves before even trying anything new. Let's take a look at some of

the sources of that limited way of thinking.

When I look back on what I was wearing a few years ago, I can see that I was sabotaging all

of my interactions with women. I wanted to date and sleep with lots of attractive women,

but the way I was dressing was turning them off immediately and I just didn't realize it.

There was an easy way to fix this - the answer was right in front of my face - but I just

couldn't see it.

I consider myself a pretty intelligent person. I've spent the last thirteen years studying

psychology and philosophy, so how was it that I could be so blind to something that now

seems so obvious?

What I discovered was that like most men, I had layers and layers of self-delusion which

prevented me from seeing what was really going on. After I finally figured it out and

developed a great look, I started giving makeovers to other guys who were working

on succeeding with women. I discovered that almost everyone has their own version of

these same delusions.

This is "negative social programming." It's almost impossible to avoid picking up some of

this from the world around you. It's imperative that you identify your negative social

programming if you ever want to move past it.

Playing It Safe in the Schoolyard

The first obstacle that a man faces is the "play it safe" mentality that we all develop when

growing up.

It's normal for children to make fun of each other and to compete for social dominance in

school. That's how they establish a social hierarchy and learn lessons that will be valuable

later in life. At times this competition can be very intense, and all of us have been on the

losing end of it at one time or another.

The easiest way for a child to gain a social advantage over others is to make fun of

something obvious, something different.

If you make fun of someone different, you can gain the respect and allegiance of the entire

school, not just the kid you made fun of. There are massive social benefits if you can

successfully taunt other children. As a result, the kids who are different always get teased

the most. It could be that the target is of a different ethnicity, from a different social class,

has a different way of talking, or that he just looks different.

All it takes to look different is a slightly unusual haircut, a slightly different way of dressing,

etc. It doesn't take much. Think back to your grade school days. Was there a boy with long

hair or a girl with short hair that got teased? Was there someone from another country or a

kid who was a bit poorer than average?

In the adult world, these differences are accepted and even embraced. In the world of

children, these differences are grounds for harassment. This harassment is the fuel that

feeds social competition and establishes the social structure that will be enforced day in

and day out for the entire school year.

Chances are that at some point in your life you were that kid who was different. The

harassment we endure as children causes us to build up a tendency to play it safe, to blend

in, to do anything we can to avoid looking different.

Even kids who are normal in every way observe the persecution of those who are different,

and this causes them to build up this same "play it safe" tendency.

There's nothing wrong with this when you're a child or adolescent. It's a useful adaptation

that allows you to go through life without being damaged and distracted by harassment.

The problem is that many people carry this "play it safe" mentality into their adult life and

it no longer serves a purpose. The rules have changed, and being different can be an

advantage.

This "play it safe" mentality can cause limited belief in yourself and make you seem timid

and immature.

The end result is that you have few choices in how you dress. You are unable to employ the

best strategies, you are unable to utilize your creativity to the fullest, and you

communicate a child-like fearfulness to the people around you.

Get some balls and don’t worry about that. Start experimenting with how you’re presenting

yourself.

And if you need help, I’ve got a simple fashion “system” to assist you.

Men fly in from all over the world to get fashion makeovers from me. It’s an amazing

experience. I charge $5000 for a day of shopping and fashion consulting.

But you don’t have to get a makeover from me to get these kinds of results. I’m ready to

turn over the exact formula to you right now at a fraction of the price, in my new book,

“Brad’s Fashion Bible.”

In it I’ll give you a series of formulas you can use to reinvent your style. These formulas are

plug and play. I’ll tell you exactly where to do your research, where to shop, what to buy,

how it should fit, and how to combine different pieces of clothing.

Seriously, Don't Be So SeriousAuthor:  Michael W

Seduction / Inner Game / Identity /

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Average Rating: 4.46 [Total Votes: 13]

One of the most important elements to being successful with women is learning how to not

be so serious all the time. And the great irony that I’ve discovered is that often, the folks

who have to deal with the most stressful careers or situations are AWESOME at

understanding this. 

This was a hard concept for me to initially internalize. I used to have this impression that

being more cold and stone-faced and serious all the time was the way we were supposed

to behave. 

Not only was it because it just FELT right to be serious, but I also figured that being NOT

serious would make people treat you with less respect. 

Well guess what?

Not only is learning to be more light-hearted HEALTHY for you in your ability to DEAL with

stress, but it also conveys to OTHERS that you in fact ARE “significant” and “worthy”.

Acting all serious all the time doesn’t necessarily make others want to respect you any

more at all.

In fact, being too serious in your social interactions with people conveys that you don’t

understand social interaction, and also that you cannot control your own emotions and

your own life. Bad bad bad.

There is a time for being serious, sure. An air traffic controller obviously must concentrate

on what he or she is doing, but does that mean when off work he has to be equally serious?

Of course not, and in fact it would probably be a good idea to decompress with some light

stuff.

And definitely you don’t want to be in a serious mood when you are first chatting up a

woman.

Ever notice how even Presidents and Prime Ministers when they start a speech almost

always have some humor in it at the beginning?

Not only does this help relax the audience, but it also conveys PERSONALITY and makes

you feel closer to that person. It in NO WAY makes you respect or care about that person

any LESS. It only INCREASES your interest in that person.

And it shows you are confident enough to not have to show the world how serious your life

is to get respect. It also shows you don’t need pity. 

So, in many ways, a sense of humor shows STRENGTH and SUPERIORITY. 

And hence, it’s a sign of THE MAN.

As a guy who used to be way too serious with girls himself, I can truly understand just how

difficult it can sometimes be to let go of that attitude. It took a little while for me to get

really comfortable letting go of all that seriousness with women. In the workshops,

bootcamps, and consultations I have been giving for well over a year now, one of the areas

that I focus on changing most for guys is this over-seriousness, especially seriousness

about women. Weeding out all the elements such as incorrect body language, tonality, and

socially-off behaviours that SHOW over seriousness is a major part of becoming successful

with women. 

There are tons of ways to convey light-heartedness, from your voice tone to body language

to facial expressions and of course the things you say. And you can learn to automatically

trigger a lot of these things when you understand the exact MENTAL FRAME you need to

TRULY be in to attract women. And the greatest thing about this frame is that not only does

it attract women, but it makes YOU feel great as well!!!!

Instead of feeling creepy or manipulative, it just feels natural, and it feels GOOD.

This is not just about teasing girls in a playful sense, which is effective as well. For

example- if I see a woman who is really gorgeous buying chips at the drugstore, and I tease

her for starring in the sequel to 'Supersize Me', and she laughs and hits me, and I tell her

that obviously her junk food diet is making her hyper and violent, that is way more fun and

relaxing and enjoying the moment than 'Uhhh, what aisle did you get those chips in?'  

But at the same time, I don't need to only tease girls, it's all part of a much larger IDENTITY

of what kind of attitude you take with you everywhere- this is where the REAL attraction

kicks in big time. 

Some guys think that this teasing is about making girls feel bad. That is NOT what this is

about. If your aura and vibe is giving off negative emotions, it will fail, no matter how

brilliant you think your tease is. All this stuff has to be coming from a very good place

inside of you, especially for LONG TERM success. It comes through in subtleties in your

voice tonality, in your body language, in your timing, in your expressions. There are a ton

of things that happen in an ATTRACTIVE tease that ensure the feelings  she gets are only

GOOD feelings, not negative ones.

Remember, this is about an IDENTITY of who you ARE. You take this attitude with you

everywhere instead of allowing yourself to get sucked into the 'matrix' of the mundane. 

And even in the beginning, while you are just LEARNING this frame, the very fact you can

at least UNDERSTAND the frame will enable you to get some pretty cool results

immediately. 

There's a whole universe of reasons for this that I explain in far further detail in my book

and live courses, but the main point I want to make here is that you will not create the

OVERWHELMINGLY POWERFUL EMOTIONS OF ATTRACTION in a woman if you come across

as too serious, especially in your initial pick-up. 

It just says all the wrong things- it says you are uncomfortable, it says you are afraid of

approaching her, it says you are lacking something, it says you are not socially

experienced and thus you are somewhat socially “out” (which is a huge issue to women for

reasons beyond the scope of this article), and it says you are not fun. It also makes her feel

SCARED in the sense that she is thinking “Why is this total STRANGER being so damn

serious??????????” That makes her feel as if you are desperate or just plain creepy.

Plus there is one other issue:

Seriousness can easily trigger her anti-slut radar. She’s thinking “Well, since he is not

having fun in this conversation, the only motivation he has is sex. He is not enjoying the

conversation itself. He is either needy or a creepy psycho.”

Now, of course, this is just what she is THINKING. No one ever said her thoughts were

correct. But you have to understand that to a woman, it can feel pretty scary to be labeled

a slut, in fact it’s scary for her if she even thinks that she MIGHT be behaving like a slut

according to herself. 

This is just one more reason, by the way, why you should relax no matter WHAT a woman’s

response is to your approach.

You see, the truth is women and men don’t go through the same socialization process. Men

are expected to take action, women are expected to try to attract men. I’m not saying that

men and women don’t sometimes break these social “rules”, but in general that’s how it

goes. And the one OTHER thing women are expected to do when a guy takes action is show

the guy she is not easy. 

Yup.

THIS is a HUGE reason why there are so many games being played between men and

women.

This anti-slut or anti-“easy” thing is powerful stuff. It’s not that women don’t want you to

approach them, it’s that they are conditioned to show you they aren’t easy. 

So you have to remember that even if a woman doesn’t seem thrilled with your approach,

it is NOT necessarily because they wouldn’t want to be with you.

I MEAN THIS HONESTLY.

So don’t beat yourself up and start whining just because the first girl you went up to didn’t

grab you by the shirt and drag you to the nearest bed.

Of course, if you don’t know how to bathe or if you walk around with a psycho smile, then

this doesn’t apply. But VERY OFTEN, the ONLY reason a woman will act aloof is because

you approached her in a way that made her feel like you just want to use her for sex. 

Because you were too serious and not just enjoying the moment for its own sake and

letting HER decide if she wants to find out more about you or not.

Now, some guys actually understand the PROBLEM, but their SOLUTION is no good either.

They decide to become her FRIEND.

Well, sure, a woman will let you become her friend, because that does not violate the “anti-

easy” principle, but that doesn’t help you of course.

This is where being more PLAYFUL allows her to not take the interaction too seriously and

gives her OPTIONS and breathing space. 

It lets her know that you aren’t DEMANDING anything, it lets her know that you are

probably a desirable guy if you don’t need to push yourself so seriously, and it lets her

know that you aren’t TAKING anything from her.

And all this lets her know that you will in fact BOTH have a FUN conversation regardless of

what happens. Which buys you the time to show your sexy personality.

With her shields down now, THIS allows her to actually let her REAL ATTRACTION to you

naturally grow. 

Nature is powerful stuff, and works best when you don’t try to seriously tell it what to do.

Let the NATURAL VIBES flow from just being there with her in a non- uptight fashion. THIS is

the stuff that has kept the human race on this planet.

One part of what I do is help guys get BACK to nature by eradicating all the artificially

learned negative behaviors guys got brainwashed to believe. The way to MAKE attraction

happen is to stop INTERFERING with it’s natural process. Most of the modern stuff guys

learned to supposedly attract women actually INTERFERES with attraction.

If you’d like to learn all about how to be playful in a powerful confident way that has

nothing to do with being a clown, and if you’d like to learn how to prevent triggering her

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When seducing women, most men will make the key mistake of ‘giving away’ all of their

power and status in the face of a beautiful woman. They will chase her, change their

schedules to accommodate her, abandon friends and hobbies. In short, they focus all of

their attention on the girl and the more attractive she is, the more they will tend to do this.

Women are frustrated at being expected to lead proceedings and having men practically

offer themselves to them. A challenge is well received as is a man who has more in his life

than just making her the centre of his world. Feminine women crave masculine men but

the prerequisites of the ‘modern, metro’ man don’t trigger the basic attraction switches

women desire.

Lead The Way

“Can I have your number?”, “Are you free Friday? No? How about Saturday? Sunday?”,

“What do you want to do?”, “Where do you want to eat?” All these questions frequently

asked before a first date rapidly give the power of decision making to the woman. Instead

take charge of proceedings- you’ll be surprised by how readily a woman will follow your

lead: “I’m hungry, let’s go get something to eat”, “We should hang out sometime, give me

your number”, “I want to see that new film, want to come?” This is a way to lead in a polite

way that allows her the opportunity to join in your fun life.

Have Other Passions

Having hobbies and interests and most importantly, other people in your life to busy

yourself with, makes it more difficult to lose yourself in trying to impress a beautiful

woman- meanwhile making you all the more attractive.

Have Purpose

Have aspirations in life - people who give up on living life to fulfil themselves are not

attractive. Decisive people on a mission are attractive. Be that man.

High Status

In every interaction there is a status relationship. The person with the highest status is the

leader, decision maker and one that initiates and ends interactions according to their own

schedules. Most commonly in our society, these are beautiful women- so steal that frame

and become more attractive to women.

Be Yourself

When a woman criticises an aspect of your being - your taste in music, fashion sense,

haircut - be sure to take heed of any constructive advice but do not change your whole life

trying to gain her approval. Make changes that would benefit you. If not, then do not

change on her whim - a woman will bore quickly of any man that tries (in vain) to fulfil her

every desire by agreeing to everything she says. She enjoys the battle itself of trying to

tame you and change you- don’t take that away from her!

Though these suggestions seem difficult to implement, once habitual, you will find yourself

at an advantage to 99% of men out there

How to be a Badass in 25 Awesomely Bad Ways

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A badass isn’t an annoying prick. He’s the man all women secretly desire

and all men look up to. Find out how to be a badass using these 25 bad

ways. By Daniel Lincoln

Think badass and there’s just one guy I remember.

Gru. *remember ‘Despicable Me’?*

He’s one real badass and there’s no denying that.

So if you want to be a real bad ass, you can do one of two things.

One, strap your earphone on, play the ‘Despicable Me’ theme song on a loop, and

walk very slowly with a little bounce in your step. And stare at every guy who

walks past you with a smug expression.

Or two, read on and use these 25 ways to be a real badass all the time.

[Read: 20 essential traits all guys need to have in them to be a real man]

How to be a badass

A badass is a guy who doesn’t care about anything.

He just exists. And everyone else, well, they either serve him or get in his way.

A badass isn’t an alpha.

A badass isn’t a bad boy either.

He’s just a scary guy who’s somehow extremely intimidating and yet, so darn

awesome!

Every guy wants to be a badass, because badasses just make everything look so

cool.

But in your pursuit of being a badass, you need to remember a few key details.

[Read:30 alpha male characteristics that make you a real alpha]

The real man within the badass

A badass isn’t a bum on the street. He’s the guy who’s earned the reputation to

behave that way. If you’re a nobody, you have no right to be a badass. If you’re

still on the bottom rungs of life’s ladder, you can’t become a badass even if you

try to.

The real man inside a badass is a really great guy who’s just awesome at what he

does. He could ignore everyone in the world and yet, people would come crawling

to him because he’s the only guy who’s perfect for the job. Get what I mean?

There are two kinds of badasses, the real badass and the wannabe badass.

The real badass is the guy who’s needed by society. He can throw his weight

around and people would still come to him.

The wannabe badass is the guy who throws his weight around, and everyone

walks away from him. He thinks he’s important, but in all probability, everyone

else just don’t give a rat’s ass about his existence. [Read: 10 biggest dating turn

offs for women ever]

So before you try to be a badass, understand the key differences between the two

badasses. And pick who you’d want to be.

25 awesomely bad ways to be a real badass

A badass is not a prick. He doesn’t go hurting people for no reason. He’s just an

awesome guy who knows he’s above mortal men. He doesn’t care about people,

he doesn’t need them, and most importantly, he’s unpredictable as hell.

The most important trait of a badass is his unpredictable nature. No one can tell

how he’d react to something. He keeps his secrets close and his emotions shut

unless he releases it with a vengeance.

Want to be a real bad ass? Use these 25 tips on how to be a badass, and you’ll get

there in no time.

#1 Don’t be a people pleaser. Stop worrying about everyone’s opinions. You

know who you are, and your loved ones love the person you are. So stop trying to

please everyone you meet in life.

#2 Don’t fidget. A badass never fidgets. Nervous wannabes fidget. A badass

moves with calculated precision, and never cracks his knuckles or shuffles his feet

when he’s stationary. [Read: How to get a great girl to notice you without even

talking to her]

#3 The scary gaze. Badasses have a piercing gaze when they’re having a

conversation with someone. If they’re happy, the corner of their lips curls into a

small smile. If they’re displeased, their expression turns into a grimace that

makes anyone feel like they’re going to get punched in the face.

#4 Don’t nod your head. A badass doesn’t nod or shake their head in approval

for every line they hear. When you’re having a conversation with someone, just

stare at them or answer with a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’. It’ll intimidate anyone you speak

too.

#5 Relax. Be laid back and relaxed all the time, like you don’t have a care in the

world. But at the same time, be very agile. When you need to get up or walk

away, don’t be a slob. You need to make others run behind you and keep up with

your pace all the time. [Read: Why shy guys use the hover hand around a girl all

the time]

#6 Be succinct. Don’t use six words when you can use one. A badass doesn’t

indulge in idle chatter. Always try to keep your sentences short. It’ll make the

other person talk more to fill in the gaps, and that leaves them feeling

intimidated.

#7 Don’t be embarrassed. A badass is never embarrassed about making a

scene or getting attention.  Always be ready to raise your voice if the need arises,

whether it’s about yelling at someone or making a point over the phone.

#8 A badass is a perfectionist. This is very important. Be perfect in what you

do, or no one will care for you. Only when you’re indispensible to people can you

be worthy of being a badass. [Read: 12 steps to be perfect in everything you do]

#9 Don’t smile all the time. A badass’s smile is like a rare species of animal.

It’s seen only on rare occasions. Your smile should feel like a compliment to the

other person. So don’t smile unless you’re laughing maniacally, and you’ll be a

great badass.

#10 Turn soft occasionally. Show your soft side now and then to others so

people still know you’re human. This also makes you very unpredictable which is

a great trait about a badass.

#11 Always sit back in your seat. Never sit at the tip of your seat waiting to

jump up like you’ve got a spring loaded under your ass. Sit back comfortably and

voice your opinions calmly. It makes you appear more composed.

#12 Never lose your cool in front of others. Losing your cool, especially

when you’re beaten at something or when someone says something rude is a sign

of weakness, because it shows others that you’ve been affected negatively by

what they said to you. A badass doesn’t care for people’s opinions.

But if you can’t hold on to your rage, an occasional outburst is completely

acceptable, as long as you don’t reveal your weaknesses to others around you.

#13 Slow and firm gestures. A badass doesn’t move his hands too often or too

fast. He’s calm and composed, and uses only slow and calculated gestures.

[Read: 25 character traits about a guy that turn a girl on sexually]

#14 Emotionless. Don’t be overly emotional, regardless of whether it’s positive

or negative. A badass doesn’t show his real emotions to anyone but the closest

people in his life.

#15 Have a serious move. Every badass has a move or two to keep himself

occupied when he’s sitting idle. You can run one hand over your other hand’s

knuckles, or stroke your chin slowly like you’re deep in thought.

#16 Dress really well. Dress sharp, slick and intimidate others. A badass looks

bad only when he looks and dresses sexy. If you dress like an average guy, you’ll

just be ignored. [Read: 15 things girls look for in a guy to fall for him]

#17 Control others. Always control the other person in a conversation. Don’t

just nod and listen to what they have to suggest. Use your hands to guide them

around the place or get them to follow your lead in small ways. Before you know

it, their ego will shrivel and you’ll feel more powerful, as long as you control the

direction and the end of the conversation.

#18 Never lose your cool. A badass doesn’t lose his focus or his cool. He’s

always composed and makes decisions with a calm and calculative mind.

#19 Don’t shriek. Speak in a low and firm voice without a quiver all the time. A

man who uses a high pitch is never a badass, he’s the guy craving for attention.

[Read:How to get a girl's attention wherever you are like a real man]

#20 Be chivalrous. But never wait for a thank you. Hold the door open for a girl,

but walk away before she can turn around and thank you. It makes everyone

you’re chivalrous to, want to know you! [Read: The code of modern chivalry for

men]

#21 Learn your manners. Don’t be rude or arrogant. Badasses are very

charming, but very inhibiting. Treat everyone with respect, but don’t tolerate their

annoyance.

#22 Don’t talk fast. People who are extremely confident and full of themselves

always speak slowly because they don’t care about wasting another person’s

time. But on the other hand, if you’re already a fast talker, be very firm and

commanding. It has the same badass effect because it reveals that you don’t

have time to waste on others. But don’t ever let anyone cut you in between when

you’re talking.

#23 Have a manly drink. If you’re not a teetotaler, avoid cocktails and colorful

drinks with fancy umbrellas when you’re behaving like a badass. Have a simple

drink, or drink scotch neat or on the rocks. It makes you appear more serious and

sophisticated.

#24 Don’t hide your displeasure. Let others see the displeasure in your face

when you’re annoyed with them for anything. A badass is a perfectionist and

doesn’t put up with incompetent people.

#25 Be the real badass. Be confident of who you are and don’t fake a

personality just for attention. It never works. If you want to be a badass, you have

to build these traits over time. A badass isn’t born in a day, he becomes one over

time with maturity and confidence. [Read: How your self respect affects your

relationship with others]

All said and done, a badass is ruthless and emotionless only with the people he

interacts with professionally. When it comes to his personal life, he’s a very

loving, respectful and decent man who cares for his family and loves them to

death.

The badass is a wall he builds to protect himself from lesser mortals and people

that don’t matter to him. To the ones he loves, he’s warm and caring, and never

has an ego.

[Read: 10 traits of a man that makes him a perfect boyfriend]

A badass is a great guy. Everyone wants to be him, but few can ever be

him even if they try all their lives. Do you really want to be one? Use

these 25 steps on how to be a badass, and if you have it in you, you’ll

surely be one someday

How to Become the Centre of Attention13 authors | 25 revisions | Last updated: June 5, 2012

0

Article

Edit Discuss

This is an easy process, just a few steps to help you stand out, in a good way.Ads by GoogleNew Global Search Engine Will not store your search results for data mining, free private emailGoComb.com

Edit Steps1. 1

Always look your best. You don't have to look like a model, or a Plastic, but always present the very best image of yourself where ever you go, and whatever you do. Practice good personal hygiene, take good care of your clothes and accessories.Ads by GoogleHow to Invest Your Money We have a plan for our money, whats yours? Here is our expert opinion.WealthDaily.com/Investing_Money

2. 2

Cultivate a good attitude and be good natured about things. Sadly not everyone will love you or be singing your praises, there are a lot of haters out there. But acting like a pompous Diva (see most of MTV's Sweet Sixteen for examples), will not get you many 'truefriends and supporters. Just think that for every 3 people who don't like you, 10 think you are wonderful!!

3. 3

Believe in yourself. If you think you want to try out for a team, do it! Even if you don't make it the first time, if it is something you really want to do talk to people involved in it and find out what you can do to improve your chances next time. Not only will this help form relationships with people who may be the deciding factors, but you will also be showing people that you don't think you are better than them and are always ready to improve on what you already have.

4. 4

Don't try to become someone you are not. All you can do is be the very best you.

5. 5

Think happy thoughts. Happy thoughts make you happy, which in turn creates positive energy, and everyone wants to be around that kind of energy.

6. 6

Be inviting. As great as the image of the cool, aloof beauty everyone falls over, its not exactly real life. Invite people into your space. Strike up conversations with people closest to you. When you walk down the hall or across campus, smile and sincerely say "Hi!" to everyone who meets your eye. Not only will the eye contact cause them to remember you, but they will remember you as being a nice person.

7. 7

Speak in a normal tone. Some people, when they want to be noticed, tend to speak loudly or laugh too much. You want people to notice you, not your act.

8. 8

Do not try too hard. A. Because people can sense this from a mile away, and its kind of a turn off, and because when you try too hard it gives you more opportunities to foul things up. Don't force it. If you don't know what to say, simply smile and listen. People like listeners, and sometimes (with certain people) even if that's all you do, they feel a connection with you, simply because you made them feel good.

9. 9

Be fun and have fun! This does not mean like acting like an air head or ditzy, but it does mean that if you are, for example, at a dance... that you are out there on the floor having the time of your life! Who cares if you can't dance? Do you know how many people think they can't dance either?! Just have fun and don't let yourself worry about what everyone else is going to think.

10. 10

Being the center of attention often requires you to act as a Leader, so Do not feel that you always have to follow the crowd. If people are ganging up on someone, do not follow suit. Even if you think the people are the coolest, most popular people to grace the earth and the person is the lowest of the low, you do not want to associate yourself with that kind of behavior. Create a diversion that draws everyone's attention to something better, like yourself.

11. 11

It can be emotionally and physically draining to be the center of attention all the time, so be willing to step back and let others shine. Trust me, there will be more then enough time for you. And no one likes an Attention Whore.

12. 12Act random sometimes in a small group, and if there's a bigger group make a whole lot of jokes even if they're stupid. If they are stupid then act weird and dance.Ads by GoogleStrategic Product Design International Hellenic University Taught in English. Apply now!www.econ.ihu.edu.grPresentation Development Supercharge Your Presentation Skills - Five Days Based in Londonimpactfactory.comДормео мебел Кревети, комоди, полици, летвички. Плаќање на рати или при достава.www.dormeo.com.mk

Edit Video

Edit Tips If you feel it's not you, lose it. Have fun! Be bold. Don't be shy

Warnings No warnings, just be careful not to be too offensive Don't ditch your friends because the only one hurt will be you!

How to Be the Center of Attention at Every Party and Gathering!

You're no wallflowe or you wouldn't be reading this article. You like to stand out from the crowd and make a bold and daring statement. Wouldn't it be nice to captivate the crowd at every party and gathering? Well, you can! Here are some simple steps you can take to capture the attention of the crowd and get the attention you crave.

1. Dress in a stylish and eye catching manner. Try wearing bright colors or

bold patterns if they're flattering on you. Just make sure you don't overdo it.

You don't want people whispering about your complete lack of taste behind

your back. Become known as a clothes horse and style monger who always

has the latest and greatest in the world of fashion. People will be eagerly

waiting for you to arrive so they can see what you're wearing.

2. Wear a constant smile on your face. A smile can be your most tlattering

fashion accessory. It shows the world you're a happy and confident person.

Who doesn't want to be in the presence of someone so upbeat and warm?

They'll wonder what intriguing little secret you're hiding that makes you

such a sickeningly, cheery person.

3. Develop a sense of humor! Learn to laugh at yourself and your

shortcomings. People love self deprecating humor especially when it's

delivered by someone as happy and well dressed as your are. Crack a joke

now and then and laugh in a warm and infectious way at other people's

attempts at humor. A little self effacing humor will go a long way in your

quest to be the center of attention.

4. Learn to make a dramatic entrance. When you enter the room in your

bright clothes and that perpetual smile, do it with flair! If no one's looking,

you might want to pretend to trip on the edge of the carpeting to create a

small stir and have them come rushing to your aid. After all, this would be

expected with the super high heels you're wearing to get attention. Use

those magic heels to your advantage!

5. Learn to talk in a voice that's heard around the room and maybe around

the nieghborhood. Meek, softspoken people are rarely the center of

attention. Develop a booming and infectious voice that lets your thoughts be

heard and heard and heard! When you talk check out of the corner of your

eye to make sure you've captured the attention of everyone in the room. If

not, raise your voice a level or two.

6.Develop a distinctive walk that catches peoples' eyes. A cute little sashay

with just a touch of the dramatic should be quite effective in capturing the

appreciation of the crowd, especially members of the opposite sex. Of course,

you could have some problems trying to sashay in those ultra high, attention

getting heels. Keep working at it and you'll either get the hang of it or break

your ankle.

There you have it. Six ways to become the center of attention at every party

of gathering. Suppose you try all of the above and you're STILL not the

center of attention? It may be time to institute some more drastic measures

but we'll save that for another day.

How to Be the Center of AttentionBy an eHow ContributorIf being the center of attention is your goal, learning how to "work the room" is essential. Staying aware of your surroundings and the prevailing mood can help you know how to divert the attention to yourself. Whether your goal is to catch the eye of someone special or to retain your title as the "life of the party," knowing how to captivate an audience can ensure your name is on the lips of everyone around you. Does this Spark an idea?

Other People Are Reading

How to Be the Center of Attention at Parties

How to Attract Attention

Print this article

Instructions1.

o 1Develop a thick skin and confident demeanor. Realize that being the center of attention can come with extra scrutiny or jealousy from others. You may even notice resentful behavior from your friends as you climb the social ladder. Combat negative comments with a smile or casual indifference, as responding with negativity can make you appear threatened.

o 2Dress to attract attention. While wearing well-coordinated, stylish outfits can show off your dressing skills, it won't necessarily make you the center of attention. Focusing your efforts on wearing "interesting" clothing can help ensure all eyes are on you. For example, a pair of rainbow boots usually turns heads faster than a "nice" pair of shoes. Odd accessories can serve double-duty as attention grabbers and conversation starters.

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o 3Divert attention to you and your feelings. While listening to other people's stories can be enjoyable, it takes time away from your agenda. Learn how to use other people's stories as a springboard for your own. For example, countering a sad personal story with an even sadder personal narrative of your own can help you reclaim the top spot in the room.

o 4Perform for the crowd. Showing off special talents such as singing, dancing or impersonation skills can make others take notice of you. Overcome stage fright, as you may have to battle other attention-seekers for dominance. Find ways to outdo your competition, such as creating wacky dances or catch phrases.

o 5Seize the moment. Avoid waiting for other people to direct attention toward you. Use boring moments as opportunities to share funny jokes or to recount interesting events. Asking people open-ended questions can help create an inclusive atmosphere. Learning how to facilitate laughter and good times can make others seek out your company during dull times.

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Tips & Warnings Tailoring your attention-grabbing strategies to your audience can increase

your likelihood for success. Sometimes just flashing a smile can make you the center of attention.

Avoid using dishonesty as a tool in your search for more attention. Tactics such as embellishing your history can make you the center of attention for all the wrong reasons.

Read more: How to Be the Center of Attention | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_5372539_center-attention.html#ixzz2CPODpqcY

You Were Born to be Extraordinary!Posted on Aug 20, 2012 by Ken Wert28 CommentsTranslation

“Extraordinary people survive under the most terrible

circumstances and they become more extraordinary because

of it.” ~ Robertson Davies

“Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves

extraordinary.” ~ Gerard Way

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live an

extraordinary life? Have you ever wished you were something a bit

more extraordinary yourself?

Even if you’re not living up to your potential right now (and

extraordinary doesn’t require perfection), it’s important to know

that you are not merely the sum of your thoughts, beliefs and

habits.

You are also what lies beneath the surface, what rests dormant

inside of you. In other words, you are also your God-given

potential. That extraordinary potential is part of who you

are. It is what you can become. It is what is possible. It is what you

were meant to experience, even if it seems like it’s still light-years

away.

And that is extraordinary!

Extraordinary is as Extraordinary doesSo what does it mean to be extraordinary anyway?

Well, in a word, it means to exceed ordinary. And if ordinary means

doing and thinking and believing what most people do, think and

believe, then being extraordinary means being different than most.

Most people don’t read personal development blogs or seek

inspiration or motivation to supercharge their day. Most people

don’t do much reading at all, for that matter.

But that’s not you!

Most people don’t spend much time thinking about the quality of

the friends they attract, or the quality of their thoughts or the

quality of their character. Even fewer do much about it.

But that’s not you!

Most people let their time slip by one tick at a time, never setting

goals or working to improve themselves in substantive ways or

challenging their own comfort zones.

But that’s not you either!

You aim higher and live with more passion and purpose than most

—or you’re learning how to. You create opportunities and grow and

challenge yourself—or you’re taking the initial steps to.

And that’s pretty extraordinary!

The reason I know this about you is because the unextraordinary

tend to wade in the shallow pools of their own stagnation, hoping

and wishing and never doing.

But not you.

You look for insight and inspiration and the next step that will take

you to the next level. You’re here, doing that now, I suspect.

And that’s also pretty extraordinary.

Supercharge Your ExtraordinarinessSo if extraordinary is as extraordinary does, by doing more things

extraordinarily, your life itself will become extraordinary … if you

are willing to do the work to get there, of course.

Ordinary focus and commitment and passion lacks the pulling

power to lift you to the level of extraordinary. After all,

extraordinary is extra-ordinary. You just can’t reach it by virtue of

ordinary effort. The “extra” is required.

So begin to supercharge your life in the following 10 areas for an

extraordinary impact of legendary proportions.

Extraordinary Courage

You were meant to face your fears and overcome them with a steely

sort of courage, to stand tall without apology as a unique individual

of value and character. You were born to make a difference,

to stand for something, to be willing to fight for fundamental

principles of human freedom and dignity.

The extraordinary nature of your courage is obvious in your

willingness to endure public ridicule for what’s right. It shows

in your unwillingness to compromise your values for a quick and

easy gain or a superficial fix.

You don’t throw in your hand simply because someone else thinks

you should. Your life is marked by dignity and decency and truth

and honor. Such things call on our deepest reservoirs of courage.

That kind of courage shapes our experiences and makes life that

much more extraordinary.

Extraordinary Service

There are people who wake up every morning knowing they matter,

knowing they make the world a better pace, knowing they’re

needed, that they add joy and happiness to a few more hearts on

the planet.

There are people who, Gandhi-like, give all of themselves to make

an extraordinary difference. Others give more modestly, but also

profoundly. They give from their hearts, out of compassion and a

deep seeded desire to make a difference.

It should be noted that obligatory giving is not really service. It is

being taken from, consensually or not. So extraordinary giving is

much more than simply paying your taxes so the government can

take care of some anonymous, faceless group.

Rather, it is freely sharing your time and means and talents and

energy. It’s going out of your way to bless and lift and serve. It’s

stopping to help push a car or volunteering with a favorite charity

or working for a worthy cause or visiting shut-ins and comforting

those who mourn and feeding the hungry and looking for

opportunities to do good continually.

You can make an extraordinary difference by being conscious of the

effect your example has on others, by developing a compelling

sense of compassion, by doing random acts of kindness, by

reaching out of your myopic world into a larger universe to effect

change that actually improves life for those in need of

improvement.

But the most important difference you will likely ever make

will be the service you render the one, the individual, one-on-

one, eye to eye, hand to hand, heart to heart. It’s a good thing

to provide resources to a group in need. But there’s something

deeply sublime, something uniquely extraordinary in personally

reaching into the life of another human being to provide hope and

help and love.Extraordinary Happiness

Happiness is the condition of the human experience when major

obstacles to it have been largely overcome and our lives are

significantly aligned with True North principles that naturally

produce it.

Extraordinary happiness is the synergistic result of supportive

thought, combined with self-affirming belief, combined with right

action, combined with living with integrity to universal principles.

In other words, happiness is the natural result of positive,

optimistic, opportunity and possibility thinking, believing life

matters and yours specifically does too, that there are answers to

life’s most difficult challenges, while actively creating meaning and

pursuing growth and living an honest and grateful and loving life.

The point is, happiness is not the result of any one thing. It’s a

combination of traits and characteristics, each one of which can

add depth and longevity to our happiness, but are required on a

larger scale to reach the extraordinary.

Follow these links for a more comprehensive discussion of

happiness in these four essential quadrants: Principles of

Thought, Principles of Belief, Principles of Action, and Principles of

Being.Extraordinary Character

Character is the heart and blood of the organism, its vitality and

moral authority. It is what most fundamentally reflects the heart

and defines us at the core. Character is the substance of

reputation, the foundation of trust, the seed and fruit of

behavior.(<– Tweet this last sentence!)

Extraordinary character is telling the truth because it’s true, not

for fear of being caught in a lie. It’s not the self-serving kind of

pseudo-character that’s performed for public consumption. It’s

kindness when kindness isn’t deserved and no one is around to see

it. It’s the inner strength that risks ostracism for doing what’s right

when what’s right is no longer popular.

There is no extraordinary character without extraordinary self-

discipline and self-mastery. At the root of exceptional character is

an enduring commitment and consistent integrity. The key, and

most difficult part to master, is the consistency. And that’s why we

so honor those with extraordinary character.Extraordinary Love

Let’s admit it. Loving others takes work. It’s pretty easy to love

those who make loving them easy. But it requires a ton of inside-

work on the soul to love those who make us work for it.Only when

we can love those who are difficult to love, those who don’t

return our love, those who are prickly and sharp and nasty,

can we claim extraordinary love.

But that is the kind of love that changes lives … starting with our

own. That kind of love, what might be called Biblical Charity, is a

reflection of who we are rather than the result of the quality or

nature of any particular relationship we enjoy.

Perhaps the only way to experience love at this level is to practice

spontaneous forgiveness. When someone offends, forgive them

instantaneously. When you can do that, extraordinary love will be

within reach.

Extraordinary love also requires seeing through the distorting film

of fear and insecurity, of character flaws and personality disorders

at the inner essence and potential of the person who most needs

love while making it most challenging to give it. But when we have

attained the ability to love the unlovable, we’ll experience its fruit

as compassion, kindness, peace and joy to an extraordinary degree

as well.

Extraordinary Relationships

We were put on earth to form families and friendships and build

and nurture those relationships to become no less than celestial.

But so many people endure relationships that are far from the

ideal.

They have learned to cope with relationships that just don’t satisfy

or are painful or destructive. And yet we were meant to

have extraordinary friendships and extraordinary marriages and

experience an extraordinary closeness to our children.

So what gets in the way of it all?

Mostly we do.

We get greedy and selfish and prideful and stingy and insecure and

fearful. We start counting offenses and taking things personally and

interpreting things rashly and saying things we shouldn’t say and

doing things that undermine those very relationships we regret not

being closer.

So the best way to develop extraordinary relationships is to work

on the gears under the hood of our own lives. Improve the self

and everything the self is associated with improves as well,

including our relationships.

Warning: Work at improving yourself, not your partner’s self. Your

work is under your own hood, not someone else’s. Even with our

children, the most productive work we will do undertheir hoods is

by spending time under our own. Better people tend to make better

parents, after all. And better parents make better kids.Extraordinary Success

This one is difficult to clearly identify because success can be

defined in so many different ways. The most limiting definition

(simply because it leaves out so much that’s infinitely more

important) is the traditional success of professional ladder-

climbing.

But no matter the kind of success you choose to pursue, you can be

successful in an extraordinary way if you plan for it, prepare for it,

invest in it, and work at it. But what you specifically plan and

prepare and invest and work on depends on what you’re willing to

succeed at.

My best advice is to learn from the leaders in the field in whatever

area of life you want to be successful. Master what they do. Then

do it your own way. Resist the temptation to simply duplicate their

success. Extraordinary success is rarely accomplished that way.

Extraordinary Spirituality

We are both spiritual and physical beings. And yet we pay

incredibly more attention to our physical sides. I believe we do so

to our own detriment. If we work more on getting in tune with

the Divine, our lives can be profoundly changed in dramatic

ways.

I’ve known addicts and inmates and those with horrible pasts and

dreadful thoughts about themselves and about life who then

connected with their spiritual sides, who reached up to feed that

connection and are now living deeply meaningful lives of real

purpose and joy.

The rewards of a spiritual life are real and include the fine-tuning

of conscience and the honed ability to recognize truth from error. It

includes attaining greater insight and wisdom and living life at its

most joyful. Life becomes sweeter. Happier. Better. We gain a sort

of humble confidence that can only be felt, not described. Our

outsides come to better reflect our insides and our insides

experience an extraordinary peace.Extraordinary Growth

We just visited Disneyland recently. And while it’s not truly the

happiest place on earth, it’s a pretty good commercialized version

of something that scores pretty high on that scale nonetheless.

But what I love about Disney is the Fastpass system where you can

get an early ticket and go back at the prescribed time to skip most

of the line-waiting. It’s the car-pool lane to Disney attractions.

We can have that in the area of personal growth as well! We

can Fastpass and car-pool our way to extraordinary growth

when we approach it with sincerity and humility and an open

heart.

But there has to be a passion for growth. So often we read posts in

the personal development genre and nod and smile knowingly and

say to ourselves, “Yes, yes. This is good stuff. So insightful!” And

then do nothing to apply it.

While extraordinary growth doesn’t require a particular system or

method for growth, it does require an open heart, passion,

attention, effort, the ability to learn from mistakes without

beating ourselves up for making them, and taking one step at a

time toward the goal of self-improvement, then celebrating each

extraordinary step toward success.Extraordinary Wisdom

So many of us simply stop learning much on our own once we’ve

scored the college degree and have it hanging on the wall like a

trophy to prove our competence. We cross the finish line and stop.

We stop learning and stop researching and stop thinking, unless, of

course, work requires an occasional workshop for re-licensing.

But extraordinary people spend their whole lives

learning. They are humble enough to admit deficiencies in their

knowledge and passionate enough about learning to seek to fill in

those holes.

They look at life from different perspectives and are open to

learning from the expert and novice alike. They love discovering

new truths and uncovering new layers of insight. They are

passionate about growth and development. And so they spend

considerable time in its pursuit.

AfterthoughtsLife is an extraordinary experience. We can make our lives even

more extraordinary by doing even more things extraordinarily. I

invite you to choose an area you think will most benefit your

extraordinariness from above, then go at it. Learn what you can

learn. Do what you can do.

And see what can happen to an ordinary life.

How to Stand Out from the Crowd14 authors | 24 revisions | Last updated: April 22, 2011

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A person who stands out from the crowd is someone who is comfortable with who they are, has the confidence to be unique and to let their individuality shine. Standing out from the crowd means that you're not afraid to speak your mind and to avoid following others when to do so results in sameness and conformity. A person who stands out from the crowd may be someone whose appearance is striking in some way, but more often than not, it is about someone who generates admiration and is remembered by others for being someone special and worthy of looking up to.While standing out from the crowd might not be something you can achieve every day of your life, it's definitely a worthwhile goal to aspire to as a whole, especially if it helps you achieve your other goals in life.Ads by GoogleHome School grades 9-12 Online High School courses at home Finish High School from home.www.aiuhs.org

Edit Steps1. 1

 Decide what standing out from the crowd means for you.Decide what standing out from the crowd means for you. Is this about looking as different from everyone else around you as you can possibly be or is it about going the extra mile to prove that you are one of a kind in skills, talent, or personality? Standing out from the crowd might be about trying to live your best and be your best. Or, it might be about trying to have a unique style or look that you've created yourself without borrowing from other people's ideas. At its most basic, standing out from the crowd means embracing your individuality and trusting that your own choices are good ones. The person you're projecting out to

everyone will stand out more successfully if you're fully confident about yourself.Ads by GoogleInvesting Your Money Now If you money is important you need to read our guide to investing.WealthDaily.com/Investing_Money

o Read How to be confident to help improve your confidence.

2. 2

 Think for yourself.Think for yourself. Standing out from the crowd won't happen if you're thinking with the crowd. While there will be times when the crowd-think does align with your own thoughts, what about all those times it hasn't? Be prepared to voice your differences, your concerns, and your preferences. When talking, it is important to come across asself-assured and knowledgeable, so be sure to have done your research and know your facts beforehand.

3. 3

 Don't be swayed by the crowd.Don't be swayed by the crowd. The pace of the crowd can be relentless and the ease with which the crowd can change its mind, its clothes, or its latest fad is breathtaking. Barely anyone in the crowd stops a moment to wonder if this shared momentum is responsible in a big picture way or whether it's conscious of individual needs. If you want to stand out from the crowd, you're going to need to stop and ask the hard questions, such as "Is there a point to this?" or "Just because

everyone else has X gadget, why do I also need one? Will it enhance my life?"

o Learn how to respond to insistent people who tell you that you're missing out on something if you don't join in. Sometimes their agenda is to ensure that you're as indebted, engrossed, or mystically enthralled by something as they are rather than it being of any real benefit to you personally.

o Read How to avoid fads for more details.

4. 4

 Take chances or risks and work hard.Take chances or risks and work hard. Risks and chances are the things in life that can catapult you forward if they work out. Many people won't take up the challenge because they're afraid of failure. Yet, without failure nothing new can be gained and it is only those who are willing to take risks and to work hard at their dreams who eventually break through and succeed. Have a well-placed sense of faith in your mission, and a willingness to take risks if you want to stand out from the crowd.

5. 5

 Do things differently.

Do things differently. Find new ways to get people's attention and to stay noticed. Many people have found out how to create jobs and/or high profiles for themselves by using the internet in amazing ways, such as blogs, gimmicks, videos, and more. For example, Kyle Clarke created an online campaign called "Hire Me" in which he encouraged employers to bid for him and he ended up with more job offers than he knew what to do with in a time of recession.[1] And Alex Tew invented the Million Dollar Homepage to raise money for his university education, a website in which he sold one million pixels, grossing him over one million dollars and spawning many copycats.[2]And of course there are sites like Facebook andTwitter, demonstrating the power of being the first to do things differently and to stand out from the crowd. These kinds of unique initiatives are bound to make you stand out from the crowd; you'll just need to be the first to do something differently.

6. 6

 Have good manners.Have good manners. Politeness opens doors and keeps them open. Manners might seem old-fashioned to some these days but they are the currency of respect and when a person feels respected, they remember the well-mannered person forever. People are very fond of telling one another about the rare acquaintance of theirs who has "impeccable manners"; make sure that person is you.

o Say thank you  for all the little things people do, as well as the big things. Send thank you cards to people who have helped you with a deadline, held open a door for you when your hands were full, or took you out for a lovely evening. In business this is also very important when people you've networked with help you on your way.

o Shake people's hands  with strength and passion. Show them from the outset that you're someone with heart and conviction.

o Smile. There are never enough smiles to go around; be someone who provides at least five smiles for every one frown you spot.

7. 7

 Don't keep people waitingDo what you say you'll do. When you make someone a promise, do your very best to keep it. People who stand out from the crowd are people who keep their word and follow up their promises to help, to be somewhere, to do something for someone. The reason you'll stand out is because so many people do not do what they say they will. Reliability makes you memorable and causes you to stand well above all the forgotten promise-breakers.

8. 8

 Show initiative.Show initiative. Standing out from the crowd often means that you take action while everyone else stands back, wondering what to do next. If you learn to sum up situations quickly and to respond according to what needs to be done, you place yourself in a position of being different from the silent majority waiting to be shown what should happen next.

o Innovate at work, at home, in your volunteer group. Be the first to point out what's working and what is not, and how to make the most of what's great and improve on what's not. Leadership requires

tenacity and certainty of purpose and will ensure that you stand out from the crowd.

o If you see someone in trouble, don't assume they're getting help. Stop and ask if they need help to change the tire, or to pick up their dropped papers. Call the police if you see someone in terrible trouble and it's too dangerous to intervene; don't assume someone else has already done so!

9. 9

 Dress stylishly and wear what suits you.Dress stylishly and wear what suits you. Clothing speaks in its own way, and a well-tailored outfit that fits you perfectly is bound to have people notice you. Get yourself fitted in good clothes and only buy a few of the best rather than a lot of the cheapest. Durable, perfectly-fitting clothes will free you from having to worry about your appearance because you just know you look good, whatever physical attributes you were born with.

o Ensure good grooming too. Keep your hair in fantastic shape and keep your skin and nails clean and well cared for.

o If you're going to dress "way out", make sure the choices are good quality, well made, interesting, and that you're comfortable carrying off something that is very different from the norm around you.

10. 10

 Check your posture.Check your posture. The person who stands out from the crowd will also stand tall, no matter your height. Slouching is a defensive strategy that does nothing to draw attention to you in a crowd, not to mention its harm for your overall body alignment. If you're having difficulties standing tall, talk to a physiotherapist who might be able to help you improve your posture through exercise and stretching. Usually though, it's enough to remind yourself to stand up straight, to keep your chin up, and to make eye contact with others.

11. 11

 Be attentive.Be attentive. The greatest honor you can do another person is to show you've really heard them, and to show that what they've said matters. Since most people are too busy wondering what to say next, and how to explain their own thoughts, feelings, and ideas, a listener will stand out from the rest. Be willing to give people the space to talk about themselves and show that you clearly respect their thoughts. Not only will this flatter them and reassure them that they matter, but they'll realize very quickly that you're someone to treasure and they'll follow your lead.

o Put away the cell phone in restaurants, at meetings, and during conversations. Having a romantic get together? Turn the cell

phone right off. Having a chat with friends? Leave the cell phone in your bag, even when it rings.

o Stop your eyes from wandering around the crowd when you're with someone. Focus fully on them and be truly interested in them; this will show them that they're the one standing out from the crowd in your eyes. In turn, they'll see you as the most amazing person around.

12. 12

 Remind people how great they are.Remind people how great they are. Regularly single out people in your life, from the workplace to home, to remind them how great they are. So few of us take the time to acknowledge the people in our lives whom we take for granted that when someone does validate us in this way, it comes as a totally sweet surprise and is so out of the ordinary that it gets remembered. It's also a very genuine way of establishing rapport with people, and maintaining goodwill.Ads by GoogleCompany Start-Up Thailand Start/Expand Business in Thailand? 30 yrs Expertise in Company Setup!BangkokBase.comMSc in Management International Hellenic University Taught in English. Apply now!www.econ.ihu.edu.grGoldWave Audio Software Record, Edit, Restore, Convert... Voice, Music, MP3. Free download!www.goldwave.com

Edit Video

Another possible way to stand out where everyone else is very busy.

Edit Tips Never, ever let people tell you that you're a loser because your

different.

Don't be afraid. People will actually admire people who stand out from the crowd.

How to Draw Attention to Yourself27 authors | 87 revisions | Last updated: May 8, 2012

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Do you want to stand out in the crowd? Make a name for yourself? Get noticed? Let's face it, just about everybody loves attention, and getting noticed can have real benefits: getting that girl (or guy) you're interested in, getting a job, or even becoming a star, for example. Why, then, does "proper" society tend to frown on drawing attention to oneself? Put simply, not all attention is equal, and people who try to draw attention to themselves often do it in unpleasant ways--think of a screaming toddler, for instance. While certain showbiz types like to say that any publicity is good publicity, you'll generally only benefit from positive attention, and drawing that kind of attention to yourself requires a little patience, thought and tact.Ads by GoogleNew Franchise Opportunity Run Your Own Energy Saving Business PLC Seeks International Partnerswww.EnigIn.net

Edit Steps1. 1

Think of when they think of you, and it requires time and consistency to build a brand. Say you're at a new school and you want to make friends. Your brand then, should include characteristics like loyalty, friendliness, and fun. Do things that build this brand and

make you a more appealing potential friend. Other examples of brands include the "bad-boy image." Be careful, though, or you'll look like you're trying too hard.Ads by GoogleHow to Invest Your Money We have a plan for our money, whats yours? Here is our expert opinion.WealthDaily.com/Investing_Money

2. 2

Be original. Looking at the stereotypical brands mentioned in the last step, you may think, none of those are really what I want. That's perfectly all right. You can brand yourself as pretty much anything, and whatever your brand, it should reflect your personality and original style. If you're the same as everyone else, you won't draw attention. Just remember, once again, that if you're obviously just trying to get attention, that will be your brand.

3. 3

Be outstanding. When we think of the word "outstanding," we usually think of excellence, but being outstanding also means to "stand out." If you want to stand out, do your best to be the best at something. If you want to draw the attention of your spouse, for example, be the best husband or wife you can be. If you want to get a better job, be extraordinarily competent in your current job and seek to learn more to advance your career. You don't always have to be outstanding at something that's directly related to your goal. For example, you'll find that people who are very successful in whatever pursuit they choose in life often draw the attention of, or date, beautiful women or good-looking guys, even if their particular field of excellence has nothing to do with being a good mate. If you're outstanding at something, just about anything, you'll draw people's attention.

4. 4

Be subtle. A patient, subtle approach is important in developing your image because if you look like you're trying too hard to draw attention, you'll simply end up branding yourself as someone who craves attention, which is generally not a desirable attribute. As an example, imagine you want to get attention in order to make friends. If you stand on your head and insult people, you'll likely get attention for a little while,

but you probably won't make friends--everybody will know you're just desperate for attention. On the other hand, if you draw attention to yourself by wearing a smile, making a conversation with people, or joining a sports team, you'll build a more positive brand and get more attention in the long run.

5. 5Be humble. Be outstanding, be confident, be assertive, but don't be arrogant. Even if you truly excel at just about everything, people will try to tune you out--or even resent you--if you are a jerk. Don't tell people how awesome you are, show them, and don't make a big deal out of it. Don't blow your own horn too much.Ads by GoogleFree Entrepreneur Courses Train IT & business skills online! Hands-on courses. Get a certificatewww.life-global.orgExecutive MBA in English International Hellenic University A long weekend once per month!www.ihu.edu.grHome School grades 9-12 Online High School courses at home Finish High School from home.www.aiuhs.org

Edit Tips Had enough cliches yet? Here's one more. People don't care how

much you know until they know how much you care. Being a show-off won't get you positive attention, at least not for long. In human relationships, being pleasant and helpful will usually get you the best kind of attention time after time.

Be outstanding in something you really love to do. Don't try to be a rich lawyer just because you think it will get you girls or will impress your parents. Do it because you love to do it, or be outstanding at something else.Ads by GoogleCompany Start-Up Thailand Start/Expand Business in Thailand? 30 yrs Expertise in Company Setup!BangkokBase.comДормео мебел Кревети, комоди, полици, летвички. Плаќање на рати или при достава.www.dormeo.com.mkHoroscope for all 2013 Claim your Free Reading from this accurate & talented Astrologer nowAboutAstro.com/horoscope

Edit Warnings Don`t Draw attention to yourself in the wrong ways, and you'll

likely end up getting ignored. You need to make a conscious effort day in and day out to draw positive, beneficial attention, but make your effort look effortless, and draw attention by doing positive things.

Drawing attention to yourself isn't always good. You don't want to draw the attention of the tax man, for example, or the playground bully.

How to Attract AttentionBy an eHow Contributor

Finding a tasteful and subtle way to get attention is actually a real art form. Take the latest batch of television shows like VH1's "The Pick Up Artist," where unlucky bachelors learn how to get a woman's attention while out on the town. If you're looking for a few tricks of the trade, just follow these tips. Maybe along the way, you'll realize that attracting attention has a lot more to do with being yourself and letting your personality shine.

Read more: How to Attract Attention | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2314126_attract-attention-.html#ixzz2CPQ8MOa3

Instructions1.

o 1Wear something that will make you stand out. Don't go for a pink feather boa, just something that others might find somewhat curious. A pastel-colored flower on your lapel or a glittery barrette in your hair, for instance, might be a good attention-grabber. Something subtle yet bright will work effectively to get a brief glance your way.

o 2A pet, good book, or interesting toy can strike up conversation with strangers, so if you're not wearing something interesting, bring it. My guy friends often ask to "borrow" my adorable pug, Iris, so they can go on walks with her in the park and interact with girls. It sounds kind of sleazy, but it works. Iris just sidles up to these girls and before my guy friends know it, they have a phone number in hand to continue conversation over dinner. A new and interesting book, bicycle, skateboard, or even video game works fine in this case as well.

o Sponsored Links Horoscope for all 2013

Claim your Free Reading from this accurate & talented Astrologer now

AboutAstro.com/horoscope

o 3Make eye contact. So you're standing across the room from someone who's caught your attention. What better way to catch theirs than looking straight in their direction? Eye contact is the best way to show your confidence, so don't be afraid to look people dead in the eye.

o 4Be yourself. There is nothing good about getting attention the wrong way. If you're not being yourself what good is all the attention? The best way to keep the attention on you is just being who you are, the way you are when you're at home cooking a meal for just yourself in your kitchen. Sometimes the most boring qualities about you are the most interesting to someone else.

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Online High School courses at home Finish High School from home.

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Tips & Warnings Try not to go overboard with any of these tips. Exaggeration becomes

artificial and fake, so it would be best to start small, like with a small group of friends that you are already comfortable with.

There is such a thing as too much attention. You don't want that either, so try to balance your need for attention with a genuine desire for privacy.

Read more: How to Attract Attention | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2314126_attract-attention-.html#ixzz2CPQFwVkn

How to Build Character Through Integrity31 authors | 79 revisions | Last updated: October 27, 2012

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 Wisdom is knowing the right path to take, Integrity is taking it.To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man(William Shakespeare, 1564-1616).The wonderful thing about character and integrity, which are intimately related, is that they're one of the few things in life that no one will ever be able to forcefully take away from you. Your choices are your own. Even if someone can take your life, they can't force you to make a choice that you believe is wrongThe actions below cannot be done at once, nor should they be. Each of them takes time to fully understand and apply towards your life. Learn about your own virtues and values, and how they correspond to your life and the world around you. Follow the steps below to improve yourself by building your character.Ads by GoogleKnowing your Personality Most detailed Personality Assessment on the Internetwww.personalitybook.com

Edit Steps1. 1

Understand what character and Integrity are. The definitions of these words are often stretched or misrepresented. Learn what they truly mean:

Ads by GoogleStarting A New Business? Get The Marketing Advice You Need To Help Your Small Business Grow!www.SmeToolkit.org

o In this use, Character is the sum of qualities show up in a person or group, moral or ethical strength, and the description of a person's attributes, traits and abilities. Character is who you are. It defines you and guides your actions, hopefully in a positive way.

o Integrity is steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code, being unimpaired, sound, whole and undivided; completeness.

o Integrity can be summed up simply as doing the right thing for the right reason even when no one is watching.

2. 2

Choose a set of rules, morals, or principles that you believe will lead to a happy, satisfying, and righteous life, as well as a better world. You can subscribe to the ethics of a particular religion, or you can develop your own, based on your experiences.

3. 3

Look at the choices you've made in your past, and observe how much you have or haven't lived by those principles. Don't waste time feeling regretful or guilty. Remember that "...until a person can say deeply and honestly, I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, that person cannot say, I choose otherwise." -Stephen R. Covey.

4. 4

Decide what you must change in your behavior to align your life more closely to what you believe.

5. 5Be conscious every day of the decisions you make, however big or small, and how close they bring you to being the person you really want to become.Ads by GoogleInvesting Your Money Now If you money is important you need to read our guide to investing.WealthDaily.com/Investing_MoneyCompany Start-Up Thailand Start/Expand Business in Thailand? 30 yrs Expertise in Company Setup!BangkokBase.com

Free Entrepreneur Courses Train IT & business skills online! Hands-on courses. Get a certificatewww.life-global.org

Edit Tips Keep a journal, and record your progress every day. You'll probably feel your self-confidence and personal strength

growing as you face and overcome challenges in sticking to your values, whatever they may be.

Consult the life and work of Victor Frankl, best summarized by this quotation:

"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances - to choose one's own way."Ads by GoogleStrategic Product Design International Hellenic University Master in English. Apply now!www.econ.ihu.edu.grHome School grades 9-12 Online High School courses at home Finish High School from home.www.aiuhs.orgGoldWave Audio Software Record, Edit, Restore, Convert... Voice, Music, MP3. Free download!www.goldwave.com

Edit Warnings Beware of people who'll try to convince you to give up on your

character or integrity, saying that nobody's perfect, and taunting you for being such an idealist. The fact that nobody's perfect doesn't mean violating what you believe is right. It's good to learn from our mistakes, but we don't always need to make mistakes in order to learn. Remember that striving to be perfect and being perfect are two different ideas; the former is integrity, the latter is futility.

Your character is unique. It may not match with anybody else. So do not try for it. Build it on the basis of your own aptitude and inner light within you. Self assessment, self evaluation, introspection etc work well, but never get disheartened by petty failures and criticism revolving around failures. Stand firm on your convictions. You are bound to succeed.

How to Develop Personal Integrity5 authors | 9 revisions | Last updated: October 1, 2012

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Personal integrity is the quality of being honest with yourself and others, and living a life that is aligned with your moral principles. Developing personal integrity requires examining your beliefs and value system, and taking conscious steps to behave in ways that are consistent with your personal moral code. Here are some ways to develop personal integrity.

Edit Steps1. 1

Identify aspects of your behavior that require change. Reflect on your interactions with others in the workplace, at home and in social situations to determine specific areas in need of improvement. For example, if you are late for work every day and feel guilty about creating excuses for this behavior, this may be an opportunity to develop greater personal integrity.Ads by GoogleNew Franchise Opportunity Run Your Own Energy Saving Business PLC Seeks International Partnerswww.EnigIn.net

2. 2

Determine your reasons for not behaving with greater personal integrity. For example, you may be pushing unpleasant work tasks on to other employees instead of being honest with your boss about your inability to do the tasks. You may be afraid to admit to yourself or to your boss that you do not possess the right skills or that the job is not the right fit for you.

3. 3

Face the obstacles that cause you to lie or violate your moral code. This might involve finding a more suitable job, facing your fears about

how others may perceive you and/or seeking out counseling to address emotional challenges and insecurities.

4. 4

Practice truthfulness. Consider all of the relationships at home and work that will benefit from greater truthfulness. For example, if managing a team of employees, be honest and direct with each individual about your expectations and employee performance. Avoid backbiting or gossiping.

o Refrain from causing harm. Part of developing personal integrity is gauging when and how to deliver the truth. Be careful not to confuse truthfulness with anger-driven and brutally honest confrontation.

5. 5

Make a list of tasks and behaviors in which you will become more trustworthy. The list might range from basic tasks, such as taking out the trash as promised to repaying large sums of money in a timely manner.

6. 6

Respect the property of others. Consider any complaints you may have received in the past about using another person's belongings, parking in someone else's parking spot or littering on another person's property. Make a concerted effort to respect other people's belongings.

7. 7

Listen to and respect the opinions and decisions of others. Part of possessing personal integrity is acknowledging the human rights of others. Respecting diverse thoughts and decisions is a sign of open-mindedness and integrity.

8. 8

Help others in need. If you are in a position to contribute to the development of others or help them to do something they cannot accomplish on their own, make an effort to assist.

9. 9

Assess your progress. Developing personal integrity is a trial and error process that requires persistent effort. Ask yourself on a daily or weekly basis if you are making progress.

10. 10Enlist the help of others. Colleagues, relatives and friends who know you well and have your best interest at heart can assist your progress by providing objective feedback on a daily basis about the personal changes you are making.

How to Be Honest with Yourself20 authors | 43 revisions | Last updated: October 10, 2012

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Article

Edit Discuss

Due to circumstances beyond my control I am master of my fate and captain of my soul. — Ashleigh BrilliantToday, at this very moment, what is your life like? Do you have a life plan, or are you, like most of us, simply flying by the seat of your pants? Time waits for no man - or woman. Figure out what is truly important in your life. It is the first step towards taking charge.

Edit Steps1. 1

Choose a focus for your introspection. Good ones include goals, career, money, family, spirituality, and love.Ads by Google

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2. 2

Set some time aside for yourself. Get up earlier or later than your family, or find a quiet space where you can sit and think. Some people think better while doing some other simple task (such as laundry) or while walking. Find out what works for you.

3. 3

Take stock. What is your life all about? What is your purpose in it? What are you good at? What could you improve?

4. 4

Be objective. Self-reflection and assessment can be a very emotional matter, but try to be detached.

5. 5

Be specific. What have you accomplished, why did you do it? What would you like to accomplish? What bothers you? Why does it bother you? What do you like about yourself?

6. 6

Keep things in perspective. So you haven't won your Nobel Peace Prize yet. Neither have most of the rest of us. You're only human, and nobody, including yourself, should expect perfection of you.

7. 7

Write things down. Putting something in words helps you to be specific. You can write in whatever way you feel comfortable expressing yourself, be it lists, notes, cartoons, drawings, or maps. If you're not a writer, consider talking into a tape recorder or recording your thoughts some other way.

8. 8

Consider the good and the bad, both. One way businesses do this is with a "SWOT" diagram. Take four pages or sections of a page and write in them the following

o Strengths. What are you best at? What do you love doing and do just for the passion of it? What do others compliment you on or tell you you're good at? Once you have these listed, consider how you can make them even better, or use them to your advantage.

o Weaknesses . What do you dislike? What doesn't work too well for you? Focusing on the negative can put things into perspective. Once you have listed your weaknesses, you can choose whether to try to improve upon these areas or let them go. If it matters that you're not a strong swimmer, make plans to improve. If not, at least you know your limitations and can stay in the shallow end of the pool.

o Opportunities. These may go hand in hand with your strengths. At a personal level, an opportunity isn't just the potential to make money. Rather, consider where you could make a difference, satisfy your own needs (for instance, to create), or simply improve yourself. Opportunities could be based on how you could use your strengths or how you could improve upon your weaknesses.

o Threats. What could undermine those opportunities, derail your hopes or sidetrack your success, whatever you define those to be? The purpose for listing these is twofold. First, identifying them allows you to see them more clearly. The known is less threatening than the unknown. Second, it allows you to address those risks. Some risks are beyond our control, but many can be lessened or at least planned for.

9. 9

Have an audience, if you are comfortable doing so. Find somebody to talk to. You'll feel really silly saying things that are not true out loud. If you're not yet comfortable talking to a person, choose a pet or stuffed animal, instead.

10. 10

Ask friends whom you trust how they see you. Seeing yourself honestly is not always easy, and an honest assessment by somebody outside can help you to know if your personal assessment of yourself is reasonable.

11. 11

Write a list of all the things you would like to do in the next five years, ten years, or before you die. Don't filter things out yet, just write as fast as you can think of things. If you prefer, write the list focusing on a particular aspect or question in your life.

12. 12

Ask yourself questions, and answer them in lists, essays, or however you see fit. Here are some examples:

o What is important in my life and what is simply dragging me down?

o What would I change about my life?o Which individuals contribute to my happiness and which do

not?

13. 13

Commit to making a change. Tell yourself, it's my life, and if I am to remain happy and healthy, I alone must decide what stays and what goes.

14. 14

Don't beat around the bush. Tell yourself the truth, even if the truth is bad. Remember that saying things that are true will help you fix them. Although sometimes it's hard to self analyze, admitting to yourself that you are jealous of someone is better than trying to deny it. The truth may make you miserable at first, but later it will set you free.

15. 15

Set goals. See the related wikiHows for details.

16. 16Take action. Put your plan in motion, confident that you are moving toward what you really want. Actions speak louder than words, so acting upon what you discover about yourself is a big part of being honest.Ads by Google

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Edit Video

Edit Tips Being honest does not mean being brutal. Everybody has

shortcomings and difficulties. The best athlete or singer in the world could be a terrible writer. See an honest identification and evaluation of problems as a stepping stone to solving them, not as a reason to berate yourself.

If you have enough objectivity and insight into yourself, and are honest with yourself, you might have to admit that your life is ordinary, and is only about living and getting by. There is nothing wrong with that, since this is simply a part of the human condition.

Remember, there is no harm in writing something down. You can choose not to share it, destroy it, edit it, or simply keep it a secret.

If you don't know where to begin, try taking a personality test (see external links). They cannot discover you by themselves, but they can lend some insight about your nature to help get you started

Be Non Reactive - Appear More Confident

by Fader

Being reactive will kill your game.

Life is a lot like chess. We always think that we are making the best move (who would make the worse of two moves?), so generally it's not the move that's really wrong (that's just a symptom), it's the thought process that led to the move (the action). This is why two people could use Love Systems material and yet won't have the same results. It's not the material, it's the thought process that lets us know when to deliver what material and how (in chess it would be what move to make and when).

You will always have to react (that's how the universe stays in balance: action / reaction), but how you react is up to you. Here is my thought process for dealing with people after I have a stimulus (action) that prompts my reaction. I examine the following:

1. Lower Social Value. Is the person of higher or lower status than me in my mind? It's important to recognize when you're reacting to a person of lower social value, and that can allow you to be neutral. After all, why get overly involved in such a person? It's very easy to be non-reactive with people of lower social value because they don't have value to you.

2. Higher or Equal Social Value. Pretty much every interaction we have with a woman is going to be because she has some kind of value (whether she's a 5 and you're alone and using her for social status by making her laugh, someone's friend you're making like you so you can get the woman you want, or other men you are befriending), there is a reason we are in the interaction in the first place. There's no reason that I can think of why you would be in an interaction with someone who has zero value. And that's where the problem is; we want something from the interaction so we are more likely to react emotionally.

If the woman shows her positive qualities, it's easy to respond by showing that you're interested because this is the behavior we want. It's when the women shows that she is not interested (the behavior we don't want) that we tend to react emotionally instead of rationally. Personally, I can feel when I am getting emotional and I embrace it. This because once I fully understand what is happening and why, I can just discard it and go back to being rational (much like dealing with approach anxiety, I feel the fear and just do it anyway).

In dealing with reactions, this is my advice:

1. Master Microcalibration

2. Always have a better default / canned response

3. Be assured of your state of mind

By doing these three things I feel that I will never respond emotionally because I will always be way ahead in the interaction. I will control the dynamics and the underlying meaning of the interaction, and will react the least and thus have higher value.

Being Non-ReactiveAuthor:  Fader

Seduction / Outer Game / Attraction Building /

Enter Your Email: Free Instant Access!

Average Rating: 5.00 [Total Votes: 2]

Being reactive will kill your game.

Life is a lot like chess. We always think that we are making the best move (who would

make the worse of two moves?), so generally it is not the move that is really wrong (that's

just a symptom), it's the thought process that led to the move (the action). This is why two

people could use Love Systems material and yet won't have the same results. It's not the

material, it's the thought process that lets us know when to deliver what material and how

(in chess it would be what move to make and when).

You will always have to react (that's how the universe stays in balance: action / reaction),

but how you react is up to you. Here is my thought process for dealing with people after I

have a stimulus (action) that prompts my reaction. I examine the following:

1. Lower Social Value. Is the person of higher or lower status than me in my mind? It's

important to recognize when you're reacting to a person of lower social value, and that can

allow you to be neutral. After all, why get overly involved in such a person? It is very easy

to be non-reactive with people of lower social value because they don't have value to you.

2. Higher or Equal Social Value. Pretty much every interaction we have with a woman is

going to be because she has some kind of value (whether she's a 5 and you're alone and

using her for social status by making her laugh, someone's friend you're making like you so

you can get the woman you want, or other men you are befriending), there is a reason we

are in the interaction in the first place. There is no reason that I can think of why you would

be in an interaction with someone who has zero value. And that is where the problem is;

we want something from the interaction so we are more likely to react emotionally.

If the woman shows her positive qualities, it is easy to respond by showing that you're

interested because this is the behavior we want. It is when the women shows that she is

not interested (the behavior we don't want) that we tend to react emotionally instead of

rationally. Personally, I can feel when I am getting emotional and I embrace it. This

because once I fully understand what is happening and why, I can just discard it and go

back to being rational (much like dealing with approach anxiety, I feel the fear and just do

it anyway).

In dealing with reactions, this is my advice:

    1. Master Microcalibration

    2. Always have a better default / canned response

    3. Be assured of your state of mind

By doing these three things I feel that I will never respond emotionally because I will

always be way ahead in the interaction. I will control the dynamics and the underlying

meaning of the interaction, and will react the least and thus have higher value.

Social Vibing

Social Intelligence. Having struggled so hard to learn it, I have so much to

say on this topic. In this post I'd like to specifically discuss social vibing and

insecurity (a very focused, but important peice of the puzzle).

There are many subcommunications that are being telegraphed at all times

in any interaction. Both verbal and non-verbal.

Social interactions have features and customs that I suppose are designed to

make them pleasant.

As social animals, we have the attribute of actually enjoying socializing just

for the sake of socializing.

We socially VIBE.

People who break the vibe are considered socially unintelligent, and despite

being perhaps very good/worthwhile people, they will come across poorly.

Most people, once you get to know them, are really worthwhile. I've rarely

met someone, who when put in a position where I was by circumstance made

to get to know them, that I didn't come to like.

So what's the difference between someone who is COOL and someone who is

UNCOOL?

The way that they COME ACROSS. Their level of social intelligence. Their

ability to CONVEY it. TELEGRAPH it. SUBCOMMUNICATE it.

Understanding how to socially vibe telegraphs that you are secure with

yourself. Failing to understand telegraphs insecurity.

Much of this post assumes that early game is now past, and you are in

comfort building (if you use my PU model, if you are using Juggler's, for

example, then this would apply from the very start because he is full

rapport).

=====

LAUGHING AS VIBING:

Laughter is not only a stress relief mechanism. It's actualy a social

mechanism.

Laughter basically shows that your social group is vibing well. Monkeys, while

they can't talk like we can, still laugh when they are in rapport with each

other.

Think to when you were telling a joke, and the group vibe was just so TIGHT.

The people were starting to laugh before you'd even delivered the punch

line. Maybe you said "I haven't even told the joke yet, and you guys are

laughing". And they can't figure out why, and they laugh even more as you

say this.

Also, think of how when you use cocky tactics, girls laugh/giggle. This is a

sign that they are wanting to vibe with you.

The movie "Goodfellas", in the scene where Joe Pesci is telling jokes at the

restaurant table, and everyone is laughing harder and harder. Ray Liotta

can't stop laughing. It's not just the humour. It's the VIBE.

People who are not socially intelligent will LAUGH AT THEIR OWN JOKES. They

laugh prior to the group starting to laugh.

Notice next time that someone laughs at their own joke first. Were you JUST

ABOUT to laugh, but then didn't when they did first?

They were attempting to FILL IN THE RAPPORT GAP.

When the boss of an office tells a joke, everyone laughs. When the beta male

tells it, he worries that nobody will, and laughs at his own joke to fill in the so-

called rapport gap.

Concentrate on VIBING, and don't try to artificially push rapport.

Better, is to WAIT until the group laughs, and THEN laugh with them.

This gap is also seen when people say "right" after all of their sentences.

They are trying to FILL IN the "right" that the other person SHOULD have said

themself, IF THEY HAD been socially vibing properly.

=====

RHETORICAL SEQUENCING:

People, when talking, use weird (when you think about it) rhetorical

sequencing. Here is an example:

A guy is excited that he got a cheap deal on a coat.

GOOD VIBING:

GUY: You'll never guess how much I got this coat for.

FRIEND: Wow.. Umm, 200$.

GUY: No man. 45$

FRIEND: Wow.. Nice man.

BAD VIBING:

GUY: You'll never guess how much I got this coat for.

FRIEND: Oh you got a deal. I guess 30$ then.

GUY: Umm, actually 45$

FRIEND: Oh.. well that's not bad.

Notice that the friend TELEGRAPHED SUBCOMMUNICATIONS of INSECURITY.

His thought process was: "I'll show GUY that I'm smart. I'm clever enough to

pickup on the fact that if he said "You'll never guess what I paid", that he got

a deal. Then I'll have shown him that I passed his test."

His INSECURITY caused him to miss out on the social vibing, which was

intended to build excitement and wasn't a test at all.

The secure guy, although realizing that the coat was really cheap, would still

guess something lower end, but still high enough that if the guy's deal wasn't

as great as he thought, he'll still feel good. After all, its bought, so why worry

about that stuff (UNLESS you seriously could hookup a massively cheaper

deal and return the coat (which the socially intelligent guy would ascertain

before even suggesting it), in which case the happiness derived from that

would outweigh actually telling the guy that he didn't get the best deal).

ANOTHER EXAMPLE:

GOOD VIBING:

HB: I just got this crazy shirt. Look at it.

PUA: Wow.. Cute!

BAD VIBING:

HB: I jsut got tihs crazy shirt. Look at it.

PUA: Cool.. Hey you know in L.A. that shirt would be nothing. I should bring

you there sometime.

ANOTHER EXAMPLE:

GOOD VIBING:

(Friend1 drives to Toronto for the first time with Friend2)

FRIEND1: Wow man, look at that building.. That rocks..

FRIEND2: Whoa.. That's pretty big dude.

BAD VIBING:

FRIEND1: Wow man, look at that building.. That rocks..

FRIEND2: Dude, that's cool.. But man, you should see NYC. Man, NYC KILLS

this place.

(JLAIX: If you're reading this, who does this remind you of? HINT: His first

name is *LERON*).

Again, with these examples, the person who is not vibing right does not get

something: The purpose of the initial comment was NOT to ACTUALLY debate

it. It was to SOCIALLY VIBE. The content was not the REAL communication. It

was a surface for SUBCOMMUNICATION, which INTENDED to say "Let's have a

nice time, and have rapport with eachother and relax."

The insecure and socially unintelligent person is taking the sentences of the

first person, and FIELDING them as OPPORTUNITIES TO QUALIFY HIMSELF.

======

HEIRARCHIES - ROLE IN SOCIAL INTERACTION:

We all get our moment in the sun at some point.

You'll notice, that when you are holding court, that sometimes people will be

insecure with that.

The secure guy will recognize when its someone's turn to hold court, and not

fight it.

A person who is secure will talk to ADD EMPHASIS to a point. He will not

DISPUTE a point while someone is holding court. He knows that he'll have his

chance LATER, and that right now someone is trying to get a point across.

Guys who are insecure will constantly dispute points whenever they see the

opening. They view is at an opportunity to demonstrate their value.

They CANNOT RESIST the temptation.

For an example that everyone reading this can recoginze, look to this

chatboard. Something tight will get posted. Insecure posters will nightpick

semantics. Like "While this is important, its maybe an 8 out of 10 level

importance. Not a 10 like you said." The secure poster, if he finds the level of

emphasis on a level where its honestly misinformative, might post "I think

that x,y,z are really good, man. I think that you might consider less emphasis

on it though, because a,b,c are important as well. Good post though man, I

like x,y,z"

ANOTHER feature you'll see on this board, and that is in the same vein, are

THROWING LITTLE NEGS or TRYING TO COME OFF AUTHORITATIVE WHEN ITS

NOT YOUR PLACE.

For example, you'll see guys trying to get rapport with someone they don't

know by throwing little negs.

GOOD VIBING:

*OLD* FRIEND 1: Hey Stevo, you fucking bastard.. C'mere gimme a hug

BAD VIBING:

*NEW* ACQUAINTANCE: C'mere you fucker, help me out.

The second is BAD vibing, because he is trying to FORCE rapport with

subcommunication that is only appropriate of old friends.

Similarly, you'll see guys who try to come off authoritative. You'll see it on

the board, where a guy will post something quality, and someone who

doesn't like him will post "That's very quality material. Good that you posted

something of quality". It's like he's trying to come off authoritative. Like he

realizes that he's negged on the guy on the chatboard, and he feels insecure

that the guy he negged produced something worthwhile. So he has to come

in and be all authoritative, like "I can show everyone that I recognize a good

post". Guys in real life will see someone who they publically disliked starting

to improve himself, and say things like "Good that you're improving. KEEP IT

UP." By this, they are trying to CONTROL what is happening. They are trying

to say "Improve, because *I*, the AUTHORITY, approved."

More on this... If you've ever ever ran a very good presentation at work or

school, and you see an insecure person come up to you and criticize.

They don't realize its YOUR TURN TO HOLD COURT. Their turn is LATER.

So they throw little negs at you. Like they always have to offer advice on how

you could have improved it. They can't just say "Good job man".

Or they have to nit-pick subtleties. Like they can't say "That was awesome".

They have to first go over their advise on where you fucked up.

For a real life example that most guys on this board can recognize, when you

meet up with another guy from the scene through PAIR, if he's insecure he'll

do the following:

1- Talk about game non-stop, rather than PLAY.

2- Watch you do a set, and CRITICIZE on what could be improved, rather than

encourage.

3- You tell him about something that happened, and he gives you ADVICE,

rather than just listening.

=====

SOCIAL INTERACTION WITH "VIBING" AS THE PRESUPPOSITION, NOT

"DISCUSSING AN ISSUE"

When socializing, a good vibe will be set when the reason for being there is

to enjoy eachother's company.

However, sometimes a bad vibe can be set when the presupposition is that

you're there for a SPECIFIC PURPOSE.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with purpose. It has a place, and more of

my daily interactions have a purpose than those that are to socially vibe.

However, recognizing that tagging a set purpose to an interaction will often

stop a nice vibe from occuring, will help with a pickup.

Insecure people will often LATCH onto a purpose for the conversation, as a

way of maintaining it.

Then they'll leave on a "high note" once that purpose is exhausted.

This is a MAJOR cause of flaking. You maintained a conversation with a girl,

but the presupposition was that you were discussing an issue. You left on the

high note, but didn't realize that you were actually REINFORCING to the girl

that you are not socially compatible.

When going to meet up with you again, she'll think "Well, we really have

nothing more to talk about though. I don't want to have nothing to talk

about, because that would feel unfortable"

As guys, we don't care. We might feel nervous that we'll have nothing to talk

about, but we want sex. But girls, if the feel uncomfortable, they won't show

up. That's one reason why guys who smoke pot get laid alot. Girls rarely flake

on them, because they have that social presupposition that will give comfort.

For the rest of us who don't smoke, we use SOCIAL VIBING rather than

FORCED social interaction, to maintain comfort.

Clinging too strenously to a particular topic can come across insecure. When

you say to a friend "Let's go have a beer", the subtext is "Let's go socially

vibe". You don't go discuss an issue, and say "Let's reconvene later". You go

and you chill. You have a FRIENDSHIP. Non-party-chicks rarely flake on guys

they have both attraction AND friendship with. But they do flake on guys who

attract them, tongue them down, and say "Give me your #."

PRACTICAL FEMALE INTERACTION:

In summary, how does this apply in practical terms?

Most of it comes in, during comfort building phase. Or if you use a different

PU model than I do, then its when you're getting to know the girl either way.

1) Don't crack jokes to the girl, and laugh at them before she does. Wait.

You'll notice that it sometimes takes even 10-15 seconds for a joke to

process. But it DOES. I usually bust on her for it "Oh, slow processing time..

That's OK, you're my little sister.. I didn't adopt you for your brains"

Also, don't say "right" after everything. It can come across beta. Right?

2) When a girl is trying to impress you, RECOGNIZE it as her QUALIFYING

herself. If you reject it, you'll come across insecure, or socially unaware.

This is DIFFERENT than the C&F stuff early, where you break rapport on

purpose. In fact, much like how the "25 Points to not trying too hard"

assumed that you were in EARLY GAME, this post to some extent at least

assumes you are PAST early game.

SHARE her excitement by recognizing rhetorical social sequencing.

3) Recognize when its your turn to talk, and when somebody else is being

focused on.

MUCH MUCH of the mid/later game is the chick qualifying herself to you.

Because our pickup model encorporates alot of not trying, you'll notice your

best pickups (with NON-party-chicks at least) are with the ones who at some

point EARN your attention.

They perceive that they've WON your interest, and plan to COLLECT THE

PRIZE (your dick in their mouth).

4) If a girl tells you about a problem, just LISTEN and change her emotion.

Say "Ouch, that's sounds tough.. But hey, you're a powerpuff girl, and you

know you're to fiesty to let this stop you.. Let's check out x,y,z"

Definetely don't offer advice. If she wants advice, she'll say "WHAT SHOULD I

DO?" Unless someone asks me what to do, I rarely offer advice. OR, I say

"You know i have experience with this, so maybe later you can ask me about

it."

5) Focus on SOCIALLY VIBING and don't CLING TO TOPICS. This will prevent

flaking, and make her feel comfortable around you.

Don't leave on a high note. THERE IS NO HIGHNOTE. There is only vibing and

flipping the switches that she needs to have switched in order to fuck you.

=====

OK retards, that's it. Cool post, RIGHT? HAHAHAHHAHAA..

-TD

==============================================

=====

Newsgroups: alt.seduction.fast.advanced

Subject: Social Intelligence - vibing

Date: Mon, 15 Sep 2003 03:32:00 -0400

On 9/10/03 11:17:39 AM, finalD wrote:

>> SOCIAL INTERACTION WITH

>"VIBING" AS THE

>PRESUPPOSITION, NOT

>> "DISCUSSING AN ISSUE"

>Key to all geekiness ... :)

haa, I like that analysis - I agree completely.

It's true, geeks need a presupposition to hang out. Interesting. I think I'm a

natural geek, for sure.

Thanks for all the great feedback. I thought the guys' answers to the

questions that were given were really bang on, and covered my bases.

I suppose this sort of approach is the "external" way of coming at the

problem.

The other way of course would be the "internal" way, which would mean

improving your inner game so that you're not needy and you're not insecure.

I think that inner approach is great and has alot of value.

At the same time, the externally focused approach is what solved my internal

issues, because once I figured out the points of how internally-balanced

people acted, I got laid and then started to feel better internally.

Like one thing I like to do with newbs is tell the girls from the set I'm in that

they have to tongue him down and grab his dick, or I'll leave and blow them

off. Or I'll tell a girl from a 2set that if her friend isn't warm to my friend, I'll

leave because he's bored. The girls do this, and then the newb walks around

strutting like he's the man for the rest of the night. Then he PU's another

separate chick on his own, gets MOMENTUM, and it snowballs. These are

extreme cases of the externally focused approach, but just focusing on the

mannerisms of successful guys can do the same.

At the same time, for alot of guys they really need internal work. Like no

success will fix them internally. So I think that both approaches are great.

I know Twentysix is now running great game, and he did both externally

focused stuff (going out 4 nights a week), as well as seeing a psychologist.

HOW TO BOOST YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE AND DEVELOP BULLET-PROOF INNER GAMEBy PUA Training on May 15, 2012Comments: 3

Yep... he's got bigger balls than you.

“First you do the thing you’re scared of… then you get the courage.”

When I hear people say that they wish they had more confidence, it genuinely

makes me angry.

Why? Because it’s not something that just falls out of the sky or you stumble

across one day, so saying that you wish you had more confidence is a dumb

thing to say.

But here’s the thing… if you actually work on building your confidence and do

things that naturally have a positive effect on your self-esteem, you have

something that most don’t, which gives you an advantage in life.

This means, that you’ll be able to be the guy that women want, the guy that

guys want to be and the guy that people turn to when they want advice, help

or guidance.

You’ll be living life more fearlessly, trying new experiences, meeting new

people and achieving things you never thought you could achieve. Sounds

slightly cheesy, but it’s true.

If you think confidence can be picked up in a couple of minutes or hours, then

you’re dead wrong and you should probably stop reading now… go back to

your normal mundane life and forget about anything to do with confidence,

because you’re just wasting your time.

However, If you’re ready to stop feeling like a bitch and finally get the balls

with women that you’ve always wanted, then read every word on this page

because it CAN be life changing.

THE FUNDAMENTALS OF CONFIDENCEBefore you can even think about building confidence and busting out some

sick inner game, you have to understand the core fundamentals of what self

esteem is and how it works.

CONFIDENCE IS EARNED… NOT GIVENYour inner confidence is earned, every minute of every day you are doing

something that is either building your confidence or destroying it… make sure

you’re doing things to improve it.

No such thing as a confidence gene - Some people for some reason

believe that you are either born with confidence or you aren’t. This is just

not true, it’s a learned skill and is honed over many years.

Never fake it - You may have heard the saying “Fake it until you

make it”. By faking confidence, you’re simply covering up insecurities and

fears, which will be uncovered the moment someone says something you

don’t like. So never fake it.

WE JUDGE OUR PROBLEMS BASED ON OTHER PEOPLE’S REACTIONSIf you are unconfident about something, it’s because you have reinforced that

belief over time based on other people’s reactions. For example, if you are

fairly short as a man and feel very insecure about your height, it’s because

people have brought this up over time and it’s been embedded in your

thoughts, feelings and actions.

They don’t care about you, they care about themselves - People

only care about themselves. When they say they care about others, it’s in

fact a lie. As humans we are by nature designed to be concerned with our

own safety and well being. So when someone takes a dig at you, it’s just

them reflecting their own insecurities onto someone else… in other

words, never take it personally.

BEING SCARED AND FEARFUL IS NATURALEveryone is born with an inbuilt ability to feel fear. But fear is often

misinterpreted as a bad thing, when in fact it’s very good. When you’re scared

and fearful, it simply means your brain is telling you that you’re about to do

something which you haven’t done before, so you don’t know what will

happen. In essence it’s protecting you.

Pushing past your fears improves confidence - When you push

through your fears, your confidence will begin to grow naturally and fears

will begin to diminish. It’s important, that you keep pushing past your

fears in order to keep growing and feeding your self esteem.

Build upon momentum and create new beliefs - As you push

through your fears, you’ll notice a rush of adrenaline infuse your entire

body. This adrenaline, will fuel your confidence, so you must use that

moment to your advantage.In other words, if you talk to a woman who’s

“out of your league” and she reacts positively, you’re going to feel that

rush. Once you feel that rush, do something else that you would normally

be fearful of, this is confidence momentum building and is the fastest way

to build confidence.

Break your psychological patterns - Ok, so let’s say you’re building

on the momentum and improving your confidence daily. But for whatever

reason get caught up in “life” and go back to your old ways.You HAVE to

break out of those lame psychological patterns, by feeling fearful again

otherwise your confidence will hit rock bottom and you’ll be back to

where you started.

HOW TO BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE CRAZY FASTRight then, now you understand what confidence is, you can now start

working on building it up naturally. Here’s how:

BREAKTHROUGH YOUR COMFORT ZONEYour “comfort” zone will hold your confidence down and beat it into

submission until you become a quivering wreck. Your self esteem will become

trapped and you’ll never be able to get good with women, so always

remember to break through your comfort zone no matter what.

Attend an improv class - Improvisation is not only great for game

and talking to women, it’s excellent for your confidence as you are put on

the spot with a room full of strangers. This forces you to get some balls.

Approach 1 new girl a day for 30 days - The main reason you want

more confidence is so you can talk to women right? Well, make that a

goal then and use the momentum building rule from above. Make it a

plan to start approaching 1 new girl in the street every single day for 1

month. I guarantee you, this will boost your self-esteem. You don’t have

to chat them up, just compliment them, the goal here to get over the

fear.

Do more of what you hate, go balls out - A good rule of thumb to

live by is do more of what you hate, now that doesn’t mean work in a

dead end job and live life in misery. It means approach a set of women on

a night out, because it’s something you would hate to do due to the

rejection or embarrassment if it went badly.

If you make an excuse as to why you don’t want to do something, flip that

around and just do it!

CHANGE YOUR PHYSICAL APPEARANCEBy changing the way you look a little, you’ll instantly get a confidence boost.

Hire a stylist and get some new threads - A stylist will be able to

hunt for bargains, pick out the best clothes and teach you how to dress in

a way that compliments your body shape. Women love a man who can

dress, so this is a must.

Focus on grooming - Grooming is essential for men these days, so

make sure you cover the basics. Get a new haircut, whiten your teeth, get

a tan, trim your beard and body hair… etc.

Exercise regularly and release tension - Working out can help to

release tension and calm you down. Knowing that you have a great body,

will also naturally give you an air of self assurance too.

ENGINEER YOUR SOCIAL CIRCLEYour social circle can help you grow as a person, by having multiple social

circles you can diversify in life and move forward quicker than most.

Hang around folks that do what you want - The best people to

hang around are those that have the confidence you would like. Invite

them out to dinner, befriend them and hang around them as much as

possible.

Drop friends that drag you back - If you have any friends that are

miserable and drag you back in life, drop them like a damn hot potato.

They are simply no good for you.

TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR INNER BELIEFS

By far the most crucial element of confidence is getting rid of old beliefs and

swapping them with new positive ones.

Kill those nasty negative thoughts - Here’s a great little confidence

trick for getting rid of negative thoughts. The next time you think of

something negative, imagine that the thought is a little horrible bug, take

that bug… throw it on the floor and stamp on it, killing it instantly. Every

time you have a negative thought, do the same thing again and again,

until you think negatively a lot less.

Imagine the confident guy you want to be - Take a few moment

each day to imagine yourself as the confident man you want to be.

Imagine you walking up to women and being “the man” in every

situation. This will help you to visualise your goal and make you feel a

whole lot better about yourself.

So there you have it! That’s how to boost your confidence and develop rock

solid, bullet proof inner game.

Jeffy on ‘ How to Improve on Frame Control, Kino, and Facial Expressions

I got this email from RSD in which Jeffy gives some solid advice on frame control,

kino, and facial expressions.

What caught my attention about the article was the mention of facial expressions.

This is CRUCIAL and most people don’t pay attention to it. I know that I have a

habit of displaying boredom without realizing it. Many people have told me this.

I’ve watched myself on video and noticed it, and have since tried to rectify it.

Improving Frame Control by Jeffy

All right, man, I’m gonna go through each of these one by one, okay?

First, how to improve on frame control.

Frame control is one of the hardest things to learn, so don’t beat yourself up too

much for not having it down cold yet!

Remember, when we talk about your “frame”, what we mean is the way you

perceive things happening externally. Depending on your frame, different

things can take on different meanings.

For example, say someone makes an attempt to insult you. If your frame is

strong, you might interpret it as a joke, and react accordingly. What’s funny is

that because you interpreted it as a joke, it BECOMES one, not only to you, but to

everyone who heard it.

Perception is reality, and the strongest frame always wins.

That said, what’s the best way to develop frame control?

That’s the thing: it has to be DEVELOPED. You have to make a conscious effort to

keep a strong frame whenever you go out until it becomes a habit.

That means making a conscious effort to recognize when conversational threads

are not working to your benefit, and CUTTING THOSE THREADS OFF.

That means making a conscious effort to misinterpret everything that is said to

you as being complimentary, or funny.

As you force yourself to take on these behaviors, over time you’ll become

congruent with them, until they become a natural part of your personality.

You also mentioned “kino”, which is slang for “kinesthetics”, aka touching.

When seducing a woman, it’s very important to establish physical contact early on

in the interaction so that she doesn’t freak when you escalate things later on.

Once that contact’s been established, it’s equally important to keep moving

things forward slowly but surely. You should always be upping the ante, in small

increments, while you’re spitting your game.

How To Develop A Rock Star Attitude And Attract Many Women

If there’s any one thing you know about rock stars, it’s that they can have nearly any woman they want.  After all, they have hordes of women throwing themselves at them at every concert.

Other than the music, fame, and money, what’s the deal?  They put their pants on one leg at a time like any body else.  Actually, the attraction is something much more easily reached.

They stand out in a crowd.

Part of what a rock star develops, aside from his music, is his stage persona.   They have to be over the top and completely able to work the audience with their own brand of sexy.

Do you have your own brand of sexy?  You don’t have to be a rock star to have it.  You just need to find a way to stand out from the crowd that will attract women.

Now this may mean growing your hair longer, or changing your style of clothing.  Or, it can mean working out and getting your body in better shape.  Even if you look more like Seth Rogen from “Knocked Up”, than Matthew McConaughey, that’s okay. If you want to be branded as sexy instead of brand x then you’ll do whatever you need to do.

Don’t have clue where to start?  Just take a little time to people watch.  Look to see who the women are watching.  Take note of his dress, his hair, his gate, if he’s doing something outrageous or unusual; anything that makes him stand out.

Now, find out which personality traits of rock stars that women like the most.   Do this by asking female friends who they find sexy and ask why.  Women are usually more than willing to tell you who they think is a really sexy rocker and why.  They get turned on just talking about him.

Decide which traits will make YOU stand out, but now look weird.  Then, practice them.  The next time you go out, put on your brand of sexy and strut your stuff.

How To Look Like A Rockstar Without Spending Any Money

Have you ever been casually eating dinner or walking down the street when a Rockstar - or at least someone that looks like one - strolls by? Have you noticed the reaction they get? Every eyeball within 100 yards is glued on them, possibly even yours. And you've probably thought to yourself, "What does this guy/gal have that I don't?" Look, I don't mean to sound blunt, but there is something that person has that you probably don't: A Rockstar Attitude.

I can already hear you moaning, "It's the look that he's got, not his attitude." But the cold hard fact is that attitude comes before all else. Without that signature grin, "it's cool" style persona and the confident walk, it wouldn't matter if the person was wearing leather pants or granny-style knee-high stockings.

So RULE #1 For Looking Like A Rockstar: Attitude.

It's all in the mind. Rockstars are confident, sassy and above all else, not bothered by anything around them. You've got to get in that frame of mind or anything else on this list won't work. Nobody likes a wanna be rocker walking around in all the garb, but without any personality sass. Don't be that guy.

How do you get a Rockstar Attitude? Think back to a time when you've been somewhere that you really didn't want to be. A sister's piano recital or a long-winded school lecture. You know that feeling of not caring? Bring that to life. Think of yourself as always in that spot. This doesn't give you license to act like a jerk - the greatest rockstars are actually really cool and personable - but it should create that air of "It's cool."

Now that you've got the mentality dialed in, let's focus on your more surface-level appearance. Again, this is the easy part - it's the mindset

that the toughest, and since you're now a master of that, the rest will come really easy.

RULE #2 For Looking Like A Rockstar: Wear Pants.

No, I'm not throwing out a reference to the people who wonder around without clothes on at all (though that is pretty rockstar - so long as you don't mind spending a few days in jail and issuing a public appology), I'm talking as literal as you can imagine.

Pants. Wear them. Don't wear shorts. How many rock shows have you been to when the lead singer ran around with shorts? My point exactly. Though there is one exception: Drummers. Drummers wear shorts all the time, but they are a weird breed though, so unless you're experienced in rock stardom, I'd suggest harnessing your inner drummer for a later time.

But don't just wear whatever pants you've got laying in your closet. You need some tight, dark pants, preferably leather, fake leather, vinyl or even jeans. A few warn spots helps, especially in the case of jeans.

Not sure if your pants will make you look like a rockstar? Use this list as a guide:

Do your pants have pleats? Throw them away (or save them for your next board meeting, because nothing looks as uncool as a rocker sporting a pair of Dockers).

Are your pants baggy? Go join a hip hop band or start break dancing in the street, because that's the only culture you'll fit in to. Tommy Lee never wears loose pants, but Eminem does. Guess who's the rocker and who's the rapper? My point exactly.

Do your pants say "Ambercrombie" or some other trendy preppy label? You'll never look like a rockstar, but you will look like a wannabe. Really. Go get your $250 back and invest in a giant sign that says, "I think spending a lot of money will make people like me more, and I'm secretly as insecure as a three-legged cat in a room full of dogs."Great, now you've got some pants to go along with your rocker attitude. Now let's work on your 'do...

RULE #3 For Looking Like A Rockstar: Messy Hair.

We've all seen those people who spend hours in front of a mirror trying to give their hair that messy, rockstar look. Guess what, they'll never have it. Rockstar hair isn't created in front of a mirror, it's the result of sleeping on some random couch after a long night of partying. It's the kind of hair that the wannabe's model their hairstyle's after. Don't model your hair after anything, get the real deal.

I'm going to fill you in on one of the biggest fashion secrets of rockstars ever: Don't bother with your hair. Let it do it's thing.

Feel like you need some instructions, that what I'm telling you isn't enough? Okay, here's a simple guide. Knock yourself out:

1. Go to bed, preferably without taking a shower. Better yet, don't go to bed, instead pass out in a gutter or in the back of a random pick up truck.

2. Wake up.

3. Don't wash your hair.

4. Scratch you head to give your hair a little extra fluff. You can get it wet in a sink if you'd like, then dry it with a towel or the closest rag you can find.

5. That's it. Seriously.

See, rockstars don't spend hours in front of a mirror. They simply don't care about that kind of thing. And that's part of the allure.

Now for the advanced technique

RULE #4 For Looking Like A Rockstar: Eye Makeup

Yes, most rockstars wear eye makeup. Yes, even the guys. Deal with it.

You want to look like you play lead guitar in the biggest band on the airwaves? Put on some eyeliner. Don't go overboard and make yourself look like a goth freak, or an emo crybaby - unless that's what you're going for. Gals, congrats! That giant drawer of expensive makeup will come in handy. Guys, congrats! That giant drawer of expensive makeup that your girlfriend or sister has will come in handy.

If you've never worn eye makeup before, be sure to find somebody to show you how to apply it. No point in stabbing yourself in the eye just to look like a rockstar. Eye patches just don't have the same snap.

And finally...

RULE #5 For Looking Like A Rockstar: Relax

In a hurry? Then you're not a rocker. Slow down, relax, smell the flowers, do whatever, just don't look like you're trying to get somewhere fast. That's why rockstars have managers, to haul them around and remind them where to go; because on their own accord, these guys wouldn't get anywhere.

So there you have it, everything you'll ever need to know about looking like a rockstar - now go let the world know how much you rock!

Read more at http://www.infobarrel.com/How_To_Look_Like_A_Rockstar_Without_Spending_Any_Money#a3RxAFOeoEsxR08q.99 

Posts that are not practical contributions or grounded in experience will be subject to removal. 

I want to highlight, that I personally disagree with claims that PU will change your life for the better. The self help industry (and by that title PU included) is crammed with frauds looking to prey on losers with more money than sense. 

There are alot of myths passed around about what will change you and what won't, so much so that even after studying the psychology of learning and attitude change, it's still unclear what exactly is "true" with regards to Self help. 

My view is that the problem with pick up right now is that it has become far too self important and is concerning itself with matters that it doesn't understand. In my opinion PUA's should stick to their field of expertise (getting laid) rather than wander of into the worlds of councilling which PU does not cover of train PUA's for. 

What this is, is an approach via methodical planning and consistency to get results in an area that you want to excell in. 

------------------ LEARNING ------------------ 

1. 7 P's 

Prior Planning and Preperation Prevents Piss Poor Performance 

Think through what you want to achieve, how you achieve this, when you will do this, how often you will practise and how you will know you have achieved your goal. 

EXAMPLE Time: Week 1 Goal: Have strong Eye Contact. Method: Keep self aware and coinciosuly count 5 conversations every day of this week where you maintain Eye Contact for longer than the other person/s you are talking to. Measure: E/C has become more instinctual and automatic. 

2. Re-evaluate. 

If your plan doesn't work out, (and at some point it will fail) then look over your plan and change it for next time. Was their enough time to complete objectives? Was your measuring system effective? Were you specefic enough about when you would practise and learn new skills? 

3. Do Less Achieve More. 

Focus on one thing at a time during your periods of "change" to keep your rate of progress effective. 

For instance, the goals for Week one could be purely about Eye contact and good body language. 

With your attention centred, not only will your thoughts be less clutered but you will be more aware about what you want to change. 

4. Read, Apply, Observe Apply. 

Read about and observe the themes you want to embody, the more you are exposed to the stimulus you want to mimic or assimilate, just thinking about Smiling when opening for instance, or training hard to improve your hockey game can go a long way in un-consciously motivating yourself to make difficult decisions. 

5. Expressive Writing. 

Whether this is lists of things that make you feel good, recounting bad expriences or examining your own thoughts about yourself and others. Expressive writing allows for something that in head or person to person talk doesn't. 

It allows you to structure and observe your thoughts which has a plethora of benefits in reducing anxiety, motivating yourself, over-coming negative expreiences, generating new healthier beliefs about the world and just all round making you feel happier. 

To sumarise. 

1. Plan, in detail. A plan with details included is golden. 2. When things go wrong, assess your plan for changes. 3. Do less, achieve more. Focus on the important by ignoring the un-important. 4. Surround yourself with your virtues. 5. Use expressive writing to journal thoughts and make sense of your "internal chatter".As I see it there are only 3 ways to develop strong inner game. & these three things are action, reading books, and therapy. Through action you develop confidence. Through books you develop understanding. Through therapy you also develop understanding but you also change up your belief systems. For me the best way to get into state before going out is through meditation. It quites down your mind and you instantly become more attractive because your more relaxed and chill. Your body movements are slower, your facial expressions are different, and your tone ov voice is more relaxed. 

Therapy is a great way to develop strong inner game. Im not talking about some regular talk therapy but about EMDR. This therapy is strictly used to change our belief systems from the past. It also raises your self-esteem like no other. & the best thing is that the beliefs you go over in the session become installed permanently. No bullshit no nothing. But theres a price and that price is always money. 

IT was also reccommended by Vin Dicarlo and I think Mystery went through the same therapy too.

There is a fundamental theory in psychology you need to grasp before approaching any inner game strategies. It's the ABC's: Affect, Behavior, Cognition. Each of these influence the other. The key to successful inner game exercises is to either use exercises that attempt to change all three or use a cluster of exercises that target them individually. I'm going to give you a brief introduction followed by concepts used and examples, so you can understand the processes at work. 

Journaling Journaling is a pretty powerful tool in attaining inner game. Field Reports/Lay Reports are part of this journaling, but journaling is much broader than that. One writes of any experience that is important, both in a positive or negative way. What you write about is really important in this. If it's positive, you want to outline how much you've improved from where you started at. If its negative, you always must point out ways to improve for next time. 

You can also do a daily journal in addition to event journaling, where you list 5 positive aspects about yourself or things that happened that day. This constantly primes a person to more positive things that happened, that they may have taken for granted. If 5 is too easy, you do 10. The subject of these lists changes depending on what the person needs to improve on. It's been shown to work by doing Thankful Journals, Positive Traits, etc. 

Quote about this: We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world. -Buddha 

Quote:“Write continuously about the most upsetting or traumatic experience of your entire life. Don’t worry about grammar, spelling, or sentence structure. In your writing, I want you to discuss your deepest thoughts and feelings about the experience. You can write about anything you want. But whatever you choose, it should be something that has affected you very deeply. Ideally, it should be about something you have not talked about with others in detail. It is critical, however, that you let yourself go and touch those deepest emotions and thoughts that you have. In other words, write about what happened and how you felt about it, and how you feel about it now. Finally, you can write on different traumas during each session or the same one over the entire study. Your choice of trauma for each session is entirely up to you.”

Finding of Journaling About Negative Experiences:

• Coping through writing (Pennebaker, 1997)– reduced anxiety– 50% drop in visits to doctor– immune system and overall health improved– general emotional well-being increased– became more social– found gender differences– replicated across cultures

Links to contribute to knowledge of effective journaling:http://law.jrank.org/pages/1124/Excuse- ... shing.htmlhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_p ... d_optimismhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-efficacyhttp://michaelgr.com/2007/04/15/fixed-m ... e-are-you/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schema_

Self Concordant GoalsThere has been a recent rise in the Field Report section of various “Learning Journals.” As a result, it made me remember research regarding goal setting that I skipped over when compiling this post about journaling. Research shows that the more meaningful a goal is, the greater potential it has for increasing our overall well being. Self concordant goals are long term goals which are intrinsically motivated. When one sets a goal that is both meaningful and congruent what they want – not what a PUA Forum or society expects, they not only are more likely to achieve their goals but also increase their levels of happiness/wellbeing, are more successful in future endeavors, and experience an increased motivation which lowers procrastination. 

Sheldon and Houser-Marko wrote:"those who began the semester with goals that matched their implicit values and interests were better able to attain those goals over the semester, which in turn led to increased adjustment. Goal attainment yielded an additional benefit in that high-achieving participants felt a greater sense of self-determination in their second-semester goals, which in turn predicted even higher levels of attainment during the second semester" (pp. 160-161)

It has been found the more meaningful the goal, the larger the possible impact. This was hinted at 870’s post of aligning yourself with who you want to be. Meaningful means the goals are pursued out of deep personal conviction and/or a strong self interest. These goals are free from the desire to impress others.

Tal Ben Sha-har in Happier wrote:Many people in enlightened democracies spend much of their time feeling enslaved -- not by the regime but by extrinsic factors that are self-imposed, such as prestige, a desire to please, obligation, or fear. They experience life as more or less a series of chores that they have to carry out rather than activities that they want to engage in. "Have-tos"...are not self-concordant...

At the foundation of this all, it deals with our goals aligning with our needs, values, and our self concept of ours self. These kinds of goals, unlike extrinsically motivated ones, have been shown to increase levels of well being AND help become more successful at achieving goals. What this means is that internally you will benefit in a way other types of goals lack, while experiencing an increased motivation and success in future outer game pursuits.

Links for further information:http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/don ... -happinesshttp://lifetwo.com/production/node/2007 ... e-of-goalshttp://academic.udayton.edu/jackbauer/P ... 20copy.pdf

Mindfulness Exercises and ExerciseA lot of inner game issues are depression and anxieties. Meditation and exercise have both been shown to change the physiology of the body, enabling the person to feel better. Exercise is actually shown to be the more effective treatment for depression. Meditation has been shown an effective treatment for social anxieties and other things that hinder the progression of PUAs. Meditation changes the structure of the brain, while exercise releases useful chemicals into the system. This make someone more confident, less easily aroused and stressed, and more calm in new situations. Meditation is the best example of mindfulness exercises, but it can be done with anything, including music, dance, exercise, etc.

Quote:“In a way, exercise can be thought of as a psychiatrist’s dream treatment. It works on anxiety, on panic disorder, and on stress in general, which has a lot to do with depression. And it generates the release of neurotransmitters—norepinephrine, serotonin, and dopamine—that are very similar to our most important psychiatric medicines. Having a bout of exercise is like taking a little bit of Prozac and a little bit of Ritalin, right where it is supposed to go.”John Ratey

Quote:“Studies of short-term mood indicate that positive affect is more related to action than to thought, such that it is easier to induce a state of high positive affect through doing than through thinking... Two broad classes of activity are particularly conducive to elevated positive mood: (a) socializing and interpersonal behavior and (b) exercise and physical activity.”David Watson

Links about meditation and exercise:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Broaden-and-buildhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Health_app ... meditationhttp://stress.about.com/od/tensiontamer ... rcises.htm

Link on how to meditatehttp://www.dharmaweb.org/index.php/The_ ... rahmavamso

Acting ConfidentlyThis doesn't need explaining. This is the classic Mystery "Fake it till you make it" strategy. Notice the reason it's not really affective is it only focuses on Behavior. But when combined with exercises that target Affect and Cognition, it proves much more useful.

Links about fake it or make ithttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-perception_theoryhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonancehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fake_it_till_you_make_ithttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_feedback

Reframing Thought PatternsForce yourself to look at things from other perspectives. Example of thought patterns that need to be changed:Quote:The Ten Cognitive Distortions (David Burns)1. All-or-nothing thinking2. Over-generalization3. Mental filter4. Disqualifying the positive5. Jumping to conclusions-----Mind reading-----Fortune telling6. Magnifying or minimizing7. Emotional reasoning8. ‘Should’ or ‘must’ statements9. Labeling10. Personalization and blame

Link to cognitive distortions: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion

Examples of other Cognitive Reframes:• Challenge or threat (Tomaka et al., 1997)• Arousal as euphoria or anger (Schachter & Singer, 1962)• Cooperation or competition (Ross & Samuels, 1993)• Volunteering as privilege or duty (Lareau, 2004)• Relationships about being known or being validated (Schnarch, 1997)• Failure as opportunity or disaster• Work as exercise or chore

Linksapproach-anticipation-excitement-vt35880.html?highlight=approachhttp://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/20 ... 125257.htmhttp://michaelgr.com/2007/04/15/fixed-m ... e-are-you/http://www.enotalone.com/article/5412.html

http://health.discovery.com/centers/men ... imism.html

SleepSleep is critical in so many things. Basically it'll affect performance on skills and even which events you remember (Sleep deprivation makes people forget the positive occurrence but remember negative). This subject is too diverse for links, just trust me.

Quote:“Effects of sleep deprivation on health and well-being have been documented by research. Cognitive skills and physical performance are impaired by sleep deprivation, but mood is affected even more. People who get less than a full night's sleep are prone to feel less happy, more stressed, more physically frail and more mentally and physically exhausted as a result. Sufficient sleep makes us feel better, happier, more vigorous and vital.”William Dement

Self Efficacy This is learning that one is able to achieve the goals they want to. The basic way to cultivate this is to go outside your comfort zone and try new things. Once you fail, you cope with the failure, try again and succeed. Ultimately what breeds the confidence isn't the successes, but rather the realization that one can cope with failure. That's when self efficacy is developed. 

Links about Self Efficacy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-efficacy http://www.des.emory.edu/mfp/BanEncy.html http://projects.coe.uga.edu/epltt/index ... f-Efficacy 

Buddhism It's increasingly being found that a lot of Buddhist principles are very similar in restructuring thought patterns, by changing cognitions and behaviors. Not all are really useful in PUA, but several are. 

 

And the 10 grave precepts from the Zen tradition: 

Affirm life; Do not killBe giving; Do not stealHonor the body; Do not misuse sexualityManifest truth; Do not lieProceed clearly; Do not cloud the mindSee the perfection; Do not speak of others' errors and faultsRealize self and other as one; Do not elevate the self and blame othersGive generously; Do not be withholdingActualize harmony; Do not be angry

Links about Buddhism's Applications:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_Prece ... n_Preceptshttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddhism_and_psychology

Positive Psychology

Really useful field filled with tons of inner game help. Be careful though, as psuedo scientists love to use the label to propagate their self help junk. Positive psych is what drew my attention to Buddhism.

Link to Powerpoints of the classes I watched on the internet:http://isites.harvard.edu/icb/icb.do?ke ... .page69146

Cultivation of Self EsteemThese are the things that have been researched and shown to cultivate self esteem. They are located in the self esteem powerpoint from the Harvard Lectures.

ExerciseSleepTouchInduce calmSlave to passionsFinding flowCopingHumble behaviorTaking time

Links: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_ 

Goal Setting This is breaking up the final goal into small, measurable goals that show the progress the person is doing. This can then be journaled about. Commitment and consistency is big here. If you say your going to do it, especially to a PUA coach, you'll feel obligated to do it. Goals and the pursuits of goals should have this: 

• Clear sense of direction • Immediate feedback • Written plan (Claypool & Cangemi, 1983) • Specific goals (Ajzen & Fishbein, 1982) • Setting lifelines (Tami, 1999) – goals in-spire – goals are life-enhancing • Go public (telling people so they hold you accountable) 

Also, making sure goals are self concordant. This means basically if you had a vin diagram of the below three questions, your goals would fit into where the circles over lap. 870 mentioned this and correctly diagnosed why it work. 

Three question process • What is meaningful to me? What is important to me? • What is pleasurable to me? What do I enjoy doing? • What are my strengths? What am I good at? 

Visualizations 870 mentioned this above. While from what I remember, it doesn't really work for the reasons 870 mentioned, it doesn't change it works. This is the only tool I don't use and as a result, I don't remember much about the research or ways of utilizing it. I do know that in one study, one group visualized getting an A on a test, while the other group visualized working hard and getting an A on a test.

That simple intervention yielded significantly higher grades for the work group. It may have something to do with visualizations leads to beliefs, which creates cognitive dissonance. It's basically a more realistic version of "The Secret". Sorry I can't tell you more about this though. 

I borrowed a lot from the Positive Psych lectures to keep my thoughts organized. I hope I remembered all of them, but this should give anyone tons of tools they can select from. I personally think mindfulness is one of the easiest yet effective ones, from both research and my life. I still do the mindfulness and journaling, but have done all these of varying degree and continue to do them. You can never have too stable of an inner game IMO 

The below were added after the initial post, to keep information in one place. 

Systematic Desensitization

The basic method in systematic desensitization is teaching a student a coping mechanism for their stress -- like relabeling that emotion or deep breathing -- coupled with gradual exposure to the stimulus which causes the anxiety, stress, worry, panic, etc. Instead of trying to do things like go to a club and sarge, an AFC may be much more able and willing to do an approach during the day just saying Hi. As the anxiety of those approaches decreases, then another goal is set that has higher level of anxiety. You use these escalating goals in the direction of the final goal (sarging in the club), so that your becoming desensitized to all the things leading up to that. By the time you achieve the final goal, you've improved drastically on your social anxiety. This can be applied to many things, but AA is the most common method. 

Example: Approach old men and women. Get comfortable doing it, then move onto next step. Approach ugly girls your age. Get comfortable doing it, then move onto next step. Approach attractive girls you are. Get comfortable doing it, then move onto next step. 

Links http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Systematic_desensitization 

Sarging After reading this thread today, I realized I didn't discuss sarging! Many people like to try to get inner game first and outer game second, but this simply isn't how it works. Getting experiences that affirm your cognitions of "I am a cool guy" or "I am an attractive guy" is very important in this ABC model. Even if you think your the bomb, if you keep getting rejected you're going to get very uncomfortable psychologically. Even if you met your future wife, I'd advise you to stay single and keep sarging for a time period (it is your choice how far you go in those sarges). 

The reason is you need the experiences to shape your world view and break your old one, which is going to require time and patience!

Systematic Desensitization

The basic method in systematic desensitization is teaching a student a coping mechanism for their stress -- like relabeling that emotion or deep breathing -- coupled with gradual exposure to the stimulus which causes the anxiety, stress, worry, panic, etc. Instead of trying to do things like go to a club and sarge, an AFC may be much more able and willing to do an approach during the day just saying Hi. As the anxiety of those approaches decreases, then another goal is set that

has higher level of anxiety. You use these escalating goals in the direction of the final goal (sarging in the club), so that your becoming desensitized to all the things leading up to that. By the time you achieve the final goal, you've improved drastically on your social anxiety. This can be applied to many things, but AA is the most common method. 

Example: Approach old men and women. Get comfortable doing it, then move onto next step. Approach ugly girls your age. Get comfortable doing it, then move onto next step. Approach attractive girls you are. Get comfortable doing it, then move onto next step. 

Magnetic Self-EsteemJANUARY 12TH, 2011, AUTHOR: STEVEN HANDEL, CATEGORIES: PSYCHOLOGY, RELATIONSHIPS

You can tell when someone is comfortable in their own skin. It resonates from their character and in everything that persons says and does. A person with healthy self-esteem doesn’t have to boast or show-off their talents and skills, they act with modesty because they rarely feel they have anything to prove. Their sense of gratification is mostly internal, but their external behaviors reveal a bold and confident persona, a person that is equally comfortable with both their strengths and their flaws.

I find myself often attracted to these kinds of people. Not in a sexual way, of course, but in a way that I wish to be more like them. They have an authentic sense of self-worth. They are confident in their abilities and their resilience when things get tough. They are masters of themselves, and as such there is always something new to learn from them and apply to your own life.

Recognizing your own unique value to the world, whatever that may be, can motivate you to exercise your gifts and take pride in your accomplishments. And that pride can be contagious to whoever watches you succeed.

People like people who believe in themselves. We often seek to be more self-dependent just like them, and we find ourselves inspired by the way they carry themselves.

Some of my own inspirations include entrepreneur Gary Vaynerchuck, personal development guru Steve Pavlina, writer Ayn Rand, and musician Maynard James Keenan (from the band Tool). These are just a handful of the many personalities in my life who have taken pride in their craft, and in return accomplished things that were later beloved by many. Who has influenced you in your life?

Having a mentor who exhibits this kind of self-worth can help you build strong character for yourself. When you relate to others who overcome struggles and later triumph, you can borrow that energy to help fuel your own endeavors. A recent study in social psychology showed that role models work best during times when we can relate to them. So find yourself a mentor or two, and then find the parallels between their story and yours (I personally try to find inspiration in every success story I hear).

Take this short success story involving Bruce Lee and a friend(click here for a larger image):

In the story, we see how Bruce Lee’s confidence in himself spills over into his confidence in others. When his friend says, “If I run anymore I am liable to have a heart-attack and die,” Bruce responds, “then die.” He would rather his friend die trying to achieve his maximum potential, then live constantly selling himself short. The friend took this as a challenge and found the power to run the full 5 miles. Lee’s response motivated the friend to do something they previously thought was impossible. By the end of it, the friend walked away feeling like a better person – that’s the effect magnetic self-esteem can have on another person.

Before we can share self-esteem, we have to have it ourselves. And once we do, we can become an endless source of inspiration for others.

One of the key ideas here is that the benefits of self-esteem stretch far greater than our narrow ego – I’ve used words like “magnetic” and contagious” to help illustrate this point.

One area I’ve been trying to build self-esteem in is entrepreneurship and self-employment. You can imagine how much confidence it takes to build a product or service that others will find valuable. If you think you can’t do it, you’ll never finish it, because you’ll always feel you are inadequate or “not good enough.”

Barbara Winter touches on this very concept in her book “Making A Living Without A Job.” She stresses that self-esteem has a consequence on our actions, and that a person with high self-esteem is often more compassionate toward others. Because the esteemed person can already sufficiently take care of their own needs, they can now focus more on the needs of others. Self-esteem thus enables us to work with others more effectively (this is something important to both business and life in general):

“While it may be intangible, self esteem is not invisible. It’s easy to spot people who have high self-esteem by their behavior. Chances are that the people you most like being with possess it in abundance. These people are frequently described as ‘gracious’ and ‘thoughtful,’ which makes them desirable as friends.

They love and care of themselves, but they are not arrogant. They have compassion for others, which rises out of their compassion for themselves. Since few of us arrive at a place of healthy self-esteem by accident or birth, these folks may be constantly aware of their own struggle to achieve it – and their ongoing effort to nurture it.

Their curiosity and interest in others lead them them to be excellent listeners, another magnetic quality. In addition, they have an elevated sense of personal responsibility; they rarely blame others for their problems or misfortunes. They may have a passionate desire to contribute to society. Whether they speak it or not, they frequently have a sense of mission in their lives that others lack. Knowing their own worth gives them a profound sense that they are here for some purpose, which, in turn, shows itself in a reverence for life.

Forward-thinking, they are aware that all past experiences in their lives have helped to mold their character. Even when their lives have seemed difficult, you’ll hear them say, “I wouldn’t change a thing.” They have a strong aura of integrity and truthfulness about them, but they are truly sensitive to the feelings of others. People with high self-esteem don’t have the need to say everything that’s on their mind. The bonus you receive for hanging out with these folks is that in their presence you feel safe and accepted just as you are. In fact, when you leave them you may find that you like yourself a bit more.”

I think Winter’s is right. People who have authentic self-esteem build stronger relationships with others. They don’t view everyone as a threat, so they are willing to help people instead of break them down. When we are confident enough in our own abilities, we are comfortable helping others build their own strengths and overcome their own weaknesses, without worrying that we are making ourselves look worse. That’s a very enchanting quality to have.

People like people who make them feel good about themselves. If being with a person inspires you to be a better person, by most accounts you will want to keep them as a worthy friend. So I think it is important to remember that self-esteem is not only something that is good for ourselves, but also something good for society at large. We should all strive to feel more comfortable in our own skin

I’m The Prize: An Affirmation To Increase Self-WorthMAY 3RD, 2011, AUTHOR: STEVEN HANDEL, CATEGORIES: PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT, RELATIONSHIPS

I’m The Prize

“I’m the prize” is a common affirmation in the Pick Up Artist (PUA) community, but I believe it can be applied to all kinds of relationships. “I’m the prize” is about setting expectations for yourself and the kinds of relationships you want to cultivate in your life. It’s the belief that you deserve to be treated a certain way, because you are worthy of relationships that enrich your life.

You see, the opposite of a person with an “I’m the prize” mentality is someone who constantly sells themselves short. They don’t believe they deserve the kinds of relationships they ultimately want, so they settle for “second best.” Eventually they get used to “second best” – being just good enough – and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Inner Game & Frame Control

Here's a little tidbit that crosses the line between "outer game" tactics and "inner game" psychology. It's probably most important to guys who are consistently able to get in-depth conversations going with women, but should be relevant to everyone.

A lot of times you'll hear a woman (or even someone in her group) say something you disagree with. It could even be something that is blatantly wrong. Last weekend a woman told me that the U.S. government under Bill Clinton left the U.S. with the largest deficit in its history. Most educated Americans would know that this is probably not true.

But so what?

I'm not part of the U.S. Treasury Department Accuracy Enforcement Committee. I was out to have fun. Yes, she had silly ideas. If she were my girlfriend, I might tease her about this and send her a link to the U.S. Treasury's website. Otherwise,

who cares? Let it go, and enjoy the moment.

If you argue with someone over a little point, you are subcommunicating that this is something deeply important to you, that you always have to be right, and that you probably don't have good social intuition.

You'll also lose control of the frame of your interaction with her, and hopefully by now, you realize that if you don't have some control over the frame, you're not likely to get the girl.

Women are often attracted to men with wealth, status, and confidence. In fact, these are three of the eight Attraction Triggersexplained in Magic Bullets (see Chapter 3 (Female Psychology) and Chapter 7).

Now, how does a man with wealth, status, and confidence act? Does he argue with strangers about things he knows to be right? If you met Richard Branson or Brad Pitt at a party and you said that there has never been a man on the moon, do you think they'd care? They'd probably say "oh, that's interesting" and move on. Do they care that you have strange ideas? Practice having that kind of reaction.

Notice, by the way, that the hypothetical Richard Branson or Brad Pitt controls the frame with a response like "oh, that's interesting." It subcommunicates that you are trying to convince them of something. They control the frame, and you are operating within it. What you're talking about is clearly more important to you than it is to them, which subcommunicates that the whole interaction is more important to you than it is to them.

When you meet a woman you don't know, focus on what's important to you, and what you want her to perceive as being important to you. If you are having fun and making a connection, that says one thing about you. If you are arguing with her about some factual trivia, that says something else.

Frame Control is Crucially Important

Even though I'm skating over this pretty quickly, these are crucial issues. In fact, I'd agree with those who have said that this is probably the single most important subject in dating science. If you don't feel completely confident around issues of framing, frame control, and subcommunication, you should make this one of your top priorities for your game. It's a big focus in how we structure our bootcamps now as well.

Change her mood, not her mind

On a related note, you will never Seduce A Woman with facts and logic. The only reason I was even talking about politics with this person was because I was more interested in the topic (you don’t meet a lot of very conservative right-wing people where I live) than I was in seducing her. That didn't stop me from making out with her later, so that's perhaps not the best example.

Actually, it is, in a way, since it illustrates the theme of changing her mood, not her mind. After a too-intellectual conversation for the venue we were at, I became a bit more interested in her. To get her attracted to me, I led the conversation to an emotional level. Instead of talking about politics, I made her laugh, I teased her, I told fantastic stories and I listened to hers. Then I used the "almost kiss" (one of the four major kiss moves described in Chapter 17 (Kissing) of Magic Bullets). She didn't even let me finish the routine before our lips touched.

Being able to move an intellectual conversation to an emotional one is important.

I personally never understood this until a few years ago. I'm a bright guy, and when I was younger, one way I tried to interest women was by showing off my intelligence. This didn't work especially well. Here are some things to keep in mind:

• If you're an intelligent guy, women will perceive this no matter what you do.• Being "too intelligent" or "book-smart" is actually a turnoff for a significant number of women (not all, probably not even most, but still a lot).• If you're focused on "proving" your intelligence, it can get in the way of demonstrating some of the eight primary attraction switches.

Yes, many women do look for intelligent men. Those women will find you, whether or not you're explaining Fermat's last theorem.

Get Rock-Solid Frame Control with the Women You Like, GuaranteedBy Chase on Monday, 24 October 2011 

Confidence  

Emotions  

Investment  

Pickup

Frame control is an incredibly necessary thing for you to master, both internally and externally, for finding success with women. Guys that have it get their way with girls. Guy who don't get steamrolled by girls. You see it go both ways every day.

If it feels like an intangible topic, it isn't. Rather than going into specific definitions (we'll get into that in a bit), let me give you some examples of what we're talking about. A guy's got control of the frame when he:

Gets a girl who's hemming and hawing to stop doing that and come with him

Takes a girl who's trying to act coy and aloof and excites and intrigues her enough to make her chase him

Nimbly deflects jealous friends trying to derail or interfere with his progress with their cute friend

Shrugs off women's attempts to throw him off-balance, by being overtly sexual or overly rude, and remains calm, in control, and attractive

On the other hand, a guy's relinquished control of the frame when he:

Buckles to a woman's insistent demands

Revokes his request for a woman to comply with his desires before she's done so

Allows others to interrupt or derail him

Gets flustered and off-balanced by a woman's tests

The average woman tends to be much more talented at frame control than the average man. And here's why that's not good for the average man:

Frame control is how you lead decisively, remain calm and attractive, and above all, get what you want.

If you aren't able to control the frame, you aren't able to get what you want with women, and women don't want men who can't get what they want. It's a cruel world, but without frame control, women will push and push a man -- right up until they push him out of contention for them.

 

What are "Frames?"Wikipedia defines a frame (as used in the social sciences) as

"... a schema of interpretation — that is, a collection of anecdotes and stereotypes—that individuals rely on to understand and respond to events."

In other words, a frame is a way of seeing the world.

If you're a tattoo artist, you may have the frame that you are the most talented tattoo artist in the world. You don't just ink people... you create works of art.

That's a frame. That's a way of seeing things and interpreting the world.

What happens every day in your life, however, is that your frames are constantly encountering the frames of others -- and, like survival of the fittest, the strongest frame usually wins the day.

The rawest example might be two guys who meet in the street, each thinking he's bigger and badder than the other. The two of them posture, stare each other down, and growl a bit. Finally, one of them gives in and walks away.

His frame just broke to the other man's.

The man who lost walks away defeated, his frame broken. The man who won gets to keep his frame intact, and all feels right with the world.

Another example might be a girl telling you she doesn't sleep with a man on the first date. She keeps telling you this; you keep pushing for the close. Eventually, one of your frames will break; either you'll give up trying to sleep with her on the first date (your frame breaks), or she'll give up trying to wait and she'll sleep with you (her frame breaks).

In the pick up community, these encounters are called "frame battles;" I prefer to call them "frame encounters." The term "battle" paints situations like this as inherently confrontational -- one of the major problems with general pick up community dogma (most of it treats seduction as an adversarial relationship with a woman, when in fact it functions much better when treated as a cooperative enterprise where you and a woman seduce one another together).

So for the purposes of this post, I'll be talking about frame encounters -- how you should act in them, what you can expect to happen, and how you can retain frame control and have things work out, for both you and the girl.

 

Understanding Frame Encounters

Why do frames clash? Well, in fact, it's usually because of differing expectations among the parties involved.

Here's what I mean:

A woman thinks you'd make an excellent boyfriend, only for you to start moving faster than she'd expect a boyfriend candidate would or should

You've had a great but friendly and platonic conversation or even relationship with a girl, then suddenly try and take things romantic or sexual

A girl you've been seeing casually views you as purely a casual lover, but then you begin acting possessive toward her and treating her like a jealous boyfriend would

Expectations strongly influence frames.

The problem that most guys run into, then, is that the expectations they set do not match the actions they later take -- prompting frame encounters. Here's a typical scenario:

Let's say Chuck meets Lindsay, a really cute girl, at a party one night. Chuck likes Lindsay a lot, but he isn't sure the right things to do, so he keeps things friendly and neutral so as not to scare Lindsay off. Consequently, Lindsay comes to view Chuck as just a friend, and comes to expect him to act as such.

But Chuck grows bolder, and as time passes he begins trying to push for things. He asks Lindsay to meet up with him for dinner; Lindsay politely declines and suggests they do something together with friends.

Then, Chuck gets a little too drunk at the next party, and he tries to get Lindsay to give him a kiss. "But we're friends!" Lindsay exclaims. Chuck can't believe it; how can she only think of him as just a friend?

That's the kind of thing the pick up community would refer to a frame battle, but it's actually just an encounter of different frames based on different expectations resulting from a lack of proper expectation setting from the beginning.

Chuck set the wrong expectations with Lindsay from the start, so she came to view him in a way that was different than how he thought she should view him.

Then, when he tried to act along the way he actually felt -- and the way he thought she should view him -- what he found was that she pushed back against this, not feeling the same way or thinking he should act the way he was at all.

Frame differences therefore don't come, too often, from irreconcilable differences between the sexes; they most often come from a failure to properly communicate the right expectations from the outset.

 

Frame Control and ExpectationsIf I told you I was going to tell you how to become a business owner and make all the money of your dreams for just $20, and you agreed, and then I said, "Okay. Now if you'll just give me my $50, we can get started," you'd balk and tell me, rightly, that we agreed to $20.

Now, had I told you it was going to be $50 from the outset, it probably wouldn't have been a problem -- you like me, and you trust I can teach you how to make a lot of money, and that's certainly worth a paltry $50 -- or you would have at least asked yourself if you were willing to spend $50 to learn how to make all the money of your dreams.

It's when those expectations got shifted on you that you pushed back.

At that point, you're either going to refuse to pay $50, and I give you those secrets for $20, and your frame emerges victorious in the encounter; you're going to concede and pay the $50, and my frame wins; or neither of us will budge and we'll each go our separate ways without money or secrets changing hands.

But, here's the thing: the outcome that you simply pay the $50 is going to be far, far higher the vast majority of the time if I just tell you the price I want from beginning and don't try changing it to something else later.

There ends up being two sides to frame control:

1. Your degree of proper expectation setting

2. Her degree of understanding expectations

You will sometimes meet people who are, either through inexperience or through having their heads in the clouds or through sheer force of will, no matter how well you set expectations from the outset, still going to try and funnel you into a certain category. That's like the girl desperate for a boyfriend who expects that every man who talks to her -- no matter how clear he is about not being relationship material -- is a potential white knight come to save her from singledom, or the man in a similar position who believes that every attractive woman who bats an eyelash at him is a potential soul mate.

Those are the people who are far to the extreme on #2. You can't do much to control these people's expectations; you've just got to be very good at frame control (more on that below).

But, for the majority of people, if you do a good job with #1 you'll have far fewer frame encounters because you'll both be on the same page.

This is why you'll notice that skilled seducers make it very clear what they're about to women very early on -- they come across highly sexual, with a high value and demand on their time, and sometimes gentle but always quite firm.

They don't want women thinking they're like other men who're going to wait around and chase women forever in the firm hope that

something -- anything -- might happen. They're a valued commodity, and they'll be gone if things don't go the way they expect them to.

Because of this, women know what they're about, and they either go along with it, knowing full well the price of admission (the person who agrees to pay $50 from the outset), or they walk away, not being interested in the offer (the person who thinks $50 is too steep a price for a lifetime of boundless financial resources).

Thing is, when you're attractive and sexy and you're upfront about what you've got to offer, there are a lot of women who won't want to walk away.

That's how you minimize frame encounters, and how you minimize the work you have to do to move a seduction forward; by focusing on setting the right expectations from the outset with things like:

Opening direct Being a sexy man  with a sexual vibe Using things like chase framing to set the right tone Qualifying women  properly early on

That sets the frame that you're a sexual, confident man who's screening her hard; if she sticks around, she's automatically accepted your frame.

That's why setting the right expectations from the beginning is so powerful. Otherwise, she'll decide on her own frame, which, if you were moving slowly and acting platonic, isn't going to be the frame you want her to have you in at all.

 

Using Frame Control to Change MindsEarly on though, you're likely going to be having one frame encounter after another, because you haven't learned yet how to properly set the right frames and expectations from the outset,

and because you'll be making mistakes and predisposing women toward setting different frames about you than would be ideal.

For instance, the guy who's too much of a nice guy is going to find that trying anything romantic or sexual with a girl is going to lead to a frame encounter. It isn't how girls see him, and he'll have his work cut out for him any time he tries to break out of that box.

Some examples include:

"I like you, Frank... but as a friend."

"I couldn't date you, Tim -- it'd be weird! You're like my brother!"

"Wait... why do you want to hang out just us?"

On the other hand, the guy who's too much of a bad boy is going to find that women are distrustful of him and may at times not go to bed with him as quickly as he'd like or not want to engage in a relationship with him because he feels unsafe -- and any attempt by him to seem a little safe leads to a frame encounter.

Some examples include:

"Ray, you're fun, but you're all about sex and I need something real."

"I really like being with you, Chris, but we can't do this forever."

"Sorry, you're not my type. You're just too wild for me."

For either of these guys, it's too late to go back and set expectations properly.

That means, they're going to have to do some fire fighting.

It's always much better to not have to fight fires in the first place -- that's setting expectations properly. Proportionate to the time you invest in perfecting it, you'll get so many more returns out of working on coming across the right way than you will out of learning how to fix things when you've mucked up.

But you'll still muck it up here and there, no matter how good at expectation setting you get, so ultimately, you'll have to know this. So here's how you use frame control to change women's minds:

Getting Investment and Moving Things Forward

This is for generally getting investment from women and moving the interaction forward with them -- even when they push back and give you a little resistance.

1. Know what you want to accomplish. One of the principle places most men falter in frame control is not knowing what, exactly, it is they're trying to accomplish. It's like the guy who asks a girl to dance with him, and she declines; why was he asking her to dance? If he doesn't know, he isn't going to have any idea how to push for it properly or how to sell her on dancing with him.

Know why you want to do something -- is it to cheer her up? To move things forward with her? To get to know her better? You need to know the "why" behind your actions before you can do anything else.

2. Communicate to her what you want to accomplish. When she pushes back, that's because in her frame the thing that you're attempting to do doesn't make sense. So, you need to show her why it does. You might say something like:

  •  "Come with me; I'm going to cheer you up."  •  "Let's go; we're heading somewhere quieter so we can talk."  •  "You do want to go out with me, because you'll genuinely enjoy it. Come."

By helping her to understand that complying with you will lead her toward something good and positive that she will value, you make it much more likely that she'll consent.

3. Back off fast and casual, or persist to the end. When you try and get a girl to invest, or try to move things forward with her, and she resists and you have a frame encounter, you need to decided right away if you're going to casually brush it off, or if you're going to persist to the bitter end.

You can't halfway persist -- you can't ask her a few times, then give up, then go back to just hanging out with her, because she out-framed you and now views herself as more dominant than you are (murder for attraction). You've got to either ask once, then casually drop it and get another form of investment that's just caught your attention or that you just remembered to ask her about (ideally cutting

off her decline in the middle), or you've got to persist until she agrees or you give up and walk away.

An example of each:

Rapid back off and diverting to alternate investment:

Guy: Let's grab a drink at the bar.Gal: I'm not a drinker. I just-Guy: Wait, I almost forgot. You were going to show me your new phone?

Persist to the end:

Guy: Let's grab a drink at the bar.Gal: I'm not a drinker I just-Guy: All right, I'm going to get a drink, and you can come with me and talk.Gal: I'm fine right here.Guy: You'll be more fine if we're hanging out and talking. Let's go.

Needless to say, the guy comes off a lot stronger in the second example, so you should always trend toward persisting whenever possible. Only back off if you sense it's an absolute lost cause from the very beginning (in which case, it'd have been better had you not asked, however).

4. Do NOT bring up the frame encounter. Regardless whose frame took precedence. If hers won, she'll feel dominant over you and attraction declines. If yours won, she'll feel beaten and want to slink off and lick her wounds. Once you've gotten her to comply with your wishes, leave it alone and never bring it up again.

5. Reward her. Make sure she feels extra good for complying with you. That doesn't mean rub it in -- resist the urge to ask her if she isn't glad now that she went with you (violates #4 above). Instead, just focus on her a lot more, deep dive her well and build a strong emotional connection, and be physically closer to her and more affectionate. She should feel like complying with you has moved things forward -- which it has.

6. Don't ask for too much for no reason. I almost didn't include this one, because I don't want guys saying, "Well, I don't want to invite her home, because maybe that'd be asking for too much," -- no. I don't mean "fail to get the girl so as not to ask for too much," I

mean don't ask her to put in large amounts of effort with little incentive.

So, if she isn't in a dancing mood, don't bust your butt trying to get her on the dance floor, because it doesn't really move the interaction forward much (best thing it does for you is up her investment a bit for doing something she didn't want to do just because you asked -- but if she isn't heavily rewarded for that, you risk auto-rejection). And if she isn't a walker, don't ask for her to go for a walk around the block with you when you met her in a coffee shop (instead, chill at the coffee shop a while, then take her home or grab her phone number and arrange to meet her later).

Basically, avoid anything where a girl's wondering, "What's the point? Why am I wasting my time doing this?" unless you have a very good reason for it. This goes back to #1 -- know what you want to accomplish.

Frame control can work wonders for getting what you want. Basically, for frame control where you're putting yourself out there to get a girl to do or say something, you typically want the right expectations from the outset, and you typically want to persist and make sure she feels rewarded for complying afterward.

Deflecting Active Frame Control Attempts

For frame control where the girl's putting herself out there to test you, just toss it back to her. You can answer any testing / frame control style question with, "What makes you say that?" or "Why do you think so?" or "Why so interested?" and now she's backpedaling and qualifying her test. And you don't even ever have to respond -- a thoughtful "Hmm," or an intriguing, "I suppose, if you say so then..." to whatever she says after you put the spotlight back on her is going to end the topic almost every time.

There's one other variation of frame control, of, "Whose opinion is correct?" The rules for this variation are slightly different, and I'll detail them below.

Sometimes you'll find yourself in a discussion where both you and a girl are insisting you're each right. For instance, she might be saying that she thinks it's unfair for men to date younger women, while you're telling her fair has nothing to do with it, that's just the way of things.

The rules of proper frame control here are:

1. State your case clearly (why are you right?)2. Come across impartially (not emotional or invested in being

correct)3. Shrug off further debate and move on

Using the example above, you'd end up in a discussion that looked like this:

Girl: I think it's totally unfair that older men can date younger women and that's considered okay, but that it's considered gross for older women to date younger men.

Guy: But there's no such thing in the world as "fair." There's just the way the world is, and that's that. The younger a woman is, the more children she can bear a man, and the healthier those children will be, so of course men are biologically more attracted to younger and healthier mates.

Girl: But older women can have children too!

Guy: Yeah, well. I don't make the rules, so don't blame me. Blame Mother Nature; she's cold and uncaring, and anything but fair. She just cares about what works best for survival of the species, and all else be damned. Why do you bring this up?

There, the guy:

1. States his case clearly ("This is why things are the way they are")

2. Comes across impartial ("Hey, I didn't make the rules -- blame Mother Nature")

3. Shrugs off further debate ("I'm not the one who decided all this") and moves on

He's likely to emerge with the victorious frame here; at the very least, they've achieved an understanding (her position: it isn't fair; his position: that's just life, and life isn't fair).

This is much better than the deferential male who bows his head and says, "You're right! It isn't fair! Let's change the world so women can date younger men!" when really this isn't his cause, there's nothing he can do about it, and it has nothing to do with moving the interaction forward. Instead, you want to come to an understanding, and limit future debate on unproductive topics.

Ultimately, frame control isn't hard, and it can be summed up with these several rules of thumb:

If she's testing you, ask her why she thinks so, then give her a vague response in a sexy voice after she tells you ("Yeah, maybe I'm like that... I haven't really thought about it too much. How about you?")

If you're asking her for investment or to move things forward and she's resisting, make sure you know what you're trying to accomplish, tell her why it'll be good for her, and then persist in making it happen and reward her afterward

If she's disagreeing with you on some kind of unproductive topic, reach an understanding by coming across clear and impartial, and then end further debate by disavowing any desire to try and change the way things are or taking a similar tack

You'll be shrugging off tests and reframing situations and behavior from ornery women like it's your job in zero time flat. The next time you start feeling like your frame is being tested, don't panic; just follow the steps above, and you'll have the ship righted before you know it, sailing on your way to tranquil waters with some beautiful new girl.

Read more: http://www.girlschase.com/content/get-rock-solid-frame-control-women-you-guaranteed#ixzz2CtIyuJUf

How

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November 16, 2012

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There are lots of ways to become famous. You can write a pop song, invent a time machine or appear on a reality TV program. The best way, however, is to become outstanding in whatever area interests you the most. There are famous cooks, artists, musicians, actors, and athletes. Whatever your interest, keep in mind that the path to fame requires training, experience, and most of all, persistence.Ads by GoogleMens Ultra Low Rise Jeans Sensational new clothing range for guys - emphatically masculine!www.wanqwear.com

Steps

Part One: The Path to Fame

1. 1

Relise that being isn't easy it takes time and hard work!!!!Ads by GoogleBe Yourself - Be Unlike Clothing, Accessories and Kitsch for Individualswww.Buy-Unlike.com

2. 2

Relise that in your selected field (acting, singing or writing)it is very competitive. Lots of people want to do it too.

3. 3

If you just want to be famous you can forget it! It's not about money or fame it's about having passion and enjoying it.

4. 4

Understand that there is more than one way to become famous. It's not just about being rich or beautiful, there are endless ways to gain fame. Here are just a few suggestions:

o Write a best-selling novel.o Perform a popular song.o Become an actor.o Invent something useful.o Become a model.o Start a successful business.o Do something heroic.o Excel at professional sports.o Marry someone already famous.o Become a prominent politician.

5. 5Make sure that becoming famous is your ultimate dream. Fame is like a two-sided coin. It has positive and negative aspects to it. History is full of people who chased fame and later regretted it. Sit down and make a list of the good and bad things about being famous. If the results lean toward the positive, then move forward with confidence.

Part Two: Be Unique

1. 1

Do something inspirational so others can look up to you. That said, here are four generic techniques that would apply in many situations:

o Be the best at something and the first to do something. Research and find something that no one has ever done, and do it. Look around and see what someone famous is famous for, and learn to do it better. Be a better runner, or seamstress, singer or dancer or an outstanding mother or father. Select a particular interest and become the best at it.

o Try to be the worst at something. Tiny Tim became famous for singing in a falsetto voice. He was really bad. That made him different, and famous. William Hung did the same thing more recently on American Idol. He sings so badly that people flock to see him perform.

o Being radically different, or being overly generous will make people notice, and you in turn will become famous. Notice how some overweight women have recently become models, and are pictured on calendars and starred in hit movies, and became famous almost overnight.

o Know that just by being in the right place, at the right time, can make you famous, maybe only for an hour, but at that time, everyone will know who you are. Liken yourself to the fireman who pulled the child out of the well. We do not remember his name now, but at the time of the happening, everyone knew him, he was televised, and became instantly, and briefly famous.

2. 2Build upon one of the four techniques above to apply it in your desired field of fame. Here is list of just some of the ways you can become famous:

o Become famous by excelling in your business interest, and be known as being outstanding in that particular field. Being a standard real estate agent, makes you one of many. However, being the real estate agent who sells the most homes in your local market year after year you will develop some celebrity in that particular field.

o Attend an audition, get discovered to become a model or an actor. Low odds, but it might just happen! It may seem scary, but

once it's over with it will be worth it. You should make sure that you practice, and you should show the real you. Don't pretend to act or look like someone who is already famous. That's what fans are for!

Part Three: Look for Opportunities

1. 1Put yourself out there. There are many avenues available to pursue fame. If used correctly, you can achieve Andy Warhol's 15 minutes of fame or you could spark a longer career. Here are two suggestions:

o New Media. The Internet holds an infinite amount of potential for achieving fame. YouTube, for example, gives people an opportunity to express and expose themselves to millions of people.

o Old Media. Appearing on TV, in movies, in the newspaper, or on the radio will undoubtedly boost your public profile. Reality television programs, in particular, have launched many careers.Ads by GoogleKnowing your Personality Most detailed Personality Assessment on the Internetwww.personalitybook.com

Create a Facebook Profile Find Friends, Family & Classmates. Sign Up for Facebook - It's Free!Facebook.comFXLiDER Valutni Derivati Uzmite besplatni Forex demo račun sa $100,000 i počnite da trgujete!www.fxlider.com

Try to contact famous people in an attempt to get them interested in your area of expertise. Do not badger them however, or continue to communicate with them if they do not respond.

Contact your local newspapers, and interest them in doing an interview about you.

Have a genuine conviction that you deserve to be famous. Envisage benefits to the society from your fame and try to highlight and project them in turn. Do not be deterred by resistance to your efforts. Be brave and assertive.

Highlight your best talent or quality. Find ways to show the world what you've got!

Being famous isn't only nation wide. It is much easier to become "well known" in your community. Your fame might even spread...

If you want to be an actor or actress find a theater near you and audition for plays; you could become famous!

Participate in lots of events. Be in a school play or sing in a choir at church, it doesn't matter how you start. Most famous people start like that anyway.

Don't wait for a dream. Work for it.

How to Be A Real Man, A Legend.Posted: August 7th, 2012 | Author: Chad Howse | Filed under: Be Legendary, Manliness Tags: Be Legendary, becoming a legend, becoming a real man, Frank Sinatra, how to be a man, legendary man,Manhood, Manliness, real man, Winston Churchill | Comments:   10   »

Becoming a Legend: A Guide to Creating the Heart of a Real ManAs a former skinny guy, amateur boxer, athlete, and a boy entering manhood in a world

where manliness is scarce. I’m obsessed with creating the best person I can create. And my

site reflects my desire.

The further along a go on this journey, the more I learn about how to create this ideal version

of myself, and the more I figure out how to help you do the same. A reoccurring theme in

any Legendary life, is a man’s courage; how he reacts in response to tribulation. Where

some men run, the real man stands and fights. The heart of a man is the only distinguishable

difference between the real, and the fake. Every other characteristic that we talk about are

irrelevant if a guy doesn’t have a warrior’s heart.

The Checklist

Understanding what a real man is, is almost like some view a prospective mate. Some

have a checklist – my younger self included; is she hot enough, smart enough, funny enough,

successful enough and so forth. If a girl passes the first few on the list, they can then proceed.

To each their own. But I have one thing on my list that has turned out to be much harder to

check off than would be a list of 100 attributes: does this girl have a good heart?

Looks are fleeting, attributes change and evolve. Girls with a good heart are far more scarce

than girls who are hot, successful, smart, or funny.

Real men are the same.

Guys of today are more concerned with looking good in the eyes of others, than they

are with developing character. There are also a lot of smart, funny, successful guys out

there who can’t call themselves real men because at the first hint of tribulation, they run.

When times get tough, they leave their families. When the shit hits the fan they look for

excuses, never manning up and taking the fall.

A real man has a warrior’s heart first. Other manly attributes will come naturally and with

work. But without character, and a good heart, a guy will ever be a Legend.

Creating Yourself vs Finding Yourself 

“I’m finding myself” is a statement I have a lot of trouble with. If you’re trying to find yourself,

you’re going to spend a lifetime searching. You’ll have this excuse in whatever trouble comes

your way.

If you’re trying to ‘find yourself’, you’re weak.If you’re CREATING yourself, you’re taking

responsibility for the end result.

Never give the responsibility for the man you are, and are becoming, to an outside force.

You can give praise and credit to the help or strength you’ve been given by others, but who

you are and what you achieve lands firmly on your shoulders.

You deserve where you are right now, and where you are going to end up in life. Bad

stuff happens to good people. Expect it. Deal with it. Face it head on. But never cower, run,

look for an easy way out or for someone or something else to blame. That’s not courage.

A real man creates himself. A weak man tries in vain to find himself, often in all the

wrong places.

You Will Have Tribulation“The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to

what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose ones attitude in any

given circumstance.” ~ Viktor Frankl

Tough times don’t last, tough people do. Cliche. But truth.

The images that are scattered throughout this article are filled with Legendary men, each of

whom have had their fair share of tribulation. It’s inescapable.

A man is tough. There’s no way to escape this fact. It’s true in every example of

a Legendary man. He’s faced with an obstacle and either finds a way around it, or forces his

way through it.

Winston Churchill, a Legend in the truest sense of the word, said it best…

“If you’re going through hell, keep on going.”

If you know that you’re going to be faced with tribulation, you expect it to come. Not that

you’re expecting the worst, but you’re prepared for them. They won’t surprise you or get you

down when they do.

What you’ll find in most cases is that tough times are rarely that tough. No matter what they

are. They usually require perspective, hard work, discipline, and the right mindset to climb out

of them.

Legends are made from darkness, forged from fire, and created out of hardship. A real

man is aLegend. A real man pushes his way through the hard times, dragging those lagging

behind with him up the mountain.

Being Kind is Being a Warrior.Toughness is often perceived as harshness. A tough man isn’t the life of the party. He’s not

the guy people flock to for conversation or for a laugh. I disagree.

Toughness is kindness. To be a real man you have to be kind. You have to lift others up.

The more people you lift up, the more you’ll have wanting to lift you up. A real man or

a Legend, is a guy who people want to see successful. When he succeeds, people are

happy, they celebrate with him. When he fails, they help him pick up the pieces.

A warrior is kind. He fights for those who can’t fight. Carries those who can’t walk. Lifts

those up who can’t stand.

While developing the heart of a real man requires toughness, thick skin, courage, and

persistence, I’d be wrong if I didn’t also say that a real man has a soft heart. The attributes

we’ve mentioned, and are going to continue to talk about, make up the most important aspect

of what a real man is: who he is in his heart. Words like a warrior, a Legend, a man, are

thrown around and give off a sense of rigidity or coldness. But a real man is far from cold.

His heart is softened by experience. But his will is steadfast in his pursuit of something

greater.

Live As If It Were On Purpose“Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with

abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to

learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.” ~ Mary Anne Radmacher

Live with intent. Intend to do something great today. Wake up as if it were on purpose. Don’t

wake up and thoughtlessly go through the routine.

A key characteristic of the heart of a warrior, and of a man, is how he reacts to tribulation. He

sees what others may call crisis, as a challenge. He sees life as a challenge. One that he

intends to conquer and overcome. Every day is a new and exciting challenge, not a mindless

act that fits in a long line of other meaningless acts.

Have a goal, yes. But an idea of what you want your life to ideally look like, down to the very

smallest, most seemingly insignificant detail, like your first thought of your ideal day, is just as

important. Even if you’re not doing your dream job right now. Or you’re in a spot in your life

that you’re not ecstatic about, a clear idea of where you’d want to be, will get your started on

a purposeful path.

In his book, Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill has a section where you write down the

life you are going to have. You write the time, date, and amount of financial success you’re

going to have as if it is a foregone conclusion. If you’re not on a career path to creating this

life already, you write “I’m awaiting for a plan”, when that plan comes I will give it my best

effort both in quality and quantity.

Just because we’re not doing what we love, doesn’t mean we aren’t in the midst of creating

our dream life.

Work hard. Persist. And remain open to whatever opportunities that may come your

way.

Becoming a LegendA real man doesn’t exist in a list of characteristics. I’ve used them on my site. They’re fun. We

can argue which one’s should stay, and which aren’t necessary. Most of them do make a guy

more of a man. Or at least a most successful, strong, and honorable guy.

Above all else, however, a real man can be found in the kind of person he is. How he treats

others. How he reacts to adversity, as well as his outlook on life.

A guy’s heart, therefor, is what makes him a weak man, or a strong one. A real man’s spirit

is developed, and a man isn’t a real man based on birthright. A real man is a title that is

earned.

Becoming a Legend among the likes of a Sinatra, Churchill, or Freeman, then, is going to be

your doing. YOU are responsible for where you end up in life and the man you become.

Upbringing helps. People who surround you are important. But to take your destiny out of

your hands is to leave things to chance.

Great men, real men, do everything they can to get what they want while doing the right,

honorable thing along this journey. And then let the chips fall where they may.

A Legend, isn’t born. He is created.

How to Be a Dominant Man: What You Didn't Know About the 'Winner Effect'By Chase on Sunday, 18 December 2011 

Confidence  

Investment  

Pickup  

Social Commentary  

Socializing

Dominance is a touchy topic. It's positively loaded with cultural baggage - in the West, we're averse to both the idea of being dominant over others and of others being dominant over us. It has all kinds of ill-favored connotations that most would rather just avoid. I'm throwing all of that out today though and talking to you about how to be a dominant man, political correctness and sensitivity aside - and I'm going to teach you a lot of things you didn't know about dominance before today.

In the post on how to be an alpha male (without becoming a stereotype), we broke down the difference between what's generally thought of as "alpha" and what alpha actually is, and about the character of the nomad -- the man who's neither alpha, nor beta, nor any other role in a social hierarchy, but instead operates outside it entirely.

I've long noticed a failure to differentiate among "being alpha" and "being dominant" in those who discuss social dynamics. They're treated as one and the same -- if you're being alpha, you're dominant, and if you're being dominant, you're alpha.

But they aren't the same. Being alpha's about heading up your group.

Meanwhile, being dominant... that's about something else altogether. What that is -- that and the winner effect -- is what this article is all about.

 

Social Policing and Regular JoeCan you be an alpha male and be dominant? Of course you can.

Can you be a nomad and be dominant? Yes, most definitely.

But how about this: could you be an alpha male and not be dominant? Well... as I'll show below, you can.

How about being a non-dominant nomad? Yes to that one too.

What then is dominance? How could a man be alpha but not dominant, or dominant but not alpha?

There's something out there called "society" that's more a web of social rules and regulations that are generally decided upon by the members of that society and used to keep one another in line with shame, guilt, and force when necessary. Elite members of society bend some of these rules and break others, but Regular Joes are expected to abide by them.

For instance, if you're a celebrity, you walk up to the front of a nightclub and get in and everyone's fine with it. "Oh, that's celebrity X," they all say understandingly. But if you're a Regular Joe dressed in Regular Joe clothes and you walk up to the front of a nightclub and you get in, the people waiting in line get angry. "Who's that guy?" they ask, "and why does he get to cut the line while I have to wait?"

This is a phenomenon I've touched lightly on here before under the name social policing. Social policing is when people you know or even people you don't know and have never interacted with before perceive you as equal to or lower in status than they perceive themselves interject themselves into your life to "help you out," "look out for you," or "set you straight." It's a justice mechanism, and it's how members of society reassure themselves that if they just follow the rules (like waiting in line at the nightclub to get in) then eventually they'll get theirs.

The basic rules of social policing are these:

The stronger someone perceives you being or the stronger they respect you, the less likely they are to social police you

The weaker someone perceives you being or the less they respect you, the more likely they are to social police you

So, when someone sees you as being equal to or lower than them, and they detect you doing something that they aren't doing that gives you an advantage, they get upset. Their world is being turned upside down, and they want to get things back in order again. They want the world to make sense and order to be restored, because they aren't comfortable or capable operating outside of it.

Examples of social policing are:

Asking you to calm down when you're angry

Trying to be overly polite to you when they're telling you "no"

o e.g., a secretary telling you "I'm so sorry, but Mr. Lawson isn't able to see you today. If you'd like to leave your name and phone number however, I'll do my best to see to it that he gets in touch with you soon," when all she's trying to say is, "No, he can't see you."

Looking at you sternly or confronting you when you break the social norms (e.g., approaching women on the street, pulling a girl into a hidden alcove, kissing girls in public, talking loudly, swearing, behaving any way that isn't considered "polite")

Telling you to stop having a certain kind of relationship because it's "wrong" (e.g., you have a casual sexual relationship with a girl, and her girlfriends tell her to demand more from you, or your friends tell you you should be more serious, when both of you were otherwise happy and satisfied)

All these are forms of social policing. They're means that members of society use to get people operating within the rules that they themselves are accustomed to operating inside of.

You see this most clearly when you travel. Act like an American in Japan, and you're considered loud and boorish. Act like an American in China, and you get told repeatedly how polite and friendly you are. And if you stay in these societies long enough, and integrate, and surround yourself with locals, with time people will put more and more social pressure on you to follow the same rules that they

follow. As you integrate with a society, that society begins to impose its social norms on you.

To an extent, this serves good purpose: by having generally agreed upon social rules that all follow, a society removes a lot of thinking and training and consideration from its adherents' minds. It also helps people know what to expect and the proper ways to interact with one another.

But these rules apply far less to dominant people. The elites of society. The celebrities. The government officials. The wealthy. The connected. The people with networks, resources, and respect.

Those people do whatever they want (within reason), and no one tries to social police them (unless they get so far outside social norms relative to their position in society that they become open game again, that is -- see Britney Spears shaving her head and not wearing underwear in public).

Why is this?

It's because they're perceived as more dominant, powerful, resourceful, and respected than the ordinary Regular Joes who make up society.

But wait, you might ask -- why would you even want to break social norms? Isn't that rude, impolite, or offensive?

It's an interesting question, and it ties in closely with the discussion about how to be a dominant man. Because learning how to be dominant is about a lot more than just learning how to do it -- it's about learning why to be dominant, and when you should be dominant and when you should not.

 

Why You Want to Learn How to Be DominantWhat if you could just follow the rules and get everything you wanted?

Society would have you believe that well of course you can!

If you work hard and do good, you can succeed at school.

And then if you work hard and do good, you'll get a good job and make a steady paycheck.

And if you do all that, then you'll find the girl of your dreams, get married, and start a family.

And then if you do all that, you'll get a mortgage, get your dream house, and save for retirement.

And for most people... that's what they'll do! Well, she probably won't really be their dream girl, and it probably won't be their dream job... in fact, after the honeymoon period, they'll come to hate waking up in the morning to go to work, and they'll dread Sunday, because Sunday means the weekend is almost over, and on Monday it starts

all over again. And maybe they'll even come to resent their girlfriends and wives, because they didn't get the girl of their dreams... instead, they settled. And they knowthey settled.

That's life for the non-dominant person. A whole procession of events that occur outside his control that just happen to him. His life has been pre-planned by society, he follows the plan, and he gets a Regular Joe life. End story.

I won't tell you to get off that path entirely, because let's be realistic, most people are never going to do that. Most people don't want to do that.

But I bet you also don't want to settle for less than you could get. And if that's the case, then you need to start training up your dominance regardless, because dominance is how you get the things you want.

Things like what, you might ask?

Dominance is how you get the women you want Dominance is how you get the job you want Dominance is how you get that job to pay you what you want Dominance is how you negotiate tough deals and make them

go your way Dominance is how you get people to help you do stuff they

refuse others Dominance is how you succeed where others fail

Now, dominance isn't the only factor in these -- your skill verbally plays a role, your presence plays a role, your precedent and relationship with the individuals you're interacting with plays a role. But dominance plays such a big role it can't possibly be avoided... and yet it often is. Telling someone they need to be more dominant scares the hell out of them.

But let's say you're an attractive, well-dressed guy who knows how to talk to women... but doesn't know how to be a dominant man. And let's say you try to invite her home, and she says... "Why don't we just meet up in a few days?"

Well, if you're a non-dominant man, you say, "Okay." And then, chances are, you never see her again, or she treats you like you're just a friend when you do.

If on the other hand you're an attractive, well-dressed guy who knows how to talk to women, and you're a dominant man, and you invite her home and she proposes meeting another day, what's going to happen then?

First off, you aren't going to accept meeting her another day as an option.

Second off, you're going to do everything you can to make it happen right then.

"Look, do you like me?" you ask her.

"Uh, yeah," she says. "I like you."

"Cool," you say, "I like you too. And let's be honest, if we go our separate ways now, are we really going to meet up in a few days?"

"Sure we are," she says.

"No, we aren't," you say. "People say, 'Yeah, let's meet up later, let's do it another time,' but another time never comes. If you like me and I like you and we want to spend time together, then we should spend time together right now, because if we don't we probably don't see each other again. On the other hand, if we spend time together now and really get to know each other and really have a good time together and really bond, then when we decide to meet up again later we will, because we'll already have something real. Come on."

Then you lead her out of there and pull her home.

That isn't going to work every time, but it's about 1000% more effective and consistent than saying, "Yeah, sure, let's meet up another time." Because I'll tell you, from years of experience -- that last one doesn't work very often.

Dominance is what lets you win. Dominance is how you close things out at the end. Dominance is winning and making the best possible outcome come into being.

Dominance isn't being an overly loud, coercive asshole, which is how society portrays it. Rather, it's how you achieve a satisfactory outcome in a situation in which other individuals are working to deny you the outcome.

Dominance is success.

 

Dominance, Victory, and Testosterone LevelsWant me to totally shock your world view?

Welcome into the rabbit hole. What I've got here for you are the big guns you were waiting for me to bring out on you - you've been leading your life all wrong.

Concessions: people make them every day. Your boss asks you to stay late. Your girlfriend tells you she can't make it and asks to reschedule. Your parents yell at you for racking up credit card debt and you take it. Random strangers tell you they're sorry but they can't help you, or that you can't get what you want, or that you need to get in line... and you do.

But what happens when you concede? Well, you just don't get what you want... right?

Not exactly.

There've been a raft of studies that've shown the effects of winning and losing on individuals' testosterone, and the subsequent effects on those individuals' confidence, dominance, assertiveness, risk taking, and even future success. Here's just a sampling:

From Alan Booth of the University of Nevada's Department of Sociology, et al.'s findings in "Testosterone, and winning and losing in human competition":

"After [tennis] matches, mean testosterone rose for winners relative to losers, especially for winners with very positive moods after their victories and who evaluated their own performance highly. Winners with rising testosterone had higher testosterone before their next match, in contrast to losers with falling testosterone, who had lower testosterone before their next match."

From Kevin D. McCaul of the Department of Psychology, North Dakota State University et al.'s findings in "Winning fights elevates testosterone levels in California mice and enhances future ability to win fights":

"The ‘winner effect’ has been studied in a variety of species, but only rarely in mammals. We compared effects of winning three, two, one, or zero resident–intruder encounters on the likelihood of winning a subsequent aggressive encounter in the California mouse (Peromyscus californicus). During the training phase, we ensured that resident males won all encounters by staging contests with mildly sedated, smaller intruders. During the test phase, the resident male encountered an unfamiliar, more evenly matched intruder that had experience winning an encounter and was larger than the resident. Testosterone (T) plasma levels significantly increased after the final test when they had experienced two prior winning encounters, and the probability of winning a future encounter increased significantly after three prior wins independent of intrinsic fighting ability. We hypothesize a ‘winner–challenge’ effect in which increased T levels serve to reinforce the winner effect in male California mice."

I'll put those in laymen's terms real quick.

From the first: winning a sports match increased testosterone in subjects, losing it decreased testosterone. From mice studies, mice with higher testosterone from previous victories won a lot more than other mice equal in all other respects except that their testosterone was lower from previous losses.

Think about that: higher testosterone levels from victory help you win more in the future, and something as small as winning or losing a tennis match can influence that.

But wait, it gets better.

From another study by McCaul, this one entitled "Winning, losing, mood, and testosterone":

"In two experiments, male college students either won or lost $5 on a task controlled entirely by chance. In both studies, winners reported a more positive mood change than did losers and, in Experiment 2, winners reported a more positive mood change than a neutral group that did not win or lose money. After the task was completed, winners exhibited significantly higher testosterone levels than losers. Levels of cortisol, a hormone associated with stress and arousal, did not differ among the groups, suggesting

that a hormone-behavior response pattern for winning and losing is specific to testosterone. These data suggest that winning can alter testosterone levels in men and that mood may mediate such changes."

I bolded that sentence in there. But did you catch that? Even something as insignificant as a randomly controlled $5 payout had a significant impact on these student's testosterone levels.

Which, if humans are anything like mice in their reactions to high and low levels of testosterone -- and they are; they're dead similar -- something as trivial as winning or losing a random $5 can be the difference in whether those students go off to create a work of art that afternoon or pick up the girl of their dreams, or spend the afternoon staring at the wall or avoiding the gaze of pretty girls.

Do you get this?

Learning how to be a dominant man isn't just about "being dominant." It's about learning how to structurally correct your life so that you're putting yourself into a feedback loop of consistently winning, leading to elevated testosterone levels, leading to further winning, leading to further elevated testosterone levels, and so on and so forth.

This is the winner effect. Winners win more, and losers lose more. It's why when you have something good happen to you in the morning you often go off to have a killer day, and why when you start a day off on the wrong foot the whole day goes awry. It's why when you start meeting people the instant you go out you often end up having a great night and meet a lot of cute girls and maybe even take one home, and it's why when you go sit around and talk to no one for a while you often meet no one the entire night.

Here are a few more studies to pound this point home.

From the findings of J. M. Coates and J. Herbert of the University of Cambridge in "Endogenous steroids and financial risk taking on a London trading floor":

"We found that a trader's morning testosterone level predicts his day's profitability. We also found that a trader's cortisol rises with both the variance of his trading results and the volatility of the market. Our results suggest that higher testosterone may contribute to economic return, whereas cortisol is increased by risk. Our results point to a

further possibility: testosterone and cortisol are known to have cognitive and behavioral effects, so if the acutely elevated steroids we observed were to persist or increase as volatility rises, they may shift risk preferences and even affect a trader's ability to engage in rational choice."

Testosterone predicted traders' profitability.

Think about that.

Now that's not necessarily causation -- if a guy's been trading for a while and he's good, he'll be having more wins and his T levels will be up, and if a guy's been trading for a while and he isn't good, he'll have more losses and his T levels will be down. But I've consistently seen studies that point to trading being a lot more luck than skill, so my inclination after seeing this research is to posit that high testosterone traders are more aggressive in pursuing opportunities and taking the big risks that potentially offer big rewards.

So, not necessarily causation -- but here's one that indisputably is, entitled "Second-to-fourth digit ratio predicts success among high-frequency financial traders," again from Coates et al.:

"Prenatal androgens have important organizing effects on brain development and future behavior. The second-to-fourth digit length ratio (2D:4D) has been proposed as a marker of these prenatal androgen effects, a relatively longer fourth finger indicating higher prenatal androgen exposure. 2D:4D has been shown to predict success in highly competitive sports. Yet, little is known about the effects of prenatal androgens on an economically influential class of competitive risk taking—trading in the financial world. Here, we report the findings of a study conducted in the City of London in which we sampled 2D:4D from a group of male traders engaged in what is variously called “noise” or “high-frequency” trading. We found that 2D:4D predicted the traders' long-term profitability as well as the number of years they remained in the business. 2D:4D also predicted the sensitivity of their profitability to increases both in circulating testosterone and in market volatility. Our results suggest that prenatal androgens increase risk preferences and promote more rapid visuomotor scanning and physical reflexes. The success and longevity of traders exposed to high levels of prenatal androgens further suggests that

financial markets may select for biological traits rather than rational expectations."

Yeah, you read right. The amount of testosterone you were exposed to in the womb has a bigger impact on your financial success as a stock trader than any other factor.

Did your eyes just open a little wider?

 

How to Be a Dominant Man: Training Yourself to Win

If you want to make a lot of money, do a lot of cool things, and sleep with a lot of pretty girls, this is probably one of the most important things you will ever do for yourself:

You need to learn how to be a dominant man.

If you weren't fortunate enough to have been exposed to a high dose of prenatal testosterone and have a naturally dominant personality, you're going to need to train it up. And that's going to mean you're going to have to get accustomed to going against your default programming.

You need the winner effect in your corner -- it's going to make

every single thing you do work a whole lot better.

But how do you start training yourself to be dominant?

To start with, you need to know the most important rule of dominance, success, and victory: always find a way to win.

That means you can never concede. You can never give up. You must always get a success or at the very least do things on your terms.

Your boss asks you to stay late: "I've really got to get out of here but I'm happy to do some work from home later tonight if it's mission critical or otherwise get on that first thing tomorrow."

Your girlfriend tries to reschedule: "Okay, let's meet right now then and then you can go see your friends," or, "Actually I'm going to be booked up for the next week. If you can't make tonight let's reschedule after next week."

Your parents yell at you for racking up credit card debt: "You guys are right, I should've been more careful, but instead of yell at me, what can you do to help or what recommendations can you make for me to get back on track?"

Strangers say they can't help you: "Yes you can. You can help me. You're the only one who can help me -- how do we make this work?"

Being dominant isn't about being a loud-mouthed asshole. Learning how to be a dominant man is about learning how to control the situation -- how to get a satisfactory result no matter the circumstances, how to prevent others who are trying to dominate you from being able to, how to keep your testosterone levels high and keep the winner effect on and fight having your testosterone slashed and your will to win and confidence and assertiveness and risk taking broken.

Maybe you weren't dosed with tons of testosterone in the womb. I wasn't. My 2D:4D ratio is about on par with the average man; my ring finger is slightly longer than average compared to my index finger, which means I naturally have a bit more testosterone than average, but it isn't huge. But you can still have all the success with women, with money, with life that you want if you build wins into your life and fight concessions as if your life depended on it. Because your life might not depend on how often you win and how often you concede -- but the quality of that life, and the success you have within it, most certainly does.

Read more: http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-be-dominant-man-what-you-didnt-know-about-winner-effect#ixzz2EOcaSLMt

How to Establish Boundaries4 authors | 9 revisions | Last updated: November 19, 2011

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Boundaries set you free. They tell others how you will allow yourself to be treated. If you have fuzzy boundaries, you'll have an obscure identity. If you have clear boundaries, you'll have a more focused identity.

Edit Steps1. 1

Examine your boundary beliefs. Don't just look for limiting beliefs. Do explore the rights you believe you have in setting, or not setting, healthy boundaries. Example: Many people hold beliefs about authorities that limit their willingness to set needed boundaries.Ads by GoogleKnowing your Personality Most detailed Personality Assessment on the Internetwww.personalitybook.com

2. 2

Affirm your boundaries. Don't apologize for setting boundaries. Do understand that setting boundaries is necessary for pursuing your potential. Example: Saying "no" to something you don't have time for helps keep you in balance.

3. 3

Set goals. Don't leave your intentions undefined. Do realistically define what your intended goals. Example : When you have your mind set on a goal, make sure you give realistic time to achieve it. Set a time-frame.

4. 4

Commit to yourself. Don't assume others' agendas are more worthwhile or urgent than your own. Do make promises and appointments with yourself just like you do with others. Show yourself you're important. Example: If the phone rings while you're working on your great American novel, let voice mail pick it up.

5. 5

Differentiate between "can do" and "should do". Don't assume you're obligated to perform every task somebody hands you. Do give yourself permission to decline tasks people set before you. Example: Somebody else's lack of planning does not necessarily create an emergency on yours. You need no external reasons to set a boundary. You just need to know your own limits.

6. 6

Inventory and prepare for your "boundary busters". Don't overlook anyone or anything in your life. Do review what situations and people challenge your boundaries and prepare for them. Example: If your kids get under your skin, examine how that affects you and find ways to thicken your skin.

7. 7Brainstorm a boundary "wish list". Don't leave anything out, no matter how unrealistic it is. Do write out every boundary you'd like to set and consider how you will establish each one. Example: If you're often handed "last minute" changes at work, try implementing a boundary of "no changes will be made after X o'clock".Ads by GoogleOnline University Doctorate in Psychology, Earn your Doctorate Degree Online.www.aiu.edu

Комплетна фитнес опрема Елиптични справи, степери... Плаќање на рати или при достава.www.bidifit.com.mkYour Zodiac Horoscope Insert Your Birthdate & Get Answers about Past-Present and Future. FreeAboutAstro.com/horoscope

Edit Tips Boundaries exist to serve you, You can set boundaries wherever

you want. They can be flexible, rigid, narrow, broad. You choose. Once you do, you will be able to mean what you say.

To learn more about setting your boundaries and for other great tips, please visithttp://www.speakstrong.com.

How to Be an Individual7 authors | 19 revisions | Last updated: March 2, 2012

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Whereas being yourself is all about being comfortable in your own skin and doing what you feel, to be individual is to follow your heart and actively resist social pressure and control.

Edit Steps1. 1

Find yourself first .  Figure out what makes you you. Spend an hour before you sleep in bed thinking about life, religion, death, etc. and your stance on everything and how accurately you follow those ideals and stances. Write down those ideals and set about sticking to them.Ads by GoogleKnowing your Personality Most detailed Personality Assessment on the Internetwww.personalitybook.com

2. 2

Be yourself .  Stop filtering your natural individuality and start feeling comfortable in your own skin. Don't give yourself any reason to feel ashamed or embarrassed. Shame and embarrassment are the biggest obstacles to achieving true individuality. Instead of trying to match current trends (i.e. trying to get into pop punk music to fit in even if you don't like it), do things that you enjoy doing. Though others could potentially call you "nerd" or "weird" chances are that eventually, the very thing you like is going to come into style (or has been in style before). Instead of trying to keep up, slow down and do things your own way at your own pace!

3. 3

Set goals for yourself, particularly ones that contribute something new and different to the world. Aim to do something that's never been done before.

4. 4

Learn to face and overcome criticism. If your goals really are paving a new road, you'll encounter naysayers all along the way. Get used to it.

5. 5

Question everything. Be keen to learn. Don't believe everything you read, and don't reproduce it unless it is a reliable source. Constantly ask yourself how many different ways there are to do the things you do, and why you're doing it the way everyone else is doing it. If you can find a better way, go for it.

6. 6

Be original. Don't accept generic behavior or work from yourself. Put your own twist on everything you do. Stamp it with your individuality. At the same time, always try to be yourself! Live out of your heart instead of the latest trendy magazine.

7. 7

Love yourself. Celebrate yourself privately, and be proud of your existence. There is only and will only ever be one of you to ever exist. Fulfill the potential entrusted upon you.

8. 8Be proud of minor improvement.

How to Find Yourself89 authors | 395 revisions | Last updated: December 11, 2012

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Finding the real you is an enlightening experience. You become self-sufficient and do things for yourself, for once. You are no longer needy and become utterly grateful for all the things people have done for you in the past. Finding yourself is a time of harmony because you develop the philosophy or belief system that will carry you throughout the rest of your life. How do you know you have found yourself? It is when you are able to help others find themselves. Finding yourself is not easy, but here are a few tips for how to start the process.

Edit Steps1. 1

Create your own life timeline. Write down all of your major goals in your life that you feel you want to achieve. In turn, write down the events in your life that have already happened that you believe have affected you. When life hits with problems or misfortunes it shapes our belief system and makes us think differently. When you believe in something or see beauty in something, you should do it no matter what anyone else thinks. If you have found something that is worthy of your best efforts, sacrifice, and tears, then you have found the most important pursuit of your life.

Ads by GoogleKnowing your Personality Most detailed Personality Assessment on the Internetwww.personalitybook.com

o This isn't an exercise in wallowing. It's about clarification and identification of issues. These issues might be keeping you from reaching your present potential and letting your true sense of self blossom.

o Spend a little time writing with clarity about the past in your timeline. A timeline is an incredibly objective method for marking down past occurrences in your life that you consider to be major. You can look at them as formation blocks and as changing experiences along your timeline without imbuing them with too much emotion (as would occur within a diary account). Keep it simple, real, and condensed to the major effect or lesson learned from each past incident.

o When analyzing negative past experiences, look to the positive learning message in it and don't dwell on the mistakes or the negatives. Everyone has these blips in their timeline but pretending they are either worse than they were or non-existent won't do you any favors. Instead, recognize that if it had not been for those past experiences you would not be where or who you are today.

2. 2

Prepare to begin again with a clean slate. Develop your own moral conduct and practice sticking to it. Remove vice from your life; vices are

any actions or habits that tie up your true self and let you escape having to think about the harder questions.

o Stop smoking, over-eating, and abusive drinking. These are examples of lapses or habits that will prevent you from functioning at your peak. They also let you "off the hook" by sidestepping the analysis of why you use these crutches instead of finding better ways to brighten your life.

o This step may take some major rehabilitation for some individuals but putting it into the too-hard basket won't make it go away. Remember, you can't drive your life forward if you are always gazing through your rear-view mirror!

3. 3

Let go of the need to be loved by all. Accept that some people will think poorly of you no matter what you do. It's important to forget about what everyone else thinks because you cannot please everyone. And while you might not want to disappoint the people close to you, they should want you to be happy. As long as you continue to exist just to fulfill other people's ideas of who you should be, you'll never know who you really are. This thought is aptly summed up by Raymond Hull: "He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away."

o Realize that some people will become jealous, afraid, or overwhelmed when a person changes their usual habits and grows more mature and self-loving. It's a threat to the relationship you've always had, and it forces them to take a cold, hard look at themselves, which they may not want to do. Give these people space and compassion; they may come around in time. If they don't, leave them be. You don't need them to be you.

4. 4

Learn to rely on yourself. Confidence and reliance are at the heart of finding yourself. If you don't have a solid sense of self-worth, you'll listen to what others have to say all the time and to be swayed by their insistence on what is wrong, right, and appropriate. Learn to believe in yourself and trust your own feelings.

o If you have been victimized in the past, confront these issues. They're not going to go away on their own. They might be coloring your approach to daily life, causing you to live up to other people's expectations instead of your own.

o Start trusting your own judgment and decision-making processes. Sure, you're going to make mistakes from time to time, but so does everyone else. It's through mistakes that you'll find yourself growing, learning, and reaching into your real sense of self.

o Start taking responsibility for budgeting, household matters, and planning about the future. People who lack a sense of self tend to disregard the "details" of life with a carefree attitude, believing that

things will all sort themselves out. But things don't always sort themselves out. Taking responsibility pulls you back from the precipice and lets you be self-reliant and self-determined, no longer carried along by the waves of fate.

5. 5

Sort out your career path. If you're meandering all over the place looking for the right "fit," chances are that you're not happy inside. You could be using the job-changing as an excuse for not fully realizing your true potential. Finding yourself by really taking an interest in what you love to do. If money weren't an issue, what would you spend your days doing? Is there any way you can monetize this activity/skill?

o Spend some time free-associating. Think about what you like and don't like; think beyond those things to other ideas that simply pop into your mind while you're associating. Keep a record of these things. Then, come back to the career question and look at the free associations. What type of career seems to gel most with the things that excited, moved, and really energized you from the free-association exercise? As Alain de Botton says, this exercise is about looking for "beeps of joy" amid the cacophony of must-dos, shoulds, and expectations.[1]

o Bear in mind, however, that work may not be where your "calling" is. If that is the case, you'll need to work out a work-life balance that lets you pursue your "true self" more outside of the workplace, even if this means more hours and less income. It is all possible, especially if it's in the pursuit of finding and sustaining your true sense of self.

6. 6

Immerse yourself in solitude. Give yourself some time and space to get away from the expectations, the conversations, the noise, the media, and the pressure. Take some time each day to go for a long walk and think. Plant yourself on a park bench and look. Take a long, thoughtful road trip. Whatever you do, move away from anything that distracts you from contemplating your life and where you want it to go. In solitude, you should feel independent and self-sufficient, not lonely, needy or afraid.

o Every person needs time alone, whether they're introverted or extroverted, single or in a relationship, young or old. Solitude is time for rejuvenation and self-talk, for utter peace and for realizing that purposeful "aloneness" is not a bad place to be but rather, a liberating part of your overall existence.

o If you are a creative person, you may find that alone-time will help stoke your creativity. While it's nice to collaborate with other people sometimes, it's hard to be truly creative when you're always surrounded by other people. Step back and tap into your creativity.

7. 7

Ask yourself every question in the book. Ask yourself the questions that are difficult, that dare to look at the big pictures, such as:

o "If I had all the resources in the world — if I didn't need to make money — what would I be doing with my day to day life and why?" Perhaps you'd be painting, or writing, or farming, or exploring the Amazon rain forest. Don't hold back.

o "What do I want to look back on in my life and say that I never regretted?" Would you regret never having traveled abroad? Would you regret never having asked that person out, even if it meant risking rejection? Would you regret not spending enough time with your family when you could? This question can be really difficult.

o "If I had to choose three words to describe the kind of person I'd love to be, what would those words be?" Adventurous? Loving? Open? Honest? Hilarious? Optimistic? Don't be afraid to choose words that are considered negative because that proves you're a real person, and not a lopsided combination of parts other people want to be known for.

Sometimes the traits that you don't like become useful in emergency situations— like being bossy. Sometimes they are valuable to the job you're meant to perform — like being nitpicking.

If you do have a truly negative trait, acknowledging it openly can give you the motivation to work on redirecting that energy to something positive. Try channelling that bad habit and into a hobby.

Don't wash your clothes much? Try camping. Maybe you'll like it? Even pole dancing is becoming a hobby!

o "Who am I?" This question is not static. It should be one you continue to ask yourself throughout your life. A healthy person continues to reinvent themselves throughout their life. By asking this question regularly, it updates your understanding of who you are and how you change. Instead of answering who you think you ought to be, keep it focused on who you actually are, because in all likelihood that's a very good answer, warts and all.

8. 8

Keep a written record of your answers to the questions in the last step. Beyond your time spent in solitude, it's easy for these purposeful thoughts to slip to the back of your mind and be forgotten. If you have them written down, then every time you reflect, you can review your notes and take it a step further, instead of answering the same questions all over again. Keep them in a notebook that's both easy to access and update wherever you happen to be; it will be a source of sustenance for you, by which you can continue to measure your growth through life.

9. 9

Act upon your newly discovered knowledge. Do the things that you want to do! Pick up those watercolors. Write a short story. Plan a trip to Mombasa. Have dinner with a family member. Start cracking jokes. Open up. Tell the truth. Whatever it is that you've decided you want to be or do, start being and doing it now.

o You may shake your head and come up with excuses such as "no time", "no money", "family responsibilities", etc. Instead of using these as excuses, start planning around the hurdles in your life. You can free up time, find money, and get a break from duties if you make time how to plan and find the courage to ask for these things;

o Sometimes, the real you is too afraid to face the practicalities because it'd mean facing up to what you've limited yourself by. Start planning what you really want to do and investigating what needs to be done to get you to that point instead of flinging excuses at them, stopping the goals and dreams dead in their tracks.

10. 10

Be ready for dead ends. Finding yourself is a journey, not a destination. A lot of it is trial and error. That's the price you pay in return for the satisfaction you receive: More often than not, you hit a bump in the road, and sometimes you fall flat on your face. Be prepared to understand and accept that this is a part of the process, and commit to getting right back up and starting over.

o It's not going to be easy – it never has been for anybody – but if you learn to see that as a chance to prove how much you want to find yourself, then you'll find fulfillment and security in your pursuit. When you are yourself, everyone will respect you more and treat you kindly. Best of all, you will always feel good about yourself and this will reflect out onto others, making them feel even more certain about your sense of self.

11. 11Serve others. Mahatma Gandhi once said that "the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others". All introspection and no reaching out to others can cause you to navel-gaze and shut yourself off from others. Service to other people and to the community is the ultimate way to find purpose and a sense of your place in the world.

o When you get to see how hard life can be for those in greater need than you, it's often a wake-up call that puts your own worries, concerns, and issues into perspective. It helps you to see what you do have and the opportunities you've been able to seize through life. That can fuel a great sense of self because suddenly everything can fall into place for you and you realize what matters most. Try it. You'll like it.Ads by GoogleFXLiDER Forex Платформа Leverage do 200:1 поддршка од оператори на Македонски јазикwww.FXLiDER.com

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Edit Tips Be forgiving in the hope that others may forgive you. Don't be afraid to sleep on it. There's no hurry in making

decisions, and you'll be more likely to make good ones if your mind is calm and rested.

Although it's a cliche, the term Be yourself really does count when it comes to finding yourself. Make sure no one influences who you are; by all means listen to others and learn from them but let the final choices, decisions, and acceptances be your own. If you simply capitulate to what others think, it will make finding yourself even harder since people are influencing who you think you are.

You're never as bad or as good as people say. Resist the urge to feel like you're the only one going through this.

In Invisible Man, Ralph Ellison once summed this up well: All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naive. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself.Ads by GoogleNew Authors Wanted Literary Agency Sells Top Writing Talent To Publishers- They Pay You!www.WlWrItErSaGeNcY.comMemory Improvement Games Improve Your Memory with Scientifically Designed Gameswww.lumosity.comJesus Loves You Here is a Prayer For You This Prayer Can Change Your Life.GodLife.com/Jesus2020

Edit Warnings Don't over-analyze everything! Don't think about how you should

act – just be yourself and the rest will come