Positive ParentingPositive ParentingBringing PBIS HomeBringing PBIS Home

PRESENTED BY STEVE VITTO, PRESENTED BY STEVE VITTO, M.A., C.C.I.I., BTC, MAISDM.A., C.C.I.I., BTC, MAISD

ED 211 TONIGHTS AGENDA

Team Activity

Discipline and Parenting

Person who made a Difference

PBIS on the Playground

Behavior Terms

Team Activity-Why do you believe some kids have more challenging behaviors at home? How might you respond to touching your valuables or running out in the street without spanking?

Positive ParentingPositive Parenting

A presentation on positive strategies for parents and A presentation on positive strategies for parents and techniques for responding to specific behavior challenges techniques for responding to specific behavior challenges

faced by all parents. Participants will receive a book on faced by all parents. Participants will receive a book on Positive Parenting.Positive Parenting.

Presented by: Steven Vitto, M.A. C.C.I.I.Presented by: Steven Vitto, M.A. C.C.I.I.Steve is has been a behavior specialist for 38 years. Steve is has been a behavior specialist for 38 years.

He is the author of “In Search of a Heart: Creating Caring, He is the author of “In Search of a Heart: Creating Caring, Conscience, and Control In all Children”Conscience, and Control In all Children”

and co-author of “Positive Parenting Tips for Parents” and co-author of “Positive Parenting Tips for Parents”

Traditional Approaches to Dealing with Difficult Behavior

Punishment

Exclusion

Specialized Individual Interventions(Individual StudentSystem)

Continuum of Effective BehaviorSupport

Specialized GroupInterventions(At-Risk System)

Universal Interventions (School-Wide SystemClassroom System)

Studentswithout SeriousProblemBehaviors (80 -90%)

Students At-Risk for Problem Behavior(5-15%)

Students withChronic/IntenseProblem Behavior(1 - 7%)

Primary Prevention

Secondary Prevention

Tertiary Prevention

All Students in School

Basic Principles of Positive Basic Principles of Positive Behavior SupportBehavior Support

“If you know why, you can figure out how….”All behaviors meet needsPositive approaches teach children a better way to meet needs One of the best ways of teaching desired behaviors is by modeling them When it comes to children, we need to “walk the talk.”

Traditional Traditional Behavior Behavior

ManagementManagement

Views the person as the Views the person as the problemproblem

Attempts to “fix” the Attempts to “fix” the personperson

Emphasizes reducing the Emphasizes reducing the problematic behaviorproblematic behavior

Relies on punishmentRelies on punishment

““Quick fix” expectationsQuick fix” expectations

Designed by “expert” Designed by “expert”

Positive Behavior Positive Behavior SupportSupport

Views the system, settings Views the system, settings or skill deficiency as the or skill deficiency as the problemproblemAdjusts systems and Adjusts systems and setting and improves skillssetting and improves skillsIdentifies and teaches Identifies and teaches replacement skills and replacement skills and builds relationshipsbuilds relationshipsPrimarily relies on positive Primarily relies on positive approachesapproachesGoal of sustained results Goal of sustained results over timeover timeDeveloped by a Developed by a collaborative teamcollaborative team

PBS Addresses ALL Students’ Behavior

Universal support for ALL students

Group support for those students needing extra direction

Individual support for students experiencing extreme difficulty with behavior

CLASSROOM OUT OF CONTROL

Seven Basic Components1. Administrative Leadership

2. Team based Implementation

3. Define Behavior Expectations

4. Teach Behavior Expectation

5. Acknowledge/Reward Appropriate Behavior

6. Monitor/Correct Behavior Errors

7. Use Information for Decision Making

EVIDENCED BASED CLASSROOM MANAGEMENT

Awareness Components

What is Positive Behavior SupportsWhy is it needed?How is it different from traditional approachesWhat does “positive” mean?What are the schools expectationHow are they trained?How and why are kids rewarded?How can parents support PBS?

8. Relationship, Quality Time, 8. Relationship, Quality Time,

AND THE FEELING OF BEING LOVEDAND THE FEELING OF BEING LOVED

Behavioral Expectations

Be A JET Setter

"J" Just Care

"E" Everyone is responsibleand respectful

"T" To be safe

Our School Theme

Behavioral Expectations

Monfort Three Bees Expectations

Location

Expectation

Arrival atSchool

Hallways

BeeResponsible

-wait patiently until teacher letsyou in-keep belongings to self-go straight to your room-neatly put your “stuff” in locker

-keep hands & feet to self-work w/ an inside voice-stay to right of hall-go straight to your destination-keep up w/ your class

Bee Respectful

-enter bldg with quiet voice-keep hands & feet to self-wait quietly outside room ‘tilteacher invites you in

-always walk silently in astraight line so others cancontinue learning-be extra quiet when passing byclassrooms or Media Center

Bee Your Best

-greet people w/ a smile & ahappy hello!-be on time to school & preparedwith your work

-keep hallways clutter free-hang coat and backpack

The Importance of PreventionThe Importance of Prevention

At the grocery store…

Let’s begin at the end of the journey: Let’s begin at the end of the journey: AdulthoodAdulthood

YOUR CHILDRENYOUR CHILDRENWhat are your dreams for them?What are your dreams for them?What do you want them to be like?What do you want them to be like?What qualities to you hope they will What qualities to you hope they will possess?possess?What life skills do you believe they will What life skills do you believe they will need?need?What is the most important gift you can What is the most important gift you can give them?give them?What kind of relationship do you want What kind of relationship do you want them to have with you?them to have with you?

PROBLEMS WITH SPANKINGShould I spank my child?

The short answer is “no.”

• Spanking teaching child to fear you

• May be resentful and retaliate with uncooperative or passive aggressive behavior

• Teaches your child that violence is an acceptable way to solve problems

• Children who are spanked are mre likely to fight with others and hit other children

Problems with Spanking

• Children who are spanked are more likely to fight with others and hit other children. Also more likely to become violent adults.

• Teaches your child distrust. Spanking teaches your child that when you make mistakes you will punish him rather than give him sympathetic guidance

Problems with Spanking

It erodes trust and disrupts the bond between you.

Can be dangerous if you loose self control-e.g, leaving bruises, blood blisters,etc.

It can result in poor self esteem.

“If I weren’t such a bad kid I wouldn’t

get hit.”

But I was spanked, and Im okay!

82% of us were spanked

“My parents spanked me because they loved me.”

If our parents knew what we know now they likely would have spanked us.

Study after study indicates that there may be long term harm from spanking

and a link between spanking and

aggression

Why do so many parents (in the United States) spank?

1. We tend to repeat what we know and have experienced.

2. Cultural myth that strict (authoritarian) approaches produce a better result.

3. Some cultures strongly feel that spanking is absolutely necessary.

4. Most people don’t really care what psychologists think.

5. Spanking provides satisfaction for the parent; release of frustration. “I hear that psychologists say this spanking will not help you, but by golly, it will make me feel better.”

6. Spanking does produce an immediate, short-term suppression of the problem behavior.

The Case Against SpankingThe Case Against Spanking

It has been linked to many adult problems. Corporal punishment studies have linked spanking during childhood to higher levels of adult depression, psychiatric problems, and addictions. Another study shows that children who were spanked have a lower IQ when compared to children whose parents used other methods of discipline and control.

The Case Against SpankingThe Case Against Spanking

The fundamental need of American education is to find ways of engaging today's children in the thrill of learning. Fear of pain has no place in that process." The Christian Science Monitor, 1989-MAR-21

The Case Against PunishmentThe Case Against Punishment

“Corporal punishment is a generational pattern that began in slavery. It was seen as means to end-i.e., preventing more severe beatings from slave owners. There is NO research to support that the African America culture utilzed spanking prior to experiencing slavery

Effective Black Parenting Program 2005Effective Black Parenting Program 2005

The Case Against Spanking

“Spare the rod and spoil the child.”

Modeling

What is Discipline?What is Discipline? providing training that develops self-control,

character, or orderliness and efficiency to instruct or educate; to prepare by instruction;

to train to love, guide, nurture, & support providing strategies that build community and

relationships focusing on self-control and sustained learning viewing behavioral occurrences as opportunities

to teach and support

"...subjection to rule; submissiveness to control; to keep in subjection." "...subjection to rule; submissiveness to control; to keep in subjection." It seems there are two schools of thought on what discipline is.It seems there are two schools of thought on what discipline is.One involves helping a person function more effectively in the world,One involves helping a person function more effectively in the world,and the other involves keeping a person doing what someone else wants and the other involves keeping a person doing what someone else wants him to do--as in slavery.” him to do--as in slavery.”

B.E. Penel PhDB.E. Penel PhD

“…“…rarely have I heard the word rarely have I heard the word disciplinediscipline used to mean helping a child used to mean helping a child function more effectively in the world. The usual meaning involves findingfunction more effectively in the world. The usual meaning involves finding ways to make the child do what the parents want him to do…”ways to make the child do what the parents want him to do…” B.E. Penel PhDB.E. Penel PhD

HISTORICALLY DISCIPLINE HAS HAD TWO DISTINCT

MEANINGS:

Positive Behavioral Support Is a proactive, positive approach toward

child behavior Focuses on developing replacement skills Focuses on sustained learning of

social/behavior skills over time Develops self control as opposed to

externally controlling children

For Some Discipline Has Taken on Military Connotations

““He needs to do what he is told withoutHe needs to do what he is told without

questioning…”questioning…” ““He needs to know who is in charge.”He needs to know who is in charge.” ““He needs to learn that when he messes He needs to learn that when he messes

up there are painful consequences.”up there are painful consequences.”

"My vision is that all children are raised lovingly "My vision is that all children are raised lovingly and non-violently and with discipline that and non-violently and with discipline that

motivates them through love, not through fear.”motivates them through love, not through fear.”

- Deborah Critzer, Positive Parenting- Deborah Critzer, Positive Parenting

What is Not Positive Discipline? Approaches intended to hurt or cause discomfort Leaving a child in the dark about natural or logical consequences Consequences that humiliate, degrade, or bully Strategies leading to external control or “boss

management” that do not involve guiding or teaching Strategies based on revenge, retaliation, or “winning”

a power struggle. Cookbook approaches that fail to view children as having unique learning styles and fail to focus on

investing in community and relationships View behavioral occurrences as an opportunity to

punish or establish external control

What is Missing in “Cook Book” Approaches

An emphasis on the uniqueness of each child A focus on individual assessment and need A focus on each child’s learning style and history An admission that there are no quick fixes, no miracle

cures, and no replacement for spending the time and effort that is required in developing a loving meaningful relationship with a child

An admission that the “true expert” is a person that realizes there is no one solution, no one path for all children

A realization that all behaviors meet needs and that each child’s needs is a unique balance of nature vs. nurture

What is the appeal of cook book What is the appeal of cook book approaches?approaches? Quick and easyQuick and easy Make us feel goodMake us feel good Are convenientAre convenient Eliminate the confusion of using multiple Eliminate the confusion of using multiple

approaches approaches Wrapped in a slick packageWrapped in a slick package Are generally sold by a dynamic speakerAre generally sold by a dynamic speaker Are a great deal for the moneyAre a great deal for the money

View of the Child POSITIVE NEGATIVE- Inquisitive & Curious - Selfish and Manipulative- Innocent and Naïve - Deceitful & Cunning- A heart worth reaching -A “little demon” or “monster”- Capable of self control -Need to be controlled- Need for Autonomy -Need to be managed -Can learn to process -Words and processing are a and problem solve a waste of time-Responds to love and - Responds to punishment and relationship logical consequences-Proactive - Reactive“The child learns best when “ He deserves,he is winning, he is he is lead and supported getting way with …”

What influences the way you What influences the way you parent?parent?

The way you were parented.

What you feel is right.

How someone has told you to parent.

What the research says

What healthy adults say

What unhealthy adults say

Positive Behavioral Supports for Parents

Recognize that behaviors meet needs Teach children healthy ways to meet needs Demonstrate, model, and practice Reinforce effort and celebrate

accomplishments Provide preventative environments Provide consequences that teach and

restore

Acknowledge Needs of Behavior Attention Escape/Avoidance Tangible Power & Control Anger/Frustration Sensory Love and Acceptance

MOTIVATION?

MOTIVATION

But surely their needs to be But surely their needs to be consequences, but….consequences, but….

Consequences should be viewed as an Consequences should be viewed as an opportunity to teachopportunity to teachPunitive Consequences are the least Punitive Consequences are the least effective way to change “bad” behavioreffective way to change “bad” behaviorSo what changes bad behavior? So what changes bad behavior?

Teaching, loving, guiding, listening, Teaching, loving, guiding, listening,

relating, investing time, loving, and relating, investing time, loving, and enforcing limits that are fair and built on enforcing limits that are fair and built on trust!!!!trust!!!!

Ownership (i.e., to successfully process, the child needs to assume some ownership)Processing the event (i.e., what happened, how could it have avoided, etc.)Problem solving (i.e., finding a solution, choosing a better way, resolving conflict with a peer or staff)Restoration (i.e., making things right with the victim, the community, and the environment)Letting go and moving forward (i.e., diffusing, de-escalating and getting back under control)Making a commitment for change (i.e., making a promise to try to choose a different path)Receiving support and forgiveness from the teacher and peers

CONSEQUENCES SHOULD

Hopeful ResponsesHopeful Responses

CharacterCharacterCaringCaringConfidentConfidentDecentDecentLaw AbidingLaw AbidingAssertiveAssertiveTrustworthyTrustworthyHonestHonestHealthyHealthyDrug FreeDrug FreeHappy and Well AdjustedHappy and Well AdjustedSuccessfulSuccessful

So how do we get there????So how do we get there????

We walk the talk.We walk the talk.We model the behavior we want to see We model the behavior we want to see in them.in them.We learn how to listen.We learn how to listen.We learn how to forgive.We learn how to forgive.We teach and guide rather than punish We teach and guide rather than punish and control.and control.We are consistent and fairWe are consistent and fairWe are firmWe are firmWe are funWe are fun

Teach Social Expectations

TeachTell/explainShow/modelPractice

MonitorActive supervision

AcknowledgePositively Reinforce

Seven Steps for establishing Seven Steps for establishing PBS at homePBS at home

1.1. Get al l family members on boardGet al l family members on board2.2. Hold a family meeting to introduce the idea Hold a family meeting to introduce the idea

and discuss and discuss 3.3. How the family can support PBS at homeHow the family can support PBS at home4.4. Pick three areas where the most growth is Pick three areas where the most growth is

needed and decide on expectat ions that are needed and decide on expectat ions that are consistent with schoolsconsistent with schools

5.5. Decide how to teach these expectat ions at Decide how to teach these expectat ions at homehome

6.6. Decide how to reinforce expected behaviorsDecide how to reinforce expected behaviors7.7. Decide how to correct behavioral errors-what’s Decide how to correct behavioral errors-what’s

your discipline planyour discipline plan8.8. Hold family meetings as needed to make the Hold family meetings as needed to make the

expectat ions work for you and your familyexpectat ions work for you and your family

Vitto,2006

Always show your child that they Always show your child that they come first, that they are the most come first, that they are the most import thing in your lifeimport thing in your life

"To the world you might be one "To the world you might be one person, but to one person, you person, but to one person, you might be the world." might be the world." -Anonymous -Anonymous

Do parents who hit their kids Do parents who hit their kids love them??? Absolutely!!!love them??? Absolutely!!!

But we have learned betters ways, and But we have learned betters ways, and we can change any time we want!!!we can change any time we want!!!

There is more than one way to get to the There is more than one way to get to the end of the journey.end of the journey.

You have to ask yourself, do I want my You have to ask yourself, do I want my child to fear me or care enough about child to fear me or care enough about me to want to please me?me to want to please me?

Do I want my child to approach m,e Do I want my child to approach m,e when he has a problem?when he has a problem?

The Spirit of Reinforcement

Has reinforcement been used as a means of acknowledging approximations of desired behavior?

Has reinforcement been used as a means of control, leading to resentment, and loss of motivation?

Alternatives toPunishment

Show ways to helpShow ways to help

Strongly disapproveStrongly disapprove

State expectations-teachState expectations-teach

Show how to make amendsShow how to make amends

Give a choiceGive a choice

Take actionTake action

Let child experience consequencesLet child experience consequences

RestorationRestoration

Building Strong Families – Positive Discipline Overhead #7

Recognize that all behaviors Recognize that all behaviors meet needs. The needs are: meet needs. The needs are:

To obtain or avoid:» Attention» Task or Activity» Item» Person» Power and Control » Sensory

“To build trusting relationships, we need to communicate with the intent to learn from others, not control them.

Trust is the glue that makes effective collaboration and teamwork possible.

Without trust, people become competitive or defensive, and communication is distorted and unreliable.”

BEING ON THE SAME BEING ON THE SAME PAGE WITH HOME AND PAGE WITH HOME AND SCHOOL!!!SCHOOL!!!

Parenting styles and consequent effects on children (pages 277-280)

Would you describe your own parents as strict? What does that mean?

Authoritarian parenting style – “My house, my rules.” Strict and punitive.

Permissive-neglectful – The parents own lives are far more important than are the children. Lets the child do whatever s/he pleases mainly because the parent does not want to take time with the child.

Permissive-indulgent – Highly involved with the child but places very few demands on the child; high belief in basic goodness of the child and belief that the child does not need controls in order to grow into a good and competent individual; “hippy” style of parenting.

Authoritative (democratic) – Controls and rules are in place, but they are not enforced capriciously (at the whim of the parent); rules are explained and are open to debate in the family; once decided, however, all family members are expected to observe the rules. Parents show warmth to children and are supportive (always “there for them”).

As you might suspect, most parents use combinations of these styles and may vary from time-to-time and from child-to-child.

Consequences (from research) of the various parenting styles:

Authoritarian – strict childrearing is associated with

moderate school performance (grades of “C” and “B”)relatively lower creativityrelatively lower involvement in problems behaviorspoorer social skillslower self-esteemhigher levels of depression

Permissive-neglectful – children perform lowest in all categories

Permissive-indulgent – a mixed bag of results

most likely to be involved in problem behaviorsperform less well in school, but high creativityhigher self-esteemlower levels of depressionmay have good social skills, but unrealistic expectations of

peers and others

Authoritative – children perform highest in all categories

Parenting style research – complex interactions

positive effects of authoritative parenting on school performance is more so in European Americans than in other ethnic groups

psychosocial benefits are true for all ethnic groups studied

demandingness is moreso for boys than for girls

the child’s personality tends to elicit different parenting approachesfor example, a particularly stubborn child may elicit a moredemanding approach

parents, like everyone else, learn from experience; they may be more authoritarian with the first child, but ease up on the later children, likewise, if the first child got into serious trouble, the parents may be more strict on later children.

Other family systems factors are: divorce and custody issues, siblings and their interaction with the child, and, very important, consistency in the application of the discipline style.

(see John for specific references to examine these studies more closely)

Child abuse and neglect: Various issues of definition, statistics, etc.

1. Due to issues of definition and reporting, it is not clear if rates of child abuse are higher today, lower, or about the same.

2. But, it is clear that there has been child abuse throughout history, and it does continue today.

3. Which of these is “child abuse” by your definition?

a. Spanking a young child on his/her hand

b. Spanking a young child on his/her bottom

c. Slapping a young child’s face

d. Slapping a young child’s face three times in a row

e. Pinching a young child on the arm enough to make the child cry

f. Pushing the child down onto the floor from a standing position

g. Yelling at a young child, “Stop that noise right now!”

h. Telling a young child, “You are being stupid! Stop that!.”

Child abuse comes in different forms:

Physical abuse – where does spanking end and physical abuse begin?

Emotional abuse – “You are stupid, I wish you had never been born.”

Sexual abuse – even in this one, people debate the definitions

Neglect – failure to provide for the basic needs of the child

The point is: Opinions and judgments are heavily involved in child abuse statistics, ideas about what should be done about “abuse,” once defined, and in the interplay between scientific approaches and cases in courts.

The case of “Marie,” a girl I knew at a youth shelter when she was 13:

Marie: “My father would either be slapping me or having sex with me, there wasn’t much of anything else.”

Me: “Did your mother know what was going on?”

Marie: “Yeah, she knew, but she pretended she didn’t. She was afraid of my father putting her out and she had no where to go.”

Me: “Did you want to tell someone at school?”

Marie: “Finally I did tell a teacher who was a good friend to all the students. That’s how it got turned over to Social Services.”

Me: “What happened then?”

Marie: “It took a long time and my life was hell when my father found out that I told. Finally, I was placed in a foster home.”

Me: “Was that better for you?

Marie: “No! I wished I had never told anyone. The foster parents were worse than my father. I was made to sleep on a cold floor for punishment and there were three people having sex with me in that house.”

People are not for hitting,

And children are people too.

--John Valusek, Wichita, KS

http://www.nospank.net/valusek.htm

If you were abused as a child, are you doomed to be a bad parent or to abuse your children?

The answer is no! No amount of maltreatment you received “dooms” you to anything. Only about one-third of persons who were abused go on to abuse their children, which is pretty close to the proportion of non-abused persons who abuse their children by some definition of abuse.

Reminder of Burden’s rule of turn-around: If a child can have at least one warm, caring person in their life, it can undo a great deal of abuse at the hands of others (see page 280 in text).

If you know a child whom you believe to be maltreated,

Be a friend to the child—listen, be there for her/him

Smile warmly at children; let them know you like them

Give your time to youth activities—

be a coach, a Scout Leader, a Sunday School teacher

Be a child advocate—a trained volunteer position to helpsafeguard the best interests of the child.

Effects of divorce on children

Time for one of John’s simple logic lessons:

If the marriage is so stressful, so terrible, and so hopeless that there is constant strife, a lack of love in the home, and the child is constantly upset, then, obviously divorce is better than staying together.

That having been said, divorce is not good for children. A wide variety of ill effects are correlationally related to divorce.

It is much better to have two caregivers in a positive functional relationship. However, the majority of children of divorce do not have significant adjustment problems.

If divorce is unavoidable, then some things can help the child(ren):

Try to fight and discuss the impending divorce in private

Never use the child as a pawn, and do not use custodythreats as a weapon of power

Try to remain friends as, much as possible, after the divorce

Use classes and support groups for adjustment in the firsttwo years after the divorce

FOR MORE INFORMATION

http://www.slideshare.net/svittoatmuskegonisd.org/steve-vitto-positive-approaches-for-all-childrenBridge4kids.comPBIS.orgCasel.orgeboard.com.michiganpbsPositiveParenting.comParentsuccess.comParenting.orgKidinfo.com/parent_resources/Parenting_tips.htmlParentsmart.comKidsourcectdta.org/parentinghttp://muskegonisd.org

Recommended Programs and Recommended Programs and Resources for Positive ParentingResources for Positive Parenting

Positive Discipline Discipline with Dignity positiveparenting.com Effective Black Parenting Program www.teachmorelovemore.org Positive Behavioral Supports The Boys Town Curriculum

Video Training Series

“If you treat an individual as he is, he will stay as he is, but if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be he will become what he ought to be and could be.”

Wolfgang Goethe

Albert Schweitzer once said: "There are three ways we teach our children. The first is by example; the second is by example; and the third is by example."

THE END

A 2003 PBS PROJECT