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Mothering Celebrities: Mother-Daughter Relationships in the Auto/Biographies of Krisdayanti

Aquarini Priyatna

Faculty of Cultural Sciences Universitas Padjadjaran

[email protected]

“Probably there is nothing in human nature more resonant with charges

than the flow of energy between two biologically alike bodies, one of

which has lain in amniotic bliss inside the other, one of which has

labored to give birth to the other. The materials are here for the deepest

mutuality and the most painful estrangement” (Rich, 1995: 65).

I am a mother and my mother’s only daughter. Lately I have been trying to reconnect with my mother whom I

thought I have nothing in common with. Or maybe I have nothing in common with her. My brothers, even my

husband, on the contrary, think that I am slowly evolving into my mother. This creates ambivalent feelings for

me. On one hand, it somehow affirms my connectivity with my mother, that I am indeed my mother’s daughter.

On the other hand, I feel I am losing my sense of self about who I am, of my individuality and separation from

my mother. On the verge of my fifty, I am feeling increasingly aware that I am more of my mother’s reflection

than what I thought I would be. I am becoming her. It scares me. I don’t want to be like her. I have always

thought I have laid a different path from her. I thought I would become my own self, but just as Rich (1995:

225) argues, “the flow of energy between two biologically alike bodies,” is not something one can deny.

Writing this article gives me a space to reflect on my relationship with my mother, and how in many

ways she has shaped my idea of self. She has even directed me to the path I took in an ironical way I thought I

was going to be different from her. My mother was a “Sarjana Muda Hukum” when her education was cut short

due to the passing of her father. She was a very active university student, enrolling herself to different academic

and social activities. A “pokrol bambu”, she was a trained – still is – a strong contender for any debate she has

let herself to enter. Her children know only too well that we shall never outsmart her if she wishes to entertain

herself by smacking us. She was never able to go back to school because she decided to marry my father so as to

be able to take care of her younger siblings. Three of them. Growing up, I was a very obnoxious daughter who

often undermined her intellectuality. I only learnt the significant role she has played as I grow older and calmer,

and managed to reflect and appreciate the many little things she did for me.

My mother was not a tomboy, but she had no problem competing with boys. She was not exactly a cute

little girl. She was outgoing and at time hilariously naughty. She told me the story about stealing her

neighbours’ grapefruit once and almost got caught. Later her brother told her about “this girl who stole the

neighbours’ grapefruit” only to find a grapefruit on the table. She would laugh and her brother got very worried.

My maternal grandfather was a strict man who wouldn’t let his daughters run around and make trouble, but my

maternal grandmother did not find it troublesome. My grandmother was the accomplice of my mother’s naïve

naughtiness. She would trick her husband so that my mother could jump out of the window and run to catch the

train, calling out the driver to stop and he did. My mother’s eyes sparkled when she told me this story, and so

did mine. I guess.

My mother let me go to places. She did not ask questions when I said I was going to go this mountain

or that places even when I was as young as the first grade of junior high school. She had her trust in me.

Perhaps, she saw herself in me. Maybe it gives her some affirmation that I am her daughter and her own

reflection. As Rich writes, “as daughters we need mothers who want their own freedom and ours” (1995: 247). I

know I need her to be the example of what kind of freedom I could possible achieve.

This article discusses mother-daughter relationships as portrayed in two auto/biographies of

Krisdayanti, a prominent Indonesian female celebrity. It seeks to argue the important roles her mother play that

have shaped not only their personal life but also their career. This article also suggests that the auto/biographies

reveal that mother-daughter relationships contribute to the construction of their celebrity selves and femininity.

Lastly, the article proposes that “good mothering” implies the ability to manoeuvre around motherhood as an

institution and motherhood as an experience.

The term auto/biography is used following Stanley (1992), and it refers to life writing that expands the

limited category of autobiography and biography. The term is used here because while the work is written by

another person other than the auto/biographical subject, the subject claims authority of the work. This space for

auto/biographical writing is also emphasized by Lejeunne (1989).

Mothering as a Female/Feminine Agency

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