REVOLUTION COURAGEOUS LEADERSHIP THE MANIFESTO FOR · 2015. 2. 2. · passive to powerful. This...

THE MANIFESTO FOR COURAGEOUS LEADERSHIP

 MIKE DILBECK iamcourageousleadership.com

THE REVOLUTION FORCOURAGEOUS LEADERSHIP

standing up, stepping in, and speaking out for what’s right

http://www.raproject.org


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 The Manifesto for Courageous Leadership © 2015 Mike Dilbeck. All rights reserved.

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 iamcourageousleadership.com


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 Matt grew up in a dysfunctional environment, living with up to 50 siblings and relatives at any time, in a small home in Pennsylvania. As a kid, he managed to escape his personal hell when a prominent local family adopted him. Matt already knew his new father having attended the camp for at-risk children he had founded.

 Years later, his adoptive father was indicted for child molestation. According to protocol, the police interviewed each member of the family. When questioned, Matt stated to the authorities, and even to the grand jury, that his father had never sexually abused him.

 As he sat next to his adoptive mom during the trial, he listened to “Victim Number Four” testify to being abused by the defendant. This victim happened to be a close friend – they even played racquetball together. Matt now admits, “He was telling his story, but it was really my story, too.”1

 Then, Matt made a choice that would alter his life forever.

 After sharing his story with his wife for the first time, he informed his father that he would not be testifying on his behalf. Matt then went to the attorney general to tell his truth: that he, too, had been violated by his own father.

PROLOGUE

 1 Bill Dwyre, ”Penn State saga, college football’s ugliest scandal, retold in ‘Happy Valley,’ Los Angeles Times, November 21, 2014.

http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-sp-paterno-sandusky-dwyre-20141122-column.html

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 Matt’s adoptive family name? Sandusky. His father is Jerry Sandusky, the infamous former assistant coach at Penn State University. In 2012, Coach Sandusky was convicted of 45 counts of child molestation and will spend the rest of his life in jail.

 Matt, at 35 years old, now has no relationship with his family. “I was kicked out,” he said. In spite of this, he has chosen to continue to live in Happy Valley with his wife and four children. He now focuses primarily on his foundation, Peaceful Hearts, which seeks to “create an atmosphere in which survivors of child molestation feel safe. His family continues to be occasionally harassed by the community.”2

 While there is much to consider about this famous case, many will argue that the most important development was the willingness of the defendant’s very own adopted son to take the bold, risky, and brave action of telling his story, which resulted in this conviction. Matt has said, “I knew if I was going to do this, it was going to have to be about more than just me. I needed to be a voice. While doing this is hard, it doesn’t kill you.”3

 To Matt and to all those who make the difficult choice to stand up, step in, and speak out for what’s right — this book is dedicated to you.

 To anyone who has ever wanted to intervene — to be a voice — this book is for you.

PROLOGUE

 2,3 Dwyre, “Penn State saga.”

http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-sp-paterno-sandusky-dwyre-20141122-column.html

I am a bystander for knowing that my dad cheated on my mom and not having the courage to tell her about it for fear that it will ruin my family.

 actual text message

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

PASSIVE TO POWERFUL what kind of bystander are you going to be?

02 PREPARATION how can you be ready and able to respond?

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PERMISSION what can you do now to make a difference?

04 POSSIBILITY FULFILLED what does it look like to show courageous leadership?

05 PRACTICE what now? how do you keep this all alive?

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There was a boy in my high school who was bullied a lot — I didn’t take part in it, but I also didn't stop it. He just committed suicide two weeks ago and I can only think that if I had intervened back then, maybe one friendship would have stopped him from taking his own life.


what is this and what are we standing for?

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what are you standing for?  Whether you know it or not – experience it or not – you are standing for something.

 There are things that are important to you and commitments that you have.

 There is a certain world you want to live in and a way you want yourself and other people treated.

 So, what are you standing for? What is important to you? What will you tolerate – and what is over the line?

 To help you answer these questions, I introduce The Creed for Courageous Leadership — 20 lines, 174 words — that serves as the blueprint for this manifesto and this revolution.

 As I travel the country and speak to audiences of all sizes and demographics, I always begin by reciting The Creed.

 I step on stage and words appear on the screen inviting the audience to stand when they hear a line that resonates with them. I then recite the first line as a bold declaration: “I AM COURAGEOUS LEADERSHIP!” As I deliver each line to the backdrop of powerful music, they begin to stand, one by one, until all in the room are on their feet. This presents each person with a powerful opportunity to connect with who they are and what they are committed to. It’s equally powerful to see every person around them making the same commitment.

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 I am obviously not on a stage in front of you now, and you are most likely in the comfort of your home, at your desk, or maybe in a local coffee shop; however, I invite you to create the same experience for yourself.

As you read and listen to each line of The Creed, find your own way to “stand” for a line that resonates with you. Perhaps you’ll actually stand as you repeat the words, or maybe you’ll take notes in your journal. It may be that you simply make a mental note for yourself when you are first moved and inspired by what you hear and see — when something grabs you and won’t let go.

 Let yourself be moved. Let yourself be inspired.

 Go ahead -- I’ll wait…

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LISTEN TO ME NARRATE CREEDCLICK OR TAP HERE AND

http://www.raproject.org/page/s/creed

http://www.raproject.org/page/s/creed

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 So, which line resonated with you and caused you to “stand?” What other lines did you connect with?

 Take a moment now and jot down what really touched and inspired you -- what you can now see that you are standing for.

 Put this where you can see it each day, whether it be a post-it note to your bathroom mirror, the screensaver on your computer, or in a private place where you go when you need that jolt of inspiration.

 Keep out out that notebook, journal, or Starbucks napkin -- you will be using it throughout this book.

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One of my most respected friends just saw a picture of me with my Special Olympics athlete. She told me "I don't know how you do it. I can't stand those people." It made me feel sick to my stomach but I chose not to say anything because of how much I respect her. I was a bystander.


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 Before we go on, I want you to know what this is.

 This is the manifesto for – the public declaration of -- The Revolution for Courageous Leadership. This is what we are standing for.

 This manifesto will give you permission to go from passive to powerful. This manifesto will help you stand up, step in, and speak out for what’s right. This manifesto will empower you to demonstrate Courageous Leadership — in the workplace, in organizations, in life.

 Simply said: this manifesto is a call to arms — a bold invitation for you to join us in creating a whole new world.

what this is and is not  I want to also let you know what this book is not…

 This is not a complete and exhaustive “how-to” manual on Courageous Leadership. I will actually never tell you, or anyone, what to do or whether you should do anything. This is your personal choice.

 This is not a research report. There are no statistics.

 This is also not meant to lay heavy allegations on you or present any sort of threat. I do not intend, in any way, for you to feel more shame, guilt, or regret from what you learn in our work together.

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what this is and is not  It is important that you do the work and allow yourself to see things about yourself as a reference for what you are reading; however, not as a means to make you feel bad about yourself.

 Finally, I did not write this to convince, sell, or manipulate you to believe anything I am saying. Why? First of all, nothing I say here is the absolute truth. It’s simply my perspective. Secondly, I don’t have to. You have already shown me who you are and what’s important to you. Assuming you just took a stand for what you heard in The Creed, and you have continued to read this far, I know everything I need to know — you don’t need to be convinced, sold, or made to agree with anything.

 This manifesto is my take on what is needed in our world and my call to arms for this revolution. I do intend to engage you, inspire you, and move you to action.

 Are you ready?

 Let’s go!

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I let people say offensive things, but the worst is letting my brother say homophobic things without speaking out against it. I am a bystander.


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 Alright. I trust that you have made at least a connection to The Creed and are starting to be aware of what you are committed to. Before I present you with “Life’s Ultimate Question” (yes, that is a tease), here’s the first set of key questions to ask yourself as we begin our journey together:

§  Do my actions in life — the things I say and do — match what I am committed to?

§  Are the actions I take, or don’t take, a match for who I now know myself to be?

§  Do I honor who I say I am by what I do and what I say?

key questions and impact  Allow yourself time to let these questions sink into your grey matter. Don’t be too quick in answering them. Mull them over as you’re lying in bed before you fall asleep and when you first wake up in the morning. Consider them as you’re sitting in traffic or riding the train on your way to work. And, as you’re contemplating, be very aware: the desire to look good drives us to perceive ourselves a certain, fixed way.

 When I truthfully answer these questions, my authentic and disappointing answer is no. I do not always take the actions I need to take to live up to the person I want to be for others or the person I desire to be for myself. My actions don’t always match who I am.

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key questions and impact  If you’re honest with yourself, you will see the same is true for you.

 This doesn’t make us bad people. It makes us human beings.

 We get more into this a little later but it’s important to stop and acknowledge that we all have done amazing and extraordinary things for others in our lives. We have acted in ways that match who we want to be. We have made a difference. However, as human beings, these are usually not the moments in our lives that we remember. Actually, these are the kinds of moments we write-off as “being at the right place at the right time” or, “I just did what anyone else

 would do.” We minimize, and even invalidate, our contributions to others. It seems egotistical not to, right?

 The moments we do remember, the ones that stick with us, are when we didn’t do or say what we wanted to – those times when our actions were not a match for who we are and what we are committed to. No matter the reasons for our inaction, when we don’t step up in the ways we know we want to, our shame and guilt change how we see ourselves. We then use these moments as evidence that we are “not enough” (smart enough, pretty enough, strong enough, brave enough, etc.), and we build on this body of evidence throughout our lives.

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key questions and impact  Something about our makeup as human beings means that we have a natural tendency to focus more on the negative about ourselves than on the positive.

 The result of this tendency is that we continue to shame ourselves for what we didn’t do. We feel guilty, and we regret that we didn’t do more, or that we did nothing at all. And, we make some critical, life-long, inaccurate, and global decisions about ourselves. We don’t merely say, “I made a mistake,” but we say, “I am a mistake,” and we elaborate from there with such negative and erroneous beliefs as:

§  I’m all alone.

§  No one cares.

§  I’m not loved.

§  I don’t matter.

§  I don’t belong.

§  I can’t…

 This belief system is why we don’t know ourselves as strong and powerful. It’s why many of us suffer from low self-esteem and lack of confidence. This way of thinking is why we don’t believe we really can make the difference we want to make.

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BULLYING & HAZING THEFT & FRAUD RELATIONSHIP & SEXUAL VIOLENCE

DRUG & ALCOHOL ABUSE DISCRIMINATION & HATE SPEECH EVERYDAY LIFE

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we are all bystanders  Far too often we read or hear of individuals deeply affected by inappropriate, unsafe, unhealthy, and illegal behaviors. We also observe instances of others “crossing the line” in our own lives: bullying, hate speech, harassment, mistreatment, discrimination, hazing, drug and alcohol use, relationship abuse, sexual violence, mental disorders, theft/fraud, and many other everyday life issues. Often, though surrounded by people, the individuals affected by these behaviors are abandoned to become victims of the actions or words of the ruthless and cruel members of our society. Sometimes, these are well intentioned but uneducated people who judge others’ actions because of their own misunderstandings.

 When we witness one of these behaviors, whether it’s a low-risk situation like an inappropriate comment or a high-risk moment where someone’s life is at risk, we are bystanders — whether we choose to be or not. Whether we like it or not. By nature of where we are and what we are witnessing, we are bystanders.

 Now, herein lies the problem: most of us choose to be passive bystanders and blind ourselves to the occurrences around us. When we do, we put ourselves in the position of becoming victims, ourselves, to the shame and guilt that result from denying our consciences. When we do not do what we know we want to do – what our moral compass is telling us to do – we become smaller

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we are all bystanders  in our own eyes. As we continue through our lives and live with the guilt of our inaction, we continue to become smaller… and smaller…and smaller.

 what’s your story?

 So, let’s make this less conceptual and more personal. What’s your story?

 Think back to a time when you’ve been the victim of an inappropriate, unhealthy, or abusive behavior, and you looked around for someone to protect you. How did it feel in that moment when you realized that no one was going to step up or defend you?

 Now, think about a time when you were a passive bystander. Your moral compass was telling you, “Do something, say something.” Yet, you didn’t. You walked away. You stayed silent. You laughed along.

 Please take a moment to reflect on your story. If you have more than one, choose the one that has had the greatest impact on you. Give yourself time to think and allow yourself to honestly see yourself as a passive bystander or as a victim to others acting as bystanders. This is not intended to shame you. I just want you to have real-life instances that you can use to apply everything here to your own life in a way that is less conceptual and more real.

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 OK, take the time now to reflect on, and then write down, your story.

For as long as I have been a professional speaker, I have given every audience this same opportunity. I actually invite them to text me their story, and I reply to every text I receive. To date, I have received nearly 4,000 heartbreaking text messages – some of them included in this book.

we are all bystanders  I am actually told by many that I am the only person they have ever shared their story with. And, by doing so, they are freed up from some of the shame and guilt they’ve been carrying with them ever since their moment happened. They, for the first time, experience a newfound sense of power and freedom. If you want to share your story with me, you can do so through our website at iamcourageousleadership.com or text me at 312.566.7040. I promise to personally respond to every message.

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This summer, my best guy friend killed his girlfriend who was my best friend. He had said things like "I'm going to kill her" or "I'll kick her ass if..." I thought he was kidding and I never took it seriously. But now I feel like I could have done something to stop it. I have horrible survivor’s guilt and don't know what to do.


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a whole new world  By this point, if you have allowed yourself to truly reflect and contemplate, you have been affected by what you have come to understand about your own truth. You are aware of the impact that behaving as a passive bystander has had on you, on others, and on society. Changing our thought processes that lead us to action is truly one of the things we are most challenged with — this is one of life’s greatest struggles.

 While we don’t like what we see and wish things were different, this is reality. This is the current world we live in.

 But, what if it didn’t have to be this way? What if we were able to live in a whole new world?

§  A world where we are able to go past our shame, guilt, and regret to be who we really want to be

§  A world where we know ourselves as strong and powerful rather than passive and powerless

§  A world where we honor who we say we are rather than sell out to reasons, excuses, and rationalizations

§  A world where victims of unjust behavior know there’s someone to defend them

§  A world where the false majority is overruled and dominated, and the real majority prevails

§  A world where we are standing up, stepping in, and speaking out for what’s right.

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a whole new world  I don’t know about you, but the idea of this kind of world gets me fired up! This is a world worth working for! C’mon, this world is worthy of a REVOLUTION!

 You with me?

 Are you in?

 The Revolution for Courageous Leadership is standing for this kind of world. We have to -- there are way too many people depending on us!

 Before we go on and explore what it will take to fulfill this kind of possibility, I must caution you about something…

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there is one catch  While this proposition sounds rather simple and logical, here’s the hard truth: it won’t be easy. It will really take something. Changing the way you think, behave, and treat other people, no matter the consequences, will require tremendous effort on each individual’s part. You may be all fired up now, but there will inevitably come a time when challenges you face will surely make this appear to be anything but a good idea. As a matter of fact, it may soon look like a very bad idea.

 We, as human beings, have built up so much evidence that we aren’t enough, and that we really can’t make the difference we want to make, that we have a lot of concentrated work to do to overcome our barriers and the resistance

we have built up. Honoring and staying true to who we say we are is one of the most difficult struggles we face as human beings. Accomplishing this goal sounds great as a concept, however it looks very different in reality. If it were easy, more of us would consistently do the right thing, and fewer problems and injustice would exist in our world.

You’ve heard of “The Road Less Traveled.” There is a reason why the path of unconventional living is less traveled. Standing up, stepping in, and speaking out make up some of the most difficult and scary tasks we will ever face. Adding to our own hesitance is the very real fact that we will often face resistance, retaliation and

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there is one catch  disagreement over our actions. Our first venture into courageous behavior may not go as well as we imagine, and we must be prepared to confront that possible disappointment and decide whether we will continue to take a stand.

 Therefore, this is not for everyone. While I believe everyone wants to live in this kind of world, there are those who would rather maintain the status quo than do the work required to really live life rather than just survive. There are people who are more comfortable being passive than powerful. They’re often unaware that their own power actually scares them. Some individuals are simply too resigned, defeated, and cynical that a world like we’re imagining here is even possible.

 I struggle with the same issues, as I am just as human as you are. However, I continually choose to be the kind of person who believes this kind of world is possible. I have personally dedicated my life to this possibility. It’s what gets me out of bed in the morning and sends me to bed exhausted each night. Realistically, I know that I may not see this possibility come to full fruition in my lifetime, but I will certainly live the rest of my life standing for it and passing this work on as my legacy.

So, with this warning and full awareness of reality, I ask again: are you with me? Are you willing to stand for this possibility? Are you willing to do the work to make this your legacy, as well?

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I saw a boy getting beat up and kicked on the ground by about 10 other boys near my campus but my friends told me to just go back to the dorms – so I did.


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a brief introduction  Okay, at this point, you may be saying to yourself, “Great ideas. Impressive. But, who is this guy?”

 Well, you can read all about me at mikedilbeck.com, but I will share the short version here. For most of my adult life, and I just turned the big 5-0, I have been a video producer and filmmaker creating projects exclusively for higher education organizations. I have produced programs on recruitment, fundraising, self-esteem, hazing, binge drinking, risk management, communication between the sexes, and the like.

 In 2007, I produced a film that changed everything for me. This one was different.

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http://www.mikedilbeck.com


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a brief introduction  It touched a chord in viewers in a way that none of my other 100+ productions ever had. This one actually changed my life.

 “RESPONSE ABILITY” brought 10 college students together from around the country to spend a month together on Facebook discussing the phenomenon known as “bystander behavior.” We then brought them to Sedona, Arizona for what turned out to be a life-changing weekend for everyone involved — and we captured it all on tape. When we left, we were changed. We were not the same people who had arrived for the weekend. We were empowered. We had gained what we needed to go back to our lives and make a difference. We were more dynamic,

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 potent, and aware of our own power.

 Upon the release of this film and distribution to 40 national fraternity and sorority organizations and then to more than 300 colleges and universities, I began getting calls and requests. People wanted more: a talk, a workshop, a workbook…something, anything to give them more tools! No other production had produced these astounding, life-changing results.

 So, in 2008, I made the decision to hang up my filmmaker’s hat and put all my attention on evolving this message and meeting the demand. Today, I am the leader of “RESPONSE ABILITY: The Revolution for Courageous Leadership,”


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a brief introduction  and I spend my time speaking, writing, recording video messages, appearing in the media, and doing whatever else is required to spread this message to a desperately needy world that is yet unaware of just how bereft it really is.

 Finally, this is what I really want you to know about me: I am not a therapist. I am not a psychologist. I am not an academician. I am simply a filmmaker-turned-advocate for people who want to stand up, step in, and speak out for what’s right. I am just a real person leading a real conversation designed to inspire us, empower us, and move us all to action.

 OK, enough about me…let’s talk more about US!

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I've had a lot of people make fun of me for being Hindu and no one really says anything. They don't join in but they don't speak out against it -- I feel quite alone.


what kind of bystander are you going to be? PASSIVE

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an instantaneous choice  I want to now revisit and expand on a point I made earlier — the point that we have all, at one time or another, been passive bystanders.

 As we journey through our respective lives, we encounter a variety of experiences. Each situation we see or hear occurs for us in a way that is unique and distinct from anyone else. While experiences can be characterized in many different ways, for our purposes I’ve narrowed these down to four categories for simplicity: good, bad, right, or wrong.

 We use our own distinct factors to characterize every situation. Our past serves as our biggest influence regarding the way an experience or situation shakes out for us. We carry our past, including decisions we have made, as filters through which we view every situation. These filters play a critical role in whether we will view a situation as good, bad, right, or wrong. We call this our perspective. We must also recognize that the way we experience and characterize a particular situation may or may not look the same to any other person,

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an instantaneous choice  because each person brings his or her own past and personal perspective.

 For any situation in which we have applied our own knowledge, values, and common sense to determine whether what we see or hear is bad or wrong – offensive, unhealthy, inappropriate, abusive, or even illegal – we face a choice. It may not occur to us, in the moment, as a choice because life keeps moving quickly and coming at us in the ever-surprising and unexpected way that it does. But, we do

 have a choice. It’s important that you understand the criticality of this one point, so I’ll say it again: in these moments, we must choose.

 We, literally, choose either to be a passive bystander who walks away, stays silent, and laughs along, or we choose to be a powerful protector who takes appropriate, effective, and safe action. Or, as we say in our revolution: stand up, step in, and speak out for what’s right.

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an instantaneous choice  Now is the time to step up and put on your big-girl or big-boy pants! Joining this revolution and committing to live a courageous life, ready and willing to protect and defend others at any moment, requires that we choose to be the kind of person who is willing to open our eyes to the need and take responsibility for the choices we make in life. Yes, we make our own individual choices — even those we want to believe we didn’t really make. Sorry to share the bad news – avoiding making a choice is a choice in itself. For

 example, if a friend asks you to go to dinner and you “can’t” decide, so he or she ends up going without you, you have passively made a decision not to go. So, unless someone is literally holding a gun to your head (and I do realize this happens and is an exception to what I am saying here), you make your own choices. Even though it rarely occurs to us in this way, we do make a choice in every situation. Decide now.

 Will you choose to be passive or powerful?

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I was checking out at Walmart when a lady suddenly dropped to the floor. I’m certified in CPR and thought to myself “you know what to do, go help” -- but I stood still and hoped someone else would jump in.


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the mystery  Whew, that’s some pretty heavy stuff, right? Oh well, hang in there – we aren’t done just yet.

 If you really get the point I just made, then this will now create a mystery for you. A good kind of mystery — an inquiry with questions. Good questions — life-enriching questions. I invite you now to go even deeper and allow yourself to see a new reality. Everything so far as has been leading up to this.

 If you accepted my invitation earlier and joined the many others who have said, “I’m in!” then it will now be a mystery for you as to why we, as human beings, oftentimes choose to act as passive bystanders in life rather than claiming our power. Given who we are — amazing, extraordinary human beings committed to making a massive difference on this planet — why is it that we don’t often take the actions that match up with who we say we are? I believe this is one of the mysteries of life. It just doesn’t make sense.

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§  When have I been a passive bystander?

§  What has been the impact of being a passive bystander – on the person being affected and on myself?

§  What is not possible when I choose to be a passive bystander?

the mystery  I want to now pause and stress this point: it’s very important to acknowledge and celebrate when we have made that huge difference for someone. Otherwise, we never really know the contrast between the two.

 Take a few minutes and reflect — even write in your journal, notepad, or that Starbucks napkin — and answer these questions:

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the mystery  I know I addressed the impact earlier, but it’s important for you to ask and answer these questions of yourself so that you are appropriately aware of the effects of your actions and inactions. This awareness will enable you to commit to the changes necessary to become a defender as opposed to a bystander. Otherwise, you will remain numb to the impact and continue to be passive to those problem situations that are calling for your attention and intervention.

 OK, you have probably noticed that this is not an ordinary, or even comfortable, conversation we are having. If you are experiencing discomfort at this point, that’s good! Seriously. If you are uncomfortable, it’s because you are thinking seriously and understanding the real impact of passivity in life. This discomfort results from the discord of being someone other than who you say you are…for others and for yourself.* *Important exception: If your level of discomfort comes from a reactivation of a past trauma and you are experiencing severe sadness, grief, or uncontrollable emotions, please stop reading now and get the support you need and deserve. Please take care of yourself!

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I was with a group of my friends and we saw one of our other friends getting beaten and none of us said anything about it.


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fear  Before we look at the possibility of being powerful, let’s continue to explore why we tend to choose the passive bystander path more often than we would like. Let’s continue to solve this mystery…

 Research on the phenomenon called “bystander behavior,” or the “bystander effect,” reveals interesting information on the reasons why we, as human beings, choose to observe rather than intervene in problem situations. As I consider these reasons, one reason

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fear  seems to weave its way through all of them in a direct or indirect way. Not surprisingly, it is that raw human emotion called fear.

 Fear consumes our lives. Fear dictates what we do and don’t do, what we say and don’t say. No matter how “put together” you want others to think you are, you experience fear like everyone else. Just as fish are unaware that they swim in water, because it’s all they know, we’re unaware we live in fear. It is so much a part of who we are, so innate to our existence, that we have become numb to the fact that it controls us. Unless we’re faced with such

 extreme fear that our heart feels like it’s beating out of our chest, with our hands sweating, or our ability to speak has seemed to disappear, we’re unaware that we are being controlled by fear.

 Fear has been with us for so much of our lives that we are not usually aware of its presence and its effect on the choices we make. Said another way: we don’t realize when fear is actually making the choice for us. So many times in life, it is fear that makes choices instead of our conscious selves.

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fear  What are the fears that hold such power over us?

§  Fear of being embarrassed §  Fear of being laughed at §  Fear of doing it wrong §  Fear of looking bad §  Fear of emotional or physical

retaliation §  Fear of getting ourselves, our

organizations, or our others in trouble

§  On and on and on…

 Take a moment, reflect on, and answer these questions:

§  What are my biggest fears?

§  What fears do I have but don’t always know I have?

§  What is the impact of fear on my life?

§  What role does fear play in how I will or will not act in a problem situation?

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naysayers  When it comes to fear, it has had some help enslaving us as we’ve journeyed through our lives. While we certainly bring our own life experiences and decisions that foster our fear, it is oftentimes validated, and even created, by people around us. They may be total strangers or they may, unfortunately, be those closest to us. Others can, and often do, feed our fears— usually as a way to justify their own. And, truthfully, there are people who will, at times, stop at nothing to stand in our way of doing what is right.

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naysayers

 Actually, the greater number of bystanders, the less likely it is that any of them will help. Conversely, we can assume from this that the fewer number of bystanders, the more likely it is that someone will help. This allows us to reach a logical conclusion: that the naysayers in a group have the power and not the individual — that we, as bystanders, give our power away to those around us who validate, and even create, the fear that stops us.

 Naysayers say things like:

§  Oh, him? Don’t worry about him — he always drinks too much and drives. He’ll be OK.

§  Oh, her? Just ignore her — she always talks like that. She doesn’t mean to be offensive.

§  SHHHH! We’ve always done it that way around here — it’s just the way we do it!

§  He doesn’t mean to be inappropriate — he’s just a big, ole flirt — he’s just very affectionate.

§  Don’t worry about her — she’s always been super-thin.

§  On and on and on…

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naysayers

 In problem situations, when we have a choice to make, our natural instinct is to give our power away to fear and naysayers. We are powerless in these moments. We feel frozen or even paralyzed.

 While there are certainly situations in which others, or at least one person, have encouraged us to intervene and supported us in doing so, these are unusual and should be deeply appreciated.

 Take a moment now and reflect on these questions before you answer them:

§  Who are my biggest naysayers?

§  How do I let naysayers affect me and the choices I make?

§  When am I a naysayer to others?

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imagine...  Now, I want you to ponder these questions:

§  What if it didn’t have to be this way?

§  What if I was able to tap into the power I already have to stand up, step in, and speak out for what’s right?

§  What if others around me were able to do the same?

 Just imagine a transformation in our society that moves us from people of inaction to revolutionaries of action — from being passive to powerful. Imagine a movement in which we are empowered to “draw a line in the sand” representing our personal limits of tolerance. Imagine a world in which we intervene when someone crosses that line. Imagine a world in which people feel safe, protected, and honored for who they are. Imagine this new world and what it will take to make it a reality.

 So, just what will it take?

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courageous leadership

 To move this world out of our imagination and into reality, we need leadership. No, that’s not enough. We need something more…

 We need the kind of leadership that requires us to go beyond our own fear and do what is right – whether or not it’s the popular thing to do. We need the kind of leadership that doesn’t only show up in the organizational meeting, on the athletic team, or in the boardroom. We need the kind of leadership that can show up in any

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courageous leadership  spontaneous moment of life regardless of the setting or the number of people present.

 We need Courageous Leadership!

 So, what is Courageous Leadership, anyway? This may very well be the answer you have been waiting for since you started reading this, and I will spend more time in this chapter than any other.

 First, I need to point out that there are a number of definitions of leadership and many of them include some kind of

 qualifier: ethical leadership, servant leadership, organizational leadership, personal leadership, and more. So, we must first distinguish how Courageous Leadership is distinct from any other general definition along with any variation of it.

 I want to first provide my definition and then look at how it stacks up against others. To be clear, this is not only about leadership. It’s not simply about being courageous. Courageous Leadership is

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courageous leadership  what you keep hearing me say over and over again — it is standing up, stepping in, and speaking out for what’s right.

 I will expand on this by defining Courageous Leadership as: continuously accessing our strengths; taking action — standing up, stepping in, and speaking out — to intervene in problem situations; and, changing lives, first on behalf of others and then for ourselves.

 I noted earlier that I abandoned my original career as a filmmaker to found the

 organization called RESPONSE ABILITY. There, my colleagues and I have been working on encouraging and publicizing bystander intervention for the past five years. Recent conversations have evolved our thinking and purpose to include the new context of Courageous Leadership. Actually, I will say that Courageous Leadership is a blend of bystander intervention and leadership.

 Now, let’s continue answering the question, “How is Courageous Leadership distinct from any other form of leadership?”

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courageous leadership  Granted, covering every definition of leadership would require a much bigger book and divert our attention from our real topic, so we will discuss only one definition and expand on others in future blog posts on our website. The most general definition of leadership I found states that leadership is “a process of social influence in which one person can enlist the aid and support of others in the accomplishment of a common task.”4

 When it comes to problem situations in our lives, whether it’s bullying, hazing, sexual

 abuse, relationship violence, drug or alcohol abuse, hate speech, discrimination, theft, or any everyday life issue, we need at least one courageous person to exert social influence on others to prevent, end, or at least minimize, the problem.

 Leadership, even though it’s one of our society’s most popular topics and celebrated qualities, is largely misunderstood across all cultures and civilizations. Even with the vast number of definitions, research projects, theories, models, speakers/trainers, and books

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 4 Chemers M. (1997). An integrative theory of leadership. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Publishers.

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courageous leadership  available today, flawed assumptions continue to abound. My definition of Courageous Leadership goes against at least one of these assumptions.

 The key assumption I’m referring to argues that leadership only pertains to those who manage groups of people within organizations and companies. While I believe this is only implied in our general definition, I was unsuccessful at finding any studies of leadership that did not involve, in some way, the leading of people within a formal, structured group.

 While different contexts for leadership have been studied over the years, none of these have included the public context – the “everyday life” context. I believe this deficit causes people to believe that leadership exists only within a formal organization, company, or other structured group, that there are no leadership opportunities in daily life. I disagree with this notion.

 I believe we’re all presented with opportunities in our daily lives to demonstrate leadership — to exert social influence, enlist others, and change the

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courageous leadership  direction of a particular situation. These opportunities may very well show up in the workplace or within the structure of an organized group; however, they can also show up in unexpected places: walking through the park, drinking coffee at a local cafe, having Thanksgiving dinner with the family, anywhere and at any time.

 As we are out and about living our lives, there will be times we need to show a distinct kind of leadership – to go past our fears in order to show courage and take action. As Ambrose Redmoon says,

 “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”

 So, there are moments when we get to choose what is more important: making the difference we long to make or giving in to our fear. Again, this can happen anywhere and at any time. And, in the process, we have the opportunity to lead others to join us in standing for what is right.

 

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courageous leadership  Courageous Leadership requires that we go from being passive to powerful.

 Courageous Leadership requires that we go beyond any reasons, justifications, excuses, or rationalizations for staying small; we must tap into our strengths and make instantaneous choices to intervene appropriately, effectively, and safely.

 Courageous Leadership requires that we are standing up, stepping in, and speaking out for what’s right.

 For colleagues. For family. For friends. For strangers.

 In organizations. In business. In community. In life.

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life’s ultimate question

 Now that you know more about Courageous Leadership, you probably have questions. Such as:

§  How do I show Courageous Leadership in my life?

§  How do I prepare myself for those moments that need me to show Courageous Leadership?

§  What does Courageous Leadership actually look like?

 Before we answer these, there is a bigger question we must answer first – one that will guide us toward the answers to the previous questions. So, I want to present you with what I have chosen to boldly declare as “Life’s Ultimate Question.” That’s right. This is the ultimate question in life – a question you may never have thought to ask yourself. I believe we have the opportunity to spend the rest of our lives asking and answering this one, simple, ultimate question…

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 WHO AM I?

 I’m not talking about your name. I’m not even talking about your credentials, qualifications, material possessions, awards, offices held, marital status, gender, or even your body. While those are all distinct to who you are, they are not really who you are.

 When we strip away all of the extraneous characteristics that we think define us, what is left? What are the core strengths that make us who we are?

Before I continue, I want you to spend time reflecting on your own answer to this question. So, take out your journal, notepad, or that napkin, and jot down your initial thoughts to this question.

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 Now that you’ve begun to answer “Life’s Ultimate Question” in the context of our conversation here, I want to share the Six Strengths for Courageous Leadership I’ve identified in my own research. Consider these strengths as character assets to develop and become part of who you are, part of your core being that will make it possible for you to make the difference in your world that you hope to make. I actually relate to these as the muscles we need to build and exercise in

 order to be prepared and strong enough to demonstrate Courageous Leadership when necessary.

 To introduce these strengths, I’ve created The Model for Courageous Leadership that will help you visualize them, along with what is required that ties them all together…

PREPARATION

 Iamcourageousleadership.com

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the model for courageous leadership PREPARATION

Note: this model is not a tested and true leadership model but simply a visual of the key elements of courageous leadership, as we define it.

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personal assessment and the gap

 Before the big reveal of what all of this means, I have an assignment to help you get the most out of the upcoming material.

 

 TO DO: after learning about each strength, take time to reflect and rate yourself on a scale of 1 to10 when it comes to that particular strength (1 for very weak and 10 for very strong).

 This personal assessment will serve as a reality check regarding your current level of development of that respective strength. Be real, be truthful, and be vulnerable. You are not here to impress anyone. This is a private exercise designed to help you grow and develop yourself.

 Each respective rating, and then the overall evaluation for all six strengths, will reveal the gap that exists between where you are now and where you are committed to be.

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personal assessment and the gap

 Be careful not to turn this into a negative and a reason to feel bad about yourself. We all need to be on an upward journey of growth. This is simply a tool to help you progress along that journey.

 Awareness of the gap allows you to pursue true development and growth.

 Let the gap empower you!

 Live in the gap!

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six strengths for courageous leadership

 Integrity

 The foundation of Courageous Leadership is integrity. In fact, integrity is so crucial to Courageous Leadership that the other five strengths are powerless without it. Integrity includes honesty and truthfulness. However, true integrity goes much further.

 Integrity, at its core, means living up to the person you or I claim to be. Another way to say this is, “honoring your word” (who we say we are and what we will do).

 You always have a choice to live with integrity by honoring your commitments (your word) or to honor something else. When you choose to honor something else, you reason, justify, excuse, and rationalize your choice. No matter the “reasons” you use to explain away your choices, you will either fulfill your commitment, or you won’t. Simple? Yes. Easy? No.

 This is not about morality. Having integrity doesn’t make you a good person, just as

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 being devoid of integrity doesn’t mean you are a bad person.

 So, if you say you are committed to standing up for what’s right, then integrity requires that you honor your word and hold yourself accountable for doing so.

 Generosity

 While being kind and generous does not always equate to Courageous Leadership, it does prepare you to be the kind of

 person who is more likely to make a difference. Practicing kindness and fostering your willingness to do good deeds for others – not necessarily with money, but with your soul and compassion – allows you to develop the qualities that make you the kind of person who will go over and above in a moment of need.

 Conversely, if you have no interest in these giving gestures, you are not likely to even care about stepping in. Therefore, you will, more than likely, remain a bystander.

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 When you can acknowledge the value of another person and what they provide to the world, you are more likely to stand up for them when necessary. When you can look past your own needs and practice giving others what they need, you are prepared to intervene when called upon.

 When you can give of yourself fully to others and what matters to them, then you stand a greater chance of demonstrating Courageous Leadership on their behalf.

 Curiosity

 The more curious you are, the more aware you become to all that the world offers and to what is going on around you. When you remain detached, inattentive, or in your own world, you risk missing what is going on around you, especially events that may need your attention. Walking through life with a wide-eyed, inquisitive level of engagement allows you to experience all that life has to offer. This provides you with

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 a greater chance of recognizing a problem situation that may require your attention. Curiosity is active not passive.

 Curiosity also allows you to show interest in others and what is important to them, especially those you may see as different. It encourages you to be more flexible about things that don’t fit your own preconceptions, leaving you open to consider different perspectives. Showing interest in another’s life and what it’s like to

 walk in their footsteps causes you to be more likely to stand in their shoes and show Courageous Leadership on their behalf.

 Finally, empathy (the ability to understand and share the feelings of another) combined with sympathy (feelings of pity and sorrow for another) are useful traits as you strive to put others’ needs above your own.

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 Equality

 Equality is defined as the state of being equal, especially in status, rights, and opportunities. While you are playing this game, called life, in your own unique way, you are also playing it with the rest of the world — at the same time and on the same playing field. Equality requires that you notice when you are relating to or treating others as though they are playing a different game and are, therefore, entitled to less than you.

 A commitment to equality also requires that you avoid letting your personal feelings bias your decisions about the intrinsic value in other people, no matter what justifications you may think you have. And, you may think you have a lot of justifications! You’ll notice this in situations of discrimination, in which someone, or a group of people, are demonstrating bias, intolerance, and even bigotry.

 It really comes down to this: when you take the well-being of others as seriously as you

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 do your own, you are more likely to take action on their behalf. This can be difficult for some given their strong hold on certain beliefs and judgments; however, I urge you to challenge yourself to let go of yours and see what you see — in others, in yourself, in life.

 Vulnerability

 In her book, Daring Greatly, Brene Brown writes: “I define vulnerability as uncertainty,

 risk, and emotional exposure.” She then goes on to say, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity.”5

 While there are various technical definitions, I believe we show vulnerability when we give up our need for certainty and open ourselves up to emotional exposure.

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 5 Brown, Brene (2012). Daring Greatly. Penguin Group (Gotham Books), Publisher.

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 Consider this: we oftentimes equate vulnerability with weakness in ourselves. However, when someone else is willing to be vulnerable, we view them as strong and powerful. Building this strength into our character requires that we change our views on vulnerability, especially as a path to Courageous Leadership.

 If you are going to stand up, step in, and speak out for what’s right, then you must be willing to be vulnerable. You must open yourself up to emotional expsoure. There

 is no way you can do so without it!

 Every day, when you step outside your door, you face the unexpected, the unplanned. You must open yourself up to the uncertainty, to the inability to know the outcome of any situation you may face. However, your tendency is to wait until you can predict the outcome. That may be too late for an individual who is in danger – physically, emotionally, spiritually, or mentally. You don’t ever really know what will happen; however, when you are

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 vulnerable, you allow yourself to take action in the face of the unforeseen to honor another person in a moment of need. You put another’s vulnerability above your own when you have the opportunity to spare them unnecessary pain.

 Bravery

 Bravery takes vulnerability to a whole new level and is the ultimate Strength for Courageous Leadership. Bravery allows you to intervene in a situation despite your

discomfort and fear.

According to Dr. Marty Seligman, bravery reflects “the open-eyed exercise of will toward the worthy ends that are not certain of attainment.”6 Bravery propels us beyond our vulnerability to actually risk our social stature, quality of life, or even our physical well being. When you refuse to retreat from a threat, challenge, pain, or difficulty, you project bravery. It motivates you to move toward a problem situation, either literally or figuratively.

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 6 Seligman, Martin E. P., Ph.D. (2002) Authentic Happiness. Free Press, Publishers.

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 Fear will rob us of this strength and will prevent us from stepping toward what needs to be done. I don’t believe there is any such thing as being fearless. You, I, we will always experience fear. Bravery provides an opportunity to demonstrate that your commitment is more important than your fear.

 Keep in mind that you must do everything in your power to remain safe and make smart, responsible choices. And, you will be presented with numerous opportunities

in life to show bravery without risking life and limb, and this is where you will experience yourself as stronger and more powerful. These are the moments when we get to know who we really are and what we are truly made of.

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take action!

 Now that we have covered the Six Strengths for Courageous Leadership, I have some surprising news for you. You ready? Here goes . . .

 These six strengths will make absolutely no difference.

 Zero. Nada. None.

 What?

 Here is why: these strengths will make no difference unless you give yourself permission to transform these strengths into action. Unless you are willing to actually do or say something by using the strengths you’re developing – the muscles you’re building – then you will make absolutely no difference when it counts.

 Never, in the history of this planet, has any difference been made without at least one person taking action.

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take action!

 What if the residents of the new American colonies had not rebelled against taxation without representation? How many more Jews would have died had Oskar Schindler not stood between life and death during Hitler’s reign over Germany? What if Martin Luther King, Jr. had stayed silent and lived out his life quietly going along with the status quo? And, we can all look around us in our own lives and point to people who have sacrificed to foster or adopt a medically fragile child or identify a

 friend who stepped in to defend us when it seemed that all others were against us. In each instance, someone chose to take action, and it made all the difference.

 To be clear: these strengths play a critically valuable role in ensuring that we are prepared, ready, and able to take the necessary actions. However, possessing these strengths is not enough. Without action, they are worthy characteristics that accomplish nothing.

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take action!

 You can finish reading this book, be inspired, and totally fired up to go out in your life and show Courageous Leadership. However, if you don’t transform your passion, drive, and desires into action, no difference will ever be made.

 The world is full of good intentions. What we need is action.

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yes, I can…  So, what now? What might this action look like? What does Courageous Leadership look like? I told you we would get back to these questions, and here we are. Now that we have begun to explore and answer “Life’s Ultimate Question,” we can now look to see how standing up, stepping in, and speaking out will look in your life.

 The reality is that I have no idea and neither do you. None of us live life with a crystal ball to tell us when we are going to be called upon in the future to show Courageous Leadership. Now, you may

 be able to look back and note patterns that are likely to show up again in the future. That is possible. However, most situations in which we will have the opportunity to display Courageous Leadership are unknown to us at this time.

 Imagining what you would or could do in various general situations— having some kind of strategy in order to minimize the risk of compulsive actions – is highly recommended. Even though it will all be hypothetical in nature, it can still be valuable. It’s quite smart to imagine

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yes, I can…  yourself in a situation and picture what would you would/could do to show Courageous Leadership.

 You can start with this: Rather than saying what comes automatically: “No, I can’t,” try practicing and mindset that says, “Yes, I can!” Imagine these situations:

§  Yes, I can . . . grab someone’s car keys when they have had too much to drink!

§  Yes, I can . . . grab someone’s arm to remove them from a risky situation and take them somewhere safe!

§  Yes, I can . . . say something — in the moment or later — when someone says something disparaging, such as, “That’s so gay!” or “That’s so retarded!”

§  Yes, I can . . . sit down and have a loving, caring, and committed conversation with a friend who has been behaving in ways that could be harmful!

§  Yes, I can . . . do what I assume someone has already done: call 9-1-1!

§  Yes, I can . . . use the camera on my smartphone to shoot pictures or video to turn over to the proper authorities! (A great way to stay safe in potentially dangerous situations.)

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true power  So, are you beginning to feel more powerful from your progress thus far in this book? Are you beginning to imagine what Courageous Leadership can look like in your life? Let’s look back now at the gap that you have observed as you performed your personal assessment of the Six Strengths.

 True power starts with the willingness to be truthful, and even vulnerable, with yourself regarding the gaps in your feelings, mindset, preparation, and willingness to make the difference you want to make.

 Here are questions to ask, followed by appropriate reflection:

§  What strengths do I possess?

§  What strengths do I need to develop?

§  What actions do I need to be prepared to take?

§  Am I ready and able to give myself permission to stand up, step in, and speak out for what’s right?

§  What actions can I take RIGHT NOW?

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true power  To have true power and make instantaneous choices that will truly make the difference for someone in need, you must be prepared by having fully developed the Six Strengths for Courageous Leadership. And, you must give yourself permission to act.

 Remember: “Yes, I can!”

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no guarantee  Now, having said all of that, here’s another boldface reality: even when you do develop the appropriate strengths and you do give yourself permission to intervene, there is still no guarantee that you will make the difference you’re striving for. In many instances, you actually won’t, at least not the first time.

 While I have attempted to lay all of this out in a very simple and logical format, I remind you: “It’s simple, yet not easy!” If it were easy, then more of us would

 intervene, fewer problem situations would exist, and there would not be a need for this book or this revolution. Unfortunately, because it’s not easy, there is a huge need, and few give themselves permission to act when called upon. We struggle. We are suppressed. We sometimes fail.

 That’s right. You may fail in your attempt to make a difference. You may screw it all up. You may do it all wrong. You may get resistance from one or more of your peers and then say, “Screw it — it’s just not

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no guarantee  worth it.” Then, all that “evidence” from your past will rear its ugly head and you will accumulate further damning evidence leading you to conclude that you simply “aren’t enough.”

 Even worse, you may experience retaliation. Painful resistance may come from surprising sources, such as losing a friend, a job, or your status in an organization or even in a community. Occasionally, people are so cemented in their misinformed opinions that they may

 resort to physical retaliation. This is the reality. While it doesn’t happen every time, it does happen, and I want you to be prepared. You must make these choices yourself with full awareness of the consequences of defending another human being.

 There will be moments in your life that will require you to choose again and again what you are willing to do and how far you are willing to go. Doing or saying something once may not get the job done

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no guarantee  and create the change you are hoping for. Always remember: you get to choose the action you take. And, when you refuse to back down, and you experience pushback, the level of retaliation will either get stronger or subside from others as they take your stand and connect to their own commitment. I believe that some antagonists simply want to test us to find out how committed we really are. Unfortunately, you may be tempted to cave and allow the aggressor(s) to believe that you weren’t really that committed to your

 values, to the person, to the issue, as first appeared.

 To be clear, I will never tell you what to do. I am not here to do that. That’s because I possess limited information about you. Life is too complex for a “how-to” manual for Courageous Leadership. Yes, there are approaches to learn and we, at RESPONSE ABILITY, provide that training through various programs and services. However, you would be unrealistic and unfair to yourself to expect that you will be

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no guarantee  100 percent prepared for any possible situation. Life is not that simple. Or easy.

 As Chris Guillebeau, founder of The World Domination Summit, says,

 “It’s a lonely road for those of us who choose to be remarkable, and the path of convention can sometimes be appealing. That path is paved with safe lives, middle of the road monotony, and little chance of failure.”7

 This certainly applies to living with Courageous Leadership.

 I will tell you this: when you cause yourself to demonstrate Courageous Leadership, while there are times it won’t go well, there will also be times that it will cause the kind of change you are committed to. And, you will experience yourself as big and powerful.

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 7 Guillebeau, Chris (2008) A Brief Guide to World Domination. Self-published ebook.

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creating a powerful world  You’ve assessed your strengths. You know that taking action is necessary. You are armed and ready to make a difference when called upon. Again, you don’t know when that will happen. But, it will happen. You can count on it. It may be today. It may be next week while walking to get coffee or next month while sitting in your cubicle talking with co-workers or at your next family gathering.

 If you are truly curious and have your eyes and ears open, you’ll be presented with a

 situation sooner than you think. Hopefully, by reading this book, your awareness has been heightened so you will now be more sensitive to the opportunities all around you. Do you have to act on every one? No. You get to choose which ones matter to you and demand your attention and which ones do not. Speaking for myself, there are times I act and times I don’t.

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creating a powerful world  instantaneous choices to stand up, step in, and speak out for what’s right. Yet, none of us know when or where we will be needed.

 Tamar Boggs, a 15-year-old high school student, did not know when he left his suburban house one morning and climbed on his bike to ride to school that he would witness a five-year-old girl being kidnapped. He made the instantaneous choice to follow the car on his bike for 15 minutes until the driver got nervous, pulled

 over, and let the little girl out to run for safety. This is Courageous Leadership.

 About five years ago, Colin Schlank sat in the audience at his university and listened to me speak on this idea of Courageous Leadership. As he listened, it hit him that he was currently acting as a bystander to the hazing that he and his fellow fraternity pledges were enduring. He not only shared his story with me that night but also proceeded to take a stand against the hazing that was taking place in his



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creating a powerful world  chapter, while experiencing retaliation and consequences from his own fraternity brothers. In spite of their persecution, Colin has taken his platform against hazing practices to different levels throughout the last few years. Recently, he realized that he needed to elevate his leadership even further, especially with other chapters on his campus that had been cited for hazing allegations. He took the bold step of appearing on a national news broadcast to express his convictions. While Colin continues to face resistance, he has also

 won some battles, and he continues to take a bold stand against hazing practices, among other injustices. This is Courageous Leadership.

 “Gym Angels.” This is what Lauryn Jax calls a group of six friends she met at a local health club. This group worked out around the same time every morning and would see Lauryn pushing herself hard while getting thinner and thinner until she finally became so thin that she was unhealthy. These six amazing humans came together



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creating a powerful world  and, one day, waited for Lauryn in the parking lot. When she arrived, they gathered all around her, put her in one of their cars, and drove her to a local hospital where she was admitted to address the eating disorder she wouldn’t, or couldn’t, address on her own. This is Courageous Leadership.

 Among the thousands of heartbreaking text messages I receive while speaking, I also get some positive ones. A couple of months ago, I received the following text: “One

 day in school, I was walking on my way to the bathroom. The hallways were empty except for two guys. One guy was against the wall — all his books in his hand and his backpack was full. He was ‘a nerd.’ The other guy was yelling gay slurs and other harsh comments in his face. I grabbed the bigot by the shirt and threw him away from the guy. Me and the guy being harassed became great friends, best friends actually. Two days before I left for college, he came to my house. He brought me back to the day in the hall and told me



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 While we ultimately long for a world in which offensive, unhealthy, and abusive behaviors no longer exist, we must start by standing for a world where the silent majority is empowered to stand up, step in, and speak out against these types of behaviors and thereby, becomes the vocal majority. This is when society will reach a tipping point and the perpetrators of such behaviors will get the message, loud and clear, that they can no longer get away with their unjust behaviors!

creating a powerful world  that he was going to commit suicide that very day — that’s why his backpack was full as he was about to carry everything home. He then told me that stepping up for him gave him hope and convinced him not to go through with it. It was at that point where it struck me: I really can make the difference for someone.” This is Courageous Leadership.



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a way of being  We have now come to the point where you have the basics. You possess the tools you need to begin practicing Courageous Leadership. And, that word practice is one I use intentionally, because this all takes a lifetime of practice. You can’t simply practice today and expect to change your behavior immediately, or even for the next week, or the next year. This is not something we are naturally adept at as human beings, for all the reasons I have already mentioned. Changing our thought patterns and our actions so drastically

 takes, in many ways, a rewiring of the brain patterns that have become engrained over the years. It’s likely that the older we are, the more developed these unhealthy and disempowered brain patterns have become. So, it really takes effort to rewire our brain to think and act differently if we are to be different.

 Which brings up this critical point: Courageous Leadership is a way of being as opposed to a way of doing, just as we are human beings, not human doings.

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a way of being  Yes, we need to do stuff, take action, in order to make the difference we desire to make; however, it starts with a way of being that prepares and enables us to even be interested and willing to consider these actions. Otherwise, it won’t happen. It can’t.

 Ongoing practice of these strengths, the building of the muscles, and taking actions in life will result in you being a person of Courageous Leadership. When you have fully developed the strengths that you can

 lean on in those instantaneous moments of time, you will find yourself naturally being Courageous Leadership and standing up, stepping in, and speaking out for what’s right.

 You will actually amaze yourself! And, you will make a huge difference for others…and for yourself.

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join us!  As I have already mentioned, this manifesto is not intended to provide you with everything you need for Courageous Leadership. No book can do that. I wrote this to spur our conversation together and to enlist you as part of the team that is working to create a whole new world. This was written to be a call to action.

 While I am the leader of this revolution, I am under no illusion that I can accomplish the task alone. Absolutely not! I need to enlist a small — OK, a huge – army that is as passionate, committed, and driven to

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join us!  fulfill this possibility as I am. I need you to join me in taking this stand. If you choose to join this movement, you will receive what you need to be empowered and to empower others. I have designed a whole revolution with various resources, programs, services and support — most of them free — to educate and empower you.

 So, if you haven’t done so, visit our website at iamcourageousleadership.com and join this much-needed movement: The Revolution for Courageous Leadership.

 You will get free, exclusive access to  The Toolkit for Courageous Leadership, a set of essential documents and resources to get you started and support you in transforming your life. You will also receive empowerment e-mails from me that contain words of inspiration and education to keep us all accountable for who we have said we will be. Finally, you will be able to join our exclusive online community – a safe space to share, enter discussions, and get what you need from fellow revolutionaries.

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join us!  revolutionaries, but I also need guest bloggers, trained facilitators, local revolutionaries, and I need leaders!

 Will you join us?

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 Finally, please share, share, share with others! And then, share some more! Get others to join the revolution so that they can learn how to be Courageous Leadership in their lives. Remember, creating this world will take an army. We simply can’t do it alone.

 The website makes it easy to share on social media and even send e-mails to your friends and family. You can also simply talk about it and refer people to the website. It’s just that easy. I not only need fellow


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48-hour challenge  The biggest pitfall of having gotten to this point in the book is the tendency to put it down having been inspired and empowered, yet unmoved to make change in your life. If you put down this book and don’t then choose different actions than you would have before you read this manifesto, then the time we have spent together has been a waste. I did not write this to simply inspire you, though I certainly do want you to be inspired. But inspiration will only take you so far.

 I wrote this so that you will go out and do something with it!

 Now, I don’t want you to take this information and go out as a “bull in a china shop” just for the heck of it. That will be a tad weird and make people think you have totally lost it. It would also go completely against what I’m trying to help you envision. I want you to take the next 48 hours and hold yourself accountable for practicing the Six Strengths and then

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48-hour challenge  take action in a moment of need. Now, be smart about this. I will never encourage anyone to do anything stupid or put your life in danger. Be appropriate. Be effective. And, be safe.

 The reality is that a problem situation may not occur in your life over the next two days. Good! However, make sure you do the work to be prepared if a situation does occur. You will most likely notice aspects of your life that you hadn’t noticed before. Be prepared for this.

 The final part of this 48-hour challenge is to share about it in our private Facebook group (you can get access by joining the revolution). Share with your fellow revolutionaries what you’re experiencing, what you’re seeing, and what you’re doing. This is a safe space to boast about your accomplishments and also to share your failures. We are in this together.

 OK, your 48 hours starts NOW!

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LIVE from caribou coffee  I will close with this personal story…

 I am sitting at Caribou Coffee here in Chicago as I am writing this book, and I am confronted with a problem situation of my own.

 It’s a busy Sunday afternoon, and, if you have ever been to a coffee shop on a Sunday, you know they are packed. This one is no exception. Every table and love seat is filled with people of all types and ages. People are reading, having

 conversations, working on their laptops, or just listening to their favorite music through their earbuds. I am hard at work on my computer while listening to my Enya station on Pandora. (Don’t judge!)

 It’s about an hour into my stay and a couple of gentlemen walk in wearing suits and chatting. They get their drinks and sit on one of the three love seats in the sitting area. Then, it happens: one of them gets out his iPhone and makes a call using speaker phone. I kid you not. These two

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LIVE from caribou coffee  men proceed to sit there and have a three-way conversation via speaker phone. Actually, the call is much more than a three-way conversation since everyone in the coffee shop is now a part of this call.

 At this time, people start pointing and talking about these two men, others put their earphones in to drown out the sound, others simply roll their eyes, obviously annoyed, and others get up and walk out. As I sit and witness it all, I can see my fears and reasons and excuses in front of me as

 though they are real and tangible. I experience their tug on me to do nothing, say nothing. After all, is it really my business?

 Of course, given who I am and what I am standing for – and, “Hello!” I am here literally writing a book on Courageous Leadership – I drag myself out of my chair and walk over to these two men. I whisper to one of them, “I don’t think you are intending to do so, but you are including everyone here in your private conversation

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LIVE from caribou coffee  and many are annoyed.” I have no idea what will happen next. Will he act like a real jerk and shun me? Will he ask me who I think I am? Or, will he act responsibly to rectify the situation?

 To my surprise, he acts embarrassed, apologizes, and motions to his partner to move the conversation outside, which they do. As I go to my seat and let my heart settle down, two patrons come to thank me. One even says, “Thank you for doing what none of us had the courage to do!”

 Looking back now, no one’s life was in danger, no one was being abused, and no one was even directly hurt. However, it was wrong, annoying, and inappropriate. And, I was confronted with a choice: to be a passive or a powerful bystander.

 I simply tapped into my personal strengths and made myself stand up, step in, and speak out for what’s right.

 I showed Courageous Leadership.

 It was simple. And, it wasn’t easy.

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what’s next? it’s all up to you now. POSTSCRIPT

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 We now come to the end of this journey, though I hope it will not be the last journey we take together.

 So, reading what you have read and observing what I hope you have seen about your life and about Courageous Leadership, what’s next for you?

 It’s now up to you. Not as a burden or an obligation, but as an opportunity.

 If you carefully read this manifesto and did the focused thinking I challenged you to do, you will now choose to either shrug it off and let it die, which is what most people will do, or you will

 take this call to arms seriously and make the choice to alter your life.

 One of the intentions I have in writing this book is that you will not be the same person after reading it as you were before. You now have an opportunity to become a transformed human being and know yourself as stronger, as more powerful. In the end: you get to choose.

 So, how will you now make a difference? What will become your new story? And your next story? And your next?

 Please do me a favor: keep in touch with me. I want to hear about your journey. I want to hear

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 successes and your failures. You can email me at [email protected]. Even better: join The Revolution! (If you haven’t yet, what in the heck are you waiting for?) Then, join the private Facebook group (you’ll get that link when you join). This group will only be as valuable and interactive as you and your fellow revolutionaries make it.

 Finally, I welcome any feedback you can provide — suggestions, thoughts, opinions, comments.

 Thanks for taking the time to read this and pay attention to what’s truly important, especially as I know you are being tugged in many directions with competing messages and requests in your life. I can’t even begin to express my gratitude for the time you have given me.

 Together, we are…

 Standing up, stepping in, and speaking out —

POSTSCRIPT



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 CONTACT INFORMATION  for more info, please contact me at:

 iamcourageousleadership.com  mikedilbeck.com

 [email protected]  888.817.4376

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REVOLUTION COURAGEOUS LEADERSHIP THE MANIFESTO FOR · 2015. 2. 2. · passive to powerful. This...

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