Persuasive texts TESOL Seminar 2 session_1&2

Learning the

Language of Persuasion

Sally HumphreyAustralian Catholic University

Learning the


Session 1Genre and field

The NAPLAN writing task

What is persuasive writing?

The purpose of persuasive writing is to persuade a reader to a point of view on an issue. Persuasive writing may express an opinion, discuss, analyse and evaluate an issue. It may also entertain and inform.Acara Persuasive Writing Marking Guide 2011

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Question:

Are governments necessary? Give reasons for your position

Text A: Student’s response

I think Governments are necessary because if there wasn't any there would be no law people would be killing themselves. They help keep our economic system in order for certain things

If there wasn't no Federal Government there wouldn't have been no one to fix up any problems that would have occurred in the community. Same with the State Government if the SG didn't exist there would have been noone to look after the school, vandalism fighting would have occurred everyday. The local Government would be important to look after the rubbish because everyone would have diseases

Assessing student persuasive writing

Genre (text type): Specific Persuasive Purpose

Register:

field: issue or ideas

tenor: relationship with the audience solidarity and/or authority

mode: role of language, image or other modality

Tools for analysing the language of persuasion

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Interpersonal meanings:

Experiential meanings

Textual meanings

A multi-functional view

Genre/ Text types

Field

Register

Context of culture

Context of situation

Tenor Mode

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Whole text

Paragraph

Sentence & clause (words and groups)

Expression:Sounds and letters

LANGUAGE

A functional view of language: Levels of language

Activity: Interpreting the NAPLAN writing criteria from a genre /register perspective

Genre: Persuasive texts across the curriculum

Exposition

Discussion

Challenge

Text Response

Hortatory

Analytical

Review

Interpretation

Critical Response

Skim the text excerpts you have been given: Predict the genre and function of the stage

Text 1 A tale of two 12-year-olds – Herald/Whitlam Institute essay winner 2004

Text 2 Logging (Geography model text – Year 9)

Text 3 Ingrained Homosexual Discrimination on “Hogwarts A Mystery” – 14 year old ‘fan fiction’ website post

Text 4 NSW Multicultural Speaking Competition Years 5 & 6 State Finals.Impromptu Speech ‘No Surrender’

Text 5 Saving Kids from the Unthinkable (Year 8 student).

Text 6 The Apology to the Stolen generation

Text 7 Blog on TakingITGlobal website (16 year old Bonofan)

Activity 3: Determining genre

http://z4.invisionfree.com/Hogwarts_a_Mystery/index.php?showtopic=8

Text 1: A tale of two 12-year-olds (Haydon Knights) – Herald/Whitlam Institute essay writing winner 2004

What matters to me is that children and their families who arrive in this country as refugees are put in detention centres and are imprisoned for an average of one year and eight months. I’m sure that most Australians like to feel that they are caring and respect human rights. Although our government signed the UN Convention of the Rights of the Child, which protects children’s welfare, it seems that if you are a refugee you don’t count in Australia.

I am a 12 year old boy who arrived in Australia from England nearly seven years ago with my parents and sister. When I read a Herald article by Nooria Wazefadost, “A young refugee’s plea for a better future”, it really made me think how different my life would have been if I was a 12-year-old boy who arrived in Australia as a refugee from Afghanistan.

Mum and Dad say they chose to come to Australia “for a better life”. In our small garden in London I dreamt of sunshine, space and sport. Do people who are persecuted for who they are rather than what they have done feel they have a choice when they leave their country? From a place like war-torn Afghanistan, Australia must seem so safe.

I came to Australia in a Boeing 747, with a stop off in Malaysia for a lovely beach holiday. If I had been a boy fleeing from Afghanistan I would have climbed aboard a leaky rotten boat, been crammed next to hundreds of others in a tiny space, with little food or water, sitting and waiting for the boat to finally reach Australian waters. How I would have been praying to reach Australian waters safely as the boat rocked and tipped in the water, the engines straining.

On arrival at Sydney Airport it was a checking of a visa and a stamp in our passports before we rushed to meet our relatives. There were balloons and a banner and the afternoon was spent splashing around at Balmoral Beach. For a refugee, the relief of reaching Australia must be overwhelming. It must be like their nightmare has ended and their dream has begun. But what dream includes compounds, barren grounds, wire fences and isolation?

After months of living in Australia, we had moved into a house. Dad was off to work and I was about to start school. I was so excited. I may not have spoken with an Australian accent, but I was determined to make new friends. The first month in a detention centre must be very different for a 12-year-old refugee. Sitting around no matter the weather, people speaking strange languages and officials calling you by a number and not a name.

Activity 3: Determining genre

Text 2: Logging (Geography teachers model – Year 9)

There is an increasing amount of debate as to whether rainforests in Queensland and Tasmania should be given over to the Forest Industry for logging and woodchipping. Both conservationists and representatives of the timber industry have put forward valid arguments to support their case.

One argument put forward by the timber industry concerns the usefulness of timber. Timber provides us with the raw materials for a great range of wood products. Wood is used for housing, furniture and heating as well as for paper products. If the rate of logging was reduced, Australia would have to import expensive international timbers and building prices would increase.

The economic benefits of the timber industry is another argument for logging. Forest industries claim that they employ 300,000 people and have contributed about $327 million a year to the economy. Without these industries many people would lose their jobs and the economy of the country would suffer greatly.

Yet another argument for logging is that timber is renewable. Every tree which is taken from the forest can be replaced by another through replanting. Other materials, like clay, plastics, concrete and steel are said to contribute to the Greenhouse effect.

Conservationists, on the other hand, argue that logging and woodchipping are destroying the forests. The loss of trees affects the entire ecosystem of the forest, including the soil, vegetation and wildlife. Trees protect the soil from erosion and provide habitats for many different kinds of animals. Replanting new trees is not an adequate solution to this problem as they do not have the valuable hollows which shelter many animals. Many species of plants and animals would become extinct if logging is allowed to continue.

In addition to their function within the forest ecosystem, trees also provide other benefits. They give our polluted world fresh air and oxygen, thus allowing living things to breathe and assisting to reduce the Greenhouse effect. Forests also give people a variety of recreational activities such as bushwalking, camping, bird watching, canoeing and abseiling.

While timber is a valuable resource, it is clear from the above arguments that the activities of the timber industry are placing the environment at risk and robbing future generations of the benefits forests provide. Logging and woodchipping in the forests of Tasmania and Queensland must, therefore, be stopped and employment in less destructive industries be provided to timber workers.

Text 3: Ingrained Homosexual Discrimination on “Hogwarts A Mystery” – 14 year old ‘fan fiction’ website

Rose Chatworthy Smith: I am lodging a complaint referring to the blanket ban on all writing of homosexual pairings and activity and its comparison to the rules on heterosexual pairings and activity on this site, on the grounds that these rules are the very essence of gay discrimination and homosexual inequality. Although you can say you don't mean any offence at all, your justification for banning same-sex relationships is extremely offensive.

It is offensive because you are saying that although it is appropriate for young children to read about heterosexual relationships it is inappropriate for them to read about homosexual ones. If there are younger people on this site you are cultivating an essentially homophobic view of the world (no matter how it's covered up for the sake of political correctness) and if that is not offensive to the gay community I don't know what is.

Another of your reasons to place such a ban was that gays may be offended by homosexual literary activity,“it may offend some [gays]”. But as homosexuals and heterosexuals are entitled to equal rights, is it not plausible that heterosexuals may be offended by similar heterosexual acts? Therefore by internationally ratified human rights, it must either be forbidden to have heterosexual kissing in a game of truth or dare or give homosexual literacy the same limits as the current limits on heterosexual activity.

All relationships are equal regardless of the gender of those in it. A gay friend of mine was highly offended by these rules when I showed him the site last year (it did, in fact, prevent him from joining) and I consulted a lawyer specialising in Homosexual Rights and they said "a rule forbidding homosexual pairings where heterosexual pairings are permitted is a: discriminatory and b: homophobic."

I agree that hardcore homosexual literacy is extremely inappropriate to this site but no more than similar heterosexual literacy. I suggest that the full ban on same-sex couples is lifted and that the no written sex is just included in the one rule.

http://z4.invisionfree.com/Hogwarts_a_Mystery/index.php?showtopic=8

Text 4: NSW Multicultural Speaking Competition Years 5 & 6 State Finals.Impromptu Speech ‘No Surrender’

There is absolutely no way we can surrender to global warming. We can’t give up. It’s a huge problem and if we don’t stop it, it’s going to have severe consequences - rising sea levels, sure to put countries like the Netherlands and even Tonga under water; an increase in natural disasters – hurricanes, floods, droughts. Recently there have been fires that have swept through Greece and California, causing horrific destruction.

We can’t just surrender and we can’t ignore the problem. We can all help to solve the problem.

At home we can do something. Simple solutions. Turn off a light when you don’t need it. Use a jacket instead of a heater. The election is next week. Vote for someone who you think won’t surrender and will help to do something to stop global warming.

As Australia, as this nation, we need to do something. Sign the Kyoto Protocol. Cut down on carbon emissions and stop using dirty brown coal. Invest in greener sources of energy, such as wind power and solar energy.

As a world, as planet earth we need to do something. We can’t surrender. We need to work together and help others to get the resources they need. In a crisis time like this, when global warming is such a huge problem, there is no way we can simply surrender.

Text 5: Saving Kids from the Unthinkable (Year 8 student). A new study undertaken by Monash University has reported that soon, kids will be unable to think. Their findings suggest that the next generation of teenagers will be unable to think, spell or concentrate because of the increase in the use of mobile phones, and text messaging.

“We are not just pulling these figures out of nowhere” A representative from the university said. “This has been brewing ever since text messaging became ‘cool’ with teenagers. Over time text messaging and the many forms of passive entertainment have decreased the ability of teenagers to form extensive or coherent sentences.”

The university has also been lobbying the federal government to implement a law to prevent anyone under the age of 18 having a mobile phone. This, researchers argue, will encourage a more focused learning environment.

This information has been met with mixed responses. Some parents and teachers support the call for a ban on mobile phones while the majority of the teenage population has expressed that they are strongly against it.

Student representative from Burmont High school, Kelly Brackenberry has replied to the call for a ban with a clear statement “On behalf of the students of this school I’d like to say that we are strongly opposed to the idea of such a law. Without further evidence this study can not be taken seriously.”

High School English teacher, Janet Lazary, has said that she also disagrees with the university’s certainty that cognitive and communication skills are decreasing and that text messaging is the cause. “I do not believe mobile phones are necessarily a problem, there is an argument that the abbreviations used in text messaging allow for much quicker communication and allows kids to be creative with language.”.

Another teacher, who has asked to remain anonymous, commented

“Something needs to be done. The results are clear and what the kids think about this doesn’t matter. This is for their own good.

Kids at war with adults is nothing new but this battle is expected to last for a while.

Text 6: Apology to the Stolen Generations

Some have asked, Why apologise?

Let me begin to answer by telling the Parliament just a little of one person's story - an elegant, eloquent and wonderful woman in her 80s, full of life, full of funny stories, despite what has happened in her life's journey, a woman who has travelled a long way to be with us today, a member of the stolen generation who shared some of her story with me when I called around to see her just a few days ago.

Nanna Nungala Fejo, as she prefers to be called, was born in the late 1920s. She remembers her earliest childhood days living with her family and her community in a bush camp just outside Tennant Creek.

Text 6: Apology to the Stolen Generations (cont)

But then, sometime around 1932, when she was about four, she remembers the coming of the welfare men. Her family had feared that day and had dug holes in the creek bank where the children could run and hide …The kids were found; they ran for their mothers, screaming, but they could not get away. They were herded and piled onto the back of the truck …

Nanna Fejo's family had been broken up for a second time. She stayed at the mission until after the war, when she was allowed to leave for a prearranged job as a domestic in Darwin. She was 16. Nanna Fejo never saw her mum again. After she left the mission, her brother let her know that her mum had died years before, a broken woman fretting for the children that had literally been ripped away from her…..

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Apology to the Stolen Generations (cont)

Nanna Fejo's is just one story. There are thousands, tens of thousands of them: stories of forced separation of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children from their mums and dads over the better part of a century. Some of these stories are graphically told in Bringing Them Home, the report commissioned in 1995 by Prime Minister Keating and received in 1997 by Prime Minister Howard.

There is something terribly primal about these firsthand accounts. The pain is searing; it screams from the pages. The hurt, the humiliation, the degradation and the sheer brutality of the act of physically separating a mother from her children is a deep assault on our senses and on our most elemental humanity.

These stories cry out to be heard; they cry out for an apology.

Instead, from the nation's Parliament there has been a stony, stubborn and deafening silence for more than a decade; a view that somehow we, the Parliament, should suspend our most basic instincts of what is right and what is wrong; a view that, instead, we should look for any pretext to push this great wrong to one side, to leave it languishing with thehistorians, the academics and the cultural warriors, as if the stolen generations are little more than an interesting sociological phenomenon.

Text 7: Blog from the TakingITGlobal web site

Every 3 seconds, a child dies from hunger. This phrase, popularized by the MakePovertyHistory campaign along with the Live8 concerts, shows the world what state it is in. Worldwide, 208 million young people live on less than US$1 a day, and a further 515 million live on less than US$2 a day. 85% of young people live in developing countries and most of them live in rural areas where poverty and diseases like HIV/AIDS and malaria cause havoc … What does this all mean? It means that the world needs to wake up and pay attention to the worldwide plight of poverty. We cannot rely on politicians to change the problem. Only a collective action from all people will move towards the eradication of poverty.

In 2000, 189 countries, under the United Nations Millennium Declaration, agreed to eradicate extreme poverty by 2015. In addition to this promise the leaders of these countries pledged to increase Official Development Assistance (ODA) to 0.7% of their country’s Gross National Income (GNI). So far, no country has met their commitments. Australia is currently at 0.28% GNI and it doesn’t look like that figure will increase any time soon.

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Text 7: Blog from the TakingITGlobal web site

So where do young people fit in all of this? Everywhere. Young people are increasingly being recognized as important factors within global development. Since the United Nation’s conception it has been calling for increased youth participation in global decision making. Unfortunately, many countries have overlooked the call. Only a small number of countries send youth delegates to the United Nation’s General Assembly and at many international events young people are often brushed aside. But times are changing. At the World Summit of Sustainable Development in 2002 the WSSD Youth Caucus was the largest that had ever attended a global summit. Young people were allowed to speak at the plenary sessions: it was a victory for youth participation.

It cannot stop there. There is a global call for an end to poverty. Billions of people are calling for our governments to stand up and face poverty. Colin Powell said that the war on terror will not succeed unless the war on poverty is fought and won. Every day, thousands die needlessly.

Will you be brave enough to stand up and take a stance? We are the generation that can finally eradicate poverty. We have a responsibility to step up to the plate and tackle the issue head on. We can’t escape it. Will you step up and be the change?

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Another perspective on persuasion: Domains

Another perspective on persuasion

Persuasion in the academic domain (Analytical)

Persuading the audience that a position or thesis on an issue is valid – persuading the audience to think in a particular way

Genres: Analytical persuasion exposition, discussion, challenge, critical response

Persuasion in the civic domain (Hortatory)

Persuading the audience to do something

Genres: Hortatory exposition, discussion

Text1: RainforestsDo you agree with the Forestry Commissions policy to phase out major logging operations in New South Wales? Give reasons for your answer.

Rainforests are found in patches all along the east coast of Australia. The

Forestry Commission estimates that in New South Wales there are currently

253,000 hectares of rainforest remaining of which almost 70 percent is in State

Forests. At present these areas are logged by both selective and clearfelling

methods, according to an annual quota of a volume of timber which can be taken

by each mill. Despite arguments to the contrary, there is strong evidence that

these logging practices not only cause significant and often irreparable damage to

the environment, but ultimately to the timber industry itself. The Forestry

Commission’s policy of phasing out major logging operations by 1996 must,

therefore, be considered essential to preserve what is left of the New South Wales

rainforests.

Analytical Exposition – Persuading that a position is valid

‘No Surrender’There is absolutely no way we can surrender to global warming. We can’t give up. It’s a huge problem and if we don’t stop it, it’s going to have severe consequences - rising sea levels, sure to put countries like the Netherlands and even Tonga under water; an increase in natural disasters – hurricanes, floods, droughts. Recently there have been fires that have swept through Greece and California, causing horrific destruction. We can’t just surrender and we can’t ignore the problem. We can all help to solve the problem.At home we can do something. Simple solutions. Turn off a light when you don’t need it. Use a jacket instead of a heater. The election is next week. Vote for someone who you think won’t surrender and will help to do something to stop global warming.As Australia, as this nation, we need to do something. Sign the Kyoto Protocol. Cut down on carbon emissions and stop using dirty brown coal. Invest in greener sources of energy, such as wind power and solar energy. As a world, as planet earth we need to do something. We can’t surrender. We need to work together and help others to get the resources they need. In a crisis time like this, when global warming is such a huge problem, there is no way we can simply surrender.

Hortatory Exposition – Persuading (someone) to do something

Macro-genre (hortatory and analytical)

Some have asked, Why apologise?

Let me begin to answer by telling the Parliament just a little of one person's story - an elegant, eloquent and wonderful woman in her 80s, full of life, full of funny stories, despite what has happened in her life's journey, a woman who has travelled a long way to be with us today, a member of the stolen generation who shared some of her story with me when I called around to see her just a few days ago.

Nanna Nungala Fejo, as she prefers to be called, was born in the late 1920s. She remembers her earliest childhood days living with her family and her community in a bush camp just outside Tennant Creek.

Text 8: A Young refugee’s plea for a better future

Nooria Wazefadost SMH Op Ed page June 16.2004

Appropriating story genres for persuasive purposes:

Testimony

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I am an 18-year-old female refugee from Bamiyan, Afghanistan. I am in year 12 at Holroyd High School and I am studying for my HSC. I came to Australia in September 2000.

We left Afghanistan because of civil war, persecution, ethnic cleansing of my people, the Hazara, the dangerous environment and the unfair treatment of girls and women. We children had no educational opportunities at all.

We knew our escape route would involve a lot of danger. We knew we might die of starvation and thirst, or be killed by pirates or storms at sea. We knew our mother might die, because she was pregnant. However we decided to go because we were desperate. Escaping was the only thing we could do to ensure our futures. We were hopeful that we would find safety.

There were six of us: me, then aged 14, my little sisters, 13 and 3, my little brother, 9, my father and mother. A smuggler hid us in the back of a truck for our escape from Afghanistan to Pakistan. Then we were smuggled to Indonesia where we had to stay in hiding. My mother had to go to hospital to give birth. The rest of us were locked in a terrible flat 24 hours a day, until it was our turn to get on the boat.

So we got into a little leaky fishing boat, more than 100 of us. I was one of 30 children and babies on board. It took us 10 days to get to Australia - 10 days of horror, sadness, no food or drink and so many worries about our future. Can you believe that a child could die in the middle of the ocean without a drop of water?

The only music I heard in my childhood in Bamiyan was the screaming with horror and mothers crying for their children's future, and I heard it again on this boat. We were all vomiting. My poor mother with a newborn baby was sick the whole way.

Finally, in September 2000, our boat was guided by the Royal Australian Navy and landed on Australian land safely. I was happy because my miserable life was over, and a new horizon with no more death and killing was welcoming us.

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But my dream wasn't over, since I found myself in a prison. We arrived the day before the Olympic Games started. We were sent to a detention centre in the desert with fences around it. It was scary and we never felt safe because we were in a compound with single men who had been there a long time and had gone crazy.

Refugee children in the detention centre could often be heard crying well past midnight, breaking the quiet of the night. Instead of toys, children's games, birthday parties, going to school, healthy food and not-so-healthy ice-cream and sweets, the children in refugee camps have to grapple with boredom, fever, bronchitis, pneumonia and intestinal diseases. They wander about the camp, eating and drinking whatever is available.

We were in that detention centre for two months, and then we got refugee status and were freed. The Department of Immigration sent us to Launceston in Tasmania. I liked it there. Everyone was so lovely to us.

But my dad said we had to move to Sydney where there was more work. So now we are in Sydney. We have been waiting nearly four years for Australia to say yes to us.

On Thursday, it happened. We proved that we are still refugees who would be persecuted if we were sent back to Afghanistan. We are now permanent residents, and we can't wait to get our Australian citizenship.

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Today is World Refugee Day, but suffering continues for refugees in Australia. About 8000 proven refugees remain on three-year temporary protection visas, many of which have expired, but still the refugees have no clear idea on their future.

A refugee is a kneeling person, kneeling in front of the captain of a ship to ask for a reduction in his escape price, kneeling to pirates to ask for mercy, kneeling in front of an international organisation to ask for its help, kneeling in front of the police to ask for permission to go to the market, kneeling in front of a foreign delegation to ask to be accepted in their country.

Children are our future and they are precious. They should be out of detention centres and be in schools, colleges, TAFEs and universities. Imprisoning them is not protecting Australia; this is disgracing Australia.

As refugees, our only fault is that we left our native homes because of persecution and danger, and sought to find refuge on Australian soil. I believe everyone has the right to seek asylum from persecution, ethnic cleansing, war and danger.

I urge the Australian Government and all the concerned, amazing and caring people of Australia to free the children from the detention centres, to give each refugee a permanent visa and let them be clear about their future.

Everyone should have equal rights; it doesn't matter if you're a boy or a girl, a woman or a man, or from different backgrounds.

Naplan – privileging of

analytical exposition structure


Register:





Language for expressing and developing ideas (Field)

Clause level: Who’s doing what in the circumstances!

• Meaning: participants, processes and circumstances

• Form: noun groups, verb groups and adverbials

Discourse level: relationship of elements as text unfolds:

• Temporal or rhetorical unfolding

• Building taxonomies

• Making logical connections


Clause level: Who’s doing what in the circumstances?

• Meaning: participants, processes, circumstances

• Typical Form: noun groups, verb groups, adverbials

Noun groups:

human - non-human

particular – general

abstract – concrete

everyday – technical

congruent - nominalisation

Processes

Action

Sensing

Saying

relating

Aspects to note:

Noun group structure

Simple – complex (including classifiers, qualifying clauses and

phrases)

Exercise 4• Highlight and identify the types of processes (green); participants (red/pink)

and circumstances (yellow) in the following clauses.

• Are these patterns typical of the texts from which the clauses are taken?

• How do these patterns construct different persuasive worlds

1. I came to Australia in a Boeing 747, with a stop off in Malaysia for a lovely beach holiday

2. There is an increasing amount of debate as to whether rainforests in Queensland and Tasmania should be given over to the Forest Industry for logging and woodchipping

3. Your justification for banning same-sex relationships is extremely offensive.

4. We can’t give up

5. Some parents and teachers support the call for a ban on mobile phones

6. Let me begin to answer by telling the Parliament just a little of one person's story

7. Every 3 seconds, a child dies from hunger.


Discourse level: relationship of elements as text unfolds:

• Text unfolding as Rhetorical or temporal phases

Typical story phases

• events

• problems

• solutions

• reaction

• reflection

• description

Typical rhetorical phases• claim• evidence• example• comment

Text 2: Analytical persuasion - Rhetorical Organisation through ‘claim’ and ‘evidence’ phasesArgument 1‘Claim’One argument put forward by the timber industry concerns the usefulness of timber. ‘Evidence’Timber provides us with the raw materials for a great range of wood products. Wood is used for housing, furniture and heating as well as for paper products. If the rate of logging was reduced, Australia would have to import expensive international timbers and building prices would increase

Argument 2.‘Claim’The economic benefits of the timber industry is another argument for logging. ‘Evidence’Forest industries employ 300,000 people and have contributed about $327 million a year to the economy. Without these industries many people would lose their jobs and the economy of the country would suffer greatly.Argument 3.‘Claim’

Yet another argument for logging is that timber is renewable.‘Evidence’ Every tree which is taken from the forest can be replaced by another through replanting. Other materials, like clay, plastics, concrete and steel are said to contribute to the Greenhouse effect.

Benefits

Usefulness of timber

Raw materials

Housing

Furniture

Heating

Paper products

Economic benefits jobs

Renewable

Building an analytical framework for arguments

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‘Problems’Increase tension

Life in Afghanistan Escape and boat

trip

Detention Temporary protection

P1 P2 P3 P4

S1S2 S3 S4

‘Solution’ decrease tension

Decision to leave

Arrival inAustralia

Freedom from Detention

Permanent Visa

Text 8: Hortatory persuasion: Testimony: Linear Unfolding through ‘problems’ and ‘solution’ phases

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Phases A Young Refugee’s Plea

‘Setting’ There were six of us: me, then aged 14, my little sisters, 13 and 3, my little brother, 9, my father and mother.

‘Problems 2’

A smuggler hid us in the back of a truck for our escape from Afghanistan to Pakistan Then we were smuggled to Indonesia where we had to stay in hiding My mother had to go to hospital to give birth. The rest of us were locked in a terrible flat 24 hours a day, until it was our turn to get on the boat. So we got into a little leaky fishing boat, more than 100 of us. I was one of 30 children and babies on board.

‘Reaction 1’

It took us 10 days to get to Australia - 10 days of horror, sadness, no food or drink and so many worries about our future. Can you believe that a child could die in the middle of the ocean without a drop of water? The only music I heard in my childhood in Bamiyan was the screaming with horror and mothers crying for their children's future, and I heard it again on this boat. We were all vomiting My poor mother with a newborn baby was sick the whole way.

‘Solution 2’ Finally, in September 2000, our boat was guided by the Royal Australian Navy and landed on Australian land safely

‘Reaction 2’

I was happy because my miserable life was over and a new horizon with no more death and killing was welcoming

From retelling to persuasion – ‘reaction’ phases

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‘EPISODE 2’‘Problems 3’

But my dream wasn't over I found myself in a prison. We arrived the day before the Olympic Games started. We were sent to a detention centre in the desert with fences around it

‘reaction 3’ It was scary and we never felt safe because we were in a compound with single men who had been there a long time and had gone crazy. ….

‘Solution 2’ We were in that detention centre for two months and then we got refugee status and were freed. The department of immigration sent us to Launceston in Tasmania

‘Reaction 4’ I liked it there. Everyone was so lovely to us

‘EPISODE 3’‘Problems 3’

But my dad said we had to move to Sydney where there was more work. So now we are in Sydney. We have been waiting nearly four years for Australia to say yes to us

‘Solution 3’ On Thursday, it happened. We proved that we are still refugees who would be persecuted if we were sent back to Afghanistan

‘Reaction 5’ We are now permanent residents and we can’t wait to get our Australian citizenship.

I am a 12 year old boy who arrived in Australia from England nearly seven years ago with my parents and sister. When I read a Herald article by Nooria Wazefadost, “A young refugee’s plea for a better future”, it really made me think how different my life would have been if I was a 12-year-old boy who arrived in Australia as a refugee from Afghanistan.


I came to Australia in a Boeing 747, with a stop off in Malaysia for a lovely beach holiday. If I had been a boy fleeing from Afghanistan I would have climbed aboard a leaky rotten boat, been crammed next to hundreds of others in a tiny space, with little food or water, sitting and waiting for the boat to finally reach Australian waters. How I would have been praying to reach Australian waters safely as the boat rocked and tipped in the water, the engines straining.

…….

Exercise 5:1. Identify the phases of Text 1: A tale of 2 twelve year olds2. Draw a diagram to represent the unfolding phases

I am a 12 year old boy who arrived in Australia from England nearly seven years ago with my parents and sister.

When I read a Herald article by Nooria Wazefadost, “A young refugee’s plea for a better future”, it really made me think how different my life would have been if I was a 12-year-old boy who arrived in Australia as a refugee from Afghanistan.


I came to Australia in a Boeing 747, with a stop off in Malaysia for a lovely beach holiday.

If I had been a boy fleeing from Afghanistan I would have climbed aboard a leaky rotten boat, ……

On arrival at Sydney Airport it was a checking of a visa and a stamp in our passports before we rushed to meet our relatives. …

For a refugee, the relief of reaching Australia must be overwhelming. It must be like their nightmare has ended and their dream has begun. But what dream includes compounds, barren grounds, wire fences and isolation?

After months of living in Australia, we had moved into a house. ….

The first month in a detention centre must be very different for a 12-year-old refugee…..

Linear unfolding

Field in analytical persuasion

Generalised participants

Elaborated with evidence, refutation,

explanation

Revisiting NAPLAN

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Exercise 6:

1. Use the language resources introduced so far to further assess and comment on the extent to which the student has built the field persuasively

2. Give advice for elaborating the ideas

Revisiting student persuasive writing

Students response



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Use the language resources introduced so far to further assess and comment on the extent to which the student has built the field persuasively.

Students response



Revisiting student persuasive writing

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Phases

‘claim’

I think Governments are necessary

‘Elaboration’

because if there wasn't any there would be no law people would be killing themselves. They help keep our economic system in order for certain things

‘claim’

If there wasn't no Federal Government there wouldn't have been no one to fix up any problems that would have occurred in the community.

‘claim’

Same with the State Government if the SG didn't exist there would have been noone to look after the school, vandalism fighting would have occurred everyday.

‘Claim’

The local Government would be important to look after the rubbish because everyone would have diseases

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Developing an analytical framework:classification

benefitslaw

Economic system

Governmentlevels

Federal

State

local

Explanation as evidence within more developed analytical exposition

Learning the


Session 2: Textual meanings


Register:





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Interpersonal meanings:

Experiential meanings

Textual meanings

A multi-functional view

Genre/ Text types

Field

Register

Context of culture

Context of situation

Tenor Mode

The Textual function of language: creating well organised and cohesive texts

Paragraphing and layout

Text, paragraph and sentence previews

Cohesive devices:

• Reference

• Ellipsis and Substitution

• Lexical Cohesion

• Text Connectives

Text 2: Paragraphing








Text & Paragraph previews (topic sentences)

Resources for alerting readers and listeners to the way the information will unfold across the text.

• Analytical Expositions: text and paragraph previews signal the way information is organised.

• Experienced readers and listeners use Text and previews to skim the text for what it will be about.

.

Exercise 7Use a highlighter to identify the text and paragraph previews in Text 2.What patterns of grammar are evident in previews

Text 2: Paragraphing








.

Rainforests are found in patches all along the east coast of Australia. The Forestry Commission estimates that in New South Wales there are currently 253,000 hectares of rainforest remaining of which almost 70 percent is in State Forests. At present these areas are logged by both selective and clearfelling methods, according to an annual quota of a volume of timber which can be taken by each mill. Despite arguments to the contrary, there is strong evidence that these logging practices not only cause significant and often irreparable damage to the environment, but ultimately to the timber industry itself. The Forestry Commission’s policy of phasing out major logging operations by 1996 must, therefore, be considered essential to preserve what is left of the New South Wales rainforests.

Text and Paragraph Previews in more developed analytical expositions

The most important reason for phasing out logging is its destructive impact

on the environment. Logging affects the rainforest ecosystem in a number

of ways. Firstly, the loss of rainforest means the loss of large quantities of

unique plant and animal species. Despite their diminishing area, the

rainforests of eastern Australia still retain the greatest number of flowering

plant species in the world. The rainforests also provide a habitat for many

species of rare and/or endangered animals, some of which are found only

in rainforests. These plants and animals evolve to suit the specific

environmental conditions of the rainforest. If these conditions are modified

by removing trees, many of these species will become extinct. Extinction

of species will result in radically altered ecosystems which are unable to

recover easily from environmental stress. From a commercial

perspective, damaged environments will lead to great losses to the

ecotourism industry. Although the forestry industry claims that trees grow

well in regenerated forests, these new growth forests do not provide the

conditions for many species to survive. For example, the new trees do not

have the valuable hollows which provide habitats for tree dwelling animals.

Layers of preview/topic sentences

The most important reason for phasing out logging is its destructive impact on the environment. Logging affects the rainforest ecosystem in a number of ways. Firstly, the loss of rainforest means the loss of large quantities of unique plant and animal species. Despite their diminishing area, the rainforests of eastern Australia still retain the greatest number of flowering plant species in the world. The rainforests also provide a habitat for many species of rare and/or endangered animals, some of which are found only in rainforests. These plants and animals evolve to suit the specific environmental conditions of the rainforest. If these conditions are modified by removing trees, many of these species will become extinct. Extinction of species will result in radically altered ecosystems which are unable to recover

easily from environmental stress. From a commercial perspective, damaged environments will lead to great losses to the ecotourism industry. Although the forestry industry claims that trees grow well in regenerated forests, these new growth forests do not provide the conditions for many species to survive. For example, the new trees do not have the valuable hollows which provide habitats for tree dwelling animals.


…..there is strong evidence that these logging practices not only cause significant and often

irreparable damage to the environment, but ultimately to the timber industry itself.

The most important reason for phasing out logging is its destructive impact on the environment.

Logging affects the rainforest ecosystem in a number of ways.

Firstly, the loss of rainforest means the loss of large quantities of unique

plant and animal species…

The rainforests also provide a habitat for many species of rare and/or

endangered animals, ….

From a commercial perspective, damaged environments will lead to great losses

to the ecotourism industry. ….

Rainforest soils are also affected by removing trees.

A second reason for phasing out rainforest logging is that continuing present logging practices will

ultimately have a negative effect on the timber industry itself.

Finally, there are strong political reasons for ceasing logging…..

The arguments presented in this essay make it clear that continuing current practices of

rainforest logging in New South Wales would be irresponsible.

Layers of previewing in analytical exposition

Sentence Previews: Grammatical Themes• the 'starting point' for the messages of sentences.

• provide a focus or jumping off point for the message of the sentence.

• foreground meanings of significance, make links with information previously introduced and shape the development of

information across phases of text.

• provide signposts for readers in skimming texts and alert listeners to prominent meanings.

• include all the information before the first main verb..

Simple Sentence Previewsinclude only the first noun group or subject of the sentence.

Complex Sentence Previews

Exercise 9

Prime Minister Rudd’s Apology to the Stolen Generation also makes use of complex Sentence Openers to ‘frontload’ his sentences. Highlight these in the following extract and discuss their rhetorical effect.

For the pain, suffering and hurt of these Stolen Generations, their descendants and for their families left behind, we say sorry. To the mothers and the fathers, the brothers and the sisters, for the breaking up of families and communities, we say sorry. And for the indignity and degradation thus inflicted on a proud people and a proud culture, we say sorry. We the Parliament of Australia respectfully request that this apology be received in the spirit in which it is offered as part of the healing of the nation. For the future we take heart; resolving that this new page in the history of our great continent can now be written.

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Theme analysis of student textI think Governments are necessarybecause if there weren't any there wouldn't be any law: People would be killing themselves.They help keep our economic system in order for certain things.

If there wasn't any Federal Government there wouldn't be anyone to fix up any problems that occur in the community.It's the same with the State Government - if the State Government didn't exist there wouldn't be anyone to look after the schools; vandalism and fighting would occur everyday.The local Government is important to look after rubbish,because otherwise everyone would have diseases.

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Re-organised version; highlighting Theme

Governments are necessary at different levels for a number of reasons.

They make laws, without which people would be killing themselves,

and (they)help keep our economic system in order.

The Federal Government fixes up problems that occur in the community.

The State Government looks after schools, preventing vandalism and fighting.

The Local Government is important to look after rubbish:

otherwise everyone would have diseases.

Governments at several administrative levels are necessary.

.

Rainforests are found in patches all along the east coast of Australia. The Forestry Commission estimates that in New South Wales there are currently 253,000 hectares of rainforest remaining of which almost 70 percent is in State Forests. At present these areas are logged by both selective and clearfelling methods, according to an annual quota of a volume of timber which can be taken by each mill. Despite arguments to the contrary, there is strong evidence that these logging practices not only cause significant and often irreparable damage to the environment, but ultimately to the timber industry itself. The Forestry Commission’s policy of phasing out major logging operations by 1996 must, therefore, be considered essential to preserve what is left of the New South Wales rainforests.

Text Preview/Opener

The most important reason for phasing out logging is its destructive impact on the environment. Logging affects the rainforest ecosystem in a number of ways. Firstly, the loss of rainforest means the loss of large quantities of unique plant and animal species. Despite their diminishing area, the rainforests of eastern Australia still retain the greatest number of flowering plant species in the world. The rainforests also provide a habitat for many species of rare and/or endangered animals, some of which are found only in rainforests. These plants and animals evolve to suit the specific environmental conditions of the rainforest. If these conditions are modified by removing trees, many of these species will become extinct. Extinction of species will result in radically altered ecosystems which are unable to recover

easily from environmental stress. From a commercial perspective, damaged environments will lead to great losses to the ecotourism industry. Although the forestry industry claims that trees grow well in regenerated forests, these new growth forests do not provide the conditions for many species to survive. For example, the new trees do not have the valuable hollows which provide habitats for tree dwelling animals.


…..there is strong evidence that these logging practices not only cause significant and often

irreparable damage to the environment, but ultimately to the timber industry itself.

The most important reason for phasing out logging is its destructive impact on the environment.

Logging affects the rainforest ecosystem in a number of ways.

Firstly, the loss of rainforest means the loss of large quantities of unique

plant and animal species…

The rainforests also provide a habitat for many species of rare and/or

endangered animals, ….

From a commercial perspective, damaged environments will lead to great losses

to the ecotourism industry. ….

Rainforest soils are also affected by removing trees.

A second reason for phasing out rainforest logging is that continuing present logging practices will

ultimately have a negative effect on the timber industry itself.

Finally, there are strong political reasons for ceasing logging…..

The arguments presented in this essay make it clear that continuing current practices of

rainforest logging in New South Wales would be irresponsible.

Layers of previewing in analytical exposition

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('Written English' version; with Theme analysis)

I think Governments are necessary

because if there weren't any there wouldn't be any law:

People would be killing themselves.

They help keep our economic system in order for certain things.

If there wasn't any Federal Government there wouldn't be anyone to fix up any problems that occur in the community.

It's the same with the State Government -

if the State Government didn't exist there wouldn't be anyone to look after the schools;

vandalism and fighting would occur everyday.

The local Government is important to look after rubbish,

because otherwise everyone would have diseases.

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(Re-organised version; highlighting Theme)


They make laws, without which people would be killing themselves,

and (they)help keep our economic system in order.

The Federal Government fixes up problems that occur in the community.

The State Government looks after schools, preventing vandalism and fighting.

The Local Government is important to look after rubbish:

otherwise everyone would have diseases.

Governments at several administrative levels are necessary.

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(Re-organised version; highlighting conjunction)


They make laws, without which people would be killing themselves, and help keep our economic system in order.

To begin, the Federal Government fixes up problems that occur in the community.

Similarly, the State Government looks after schools, preventing vandalism and fighting.

Finally the Local Government is important to look after rubbish: otherwise everyone would have diseases.

As a result of these factors, Governments at several administrative levels are necessary.

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(tell them what you're going to say, say it, tell them what you've said)

I think Governments are necessary for a number of reasons. These have to do with the special responsibilities of Governments at different administrative levels - Federal, State and Local.

To begin the Federal Government fixes up problems that occur in the community…

Similarly the State Government looks after schools; this prevents vandalism and fighting…

Finally the Local Government is important to look after rubbish: otherwise everyone would have diseases...

As a result of their concern with general difficulties, schooling and waste disposal, Governments at several levels of administrative organisation are necessary.

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(adding layers of prediction)

I think Governments are necessary for a number of reasons. These have to do with the special responsibilities of Governments at different administrative levels - Federal, State and Local.

To begin the Federal Government is concerned with general difficulties faced by the community. It organises armed forces to defend the country in case it is attacked and to help keep things peaceful in various parts of the world. It tries to improve the economy, helping businesses run more effectively and provide more jobs for people. And it collects taxes which it spends on Medicare, universities and airports.

Similarly the State Government is responsible for schooling... this prevents vandalism and fighting...[elaborated]

Finally the Local Government has to look after waste disposal... otherwise everyone would have diseases...[elaborated]

As a result of their concern with general difficulties, schooling and waste disposal, Governments at several levels of administrative organisation are necessary.

Persuasive texts TESOL Seminar 2 session_1&2

Technology

Transcript of Persuasive texts TESOL Seminar 2 session_1&2