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Divorcein GollinCounty:Fathers fightingfor cwstodyBy MIKE NOFBIS

Nearly live years ago inPla o, :17-year-olcl 'fonl Itousebcgan a hafd-fought divorcethat lasted morc than lhreeyears. He firsl lost, blrl thenwon, Driulaly cuskdy of histhon Syear'-old daught€r

'fhe Neiman Marcus cus-ionlel- service analyst was soidspifed bv his victory that hewrole a su'vival goide forfalhers who may face thissaDle flrduous lesl and hasbcconrc aciivt' iD a Dallas-bas€id advocacy group, 'l'ev,as|athers ior Equ l lljghts.

ln ADarillo, ll years ago,3tveer'ol(l Iicnl LoganDecame a 'visitof to his lhreechikhcD - ages 8, 10, and 16 -after agrcehrg to what at thetime was considered a stan-dard visilation schedule 0f theIirst, third, aDd lillh weckendseach mollth, plus a {ew holi-days and sumler weeks,

bgan diddt write a book.But be di(l fomr a gioup, DoRiglrt Dads, to help make thecase for falhers who pay chiidsupporl willingly and prompt-ly - only to see their childrendfift into estrangement andsometimes even ttlrn againstthenl.

Two years earlier in Austin,Eric Ar'dcrson, then 29. wonpdmary custoriy of his four-yr.ar(jd son, He was in court

Anderson rvcnr oD tobecome c\eculive direclor ofthe Texas Chi l ( l rens RightsCouncil, a group Ioundcd inthc 1980s to provide advocacy

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Page 44 - PLano Star Courier Sunday, September 2 2001 - wwwplanosiarcom

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iu crlstody and abuse cases.h his own way, each of

thcse now middle'ascd menhave played impoftant folesi| lhe gradual expansion offathers' rights in the oftel}v ic ious and almost alwayspersonal arena oI chlld-c stody disputes betweendivorccd spousc's and par-

Going to courtliouse, Dow 42, and I-eslie

I)avis Rouse, now 30. vreremarrie.l c'r JLnc 3, 1996. IrJuly, she was pregnant withthcir daughter. He lcft inOLtober. claining his wifeha(l '\nocked and hLrmiliatedhhu," and liled for divorce inIlccenber of that sanre year

Cc'llin County DistrictJudge Curt Hendersol gaveLcslic Rousu tempofary p+rnafy cusl.rLiy oI tleir' daughier, Brookly n. but did notissue a final decree tbr nealiythr'ce tcars as dre disputedmgged 0r.

''I tli,rk Judge Hendersongoi ti|ed oi seeing us,' saidI-cslie liousc, a l)PIl'eleconnect cLlslomel carere!rcscntative who lives inCarland.

Blrt Tom Rouse mounted adetef ined court fight, mus-tel-ing all available resources -r-earranging his woii( schedule, calliDg on Texas Rrthelsfor 1,)qual Rights, and cvenobt.ririrg a siale hone carclic{rso that he says was lheoll-v olle grantcd t0 a Inan inCollin Countv.

"l really wanted 10 be thepnrnary par'0nt in joint cus-tody," h{: said. " l anlcdllrooh lionr the slar t."

In his u|DublishL'd nranuscIiDi. Ilotse recontlrendsi: , rhcfs sccking to bccorrep. irrrar i ' custod;al parentse.tuip themselves with a laDer 'ccorder, cel ]ular phone,ca leta. ' v ldeo cancia,spfeadshe!1 nnd wor.l-proccssi l rg sol lwarc. Inlcrnetaccess. and a lax rrachilre.

rr. at!^ ^aI. f^r t'h.m f.

guardians; to have a sympa-thetic la\ryet and "to haveyour children with you whenyou flie for divorce - posses-sion is nine-t-.nths of the law"

The justificaiion for thesecombat-like logistics, he sakl,is lhat "courls are mother-friendly."

Fatbers, he said, canexpect charges of domesticviolence, chi ld abuse, andstalking; civil pfotectionorders; police visits; and anarmy ofother devices used tokeeD them lroln their chil-dren,

An independent repoft bya Dallas psychologist suggested that, while the Rouses'custody light had its expected share of personal attacksand recr iminat ion betweenlhe spouses, both parents ditltry to achieve the chikl's best

''llolh parents pfovidedwaln1 and responsive care olBrool(lyon, as well as firntand sensitive disciplir€," saidthe report by Alexandria H.Doyle, Ph.D.

Anolher indeDendentreporl by a social work€r, Edllodela. came to the sameconclusion,

In March, 2000, thedivorce became final, andHendefson awarded TonrRouse prinary custody ofIJrooklyn . now 4, as well asDrimary control of her educa-

tiou, although, in practice,the child's time is alnostequally divided betvc€n befpalenis.

Ifonically, allhoLrgh thcircufrent relalionship is arnicable, both parents bclievc theylvere disadvantaged i adjudi-cation. Some iss es remain

'Ibm Rouse beli€ves that,beca!se oi the historic belicfthat *'omen are better thannen at child-readng, Iathersmust mount longer. moreexpeDsive couft lights thatare morc difficult to win. Hedirl rot want a jury Lrialbecause of what he considerswidespread negalive stereo'iypes of fathers.

"l felt that keeping JudgeHenderson on the case was inBrookl,vnn's besl interest,he saicl.

Leslic Iiorse, who also hasa school-agc soD atlendingschoolin Cafland. has accept-cd tir€ terfis of ihe divorcedecree at least {or the

' 'There's a Io1 ol goodfathe|s and bad mothers ot11the1e," she sakl- "Son-^timesDad should have cuslody."

But she did not considcrthe process fair because, irher view, il did not cstablish along{ern solution.

'''l he anangement is nolsiable -three days here. thre!davs thcrc," shc sairl. "This is

very contusing for the chikl."

The di l€mmaof 1"3"5 dads

Five years before lheRouses' went to court, Kenttrgan signed on as a "l'3-5dad" - so called because visiLing privileges in slandarddivorce decrees are on thefir'st. third, and fifth week-ends

Shrce then social customs,laws, and general public alti-tudes tolvard fathers' roles infamil ies have changed,mar'l(edly in some cases.

The 1-3-5 visitalion agree,ment has not necessarily fall-en jnto disrepute.

"lve definitely need a bel,ter solulion, said Irgan, butcourts have begun taking afar rnore flexible attitudeioward custody arrange'

The tlfst', thifd' and fifth-*'riciiend schedule, whichalso usually includes someholidavs and time in the suln-nler.;s generally thought nowto rcduce the quantity andquality of children's time withtheiI lathers.

-\ the same lime, it para'doxically creates the klea of

the "Disneyland dad' - theone in charge of fun, whilemothers face the more difli-cult but ultimately moremeaningftll-decisions in dis-cipline, education, health andsocializatior.

''l'his worked to the dcirirnent ol the entire familybecause relalionships weleneither deep nol rich," saidRichafd warshak, Ph.D., clin-ical psychologist, ruthor, andfanily cxfrerl with Uriversilyoi -Iexas SouthwesternMedical Center in Dallas.

Ironically

thar two-thirds of thc child'stime," sakl Warshak, aulhor(JI a lorthconing book,"Divorce Poison: ProtecliDIjthc Parenl-Child Bond from aVindict ive Ilx"(ReganB0oks), which bc isscheduled to siglr or Octobcr20 at 3 p-m. al Barncs 8rNoble Boolsellers a1 the cor-ner of Irreston and Ijark

'fhe acccptance by col.rrls0f shared palenting ovcr', orat least in conjunction with.traditional visitirg agree-ments marks a path alongrvhich fathefs' rights havegradually exDanded.

But, Wafshak contilued,"it is a mislake lor palenis 10focus on nu rbels ol houl-sbecause chikireD don't €xpcrience it that way."

He conceded. as l ,esl icRouse suggested, that veryyoung chiklfen experience"confusiol l " when movi igbelween hvo difiefenl hornes.

-fhis, said \lralshak, "is orrlofthe prices that chiklren paywhen parents get divorced."

But he added that schedul-irg problens ar.e not, by falthe nost sel ious threat to

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pefhaps,Republican-dominated Texasis now hone to whatwamhak describes as a "pret-ty liberal" slatutc that ruoreclosely approxinates whatlvafshak describes ns"shared parenting." which heconsiders a better approach.

Shared parenting has beenthe llouses' arrangonentsince their divorce in Marchof last year. Although it maylead t(J occasional sch€dulingproblems, lhey agree thal itdoes divide their child's tinreroughly equally betwecn

"ln shafed parenling, neilhel Darent shoukl have nlore

DivorceFrom 44

il)r) mcutr l hcal lh ofchi ldrcn."[ ]ha1 sccms 10 hur t i : i r i l

(hc| lhc r |osl is i I Lhty\ 'ccxposcd l0 irl.,nsc and pcFsonal corflicL betirccl prf-c l ] is, ' he said In s. (rr : r l ,lhc.cscar 'ch has lor lnd Ll)xtci) i ldrcn cau adjLrsl 1o twohonres r lLcr ( l iv0rcc."

I)onl i ( i lc r f st f ict ions - : r.clalivcll' rcccnL dcv€rloDurenlir i:hil(l cnstody law - nla,1irclP norr cuslfflial falhers.

-fhcsc fosh-ictior)s gcrrerall_v rcqrlc Ninor chikifcu tobc kcpl ir onc gcogmphic:r fca whi le !rowina Lr l l . ' lhcycalr Dc useo ro Prcvcltt sporls-cs \vho rcn'afr l or cha gcjobs fr(]lr LakiDs childfc,r 1(,

I i inr ( l iacom(11o, a fonnerPlano residcut, fornd tbis oLrlrvhen sh. fcnrarr i ld ald!/anlcd ro lakc hcr chilfirl10 Af izona. Col l i r CounlyI) is l f ict Judse Nalhan\\rhi lc. 's response to her 'ffitucsl wirs to shifl prirrrrrycuslodt, l0 hef lofnxj hus-band, ( ;ary l )anicls, un( icrthe d{rnici lc rostr i r t i l ) r) lowhidr shc hcrsol l l ) r( i

Fathers'r ishts:mixed results

Shared Dafcnling canre abil too latc ro hclp Ke t1.ogan, no\v i ' 4 l i ,y.af-01d

audi lof and lbfmcr hi t ihschool math lcachcr. ] 'hcyoirrrgcs( oI his thrcc chi l -drcn, \!ho $'as cight al thcl inre of lhf dh,orcc, is juslnolv scl t i rs to kno\r hcflathcr in a rrn.arrirrSLirl \!ay.

I I . fcgrcLs bcconrnrg a 13-5 dad.I lc soolr fcal izc lhal tofhnn i t was rrofc dcsolat ionthirn l ) is l rcylan( i .

" l d i( l l l t sct th{r ! is ihl idr Ifc l t thal i s l rorkl hav{: , ' hcsaid. " l dklrr ' t h irvc thenr(rr(]"v, and il tekos a courlbat l lc to gd i l .

''iVIy daushLef s :rlnosl 20norv, aIrd we'ro jLlst boginnirg1(r rnel thc hss ofcontncl v.had, ' hc sakl . Au,vl inc yoLrhav. one pafcnt bcirs thcnrai lcrsoD h thc livcs 0lchiklfe , lhcrr thcyte goinglo liran loiva(l thal Pcfsol.

I iut srch hcarL rcndinj lstofics ol brol(er fanrilies dc)rol ahvays align tbcrnsch,.s$1rli with thc fealilies ot' polil ics. 11 is onc thing to recognizc a necd: i t ' - r q! i tc anotheflhirrg lo pass a law to addrcss

-fhc fathcls righls rnovenlcnt hr$ ba(l a mixc(l rccordso lar Il Jaccs cfilicisDrs ffonli ( !nir is ls, ol l rosi i ior t ronrnon-cuslo. l ia l rrothors. and

|c r in is ls l ike ' l ' r is l r\Vi lson consi( l ( : f i l 1 i t t l . ! rof( llhan an alnrrpt to expand'lnalc prii'ilcgf" at lhf iu'ther expens. of womcn.

lvilson afgles Lhat womcrdo nol do$rplxy tlre i|npof'

tant folc of lirLhels irrl lhnr"lhc falhcrs' fighls llnrby. 'rvhich \y(,Ul(1 inchrde s clrgroLrps as 'l'exas lrathcrs t)fItqual ]lishts, gives all uon-cLrstoriial lathcfs a ba.lirnasc by lbcrsins on suclrnralcf iai concerDs as ho\\ ,wolncD spend chi ld sLrpDort.

i| addition, sfoups lornrcd10 pfoloct t ro| .cuslodiall ] rolhcfs r ichLs espo s.lnal ]y of th 'r samf intcrestsMolhel 's WjthoLrl Cuslody.fof cia plc, rvorlis t0sl fengt lcr l i rc foie of lh l :non custo( l ia l parcnL in vis i trng.

Irr tho l -csisl : r t r fc. thctathers' fights nro\,erner1 isacting on Dclv lfouts, with

,.\ bill Lhar \vookl halefc.luircrl custodial p.r|'nls 1oDrakc (bild-supporl purch:rscs by usins a dcbit crf( lnnd thcreby cslabtish a frli.able fedn(l ot payneuts -did nol gcl out oiconrmil tec.

Opponcnls cor ls idcfcd i t ia lr unnecessa.y rnLfrrsrooinro the f inanccs of rnstdl ial iDarl)) ts nnd r possiblc soufcelol ncN burcaucfacy. I

l low chi l ( l srpport fLrndslafc spcnL by cuslodial pxrlours. usral ly orhefs, is nll (cy !oint alnong tr lhers lflgnls gr'oups. I

I -csislat ion thal wo!kl lhavc nrcfcascd pcnaliies for Iials.r accusatidrs ol donrcsti('violc,rcc and forr'ailirrg to pro-l([rcc chiklrcn at times sdred-lr led i i d ivorcc decfccs di(J

noL r) ' : 'ke i t in() Lrw thi-c ! !ar :I ILrl ctlirds colrtitluc, an{l

sir illl| tr'qrosals n]lry havc lbetl(! ial.r h li(Lrrc sossnnrs.

\ , ) t faf h onr lhcI-esjs l l lurc i r r Alrst jn, l ) i .Ardcf fon has bc(r . ts lodiall )arcr t lbf 14 y.ars. Ikr fon-1i lt,s his lvolk lor thc l'cxirsChi l ( l ro l 's J l i j rh ls Counc j l .

-l'h. biLlcr riisp tc over

(UsLod\ i rd.s in lo lhc t )asll l is a l rnosl uf , )wn sot l has

' 'No$. he bt ' i i ( . r l ly v l l l tslbo car ]('l,s and 10 go hangoul wi lh l is f r icr(1s," s: ! idAnd.rson. ' l Ic s 17. '

Dcsl) iLc lhc di l ic isnrs. scr-backs and conliinlcd pf(Ilol]rint 'nce of nrothcls in chik lcustodv. la lh{rs havc rradc

' ' fno[r ]o1ls in.Oa(ls, sai( lr\|dors.o. \vlo uon his oNncLrstody tattle in 1!)33, \Yhcit $:!s stilltaifly rarc lin vict{!

''I actualh' bclicvc sdvcl i i |d olhn.f i { l thc corncr," hc

Si: f f lvr ter Mike Noirs can b.,erched at 9?2.543 2203 or no,