Part 1: Defining Elaborationwildermanclassroom.weebly.com/uploads/1/3/8/8/13883839/elabora… ·...

Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.

All rights reserved.

Elaboration

Part 1: Defining Elaboration

These materials were developed by Washington teachers to help students improve their writing.



Learning Target

I can develop a piece of writing that

elaborates on a single idea and addresses

the needs and interests of a particular

audience.



Link to the MSP

• The quality of elaboration is directly related to scores on the Content, Organization, and Style portion of the Writing MSP. The best writing has multiple layers of elaboration.

• When MSP papers were analyzed, specific layered elaboration was the most critical element that differentiated between scores of “2” and “3” and scores of “3” and “4.”

Source: WASL scoring team, OSPI Standards Review Committee report



DEFINING ELABORATION

Lesson 1



Definition of Elaboration

• Elaboration means. . .

Tell Me More

Lesson 1



Definition of Elaboration

• Elaboration means. . .

– To tell the reader more using

• Specific words

• Onion-like layering of detail

• Specific strategies, e.g., anecdotes or

scenario, lists for specificity, examples,

definitions, descriptions, quotations,

statistics, and facts.

Lesson 1



What does elaboration look like?

• ANECDOTES -- An anecdote is a short

narrative inserted into an essay that

develops an idea or argument. This

sounds like. . .

Hey, I remember the time when I

had to carry my . . .

Once when I was in middle

school, the kids would

always. . .

Lesson 1



Develop your point with an anecdote. Student sample

You can’t give up, Jack.

I remember one time

when I played on the high

school baseball team. We

were losing, and it was the

8th inning. Everyone was

getting discouraged, and

then the coach said,

“BOYS! You’ve got to

RALLY here! Turn your

ball caps around and GET

OUT THERE!” So, Jack,

turn your ball cap – I mean

ATTITUDE -- around and

get out there!

Lesson 1



ANECDOTES - your turn

• Do you remember any teacher who told lots of

stories as they were teaching? Or parents who

told stories about “when they were young”?

This is an effective way to make or develop a

point. Share some of the stories you remember

with your classmates.

Lesson 1




• EXAMPLES -- provide more specific

information about an idea. This sounds

like. . .

The cats were all

acting like they were

crazy. For example,

one jumped at me with

all …

We had a barrage of

different weather last

week: hail, rain, snow,

and sunshine.

My brothers always

seem to pick on me.

For instance, they may

hide my soccer shoes

before a game.

Lesson 1



Develop your point with an

example. Student Sample

The game of golf can be

played for an entire lifetime

and also by yourself. People

of any age can go out and

play a round of golf whenever

they want as opposed to

team sports. For example,

football, soccer, and

volleyball take an entire team

of people to play. How many

times are you going to call up

ten or more of your friends

and go play sports?

Lesson 1



EXAMPLES - your turn

• Examples are an effective way to help the

reader understand your ideas.

• Tell a classmate about a situation at

school and provide him/her with an

example.

Lesson 1




• DEFINITIONS -- are restatements of an

unfamiliar word or phrase to tell what it

means. This sounds like…

The best part of our hot lunch program is the A La

Carte. What I mean by A La Carte is the little deli

line past the lunch line where you can buy cookies,

slushies, and candy bars.

Lesson 1



Develop your point with a definition. Student sample

One of the best programs at

our school is something called

Brainworks. Brainworks is an

after-school program where kids

go and do their homework. They

even let you work on the

computers there. I like it a lot

because the lady who runs the

program keeps everyone pretty

quiet. At my house, I have 6 little

brothers and sisters, and there is

never a quiet place to work.

Lesson 1



DEFINITION – your turn

• Defining specific words shows an

awareness of the audience. It shows you

are thinking of what the audience knows

and what they don’t know.

• Talk to your classmate about some of the

“lingo” you hear at school. What would

you have to define for your parents?

Lesson 1




• DESCRIPTIONS --are ways to create vivid

images for the reader.

The sound of my phone cut through the silent class, and

I anxiously dug into my backpack to grab it before Mrs.

Schuman, the writing teacher, noticed. Pawing through

Chapstick, lipstick, gum wrappers, and rubber hair wraps,

my hand darted around the deep pockets of my backpack.

“Must shut off ringer,” I thought.

Lesson 1



Develop your point with description. Student Sample

Lesson 1

Jackie walked slowly to

the Vietnam Veterans’

Memorial exhibit. In her

hands were two yellow

daffodils that she had

brought with her on the

hour-long bus ride.

Their green stems,

snapped from the patch

in the backyard, were

slowly drying out.



Description Example

• When I opened the door of my brother’s car, I was first assaulted by the overwhelming odor of mildew. This was combined with the lingering aroma of greasy cheeseburger wrappers and sweaty gym socks. My eyes wandered to the passenger’s seat littered with empty water bottles, gum wrappers, and foamy, scummy latte cups. The worst, however, was sitting down on the driver’s seat, hearing the crackle of potato chips, and feeling the stickiness of cotton candy on the steering wheel.



DESCRIPTION – your turn

• Description can take many forms and still be

effective. Show, don’t just tell, your reader. Be

specific with your word choice. Try to create an

image that appeals to your reader’s senses.

• Work with your partner and write a paragraph

that describes the cafeteria at your school.

Elaborate using sensory details.

Lesson 1




• STATISTICS and FACTS -- are the

numbers (data) and information that help

support your idea or argument.

Mom, did you know

that 98% of all my

friends get to stay

up until 1:00 AM on

weekends?

Well, Son, did you

know that 3 out of 4

parents would have

grounded you for

staying out so late?

Lesson 1

Kids who

smoke at an

early age are

prone to heart

attacks later in

life.



Develop your point with facts and

statistics. Student Sample

Another craze to sweep

America was the low-carb diet.

It was reported in the

newspaper after the last

holiday season that 67% of all

Americans were low-carb

dieting. Let me tell you the

personal impact that has had

on my family’s wheat farm

here in Washington.

Lesson 1



STATISTICS and FACTS –

your turn

• Talk to a partner and come up with a statistic about school, e.g., number of football games won, number of friendly teachers, amount of time wasted in class.

• Think of what statistics would convince the audience.

• Share an idea with the whole group.

Lesson 1




• QUOTATIONS -- are words someone

says that can help support your idea or

argument.

“Spaying or neutering

dogs and cats is the

single best gift a pet

owner can give.”

Dr. Stein, the

veterinarian from

the animal

shelter, agreed

when she said,

Lesson 1



Develop your point with quotations. Student Sample

Another reason to graduate from

high school is that even technical jobs

require a diploma. Jared Turner from

Best Performance Welding magazine

states, “We won’t even consider hiring

a person without a high school

diploma. Our workers need to read

the job specs, monitor equipment

performance, and write orders and

reports.” Turner went on to describe

the many qualified applicants who

compete for positions in his busy firm.

This seems to be different from the

good old days and makes a pretty

decent point about staying in school.

Lesson 1



QUOTATION – your turn

• Quotations or simple dialogue can add

information and credibility to your idea or

argument.

• Tell your classmate what a world famous

principal and author of The Best Schools

for Kids might say about your school.

Lesson 1

Part 1: Defining Elaborationwildermanclassroom.weebly.com/uploads/1/3/8/8/13883839/elabora… ·...

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