SECTION 6 LESSON 1

The Effects of Competition and Rivalry Between Family Members and Peers on Self

Esteem, Ego Striving, and Mood

Under Construction

In many families, each child is compared to their parents and siblings and sometimes extends to peers. These comparisons affect the child’s self esteem, sense of self worth, and, as a result, the child’s mood. When the adolescent begins to join and identify with groups, comparisons between groups are taken in as though they validated or invalidated the teens personal worth, self esteem, and mood.

Comparisons generate self monitoring and divert focus from the process of activities to the appearance of the performance, from pleasure in the activity to anxiety over outcomes.

Comparisons Made with Parents and Siblings Undermine Self Esteem, Cause Negative Emotions and Moods, and Cause Ego Striving and Flip-Flops

Children Carry the Tendency to Make Comparisons into Adolescence and The Make Comparisons with Peers Causing Ego Striving and Mood Flip-Flops

From Sibling Rivalry to Rivalry with Peers and Between Peer Groups, Teens Incorporate a Comparison Scale that Raises or Lowers Their Self Esteem, Their Feelings About Themselves and Their Mood

If a peer group or clique is considered better than mine, then my self esteem is lowered.

If my peer group or clique is considered better than some other one, then I am better and my self esteem goes up.

This means that the teen’s ego or self esteem is constantly flip-flopping and moods are constantly shifting between depression and elation.

Summary of Rivalry and Competition

1. A SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER SYSTEM BEGINS TO DEVELOP INADOLESCENCE CONSISTENT WITH THE PRIVATE SUPPRESSED SELF

2. TRANSITION TO THE SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER SYSTEM AND THEPROCESS OF EMOTIONAL EMANCIPATION

3. PEER COMPARISONS SHAPE THE SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER

4. EVENTUALLY THE SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER SYSTEM CO-DEVELOPS THECHILD’S SELF IMAGE

by

Ed Young, Ph.D.

THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER SYSTEM AND THE TRANSITION FROM CHILDHOOD TO ADOLESCENCE

o

r

j

c

P

o

e

ti

n

Real

World

The waytheworldappearsas seenthroughthe lensof theImplicitOthers

and can not be the way

The world is just

like my parents. I cannot be the way I wantto be with my parents

I want to be in theadult world. They arethe enemy. They areall so stuffy andnegative. They seeeverything as beingdangerous, bad, crazy,irresponsible andstupid. But they arethe ones that arestupid. But what aboutthose other teenagersover there, my peers?Maybe we can avoidthat alien world andfind a secret placewhere we can be

ourselves.

where I can

They are

That’s thegroup

be myself.

just likeme!

NowPEER PRESSUREOK. . What dothey think of me?

Lens ofImplicitOther

PeerGroup orGang

Hey, let’s do our own thing. Let’s have a party and throw off their harness, be free, and have

a blast!

A SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER SYSTEM BEGINS TO DEVELOP IN ADOLESCENCE CONSISTENT WITH THE PRIVATE SUPPRESSED SELF

PARENTS

WHICH

PEERS, ASSECONDARY

IMPLICIT OTHERSYSTEM, BEGIN TO

BECOME THELENS THROUGH

PARENTSARE NOW SEENAND JUDGED.

I’m taking astep towardemancipation,toward being myown separateindividual self,being emotionallyindependent, usingand havingconfidence in myown judgment,venturing out intothe world toestablish my ownplace in the world.Shifting alliance tomy Peers is one ofthe main ways tohelp meaccomplish this.But I still need myparents even while Iam separating fromthem.

THE INTERACTION BETWEEN PEER RELATIONSHIPS AND THE CHILD’S EVOLVING SELFSYSTEM

TRANSITION TO THE SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER SYSTEM AND THE PROCESS OF EMOTIONAL EMANCIPATION

Now each peer inthe peer group begins to bejudged by BOTHImplicit OtherSystems. Thisbecomes veryconfusing and very stressful.

PARENTS

Other

implicit

Peer

ImplicitOther

Secondary

System

EVENTUALLY THE SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER SYSTEM CO-DEVELOPS THE ADOLESCENT’S SELF IMAGE

Understanding Social Cannibalism of the Early Teen Years and the Life Cycle of Aggression and Picking on People

5.

Causes of Social Cannibalism

2.1. 4.

3.

7.

6.

7. Child becomes a parent and repeats physical punishment, abuse, picking on, suppressing hostile come backs, and attacking behavior that is different.

Development of SocialCannibalism Over Time1. Parent abusively punishes or picks on child for behavior that deviates from family cultural norms.2. Child picks on smaller child3. Child picks on child who is different4. Child grows up and picks on smaller child

5. Child in early teens picks on similar other early teen for minor differences and vulnerabilities.6. Child as late teen turns on age cohorts who are different.

Escalation of Insecurity when entering new phase of adolescent freedom of mobility and choices. Insecurity is transformed into paranoid suspicion, angry resentment, and invidious comparisons. They cluster is small groups of high similarity and pick on each other.Being away from parental protection there comes a fear of older, upper classmen and strangers. Fear when cornered turns into explosive rage. Frightened, vulnerable kids in a group convert to aggression.Physical punishment and abuse, feeling picked on at home, and suppression of hostility results in displacement of anger and resentment onto peers who are different or perceived as engaging in put downs or invidious comparisons.Desire to make someone else ‘who is not intimidating’ suffer the same way child had to suffer. The initiation turnabout syndrome.Dormant, incorporated parental modeling of abusive, punitive attacks on behavior that deviates from family cultural norms re-surges from the unconscious spontaneously, welcome or not, when roles are reversed and the child has become a parent.

PEER COMPARISONS SHAPE THE SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHERInsecurity and Loss of Authenticity and Spontaneity In Peer Groups

From a Parent Imposing His/Her Will on a Child to Parents Imposing Their Will on the Community to Professional Experts Imposing Their Will to a Community of Equals Being Empowered and Empowering Their Children