Quick Overview on Communication

Miss Markowski

What do you know about it?1. From where do you receive messages from the

world?2. Can you tell how a conversation is going without

hearing the words? How?

3. Have you ever received a text or email and interpreted it the wrong way? Why?

4. When do you choose to Text vs Email vs have a Face to Face conversation? What are the benefits /drawbacks of each method?

• All the ways that you send and receive messages• Non-verbal (over 90%) gestures, eye contact,

body language, tone of voice• Verbal (8%) Words used, texts, letters

• 3 Basic skills needed for effective communication

1.Listening

2.Speaking

3.Body Language

Communication is:

Tips for Listening: Listening is the MOST powerful way of

showing that you care. Make appropriate eye-contact Give a verbal response, ask questions to continue

the conversation Don’t interrupt or make it all about YOU! Avoid the 5 communication “Filters”

(see poster in class)

Quick Listening Game

90% of communication is non-verbal!

Therefore, all of these things matter:

Eye contactBody Posture / where you are lookingLocation of your arms and handsFiddling with other objects Distance you are standing from someone (cultural)Use of touch (pat on the arm, touching hand v. upper thigh)

Tips for Body Language:

3 Main Communication Styles:• Passive: • Inability or unwillingness to express thoughts and feelings• Does not stand up for self very much• May try to defend their beliefs but then “cave in”• Will try to AVOID conflict at almost all costs• Aggressive:• Often tries to get their way by force, intimidation, being mean “bullying”• Does not really consider feelings or rights of others (my way or the highway)• In a fight, they attack the person not the problem (name-calling, yelling)• Assertive: THE “Goal” we all can try to achieve• Clearly expresses thoughts and feelings without hurting others• Defends thoughts and/or beliefs respectfully and directly• Respects rights and feelings of others• In an argument, they focus on the problem not the person (I’m upset you did that”)

• Passive –Aggressive Personality Disorder –• Unwillingness or inability to directly disagree or express unhappiness

and spends energy instead trying to get revenge or sabotage situation

VERBALLY agreeing (passive) with someone but one’s BEHAVIOR shows disagreement (aggressive)

• Examples: • doing things “accidentally on purpose” • secretly making up lies/situations to get one’s way

• “Sorry I can’t hang out with you tonight, my mom said I have to stay home” but in reality you never even asked your mom

Using “I Statements” Being assertive means speaking honestly,

clearly, and non-blameful way:

I feel ___________ when ____________ because ____________. I want/like _____________.

Let’s practice these (see handout)

Best way to say NO! and still keep your friends!

Think about a time when you said “Yes” but really wanted to say “No”? Why did you do this? There are many reasons…briefly

discuss them….

Best Way to SAY NO: Reject the behavior/issue/problem

NOT the person Which communication style is this? Think about how you can use this in ANY situation:

drugs, sex, your boss, parents, friends, etc

Saying “No” Practice Scenarios Jenn and Deb are best friends. Deb’s older sister gave

Deb some of her AD/HD drugs to help her stay up late at night to get homework done. Deb now wants to use them with Jenn so they can stay up and party longer on the weekends. Jenn thinks this is a really bad idea.

Now, write 4 different responses from Jenn: 1. Passive 2. Aggressive 3. Assertive 4. Passive-Aggressive

6 Other Ways of Saying No! (some are temporary or leave you vulnerable for people to ask you again and again)

• Say no thanks: • No, no thanks, I’m

good, etc.

• Delay: • not now, maybe

later/tomorrow/next year

• Broken Record:

• No, no, nope, no way, no how

• Plan B: offer an alternative

• “Why don’t we ….”

• Avoid: • completely change

the subject without saying no

• Leave the scene: • say no and leave

right after

4 Toxic Ways to Communicate(in any relationship, we will go over this in

more detail next class)1. Escalation (yell/laugh/kitchen sink)2. Invalidation (put downs/name calling)3. Avoiding and Withdrawing (ignoring/grudges)4. Negative Interpretation (always/never)