Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
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Transcript of Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
“Perfectionism Kills Productivity”
Re-tweeted over 5,000 times when it was mentioned at my SxSW 2013 talk.
He Decides to Open Up
Dear Mr. Schuh –
I need your advice. For the past 4 years, I’ve tried to be a designer, but I keep getting fired. I find it impossible to meet deadlines, as I agonize over every pixel.
My co-workers think I am slow. I think they are sloppy. I can’t hold down a job. I try to be creative, but I never finish anything. To me, my designs are never finished.
I desperately need your advice. What should I do?
per•fec•tion•ism (pərˈfɛk ʃəˌnɪz əm) noun
1. a belief that religious, moral, social, artistic, or political perfection is attainable.
2. a personal standard or attitude that demandsperfection and rejects anything less.
Simple Definition
Psychologist View of Perfectionism
“Perfectionism is the desire to be faultless, a fear of imperfection, equating errors as personal defects, and viewing perfection as the only route to personal acceptance.”
--T.S. Greenspon, 2008.
Exercise #2: Persona Note-taking
Adam the Adaptive:1. _______________________2. _______________________3. _______________________4. _______________________5. _______________________
Personal Motto:______________________________________________________________________________
• Satisfied with achievements made from intense effort.
• Tolerate imperfections without harsh self-criticism.
• Enjoy collaboration and cooperation.
• Value self-esteem and life satisfaction.
• Regulate and adjust their emotions.
• Manage their interpersonal relationships.
• Develop a social support system.
• Perform active coping when needed
• View relationships seriously.• Watch their procrastination tendencies.
Adaptive Perfectionists
Exercise #3: Persona Note-taking
Mary the Maladaptive:1. _______________________2. _______________________3. _______________________4. _______________________5. _______________________
Personal Motto:______________________________________________________________________________
• Unattainable personal performance standards.
• Extremely self-critical in self-evaluations.
• Approach their relationships aggressively.
• Lack self-awareness in social situations.
• View their environments as competitive.
• Feel a need to control their environment.
• Very passive-aggressive in certain situations.
• Enjoy defining policies, structures, and rules.
• Despise gray areas and prefer binary thinking.
• Notorious procrastinators.
Maladaptive Perfectionists
Picasso was Prolific
Picasso = Adaptive
• Traditional
• Blue Period
• Rose Period
• African-Influenced
• Cubism
• Neo-Classicalism
• Surrealism
Adaptive Characteristics:1. ________________________2. ________________________3. ________________________4. ________________________5. ________________________6. ________________________7. ________________________8. ________________________9. ________________________
Maladaptive Characteristics:1. ________________________2. ________________________3. ________________________4. ________________________5. ________________________6. ________________________7. ________________________8. ________________________9. ________________________
Exercise #4: Comparison Sheet
Adaptive Maladaptive
Very, Very Rigid.Flexible and Adaptable.
I love itwhen a plan
comes together(especially mine).
Plan A,Plan B,Plan C,Plan D
• Shame ≠ Guilt
• Shame ≠ Embarrassment
• Shame ≠ Humiliation
• Embarrassment ≠ Guilt
• Embarrassment ≠ Humiliation
• Embarrassment ≠ Shame
Some Words are Not Synonyms
• Humiliation ≠ Embarrassment
• Humiliation ≠ Guilt
• Humiliation ≠ Shame
• Guilt ≠ Embarrassment
• Guilt ≠ Shame
• Guilt ≠ Humiliation
Embarrassment
“Embarrassment is something that is fleeting, often eventually funny and very normal.”
-- Dr. Brene Brown (Shame Researcher)
Know the Nuance: Embarrassment
“A bad thing happened to me. It happens to everyone. It will be over soon.”
Humiliation
The act of mortifying a person to cause a painful loss of pride, self-respect, or dignity.
Know the Nuance: Humiliation
“I deserve to be treated badly by these folks. I’m different. There’ssomething wrong with me.”
Guilt
Guilt is a feeling that you have consciously done something wrong, broken a law, or let someone down. You have committed a wrongful act.
Examples of Design Guilt
You knowingly use a dark pattern to entice a person to purchase the wrong option.
In this example, the bundled option looks best by using the dark pattern called the second-best first option.
Examples of Design Guilt
You wanted this simple, beautiful design. But, your client wanted this ugly design.
Know the Nuance: Guilt
“I have done something bad.I got caught. I need to pay for my action. I can correct it.”
Shame
Shame is an emotion in which someone sees their “self” as defective, unacceptable, or fundamentally damaged.
Shame is most often felt by victims of trauma—911 and Holocaust survivors.
Know the Nuances
Shame:“I am a bad person.”
Guilt:“I did a bad thing.”
Embarrassment:“A bad thing happened.”
Humiliation:“I deserved it to happen.”
Perfectionism = Shame
“Perfectionism is a form of shame. Where we struggle with perfectionism, we struggle with shame.”
-- Dr. Brene Brown (Shame Researcher)
Resistance Versus Resilience
(Unhealthy) (Healthy)
Maladaptive Adaptive
ShameResistance
ShameResilience
Shame-Based Barriers of Perfectionism
1. Foreboding Joy
2. Procrastination
3. Sarcasm
4. Numbing
5. Viking-or-Victim
6. Smash and Grab
7. Zigzagging
Joy Can Be Terrifying
“The most terrifying emotion we experience as humans is joy.”
-- Dr. Brene Brown
Exercise #5: Scenario
You have hired a new designer, who fits in with the rest of the designers and the product team loves their design. Your perfectionist boss is experiencing foreboding joy with the new hire.
1. How do you handle things with your boss?2. How do you handle things with the new hire?
Gratitude is the Best Attitude
Make daily deposits of gratitude into people’s emotional bank accounts.
Positive Comment
Positive Comment
Critical Remark
Critical Remark
1-2-1 Critique: Gratitude Sandwich
Critiques = Additive, Not Competitive
In the early days, Pixar writers experienced the foreboding joy of story critiques by:
• John Lasseter
• Andrew Stanton
• Brad Bird
These meetings are done with honesty and candor.
Act 1: Ghost of Hamlet’s father tells him to revenge his murder. Hamlet delays.
Hamlet Sees Ghost of Dead Father
Tries to Publicly Humiliate His Uncle
Act 3, Scene 3: Hamlet performs a play within the play. He delays, again.
Hamlet Still Has Bloody Thoughts
Act 4: Hamlet does not understand soldiers who fight in foreign lands. When the soldier leaves, Hamlet says how own thoughts are bloody. Hamlet still delays.
“There’s Something Rotten in Denmark.”
It is called procrastination. In “Hamlet”, his delay leads to a wasted life.
Purpose of Procrastination
“The purpose of procrastination is to protect us from the failure, success, or change we are terrified of, and it fulfills that purpose when we lose all hope and stop trying. It is fear-based.”
-- Hilary Rettig (2011)
You are working with a seasoned designer, who prides herself on doing pixel perfect designs. In the office, she is infamous for procrastinating.
1. Discuss project management solutions.2. What advice would you give a procrastinator?
Exercise #6: Scenario
Establish a Daily Routine
Home Work Other
Shop/Gym Dinner Reading/TV Sleeping
WorkBreakfastGetting Ready Drive Time
Create Routines Within the Routine
• 09:00 AM: Answer emails and phone calls• 10:00 AM: Morning meetings• 11:00 AM: Work on projects (one hour)• 11:30 AM: Lunch• 12:30 PM: Work on projects (two hours)• 02:30 PM: Afternoon meeting (or work on projects)• 04:15 PM: Pick up child from school
Short Drive Time (estimated 5-10 minutes):• Make phone call (using Bluetooth)• Listen to podcast on design or usability• Meditate after a stressful day• Practice a presentation (for work or conference)• Make a mental checklist of things to do
Plan for Obstacles
List possible obstacles for completing an assignment, including procrastination habits. Develop counter-measures.
Reward Your Progress
Set up a reward system for positive reinforcement.Similarly, arrange small punishments for failures.
Putting It Off or Getting It Done?
“Putting it off does not make it go away. Getting it done does.”
— Ned Hallowell, Driven to Distraction
Fate or Destiny?
“Fate is what befalls a man who fails to act. Destiny is for men who refuse to accept failure, as their fate.”
— Lamar Wyatt (ABC’s Nashville)
Simple Definition of Sarcasm
sar•cas•m (sahr-kaz-uh m) noun
1. the use of words that mean the opposite of what you really want to say in order to insult someone, to show irritation, or to be funny.
2. Greek (literal definition)…to render someone’s flesh (with a caustic remark).
Sarcasm ≠ Situational Irony
These two signs were right next to each other at a bus stop in Chicago.
Want to learn about great deals, ask the bus driver.
Don’t talk to the bus driver.
Sarcasm = Lowest Form of Wit
“Sarcasm’s insincerity offers a level of protection. At its most innocuous, it doesn’t hurt anyone and distances the speaker.
When you say the opposite of what you mean, you don’t have to own it. You’ve got someplace to hide.
You get attention, a laugh, and the upper hand —without having to stick your neck out.”
-- Dr. Jennifer Taitz
Social Media and Sarcasm
Fact: #yeahright was used 2,500+ times in one hour.
#winning #sarcasm #snicker #yeahright #fail
Body Language Can Be Sarcastic
You can be sarcastic with your body language, too. Let’s assume this guy said, “I will get right on that.” Do you believe any of these faces?
Secret Service: Social Media Sarcasm
In June 2014, Secret Services opened bids for software to detect sarcasm on social media as part of the Department of Homeland Security.
Imagine our five perfectionists using sarcasm everyday on your team.
Exercise #7: Scenario
During a design critique, two co-workers decide to make several sarcastic remarks. You do not know if you should follow their suggestions. Some of their comments seemed like personal acts. You left the room angry.
1. What do you say to the sarcastic person?2. Do you talk to your manager about it?3. What if your manager is the sarcastic person?
Use Sarcasm Like a Strong Spice
It is best to use sarcasm with close friends, who understand the humor.
Sarcasm is like a spice. Use it sparingly.
• Too much, the dish is overwhelmed.
• An occasional dash, the dish is spiced up.
• A steady serving, the dish is ruined.
Sarcasm Can Be a Form of Bullying
Perfectionists use sarcasm to disguise their hostility. Psychologists see sarcasm as a very subtle form of bullying.
Most bullies are angry, insecure, and frustrated (like perfectionists).
Pixar Uses Candor, Not Honesty
Ed Catmull devotes an entire chapter to the importance of candor.
“A hallmark of a healthycreative culture is that itspeople feel free to shareideas, opinions, and criticisms. Lack of candor,if unchecked, ultimately leads to dysfunctionalenvironments.”
Respect is the Antidote to Sarcasm
Ways to create a culture of respect:
1. Do not gossip, especially with envious people.2. Be intentional in your communication.3. Appreciate diverse opinions.4. Be a bridge builder to promote teamwork.5. Create a culture directed at competitors.6. Do not acknowledge sarcastic remarks.7. Promote ownership, so people’s voices matter.
Take Your Shoes Off, Then Wear Mine
Before walking in another person’s shoes, you have to take your shoes off.
Walk a mile in my shoes. See what I see. Hear what I hear. Feel what I feel. Then, maybe, you’ll understand why I do what I do. Until then, don’t judge me.
Examine Sarcasm Triggers
Some people are only sarcastic in specific situations. Examine the triggers.
Make Conversations Meaningful
Your statements should be these three things:
1. True2. Meaningful3. Necessary
Sarcasm never meets all three of these categories.
Do Not Combat with Humiliation
Humiliation is closely tied to shame, which is a severe issue with perfectionists. Be respectful and ask for clarification from the person.
If someone says a sarcastic remark about you, do not resort to humiliation. It is so tempting.
Diffuse Sarcasm By Agreeing
Sarcastic Remark: “Snails move faster than you.”Your Response: “Yes, they do. They are fast little buggers.”
When you receive a sarcastic remark, agree with them.
Announce Your Sarcasm
Sarcastic Remark: “I just thought of something sarcastic: ‘Snails move fast than you.’ I am totally joking.”
Diffuse your own sarcasm by announcing it.
Odysseus Visited Many Lands
Of the ancient heroes, only Hercules may have traveled more than Odysseus.
Hermes Tells Calypso to Release Him
Odysseus is enamored with Calypso. He is numb to all other things.
Crazy-Busy or Numbing?
“We are culture of people who’ve bought into the idea that if stay busy enough, the truthof our lives won’t catch up to us. One of themost universal numbing strategies is whatI call crazy-busy.”
-- Dr. Brene Brown
We Numb Ourselves in Debt
U.S. household consumer debt profile:
• Average credit card debt: $15,611• Average mortgage debt: $155,192• Average student loan debt: $32,264
We Numb Ourselves with Food
• 66% of adults are overweight or obese• 35% of children struggle with obesity• By 2030, 51% of the US population may be obese• 20 years ago, no state had an obesity rate above 15%• Today 41 states have obesity rates over 25%• Since 1980, the obesity rate in teens has tripled.• 72% of older men and 67% of older women are now
overweight or obese
We Drink to Numb OurselvesIn 2014, American recycled enough aluminum cans to rebuild the entire fleet of US commercial aircrafts…twice.
And, this only accounts for what consumers recycled.
Source: American Beverage Association
Why Numbing Actually Hurts You?
“When you numb yourself, you try to not feel vulnerability. It is especially debilitating because it does not just deaden the pain of our difficult experiences; it deadens all of them—love, joy, creativity, and belonging.We cannot selectively numb an emotion. When you numb the dark, you numb the light.”
-- Dr. Brene Brown
Your manager uses different numbing methods during times of peak stress, such as before a major release or executive presentation. They drink, swear, work long hours, and smoke. They seem to promote people with same behaviors.
1. How would you handle this situation?
2. What coping strategies do you use for stress?
Exercise #8: Scenario
Antidote = Setting Boundaries
Each person is different. Identify numbing behaviors and set boundaries.
Use Positive Coping Strategies
Walking, going outdoors, or cooking a meal can be very positive ways to cope.
Amazons Resemble Vikings
According to myth, Hercules and Theseus would have encounters with the Amazons. With each encounter, the Amazons would march to war.
Perfectionists: Victim or Viking?
“Either you are a Victim in life –a sucker or a
loser who’s always being taken advantage of or
can’t hold their own –or you’re a Viking –
someone who sees the threat of being
victimized as a constant, so you stay in control,
you dominate, you exert your power over
things, and you never show vulnerability.”
-- Dr. Brene Brown
Viking Characteristics
• Exerts power of perceived threats.• Stays in control.• Tries to dominate.• Never shows vulnerability.• Ruthlessly attacks enemies.• Uses any weapon available:
- Gossip- Schedule- Email- Deadlines- Meetings- Departmental Policies- Assignments
Victim Characteristics
• Constantly loses at home and work.• Taken advantage of by people.• Always loses, never wins.• Whines about everything.• Uses any tactic available:
- Excuses- Rationalization- Justification
• - Blame- Lying- Finger pointing- No instructions
Victim or Viking: Scary Thinking
“When we lead, teach, or preach from a gospel of Viking or Victim, win or lose, we crush faith, innovation, creativity, and adaptability to change.”
-- Dr. Brene Brown
A project manager does anything to get his way. People are either threatening or non-threatening to him. When he feels threatened, the project manager plays very dirty office politics including getting people written up and fired.
1. How do you handle this person?
2. Do ignore the behavior altogether?
Exercise #9: Viking Scenario
A co-worker continually whines about how things are unfair with work assignments. He constantly gets other people to his work. They “work” from home, but nobody believes him. This person says that he feels helpless.
1. How do you handle this person?
2. Do ignore the behavior altogether?
Exercise #10: Victim Scenario
Build an Emotional Bank Account
An emotional bank account
is a metaphor for improving
and maintaining scorecards
with your relationships.
The account begins with a
neutral balance. You make
deposits and withdrawals
based on your interactions with people.
The Golden Ratio is 5:1
Healthy relationships strive for 5 positive interactions to each 1 negative one.
Deposit = Listening with Empathy
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand. They listen with the intent to reply. -- Stephen Covey
Deposit = Keeping Commitments
Showing up to work on time, meeting your deadlines, attending meetings, doing what you say, and fulfilling obligations are regular deposits you make.
Deposit = Fighting with Respect
Every working relationship will have arguments and disagreements. When you do, always keep your communication respectful.
Deposit = Remember Little Things
All the little things count and they are the building blocks of our daily lives. Remembering a birthday, getting coffee, or a smile adds up.
Apologize for Withdrawals
When you make a mistake, apologize immediately. It’s a learning experience. Keep your account in the positive, which you have worked hard to create.
Antidote for Ideas: Story Building
At Pixar, Ed Catmull explains that originality is very fragile:
“In its first form, the films arefar from pretty. We call them‘ugly babies.’ They neednurturing—in the form of time and patience—in order to grow.”
Pixar usually gives 2-3 years to turn an “ugly baby” into a film.
The Beast and The Baby
With ideas, you can develop a Viking-or-Victim mentality, too.After the success of Toy Story 2, the Pixar team was exhausted.
It took nearly five years to create Monsters, Inc.
Pixar wanted to feed the beast, produce another sequel. Yet, the creatives wanted to protect the ugly babies.
Balancing The Beast and Ugly Babies
For Pixar, their Brain Trust (John Lasseter, Andrew Stanton, Brad Bird) balances the Hungry Beast and the Ugly Babies.
Design Studios: UX Ugly Baby Solution
For UX Designers, the Design Studio method provides us with a great mechanism to protect ugly babies..
Two Mysteries Solved
For many years, historians tried to determine two things about Easter Island:
1. How were the statues created there?
2. Where did all of the people go?
Both mysteries got solved a few years ago.
Massive Deforestation Led to Collapse
The tribe on Easter Island was over 10,000 people during its height. When Captain Cook landed, it was reduced to about 100 people. It was avoidable.
Smash and Grab = Manipulation Tool
“The smash and grab occurs when someone smashes through people’s social boundaries with intimate information, then grab whatever attention and energy you can get your hands on…in our social media world, it’s increasingly difficult to determine what’s a real attempt to connect and what’s performance.”
-- Dr. Brene Brown
Helicopter Story of Brian Williams
Brian Williams was suspended from NBC for six months for smashing-and-grabbingheadlines about riding with Seal Team Six when their helicopter was under fire.
Gossiping is Smash-and-Grab
Gossiping is a smash-and-grab. Someone gossips to draw negative attention towards one of their rivals. Conversely, they start a rumor to draw attention to their self.
Seven Types of Social Sharing
90% of social sharing is about sharing relevant information with your connections. 10% of social sharing is a form of smash-and-grab (showing off, getting a reaction).
Smash and Grab = Manipulation Tool
“With smash and grab, perfectionists use vulnerability to connect with people. It is a way to fast-forward intimacy.”
-- Dr. Brene Brown
You have worked for two years designing a new product. A marketing person is assigned one week before the release. Several people share details about the last two years. She uses this information to take credit for the past two years.
1. How do you handle this situation?
2. What other smash-and-grabs have you seen?
Exercise #11: Scenario
Antidote = Understand the Intention
Protect yourself and others. Understand the reason(s) you might be hearing this information. Is it a smash and grab? Is there a legitimate business reason?
Tell Your Story to People Who Earn It
You do not want to share information with people, who have not earned it. They will misunderstand you.
Don’t Share Fresh Wounds Publicly
Allow for cooling off periods before sharing information with people. An unhealthy perfectionist will use it against you.
A Simple Checklist
What need is driving this behavior?
What outcome do I want?
Does it align with my values?
Is this sharing in the service of connection?
Am I genuinely asking people for what I need?
Since design is very collaborative, it is easy to mistake need for intimacy. For some reasons, artists and designers crave intimacy and attention.
Dodges Traps Before Final Showdown
Rainsford narrowly escapes 10 different traps before finally killing Zaroff.
Zigzagging = Avoiding
In some cases, perfectionists want to avoid conflict. So, they delay a potential confrontation for a long time.
Zigzagging = Disengaging
In some cases, perfectionists want to disengage from work and people.They duck, dodge, and de-prioritize tasks. They major in the minors!
Zigzagging ≠ Procrastination
Unlike procrastination, zigzagging is actually doing work-related activities. Procrastination is finding other things to do (laundry, watch a movie, sleep).
Similar to Maslow’s Jonah Complex
Maslow states, "So often we run away from the responsibilities dictated by nature, by fate, or by accident, just as Jonah tried—in vain—to run away from his fate."
Clean Your Desk, Again and Again
You are zigzagging when you clean your desk rather than finishing a project.
“We fear our highest (and lowest) possibilities. We are
generally afraid to become that which we can glimpse
in our most perfect moments, under the most perfect
conditions, under conditions of great courage.
We enjoy and thrill to the godlike possibilities we see
in ourselves in such peak moments. Yet, we
simultaneously shiver with weakness, awe, and fear
before these very same possibilities.”
-- Abraham Maslow
You know you should have a difficult discussion with another designer. You notice you have been avoiding this confrontation. You find other work to do, but you know the problem will only get worse. You zigzag constantly.
1. How do you stop zigzagging?
2. How do you handle difficult conversations?
Exercise #12: Scenario
Antidote = Name Your Fear
• Fear of the Unknown
• Fear of Change
• Fear of Sudden Pain
• Fear of Failure
• Fear of Losing Control
• Fear of the Spotlight
• Fear of New Ideas
• Fear of the Future
• Fear of Your Identity
• Fear of Standing Out
• Fear of Being Ridiculed
• Fear of Responsibility
• Fear of Massive Success
• Fear of Being Exposed
• Fear of New People
• Fear of New Technology
“To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” -Elbert Hubbard
Next Step is to Take Action
In the US Army, Captains tell their soldiers to shoot, move, and communicate.
Fear Has Two Meanings
• Negative = Forget Everything And Run
• Positive = Face Everything And Rise
It is really a choice!!!
Example: GOSPA Worksheet
Reduce my own procrastination
Improve my time management
1. Project time management2. Manage my deliverables
1. Time management training2. Training on specific tools
1. Attend time manager webinar2. Put dates on team calendar
It’s better to cross the line
and suffer the consequences
than to just stare at that line
for the rest of your life.
He Removes Foreboding Joy
They are playing on their home field. Mandela says the nation is grateful.
He Removes Viking-Victim Thinking
Mandela tells them that they are men with wives and children, too.