Personal Statement / Personal Statement / AutobiographyAutobiography

1212thth Grade Comp, Ms. Greene Grade Comp, Ms. Greene

Autobiographical IncidentAutobiographical Incident

For your personal statement / For your personal statement / autobiography, you are basically autobiography, you are basically

going to be writing about a going to be writing about a specific incident.specific incident.

An autobiographical incident is. . .An autobiographical incident is. . .

A personal story told by the person it A personal story told by the person it happened tohappened to

You are writing about yourself, your own You are writing about yourself, your own life, and experiences.life, and experiences.

This type of writing takes place over a This type of writing takes place over a limited amount of time.limited amount of time.

Focus on a limited periodFocus on a limited period If you are writing about a baseball game If you are writing about a baseball game

that had particular significance in your life, that had particular significance in your life, you only need to focus on the critical part you only need to focus on the critical part of the game.of the game.

If your great realization, humiliation, or If your great realization, humiliation, or triumph came third inning, you don’t need triumph came third inning, you don’t need to give a detailed account of the whole to give a detailed account of the whole game.game.

Concentrate on the important period.Concentrate on the important period.

Begin the piece wellBegin the piece well

Why should people want to read about Why should people want to read about your life?your life?

If your opening sentence is strong enough, If your opening sentence is strong enough, your reader will want to know more.your reader will want to know more.

Look at the way other authors begin their Look at the way other authors begin their stories to learn how to capture a reader’s stories to learn how to capture a reader’s interest right from the start.interest right from the start.

SAMPLES from VHS StudentsSAMPLES from VHS Students

Hollywood is not a good place to meet Hollywood is not a good place to meet women.women.

Never let your dog off the leash.Never let your dog off the leash. Never wear loose pants when you’re Never wear loose pants when you’re

running from the cops.running from the cops. I was ten feet away from a lion with I was ten feet away from a lion with

nothing to protect me.nothing to protect me.

MORE from VHSMORE from VHS I never would have guessed that I would get lucky on Skid I never would have guessed that I would get lucky on Skid

Row.Row. My dreams consist of counting rattling shopping carts.My dreams consist of counting rattling shopping carts. Never get your car towed in 120 degree heat.Never get your car towed in 120 degree heat. The cops had my face to the cold dirt as they returned their The cops had my face to the cold dirt as they returned their

guns to their holsters.guns to their holsters. Keep your smart talk to yourself when you’re pulled over by Keep your smart talk to yourself when you’re pulled over by

the police.the police. When you see a big fire, running away like you were the one When you see a big fire, running away like you were the one

who started it is probably what not to do.who started it is probably what not to do. I find it strange how people find walking away from getting I find it strange how people find walking away from getting

hit by a car miraculous.hit by a car miraculous. Mexicans find Salvidorans hot-headed and Salvidorans think Mexicans find Salvidorans hot-headed and Salvidorans think

Mexicans are dirty. Does that mean I’m a dirty hot head?Mexicans are dirty. Does that mean I’m a dirty hot head?

Rich Sensory DetailsRich Sensory Details

To be successful, autobiographical To be successful, autobiographical incident demands a well-told story and rich incident demands a well-told story and rich sensory details.sensory details.

Try to use words that convey information Try to use words that convey information to the sensesto the senses

Describe how a thing looks, feels, sounds, Describe how a thing looks, feels, sounds, smells, tastes.smells, tastes.

Use of these words helps to engage the Use of these words helps to engage the reader.reader.

SAMPLESSAMPLES The shadows crisscrossed the rug while my cat stretched The shadows crisscrossed the rug while my cat stretched

languidly in one of the patches of sun.languidly in one of the patches of sun. Gio's socks, still soaked with sweat from Tuesday's P.E. class, filled the classroom with an aroma akin to that of salty, week-old, rotting fish

Tumbling through the ocean water after being overtaken by the monstrous wave, Mark unintentionally took a gulp of the briny, bitter mass, causing him to cough and gag

Overlaying all this, a soundtrack: choo-k-choo-k-choo-k-choo-k-choo-k--the metronomic rhythm of an Amtrak train rolling down the line to California, a sound that called to mind an old camera reel moving frames of images along a linear track, telling a story.

The bed linens might just as well be ice and the clothes snow.

Self-disclosureSelf-disclosure

A final characteristic of an auto- A final characteristic of an auto- biographical incident is self-disclosure.biographical incident is self-disclosure.

You must reveal something that you felt or You must reveal something that you felt or learned as a result of the incident.learned as a result of the incident.

You may find it difficult to put your feelings You may find it difficult to put your feelings into words.into words.

Don’t be discouraged – keep trying!Don’t be discouraged – keep trying! Not only will your own writing improve, but Not only will your own writing improve, but

also you may find yourself understanding also you may find yourself understanding your feelings better.your feelings better.

YOUR ASSIGNMENTYOUR ASSIGNMENT

You have been given the prompts from the You have been given the prompts from the Common Applications and from the UC Common Applications and from the UC application. By now, you should have application. By now, you should have written out a “brainstorm” in response to at written out a “brainstorm” in response to at least one of the prompts. Many of you least one of the prompts. Many of you have also met with an 826LA tutor to help have also met with an 826LA tutor to help you select your topic. If you did not meet you select your topic. If you did not meet with a tutor and need help, please with a tutor and need help, please schedule an appointment to meet with me schedule an appointment to meet with me during lunch or nutrition.during lunch or nutrition.

FIRST DRAFTFIRST DRAFT

Your first draft is due on October 11thYour first draft is due on October 11th. . Complete the draft, and either complete a Complete the draft, and either complete a self-evaluation, or find a peer to read it. self-evaluation, or find a peer to read it. Staple the evaluation to your draft. You will Staple the evaluation to your draft. You will have a chance to meet with an 826LA have a chance to meet with an 826LA tutor, or go over the draft with me.tutor, or go over the draft with me.

SUGGESTIONS FOR WRITINGSUGGESTIONS FOR WRITING

Consult the checklist on the instruction Consult the checklist on the instruction page.page.

Include words from the action words Include words from the action words sheet you completed.sheet you completed.

Action VerbsAction Verbs AchievedAchieved conductedconducted executed executed marketedmarketed reengineeredreengineered AcquaintedAcquainted consultedconsulted expandedexpanded mediatedmediated reorganizedreorganized AdaptedAdapted contactedcontacted explainedexplained moderatedmoderated representedrepresented AdvancedAdvanced contributedcontributed financedfinanced motivatedmotivated researchedresearched AidedAided coordinatedcoordinated focusedfocused negotiatednegotiated restructuredrestructured AllocatedAllocated counseledcounseled formalizedformalized operatedoperated reviewedreviewed AnalyzedAnalyzed createdcreated formedformed orchestratedorchestrated routedrouted AppraisedAppraised cutcut foundedfounded organizedorganized savedsaved ArrangedArranged decreaseddecreased gatheredgathered originatedoriginated scheduledscheduled AssembledAssembled demonstrateddemonstrated governedgoverned oversawoversaw selectedselected AssessedAssessed designeddesigned hiredhired patentedpatented soldsold AssistedAssisted determineddetermined identifiedidentified persuadedpersuaded spearheadedspearheaded AttainedAttained developeddeveloped implementedimplemented pioneeredpioneered sponsoredsponsored AttendedAttended deviseddevised improvedimproved plannedplanned stagedstaged AwardedAwarded directeddirected increasedincreased preparedprepared startedstarted BuiltBuilt discovereddiscovered initiatedinitiated presidedpresided supervisedsupervised ChoseChose disseminateddisseminated inspiredinspired processedprocessed supportedsupported CoachedCoached distributeddistributed institutedinstituted producedproduced surveyedsurveyed CollaboratedCollaborated documenteddocumented interpretedinterpreted promotedpromoted taughttaught CollectedCollected editededited introducedintroduced publicizedpublicized testedtested CompiledCompiled electedelected inventedinvented publishedpublished trainedtrained ComposedComposed enlistedenlisted leadlead recordedrecorded trimmedtrimmed ConceivedConceived evaluatedevaluated maintainedmaintained recruitedrecruited updatedupdated ConceptualizedConceptualized exceededexceeded managedmanaged reducedreduced wrotewrote

DRAFTINGDRAFTING

For each draft YOU MUST MAKE CHANGES!For each draft YOU MUST MAKE CHANGES! The whole point of writing drafts is to edit them The whole point of writing drafts is to edit them

so that you can make improvements!so that you can make improvements!

THIS ONE SUCKS!THIS ONE SUCKS! THIS ONE ISTHIS ONE IS THIS ONE IS THIS ONE IS

BETTER!BETTER! GOOD! GOOD!

MORE DUE DATESMORE DUE DATES

Your second draft is due on October Your second draft is due on October 18th18th. Again, complete the draft – which . Again, complete the draft – which should be an improvement on the previous should be an improvement on the previous draft – and complete a self-evaluation or draft – and complete a self-evaluation or have a peer complete an evaluation. . have a peer complete an evaluation. . Staple the evaluation to your draft. You will Staple the evaluation to your draft. You will have another chance to meet with an have another chance to meet with an 826LA tutor, or go over the draft with me.826LA tutor, or go over the draft with me.

The final typed draft is due on 25thThe final typed draft is due on 25th. You . You will also have a chance to meet with a will also have a chance to meet with a tutor to make any last minute changes. tutor to make any last minute changes.

CHECKLISTCHECKLIST Your final grade will be based on the criteria below. Your final grade will be based on the criteria below.

Fill out the checklist, put your assignments in order, Fill out the checklist, put your assignments in order, and staple this checklist and all the assignments and staple this checklist and all the assignments together.together.

PERSONAL STATEMENT CHECKLIST FOR FINAL PERSONAL STATEMENT CHECKLIST FOR FINAL GRADE.GRADE.

9/279/27 Brainstorm with STAMPBrainstorm with STAMP 10/1110/11 1ST Draft with completed Peer/Self 1ST Draft with completed Peer/Self

Evaluation attached (stamped)Evaluation attached (stamped) 10/1810/18 2nd Draft with completed Peer/Self 2nd Draft with completed Peer/Self

Evaluation attached – MUST INCLUDE Evaluation attached – MUST INCLUDE CHANGES (stamped)CHANGES (stamped)

10/2510/25 Final Draft – MUST INCLUDE CHANGES Final Draft – MUST INCLUDE CHANGES (stamped)(stamped)