E X T RA !

2015 YCC ENDORSEM

ENTS

JOE ENGLSHP R E S D E N T :

Imagine this: a card game similar to Pokemon, except each card is a Yale administrator, with their respective attack strengths and vital weaknesses. Which administrator would you choose to send to battle? YCC Presidential candidate Ben Martin would chose former Dean Mary Miller because shes a boss. Candidate Andy Hill would play Dean Jonathan Holloway because hes taking our opinions seriously. Lastly, candidate Joe English would throw down the gauntlet with Secretary Kimberly Goff-Crews because shes really powerful

and really chill. None of them, however, chose 50 Moster Linda Lorimer, winner of Rumpuss Facebook contest. We find this shocking considering

that YCC campaigns also depend entirely on Facebook likes. We will try not to let this lapse in judgement crush our faith in student government.

The Pokemon game has a clear winner: whipping his dick out at the heteronormative classist patriarchy of the West (his only true enemy, he says), Joe English kills the game. Nobody even knows who Mary Miller is anymore, and Dean Holloway doesnt stand a chance against the mighty Secretary Goff-Crews. Rumpus endorses Joe not because of his vision or experience, but because Joe just gets it. Joe gets that dorm parties are the best parties and that the video of Janis Joplin at Woodstock is the best music video of all time. Joe gets that there is no quick fix for Saybrook College.

Its going to take some long-term therapy, he says.

As a freshman, Joe rewrote the YCC Constitution and served on all three branches of the council. This year, he is YCC Chief of Staff.

Rumpus doesnt know if that means Joe made Michael Herbert his bitch or vice versa, but it has a nice ring to it. Andy Hill serves as a representative of Berkeley College; his YCC project has to do with campus sustainability, but he prides himself on a number of personal projects, such as reaching out to cultural houses and working to form an Inter-Fraternity Council. Ben Martin is SoCo Vice

all photos in this extra borrowed from the YDN

President, and SoCo has a pretty dope Instagram account that throws mad likes at Rumpuss account. Thanks, Ben.

When asked why he was running, Ben Martin said that he wanted to be YCC president because he would be the best; he doubted that the other candidates would have successful reigns. We liked the honesty. However, when asked which member of YCC board would have the highest kill count in a similar Pokemon card game, Martin chose one of the few female members of YCC because she was the most catty. Despite our appreciation of his candidness, Rumpus would prefer a YCC President who, while running for a position that has been held by one woman in the last fifteen years in an all-male

election, can back up this vital Pokmon decision with less gross, sexist reasons.

Hill enticed us with his vision and insight. Rumpus constantly searches for revelation with the near-impossible question: Blue State on York or

Wall? While English and Martin both chose York due to its proximity, Hill says that Its a mentality shift; York is for nighttime, Wall is for the morning. We couldnt have said it better ourselves, and we like the idea of a YCC President who knows the truth and isnt afraid to say it. Two things stand in the way of us believing in WE (Hills slogan). First, Hill wants to make more Task Forces. More Task Forces means more emails, and we currently have 851 unread emails in our inbox. And unfortunately, we really just cant get behind the grammatical construction of his slogan.

In retrospect, last years YCC Presidential Election was a total shitshow. Between former President Danny Avraham inappropriately lashing out at Sara Miller and Michael Herbert being Michael Herbert, the Yale student body was sufficiently entertained

for the week of campaigning. Compared to last year, this years elections are boring as shit. English, Hill, and Martin are all non-schizophrenic, generally

good guys who all have the same platform: stick it to the man. Where is the drama? Where are the accusations of homophobia and 2000-word long

YDN comments? Step it up, gentlemen. Entertain us.

ADAM S. & ALEX S.

e n g l s hP R E S D E N T :

MADDE BAUERV E E P :

Madeline Bauer may be running unopposed for the YCC Vice Presidency, but that doesnt mean she

isnt taking this election seriously.

I was sort of listening to the debates on Monday, she tells us, but only in between scrolling through Rumpuss twitter feed.

Its this apathy towards the YCC -- and shameless

flattery of our Web Brand -- that allows Rumpus to confidently endorse Maddie for the position.

Maddies platform is certainly in line with the values of the council. She hopes to recreate the community experience YCC provided her last year, particularly the elite 2013-14 F-Board,

i.e. the 7 freshmen council reps who needed yet another GroupMe to ignore in an attempt to feel powerful. (Editors note: several Rumpus staffers report not making the cut.) It wasnt exclusive, I swear, she assures us. Actions, not words, Maddie. Actions, not words.

Maddie also hopes to create a shuttle line to Yale Health for students, which is great news for the drunk freshmen who cant stumble there without getting lost deep in Dixwell. Shes even proven herself to be committed to the transparency of the Council: when prompted to give the scoop on Michael Herbert, she immediately handed over exclusive text messages in which Herberts fingers actually typed the phrase awko taco, and leaked a YCC Correspondents

Gala scandal we were later forced to retract.

Our endorsement of Bauer isnt without reservations. Sure, shes served as the University Services chair and has worked with the Mental Health Steering Committee, but is she in tune to the plights of the Yale experience that have thus far gone unnoticed? Maddie claims to not own a Canada Goose jacket, so could she ever really understand the desperation of a Sunday morning Facebook campaign searching for the many lost at Harvest? Shes never seen a Linda Koch Lorimer snow day email (may they Rest In Power) -- how does she plan

to fill the shoes of our universitys best Vice President? These are worthwhile questions to

ask yourself before you cast your vote.

Though Rumpus was discouraged by her inexperience in these regards, we reaffirmed our commitment to Maddie by connecting over an innocent game of Marry, Fuck, Kill. Like Rumpus, Maddie would end Andy Hill, mate with Ben Martin (but only because I have to), and ultimately tie the knot with Joe English. Tell it like it is, girl. Were behind you all the way.

Vote Maddie Bauer for Vice President, because what else are you going to do.

LUCAS R. & ALLEX D.

no endorsementf n a n c e :

Because Daniel Tovbin is a member of the Rumpus

staff, it would be a conflict of interest for Rumpus to

endorse any other candidate. Vote Tovbin!

?

Meaty on the inside, soft on the outside. Dough hugs a slow-roasted center. Theres barbecue sauce steaming

within. Youve craved them all day--these savory spheres.

Youve longed to bite into them. Were not talking about pork buns. Were talking about YCC Events Coordinator Candidates Amour Alexandre and Megan Ruan.

Looking to endorse one of them (to assist our readership at the polls), Rumpus interviewed them both. What follows is excerpts from these interviews--our hardest-hitting

questions.

***

Rumpus: So lets say youre a character on Lost, or not Lost specifically, but an equivalently inoffensive ABC primetime drama of similar subject matter.

Amour Alexandre: So Im about to be stranded on an island?

R: Mhmm. And you can only take one Oscar-nominated short with you, of any year or genre. BUT, it cant be 2010s God of Love or 2014s Boogaloo and Graham.

AA: Okay.

R: What Oscar nominated short are you taking with you?

AA: Franz Kafkas Its a Wonderful Life

R: Okay, so Ive always loved Richard E. Grant, mostly for his cameos on HBO dramedies.

AA: Same.

R: And I like that you chose a short that confronts important themes--similar to those confronted by the

conceit of being stranded on an island.

AA: Mortality and abandonment?

R: Exactly.

***

Rumpus: Can I call you Meg?

Megan Ruan: Of course.

pork bunse v e n t s :

PORKBUNS

E V E N T S :

R: Meg, lets say youre a character on Lost, or not Lost specifically, but an equivalently inoffensive ABC primetime drama of similar subject matter.

MR: So Im about to be stranded on an island?

R: Mhmm. And as your planes going down, the pilot comes up to you and says, Were all about to be stranded on an island. And youre like, okay.

MR: Okay.

R: And then he says, Every back-up singer/dancer who ultimately became a star is sitting in first class, and you can only save one of them.

MR: ---

R: Who do you save?

MR: Whom*

R: Whom do you save?

MR: Jennifer Lopez.

R: Okay, so Ive always loved New Kids on the Block, and Im impressed that you know she once back-up danced for them. I also love 2003s Gigli, but I

think more because of Ben Affleck than Jennifer Lopez.

MR: Same.

R: So decent answer. BUT I was actually looking for either Phil Collins or Casper Smart. Ironically enough, he back-up danced for Jennifer Lopez, so

you came pretty close.

MR: I feel like he never really became a star though. He just dated Jennifer Lopez.

R: Have you Googled it?

***

Rumpus: Okay so, same set-up as before.

Amour Alexandre: Alright.

R: Unless youre tired of it.

AA: No, Im fine.

R: So starting tomorrow, youll be on the island. You have one. last. Saturday. night. to spend in New Haven. How do you spend it?

AA: Pre-game at Basil (for the pork buns), then Box.

R: Okay, so Ive always loved pork buns.

***

Rumpus endorses pork buns for 2015-2016 YCC Events Coordinator.

PATRICK D.

P O R KB U N S