Pivotal Pieces to my Personal PuzzleBryan Doesn’t Sell Shells by the Sea Shore

If my life were any sort of random object or thing, I have no idea what it would be; but it could be a puzzle. One might say that my life is as it is because of every person I have ever met, every moment I have ever had, and every decision I have ever made... and each person, moment, and decision is a piece of the puzzle that defines me and makes me who I am. If it were true, that my life is like a puzzle, I am made up of million pieces and it is all too complicated for anyone to fully understand. But, at the same time, I have so many more to come. It is so... puzzling, I guess. There are still pieces of me floating around in the box of what could be my future; and there are even pieces right in front of me that have made me who I am, but I don’t know where to put them, much less whether I’m aware of the fact that they exists. Needless to say, I am a big puzzle; and every person I’ve met, every moment I’ve had, and every decision I’ve made has turned into a piece of the puzzle. Some are big, some are small... but it is what makes me, me.

There were three kinds of people in my life; family, people that made fun of me, and everyone else (we’ll call them “acquaintances;” teachers, strangers, people I knew that didn’t hate me, etc.). I was a shy person in elementary school, and my Grandpa Ralph, one of the wisest men I’ve ever known, told me to always be kind and to be nice to people to become friends with them. Which, looking back, is amazing advice I think, but I took my Grandpa’s advice to a level I shouldn’t have. I was kind, I did everything I could to just be nice to people… but there was no balance. I was sensitive and I had no backbone; people took advantage of me and would make fun of me every day, every chance they got. I didn’t understand it. I was just a kid though, and so were they; I never thought to tell anyone, and I think the reason why I didn’t was because if I ratted on them, I thought it’d be mean; and I didn’t want to be mean to them, I wanted to be their friend. But from second to the end of sixth grade I had this Albatross around my neck; I was always judged and avoided and hurt. Every time I think about my writing or music or anything that I do, I feel like it isn’t good enough. I have these negative thoughts about everything I do, and everything about me. But thankfully, there was a bright side to it all. I think that God used my Grandpa Ralph to teach me to love unconditionally, and even though I didn’t know that there should be a treating people kindly, and defending my own self, I think I am learning to now.

Now there are more kids I didn’t know, and more opportunities for friendship... but it necessarily work out like I had hoped. Throughout that school year I had the same difficulty that I did before. But in May that year, family was seeking a new church. Originally we were attending a small foursquare church full of loving old people that was more than a half hour away from where we lived. Other than my parents, the youngest couple was in their 40’s, and there was only one other kid who was two years older than me (and he wasn’t nice at the time), so there wasn’t a youth group. So my parents decided to find a church closer to home. After a few weeks of searching we found a church called Cornerstone. I checked out the youth group

and it seemed lively when I first walked in; good music and lights and it had a very unique urban theme in the room. There was a wall with a bunch of pictures of students from recent youth events. One picture in particular caught my eye, a picture of Taylor Shelberg. I didn’t know him that well, he was just an acquaintance, but I was excited to see a picture of someone I knew, and I immediately ran into him. He was very welcoming and I chilled with him that day and it was a fun. Both the youth group and the main service were remarkable, and my family decided to stay, mainly because I begged them because I knew Taylor. Because of Taylor, I stayed at Cornerstone, and we became best friends; and through that friendship and because I decided to attend Cornerstone, it led on to many, many more amazing friendships.

I can’t compare any move I’ve had in the past to the transition from Arizona to Alabama, but eighth grade I moved about a half hour away from a home I experienced a lot of adventures in, and it was farther away from Taylor. I had to switch schools too, so Taylor and I wouldn’t be at the same school. I had a lot of encouragement though. Taylor helped me a lot, and although there were moments of hindrance, our friendship got stronger in the end. There was a huge positive though, it was within walking distance of my church, which brought me closer to it. I already loved Cornerstone and being there, but now I could basically go whenever I want, and there wouldn’t be a fifteen, twenty minute drive. So I got closer to Ryan Guard. Ryan became the junior high director at my church when I started attending. Originally he was the high school intern, but he started leading in the summer after my sixth grade year when the junior high director started leading high school youth. I became very close to Ryan at the very beginning. He was young, but wise and smart. He taught me more than any person I have ever met, and he had the biggest impact on my life. He really helped me see Jesus in a totally new and radical way. When I graduated junior high and started high school, Ryan Guard was bumped up to leading high school because the high school pastor joined a sister church and began teaching there. So now I had the privilege to learn under Ryan Guard another four years. I knew his entire life story it seemed, and if he started to tell about something stupid and hilarious he did when he was in high school, I knew the story full-well. Ryan Guard showed me another side of Love, and also taught me to live life abundantly. He was the most influential person I have ever met, and even though he wasn’t perfect, I have never met a man more in love with Jesus.

I never really did music before high school. There were brief moments of piano and singing, but I was never really taught how to sing, like a choir or anything. I had no experience, and I never thought I would be doing music of any sort when I started high school. In fact, I didn’t even have a music class. I did American Sign Language instead. In class I sat with three upper classmen, two girls and a guy named Ryan Pansmith. We were talking in the class one day (you can’t get any more ironic than that) and in the midst of our conversation, choir came up, and it wasn’t long until Ryan convinced me to change my schedule. So I dropped sign language and joined Men’s Choir, and I met Mrs. Evans. She seemed like she could be a second, young grandmother; but she was like our mother in that class, and the guys in MC’s (Men’s Choir) were the most fun and loving bunch of guys I had ever met. I was the only freshman guy out of every single choir at the school, so I was the cute little kid every choir kid knew. Mrs. Evans was like

our mother, she would give us a stern talking too if need be, but it was always encouraging and loving. The entire class, in fact the entire choral program, was like a family. We would call her mom on accident, and it eventually gave way to being a habit. My freshman year I never had a negative thought in my head, or at least that I remember. I think I was in the prime of my life (so far anyway), and I was carefree and content. The following years, sophomore and junior year, became rough school-wise, but I had the honor of being in three of the choirs both years, and I was heavily involved in it. I learned a lot from Mrs. Evans, and she was very encouraging as the first three years of my high school career flew by. I took advantage of every opportunity that I had to be involved, and it wasn’t time wasted. Mrs. Evans really helped me find a passion for music, and I learned that Music is a Universal Language that heals and brings hope. I have never experienced something more beautiful than Music in the choir. My parents said that choir has really helped come out of my shell, and I owe it all to Mrs. Evans, and I’ll never forget her.

God has always been a big part of my life. Thanks to Taylor Shelberg, Ryan Guard, and Mrs. Evans (who also had a relationship with Christ) I learned to experience it on a whole new, exciting level; and God gave me all of it. I have been a Christian since I was only three and a half years old; I made the decision on my own, which I think is the coolest thing about my relationship with God. But Cornerstone really helped me shine through spiritually when I started going at the end of sixth grade. Before Cornerstone, I was in a multi-layered shell. I think that there are several shells per person. After we come out of each shell, we are more open to new things, and eventually the empty space in the shell is filled with love and memories. The first shell for me was elementary school, and I think God used my Grandpa Ralph to get through to the shell and Taylor to break it. It was replaced with friendship. I think during my first spiritual journey (assuming there will be more as life goes on), when I first started attending Cornerstone, God used Taylor and Ryan to get through and break my second shell. It was replaced by a new-found love for Christ and Cornerstone. Mrs. Evans helped me come out of my third shell, and it was replaced with an indescribable passion for music. Near the end of my Junior year, Ryan Guard was forced to resign and I was forced to move to Alabama, nearly the polar opposite of Arizona in almost every way. This is my fourth shell, I think, and I believe that after high school I will have broken it alone, but along the way I had help getting through it. I have discovered a new obsession for writing from Mr. Burgin Mathews, and theater from Mr. Jesse Tilton. I haven’t broken it yet, I’m not sure where the fate of my fourth shell lies. I think I have a little bit more to learn and to experience before this shell breaks. But whenever it breaks, and whatever piece it makes, I’m looking forward to the rest of the puzzle.

Some people don’t break their last shell. They die and they end up stuck in the shell they are born in. Their puzzle has every corner but there’s a large gap in the center. I think God belongs there, so we don’t fall into our own emptiness. I know I’ll break through my last shell, God will, and I’ll be caught in the personal puzzle that He put together. He’ll lift me up to Heaven, and I’ll be in Paradise forever.