Parents as Missioners: the Surprising Strategies and Challenges of Growing Faith in the Family

APresentationtotheAYMEConferenceOctober2016

StevenTighe

AnglicanChurchinNorthAmericaLaFronteraYouthMinistryEducation

Copyright Notice: The authors of this paper hold copyright protection of their work. This paper is shared with you in a spirit of collegial collaboration. You do not have permission to copy, disseminate, or quote extensively from it without the expressed, written permission of the authors.

Introduction “ItisafactthatallChristianparentswouldliketoseetheirchildrengrowupinpiety;

andthebetterChristianstheyare,themoreearnestlytheydesireit.”(Bushnell1888,

13)

“Toreligiousparents,faithformsthecoreofwhatismostvaluabletotheminlife….For

theseparentsthechild’sacceptanceorrejectionoftheirreligiousfaithisasourceofjoy

orofsadness.”(Bengston,NorellaandHarris2013,77)

ThefaithlivesofchildrenareimportanttoEvangelicalparents.Fromthethousandsof

parentingbooksboughtbyparentseveryyear(Barna2007)tothealmostcountless

curricula,programs,andtrainingmaterialspurchasedbychurchesfortheChristian

educationofthesesamechildren,it’sclear:thefaithofchildrenisimportanttoparents

andimportanttothefutureoftheChurch.SociologistRobertWuthnowcalled“the

transmissionofidentitytonewgenerations”themostserioustaskthatthechurches

face(Wuthnow199553).

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OftheinstitutionsinvolvedinthepreparationofsucceedinggenerationsofChristians,

theroleoftheparentsiswidelyconsideredtobepreeminent(Gane2014;Powelland

Clark,2011;Barna2007,56;SmithandDenton2005,120;Bowlby1988,120)Parents

spendmoretimewiththeirchildrenthanotheradultsandgenerallymakemore

decisionsfortheirchildrenthananyotheradult,sometimes,intheU.S.atleast,into

theirearly20’s.

Agrowingbodyofworkhasbeendoneexploringthewaythattheinfluenceofparents

ismediatedwithinthefaithbuildingecosystem.Thisarticleisareportonaqualitative,

“groundedtheory”(Gall2003,167),studyofeightevangelicalfamilies,allofwhose

childrenarestronglycommittedadultbelievers,“abiders”accordingtothePearceand

Dentonstudyof2011(34).Thestudyfocusedontwoelements.First,theactionstaken

byparentstoshapethefaithoftheirchildren,leadingtotheconclusionthatsuccessful

parentsseetheirworkthesamewaythatmissionariesdo:carefullyshapingtheir

interactionwiththeirchildrentomatchtheneeds,interestsandcontextofeachchild,

evenastheybattleanumberofsurprisinglimitationsontheirinfluenceastheir

childrenmoveintoadolescence.Thesecondfocuswasonthereportsofthechildrenas

theyreflectedontheactionsreportedbytheirparents,leadingtothesurprising

conclusionthattheactionsthatparentstookthataffectedtheadolescentslivesoutside

ofthehomeweremoreinfluentialthattheactionstakeninsidethehome.

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A word about parents as missioners

Missioner,asynonymformissionary,isordinarilyapersonwhoseareaofemphasisis

onpeopleoutsidethefamilyoffaith.ItisnotnormaltothinkoftheraisingofChristian

childreninChristianshomesasamissionaryenterprise.

Twoideasleadtothetitleofthisarticle.First,thefindingsofthestudythatindicatethat

raisingChristianchildren,eveninChristianhomesisneverasurething,thereare

countlessnumbersofnon-Christians,whogrewupinChristianhomesandthenleftthe

Christianfaith.ThisstudyofeightevangelicalAnglicanfamiliesisnoteworthybecause

allofthechildrenarefollowingChristasyoungadults,andbecauseoftheemphasisand

effortthattheseparentsplacedontheevangelismanddiscipleshipoftheirown

children.Effortsthatthefindingsindicatearesubstantiallythesameasthoseof

missionariestryingtocommunicatethegospeltoaculturethatisnottheirown.

Thesecondideathatledtoamissionaryunderstandingoftheeffortsofparentstobuild

theirchildren’sfaithhastodowiththeattentionthatallofthesefamiliespaidtothe

faithoftheirchildren’sfriends.Thesefamiliesexertedinfluenceontheirchildren’s

friendsthatwereclearlyeffortstoinvolvethosechildreninthechurch,andtoinfluence

boththebeliefsandthebehaviorofthosechildren.Thesefamiliessawtheraisingof

theirchildren,andtheirchildren’sfriendsasoutreachtotheculture.

Overview of this article

Thisarticleislaidoutaccordingtotheformofthedissertationitiscondensedfrom

(Tighe2014).Thefollowingfourdivisionsincludeareviewofacademicliterature,a

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descriptiontheresearchmethodology,areviewofthefindingsoftheprojectandfinally,

adiscussionofthefindings.

Section 2 –Literature Review

Introduction

Thisreviewisabriefexaminationofresearchexploringadolescentfaith,including

studiesdocumentingthevalueofadolescentfaith,othersexploringissuesthatinfluence

adolescentfaith,theoriesthatapplytothesubjectandfinallyashortreviewof

scripturalreferencestotheraisingofchildren.

Value to the young

ThetransmissionofreligionisessentialforthesurvivaloftheChurch(Myers1996,

858;DudleyandDudley1986,3),aswellasimportantforyoungpeople.Innumerous

studiesreligiousfaithhasbeenshowntobestronglyassociatedwithhealthychildren.

Adolescentreligiositywaspositivelycorrelatedwithhigheducationalperformance

(Regnerus,SmithandFritsch2003,16),self-esteem(Markstrom1999;Donahueand

Benson),healthydiet,exercise,andseatbeltuse(WallaceandForman1998),and

negativelycorrelatedwithdepression(Harker2001),druguse(Knightetal.2007)and

suicide.Religionwasfoundtobegoodforfamilies:churchattendersweretwiceas

likelytobeinvolvedintheirchildren’seducation,andfarlesslikelytobedivorced

(Clydesdale1997,622).

Value to the Church

FaithinitsmembersisalsoimportantfortheChurch.Bringingchildrenraisedin

ChristianfamiliestoknowandfollowChristisacrucialpartoftheChurch’smandateon

earthandamajorkeytoitsthriving.Forthechurchtogrow,thefaithmustbepassed

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onfromonegenerationtothenext(DudleyandDudley1986,3).Anearlierstudybythe

author(Tighe2012)foundthatthepercentageofyouthgroupinvolvementamonga

denomination’syoungpeopleaccuratelypredictedthegrowthordeclineofthe

denominationoverthenexttenyears.

Value of parent’s faith

Manystudieshavefoundastrongcorrelationbetweenthereligiosityofchildrenand

thefaithfulnessoftheirparents(Gibson2004;DudleyandDudley1986,3;Black2008;

Black2006;Boyatzis,DollahiteandMarks2006;SmithandDenton2005,261;

Regnerus,Smith,andFritsch2003).Howevertherearealsostudiesthatclaimthatthe

influenceofparentsontheirchildren’sreligiosityisweak(GunnoeandMoore2002;

Clark,Worthington,andDanser1988;Hoge,Petrillo,andSmith1982;Plochand

Hastings(1998)ornon-existent(Harris1995,458).Severalstudiesindicatethatthis

differencemightbeexplainedbythedifferentagesoftheadolescentsunderstudy:that

parentalinfluencemaydecreaseasadolescentsage(ShulmanandSeiffge-Krenke1997,

44;NewcombandSvehla1937;Keeley1976).Studieshavealsopointedoutthat

parentsindirectlyinfluencetheirchildren’svaluesbyinfluencingtheirchoiceoffriends

(Barna2007,69;Cha2003).

Other parent related factors

Multiplefactors,otherthanparentalfaith,havealsobeenfoundtocorrelatewith

adolescentreligiosity.Theseinclude,parentingstyle(Baumrind1980;Baderand

Desmond2006,324;Gibson2004,158),theinfluenceofpeers(Gibson2004,159;

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GunnoeandMoore2002,615;BerglerandRahn2006),youthgroupparticipation

(Black2006;BerglerandRahn2002;Rosemeyer1994;Gane2006),religiousschooling

(Benson,Donahue,andErickson1989),denominationalmembership(Hoge,Petrillo,

andSmith1982,578),thepresenceofnon-parentalmentors(Nuesch-Olver2006,100)

andevengeography(Potvin1981).Therearestudiesthatfindthatcertainaspectsof

faithmayhavegeneticinfluences(Bradshaw2008;D’Onofrioetal.1999),othersthat

concludethatthetransmissionofreligiousfaithdependsonsocietalandhistorical

events(Sebald1986,12;NewcombandSvelha1937;FirebaughandHarley1991,495;

Abrahamson1983,93)andsomethatfindthatreligiosityislargelyamatteroflifecycle

orage(SherkatandWilson1994;Chaves1989).

Pertinent theories

Twoareasoftheoryareparticularlyappropriatetothisarticle.Thefirstareais

composedofsociologicaltheoriesthatdealwiththetransmissionofvaluestochildren.

Sociologicaltheorieslargelyseethetransmissionofvaluesasaconsequenceof

incorporationintoacommunity(Smith1998;SherkatandWilson1994).Prominent

amongtheseisPeterBergerandDavidLuckmann’s(1967)workinthe“Social

constructionofreality”andtheirexaminationoftheprocessesofsocializationand

realitymaintenance.

Thesecondareaofapplicabletheoryhastodowithpsychology.Generallypsychological

theoriesseefaithasaconsequenceofindividual,internalcognitiveandaffective

processes.Bowlby’sattachmenttheory(1988)isanimportantexample.Baderand

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Desmond(2006)haveusedittotrytoexplainthetransmissionofreligionbylookingat

thepsychologicalattachmentofchildrentosignificantothers.Sincethisarticledeals

withyoungpeople,thetheoriesofthedevelopmentalpsychologistsarealsoimportant.

TheyincludePiaget’swork(PiagetandInhelder1969)onthedevelopmentofcognitive

ability;Kohlbergtheories(Kohlberg1958)concerningthedevelopmentofmoral

reasoning;andFowler’sunderstanding(Fowler1981)ofthedevelopmentoffaithfrom

childhoodtoadulthood.Additionally,thefieldofsocialpsychology,whichdealswith

thedevelopmentofindividualidentity,mayalsobeanimportantsourceoftheoryfor

thisstudy(Gergen1991).

JudithRichHarrisarguesthatpeerinfluencesdominateparentalinfluencesinher1995

paperandsubsequentbookTheNurtureAssumption.HerarticleinPsychological

Review(1995)suggestedthatthedifficultythatmanysocializationresearchershad

showingstrongcausalrelationshipsbetweenparentandchildoccurredbecausethe

influenceofparentsonchildrenislargelymediatedthroughthechild’speergroup.She

proposesGroupSocializationtheory,arguingthatthesocializingeffectofgroupsis

alwaysstrongerthantheinfluenceofparents,andthatparents’maininfluenceontheir

childrenisthroughtheirgenesandthewaytheirdecisionsdeterminethepeersofthe

child(Harris1995,210).Shearguedthatparentschoosegroupsthathavesimilar

valuestotheirownforthechildrentogrowupinandthroughthatchoosinginfluence

theirchildren(Harris1995,458).AccordingtoHarris,theprocessofgroup

socializationstartsveryearlyinchildhoodaschildrenbegintoparticipatein

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playgroups.Shehypothesizesthatthereareseveraldifferentmechanismsthatallow

childrentobecomemembersofagroupandunderstanditsculture.Sheattributedthis

ideatosocializationresearchersEleanorMacobyandJohnMartinwhowroteinthe

HandbookofChildPsychologyin1983thatafteranexhaustivereviewofsocialization

researchtheycouldfindnoconsistentconnectionbetweenparentalbehaviorandthe

socialdevelopmentofchildren.

Adolescent conversion

Therearealsoconsiderationsconcerningthenatureofadolescentconversionandfaith.

Thereisevidencethatadolescentrecommitmentsareimportantforadultfaith(Rahn

2000),anddiscussionsaboutwhetherthenormalpathoffaithdevelopmentin

adolescentsisasinglepowerfulreligiousexperienceorwhetheragradualbit-by-bit

absorptionoftheChristianfaithismoreeffective.Thesediscussionshavebeengoingon

foroveronehundredyears(Bushnell1888).

Besidestheory,theologyalsoprovidesanimportantlensthroughwhichtoview

children,passingonvaluestochildrenandtherelationshipbetweenthegenerations.In

thenextsectionwewillexaminethescripturalcontribution.

Scriptural Discussion

TheBiblespeaksofchildrenover1100times.IntheOldTestament,astheLawisgiven

toMoses,Godcommandsthatparentsshould,“Impressthemonyourchildren”(Deut

6:7)andtalkaboutthelawwhenevertheyarewiththeirchildren.ThefifthoftheTen

Commandmentsdescribestheattitudethatachildshouldhavetowardstheirparents

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(Deut5:16).ThebookofProverbscontainsmanysayingsabouthowtoraisechildren

andseemstoemphasizethatraisingchildrenislargelytheparent’sresponsibility.At

theendoftheOldTestament,theprophetMalachiforetellsthatbeforethereturnofthe

Lordwillcomeonewhorepairsbrokenrelationshipsbetweenparentsandchildren.

IntheNewTestamentJesustellshisdisciplesthatwhentheywelcomeachild,they

welcomeJesus,andtheFather(Mark9:37);thattheyshouldnotkeepchildrenfrom

comingtoHim(Mark10:13-16);andthattheraisingofrespectful,obedientchildrenis

animportantqualificationforleadership(1Tim3:4;Titus1:6).

Conclusion

Thishasbeenabriefexaminationofpublishedscholarshipandscriptureconcerning

theformationoffaithintheyoung.Thenextsection,willpresenttheresearch

methodologycarriedoutinthisqualitativestudyofparents’influenceontheir

children’sfaithinadolescence.

Research Methodology

Sampling

TheeightAnglicanEvangelicalfamiliesstudiedhererepresenta“purposefulsample”

(Gall2003,165),andwereunusualbecausealloftheirchildrenwere,atthetimeofthe

interviews,activeevangelicalChristians,thatfittheSmithandDentoncharacterization

of“Abider”(SmithandDenton2005)children.Thefamiliesweredrawnfrom

evangelicalAnglicanchurchesinTexas,PennsylvaniaandKentuckyandwereidentified

bytalkingtoclergyandyouthworkersintheAnglicanChurchinNorthAmerica(ACNA).

Atleasttwochildrenfromeachhouseholdwereemergingadultsandhadbeenoutof

theirparents’homesforatleasttwoyears.

Clergyfamilieswereexcludedfromthesample,becauseastudyofclergychildren

(Tighe2010)convincedtheauthorthatuniqueandsignificantissuesintheir

relationshiptotheChurchaffectthedevelopmentofclergychildren’sfaith.

Data collection and handling

Eachparentandatleasttwoemergingadultchildrenfromeachfamilyweresurveyed

andthenparticipatedinanindividualhour-long,open-endedinterviewaccordingtothe

protocolinAppendix1.Thesurveyincludeddemographicinformation,questionsfrom

theNYSRfirstwave(PearceandDenton2011)toidentify“abider”childrenandfamily

members’impressionsofparticipantfaithlives.Eachinterviewwasrecorded,

transcribed,tracked,coded,archivedandanalyzedusingModifiedGroundedTheory

(Gall2003,167;PerryandJensen2001;Charmaz2000;StraussandCorbin1998)

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supportedbytheuseofNVivo9and10,(aproductofQSRInternational,

www.qsrinternational.com,accessedApril18,2012).

Issues of reliability and validity

Thevalidity(Gall,GallandBorg2003,460)oftheprocesswasaddressedinthreesteps.

First,theprocessandinstrumentation,werereviewedandapprovedbyacommittee

experiencedinqualitativeresearchdesign.Second,carefulfield-testingofthe

instrumentationandprotocolwasdonetoconfirmthattheresearchdesignproduced

datapertinenttotheresearchquestions.Third,representativeparticipantsofthestudy

weregiventheopportunitytoreviewthefindingsandtocommentontheiraccuracy.

Reliability(BogdanandBiklen2003,36)wasaddressedbykeepingacompleteaudit

trailofthedataandcarefullyrecordingreflectionsandanalysisasthedatawas

processed.Inaddition,theuseofsurveysandinterviewsfrommultiplefamilymembers

providedtriangulationandmultipleviewsofimportantimpressionsandevents.(Gall

2003,167).

Sevenchildrenfromthreeoftheeightfamilieshadbeenmembersinachurchyouth

groupledbytheauthor.Eachwasaskedandagreedtoensurethattheydidnotmodify

theirresponsesbecauseoftheirpreviousrelationship.Asevidencethattheirresponses

wereunbiased,severaloftheparticipants’reflectionsonthattimeincludedcriticismof

thegrouporitsleadership.

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A word about limitations

Conclusionswillbemadeaboutthespecificpopulationstudied.Asisnormalfor

qualitativeresearch,generalizabilitytoawiderpopulationwillrequirefurthersimilar

studiesinrelatedpopulationsorastatisticallysignificantsurvey.

Description of families

Theeightfamilies,includingsixteenparentsandtwentychildren,wereallmiddleto

uppermiddleclass.Allbutthreeparentshadcollegedegrees.Sixoftheeightmothers

workedoutsidethehome.Allofthechildren’sparentswerestillmarriedatthetimeof

theinterviews,althoughonehadapreviousmarriage.Alloftheparentsself-identified

asevangelicalChristiansandhadleadershiprolesintheirchurches,includingthreeina

churchyouthministry.Theywerenotall“perfectfamilies.”Atleastonememberof

threefamilieswasstrugglingwithdrugandalcoholaddiction.Twofamilieshadserious

financialdifficultiesduringtheirchildren’sadolescence.

Thedegreeofreligioussocializationintheirhomesvariedwidely.Ononeextremewas

afamilywhoseldomprayed,andrarelyifevertalkedaboutreligionorreadtheBible.

Attheotherendofthespectrumwasafamilywhoregularlydidthosethingsandhad

frequentfamilydevotionaltimes,wheretheywouldpraytogether,waitingforGod’s

guidanceoverdecisions.Twoofthesixteenparentsweresisters,raisedbythesame

clergyfather.Ofthetwentychildren:fourwerehomeschooledforpartoralloftheir

schooling,fourattendedChristianschools,twelveattendedonlypublicschools,and

fourwenttoChristiancolleges.Atthetimeoftheinterviewsin2012allofthe

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participantchildrenwerebetweentheagesof21and30.Nineweremarried,andseven

ofthoseninehadsmallchildren.

Conclusion

TheresearchmethodologydescribedinthischapterwascarriedoutbetweentheFallof

2010andtheSpringof2012.Thenextsectionreportsonthefindingsofthestudy.

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Findings Inthissectionweexaminethefindingsofthestudyrelatedtothemissionary

actionsoftheparents,aswellasthechallengesunderwhichwhoseactionstook

place.Firstwewilllookatthechallengesreportedbyparentsandthechildren,then,

inlightofthesechallengeswewillexaminetheeffortsbyparentstoevangelizeand

discipletheirchildren.

Definitions

The “Personal Relationship with Jesus Christ”

ThetraditionalinitiationintotheevangelicalChristianityis“beingbornagain,”(eg.

Smith,etal.2003,120;orTheNationalLongitudinalSurveyofAdolescentHealth,

1995)inanactthatoftenincludesa“verbalprofessionoffaith.”Whileallofthe

participantsinthisstudyassentedtohavingbeenbornagain,thelanguageused

mostfrequentlytodescribetheirevangelicalfaithwasofa“personalrelationship”

withJesusChrist(SeealsoBengtson,PutneyandHarris2013,57),sothatphraseis

usedinthisarticleasthemajorsignifieroftheparticipantsevangelicalfaith.

“Commitment events”

Ingeneral,theparticipantsorganizedthestoriesaboutthedevelopmentoftheir

faithintermsofimportantspiritualexperiences.Inthisresearch,thesereligious

experienceswillbecalled“commitmentevents”(Tighe2015).Almostallofthe

participantsreportedmultipleinstancesoftheseevents,andthesefindingsconfirm

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theconnectionreportedintheliteraturebetween“religiousexperiences”and

adolescentswithstrongfaith(SmithandSnell2009,229).

“Parents” and “Children”

Thewords“parent”and“children”willonlybeusedtorefertoaparticipant’srolein

thefamily.“Child”impliesnothingabouttheageoftheparticipant.

“Childhood,” “Adolescence” and “Emerging Adulthood”

Parentstendedtoplaceeventsintheirchildren’slivesaccordingtogradeinschool

ratherthanage.So,inthesefindings,“childhood”indicatesthatthechildwasin

elementaryschooloryounger.“Adolescence”referstothechild’smiddleschooland

highschoolyears.“Emergingadulthood”(Arnett2000)referstotheperiodoflife

afterhighschool.

“Youth Groups”

Especiallyinadolescenceandemergingadulthoodtheinvolvementinchurchthat

boththechildrenandtheparentsmostfrequentlyreferredtowasthe“religious

youthgroup”(SmithandLundquist2005,50).Thesegroupsinbothsecondaryand

collegewillbereferredtoas“youthgroups.”

Reporting Conventions

Whenreferringtoaresponsesharedbyseveralparticipants,thenumberof

participantswillbelistedinparentheses.Forinstance,inthesentence,“most

children(14/20)attendedchurch,”thefractioninparenthesesindicatesthat

fourteenoutofthetwentychildreninterviewedattendedchurch.

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Challenges

Introduction

Theintroductionofthisarticlearguedthatparentalactionstoinfluencethefaithof

theirchildrenweresimilartotheactionsthatmissionariestookwhenthey

communicatetheGospeltoothercultures.Oneofthereasonsthattheseactionscan

beconsideredmissionaryhastodowiththechallengesthatparentsfaceastheir

childrenmoveintoadolescence.Inthissectionwewillexaminesomeofthose

challenges.

The Faith Influence of Parents Declined in Adolescence

Asurprisingfindingwasthedeclineofparentalinfluenceonthefaithoftheir

adolescentchildren.Thisfindingshowedupincomments,byboththechildrenand

theparents,andwasconfirmedbydirectquestionsaboutthechildren’ssignificant

faithinfluencesduringdifferentperiodsoftheirlife(inthe“InfluenceTable”-Table

1),aswellasacontentanalysisofreferencestoimportantfaithfactorsinthe

interviews,andbyananalysisofthecontextofimportant“commitmentevents”

(Tighe2015).

Comments From the Interviews

Almosthalfofthechildren(8/20)mentionedtheirawarenessthatbyhighschool

theinfluenceoftheirparentsontheirfaithwasdecreasing.Aaronsaid,“Myparents

kindatookabackseatinhighschool.And,ofcourse,highschoolistheagewhere

youwanttopushyourboundariesandlearnthingsforyourself,andwe,orI,didn’t

careasmuchaboutwhattheythought.”

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Taraagreed:“Yes,injuniorhighpeoplewerestillclingingto[theirparentsideas]…

kidswerestilltryingtofindtheiridentity.Itwasthebreakingpointofwhetherto

followwhattheirparentshadtoldthemtodoorgobehindtheirbacks.”

Parents(7/16)alsorecognizedthattheirinfluencewaswaning.Fordreportedthat,

“kidsinthose[teenage]yearswerehardtobringtogether.They’renotactively

rebellious,justlike,‘Oh,can’twedosomethingelse?’Ihonestlycan’tsaythatthe

spiritualleadership,praying,sometimesfamilyprayer,variousthingslikethatinthe

home[wereveryinfluential].OtheractivitieskeptthemclosertoGod.”

The Influence Table

Eachofthetwentychildrenwasaskedtolistandthenrankthemostimportant

influencesontheirfaithinfiveperiodsoftheirlives:childhood,middleschool,high

school,post-highschoolandoverall.ThoseresultshavebeensummarizedinTable1

below.Thefirstcolumnshowshowmanychildrenlistedtheirparentsasthemost

influentialfactorintheirfaithduringeachperiod.Notethatsomefactorsareleftout

ofthetableandthereisoverlapbetweencategories,sotherowswillnotaddupto

20.

Table1.InfluenceTable.

The number of children who ranked each factor first in their list of faith influences. Parents first Peers first Mentors first Youth Group first Childhood 20/20 0/20 0/20 0/20 Middle School 11/20 4/20 3/20 4/20 High School 1/20 9/20 3/20 11/20 Emerging adulthood 2/19 8/19 6/19 3/19 Overall 9/18 1/18 1/18 4/18

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Asthechildrenage,morereportthattheirpeersandmentorswerethemost

influentialfactorintheirfaith.Inchildhood,alloftheparticipants(20/20)listed

theirparentsastheirmostimportantfaithinfluence.Bytheirhighschoolyears,only

one(1/20)oftheparticipantsstilllistedtheirparentsastheirmostimportant

influence.Ofparticularinterestwasthenumberofparticipantsthatlistedachurch

youthgrouporgroupeventasthestrongestinfluence.Whenaskedaboutthemost

importantinfluenceoverall,overtheirentirelives,9/18listedtheirparents(two

childrendidn’tanswer).

Asacheckontheseresults,theentirebodyofthechildren’sinterviewmaterialwas

dividedaccordingtowhichperiodoflifewasbeingdiscussed:childhood,

adolescenceoremergingadulthood.Theneachmentionofvariousfactors(parents,

siblings,peers,mentors,family,churchandGod)wascountedbyhand,including

pronouns,andnormalizedtoreferencesper10,000recordedwords1.Thissimple

contentanalysis(Patton2002,453)confirmedtheauthor’sobservationthat

“parents”werediscussedlessoftenasthechildrenaged.Acountofreferencesto

parentsinchildhood(230referencesin10,000recordedwords),comparedto

referencesinadolescence(144)andinemergingadulthood(62)showedasteady

1 Synonyms and sub-categories are counted also. So “Parents” includes “family,” “mom,”

and “dad.” “Peers” includes “friends,” “boyfriend”, “girlfriend,” “siblings” or youth group with peers listed first. “Mentors” includes “youth leaders,” or youth group with mentors listed first. “Church” includes youth group events, such as a retreat, camp, mission trip or conference. Note that when participants listed peers or mentors, no attempt was made to determine whether these mentors and peers were also part of the youth group. From comments in the interviews it appears that often the children’s Christian mentors and peers were part of the child’s youth group, meaning that the youth group and the relationships that children found there are perhaps more important that the table indicates.

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decline.Atthesametimethefrequencyofreferencestopeersincreased,from

childhood(27)toadolescence(172)toemergingadulthood(239).

Commitment Events

Thechildrenreportedatotalofthirty-sevencommitmentevents,onlythreeof

whichtookplaceinchildhood.Thegreatmajorityofthoseevents(27/37events)

tookplaceinthecontextofachurchyouthgroupevent:aretreat,conferenceor

missiontrip.Morethanhalfofthechildren(12/20)reportedmultiplecommitment

events.Onlythreeeventsinvolvedparentsas“advocates”(Rambo1993),andtwoof

thosetookplaceinadolescence.Nochildreportedacommitmenteventtakingplace

inaChristianschool,orSundayschool.

The Influence of Parents in Adolescence is Replaced by the Influence of Peers, Mentors

and Spiritual Experiences

Peers

Allofthechildren(20/20)andmostoftheparents(14/16)talkedaboutthestrong

faithinfluenceofpeers,orsameagefriends,bothpositiveandnegative.Ingeneral,

(withtwoexceptions)Christianpeers,whetherfrompublicschoolorchurch

strengthenedthechildren’sfaith,however,non-Christianpeerswereoneofthe

strongestreportednegativeinfluencesonthechildren’s(8/20)faith,Jonathansaid,

“Inanegativeconnotationatthehighest.Imeanitwasallaboutpeersatthatpoint

inmylife.”

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Boyfriendsandgirlfriendswerereportedashavingapowerfulinfluenceonthe

children’sfaith(14/20),bothpositiveandnegative.Thisinfluenceincreasedwith

age.

Mentors

Mentorswereidentifiedasimportantfaithinfluencesbymostofthechildren

(19/20)andparents(13/16).Macsaid,“IncollegeIfoundtwoguysthat…werea

littlebitolderthanme.Ineededsomeonetojustgivemealittlebitofguidance.”

Forthepurposesofthisresearch,amentorwasdefinedassomeonewhowasolder,

notoneofthechild’sparents,andhadinfluenceinthechild’slifeeitherformallyor

informally.Mentorsincludedteachers,pastors,coaches,andevenoldersiblings.By

farthemostfrequentlymentionedmentorswereyouthgroupleaders(17/20).

Severalchildren(7/20)mentionedthattheypreferredmentorswhowereonlya

fewyearsolder.

Supernatural Encounters with God

Mostofthechildren(15/20)spokeofaspiritualexperience:amessagefromGod

(3/20),anawarenessofGod’spresence(10/20),oramiraculousevent(9/20)that

stronglyaffectedtheirfaith.Thereweremorethan40individualstoriesofthese

experiences.Formanyofthechildrenasupernaturalconnectionwasoneofthe

hallmarksoftheircommitmentevents(28/37commitmentevents).Zedreported,“I

rememberIjustfelttheHolySpiritcomedownonmeandIwascryinginthemiddle

ofanamusementparkatagrungebandconcert.”Theytalkedabouta“personal

experience”ofGod,andviewthisasthestartoftheirpersonalrelationshipwithGod.

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Asmallgroup(4/20)reportedanexperienceofspiritualevilthatcausedthemto

seekGodmoreurgently.Finally,mostthoughttheyhadreceivedclearanswersto

prayers.

Parents Were Unaware of Important Events and Decisions in Their Children’s Lives

Especiallyinthelaterpartoftheiradolescence,thechildren(14/20)reportedthat

theirparentsdidnotknowwhatwasgoingonintheirlives.Forinstance,Baley,who

washomeschooled,hadaboyfriendthatshenevertoldherparentsabout.Benwas

partyinganddrinkingregularly,yethisparentsstillbelievedthat“Benhadenough

understandingofwhatweexpectedfromhimthathedidn'tveeroffintosinful

behavior.”Mostofthechildrenhadasecretlifethattheywerenotsharingwith

theirparents.ThisfindingissimilartowhatChapClark(2011,44)called“theworld

beneath”inhisstudyofadolescents,butitwassurprisingtofindthesehighly

religiousteenagerswerekeepingsecretsfromtheirparents.Oftenthesecretsthat

thechildrenwerekeepinghadtodowiththeirfaith(SeeThompson,Acockand

Clark1985).Lanahadgivenupherfaithat12,andherparentswereunaware.

BrothersMacandIsaacreportedsimilarexperiences.

Parents and Children Misunderstand Each Other’s Faith

Ontheotherside,somechildrenweren’tabletoaccuratelyjudgethefaithoftheir

parents.Children(2/20)reportedsurpriseatdiscoveringthattheirparentshada

personalrelationshipwithChristafterthechildrenfoundtheirownpersonal

relationshipoutsidethehome.Baleytalksaboutseeingherparentsreadingthe

Bibleasateenager,“IguessIwasmoresurprised.Idon’tknow.Iguessitjust

23

showedmethatit’sjustnotanactthattheyreallydoloveGod.”Elainesaid

somethingsimilarasshereflectedonwhyshehadn’tunderstoodherparents

personalrelationshipwithGod:“Isawmomanddadprayingallthetime.ButI

wasn'ttheonewhowasprayingforlongperiodsoftimeatthatpoint.Ididn'treally

understandhowtohaveaconnection[withGod]until[thatretreat].”Deborah

reportsasimilarexperience,“Onlyrecently,afterreadinglettersthat[mydad]

wrotetomymomwhilehewasinthearmy,Irealizedheprobablyhadmorefaith

earlierthanIrealizedandmorewhatyouwouldcallevangelicalfaith.”

Children’s “Personal Relationship with God” Came through the Church, Not the Home.

Afinding,possiblyrelatedtothisinabilitytounderstandeachother’sfaith,isthat

overwhelmingly,commitmenteventstookplaceinthecontextofthechurchrather

thanthefamily.Onlythree(3/37)ofthecommitmenteventsthatthechildren

reportedinvolvedparentsinanycapacity.Eventhoughalloftheparentsreported

havingapersonalrelationshipwithGod(16/16)andhalfoftheparents(4/8setsof

parents)reportedlydiscussedreligionandthepersonalrelationshipwiththeir

children,thegreatmajorityofchildrendiscoveredthepersonalrelationshipona

youthgroupevent(27/37commitmentevents),ratherthanwithorfromtheir

parents.Aboutathird(7/20)ofthechildrenspecificallycommentedthateven

thoughtheirparentshadtalkedtothemabouthavinga“personalrelationshipwith

Jesus”theydidnotunderstandwhatthatmeantuntiltheyattendedsomechurch

eventintheiradolescence.Tracywasoneofthese.Shesaid,“Myparentswerevery

intentionalwhenwewereyoungaboutintroducingustotheBible.They'dalways

taughtmethatIcouldhaveapersonalrelationshipwithChrist,butitwasn't'tilI

24

actuallywenton[thatmissiontrip]thatIrealizedIcouldmakethatrelationshipmy

own.”

Parents’ Missionary Actions

Havingexploredthefindingsthatchallengedparent’sinfluenceintheirchildren

faithlivesintheprecedingsection,thissectionexaminesthefindingsrelatedto

parentalactionsreportedasbeinginfluentialtotheiradolescentchildren’sfaith.

Parents Insisted on Their Children’s Involvement in Church

Everyfamily(8/8)requiredchurchattendancefortheirchildrenduringtheir

adolescence.Ronsaid,“Aswegotintoteenageyears.Wegotthemconnectedwith

…anythingthechurchofferedfortheiragegroup.”Thechildren(14/20)talked

abouttheirparentsrequiringchurch,eveninadolescencewhentheydidn’tlikeit

(4/20).Requiringchildren’sinvolvementinchurchwastheonlyactionthattook

placewiththesamefrequencyinadolescenceasitdidinchildhood.Anotherpiece

oftheseparent’sinsistentonthechildren’sinvolvementinchurchwasreportedby

thethreefamilies(3/8)inthestudythatmovedduringtheirchildren’sadolescence.

Theyreportedselectingchurchesinnewlocationsbasedonhowattractivethose

churchesweretotheirchildren.

Parents worked to connect child’s interest to the corresponding ministry of the church.

Twofamilies,(2/8)followedadeliberatestrategyofengagingtheirchildrenin

churchactivitiesthatfittheirparticularinterests.DeborahCsaid,“Kevin[CP]is

interestedininternationalthingsandministrythingsandIwentoutofmywayto

25

sethimupwithstuff.LiketheyearhewenttoKenya,Ilikesoldmissioncraftsat

craftfairstoraisemoney.”

Parents Encouraged (Or Required) Involvement In Youth Programs

Whileeveryfamily(8/8)encouragedparticipationinchurchyouthprogramsonly

twofamiliesrequiredit.(Thesetwowerealsotheonlyfamilieswhoseparentswere

volunteersintheirchurchyouthgroups.)Someparents(4/16)talkedabouttheir

encouragementofyouthgroupmissiontripsandtheimportanteffectthathadon

theirchildren’sfaith.Fifteen(15/20)ofthechildrenreportedthattheirparents

encouragedorrequiredthemtogotoyouthgroup,andallbutoneofthesereports

occurredinadolescence.Theencouragementincludedverbalurging,aswellas

fundingforeventsanddrivingthechildrentoevents.

Parents Worked to Influence their Children’s Peers

Mostparents(11/16)reportedtryingtoinfluencewhotheirchildrenspenttime

with(seealsoBarna2007,69).Theydidthisbydiscouragingorencouragingcertain

friendships(11/16);andpromotinginvolvementinactivities,likehighschoolband,

thatwouldbringchildrenintocontactwithotherswhosharedtheirvalues(3/16).

Parentsalsotriedtoinfluencewhatadolescentchildrendidwiththeirfriendsby:

gettinginvolvedinchildren’sactivities(11/16),invitingchildren’sfriendstotheir

houses(2/16),warningagainstbadbehaviorwhenchildrenwentout,andmaking

sureadultswerepresentwheretheyweregoing.Parentaleffortstoinfluencetheir

children’speergroupextendedintolatehighschool,andinonecaseintocollege.

26

Thechildren(13/20)wereawareoftheirparentseffortstoinfluencetheirpeers,

chieflyintheiradolescence(11/15reports).Childrenfromtwofamiliesreported

thattheirparentstaughtthem,“youwillbecomewhoyouarearound.”Mostofthe

female(6/8)childrenreportedeffortstoinfluencetheirchoicesofboyfriends.No

boyreportedaparent’sattempttoinfluencehischoiceofgirlfriends.

Parents Promoted Faith in their Homes

Therewereotheractionsthatparentstooktodirectlyinfluencetheirchildren’sfaith,

theseincludedaboutathirdofthechildren(7/20)reportingthattheirparentshad

talkedtothemaboutreligionintheiradolescence.Mostofthechildren(13/20)

mentionedtheirparentsprayers.

Whenaskedaboutparentalactionsthataffectedtheirfaith,anumberofactivities

werereportedthatwerenotactionsdeliberatelytakentoaffectfaith,actionsthat

couldbedescribedas“normalparenting.”Forinstance,childrenreportedthattheir

feelingsofbeingpartofa“close”familyinfluencedtheirfaithinapositiveway

(3/20children).Likewisesome(7/20children)reportedthattheirparentsefforts

todisciplinethemfairlywhentheywereintroubleinfluencedtheirfaith.Finally,a

third(7/20)talkedabouthowimportantthetrustandsupportoftheirparentshad

beentothedevelopmentoftheirfaith.Asmallernumber(4/20)saidthattheir

parent’smistrustwasachallengetotheirfaith.Lanasaid,“Theywerereal

controllingwithboys.Iwaslike,whattheheck?WhenhaveIeverdonesomething

tonothaveyourtrust?I'mlikethebestkidever.I'veneverdonedrugs.I'venever

sleptaround.Idon'tevengetdrunk.…Iwasangry,evenintocollege.”The

27

implicationwasthatbecausethechildrenbelievedthattheirparentslovedthem

andworkedtobefair,theparents’religionwasmoreattractivetothechildren.

Discussion

Thedesignoftheresearchassumedthatparentswerethemainagentofreligious

socializationfortheirchildreninadolescence.Thereweregoodreasonsforthis

assumption.First,theseparentsweredeterminedtoraisetheirchildrentohave

strongfaith.Second,allofthechildreninthesefamiliesgrewuptobeevangelical

Christians,justliketheirparents.Third,muchofthecurrentliteratureonfaith

formationpointstoparents(SmithandDenton2005).Forthesereasons,the

documenteddeclineinparentalfaithinfluencewasasurpriseandhighlightsthe

observationsthattheactivitiesthatthechildrenclaimedweremostimportantfor

thedevelopmentoftheirfaithdidnotdirectlyinvolvetheirparents.Andthatmakes

theachievementoftheseparentsmoresurprisingandmoreintriguingandleadsto

anotherquestion:Howwerethemissionaryintentionsoftheparentsmediatedin

thefaithbuildingecosysteminwhichtheyraisedtheirchildren?

Inthissection,Iwanttodiscussthefindingsrelatedtothechallengestheparents

facedandthenlookatthewaythattheseparentsovercamethesechallengesintheir

missionaryeffortstobuildtheirchildren’sfaith.

28

A discussion of the challenges

Parental Influence Declines

Thefindingoftheseriousdeclineinparentalfaithinfluenceillustratethefirstand

mostimportantoftheparentalchallengesthathadtobeovercomeinpromotingthe

faithoftheiradolescentchildren.Forthemostpartbothchildrenandtheparents

recognizedthisfact.

Parents Had to Learn to Use Indirect Influence in the Faith Lives of their Children.

Thedocumenteddeclineinparentalinfluencedoesn’tmeanthattheparentswere

withoutinfluenceintheirchildren’slives.Theystillhadinfluence,butthisinfluence

changedfromdirectinfluencetoindirectinfluence.Indirectinfluenceconsistedof

effortstoaffectwithwhomthechildrenspenttime,eithertolimitexposureto

relationshipsthattheparentdeemedunhealthyfortheirchild,ortoexposethemto

peers,mentorsoractivitiesthattheparentsbelievedwouldbenefitthechild.

DiscussingthisindirectinfluenceCornwallet.alwrote,"Onewaythatparents

socializechildreninfaithistodirectthemtoothersocializingagentswhoreinforce

theirfaith.Aschildrenbecomeadolescents,theparentsinfluencechildren’sfaith

developmentmorethroughdirectingthemtoothersocializingagentsandprograms

thathelpchildren'sgrowth,thanfromtheirdirectinteractionwithchildren”

(Cornwalletal.1986).

Parents Miss Faith Milestones Happening Outside the Home

Thefindingthatonlyaveryfewoftheimportantcommitmenteventstookplacein

thecontextofthefamilyissurprising--especiallyconsideringthatalltheparents

29

hadapersonalrelationshipwithGod,thattheydiscussedwiththeirchildren.This

wastrueevenamongthechildrenwhohadBiblelessonseverydayinhomeschool,

aswellasthechildreninChristianschoolswhotookBibleclassesandwentto

regularchapelservices.Theresultisthattheparentswerenotasawareofthefaith

developmentoftheirchildreninadolescenceastheywereinchildhoodwhenthey

werethemostinfluentialagentontheirchildren’sfaith.

Parents and Children Do Not Understand Each Others’ Faith

Tofurthercomplicatethefaithbuildingworkoftheparents,theirchildren

developedasecretlifeinadolescence.Thisisnotanunexpecteddevelopmentin

“ordinary”teenagers,howeveritwasasurprisethatevenamongthesevery

religiouschildren,severalinvolvedinhomeschoolandChristianschools,children

startedtohideimportantthingsfromtheirparents.Itseemedthatoneofthethings

thatseveralofthechildrenhidfromtheirparentswasquestionsthattheyhadabout

theirfaith,makingitthatmuchharderforparentstofigureoutwhatwasgoingon

andtorespondinappropriateways.Anotherfactorcomplicatedthefaithbuilding

effortsoftheparents,thatwasthatanumberofchildrenreportedthattheynever

reallyunderstoodwhattheparentsmeantby“personalrelationship”untilthey

experienceditforthemselvesoutsideofthehome.Theparentstalkedaboutit,and

thechildrenassented,butneveractuallyunderstoodwhattheywereassentingto.

Conclusion

Thesefactors,theincreaseddifficultyofreadingwhatwasgoingoninthefaithlives

oftheirchildren,combinedwiththedeclineoftheparents’influenceontheir

30

children’sfaithmeantthatinadolescence,parents’effortstoshapethefaithoftheir

childrenweremuchmoredifficultthantheyhadbeeninchildhood.Atthesame

time,inspiteoftheparentalchallengesdescribed,allthechildreninthesefamilies

grewuptobeactiveChristians.Howdidtheparentsovercomethesechallenges?

How parents influenced their children’s faith

Asweconsidertheworkoftheparentsitshelpfultolookatthethingsthatthe

parentshadincommon.Whileeachsetofparentswascommittedtothespiritual

healthoftheirchildren,inthehomeeachfamilypursuedthisgoalinadifferentway.

Ononeendwerefamiliesthatdidregulartimesoffamilyworshipandprayed

togetherastheirteenagersmadedifficultdailydecisions.Ontheotherendwere

familiesthatonlytogetherduringmeals,andrarely,ifever,talkedabouttheirfaith.

Thethingstheydidinthehomewerenotthingstheyhadincommon.

Thethingsthattheydidhaveincommonwerethese:

1)Theparentswereverycommittedtotheirchildren’sparticipationinchurchand

especiallyyouthgroupactivities.

2)Theparentstailoredthefaithapproachtothegiftsandinterestofeachchild.And

offeredhelpbasedontheneedsofthechild.

3)Whenchildrengotofftrack(notallthechildrenwereactivelyfollowingtheir

faithforthewholeoftheiradolescence)theparentsusedtheirinfluence,nowmore

indirectthatinchildhoodtogentlynudgethechildbacktothechurchatacritical

time.

We’lldiscusseachofthesethreepoints.

31

Parents Involved Their Children in Church Programs, Especially Youth Programs.

Thefindingsshowthatastheparentsdirectinfluenceonthefaithlivesoftheir

childrendeclined,itwasreplacedorovertakenbytheinfluenceoftheirmentors,

usuallyfoundamongtheiryouthleaders,theirpeers,bothChristianandnon-

Christian,andreportedspiritualexperiences.Forthemostpart,thesethreefactors

arefoundintheChurchandchurchactivities.Andthiswasoneofthemoststriking

thingsthatthefamiliesdidhaveincommon:astrongcommitmenttotheir

children’sinvolvementinchurchandyouthprograms.

Ioriginallystartedworkingwiththeseeightfamiliesbecausealloftheirchildren

werecommittedevangelicalChristians.IhopedthatsomewhereIwouldfinda

“magicpill”--somethingthatthesefamiliesknewandpracticedthattherestofus

hadmissedthatledtothefaithoftheirchildren.Itseemsthattheirserious

commitmenttotheirchildren’sattendanceandinvolvementinchurchwastheonly

thingthatwascommontoallthefamilies,andidentifiedasimportantbyboth

parentsandchildren.Ifthereisamagicpillforinfluencingthefaithofadolescents,

involvementinthechurchandchurchprogramswasit.Ifinvolvementinchurch

wasthemagicpill,thenweneedtolookatthewaytheparentsusedtheirdeclining

influencetomovetheirchildrentowardschurchinvolvement.

Parents Used the Unique Interests of their Children to Promote Church Involvement.

Parentsusedtheirknowledgeoftheirchildren’sinterestsandgiftstoconnecttheir

childrentothecorrespondingministryofthechurch.Foroneparent,thatmeant

takingadvantageofthechild’sinterestinmusictoinvolveherinthemusicministry

32

atchurch.Foranotheritmeantunderstandingherson’sfascinationwithforeign

culturestopromotehisparticipationinchurchmissiontrips,andthentohelphim

raisethemoneytogo.

The Parental “Nudge” - The Role of Directing Children Back Towards Church

Anotherkeystrategybyparentstoinvolvetheirchildreninchurchwasusedinthe

livesofchildrenwhoforonereasonoranotherturnedawayfromtheirfaithintheir

adolescence.Formostofthem,thecrucialconnectionthatledtoareturntofaith

wasaparentalnudgebacktothechurchatthoseraretimeswhenthechildrenwere

opentotheirparentsinfluence.Forinstance,Benplayedfootballinhighschool,and

asayoung“star”quicklygaveintosneakingoutandseriouspartying.Practice

meantthathestoppedcomingtoyouthgroup.Whenhisplanstoattendafootball

campthesummerbeforehissenioryearfellthrough,hewasdevastated.Hismother

gentlysuggestedthathemightlikeaChristiancampthatshehadheardabout.At

thatcamp,apowerfulspiritualexperiencebroughthimbacksolidlytohisfaith.

Marcwasincollegeandfellintoaseriousdrugaddiction.Whenhislifecrashed,

therewasanopeningforhisparentstofindaChristianrehabilitationcentertosend

himto.Marc’sprofoundencounterwithGodinrehabmovedhimbackfirmlytohis

faith.AfterElizabeth’ssecondDUI,itwasaconversationinitiatedbyherfatherthat

promptedhertofindachurch.ByKelly’sjunioryearincollegehehadlosthisfaith.

Hisfathercontinuedtoinvite(andpayfor)himtoattendamen’sretreateveryyear,

evenaftercollege.Kellyreportedtwocommitmenteventsatthoseretreats,that

broughthimbacktothechurch,andbacktoagrowingfaith.

33

Theinfluenceofparentalnudgesoperatedoverthewholeofadolescenceand

emergingadulthoodinthelivesofthesechildren.Theparentsserveasa

permanentlyconnectedrelationshipalwaysactingtoencourageachild’s

participationinchurchactivitiesiftheybecomedisconnected.Whilepeopleoften

outgrowfriendships,ormentoringrelationships,theparentsremainpermanently

connectedtothechild,especiallyinclosefamilies.SmithandDenton(2005,162)

alsoreportedonthepowerofparents’abilitytomakeimportantfaithconnections

fortheirchildren.

Musings

Musing About Children Finding Faith In The Church Rather Than The Home

Inthisgroupofadolescentchildren,byfarthemajorityofimportantfaithchanging

encountershappenedamongtheirpeersandmentors,ratherthaninthecontextof

thehome.Theauthorconsideredseveralpossiblereasonsforthisfinding.First,

thereisthepossibilitythat,asonemotherhypothesizedinthefindings,thereis

somethingimportantaboutthe“awayfromhome”natureoftheretreatsand

missiontripswherethecommitmenteventsoccurred.KendaDean(RootandDean,

2011;169)suggeststhatitisnotsimplythefactthattheseeventsoccurawayfrom

home,butthatthedefinedendofaway-from-homeeventssomehowcatalyzesthese

experiences.

Asecondpossibilitythattheauthorconsideredwasthatitwasadevelopmental

issue.Mostoftheparents’reporteddiscussionsaboutfaithtookplaceinthe

children’schildhood.Itcouldbethatwhentheparentsdiscussedtheirfaithwith

34

theirchildren,thechildrenwerecognitivelyincapableofgraspingthenatureofa

personalrelationshipwithabeingthattheycouldnotsee.

Thethirdpossibilityhastodowiththeobservationthata“personalrelationship

withJesus”hasanelementoffriendshipinitthatmakesJesusapeer.Itmaybethat

apeerofthechildren’sparentswillalwaysbetheparents’friend,andtherefore

neverthechild’speer.Ontheotherhand,whenapersonisintroducedtoapersonal

relationshipwithJesusinthecontextoftheirpeers,Jesuscanmoreeasilybe

understoodastheirfriend.

Musings about Group Socialization Theory

JudithRichHarris’GroupSocializationTheorysuggeststhatachildwillreflectmore

stronglythebeliefsandactionsofthegroupsinwhichtheyareinvolvedthanthe

beliefsandactionsoftheirparents.Thistheoryseemstopredictthefindingsofthis

research:adolescent’sfaithismoststronglyinfluencedbythechurchthanby

parents.Shealsoarguesthatthisinfluenceisstrongerinchildhood,butthefindings

ofthisstudydidnotfindthattobetrue.

Recommendations

The findings of this research suggest several recommendations for parents and church

leaders. Four recommendations are made below.

Understand that The Roles of Parents and the Church Change as a Child Matures

Oneimportantobservationaboutthischangeininfluenceonfaithdeservestobe

statedclearly.Inchildhoodtheparentswerebyfarthestrongestinfluenceontheir

35

children’sfaith.Afterpuberty,thatchanged.Thechurchandnottheparentsbecame

thestrongestinfluenceontheirchildren’sfaith.So,whileoneofthecriticaljobsof

theChurchistoequipparentstoraisetheirchildren,thenatureofthatequipping

changesaschildrenpassintoadolescenceandemergingadulthood.Inadolescence

thejoboftheparentsistosupportthechurchinitscrucialfaithbuildingefforts.In

childhoodthechurchsupportstheparents,inadolescencetheparentssupportthe

church.

Nudge!

Parentscontinuinginvolvementintheirchildren’slives,throughoutthewholeof

theirlivesprovidesaccesstooccasionalmomentsofopennesstoconnectyour

childrenbacktothechurch,anditwillbetheirchurchthatsupportstheirfaithas

theymature.Notealsothatthisresearchfoundthatemergingadulthoodchildren

begintofeelclosertoparentsthantheydidinhighschool.Thefindingsincludedthe

valueoffaithconversationswithparents,andthesewerereportedasbeing

importantmorefrequentlyinadolescenceandemergingadulthoodthanin

childhood.Thefinalimportantfindingisthatchildrenseemparticularlyopento

parentalnudgeswhentheyareintransition,suchasthemovementfromhighschool

tocollege,whentheychangetownsortheyareintrouble,suchasMarc’sdrug

addiction.

Work to Involve your Child as Much in Church as Possible

Thestrategythatseemedtoyieldthemosthelpfulresultsinthissetofparticipants

wastheonequotedbyafather:“plugthemintowhateverthechurchhasgoingon.”

36

Twocorollarieshavecomeupinthefindings:first,itisworthwhiletotunetheeffort

toinvolveachildinchurchbasedonthatchild’sinterests.Asecondcorollarycomes

fromobservationsabouttheparentsthatwerethemostinvolvedinchurch:itis

easiertogetyourchildreninvolvedifyouareheavilyinvolvedinchurch.Mentors

willbeespeciallyimportant.Inadolescenceyourchildrenwillprobablystartto

buildasecretlife,onethatyouarenotapartof.Theirmentorswilloftenbetheones

theyturntowhentheyhaveproblemsinthatsecretlife.Youwanttotrytoconnect

themtomentorsthatyoutrusttotalktothem.Finally,donotwaituntilpubertyto

involveyourchildreninchurchprograms,useyourextraordinarydirectinfluencein

childhoodtoconnectyourchildrentochurchpeersandmentorssothatthese

relationshipsareinplaceaschildrenenteradolescence.

Church Leaders should schedule Special Events Where “God Shows Up”

Thebigevents,likeretreats,missiontripsandconferencesareveryimportantto

yourteenagers’spiritualhealth,anditisattheseeventsthatmanyspiritual

breakthroughshappen.Thatdoesnotmeanthatoccasionalbigeventsarea

substituteforongoingsupportfromChristianpeersandmentors,butthetwowork

together.Eachhasacrucialplaceinthedevelopingfaithofanadolescent.

Conclusion

ThisarticlesummarizedthefindingsofastudyofevangelicalAnglicanfamiliesallof

whosechildrenarecommittedtotheirevangelicalfaithintheir20’s.Thestudy

highlightedthewaythattheparent’sinfluenceonthefaithoftheirchildrendeclined

inadolescence,andwasreplacedbytheinfluenceofthechildren’smentors,peers,

37

anddirectexperienceswithGodthatoftentookplaceonyouthgroupevents.This

declineininfluencemeantthatparentswereunabletodirectlyinfluencethefaithof

theirchildrenandhadtorelyonsomeofthesamemissionaryactivitiesthatpeople

incross-culturalministrypracticeintheirevangelizationofothercultures:The

parentscarefullyunderstoodtheuniquestrengthsandinterestsofeachchildand

workedtoconnectthoseintereststotheministryofthechurch.Theyworkedhard

toinvolvetheirchildreninalltheactivitiesofthefaithcommunity,butinparticular

theactivitiesoftheyouthgroup,andfinally,whenchildrengotofftrack,theparents

usedtheirindirectinfluencetonudgethechildrenbackintoparticipationinthe

church.

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