This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

RAPE!

by Matthew Temple

clownfysh.com

1.

Pussy be rampant. They be so much pussy at this school they has to haul in dicks from out of town just to fuck it all. The female-to-male ratio be something like three to one. On weekends, guys be drivin in from Youngstown, Abilene, as far away as Dexter.

Girls want dick. They is drooling for it. Eighteen-year-old hunnies with nothing better to do than spread and get a hot spike in they cooch.

School is just a pretense. No one care about classes or grades. In class we get our dicks sucked while the prof is doin his thing. I once came in this girl Jennys hair while she sucked me off in Intro to Philosophy 101.

The main way to get pussy be in the club. Get a bitch drunk, go to her place, fuck her. She wake up in the morning like what the hell happened to me, her cooch aching like she had a rolling pin up there. She ask her girlfriends, and they be like, You remember that one guy? You took him home. Then you fuck her friends.

Bitches love dick. They is no question about it. Some bitches pretend they ain't into all thatbut they is. Trust me, they is.

I met this one bitch, she likes to have two dicks inside her at once. She told me this when I was fucking her. So me and my buddy James fucked her. Two dicks in her pussy at the same time! That girl had a big cooch.

Sometimes I like to bring a gun with me to a girls house and stick that in her when shes passed out. With the bullets in it and everything. I like to think about what would happen if I pulled the trigger, that bullet would go up through her pussy and through her cervix and up through her baby-making pouch and then through her lungs and out her head. I want to cum like that, through a bitchs head.

I like to cum in a bitchs mouth when she asleep. Get her nice and stoned and then get on top of that bitch like Im ridin a zebra. Then stick my dick in her mouth and rub it against her gums. I like when a bitch has good dental work. You can get off just by rubbing on her cheeks. A bitchs tongue rolls back when shes passed out. But the inside of a bitchs cheeks is soft as hell. You can cum there.

When a bitch is passed out, you have to hold her down a bit because shes not completely passed out. Somewhere, below the twelve Jgermeisters, that bitch is still awake. She got certain reflexes intact. She can still kick your nuts when youre on top of her. So you grab her neck and choke that bitch a little. Her eyes will go gray. Then you know you got her ready for some prime, prime fucking.

Bitches love fucking. Some act like they dont, but those are the ones that need it the most. Quiet ones. The friend of the friend with the librarian glasses. Shes fantasizing about me giving it to her, from the first moment she sees me. You know she is. She goes home and jerks off that little cunt thinkin about my cock sliding into her and ticklin her inside parts. The cute librarian ones need it the most.

I once met this girl who didnt want me. She acted like she didnt. I got her drunk and fucked her with my gun in her mouth.

But mostly they easy going. They want you to come over. Thats one rule. Never bring a bitch to your place. Always go to hers. You dont want that bitch tracking you down. Plus thats part of the thing: you want to cum on her sheets, let her pussy juice make a wet spot in her bed. It helps me get off when Im in the girls bed.

I usually like to steal a girls panties. I keep em in a jar, squished down real tight, as a reminder of all the places Ive been. I keep em on my desk, as an example to less fortunate males. Males who dont get pussy. Males who are into relationships.

Some males think that females are out of they reach. They do they pathetic little to reach them. They text. They call. They play out the little games they mother taught em and hope that will get em laid.

There are only two ways to get laid: get her drunk or have her like you. The first is foolproof whereas the second is hit or miss. If you wait around for a girl to like you, you could be waitin a long time. When you get a bitch drunk, results are immediate.

You go out with your boys, looking sharp in a nice shirt or something. Hair slicked back, plenty of product. (Bitches like product.) You select a nice club preferably on State Street. Then you sit back and wait. The bitches will be on you like peanut butter on jelly. When they dance, you might be tempted to go to them. But dont. Bitches like when you stay put. You watch them dance. You check out the way they move. You think: is this the kind of bitch who is likely to have a live pussy? Is she likely to be too stuck up? Too resistant to force? Does she have mace? Watch the warning signs. A bitch who thinks too much is likely to have friends who think too much. You want an academic bitch, no doubtwheres the fun in fucking a dotard? You want a bitch in high-level classes but who likes to drink like your uncle. A bitch who likes to party too much for her own good. A bad bitch. A bitch who likes to get in trouble.

The best is a submissive bitch. Who sucks your dick as soon as you in the dorm room, kneelin on the floor and shit. Fuck, I love when a bitch sucks my balls. Because you know they dont want to do that shit. But the fact that theyll do it anyway, with all that hair in they mouth..well..some bitches are truly desperate for cock, what can I say?

I tells you about a girl named Mary. Mary bes a freshman, she has they librarian glasses and everything. True scholar. I mean seriously, she was like a Rhodes Scholar or something. Biology major. About 52. Big-ass titties. Mary comes up to me in the dorm. Asks me if Ill lick her pussy. I said, Mary, you know Im not going to lick your pussy. She says Why not. I say, Because, I can smell your nasty pussy from here and I dont lick stinky pussy. She says shell wash it, and come back, and will I lick her pussy. So I said, Ok, you wash it, and Ill meet you in your room in half an hour. So half an hour passes. I peruse some porn I have on my computer to try and get in the moodnothing special, just some video of a woman getting fucked by a horse. Then I go up to Marys room. Knock on the door. She answers in some sort of nineteenth-century neglige, like were going to make love or something. I said Mary this isnt that kind of party. Then I pull out my gun. I put it in her face and I say, Get down on your knees and suck my cock. She says, Is this a joke? And I say, No, do you wanna get shot in the head? So she sucks my cock. I get hard. Then I say, Mary, get on your stomach on the floor, Im gonna fuck your ass. Have you ever been fucked in the ass before? She says no. I say, Well, youre gonna like this. Just like opening presents on Christmas morning. Dont scream too loud or Ill shoot you in the fucking head, understood? Thats my story about Mary.

Mary I fucked in the ass. But Im almost exclusively a pussy man. Ass fucking is more of a novelty to me, something to do when you dont even respect a girl enough to fuck her cunt. I like a pussy thats nice and clean, no hair, though Ill fuck a hairy pussyin a pinch. I prefer big pussy lips, no roast beef, nice and tight and plenty of moisture on the inside but no drips. Keep that shit to yourself, you dont need to be flowing all out on the sheets and shit.

I like to spank a pussy with a fly swatter, to fatten it up before I fuck it. Get that pussy red with some hard spanks. Then spit on my hand, stick my fingers inside it, then come in with the dick, spreadin those lips with my dickhead, then sweet, sweet fucking.

You might disagree with my style of fucking. For instance, you might prefer the girl to be awake. But I prefer em passed out, high on Jgermeister, with their legs spread and my gun in their mouth, finger on the trigger so that I could accidentally shoot them through the skull in a moment of passion. I like to hold back a little, stop a few times right before I cum so the cum builds up and shoots up into they cervix like a bullet, just like a bullet from a gun.

Fucking is good. I know a lot about fucking. You could say Im sort of a specialist. When it comes to smacking a pussy with a fly swatter, those are just some of the tricks I can teach you. I know a lot of tricks, and someday maybe I can tell you about those, but to tell you the truth my favorite trick is getting a girl to fuck me when she really dont want to.

2.

I was going to see my boy. My mans name is Sherman. We call him Tic Toc because thats how he is with the ladies..its only a matter of time, see? Only a matter of time before he gets in they sweet panties.

My man was up in the joint sipping pumpkin lattes. Girls like that. Shows your sensitive side. Neither me or Sherman liked pumpkin lattes, but you do what you gotta do, know what Im sayin?

I came in through the side door. Whassup?

Whassup?

My man. Tic Toc. What are you up to?

Just chillin.

Drinking your pumpkin latte. I smile.

Tic Toc lifts his cup.

I sit on the couch across from him. Start scopin out the hunnies. Couple of potentials over by the front door. I turn around. Sly hunny at the counter, ordering her drink. Short skirt. Some bumpage on the legs but that can be fixed with any number of skin creams. Sometimes you have to fix a bitch up before you fuck her.

So listen. That was Sherman talking. Didnt he see I was checking out the hunnies?

Shut up, I say. Then I whisper, Shut your fucking mouth.

That bitch at the bar was looking around. Here she comes..here she comes..no.

I turn around to Sherman. You know what I want to do to that bitch?

Who?

Check out the fly hunny at the bar. I point my finger.

Shermans eyes brighten.

You like her?

Mmm.

Well heres what Im gonna do to her. First Im gonna eat that bitch out. Get her real horny.

Where are you gonna do this?

In the bathroom. Shut up. So Im gonna get her in the stall back there. Lock the door. Get that bitch all up on the toilet with her legs spread and eat that bitch out

Why do you like eatin bitches out so much?

I like..to eat a bitch out..because it gets the bitch horny. That way they dont mind when you stick your dick in them. Especially when you stick it in their ass.

Why you want to stick it in they ass?

I dont. I do it for my health. Have you ever ass fucked a girl, Sherman?

Sherman is silent. Then he says, No.

Well. First of all use a condom. And never ass fuck a bitch when she has diarrhea.

How does you know if she has diarrhea?

Tic Toc. Sherman. Do you want to hear my story? You only ass fuck a bitch when she doesnt have diarrhea and you know she doesnt have diarrhea because you clock what the bitch eats.

How do you clock what the bitch eats?

What do you think I be doin in the cafeteria? Why do you think we be sittin close to where the fly hunnies sit? Do you see the notebook I be carryin around with me? What do you think is in that? My chemistry homework? No. Thats records, my man. Of everything a bitch eats. Stay away from bitches who eat citrus, or bitches who smoke, as that can cause diarrhea. You want a bitch who eats yogurt with every meal. Stay away from veganstheir farts stink. Have you ever smelled a vegans farts?

No.

Well try it sometime.

Hey.

What?

Shes leaving.

I look over at that bad-skin bitch who was at the counter. Shes going out the side door.

I didnt want her anyway.

What was you gonna do to her?

After I ate that bitchs pussy out? I say this real loud, by accident, and some hunnies behind Sherman look over. What are you lookin at?

They turn back around.

Mind your own fucking business, I say. So after I ate that bitchs pussy out, I say extra loud, I was gonna thump her in the mouth with my fat cock. Slap that bitch till she has marks on her face. Get that bitchs face real red then cum in her mouth. Then make her spit my cum in the toilet between her legs and then THROW that bitch out of the bathroom. Nasty bitch. Shouldnt be drinkin pumpkin lattes in the first place.

The girls behind Sherman are starting to look our way again.

Any bitch who drinks pumpkin spice lattes is asking to get fucked in the mouth. Have you ever met a bitch who drank pumpkin spice lattes who didnt deserve to get fucked in the mouth?

I wait for Shermans answer.

No.

Sherman. Take a look behind you and tell me whether you think these freshman bitches up in this piece deserve to get fucked in the mouth.

Sherman turns around.

One of the girls behind him looks directly at me. The rest keep their heads down.

What are you lookin at? I stand up.

She keeps looking at me, this sweet-looking face with lipstick. She looks like a bitch that probably keeps a ferret as a pet. English major, something in the humanities. Probably a virgin.

Do you let your ferret lick your ass? I say.

What?

Do you let that pet ferret of yours lick your asshole?

I dont have a pet ferret.

Cause you look like a bitch with a ferret.

She turns away from me. I can only see her boobies from the side now. She and her friends are talking low. One of her friends is packing up her books.

No, the girl says. Were staying.

She puts a hand on her friends book, flattening it on the table. Then she looks at me. She gives me a look of such disgust my dick starts to get hard.

I sit down. Sherman and I shake our heads.

Bitches, he says.

I laugh.

We lean in together, heads above the table between us.

Sherman says, Im gettin into some trouble up at Brunos later on, you wanna come.

I smile. What kind of trouble you getting into?

Well, Sherman says, Macro knows this bitch from his polisci class that wants to fuck him, so Im going up there to be his wingman.

If she already wants to fuck him, why does he need a wingman?

She doesnt know she wants to fuck him.

Oh!

Hes taking me..so it wont be awkward. So hes not like alone going to a bar.

I see.

You could come along and be my wingman.

Is this bitch hot?

Ive never seen her.

Well is they hot bitches at Brunos?

At this point that little defiant bitch at the next table looks over at me and doesnt break eye contact. Do you believe that shit? I wish I had my gun. Pop that bitch dead and go on with my conversation.

She says, Would you mind keeping it down?

I breathe out, trying to calm myself. I say, Whats your name?

I aint tellin you my name.

Well..whatever your name is..why dont you mind your own FUCKING BUSINESS?

At this point she gets up and goes to the manager. I see her pointing over at me and Shermans table and her sweet forehead looking all concerned.

That bitch just ratted us out, Sherman says.

No shit.

Then the manager comes over. I give him a real sweet look, like the look of an angel.

Im gonna have to ask you to keep it down.

Uh, officer, I say, I swear I didnt see the sign.

Still, this is a study bar, so I need you to respect the environment.

Oh, I didnt realize this was a study bar.

He just stands there.

Are people required to study, I mean is that like an imperative?

We like to keep a study atmosphere.

So you dont mind if I sit here and not study, minding my own business with my man here, drinking pumpkin spiced lattes?

Actually, youre not drinking anything, and since you havent ordered Im going to have to ask you to leave.

Ill get something. Oh, Ill get something. Ill get something, I was just talking with my man here.

Well youre talking too loud.

Duly noted, my brotha. We will not speak loud in The Establishment. Now lets go up there and take care of that pumpkin latte problem.

He looks at me like he doesnt like my particular flavor of the language, but he goes, and I follow. I get my pumpkin spiced latte and I get henceforth back to my seat.

The girl has her head in her books. Shes pretending to study. Shes thinking about me. Im the kind of guy a girl has trouble getting out of her head. Because she knows Im bad. And she knows Ill be bad for her. But she can feel me, in her panties, from the moment she meets me. I make her wet, I make her want to fuck. When a girl meets me shell be rushing for fresh panties five times a day.

Ok, I say.

Ok what?

Ill go with you tonight. To Brunos.

Good.

Dont be draggin me to no sausage bar.

Theres girls, dont worry.

Do you guarantee it?

Sherman sips his latte.

I want a guarantee. In blood, preferably. I want you to guarantee that there will be pussy coming out the walls of this bar youre taking me to. Dont make me walk your ass home. I want to be fishing out tampons of bleeding bitches and sucking on those motherfuckers with my teeth.

Sherman looks at me.

Im serious. I want some studious freshman pussy with red lipstick begging to give it up. Im looking at the freshman girl. There better be bitches so tight I cant even get my little finger up in that motherfucker.

The freshman girl turns around. Shes burning into me with these hateful eyes. Youre revolting, she says.

And thats when I fell in love.

3.

It was a while longer before I again saw Little Miss Defiance. She had to do her things and I had to do mine before we were to meet the second time. While she was masturbating to my image and sticking all manner of vegetables into her pussy, I was hanging with my boys, Tic Toc and Macrobiotik. We were at Brunos.

Is this it?

Macrobiotik looked at me. What do you mean, is this it?

Sherman, you promised me this wouldnt be a sausage fest.

It isnt. Sherman motions toward the dance floor. Theres like..a seven-to-one ratio out there.

Yes, but all those bitches are sasquatches. Sasquatches dont count.

Show me one sasquatch.

I point to a very large girl with hairy armpits. Sasquatch.

Just cause theres one sasquatch doesnt mean theyre all sasquatches.

Yes it does. They infect. Im going to take a piss.

I get up. I can see those motherfuckers later. Dragging me to this hellhole..sasquatch-breeding motherfucker. Brunos huh? I think Bruno has a pink dildo up his ass.

I go down this long hallway leading to the bathroom. Theres a guy and a girl making out. Hes this academic-looking type, and she has on fishnets, is slightly taller than him, and has a purse slung from her shoulder. Its open. As I walk by I look in the purse and its littered with condoms.

I say, Whats up?

They both kind of turn and look at me.

I said whats up, baby? I do this little motion with my hands thats designed to make a bitch go crazy.

The guy is looking at me like hes really angry.

I say, Tell your man to stop looking at me.

The guy says, Just leave us alone, ok?

I keep my eyes on the girl. Tell that motherfucker to stop looking at me.

She puts her hands on his cheeks and turns his head to her. Stop looking at him. He turns and theyre looking each other in the eyes.

Whats your boys name?

Francis.

He fuck you in the ass?

She doesnt say anything. Im looking at her body. Shes got fly legs. Fly tits. And a fly-ass face.

Francis, what do you think youre doing with a girl like that? You cant handle her.

And you could? the girl says.

Yeah, I say, and smile. What kind of tampons you use, bitch? Kotex? Playtex?

Lets go, the guy says.

But I flash my gun.

I wouldnt do that, I say.

I use OB alright.

Super protection? Extra glide?

Super protection.

What size?

Dont answer that, Francis says.

I put my gun to his head. Let her answer.

Extra smalls, she says.

Extra smalls? I start to get hard. What dorm you live in?

Dont tell him.

Francis, do you want to get shot in the head?

Crawford. I live in Crawford.

Good. You two can go. Be good and dont do anything I wouldnt do, ok, Francis?

Then this bitch says, Dont you want to know the room number?

Why, do you want me to know it?

Francis says, Lets go.

Do you want me to come and visit you at night? I can suck the blood off those extra smalls and stick my dick in your extra-small pussy. Francis, would that be ok with you?

The girl says, Just let us go.

No Id like to hear him say it. Would it be ok with you, Francis, if I snag your girlfriends small-size fishnet cunt and drop a load in it?

Yes, its fine, can we go now?

You can tell by the look on fishnets face that shes not happy.

Francis says, What?

Youd let him drop a load in my pussy?

I wouldnt really let him drop a load in your pussy, I just want him to get the gun out of my face and let us go on with our evening.

Im gonna let you do that, Francis. But I want you to promise me one thing. When youre fucking this bitch, I want you to know that Im there somewhere, over your shoulder maybe, waiting to take over when little miss fishnet here gets tired of your pencil dick. Ok. Go on. Go on! Im trying to take a piss here! Get the fuck out of my face.

And, gun in hand, I unzip right there and take a piss in the hallway.

On the way back to the bar, this Poindexter-looking dude sees me and he sees the pile of piss. I give him this hard look and he just keeps going. Thought so, I say.

Its just Tic Toc, sitting alone.

Where is Macro?

Dancefloor, Sherman nods.

I look to the dancefloor. Indeed there is Macrobiotik, dancing with some average-looking girl.

Is that the girl from his polisci?

Yep.

Thats the girl from his polisci.

Yep.

Thats the reason we came out here?

Yep.

Sherman. Tic Toc. What the fuck. We gotta get out of here.

Why?

Cause I flashed my piece.

Sherman turns. What?

I shrug.

What happened?

There was this fishnet girl with this gentleman named Francis. Francis is, shall we say, a cake boy. Francis has no right being with this piece of hotness. And then theres me. I found out where she lives. She wears extra-small tampons, super protection.

What does that have to do with you flashing your piece?

They were actin up.

Well we have to leave this bar.

Thats what Im sayin.

Before the police get here.

Exactly.

Ill get Macro.

So Sherman heads over to ye olde dancefloor and tugs on Macros shirt. I see them arguing and Macros girl looks unhappy so I figure itll be a while. I turn to the bar to order a shot.

Whatcha havin?

Ill have the gunslingers special. I laugh. Thats a special..for gunslingers

Theres no guns allowed in the bar.

I know that, I was just saying

What are you having? I dont have all night.

A cup of Goldschlger.

A cup?

Yeah.

You can have a shot. The bartender leaves.

Im tapping my hands on the bar and Sherman and Macro and Macros girl come up behind me.

So lets get outta here.

Im having a drink.

Were leaving because of you. Skip your drink.

I already paid.

No you didnt.

The bartender comes back. He tells me the price and I put it on my card.

Cant you pay with cash so we can get out of here?

I never carry cash.

What kind of policy is that? You never carry cash? Psychopath.

Thank you, I say.

Why do we have to leave? Macros girl says.

Because Ive been a bad bad boy.

What did you do thats bad?

Dont worry your pretty little head about it, I say.

Macro puts his arm around the girl.

Macro, what the fuck is this bitchs name? I say.

Sherman says, Drink your drink.

Ill drink it..in a minute. I dont like to be around a bitch and not know the bitchs name. Specially if the bitch is the bitch of a friend of mine.

Im Kelly.

Nice to meet you, Kelly.

And I do my shot. Then I sign my name on the credit card receipt with a scrawl that in no way resembles my signature.

Lets go.

Outside, the four of us walk down State Street. There are many hunnies, bitches, and hoes, as well as a few vixens, some foxes, and an intolerable number of dykes walking hand in hand and flaunting everywhere that they had released themselves from their dangerous dependency on dick. When dykes pass I think of how tight their pussies must have become after such a long vacation from dick, or in some cases a complete lack of dickly intruders. To turn a dyke is the ultimate accomplishment for a straight guy. Or, lets just say it is one of the ultimate accomplishments, for their are many ultimate accomplishments.

So, Kelly, when you suck Macros dick does he precum a lot?

Why do you want to know?

Because Im concerned about my man here. Hes showing a lack of progress, academically. All he wants from you is your polisci notes.

Is that right?

Thats right. I smile at Macro. Now about this precum.

Why are you always so interested in everybodys sex life? Sherman asks.

Because its my specialty. Duh.

We walk a while, and I think the subject is dropped. But then Kelly says, I havent sucked his dick yet. And she looks at Macro.

I felt like a proud mother, hearing this yet. Knowing Macrobiotik sperm would be lodging themselves between the teeth of this average-looking girl as she gulped down his cock. I mean, hey, if he wanted to date down with this mutt-looking girl Kelly, she better be sucking his cock. She better be sucking his cock hard, I say.

And everybody looks at me for saying that.

Me, I like a girl with a pretty face. Like that girl we met at the coffeehouse this morning. Wasnt she pretty, Sherman?

If you like mice.

Mice? You think the looked mousy? She wasnt mousy, you just like a long face, Ticky Toc, where I like a round one. She had a round face, it wasnt mousy. If by mouse you mean she had a small pussy, then I bet youre right. I bet that girls pussy is just as defiant as she was. She was like holding her fist up in the air in protest.

She wasnt holding her fist up.

But it was like she was holding her fist up. Like she was Che Guevara and I was the Cuban emperor.

Uh, dude, Cuba doesnt have an emperor.

Shut up, nigga.

Can you not say the n word? That was Kelly.

I stop walking. Then everybody else stops walking.

What? I just dont like that word.

I look at Macro. Then I look at Kelly. I pull out my gun. Why dont you shut the fuck up, bitch.

4.

Put your gun away man.

Yeah, put it away.

Macro, watch yourself.

Youre going to get us arrested.

No ones going to get arrested. Ive got a permit to carry this. Stop making a big deal.

It is a big deal.

Biotik.

What? Were you going to say something?

Yeah. Just. Stick to what you know, man.

Whats that supposed to mean?

It means you dont know shit about firearms. I had to take a weapons safety training course to get this permit. So I know shit about firearms.

Just keep it away, man.

Just watch your mouth, Macro, or Ill thump your girl.

You aint gonna thump shit.

Macro, youre pissing me off. If I wanna thump your girl Imonna thump your girl. Now why dont you two get on with your date. Sherman and I are gonna find us some pussy.

So Macro and his dog bitch girl wandered off into the night, to have ugly sex between ugly people which everyone knows is shit.

And Sherman lectured me on the anti-merits of Holding a Gun When One Goes Out Selecting Pussy and the Pitfalls of Aiming a Gun at a Bitch When You Dont Intend to Shoot and the like. Sherman was getting very professorial, and I wondered when he was older if he would be like the ancient schoolmarms which traversed our school and taught our classes.

You need to leave your piece at home.

But how will I make bitches all scared like?

I dont know. But sooner or later, if you bring your gun out, someones going to call the police.

And what do you know, he was right. The very next morning my roommate who was a stinky faggot woke me with a start. The stinky faggot informed me that the police were at the door and behold, as I looked up from my covers there were the old black and blues, peeking into our dorm room door.

My gun was on my desk chair, fully loaded. I threw a pair of boxers over it, very casual, and pushed the stinky faggot out of my way.

Do you mind waiting outside, you stink, I said, and the stinky faggot complied.

As he pushed open the door I could see there were two of them, short cop and tall cop, and they were no doubt ready to play all sorts of games with little old me.

Can I help you?

They spoke my name. Is that you?

Yes. Whats this about?

May we come in?

Come right in, come right in brothers. Can I interest you in a cold brewski?

Were on duty. Have a few questions for you about last night.

Last night eh? Cant say I know much about it.

Cant say you know much about what?

About anything, really.

Were you at Brunos on State Street last night?

Indeed I was!

Do you own a weapon, sir?

I own a wee Glock.

A Glock.

A wee Glock.

What makes it a wee Glock?

Its very small.

Did you take your Glock with you to Brunos?

My wee Glock? No I did not.

Where do you keep your wee Glock?

I keep my wee Glock in a safe back in Burlington.

In Burlington.

Yes.

Mind if we search your room?

Be my guest.

So they start rummaging through my closet and that of the stinky faggot. I make sure they know that ones not mine.

What are you looking for?

Let us ask the questions.

Oh. Duly noted, my good man.

What was that?

I enunciate. Duly noted, my good man!

Do you think this is funny?

Am I laughing?

What were you doing at Brunos?

Scoping out bitches.

What?

Me and my cronies were scoping the fly hunnies. Bitches. Sir.

You know youd get more pussy if you stopped calling women bitches, dont you?

I beg to disagree. Sir!

Did you point your gun at a Miss Angeline Brewster?

Ive never met a Miss Angeline Brewster. Sir!

Did you point your gun at anyone?

My gun is in Burlington. Sir!

Do you know what the mandatory minimum sentencing is for felony assault with a firearm?

No sir!

And you werent out pointing your firearm at any women last night?

I was simply looking for a little pussy, sir! I had started out earlier with my boy Tic Toc. His name is Sherman but I call him Tic Toc sir! We headed out of the crib and met up with Macrobiotik at Brunos, sir!

What is macrobiotic?

Macrobiotik is my homeboy, sir!

Your homeboys name is Macrobiotik?

Macro for short. Sir!

You can quit with the sir. You could spend a lot of time in jail if this ladys accusations are true.

I dont want to go to jail, sir! Sorry about the sir! Ive heard people get ass fucked in jail, not-sir! Id like to die an asshole virgin sir! I cant help it sir! Im not ready to be fucked by a nigger in prison sir!

You have a bad attitude, son.

I know, sir!

Youre acting like somebody who has something to hide.

My story is complete, sir! There was no harassment at Brunos. Just a lot of bitches looking to get ass fucked by a carrot. Have you ever ass fucked a woman with a carrot sir!

Why dont you sit over there while we search your place.

So I sit at my desk, on top of the boxers covering my gun. And I feel that gun pressed into my ass and I think of what it must be like to have a Glock 9mm stuck up your ass by some psychopathic faggot who wanted revenge for all the times Ive used the f word.

These cops were thorough, but they werent searching under my butt. They worked their way through the room, opening drawers, looking on top of the closets, then they made me sit there while they went up and down the hall questioning my hallmates.

When they came back they asked me if I was sure my gun was in Burlington.

Scouts honor.

Are you even a Scout?

Its an expression. What? You think that just cause I said Scouts honor without being a Scout that that makes me a liar on the point of my gun being in Burlington? My gun is in Burlington, rest assured. Just because my bitch-ass hallmates say otherwise doesnt MEAN SHIT!

Then they ask me if Im on any medication for psychiatric illnesses.

No. Not that I know of.

Are you aware of the university health service?

They treat scabies and STDs, right? I dont have any STDs. I fuck clean bitches.

And what do you mean when you say fuck bitches?

Youre kidding, right? I stick my pee pee in they cooch. What the fuck you think I mean?

Do you ever get rough with a bitch?

Why would I get rough with a bitch? Maybe I slap em in they mouth when they act up. I mean I might do that from time to time.

You know thats assault, right?

Im not admitting to anything.

You need to treat bitches right, ok? When you get a bitch to suck your dick, that aint no license to fuck her, and when a bitch lets you fuck her, that aint no license to hit on a bitch.

Now wait a minute, who ever said I be roughin up on bitches? Did they say that? I point to the hall.

Weve had reports. Bitches be callin us and lettin us know what youve been up to, bro! When you stick yo dick in a bitch, and she dont want you to, sometimes bitches be callin us the next day and gettin they insides swiped. We find you spunk inside a bitch that didnt want to be fucked, you could go to jail. Bitches insides be they own. You cant fuck a bitch aint got no permission.

Respek.

Now, did you take your piece to Brunos last night or not?

Nah, man.

You didnt pull your piece out on some bitch named Angeline?

Nah, man. But that bitch was actin up.

What did she do?

She was lookin all fly and shit. She was wearin tighty fishnets and I could see her maxi pad between her legs and shit. It was stickin out. I was thinkin about that bitchs pussy and shit. Bettin she had a fly pussy. Wanted to do a finger test with ye olde pinky, if you catch.

The officers were coming closer, and I squirmed me butt around the Glock, trying to conceal that I wasnt sitting on flatness.

Whats a finger test? the one officer asks.

When you get a bitch captive, I say, you want to perform Ye Olde Finger Test. This is where you finger a bitch progressively with one finger, two fingers, three fingers, four. Start with your pinky. Ideally you want a bitch who passes the one-finger test, meaning that when you stick yo pinky up that bitchs cooch that bitch is tight as hell.

What happens if she fails the test?

You move on, my brotha, you move on.

Well, were going to be keeping an eye on you. If it turns out youre hiding your Glock on campus there will be serious consequences.

Good, my brotha, right with you. I give them the old thumbs up.

And take it easy on the bitches. I know you like to fuck but bitches be havin feelings. Its important that everyone be treated with respect.

Respek.

No. Respect.

Respect.

Thats right. The officer gives me the thumbs up.

And you boys take it easy on the road. You never know with these university brothas, when someone might go ballistic on ya, jump out guns blaring, like maybe if he had a personal grudge or something. So anyway take care, I doubt well be seeing much of each other after today.

Then those black and blues took their smug faces and they left me be. And I stood up from sitting on my Glock, and straightened out my ass cheeks.

5.

I knew I needed to hide my Glock, so I headed straight away to the bank. I knew from past experience that banks be keepin safes, and therein lie boxes for the rental. I just needed something yay big, for storage of me ole piece.

I strolled down State Street to the First National and I placed my piece on the counter in front of this fly little bitch with a bob haircut.

I need to get a safety deposit box.

You need to speak to a customer service representative.

Well isnt you a customer service representative?

Im a teller.

Well where can I find me one of these customer service representatives?

Have a seat. Over there? And take your piece with you.

I be takin a piece of you with me, sweet hunny. I be ringin bells like a clock tower. Hows about you give me your number.

She said I dont think so, but she be blushin.

So I sat down to wait in the area and while I was there I was makin eyes with the fly bob-haircut hunny, and between customers she be lookin over at me and I strut my legs out so she can see my package. I lay the Glock right next to it, to indicate its size like. And that bitch be gettin wet in her coochie area, you could tell by the way a bitch stand! She be rockin back and forth on her excellent legs and I be imagining me dick ticklin her pussy and general pussy area. Then we fuck like rabbits and she have my babies. I could see her bob haircut on a slob of boys and girls that would come out that bitchs pussy once we fucked. I didnt like the thought of her pussy getting distended from havin such a majority of kids, but I liked the thought of my seed inside her.

Sir?

Yo.

Sir, come this way.

Why? Why you want me to come this way?

You wanted to rent a safe deposit box?

Ah yes. Me does. Me wants to rent a boxy for me Glocky piece. I flash the piece.

The customer service representative is looking at me Glock.

Is me not allowed to have Glocks inside a bank?

We dont care what you put in your box, sir, as long as its not illegal.

Well me Glock is fully legal, believe that. Fully legal. Got me papers and everything.

Then why dont you come this way and we can get you set up.

Whatevers you say, miss. As long as its legal.

I smile at the bitch but she has her back turned to me, so I follow that bitch to her desk.

How long has you worked here?

About eight months.

Does you like it here?

Mmm hmm, she says. Me likes bitches who say Mmm hmm.

And. Why does you like it here? I open my mouth a bit..I part my lips. Then I flick my tongue a little. Bitches like that.

She doesnt understand. Shes looking at me mouth. She says, What are you doing?

I is flickin my tongue at you. See? I do it again.

Oh, she says, then she goes to typin on her computer.

She has me fill out a bunch of forms. General disclaimers, some affidavits, a couple of noncompetes. Stuff to make sure I isnt tryin to knock over the bank with the contents of my box.

Eventually I ask her, Is that bitch at the front desk single?

Who?

Constance, I think her name tag said. The teller. You is a customer services representative and she is a teller, right?

Right.

So tell me, Renee, is that bitch single?

Constance?

Yeah. The one with the bob.

I have no idea.

Well you should find out. Its good to know your coworkers.

Renee is kind of at a loss for words. (I do that to people.)

Renee, let me ask you something.

Shoot.

If I was to bang your sweet pussy with a spiked dildo, bang it in there like I was workin on the railroad..and if that plastic dick was filled with little nubbins that rubbed on your pussy all nice like..and lets say that dildo was powered by a car battery, jumper cables and shit, none of this double A shit..and lets say I had lubricated that pink neon dildo with none other than me very own cum..now Im asking you..would you consider that the act of a gentleman?

I sit back in me chair and cross me hands behind me head. Let her chew on that one.

I see her thinking.

I smile, knowing that Ive stumped her. A society bitch like this would never know what to say to me. This the type of bitch wears full briefs, instead of bikini ones.

She opens her mouth, about to say something, then she closes it.

I be winnin this bout.

But then she just opens her mouth and says, Lets show you your box. And I know Im dealin with a quality bitch.

She shows me my box and its the perfect size for me Glock. We each have a key in this nice arrangement like. When me and the customer service representative put our keys in to turn them, we get real close and I can feel the heat coming off her. She wears this nice woman perfume, I think Clinique Happycause I used to fuck this bitch who wore Clinique Happy. And I can see down this customer service representatives shirt, and see that she wears a bra by Playtex or Kotex or something. It has this cross-my-heart design and it makes me think of my grandmother but in a way that makes me want to lay this Renee down on the floor of the safe and make sweet love right there next to millions of dollars.

Take your key.

What, Renee?

Take your key.

Renee, tell me, would you ever consider a threesome between you me and Constance? Do you like girls?

I think thats about all I have to show you. You can access your box anytime the bank is open. Our hours are listed in the information card I gave you.

Thats all excellent, Renee. But Im a feeler, not a thinker. I like to get below the surface. For instance into a sweet pair of panties.

If youll follow me, I think were done for today!

I could tell Renee was getting all hot and bothered by my sex talk, so instead of letting her cool down I decided to turn up the heat.

Why dont you let me take you into your break room and Ill hand fuck you. Id like to get to know your clit with my thumb and show you how deep my fingers can go. Did you ever get hand fucked in your break room? Then I be spittin on your pussy and gettin you warmed up for some thick neck action. You want turkey neck? I got turkey neck all lined up and in parallel for these bitches. Have you and Constance both cummin at the same time, propped up on the table, legs like whaaa!

When Renee sat back at her desk I could see she was ready to cry. So I took a tissue out of her box and offered it.

Clean your face, bitch.

She wipes her face and her mascara is fading, all sexy like. She puts the tissue in her trash.

Is there anything else we can help you with today?

I look around. Nah, like. Sorry for the hassle. Bitch, I add. Well be seein you soon. Tell Constance if she doesnt give it up Ill open it up with a pry bar. Bitches aint got nothin on me.

And then I left. But I couldnt help going up to Constance and asking her a few questions. I wished I had my notebook but I would just have to do this with the ole mentality.

So Constance. I couldnt help but notice youre about a B cup. I was wonderin, do you like those titties pinched, slapped, or spanked?

What?

If I was to pinch you, slap you, or spank you, which would you like best?

Can I help you with something?

You are helping me. Ive got a bit of a thicky if you know what Im saying.

Can I help you with some bank business?

Yes. Is you a notary?

A notary?

A notary public, eh. Cause Ive always wanted to do it with a notary.

Im not a notary. I can help you find a notary.

Maybe you could let me put my dick inside your panties from the side all sly like, and you could just push em over to the side and let me taste your pussy juice with my cock, while I hold you by that little bob of hair. I could show you how to swallow a cock while youve got a pair of hands around your fucking neck, bitch. Then your head be bouncin up and down on my thickness and I be pullin your hair, bitch. I know you got that haircut for me, right? Cause you knew I was comin? Whatsa matter, you dont like your hair pulled? I train a bitch to like that shit. A bitch gets with me, she dont know what she like. By the time Im done with her, bitch a freak. Cuttin off chunks of her hair with cum in em, be eating the cum and hair and everything. Head look like a rag doll. Eatin her own vomit and shit. That the kind of bitch you are? Bitch that want to be taught? Cause I can be your daddy, just say the word.

6.

After that I strolled the lane, looking this way and that, taking in the sight of all the glorious pussy around me.

State street was lined with girls who were strutting their stuff, dressed as whores to show off delicious legs and scrumptious asses. I felt lighter without my gun, and I strutted my stuff, too, pimp walking in a gait designed to attract ladies like a moth to a flame.

Bitches were prominent. They took up all the attention on State Street, outshining their gents so as to be displayed like prime cuts of meat. Bitches wore hunny shorts, cut to the ass. You could see their butt cheeks. And low-cut tops, so low in fact that their breasteses were dangling outside of their shirts. I saw freshman girls in yoga pants, their labia showing, inviting all to imagine what it would be like to fuck their tiny coochies.

You tell me this, when a girl wears pants that show her labia, what is she saying? She is saying she wants to get fucked, am I right? Its all I can do but walk up to her and run my fingers through her crack, send all sorts of sensations running between her pussy lips. Next they will have clear pants that show the labia, all plush and soft, inviting every gentleman on the street to know her.

I passed the intersection of State and Union, and all this pussy was overloading my senses, so I took a detour down Union and then onto the quickest side street that would take me away from the onslaught of pussy. It wasnt really the way home but I wasnt relishing an afternoon spent with the stinky faggot so I decided to take the scenic route.

There was still pussy here, in the form of two young vixens wearing booty shorts that said JUICY across they butts. Now thats something I could get into, a nice juicy asshole. Or maybe the JUICY was meant to refer to they cooch, to they general ass. I consider the coochi part of the assdoes you?

As I approached these two ladies I could hear they conversation. They were talking about guys dicks.

I dont care about girth, this one girl says. I want a dick so long he can fuck me from the next room.

Giggles.

Nah, this other girl says, I like a nice thick dick. I want it to feel like hes sticking his hand inside me.

Why choose? When you can have both! I say, and I walk up beside them.

I grab my package, squeeze it, pull it up a little.

I got girth and length, ladies. So why dont we stop up at this Taco Bell parking lot and let me run you through the paces.

With you? Forget it.

Get lost, dude.

Oh, is that how it is?

Yeah, thats how it is.

Youre gonna diss me like that?

Keep walking, asshole!

Now why is it that when a guy says something nice to a pair of ladies such as yourselves that he is immediately an asshole?

Talking about your dick isnt a nice thing to say.

Would you rather me talk about your genitals?

No!!

Well that sounds to me like a double standard. If a guy talks about a guys genitals, he is gross. If a girl talks about a guys genitals, as you two were, its acceptable conversation.

The girls look at each other.

Now, if youll allow me, Id like to introduce myself.

Well dont expect us to tell you our names.

Dont expect me to tell you mine, either, I say, and I unzip my shorts and whip my dick out.

Ewww!

Ive got the chicken head in my hand, and Im pointing it at my ladies, one, then the other.

See? Like I said. Girth and length.

Get the fuck away!

You ladies want to touch it?

No!

Put it away!

Put your dick away!

But why would I put it away, when I is airin it out?

Oh god.

Leave us alone, dude. We dont want to see your dick!

Some things in life we dont get to choose, I say. Now who wants to give it a lick?

EW!

Guaranteed to taste like raspberries! Why dont you lay down over there, and we will see how juicy you really is.

Come on, Megan, the one says, and she grabs her friends hand, and pulls her quickly ahead, away from me.

I stand there for a moment, and this guy is walking down the other side of the street. He looks over and sees my dick.

What are you looking at?

I zip up.

I yell, Bye, Megan! and I continue down the street. I take corners at random, marvelling at the beauty of the day, imagining my dick planted firmly between Megans labia, suckers gripping me like a pair of pliers. I like a girl with big labia.

Well soon enough I come to this house which has a sign out front. It says, DOG FOR SALE and I think to meself, wouldnt it be nice if me has a dog? I knock on the door.

Yes?

Im here about your sign. The one for the dog?

Im just about to bring him out. Hold up here, ok?

I sit on the porch. In time, my man brings out his dog, which looks like a hound dog, a setter or somethingthe type of dog you use for hunting.

And the first thing I notice about this dog is he has an enormous cock. Its laid up against his belly and its contracted and everything, but you can tell, this dog is hung. Big boy. I like him already.

This dog have any kids?

Not that I know of.

But he likes the bitches, right?

What do you mean?

The dogs not gay, right?

No, as far as I know he likes bitches.

How much are you selling this dog for?

Three hundred.

Seems a little high.

I have all his paperwork, hes had shots, we only feed him Premium Purina Chow.

Why, is that good stuff?

The best.

Hes not a vegetarian, is he? Cause I couldnt be havin no dog thats a vegetarian.

He eats meat.

Does he eat yogurt?

I dont know. We could maybe go two-fifty.

Hold back with the business, my man. Let me get to know you. You a University graduate?

Yeah. You go here now?

Yeah, my man. I goes to this shithole of a school. So is you married? Or is you a cake boy, eating fudge off the tip of your weinus after yous sticks it in the anus of your hubby hubby like?

You want to meet my girlfriend?

No, I dont needs to meet your girlfriend, unless you have some idea of the three of us gettin freaky in the bedroom. I dont care what you and your wife do behind closed doors. Even if you fuck her in the ass then fuck her in the mouth right afterward. Thats your business. Im just interested in the dog.

Yeah, so weve had this dog two years. Hes fully grown. He gets kind of aggressive sometimes but usually a good walk cures that. Hes yours for two-fifty if hes going to a good home. Where do you live? Do you live in the dorms?

Yeah, but wes about to remedy that.

He needs to be walked twice a day.

I be walkin him twice a day, no doubt.

He needs a good space to run.

He be runnin on the green, with me. Settle yourself about that, my man. I be needin to ask you a few questions.

Shoot.

So you say he has his papers?

Fully.

So when you fuck your girlfriend, do you leave bruises? You were serious about having a girlfriend, werent you?

Marcy!

No, I dont need to meet your bitch. Best you keep that ho to yourself. Im an off-the-chain motherfucker when it be comin to bitches, I be showin em my dick and shit, so unless you want me poppin it out to show your wife

Girlfriend.

Unless ye want me poppin it out to tempt that bitch, you best be keepin that bitch inside that house. All I needs to know from you, my friend, is do you leave bruises on that bitch when you fuck? Im askin as a young man to an older one. Because when I fuck I like to leave a bitch black and blue, you know what Im sayin? And I is wonderin, from a place of inexperience to a place of more experience, is that shit normal?

How old are you?

I is twenty-two.

You a senior?

Yes I is.

How many girlfriends have you had?

I has lost count.

And you want to know if its right to leave a girl black and blue after you fuck her?

Thats right sir.

How many girls have you left black and blue?

More than one, sir.

Well I would say thats between you and her, you know? I mean if she likes to be hit, theres nothing wrong with you leaving a few marks..but only if its decided upon beforehand, and you have limits, like a safe word. Do you know what a safe word is?

Thats when you be beatin a bitch and she has a special word she can tell in your ear so that maybe you stop beatin the shit out of her, right?

Sort of.

Well is you gonna sell me your dog?

If you want him.

Does he have a name?

Seymour.

Well wes gonna have to change that.

Youre welcome to name him whatever you want. He comes to Seymour.

I was thinkin more like Mega Dog.

That works. So how does two-fifty sound?

I dont think me be payin more than two hundred for a dog named Seymour.

But you can change it.

Two hundred is all me have in me pocket.

Cant you go get more?

Then I might be losin interest and never come back to this house.

Ok. Two hundred.

So we shake hands and I give him cash and I take that dog Seymour off his hands.

7.

I decide right then and there Im gonna rename him. No dog of mine is gonna have a gay-ass name like Seymour. Seymour is a name for fags.

Im thinking of names as I go back to the green. Mega Dog is a definite possibility. Baxter, or something like that. This dog is a killer.

I come up on the green and see there is a bunch of students gathering at the fountain. So I walk my dog up to show him off.

First there is little interest, and then, what do I see?

Little Miss Defiance, sitting on the edge of the fountain with a textbook.

I walk my dog right up.

Well, if it aint Little Miss Defiance.

She doesnt look up.

Hey there, Little Miss D. Im talkin to you.

She looks up. Oh, you.

Well, doesnt you like me dog?

She looks back at her book.

So, Little Miss D. Heres how this works. When I talk to you, yous looks at me and talks back.

Why would I want to talk to you?

Cause mes a charmin motherfucker.

Im trying to read here. Cant you see that?

Well Is tryin to walk me dog, cant you see that?

What?

Exactly.

You dont make any sense.

I makes exactly as much sense as you wants me to, if you catch me meaning.

Whats that supposed to mean?

It means if you open your ears, you hear.

Ive got homework to do. Dont you have any homework? Or do you even go here?

Oh, mes goes here.

I doubt that.

Ye can doubt anything thee like, Little Miss. It doesnt make it so.

Anyway, I have to read this for tomorrow, so.

Well I wouldnt want to keep you from your studies. But me dog would like it if you would acknowledge him.

Little Miss D. gives me this hard look, like she been played every which way from Sunday by every player imaginable, and I is the last in a long line of players she about to take lip from.

Whats her name?

Its a he. See? His dick.

Whats his name then? Shes shaking her head.

Still lookin for a name.

Thats shameful.

Want to find the perfect one, see?

Your dog doesnt even have a name? What kind of pet owner are you?

I is the kind of pet owner who would rather wait a few weeks to find the perfect name than to jump into a name prematurely. Thats the kind of pet owner I is.

She pets me dog. And he takes to her. He licks her hand.

See, Seymour, shes nice.

I thought he didnt have a name.

Seymour is his temporary faggot name.

You know when you talk like that you just turn off every girl in a ten-mile radius.

Me doesnt even have a protractor..how could me measure a ten-mile radius?

Its not attractive.

If you say so.

And when you disturb my study group that doesnt ingratiate you to me. People are drinking their coffee. Trying to study. And you come through with your loud-ass stories about bitches you like to fuck. Its disgusting.

But you wasnt drinkin coffees. You was drinkin pumpkin spice lattes.

Lattes are coffee, retard.

You know I hear in some circles retard aint such a cool word to say anymore. In that it stigmatizes the retards.

Am I done meeting your dog now?

If you decides you is done, then I guess you is done.

Well. Bye dog! She gives a little wave. She is wearing short shorts and a t-shirt so tight it shows her B-cup titties. I imagine meself tweaking her nips, twisting em, getting em hard.

Do you mind if mes asks you a personal question?

Only if you stop talking in that ridiculous accent.

I can talks anyway you like.

Well. Talk normal.

Ok. And can I point out that that isnt an accent. Its a dialect.

Good for you.

Now can I ask my personal question?

If you must.

Do you want to accompany me and my nameless dog on a walk across the green?

I have a boyfriend.

Thats not what I asked you.

I have to study..see this book?

Surely you have time for a walk. Just..across the green and back. Youd be back in twenty minutes.

I dont think so.

See how much Seymour likes you? Hell be lonely if you dont come.

Hell have you.

But mes not very good company.

I agree.

Take a walk with me.

No.

I insist.

You insist? I dont give a good goddamn if you insist! Ive got to do my reading.

You can read as we walk.

No. I cant. I like to be stationary when I read.

You is a fascinating girl. Whats your name?

Stop talking like that!

Alright! What, is, your, name?

I aint tellin you.

Look! You be doin it too!

What?

Aint. You be talkin just like me.

Well lets both stop.

I be stoppin if you will.

Then. Yes. Go. Stop.

Whats your name?

Im supposed to tell you my name when your dog doesnt even have a name? Lets all just proceed..without names.

So wes be proceedin then.

If you dont stop talking like that Im going to stop talking to you.

Whatever you say, Little Miss D.

Dont call me Little Miss.

Well what should I call you?

Just call me hey you for now.

Well, Hey You, would you like to take a walk with me and my dog?

No.

What can I do to make you say yes?

Nothing.

What if I offer you to walk the dog?

I aint walkin no dog without a name.

Ah ah ah! A deals a deal.

Im not walking a dog without a name.

Lets name him, then.

Youre a punk, you know that? I came out here to have a quiet place to read. Ive got to finish this for class tomorrow. Now you come along and everything falls to shit.

What do you think about William as a name?

For your dog?

No, for our firstborn. What do you think I mean?

She considers Seymour. No. He doesnt look like a William.

Well what do you think about giving him a girls name? I think this dog might be gay.

There you go, ruining it again.

Ruining what?

We were making progress. I dont believe Im saying this about you, but we were. Then you go and say a thing like that.

What, that my home is open and affirming to gay dogs?

Forget it.

What?

Dont worry about it.

Worry about what?

Cant you see Im busy?

Too busy for a walk on a beautiful day?

Go away! She closes her book when she says it.

People are looking at us.

I bend to Seymour. Hey, buddy. Our Little Miss D. is not amused. I need your help, buddy. Show her your good side, show her theres nothing wrong with the Big Bad Wolf. I grab his paw and reach it upwards. He wants to shake with you.

She wont look. Shes got her book pressed against her chest and shes staring sideways.

He wants to shake with you.

She makes no motion.

Hello, beautiful girl, my name is Seymour, and I want to take a walk with you. I shake his paw.

The girl looks down.

If I take this walk with you, will you leave me alone?

Most definitely.

Were going to the edge of the green and back.

Precisely.

You wont say anything stupid.

I will try my best.

You wont talk like a gangster.

I do the Scouts Honor pose. I will not talk like a gangster.

I dont believe Im doing this.

Yes! Success! I raise my arms in the air and it frightens Seymour.

You will not touch me at any point during this walk.

Right.

You will not touch me at the conclusion of this walk.

Not a bit.

You will not ask personal questions.

I will try not to ask personal questions.

You will not ask personal questions.

I will not ask a single personal question. I will restrict my talk to the weather, the general environment, any people we see, fly hunnies

No fly hunnies.

Ok.

I would hate to see what you think is fly anyway.

Well, you. I think you is fly.

Watch it.

Seymour, were going to on a walk!

I hope you understand that this walk in no way indicates that I like you or am at all attracted to you. We are not sleeping together. There will not be a second walk. This is purely to get you off my back so I can do my homework.

Feisty. I like that.

Stop it. I mean it. At any time if I feel like Im not having fun I will turn around and leave you and your dog wherever we are.

So many rules. Is this how you live the rest of your life?

No, these are special rules for you. Dammit. You probably loved hearing that, didnt you?

I did.

You have a sickness..that I..cant quite put my finger on. Whats your name? If Im gonna walk with you I need to know your name. I dont need to know it. But I would like to know it, for the purposes of this dubious walk.

Youre a very wordy girl.

I bet you have a thing for wordy girls, right?

Not particularly.

Oh thats nice. You like dumb-ass whores?

I think if I answer that question honestly you will not like me.

Smart move. Whats your name?

You go first. Whats your name?

Laely. And I dont believe Im doing this.

8.

So..Laely. What brings you to this town?

Uh..I go to school here.

But why this school, if you catch my meaning?

Are you asking that cause this is a party school?

Well you must like to party if you came here.

Maybe its all I can afford.

So you is from within the state then?

Im from Melville.

Melville. I has been there many times.

No gangster talk, or Im out.

I have been to your lovely town of Melville many times.

Did you like it?

I liked what I saw.

Whats that supposed to mean?

It means the parts that I saw..I liked.

Nevermind.

Are you mad at me?

I hardly know you, how could I be mad at you? Do you want me to be mad at you?

I looked at this girl, seeing her bra through her shirt and imagining those B cups in my face with her sitting on top of me, my dick upright between her pretty legs sticking into her righteous cuntfor I was becoming surer by the minute that this bitch had a righteous cuntand I thought of us making love, wild puppy love, yipping and yapping our pleasure at each other like dogs.

To this fine bitch I said, No. I do not want you to be mad at me.

She said, Because I thought you might think that if I was mad at you, that would mean we were closer.

I suppose it would mean that.

But you didnt want that?

No. I doesnt want you to be mad at me, Little Miss D.

Call me by my name.

Ok, Laely, I calls you by your name.

Talk straight.

You have so many demands, seeing how you just met me, I say.

I bet you like that, she says.

I likes spending time with you, it doesnt matter if you make demands or not.

But I bet youre getting off on the fact that I make so many demands on youarent you?

I aint getting off on anything, Little Miss L.

Its just Laely!

Fine. Laely. But I prefer to call you Little Miss L.

I prefer you dont. Its misogynistic.

No it aint, Laely. Its affectionate.

Thats just as bad. I dont want you to be affectionate towards me. So stop imagining that we get together..cause we dont. After this walk you go on with your pathetic life and I go on with mine.

Is you sayin that your life is pathetic too?

Its pretty pathetic.

I cant imagine your life being pathetic.

How do you imagine it?

Like an angel.

Dont bullshit me.

Well not exactly like an angel, but mes imagines that you have the world pretty much at your fingertips, guys wantin to be with you and all, and yous havin your pick of the lot of them..be datin at your whim, I imagine..not givin a fuck about nobody..gettin buck wild with your girlfriends dancin around in your underwear!

Stop. I dont dance buck wild in my underwear. I dont dateI dont have time for it. Im a full-time student

Is a full-time student too.

Do you date?

I do my thing.

That just means you fuck random girls.

I dont fuck random girls. I likes to get to know someone before I fuck them.

Yeah right.

Why do you think I dont have feelings, too? You have feelings, right? Right?

Yeah.

Then why do you think that I dont have them? I be catchin feelins before I fuck a ho.

Very nice.

What? Isnt you a ho? Dont you be givin it up?

None of your business.

Oh. So you isnt a ho. You like to be givin it to one guy, special like.

I lied before. I dont have a boyfriend.

Why did you lie to me?

Because. I wanted you to leave me alone.

You lied to me?

Dont act surprised.

So you doesnt even have a boyfriend?

I had one in high school. I dont have time for one now. Im in the honors dorm. All honors classes. Im here to learn, not to have sex.

But you likes sex, right..you aint no..lesbian?

Frankly, its none of your business.

So its frankly now, is it. You like to keep me at a distance with frankly.

I dont like to keep you anywhere. Youre just another guy who wants to get in a girls pants and is willing to do anything to accomplish your goal, including bringing her a cute dog.

You think mes bought this dog just to impress you?

Maybe.

You think mes doesnt even love this dog?

How do I know. Its probably not even your dog.

Yous thinks this dog is a rental.

I wouldnt be surprised.

And with every time she disbelieved me, I fell deeper and deeper in love. I needed a girl to deny me, to disbelieve me, to hold me at bay. It was good for me. This bitch wasnt buyin a word of what I said, and somewhere deep down, it did me good.

I think you is a hard nut to crack, I said.

Well dont try to crack me.

Why not? Thats what a nut is for, isnt it?

Im not a nut.

You is like a walnut, all wrinkly and hard on the outside but all smooth and soft on the inside.

Ew! Gross! Do you realize you just compared me to a walnut? Thats like page one in the Handbook of How Not to Impress Girls.

They has a handbook on how nots to impress girls?

Dont act stupid.

Has you ever eaten a walnut?

Sure.

Isnt they good?

Theyre alright.

Well thats you.

Youre saying Im just alright?

I dont know yet cause I hasnt tasted the meat.

Do these complex analogies work with other girls?

I dont use analogies with other girls. Just you.

And Im supposed to be blessed for this? Look, lets walk back. This has been an interesting..experiment..but Im ready to continue with my reading and Im sure you and Seymour have better things to do.

Seymour prefers to stay here with you.

Does he.

I kneel beside Seymour and pet him, rub his ears.

Laely kneels too. She pets his face. Listen, my man. You and I are on two different targets..tracks. We exist in different worlds. You like to harass women and make a nuisance of yourself. I like to spend quiet evenings studying and readying myself for a career. We dont exist together. When I said I had a boyfriend, earlier, that was true: my studies are my boyfriend. We go to bed together, wake up together, spend all day together. Were everything to each other. And there just isnt room in that kind of lifestyle for me to be cavorting with..no offense..but the likes of you. You disgust me. I hate the way you talk. The only thing good about you is your dog, and somehow I doubt that hes going to be around long. You dont exactly strike me as a pet owner, if you know what Im saying.

No, I dont know what you is saying.

I just dont see you taking care of a dog.

You dont think I can take care of a dog.

No.

Has you ever had a dog?

No.

Then thats the pot calling the kettle black. I has had a dog and you hasnt

Thats not the pot calling the kettle black.

If I says I have had a dog and you says you havent

I think youre mistaking that for another expression.

I is not mistaken.

Yes. You is.

Well I guess were at an impasse.

I guess so, maestro.

Why is you callin me maestro all of a sudden?

Forget I said anything.

No I cant forget. You is callin me maestro. What does you mean?

Forget it. The walk..is over.

You said you would walk me to the edge of the green and back.

Well. I changed my mind.

You is an Indian giver.

Thats racist.

No

Nice meeting you. Bye Seymour. Have a nice life being a menace.

At least walk me backlet me walk you to the fountain! Ill walk you back and you can continue your reading, and youll never see me again.

Is that a promise?

Of course its a promise. I promise you after we get to the fountain you will never see me again.

Ever?

Unless you see me by accident around campus.

Somehow I think thats increasingly likely.

If I sees you in the future I brings me dog up to you for a quick pet and then me leaves you alone.

I have to finish my reading.

Me knows that! Trust me, me is more than respectful of your reading time. Mes needs mes reading time as well.

Oh yeah? What do you read?

Mes reads the internet.

Porn doesnt count as reading.

It doesnt? Sometimes bitches be holdin signs in fine print above they heads as they be gettin fucked from behind, and mes has to read the fine print before mes can get off.

Have you ever been laid in your whole life?

Is been laid a few times.

Not counting internet girlfriends, how many times have you been laid?

You is askin into me very private life.

Arent you trying to get down my pants? As someone youre trying to fuck, I would like to know. How many girls have you been with?

Is you sayin there is a chance of you and mes gettin together?

No. I am not saying that. I just want to know how diseased you are.

I is disease free.

How do you know?

Because Is only fuck disease-free hoes.

Ok. Thanks. Were done. Its been amusing. I think youll agree were sufficiently near the fountain that this walk is over. So its been very nice being assaulted by your constant stream of negativisms against women. Have a nice life. Seymour: good luck. Please feed your dog.

Then she flips me off. She opens her textbook with one hand and puts up a middle finger with the other. Its not even aimed at me, its just in my general direction.

9.

Well I couldnt just stand there all day talking to my new friend. I yelled, Later bitch! and took Seymour down the hill.

Little Miss D. continued in my mind after I had left her. Her hair, her face..all suggested a fine pussy. I needed to know what was underneath those shorts, to see that puss and see if it was fine or not. Hopefully she wouldnt surprise me with an unshaved puss or too much roast beef. Bitches need to tuck that shit in. I shivered. She might be unshaved.

Considering the horrors of Little Miss D. with an unshaved pussy, I also thought about her other qualities. A certain wry intelligence, if I did say so myself. And I had called it initially: Defiance. This wasnt one to take it from anybody, and that made me want to give it to her all the more.

Little Miss D., with her legs spread, pussy out. I would shave that motherfucker if I had to. Freshly-shaved pussy, stick my dick in, have my way. Fuck her from the inside out. Be ringin that bitchs bells. Have her beggin for more.

You never know when a young bitch like that may not have enough sense to shave her own pussy. You would think any bitch above the age of twelve would have sense enough to shave her own pussy. But you never know with certain bitches. Some of them aint got no sense.

Seymour and I came to the dorm. Were standing outside my door. Seymour barks.

The door opens. Its the stinky faggot.

Hey!

Hey buddy! Whos this?

This is Seymour. Im probably going to rename himI mean I am going to rename him I just dont know what to rename him yet.

Whos is he?

Well, buddy, hes ours!

I go into the room, let Seymours leash go. He jumps all over the stinky faggot.

Whoah boy! Hes beautiful. Hes a beautiful dog.

I thought you would think that. Were going to make a beautiful home here, you me and him.

What do you mean?

I mean nothing. He can sleep with me. Hes dynamite with the bitches..not that youd care about that.

We cant have a dog.

And yet..we do!

Where did you get him?

Some guy. Used to go to school here. Got him for two-hundred bucks!

Thats a good price for a dog. What kind is he?

Hes a hunting dog. Look at im. Killer.

Were you walking him on the green?

I nod. Bitches loooove this dog, roomie! You should see this bitch I met. Fine. B-class titties. Fly-ass pussy.

How do you know anything about her pussy?

From my facial reconstructive analysis. You can tell everything you need to know about a bitchs pussy

From her face. Right. You know thats a load of bullshit, right?

It aint a load of bullshit. A bitchs pussy and a bitchs face bear a unique resemblance consisting of several different feature availability sets.

What the fuck is a feature availability set?

Well I cant expect you to know.

Why not?

Cause you is a fag.

I dont know how you got it in your mind that Im a fag, but Im not a fag, not that theres anything wrong with that.

That is exactly the kind of thing a fag would say.

Whatever.

I know its whatever. Cause you is a fag.

Lets talk about the dog.

Why, cause you is thinkin that he be gay too?

No, because I be thinkin that we cant keep a dog in a dorm room.

Of course we is gonna keep im. You want me to leave im by a garbage bin?

Why dont you take him back where you got him?

And put my tail between my legs? That is just the kind of thing a fag would suggest.

Im just suggesting..this isnt the best home for a dog.

His name is Seymour and I would appreciate it if you refer to him by his name.

Seymour would be better off where he came from.

How do you know? He may have had a horrible home.

Well, it doesnt matter, cause were not allowed to keep dogs on campus, so you have to get rid of him.

Me didnt realize fags were so opposed to animals.

Why do you need me to be gay? Why does that make you more comfortable?

Ew! I doesnt need you to be gay. You just happens to be the most gayest dog-hating roomie that I has ever had!

Were you abused as a child, is that why

No I wasnt abused! Why? Is you thinkin about abusin me, you big stinky faggot?

Im just asking

The answer is no. I was never abused. And Im thinkin about gettin reassigned to a non-stinky, non-faggot roommate selection, if you catch me meaning. Now are you going to help me take care of Seymour or not?

Are you going to threaten me?

No, I is askin you like a civilized motherfucker.

The stinky faggot sits back in his desk chair, ponderin and shit.

Well, is you?

Is I what?

Is you going to help me take care of this dog?

I dont know yet. You cant just spring a dog on a person. The time to talk would have been before you got the dog.

Blah blah blah. Lecture lecture lecture. You should see the fly bitch I got with this dog. This dog can work for you, too, you know. Get you some tight freshman fag you can cornhole when I isnt in the room.

Come on..

Doesnt you want to fuck the butt of some tight freshmans that you lured into the room with ole Seymour here, fuck them right up the butts?

Im not gay.

If you want to fuck butts, thats your businesswhat am I going to say about it? Im trying to do you a service..by presenting you..with a dog..who can help further your pursuits.

According to you my pursuits are cornholing unsuspecting freshmen.

Stickin your doodad up their butts.

Right. I dont know how to tell you this, but Im not gay. I like girls too.

You like they pussy?

Yes.

Then why is you so afraid to say it?

Im not.

Then say it. Right now.

Pussy?

Just cause you can say it dont make you straight, brah. When I talk about a straight guy I mean a guy who through and through likes pussy. Lives it. Breathes it. Loves it. Is you that kind of guy?

I like pussy.

But you be soundin so tentative..like is you sure you likes it? For instance, do you likes it hairy or shaved?

I guess..either way.

That sound like a fag thing to say, my friend. And you can see how, with an answer like that, I am uncomfortable with you sleepin in the same room as me. Im not sure I can trust you sleepin in the same room as Seymour.

What do you think Im going to do to him?

I doesnt know, my man. I just doesnt know. But Is wouldnt want to risk it.

Well I guess you cant keep him here, since you cant trust me alone with your dog.

Your words, not mine. I never said anything about yous bein alone with him. If you was alone with him, what kind of things would you do?

Nothing! I dont even want your dog here!

Is you sure?

I think you should sell him as soon as possible.

Well I guess it isnt true.

What?

About fags having warm hearts.

What??

I thought you people had a soft spot for animals.

Get it through your head..Im not gay!

I never sees you with a woman.

Ive been with several women this year.

Why doesnt I see them?

Because youre always out..doing..whatever you do.

I fuck bitches.

Fucking bitches, then.

Fly bitches.

Im sure.

You say that like you be doubtin a motherfucker and I feel your doubt.

No, Im sure you do.

I do. I let a bitch know whos who. Be takin my own shaving cream along just in case they pussies aint shaved..shavin those motherfuckers, get em real smooth, you be eatin off these motherfuckers. Seymour knows. Helped me get this fly bitch who I know Imonna bed. Little Miss D.

You call her that cause she has a dick?

No, I call her that because shes Defiant. Little bitch had the stuff to stand up to me when I was makin noise in a cafe, disturbin her study group talking about bitches and hoes and so forth. Little Miss D. stood up to me. And Im going to drop that bitchs panties and stick my dick in. Show that bitch what happens when you stand up to me, teach her what defiance gets you. It gets you a cock in the v., is what it gets you, whether you like it or not. Im gonna bang that bitch till she feel it in her teeth, she be usin my cum as toothpaste.

Sounds romantic.

To you it wouldnt, fag. Thats cause you dont know anything about pussyreal pussy. Your three girls a year..you think that teaches you about real pussy? I bet they be fat lesbians you be fuckin, hairy upper lip, dont shave they armpits. Im talkin about fresh, clean pussy. Race car pussy. You be fuckin old jalopy pussy. This is that kind of pussy you get when youre sixteencept I be gettin that every day. I be fuckin Little Miss D.you see. Now I need this Seymour to help keep that bitchs attention, so is you going to let me keep this dog or what?

10.

Stinky faggot said hed have to think about that, and he left to get some lunch. I locked the door. It seemed like a perfect time to view some porn, if you catch my drift. So I stashed Seymour in the corner and did some searches.

The first thing I searched for is girls whose fathers didnt love them. It was a bunch of images of sorry-looking chicks who had been abandoned by they fathers, and these got me hard right away. Poor little unloved girls sitting in the corner with their arms crossed, bruises on they faces, looking all pouty like. I thought about getting off to one of those bitches right there, but I was too smart for that. I knew the internet had more to offer me. I could always come back to these pouty bitches later.

I typed in a string of words something like cum slut hentai bitch boobs cums real hard 100% real orgasms and I got a bunch of junk.

So Is narrowed my search. I typed 100% real panty girls teens cumming in they britches, thinking that even though britches was an archaic word the internet would know what I mean. This time I got some fine-ass pictures of bitches creamin they panties, some real 100% bitches including this one bitch who had pink panties and was sittin in a feather bed playin with that bitchs own pussy with feathers and a clear dildo bigger than any dick I had ever seen. It made me mad to think of this bitch getting off on that clear dildo, when really it should have been my cock she was getting off with. She almost got me off but then I started thinkin about how that bitch was probably a real-life lesbian and mes started getting angry about that bitch bein a lesbian and me started to punch me computer screen and Seymour be gettin hyped up so me figured me should tone it down a bit.

Another of the real panty girls I found was this ballet dancer, be wearin a leotard with white things sticking out of her pussy area in case that bitchs pussy be splashin out when that bitch get excited. The camera was all up in her pussy area and I was thinkin how that bitch had been a bad, bad bitchbe disobeyin her dance instructor and shit, be breakin all the rules, and that bitchs pussy need punishing, and mes the one they sent to do it. Cause sometimes when a ballet-dancin bitch get out of line they like to send in a 100% American gangsta, to quiet that bitch down. She needs her pussy punished, and I is the pussy punisher. I start imaginin her teachin ballet steps to me while I fucks her bad, bad, pussy and then I starts wonderin if I is gay cause Is imaginin her teachin me ballet steps. Surely no 100% straight dude would imagine a ballet bitch teachin him dance steps! Is must be a certain percentage gay! Do you think stinky faggot knows?!

I search for 100% straight girls with tight pussies no gay stuff and feel a sigh of relief. This search dont be havin no gay stuff in itme specified 100% straight! Me specified no gay stuff. Surely me fantasies this time around wont be includin no gay-ass fantasies about ballet dancers teaching me to dance! But I dont get anything good with this search so I have to go again.

super-tight bitches be havin pliers in they pussy gives me nothing. gator-grip twat gives me nothing.

I decide to go back to my previous tack. bitches who be damaged in they mind and will let you cum in they face gives me some more sad-looking bitches including one about five years old sittin in her parents kitchen lookin like she just got beat with a chain. Welts and shit on her arms. Bruised face. She has all she clothes on, but you can imagine what she grows up likebecome one of these college bitches dont care what the fuck you do to em, long as its violent. bitches who like violence gives me some bitches who like to inflict violence, and they is not the kind of bitches I is lookin for.

I try just sad-looking bitches and get a jackpot. I get some dogs, some pictures of pigs. But I also gets middle-aged bitches who is just sad, and I almost jerk off over some bitch looks like Hillary Clinton. Then they is some pathetic bitches, in they twenties, who looks depressed. They looks like they need medication. One of these bitches has brown hair and looks like this actress who was famous when I was a kid. I cant help it but this thought of me suckling at her titties flashes into my head. Like she was old enough to be my mom and shit. I cant help it if sick shit comes into my head. Thats just the way Im built.

So Im strokin it looking at this bitch old enough to be my mom, and shes breastfeedin me in my mind, and I almost cum, but not quite. Put that bitch away.

I need some prime bitches. prime bitches in they prime who has fly skin big titties (all natural) and tight coochies between they legs (must include detailed shots of pussy) send! That gives me some papers written by college professors. I just type, bitches in they prime. Autocorrect comes back suggesting I meant, bitches in their prime.

No, bitch, I say, and Seymour stands up. We aint ready to go yet, Mr. S. I gots to get my junk off, ya dig? Wes gonna be here another minute so you might as well get settled.

The poor fucking dog looks hungry. Maybe stinky faggot is right: this is no place to hold a dog.

I do a search for girls being tortured and get a lot of stuff back. Man, you are some disgusting fucks. Its all fake but theres this one on a boat that looks like its real. Some stuff I never would have thought to search for, a girl with a manual blender up her puss and theyre turning the handle. Girls getting cut with razor bladeslooks real. I try to think of myself cutting a bitch with a razor blade but I cant..I like straight sex. You have to be really bored to get off on cutting a bitch up, but respect, if thats what gets you off.

I do a search for bitch with a baseball bat up her cooter and I get it, one hit. Some sick fucks stuck a baseball bat up a bitchs cooter and put that picture on the internet.

I try a search for hitting a bitch in the head with a baseball bat and find some Faces of Death stuff, just a womans face being bashed in with a baseball bat, nothing interesting. You could see her brains coming out her eye sockets, but I didnt see how you could masturbate to that. It was good for an entertainment, thats it.

Seymour barks.

Hold on, little man. I gots to get my rocks off before we take you out for a walk.

He barks again.

Settle down, ok? See what Im doing here?

Gotta get off quick. Any longer and stinky faggot is liable to come walking through that door.

Think of a good search.

white pussies with massive black cocks

electric torture pussies (wires and shit)

gerbil in ass

gerbil in female ass

medical examination (medical gloves) male hand examining female pussy with hard porn elements and full soundtrack

Nothing would get me off. I hated to do it but I went for my old standby.

college girls getting fucked against their will hardcore

Its the only thing that gets me off. A few clicks and I was in paradise, tight-pussied chicks getting thrown against beds, walls, pressed to the floor. Chicks getting beaten in the fa