Web view(to the tune of 'Guantanamera') One HeraclitusThere's only one HeraclitusOne...

FIREWATCHER’S WAGES

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

Heraclitus Firewatcher {Male, early forties} Who watches for an all-important signal fire. Heraclitus Philosopher {Male, fiftyish} Whose aggressive prophecies are directed as much to our century as his. Olive Heraclitus {Female, early forties} Firewatcher's lovely, teasing, devoted wife. Orchidous {Female/crossdressing as male, early thirties} Spymaster to the Court under a false beard-- actually Hydrangea, a woman of Clytemnestra's party. Diogenes {Male, late forties} Clown? Philosopher? He claims the terms are interchangeable Archilochis {Male, late twenties) a lyric visionary. (All the roles can be colour-blind cast.)

SYNOPSIS

There are less stressful occupations, let me tell you, than sitting on Argos’ highest hill, watching day and night (a year is it now?) 24/7 for a signal fire on a distant island mountain. That's the last of a relay of pyres built up, stretching on similar mountain summits from Troy to Argos, to signal Agamemnon's return. The news will travel faster through swift medium of fire than Agamemnon's oar and sail can speed through cumbrous water. Clytemnestra will have time to prepare a reception and sacrifice. I know more than I let on about that--prefer my throat unslit.

Philosophers come by to a spot near me to harangue and sometimes prophesy--there's Heraclitus, same name as me except the suffix. The volume and sonority jolts you awake, that's very much a plus. What do you mean asleep? Just because you had to shake me roughly and I appeared to snore? At least it was my friend the poet-singer Archilochis who shook me. Wouldn't want to

explain my strategy of feigned sleep to Clytemnestra's spymaster Orchidous--who seems to show up just when my wife, visiting with lunch or other refreshment, is leaving. Something a little odd about Orchidous—something more than her (why did I say her? his I meant) homicidal devotion to the household secret service of Queen Clytemnestra.

Diogenes is more personable , cynic of course but you can have a real conversation with him at least. It passes the time, as does Archilochis' song.

That lady our Queen has a welcome ready for her husband our sovereign King let me tell you—sharp, aglitter in the sun, sheathed in a scabbard of metal-inlaid leather. I’m not so naive as they think, nor so much of a fool as to let them discover how far I see into their plans. Should it matter to me what dispatch she uses on the man who dragged my son to his death in war? I’ll blame neither her nor whatever son of a bitch slays her suddenly, though you have to admit it’s a strange way of passing the time, all this royal and noble nepotistic slaughter.

What's that? a flicker of fire in the distance, so this is the day I'm released from my watch?

Logline: The leadup to the Oresteia from the point of view of the Herald from the Agamemnon

FIREWATCHER'S WAGES

"We'd heard your fame as a seerbut no one looks for seers in Argos"Aeschylus, AgamemnonRobert Fagles tr.

"I wa-wa-wa-want you like the rich want wa-warSo ho---old me darling like prisons hold the poor."

Sheilah Gostick

Noli me tangere, for Caesar's I am,And wild for to hold, though I seem tame.Thomas Wyatt

Act I

Flames Leap Mountains From Troy to Argos

Scene i Heraclitus Firewatcher Brilliant Noses

[the first light onstage is a tiny glow like a candle flame, but fixed, above a wigwam shape with sticks protruding, on the backstage wall left further points of light over stylized bonfire images will appear at intervals throughout, until they form a complete row stage lights begin to come up slowly]

HERACLITUS FIREWATCHER

Awake! stay awake, a year awake! you tell me that's not excessiveA dog's life? not by a long shot, dogs sleep all the timeWake at the slightest unexpected sound or flicker of lightWake up and yap like a Barbarian on cue

[stage lights fully up on an otherwise bare stage heraclitus firewatcher, with a few possessions gathered about him, stands by a wigwam-shaped bonfire just waiting to be lit another light flickers up on the wall behind]

Brilliant nose a dog has! might even sniff the blazeStarting up on a miles-distant hill but that's never been testedMy damn luck, I'm not a dog, I have hands not pawsOpposable thumbs, you need that to hold a torchSet a fire going to match the fire in the distance

Not to mention how few dogs speak excellent GreekSee what I mean? as you hear me speaking it nowThe better to bring the news to our faithful Queen ho hoWhat she has in mind for Agamemnon I've heard the rumoursI wouldn't wish on a dog but shh! (fingers to lips)I might on a King

Scene ii Heraclitus Philosopher beneath skin, above bone

[a man enters wings left, in tattered once-white toga not unfamiliar with holes, and begins to speak out aggressively at the apron of the stage]

HERACLITUS PHILOSOPHER

intelligence damped and sickened by green paper colour of mould midas it seems is your epitome of earthly success because his touch was instant death to the daughter he loved above all human creatures? i'll grant you, she made an impressive statue had he been a sculptor, known a few friends who resembled the gods, his curse might have served some function statues of gold, colour of mead-darkened piss, more godlike than the gods because he starved, every bit of food he tried to eat turning to useless gold? donkeys are brighter than that, they know garbage at least is edible, gold is just too tough a chew

haven't heard medusa celebrated the same way women had it rough in my time as well

do you imagine croesus diverted the river to right and left so the stream in the middle would no longer be impossible for his soldiers to ford? his money, his implements, many slaves of his purchase and some few skilled workmen in his hire, carried out the work of hands but the work of mind, without which the rest, bold solid streams of mead-darkened piss, would have had no effect, was thales' money is not mind, it has no power apart from the skill deployed in its use (and we thought we were overloaded with gods of our own election, no earthly function in 'em) no value at all if hoarded and stockaded, then it chokes and kills

name a shoe for running after a goddess of swift intelligence, confusing the fiery rapidity of thought more than humanly supple with the gangly fleetness of sweat-reeking ankle, instep and heel (what a lovely libation to offer the goddess that caps their toes!)

claim to know the river you step in is not the river you stand in (any phrase can be turned to gabble it seems) but don't know you who step there are a river coursing vertically beneath skin,

above bone, ceaselessly changing, well? (some that only half learned this found a sudden panic as they stepped into the river dissolved their skin carried them rushing away on the current, one with the current, one with the undertow and gone to the grief and astonishment of loved ones and strangers watching from shore

[darts off wings left, pops his head back]

if their bones were ever found i never heard of it)

[exits completely]

Scene iii Heraclitus Firewatcher A Fixed Reliable Commodity


Don't mind him, we get philosophers all the time coming by to harangue the populace, it's a fulltime occupation among us Greeks Not always that well-paying as you can see, though there are those do all right by teaching Diction, vocabulary, sneaky ways to fool people in an argument mostly This one has the same name as me, Heraclitus and I quite like him Not very social, I'll grant you that, says his piece and then off, not nearly as personable as Diogenes but between the aggression in his voice and the challenge trying to riddle out what his speeches mean, he's useful for keeping a body awake Some of the others could put you to sleep so fast and do I need that? Like I need to forfeit my life on the gibbet or the chopping block (Shivers) Our local chief axeman? gives me the creeping willies I'm sorry but if you've just severed permanently the relationship between a man's head and body, you don't say to the mob of drools and leers panting looking on "It's been a slice" Hemlock you say? That's for a higher class of gent

A knife in a dark corner, extrajudicial? that'll happenBold to speak out as these fellows do when you thinkHow permanent a silence the wrong word can buy youI do find the more I hear this one speakThe more sense I discover in his wordsSome I can't make hide nor hair I'm told these philosophers in their trance statesSometimes look deep into the future, you'd lose your present day audience thereAs if the past and present aren't more than enough mess to deal with!I tried once you know, stepping in a river?Sure seemed like the same river when I was standing in itEven when I stepped out, rivers are a fixed reliable commodityCompared to human life as it flows out its course

My son among the fallen at Troy? we had messages at irregular intervalsUntil three years ago or a little more, since when dead silenceNot a word from him, no other messengers will tell us anythingSparing our feelings I expect, prize method of accomplishing that!Confirm our worst fears almost and yet leave hangingAbove our heads on a thin string like Damocles' swordThe fraying hope that if he's far less a hero than AchillesHis prospects of survival at least are betterNot so it seems though perhaps. . . I can't sleep thinking about itThat was a joke, though a bitter one I admit

Scene iv Olive, Heraclitus Firewatcher, Orchidous Marvelously Subtle

[he looks up at the sound of a voice]

OLIVE(sings, off right)

Ti-----me is an eel or worse

[enters midstage right]

Ti-----me sends you wriggles of grey

[he rises at her approach she is carrying a lunchbox]

Ti----me stings your fingers if you grasp itTi----me slithers leagues away (pauses in her approach)


Tic toc tic toc tic toc tic toc

[she starts walking towards him again as he also approaches]

OLIVE(sings)

Ti-----me is a pendulum swingingTi-----me makes a speedy arcTi-----me swings from dark to daylightTi-----me swings right back to dark


Tic toc tic toc tic toc tic toc

[they stand, eyes locked, about a foot apart]

OLIVE(sings)

Ti-----me is a rapid racerTi-----me hasn't got no shoeTi-----me runs its course quite blindlyTi-----me takes no thought of you


Tic toc tic toc tic toc ti

[they embrace and kiss]

What have you brought for lunch?

OLIVE

Seven mouldy olives


Your namesake?

OLIVE

My name is not now, and never has been, mould Hard black bread, don't mind the mud and sawdust where I dropped it, the bread itself is worse, hard as a rock and less tasty Water from the stream flows past our house, sorry about the pollution from upriver a little where they threw in all the hacked and bloody corpses


And that's what a loving wife brings her husband for his midday meal?

OLIVE

If it's all her husband's salary will stretch to, yes Wouldn't even have that if I didn't stroll the streets of an evening in search of male erectile custom

ORCHIDOUS

[a bearded man who has been observing, downstage right, an undisclosed length of time voice a high tenor, almost a low alto]

She's deceiving him, we've set spies on her and discovered nothing but chaste occupation on her part at whatever hour So in another sense, she's not deceiving him


[who's been rummaging in the lunchbox]

Feta cheese mixed with chopped chives, pimento and diced olives Some black as their namesake's pupils, others green as the irises of her eyes

OLIVE

My eyes are another green altogether, husband


They are, but emeralds can't be eaten Wood oven baked unleavened bread

OLIVE

Partly leavened


The old leaven the bread a little so it only slightly rises trick

OLIVE

To rise too much is to arouse envy and suspicion amongst our betters Even in bread and other baked products, it's best to observe a mean between extremes

ORCHIDOUS

She's a sensible woman, good steady influence on the whole If she compromised his attentiveness of course, we'd forbid these visits 'tween 'em


Grapes pressed and concentrate, in a mini-amphora

[takes mini-amphora out of lunchbox olive has already brought two small stemmed glasses from amongst heraclitus' paraphernalia he unstoppers and pours the two retire behind the wigwam/prospective bonfire to enjoy wine and lunch]

ORCHIDOUS

There are parties at court and I'm of Clytemnestra's party Currently the only visible one at court, since our Queen considers support for Agamemnon disloyal And he doesn't know how power tips on its balance and that he needs allies when he returns But the dispositon of almost the lot is opportunistic, if Agamemnon sees what's coming, evades the fate she's arranging and smashes down Clytemnestra! her present loyalist will melt away into Agamemnon's party Not me, I'm loyal to the death and I can assure you, not only mine if the day comes

They call themselves of Aegisthus' party for very pride, who would be ruled and directed by a woman? but Aegisthus is an empty toga Does she defer to him merely for sake of form or does she love the inadequate creature? perhaps one part of what's under his toga is fleshed and firm

One of my tasks is to watch the watchman here Others I can delegate, I have spies in the same number as a spider has legs and control them to the same degree I know the webs spun in a whee! and control their spinning even when my agents believe, as they all sometimes do, they weave crosswise to my purpose

[they rise, embrace she backs away a few paces then turns to walk off left, he watching the whole time, she looking back over her shoulder more than once]

Some tasks, and this is one, I need to keep within grasp of these eight fingers, two thumbs Marvelously subtle these thumbs arranged crosswise to the fingers! make possible our grasp and manipulation of all manner of extensions mechanic, opening the world of matter like a jewel box to psyche's forceful pressure Open and use the mind-machinations of lesser men by the slightest thumb pressure

[approaches the firewatcher as he waves a long last goodbye to olive before she exits wings left]

Scene v Orchidous, Heraclitus Firewatcher Drawing Your Sword at a Puffball

[turning his gaze reluctantly frontwards once more heraclitus, at orchidous' approach, does a double take]

ORCHIDOUS

How goes the watch, friend? I hope you're not neglectfulIt's a high trust you've been given and after all you're paid


Very badly

ORCHIDOUS

Commensurate, yes, with your worth and station in lifeRise by diligent effort which is almost impossible or better yetReturn to the year of your birth, find a noble wombTo house your embryo, then you'll have treasures, prerogativesEqual to even your exaggerated pretensions 'til whenTake gratefully what's given, no ideas above your station(Aside) There isn't room for two social climbers on this stage

HERACLITUS FIREWATCHER(aside)

He forgets he has to project to the godsI can overhear quite easily

ORCHIDOUS

Something's in the airChange on the way, I can sniff it


Woof woof!

ORCHIDOUS

What's that? have a careInsubordination's proved fatal to men more worthy than youSince ages and ages, long before you were born


And somehow I missed that! wasn't I paying attention?

ORCHIDOUS

And will to many more, long after you're dead


You and me both (aside) I love to needle him about thatHas ambitions to be a demigod and immortalHates to be reminded

ORCHIDOUS

Have a care! You'd be gone long sinceIf I weren't, Zeus knows why, so fond of you personally


A cat can look at a King! or a Queen! a dog even

ORCHIDOUS

A cat may look at a dog but if the dog looks back it runs!

HERACLITUS

What if it's a lion?

ORCHIDOUS

[with some effort bringing a long burst of laughter under control]

W-w-what if it's a lion? HeraclitusI can never stay angry at you very longIt would be like raging and drawing your sword at a puffballTwirling in air, even if it secreted itself in your nostrilBear in mind if you ever get too far up my noseI'll pull you out with no second thoughtsToss you limp, wet, lifeless on earth's receptive bedWhat if you're a lion? there are rabbits roar louder than you! HERACLITUS FIREWATCHER(stung)

Hmmp! well they'd have to be seriously overgrown rabbits ORCHIDOUS

That they would, no doubt Well good day to you!Well done, good and faithful servant and all that nonsenseI have far more urgent and pressing duties calling me away


[after orchidous has exited stage left]

You heard what he said? commendation, is that food and drink?Did you hear a single word that could be remotely construedAs the promise or teensiest small hint of a raise in pay?After one full year! when not a wink of sleep has passed my eyes [yawns looks about fearfully]

ORCHIDOUS(off)

Keep it to yourself, please, friend


How could you hear that?You aren't even in the scene anymore

ORCHIDOUS

The walls have earsAnd every single one of them owes me money

[the last word echoes fainter and fainter]

Scene vi Heraclitus Firewatcher, Archilochus Sneaking up on a Body


[after he's settled himself into a cross-legged position]

It's a living--barely! The work's neither varied nor interestingNot what a child with invincible illimitableProspects (it knows no better) would dream of in lifeBut we age it seems into fixed immutable positionsHow do we break the rock embeds our destiny?Minimum wage would be food, rags, shelter also? (waves hand dubiously) I'm freebornThank Zeus, and never been taken as spoils from a sacked and ruined cityWho'd take me for a slave anyway? not worth the price of a shackleSworded and tossed in a heap to feed roving dogsThose'd be some sleek and contented dogsEver see a city sacked and pillaged? awesome bloodworkLightning quick surgery with opposite effectArgos is spared that, Troy might have fallen soonerWhile our son yet lived our son is dead?noI won't believe 'til an onsite eyewitness confirmsSoldiers live through wars soldiers live through wars soldiers live through wars

[draws in a succession of long breaths]

I'm freeborn thank Zeus, they're obliged to pay me somethingAnd an hourly wage adds up if your work's fulltimeIn the strictest possible sense, a year by this stickpile!Still no signal in black smoke red fire from the nearest mountainNearest of the line crossing islands and mainlandBackward from Argos to Troy in view of each sentinelThe fire code means a city gutted and ravagedCity aflame? flame city! celebrate a mass of deathPlunder in bulging hold the ships sail homeNearer the inner chamber of his thrice-splendid courtWhere Clytemnestra chisels and finishes his destinyI'm no kibitzer, if Agamemnon plays his cards rightIf by his bluff alone, he may win out at poker in the endBut that's a spec

[his eyes begin to blink, slowly, rapidly, head begins to nod, jerks it up suddenly, looking both ways in animal terror, not seeing the approach from behind of a man with a lyre strung over his back eyes begin to blink, rapidly now slowly head sinking forward slumps into his chest abrupt snore cut off in the middle tap on his shoulder jerks him suddenly and quakingly awake]


[when he's blinked full awake and recognized archilochis]

Don't you know it's dangerous sneaking up on a body?What if I'd had a knife? What if you'd had a knife?What if your catsoft approach had stopped my heart suddenly?I'll tell you what! they'd need a substitute quickPut you out here in my place, see how you'd like that

ARCHILOCHIS

An elephant approaching from behindWoluld stomp as near and you'd not hear its treadUnless as leaden footfall in your sleepSough with its trunk along your near-gone hairline


I beg to differ, I was wide awakeDeceived you into thinking I was nappingStartled at your approach? don't make me laugh!Have you got anything, a potion, lotionSomething that fizzes and sparkles in water glassTo help a body wake? Has no one yetFound out in Afric's darkness coffee plant?

ARCHILOCHIS

Nothing but new fresh song for lyre accompanimentA tune as rollick as a pirate's deckShall I unleash my lyric muse to rouse you?


A plan so antic it might e'en succeedYou know I love your music Archilochis

ARCHILOCHIS

[sings, with accompanying strums of his lyre, which sounds suspiciously like ro;bust guitar fingering and picking from some pointoffstage and out of sight]

Zeus was a God and a God was HeAnd He seeded the Nymphs and He seeded the SeaHe conquered as a Bull and he conquered as a Swan


Leda bore twins, Helen and our fair QueenClytemnestra, Agamemnon's bride?

ARCHILOCHIS(annoyed)

And you wouldn't believe how he got it on


Where, thought you, came the lightning in her eyes?

ARCHILOCHIS

[double plus annoyed, forces his concentration to sing]

And you wouldn't belieeeeVe how he got it on

[speaks]

Friend Heraclitus if you interruptThis song so new compos'd and freshly learntI fear I'll fault on ev'ry bar and lineSo belt it if my song you care to knowOr I'll off, leave 't for a fairer day


Backstory Archilochis! think this crowdKnows King or Queen from cheese wheel 'mong the Greeks?I must a scrap or two of informationPass on at intervals, besides it's pleasantTo portend earn'd disaster 'mongst our bettersThe highborn swat the lower sort like flies

Yet cannot flee from snippy scissor'd FateI'll interrupt no more, nor make a sound'Less laughter forces ope these twain my lips

ARCHILOCHIS

Fair bargained and well measur'd sir, where was I? [composes his thoughts, touches tones from the lyre experimentally at last, strums, sings]

Zeus was a God and a God was HeAnd He seeded the Nymphs and He seeded the SeaAphrodite from the foam of the Sea was bredBut He had another daughter in His Head

[with a lift of his fingers invites accompaniment]

HERACLITUS/ARCHILOCHIS(sing)

Yes He had another daaaughTer in His Head

HERACLITUS FIREWATCHER(sings)

Zeus was a God and a God was HeAnd He seeded the Nymphs and he seeded the Sea

ARCHILOCHIS(sings)

Nine months in his forehead Athena hid'Cause He fucked His brains is what He did


Yes He fucked his braiiiiNs is what He did


Zeus was a God and a God was HeAnd He seeded the Nymphs and He seeded the Sea

ARCHILOCHIS(sings)

From above HIs eyes rose Athena full grownSo it's plain to see as I'm sure you'll ownThe brains of Athena and you and meWere all produced onanistic'ly


Were all produce oooooNanistic'ly

Zeus was a God and a God was HeAnd He seeded the Nymphs and he seeded the SeaHe conquered as a Bull and he conquered as a SwanAnd you wouldn't belieeve


No you wouldn't belieeeve

ARCHILOCHIS(sings)

No you wouldn't belieeeeeeee


Ve how He got it on.

ARCHILOCHIS

It seemeth me this ten years' war 'twixt TroyAnd the amassed naval might of AechaeaProceeded endwise crack't from double eggImplanted featherways by Zeus in LedaHelen who faithless launch'd a murd'rous fleetClytemnestra who nurses healless woundIphigenia in virgin bridal whiteDeceiv'd was led to altar and to knifeHelen must Menelaus chase, recaptureSails must have wind, wind cried for blood soaked earth

HERACLITUS

Enough! How oft must we rehearse this matter?

ARCHILOCHIS

Till we without book can recite our lines


Pity poor Iphigenia! deceiv'dHer gown a winding sheet after other hopesNo groom at altar only whetted bladeBlood copious pours as blood had lately stain'dHer childish linens at first womanheedNot Hymen marks the feast, Persephone!Blood copious as a mother's vengeful tearsCupp'd into fire-sped arrow tipsAim'd at the executioner's treach'rous heart! [he has poured in two small glasses for himself and archilochis

the last of that lunchtime amphor of bright crimson wine]


Pity Iphigenia!

ARCHILOCHIS

Pity Iphigenia!

[they tap glasses]

HERACLITUS/ARCHILOCHIS

Skol!

[they drain each at a swallowarchilochis, lyre strung on back, departs]

HERACLITUS FIREWATCHER(mournfully)

Zeus was a God and a God was HeHe seeded the Nymphs and He seeded the Sea

[pensive he sits cross-legged and broods]

Daughters and sons on Troy's bloody altarScamper on youthful feet down winding pathTo Hades' shadowed unforgiving realm

[he looks up and sees another shabby-togaed philosopher approaching

Scene vii Heraclitus Firewatcher, Diogenes Who Can Define Man?

who bears in one hand the clasp of a lighted lantern]


Still on the hunt with the lighted lamp by daySearching the whole plain of Greece for an honest man?Didn't set it down, quest over, the first time you metAnd talked to me? I ought to be offended

DIOGENES

You're honest enough as the world goes, Heraclitus, but something's missing Perhaps perfect honesty's not to be found in this world for reasons besides the baseness of men If I were certain it was there when I looked in the glass at my reflection I'd go about everywhere shining it on my own face and say mission accomplished!


You'd look silly doing that

DIOGENES

I look silly doing everything Listen! the belly isn't the only part that quakes when laughter rollicks up in it The firm set of opinions in the mind is shaken, their order rearranged or even inverted View of the world might alter profoundly opening up vistas And soon after all's as it was, the mind snaps shut again so what's the point? But maybe it doesn't snap shut each time so completely, a peep into a world of possibilities unvisited. . . And maybe it opens wide and never shuts again, I've seen that happen with some


And so a new clown's born

DIOGENES

A new philosopher, yes And we fight among ourselves like tomcats in heat for the ineffable, the elusive essence of existence whose maddening scent drives us on, but she keeps just out of our reach, mewing merrily at our discontent and lashing her tail That was a grotesquely overextended metaphor!


I know the ineffability chasers tolerably well I should, enough of them come by the haranguer's posts with their own minute explanations of what they insist can't be explained

DIOGENES

Dogmas, formal sacraments to trap in their nets forever what either has no form or so vast a one it encloses us And who can describe a box he can't look out of?


My sentiments exactly, though it had never occurred to me before But that precise argument leads me to doubt your claim to be one of the ineffable brigade

DIOGENES

I was in my youth, but I outgrew the urge to hunt what's so perpetually elusive (pauses a moment struck by a new thought) Or have I? after all I now hunt everywhere for signs of virtue


With any hope of finding what you seek?

DIOGENES

If I'm not certain I've found it in the glass, or wavering reflection tossed back at me from the water, how can I hope even to discern it in the larger world? Perhaps the reason is the one given

by Heraclitus How can we be truly honest if we aren't ever fully awake?


What do you mean the reason given by me? I'm not saying it's a wrong idea, there are so many things it might explain, but it's certainly nothing I've ever uttered

DIOGENES(puzzles a moment, then)

Ohh! I see what you mean No I was referring to Heraclitus the raggedy ass philosopher, not the esteemed citizen of less dubious honesty than most, whose occupation is to watch for fires that never appear For the sad reason that war never ends


Everybody's got to be someplace Me? I'm in the ass end of a dead ass dead end job, but I can't complain Nobody'd listen if I did

DIOGENES

I've tried to discuss with him, probe for his reasons Heraclitus Philosopher isn't much for conversation as I'm sure you've noticed And to answer your first question, no I have no hope, but my mother didn't raise any quitters


I hear you've been begging statues for food?

DIOGENES

What can I say? The stately eloquence of their implied refusal is an improvement on the surly grunts or embarrassed stammers of the rich.


Is it true you once met Alexander?

DIOGENES

The great of that name ho ho? I did, he sought me out at my barrel


Still living in a barrel?

DIOGENES

Seventeen years, it saves the expense of bathing in the rainy season People have told me since they'd've killed for the privilege of meeting Alexander, and given his propensities I can't think of a better plan of approach offhand Better by far than dying, far more died at the hands of his armies than ever got a glimpse of his face or even his armour


I suspect many had no idea, even at the last breath, who they owed this sudden swoop of killing to Always amassed killings, whole city populations and such, but however heaped and indiscriminate in the aftermath, the death of each was met individually

DIOGENES

Are you certain you've no ambitions to be a philosopher?


(to the tune of 'Guantanamera')

One HeraclitusThere's only one HeraclitusOne HeracliiiitusThere's only one Heraclitus(speaks) and as for being a clown I haven't enough suppleness of limb

Now what about Alexander! give, give!

DIOGENES

He went many miles out of his way to meet me, and stood casting shadow that cost me precious seconds sunlight! I told him so He's killed men for less, much less but he chose to laugh in this case at my audacity There are privileges that go with being a buffoon I was nowise impressed with Alexander


And Plato?

DIOGENES

Yes and no I prefer his earlier, funny pieces


Had a run in I hear over his definition of man?

DIOGENES

Featherless biped! I plucked a chicken and told everybody "This is Plato's man" He had the grace at least to admit his definition was hasty, though I don't recall his next being much of an improvement I wrung the neck of the chicken after and gave it to a poor family for their supper They were gratified, the man who'd given it to me wasn't Their gratitude lasted until they were hungry again, his wrath has never let up to this day That's how it always goes, you make a friend for a day and a half, you make an enemy for life I've seen corpses after a battle cover every inch on a plain five miles long, three wide, and a man whose outrage never cooled at the base theft

and murder of a chicken Who can define man?


Is it really true you have no hope?

DIOGENES

I allow myself some, one Saturday every other month I roll a five-sided die to determine which Saturday If I roll five in a month with only four I'm hopeless even longer than usual Plato's the mathematician, you can ask him how long that would be


[as stage lights begin to dim]

I'll be sure to do that if I live long enough as he hasn't been BORN yet and won't be for CENTURIES! Call me traditionalist but I hate this kind of scattershot anachronism in a play for the stage

[stage in blackness except for the tiny lights over wigwam bonfires along the backstage wall, stretching from left to centre stage]

DIOGENES

What do you mean a play for the stage?

[house lights up intermission]

Act II

Ships Asail for Home

scene i Heraclitus Philosopher/Firewatcher an appalling pax

[two more lights have been added to the procession on the backstage wall while you were drinking and chatting in the lobby athird joins them just as a spotlight, down stage left, comes up on]

HERACLITUS PHILOSOPHER

run engines and devices of necessity, convenience, luxury, rapine on lightning-fire whipped through generators harnessed and spun into house after house on humming wire scoff at the very idea all being is sublimated fire why then domesticate it so? because you find it inessential?

saw camps of death who had counted the corpses? the numbers climb like the rock of sisyphus steadily pushed uphill, only they never roll back down that's one high steep hill, the top out of sight in the upper clouds, bones twitching organs rotted flesh and muscle saw smoke of slaughter so general it could turn whole nations into nostrils and still! didn't see that if one principle in life suppresses all opposition to impose an appalling pax it is death, death 'til it's driven back, death once more if it's overcome by a principle that sweeps away all opposition to impose an appalling pax

don't know the gods see nothing but good in existence, the evil men discover they first invent don't know sea water is corrupt and pure, healthy for fish, poisonous for men though by careless innovation you've made it poisonous for both don't know that men wash in water clean if they can find it pigs in mud, chickens in dust, cats with the silvery wet of their own saliva, sometimes by coughing up balls of fur, cleansing their own insides men call their furballs conscience, don't know blood can't be washed away with blood or flesh scrubbed clean with a steel wool rub that opposites bring each other into being, war most pitiless and fury-ridden as the peace that preceded it was most idle and corrupt peace more slurrily explosive, cauldron bubble-popping, unsettled uncanny the more absolute unassailable the victory that won it people find ways to strike back even when defeat seems total see what's before your eyes? no however many times life lessons repeated however underlined and starred scrub out the flecks of blood in the margins, scrub them with steel wool doze into repetition after cleansing, down through millenia the lids that shield from plain sight, those orbs never open fully at best open shut open like clattering blinds in front of a window making phantom dream pictures to replace the world

[loud snore from center stage lights begin to come up snoring continues but subsides to a

background murmur]

asleep at work, walking, driving (the oddest gleaming chariots without horses you've ever seen and such speeds! rank oily smells! all equipped, smallest to largest, for battle but in whose cause do they fight? to die in battle might be glorious, but to die fighting in your sleep? not knowing 'til the instant life seeps out of you and beyond, even that you fight and that you sleep, not so much?)

[now the whole stage is lit, dimly but brightening, it's obvious the source of the snoring, which begins to rise in volume, is heraclitus firewatcher, sitting cross-legged, head slumped forward into his chest]

sleepers! above all in the places of highest importance among you is there one person in all the teeming nations of earth, so many more nations, peoples and people than we ever dreamed of one among you in position of authority and assumed responsibility who bothers

[annoyed because the snoring now competes with his speaking voice, heraclitus philosopher strides up to his namesake and begins shaking him furiously; stutter snores, at last the head rises blearily the eyes open shut open]

who bothers to keep fully awake?

[he turns and walks boldly off]

Scene ii Heraclitus Firewatcher The Last One in the Distance


Wha--? whazzat who says awake AWAKE! already awakeNot sleeping whoever says I was sleeping's a liar

[shakes head back and forth, blinks rapidlyprops open eyelids, bloo-las with tongue]

I know my place, don't tell me! and my dutiesDreaming wide awake--that's it! what are you looking at? it happensHappens quite a lot I'd say by the look of thingsTrying to prove something to me? I know the situation's grave

I know my contribution's crucial and badly underpaidYou think you can do it better step right up! be my guestGuest and a half if that was too little inducementHow did I know you wouldn't budge from cushioned seat?Spectators and people who act, that's how the world's dividedShow willing? demonstrateJust what I do when the crucial momentArises? nothing more easy

[holds up flashlight]

I set the torch to the bonfire, echoing the last one in the distanceSignalling Agamemnon's shipsAre full sail on their way! I runTo convey the news to the Queen's undersecretaryThe fire may be safe untendedBut why a double message?Redundancy of systems I think is what they called itIf one fails, the other might still succeedAnd if my heart stops before I can transmit either?Cross that bridge when I fall from it into the river

Scene iii Heraclitus Firewatcher, Olive, Orchidous/Hydrangea I Am of Clytemnestra's Party Absolutely

[sees his wife approaching, bold passion in her eye not dressed as before in pearl grey toga but in a flame-red number that hugsevery curve]


[recites, or sings to the air traditionally used forthe robbie burns song this ecchoes (forwards in time)]

My luve is like a red, red eelThat's hatched in May or JuneWho twa bold fishers tried to netAnd wet their hats aboon

Eight fathoms deep they sank, not swumMy luve swam off most featlyShe's fairer far athwart the deepThan dressed for dinner meatly

[at arm's length she reaches, takes his hand, draws him into close embrace, whispers he draws back from her and finds among his paraphernalia a three part screen full of mermaids, leaping dolphins, blowfish, sailing ships and at the centre of the middle panel a flame red eel she draws him behind the screen noises ensue]

ORCHIDOUS(down stage right)

I am of Clytemnestra's party absolutely bu--t, perhaps not so absolutely unlike the opportune ones, as I have opportune motives of my own

[lowers false beard to reveal a woman's features]

My father named me for a flower he saw growing everywhere and loved, in near Asia where he was with an army conquering They say it grows in wilder, more exotic form in far Asia, but they'll tell you almost everything about far Asia as so few have been there and can contradict even the wildest most improbable inventions The flowers he sw were lovely, exotic enough

HYDRANGEA

Hydrangea So he named me and I love the name But curse the fate of woman birth No room under Agamemnon or any Greek or Asia minor King for woman's ambition, but under Clytemnestra? we shall see

He's been a reliable servitor enough, no need to retire him whether by slashing sword at arm's length neck the best target across the belly if it's slow pain you want but such a gross spillage of guts, dagger up close the heat-crackling intimacy's ecstatic and whiff of fright? you haven't lived if you've never sniffed it javelin if he runs we have trained marksmen can pin a butterfly at a distance, not even a large one and a grown man's a much broader target subtle poisons, the art of intermixing them tasteless to the tastee, finding the measure whose traces will vanish in the corpse in event it's tested suspicion? can't hang a man on suspicion, not if he has the ear of the Queen never use poison on so insignificant a minion of course, investigation? what investigation? what's to fear? it would have to matter to someone whether he lived or died

[blinks passes her hand in front of her eyes]

Sorry Sometimes I get carried away with the finer points

[their motion langourous, olive and heraclitus firewatcher fold the painted screen

Of this activity in a watcher I'm of two minds, if it helps keep him content all to the good evidently

[and walk hand in hand to a point midstage left

but if it should make his concentration lapse? it's not in the act, mind you, I fear that In throes of somatic lava one's extra-sensitive to flame: internal or ortherwise, so I've always found it But in the sleepy afterpause it seems not improbable Attention might loosen its grip on the neck cord of fear

[where they say a lingering goodbye]

I'll tighten it muchly

Scene iv Hydrangea, Heraclitus Firewatcher Nine Lives this Sovereign Blade Alone

[s/he approaches the prospective bonfire of logs and sticklets as heraclitus firewatcher, at a dopy meandering pace, returns]

HYDRANGEA

Report, sentinel! what news of signal fires?

[heraclitus firewatcher jumps, stands to rigid attentionsnaps orchidous a crisp salute hydrangea perfunctorily returns]

At ease! and can't you salute and talk at the selfsame time?


Sir! as you can see sir, no new newsNo fire on a distant hill yet relaying by flamespeak

Troy a sacked and burning ruin, what's with our soldiers?Ten years and Zeus knows how many reinforcing shiploadsAnd Troy still untaken? I'd be suspecting lazinessAt the very least, at worst Duplicity

HYDRANGEA

It's my job suspecting duplicity, not yours!I often think I catch double meaning in your speechIs it true? would you have us replace you at this post?Firewatchers can be had a drachma a hundredCorpses as meat for the hounds fetch even lessThe oversupply makes it a buyer's marketPerhaps you'd feed the Queen's copious litter of kittensA full grown cat needs tougher, stringier meatLess slack! more muscle! they love to gobble tonguesNever understood that but it's proverbialYou'd vanish traceless, an empty spaceReplacing an empty space


You say I'm not there?You might be surprised how much more there is of meKeen sighted Orchidous! than those owl eyes see

HYDRANGEA(aside)

It may be true but he thinks he's the only one?I might conceal a surprise or two myselfIn my face and . . . elsewhere


What's he say? I missed that

HYDRANGEA

Fear me not sentinel! I'm more than satisfied with howYour duty's dispatched, I'd even commend you to the QueenIf our politic converse allowed any room for small talk


I live to serve at her majesty's

[he is staring cross-eyed at a dagger hydrangea has whipped out and is pressing against his adam's apple]

HYDRANGEA

Cat got your tongue?

[draws back blade sheathes it]

Cats only have nine lives and this sovereign blade alone'S done in more than a cat's worth personally It quiversMy hand can scarce contain it, hung'ring for moreFear me not, Heraclitus! fear my willful daggerIn Clytemnestra's service ever readyAs yon strolliing strummer's instrument is

[pointing out archilochis, down stage righttuning his lyre, beside him a big plastic bucketon which is taped a sign reading FEED THE MUSE]

In service of divinest Calliope

[over her shoulder as she walks off left]

I brought up the matter of a raise in your pay

The paymaster's snicker is the ugliest I've ever heard

Scene iv Archilochis, Heraclitus Firewatcher Tiny Killers

ARCHILOCHIS(strums, sings)

Want to live inside a mi--croscope, but it hasn't been inve--ntedAlternating with a te--lescope, but the story's just the sameWant to see the world that's hi--dden in the gravel cartwheels ki--ck upAll the tiny little a--toms with their swirling partsSee the calling card tra--ces of quanta so ti--nyThe most powerful mi--croscope can't see 'em directWith the eyes of a mi--crobe you could surely se--e themBut it's not been esta--blished microbes even have eyesIn so mad a ci--rcus! what an inconve--nienceLike aurora borea--lis if you happen to be blindCan a fly see mi--crobes with its multi-milli-vi--sion?Does it gobble eup the choi--cest off of food and shit?Bet it gobbles up the choi--cest off of food and shit

Wouldn't want to be a fly--'s eye, not for love or mo--neyView might be minute bu--t wouldn't have much sizeDoubt a fly too much appre--ciates a vibrant su--nset'Cept for fog on a we--t day, flies never see cloudsThough I've seen flies sca--ling up the sides of tall bui--ldingsDoubt they see it as Lord Hi--l'ry saw the Everest climbFlies no doubt see some pie--ces of the world more clea--rlyBut the world they do--o see hasn't much height or widthYes the world they do--o see hasn't much height or width

Eagles take the broa--d view, see small prey at great di--stanceSure they don't see mi--crobes, but then neither do weNot without a mi--croscope, and they haven't been inventedDon't forget I'm si--nging this in Ancient GreeceNot a meal or a sna--ck even, in a microbe for an ea--gleIt's no wonder they ne--ver ever learned to se--e themPut a full size ma--n's brain in the head of an eagleIt would suddenly wa--nt to see microbes and deep spaceNaked human eye se--es far less distance than an ea--gle's

Luckily we'll o--ne day invent the telescopeYes luckily we'll o--ne day invent the telescope

With the Hubble te--lescope we can see much fu--rtherNot just into dee--p space but far distant timeWe can see a billion li--ght years to a faroff ga--laxyAnd because of the di--stance, what we see's not there nowWhat we see's a sna--pshot from a billion yea--rs agoThat's a long time wai--ting for your pictures to deve--lopBut we didn't exi--st yet, so what else had we to do?No we didn't exi--st yet, so what else had we to do?

We don't seem to se--e much we can use to our adva--ntageNot even with a mi--croscope, telescope and allWe can fly to Arte--mis' roost or the planet A--resThat's the fourth from the sun whi--ch you've misnamed MarsBut the planet of the wa--r God is the third not the fourth oneOf the Gods of the Apo--calypse if you want to call them thatThese are four fierce ri--ders on the swiftest of ho--rsesAnd you don't need a mi--croscope to examine their tra--cesThe amassed piles of bo--dies would be visible by sa--telliteOn the ground a pocket te--lescope could show you heaps up closeOn the ground a pocket te--lescope could show you heaps up close

With a satellite e--ye you can pinpoint loads of peo--pleYou can target them preci--sely with bombs or gasYou can target them with Pe--stilence, that was one of the four ri--dersBut you'll soon see epi--demics cropping up in your own peo--ple'Cause disease ba--cilli know no idol alle--gianceWhere we see a live bo--dy, they see a pre-corpseDo they even know they're kil--ling? And in this how do they differFrom bombers trained to ta--rget playing video games?We can track 'em with a mi--croscope, hunt 'em down with tiny kil--lersBut the ones that we don't ki--ll will only come back that much stro--ngerWe are really not equi--pped to deal with germs of our own ma--kingSince the ones we didn't coo--k up we've got little power to stopNo we don't seem to se--e much we can use to our adva--ntageNot with microscope or te--lescope or satellite eyeWhat you see is not exi--stence if your view is to a mu--rder'Cause you can't see the world with anti-pathetic eyesNo you can't see the wo--rld with anti-pathetic eyes

For the world's already va--nished to obliterating eyesYes the world's already va--nished (strums the last few notes)

[stares discontent at the empty bucket as heraclitus, sneaking up, drops a coin in the sound startles archilochis wholooks up at first in panic]

O! thank you Heraclitus How goes the firewatch?


Same old same old, pretty stingy crowd tonight

ARCHILOCHIS

Squeeze a denarius 'til the metal streams moltenPuddling at their feet! no ear at all for music


Not even a lobe for lyric innovationI don't know what the world's coming to if such musicIsn't worth quite a few drops in the bucket

ARCHILOCHIS

It's the truth in my strophes that clenches their pursesIn song the loot accompanies the liarDozing in plush-padded seats! it consoles meOne day they'll pay sleep debt in full (exits stage right)


[strolling back to bonfire post]

You could have showed a little appreciation!Marvelous melody! Damned if I could follow the wordsThat's how it is with these trancy prophetic lyricsYou're from the future he's singing about! I don't understand youLettting such a lovely salute across centuries go by

[sits cross-legged by the steepled sticks]

With nary a ghost of a handclap! Same old same oldFaithful Archilochis starving for his museFaithful Heraclitus at his station until death

[eyes blink a little he snaps them wide open]

There'll never be a fire come calling for my torchlightTo answer with the glad news "Troy at last is burning"Down the centuries you'll still be rehearsing that long war

[yawns eyes begin to blink rapidlyflutters them more rapidly to prevent them closingthis has the opposite effect, his head slumps slowly forward]

Scene v Heraclitus Firestarter

[the next-to-last space on the backstage wall receives itstiny light as, off left, dim but steadily brightening,arises an ambient glow

he sleeps, the signal! a long oversized shepherd's crookemerges in his direction from wings right, trailing a bannerwhose letters, gradually revealed, spell outDEUS EX MACHINA

the hook latches round heraclitus' neck, tuggingwith a jerk so hard he falls over on his side, whichstartles him awake]


What?! wha---!!

[looks left and sees the light glowing brighterand brighter freezes transfixed in his tracks]

Well for one thing this means I'll be looking for workIn a day or two the latest, three! a good round snoozeOr what good would I be to any prospective employee?Plunder could certainly enrich the local economyShould snaffle something if I can think of any marketable skillsI can somehow persuade a hiring agent I've actually gotA year watching fire makes it pretty much impossible to trainEspecially at my age, for today's competitive marketPeople need heralds and runners but one leg's badCourt sinecures are good, but you need hardcore suavityNever had that, nor the Latin a magistrate needsThat's an anachronism, I hoped we'd get through this lastWithout any more of those, but you know playwrightsMaybe the Queen's generosity will settle on my an annuity?Shouldn't wealth trickle down? grasping at straws[grabs up flashlight]now's the moment

What do I set loose, firing this bundle of steeple sticks?Fire and blood a colour deeper than fireSmoke and bones white as thin smoke but more solidRuins chared black as thick smoke embodiedCities and nations made blood, ash, heaped corpsesNew cities springing up in gloomy miasmic TartarusIs it my doing? I only work hereAgamemnon, Clytemnestra work out their destiniesSomebody'd fire those logs and sticklets if I set aside the torchSomebody'd open a mother lode[slashes hand across throat]Blood darker than fire

[stage lights dim to spotlight o;n heraclitus andhia steeple of sticklets the only other lightis given off by the tiny flamelike dots along the

backstage wall room for one more]

Should I side with Agamemnon for protection now?The man who herded my son to his slaughter at Troy?I'll applaud Clytemnestra penning and bleeding him outAnd likewise whatever so;n of a bitch slays her suddenlyThey're none of them worth much whatever they ownI wouldn't pay them my meagre wage, but do they need it?Agamemnon wouldn't believe a woman could best himOr any woman not find him irresistibleEven returning with slave-prophet mistress in towEven with blood of their daughter smoke-reeking his handsHe's enjoyed many women but all by enslavement and rapeYou'd think he'd know their feelings might differ from hisOld enough to bleed Agamemnon old enough to BUTCHERDye that fine warrior's bronze a brilliant crimson

[switches on flashlight, touches it to the wigwam of kindlingwhich ignites all at once like a faux log fire]

Let the interesting times begin!

BLACKOUTHouse Lights UpShow's Over

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