A publication of IBC Student Ministry. www.ibclrstudents.org © 2015

MAKE IT PERSONAL… PERSONAL…IT’S SOMETHING WE ALL DESIRE AND NEED, BUT FEAR AT THE SAME TIME. WE WANT PERSONAL CONNECTIONS, BUT ARE OF THE TRANSPARENCY OR BAGGAGE THAT MAY COME UP WITH BEING PERSONAL. WE AVOID RATHER THAN EMBRACE THE NEED TO BE PERSONAL.

THIS HOLIDAY SEASON, BE PERSONALLY ENGAGED IN THE LIVES OF OTHERS AND MAKE IT PERSONAL! BE PARTICULARLY PERSONAL IN THE FOLLOWING WAYS…

• PERSONAL BELIEFS: TOO OFTEN DO WE SKIRT AROUND OUR OWN PERSONAL BELIEFS BY LUMPING THEM IN WITH A SMALL GROUP, CHURCH, OR ORGANIZATION. YOUR PERSONAL BELIEFS ABOUT FAITH, GOD, ETC. WILL ALWAYS MATTER MORE TO THOSE NEAR TO YOU THAN ANY CHURCH OR ORGANIZATION

• PERSONAL INVITATION: PEOPLE TEND TO BE MORE SENSITIVE TO RELIGIOUS THINGS AROUND CHRISTMAS AND EASTER. LEVERAGE THIS TIME TO INVITE OTHER PARENTS TO CHURCH, COFFEE, OR EVEN A CHRISTMAS PARTY. WHATEVER YOU INVITE THEM TO, MAKE SURE IT’S A PERSONAL INVITATION FROM YOU!

A MONTHLY PUBLICATION TO HELP PARENTS BETTER PLUG IN TO THE

SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT OF THEIR STUDENT

PLUGGED IN NOVEMBER 2015

November Issue

THIS MONTH

‣ IBC UNIVERSITY-MIDDLE SCHOOL (11/6-11/8)

‣ OCC PACKING PARTY (11/22)

‣ ACTEENS (11/22)

‣ THANKSGIVING (11/26)

COMING SOON

‣ THE GATHERING (12/2)

‣ BIG DAY (12/6)

‣ CHAMPIONS FOOTBALL BANQUET (12/7)

‣ SS CHRISTMAS PARTIES (TBD)

HEART CONNEX SERVING WITH HUMILITY

THE INTERVIEW JULIANNA JONES

EQUIP HOLIDAYS OR HOLI-DAZED?

ENGAGE HIGH SCHOOLERS: TIRED, STRESSED, AND BORED

EMPOWER END PARENTING COMPARISONS

A publication of IBC Student Ministry. www.ibclrstudents.org © 2015

From Our HeartThe holidays are a unique time of the year to say the least. I remember from my childhood a range of feelings. I remember dreading Thanksgiving morning because that is when my dad employed ‘indentured servitude’ in that we had to rake our 3/4 acre yard (filled with 80’+ southern pine trees) BEFORE we got to enjoy our family Thanksgiving feast which always left me feeling full and satisfied. I remember being excited, frustrated, and often disappointed on the Friday after Thanksgiving not because of Black Friday chaos, but because of how the Razorbacks performed in what was then the main rivalry game—Arkansas v.s. LSU. I remember my mind being filled with wonder at Christmas as I would wake up before the sun, sneak into our living room, just to see what ‘Santa’ had brought me. (NOTE: My sister and I still did this until Cassie and I had Jackson.) I remember having a lot of questions the Christmas that we lost Granny and being a little empty last Christmas as we celebrated our first Christmas without my dad. I remember times when our extended family would get together and I couldn’t wait for them all to leave and other times when I missed getting our extended family together.

Regardless of our feelings about the holidays, the old cliche’ saying is still true…there is a “Reason for the Season.” In our society today, the real reason (Jesus) has been replaced by excessive food consumption, Black Friday deals, gift giving, repetitive napping, and getting the extended family together in one place. Now, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the Burge’s turkey, green bean bundles, overflowing Christmas stockings, seeing a smile on my son’s face as he opens his gifts, just like any other dad (or big kid). But there is a reason for the season that far surpasses all of those things we currently enjoy.

This holiday season, when the Uncle Harry’s and the Aunt Edna’s make their annual migration and invade your or a close relative’s home, take from your fridge, and maybe even stay way well beyond their welcome…make every effort this season to engage them in faith conversations. Take the time to find out what they really believe about the TRUE ‘Reason for the Season.’ Spend sometime listening to what they have to say, and then, when the time is right, interject what you believe about Jesus. Over the coming weeks our high schoolers will be learning some Apologetics for the purpose of engaging family members over the holidays. Likewise, our middle schoolers will be learning about some world religions and seeing how they compare to the story of Jesus. Ask your kids about what they believe about the ‘reason for the season’, uplift them, pray for them, and then unleash them—locking arms with you as you engage in faith conversations with others this holiday season! Now is the time…

THE INTERVIEW | JULIANNA JONESWhat do you enjoy most about IBC Student Ministry? I enjoy the atmosphere. . .I feel loved here. I have gone here all my life and some times I don't realize how blessed I am to have so many people pouring into me who actually care about me.

What role do your parents play in your life spiritually? My parents play a big role in my spiritual life. About once a week our family has a devotional at home. . .we sing and read verses, my dad talks about God. . .its a great time just to reflect on the week and and actually pray with my family. I love that each day of my life, no matter how badly I mess up, I always know how that my parents love me an pray for me.

How have you seen God move recently? At school, my group of friends have a hard time with gossip and drama, and I find myself getting caught up in that sometimes, but recently Ive felt God has helped me to hold my tongue or to not be curious about what other girls are whispering about. That’s been a struggle I’ve given to God and he has helped me.

AGE: 16 HIGH SCHOOL: BAPTIST PREP GRADE: 10TH JOINED IMMANUEL: 2000

A publication of IBC Student Ministry. www.ibclrstudents.org © 2015

HEART CONNEX This is an excerpt on Serving with Humility in Heart Connex a FREE, weekly devotional for parents of teens by

Dr. Richard Ross (Lifeway). 1. HEART SURPRISE (TODAY A PARENT GOES FIRST): SAY: I CARE ABOUT THE NAME OF OUR FAMILY. ONE THING I AVOID IN ORDER TO PROTECT OUR FAMILY NAME IS…

2. READ SCRIPTURE: INVITE A FAMILY MEMBER TO PR AY. ASK FAMILY MEMBERS TO READ JOHN 13:1-5, 12-17; MARK 9:33-35. DISCUSS THE TRUTH AND UNTRUTHS IN LIGHT OF THESE VERSES TRUTH - BELIEVERS SHOULD SERVE EACH OTHER IN LOVE, HUMBLY FOLLOWING THE EXAMPLE OF CHRIST. UNTRUTHS - I AM SPECIAL AND DESERVE ALL THE ATTENTION OTHERS WANT TO GIVE ME. - I HAVE MY OWN PROBLEMS AND DON’T HAVE TIME TO THINK ABOUT OTHERS. - THE WHOLE POINT OF GOING TO CHURCH IS CONNECTING WITH THE ‘IN’ CROWD.

3. EXPLORE SCRIPTURE: READ ALOUD JOHN 13:1. JESUS KNEW HE WAS JUST HOURS AWAY FROM IMMENSE SUFFERING. BUT WITH A SERVANT’S HEART, HE WAS MORE FOCUSED ON HIS FOLLOWERS THAN HIMSELF. READY ALOUD JOHN 13:2-3. POINT OUT THAT JESUS FULLY WAS AWARE THAT HE IS GOD AND THAT HE WAS DESTINED TO RETURN TO THE THRONE OF HEAVEN. SAY: EVEN SO, HE CHOSE TO SERVE OTHERS R ATHER THAN DEMANDING SERVICE FROM OTHERS. READ ALOUD JOHN 13:4-5. REMIND YOUR FAMILY THAT THE SON OF GOD WAS PERFORMING A DUTY THAT TYPICALLY A LOW-LEVEL SLAVE OR SERVANT WOULD PERFORM. READY ALOUD JOHN 13:12-17. SAY: SINCE A SERVANT IS NOT GREATER THAN HIS LORD, HE SHOULD NOT BE ASHAMED TO DO WHAT HIS LORD DOES. SINCE GOD’S SON WAS NOT ASHAMED TO SERVE, HIS FOLLOWERS SHOULD NOT BE ASHAMED TO SERVE OTHERS EITHER. EMPHASIZE THAT THROUGH HIS EXAMPLE, CHRIST WAS TEACHING BELIEVERS TO RESPOND TO OTHERS WITH HUMILITY AND LOVE.

4. THINK IT THROUGH: A TEENAGER WILL LEAD THIS STEP

5. NAIL IT DOWN: READ ALOUD MARK 9:33-35. SAY: IF YOU WANT CHRIST TO SEE YOU IN LAST PLACE, WORK AT BECOMING A BIG DEAL IN YOUR OWN EYES. IF YOU WANT CHRIST TO APPROVE YOUR WORK FOR HIS KINGDOM, BECOME THE SERVANT OF ALL.

6. PR AY: A TEENAGER WILL LEAD THIS PR AYER.

7. BLESSING: SAY: I BLESS THIS FAMILY FOR DISPLAYING SERVANT HEARTS TOWARD THE BODY OF CHRIST.

PARENT TIP: THE RESEARCH IS OVERWHELMING. PARENTAL HARMONY CONTRIBUTES ENORMOUSLY TO THE MOTIONAL HEALTH OF CHILDREN, WHILE THE LONG-TERM EFFECTS OF MARTIAL CONFLICT CAN BE DEVASTATING. PARENTS WHO ARE WARM, ROMANTIC, AND APPROPRIATELY AFFECTIONATE IN FRONT OF THEIR CHILDREN ARE TAKING A GIANT STEP TOWARD R AISING KINGDOM KIDS.

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A publication of IBC Student Ministry. www.ibclrstudents.org © 2015

COMING SOON

2015 / November

WHAT WE ARE TEACHING ON WEDNESDAY NIGHTS

December 2 The Gathering December 6 BIG Day December 7 Champions Football Banquet December 13 Acteens Girls Ministry 12-2 December 24 Christmas Eve Service January 15-17 DNOW

1

2 3 4MS / HS worship/

meal 5

6 IBC University 6-8 grade

7 IBC University 6-8 grade

8 IBC University 6-8 grade

9 10 11MS / HS worship/

meal 12 13 14

15 16 17 18MS / HS worship/

meal 19 20 21

22Thanksgiving

Meal

23 24 25

Building closed at

noon No Wed

Night

26

Building closed

Happy Thanksgiving!

27Building closed 28

Building closed

29 30

OCC Packing Party

EQUIP

HOLIDAYS OR HOLI-DAZED? PREPARING FOR THE HOLIDAY SEASON Here it comes, right on cue! The calendar has just turned to November and the Christmas commercials have already been appearing on television, stores halls are all decked with holly, and your kids are probably already begging for new iPhones and iPads under the Christmas tree.

For many of us, the holiday season is a time that is anticipated with both joy and anxiety. Sure, we love the celebrations, the family traditions, and we cherish the memories of holidays gone by; but along with them, we add the stresses of preparation, expectations and the fear of letdowns, or family squabbles that we have experienced in the past. In a real sense, many of us are looking straight into the face of the holi-daze, not the holidays. With this in mind, here are ten tips I feel can help to restore some sanity to your family, and hopefully make for an enjoyable, meaningful holiday season in 2015.

1. Set manageable expectations. Spend some time now setting realistic and manageable expectations for your holiday season. Start by understanding that you can’t do everything. So, be realistic and upfront about what your family can do. Make a list of what is possible and prioritize your most important events and activities for you and your family. Then, pace yourself. Organize your time. Keep in mind that it’s the holiday “season” (not “day”) and spread out your activities to lessen stress and increase enjoyment.

2. Remember the holiday season does not eliminate sadness or loneliness. Old problems and difficulties continue and new ones can arise during the holiday season. And, for some, the holiday season evokes painful memories from recent events or the loss of loved ones in the past. Give room for yourself and your family to experience and express these feelings. But, try not to let them become a consuming focus. Make an effort to work through present challenges and conflicts.

3. Acknowledge the past, but look toward the future. Life brings changes. Each season of life is different. Determine to enjoy this holiday season for what it is. Acknowledging the past, whether it was good or bad, is appropriate. But, if you find that this year has been a rough one and you don’t anticipate having the best holiday season ever, try not to set yourself up for disappointment by comparing today with the “good old days.” Take advantage of the joys the present holiday season has to offer.

4. Develop and encourage a life of gratitude. Gratitude is an attribute that transcends circumstances. No matter what your circumstances, I believe there is reason to be thankful in them. Your circumstances may never change, but your attitude toward them can change…and this can make all the difference. For Christians, giving thanks should be an everyday occurrence, and not just something we do on Thanksgiving Day. We have a special reason to adopt the attitude of gratitude, because we know that whatever comes, our times are in God’s hands. It was Jesus who said, in

effect, “So don’t be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow, too.” (See Matthew 6:34.)If you want to help your kids develop an attitude of gratitude, I encourage you to try an experiment that might radically influence your family, and it’s a great exercise in the days leading up to Thanksgiving. It’s called “Thank Therapy.” Thank Therapy is simply focusing on the many things in your life for which you can be thankful. Get started by having each family member create individual lists, of “Twenty Reasons Why I’m Thankful.” Thank Therapy is simply an act of the will to concentrate on the good and not the bad. Share your lists as a family on Thanksgiving Day.

5. Do something for someone else. One of the ways we can demonstrate that we are grateful to God for His many blessings is to help others. Even if this has been a difficult year for you and your family, helping others will actually help you too, as your focus will move from your own circumstances onto serving others. There are always people who can use a helping hand. So, enrich this holiday season for your family by getting involved in serving others.

6. Enjoy activities that are cheap or free. There are many good holiday-related activities that will add to your family’s enjoyment that are either free or low cost, such as driving around to look at Christmas decorations, decorating your home together as a family, baking Christmas cookies, going window-shopping, or playing in the snow (or on the beach if you live in Southern California!)

A publication of IBC Student Ministry. www.ibclrstudents.org © 2015

NOVEMBER 2015

7. Enjoy a family holiday tradition. Traditions provide opportunities to keep your family’s legacy going. They create meaningful memories. So, from the silly to the sentimental, if your family has established Thanksgiving and Christmas traditions, if possible, be sure to include them in your holiday activity plans.

8. Try something new. Traditions are great, but sometimes families find themselves in a rut, celebrating the holidays in exactly the same fashion, year after year. And, this can result in your family experiencing a holiday funk. So, think about finding a new way to celebrate the holiday season this year. You may just create a new tradition that will keep going for generations!

9. Spend money responsibly. Thanks to our culture and the well-thought out marketing strategies by retailers, the holiday season always brings with it a big temptation to spend lots of money especially when it comes to purchasing Christmas presents for your family. Don’t be afraid to say no to this temptation. The following is simple, but good advice for every family: Don’t spend beyond your means and don’t rack up significant credit card debt! While your family may be thrilled by expensive gifts on Christmas Day, don’t forget that come springtime, your kids may well have laid aside or forgotten those gifts, even while you’re struggling to make the payments. Decide now to be financially responsible this holiday season.

10. Carve out some time for yourself! Don’t take on all of the responsibilities of your family’s holiday celebrations by yourself. Share the load. For example, assign responsibilities to your family members for preparation and clean up of your Thanksgiving and Christmas meals. Create some space during the holidays for you to recharge your own batteries.

BY DR. JIM BURNS, PRESIDENT OF HOMEWORD MINISTRIES AND EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF THE HOMEWORD CENTER FOR YOUTH AND FAMILY AT AZUSA PACIFIC UNIVERSITY.

ENGAGE

OUR HIGH SCHOOL KIDS: TIRED, STRESSED, AND BORED

When they're at school, the kids are decidedly not all right.

New survey findings suggest that when asked how they feel during the school day, USA high school students consistently invoke three key feelings: "tired," "stressed" and “bored."

The researcher who led the study warns that such negative feelings can influence young people's attention, memory, decision making, school performance and social lives.

"It's hard to concentrate and it's hard to do well in school if your brain is constantly having to respond to stress," said Marc Brackett, a researcher in the Yale University Department of Psychology and director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence.

The new findings, out Friday, are from a survey conducted in collaboration with the Born This Way Foundation, the charitable organization founded by the singer Lady Gaga. The survey was supported by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation.

The student sample is huge: 22,000 high school students from across the USA.

The message is clear: our high schoolers are none too happy, at least when they're in school.

Researchers distributed a brief online questionnaire that featured the question: "How do you currently feel in school?" Three blank spaces followed, with room for any answers they felt were appropriate.

Eight of the top 10 responses were negative.

"Tired" was most often invoked — 39% of students wrote that."Stressed" came in second, at 29%. "Bored" was third, at 26%.By contrast, the two most frequently invoked positive emotions were "happy" (22%) and "excited (4.7%).

Parents and educators should be alarmed by the findings, Brackett said.

"I think they point to the fact that we need to be attending to the feelings of our nation's youth," he said. "Unless what they're learning is engaging and interesting, they're going to be bored — the boredom is related to the quality of instruction.”

A publication of IBC Student Ministry. www.ibclrstudents.org © 2015

NOVEMBER 2015

In the sample, female respondents outnumbered males about two-to-one — 65% identified themselves as female and 32% as male; 3% indicated “other.”But Brackett said the happiness findings were "pretty much identical" across genders.

"It's a shame that much of our nation's education system is not focused on helping kids figure out their own goals, but rather (on) a standardized curriculum," he said.

BY GREG TOPPO, USA TODAY.

EMPOWER

END PARENTING COMPARISONS AND CHOOSE CONTENTMENT

"Mom, can we go dress shopping this week?" my 13-year-old daughter, Barton, asked. I had just picked her up from a cotillion class where she was learning about manners and social skills.

"Honey, you look fine," I said. "And your dress was OK last year.”

"Yeah, last year," she muttered.

"I hear you," I assured her. "We will get you another dress.”

"Another dress?" she replied, a little indignant. "There are five more classes!”

I paused, letting her response sink in. "Are you thinking you need a different dress for every class?”

"Well, yeah.”

"Honey, that is so not going to happen."In my daughter's mind, everyone would be wearing different dresses every week; everyone except her. Somehow, she had become the center of her own attention and could no longer enjoy her cotillion experience because she was comparing herself to others.

The comparison gameIn all honesty, I'm guilty of the same patterns of thinking that my daughter expressed that day in the car. It's not just our children who struggle with comparison. As moms, we know it can be hard to find comfort in our own skin, our own clothing,

our own homes. This can be especially challenging as the holidays approach and we are reminded of what we do not have.Tweens and teens may play the comparison game with cotillion dresses, just as moms can play it in myriad other ways, but the result is often the same: ingratitude. At times like these, perspective offers us a minute to breathe, to hit the pause button and to see our situations more clearly. If we can take our eyes off ourselves long enough to quit comparing, we just might catch a glimpse of all the good things and good people in our lives.A new perspective

It may be the season for giving thanks, but Christmas cards will begin to trickle in and I'm often tempted to think my family is less-than. And then I wonder how my children might also fall into the temptation to try to measure up. That's when a better perspective can help us look around the kitchen table and be grateful for each and every unique personality represented there — even if Mom of the Year, Eagle Scout or National Merit Finalist isn't written by our names.

Whether we're talking clothing or accomplishments, decor or finances, it's

easy to focus on the fact that some people simply have more. So we need to acknowledge that comparing ourselves to others has the potential to seriously undermine our contentment and undercut our relationships.

Gratitude can serve to jump-start our contentment, but it's hard to be grateful with our eyes focused on ourselves. When our focus shifts away from "me," we can see others in need of encouragement and love. And we get to live according to the Great Commandment — loving God and loving others.

ContentmentEven in a culture of comparison, you can find contentment when you take the necessary steps to train yourself — and your children — to practice gratitude.

Step One: Recognize your own discontentment. When you're open and honest about your own struggles, you're better equipped to help your children with theirs.

Step Two: Lead by example. Before helping someone else, it's best to start by helping yourself. It's easy to see comparison struggles in your children, but the same issues may crowd all of your days.

Step Three: Do a mental reboot. Encouraging words may be great, but actions go a long way in taming your tendency to struggle with comparison. Consider using the control-alt-delete process:

• Control your thoughts. Catch those uneasy notions at the onset. 

• Opt for an alternate perspective. Be grateful for life and for your many blessings (James 1:17). 

• Then, delete or stop comparing. Just don't do it.

As we approach this holiday season, we'll find it's the perfect time of year to recapture contentment in our hearts and in our homes. Gratitude helps to shift our focus so we can move beyond being the center of our own attention.

BY KAY WILLS WYMA, BLOGGER, SPEAKER, AUTHOR OF “I’M HAPPY FOR YOU (SORT OF…NOT REALLY)” THIS ARTICLE APPEARED IN THE OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2015 THRIVING FAMILY MAGAZINE.

A publication of IBC Student Ministry. www.ibclrstudents.org © 2015

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