Return of the Undead Dealer

7/27/2019 Return of the Undead Dealer

1/13

Return of the Undead Dealer

bySergio Crego

Sergio Crego4258 W El Segundo blvd Apt. AHawthorne, CA [email protected]


2/13

FADE IN

INT. BED ROOM - MORNING

Bright sun light reveals a tidy minimalist female room. Aposter of a fat Buddha hangs on the wall.

Incense burns on a wooden block in front of CHRISTIE(26) acute nurse dressed to leave for work. She meditates in halflotus on her carpeted floor.

A voice pierces the tranquil silence.

JAMES (O.S.)(Yelling)

Christie...

Christie open her eyes, stands, and exits.

INT. APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

Christie steps into a dark dank hallway.

JAMES (O.S.)Christieeee...

Christie treks past piles of soiled laundry and enters THEKITCHEN.

The sink is stacked with stinking dishes.

JAMES (O.S.) (CONTD)CHRISTIEEEE...

Christie covers her mouth and exits towards THE LIVING ROOM.

She slips on some wet towels strewn across the floor butcatches herself on the COFFEE TABLE.

The table is covered with glass pipes, bongs, bubblers and avaporizer but no weed.

A pair of feet resting on the table belong to JAMES(27), herchubby stoner room mate watching TV on the couch.

JAMES (CONTD)CHRISTI-

He notices her and instantly lowers his voice.

JAMES (CONTD)-eeeeee you almost missedcartoons...

Christie opens her mouth to protest. Pauses. Then deflatesand joins James on the couch.


3/13

CHRISTIEWho did you wrestle in here lastnight?

JAMESMyself.

James jerks off an invisible penis.

JAMES (CONTD)Roll a joint. I want to get blazedbefore My Little Ponies.

CHRISTIEShit. I have bad news.

JAMESWere out of papers?

CHRISTIEOut of weed.

JAMESDidnt you text Ace?

CHRISTIEYeah. He said he was on his way.

JAMESThat was last night. God, I hateyoure dealer. Now we have no weedfor morning cartoon time. Do yourealize how much better itd be ifyou just got your medical marijuanacard?

CHRISTIEI know. I know. I just- I think Imay be his last customer and-

JAMES-And he still manages to be twelvehours late.

CHRISTIEI cant get my card James. I donthave any prescriptions.

JAMESYoure a nurse! Who isnt going toprescribe you a medical card? Youpractically out rank the quacks onthe boardwalk.

CHRISTIEJames. If its so easy why dontyou get your card? You smoke morethan me, anyway.

2.


4/13

JAMESIm in between glass studios, youknow that.

(Beat)I bet he wont even ask to see yourlicense.

CHRISTIENext time. Ace said he was on hisway, so Ill buy from him when hegets here and just never call himagain.

Christies cell phone rings on the dinner table.

CHRISTIE (CONTD)Oh, thats probably him.

Christie crosses the room to check the caller ID. The imageof ACE, a white guy with dreadlocks, appears on the screen.

CHRISTIE (CONTD)(Answering)

Hey Ace, where you at?(Pause)

Excuse me? Is he all right?(Another pause)

Oh my God.

James perks up on the couch.

CHRISTIE (CONTD)Uh. I didnt know him that well but-

(Pause)-Ok. Ok. Ill be there soon.

James watches her jot something down on a piece of paper thenhang up.

JAMESWell?

CHRISTIEIt was a cop. Ace was in a caraccident. Hes dead. I was the onlyperson that picked up so they wantme to come to the station toidentify the body.

The stoners contemplate the news.

JAMES(After a long pause)

At least you get to call out sickfrom work today.

3.


5/13

INT. MORGUE - AN HOUR LATER

Christie, a DETECTIVE(40), and a MORTICIAN(60) stand beside ametal slab covered by a white sheet in the shape of a body.

The Mortician unveils Aces corpse. Christie looks away. Itmust be bad.

She nods at the Detective.

DETECTIVEWe found a large amount ofmarijuana on him. Would you knowwhy?

CHRISTIENo. I dont do that stuff.

DETECTIVE

Fine. You can go. Ill call if Ihave any more questions.

CHRISTIEIll be home. Grieving.

EXT. BOARD WALK DISPENSARY - DAY

A super reads, THIRTY MINUTES LATER.

Christie strolls in.

INT. DISPENSARY

Christie sits across from a DOCTOR in a white lab coat. Hereviews her paperwork on a clipboard.

After a beat, He exhales a plume of smoke he had been holdingin the whole time.

DOCTOREverything checks out. Heres yourcard. Feel better.

The Doctor hands her a card with her photo on it.

Christie smiles from ear to ear.

INT. LIVING ROOM - AFTER NOON

James watches television on the couch.

Christie enters through the front door with a big white bag.

4.


6/13

She steps to the coffee table and empties the contents. Vialsof weed, edibles, and pre-rolled joints litter the table top.

JAMESFlawless victory!

Christie sits beside James on the couch.

CHRISTIEJames, you have to promise me thatif I keep buying us weed youllkeep the apartment clean.

JAMESI was about to start cleaning justas you got home.

MONTAGE

-- James and Christie smoke from every pipe she owns.-- They laugh like children at the TV.

-- Christie orders a pizza on her cell phone.

-- The sun sets as they continue to enjoy themselves.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. MORTUARY - NIGHT

The Mortician smokes a joint he stole from Aces stash.

He grimaces and spits some weed off his lip.

MORTICIANFuckin oregano.

Behind him, Aces pale hand emerges from under the sheet. Itdrifts towards a KNIFE on the examining table.

The Mortician takes a long drag as the white sheet rises upinto the shape of Aces body.

The Mortician notices the shadow and turns to catch Aceshand lift the knife over his head.

Just as the blade strikes the Mortician-

HARD CUT TO:

INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT

The stoners play video games.

5.


7/13

Christies cell phone rings beside her. She answers it.

CHRISTIEHello?

ACE (V.O.)

Its me, baby. Its Ace. Im out.Im comin.

The line goes dead. Christie looks at her phone.

JAMESWho was that?

CHRISTIEIt sounded like...Ace.

James laughs. Christie does not.

JAMES

Impossible. Hes dead. Right?There is a knock at the FRONT DOOR. The stoners look at eachother and then to the door.

They stand and approach cautiously. Another knock spooksthem.

Sick of the shenanigans, Christie opens the door to revealTHE PIZZA GUY.

The bleach blonde delivery boy turns and faces them.

THE PIZZA GUYZa bro.

(Noticing Christie)Oh. Youre not a bro. But I am.

Annoyed, James takes the pizza box from him.

Christie sighs in relief and hands the pizza guy a wad ofcash.

CHRISTIEKeep the change.

The pizza guy winks at her.

Christie shuts the door and turns to James. They both laugh.

EXT. APARTMENT PARKING LOT - NIGHT

The pizza guy walks to his car.

He notices someone approaching. His eyes widen in terror.

6.


8/13

INT. THE APARTMENT

The stoners feast on their pizza. A scream from outside givesthem pause.

JAMES(Mouth full)

How much you tip him?

There is a knock at the front door. Christie gets up andopens the front door.

Standing at the threshold is ACE! His pale corpse is coveredin ugly dried wounds. Still, he seems very much alive.

James notices Ace, drops his pizza, and SCREAMS.

Christie bends over and pukes.

Ace shuffles through the door forcing Christie to back up.

ACEWe got unfinished business,Christie...

JAMESOh god I AM TOO STONED FOR THIS!

CHRISTIEAce! What are you doing here?

ACEStill owe you that eighth, man.

A large bong flies past Ace and smashes against the wall.

CHRISTIEThe fuck James? That was like halfyour rent.

JAMESHes a zombie! Hes after yourbrains.

(beat)Isnt he?

CHRISTIEJust be cool. I got this.

(To Ace)Ace, you didnt have to come back.

ACEYoure my best customer, Trixie.

CHRISTIEChris-

7.


9/13

ACE-Christie. I owe you one.

JAMESIm calling the cops.

CHRISTIENo! ACENo!

CHRISTIEJames. Sit. Down. Ace is going tosell me some pot and then hesgoing to leave.

She steps closer to Ace.

How much do I owe you?

ACEFifty. No. Forty. I was prettylate, after all.

Christie slowly steps backwards toward the dining room table.

She turns away from Ace and closes her eyes. After a breath,she finds her purse and retrieves two twenties.

James side steps over to her.

JAMES(Whispering)

Dont tell him you got your card.

CHRISTIEShh!

They turn back to Ace but it is too late, hes alreadynoticed all the pot on the coffee table.

ACEHey. Whered you get all this weed?

CHRISTIEUh. James bought it.

ACEBut hes always broke. He neverbuys weed.

CHRISTIETrue. But-

Ace advances towards them.

ACEWhats going on Christe?

JAMESIts a war on drugs, Mother Fucker!

8.


10/13

James grabs a potted plant from the table and brings it downonto Aces head.

The clay bowl shatters and James takes the opportunity totackle Ace to the ground.

JAMES (CONTD)We gotta destroy the brain!

Christie watches the struggle, unsure how to help.

ACEStop being a buzz kill, man!

Christie notices her SHATTERED BONG. The glass shaft thatmakes up the mouth piece is still intact. It ends in a jaggedshard.

Ace over takes James and pins him on the floor. The zombielooks longingly at the stoners forehead.

ACE (CONTD)Ive got the munchies, man...

Ace opens his mouth to take a bite. SCHLUNK. Ace stops.

His head is pulled back by Christie. She yanks him off by thebong shard she has lodged in the back of his skull.

James scrambles to his feet and rushes into the kitchen.

Ace flails his arms behind himself reaching for Christie.

CHRISTIEWhere are you? Help me!

James returns with a battery powered turkey carver.

JAMESHold his arms.

Christie switches, locking Aces arms behind his back.

James flips on the carver and begins to hack at Aces neck.Blood and flesh fly everywhere.

CHRISTIEWas that really the best choice?

Ace tickles Christie and she releases her hold on him.

Ace wraps his cold dead fingers around James throat!

Christie returns her grip to the bong shard.

James finishes cutting through Aces neck and the body dropsto the floor.

Christie still holds Aces animated head.

9.


11/13

ACEIm never selling to you ass holesagain!

JAMES(Gasping)

Why isnt he dead?

CHRISTIEIt doesnt matter anymore. We justneed to be quiet and clean up.

JAMESClean up! Christie, Ive been aburden on you long enough. Imleaving.

James grabs his blood soaked jacket from the blood soakedcouch and steps towards the door.

Christie brandishes Aces head at James.

CHRISTIEStop!

Aces dismembered body grabs James by the ankle and keeps himfrom escaping.

CHRISTIE (CONTD)Youre going to help me clean myapartment or Im going to put himback together again.

James bats Aces hand off his sneaker and nods.

MONTAGE

-- Christie puts on her nurses outfit.

-- James wraps himself in garbage bags.

-- Christie points James to the blood stains on the walls.

-- James sprays down a wall and wipes.

-- Christie cuts up Aces body in the bathroom.

-- Christie and James stuff their respective trash into BLACK

GARBAGE BAGS.

EXT. BY THE DUMPSTER - LATE NIGHT

Christie and James drag up the black garbage bags.

James hastily tosses his black bags into the dumpster.

10.


12/13

JAMESYoure turn.

Christie hesitates so James reaches for her bags.

CHRISTIE

Wait.

Christie opens the last bag and removes Aces severed head.

Ace opens his eyes and looks at her.

CHRISTIE (CONTD)Ace. That weed in my apartment.James didnt buy it. I got mymedical card after you died.

ACEYou could have told me that BEFOREyou chopped me up and threw me inyour dumpster.

CHRISTIEYou were never on time. But Ididnt want you dead.

ACEI was a drug dealer, Christie. Didyou expect me to be punctual?

(Beat)I would have been cool just beingfriends.

CHRISTIEIm so sorry Ace.

JAMESJust toss him in already.

Christie notices the bong shard still lodged in Aces skull.She looks at James and smiles.

CHRISTIEYa know what, James? Id rathertalk about how youre going tostart pulling your weight aroundhere.

James opens his mouth to protest but notices Aces severedhead cradled in Christies arms. Instead, he smiles.

INT. APARTMENT - LATER

Christie sits cross legged on her couch in silence. Her gazedrifts over the now much cleaner apartment.

CHRISTIE (CONTD)Jaaaamese...

11.


13/13

James trudges into the room dressed in an apron. He isvisibly sweating.

CHRISTIE (CONTD)I fixed the bong you made me.

James notices it on the coffee table. His eyes widen.

CHRISTIE (CONTD)Take a hit.

JAMESYou first.

Christie picks it up off the table and takes a rip.

She smiles and hands it to James. He holds it clumsily andtakes a rip.

A clean white plume of smoke exits.

JAMES (CONTD)Got rid of the burnies.

He sets it down on THE COFFEE TABLE.

The bong is Aces severed head! Ace spits out the glass bowland exhales a plume of smoke from his mouth.

ACETalk about a head high.

The three stoners chuckle.

CHRISTIE(To James)Go do the dishes.

James shuffles into the kitchen.

Christie turns on cartoons. Ace watches them with her.

FADE TO BLACK:

THE END.

12.

Return of the Undead Dealer

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