SAY IT AIN’T SO?!

Hooking up is the only

way? Dating, Courtship

does it really matter?

There is nothing new under the sun: 1 Cor 6:15 “Do

you not know that your bodies are members of

Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and

make them members of a prostitute? Never! 16 Or

do you not know that he who is joined to a

prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is

written, “The two will become one flesh.” 17 But he

who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with

him. 18 Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a

person commits is outside the body, but the sexually

immoral person sins against his own body. 19 Or do

you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy

Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You

are not your own, 20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body”

HOOKING UP? FROM “TEEN

ADVISE”

Jessica Rozler, who wrote The Hookup Handbook, defines

"hooking up" as anything more than a kiss.

Most Teen Vogue readers say that only kissing and

touching count as hookups.

As you can see, there isn't a clear definition of "hookup."

Some people might mean sex while other people might

just mean kissing. If you really want to know the gory

details, you'll have to ask them what they're talking about.

There's one thing everybody agrees on, though: hooking

up happens outside of relationships. There's no

commitment involved, meaning that if you hook up, the

other person might have no expectations of hooking up

with you again - and many hookups stay one-night stands.

College stats: Where the term "hookup culture" originated is

still debated, although concept started appearing in

psychological literature and reviews in the mid 2000s. Some

scholars, including Justin Garcia, CTRD Research Fellow at

The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and

Reproduction, believe that hooking up - or more casual

sexual encounters between consensual partners - started

increasing in the 1920s. As teens gained more

independence with their time and activities, their

sexual options also expanded. [Garcia, Justin R.; Reiber,

Chris; Massey, Sean G.; Merriwether, Ann M. (February 2013).

"Sexual Hook-up Culture". Monitor on Psychology. American

Psychological Association.] Once the 60s hit and sexual

freedom became one of the cornerstones of the decade,

sex outside of a romantic or marriage-like relationship turned

into a socially acceptable activity. [Bogle, K. A. (2007), "The

Shift from Dating to Hooking Up in College: What Scholars

Have Missed", Sociology Compass 1 (2): 775–788.]

Today, hookup culture usually refers to teens and/or college-

aged young adults having casual sex outside of a

committed, romantic relationship, and all of the cultural

aspects that envelop such behavior. Examples:

•"It’s true that more than 90% of students say that their

campus is characterized by a hookup culture." [Wade, Lisa

(May 30, 2013). "Hookup Culture: College Kids Can Handle

It"; Los Angeles Times.]

•"...hookup culture dictated for them that there would be no

dating, and that they simply had to endure this reality."

[Freitas, Donna (2013). The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture

is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Intimacy; p. 159. New York: Basic Books.]

•"No evidence of substantial changes in sexual behavior that

would support the proposition that there is a new or

pervasive ‘hookup culture’ among contemporary college

students."[Szalavitz, Maria (August 13, 2013). The Truth About

College Hookups. Time. ]

SO WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?

Fear of long term relationships. Divorce in the last

generation. UK sees younger people divorcing less.

Searching for love and intimacy without the stress of

long term relationships. “not wanting to allow

someone to hurt us”

Feminism: “You can have it all”

Think that the physical can be separated from the

spiritual, social and emotional/mental implications…

Hollywood: Movies “Friends with benefits” and “No

strings attached” and “Crazy Stupid Love” all show

this type of lifestyle as positive and leading to love?

According to reviews…

WE ARE RELATIONAL BEINGS…INTIMACY:

IN TO ME SEE…

Gen 2:18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

WE WERE CREATED TO BE IN RELATIONSHIP

WITH GOD AND OUR SPOUSE….We are designed in such a way that physical

relationships alone will never fulfill the needs in the other areas.

We are beings who yearn for intimacy and no matter what the world or Satan says it is not totally fulfilled in hooking up.

Also waiting is not popular in our “On Demand” culture.

So what about Dating vs Courting?

The name doesn’t matter but the PURPOSE DOES!

Whatever you call this it is about long term vs short term plan.

DATING OR COURTING TO FIND A SPOUSE…

The real difference is that Dating in the HOOK UP Culture says have as many partners as possible. Test Drive relationship before you buy the car?

Courting or Dating in the way that leads to finding your spouse includes involving others, accountability (going out in public to deal with temptation), purity and not giving too much as you discern if this is going to lead to marriage.

Involving others in the decision for example parents or mature Christian friends…

It is the motivation and long term goal that is the difference…

So What? What does the Bible say…

Ephesians 5 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved

children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave

himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 3

But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must

not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.

4 Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking,

which are out of place, but instead let there be

thanksgiving. 5 For you may be sure of this, that everyone

who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is,

an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and

God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for

because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the

sons of disobedience. 7 Therefore do not become partners

with them; 8 for at one time you were darkness, but now you

are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light 9 (for the fruit of

light is found in all that is good and right and true), 10 and try

to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.

11 Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but

instead expose them. 12 For it is shameful even to speak of

the things that they do in secret. 13 But when anything is

exposed by the light, it becomes visible, 14 for anything that

becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, “Awake, O sleeper,

and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” 15

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise,

16 making the best use of the time, because the days are

evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the

will of the Lord is. 18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that

is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 addressing one

another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and

making melody to the Lord with your heart, 20 giving thanks

always and for everything to God the Father in the name of

our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another out of

reverence for Christ.

HOOKING UP LEADS TO LIVING

TOGETHER? WHAT IS HAPPENING?

WHY?

There are numerous statistics, studies, and facts about how

cohabiting couples are at a higher risk for divorce. Here's an

example:

The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development

reports:"Cohabitation, once rare, is now the norm: The

researchers found that more than half (54 percent) of all first

marriages between 1990 and 1994 began with unmarried

cohabitation. They estimate that a majority of young men and

women of marriageable age today will spend some time in a

cohabiting relationship. ... Cohabiting relationships are less stable

than marriages and that instabililty is increasing, the study found."

ANXIOUS, FEARFUL AND INSECURE…Readily Available Cohabitation Facts

•Living together is considered to be more stressful than being

married.

•Just over 50% of first cohabiting couples ever get married.

•In the United States and in the UK, couples who live

together are at a greater risk for divorce than non-

cohabiting couples.

•Couples who lived together before marriage tend to

divorce early in their marriage. If their marriage last seven

years, then their risk for divorce is the same as couples who

didn't cohabit before marriage.Cohabitation Facts Rarely Mentioned•In France and Germany cohabiting couples have a slightly lower risk of

divorce. If cohabitation is limited to a person's future spouse, there is no

elevated risk of divorce.

•In the U.S., cohabiting couples taking premarital education courses or

counseling are not at a higher risk for divorce. Marriage, a History: from Obedience to

Intimacy by Stephanie Coontz

Matthew 6: 22 “The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your

eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, 23 but if

your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If

then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!24

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the

one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one

and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life,

what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body,

what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the

body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air:

they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet

your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value

than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add

a single hour to his span of life?

28 And why are you anxious about clothing?

Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they

neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon

in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30

But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which

today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven,

will he not much more clothe you, O you of little

faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What

shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What

shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all

these things, and your heavenly Father knows that

you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of

God and his righteousness, and all these things will

be added to you.34 “Therefore do not be anxious

about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for

itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

SO WHAT DO WE DO?

Pray and wait on the Lord for the “right” person.

Trust others to hold us accountable.

Look at the long term not give into the culture of the immediate gratification…

Submit or surrender our future to our God and Father who loves us and has what is BEST in mind for us.

Be counter Cultural and join the new revolution of purity and courtship…

Joshua Harris and others…

13 Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being

sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be

brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 14 As

obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of

your former ignorance, 15 but as he who called you is holy,

you also be holy in all your conduct, 16 since it is written, “You

shall be holy, for I am holy.” 17 And if you call on him as

Father who judges impartially according to each one's

deeds, conduct yourselves with fear throughout the time of

your exile, 18 knowing that you were ransomed from the futile

ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable

things such as silver or gold, 19 but with the precious blood of

Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot. 20 He was

foreknown before the foundation of the world but was

made manifest in the last times for the sake of you 21 who

through him are believers in God, who raised him from the

dead and gave him glory, so that your faith and hope are in

God. 1 Peter 1….

COVENANT AND KINGDOM PEOPLE:

Father KING:

Obedience Identity POWER Authority