Reflection of True Success

Reflection of True Success Adrienne Lester

Dr. Matthew Horton English 1101

08 December 2011

English 1101 Final Portfolio Project Title

Table of Contents

Analytical Cover Letter ....................................................................................................................1

Quality Comparison ...........................................................................................................................

Least Successful Article Response ......................................................................................4

Most Successful Article Response .......................................................................................6

“What’s the Difference?” .....................................................................................................8

Revision Samples ...............................................................................................................................

Least Successful Article Response (with markup) ............................................................10

Least Successful Article Response (final) .........................................................................12

Most Successful Article Response (with markup) .............................................................14

Most Successful Article Response (final) ..........................................................................16

Most Successful Essay (with markup) ...............................................................................18

Most Successful Essay (final) ............................................................................................24

1

December 8, 2011 Matthew R. Horton, Ph. D. Assistant Professor of English Gainesville State College Oconee Campus 313b Oconee Classroom 1201 Bishop Farms Parkway Watkinsville, GA 30677 Dear Dr. Horton, My name is Adrienne Lester and I am a freshman at Gainesville State College. Preparing the portfolio to reflect on my work in English 1101 really has been fulfilling. It has shown me that my hard work and determination in the class has led to drastic improvement in my writing. Coming into college, writing was a large weakness for me because in past years I haven’t received the feedback from English teachers that I needed to make my writing better than mediocre. This semester has definitely has not been easy, but going it through it has been a learning opportunity. The grades that I have earned on assignments this semester have been acceptable, but do reflect the progress I’ve made over time. This portfolio really shows how I have progressed in my writing. Even from my original work to present, I’ve learned so much from gaining feedback about some of the assignments and with the workshops we spent time on in class to prepare to complete those assignments. What I have learned through the semester is shown through the revisions and comments on each assignment. Grammar was something that I really struggled with this semester, and I still am. Within my revisions I corrected the problems, and exemplified what I have learned over the course of the semester. Going on to English 1102 won’t be the easiest but having strong foundation of how to effectively write, I can do that and continue to work on the aspects of writing I have been struggling with. Once you go through and look at my portfolio you will notice the strong effort and work I have put into this class and how I have managed to make even better than it was previously. My least successful article response was “What About the Students”. The article was about schools in America, and how students aren’t getting the quality education that they deserve because of educators’ inattentiveness to their students need. While revising this piece, I really found that criticizing myself was very difficult mainly because there was so much that needed to be improved. In my response, I noticed a lack of effort in certain parts. I found that in many cases I had a great idea to support the response, but I didn’t dictate it as efficiently as I could. For example, I had a sentence in the first paragraph that states, “Educators [have] to do what they need to do.” When I reread this during revising, I felt that I knew what I was trying to convey but lacked what would make this response known as a piece of college writing. I was comfortable writing in this way because in high school my English teachers didn’t challenge me to go over and beyond in the way I wrote. For this response I could tell that it was as focused in terms of the assignment’s guidelines. I didn’t fully understand the overall purpose of what I was writing about. My second paragraph did relate to my first paragraph, which explained the author’s point of view. I felt like I knew what I was doing but it took too long to explain the significance of the author’s point of view in the article. Overall I believe my revisions have greatly improved this

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article response. They have brought to my attention what I need to continue to work on so I can improve my writing even more. My most successful article response was “Out of the Norm”. This article was about the co-founder of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, and how others found it odd for him to be as reserved because of his contribution a well-known social networking site. I chose this article response overall because it had a higher grade, and I really didn’t know what to look for that makes it the best. I thought that with a higher grade it had to be almost “perfect”, which was definitely not true. While revising this response, I noticed that they’re many similar mistakes to what were in my least successful article response. Small problems like not being specific enough and using phrases that were very casual and didn’t represent the work of an educated college student occurred many times through the response. I did follow the guidelines accordingly, but the way I express the content of my writing was weak. I do believe that my argument was strong and my intentions for a meaningful paper were acceptable, but it was just executed wrong. With my revision, I corrected many minor and large mistakes. The main weakness in this response was having very vague descriptions. With all of my revisions, I feel like I was successful in re-creating what I was dictating to improve the readability of the response. My most successful article essay was “Money: Not Always the Cause of Something Bad”. The article that I read for this essay was about how the United States’ economy is having issues and the author believes that the economy is declining because of unnecessary large amount of spending. I chose this particular article essay as my most successful firstly because I earned a higher grade. I chose the higher grade because I knew that there was a reason that I received the grade I did. Going through the process of writing my first article essay this semester, I learned different procedures to go about writing these essays. I was basically a test for me, and writing my second essay was much simpler because I learned what to do and not to do. I was really easy to revise this essay because I met with you after receiving my grade and we discussed what could’ve made my essay A quality. I did take all of the suggestions into mind when revising because you told me exactly what you were looking for. I believe my revisions have improved my essay, and I’m sure there is always room to improve upon perfecting it. Being apart of this English 1101 class has been truly what I needed as a writer. I’ve always had problems with writing, but I’ve never been pushed beyond my weaknesses. Having this class has really strengthened me in a way that I am now confident that I can write an essay or a response to something that has great meaning to it. I struggled with many things in my writing but the main thing was grammar. In all of my assignments this semester, included the ones displayed in this portfolio, I’ve had a problem with making grammatical errors. In my article response, I did struggle with focus with in the writing. The average grades I earned were mid-to-low eighties. I am content with how well I’ve done, because it definitely could’ve been worse, but I could’ve have exceeded just being ok with a stronger effort. Being an A student was not out of my reach, and I could’ve been that if I devoted more effort to improve myself instead of being comfortable. My goal for my writing is to be able to write something and let it be read as it was intended to be. I am not taking English 1102 this upcoming semester, but I do plan to continue to perfect the quality of writing. Doing additional work, on my own time, will enable me to exceed greatly on any writing assignment that is put before me, even when I plan to take English 1102 next fall.

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Choosing to do the portfolio as my final exam was a great decision for me. I originally deciding to complete the portfolio because I Knew I could earn a higher grade on it than writing an in-class essay. But after completing this entire portfolio, I feel extremely proud of myself for enduring and persevering through something that is a weakness. I found that the portfolio was much more fulfilling and help me gain more confidence in my writing. I did put my all into this portfolio but I also discovered and have accepted strengths and weaknesses within my writing. I know my work is not going to perfection, but it exemplifies my concern to improve my writing and gave me time to reflect on what I need to do in order to improve my work even more. So I believe that my overall grade for this portfolio should be a high B or low A. I feel that discovering me as a writer is a great deal, and my work on this portfolio will contribute to future achievements I plan to make. This will take me far and I am grateful for being able to be apart of a class that emphasizes on individual growth. Sincerely,

TwÜ|xÇÇx aA _xáàxÜ

4

Least Successful Article Response

What About The Students??

Klein, Joel. "The Failure of American Schools." The Atlantic. The Atlantic Monthly Group, June

2011. Web. 9 September 2011.

In this article, Joel Klein argues that the world of education is flawed due to teacher’s

laziness and the lack of emphasis being put on student success. Education isn’t being taken as

serious as it needs to be. Instead, the educators are simply not performing their jobs to the best of

their ability, which is showing in their students’ performance at school. To support his argument,

he uses President Obama statement of, “The single most important factor in determining

[student] achievement is not who they are but who their teachers are.” Students are being robbed

of their education because teachers have focused their attention elsewhere as opposed to the

well-being of their students. These are really self-seeking, and this problem has yet to be

handled. Those people that are in high authority in education are not regulating teacher

performance Instead, they are focusing on things such as, the budget, more than actually getting

these educators to do what they need to do. All of this attention being taken from students is just

harm the students in the long run.

Klein’s reasoning that education is flawed due to lack of attention to students is essential

to all. In America, primary and secondary education is required. With everyone having to go to

school, they should have the right to obtain a quality education, but this is not always the case.

These children are somewhat being neglected and are not receiving that foundation that is needed

to be as successful as possible. Teachers, just educators period, should be held accountable for

the effectiveness of their teaching. No this isn’t to ridicule the teachers, but to help them realize

that the leaders we have now aren’t going to be around forever. The children that they are going

5

to be teaching are going to be stepping in and taking their place. Not just as leaders but as the

adults of the future. Having poorly educated leaders as a result to teachers’ laziness and the

difference in focus is simply not acceptable. This needs to be put to an end and turned in the

other direction. School should not be place just to slide in and out of. Teachers should not be

allowed to get paid to perform a job that they clearly aren’t doing efficiently. Students deserve so

much more than what has been presented to them.

6

Most Successful Article Response

Out of the Norm

Vargas, Jose Antonio. "The Face of Facebook." The New York Times. The New Yorker, 20

September 2011. Web. 7 October 2011.

In this article, Jose Antonio Vargas describes the life and personality of Mark

Zuckerberg, co-founder of Facebook. Most would assume that Zuckerberg was a very bold and

overly open person because of his extremely successful social networking site. Although

Facebook tells a lot about a person, Mark Zuckerberg was the complete opposite. He is an

amazing software inventor but even his closest friends think of him as “socially awkward”. He is

the type of person that likes to keep to himself, for the most part. The spot light isn’t for

everyone, especially not Zuckerberg. When telling of the story about the founding of Facebook,

Zuckerberg it is put on the back burner, and simply be left alone. His personality is different and

Vargas describes the television shows Zuckerberg enjoys watching and it really shows there’s a

link between those shows and his personality. For people that know him, he is corky but to many

amore in his corkiness is extremely well off because of his brilliantness. He founded one of the

most influential tools of today’s networking.

Vargas’s point that Mark Zuckerberg was an isolated person may be true but there isn’t a

standard for how inventors and founders are expected to act because of their creation. Facebook

does in fact give its users the opportunity to tell their business. There’s nothing wrong with it;

it’s just a way to express what’s on your mind and some of the things in life that you find

important. Zuckerberg did create this wonderful source of communication but is he obligated to

be as Facebook does? Being the founder of it all doesn’t mean that’s the way he wants to live his

life. He may have his own standards to live up to and that may be to keep low key. As the article

7

described, he doesn’t care for the spotlight and doesn’t want to see himself in it. Zuckerberg does

have a quiet personality, and being this way has contributed to the making of Facebook.

Everything that happens isn’t going to happen in a cookie cutter way. Nobody can fault

Zuckerberg for being to himself. Being all over the media doesn’t serve a purpose for him, so he

chooses not to be.

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What’s the Difference?

For my most successful article response, I chose “Out of the Norm”. The article I read

was about Mark Zuckerberg, cofounder of Facebook, and basically describes how his personality

is different from what most would assume it is. My response of this article earned an eight out of

ten. In my first paragraph, I described how the author, Jose Vargas, felt that Mark Zuckerberg’s

personality was drastically contradictory to the main idea of Facebook. I included some

examples that the author used to support his point of view. In my second paragraph, I responded

to the author’s point of view by conveying the significance of it. I expressed that it shouldn’t be a

great concern about the way Zuckerberg lives out his life. His contribution to the making of

Facebook has not changed in any way because he chooses to live a secluded life. I basically

explained that there is not a certain way that people who invented or come up with ideas are

obligated to act out. This article response did follow all of the guidelines that were presented. I

believe it was strong work that had its flaws, but flaws that are easily able to be corrected.

For my least successful article response I chose, “What About the Student”. The article I

read was about how schools in America are on verge of failure. My response for this article

earned a seven out of ten. In my first paragraph, I described the author’s point of view about

education in America. The author, Joel Klein, expressed that students of American schools are

being deprived of a quality education due to teachers not effectively teaching their students.

Supporting his point of view, I applied some of quotes from the article to my response. In my

second paragraph, I expanded on the author’s point of view and explained its significance. Klein

felt that teachers and educators in high positions are mainly responsible for students getting an

inadequate opportunity to receive quality education. I supported my reasoning with inviting the

reader to consider the future. Educators have to realize that the children that are currently being

9

taught in American schools are going to run the country when they become adults. The article

response wasn’t as good as it could’ve been. I didn’t follow the guidelines as close, but that was

mainly because of the lack of understanding.

10

Formatted: Centered


What AAbout tThe Students??




lazinesss, and how students’ success isn’t made a priority of the teachers.and the lack of

emphasis being put on student success. Education isn’t being taken as seriously due to as it

needs to be. Instead, the educators are simply not performing their jobs as efficiently as

possibleto the best of their ability,. This lack of emphasis is reflected which is showing in their

students’ performance at school. To support his argument, he uses President Obama statedment

of, that, “The single most important factor in determining [student] achievement is not who they

are but who their teachers are.” Students are not being given the education they deservebeing

robbed of their education because teachers are focusinghave focused their attention somewhere

that doesn’t accommodate elsewhere as opposed to the well-being of their students. The problem

at hand is really self-centered, and teachers aren’t the only ones contributing to emphasis being

taken away from student success. TThese are really self-seeking, and this problem has yet to be

handled. Those officialspeople that are in high authority in education are not regulating teacher

performance completely for the sake of students. Instead, they are focusing on issuesthings such

as, the budget, more than actually confirming that getting these educators are doing their job as it

needs to be done.to do what they need to do. The All of this attention being taken from students

will potentiallyis just harm the students’ success in the long run.

KleinKlein’s point of view is significant because it invites to consider the regulation of

education in America. All Americans are required to obtain ’s reasoning that education is flawed

Formatted

Comment [GSC1]: I reworded this sentence because the sentence I originally had didn’t really explain why the thought educators were lazy. The new sentence basically explains to what extent the teachers were being lazy, and not just saying that they were.

Comment [GSC2]: I really saw this to but pointless to point say. It was basically a phrase to take up more space so that to complete the length requirement. Cutting this phrase out gets straight to the point without trying to fluff the sentence with unnecessary wording.

Comment [GSC3]: I wasn’t staying in the tense that I need to be in. Throughout the paper I switched tenses and I noticed that I was doing that so I corrected them.

Comment [GSC4]: After re-reading this, I felt that the sentence was very vague and didn’t really emphasis the importance of even being in this response.

Comment [GSC5]: This phrase was just a mess to even include in this Article Response, or even just anything academically written. It really showed mediocre work on my part. There was a better way to state what I wanted to say but I didn’t take the time to do so.

Comment [GSC6]: This really was just a better way to get my point across. After doing the research project, I learned a better way to introduce this paragraph. It flows better without the extra wording that sort of made the sentence sound awkward.

11

Formatted: Centered

due to lack of attention to students is essential to all. In America, primary and secondary

education is required. BecauseWith everyone is obligatedhaving to attendgo to school, they

should have the right to gainobtain a quality education, whichbut this is not always the case.

StudentsThese children are somewhat being deprived of a quality education neglected and are

not receiving theat foundation necessary to that is needed to be as successful as successful as

possible. EducatorsTeachers, just educators period, should be held accountable for the

effectiveness of their teaching. Not to criticize this isn’t to ridicule the teachers, but to help them

realize that thour current e leaders in high government positions and professionals, such as

doctors and welawyers, are not going to serve endlessly. have now aren’t going to be around

forever. The studentschildren that they are going to be teaching are going to become and serve as

those leaders are.be stepping in and taking their place. Even if the students don’t become

powerful leaders, they will be the adults of the futureNot just as leaders but as the adults of the

future. Having poorly educated leaders as a result to teachers’ passivity for students’ success is

not in the best interest of America in the future.laziness and the difference in focus is simply not

acceptable. This issue needs to be rectified put to an end and turned in the other direction.

because sSchool should not allow students to show up and not be taught what is necessary for

them to know.be place just to slide in and out of. Teachers should not be allowed to get paid to

perform a job that they clearly aren’t doing efficiently. Students deserve to receive much more of

an education as they have been.so much more than what has been presented to them.

Comment [GSC7]: I replaced “these children” because students don’t necessarily have to be children and generalizing students as children would not be accurate.

Comment [GSC8]: Just saying that the students were neglected didn’t explained how students. I know some of my comments are redundant but I’ve noticed that the majority of my problems in this particular article response. I was very vague with my descriptions.

Comment [GSC9]: Just saying leaders was not descriptive enough for what point I was making. A leader could be anyone but describing what leaders helps the reader understand the point of view better.

Comment [GSC10]: Changing the way I said that the educators were lazy was the best thing for this sentence. Repeating the teachers’ laziness is really repetitive and it helped to find a higher quality phrase to say I need to get across.

Comment [GSC11]: I removed this sentence out because it is really irrelevant to the theme I was writing on. Nowhere in this piece of writing have I mentioned the extent that teachers should be paid. Writing this sentence also just was taking up unnecessary space.

Comment [GSC12]: Again, I added more details so that won’t be a question as to what I am trying to say. This has happened many times throughout this response, and I’ve learned that I need to be more descriptive in my writing instead of being very vague.

12

Formatted: Centered


What About the Students?




laziness, and how students’ success isn’t made a priority of the teachers. Education isn’t being

taken as seriously due to educators not performing their jobs as efficiently as possible. This lack

of emphasis is reflected in their students’ performance at school. President Obama stated that,

“The single most important factor in determining [student] achievement is not who they are but

who their teachers are.” Students are not being given the education they deserve because teachers

are focusing their attention somewhere that doesn’t accommodate the well-being of their

students. The problem at hand is really self-centered, and teachers aren’t the only ones

contributing to emphasis being taken away from student success. Those officials that are in high

authority in education are not regulating teacher performance completely for the sake of students.

Instead, they are focusing on issues such as, the budget, more than actually confirming that

educators are doing their job as it needs to be done. The attention being taken from students will

potentially harm the students’ success in the long run.

Klein’s point of view is significant because it invites to consider the regulation of

education in America. All Americans are required to obtain primary and secondary education.

Because everyone is obligated to attend school, they should have the right to gain a quality

education, which is not always the case. Students are being deprived of a quality education and

are not receiving the foundation necessary to be as successful. Educators should be held

accountable for the effectiveness of their teaching. Not to criticize the teachers, but to help them

Formatted

13

Formatted: Centered

realize that our current leaders in high government positions and professionals, such as doctors

and lawyers, are not going to serve endlessly. The students they teach are going to become and

serve as those leaders are. Even if the students don’t become powerful leaders, they will be the

adults of the future. Having poorly educated leaders as a result to teachers’ passivity for students’

success is not in the best interest of America in the future. This issue needs to be rectified

because school should not allow students to show up and not be taught what is necessary for

them to know. Students deserve to receive much more of an education as they have been.

14

Formatted: Centered


Out of the Norm




Zuckerberg, co-founder of Facebook. Most would assume that Zuckerberg iswas a very bold and

sociableoverly open person because of his extremely successful social networking site. Although

Facebook doesn’t hide much about whom a person is tells a lot about a person, Mark Zuckerberg

is was not one to telling many about who he actually is.the complete opposite. He is a renowned

n amazing websitesoftware inventor but even his closest friends think of him as “socially

awkward”. He definitely has an introverted personality, and prefers to be to himself. It is not for

everyone to be the center of attention, and Zuckerberg is one of those people. He is the type of

person that likes to keep to himself, for the most part. The spot light isn’t for everyone,

especially not Zuckerberg. When asked to describe what really happened with the founding of

telling of the story about the founding of Facebook, Zuckerberg avoids the question and prefers it

to be left alone.it is put on the back burner, and simply be left alone. His personality is unusual

different and Vargas describes the television shows Zuckerberg enjoys watching and it really

shows there’s a correlationlink between those shows and his personality. For people that know

him, he is corky but to others many amore in his oddnesscorkiness is results in his sense of

extremely well off because of his brilliantness. He founded one of the most influential tools of

today’s networking.

Vargas’s point of view that Mark Zuckerberg iswas an isolated person may be true but

therebut there isn’t a regulation of how inventors and founders of websites and softwarea

Formatted

Comment [GSC1]: I made many mistakes with tense, and is an example of one. I was referring to Zuckerberg as if he was dead or something, which isn’t a good thing. I basically changed the tense from past to present.

Comment [GSC2]: Saying that Zuckerberg wasn’t an “over-open” person was very unclear. While reading this over, I felt like when writing this I didn’t try as hard to find a word that would best dictate what I was say. Even when revising/editing I found it hard to find a word that could replace it because it shouldn’t have been placed in that sentence.

Comment [GSC3]: This phrase really builds the sentence up better. Just saying that it tells a lot about person is vague, and doesn’t really catch the attention of the reader. When writing I’m suppose to keep whoever is reading my writing engaged.

Comment [GSC4]: Facebook is not software. I guess I was trying to find a fancy way to say website without actually saying website. Didn’t work out so well, without saying something that was not true.

Comment [GSC5]: There was a much better way to say this. Again isn’t as clear as it could’ve been. Taking the time to effectively express my idea, the sentence would have come across better.

Comment [GSC6]: This phrase did get the point I was making across as needed, but it wasn’t as efficient was it could have been. That was a very casual way to he was putting something off. I think this is another example of myself being too lazy to find a better way say this.

Comment [GSC7]: Saying there was a link was just convenient at the time of writing this, but correlation just describes what I was saying more.

Comment [GSC8]: This really didn’t make sense or even fit into this sentence. In this response I was very careless with my choice of wording. Instead of finding the best way to dictate the points made.

Comment [GSC9]: This about the third time I had to alter the tense from past to present. I now notice that I need to pay mire attention to little details to improve upon the readability of my writing

Comment [GSC10]: This basically narrows down the variety of inventors and founders of different things. I feel that it makes sense to specify the theme of the entire response in this single sentence.

15

Formatted: Centered

standard for how inventors and founders are expected to live out their livesact due to what they

createdbecause of their creation. Facebook does in fact give its users the opportunity to tell

everything about their selves, and what they are currently going through.their business. There’s

nothing wrong with it this at all; having the resources to express feelings and; it’s just a way to

express sharing what’s on your mind and some of the things in life that you find important is

truly significant to some. Zuckerberg did create this wonderful source of communication but is

he obligated to be as Facebook does? Being the founder of the websiteit all doesn’t mean his

lifestyle has to matchthat’s the way he wants to live his life. He may have his own standards to

live up to and which that may be to contain a keep low key life. As the article described, “he

doesn’t care for the spotlight and doesn’t want to see himself in it.”. Zuckerberg does have a

discreet quiet personality, and being this way has contributed to the making of Facebook.

Everything that happens isn’t going to happen in a specific waycookie cutter. way. Nobody can

fault Zuckerberg for being to his own personhimself. Being all over the media doesn’t serve a

purpose for him, so he chooses not to be.

Comment [GSC11]: This gives some examples of what the Facebook users’ business might be. Gives the reader a better idea and they can probably relate with it also.

Comment [GSC12]: I was just trying to find a way to make this much more specific than it was. Putting all was a cop out on my part.

Comment [GSC13]: This was an AWFUL way to describe something that is specific. This was just a reflection of my laziness as well. I wasn’t fully putting a solid effort to conclude this response. I probably was just trying to find a way to finish it as quickly as possible.

16


Out of the Norm




Zuckerberg, co-founder of Facebook. Most would assume that Zuckerberg is a very bold and

sociable person because of his extremely successful social networking site. Although Facebook

doesn’t hide much about whom a person is, Mark Zuckerberg is not one to telling many about

who he actually is. He is a renowned website inventor but even his closest friends think of him as

“socially awkward”. He definitely has an introverted personality, and prefers to be to himself. It

is not for everyone to be the center of attention, and Zuckerberg is one of those people. When

asked to describe what really happened with the founding of Facebook, Zuckerberg avoids the

question and prefers it to be left alone. His personality is unusual and Vargas describes the

television shows Zuckerberg enjoys watching and it really shows there’s a correlation between

those shows and his personality. For people that know him, he is corky but to others his oddness

is results in his sense of brilliantness. He founded one of the most influential tools of today’s

networking.

Vargas’s point of view that Mark Zuckerberg is an isolated person may be true but there

isn’t a regulation of how inventors and founders of websites and software expected to live out

their lives due to what they created. Facebook does in fact give its users the opportunity to tell

everything about their selves, and what they are currently going through. There’s nothing wrong

with it this at all; having the resources to express feelings and sharing some of the things in life

that you find important is truly significant to some. Zuckerberg did create this wonderful source

17

of communication but is he obligated to be as Facebook does? Being the founder of the website

doesn’t mean his lifestyle has to match. He may have his own standards to live up to and which

may be to contain a low key life. As the article described, “he doesn’t care for the spotlight and

doesn’t want to see himself in it.” Zuckerberg does have a discreet quiet personality, and being

this way has contributed to the making of Facebook. Everything that happens isn’t going to

happen in a specific way. Nobody can fault Zuckerberg for being to his own person. Being all

over the media doesn’t serve a purpose for him, so he chooses not to be.

Lester 18

18

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Adrienne Lester

Professor Horton

English 1101

13 October 2011

Money: Not Always the Cause of Something Bad

In his article “Can the Middle Be Saved,” Don Peck discusses the conditions of the

United States economy. He explains how the economy is dwindling and says that the cause of

the country’s adversitythis awful thing is is due to the lack of tracking spending habits.“not

tracking spending habits.” Unnecessary spending actually could be contributes to the country’s

economic conditiondecline, but spending alone cannot hold complete responsibilityy for the

economy’s condition. Even though economists feel that spending is negatively affecting the

country’s economy, spending it is necessary is necessary in many cases. Emergencies

occurhappen al oftenl the time and, and depend on their need for most emergency call for some

type of financial stabilityneed. People going through difficult circumstancesthese problems

aren’t just spending because they are able tocan and may have the means to, but they spend in

order to fulfill their needs. There is People have no control over if or when a freak accident may

occur, and soif money can beis involved as a necessity for getting a step closer to over the hump

of recovery. Spending money to fulfillfor your needs is an essential part of getting assistance

with some emergencieses, and even on an everyday basis..

My family is very familiar with spending due to an emergency.Spending due to

emergency is very familiar to my family. We’ve been victims of a recent crisisn emergency crisis

ourselves. In August of 2009, we lost our home todue a house fire. At this point, life was

extremely difficult.During this of our lives, Life was very difficult and trying for us. We went

Formatted

Comment [GSC1]: Using the word “thing” really was a cop out. Instead of describing what the thing was, I just left it as is. This was a lack of descriptive reasoning.

Comment [GSC2]: This entire sentence was originally worded wrong. I just needed to take additional time to find a way to convey this differently and clearer. The way I changed this has improved and came across better than it originally did.

Comment [GSC3]: Continuing to talk about “people”, is really generalizing, and spending time reviewing my work with Dr. Horton has help me realize that I can’t make it seem like all other people feel the same way that I do about certain issues.

Comment [GSC4]: I added this to be more specific about what the money was being spent for.

Comment [GSC5]: This was a very weak sentence and just need to be replaced. It seemed like I was trying to find a way to

Comment [GSC6]: All of the extra words were unnecessary. I was probably just trying to get through with the essay instead of actually taking the time to write without the extra nonsense.

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Formatted: Centered

through many adversities ourselvesso much in the process, but we perseveredremained strong

through it all. The shock of knowing that the house that we called home and all of my

possessions didn’t exist anymore was overwhelming. Emergencies, like my family’sthe one my

family experienced, are unexpected and most of times is unaren’t even planned forr, just as most

emergencies aren’t. Regardless of the way a family prepares for unexpected emergencies, they

also need a plan for recovering from the crisis. When economists mention spending as the cause

for the condition of the economy, it’s mainly directed toward unnecessary and careless spending.

Going through the crisis that I didExperiencing this crisis changed how I perceived my

possessions and how much they actually mean. Previous to the fire, I never really focused on

what was of importance.my perception of what I had and how precious it actually was. Before I

was just going through the motions of just living and not really focusing on what really mattered.

Going through adversity has caused me to learn life lessons about the importance of money and

being careful in the way I spend.After going through controversy that I did during the crisis of

the fire, I have learned many life lessons that are stuck with me for life.

Life at this pointThis time in life was truly difficult for my family and I. Living

arrangements varied for us at this point. Following the fire my family and I were practically

homeless, and didn’t have a definite place to call our home. That weekend of the fire didn’t seem

as if anything had happen, but in the next couple of weeks things started to change. We came

back to Athens, and actually stayed in the Gamedaya hotel in downtown Athens. We stayed

there for a few months andwhich waswere very different than what I was accustomed tofor me.

We weren’t used to Lliving in those conditions were unusual for us, but were makingtrying to

make the best of what we did have. My family may have not had a permanent location forto our

home, but something we did have were resources. Both of my parents continued to work hard,

Comment [GSC7]: I found a word that better exemplified my argument. I really just popped out at me while re-reading that sentence.

Comment [GSC8]: One of the categories that I lost a lot of points on was my thesis. I noticed my thesis was under-developed and contained many grammatical errors, but with my revisions this has been corrected.

Comment [GSC9]: I took the advice that Dr. Horton gave me about making the story in my essay seem more believable by including the hotel my family stayed in, and just including details like that.

Comment [GSC10]: I think that saying you’re accustomed to something sounds better than being used to something. What I previously wrote was a very casual way to say.

Lester 20

20

Formatted: Centered

my mother as a family social worker and my father was a plant supervisor, which still brought

sources of income into our house household. A couple of months went by and we were to the

point that we were able to claim a rental house as our shelter. In December of in that year of

2009, we found a house that was to our liking and needed to buy and moved in. Through all of

the changes and moving around, we got to the place that we were at a stable position once again.

I, myself, have never been so unfortunate did have some of my needs and most of my

wantswithout things until losing it all this situation within the fire. With the officials declaring a

total lost on our case, we didn’t have any of our previous possessions. There were very few

important items that we could retrieve from the house that were usable.remove out of the house

that was worth retrieving. We didn’t have any clothes, other than the clothes we had on that day.

Even though I did have plenty of new clothes due to because of the new school year, I was not

able to wear any of them. We were seriously were lacking needs that we didn’t even shoes to

walk in. In the anxiousness of trying to get out of the house, we left our shoes and so all of them

perished and our feet were bare on the ground. We didn’t have any clothes except for what we

were wearing on our back at that moment. Recovering from the crisis, we had to replace our lost

clothingOf the many recoveries we had to do as a family was to replace our clothes. We had to

start over from not having anything at allscratch. Throughout the months following the fire, so

many people supported us in our time of lost. Along with us purchasing items things for

ourselves, many people donated everything necessities they thought we may have needed. So

getting back to life as we knew it, we had to replace all of ourmy possessions that we had and

were dear to us in their own kind of way.

Losing something that has been learned to be loved is really difficult. Before the fire my

family was pretty well off. We weren’t wealthy or anything but we were and still are a fortunate

Comment [GSC11]: Adding this phrase was another suggestion from Dr. Horton. Just makes it easier to believe.

Comment [GSC12]: This explains my situation much in a more thorough way. I want the reader to feel how I felt while going through the crisis.

Comment [GSC13]: This didn’t really make sense. I felt that I added too many unnecessary words to expand the sentence and make it seem longer and doing so made it sound awful.

Comment [GSC14]: This is a basic. Saying everything is very broad and doesn’t get sa specific as it needs to be.

Lester 21

21

Formatted: Centered

family. I always knew that my needs and plenty of my wants were going to be taken care of no

matter the circumstancewhat. When we were hit with this unexpected disaster, I witnessedsaw

the drastic difference in the way we were forcedhad to live. Experiencing this great incident has

taught me many life lessons. But one that really stuck out with me was my perception of money

and saving for needs has really changed. The expression, “money doesn’t grow on trees”,

actually held a position within me now. Losing my material possessions has helped me realize

how privileged I was; my new sense of humility has made me more frugal. Going from having

an abundance of things to having nothing is humbling and has affected the way I spend money

when I get it. It also has helped me distinguish between what I truly need and what I just want to

have. I do get some things that I want, and when I do I give clothes and items away that I may

not want anymore to those that may need it, just as I did once before. I give these clothes to

people that are need, just as I once was. I did this before the incident with the fire, but I really see

the importance of it now from experiencing it for myself.

Going through crises can affect individuals’ emotions drastically. Not having stability the

backbone of strong finances when it may be truly needed can be a struggle. in itself. Sometimes

when thinking about the less fortunate, the common denominator is always money. Knowing that

the world doesn’t isn’trevolve around me helped me realize there are others out in the world that

could really use my help just as my family and I needed help from others. Not saying that

everything should revolve around money and how much can be spent but money can give get

security and reassurance that there is a way to get through trials. When thinking about the

victims of Hurricane Katrina, they went through and lost so much and were simply miserable

because of their lost. The United States as a whole assisted in helping the cause. These people

had lost their homes, and even some of their loved ones. Money definitely can’t replace the

Comment [GSC15]: I just needed to find another word that still dictated what needed to be said.

Comment [GSC16]: I added this because it tells who I’m giving the clothes to. I adds to the point that I’m trying to make about Hurricane Katrina.

Lester 22

22

Formatted: Centered

emotional attachment to possessions or even loved ones as in Katrina but it can help individuals

move on with life just as they normally would.

Lester 23

23

Formatted: Centered

Works Cited

Peck, Don. “Can the Middle Class Be Saved.” The Atlantic. The Atlantic Monthly Group,


Lester 24

24

Adrienne Lester

Professor Horton

English 1101

13 October 2011

Money: Not Always the Cause of Something Bad

In his article “Can the Middle Be Saved,” Don Peck discusses the condition of the United

States economy. He explains how the economy is dwindling and says that the cause of the

country’s adversity is due to the lack of tracking spending habits. Unnecessary spending actually

could be contributes to the country’s economic condition, but spending alone cannot hold

complete responsibility. Even though economists feel that spending is negatively affecting the

country’s economy, spending is necessary is necessary in many cases. Emergencies occur often,

and depend on their need for financial stability. People going through difficult circumstances

aren’t spending because they are able to, but they spend in order to fulfill their needs. There is no

control over if or when a freak accident may occur, and so money can be a necessity for getting a

step closer to recovery. Spending money to fulfill needs is an essential part of getting assistance

with emergencies, and even on an everyday basis.

My family is very familiar with spending due to an emergency. We’ve been victims of a

recent crisis ourselves. In August of 2009, we lost our home to a house fire. At this point, life

was extremely difficult. We went through many adversities ourselves in the process, but we

persevered through it all. The shock of knowing that the house that we called home and all of my

possessions didn’t exist anymore was overwhelming. Emergencies, like my family’s, are

unexpected and most of times is unplanned for. Regardless of the way a family prepares for

unexpected emergencies, they also need a plan for recovering from the crisis. When economists

Lester 25

25

mention spending as the cause for the condition of the economy, it’s mainly directed toward

unnecessary and careless spending. Going through the crisis that I did changed how I perceived

my possessions and how much they actually mean. Previous to the fire, I never really focused on

what was of importance. Going through adversity has caused me to learn life lessons about the

importance of money and being careful in the way I spend.

Life at this point was truly difficult for my family and I. Living arrangements varied for

us. Following the fire my family and I were practically homeless, and didn’t have a definite place

to call our home. That weekend of the fire didn’t seem as if anything had happen, but in the next

couple of weeks things started to change. We came back to Athens, and actually stayed in the

Gameday hotel in downtown Athens. We stayed there for a few months and were very different

than what I was accustomed to. Living in those conditions were unusual for us, but were making

the best of what we did have. My family may have not had a permanent location for our home,

but we did have resources. Both of my parents continued to work hard, my mother as a family

social worker and my father was a plant supervisor, which still brought sources of income into

our household. A couple of months went by and we were to the point that we were able to claim

a rental house as our shelter. In December of in that year of 2009, we found a house that was to

our liking and needed to buy and moved in. Through all of the changes and moving around, we

got to the place that we were at a stable position once again.

I, myself, have never been so unfortunate did have some of my needs and most of my

wants until losing it all in the fire. With the officials declaring a total lost on our case, we didn’t

have any of our previous possessions. There were very few important items that we could

retrieve from the house that were usable. We didn’t have any clothes, other than the clothes we

had on that day. Even though I did have plenty of new clothes due to because of the new school

Lester 26

26

year, I was not able to wear any of them. We were seriously were lacking needs that we didn’t

even shoes to walk in. In the anxiousness of trying to get out of the house, we left our shoes and

so all of them perished and our feet were bare on the ground. We didn’t have any clothes except

for what we were wearing on our back at that moment. Recovering from the crisis, we had to

replace our lost clothing. We had to start over from not having anything at all. Throughout the

months following the fire, many people supported us in our time of lost. Along with us

purchasing items for ourselves, many people donated necessities they thought we may have

needed. So getting back to life as we knew it, we had to replace all of our possessions that we

had and were dear to us in their own kind of way.

Losing something that has been learned to be loved is really difficult. Before the fire my

family was pretty well off. We weren’t wealthy or anything but we were and still are a fortunate

family. I always knew that my needs and plenty of my wants were going to be taken care of no

matter the circumstance. When we were hit with this unexpected disaster, I witnessed the drastic

difference in the way we were forced to live. Experiencing this great incident has taught me

many life lessons. But one that really stuck out with me was my perception of money and saving

for needs has really changed. The expression, “money doesn’t grow on trees”, actually held a

position within me now. Losing my material possessions has helped me realize how privileged I

was; my new sense of humility has made me more frugal. Going from having an abundance of

things to having nothing is humbling and has affected the way I spend money when I get it. It

also has helped me distinguish between what I truly need and what I just want to have. I do get

some things that I want, and when I do I give clothes and items away that I may not want

anymore to those that may need it, just as I did once before. I give these clothes to people that are

Lester 27

27

need, just as I once was. I did this before the incident with the fire, but I really see the

importance of it now from experiencing it for myself.

Going through crises can affect individuals’ emotions drastically. Not having stability of

strong finances when it may be truly needed can be a struggle. Sometimes when thinking about

the less fortunate, the common denominator is always money. Knowing that the world doesn’t

revolve around me helped me realize there are others out in the world that could really use my

help just as my family and I needed help from others. Not saying that everything should revolve

around money and how much can be spent but money can give get security and reassurance that

there is a way to get through trials. When thinking about the victims of Hurricane Katrina, they

went through and lost so much and were simply miserable because of their lost. The United

States as a whole assisted in helping the cause. These people had lost their homes, and even

some of their loved ones. Money definitely can’t replace the emotional attachment to possessions

or even loved ones as in Katrina but it can help individuals move on with life just as they

normally would.

Lester 28

28

Works Cited

Peck, Don. “Can the Middle Class Be Saved.” The Atlantic. The Atlantic Monthly Group,


Reflection of True Success

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