PSFC Player of the Year Awards 09

The last day of the 2009 Leith Festival was given a suitably glamorous finale when the Primaries POTY Awards took place at The Raj curry house on The Shore.

The Indian restaurant has become a favourite of the Glitterati (and with the food at 1983 prices who can blame them?) with the likes of Leo Sayer and Joe Pasquali declaring the menu to be “Quite Reasonable”- Naan Bread Monthly August 2003.

There was a tremulous sense of anticipation and those lucky enough to be in attendance nervously dipped poppadoms into pickles. It certainly was a star studded affair with special guests Nick “CyclePath” Woodhead joining “Gentleman” Jim Wilson at the top table.

The first award of the night was the sought after “Tit of the Year” award. After a secret ballot the voting was announced: -

Douglas Kay – 7 votes. (For that miss and that O.G during the unspeakable 7’s.)Jamie Young – 3 votes. (For missing two that very night and selling the jerseys)Gary Sullivan – 2 votes. (Just cos he is.)Ian Forrest – 1 vote. (For the wardrobe malfunction against Musselburgh)

So it was the bald bard who took the trophy (a kind of Venus de Milo for fannies) after two of the most outrageous incidents in recent memory. Luckily, Kay took the sensible step of placating his peers with a well thumbed copy of Stinky Clams that he had bought at the local corner shop. Oh well, each to their own.

The next award on show was the “Player’s Player of the Year”. Not so much a trophy as a piece of pottery that resembles a miniature bed pan, the voting was as tight as a Gnat’s chuffer.

Neil Adams – 3 votes. (The silver haired stalwart always digs us out the mire)David Baillie – 3 votes. (The one we turn to when up Shit Creek without a canoe)Paddy Durkin – 2 votes. (His Crocodile Shoes always gets us out of Soapy Bubble)Ross Morrison – 2 votes. (Baffling one this after a penchant for giving away pens)Douglas Kay – 1 vote. (Cant tackle a fish supper but a lovely laddie)

So, a dramatic deadlock in the voting! Collective breaths were held until the Council Of Committee Usual Procedures (C.O.C.U.P) finally gave their ruling. Seeing as Baillie had actually bothered his arse to turn up he was deservedly given the nod. Nice one, Davie!

At this juncture, a shocking incident had the top table in uproar!

“Cyclepath” Woodhead was victim to a nasty case of “Balti-rage” when it turned out he had asked for a Prawn Bhuna yet took delivery of the far less appealing Shrimp Dopiaza. The Silver Feather must have had his drink spiked because when he had ended his Ruby Murray Rampage, the restaurant looked like Madhur Jaffrey had taken a stab at a Jackson Pollock painting. The assorted company looked on aghast. French pished himself laughing. For two hours. Straight.

Next on the agenda – The BIG ONE TM. The Player of the Year!

It was standing room only as Garry Forgie looked up from his laptop for the only time that night and handed Greg Dimeck the gold envelope. The bookmakers had been having a field day with this one all week and there were no less than 9 names in the mix.

Sullivan had been made short price favourite at evens but there was late money for Dimeck after that outrageous strike earlier in the day. Forgie read out the nominations for the Man of the Match against Craigroyston. Some 14 names out of a squad of 15 had been voted for….. Sullivan’s name wasn’t one of them. (Shower of c***s!).

Had the cyberBore finally turned the team against him with the constant stream of T’Internet tosh over the past 12 weeks? Or had his constant goal scoring, numerous assists, hilarious and insightful Match Reports, all round nice guy persona and integral team player mindset done the needful?

The envelope (in reality a rancid, pickle soaked napkin) was opened. Paddy Durkin had been given the MOM nod which meant it was Gary Sullivan who picked up the coveted prize in first season with the Rossoblu!

The final standings were: -Sullivan 2, Dimeck 1, Gilhooley 1, Baillie 1, Adams 1, Jamieson 1, Morrison 1, Begg 1, Durkin 1.

After a thoroughly emotional night, there was only one prize to announce - The Hot Shot Trophy!

It was decided to postpone the announcement of this award until after the last game of the season against Leith Academy. The current standings have Gary Sullivan on 9 goals followed by Steven Jamieson on 7 and Petrie and Dimeck on 5.

So, we’ve had it all this season. Goals, Own Goals, yellow boots, cowboy boots, wheelchairs, blogs, wins, losses, shite crosses, baseball bats, got pissed, seen the red mist, snapped pants, half time rants, soggy towels, lost strips, poppadoms and dips, overhead kicks, called people dicks, open goal howlers, Dr Screw, blocked up a loo, Empire Biscuits, Positional misfits, goal scoring flurries and a badly spilt curry.

Bring on next season!