Phantom: The Darkness Within

By Fredric H. Cilbrith III

This is a poem devoted to the past five months and what I am now dealing with in my life. It also shows you that we all have a little light and darkness within us.

Note: I was created for the writer in order to cope with his emotions and the world around him. All of this is his own words. I am not trying to pursade you in anyway but what you take from this work is entirely your own thoughts and feelings. I hope you enjoyed reading it as I did writing it.

Part I: Realization

Why do I feel like everything is falling apart around me?I feel lost and alone in the abyss they call darkness,Trapped calling out to anyone who will hear;Again and again, only my echo appears once more,Then fades into silence back into nothingness once again.

People can be mindless idiots and not know it their entire lives,Saying and doing things out of spite, not to have a care within the world,Only to get back what they did in return;Handed back to them ten fold in due time...

Months have gone by and I still feel the same as I did before,With not even the slightest bit of change to thy true self,Confidence, hope; boiled down to a tiny silver of wood,That will degrade itself when the pain is over.

People will say they'll never leave you,But until they do, you won't feel the emotions I do.Why do we feed off other people's emotions?Is it to make us feel good?Does it make us feel like we are helping them?

When in actuality we could be feeding them a false sense of hope.And priority only to thrust them out into the 'real world,'With no sense of direction leaving them out there to rot;And only then do they see how things really are,How cruel this world can be.Then we wake up at night and ask ourselves the question 'Why?'

Five months ago everything went black,Due to situations, relationships going sour.Some areas within thy mind still are;Trying to make sense of the present and the way things now stand.

But some are now gray,Unsure what will come of the present;Not knowing what is forged ahead in the future.

I am now the Phantom; the Unknown,The Shade within the darkness, that gives you the uneasy feeling of reality...

Fighting the person he is, and the darkness inside him

~October 15, 2012

Part II: Unbound Ties/Choosing of Path

Does everyone really hate me that much?Should I just go away and never come back,Or to distance myself entirely and accept darkness.

Two sides of one's self going to war with one another,To see who will come out as the victor...But is the on going war with thyself,Worth the pain and torment I put myself through?

Trying to keep relationships close,When eventually they'll wither and die over time,Or further myself from it all and become thy own creation?

To salvage some tiny chord,Of a structure that may be doomed otherwise...What's the sense in that?Why go through the pain and agony?When giving in seems like the right choice.

Coping, accepting one's true self,Can be a task indeed,Comes down to two things:One seeing thy true self and not caring how society,Or your own world sees you.Two to become your true self,In the fullest extent of your being.

Now the question is wither or not,I will let the darkness consume me;Therefore becoming reborn,From the ashes of my past life.

They say its better to walk down the path,Alone then to have fools stride along with you,Mocking you, poking at you out of their own ignorance...They will get theirs in the end mark my words.

Maybe this is the path for me,Finally find meaning in this cruel and awful world,Filled with lies and deceit.People saying they'll be by your side,When they don't mean it in the slightest hint of the word.

This may very well be the reason I was born,To face this head on and finally see thyself,For who I am inside.See the darkness that has been within me,This whole time, only to unleash it out amongst the world;So that people may see who I truly am.

If the relationships I forged long ago,Are thrown against the tides of time,And thus wilt to the ashes of a past long forgotten,Then so be it...

I am now the Phantom; the Unknown,The Shade with the abyss of darkness, that gives you the uneasy feeling of reality...~October 16-17, 2012Part III: Letting Go

The path is a winding spiral into nothingness,Hence therefore drowning in the everflowing circle of darkness.Becoming the one thing I have waited for,What seems years now...

Two reversed figures walking in sync with one another,Trying to once more to forsee the moves set by fate,Future stands for nothing,Only what one has chosen to do,Will withstand the stronghold,Against the tides of enturnity.

Together or not they stand alone,Two halves of one individual being; both light and dark,Awaiting for a time within the unknown,To merge and become one with the figure of darkness;That surrounds him.

No point of returning back to what was once within thy grasp,For it is not there anymore; it is now gone...Lost for decades to come,Never to return again.

The time has come to forget all that has happened,And go down this road;Therefore meeting the figure darpped in the shroud of darkness,Being able to meet thy true self,Face to Face after time has elasped over so many years.

The two sides of the same person will merge at last,Only then seeing society/ the people involved,For who they really are,Hence seeing what they truly stand for,

But when they need help or chairty,By the standards of society,And being an upright citizen,You are to offer your hand in their urgency,

Which in the end would only help them?Why only if they are cruel people,Out for ones self and only that.Let them wollow in their own misdoings,Only to be poisoned by societys horrifiying tounges.

To be fed amongst the masses,To have them burned at the stake,When there is no anarchy to do so.

People are imbules,Who say things without any compassion behind them,Hence being a phony within anothers eyes.Secretly wishing to be stopped dead in their tracks.

Society showed no love when I needed it,But thats why they call it the past,As if pages of a book ripped out,From its spine and start a new.

Being engulfed by flames,Thy once again reborn from the ashes,As a new creation; ones true self.

Thy creation,Will reak havoc upon this world,Only to make sure it gets revenge,In the end to everyone that wronged him,In his past life.

I am now the Phantom; the Unknown,The Shade within the darkness, that gives you the uneasy feeling of reality...

~October 27, 2012

Part IV: Emotion

Darkness of the night is crept upon me,Toils with my mind,Only to give me lavish nightmares;That only the unseen secretly adores,I awaken smiling to myself,

For within the unspoken shade I excel.

I sit up night after night,Not drifting off to sleep,My position held within the darkness,Looking out into the silence,That now surrounds me.

Dreaming of the worse nightmare ever within my existance.

The Nightmare: Faces of Old'e

I walk though a town seeing all the people I've met in my life,Seeing faces of old; people that have been forgotten reappear again,They all smile and greet me with open arms,I talk for hours with each of them,Then within an instance it all goes dark.

People turn on me' their faces go from joyful to horrified,Darkness seeps within my own flow of the 'dream state,'I run as fast as I can without stopping; reaching for an opening for a way out,Saying '"Wake up, wake up, wake up..."

A figure stops within the reach,His face half deformed; a mask lies on the right side,In a black suit and top hat; complete with a walking stick,He is chaos itself only in a form of the unknown.Smiles and is gone within seconds.

For a second a wave of clam washes over me; then its all goes back to 'normal'.

He's gone; never to return,Running again; reaching for the way to the other side,Getting tired once more,People walk closer than they have before,Drowning in the darkness; there is no way out, its over Im finshed...

Eyes open sitting up bolt right,Trying to make sense of the nightmare,Terrified beyond belief; just sitting there,Waiting for something to move within the confines of my mind.

Who was the figure in the dream?

Why do I lay up on this night,Thinking about things that have now,Long sinced passed,That have left their mark,And gone into the wind,Never to return from once it came,

Showing its face no more.

A past that was long ago with images fading in and out of how things were,Only to be fooled by my mind once again,Being pulled into things that shouldn't be.Pulled back into a coniousness where things aren't real; nothing seems real,Memories once again crawling into my mind therefore creating false pretenses.

Why do the nightmares do this to me?Torturing me with objects unseen to this world,To exsist in a dream state where the nightmare is chaos within its own being.There is a darkness that swirls into nothingness,To only have me wake up in agony,Screaming for my pain that now is intensifyed ten times that of what it was.

I lay there in a cold sweat breathing heavily,Telling myself it was 'only a dream',Am I right; was it just a dream,Or was it something far worse than that?

I look around at the opake darkness; trying to see things that dont materialize,My head feeling as if it were a cinder block,Only to lay back down again and try to forget the nightmare once more,Tossing and turning in my sleep,Twirling into a state of frenzy seeking that place of peace and calmness.Letting go and closing my eyes once again.

Finally when I do drift off to sleep,Memories within my mind,Urging me to come and meet them,Therefore being swept once again,Into a past that awakened years go...But that is too bold,To go back to where everything was black,And there was nothing or no one;To hold on to making sure I was still sane.

Going back to when I felt truly alone,Now I smile for that is how I met Phantom,For he is even with me now,Offering his hand in acquaintance.I awaken only to stare at the darkness.

I tear up as the vivid thoughts come rushing back,I see a figure off in the distance,I ready myself to fight it,A face steps into the light,I smile once again for it is Phantom...

He looks at me but stays silent,And just nods knowing that we now;Have seen one another knowing each others exsistance.

For he is Phantom; the unknown,The figure who is cloaked in darkness giving you that uneasy feeling of reality.Waiting for you to come meet him.

~November 2; December 4, 2012

Part V: Meeting/Anxiety

We say nothing to eachother,I just sit there motionless,Looking at him once more,We lock eyes...

His eyes are emerald green,They enchant you; entrall you,Wanting you to know more,But also invite fear...

Eyes can tell a story,Of a persons past,But also let you know how they feel;At an extact point if you were to look at the minds clock

They can also tell you where the person has been,What they have seen and heard,Ultimately what they have gone through.

He just stands there smiling,Assuring me he means no harm,For now could be...

The time where we both become one,Letting ourselves play off one another's strengths and weakness'Only to make the bond that much closer between us,Never to fall or become that which has become separate within this world.

He has been with me for many years now.

I smile back willingly,He just stands there cackling within his own mind,I close my eyes once again in the abyss.

As I lie there drifting off to sleep he smiles and says,

Soon we will be together my friend. Your fears, anxieties and troubles of this world will diminish to nothingness. I assure you once more that I am not to harm you in any sense of the word. For you created me in order to help you cope with this cruel and unmindful world that you live in. I will help in anyway possible. For I know the path of darkness. I know how you feel. I know your pain from long past to even now sitting here in the present tense... Let me help you. I will be your gaurdian, your protector when the world is painful to you. I will come to you when you need it most.

Its there he does know me well enough,I am only now putting a face to my own darkness,And now letting the world see,A very personal part of me.

This personal part of myself seems to excel and not hide,Behind a mask of seclusion,But brought out among society so that all may see,The gentleman that I strive to be.

For he is Phantom; who is now with me.Always there to lend an ear and offer his own way of the world

~November 3, 2012

Part VI: I-III: Anger/Separation/Creation

I:Anger in Justice

As the blood courses within thy veins,Seeing the cruel and wicked walk amongst the cobble stoned streets,Only to scorn at the defenseless and weak,Laughing in their faces.When behind closed doors; they feel the same as the person they passed by earlier.Looking at a past long ago,Where they too were once yelled at,To the point they started quarreling back,Only at this precise moment;To see the villain theyve become.

Oh but they will get their end soon enough.The scum that they are,Rapists and killers.

As the executioner leads them to their death he will say,

Tis thine that should be hung from the highest view point. So that all may see the crime only they knowingly have committed. As time passes the persons accused will become noosed corpses; only to dawdle against the wind, hitting that post time and again. Becoming forgotten to the world; a world in which no one cares of the good of thy neighbor nor its surroundings.

As for everyone else torture is more of a word that is of use for them.Causing an undistinguishable pain;That will never cease,Giving each individual their own horrifying terror,One might say its their own personal hell.I further myself from society,And the tendencies it has to its own outcomes of this world,As an escape from the boundaries one sets;Only to be broken once more and brought back into the fold.II: Separation

I try my hardest to excel in things within this world,Yet the populous doesnt seem to care.They once again mock you; poking your insides causing you pain,This occurs all at once suing hatred from their flowing mouths.Then they walk off as if nothing has happened.

I sit alone again in the abyss,Going through my mind once more looking at memories past,Sifting as if they were dust therefore meaning nothing,The past means nothing; its thrown against the tides forgotten.I am alone once again

But at the end of this phase,I will stand there laughing in their face,Therefore excelling above all others,Proving everyone wrong;Making them feel as if they are the jester amongst the court where I am crowned King.

I close my eyes,And all I see is red,Anger infuriates me,Only to torture myself once again within the minds eye; causing chaos to continue.As if it is a fire that engulfs throughout an entire surface; uncaring to all that come within its path.

III: Attempting the Darkness

It swirls around me,Trying to get inside,It cant because I havent accepted it yet.To accept it is to accept ones fate,I am not afraid of it.Darkness can be cruel and fickle,Only to make things worse for ones self in the end,It can also make you rise up and fight,Seeing who will come out the victor,And who will be the corpse lying dead on the ground,Bleeding to their own demise.

Society doesnt exist within people,If it did we would all be corrigible,And try to tolerate one another,Seeming fake somehow; unknown to this world that we live in.

Most people see the darkness as an unknown being,I see the abyss of the unknown as strength.Put together and fed to a whole community of people,Only to start an ongoing war,That might last for ages to come.

In the end society will be sedentary,And filled with people who lie and cheat,Only caring for their own mortality,Becoming ash thrown against the past;Forgotten when the world decays over time.

Everyone will meet their end eventually,But it is what we choose to do now that will affect the end,Will we help others and live a life worthy of honor?Or will we live to become villains uncaring to the world?Choice is yours and yours alone.III: Creation of Thyself: Rising from the Ashes

For a time will come,Where I see myself as a new creation,Rising up from the ashes of my past; meeting my future with open arms.Only to smile at all who have wronged me.Seeing myself for who I am finally after so many years.

To be reborn again is what I want most,Therfore accepting my own personal darkness and use it to my own advantage.Ones search for meaning throughout a life;Never fully understanding why; maybe because they will find themselves in the end.

Everything be explained once they meet their true self.Why create chaos with chaos,Only to flesh out more crime and hate in the world then one can imagine:When one could just simply wait and let things fall where they may.People will get the end of the deal in time,Mark my words

~November 7,8,10,- December 12, 2012

Part VI: IV-VII: One's Darkness/The Show/Sense of Darkness/Vision

IV: Overflowing of One's Darkness

Why do I let things get to me?Why do I let things define me?Trying to keep every relationship intact, but I;m finding that harder and harder to do.

The people I tend to care for so much so just end up getting further away.Going about in their own lives,Its only natural that I go away too...

As I've said before if I have to cut ties I will,Strings that I've tried to keep tight around me,Will only become distant in the end; being as if they've never exsited.V: 'The Show'People act differently in society,Then they do when there alone, because when they are truly alone;They're in their own 'state of mind'Picking through memories past, and present,Seeing the person they were at one time; then eyeing the person they've become.As if they are putting different masks on every night; preparing for 'the show'Hence from then on being known as a fake.

The darkness just creeps closer and closer.Wanting to become apart of me,Overwhelming me at times, when everything seems dim and bleak,Scumming to it somehow; letting it 'stir' within my mind,As if it is making me 'wiser' in the end.

Which it does in a sense.It gives me a viewpoint that seems stronger than the one I've had my entire life,Making me see things that aren't there, or that I didn't see before.

For I sit and smile at my new found power,I wait for a time where I can unleash it; letting all the fury within me go.Seeing the true person I've only now started to become.For it is within my mind that this decision waits; comtemplating the choice weither to or not.While I sit back waiting for an answer.

VI: A Sense of Darkness

I wait within the darkness,Not knowing what will happen,Yet feeling content with the way things are,I open my eyes seeing a whole new world; one I know nothing of.

I feel it flowing through me; now more than ever.It becoming apart of me, sensing its rage within my skin as if lighting it on fire,Though I haven't joined forces with it just yet; I can still sense it at this moment,

Letting it brew within me; overwhelm me once more,As my eyes reach into the depths of my soul turning black,I grin knowing what's to come next,I feel reborn all at once...

The power its intoxicating; having the feel as if it was royalty,Made especially for me; my 'kind'For that I am greatful,Knowing that when I let it flow; it will destroy everything in the end.

VII: A Vision

I walk further into a white room to find Phantom there,He's dressed in a black tuxedo; complete with a top hat and walking stick,I walk toward him nervous though he is smiling; tipping his hat.

I bow greeting him back and he just smiles more as I walk beside him,I now feel confident; as if I can do anything I want,

Phantom speaks,"Evening Sir, its nice to see you again"

I look at him wondering why we are here and what is about to happen,He just grins trying to assure me he's alright,

"Likewise...it's been a while."

He just stands there laughing,"That it has. How have you been?"

"I've been ok been worried about you to be perfectly honest."

Phantom stares at me,"Why are you worried about me for I have been within your mind all along. For I know it is hard to get away from everything. But dont fret I am here with you now. I assure you I will never make you feel as if you are alone again."

I smile as the room starts to spin out of control,Things start to go blurry; go in and out of focus,I fall to the floor...

Phantom is hovering over me just smiling; reaching his hand out,I grab it as he pulls me back up,Everything comes back into focus.

Phantom grins padding my back,"You alright?"

I nod still trying to make sense of what happened,Why I blacked out; overcame by the nothingness,It felt strange.

He glances at me once again,"Your having a vision of what it would be like if you joined with me... Rest assured I mean you no harm, as I have said before. I am only showing you the power that lies within you."

I smile feeling triumphant,As if I am emperor of my own army,And I've won the war.

He smiles knowing this already,"This is only a vision my friend. You know you haven't joined with me yet!"

I nod

Seeing thyself for all the possibilites of what I will become,Are endless; nothing compares to this feeling,It flows through me once again as I wake.Vision or not, I've gained some knowledge as how to control or unleash it upon the world.~November 21-December 20, 2012Final Act: TransformationOnce you see yourself for who you 'truly' are you have a chance of either accepting it or discarding it. Choice is yours and yours alone.

My eyes are now black like death,Face forever consumed by the Darkness Within Myself,Truly seeing myself for who I am inside,Seeing the abyss that was long awaited; now has come full circle.

Seeing this cruel world and all of its misdoings,Letting chaos insume; unloosening the cage of my inner demons,Flow freely from myself,

I know people may not like the new me but here it is for all to see,Frightened they all run scarily into their homes trying to shut me out,I smile at the thought; of late at night creeping into your room and just waiting there silently,Awaiting the moment for when you wake up and see my hideous face,

Only to stare into my eyes and then back at my face,To find your true self and seeing the person who have become,Your own form of darkness.

Fury going through my body; rage in coursing my every move,Society will cast me out and Im fine with that,In the end we all come to a realization that this world:Is cruel unmerciful and hatred amongst some.

But not everyone in this world is that way,That much is true but even the people who are too nice have a dark side,They are the first ones usually to defend themselves from having it,

I say the sooner you make something out of your own darkness,A better and much wiser person you will become,Once you acknowledge your true self,The sooner you can use that card either against or for your acquaintance,Thus accepting your dark side and seeing it for what it stands for.

Thus the transformation being complete.

I now stand before you with a top hat,Wearing a tuxedo, and a porcelain mask covering half of my face,Complete with a skull walking stick,I smile and say my first words,

Good evening ladies and Gentlemen, I am Phantom and I too am a Gentlemen of sorts. I do hope we can get to know each other and become great friends. But I only have one rule do not cross me. Otherwise it wont be good for you in the end.

I am now the Phantom; the Unknown, The Shade within the darkness, that gives you the uneasy feeling of reality...

Accepting the Darkness inside him; thus being changed Forever by it.

~April 29, 2013