Pope TV Sketch

8/7/2019 Pope TV Sketch

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Ben Broughton Pope TV Sketch [email protected]

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MILES: A TV show that features the Pope is soon to be broadcast;its

been billed as a sort of Good Friday Night with Jonathon, -

Lukas and Markus affair, in which the chatty man of God will

interact with ordinary people on religious issues. Newsjack

hasacquired anexclusive deleted scene from the recording via

our source at the Vatican. Here it is:

POPE: Welcome to Top of the Popes, live from the Vatican with me

Benedict X-V-Aiii.Im joined today by members of the public to

talk about everyones favourite deity and my personal best

mate; God.

FX: AUDIENCE APPLAUSE

POPE: Firstly Ill talk with the overeager, orange gentleman with

lipstick on his collar and a fleet of Jezebels surrounding him.

BERLUSCONI: Your Holiness, Im Silvio and Ive had some minor problems

and Im pursuing Gods mercy.

POPE: Child, we all have miner problems from time to time, this is how

the Lord tests our faith.

BERLUSCONI: No father, Ive had minorproblems.

POPE: I see. And you seekpenance and reconciliation?


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BERLUSCONI: More than I seek Miley Cyrus phone number, father.

POPE: Lucky for you Ive facilitated many and I mean; many

individuals in your position regain the grace of God. Are you a

man of the cloth?

BERLUSCONI: Ive had cloth incorporated into my hairline before.

POPE: No child, have you taken the church to your heart?

BERLUSCONI: No your Holiness, but I once took a cathedral to the face. Does

that deem me worthy of forgiveness?

POPE: Silvio, I can see that despite all the allegations, rumoured ties

with the mafia and your excessive media control that would

make Murdoch jealous, that you are a religious man at heart.

After all the Catholicism has been accused of many dreadful

acts in the past yet we know well feel the warm embrace of

our Lord when our time comes.

BERLUSCONI: Does this mean my sins are forgiven?

POPE: Say three Hail Marys and I suppose God would be more

welcoming if you made a contribution. The Apostolic Palace is

need of a new roof, you know?


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BERLUSCONI: I suppose if I downsize mybungabunga parties I mean my;

important consultations with future leading female politicians, I

could rustle up a suave and handsome donation much like

myself. I shall send you a cheque.

POPE: I would prefer it if you wired it to me via my Pay -Papal account.

BERLUSCONI: I didnt realise the Vatican had become so hi-tech.

POPE: We move gradually with the times, we dont want to be seen as

cave dwellers like our counterparts. We use computers

regularly apart from when theyre being seized by the police.

BERLUSCONI: Youre preaching to the choir , your Holiness!

FEMALE: (V.O.) Youve been watching Top of the Popes brought to you

by Holy Water Drink the only liquid refreshment endorsed b y

God andJesus. Holy Water Drink keeps you revitalised and

washes away sins not available in the Middle -East.

END

Pope TV Sketch

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