Recognizing Recognizing

Harmful Harmful RelationshipsRelationships

What kind of relationships would you call harmful?

10 People Who Relate in Harmful Ways

1. The people pleaser2. The enabler3. The clinger4. The fixer5. The distancer6. The controller7. The center8. The abuser9. The liar10. The promise breaker

The People Pleaser

0A person who constantly seeks the approval of others0 Will do almost anything to be liked0 Doesn’t mind being walked all over0 Lacks self confidence

0The people pleaser sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships because he or she does not demand respect from others.

The Enabler

0A person who supports the harmful behavior of others0 May deny another’s harmful behaviors0 May make excuses for another

0The enabler sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships when he or she does not expect other people to behave in responsible ways

The Clinger0A person who is needy and dependent

0 Feels empty inside and needs another to feel complete0 No amount of attention keeps the clinger fulfilled0 Friends of the clinger may feel suffocated

0The clinger sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not giving other people space

The Fixer

0A person who tries to fix other peoples problems0Quick to give advice0Avoids his/her own problems0Will come up with all sorts of solutions for another

persons problems

0The fixer sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships because healthy people do not want others to solve their problems.

The Distancer

0A person who is emotionally unavailable to others0 May have been hurt in the past0 Keeps people from getting too close0 Avoids sharing feelings0 Avoids getting hurt

0The distancer sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not risking emotional involvement.

The Controller

0A person who is possessive, jealous, and domineering0 Seeks power0 May tell another what to do/what to wear0 Does not like to share “objects of his/her affection”0 May monopolize a boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s time

0The controller sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not respecting the interests or opinions of others

0http://www.tubechop.com/watch/1013982

The Center

0A person who is self-centered0 “IT’S ALL ABOUT ME”0 Talks your ear off about them0 Only wants to do what he/she wants0 Uninterested in your ideas

0The center sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by being so focused on being the center of attention that the needs of others are ignored

The Abuser

0A person who is abusive0 May cause others harm

0Physical, emotional or sexual

0 May go from one extreme to another

0An abuser may miss the chance to have healthful relationships by threatening and harming others

0http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzDr18UYO18

The Liar

0A person who does not tell the truth0 May pretend to be something he/she isn’t0 The liar avoids the truth to manipulate others into the

responses he or she wants

0The liar sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by lying to others to get the response he or she wants

The Promise Breaker

0A person who is not reliable0 Makes plans then is a no show0 Makes plans and changes them if something better

comes along 0 The promise breaker sabotages the chance to have

healthful relationships by not keeping his or her word

Why do people get into harmful relationships?

0Why do people get into harmful relationships?0Take a few seconds and brainstorm with a partner

0Two people might be involved in a harmful relationship together because:

01) each one of them allows the other to play out a specific profile of harmful behavior

02) other people who expect healthful behavior avoid relationships with them.

How Harmful Relationships effect Health Status

Changing Harmful Relationships

1. Evaluate each of your relationships on a regular basis.2. Recognize when you must end a harmful relationship

rather than work to change it.3. Identify changes in behavior that must occur in any

existing harmful relationship if you are to continue with the relationship.

4. Talk to a parent, guardian, or other trusted adult about the changes you expect in the relationship.

5. Have a frank discussion with the other person in the relationship in which you share your concerns and expectations.

6. Set a future date when you will evaluate the relationship again.

Review

0What defines a relationship as harmful?0What is the difference between a clinger and a people

pleaser?0How do a fixer and a center differ?0How do promise breakers sabotage the chance to

have healthful relationships?0What steps might you take to end or change a harmful

relationship?