The Expurgation of Obfuscation

How Writing in Clear LanguageSaves Time, Money and Sanity

John Rausch

Moe said Larry killed Curly.

Moe, said Larry, killed Curly.

Poor writing is expensive.

It costs American businesses more than $3 billion a year.

Poor writing is expensive.

As much as 40 percent of the total costsof managing all business transactions

is caused by poor communications.

Insurance’s billion-dollar headache.

Poor writing skills cost the insurance industrymore than $1 billion annually.

Insurance’s billion-dollar headache• Careless writing leading to bad-faith lawsuits• Procrastination due to shaky writing skills• Inappropriate tone that alienates insureds and prolongs

settlements• Vagueness that wastes time as readers seek clarifications

Poor communications costs my company

at least ten percent of sales.

Fortune 500 Communications Director

Obfuscation.

To confuse, bewilder or stupefy.To make obscure or unclear.

Why do we do it?• We want to sound smarter

Why do we do it?• We want to sound smarter• That’s how professionals write, right?

Why do we do it?• We want to sound smarter• That’s how professionals write, right?• At the end of the day, we repeat what we hear

I believe that this nation should commit itselfto achieving the goal, before this decade is out,

of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the earth.

The Literacy Gap

The Literacy GapConsider the reader:• 45 million adults in the U.S. are in Level 1 – Functionally illiterate; not having enough reading skills for

daily life

The Literacy GapConsider the reader:• 45 million adults in the U.S. are in Level 1 – Functionally illiterate; not having enough reading skills for

daily life• 60 million adults are in Level 2– Reading skills below the 6th-grade level

The Literacy GapConsider the reader:• 45 million adults in the U.S. are in Level 1 – Functionally illiterate; not having enough reading skills for

daily life• 60 million adults are in Level 2– Reading skills below the 6th-grade level

• Almost 50 percent of adults are in Levels 1 and 2

The Literacy GapConsider the reader:• 45 million adults in the U.S. are in Level 1 – Functionally illiterate; not having enough reading skills for

daily life• Almost 60 million adults are in Level 2– Reading skills below the 6th-grade level

• Almost 50 percent of adults are in Levels 1 and 2 • The largest group (70 million adults) is intermediate

readers– Reading skills at grades 7-9 levels

The Literacy GapConsider the reader:

• English as a second language

The Literacy GapResults in communications that:• are misunderstood• go unread• require additional time and effort to understand

Addressing the Literacy Gap• People read most comfortably two grades below their

achieved reading level• College graduates read comfortably at the 10th-grade

level• High school graduates read comfortably at the 8th-grade

level• The most popular books are those written at the 7th-

grade level

Saving Time and MoneyThe U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs tested newly written plain-language form letters• Support calls were reduced from 1.5 to 0.27 calls per letter• Changes in one letter alone saved the Department an

estimated $40,000 per year

Saving Time and MoneyGeneral Electric issued a new plain-language software manual to its corporate clients• Reduced support calls from each customer by an average

of 125 per month• Saved GE between $22,000 and $375,000 for each

corporate customer

Saving Time and MoneyA study by the U.S. Navy concluded that business memos written in plain language could save between $27 and $37 million of its officers’ time each year.

Saving Time and MoneyGround-operation manuals revised in plain language saved FedEx an estimated $400,000 in the very first year.

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

Leonardo da Vinci

The Case for Short Words, by Richard Lederer

When you speak and write, there is no law that says you have to use big words. Short words are as good as long ones, and short, old words—like sun and grass and home—are best of all. A lot of small words, more than you might think, can meet your needs with a strength, grace and charm that large words do not have.

Big words can make the way dark for those who read what you write and hear what you say. Small words cast their clear light on big things—night and day, love and hate, war and peace, life and death. Big words at times seem strange to the eye and the ear and the mind and the heart. Small words are the ones we seem to have known from the time we were born, like the hearth fire that warms the house.

Short words are bright like sparks that glow in the night, prompt like the dawn that greets the day, sharp like the blade of a knife, hot like salt tears that scald the cheek, quick like moths that flit from flame to flame, and terse the like the dart and sting of a bee.

Here is a sound rule: use small, old words where you can. If a long word says just what you want to say, do not fear to use it. But know that our tongue is rich in crisp, brisk, short words. Make them the spine and heart of what you speak and write. Short words are like fast friends. They will not let you down.

Give it to me straightWeasel words and hedging can cost an insurance firm.

A single use of the word "may" in a claim letter convinced one court that ambiguous language contributed to bad faith.

Payout: $840,000.

The difference between the right wordand almost the right word

is like the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

Mark Twain

The secret of good writing:Strip every sentence to its cleanest components• Every word that serves no function• Every long word that could be a short word• Every adverb that carries the same meaning that’s already

in the verb• Every passive construction that leaves the reader unsure

of who’s doing what

The secret of good writing:Strip every sentence to its cleanest components• Every word that serves no function

My personal feeling is this initial kickoff meeting is very important, and every single employee should and must attend.

This kickoff meeting is important, and every employee should attend.

The secret of good writing:Strip every sentence to its cleanest components• Every long word that could be a short word

We must utilize every methodology that mitigates the dissatisfaction our customers are experiencing.

We must use every tool to address our customers’ dissatisfaction.

The secret of good writing:Strip every sentence to its cleanest components• Every adverb that carries the same meaning that’s already in

the verb

It is absolutely essential that we collectively gather our teams to begin advance planning.

We must gather our teams to begin planning.

The secret of good writing:Strip every sentence to its cleanest components• Every passive construction that leaves the reader unsure of

who’s doing what

A vote was taken by the committee and the consensus indicated that the team would assign a representative who would gather more information on this matter.

The team assigned a member to gather information.

The rapidly declining American attention span.

Luke Skywalker lived on a farm on a distant planet. He learned he was a Jedi knight after he got a message from Princess Leia. Luke then met an old man named Obi-Wan Kenobi and found out about his past. After that, he teamed up with Han Solo and Chewbacca to join the rebels and fight the Empire, which sought to control the universe. During that time, he met Darth Vader, who used the Force for evil and killed a lot of people who opposed him. The Empire was very powerful and had a lot of star destroyers and fighters, and the rebels were badly outnumbered. But then the rebels came up with a plan to destroy the Death Star (site of Darth Vader’s command post) by getting blueprints and launching a surprise attack with all of their fighters. It was a crazy plan, but it caught the Empire by surprise and the rebel force defeated the Empire!

Luke Skywalker, a farmer living on a distant planet, learned he was a Jedi knight:• He received a message from Princess Leia• He met Obi-Wan Kenobi and learned about his past

Joining the rebelsLuke joined the resistance against the Empire, teaming up with Han Solo and Chewbacca. Their goal was to defeat Darth Vader, who used the Force for evil. The rebels were heavily outnumbered.

Destroying the Death StarThe rebels hatched an audacious scheme to destroy the Death Star:• They obtained blueprints of the construction• They launched a surprise attack with all their fighters

The attack was a success, and the Empire was defeated.

At the end of the day For the most partFor the purpose of As per your requestIn a manner of speaking It seems thatAt this point in time Due to the fact thatIt goes without saying The bottom line isIn my opinion What I want to make clearAs far as I’m concerned In the event ofAll things being equal It should be notedThe point I’m trying to make If you willDraw down For all intents and purposesIn the final analysis As a matter of fact