Competing Demands October 23, 2009

My conscience told me to pursue playing hockey, there was more opportunity in it and I

loved it too much to give it up. Whatever I was thinking last year when I wasn’t going to play is

completely beyond me. This time the choice was different, I was going into my first year of high

school and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to juggle 6 sports around school any longer, especially

since both my curling and hockey teams were looking to be much more competitive, which

would consume more time than it had last year. I had already decided to for-go badminton,

school curling, track and cross country but the biggest decision was to stay loyal to my hockey

team or to quit and put my effort into my curling team. I had close friends on both teams so

there was so much more pressure to make the decision than just simply what I enjoyed more. I

was afraid to let anyone down, especially my coaches.

I was the lead on our curling team, so I knew they would be able to find someone else,

but when you only have 4 girls on the team it’s difficult to find a replacement in a short span of

time. If I quit where would they find a new lead, at the club where we curled? We’ll probably

not; there was no one there that could curl at our level. I felt terrible leaving the three of them

stranded like that. I knew where my heart was though, it was with hockey, and on the ice I was

happier than any other time, any other place. My hockey coaches heart would be broken if I

quit because he had put so much time in with me last year just to get me to improve and

prepare me as a good prospect to lead the team. I knew that if I quit hockey I would regret it. It

was that simple. I wasn’t getting much pressure from anyone but a few of my close friends,

asking what I was thinking and what I was going to decide, unlike the pressure I was receiving

from my curling team. They took me on the guilt trip a few too many times.

After looking at both sides, my decision suddenly became so easy. I came to the

realization that I was going pursue my own well-being by playing hockey. Curling had caused

me so much stress before because of single weeks notice to a bonspiel, or scrambling for a

spare to play if I was sick and if I had a bad game it stuck with me to closely. Playing hockey I

knew I had a team that would survive if I had to miss a game, we had lots of advance notice for

tournaments and games and if I had a bad game so what? My coach would mention it once and

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Competing Demands October 23, 2009

suggest an improvement and I would return to the ice, able to regain my confidence and

playing capabilities. Overall I was so much better off playing hockey.

Breaking the news to my curling team was difficult but they began to understand. I was

happier with my decision and today I don’t miss curling all that much. I am not as close to those

friends that I was before either, but I don’t blame that entirely on quitting the team, part of it

comes from the changes high school. If I was to have quit hockey though I am sure that I would

have a ton of regret following me every day, or that the next season I would have one again had

to make the choice to go back to hockey. I made the right decision.

My story can be compared to Tim O’Brien’s recollection of his struggle with the choice

of going to war or not, displays the battle between internal and external forces fighting for an

individual. His conscience was telling him to run from the war, but all of the guilt and social

pressure to attend the war took him over and he gave into the external demands and lost

himself in the process. Conversely, the choice I made, in following my heart and pursuing my

well being based on my internal demands and conscience I was able to thrive and discover my

own happiness. When an individual, like any one of us is faced with the decision between

pursuing personal well-being in the face of internal and external competing demands, they

have to decide what the cost of failure is and what they believe is right. The ability of the

individual to make this decision is based on the strength the individual’s conscience. If the

person has weak principles then it is unlikely that they will go with the decision they think it

right, but on the contrary, if an individual has a strong sense of right and wrong, they will often

follow what they are internally feeling and the right decision of pursuing their well being will

lead to a life free of guilt. If they make the wrong decision and do not go with what they believe

if right they can lose themselves and live with a lifelong guilt. In some cases you have the

opportunity to revisit the decision, but most often the choice you make is final and you better

know that you made the right choice.

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