Preparedness Chart

www.RagnarokTraining.com

Wait.. . . What?

You mean for real?

I thought it was a Wii game. . .

• This person is too busy updating their Facebook status with the names of all the foul-villains they slew that day to worry about the miniscule trifles of the real world. In truth, they will probably never hear about the race; their lifestyle is so lacking in activity that events like this never make it past the spam-filters in their mind.

• And even if the power to their house were cut, and they were forced to venture-forth into the real world, exercise is a foe this super-hero could not vanquish because to them just wiping their bottom is a max-exertion event (which is something that can only be accomplished once in a fort-night).

Go On Without Me. I'll Stay Behind And

Fend Off The Cannibals.

It will Take Them a While to Chew Through My Fat Ass

• The person who signs up from the couch and figures that their high school football training 20 some odd years ago will carry them through the race, even though their exercise since then has just been arm-chair-quarterbacking.

• This person probably won't even show up to the race, and if by some strange stroke of fate they do show up, their chance of ever making it out of sight of the starting line is somewhere around slim to none.

Mommy, I Want To Go Home.

You Were Right, It is Scary Out in the world.

• The weekend warrior who exercises sometimes, but not consistently enough to build any endurance, and definitely has no sport-specific training.

• After a few obstacles, this person realizes that life itself is much too tough of a struggle and decides to take an early trip to the beer tent to drown their sorrows and think about warmer times: like cuddling up on the couch with a pint of ice cream and hot cocoa.

...And I Trained So Hard.

Why Do Things Like This Always Happen To Me?

The person who trains for the race only from a bicycle, stair stepper, or treadmill. They build their endurance, but do no sport-specific training, and altogether fail to do any stability or reaction training.

During their first run through the forest or down a loose-dirt hill, they roll their ankle because their treadmill lacked that uneven terrain setting that only Gods treadmill has. As this person looks at the twisted mess that used to be their ankle, they wonder if they'll make their Tuesday Reiki class or not.

Mongo. Run?Mongo. No. Run.

You. Like. Mongo?Mongo. Like You.

You. Belong. Mongo. Now.

This piece of abstract art that seems to be a representation of both man and woman sharing the same physical space on this Earth is not to be trifled with. Similarly, Shim does not trifle with endurance exercise.

While the sheer power of this science experiment may be strong enough to reverse the rotation of the earth, it’s lack of endurance training and total aerobic capacity means that finishing the race will require two oxygen tanks, a 48-hour time extension, and a 32-oz slab of Angus beef cooked less than rare waiting for them at the finish line.

I signed up for a 5K,What is this wall doing here?

Climb it? Come on, these chicken wings

Cannot even get the pickle jar open.

This 120 lb whisper in the wind cannot even hold his bowels long enough to finish the race, and now you are asking him to hold the weight of his body over a pit of mud? All the energy gels and super-goo in the world could not make that happen.

While this person may be able to run further than your neighbors Prius could make it on a tank of gas, the total power output of this animated skeleton does not even measure on a scale when compared to the leg drive your 90-year grandmother has to unleash to get off her toilet in the morning.

I Made It, But How Come Everybody

And Their Grandmother Beat Me? I Mean That Guy Over There

Doesn't Have Any Arms Or Legs, and He Still Kicked My Butt.

What Gives?

The person who only did the individual workout, or something similar. This person took the first step towards training for the race: doing sport-specific training. However, because they limited themselves to the gym, and didn't apply themselves to real obstacles, their training didn't fully prepare themselves for what was to come. So, while they are able to just finish the race, they don't actually excel at it.

These are the people who make it to the dance, but spend the night staring at the prom queen from the back row of the bleachers, wondering why she won't walk back there to ask him to dance.

Hey, Hey, Hey, Second Place....Not Too Shabby, Huh?

Here, Hold My Trophy While I Kiss Your Girl.

This is the team that planned for the race. They did their individual training to build their strength and endurance. They showed up to the team sessions to learn how to apply their bodies to the obstacles, and bond as a team. They specifically prepared their bodies for the challenge to come, and so succeeded when it was time to perform.

Come to the team trainings, and you will find yourself in this category. When you finish the race, 99% of the other people there will look at you and envy you. They will envy your physical and mental toughness, your endurance, your determination, your dashing good looks; everything about you. The rest of the night, you'll be the most popular person at the after party and you'll describe how your training was tougher than the race, and everyone will listen in amazement at your war stories, and rejoice with laughter at your jokes. Your motto will be "We came, we saw, we conquered....well we conquered everybody except those "people" in the next category.”

That Wasn't A Race. That Was Recess At Kindergarten

. . .Oh Wait, Excuse Me, Lucifer Just Rose Out Of The Earth

And I Have To Go Make Him Understand That Hell is Kittens and Candy Canes

Compared To Me. . .• Individual training gets you to the table. Team training means you get served

first. Completing the practice Maniacs means that you hunt and eat dragons for dinner. Sitting down and eating dinner with the common folk would just get in the way of your evening sparring matches with polar bears.

• This person came to the race, unpacked his belongings, and proceeded to dominate the racecourse, even though he was blindfolded, used only one arm, and had a refrigerator strapped to his back. While the second place winners are telling war-stories about their paper cuts and office deadlines, this person is quietly planning his attack for the Spartan Beast, wondering if it will be the challenge he is looking for, the race that makes him break a sweat.

• This is not someone who was born. This is someone who was created. Someone who was forged by hot molten steel to stand when all others fall. This is the one who is training for survival. Not to survive a race, but to survive Ragnarok.