Self-Esteem, Objectives:Be able to define “self-esteem”.Be able to figure out how high or how

low your self-esteem is.Be able to describe healthy ways to

build your self-esteem.

What is self esteem ?Self-worthConfidence in our ability to think and

cope with life’s challengesConfidence in our right to be happy and

successfulA feeling that we are deserving, entitled

to assert our needs and desires

Benefits of high self-esteemMore persistent at a difficult task Increased respect for oneself and

behave in ways that encourage others to respect (Me)more

Improve unconscious behaviorFeel better, live better

The impact of self-esteem on our lives:How we operate in the workplaceSchoolHomeHow we chose our friendsWho we fall in love with

The higher our self-esteem The easier we are able to pick ourselves up

after a fall (tragedies,problems etc.). The stronger the drive to express our true

nature and the sense of richness within. The better we are able to form nurturing vs.

toxic relationships. The tendency to be drawn to others with high

self-esteem.

Our first steps to building self-esteem is to:

• Raise the level of our consciousness in the face of emotional resistance.

• Claim our personal power.• Identify “pseudo-self-esteem”: someone

that has a lot of worldly success but feels like a failure inside and has a deep sense of inadequacy.

Healthy vs. unhealthy self-esteem Rationality, realism Creativity Independence Flexibility Ability to manage

change Willingness to admit

mistakes

See others as inferior

Fear of the unknown Inappropriate

conformity or rebelliousness

Defensiveness Over controlling hostility

High self-esteem Is the best predictor of personal

happiness. Is like having an emotional surplus, thus

it is easier to love.The opposite is emotional

improvishment, which means you have a lot of unfulfilled needs.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needsDraw a triangleOn the bottom put your basic human

needs, food, oxygen, water, sexNext put shelter, safety, healthThen love and belongingThen education, learning, self-esteemAt the top:self-actualization

A self-actualized person displays:

Acceptance of self, others and natureSelf-direction, highly motivatedProblem-solving abilitySatisfying relationship with others

The needs are simple, but for many of us, we do not feel truly deserving of the higher level needs

What is required for many of us, paradoxical though it may sound, is the courage to tolerate happiness without self-sabotage

Within ourselves we have:Destructive voicesMemories, unconscious and conscious

of failureFearSelf-doubtSelf-sabotage

Confronting those voicesTry not to run from themTry not to ignore themChallenge them to give reasonsDistinguish between fact and fiction,Distinguish between feelings that are

based on reality vs a non realityperseverance is self-esteem building

Average self-esteem:Fluctuate between feeling appropriate

and inappropriateSometimes act wisely, sometimes

foolishly Inconsistent in behaviorThis relationship with self reflects

relationships with others

What causes low self-esteem?Overly critical ParentsSignificant childhood lossesParental abuseParental alcoholism and drug addictionParental neglect/overprotectivenessParental rejectionParental overindulgence

How can we improve our self-esteem?Living more consciouslyTaking good care of yourselfThe practice of self-acceptanceThe practice of self-responsibilitySelf assertivenessDeveloping support and intimacyThe practice of personal integrity

The practice of living consciously:Watch your thoughts…do you find

yourself saying: I know I am not doing my best but I do

not want to think about it. I know the way I eat is wrecking my

health but…. I know I am living beyond my means,

but…

Living consciously means:Being in the momentA concern to understand the world

around meA commitment to learningTo seek clarityBe aware of values that motivate meDistinguish between facts and feelings

Self acceptanceSelf-esteem is something we

experience, self-acceptance is something we do.

Refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with self.

Listening to feelings can lead to a deeper awareness of important information

Self-assertiveness/responsibilityWillingness to stand up for selfProtecting boundariesTo live by your valuesLearn to be kind without self-sacrificingCooperate with others without betraying

our standards and convictions

Living purposefullyTo live productivelyTranslating thoughts into realityAnswering questions such as: What am

I trying to achieve ? Why do I think these means are appropriate ? Does the feedback from the environment convey that I am succeeding or failing ?

The practice of personal integrity Is the integration of ideals, standards,

beliefs and behaviorsWhen our behavior is congruent with

our professed values, when ideals and practice match, we have integrity

When we have lapses in integrity it is detrimental to our self-esteem

One of the biggest enemies to high self-esteem is Laziness:We do not challenge our inertiaWe do not chose to be “awake”We do not wish to experience

discomfortThe greatest problem is that it becomes

a vicious cycle and our “laziness” or inaction damages our self-esteem and we tend to become more lazy.

Self-esteem exercise If I bring more awareness to my life

today….. If I boost my energy level by 5%

today…Write a letter to your “inner child”: Start by taking a few deep breaths, picture yourself

as a child,ask yourself are there any needs that were not met, then write a nurturing letter to sooth your “inner child”.