Discovering disrespectful or inappropri-

ate behavior occurring within your team

can be troubling. Addressing this con-

duct in a way that maintains team cohe-

sion can be a great test of a manager’s

leadership skills.

Disrespectful behavior has a negative

impact on employee wellbeing and the

workplace as a whole and can corrode

team morale, increase turnover, and

damage productivity. Disrespectful

actions to be alert for include: 

u Passive-aggressive behavior.

People with passive-aggressive

tendencies may have difficulty

being direct about situations they

disagree with or dislike. Instead,

they may make sarcastic remarks

or drag their feet in completing

necessary tasks. Slowing down

work in a way that negatively

impacts a co-worker in order to

punish or inconvenience that

person is a form of passive-

aggressive behavior.

u Lying. Deciding when to address

lying is often a judgment call. You

may suspect that an employee is

not being truthful when he or she

gives a creative excuse for a sick

day or a tardy arrival, but without

proof you may not be able to do

anything about it. However, if a

pattern of behavior appears or

you catch an employee in an

outright lie, especially one that is

impacting the productivity of the

workplace, you need to address

it as a performance issue.

u Instigating. Some people

are prone to stirring up con-

flict around others. They

may say or do things that

cause controversy or cre-

ate hurt feelings and then

remove themselves from

the situation, leaving a

mess for others to clean

up.

u Gossip. It’s not unusual for peo-

ple who work together to put their

own “spin” on workplace events.

Providing as much factual infor-

mation as you can about work

situations and upcoming changes

is a good way to keep this sort

of gossip from taking on a life

of its own. However, when

gossip moves beyond the office

grapevine and involves the active

spreading of hurtful rumors about

an individual or group of employ-

ees, it can damage your team

and destroy morale. Remind

RecognizingDisrespectful Behavior

Inside:u Confronting Disrespect

u Management Consultation

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your team that you expect its

members to treat each other with

respect and to speak up when

others make inappropriate state-

ments. If this doesn’t quell gossip

or a formal complaint is made,

consult with Human Resources

about confronting the employees

who are actively spreading

rumors. Depending upon your

organization’s policy, disciplinary

action may be indicated.

u Bullying. Bullies aren’t just in

schoolyards; they often continue

their behavior patterns into adult-

hood. A bully engages in a pat-

tern of intimidating or belittling

behavior, often using multiple tac-

tics, in order to exert power over

others. Increasingly, bullying

occurs in cyberspace (email,

texts, etc.) rather than in real

time. It may take time to recog-

nize a bully’s behavior patterns,

as experienced bullies may pick

targets who are unlikely to speak

up or use other means to dis-

guise themselves or their actions.

Once you are aware, it is your re-

sponsibility to quickly confront the

situation and take appropriate ac-

tion after consulting with Human

Resources.

u Undermining. This behavior

may comprise a variety of disre-

spectful behaviors. When an

employee seeks to actively un-

dermine or subvert the efforts of

a co-worker, he or she may be

doing so to gain some sort of

perceived advantage, either in

current work or with an eye to-

ward future promotion. When

evidence of undermining sur-

faces, it is important to confront

the perpetrator, but be certain to

consult with HR in advance and

have your facts straight.

Remember that disrespectful behaviors

are not always malicious in intent.

Some employees may engage in these

sorts of actions because it is the norm

in their personal lives, while others may

not have fully considered the conse-

quences that may result. When ad-

dressing these situations, keep your

focus on how the individual’s actions

affect the workplace rather than her or

his personal motives.

Suggestions for how to confront disre-

spect can be found on the next page.

In addition, LifeMatters is available to

provide consultation 24/7/365.

When you become aware that an

employee is engaging in disrespectful

behavior, it is important to intervene.

Acting promptly will increase the odds

that the employee can bring his or her

behavior back to acceptable levels.

Prompt action will also help to protect

your organization’s reputation and

decrease the risk of legal action

due to perceived harassment.

When faced with an incident of

disrespect, follow these steps:

1. Check your own feelings.

It’s important to set aside your

personal feelings about the em-

ployee’s actions. While it’s natural

to feel disappointed or angry

when you learn an employee is

behaving poorly toward others,

you have an obligation to remain

objective and focus on how the

inappropriate behavior is affect-

ing job performance and team

morale.

2. Consult with Human Re-

sources. Discuss the situation

with Human Resources and

review any relevant policies.

LifeMatters is also available to

provide guidance and emotional

support.

3. Meet privately with the

employee. Outline the reasons

for your concern. Be specific and

objective when explaining why

the behavior is not acceptable.

Sample language: “I have no-

ticed that you (list behaviors). I

am concerned about the effect

this behavior is having on our

team.”

4. Explain how the employee’s

actions affect the workplace.

Be specific about the impact it is

having, not just on those directly

affected by the behavior, but on

the team as a whole.

Sample language: “When you

are disrespectful to others, it

damages your ability to work with

both individual co-workers and

the entire team.”

How Do I Say That?Confronting Disrespect

5. Listen. It’s important to listen to

the employee’s explanation for

the behavior. While it’s reason-

able to acknowledge the possibil-

ity that another employee’s

conduct may have contributed

to the situation, keep your focus

on the individual’s actions.

Sample language: “Thank

you for telling me your side of

the story. I’d like you to consider

ways you could respond more

appropriately and demonstrate

respect toward others in the

future.”

6. Make a referral. LifeMatters

is available to address both an

employee’s performance issues

and any personal concerns that

may be impacting his or her

behavior.

Sample language: “LifeMatters

is a free, confidential service that

can help you address personal

and professional concerns. It’s

available 24/7/365.”

7. Set clear expectations. Out-

line your expectations for perform-

ance improvement. Be specific

about behaviors that you find

unacceptable.

Sample language: “I would

like you to (list specific improve-

ments) and to avoid (list disre-

spectful behaviors).”

8. Set follow-up meetings and

monitor the employee’s per-

formance. Outline any improve-

ments you have noticed in these

meetings. If the disrespectful

behavior occurs again, consult

with Human Resources for next

steps. Seek input from Human

Resources before taking any

disciplinary action.

Sample language: “Let’s meet

next week to discuss how things

are going.”

Dealing with disrespectful behavior is

often stressful. LifeMatters is available

to provide support and assistance not

just on a professional level, but on a

personal one as well. Call anytime.

ManagementConsultation

LifeMatters is available to help

with:

u Confronting an employee

about performance issues

u An employee’s personal

problem

u Suspected drug or alcohol

use on the job

u Interpersonal conflicts

between team members

u Establishing clear, attainable

expectations for performance

u Addressing crisis situations,

such as a violent incident, the

death of an employee, or a

natural disaster

u Your own personal concerns

u Any other work-related issue

LifeMatters offers professional

management consultation when

you need it, as often as you need

it. Call anytime.

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