DOCUMENT RESUME

ED 436 564 TM 030 426

TITLE Florida Writes! Report on the 1999 Assessment, Grade 4:Florida Writing Assessment Program.

INSTITUTION Florida State Dept. of Education, Tallahassee. Assessment,Testing, and Evaluation Section.

PUB DATE 1999-00-00NOTE 82p.; For related documents, see TM 030 427-428.PUB TYPE Reports - Descriptive (141)EDRS PRICE MF01/PC04 Plus Postage.DESCRIPTORS *Elementary School Students; Expository Writing; Grade 4;

Intermediate Grades; Narration; Program Descriptions;Scoring; *Test Coaching; Test Results; *Writing Achievement;*Writing Tests

IDENTIFIERS *Florida Statewide Assessment Program

ABSTRACT

This report is designed for educators who are involved inteaching, developing, or evaluating curriculum in the elementary schools. Itdescribes the content and application of Florida's fourth grade writing test,and it offers suggestions that might be helpful in preparing students for theassessment. The 1990 Florida legislature mandated the assessment of studentwriting at grades 4, 8, and 10. Within each classroom, students are randomlyassigned one of two writing prompts. Fourth graders respond to a prompt thatasks them to explain something (expository writing) or tell a story(narrative writing). Students are asked to plan their responses and writethem within 45 minutes. The report is divided into these sections: (1) "WhatIs Effective Writing?"; (2) "The Florida Writing Assessment Program"; (3)

"Scoring Method and Rubric Used in 1999"; (4) "Expository Responses from the1999 Assessment"; and (5) "Narrative Responses from the 1999 Assessment." Theexpository and narrative responses contain actual samples of student essaysfrom the test. Eight appendixes contain supplemental information about theassessment and 43 recommended readings for educators. (SLD)

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FLORIDA WRITES!REPORT ON THE 1999 ASSESSMENT

GRADE 4

FLORIDA WRITING ASSESSMENT PROGRAM

Assessment and Evaluation Services SectionBureau of Curriculum, Instruction, and Assessment

Division of Public SchoolsDepartment of Education

Tallahassee, Florida 32399-0400

CopyrightState of Florida

Department of State1999

3

Copyright Statement for this Assessment and Evaluation Services Publication

Authorization for reproduction of this document is hereby granted to persons acting in an official

capacity within the State System of Public Education as defined in Section 228.041(1), FloridaStatutes. The copyright notice at the bottom of this page must be included in all copies.

Permission is NOT granted for distribution or reproduction outside the State System of PublicEducation or for commercial distribution of the copyrighted materials without writtenauthorization from the Department of Education. Questions regarding use of these copyrighted

materials are to be addressed to

The AdministratorAssessment and Evaluation Services Section

Florida Department of EducationTurlington Building, Room 414

325 West Gaines StreetTallahassee, Florida 32399-0400

. Copyright 1999State of Florida

Department of State4

PREFACE

Dear Educators:

In order to improve statewide assessment in Florida and to test students' writing achievement, the1990 Florida Legislature mandated the assessment of students' writing in grades 4, 8, and 10. TheFlorida Writing Assessment Program was established in response to this legislative action.

The development of this assessment began in fall 1990. The Assessment and Evaluation ServicesSection of the Department of Education reviewed the latest advances in writing assessment andconferred with writing and curriculum consultants from Florida and from other states withestablished writing assessment programs. The Department, with the assistance of advisory groupsof teachers, school and district administrators, and citizens, developed the writing prompts(topics) and the scoring rubric (description of writing at each score point) and selected studentresponses to represent each score point.

For this assessment, each student is given a writing folder containing a prompt. Students are given45 minutes to read the prompt independently, plan their responses, and write their responses inthe folders. A separate sheet is provided for planning and prewriting activities (e.g., outlining,clustering, mapping, and jotting down ideas). Within each classroom, students are randomlyassigned one of two prompts. Fourth grade students respond to a prompt that asks them to explain(expository writing) or tell a story (narrative writing); eighth and tenth grade students respond toa prompt that asks them to explain (expository writing) or persuade (persuasive writing). SeeAppendix D for examples of the writing folder, planning sheet, and assessment directions givento students.

Florida Writes! Report on the 1999 Assessment, Grade 4 is designed for educators who areinvolved in teaching or developing or evaluating curriculum in the elementary schools. Thispublication describes the content and application of the grade 4 writing test, and it offerssuggestions for activities that may be helpful in preparing students for the assessment.

If you have questions, please ask your school coordinator or district coordinator of assessment forassistance. Further, the staff of the Assessment and Evaluation Services Section is available torespond to questions concerning the writing assessment or this publication. Please write ortelephone

Jo Ann Cawley or Mark HeidornAssessment and Evaluation Services

Florida Department of EducationTurlington Building, Room 414

325 West Gaines StreetTallahassee, Florida 32399-0400

850/488-8198Suncom 278-8198

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Page

WHAT IS EFFECTIVE WRITING? 1

Effective Writing Described 1

Achieving Effective Writing 1

Florida's System of School Improvement and Accountability 1

Florida's Direct Writing Assessment 2

Preparing Students for the Florida Writing Assessment 2

THE FLORIDA WRITING ASSESSMENT PROGRAM 3

Description of the Writing Prompts 3

Example of an Expository Prompt 3

Example of a Narrative Prompt 3

Scoring of the Spring 1999 Assessment 4

SCORING METHOD AND RUBRIC USED IN 1999 5

Definition of Holistic Scoring 5

Focus 5

Organization 5

Support 5

Conventions 5

Score Points in Rubric 6

6 Points 6

5 Points 6

4 Points 6

3 Points 6

2 Points 7

1 Point 7

Unscorable 7

EXPOSITORY RESPONSES FROM THE 1999 ASSESSMENT 8

Definition of Expository Writing 8

Description of the Expository Prompt Used in 1999 8

Summary of the Expository Responses Written in 1999 8

Suggestions for Use of the Annotated Responses 8

Page

NARRATIVE RESPONSES FROM THE 1999 ASSESSMENT 30

Definition of Narrative Writing 30

Description of the Narrative Prompt Used in 1999 30

Summary of the Narrative Responses Written in 1999 30

Suggestions for Use of the Annotated Responses 30

APPENDIX A MEMBERS OF THE FOURTH GRADE WRITINGASSESSMENT ADVISORY COMMITTEE 51

APPENDIX B GLOSSARY 52

APPENDIX C SUGGESTIONS FOR PREPARING STUDENTS FORTHE FLORIDA WRITING ASSESSMENT 54

APPENDIX D EXAMPLES OF THE ASSESSMENT DIRECTIONS,WRITING FOLDER, AND PLANNING SHEET 57

APPENDIX E PROMPT SPECIFICATIONS AND COMMITTEEEVALUATION FORM 65

APPENDIX F READER BIAS 69

APPENDIX G INSTRUCTIONAL IMPLICATIONS FOR EACHSCORE POINT 71

APPENDIX H RECOMMENDED READINGS 75

EFFECTIVE WRITINGDESCRIBED

ACHIEVINGEFFECTIVE WRITING

WHAT IS EFFECTIVE WRITING?

/,,/

A well-written piece can best be described as,incCirporating elementsof writing in such a way that a reader cari1experieriee-ffie writer's//intended meaning, understand the writer's' 'Premise, and 'accept 4'

...

reject the writer's point of view. Effective writing`

focuses on the topic and avoids; extraneous or loosely related,,information;

,, /2 2/establishes a clear organizational a ,beginning, middle,// //and end and transitional devices`) that enables the reader to,follow the flow of ideas./ ,7

' 2%;

,contains supporting ideas that are elandrated ,hrough the use ofdetails, examples, vivid language, and mature/word choice; and

follows the convention's of standard written English (e.g.,punctuation, capitalization, and4pellingYand includes a variety

2/of sentence structures. %/

/2 / 2 /The best way ,to teacn writing/JS to engage students in the writing/ /process. This/recursiVe procesS includes planning, writing, revising,/ // ,//, /and editing/ //

As students becnme more/proficient, the amount of time they spend/, / ,, ,,,,

on each step yithe process may;Shorten, and the necessity for teacher/;J.-. /

involvementhould lessen. //FLORIDA'S SYSTEM OF Florida's:,System offSchool;/Improvement and Accountability providesSCHOOL direct 1/.

///

IMPROVEMENT ANDirect guidancelOr writing instruction. Of the seven goals set forth,

/ Goal/ f3 Student Performance, is of particular importance to theACCOUNTABILITY // // l/ ii./// instruction of writing! As defined by Standard 2 of Goal 3, students

22will "record information in writing; compose and createcommunications://%/accurately use language, graphic representations,//

. / styles,; organizations, and formats appropriate to the language,// 2/

-;:------- / information,/concept, or idea and the subject matter, purpose, and,,, ,/ ./; /audience. and include supporting documentation and detail." The

/ \\ Sunshine/' State Standards support the use of effective writing asiutlined/,

in the Language Arts Writing Strand benchmarks, whichidentify the highest expectations for student writing as defined byscore point 6 of the Florida Writing Assessment Program rubrics.

/The competencies listed in Florida's System of School Improvement

// and Accountability are integral to all aspects of writing instructionand, with the Sunshine State Standards for language arts,mathematics, science, social studies, the arts, health/physicaleducation, and foreign languages, form the basis of learnerexpectancies and lifelong writing skills.

1 8BEST COPY AVAILARE

FLORIDA'S DIRECTWRITING ASSESSMENT

PREPARING STUDENTSFOR THE FLORIDAWRITING ASSESSMENT

In the past decade, teachers, school districts, state departments ofeducation, and national assessment programs have attempted to moveaway from multiple-choice tests and toward the direct assessment ofwriting proficiency. Direct writing assessment applies many of theprinciples used by exemplary teachers to develop effective writing.

In striving to standardize direct writing assessment, educators havediscovered that large-scale assessments involve inherent limitations.While a classroom teacher has the luxury of making notes and addingpersonal comments on students' papers, this type of feedback isimpossible in a large-scale assessment in which several hundredthousand student papers must be read and scored. On the other hand,the strength of a large-scale assessment is that all student papers can bejudged against a common standard. The result is a source of statewideinformation that can be used to characterize writing performance on aconsistent basis. This information can be used as one indicator of awriting instruction program's strengths and weaknesses.

Florida's direct writing assessment can best be described as demandwriting. Demand writing assessments involve assigned topics, timedwritings (e.g., 45 minutes), and scored responses. This kind ofassessment has been used in classrooms (e.g., essay questions on asocial studies test), in several large-scale assessments (e.g., NationalAssessment of Educational Progress [NAEP], the Scholastic AptitudeTest [SAT], the American College Testing Program [ACT], andFlorida's College-Level Academic Skills Test [CLAST]), and bymany employers during the job interview process. For a statewideassessment, demand writing involves less preparation time forstudents and teachers and less time and money for scoring than projector portfolio assessments. (See Appendix B for definitions of projectand portfolio assessments.)

The Florida Writing Assessment Program has adopted demandwriting as an efficient and effective method of assessing Florida'sfourth graders. For this program, students are expected to produce,within a 45-minute time period, a focused, organized, supported draftin response to an assigned topic.

The skill of effective writing cannot be taught in several easy lessons.By giving students frequent opportunities to express themselves,teachers and parents can enhance students' success in writing. Acurriculum that consistently emphasizes reading and the use ofspoken and written language in all subject areas and at all grade levelswill increase students' ability to write effectively for a variety ofpurposes.

Appendix C contains suggestions for how district- and school-leveladministrators, teachers, and parents or guardians can help preparestudents for the assessment.

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THE FLORIDA WRITING ASSESSMENT PROGRAM

DESCRIPTION OF THE The prompts for the 1999 assessment were carefully selected toWRITING PROMPTS ensure that the subject matter was interesting and appropriate for

fourth grade students. In addition, prompts were reviewed foroffensive or biased language relating to religion, gender, and racial orethnic background.

Example of an ExpositoryPrompt

Example of a NarrativePrompt

The prompts were written with the assistance of members of theFourth Grade Writing Assessment Advisory Committee and werepilot tested on a small group of students, then field tested on 1,000students across the state. The development of the prompts is acontinuing process. The Department will continue to write, review,pilot test, and field test additional prompts for measuring writingproficiency. See Appendix E for more information on the proceduresused by the advisory committee to write and review prompts.

Prompts are written to elicit writing for specific purposes. Forinstance, expository prompts ask students to explain why or how, andnarrative prompts direct students to tell a story or write aboutsomething that happened.

Prompts have two basic components: the writing situation and thedirections for writing. The writing situation orients students to thesubject about which they are to write. The directions for writing setthe parameters for writing and, in the case of persuasive prompts,identify the audience to whom the writing is directed.

Below is an example of an expository prompt. The first componentorients the student to the topic: jobs or chores. The second componentsuggests that the student think about various jobs or chores, then writeabout the reasons he or she does the job or chore.

Everyone has jobs or chores.

Before you begin writing, think about one of your jobs or chores.

Now explain why you do your job or chore.

In the prompt below, the first component (the topic) focuses on anunforgettable experience. The second component of the promptsuggests that the student think about various experiences, then writeabout one that was unforgettable.

Everyone has done something that he or she will remember.

Before you begin writing, think about a time you did somethingthat you will always remember.

Now tell a story about the time you did something that you willalways remember

3 1 0

SCORING OF THESPRING 1999ASSESSMENT

Students' papers were scored in April. Prior to the scoring session,members of the advisory committee met on two separate occasions toread student responses and to select papers to represent each scorepoint. These papers were then used by the scoring subcontractor,Measurement Incorporated, to train the readers.

As a service to the districts, 40 teachers and school- and district-leveladministrators were trained along with the 200 readers who werehired to score the responses. The actual readers for the three-weekscoring session were Florida residents who were required to have aminimum of a bachelor's degree in education, English, or a relatedfield and to satisfactorily complete the training session.

As part of the actual scoring session, readers first took part in threedays of intensive training. Each reader scored one of the two types ofwriting. The scoring director and team leaders for each type of writingwere responsible for training and assisting readers during the scoring.A scoring guide that contained the scoring rubric and example papersfor each score point provided the basis for developing a commonunderstanding of the standards recommended by the advisorycommittee. To ensure accuracy in the scoring, readers were requiredto adhere to the advisory committee's standards during the scoringsession. Appendix F lists the potential reader bias issues discussedwith the readers.

While the actual scoring was taking place, the scoring directors andteam leaders verified the scores readers assigned to papers andanswered the questions readers asked about unusual and unscorablepapers. Additional methods used to ensure that all readers wereadhering to scoring standards included having two readers score eachstudent response and having readers score sets of papers that had beenprescored by the advisory committee.

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SCORING METHOD AND RUBRIC USED IN 1999

DEFINITION OFHOLISTIC SCORING

Holistic scoring is a method by which trained readers evaluate a pieceof writing for its overall quality. The holistic method used in Floridarequires readers to evaluate the work as a whole, while consideringfour elements: focus, organization, support, and conventions. Thismethod is sometimes called focused holistic scoring. In this type ofscoring, readers make a judgment about the entire response ratherthan focusing exclusively on any one aspect.

Focus Focus refers to how clearly the paper presents and maintains a mainidea, theme, or unifying point.

Papers receiving lower and middle scores may containinformation that is loosely related, extraneous, or both.

Papers receiving higher scores demonstrate a consistentawareness of the topic and avoid loosely related or extraneousinformation.

Organization

Support

Conventions

Organization refers to the structure or plan of development(beginning, middle, and end) and the relationship of one point toanother. Organization refers to the use of transitional devices (terms,phrases, and variation in sentence structure) to signal (1) therelationship of the supporting ideas to the main idea, theme, orunifying point and (2) the connections between and among sentences.

Papers receiving lower scores may lack transitional devices andsummary or concluding statements.

Papers receiving higher scores use transitional devices (signalsof the text plan or structure) and developed conclusions.

Support refers to the quality of details used to explain, clarify, ordefine. The quality of the support depends on word choice, specificity,depth, credibility, and thoroughness.

Papers receiving lower scores may contain support that is a barelist of events or reasons, support that is extended by a detail, orboth.

Papers receiving higher scores provide elaborated examples andfully developed illustrations, and the relationship between thesupporting ideas and the topic is clear.

Conventions refer to the punctuation, capitalization, spelling, andsentence structure. These conventions are basic writing skills includedin Florida's Sunshine State Standards.

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SCORE POINTS INRUBRIC

Papers receiving lower and middle scores may contain some ormany errors in punctuation, capitalization, spelling, andsentence structure and may have little variation in sentencestructure.

Papers receiving higher scores follow, with few exceptions, theconventions of punctuation, capitalization, and spelling, and usea variety of sentence structures to present ideas.

The rubric further interprets the four major areas of consideration intolevels of achievement. The rubric used to score papers in spring 1999is shown below.

6 Points The writing is focused on the topic, has a logical organizationalpattern (including a beginning, middle, conclusion, and transitionaldevices), and has ample development of the supporting ideas. Thepaper demonstrates a sense of completeness or wholeness. Thewriting demonstrates a mature command of language includingprecision in word choice. Subject/verb agreement and verb and nounforms are generally correct. With few exceptions, the sentences arecomplete, except when fragments are used purposefully. Varioussentence structures are used.

5 Points The writing is focused on the topic with adequate development of thesupporting ideas. There is an organizational pattern, although a fewlapses may occur. The paper demonstrates a sense of completeness orwholeness. Word choice is adequate but may lack precision. Mostsentences are complete, although a few fragments may occur. Theremay be occasional errors in subject/verb agreement and in standardforms of verbs and nouns, but not enough to impede communication.The conventions of punctuation, capitalization, and spelling aregenerally followed. Various sentence structures are used.

4 Points The writing is generally focused on the topic, although it may containsome extraneous or loosely related information. An organizationalpattern is evident, although lapses may occur. The paper demonstratesa sense of completeness or wholeness. In some areas of the response,the supporting ideas may contain specifics and details, while in otherareas, the supporting ideas may not be developed. Word choice isgenerally adequate. Knowledge of the conventions of punctuation andcapitalization is demonstrated, and commonly used words are usuallyspelled correctly. There has been an attempt to use a variety ofsentence structures, although most are simple constructions.

3 Points The writing is generally focused on the topic, although it may containsome extraneous or loosely related information. Although anorganizational pattern has been attempted and some transitionaldevices have been used, lapses may occur. The paper may lack a senseof completeness or wholeness. Some of the supporting ideas may not

6 13

be developed with specifics and details. Word choice is adequate butlimited, predictable, and occasionally vague. Knowledge of theconventions of punctuation and capitalization is demonstrated, andcommonly used words are usually spelled correctly. There has been anattempt to use a variety of sentence structures, although most aresimple constructions.

2 Points The writing may be slightly related to the topic or may offer littlerelevant information and few supporting ideas or examples. Thewriting that is relevant to the topic exhibits little evidence of anorganizational pattern or use of transitional devices. Development ofthe supporting ideas may be inadequate or illogical. Word choice maybe limited or immature. Frequent errors may occur in basicpunctuation and capitalization, and commonly used words mayfrequently be misspelled. The sentence structure may be limited tosimple constructions.

1 Point The writing may only minimally address the topic because there islittle, if any, development of supporting ideas, and unrelatedinformation may be included. The writing that is relevant to the topicdoes not exhibit an organizational pattern; few, if any, transitionaldevices are used to signal movement in the text. Supporting ideas maybe sparse, and they are usually provided through lists, clichés, andlimited or immature word choice. Frequent errors in spelling,capitalization, punctuation, and sentence structure may impedecommunication. The sentence structure may be limited to simpleconstructions.

Unscorable The paper is unscorable because

the response is not related to what the prompt requested thestudent to do,

the response is simply a rewording of the prompt,

the response is a copy of a published work,

the student refused to write,

the response is written in a foreign language,

the response is illegible,

the response is incomprehensible (words are arranged in such away that no meaning is conveyed),

the response contains an insufficient amount of writing todetermine if the student was attempting to address the prompt, or

the writing folder is blank.

Appendix G contains instructional implications for each score point.

7 14

EXPOSITORY RESPONSES FROM THE 1999 ASSESSMENT

DEFINITION OFEXPOSITORY WRITING

DESCRIPTION OF THEEXPOSITORY PROMPTUSED IN 1999

SUMMARY OF THEEXPOSITORYRESPONSES WRITTENIN 1999

SUGGESTIONS FOR USEOF THE ANNOTATEDRESPONSES

ii

The purpose of this type of writing is to info:kin, clarify, explain,define, or instruct by giving information, explaining why or how,clarifying a process, or defining a concepy,,%Well-written.,expositior'7has a clear, central focus developed thrOrigh ,a carefully - craftedpresentation of facts, examples, or definitions that enhance--Ahereader's understanding. These facts, ,examples, and definitions areobjective and not dependent on emotion, alth ough the,Writing may belively, engaging, and reflective of the writer's underlying commitmentto the topic.

The annotated papers in this; section %represent resporiSes to a promptthat directed students to explain;why a person is /Special to them.Students were asked to 'give an explanatiOn that would enable thereader of their paper to. Understand why:a person:is special to them.

Students responding to this prompt generally%Provided reasons why aperson is special to theni: A paper= was scorable if the student choseone special person and gave reasons for that choice. Papers thatfocused on the topic, displayed an organizational pattern, containeddeveloped,support;(reasons)J'and generally followed the conventionsof writing/ were scored in the higher ranges of the scale.

Each response in this publication is annotated to explain why it wasassigned a/particular;'score.,teachers may use the responses on thefollowing/ pages to improve students' writing skills and to help

,studentS understand the scoring criteria. Teachers can also delete thescores and annotations' and make transparencies or copies of theresponses. They can then ask students to

rank, order the responses from highest to lowest scores;

highlight words and phrases that provide an organizationalstructure and develop the supporting ideas in a response;

list the strengths and weaknesses of a response;

revise and edit a response based on either a student-generated listof the strengths and weaknesses or the annotation beneath theresponse. This activity might include improving the introductionand conclusion, adding transitional devices, providing moredetails and examples, refining the word choice, and varying thesentence structure; and

use the rubric and skills above to score student responses tosimilar writing prompts.

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Score Point 6

This response is focused and organized. The logical organizational pattern and ample support contribute to asense of completeness. Each reason is elaborated with specific details and personal anecdotes: "On Christmasmorning, my family likes to open presents one at a time, one person at a time. She always makes a speechabout me opening them first because I'm the youngest. Ahh!" A mature 'command" of language with preciseword choice is demonstrated: "I know the whole routine, I get up, I'm sick, she scatiek to the leitchen comingback with breakfast. Eggs, bacon, waffles . . . and a side of Dimeatapp." Sentence structure is varied, and fewconvention errors occur.

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Score Point 6

This response is focused and organized. The logical pattern of organization and ample development ofsupport contribute to a sense of completeness. Support is consistently developed with specific details: "Arotten bully pushed me into a patch of cold wet mud and I got a C- on a math test that I studied weeks for.When I came home I wanted to stay in my room for years, but my sister took me outside, played my favoritegame, and told the funniest joke I had ever heard." A mature command of language and precise choice ofwords are demonstrated: "Suddenly, I heard a splash and my sister grabed my dress and pulled me to safety"and "If I ask an adult a queston they just look at me like I was talking another language." Sentence structureis varied, and conventions are generally followed. However, occasional spelling errors occur.

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Score Point 5

The writing focuses on the topic and includes a topical organizational pattern (a brief introduction, a middlesection including reasons why the author's little brother is special, and a summarizing conclusion). Supportis adequately and consistently developed. Each reason is elaborated with some specific details: "Finally,will take care of me when I am sick. He will get his pretend doctor toys-and put them on me. He will takehis stethescope and check my heart." However, further explanation is needed for a higher score. For example,why does the little brother want to imitate the author? The command of language and word choice isadequate, but at times mature and precise: "When he is having trouble with something, or can't do somethingby himself, he knows I am right beside him like a mother bird watching her chicks." Sentence structure isvaried, and conventions are generally followed.

To receive the highest score, this response needs more consistent elaboration of support, more maturecommand of language, and more precise choice of words.

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Score Point 4

The response is focused on the writer's best friend. The writer attempts to use a comparison and contraststrategy to organize the writing. The second and third paragraphs list ways that the writer and the best friendare different and alike. The fourth paragraph gives additional information about the best friend's immaturity:"But one thing good about her being emichure is that she makes me laugh. It is just majorly funny! One timeshe made me laugh so hard that I fell out of my chair! But the bad thing about it was that it was embrassing,But it was still funny!" Support is more consistently developed in this response than in most score point 3responses, but more elaboration is needed for a higher score. For example, in a higher score point response,the writer would provide a stronger connection between the friend's immaturity and the friend's funnybehavior. What at first appears to be loosely related information in the conclusion is presented as further proofthat this friend is special. Word choice is adequate, sentence structure variety is attempted, and knowledge ofthe basic conventions of punctuation, capitalization, and spelling is demonstrated.

For this response to receive a higher score, support needs to be elaborated, main ideas and supporting detailsneed to be linked, word choice needs to be refined, and convention errors need to be corrected.

18 25

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Score Point 4

The writing is focused and organized through the use of an introduction, a conclusion, and a middle sectionconsisting of three reasons and some effective transitional devices ("Once," "You see," "If," and "When").Development of the support is uneven. The first and third reasons are simply extended with little bits ofinformation, but the second reason is elaborated: "My dad drives a truck and sometimes he'll take me withhim. We get to go all over the U.S.A. It's so much fun. I've been all over the country I'v been to Nevad,Washington, New Mexico and New Hampshire. I love going to all these places. Once I went to bed in Arizonaand woke up in Texas. You see my dad is a very hard worker. If his company say's he has to be some where,Then my dad is going to be there!" Word choice is adequate, and sentence structure is varied. The paperdemonstrates a sense of completeness because it is organized and contains some specific support. Errors inconventions and spelling do not interfere with meaning in this draft.

More elaboration of support, better choice of words, more sentence structure variety, and better control ofconventions would improve this response.

20 27

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Score Point 3

This response is clearly focused on Dad as the special person in the writer's life. A restricted organizationalpattern is evident, but the minimal development of supporting ideas prevents this response from receiving ahigher score point. The second and third paragraphs are extended by lists and vague information. "The secondthing my dad does with me is takes me places. Like Saleabraion Station, Jungle Gardens, and to thewonderful beach. At Jungle Gardens we saw all kinds of fish and animals!" What were the special adventuresthe writer had with his or her dad? Why was going with Dad more special than going with others? Moreelaboration is needed. The writer provides more specific support in the fourth paragraph, but this support islimited. Word choice, sentence structure, and conventions are adequate.

More development of supporting ideas would enhance this response. 2922

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30

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Score Point 3

The response is clearly focused on why the writer's mom is special. An organizational pattern is attempted;however, what appears to be three reasons is actually a list of three places the writer goes with Mom: "Firstreason I go to the mall with her to by some cloths for her and me . . . Second reason we go to birthday party'stogether . . . Third reason she is my mom, my best, best friend. She is my best friend because we goeverywhere together . . . . " Vague extensions are provided for each reason. More information is provided inthe conclusion: "I hope sometime in my life maybe she could take me somewhere special like France, Maine,or even to California. Wow. That would be really fun. Maybe in one of those three places she could meet aboyfriend." The writer needs to provide more elaboration for each reason. Word choice is limited, but errorsin sentence structure and conventions do not impede communication.

An effective pattern of organization, extension and elaboration of support, precise choice of words, andimproved sentence structure and basic conventions would improve this response.

24

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-fo ki,'Win a-) s 42_

c, 4a y I I-) e_Scz

Why iS Sc

p-Q( -i- orf-- soI ( \ , , 4-1, r erasofS

s ?ciao 0 me .

Score Point 2

The writer focuses on a special person. An organizational pattern is attempted through the use of vague andineffective transitions ("First," "Next," and "Then"). The writer fails to use these transitions to provide alogical presentation of reasons. Brief extensions are given for why the friend is special: "Then, he alwayscheers me up, writes to me, plays with me, laughs with me, sings with me, and screams with me becausescreaming is cool to us." Why is screaming cool to the writer and to his or her friend? What prompts thescreaming? Vague and general lists are provided as development for each reason. Word choice is limited, butconventions are generally correct.

To achieve a higher score, the writer needs to provide an effective organizational pattern, elaborated support,and more precise word choice.

25 q2

y Upf?_,C.L11./ -PlA110--71/

(A-Y-nrti

(kg% )v /0/ rA/114/ h 2 eer-O-b

jtk1.46 b-eiltGuib /1V31111t/ 'L ft.(

kaNktni /VI A:NAV ) /Mb h j)-)no, AT/

tter /tAiryot

AIn A,1,9,, Biz QJ Jnir.&

MO ex) Lertuinft-tu e eal

A io-Pfa-' ,111/ f-Act"

Score Point 2

The writing is focused. An organizational pattern is attempted through the use of a brief introduction andconclusion and a middle section consisting of a list of reasons why the person is special. This list could berearranged in any order and retain the same meaning. Each reason is extended with a little bit of additionalinformation. The third reason ("Last, because he's cool") includes an unsuccessful attempt to use figurativelanguage ("He's as cool as a remote controle car"). Elaboration is needed on each reason to enhance thereader's understanding. Word choice is limited, but errors in sentence structure and conventions do notimpede communication.

An improved organizational pattern, effective transitional devices, elaborated support, refined word choice,improved sentence structure, and corrected conventions are needed for a higher score.

26 33

7/2y, yryzoff9 An--2,2..0,,?ci _xyaec4g1)..,Sizgig, LA g_

eilp-i,s, f9ir yerlo 4, r Atmie ,10-(

411 I . !'40 -.4 i°- i L4 .14f /

,ced aishe- 411)4'4 444.

-L;IP .(.4 tylez2 e

f(12, __.46-6 6r)-,Yrze -A+r-eeir

f(/

The 6-14

BEST COPY AVA1LA

Score Point 1

1 LE

The writing minimally addresses the topic and provides little evidence of an organizational pattern. Sentencescould be rearranged in any order and retain the same meaning. Supporting ideas are not developed. Three barereasons are listed for choosing Mom as the special person: "She is like a friend who is nice to me . . . She islike a very special prsen who loves me. She has a very special harte." Extraneous information is also included:"I have lot of special pelppel." Word choice is limited and vague. The words "she" and "special" are repeatedthroughout the response. Simple sentence constructions are used, but spelling errors do not impedecommunication.

To receive a higher score, this response needs a clear focus, an effective organizational pattern, elaboratedsupport, precise word choice, and correct spelling.

27 3 4

74-c e xp/a,/2 ./.

/?? C-).7 j46267?(E 149cz Co' /7

04e ty*-,_ r-le7 7414, tx7yRf4-ot_Scz711 /-'5: _She /3- o

d,a c.// Foy er

74' r-?/-2C/CD,Y pz,r0/4e27'

T c-A_/"?

9°d/7e-X

/4-ze:i 42/,sS'

O *

7-- / L949r c,t/klay

/)fl 43;1 SMO .7()C 7)--7x

_

4o,> ,r)r) -71--/-20, 7' M'I--5-Z73 /7

Aar

<=t574,beau 5-e-1

y

Score Point 1

The writing needs 2 stronger focus. The writer confuses reasons ("my reasons are my mom, god and Dad")with topic choices. There is no organizational pattern. The writer's use of "my Frist Reason . . . my SecondReason . . . My last reson" impedes communication. Reasons are presented randomly and could be rearrangedin any order and retain the same meaning. Connections are not made between the reasons presented and thesupporting details: "my reasons are Reason one he made things, my Second Reason is. She is a good parentand my last Reason is careful For me." Even though the special people in the writer's life are named in thelast paragraph ("my reasons are my mom, god and Dad"), the writer fails to connect the special people to thereasons for choosing them. There is little development of support. Word choice is limited, and errors occurin capitalization, punctuation, sentence structure, and spelling.

To receive a higher score, this response needs to provide a clear focus, an effective organizational pattern, astrong connection between the reasons and the supporting details, elaborated support, precise word choice,varied sentence structure, and correct conventions and spelling.

28 35

Ope, ciA\X Z- 6U01\5 iItc)(ACOU. SO Z (,,,tch T VTh9 hovIL cooKiir\ ho\lip(. Z. so\ id, o /Lb ff9ou4 for coocK/P 05.,

I

Firs-i- _riG ba\ Ku cbraorvesS. Tin i A fir, ove n-1:4:2 .-000e,o) -f-e,1\ op+ -Mt. M flflA re pC -; if ifI n-l-o -i-ilf:/ brownliv, a-Ars c\c\o\ (.i 'Soo 01 GNAT

orN, tht po.\ 1-110--1-: CNA pu cl- -1-1-\ e, 1 CS ',brOboiN,ct,10\ e, 4- he, bra,001 CS l' 0 AA& 0 ik h a.04\ 1/1c, OP_ -fhen1

In _Poi. c 600\-1- 10 of 1, r\ i 0 vvi-e, s 4 e PI 6/1/ i b c 7iLli n-f,s

rrYc. iC ; 11 ,:r- 1 b ,54-0,r+ on ,--,0m-ifl ;Il f/G,Se.

Wh tilt hroc,un Ires &I-Pi r.00 C K 1 tr.114 ;1, t/coo`.2)K oN .5-kv-FF tcAct Ky. p-1 f's 1- AV 80 1011

\Qh.) ,so ry), ,_c-1-0447 n c ffsf Ioht 0 K 6. -I- k e b Ccird n ;es ye p they 0 Ce/fi r\ Lk now _T .5+ u\ -F-P 1-h, 1-1-7}1r-- Kr, u\- I --Hzove.c on 1-foca,(t, 'the i s iil -Fpr&..,0)..- '),5 i'YN ) mx-1--0 ,A) VI i li T. al/a-) fii

-i--1-\ 0\4 i()) notch TV r file Pc,-tof4-kei Gt_a. y

Unscorable

This response is unscorable. The writing does not indicate that the writer read and attempted to respond tothe prompt.

29 36

NARRATIVE RESPONSES FROM THE 1999 ASSESSMENT.

DEFINITION OFNARRATIVE WRITING

DESCRIPTION OF THENARRATIVE PROMPTUSED IN 1999

SUMMARY OF THENARRATIVERESPONSES WRITTENIN 1999

SUGGESTIONS FOR USEOF THE ANNOTATEDRESPONSES

The purpose of this type of writing is to recount a personal or fiction-experience or to tell a story based on a real or imagined event. In well-written narration, a writer uses insight, creativity, drama, suspense,humor, or fantasy to create a central theme or impression. the detail'sall work together to develop an identifiable story line that is easy tofollow and paraphrase.

The annotated papers in this section represent responses to a promptthat directed students to tell a story about walking through an opendoorway. The students were asked 6 write story about whathappened when they walked ifirouglithe doorWay.

Students responding to this proMPt told a story abpin what happenedwhen they walked through thei,doorway:" A paper' was scorable if thestudent wrote a story/ abouf what happened when he or she walkedthrough the doorway. Papers that focused on/the topic, displayed anorganizational pattern, contained - developed support (details), andgenerally folloWed the conventions of:Writing were scored in thehigher ranges' of the, scale.

Each respOnse in this publication is annotated to explain why it wasassigned' a particular score. Teachers may use the responses on thefollowing pages to improve :students' writing skills and to helpstudents understand the scoring criteria. Teachers can also delete thescores and annotations and make transparencies or copies of theresponses. They can then:ask students to

rank order the responses from highest to lowest scores;

highlight words and phrases that provide an organizationalstructure and develop the supporting ideas in a response;

list the Strengths and weaknesses of a response;

revise and edit a response based on either a student-generated listof the strengths and weaknesses or the annotation beneath thisresponse. This activity might include improving the introductionand conclusion, adding transitional devices, providing moredetails and examples, refining the word choice, and varying thesentence structure; and

use the rubric and skills above to score student responses tosimilar writing prompts.

30

37

hen lAleFv1. ci cly Ip CAS (),5 C litWtrigarinr`ksrelsCIO0r;I.

S) ir),606,,,Cth Lay 1 0 LI Sigci (YCISs Co. CHOinpte60 grillIn t-0 79,., 1 4.1 n ;die ci b rci,3 In p000 V () intoaay, thefrjejdoor k evi) formed ii-N ry,, ho nos a}-,d -the dco-OPtind. /he -Folio I- A*40 is -01-)(1 AcIppenG) tieday uoken +lie °Jog( cloPi\Pd,

Ti-cd I S tO C i P A Dr) 0 ii-)orn/A c`c) rY) fYLP dot tr-Diti-3 AC4e /

"Fr' lends 0_,Ivi J I (-De Y e rics(yin_ci Tocc-E r7 1 n co due.kir_ I4e_ci +i') P. 6rglayktyrt4 1--WOuclh 0 hiq )-N t..)i oci-,L,0

/ n line 1's -( 0 n n ict i nor-J-02-21 ) c:s Acu, ica..AcorkLarnor Ap.. (;ceS____of_cLii the LI i r is si,...),Je Ica 1100 //FA

er Gt)e9r-e on one -o Z sn wl 112re i ea'.f-T-W 4-ry on driv60/1- Don/rt b-e_an9r, 1-1- T- ci o n rri- 1/4 r , eue_cirt

1,1; -1-AP ciapr- /GC Ifiod 0 hr- (^-) ho k ricitJ1l's0.1(.,x) y5`

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t,-21 flA 0. crock eacer.hnj c3i. Cr rped:tc, (-)li fe-e-ItiriS.R.-40 cA I0. tnqi3 wr)c))/ 3--- learl-ec)c,n -hr .3a1 I,'Vt("Notr\Olirniel-r- OcAlls).1,r)ci -i-he--GYockK orrvis4up r-,"\-V. Tht-IA9cJI +he-r11; -c ,--, url 0 p-ent1 ran In 0-,00k 4-krouh a (n cue. 1.,..7h-i-e

ic,,by {0-1-h -1-&-it ce,,ryif -e .)-P y- la_d-i r?,,, i ()Fi y-11-te..,

Mc- onc,,-7_ ccs-P c r no Aca con-N.)2 ct (Norr-0,3 pa kfC> li.,

a rs aa .1 ' 0 1 4 -r _ _ - 4

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hi-PC(4- hin0jS nrkfrk ni kr-it 4ur,i ,M-'1'iveM".-Vr koa

38

31

s -t-o, fry) t niel ready + a ner. Ii-c, ki h,-;, cea.()_y obart,ho,..) AQ, Si .'1 rie ,c)01-1\ re ,... las euer Li hefe.I i-f i 1 -61y.,)ti, nun I-- ' roc Cs. Lo a n 6' ,01 10 ) c i h 1-r,ia to

ir 11°.-coLk.ze,t- C i K" /ij rap V" e cioili----1-':- na n i (\ e3palCiorN ly In -el rr r)-ty selp/63-k-eft. roibuoea o H 1 c7 f l eo c cry Y i t , is cs. rl aa

-Et-h rnp . . F

eV en L,t. fopea i.r;4-t1rz4on,y

de.L.,..)-et ,c,,,,rfxcn-if (3 ot- box n-eckrb 14NeCt ore r) 1,,01..y+0 (1POP1 4-)-1E}..r) YTS. ne v,-) Q 1 13 CZ 0 (7) -F.idoy\ kd-scoa-lic""pc) rp GO a r c ) C KI c ,.1 ) ud-er .Tit,irt °opt lerke;

ei,,p e-cttZ cc n (-'/ T 5 62 d 9 rock, anid6(1)-) so. 3-ernt-)orP JCp)e re:40es 0-r D lapi)( I r nceTr, Tor,p p

sk rpeol in ()clic, h 1 col-61 1--ko coon) [-,) r-ry,31-cilliY0 rn--tA pot il-l-e_d C4 kik. In G ofly out or. tottyPp-P-r

asmovrt. -el) ', (N a r-ck_f-\ 0-F +4,(- h,a-t, E99 0 -F rilI jt!..T-f-1 c( kv) (4 + t,k-12 n ry (-Yr,Gori

le nne I 'bed ( Asp] ke:fe,1) iv) el aZg Ci-CT c'i11&j` l'L -3G,11 _T sr o....) the rki (-9 ;C r) ac-4--, b ,-t- hc,,,3 CA (VI; I fr) cp 6 nce Es. hair) t11,01 a ci_e_m r.,_)(l___ cor-ded ; n to, /PIP &A i

MS T ex; f c)j th-p rnc ISfor) cf_prfbst.e.d5 exr:.-fhe door r(o-1.-A"r,ed -c 4G re) , , 13C u.to ,Su 1,c, +-hpCg4 . , # -0 AI el i A i_is

S o c c e r, v s t n (31-1i 1 Two 3 r rcejl 14,4REWM..oil I , -(-1-1 f 0 y tee* b,./ t I- 1e.0.,--r,_ta CA 1,0 lurk04,/ - r 17 -F 03 icliF -1--0 v_i_C3 ) u rriePt/

S. a 0. A .,. A AI 0 > ,. . alininigrAINIERMerair4

Score Point 6

tM

Lie.

The writing is focused on the topic, has a logical pattern of organization, and has ample development of thesupporting details. The writer skillfully weaves an ordinary soccer game into this story about a door with"mysterious gothic symbols, shocked screaming faces and viscious dragons carved into the well finishedbrown wood." The stage is set when the writer bravely volunteers to retrieve a soccer ball from behind the"carved door" in the old, abandoned mansion and cautions friends, "Don't be angry if I do not retrieve it; thedoor is always locked and who knows what is in there." Events are elaborated with specific details; however,a particular strength of this response is the mature command of language and precise word choice: "I ran inshock through a huge white labyrinth that seemed everlasting and infinite. The maze of crooked cornersnarrowed to two wide corridors." Sentence structure is varied, and few convention errors occur.

32 33

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a_na

Ye v- o c.N.1.96..Loc be-rakos.e

re °VA A. 1171 bue-s tne 5 4'r 'P ,I al LA.113,164 s

1,01,eirt elenr looLna

dress s Every +:rntI Cola.

Or..5 ICA? A . One.

Oki' rrt.y %v-cinactrro S 014

Saw -l-he. (loot- 14-re.'/

and ..&61, amp,-

tin 1 ocA...eZ

A.5 7. 4- u.3 i_vteci +he finer nob care

°Per" w1441 (3- .5.44 mac - -3- 8.a n1,- 0:1,4

yne_.

akk- ane_43, ;

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so.LA lot".1 a eA

.510..rnc.a k:tellt of.'N me, . L.r.v. ne A ei.rou,nc i 111

burfmt. s.e it 8 to sopa, A-11 c.. Adna, .4

IA) ex..s I c: . tA) ok s\-m3c_Atel e_ . "Tle1

44 le-cotreN zab- cre_. vNo.% CL. Meoc O LAs

a_t1 ye,s A-416,7:k ijz ® rt-k- oictove, le s-1"\-ev-e. t_t3e_re. h to r i e, s A-1,0 ,1r lecke t ,

ar Lons, be,A.4 ,t . r 6: F.c.1"Z+voter o4..ar o.. c_ , e oar. utAN,

te.s rs.P all A I cre_revii. colors As '1 looks -A

clown cvk Irn4 at 4" 7 u3.05.r; i retro.1

Ctsek slain s ani. 5 L nrupy r inehci

one- c tmi 9 Y>2.1111 yr &5 pox v clressts or avki',Jayne, h i

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9roas..if ntNeckaoo becayrwa- Vcr ono r, &CLING e cr kw" p r &et- nbecalm.% e_ rne ei Women A tress -k-l'Ne.r 42,

loes -r\N 4 co- i e_s (144(e arti I ctrem

11111rtillIES,VG1: ,

33 40

cio4Ne i no. On SA' at. _ Fver e. isannorui me_ Lt./0s

6,0,1,6 v.U.

A m.say, C. oaci,c. cimn X e..A ree airy9{-k- ril cie.ncI,, (.. uJiA-1-. me- . A+ 46_ ,54 roke_

4 ,c,,..,,, e-NieniWtil CL (1ne .

--. cyi, ,,y .tr% -14,e o-k-1- tc.. L., +II

ray c.uA- a cc ' ..s on cky, A ty,./ re 1 5\N e- oic,:ir..i h 0,.. A re_TDevr,ber ed r 1 CAN 411 I, -Alo..-ir hof renc_.1. I

. . . . . .....,

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0,.. c',,,/ f t 3c) If, =t- LA.Nas blue ()LINA 4:66 \ A er,

arcs, re.)..A i na " -The 14 , AAA, r, poor''. "T c (....\ID%

11.{m -4. k e_ Vx;:4)\.... iiricl u,..) r tv\- a o 11311 SI-A..% c-s h.../

-kA-x e, -P; v-- .e._ plio.s. c -

A-Vic V" 0... C_Aus0 ... Wee litS .1 -c:ni.sl'NeA

+VI e_ 10nak... 0.r.d. 46,1.11 a A 1-14,...tf *I,. re t_kla-S C rstNi

Oh.e_ C_\(Nn.r Ire t-- c),11c1 PVC ry +% ryle, 1 t y\46

A i x e_ 1/-1.1,10 1 - , kc,0- 0,11cttrt cr e \-,c,r 4-e r o-cLAA on .r ck cc; A ed 04- 4o -N-elk 0.1N(OrNe. abotxk-

Vhis , T. c,,, A -14,, , _ +1.,e_. wori4 i ,. I) u,A-c.

red.&

Score Point 6

This writing is focused and has a logical organizational pattern. An imaginative introduction sets up a mysterysurrounding "grandma's old party dresses" and a locked door. After finding the door unlocked, the writernotices that "I wasn't in my regular cut off shorts and skimpy red shirt. I had one of my grandma's partydresses on with some high black shoes." Events are elaborated with specific details: "Suddenly the grassymeadow became a hard wooden dance floor. The deers became men and women dressed in there best. Thefaries became little children dancing on stage. Everyone around me was dancing." A mature command oflanguage, including precision in word choice, is demonstrated. The conclusion contains a surprising twist tothe story line: "After a couple weeks I finished the book and found that there was only one chapter andeverytime I go into the hidden door another chapter adds on." Sentence structure is varied; however, there areoccasional run-on sentences and spelling errors.

341

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rin - _,Drn S_AtTa

ic J a t:t li-oof J °Gibs I 1,1,1110-39 .)-\..t.f, \AO IV{2 3..) a )Dot fi:), c)-)--Ja_x% I

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71:77°A3-47F-Apoc,f) W r Cr 195 NA .. in 0 _11C)

r - 1 pO) 7 14Pr° --i- I (' \ ° '.-- r \-) D y, vr wa-9111 p

5 ID b 5)04 Dvi4-- . so 11

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kl,)ci 3>-1 J( 41 V,P, 2 S 10)014 1 .300 ) o -6191._-49

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_gro(oLed 0 (6,v)-1 !1c

otA --i- o-C- PA,- 1:Da(-) k otc , c-:(ra 1 o s- (4c,t.r c)uk iNot . Vili-\1 \ C.) S 171, )Ys, ? V-1,9 lin .(.1: 6.sh ri3)\--1-vL rot c eci i k--\- yy\-i I 'f9)--) ..kr 0 5

4-- r'f'iln l'i IA9 neor, 4-ke wq 0 F, , -I10 w ened 4-hP 1. 9k+ °MCI) r611) 40 (A)ad

-1-1r\e do r us h cei i + cA. s 1-\,. 6, vrtac I (MY cfr).0/ 1+ An j .07 ehSPP-\411.-N vn-e 41v itv3 , T r- (o s ed '14-6cNck (A, a r\ol s uck .0 .ieco crgsir\ck r ice v\to

'ke ho (e ,T__ -1(\ch

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11'1414 was Ir),\,( 6401' \( 0 )96 u-+.4 lq. e d.Or -4- k-tv+ 4 /ways :i e e ki-1 ed 4 cierdt"-Pv-Vil rte LAJ .

Score Point 5

This response is focused, and its organizational pattern provides for an easily paraphrased story line. Mostevents are elaborated: " I slowly climbed through the icy frame. It looked like a huge ice palace! I lookedaround and saw a huge wooly mamoth, a few dinosaurs, and a sabor tooth tiger!" A mature command oflanguage and a precise choice of words are demonstrated: "I pushed it as hard as I could and it flung opensending me flying. I closed it back up and stuck a piece of sharp ice into the keyhole." However, some eventsare unexplained: "Even though his eyes were a burning red his teeth fasinated me most of all. I started lookingat the brachiasaurus and he then made the same gurgling sound as the one I heard from outside." Why wasthe writer fascinated by the tiger's teeth? What caused the gurgling sound, and what was its connection to thestory? Sentence structure is varied, and conventions are generally correct.

More elaboration of events and stronger connection between events are needed for a higher score.

36 43

There _____i5 a kie.rj mjs 4ersikOkA S. ilo (Asa i 1-)

st ai s . (sod \., ---r _ .. k - UE i:y_

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I- .s._-- C k- _.,_ K._ .. cx Kea f-o

old house. el" A re..o. cf\-e_cl Po r A-1-AQQckia_a_ar51- ar. 0\ 4-o

it. 4 o r I' d! Ii p k.), .nkeCt 444 8.00 r- ()pen u.ii14-1 n, Li

g119 e x - 4-; pzi c L y v i . IT _ s c i f .0 the ,P.10+- b e 0..44 iou.'jl

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ro 03 niPsc_c4 i- A 0 wer-.s o_P I) K 'Ids R (3,58.5,_ l..) of

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44

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Score Point 5

The writing focuses on the topic, and its organizational pattern provides for a progression of events. Thewriter explains why the neighborhood house is "mysterious" in the introduction: "The mysterious part is, noone lives there and the door is always locked." Support is developed through extension and elaboration, andthe writer uses description sparingly and effectively to create visual images: "There was a large valley withhills and slopes covered with magnificant flowers of all kinds. Roses, Tulips, Black-eyed Susans. They werebeautiful. But then I saw something that surprised me even more. There were unicorns gracefully gallopingacross the land like a river flowing though a mountain." Word choice is precise, at times: "tickled my nose"and "slowed its pace to a steady trot." However, the response moves too quickly from the cave to the dream.Sentence structure is varied, and conventions are generally correct.

More elaboration of events is needed for a higher score. 45

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46

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Score Point 4

This response is tightly focused on finding a dragon behind the unlocked door. While an organizationalpattern is evident and transitional devices are used to signal the progression of main ideas, the writer pausesonly briefly to develop the supporting ideas. In a higher score response, the friendship that formed betweenthe writer and the dragon would be elaborated: "Then since we both liked each other, we decided to becomebest buddies forever and ever Patrick and I almost always played together." The writer describes Patrick'scharacter through a series of conversations with the baby dragon: "After I walked through the open door I sawa baby dragon. I said, 'Hello,' and the dragon said, 'Hello,' by that I knew that the dragon was kind and gentle.The dragon had a piece of bread with him. I asked him, 'Can you toast that piece of bread beside you?' Thedragon answered with a yes." Sentence structure is varied, word choice is adequate, and conventions aregenerally followed.

More development of supporting details would improve this response.4

40

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Score Point 4

This response is focused, and an organizational pattern is demonstrated. Support is unevenly developed. Theevents surrounding finding the books are elaborated: "We stepped in and found that we were surounded bybooks. I took one of the books down and saw it had a picture of the world on the front. I realized it wac mysocial studies book. When I looked in it I saw it had all the answers in it. We looked in other books and theywere the same." However, most events are simply extended: "I ran to get , my friend to see if he wouldgo into the door with me. I found him and we went back to the door." The writer moves too quickly fromfinding the books to ending the story: "The next week me and each got a plaque. Now you know whythat day was so special to me." Word choice is adequate, sentence structure is varied, and conventions aregenerally correct.

More development of supporting details and better choice of words would improve this response.

42

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Score Point 3

This response is focused on the topic. The organizational pattern includes an introduction, conclusion, andtransitional devices. Main ideas are not adequately developed; events are simply extended rather thanelaborated: "The next day, I went back to that same place to explore. I went farther into the room where Ifound a little boy who had been living there. I said, 'Hello.' He said, 'Hello.' Then we talked and knew eachother quite well and became friends." Earlier in the story, the writer finds toys behind the door, but noconnection is made between the toys and the little boy. Did the little boy play with the toys? Did the writerreturn the toys to the new friend? The story line moves too quickly from finding the toys to making a newfriend to talking to the construction worker. The writer needs to pause and elaborate the events and providestronger connections between the events. Word choice is adequate, sentence structure variety is attempted,and conventions are generally correct.

Elaborating all events in the story line and providing stronger connections between the events would improvethis response.

4350

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Score Point 3

The response is focused, and an organizational pattern has been attempted. However, transitions are usedineffectively ("Then" and "Soon after lunch"), and the story line moves too quickly through time: "It allhappened at school, it was a room locked every day and one day it was unlocked. Then I walked through Ididn't see nothing. Then my teacher said time for lunch and I ran out. My teacher said why are you breathingso hard?" The writer needs to pause and provide some specific details to enhance the reader's understanding.What was the student's reaction when the lion cubs were found? Where did the teacher get the lion cubs?There are errors in sentence structure, and word choice is limited and predictable, but convention errors donot impede meaning.

An improved organizational pattern, effective transitional devices, elaborated support, refined word choice,improved sentence structure, and corrected conventions are needed for a higher score.

44 51

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BEST COPYAVAILARE

Score Point 2

This response is focused, and an organizational pattern is attempted. Most events are bare; however, the"things I found" event is extended with little bits of information: "I would look through the Jungle. Some ofthe things I found were animals like tigers, snakes, birds, and many more. I would also find plants and treesI didn't reconize." Word choice is limited, but there is an attempt to vary sentence structure. Knowledge ofconventions is demonstrated.

Development of the story line, elaboration of the events, precision in the word choice, and correction of thebasic convention errors are needed to improve this response.

45 59

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Score Point 2

The response is focused on the topic, and an organizational pattern is attempted. Most events are bare;however, the "grandmother" event is extended with little bits of information: "I broght the chest to my mother.She said that it was my grandmother. She was a movy star. She was famous!" Word choice is limited, andsentence structure is simplistic. Knowledge of conventions is demonstrated, and errors in spelling do notinterfere with meaning.

To receive a higher score, this response needs an improved organizational pattern, elaborated support, refinedword choice, varied sentence structure, and corrected convention and spelling errors.

46 53

of

sir 411

Score Point 1

This response is focused, but it does not exhibit an organizational pattern. What starts as a story line involvingMrs. and the grandmother becomes somewhat confused when the friend appears: "Also I saw myfriend in the hallway going to the offic to check in or check out. So the next day my gramother out of theoffic at 12:00 p.m.." What role does the friend play in the chain of events? Support consists of a bare list ofevents. Word choice is limited and vague, and errors occur in sentence structure. Errors in basic conventionsdo not impede communication.

Development of the organizational pattern, elaboration of the support, precision in the word choice, andcorrection of the sentence structure and basic convention errors are needed to improve this response.

47 54

keS d the Coke Cetrne- ;_n Ari_t I otticPecent

Score Point 1

This response minimally addresses the topic, and little organization is evident. There is no identifiable storyline. Support consists of a list of foods found behind the door: "The cakes come in all different sizes andshapes. So did the cookies. The candy glittered with suger." Even though the foods are described, this list-like description is not woven into a story line. Word choice is limited, but there is some sentence structurevariation. Knowledge of conventions is demonstrated.

Providing a clear focus, developing an organizational pattern, extending and elaborating the support, refiningthe word choice, and correcting the sentence structure and basic convention errors would improve thisresponse.

48 55

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eveolone. k_A-'s -cy li-, le.-V5 -Vcy \c VICZ e our cAki , (IV ei, andOc.R oft 1005\4\11"5 Viecu_IVICLA. Sc naivOece yock 5 e.v._ ?steer or-1-Cpx1'1, of Cans ytiCkh il- 11 and 'ic) 'One ce_c_.(8'ttm Ick cooc)tizV

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Unscorable

This response is unscorable. The writing does not indicate that the writer read and attempted to respond tothe prompt.

49 56

APPENDIX A

MEMBERS OF THE FOURTH GRADEWRITING ASSESSMENT ADVISORY COM

1998-1999

David AlfonsoTeacher

Manatee County

Kay BroughtonLanguage Arts Specialist

Escambia County

Kathy DixonResource TeacherAlachua County

Leslie EvansArea Center for Educational Enhance

Rollins College

Molly EverettTeacher

Sumter County

.MEE

Denise Hay escan of udents

Flaglex County

ird Parsons//Teacher6//revard ounty

Pam PoorRerurce Te cherHernando County/ Art/Tweedy

eacherOsceola County

Tammy. FarjinResource TficherGadsden/Count

Eya HarbinEducational pecialist

. //iMiam-Da e County

51

Linda WiltzResource TeacherOrange County

Sandra WolfeTesting Coordinator

St. Lucie County

Carol YorkLanguage Arts/Reading/Title I Supervisor

Hillsborough County

5 7

BEST COPY MADAM

APPIEN *IX

GLOSSARY

Census Writing Assessment testing of all students in a particular grade level to measure thewriting proficiency of students and schools

Conventions commonly accepted rules of edited American English (e.g., spelling, usage,capitalization, punctuation, and sentence variety)

Draft preliminary version of a piece of writing that may need revision of details, organization,and conventions

Expository Writing writing that gives information, explains why or how, clarifies a process, ordefines a concept

Field Test testing a representative sample of the state's student population to determine theeffectiveness of an assessment instrument

Focus relationship of supporting details to the main idea, theme, or unifying point

Loosely Related only slightly related

Extraneous not related

Holistic Scoring method by which trained readers evaluate the overall quality of a piece ofwriting

Narrative Writing writing that recounts a personal or fictional experience or tells a story basedon a real or imagined event

Organization structure or plan of development (beginning, middle, and end) and thetransitional devices used to arrange ideas

Transitional Devices words, terms, phrases, and sentence variations used to arrange andsignal the movement of ideas. For example, "next, and then, in the end, another reason, afterthat we went, another way to look at" are transitional devices.

Conclusion statements or sentences used to conclude a paper

Persuasive Writing writing that attempts to convince the reader that a point of view is valid orthat the reader should take a specific action

Portfolio Writing Assessment collection and scoring of various writing assignments producedduring a semester or school year

5852

Production Writing Assessment measure of a student's performance on a task that requires awritten response to a prompt

Project Writing Assessment a multi-day cooperative planning and rewriting process thatinvolves the teacher or peers or both

Prompt writing assignment that states the writer's task, including the topic and purpose of thewriting

Rangefinders student responses used to illustrate score points on the rubric

Reader person trained to score student responses

Response writing that is stimulated by a prompt

Rubric scoring criteria at each score point of the scale

Support quality of details illustrating or explaining the central theme

Bare use of simple lists that focus on events or reasons. For example, "I like to go to schoolbecause it is fun."

Extended use of information that begins to clarify meaning. For example, "I like to go toschool because it is fun when the teacher allows us to do experiments with frogs."

Elaborated use of additional details, anecdotes, illustrations, and examples that furtherclarifies meaning. Information that answers the question, "What do you mean?" Forexample, "I like to go to school because it is fun when the teacher allows us to doexperiments with frogs instead of just reading about frogs in books. Experiments allow us tohave the fun of discovering for ourselves how far and fast frogs can jump and what kinds offood frogs like to eat." The elaboration could also provide a detailed description of theexperiments.

Writing Process recursive steps of prewriting, drafting, revising, editing, evaluating, andsharing that are used in the development of a piece of writing

5953

APPENDIX C

SUGGESTIONS FOR PREPARING STUDENTSFOR THE FLORIDA WRITING ASSESSMENT

The assessment of writing, by its nature, incorporates the assessment of higher-order thinkingskills because students are required to generate and develop ideas that form the basis of theirwritten responses. Instructional programs that emphasize higher-order thinking skills in allsubjects and grade levels will have a positive influence on students' writing proficiency.

Research indicates there is a strong relationship between reading and effective writing. Studiesshow that an active reader, one who analyzes passages and makes logical predictions before andduring reading, uses the higher-order thinking skills associated with effective writing. Activereaders prepare for reading by using illustrations, titles, and subheading cues and by analyzingpassages through self-questioning, predicting, skimming, and summarizing.

Research on the ability to write effectively shows that improvement in writing can be made onlywhen students receive feedback or explanations about their writing. For example, if a student isnot told that effective writing creates images in a reader's mind, then a student will continue tosimply list rather than elaborate reasons or events.

RECOMMENDATIONSFOR DISTRICT- ANDSCHOOL-LEVELADMINISTRATORS

Administrators have the unique opportunity to directly influence theestablishment and maintenance of writing programs. Administratorscan provide leadership to writing instruction programs by

ensuring that Florida Writes! Report on the 1999 Assessment,Grade 4 is available to all elementary teachers;

bringing teachers together to discuss how to use Florida Writes!Report on the 1999 Assessment, Grade 4;

establishing a literacy program that sets high standards forwriting across all subject areas and grade levels;

bringing teachers together to discuss the possibilities of requiringwriting in all subject areas and grade levels;

assisting teachers in developing school-level writing expectationsand assessment programs, such as portfolio assessment orschoolwide assessment of writing samples;

scheduling inservice writing instruction and holistic scoringworkshops for teachers and parents;

emphasizing that writing should not be used as punishment;

providing a print-rich environment in every classroom;

including reference materials on writing in the schools'professional libraries; and

publishing and celebrating students' writing.

6054

RECOMMENDATIONS Teachers' daily contact with students gives teachers manyFOR TEACHERS opportunities to directly influence students' attitudes toward writing.

Instruction in writing should regularly involve the full writingprocess, including prewriting, drafting, revising, and editing.Displaying or publishing written materials helps students experiencewriting successes.

Real-world writing often requires demand writing (writing a responseto a topic in a short period of time); therefore, writing instructionshould include having students independently read a topic, plan aresponse, and write a response within a specified time frame.

Teachers can prepare their students for the writing assessment througha number of teacher-generated activities, including having students

write responses to questions as an alternative to selecting correctresponses on a multiple-choice test;

read passages and generate written summary questions.

write their views on current events before or after the events havebeen discussed in class;

critique written pieces (e.g., published works and studentwritings);

read and analyze different types of writing (e.g., biographies,science fiction, fantasies, historical accounts, speeches, and newsreports);

write letters to a newspaper editor to explain their views on aparticular issue or to refute the views of another person;

write stories about real or imagined events;

write descriptions of how things look, smell, taste, sound, andfeel;

write endings for unfinished fictional and nonfictional stories;

write personal anecdotes and incorporate them into writing thateither explains or persuades;

discuss how text would be different if illustrations were included;and

maintain subject-area portfolios to document progress.

BEST COPY AVAII ABLE

655

61

RECOMMENDATIONSFOR PARENTS ANDGUARDIANS

Parents' and guardians' daily contact with children provides themwith the unique opportunity to be involved with their children'seducation inside and outside the classroom. Parents and guardians canencourage their children's writing by

talking about what the children have read and written at homeand at school;

having their children write letters to friends and relatives;

writing notes to their children with instructions for chores;

speaking with teachers about the children's writing development;

talking with the teachers and with the children about writingportfolios;

promoting writing for a variety of purposes in their children'sschool curriculum;

displaying stories, essays, or other written work at home on therefrigerator or a bulletin board; and

demonstrating the value of writing in real-life situations (e.g.,letters to the editor of the local newspaper; letters of inquiry,complaint, or application; and letters to family and friends).

56

62

ASSESSMENTDIRECTIONS

APPENDIX D

EXAMPLES OF THE ASSESSMENT DIRECTIONS,WRITING FOLDER, AND PLANNING SHEET

For this assessment, test administrators read to students the followingdirections:

Today you are going to do a writing exercise that will provide us withimportant information about students' ability to write. It is importantfor you to do as well as you can.

You may use the planning sheet for jotting down ideas and planningand organizing what you will write. The prompt on page 2 of yourwriting folder explains what you are going to write about and givesyou some ideas for planning your writing.

After using your planning sheet to plan what you will write, begin thewriting that will be scored on page 3 of your folder. You may continueyour writing on page 4 of your folder. You do not have to fill up bothof these pages, but you should be sure that you completely respond tothe prompt on page 2 of your folder.

You may skip lines as you write in your folder, but remember that thiswill shorten the space in which you have to write.

Your writing may be about something that is real or make believe, butremember, you are to write ONLY about the prompt on page 2 of yourfolder.

You may give your writing a title if you would like, but you do nothave to title your writing.

You may NOT use a dictionary. If you do not know how to spell aword, sound the word out and do the best you can.

You may either print or write in cursive. It is important to write asneatly as possible.

The writing in your folder should be easy to read and should show thatyou can organize and express your thoughts clearly and completely.

I cannot read your prompt to you or help you plan what to write. Youmust read and plan yourself. Remember, you must first read yourprompt and then plan what you will write.

You have a total of 45 minutes to read, plan, and respond to yourprompt. I will let you know when you have 10 minutes left.

If you finish early, please revise and edit the writing in your folder.

57 63

NAME

DISTRICT

SCHOOL

LAST NAME FIRST NAME M

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®00000000000000000000000®00000000@®000000000000000000000®00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000010000000000000000000000000000000®00000000000000000000000@@@@@@@@@@@CXXX)@®@@@@@0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000®0000000000000000000000®00000000000®000000000®000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000CXXXXXXXXXXX)0000000000®0000000000000C:)®®0000C)00000000000000000000000000.0000®0®00000000000000®

EXCEPTIONAL EDUCATION STUDENT

0

®

000

0

00

Educable Mentally Handicapped

Trainable Mentally Handicapped

Orthopedically Impaired

Speech Impaired

Language Impaired

Deaf/Hard of Hearing

Visually Impaired

Emotionally Handicapped

Specific Learning Disabled

Gifted

Hospital/Homebound

Profoundly Mentally Handicapped

Dual-Sensory Impaired

Autistic

Severely Emotionally Disturbed

Traumatic Brain Injured

Developmentally Delayed

Other Health Impaired

Mark Reflex® by NCS IM-158526-405:654321 Printed In U.S.A.

This is a securedocument. Do NOT

throw this folder away!

GRADE4

CENSUS1999

SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER/FLORIDA STUDENT

NUMBER IDENTIFIER

DISTRICT/SCHOOLNUMBER

00(:)100,@6000o0(30006,0c#000o0'2®20010cti0p0o,0010®10q®qop0c>,02®°10?()®000o0

RACIAL/ETHNIC BACKGROUND SEX

0 White (not of Hispanic origin) 0 Male0 Black (not of Hispanic origin) 0 Female0 Hispanic LANGUAGE

0 Asian/Pacific Islander 0 English0 American Indian/Alaskan Native 0 Spanish

MultiraciaVMultiethnic 0 Other

LEP

Receiving ESOLservices for:

0 2 years or lessMore than 2years

SECTION504?

0 Yes

ESE AND LEP MODIFICATION TYPEO Student Tested Indiv. or Small Group

O Student Tested in Several Sessions

O Student Given Additional Time

O Student Used Mechanical Device(s)

O Student Used Large Print Folder

O Student Used Braille Folder

O Proctor Transcribed Response

O Proctor Read Prompt

O Proctor Signed Prompt

O LEP Student Received Assistance in

Heritage Language

O LEP Student Used Approved Dictionary

Note: Check the barcode to the left to see if this writing folder is preidentified.All grids for which information was received have been properly noted in thebarcode and cannot be changed on this document. Any missing demographicinformation CAN be handgridded to complete this student's information. If anypreidentified information for this student is incorrect, this writing folder shouldbe invalidated and a new (blank) document should be handgridded. If NOstudent information is contained in the barcode, then this is not a preidentifiedwriting folder and all information MUST be handgridded.

6 4 REST COP AVM LAM'

Page 2TOPIC

Everyone has jobs or chores.

Before you begin writing, think about one of your jobs or chores.

Now explain to the reader of your paper why you do your job or chore.

DO NOT WRITE ON THIS PAGE

CopyrightState of Florida

Department of State1998

000000000000000

60 65

0 NEJE MONO'

a)coa

NO EINNEWHINNIONW1111100gIONIMINNOWINNOME 0

w

3

IMO 1 1 111.11i NO I I

STUDENT'S NAME

PLANNING SHEET(Remember, use this sheet for planning what you will write. The writing on this sheet will not be scored.Only the writing on pages 3 and 4 of the writing folder will be scored.)

ISD1167

63

APPEN IX E

PROMPT SPECIFICATIONSAN

COMMITTEE EVALUATION FORM

SPECIFICATI N FOR NARRATIVE WRITING PROMPTS

Purpose of prompt specification To ensure that all prompts tell the students the subject (topic)and purpose of writing.

Definition of narration It is writing that recounts a personal or fictional experience or tells astory based on a real or imagined event. Narrative writing is characterized, as appropriate, byinsight, creativity, drama, suspense, humor, or fantasy. The unmistakable purpose of this type ofwriting is to create a central theme or impression in the reader's mind.

Cue terms to use in narrative prompts are "tell about," "tell what happened," or "write a story."Narrative prompts should avoid the term "why" because it tends to elicit expository writing.

Introduction

Prompts contain two types of statements: Writing Situation and Directions For Writing. Eachelement of the prompt may be one or several sentences long.

Writing Situation

The writing situation statement directs the student to write on a specific topic described by a keyword or phrase. This topic, established by a key word or phrase or the student's narrowing of it,serves as the central theme of the student's written response. The statement provides examples ordefinitions of the theme. The intent is to provide a common understanding of the meaning of thetheme by expanding, restating, or clarifying it for the student. The intent is not to preclude thestudent's narrowing or restating of the theme to suit his or her own plan. An example is

Everyone has had a day he or she will never forget.

Directions for Writing

The directions for writing actually include a strategy statement that is intended to suggest anapproach for those students who might have some difficulty getting started. It provides thebeginning of a possible plan for the writer's piece. The directions for writing should begin with aphrase such as, "Before you begin writing, . . . ." An example is

Before you begin writing, think about a special day.

Now write a story about what happened on your special day.

65 69

SPECIFICATION FOR EXPOSITORY WRITING PROMPTS

Purpose of prompt specification To ensure that all prompts tell the students the subject (topic)and purpose of writing.

Definition of exposition It is writing that gives information, explains how or why, clarifies aprocess, or defines a concept. Though objective and not dependent on emotion, expository writingmay be lively, engaging, and reflective of the writer's underlying commitment to the topic. Theunmistakable purpose of this type of writing is to inform, clarify, explain, define, or instruct.

Cue words that should be used in expository prompts are "why," "how," and "what."

Introduction

Prompts contain two types of statements: Writing Situation and Directions For Writing. Eachelement of the prompt may be one or several sentences long.

Writing Situation

The writing situation statement directs the student to write on a specific topic described by a keyword or phrase. This topic, established by either a key word or phrase or the student's narrowingof it, serves as the central theme of the student's written response. The statement providesexamples or definitions of the theme. The intent is to provide a common understanding of themeaning of the theme by expanding, restating, or clarifying it for the student. The intent is not topreclude the student's narrowing or restating of the theme to suit his or her own plan. An exampleis

Everyone has jobs or chores. These may be things people do because they are asked to dothem or because doing the job or chore makes people feel good about themselves.

Directions for Writing

The directions for writing actually include a strategy statement that is intended to suggest anapproach for those students who might have some difficulty getting started. It provides thebeginning of a possible plan for the writer's piece. The directions for writing should begin with aphrase such as, "Before you begin writing, . . . ." An example is

Before you begin writing, think about why you do one of your jobs or chores.

Now explain why you do one of your jobs or chores.

66

COMMITTEE EVALUATION FORM

Purpose of Writing

Prompt Number Grade Level

Interest Level of Prompt

1. Will students find the topic interesting? Yes No

2. Will students be able to relate to the topic? Yes No

Bias in Prompt

3. Is the topic of the prompt biased? Yes No

4. Is the wording of the prompt biased? Yes No

5. Is the prior knowledge required to write on the topic biased? Yes No

6. Will the prompt tend to elicit responses that are unduly Yes Noemotional or in some other way difficult for readersto fairly judge?

Purpose of Writing

7. Are the requirements of the prompt clear? Yes No

8. Will the prompt tend to elicit writing in the desired Yes Nopurpose of writing?

Wording of Prompt

9. Is the wording of the prompt misleading? Yes No

10. Are the syntax, vocabulary, and readability of the prompt Yes Noappropriate for the majority of students?

Organization of Response

11. Will the prompt tend to elicit listing-type responses Yes No

or clichés?12. Is the prompt at fault for over-suggesting a method Yes No

of organization?13. Will the prompt fail to suggest a method of organization? Yes No

14. Will students be able to fully respond to the prompt Yes Nowithin the designated testing period?

Should the prompt be part of the prompt pool?

Reviewer's signature

Date

7167

Yes No

BEST COPY MAO LA= L1

APPENDIX F

READER BIAS

Reader bias refers to personal factors that have no basis in the scoring criteria or rubric, but havean effect on a reader's perception of a student response. Readers are trained to avoid these biasesbecause research indicates that biases can interfere with the consistent application of the scoringrubric.

1. Appearance of Response. How does the paper look at first glance? Handwriting, neatness,and margins are not part of Florida's scoring criteria.

2. Length of Response. How long is the response? Quality, not quantity, is part of Florida'sscoring criteria.

3. Fatigue of Reader. How many responses has the reader scored? Each student will receive ascore, and the score must reflect the scoring standards and not the reader's fatigue.

4. Repetition of Responses. How many responses have looked a great deal alike? In spite ofthe sameness of some responses, each response was written by an individual student whowill be receiving a score report.

5. Clashes with Content. Has the student used vulgar or violent content? Is the responsemundane? A reader's agreement with a student's point of view or use of language is not partof Florida's scoring criteria.

6. Reactions to Style. Does the student begin sentences with "And" or "But," use an informaltone, use the first person, use clichés, place the thesis statement in the conclusion rather thanin the introduction, or use one-sentence paragraphs? Is the reader unduly influenced by theuse of one well-turned phrase in what otherwise is a nonillustrative response? Florida'sscoring criteria do not mandate a particular style.

7. Reactions to Perceived Personality of the Writer. Does the student come across as brash,shy, cute, honest, willing to take a chance, or being like the reader was at that age? Readersare scoring the words written in the folder, not the student's personality. Personality is notpart of Florida's scoring criteria.

8. Reactions to Writing Criteria from Other Assessments or to Previous Experience withWriting Instruction. Does the reader have personal reactions to the scoring criteria for otherstates' or grades' responses, the issue of the developmental appropriateness of the rubric, orthe soundness of the administration of the assessment? Before being used statewide, theprompts and rubrics of the Florida Writing Assessment Program were developed by advisorycommittees of Florida educators and citizens and were verified by use with hundreds ofstudents. The administration procedures and scoring standards were analyzed and validatedby the committees. The reader's role is to score the responses according to the scoringcriteria rather than to react to the administration procedures or the scoring criteria.

7269

APPENDIX G

INSTRUCTIONAL IMPLICATIONS FOR EACH SCORE POINT

GRADE 4

6 Points

5 Points

4 Points

According to the rubric, the writing is tightly focused, logicallyorganized, and amply developed. It demonstrates a mature commandof language, including precision in word choice. Sentences vary instructure, and conventions are generally correct.

A score of 6 does not mean that the paper is perfect. In most cases, thewriting could be improved by instruction that emphasizes

organization of internal elements (a beginning, middle, and endfor each idea and not just for the total paper);

elaboration of all supporting details; and

precision and maturity of word choice.

According to the rubric, the writing is focused, and supporting ideasare adequately developed. However, lapses in organization may occur.Word choice is adequate. Sentences vary in structure, and conventionsare generally correct.

In most cases, the writing could be improved by instruction thatemphasizes

strengthening the organizational pattern to ensure that no lapsesoccur and that transitional devices move the reader from onesentence, event, or explanation to the next;

elaborating the supporting details;

improving word choice; and

increasing sentence variety.

According to the rubric, the writing is focused but may containextraneous information, may lack internal organization, and mayinclude weak support or examples. Word choice is adequate.Sentences vary in construction, and conventions are generally correct.

In most cases, the writing could be improved by instruction thatemphasizes

removing extraneous information;

71 7 3

3 Points

2 Points

strengthening the organizational pattern to ensure that no lapsesoccur and that transitional devices move the reader from onesentence, event, or explanation to the next;

developing the supporting ideas through extensions,elaborations, or both;

improving word choice; and

increasing sentence variety.

According to the rubric, the writing is generally focused but maycontain extraneous information, a simplistic organizational pattern,and undeveloped details or examples. Word choice is adequate. Mostsentences are simple construction, and convention errors may occur.

In most cases, the writing could be improved by instruction thatemphasizes

removing extraneous information;

a developing an organizational pattern that includes a beginning,middle, end, and transitional devices;

developing the supporting ideas through extensions,elaborations, or both;

improving word choice; and

increasing sentence variety.

According to the rubric, the writing may show little relationship to thetopic, little evidence of an organizational pattern, and little relevantsupport. Word choice is limited. Most sentences are simpleconstruction, and convention errors may occur.

In most cases, the writing could be improved by instruction thatemphasizes

focusing on the assigned topic;

developing an organizational pattern that includes a beginning,middle, end, and transitional devices;

extending supporting ideas;

improving word choice;

7274

increasing sentence variety; and

correcting spelling, punctuation, capitalization, and sentencestructure errors.

1 Point According to the rubric, the writing minimally addresses the topic.There is no organizational pattern and little or no support. Wordchoice is limited. Most sentences are simple construction, andconvention errors may occur.

UnscorableResponse Not Relatedto Assigned Topic

Unscorable NoResponse or UnreadableResponse

In most cases, the writing could be improved by instruction thatemphasizes

focusing on the assigned topic;

developing an organizational pattern that includes a beginning,middle, and end;

extending supporting ideas;

improving word choice;

increasing sentence variety; and

correcting spelling, punctuation, capitalization, and sentencestructure errors.

According to the rubric, the writing did not address the assigned topic.This score category is not a statement about the quality of the writing;instead it is a statement about the focus of the writing.

The writing could be improved by instruction that emphasizesfocusing on the assigned topic.

According to the rubric, there was no response or an unreadableresponse.

The writing could be improved by instruction that emphasizes

arranging words so that meaning is conveyed or

writing a sufficient amount and addressing the prompt so thatscoring is facilitated.

7375

APPENDIX H

RECOMMENDED READINGS

Atwell, Nancy. Coming to Know: Writing to Learn in the Intermediate Grades. Portsmouth, NH:Heinemann Educational Books, 1990.

This is a book for teachers who are ready to put writing to work across the curriculum toabandon the encyclopedia-based approach and ask their students to write as literary critics,scientists, historians, and mathematicians.

Atwell, Nancy. In the Middle: Writing, Reading, and Learning with Adolescents. Portsmouth, NH:Heinemann Educational Books, 1990.

This is a convincing account of Atwell's experiences in an eighth grade classroom. Sheshares her discoveries about what is wrong with traditional methods of teaching readingand writing to middle school students and her thoughts about what is helpful in classroomworkshops for young readers and writers.

Calkins, Lucy McCormick. The Art of Teaching Writing. Portsmouth, NH: HeinemannEducational Books, 1986.

Readers will learn from Calkins how teachers can help K-6 students use the writingprocess and improve their writing.

Calkins, Lucy McCormick. Lessons from a Child. Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann EducationalBooks, 1983.

In this story of one child's growth in writing, Calkins describes a workshop approach toteaching writing that has spread to classrooms around the country.

Calkins, Lucy McCormick and Shelly Harwayne. Living Between the Lines. Portsmouth, NH:Heinemann Educational Books, 1990.

This is an invitation to bring new life into reading-writing workshops. This book weavesinsights, practical suggestions, references, and anecdotes into an inspirational story.

Caplan, Rebekah. Writers in Training. Palo Alto, CA: Dale Seymour Publications, 1985.

In this practical handbook on techniques and activities, Caplan outlines her "Show notTell" approach for descriptive essays, strategies for argumentative essays, and her manyother ideas for good writing.

Clark, Roy Peter. Free to Write. Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann Educational Books, 1987.

This book answers questions about how to work writing into the curriculum, how to createa classroom environment that encourages writing, how to conference with students abouttheir writing, and how to get students to revise and edit their work.

75 7 6

Dean, Rosemary and Marie Ponsot. Beat Not the Poor Desk: Writing What to Teach, How toTeach It, and Why. Upper Montclair, NJ: Boynton and Cook, 1982.

This book presents a revolutionary, inductive approach to teaching composition. It helpsstudents develop elemental skills, not by drill, but by incremental repetition of integratedwriting assignments.

Dean, Rosemary and Marie Ponsot. The Common Sense. Upper Montclair, NJ: Boynton andCook, 1985.

This book focuses on the expository essay in an active composing class and stresses theimportance of reading aloud.

Elbow, Peter. Writing Without Teachers. New York, NY: Oxford University Press, 1973.

Elbow's program for learning how to write also works for teachers. Chapter 4 describeshow teachers can set up peer response groups in their classrooms.

Elbow, Peter. Writing With Power. New York, NY: Oxford University Press, 1981.

Through a broad spectrum of ingenious ideas, this book shows how to develop students'natural writing ability.

Florida Department of Education. Florida Writes! Tallahassee, FL: Author, 1999.

Florida Writes! Report on the 1999 Assessment, Grade 4; Florida Writes! Report on the1999 Assessment, Grade 8; and Florida Writes! Report on the 1999 Assessment, Grade 10describe the development, purpose, content, and application of the writing assessmentprogram, and they suggest activities that are helpful in preparing students for theassessment.

Gallo, Donald R. Speaking for Ourselves. Urbana, IL: National Council of Teachers of English,1990.

This book includes autobiographical sketches of notable authors of young adult books.

Goodman, Kenneth S., Yetta M. Goodman, and Wendy J. Hood. The Whole Language EvaluationBook. Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann Educational Books, 1989.

In order to answer questions about how to evaluate students in a whole languageclassroom, the authors use ideas that are grounded in proven methods.

Gordon, Naomi, ed. Classroom Experiences: The Writing Process in Action. Portsmouth, NH:Heinemann Educational Books, 1983.

This is a collection of articles written by teachers who give accounts of their successes inteaching writing.

7776

Graves, Donald. Writing: Teachers and Children at Work. Portsmouth, NH: HeinemannEducational Books, 1983.

This book has become the basic text in the movement that established writing as a centralpart of literacy education and gave impetus to the whole language approach.

Irvin, Judith. Reading and the Middle School Student. Old Tappan, NJ: Allyn and Bacon, 1990.

Significant advances in literacy teaching and learning form a backdrop for this engagingdiscussion of what middle-level educators need to know to design a successful readingprogram.

Kiester, Jane Bell. Caught Ta. Gainesville, FL: Maupin House, 1990.

This is a how-to book that describes a fun and motivational approach to teachingmechanics and usage through a daily revision activity.

Kirby, Dan and Tom Liner. Inside Out. Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann Educational Books, 1988.

This is a widely used teacher text about helping junior and senior high students learn towrite. This book dispels long-held myths and offers fresh insights.

Moffett, James. Active Voice: A Writing Program Across the Curriculum, 2nd ed. Portsmouth,NH: Heinemann Educational Books, 1992.

This is a program of writing assignments based on ideas presented in Teaching theUniverse of Discourse and Coming on Center. This edition includes a new chapter,"Bridges: From Personal Writing to Formal Essay.'

Murray, Donald. The Craft of Revision. Fort Worth, TX: Holt, Rinehart, and Winston, Inc., 1991.

This is an excellent book about the writing process.

Murray, Donald. Expecting the Unexpected: Teaching Myself and Others to Read and Write.Upper Montclair, NJ: Boynton and Cook, 1982.

The 24 articles in this collection show the range of Murray's interests and concerns as helooks at writing from the writer's as well as the teacher's experience.

Murray, Donald. Learning by Teaching. Upper Montclair, NJ: Boynton and Cook, 1982.

This is an excellent book about the writing process.

77 78

Nathan, Ruth, Frances Temple, Kathleen Juntenen, and Charles Temple. Classroom StrategiesThat Work: An Elementary Teacher's Guide to Process Writing. Portsmouth, NH:Heinemann Educational Books, 1988.

Classroom Strategies is for teachers who are interested in using process writing but needdetailed suggestions for getting started. This book discusses many ways to enrich andinform young writers.

Newkirk, Thomas. Critical Thinking and Writing: Reclaiming the Essay. Urbana, IL: NationalCouncil of Teachers of English, 1989.

The author shares his doubts about the thesis-controlled essay and his ideas for thecritical-thinking essay.

Newman, Judith M., ed. Whole Language: Theory in Use. Portsmouth, NH: HeinemannEducational Books, 1985.

Through its 18 chapters, many of which are written by practicing teachers, this bookshows how whole language theory can be put into practice.

Parsons, Les. Response Journals. Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann Educational Books, 1990.

Teachers are taken step by step through a system for using response journals. This bookincludes ready-to-use pages and students' sample responses.

Peri, Sondra and Nancy Wilson. Through Teachers' Eyes. Portsmouth, NH: HeinemannEducational Books, 1988.

The authors spent two years living in the homes of the classroom teachers they observed,teachers who daily faced the challenge of teaching writing.

Rico, Gabriel Lusser. Writing the Natural Way. Los Angeles, CA: J.P. Tarcher, Inc., 1983.

In a practical way, Rico applies important brain research to the teaching of writing. Sheexplains how clustering can be used to find and explore topics and how visuals can be usedin the drafting and organizing stages.

Rief, Linda. Seeking Diversity: Language Arts with Adolescents. Portsmouth, NH: HeinemannEducational Books, 1992.

Rief discusses the mechanics of writing and reading workshops in a traditional middleschool setting and her solutions to the difficulties of teaching process writing and readingto 125 students a day, five days a week.

72

78

Romano, Tom. Clearing the Way: Working with Teenage Writers. Portsmouth, NH: HeinemannEducational Books, 1987.

Romano, a ninth grade English teacher for many years, discusses the theory and practiceof process writing, methods for grading, respect for student writing, and many other usefultopics in a very enthusiastic and readable style.

Routman, Regie. Invitations. Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann Educational Books, 1991.

This book begins where Routman's Transitions leaves off. Invitations provides in-depthinformation and step-by-step lessons on such topics as shared reading and writing andjournal writing.

Routman, Regie. Transitions: From Literature to Literacy. Portsmouth, NH: HeinemannEducational Books, 1988.

This book is designed to present alternatives to skill-oriented basal texts and to provideteachers and parents with the knowledge necessary to make the change.

Ruth, Leo and Sandra Murphy. Designing Writing Tasks for the Assessment of Writing. Norwood,NJ: Ablex Publishing Corporation, 1988.

This is an essential primer for people who are just beginning to develop a large-scalewriting assessment program.

Smith, Frank. Essays Into Literacy. Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann Educational Books, 1983.

This book contains a number of Smith's classic papers, such as "Twelve Easy Ways toMake Learning to Read Difficult," and some new articles.

Spandel, Vicki and Richard J. Stiggins. Creating Writers: Linking Assessment and WritingInstruction. White Plains, NY: Longman, 1990.

This book demonstrates that links can and should exist between the instruction and theassessment of writing.

Stires, Susan, ed. With Promise: Redefining Reading and Writing Needs for Special Students.Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann Educational Books, 1991.

Teachers and researchers confront such issues as labeling, testing, programming, anddeveloping skills for "special" and "at-risk" students in elementary and middle schools.They describe positive environments and holistic approaches for reading and writing.

Tierney, Robert J., Mark Carter, and Laura Desal. Portfolio Assessment in the Reading/WritingClassroom. Norwood, MD: Christopher Gordon, Inc., 1991.

This book answers many questions about portfolio assessment and suggests methods forportfolio self-assessment.

79 8

Trelease, Jim. The Read-About Handbook. New York, NY: Penguin Books, 1982.

This book gives suggestions for Sustained Silent Reading (SSR) and for reading aloud. Anannotated bibliography of children's literature is included.

White, Edward M. Teaching and Assessing Writing. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass Inc.Publishers, 1985.

White provides the fundamental skills teachers need to design and evaluate writingassignments and to guide students toward improved writing skills.

Yancy, Kathleen, ed. Portfolios in the Writing Classroom: An Introduction. Urbana, IL: NationalCouncil of Teachers of English, 1992.

Classroom teachers from various backgrounds reflect on how using portfolios has shapedtheir teaching. They discuss ways to introduce portfolios into the classroom, and theydescribe various models and practices for portfolio projects.

Zemelman, Steven and Harvey Daniels. A Community of Writers: Teaching Writing in the Juniorand Senior High School. Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann Educational Books, 1988.

This book offers detailed guidance for all aspects of teaching and using writing, fromworkshop methods to grammar instruction and evaluation.

Zinsser, William. On Writing Well, 4th edition. New York, NY: Harper and Row, 1990.

This is a helpful and readable guide to writing.

81

80

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