Positive Parent Positive Parent InteractionInteraction

&&Dealing with Difficult Dealing with Difficult

PeoplePeople(Creating a culture of (Creating a culture of cooperation and cooperation and collaboration.)collaboration.)

Presented By Mark FosterPresented By Mark Foster

George BaileyGeorge Bailey

Talk with the person next to you about Talk with the person next to you about George.George.

1.1.What type of person is George What type of person is George Bailey?Bailey?

2.2.What happened that caused George What happened that caused George to react out of character?to react out of character?

3.3.What are the implications for schools What are the implications for schools when working with parents?when working with parents?

Home-School Relations (First Generation)Home-School Relations (First Generation)

The First Generation: The First Generation:

In the effective school parents understandIn the effective school parents understand

and support the school’s basic mission and and support the school’s basic mission and are given the opportunity to play an are given the opportunity to play an important role in helping the school to important role in helping the school to achieve this mission.achieve this mission.

Home-School Relations (2Home-School Relations (2ndnd Generation) Generation)

During the first generation, the role of parents During the first generation, the role of parents in thein the education of their children was always education of their children was always somewhat unclear. Schools often gave “lipsomewhat unclear. Schools often gave “lip

service” to having parents more actively service” to having parents more actively involved in the schooling of their children.involved in the schooling of their children.

Unfortunately, when pressed, many educators Unfortunately, when pressed, many educators were willing to admit that they really did not were willing to admit that they really did not know how to deal effectively with increased know how to deal effectively with increased levels of parent involvement in the schools.levels of parent involvement in the schools.

In the second generation, the relationship In the second generation, the relationship between parents and the school must be between parents and the school must be an authentic partnership between the an authentic partnership between the school and home. Many teachers believed school and home. Many teachers believed that parents, if they truly valued education, that parents, if they truly valued education, knew how to get their children to behave in knew how to get their children to behave in the ways that the school desired. It is now the ways that the school desired. It is now clear to both teachers and parents that the clear to both teachers and parents that the parent involvement issue is not that parent involvement issue is not that simple. Parents are often as perplexed as simple. Parents are often as perplexed as the teachers about the best way to inspire the teachers about the best way to inspire students to learn what the school teaches. students to learn what the school teaches.

The best hope for effectively confronting the problem—and not each other—is to build enough trust and enough communication to realize that both teachers and parents have the same goal—an effective school and home for all children!

Positive Parent InteractionPositive Parent Interaction

Think back to the worst encounter Think back to the worst encounter you have ever had with a parent?you have ever had with a parent?

Did the parent have horns, a Did the parent have horns, a bifurcated tail, and a pitchfork?bifurcated tail, and a pitchfork?

Difficult ParentsDifficult Parents

The truth is, the difficult parents we The truth is, the difficult parents we all have to “deal” or work with look all have to “deal” or work with look just like us.just like us.

Have you ever been a difficult Have you ever been a difficult person? person?

No coffee!!! No coffee!!! This can make me a very difficult This can make me a very difficult

person to deal with.person to deal with.

Difficult People Difficult People

Trading Cards: Trading Cards: Once the music Once the music starts you will move around the room starts you will move around the room trading cards. When it stops find trading cards. When it stops find someone with a card that is a someone with a card that is a different color than yours. While the different color than yours. While the music is playing think back to the music is playing think back to the encounter you pondered a moment encounter you pondered a moment ago.ago.

Dealing with difficult parents.Dealing with difficult parents.

Okay, take a moment and answer Okay, take a moment and answer these questions in response to the these questions in response to the difficult person you had to deal with.difficult person you had to deal with.

Had previous encounters been used Had previous encounters been used to build trust, rapport, and respect?to build trust, rapport, and respect?

How did you feel?How did you feel?How do you think the parent felt?How do you think the parent felt?

Dealing with Difficult ParentsDealing with Difficult Parents

How did the situation turn out? (Was How did the situation turn out? (Was it a win/win, win/lose, lose/win, or it a win/win, win/lose, lose/win, or lose/lose?)lose/lose?)

What did you learn from the What did you learn from the situation?situation?

What, if anything, would you (did What, if anything, would you (did you) do differently after that you) do differently after that encounter?encounter?

Situations Situations

A planned meeting.A planned meeting.A spontaneous meeting.A spontaneous meeting.An ambush!An ambush!

People we encounterPeople we encounter

Great parents having a bad day.Great parents having a bad day.Over-protective parents who enable Over-protective parents who enable

their children.their children.Parents with no skills.Parents with no skills.Parents going through tragedy.Parents going through tragedy.Parents with substance abuse issues.Parents with substance abuse issues.Bad parents, abusive parents, and Bad parents, abusive parents, and

nuts.nuts.

Communicative IntelligenceCommunicative Intelligence

It is very important and helpful to get It is very important and helpful to get to know the difficult parents we work to know the difficult parents we work with. Knowing what motivates them, with. Knowing what motivates them, what their needs are, and what their what their needs are, and what their goals are can be very beneficial in goals are can be very beneficial in helping build positive relationships.helping build positive relationships.

Characteristics/Variables of Characteristics/Variables of Difficult PeopleDifficult People

Personality: the collection of Personality: the collection of emotional and behavioral traits that emotional and behavioral traits that characterize a person.characterize a person.

Kahler’s Six Personality TypesKahler’s Six Personality Types(From Kahler, T. (1982). Personality pattern inventory validation studies. Little Rock, AR: (From Kahler, T. (1982). Personality pattern inventory validation studies. Little Rock, AR:

Kahler Communications, Inc., and Kahler, T. (1996) Personality Pattern Inventory.Kahler Communications, Inc., and Kahler, T. (1996) Personality Pattern Inventory.

ReactorReactorWorkaholicWorkaholicPersisterPersisterDreamerDreamerRebelRebelPromoterPromoter

Personality TypesPersonality Types

TypeType Character StrengthsCharacter Strengths PerceptionPerception

ReactorReactor compassionate, sensitive, warmcompassionate, sensitive, warm EmotionsEmotions

WorkaholicWorkaholic responsible, logical, organizedresponsible, logical, organizedThoughtsThoughts

Persister Persister conscientious, dedicated, observant conscientious, dedicated, observant OpinionsOpinions

DreamerDreamer reflective, imaginative, calmreflective, imaginative, calm InactionInaction

RebelRebel creative, spontaneous, playfulcreative, spontaneous, playful ReactionsReactions

PromoterPromoter resourceful, adaptable, charming resourceful, adaptable, charmingActionsActions

Motivational Needs of Motivational Needs of Personality Types Personality Types

TypeType Needs RecognitionNeeds RecognitionReactorReactor of person/sensory stimulationof person/sensory stimulation

WorkaholicWorkaholic for ability to think clearly, work time for ability to think clearly, work time structurestructure

PersisterPersister for work, convictions, and for work, convictions, and commitmentcommitment

DreamerDreamer (solitude)(solitude)

RebelRebel (playful contact)(playful contact)

PromoterPromoter (incidence, excitement)(incidence, excitement)

Placemat ConsensusPlacemat Consensus

Okay, everyone get into groups of Okay, everyone get into groups of four (each color should be four (each color should be represented).represented).

In working with difficult people, what In working with difficult people, what are positive absolutes (necessary to are positive absolutes (necessary to effectively work with difficult effectively work with difficult people)?people)?

Placemat ConsensusPlacemat Consensus

Okay, now brainstorm negative Okay, now brainstorm negative absolutes (what things cannot be absolutes (what things cannot be present because they hinder present because they hinder collaboration and successful collaboration and successful resolution of conflict)?resolution of conflict)?

The LAST Principle:The LAST Principle:LISTENLISTEN

Listen:Listen: to pay attention in order to to pay attention in order to hear.hear.

Hear:Hear: to gain knowledge of by to gain knowledge of by hearing, to heed, to learn, to attend hearing, to heed, to learn, to attend to.to.

It is very difficult to really listen when It is very difficult to really listen when thinking about your next verbal flurry thinking about your next verbal flurry (Real men learn to listen.)(Real men learn to listen.)

APOLOGIZEAPOLOGIZE

Apoligize:Apoligize: to express regret. to express regret.Empathize:Empathize: to experience as one’s to experience as one’s

own the feelings of another.own the feelings of another.(Empathy defuses very volatile (Empathy defuses very volatile

situations, but doesn’t necessarily situations, but doesn’t necessarily mean concession.)mean concession.)

SOLVESOLVE

Solve:Solve: to find an answer for or to find an answer for or solution to.solution to.

It doesn’t mean they are always It doesn’t mean they are always going to like it!going to like it!

THANKTHANK

Thank:Thank: to express gratitude; to express gratitude; conscious of benefit received.conscious of benefit received.

Must be genuine. Don’t patronize! Must be genuine. Don’t patronize! You can get better at this with You can get better at this with practice.practice.

Enough is EnoughEnough is Enough

You don’t have to put up with abuse in You don’t have to put up with abuse in any situation. If the person you are any situation. If the person you are dealing with is vulgar, threatening, dealing with is vulgar, threatening, loud, in need of deodorant or loud, in need of deodorant or belligerent, calmly let them know that belligerent, calmly let them know that the meeting is over and thank them for the meeting is over and thank them for coming.coming.

Okay, just kidding about the deodorant, Okay, just kidding about the deodorant, but how many of you can relate?but how many of you can relate?

Developing SelfDeveloping Self

It is very important to interact and It is very important to interact and communicate intelligently with communicate intelligently with parents in order to build a positive parents in order to build a positive relationship.relationship.

It is equally important to meta-It is equally important to meta-cognitively prepare ourselves for cognitively prepare ourselves for interactions with parents, students, interactions with parents, students, colleagues, and patrons.colleagues, and patrons.

The Four AgreementsThe Four Agreements

1. 1. Be Impeccable With Your Be Impeccable With Your Word.Word.

(Never promise things you cannot (Never promise things you cannot deliver; when something happens deliver; when something happens that doesn’t allow you to keep your that doesn’t allow you to keep your word, apologize ahead of time.)word, apologize ahead of time.)

Being impeccable with your word Being impeccable with your word builds trust.builds trust.

The Four AgreementsThe Four Agreements

2. 2. Don’t take things personally.Don’t take things personally.(Know who you are, what you (Know who you are, what you

believe, and be strong.)believe, and be strong.)When people start taking things When people start taking things

personally it breeds paranoia.personally it breeds paranoia.Rude, inconsiderate people who say Rude, inconsiderate people who say

mean things are speaking of mean things are speaking of themselves not others.themselves not others.

The Four AgreementsThe Four Agreements

3. 3. Don’t make assumptions.Don’t make assumptions.(Perception becomes reality.)(Perception becomes reality.)Always try to give others the benefit Always try to give others the benefit

of the doubt.of the doubt.We operate on paradigms in a world We operate on paradigms in a world

that breaks paradigms everyday.that breaks paradigms everyday.

The Four AgreementsThe Four Agreements

4. 4. Always do your best.Always do your best.(We can always do our best. Our (We can always do our best. Our

best looks different from day to day.)best looks different from day to day.)When we do our best our good starts When we do our best our good starts

becoming great.becoming great.

Johnny the BaggerJohnny the Bagger

http://www.stservicemovie.com/

Works CitedWorks Cited

Lezotte, Lawrence W. Correlates of Lezotte, Lawrence W. Correlates of Effective Schools: The First and Second Effective Schools: The First and Second Generation. Effective Schools Product ltd., Generation. Effective Schools Product ltd., Okemos, MI, 1991.Okemos, MI, 1991.

Ruiz, Don Miguel. The Four Agreements: A Ruiz, Don Miguel. The Four Agreements: A Toltec Wisdom Book. Amber-Allen Toltec Wisdom Book. Amber-Allen Publishing, Inc., San Rafael, CA, 1997.Publishing, Inc., San Rafael, CA, 1997.