Rapport Spring 2006

John GrinderOn the future of NLP

RORYUNDERWOODReveals the secRets of successful teams

EDUCATIONA teacher reveals how NLP helped her in the classroom

ISSUE THREE APRIL 2006

THE MAGAZINE FOR PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

GroomingFitness is all in the mind not just the body

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rapportcontents

Welcome to the thirdissue of Rapport, the personal development magazine. I’m happy to report that the vast majority of readers are still enjoying the new magazine. However, like many who are interested in personal development, we are striving for excellence and trying to make every issue better.

This issue we are fortunate to have an interview with one of the co-creators of NLP, John Grinder on page 14. We are also fortunate to have an interivew with England rugby legend Rory Underwood on page 32. He reveals how he has now transferred his success on the field to help leading businesses build better teams off the field.

We also have many more practical articles again this issue, which look at how NLP can be used successfully in the classroom by teachers (p34). We also have an interview with author Emma Sargent who has written about using NLP to become a better and more successful parent (p44).

There are many techniques to help you to lose weight and quit smoking. Is NLP better than say a quick-fix dieting book? Joanna Goodman finds out on page 39. And I also check out hypnosis on audio disc and find that they are surprisingly effective.

I hope you enjoy the new issue.

William LittleEditor

Editor: William [email protected] Editor: Jonathan DaviesContributors: Doug Costain, Joanna Goodman, Sharon Gray, Nicolette StoddartCreative Design: M & B NorrisAdvertising: David Hammond0870 787 0026CEO: Karen Moxom

Company Registration No.05390486

Phoenix Publishing Limited PO Box 3357, Barnet, EN5 9 AJ

Magazine Printed by: Pims PrintPims House, Mildmay AvLondon N1 4RS

DISCLAIMER The views within this magazine are not necessarily those of the publisher, nor does the publisher endorse the products or services promoted in the magazine. Articles are for information only and intent is to inform. Readers should seek professional advice before adopting any suggestions or purchasing any products herein.

Regulars4 NLP NEWS

6 DEBATELife coaching vs counselling

8 WHAT’S NEWThe latest news

20 SPAChampneys reviewed

41 COLUMNLife coach marketing

43 BOOK REVIEWSThe latest books reviewed

44 AUTHOR INTERVIEWEmma Sargent on NLP and parenting

50 ENDNOTELife coaches need coaching

Features10 GROOMINGWorking out successfully is all about state of mind. Rapport investigates

14 NLP INTERVIEWNLP co-creator John Grinder talks to Rapport

18 TRAINING FEATURE A relationship coach and her client talk about their experience

22 BUSINESS INTERVIEWBrian Corrigan reveals how NLP leads to success at HBOS

25 PERSONALDEVELOPMENT

William Little reviews hypnosis audio CDs and finds hidden motivation

28 HEALTHWorkaholic Britain is in danger of burning out. Rapport reveals how to relax and still be successful

32 CELEBRITyEngland rugby legend Rory Underwood

34 COACHINGFaith Tait shows how NLP can be used in the classroom

39 BEST APPROACHTechniques tested to quit smoking and lose weight

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ANLPNews

NLP NEWS

4 ...April 2006: rapport

Get trained by Paul McKenna, Richard Bandler, Michael Neill and John LaValle at

their next NLP Master Practitioner and Hypnosis Certification. Lasting 9 days from 28th April to 6th May 2006 at the Royal Garden Hotel, London, the seminar aims to develop your mastery of the creative and innovative applications of NLP by giving you an in-depth understanding of its principles and methodology.

The organisers highlight

that participants will learn the very latest applications and developments in NLP; the spirit and attitude of NLP which drive the techniques; unconscious behavioural competence in the ‘basics’; advanced unconscious installation; extremely highly skilled communication; and specific patterns and filters that allow you to create your own NLP techniques.

For more details, visit www.paulmckenna.com

Leading Canadian trainer, Shelle Rose Charvet, will be coming to the UK in June to run a two-

day course. Irresistible Presentations is aimed at anyone who wants to make an impact when giving a group talk. The list of people the course is relevant for is exhaustive: trainers, speakers, sales professionals, and managers. Yet Charvet has an impressive list of clients. She has recently just returned from giving the same training course

to FIFA and the Olympic Committee. She has also worked with the Football Association, Nokia, The Body Shop and Microsoft, yet she is best known for the best selling and much praised book Words that Change Minds.

Irresistible Presentations will be held on 3rd and 4th June 2006. For more information, visit: www.successstrategies.com or to book call Frank Daniel Associates on 0845 226 9088

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Then a weekend retreat in Duncton Mill, West Sussex is for you! The weeekend is from the 14th to the 16th April 2006, but many more are planned throughout the year.

During the weekend you will take part in Chi Cultivating exercises, such as yoga, tai chi and qi gong. You will walk the beautiful South Downs and sample the great outdoors. Eat high quality organic breakfast, lunch and dinner freshly prepared by the on-site Chef. You will learn how to ‘de-stress’, ‘eat right for your own metabolic individuality’ and ‘exercise right according to your levels of stress’. You also have the

option of receiving a number of health enhancing therapies such as massage, Cranio-Sacral Therapy and BodyTalk. The price for the weekend inclusive of accommodation, organic meals, exercise classes, guided walks and seminars is just £495. But hurry, there is a maximum of only 18 places and they will go quickly.

To book your place or for more information, please contact us on 0845 8 90 90 91 or email us at [email protected]. 14th-16th April 2006

ANLP have joined forces with ABL World to promote ABLs brilliant document ‘How to choose an NLP Practitioner Course’. A PDF is now available for download from ANLP’s website, www.anlp.org

Success Strategies

Weekend getaway

NLP Training

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Life coachingor counselling?If you are unhappy, want to change job, or just need someone to talk to, who do you go and see? Life Coach Hannah McNamara and BACP fellow Philip Hodgon reveal what life coaching and counselling can offer

Philip Hodgon is a fellow of the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy

Counselling can often be confused with life coaching which is, in fact quite different in nature. Life coaching is still in its infancy and has only become popular in the last ten years, whilst counselling has been established for a much longer time and does a different job. If you are considering counselling or indeed coaching it is important to know how the two animals differ.

Counselling is a ‘talking treatment’ which helps you make changes in your life, it is a contractual arrangement by which a counsellor meets a client, in privacy and confidence, to explore difficult issues or any distresses the client may be experiencing. The goal is broadly to ‘heal’ these problems – hence the word ‘therapy’.

Life coaching, however, is not therapeutic and focuses on achieving specific targets or goals – say losing a stone in weight, running a marathon or changing to a different career. It is not about profound self-analysis or examining childhood events. A coaching session will enable the client to identify and make changes to particular areas of their life. Coaches always offer advice, whereas counsellors will not offer advice.

Coaches do share some skills with counsellors, especially those of listening and good communication but coaches

are not appropriate professionals for those seeking in- depth relationship help or, for example, support with addiction problems.

When should I see a counsellor?One of the main reasons that people may seek counselling is that they feel unable to talk to their loved ones about problems and do not want to burden others. The client may decide to see a counsellor for other reasons; perhaps they feel dissatisfied with life in general; have lost their sense of direction or purpose; they may have been recently bereaved or be experiencing feelings of anxiety or depression.

Some couples choose to have relationship counselling and work through their problems together in the presence of a counsellor who will not take sides.

All that takes place between counsellor and client is treated with respect and discretion and agreement is usually made during this first session about complete confidentiality.

When should I see a coach?The aim of counselling is to help you make decisions but your counsellor will not tell you what to do. If that is what you need then coaching may be more appropriate. Information and advice agencies, telephone helplines, and support or self-help groups will also be useful.

Counselling is always undertaken at the request of the client and no-one can force you to attend counselling. Coaching is often used in the workplace and therefore it may be suggested to you, for example by a manager, to help you achieve specific targets.

How long does counselling last?This depends on you, the counsellor

and the problem. While deep-rooted problems will need maybe a weekly session for quite a few weeks , short term counselling for a specific problem may only take a few sessions. A session is usually 50 or 60 minutes. In a few cases one session may be sufficient.

Counselling appointments will occur on the same day of the week and at the same time. Counsellors see clients in their offices; coaches may do home visits or go out into the community.

How long does coaching last?Life coaches’ work will negotiate the length of sessions with their client although in general sessions last for approximately 45 minutes. Coaching sessions can be conducted face to face, using video conferencing equipment.

Some coaches may hold brief sessions of coaching lasting 15 minutes, focusing on clarifying a specific problem. This is known as ‘laser’ coaching. Laser coaching can help if you have a vital decision to make.www.bacp.co.uk

DEBATE


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counselling?

DEBATE


Hannah McNamara is the Managing Director of HRM Coaching.

Life Coaching and Counselling can both use a non-directive approach. They both focus on helping the client to understand themselves better, without judging. And they both help the client to make positive changes in their lives. Is it any wonder that people are confused about when they should see a Life Coach and when they should see a Counsellor?

Despite what many people think, Life Coaching and Counselling are complementary and not competing approaches.

Within coaching, the sports analogy is often used. A coach is there to motivate and push you to achieve more in your life than you would on your own. Your coach is like a personal trainer for your life – they’ll make you do that extra sit up or rep that helps you to achieve your goal of, say, having toned up your wobbly bits by summer.

But what happens if you desperately want to get fit and that old knee injury keeps getting in the way?

In the sports world, a good coach will call on physiotherapists, nutritionists and even surgeons when necessary to heal injuries and get them ready to train. Likewise, a professional Life Coach should be able to spot whether the person is ‘fit enough’ to train and if not, suggest they speak to a counsellor.

Something I notice about our own clients is that they are motivated and have a strong desire to achieve more. What’s stopped them from achieving their goals in the past could be overwork, procrastination or they just don’t know where to start, but essentially there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with them. The words ‘stressed’ and ‘depressed’ are so much a part of everyday language now that it’s easy to put that label on yourself when you’re just having a bad day.

Yes, some of our clients come to us with issues such as low self-esteem or lack of motivation, but these can stem from having no focus or clear objectives rather than a problem requiring a therapeutic solution. It’s amazing how once people become clear about what they want from life and they work out the steps to getting it, they develop a sense of purpose. As a result they become more motivated, assertive and achieve more in all areas of their lives whether it’s fitness, relationships, general wellbeing or career development.

When we start working with clients, I’ll ask what they’re looking for in a coach – do they want someone to challenge them, to motivate them, to be gentle with

them, to support them or just to listen. In almost every case, they say they want their coach to motivate, challenge and support them.

Coaching sessions are very goals and action-orientated, with the client setting themselves action points at the end of each session…and they are the ones responsible for making things happen.

This issue of responsibility is key. As coaches, we believe that the client is the only person who can shape their future. They have the power to change their circumstances, the way they think and the way they behave with other people. They are also resourceful enough to come up with their own solutions.

Coaching also raises the client’s awareness of themselves, how they react in certain situations and how their own preconceived ideas about the world impact on their perceptions of reality. So, to a certain extent Life Coaching and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy have something in common.•www.hrmcoaching.comIf you would like to comment on either of these articles, please email [email protected]

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AdvancePersonal Development• Have you experienced the success of personal change? Are there areas in your

life where you wish you could have better results? As a Master Practitioner ofNLP, do you feel a sense of frustration in not yet knowing how you are holdingyourself back, even though you are already good at helping others?

• Have you yet to really Discover your Full Potential?• If so, then Dr Susi Strang and Associates are running course on

Advanced Personal Development that are designed for you to:• Align your mission and purpose in all areas of your life• Re-evaluate the criteria most important to you in every aspect of your universe• Discover and let go of the deepest most repressed issues of which you have

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of NLP including Neurological Levels and values interventions, you will beassisted to discover your true contribution and personal power.

• The programme will give you what you have always known to be possible,your absolute power in creating your future just the way you want it.

• This course is designed for Master Practitioners of NLP and above.

For more information and course dates, visit www.drsusistrang.com

WholePersonal Development

P ersonal Development training company Quadrant 1 International offerstraining with a difference. The company says its approach embracesnew and highly effective methods and techniques for advanced personal

awareness and communication which act as a catalyst for change in both businessand social contexts. The proof can be demonstrated in faster and more sustainableresults, superior confidence and skills, reduced time on piecemeal training with the subsequent savings. This is 21st century personal development. If you are stillinterested, they are running their Personal Success Programme later this year inSeptember. The way you think and behave is strongly influenced by habitual patterns developed over time. Some of these patterns may have to change if you want toimprove your results. By making small, fast and effective changes within yourself, youcan achieve the personal and professional success you and your organisation reallydeserve. On The Personal Success Programme you will identify what to change andhow. You will learn more about yourself in just a few days than you have realised inyour entire life. Through greater clarity, productivity and creativity you will bemore focused allowing you to easily and effectively achieve your goals. Companydirectors, managers, entrepreneurs, professionals, coaches and mentors are just someof the people who have significantly improved their performance as a result of attending PSP.For more details, visit www.quadrant1.com

Happiness

H appiness, rather than working hard, is the key tosuccess, according to research published recently.Cheerful people are more likely to try new things

and challenge themselves, which reinforces positive emotionand leads to success in work, good relationships and stronghealth, say psychologists.

The findings suggest that happiness is not a ‘feelgood’ luxury, but is essential to people’s wellbeing. What is more, happiness can also extend across an entire nation, withpeople in ‘happy’ nations being more likely to have pro-democratic attitudes and a keenness to help others.

The link between happiness and success was investigatedby a team from the University of California Riverside, ledby Professor Sonja Lyubomirsky.

First, they analysed questionnaires that ask people aboutmultiple aspects of their lives. ‘For example, they show that happy people tend to earn higher incomes,’ said Prof Lyubomirsky. Having established the link, they wanted todiscover the cause.

‘Almost always it has been assumed that things that correlate with happiness are the causes of happiness, butit could be just the opposite – that those things tend to becaused by happiness,’ said Professor Ed Diener from the University of Illinois, another author on the paper.

‘There was strong evidence that happiness leads people to be more sociable and more generous, more productive atwork, to make more money, and to have stronger immunesystems,’ said Prof Lyubomirsky.

Meanwhile, experimental studies showed that an instantinjection of high-spirits could generate success. ‘Inducing a happy effect leads people to make more money in acomputer simulation.’

The research shows that while success can put a springin someone’s step, people need happiness in the first place to achieve success. Around four out of five people in industrialised nations are happy at any one time.

WHAT’S NEW


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GROOMING

BodyBeautifulHitting the gym and getting fit isn’t just about pounding the treadmill. The right mental attitude can ensure you stay the distance rather than giving up. Sharon Gray reports

G etting the ‘body beautiful’ can be as much about positive mental attitude as pounding the

treadmill at the gym. Without clear focus on what you want and how to get it, you could find the road to Wellville is a long and winding one. Which is why some fitness experts are now incorporating behavioural and psychological profiling techniques such as NLP into their training programmes with clients.

Pete Williams, founder of Health Dept, is a strong advocate of an integrated approach to achieving optimum health and his one-on-one training facility focuses on the core disciplines of strength and conditioning, cardiovascular health, rehabilitation therapy, nutrition, clinical screening and psychology.

‘It’s so important to be clear about what your goals are,’ he explains. ‘I can’t tell you what you want. You have to tell me where you want to go.’

Spending in-depth time with a client initially to establish their goals and values means that a fitness plan can be worked out that is not only goal specific but also appealing and motivating in the appropriate way for that person.

Anyone who goes to Health Dept for private training first has to undergo detailed and sometimes challenging physical and psychological health assessments before any work can start. So Pete put me through my paces to give me a taster – and the results were intense, intimate and quite enlightening.

A long pre-participation questionnaire asks for information on your health history and diet to give a picture of your current physical and nutritional state. After discussing this information with you, they might suggest further diagnostic testing such as adrenal hormone testing for the uber stressed. Basic physical measurements – BP, air flow, heart rate (resting and exercising), body fats – are taken in the initial 2-hour assessment session and then you’re put through a series of functional movement screens – specific moves that test your flexibility, stability and spatial awareness in working situations rather than just isolated muscle range and power.

Then comes the cruncher – the psychological and behavioural tests. Before creating a fitness plan you need to clearly establish your goals and values which Health Dept does using a SMART plan – making sure your aims are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and have a Timeframe. So my (apparently modest) goal of being able to jog comfortably for 30 minutes in six weeks ticked all the boxes. Easy. The harder part is working out your motivation.

‘We all make conscious and unconscious choices,’ explains Pete. ‘Working through the sheets, when you can’t think of any more reasons, that’s when you start getting the unconscious choices. I had one client who answered with all the usual reasons why he

wanted to come to us: look better, lose weight, etc. But by the end of it he admitted he wanted live long enough to be around to play with his kids in the future. He was in tears but it was good because he realised his true motivation which meant we could make sure he achieved his goal.’

Finally there’s the behavioural profile. ‘We use this so that when we’re training someone we can get the information over to them in a way that really hits the spot for them,’ says Pete. The profile looks at your natural and adapted responses and divides people up into colour-coded categories (Red, Yellow, Green, Blue)

‘The predominant group of people we see are MDs and CEOs and, either naturally or from an adapted personality, they tend to be Reds because they’re implementors, the drivers of everything.

‘Creative people tend to be Yellow in nature. They have to have variety. If I gave them a structured programme they’d last about a week. They’d be bored because there’s a routine to it. You can easily tell the Yellows, they are the ones who are always late – and they’ll always have a great excuse! So when you do their programme you have to bring in variety all the time and keep an eye on the body language to check they are not getting restless.’

‘For me personally, I’m going to prefer people around here (Red/Yellow) because that’s where I am naturally,’ explains Pete. ‘ I can be myself, I don’t


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GROOMING

Anyone who goes to Health Depart for training first has to undergo detailed and challenging assessments



GROOMING

need to play any games. That doesn’t mean you can’t get on with people who are opposite colours it just means their world view is different. This is where all the conflict happens in companies – the boss can’t understand why the secretary’s crying her eyes out because she’s made a mistake and he’s said, ‘Oh you’ve made a right old cock up of that’. For him it’s not personal it’s work.’

Pete clearly believes in the test. He recently brought in a completely new team to Health Dept and admits all the applicants were profiled as part of the process. And if they had turned out to be the wrong ‘colour’? ‘Then they

wouldn’t have got the job!’ he smiles.‘We explain to clients, the results are

yours, we haven’t influenced it; your answers have generated what it says. It’s never going to be 100 per cent but we take the best information from it and try to utilise it to get the best from the one to one sessions.’

And that matters to clients. ‘It’s completely results driven with people who come to the Health Dept. They’re spending a good amount of money because they’re after quick results.’

So how do they set about getting these results?

‘We’re generally looking at a 6-week

programme and the main thing we do is the physical side. But built into that would be nutritional advice, tips and processes to move them forward. Or it could be the clinical side.’

‘Because there’s always a multitude of things that could influence a session – work’s crap, something happened at home – you have to play it by ear. I have a structure but its a mega flexible structure. You have to give a programme that’s appropriate on the day.

‘What I think is the thing to do has to fit in with what people want to do. If there’s no enjoyment in it, they’re not going to do it.’ It’s certainly a very

individual, personalised approach.Health Dept clientele are 50:50

male:female, and predominantly aged 40 to 60, primarily because of the not inconsequential cost. The initial assessment starts at £250 and Pete estimates that the annual cost would be £3k, depending on the amount of testing done, treatments and number of one-to-one sessions.

Some clients come five times a week, some every two months. He’s particularly proud of his long-standing clients, some of whom have been with him for eight years. ‘They’re a success story because they are still making

PeteWilliams and Sharon Gray

If you have to be in the right place mentally to make changes

progress after all that time.’A certified strength and conditioning

expert and a functional medicine practitioner, with a degree in sports science and 15 years of experience, Pete hates being labelled a personal trainer (‘I’d call myself a health expert’) and is keen to move more towards executive stress management in the future, with a focus on the clinical side of things – adrenal hormone testing, stress perception etc.

A recent report in the British Medical Journal revealed that work-related stress is a major cause of heart disease and type 2 diabetes. Researchers at University College London found that prolonged exposure to stress increased levels of ‘metabolic syndrome’ symptoms such as high blood pressure and high cholesterol, possibly because of effects on the nervous system.

‘Absolutely. Stress can have a really adverse effect on your health,’ he agrees. Which is why he adopts such a holistic approach to finding a long-term lifestyle management solution. His immediate team is backed up by a pool of experts in nutrition, chiropractic, naturopathy, physiotherapy and physical and emotional wellbeing therapies. They have even introduced a food department so that clients can grab healthy and nutritious snacks, and in the winter they have special lights in the gyms during training to alleviate the symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). ‘It seems to be working well. Your environment is so important.’

They also make sure they rotate trainers. ‘On such a one-to-one level, because it’s so personal, having the same trainer all the time can potentially breed a little bit of complacency.

Overall then, training should be goal specific: ‘if you want to be good at football, play football. If you want to be able to run, you need to start running.’ Most of all though, no training programme is ever going to make a difference unless you commit to it, mind, body and soul. As Pete says, ‘You have to be in the right place mentally to make changes.’ •www.healthdept.co.uk



For details contact: Frank Daniels Associates

Tel: 0845 226 9088 Email: [email protected]

Presenting in public remains one of the most difficult challenges in professional life.

Who hasn’t had stage fright at some point?

How can you convince an audience of sceptics and naysayers?

What if you could deliver a clear, motivating and elegant message with ease?

On the New 2-Day Training With

Who should attend? Trainers, speakers, facilitators, consultants, professionals, managers, sales professionals. Anyone who needs to make presentations at meetings or for groups of any size.

Shelle Rose Charvet is best known for her book ‘Words That Change Minds’ and her work helping people and organizations master their communication and influ- encing challenges. She is a bright, dynamic presenter, working around the world, in many challenging environ- ments. She developed this program to enable anyone to make irresistible presentations. She has recently trained this program to FIFA and the Olympic Commitee.

Dates: 3rd & 4th June 2006 Venue: Rothamsted Conference Centre,

Harpenden, Herts. just outside London

“My past experience of some excellent ‘content’ focussed presentation based training has been surpassed by Shelle’s

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� Learn how to structure a presentation to maximize impact and results

� Enhance your resilience to criticism and your ability to integrate it

� Use advanced NLP skills to make your presentations irresistible!

RNew P13 v1.indd 1 01/01/70 04:52:43

JohnGrinderJohn Grinder, co-creator of NLP, speaks to Chris and Jules Collingwood about the past and future of NLP.

As one of the few individuals who has developed a whole

new field of endeavour, do you have any thoughts regarding the circumstances that make it possible to be in that position?There is a metaphor which is extremely common in western European traditions in which an investigator establishes his or her contribution while simultaneously paying tribute to the work which forms the foundation which makes possible their specific contribution.This is typically expressed by noting that the new contributor can see farther than the original giants who established the foundation for their new work by standing on their shoulders. But for me, personally, this is quite misleading and not at all congruent with my experience.Rather than a physical metaphor - that is, the additional height achieved by standing on the shoulders of the

giants who preceded me, it seems to me that what Bandler and I did in our original work - the classic code of NLP - was much more accurately captured by the idea of seeing in a totally different way rather than seeing farther.So while one of the circumstances which made it possible for us to create NLP certainly was the previous work, especially by Russell, Turing, Godel, Chomsky, and Bateson as well as the specific models of Perls, Satir and Erickson, the actual value added by our activity was an audacious style of provoking the world by refusing the common sensical wisdom, most assuredly by rejecting the presuppositions of the vast majority of researchers active in the field, by seeking to extend the patterning to its limits and by creating the process tools (at a higher logical level than the content of the investigations) to enable others to

follow the paths of discovery which lie all around us.

When you and Richard Bandler were first developing NLP did you have any ideas or expectations about what would happen to it over time?My memories about what we thought at the time of discovery (with respect to the classic code we developed - that is, the years 1973 through 1978) are that we were quite explicit that we were out to overthrow a paradigm and that, for example, I, for one, found it very useful to plan this campaign using in part as a guide the excellent work of Thomas Kuhn (The Structure of Scientific Revolutions) in which he detailed some of the conditions which historically have obtained in the midst of paradigm shifts. For example, I believe it was very useful that neither one of us were qualified in the field we first went after - psychology


NLP

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NLP

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and in particular, its therapeutic application; this being one of the conditions which Kuhn identified in his historical study of paradigm shifts. Who knows what Bandler was thinking?

If so, in what ways has it conformed and deviated from your expectations?One of the expectations which I personally carried at the time of discovery and development

of NLP was that people interested in our work would cleanly make the distinction between NLP and applications of NLP. My hope at the time was that given this distinction, there would arise a group of committed men and women who would recognize the meta levels tools which we had either discovered (the Milton Model.....), or created (the verbal patterns of the Meta Model or Precision Model, Representational Systems....), and go out and

identify and create new models of excellence to offer the world. This has not happened and is very disappointing to me. NLP is popularly represented and commonly practiced at least one logical level below what it was clearly understood to be at the time by Bandler and me. This inability to distinguish either behaviorally or cognitively the consequences and applications of NLP from core NLP itself (modelling of excellence)

is extremely commonplace.

How would you like NLP to progress from here on?As I indicated in my response to question 3, I would like to see NLP cleanly distinguished from its spin offs - its applications - and a dedicated group of modelers go after new models of excellence. This would constitute for me a validation that the message I set out to deliver to the world has been received.

There is a common misconception both within and outside the NLP community to the effect that some people are labeling themselves or others as if “a visual”, “an auditory” or “a kinaesthetic” were terms of identity. Could you describe the function of representation systems and their place in NLP?Yes, easily! The entire problem would be resolved if anyone using the representational system material (e.g. eye movement patterns, unconscious selection of predicates....), would recognize and act congruently with the following proposition: The temporal value of a representational system diagnosis is 30 seconds.

This would ensure behavior congruent with the original intent I carried at the time we discovered the patterning - namely, its use as a precise way of knowing what the unconscious preferences and strategies (and failures) of the person in front of me has from moment to moment - that is, a very precise form of feedback in which the practitioner samples every 30 seconds to verify the continuing preference or strategy (or failure to access and employ one of these great resources).

If you could change three things between the origins of NLP and the present time, with hindsight, what would they be, and what would you imagine the effects to have been?Sorry, I’ll pass on this one. It is a question about what would have happened had I done something which I did not do. Since I am never going to do this, I have no interest in exploring it. The principle is clear for me - I will not attend to issues which I will not act on. For me, this is a waste of time, and it may be a guiding principle for someone interested in actually accomplishing something in the world. •

The temporal value of a representational system diagnosis in 30 seconds

16 ...Apriil 2006: rapport

NLP

RNew_P14_16_NLP_v2.indd 4 01/01/70 03:39:18

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S andra Hillawi is a leading EmoTrance therapist, a technique which is based on

the assumption that all our emotions arise from energy disturbances in the body that get there when we don’t handle what people say and do and what happens to us very well. ‘We feel a knot in the stomach or a tightness in the chest or head. This energy can be softened with the EmoTrance technique and when the energy flow is restored, the problems simply disappear,’ says Sandra.

Amy had left her relationship six

weeks earlier, after being with John for six months. It was over. John had been under a lot of stress at work and this had put a real strain on their relationship. After a very difficult period, with a lot of hurt and lack of consideration, Amy decided to leave as she could no longer cope with John’s attitude and all sexual attraction and desire on Amy’s part had completely vanished.

Amy says: I met Sandra three weeks after I had walked out on my relationship. I had been seeing him for

six months, but I had known him for much longer than that. I felt a sense of freedom when I did this and I didn’t feel that I could be happy with him. I felt he was being insensitive to my needs, especially the recent death of a family member. He was also completely caught up with his work, often taking himself off from the house on this own. One time I was out walking his dog and when I got back to his house he had driven off to work, forgetting that I was there with no means of transport. This drove me completely mad. I assumed he had done

TRAINING

RelationshipsSandra Hillawi uses emotrance to remove blocked energy and emotions in the body. She helped Amy Brown overcome her relation problems in little over 40 minutes with the technique


RNew_P18_19_Rel_ionship_v2.indd 2 01/01/70 03:40:50

it on purpose to make a point because I had taken so long over walking the dog. It seems quite petty looking back on it now, but then it was dramatic and very stressful.

Sandra says: She told me about her separation from her boyfriend six weeks earlier. She was annoyed with herself as she had walked out on a guy before. She felt that she was repeating a pattern, but she didn’t really know what to do. That said, however, whatever was going on in the relationship, she had got to a level of stress that she was no longer able to cope with. Yet all she had to do was release the stress and she would be back to having a loving relationship again.

I asked Amy to think about the last time she was happy. Then I talked her through what she feels like thinking about different aspects of her relationship now. One by one we tuned into various events and behaviours of her partner that made her feel stressed. We considered all the feeling in her body, and we released the emotion during the technique. Once we had released all the emotional energy from her body, she said she was now able to see why he was acting in the

way he was. She felt different. He was expanding his business and

now she wanted to be a lot more supportive of him.

Yet another one was that with all the stress she no longer felt physically attracted to her partner. She would feel tightness in her stomach and in her chest. When we released the energy from these places, she felt attracted towards him. The relationship has flourished ever since.

Amy says: We talked through the problem for a while first and Sandra discovered that he ticked all the boxes in terms of the ideal partner for me. From there we found out what I wasn’t happy about.

Sandra got me to focus on the areas in my body where I felt the emotion. I was to let it flow and let it go out of my body. We would clear one area and

Our relationship is better than it has ever been before. I now lead my life with more awareness

we could go on to the next. I visualised energy moving through

my body as well as knots and tingling sensations. You just observe the energy in your body. It may get blocked and you can release it by tapping on acupressure points on the body. At the end I was laughing about the whole situation.

Sandra says: We have an energy that is constantly interacting with life. Normally we are able to cope with what people say and life in general and the energy flows. But a stress response is when we can’t handle situations well and the energy in our bodies builds up as pressure. Most people can tune into a fuzziness in the head or a weight in the chest when life becomes stressful. Our inability to deal with it causes blocked energy.

We can pinpoint in the body where we are feeling sad, in the chest. By visualising the energy and moving it out of the body, the energy flow is restored and the emotional balance is returned. This can lead to a new perspective on life.

Amy says: My feelings influenced his behaviour, he felt before as though I was blaming him for his behaviour. He was very stressed with with work. We are now more likely to talk about things and we are really really willing to

give it another go. I was worried that he might not want to give it another go. I was really hoping that it would work out after I had changed my mind. I knew it was not entirely my decision though.

Our relationship is better than it has ever been before. I put it all down to emotrance. I am now able to see and feel resentment or anger in my chest or head and put my attention there. There is a sensation of warmth and it starts to diffuse and move through the body. The problem goes. I am now able to deal with problems that I wasn’t able to before. I now understand why my partner was being like he was, and I am now more supportive of him. It gives you another persective and allows you lead your life with more awareness. www.passionforhealth.com l


TRAINING

RNew_P18_19_Rel_ionship_v2.indd 3 01/01/70 03:41:27

AwaydayAnne Turner and her daughter visited Champneys Springs Health Farm in Leciestershire to test out it’s relaxing benefits

Champneys Springs Health Farm were so intent on letting my daughter and myself relax

that they mistakenly told us on our letter of invite to turn up at 2pm rather than 10am. We assumed that they’d rather us have a lie in than arrive in time for lunch. Yet we had two nights of pampering ahead of us, so this slight oversight was easily forgotten, but at nearly £700 for a midweek two-night retreat, it was something most people would harbour a deep grudge about. Don’t let this put you off though. Springs is a place for people who want to do some serious relaxing, just double check when you are meant to arrive so you don’t miss out.

We had decided to head to Springs in the Leicestershire countryside for some post-Christmas winding down. I know Christmas seems such a long time ago now, but a trip to a health farm can

set you up and encourage you to make those changes on which most of our New Year’s resolutions are based: healthier eating, more exercise, and a lot more time to relax and indulge ourselves. Springs is such a relaxing and transforming experience that these goals were easily achieved.

They have recently extended what is Britain’s only purpose-built health resort, so the swimming pool at 25 metres in length is now much bigger and there are more treatments to be had.

Apart from all the lazing around and gentle swimming of lengths in the pool, I can safely say that I attempted to try out as many treatments as time and cost would allow. While you receive a number of therapies thrown in with the price, such as a facial, a relaxing wrap, body and scalp massage, the extra treatments are reasonably priced at between £40 and £70 for over an hour.

I enjoyed a seaweed wrap that is so invigorating and thorough that the therapy requires you to have three showers during the treatment. Every time there was a clean towel to hand from the ever friendly and helpful staff. I also enjoyed a flotation, foot massage, hour-long facial, on top of which I unwound in the steam room, which was followed by a session in the Jacuzzi.

In the evenings you can lounge around on sofas and watch films. I was serious about my time to relax and I went straight to bed at 9pm. The beds are so comfortable that a deep sleep is easily achieved.

Food as always at these places was fresh, healthy, but tasty and filing. You aren’t there to detox or lose weight, so while you can eat salad and fruit at most meals if you wish, you can also gorge yourself on Mexican dishes, barbecue chickens and plenty of vegetables.

I went with my daughter and we managed to spend a lot of quality time together, yet there were plenty of couples (men enjoy relaxing just as much as women these days) and people on their own trying to escape for some peace and ‘me’ time. I arrived exhausted and stressed, as most people do living their stressful busy lives, but I left revived and relaxed. The only stress I have now is deciding which days I go back to experience some more top-quality pampering.www.champneys.com


SPA

RNew_P20_Spa_v2.indd 2 01/01/70 03:49:16

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RNew P21 v1.indd 1 01/01/70 04:55:31

B rian Corrigan is a learning partner for HBOS. He’s currently

involved in redesigning training for licensed financial services and mortgage

advisors. ‘Assessment is moving away from multiple choice tests to appraisals based on

case studies and observing the way people work,’ he

explains. ‘NLP is useful in terms of getting people to

see regulation and the need for qualification as a framework for their work rather than an obstacle to overcome. We encourage

people to think of the licence as evidence of how good they are at

what they do.’ Corrigan first

encountered NLP when he

was involved in delivering call centre training. ‘Some of the telephone training techniques come from NLP,’ he says. ‘I then read more about it and decided that it could make me a better coach and a better manager.’

Under the guidance of Michael Beale at PPI Business NLP, Corrigan has developed techniques that have influenced both his own training methods and his management style. ‘I give people feedback and help them build on what they have learnt,’ he says.

NLP techniques are particularly helpful for call centre staff. ‘When you’re talking to somebody on the phone you’ve no idea how they’re receiving your call, so listening techniques are important, as are calibration techniques to help move a conversation forward,’ explains Corrigan.

Corrigan utilises NLP to help HBOS employees get through their banking exams. ‘Increased regulation means that some people are facing exams after a gap of 10 or 15 years,’ he says. He coaches people in techniques such as fast forwarding, visualisation, and

BUSINESS INTERVIEW

Brian Corrigan manages training and development in banking and financial services. His team benefits from his company-sponsored NLP training. He applies NLP techniques to make himself and his teams more successful. Joanna Goodman reports.

Connecting with

RNew_P22_23_Business_v2.indd 2 01/01/70 03:50:27

mental rehearsals to help them develop a positive mindset. ‘Most people find the techniques easy to pick up and the results have been quite dramatic, particularly with people who’ve failed exams several times,’ he explains. ‘It’s partly to do with instilling confidence and partly a matter of treating the future as though it has already happened and the success is there already.’

Corrigan is proud of having removed pass marks from HBOS’ in-house testing. ‘There are no failures; there are simply people who don’t achieve 100 percent,’ he explains. ‘Those people do far more to try to achieve 100 per cent than anyone ever did when they simply had to achieve a pass mark. Learning is no longer a matter of jumping through hoops.’

How does he use NLP to train the trainers? ‘It’s important to use the right language to get through to people and to recognise how they receive messages,’ explains Corrigan. ‘I teach the trainers to understand that a message is not what you tell people; it’s what they hear. Using the feedback loop when you’re training people helps you find out how much they’ve understood.’

Corrigan also applies NLP techniques to meetings and his strategy has worked so well that he has managed to shorten the average length of his meetings by a factor of three. He says that this benefit alone was enough to justify the company paying for his NLP training. His success rate has also increased significantly. ‘Very often we get into a meeting and concentrate on what we want to get out

of it. But the person on the other side of the table may have a different agenda,’ he says. ‘It’s important to establish the desired outcomes and explain things to people in a way that they understand.’

Corrigan prepares for a meeting by visualising his desired outcomes. ‘It’s not a matter of hoping something will happen, but of visualising it as if it’s already happened. I then visualise how I’m going to report those outcomes to senior management and what the report will look like,’ he says. But flexibility is also essential. ‘If during the meeting it emerges that those outcomes are unachievable, it’s vital to review and replace. It’s another application of

the feedback loop providing a clear understanding of what the other party wants to achieve.’

Corrigan also recommends developing rapport by mirroring language. ‘You have to be more careful about mirroring posture and gesture, but if you’ve got somebody mirroring you, you know you’re in rapport with them,’ he says. ‘One of the great things about NLP is when you catch yourself doing it automatically.’

Corrigan believes that NLP has had a profound influence on his career. ‘It’s

NLP techniques are by far the quickest and most effective way of getting people to improve their one-to-one skills

given me the ability to decide what direction my career is going to take,’ he says. ‘It’s a matter of synchronicity.

You come across something that helps you, but there are also other factors that you wouldn’t be able to exploit if you didn’t have that initial stimulus.

NLP has given me the opportunity to change the way HBOS tests people and to communicate at higher levels in the organisation. It’s helping me move up the organisation.’

For more information about NLP business training and more examples of how NLP helps businesses and business leaders visit: www.ppimk.com l

Connecting withNLP


BUSINESS INTERVIEW

RNew_P22_23_Business_v2.indd 3 01/01/70 03:51:08

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RNew P24 v1.indd 1 01/01/70 05:40:21

Motivation and personal effectiveness audio CDs sell thousands of copies every year. But do they help? William Little begins a series of articles testing out their claims on himself

Most people, I assume, fail at being motivated because they simply don’t have the

motivation to start improving their motivation levels. Sounds unconvincing? Well, I have a friend who wanted to put some umph back into her life. She wanted to get fit, make a healthy meal once in a while instead of buying fish and chips, even have higher energy levels and creativity so she could feel more engaged at work. Yet when it came to it she just couldn’t be bothered.

‘How on earth am I going to decide which hypnotherapist to choose or audio CD to listen to,’ she responded listlessly to my suggestion to try a few personal development techniques. Yet a bit of badgering and some not so subliminal positive suggestions later, she went online and ordered a ‘boost your motivation levels’ CD. She’s now so motivated and

in tune with her inner self that next to her I feel like an overweight 65 year old who smokes 60 a day.

Never having listened to a hypnotherapy CD or actually tried to boost my motivation or energy levels, I decided to test one out for the good of humanity. Being deluded into thinking my motivation levels were burning rubber most days, especially in relation to my job, I didn’t realise that I would benefit. That is until I received a phone call from a woman claiming to be from my gym. I had no idea what she was talking about even when she said that if I wanted to continue being a member of said gym I would have to pay her an astonishing amount of money. When I told her to get off the phone, she then reminded me that I’d already been paying her this money – which seemed high enough to write off the debt of

a small highly indebted developing country – for the last two years. Outraged, I checked my bank statement, and there it was, a monthly payment to the local fitness centre. Apparently, one January two years ago in a moment of New Year’s resolution madness I’d decided to get fit, not only that, but I’d even thought about pumping some iron to get myself some muscles. I’d heard that they were good for lifting heavy items and making yourself attractive to members of the opposite sex. Seemed a worthwhile obligation then. Needless to say, I know the outside of the gym very well and once popped in to use the loo when I was passing, but apart from that my gym has been making a healthy profit out my inactivity and, hmm, lack of motivation for years.

So, damn it, this time I am going to get fit and healthy, but I admit that

WorkingOut


PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

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I need help. Not only that, I am also starting to attend Jujitsu, a wonderful martial art in which you use the energy of your opponent against them. It seems a doddle, I probably won’t even break a sweat if I don’t have to use any of my

own depleted resources. I’ll probably just have to sit on the mat and watch my enemy fall to pieces as I direct his or her energy against them. Having said that I’ve talked about going now for at least six months, and haven’t as of yet, hmm, been. That is until today.

Today I received my motivation CD. But it isn’t any motivation CD. I picked carefully. If someone was going to get me up out of my armchair to cycle across town on a winter’s evening, they were going to have to be good, very good. Glenn Harrold – the author of Raise Your Energy and Increase Your Motivation Audio CD that uses hypnotherapy positive suggestions – is the UK’s best selling hypnotherapist on

audio. Yet he started life as a bass player in a punk band called Sugar Ray Five, which won the UK Battle of the Bands in 1983. After they didn’t make the big time, he retrained as a hypnotherapist and now sells literally hundreds of

thousands of his CDs across the world every year. Now that’s what I call motivation.

I put on the CD, attached my headphones and lay down on my bed. I was ahead of the game. Glenn warns you first off not to listen to the CD if you are driving, or I guess operating heavy machinery. Lying down with headphones on is the most comfortable and effective place to listen, he says – personally, I just didn’t want the neighbours to hear. The first thing Glenn has to do is wipe the smile of my face, which planted itself as soon as the soothing music and his voice begins. This smile soon goes as he tells me over and over again in a deep soothing and slow voice, which I

can’t help noticing has a homeboy Kent accent, for me to relax. He does this over and over, with his voice getting louder and softer, then his voice moves around fading in and out, speaking to my left ear, then my right ear, then some where at the back of my head. If it wasn’t making me so relaxed I’d get dizzy.

At one point you have to imagine every part of yourself vibrating. Then towards the end you have to speak aloud with ‘real feeling and emotion’ things like: ‘I feel full of energy now,’ and ‘My mind and body radiate with health and vitality’. You also have to think about your goals with real conviction. Yet because you are so far gone – I was in fact tingling all over – saying such outrageously positive statements – which would make most English people hurl themselves over a cliff in embarrassment, seem quite natural and worthwhile. When Glenn brings you out of the trance, you wake with your eyes open feeling refreshed and, well, rather energised. I have since raced down stairs and written up this article at record-breaking speed. Now all I have to do is get on my bike and go to the gym. I think I might need to listen to Glenn one more time. It’s so cold outside. •www.hypnosisaudio.com

Never having listened to a hypnotherapy CD or actually tried to boost my motivation or energy levels, I decided to test one out for the good of humanity


PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

RNew_P25_26_Per_nalDeve_v2.indd 2 01/01/70 03:54:06 RNew P27 v1.indd 1 01/01/70 04:01:52

Working too hard and too long can have life-threatening consequences on your health. Yet with planning and a different mental attitude, you can be successful at work without burning yourself out. William Little reports

Overwork is a way of life for the many thousands of Britain’s who work well in excess of 60

hours a week. For most, working long hours is a rite of passage to promotion, higher status and even higher salaries.

Yet Britain’s full-time workers – who put in the longest hours in Europe at 43.6 a week compared with the EU average of 40.3 – are suffering from dissatisfaction and increasing ill health.

Yet as more and more of us in workaholic Britain burn out – over 13 million days are lost to stress each year – we are waking up to the idea that work should be fulfilling and happy, and should not be at the expense of other areas of our life.

‘I was very close to burn out,’ says Felimy Greene, a 37-year-old reformed workaholic, who gave up his job for a big international corporate bank in London.

‘Being stressed and overwhelmed by your work load is part of the validation of having an important job,’ he admits. To be stressed means you’re important.

Greene worked over 60 hours a week, rarely taking a lunch break or his full entitlement to leave. He says he is not alone. ‘I have friends who work just as long. I think it is because of the modern consumer driven lifestyle we are in, aiming always for the medal of achievement,’ he says.

‘We keep going for the medal, postponing living until we get there, but there is always another objective or promotion to aim for.’

But according to Julie Hamilton, managing director of Mavrix Connect, which helps business executives lead healthier lives, ‘an unhealthy executive will have impaired judgement and make bad decisions,’ she says.

Hamilton says that many of her clients are working so hard that they put their life on hold. ‘They leave home early and get back late, which can affect families and relationships. Weight problems, lack of healthy eating and exercise and sleeping problems are also common,’ she says.

Hamilton, a former human resources director, realised that there was more to work that just meeting organisational goals. She realised that many workers need help balancing their physical and psychological wellbeing in order to achieve a healthy work-life balance and fulfilment at work.

Yet like most serious high flyers, it wasn’t until the death of a colleague that Greene’s life was brought into perspective. ‘You never know when your health might stop or your time comes,’ he says.

‘It was the significant event that made me change my life,’ he admits.

BurnOut


HEALTH

RNew_P28_30_Health_NLP_v2.indd 2 01/01/70 03:55:37


HEALTH


‘This guy who I had worked with had always had a strong view of lifestyle – he would always take a three-week holiday, and he played hard. He died in the Swiss Air Crash in Halifax. Seeing someone like that who took his life so seriously go so quickly was like a wake up call. It shocked me out of my busy work lifestyle. I knew then that I couldn’t postpone living any longer.’

It was at this point that he took advice, and through a series of psychometric tests realised that he wasn’t actually enjoying the hierarchical nature of the company he worked for. Decisions were always being taken upstairs, and there was little sense of ownership of his work. He quickly left for a smaller firm, but along the way took two months out to go sailing, learn yoga, and how to eat healthily.

‘When I looked for a new job I was mainly searching for a boss who I could learn from, who was able to hold down a demanding job but also have a life,’ he says. And he found him.

‘He would always leave at 5.30 to go home to the wife and kids, or do something else with his free time. Yet when he was at work, he worked hard, but also delegated what he couldn’t achieve himself, giving more responsibility to those around him.’

Greene also asked Hamilton to show him how to manage his workflow, rather than it managing him. ‘I learnt to check emails only at certain times of the day, so I could plan work more effectively, rather than constantly responding to other people’s demands.

‘I also eliminated time wasting activities, and set objectives that I would

finish by the end of the day so I could have an evening. I learnt to plan an activity, say to go to see a friend or a movie, and that would motivate me to finish my work on time.’

Out went his palm pilot, which he admits he loved, along with all his other gadgets, and out came a trusted old note pad. ‘I know it sounds simple but it was a benefit in terms of stress management. I cross out the things I’ve done. I live and die by spiral bounds note books now.’

Greene, like most stressed out over worked office workers, also didn’t have enough time to eat properly, exercise or relax. All the main constituents to keeping yourself healthy and on top form. This is the irony of workaholics, they live off stimulants such as coffee and coke, slowly emptying their bodies of nutrients and energy until not even a triple espresso can keep them going through ever demanding work schedules.

Greene calls the changes to his life a process of discovery. He now knows that he can work at a highly demanding job in a calm and healthy way. Stress is no longer a prerequisite for success. •

Being stressed and overwhelmed by your work load is part of the validation of having an important job


HEALTH


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CELEBRITY


RNew_P32_33_Celebrity_v2.indd 2 01/01/70 03:59:34

England rugby legend Rory Underwood now runs his own performance management company advising some of the world’s largest corporations. He tells William Little that hitting targets doesn’t always lead to effective team working

Everyone has an image of Rory Underwood in their head. On the wing, determination drawn across

his face, charging for the line, and more times than not, making it. He may have been smaller than most of his giant-sized team mates, but he was one of the most effective wingers in the game of rugby. He is the second most capped England player and the country’s highest ever scorer with 49 tries.

Alongside this high-pressured career he was also an RAF pilot, flying Hawk and Canberra aircraft, for over 18 years. Often finishing a game for England on Saturday, Underwood would be back flying with his squadron the following Monday. Considering his past, it is no surprise that he is now running a company, alongside former Gulf prisoner of war John Peters and navy survival specialist Martyn Helliwell, that specialises in business-enhancing leadership and high performance team development programmes.

With clients including Barclays, the

NHS, BT, NatWest and BMW, he is working with some of the most effective and largest organizations in the world. Yet Underwood says that hitting targets and meeting business objectives doesn’t always result in effective team working or effective leadership skills.

Underwood gives seminars tailor-made for each organisation on high performance, effective communication and leadership and how teams work together. He doesn’t preach, but works as a facilitator, asking questions that busy executives don’t have time to ask themselves.

‘My passion is very much in the people side of things. What my experience has shown is that people

tend to be very much more focused on their business’s results. That is an important factor. You have to have aims. What they don’t look at is the effectiveness of a team or how individuals work in that team,’ he says.

Underwood spends a lot of time in his workshops challenging people to think about what constitutes a team and what sort of team they are. ‘How do they measure a high performance team? It is not necessarily that they are hitting its targets, especially if those targets are set by the same team,’ he points out. ‘I challenge a lot of individuals and teams to answer the question: how do they know they are a high performing team? It can seem a minor point but can make a big difference,’ he says.

His experience in the RAF flying jets and as a high-performing rugby player is a key ingredient of his seminars. In the RAF he helped introduce Crew Resource Management that focused on

how airline teams worked together to avoid human error.

‘CRM started in the airlines in the 70s and 80s because they realised that even though they had the most expensive aircrews, the most rigorous selection procedures and the best training programmes, aircrews were still accounting for around 16 per cent of all accidents as a result of human error.

‘They discovered that they were not focusing enough attention on the behavioural factors such as communication and decision-making. For example, any two aircrew members will not necessarily fly together frequently, so they continually

have to learn about and adapt to other people’s working methods. This also applies to the RAF.

‘We looked at the way in which people related to each other, for example, how and why they annoyed each other and we found that it might have been that someone was doing something in a different way to how another person would. We tried to raise people’s awareness of why they were feeling the way they were. We also showed them how to understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses, so that they could adapt their behaviour accordingly in order to get the best out of each other.’

His past also plays a big role in how he communicates styles of leadership. While there may be one overall leader in an organisation, such as the CEO, everyone in the team leads at certain times. I guess, he means that individuals should take responsibility for directing the rest of the team, and the CEO for not taking away responsibility from the person best able to perform the task.

‘Everyone has to be leader at some point. I use a metaphor from both rugby and flying to show this. The leader on the pitch in rugby is whoever has got the ball. He decides what to do next. You have lots of choices – you can side step, kick it and pass it. It is ultimately down to that person and everyone has to follow what that person decides to do.’

This is similar to flying in formation at low level, he says. Everyone in the formation keeps a look out for enemy aircraft and although the most experienced pilot might be at the front, if the trainee or junior pilot on the wing sees the enemy aircraft they must take control of the formation and every one must take their lead from that person because they can see the other aircraft. That’s until the aircraft disappears from sight and someone else spots it. ‘In flying you call it: he who sees leads, and in rugby: he who has the ball leads.’

In learning how to lead, Underwood clearly had got sight of the ball. •www.uphltd.com

RoryUnderwood

What they don’t look at is the effectiveness of how individuals work in a team

CELEBRITY


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Rules ofFaith Tait, NLP Master Practitioner, trainer and coach, reveals how one school teachers application of NLP has transformed her teaching methods

Twenty-eight pairs of eyes grew rounder as their ten-year-old owners leaned forward to catch

Jane’s account of the voyages, privations and adventures of life on board the 16th century ships, on which her father sailed.

‘Aaaagh!’ exclaimed a listener at one point as they heard about ships biscuits and maggots. Another, thinking of home comforts no doubt, asked how people went to the toilet. The answer involved wooden buckets. ‘And then it’s thrown over the side,’ said Jane.

‘Uuuuuurgh!’ they relished. Some carried on talking; the whispering and giggling got louder. ‘My, you’re rude,’ said the sixteen-year-old Jane. ‘I would never behave like that in my class.’ The outbreak quietened.

Five centuries separated the speaker from the audience, but they were engrossed, fascinated. Jane concluded her stories of the Tudor explorers, said goodbye, took off her shawl – and disappeared.

After a moment the children stirred as they looked at the person in Jane’s place. It was their teacher, Mrs Hellyer. All that time, all children had in front of them was their teacher wearing a shawl.

Not so far as they were concerned, though. When the next history lesson came around, one asked ‘if Jane was coming in again?’ which Sharon, although well used to the strength of the imaginations of young children, nevertheless found ‘spooky’.


COACHING

NLP enables everybody to create a partnership in their own learning, between the teacher and each individual pupil in the classroom

RNew_P34_37_Coaching_v2.indd 2 01/01/70 04:06:03

Rules ofEngagementFaith Tait, NLP Master Practitioner, trainer and coach, reveals how one school teachers application of NLP has transformed her teaching methods

Twenty-eight pairs of eyes grew rounder as their ten-year-old owners leaned forward to catch

Jane’s account of the voyages, privations and adventures of life on board the 16th century ships, on which her father sailed.

‘Aaaagh!’ exclaimed a listener at one point as they heard about ships biscuits and maggots. Another, thinking of home comforts no doubt, asked how people went to the toilet. The answer involved wooden buckets. ‘And then it’s thrown over the side,’ said Jane.

‘Uuuuuurgh!’ they relished. Some carried on talking; the whispering and giggling got louder. ‘My, you’re rude,’ said the sixteen-year-old Jane. ‘I would never behave like that in my class.’ The outbreak quietened.

Five centuries separated the speaker from the audience, but they were engrossed, fascinated. Jane concluded her stories of the Tudor explorers, said goodbye, took off her shawl – and disappeared.

After a moment the children stirred as they looked at the person in Jane’s place. It was their teacher, Mrs Hellyer. All that time, all children had in front of them was their teacher wearing a shawl.

Not so far as they were concerned, though. When the next history lesson came around, one asked ‘if Jane was coming in again?’ which Sharon, although well used to the strength of the imaginations of young children, nevertheless found ‘spooky’.

It was a conversation some time previously between myself as a then newly qualified NLP Practitioner and Sharon that had appealed to her deep personal interest in how children learn.

‘As a teacher you’re very aware of who you reach and who you’re not reaching,’ says Sharon. ‘I had come across something about preferred learning and processing styles at University, and also Accelerated Learning. NLP with its attention to language and its other techniques seemed to fill a gap; it complements Accelerated Learning.’

So what had Sharon done in NLP terms in that storytelling lesson to achieve engagement and curiosity, the best possible states for learning? For one thing she used multi-sensory language to describe the sights, sounds, kinaesthetics – feelings and actions, smells and tastes (uuuurgh!).

In his book Righting the Educational Conveyor Belt, Michael Grinder writes about using visual, auditory and kinaesthetic modalities in teaching. He describes how primary school children are ‘primarily kinaesthetic creatures’. They ‘understand reality by touching, smelling, tasting, pushing, shoving, banging and taking apart their world.’

Soon the curriculum and the pressure on teachers’ time pushes the auditory and visual modalities to the fore in how teaching is delivered. And in the UK we can add limited resources to that list of constraints. As early as Year 3,

finds Grinder, many kinaesthetic learners are disadvantaged. Some are knocked off the conveyor belt into a corridor. In the US, of which Grinder is writing, that corridor is Special Education. In the UK, it is Special Needs.

‘The school day happens at suchspeed and resourcing is such that kinaesthetic teaching is more of a challenge to incorporate,’ acknowledges Sharon.

Indeed storytelling may be said to be an auditory affair – except that using multi-sensory descriptions brought Jane’s tales alive for all, accommodating all of the learning styles.

Building a bridgeThen there was the nature of the teacher-pupil loop; rapport. In choosing the persona of a sixteen year old rather than an adult, Sharon bridged the distinct worlds; that of the (mainly) adult Tudor explorers and those of the 21st century children. In staying in role to curb the outbreak, she maintained rapport, as indeed she did in answering and not dismissing those lavatorial questions, cheeky and funny to ten years olds.

‘I didn’t know I was going to deliver the lesson that way until I was half way down the corridor from the staff room,’ said Sharon. ‘I knew the material, knew it had a story to it, and I am constantly asking myself how I can make lessons more interesting and involving. The idea felt right and I went right in.’

Follow-on activities revealed that the children’s retention was high. ‘They remembered far more than how people went to the toilet,’ says Sharon.


COACHING

NLP enables everybody to create a partnership in their own learning, between the teacher and each individual pupil in the classroom


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The power of an apt metaphor, in this case in the form of a story, to bridge individual worlds and facilitate deep and often instant understanding is well known.

In a class with twenty-eight pupils there are twenty-nine models of the world – at least. Another challenge. I suggested that one of the best teaching resources any teacher could have was a list of what every one of her pupils was interested in, outside school. These then can be used as metaphors for explanations.

It worked like this, and was picked up by colleagues within Bowerhill School. Sharon asked each one of her class, as homework, to write about their special interest – what they liked doing best outside school. Each was accepted unconditionally. Bright coloured sheets of paper, one per child, were stuck around the walls, stating ‘(name of child) is an expert in (name of interest)’. Thus something important from the child’s world came into the school world, and was honoured. It is said that on average across their lives, at least seven out of ten sentences addressed to a child are negative – reprimanding or critical. The word ‘expert’ was deliberately chosen as a chance for positivity.

And, on an everyday basis as a continuing resource, whenever Sharon needs to explain something by analogy, she has ready, relevant and interesting references all around the walls.

One little boy – say George – was

always kind of lost; ‘somewhere else’. He really wasn’t getting what school was about, looking for approval to the rowdiest elements in the class. One day, Sharon needed to mention that SATS were on the horizon. ‘Who knows what SATS are? What are they for?’, she asked. ‘To make us cry,’ said one spark.

‘Not really,’ said Mrs Hellyer. Speaking to the class at large, she said ‘It’s like if you play with your Play Stations.’ She saw George sit upright and take notice; she knew this was his Thing. ‘You work at one level until you are really good at it and when you are ready to have a go at the next one, you move up.’

Anyone who has played with Play Stations will know what a computer ‘cheat’ is. When things get difficult, the cheat has the information to help out. ‘I am your computer cheat,’ said Sharon. ‘I have the information you need to get you up to the next level.’

That’s all it took. After that, George took an interest in his learning, and advancement. He would come up to Sharon and ask how he was doing and what he needed to do. Yes, he used the language of the Play Station, but in entering his model of the world, Sharon could then lead him more into the world of progress as laid down by the education system.

Nor were the others excluded; the other children know enough about these activities to understand the simile, which is explained in any case.

‘NLP has given me another tool to use in the classroom,’ says Sharon, now working with six year olds. We have to get a lot of information across, and we need to be very aware of children’s reactions, reading their signals as to whether they are understanding and are tuned in.’

As NLP can help include them, it can offer a rescue remedy on occasions, ‘when you can use them quickly so that you don’t lose their attention.’

I have had the opportunity to work more closely with Sharon because she is my daughter. I have also run NLP for teaching training sessions for teachers, given talks to deputy head teachers’ groups and provided input into special projects. I cannot begin to describe my deep satisfaction in helping to make a difference in this field and find educators are open to approaches that will help their effectiveness.

The teaching profession has had something like 600 government initiatives put into it since 1998. Another new idea isn’t something new and the pressure on teachers’ time and mental energy is great. What they need is a little that makes a lot of difference.

Sensory rich teaching, building rapport, using metaphors and storytelling make effective Rules of Engagement for primary school teaching. If that seems a lot to start with, pick multi-sensory teaching. NLP is systemic and the others will fit seamlessly.

It’s sometimes said that much of NLP is simply the bleeding obvious. Maybe. But combining these techniques thoughtfully gives them a synergistic character. Use them within the NLP presupposition that we each have our own model of the world. Perceive this, as in this case, as a creative resource and not a problem, and a little NLP goes a surprisingly long way. • Faith Tait: [email protected]


COACHING



NLP

RNew_P38_40_BestApp_v2.indd 2 01/01/70 04:08:58

Tried to lose weight or give up smoking? There are so many options that it is difficult to know which will work for you. Joanna Goodman compares a number of techniques

This could be the year you stop smoking, lose weight, pass your exams or your driving test or

put your worries behind you and really enjoy a skiing holiday or a long flight to a far-away destination. Achieving these personal goals and objectives ultimately comes down to putting mind over matter. But you don’t have to do it all on your own – in fact research has shown that you’re more likely to succeed if you have some support.

As society becomes increasingly health conscious and smoking is banned in more and more public places, many people are deciding that it’s time to quit. Although various methods and approaches claim to work, everyone acknowledges that motivation is the critical success factor. The key motivators are:

• Money smokers think about other things they could buy with the money they save.

• Fear triggered by someone else’s illness or death.

• Health illness or unfitness, wanting a healthier lifestyle.

• Family/relationships giving up for the sake of family or looking at the future with a non-smoking partner.

So where should the would-be non-smoker start? The NHS Together programme provides comprehensive information and ongoing support. To join, all you need to do is register on its website www.givingupsmoking.co.uk or by phone. You then have access to support by email, telephone or in person at a smokers’ clinic, including advice on nicotine replacement therapy and prescription drugs such as Zyban, which works by suppressing the part of the brain that gives smokers a nicotine buzz.

Some quitters find nicotine patches and gum, sweets and fruity drinks help, but most people rely on sheer willpower. Others recommend planning and setting a date to stop.

However, the very latest research findings published in the British Medical Journal suggests that unplanned attempts to stop smoking are as likely to work as meticulously planned decisions. This is because dissatisfaction with being a smoker creates a tension that can trigger a spontaneous decision to quit.

So to stop smoking, you need to be in the right state of mind. This is where hypnotherapy and NLP can help.

Isabella Sommerville helps people stop smoking in one session by tackling the habit at a deep unconscious level. She stresses that hypnotherapy can make you stop, but so long as you have made the decision to stop and have the determination and desire to do so, it has an extremely high success rate. Before the hypnotherapy session, she spends a lot of time talking to her patients to determine how stopping smoking would fit into their current lifestyle.

The session takes between one and two hours and involves a combination of techniques. ‘During hypnotherapy, you’re guided into a state of deep relaxation. This makes you more receptive to suggestions being introduced into your subconscious mind to help you become a non-smoker,’ explains Sommerville. ‘These suggestions are tailored to your lifestyle and give you the psychological tools to help you cope in the situations when you might be tempted to smoke.’

Isabella also teaches her patients self-hypnosis to help them deal with any cravings they might experience in the first few days or weeks of stopping.

Richard Morley of the Castle Street Clinic in Guildford advocates a combination of hypnotherapy and visualisation techniques. ‘It’s very important to focus on the benefits of being a non-smoker,’ he says. ‘Through visualisation, every time the patient thinks about having a cigarette, they almost have a traffic light signal come up and they then think positively about being a non-smoker.’ He also advises his patients to take vitamin C and drink a lot of water to boost the physical benefits of being a non-smoker. ‘Smokers get dehydrated and depleted of vitamin C,’ he explains.

Weight management and the benefits of healthy eating have become high profile recently. There are government and NHS initiatives and a raft of television programmes, newspaper supplements and self-help books. If you’re seriously overweight, you can get your GP to refer you to a dietician. Various drugs and potions claim to work miracles and Weight Watchers and other slimming groups offer diets and products designed for specific lifestyles, maintenance programmes as well as weekly meetings to monitor progress and provide group support.

But what good is the Atkins diet, the GI diet or any other diet unless you stick to it? And will you put the excess weight back on once you stop dieting? It all comes down to developing a healthy attitude to food. Hypnotherapy can help, but as Isabella Sommerville points out, her one-session approach to helping people stop smoking for good can’t be applied to food for the very good reason that everyone needs to eat. ‘Hypnosis can help you avoid particular foods and self-hypnosis can be useful to strengthen your resolve,’ she explains. ‘At a deeper level, hypnosis can be used to uncover and

The bestapproach


NLP


At a deeper level, hypnosis can be used to uncover and address the underlying causes of a weight problem

address the underlying causes of a weight problem.’

Sommerville recommends combining a healthy eating plan with hypnotherapy sessions. Most importantly, you have to be willing to work with the hypnotherapist to get results. ‘Hypnotherapy is not a magic wand treatment,’ she says. ‘However, a combination of Hypnotherapy, NLP and commitment can be very successful in helping to alter a person’s eating pattern and behaviour.’

Richard Morley also takes a strategic approach to weight loss. He begins by analysing a patient’s eating habits – what and when they eat. He then recommends a diet based on metabolic typing, which involves finding out which foods best fuel your body in order for it to run at its best. He uses a questionnaire to establish a patient’s metabolic type and create a diet that suits their metabolism and their lifestyle. ‘When you’re eating the right fuel, you feel more energized and become the weight that’s natural for you,’ he explains.

Having identified the right foods, Morley then addresses any poor eating habits. ‘A lot of people skip breakfast

or eat too much too late in the evening. They then go to bed, so the calories go to fat instead of being burnt off,’ he says. ‘Because they’ve eaten late, they don’t feel like breakfast, so they get into an unhealthy habit.’ He recommends hypnotherapy to break down the worst habits at an unconscious level.

This is combined with NLP techniques to build self-awareness and develop a positive mental attitude. ‘Rather than reaching out for food automatically, you need to be aware of what you’re doing and realize that you’ve got a choice,’ he says. Morley uses the same approach to help address some of the emotional drivers of weight gain. ‘It’s a matter of getting people to differentiate the need for food from emotional hunger and realise that feeding one need won’t help with another.’

Developing a positive mental attitude is also the key to achieving other personal and career goals. Isabella Somerville uses hypnotherapy to help dispel stage fright and anxiety about tests and exams by instilling positive thoughts at a subconscious level. She teaches her patients self-hypnosis so that they can apply the techniques to future challenges.

Richard Morley combines hypnotherapy and NLP to address performance anxiety and phobias. Again he emphasises the need to establish self-awareness. ‘If you are aware of how you feel about something, you can go about changing it and replacing negative thoughts with more positive ones,’ he says.

NLP coaching techniques do just that and can be applied to any stressful one-off situation like taking your driving test or coping with an important meeting or social event.

A useful NLP technique is mental rehearsal, which can be applied to any challenge or performance skill. It involves mentally going through the exam, test, presentation or performance feeling the confidence of knowing that it’s going well. This is a particularly useful exam technique. If you’ve studied, the information is there in your brain, but many people find it difficult to access it when they’re under pressure. They get into the exam and panic sets in. These techniques help you focus on accessing the information.

Another way of developing a positive mindset is fast forwarding into the future. Rather than worrying about what can go wrong, think about how you’re going to celebrate when you succeed! The key is to achieve a level of visualisation that enables you to treat the future as though it has already happened and the success is there already.

Contact Details:Isabella Sommerville Hypnotherapy Centre Fulham,5 Rickett Street, Fulham SW6 RUTel. 020 7610 1967 www.hypnotherapycentrefulham.co.uk

Richard Morley,Castle Street Clinic36-37 Castle Street, Guildford, Surrey GU1 3UQ.Tel. 01483 [email protected]


NLP


Hannah McNamara, CEO of HRM Coaching, says that marketing yourself as a life coach can be tough, but NLP techniques can open doors to new clients effectively

A s she put down the receiver, her heart sank. The first five people had been polite, though

clearly not interested, but that last person had been down-right rude. Jenny wondered if she’d ever get any clients. She’d done what the text books said and had ‘warmed them up’ with a letter introducing herself, so why didn’t they want her? Jenny looked at the list of people still to call, her shoulders dropped and with a deep sign, she put her head in her hands.

If this sounds familiar, then it might be time to give your Marketing an overhaul. Whether you’re promoting 1:2:1 coaching, workshops or training courses, it’s tough trying to sell to people who don’t want to buy.

And that’s the subtle difference between Sales and Marketing. Where Sales is about persuading someone to buy what you’ve got, Marketing is about understanding your customers and clients so well that you can anticipate what they’ll want and need. Once you put yourself in their shoes, you’re much better able to explain in their own language how you can help them and almost, magically, they’ll be more interested and come to you.

Forget stuffy text book definitions of Marketing, it’s about creating Rapport, pure and simple.

How would you normally create rapport with someone new? Observe their body language, listen carefully to

pick up clues to how they think, pay attention to speed, tonality, the list goes on. But being aware of that information doesn’t create rapport on its own, it’s what we do with it that counts – how we match and mirror the person in front of us.

So why does all that training on rapport-building (which should be second nature by now) sometimes fly out of the window when we’re in a ‘Marketing’ setting?

Whether your Marketing is done through the internet, sales letters or magazine advertising, always remember that at the receiving end is a person. And who do people care most about? Themselves.

To be honest, they probably couldn’t give two hoots about you and what you’re trying to sell, but they could if you tell them what you can do for them. The secret is to demonstrate to your prospective clients that you’re one of the good guys, you understand them and you’re on their side. Rapport!

How do you create rapport through Marketing?

1. Understand your customer or client intimately – What are their greatest challenges? How do they think? What are their hopes and fears?

2. Write down everything you know about them.

3. Work on communicating benefits rather than features – e.g., a feature might be that you offer telephone-based coaching sessions. SO WHAT?! One benefit is that if they’re, say, a field sales rep, they can have sessions wherever they are and have access to emergency top-ups just before important sales meetings.

4. Use your Matching and Mirroring Skills – use their language in all your Marketing. This is crucial – think about how the language you use changes depending on whether you’re talking to accountants or used car salespeople. They use different words and have very different priorities. This also translates into visuals – should you write to a very traditional law firm using Comic Sans? Probably not.

5. Go to them – find out where your target clients would search for people like you. I know it’s obvious, but an advert in the local paper is unlikely to win you a large corporate contract.

Sales and Marketing are not the same. Work on your rapport building skills and you’ll have more clients coming to you. Goodbye cold calling!

For more tips on Marketing, go to www.marketinghelpforcoaches.com and sign up for your Free Marketing e-course.www.hrmcoaching.com

MarketingRapport


COLUMN

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It sounds like an odd recipe for success. Peter Cook started life in pharmaceuticals, leading innovation teams to bring multimillion dollar drugs to market and international trouble shooting. He is now the Managing Director of Human Dynamics, offering strategy facilitation, coaching training, practical MBA programmes. Yet he has just written a book that uses one of the most self-destructive businesses as a metaphor for personal and corporate success. Yet he uses it to excellent effect. One aspect of business success is reinvention and learning. In one section of

the book he compares this to leading bands, like the Beatles that reinvented themselves several times during their career, or like Madonna who reinvented herself by changing members of her supporting cast. The lessons, Cook says, are simple. Learn to change rapidly by acquiring new skills and knowledge and dump what you don’t need. It sounds a long way from some drunken rocker smashing up his hotel room, but then from chaos can comes creation.

Sex. leadership and Rock’n’RollPeter Cook £12.99, Crown House Publishing

Women are increasingly beginning to query just what is in all the foods they eat and the substances they spread on themselves as well as the chemicals they are using around the home. Now Janey Lee Grace, BBC Radio presenter, had gathered together a collection of alternative ways of making yourself beautiful, keeping your home clean and

ensuring you stay healthy in the process. As a busy mother and worker, Grace says she hasn’t got time to waste on unrealistic objectives, so she has focused her advice on what we can all manage to achieve in our busy and demanding schedules. You don’t have to spend all your time on making a big difference to the way you live your life.

rapportbookreview

Interviews are a fact of life and there is noescaping them. Whether you are applying for a job, a promotion, a training programme or even a college course, the process is the same and the need to impress is universal, so goes the marketing spiel to accompany Corfi eld’s book on the subject most people can’t bare to experience. Interviews are a way of life if you want to get on. Learning how to enjoy them is the fi rst step to success. Showing off your knowledge and being confi dent in what you know. Corfi eld shows how to take control of the process with self confi dence. Yet, of course, this isn’t all you need to know. Researching and planning is

highly important to both a successful interview and how you will hold yourself during the process. How can you be confi dent, for instance, if you haven’t got a clue what you are talking about. This also goes for those tough interview questions that can throw even the most self-confi dent people. Corfi eld provides real-life examples, rather then just pithy advice, and provides example questions and answers that will help people model themselves for successful interviewing. Corfi eld has a lot of experience as a trainer in this area and her advice in this book can’t fail to have a real impact on your performance in your next interview.

Leadership lessons from the academy of rock

Leadership

Peter CookForeword by John Otway

womannaturalgetting life right the natural way

BOOK REVIEWS


Imperfectly Natural Woman – Getting Life Right the Natural WayJaney Lee Grace £12.99, Crowns House Publishing

Successful Interview Skills – How to present yourself with confi denceRebecca Corfi eld £7.99, Kogan Press

RNew_P43_Book_Reviews_v2.indd 3 01/01/70 04:14:24

FlyingStartParent Emma Sargent has used her experience using NLP to help children to realise their potential into a book. She speaks to Doug Costain

H ave you ever looked at your child and wondered, ‘What on earth is going on in there?’

You know that they are struggling with something and just can’t find the words to express themselves. You really want to help, but no amount of reassurance works. What can you do?

Emma Sargent’s book: ‘Flying Start – coaching your children for life’ helps you to help them at times like these.

It all started for Emma, trainer, coach and working mother, when she came to the realisation that her work was a source of inspiration for her role in the family.

‘I was in America doing my NLP Trainer’s Training in 2002. At the time, my two children were three and four and a half. The course was over three weeks long and I really struggled with my decision to leave the family for that amount of time. I missed them terribly and had real moments of doubt about whether I should be pursuing a career at all. I was in that terrible position that I think many working mothers find themselves. How on earth do I balance the needs of my family with those of my work?

During the course I had a sledge-hammer moment. It seems so obvious now, but I suddenly realised that my work in coaching and training could actually enable me to be a better mother

than I might otherwise have been.’Emma decided that if she could find

ways to use NLP and her coaching skills easily and naturally as a parent, it could have as significant an impact on her children as it had had on her clients and her personal and professional life.

Since then the use that she has made of it, and the help that she has been able to give to other parents and their children, encouraged her to think that it was worth sharing. ‘We are not talking about therapeutic help, this is every day stuff that I did with friends; problems with homework, test anxiety, playground arguments, providing support, giving positive messages, instilling confidence, taking responsibility for behaviour, understanding how their children’s minds work, helping them to learn.’

Examples are pretty easy for Emma to come by and she gave me a number, the following three giving some flavour of the value of the approach that she espouses.

‘Tara, daughter of a great friend of ours, was afraid to jump into the swimming pool on holidays despite all the other children doing so, and was fed up as a result. So was her mother who had been trying to encourage her for three weeks. I had a five-minute chat with Tara, at the end of which she jumped in and never looked back!

The first time I used NLP with Thomas was when he couldn’t get to sleep because he couldn’t stop thinking about Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs; the bit where the Queen turns into the old woman. By employing one very simple NLP technique, I had him laughing within a couple of minutes and happily asleep in ten.

A friend of mine told me that her son didn’t want to go to football club anymore. She couldn’t understand it – he loves football.

His mother told me that she couldn’t work out what was going on. How come Henry was suddenly anxious when he had been so excited? She told me that she had tried to reassure him and had repeatedly asked him what was wrong. Henry just couldn’t tell her. I coached her through what to ask him and Henry went happily to football on Saturday.’

So the question arises, what exactly did Emma do to bring about these rapid changes? Well, you might guess that the detailed answers all lie in her book but she was quite happy to give me a brief insight into one of the founding principles that underlie her approach. ‘With all of these examples, the parent concerned was doing their very best to give reassurance and encouragement, accompanied by the typical sort of question that I used to use so often myself; “What’s the matter? What’s wrong? What are you worried about?”


AUTHOR INTERVIEW

RNew_P44_46_NLP_v1 copy.indd 2 01/01/70 04:15:39


AUTHOR INTERVIEW


Frustratingly for the parent this is usually followed by; “Nothing”, “I don’t know” or simply no response at all, just a silent shrug.’

‘The secret – and this is what makes the approach so powerful and effective – is to find out what’s going on inside their head, how they’re forming the problem and once you have this, to work with them on what they want instead.

‘Once I explained this process in more detail to my friends, they would say to me: “How come I don’t know about this?” It made me realise how privileged I am that I do know it. In fact,’ said Emma, ‘So many parents said to me, “You should write a book about this,” that I was left with no option!’

I put it to Emma that she makes it sound incredibly easy. She has been

coaching for years. How easy is this really going to be for those parents who don’t have her training and experience?

‘You’re right, it does sound easy and it is. You don’t need a range of extraordinary skills, you just need curiosity by the bucketful and an understanding of the right questions to ask. My aim has been to make the book very practical and easy to understand. I think that these techniques ARE simple but they do require a level of motivation, interest and practise. It is a new way of

thinking for most of us. ‘I feel very strongly that this work

should not remain in the realm of “experts”. NLP is jargon filled and can often be presented in a complex way which makes it less accessible to people. It is also not “magic” even though change can occur remarkably quickly. Accessibility is the key to making a difference to more people.’

In that regard, Emma should certainly be congratulated for making the book as accessible as it is. The exercises, clear explanation of the techniques involved, coupled with a host of stories illustrating the practical applications of these techniques, make it as easy as possible for the reader. Emma’s intention is to add to this with additional material and guidance made available through her website, www.

emmasargent.co.uk, which will be up and running by the time the book is published at the end of March.

The thing that struck me about this book, as opposed to a number of other ‘parenting’ books that I have read, is the emphasis that it places on the ongoing personal development of both child and parent. The chapter on learning probably reinforces this more than any other. Emma describes differences in learning styles and how parents can make the most of that information. She also

poses some pertinent questions about the education of our teachers. ‘I fail to understand why this information isn’t readily available to our teachers. Whilst there are a host of great teachers out there, working in these ways, I have come across numerous examples of teachers who, during the course of their training, appear to have been given very little information on how children learn. In the worst cases, this can lead to children being identified as having learning difficulties, when in fact the issue lies with the teaching.’

‘This makes it even more important that we as parents understand our children and understand the process of learning so that we can help them to develop effective strategies for learning’, she added.

‘My purpose is clear – to help both children and parents gain personal insight into how they think and behave in order to increase their choices in every moment. Being a parent isn’t always easy – well not for me anyway – and so I have tried my best to give parents some tools to help them with difficult moments and become more of the parent they want to be.’

Through writing ‘Flying Start’ Emma has done the world a service and I sincerely hope the book will find a place in homes around the country as a really practical guide to better parenting. Her passion for her subject and her desire to spread the word is palpable and drives the book forward in a thoroughly engaging fashion. I’m sure I will be referring to my own copy time and time again. •

The secret is to find out what’s going on inside their head, how they’re forming the problem, and then to work with them


AUTHOR INTERVIEW



rapportnetworkingcontactEngland – North

Cheshire, Ellesmere PortNancy MossTel: 077 8900 [email protected].

nhs.uk

Lancaster Practise GroupDave AllawayTel: 079 8401 [email protected]

Lancs – Nr ClitheroeFran BurgessTel: 01254 824 [email protected]

Manchester NLP GroupGary PlunkettTel: 0870 7 [email protected]

North Yorks – HarrogateElizabeth M PritchardTel: 01326 212 [email protected]

North Yorks – MiddleboroughLisa WakeTel: 016242 310 [email protected]

NewcastleHarry KnoxTel: 0191 2232 216

North Cumbria – CarlislePaul Smith & Anne Munro-KuaTel: 01228 712 [email protected]@annemunro-kua.com

North West & North Wales (Chester)Gary PlunkettTel: 0870 7 570 [email protected]@aol.com

North West Business and EmotionalIntelligence Group – Manchester

Andy SmithTel: 01457 854 [email protected]

www.manchesternlp.co.uk

YorkSusanna Bellini & Dirk BanschTel: 01904 636 216

[email protected]

England – South

BedfordshireMelody ChealTel: 01767 640 [email protected]

www.gwitztraining.com

Berks – ReadingAnne-Marie HelliwellTel: 01189 835 202Mobile: 077 7 815 0 [email protected]

www.cmcg-nlp.com

Bucks NLP & CoachingAlison MatthewsTel: 0797 624 [email protected]

Herts – St.AlbansMick McEvoyTel: 020 8387 [email protected]

www.new-oceans.co.uk

London – HampsteadNajma ZamanTel: 020 8926 [email protected]

London – RichmondHenrietta LaittTel: 020 8874 8203Mob: 0788 8061 [email protected]

London – CentralAdrian Hope-LewisTel: 079 7063 9552postmaster@nlpgroup.freeserve.co.ukwww.nlpgroup.freeserve.co.uk

London – Central Business

Mark UnderwoodTel: 020 7249 7472Mob: 079 4493 [email protected]

London – Central RelationshipsBalbir ChaggerTel: 020 7291 4562Mob: 079 4493 1437www.harleyrelationshipcentre.

com

London – StratfordSharon EdenTel: 020 8597 [email protected]

London NLP & Hypnosis Practise GroupPhillip HoltTel: 0845 1306 [email protected]

www.nlp-london.com

North London NLPTom [email protected]

www.northlondonnlp.co.uk

Milton KeynesMicheal BealeTel: 01908 506 [email protected]

Surrey – CroydonRussell PottsTel: 020 8686 [email protected]

Sussex – Brighton Association of NLP PractitionersTerry ElstonTel: 0800 074 6 425www.nlpworld.co.uk

www.nlp-brighton-assoc.org

Sussex – Brighton/HoveJan JacksonTel: 01273 540 260

Sussex – ChichesterJohn Cassidy-RiceTel: 01243 792 [email protected]

www.evolutiontraining.co.uk

Sussex – [email protected]

England – East

CambridgeshirePhil JonesTel: 077 1171 [email protected]

Essex – Julian CampbellTel: 0870 7461 257nlp@lifechangingtherapies.

co.uk

Essex – IllfordGlenda YearwoodTel: 020 8708 3876Glenda.yearwood@redbridge.

gov.uk

Essex – SouthendPauline OliverTel: 01702 203 [email protected]

England – West

Avon – BathPhilippe RoyTel: 01225 404 [email protected]

Avon – BristolDave [email protected]

Cornwall – Truro/FalmouthElizabeth M PritchardTel: 01326 212 959

[email protected]

Devon – South West (Totnes) Nlp Support GroupAlice Llewellyn & Anna Scott-HeywardTel: 01803 866 706 // 01803 323 885

Devon – TorquayChris WilliamsTel: 078 1354 9073

Devon & Cornwall NLP Practise GroupNick EvansTel: 0870 3501 980

[email protected]

www.nlip-southwest.co.uk

Hants – NLP SouthNigel HeathTel: 01794 390 [email protected]

Hants – SouthamptonAndy AustinTel: 01489 580 087andrewaustin@23nlpeople.

com

England–Midlands

E Midlands NLP GroupsWilliam WoodTel: 01332 347 141 x 2556william@oakwood-derby.

freeserve.co.uk

Midlands – BirminghamMandy WardTel: 0121 3862 854Mob: 077 4007 [email protected]

Nationwide – Yes GroupTom MackayTeL: 020 7150 [email protected]

N’hants – NorthamptonRon SheffieldTel: 01604 812 [email protected]/

northampton

OxfordPat Hutchinson & David MoldenTel: 01993 778 527www.quadrant1.com

W Midlands – WorcesterSharon Rooke & David SmallwoodTel: 01905 352 [email protected]@centralnlp.co.uk

www.SCRassociates.com

Warks – RugbyRalph WatsonTel: 01788 576 626ralph@dynamic-

communication.co.ukwww.dynamic-communication.co.uk

Scotland

AberdeenChristine BurgessTel: 01224 857 [email protected]

Edinburgh centre of excellence practice groupMicheal SpenceTel: 0131 6647 854

Edinburgh NLP Practise GroupPatrick Wheatley & Sheena WheatleyTel: 077 6524 4030 // 0131 6644 [email protected] // changingperceptions@

blueyonder.co.uk

GlasgowMina McGuiganTel: 01236 610 [email protected]

Glasgow - NLP in EducationJeff GoodwinTel: 0795 1603 [email protected]

Inverness (Highlands of Scotland)Rosie O’HaraTel: 01309 676 [email protected]

Wales

North West & North Walers (Chester)Gary PlunkettTel: 0870 757 [email protected]

[email protected]

Shropshire & Mid Wales Practice GroupNick GeerTel: 01743 361 [email protected]

Regional Groups meet regularly and give you the chance to share experiences with like minded individuals and fellow professionals. They also offer you the opportunity to further your knowledge and add to your Continual Professional Development (CPD) through informed lectures and workshops.

For further information on the Regional Groups listed, please log on to our website, www.anlp.org

If you would like to add your Regional Group to this list or change existing details, please contact Nicole on 0870 44 0790 or email [email protected]

RNew_P47_Membership Details_v1.i1 1 01/01/70 04:19:19

If you think you can, you can and if you think you can’t, you’re right!

To find out how you can achieve your personal and professional goals subscribe to Rapport Personal Development Magazine, the magazine that offers practical advice that works!

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RNew_P48_RapportInHouse_v3.indd 1 12/30/05 10:49:29 PM

Reasons to be Cheerful...

For all NLPers, that’s great.ANLP is active in generating that interest. Our website address was the contact reference in the Sunday Times magazine. We were involved with the NLP slot on Channel 4’s Richard and Judy. Due to our well established reputation, we have a public profile as the first port of call for many journalists wanting information and stories.

That’s all very nice, but you want your ANLP to be effective, practical and get results for you – your business, your development, your career. And you want the public to respect NLP and you as practitioners. Because we have listened, we know that marketing and standards are your primary concerns.

They are ours too.In practical ways we not only stimulate interest but complete the cycle. For example, our website is ranked in second place on a Google search for NLP, this is by interest, not payment.

Members of the public are going to www.anlp.org to find a practitioner and information about training and events. Practitioners are being approached through being registered with us, and not only by potential clients.

‘Directly as a result of my membership of ANLP, I have been contacted by a journalist and interviewed for a National Radio broadcast, which is great for NLP and for my business!’ Jeremy Lazarus, NLP Trainer

And, as you would expect, the website also provides case studies and a facility

for promoting your events, reaching not only your fellow ANLP members, but also all those members of the public who are curious about what NLP can do.

‘I think it is a great service that you are offering and wanted to let you know that I have had people contact me about doing my next course – so thank you. You make a difference.’ Helen Drake, INLPTA Trainer

And our magazine Rapport is proving a good marketing tool in having popular appeal as well as a means to sharing ideas and ‘what works’ information.

We have standards and ethics to which our members sign up. No professional would expect anything less. They are standards of practice that not only maintain ANLP’s stature as a resource for NLP matters, but also satisfy the increasing demands by clients for proof of quality for changework and training.

Our Training Standards and membership are not restrictive; they facilitate good business practice.

‘I would like to congratulate ANLP on their recent development in comprehensive guidelines and standards for NLP Trainings and Trainers. This is much needed within the field and will aid the credibility of NLP as a powerful technology of communication excellence.

It is a pleasure to endorse the standards and I look forward to supporting ANLP as they continue to facilitate members to embed the standards and ethics of quality training.’Lisa Wake, INLPTA Trainer, Chair UKCP (UK

Council for Psychotherapy) 2005-2007

We operate to quality principles, and yet we are not a closed shop. Remarkably and exceptionally in the world of NLP, you can have trained as an NLP trainer with any school, and as long as you can demonstrate those ethics and standards that matter so much, you can be an ANLP Accredited Trainer. Check our website for latest information about the Trainers NEW Promotional Schemes.

And the future?It is part of ANLP’s task to keep abreast of future developments. Coming towards us is European legislation about the practice of psychotherapy, which may impact on NLP. We all know what can happen when bureaucracies get involved, and what freedoms need to be protected – including the freedom of the client to choose.

As an ANLP member you stand up to be counted as a quality practitioner, a member of an organisation with clarity and integrity of purpose, well set to be taking part in that level of discussion and to make excellent representation for you and your industry’s interests – now and in the exciting, ever-developing future.

All reasons to be cheerful – and to rejoin us.

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RNew_P49_Advertorial_v2.indd 3 01/01/70 04:43:40

Coaching theLifeCoachesAboodi Shabi, co-President of the UK International Coach Federation, says that life coaches need work on themselves more

I t seems to me that there is now something of a ‘backlash’ against the coaching profession these days.

Articles like Steve Salerno’s recent piece in the London Times questioning life coach training are becoming more common. Many coaches often report negative reactions when they tell people that they are coaches, especially in networking communities.

It would be easy to say that Salerno and other detractors are wrong, that they don’t really understand the profession, but I think we need to address this backlash from a different perspective.

We need to accept that some of the concerns about the profession – that there are plenty of people calling themselves coaches without proper training or life experience, that there are schools selling their training on the backs of promises that coaching is a new high-earning profession, and that coaches sometimes make overblown offers about the benefi ts of coaching.

From my perspective, as someone who’s been mentoring coaches for nearly ten years, and running workshops for coaches for the last few years, I’m increasingly in agreement with Sir John Whitmore who makes the point that, in order to be a great coach, one needs to do on-going personal work on oneself. Otherwise, coaching is simply reduced

to a series of techniques or tools, which the coach offers the client, but without attention to the context of coaching.

In our increasingly rational culture, we have learned to invalidate that which can’t be measured or analysed. We don’t value that which makes no sense, or has no apparent purpose. We learn to communicate strategically, effectively, and intelligently, but at the expense of truly expressing ourselves.

As rational thinking has become the dominant way of exploring and understanding life, so we have learned to invalidate more and more of our direct experiences. For example, if a child cries because it has lost something small (like a sweet), we might reassure it by saying that it’s of no consequence, it’s only a small thing, it doesn’t matter. This is not the child’s experience. Similarly, an employee may have no ‘rational’ reason to doubt their abilities to do their job, but that isn’t going to stop the doubts – the doubts are valid, whatever we think about them.

We now have books and manuals on the ‘right’ way to bring up children, have relationships, even how to make people love properly, as if such activities which we have been engaging in for millennia can now only be done in rationally developed ways. We also tend to think that the answer to every human problem is to throw

information or techniques at it, rather than to listen to the person behind the problem, as they try to articulate who they are.

To go back to Sir John Whitmore’s point, if I am not comfortable with my own doubts, with my own stuckness, etc., then I will be trying to move my clients on from their doubts and stucknesses, rather than allowing them to express whatever is going on for them, in an open and accepting space.

And, when we cannot express ourselves fully, our magic cannot show up. We might well be performing well against measurable targets, but we are like empty shells, living lives that are automatic and soulless.

Simply put, I think the soul longs, perhaps more than anything else to express itself and be heard or seen. It doesn’t need to be fi xed, or told what to do next, or given a solution. It simply longs to be witnessed. And, when we are truly witnessed, when we can speak who we are and allow it to be, then the space is there for something unique to show up. When our doubts are heard, and witnessed honestly, then we have the capacity to move forward from a totally different perspective, one where we are legitimised for who we are and how we express ourselves. www.aboodi.net


ENDNOTE

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Rapport Spring 2006

Documents

Transcript of Rapport Spring 2006