Para El Pastor 2

8/10/2019 Para El Pastor 2

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PARA EL PASTOR 2

How I Recovered From Burn Out: 12

Keys to Getting Back

I had never been through anything quite as deep, or frankly, personally

frightening as my burnout 7 years ago.

Burnout moves fatigue and the darkness from a place where it was in

your control to place where you can simply no longer control either.

Ive heard from more than a few of you who have let me know that

youre in the midst of burnout right now.

Gary summarized how many leaders feel when he wrote in this comment:

So Imthere now. If I were honest I would say my life and ministry are

in shambles. Still going, but no one really knows except my wife, I am

ready to quit.

Oh man.

All I can say is I understand, and Impulling for you and praying for

you.

I told part of my story inthis postalong with sharing9 signs you might

be burning out.

So how do you recover from burnout?

Let me share my journey. While everyones recovery will be different,

there were 12 keys that, in retrospect, were essential to my recovery.
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And as far as time goes, for me there was no instant cure.

It took about 6 monthsfor me to move from crisis (20% of normal) to

operational (maybe 60%)

It took another yearto get from 60% to 80% of normal.

Finally, it took another three or four yearsto finally feel 100% again

like myself. Even a new self.

Along the way, these 12 things helped me immensely. And while your

story might be different, I offer them in the hope they might help you

even in some small way:

1. Tell someone.This was hard. I think it is for most leaders, especially

guys. My guess is you will resist because of pride. But pride is probably

what made you burn out. Dont miss this:Only humility will get you out

of what pride got you into. Swallow your pride and tell someone safe that

you have a problem. Its tough, but its the first step toward we llness.

When you admit it to others, you also finally end up admitting to

yourself.

2. Get help. You cant do this alone. Really, you cant. I went to a trained

counselor and had a circle of friends who walked the walk with me. You

need to talk to your doctor and to a trained Christian counselor. And youneed others. I had people pray over me. My wife, Toni, was an incredible

and exceptional rock. Im not sure I would have made it without them. Im

a guy and I prefer to work through my own problems. This one was so

much bigger than me. But not bigger than God or the community of love

and support he provides. So get help.


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3. Lean into your friends. Yes this could have been included in Point 2

but the guys would have missed it. Friends. You need them. Guys word

here. We tend not to have a lot of friends and we tend not to open up.

Mistake. Lean into your friendships. Friends came to house and prayed for

me. They called me. One day a friend called and simply said I know you

cant feel it today, but the sun will rise again. It will. I cant tell you how

much those words meant to me that day. Your friends care about you.

Lean into them.

4. Keep leaning into God. Just because he seems silent doesnt mean

hes absent. I did not feel God for months. Not when I prayed or read the

bible or worshipped. But I didnt give myself permission to quit. In these

pivotal moments you will either lean away from God or into him. Lean in,

hard. Even if you feel nothing. I did, and eventually, the feelings of

intimacy return. Just because you cant feel Gods love doesnt mean he

doesnt love you. Your emotions will eventually catch up to your

obedience.

5. Rest. I was so physically and emotionally tired when I burnt out. I slept

for about 10 hours a day for a month straight, adding naps to my daily

diet on top of that. I think sleep is like money; deficits become debt. And

debt needs to be paid off. I paid off my sleep debt that month and I

always try now to make sure I am not running a deficit. If I do for a week

or two, I pay it off with more sleep. You were designed to rest, and to

rest in God. While I personally didnt take a sabbatical or medical leave

(our board offered me one), some may need to. I was too scared Id never

come back. So I took three weeks vacation and came back slowly.

6. Find something else to take your attention away from your

pain.The problem with pain (or at least my pain) is when you do nothing

you only have your pain to focus on. Distraction is a powerful tool to get


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your mind thinking about other things. Watch a movie. Go out for dinner.

Go for a hike. Go to a party. Go to a concert. Its not easy. At my worst, I

would go to social settings and not want to talk to anyone, sometimes

even hiding from people behind my wife who is a foot shorter than me

and 100 lbs lighter. But at least I went. One night we hosted a dinner

party and I left the table early and ended up crying in my bedroom for

the rest of the night. But at least we threw the party. It got my mind off

the constant cycle of depression.

7. Do what you can. Again, you may need a long sabbatical. But I took

three weeks off and went back to work. On my first week back in the

office, it took my longer to write a three line email than it took me to

write this entire blog post, but I focused on doing what I could. The first

weekend I preached, those who knew the shape I was in all told me We

would have had no idea you were feeling so bad. You were amazing. I

knew how I felt inside, but it was good to know I could still be helpful to

others in some way. I think for me it was important to discover what I

could still do.

8. Dontdo anything drastic or stupid. Underline this. Because my illness

involved my mind, I was tempted to do all kinds of things that could have

ruined my life. I felt like abandoning my calling, running away from

everyone I knew and everything I knew, even my wife and kids. In my

worst moments, thoughts of ending it all crossed my mind. I am so

thankful I didnt succumb to any of those impulses. Some days I just said

to myself dont do anything stupid today. And if I didnt, that was

progress. Im so thankful I didnt do anything rash or irresponsible.

9. Trust again. One of the contributing factors to my crash was a few

relationships (not my family) in which trust was broken. As hurt as I felt

and as cynical as I was at points, I made a conscious decision to trust


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again. And the wonderful thing is: so many people are trustworthy. And

God always is. Trusting again after your trust has been breached keeps

your heart fresh and alive and ultimately hopeful again.

10. Closely monitor balance. I used to pride myself in being able to go

at whatever I was doing longer and harder than anyone else. Prides not a

good thing. I now closely monitor how Im feeling, my rest and my

balance between time with people and time alone. Im hyper focused on

it. Because I cant afford not to be. I build margin into my schedule

because without it, the edge of the next cliff is right around the corner.

11. Watch for the warning signs. I watch these9 signs of

burnoutdiligently. About a month ago I saw over half the warning signs

creep back in. I told our elders immediately. I was two days into what I

thought was a mini burnout, but I sounded the alarm bells. In the end, it

turned out to be my frustration over a leadership issue that was

producing the symptoms. As soon as I cracked the leadership issue, thesymptoms disappeared almost overnight. But that kind of monitoring is

for me central to staying healthy.

11. Take full responsibility for the health of your soul. Nobody else is

responsible for your health. You are. Pray, read your bible, seek life

giving friendships, replenish your energy, eat right, work out, love deeply.

These things nourish your soul. If you dont do them, nobody will.

12. Believe thereshope. It took me almost 5 years to feel like myself

again (a new self for that matter). It was a long road back for me

personally and I had to keep believing that God wasnt done with me. 7

years later Im so thankful. Our church has never been healthier or more

effective. I am enjoying what Im doing more than ever. And the

opportunities before me have never been greater. How much of that
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could I see or imagine 7 years ago? Exactly 0%. But I had to not give up

despite that. In those moments and days where I still dont feel good, I

cling to the hope that the sun will rise again. And it does.

So thats my story.

Im praying for you today and I hope that in some small way this helps

those of you who are defeated, discouraged or believe its over.

Its not. Our God still lives. And He loves you.

Whats helped you move through your toughest seasons?

9 Signs You're Burning Out in

Leadership

Burnout.

Been there?

Seven years ago, I entered into the darkest period of my life.

People had always warned me I would burn out. I thought I could

prove them wrong.

And usually I did. I would get tired out of balance but when I saw the

edge, I could always pull myself back.

Until seven years ago.

I found the edge, and as I was falling, I knew this time I realized I

couldntpull myself back.


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Although Im not a person who suffers from depression, Im sure I would

have gone to the doctor and received a diagnosis of clinical depression

that summer seven years ago.

It wasnt your stereotypical depression.

I could get out of bed every day, and I did.

I kept praying and reading my bible.

But my speed decreased to a snails pace.

And hope felt like it had died.

My motivation and passion dropped to zero. (Make that zero Kelvin).

I had never been there before.

I knew many in ministry had gone down this road before me, and what

scared me is that some of them never made it back.

For them, ministry was done. And sometimes, tragically, theywere done

hope never fully returned and they didnt ever become the person they

were before.

That was the last thing I wanted to happen to me.

Looking back, the diagnosis is still a little elusive and mysterious.

Who really knows what corrodes the soul to the point where it

deflates?

But Id say the most likely candidate for what derailed me is what Id

callemotional burnout.


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In caring for others I had not adequately cared for my heart or soul,

or let others who wanted to care for it do so.

I spiralled down for about 3 months before I hit bottom.

Then with the love and assistance of a great wife, board, leadership team,

close friends, a counselor, and a very gracious God, I slowly began to

recover.

It took, honestly, a few years to really feel full stride again, but I recovered

to 80-90% of full strength in the first year. The last 10% took two or three

more years.

The good new is, there is life after burnout (my next post will be on ways

to recover from burnout).

Imwriting this because burnout seems to be an epidemic in ministry

leadership.

In fact, there are more than a few of you who know you are right on

the edge of the cliff you could so easily fall of of.

And probably a few of you who are in free fall right now.

Why is that?

More than most environments, ministry combines what you do (your

work) with what you believe (your faith) and your community (your

congregation/friends). Without skillful navigation, that can creates a roller

coaster of emotions that push leaders toward burnout (Ivewritten about

the emotional roller coaster of ministry here).

So how do you know if youreheading for burnout?
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Here are 9 things I personally experienced as I burned out.

I hope they can help you see the edge before you careen past it:

1. Your motivation has faded. The passion that fueled you is gone, and

your motivation has either vapourized or become self-centered.

2. Your main emotion is numbnessyou no longer feel the highs or

the lows. This was actually one of the earliest signs for me that the edge

was near. I wrote more aboutemotional numbness here.

3. People drain you. Of course there are draining people on the best of

days. But not everybody, every time. Burnout often means few to no

people energize you anymore.

4. Little things make you disproportionately angry. When you start

losing your cool over small things, its a sign something deeper is very

wrong.

5. Yourebecoming cynical.Many leaders fight this one,but cynicism

rarely finds a home in a healthy heart.

6. Your productivity is dropping. You might be working long hours, but

youre producing little of value. Or what used to take you 5 minutes just

took you 45. Thats a warning bell.

7. Youreself-medicating. Your coping mechanism has gone

underground or dark. Whether thats overeating, overworking, drinking,

impulsive spending or even drugs, youve chosen a path of self-

medication over self-care. Ironically, my self-medication was actually more

work, which just spirals things downward.
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8. You dontlaugh anymore.Nothing seems fun or funny, and, at its

worst, you begin to resent people who enjoy life.

9. Sleep and time off no longer refuel you. Sometimes youre not burntout; youre just tired. A good nights sleep or a week or two off will help

most healthy people bounce back with fresh energy. But you could have a

month off when youre burnt out and not feel any difference. I took three

weeks off during my summer of burn out, and I felt worse at the end

than when I started. Not being refueled when you take time off is a major

warning sign youre burning out.

Identifying with just a few of these signs might just be a sign that youre

tired.

If you identify with half, you might be close to the edge.

If you identify with most or all, well, you might be in the same place I

found myselfburnout.

If you are burnt out, I would encourage you to seek immediate

professional help a medical doctor and a trained Christian counselor. I

would also encourage you to talk to a close circle of friends (again, my

next post will be on recovery from burnout).

In the meantime, Id love to hear from many of you on your storiesaround burn out?

What did you learn? How can we help each other?

5 Things Every Church Leader Can

Learn from the Mark Driscoll Situation


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So let me start here.

I struggle with pride.

Do you?

Doesnt everyone?

Pride is at the root of all sin. It is pridethe pursuit of self, of knowing

better, of being rightthat caused our fall in the first place. It is a daily

struggle for me.

My heart broke this weekend as I read of the latest developments

atMars Hill Churchas their Pastor,Mark Driscoll,temporarily stepped

down. Theres a very (from what I can tell) balanced and fairarticle about

the events here in Christianity Todayif you want some background.

I need to say I dont know Mark Driscoll. Ive never met him.

And this is not a post where Im going to pass any level of judgment on

Pastor Mark or Mars Hill. He needs our prayers as does his family and

church (My heart really hurts for his family in a season like this. They love

their husband and dad. So does Christ.)

And even as I say he needs our prayers I realize that often in Christian

circles we say that with a sense of superiority, as though he needs ourprayers or she needs our prayers in way that I dont.

Not even close to true.

No one prays with clean hands. I dont. You dont.
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I need your prayers as desperately as Pastor Mark. So do you. So when

we pray, we need to pray as those who come alongside each other before

a merciful and just God and a Saviour we all so desperately need.

We are in this together.

Not Sex, Not Money.Pride.

As I read through various accounts of the situation as it developed, this

quote from theChristianity Todayarticle caught my full attention:

Thedecision by Driscoll, whosecurrent challengesmade thefront

pageof The New York Timesyesterday, echoes past sabbaticals by two

other popular Reformed pastorsJohn Piper and C. J. Mahaneyamid

concerns not of sexual or financial sins, but of pride and other character

flaws.

The writer goes on to point out that many leaders have put in safeguards

against sexual sin or financial wrongdoing and quotes Scott Thuma, a

Hartford Seminary sociologist:

My sense is that many of the celebrity religious leaders are well aware of

and intentionally attempt to guard themselves against sexual and financial

temptations. But they forget that pride comes before a fall.

John Piper gave some painfully honest answers behind his break from

ministry in 2010. Again, as the article points out:

Bethlehem Baptist Church pastor John Piperembarkedon an eight-

month leave,explaininghis soul, marriage, family, and ministry pattern

needed areality check from the Holy Spirit.He noted severalspecies of
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pride in my soul that, while they may not rise to the level of disqualifying

me for ministry, grieve me.In 2013, Piper shared onLeadership

Journalthat his time-off had been dedicated to addressing his

intransigent sins, including selfishness,anger, self-pity, quickness to

blame, and sullenness.

I can relate to every one of Pipers struggles and have had them, in

seasons, in my only life. My guess is you have too.

So I fully admire pastors who have had the courage to admit they are

struggling with pride and to take a break from ministry to address it.

As my wife said to me, Maybe we should all resign.Theres a sense in

which maybe those who have stepped back have done the honourable

thing, isnt there?

So let no one cast a stone.

Pride is my struggle, and if I may, its your struggle. Youre human.

How do we keep it contained?

How do we keep it in check?

How do I keep mine in check?

5 Ways Pride Can Sneak Into A Leaders Life

Pride is ubiquitous. You dont need to try to be prideful. It just happens.

Its in you and its in me.
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But in the always-online-instant-platform-social-media age we live can

acts like an accelerant to pride.

Like money, social media is a terrible master but a wonderful servant. Itcan be used for tremendous good, and it can play to the worst parts of

us.

The reason Im focusing on social media here is because pride often

accompanies growth, and more church leaders than ever now have access

to greater influence and personal platforms.

I realize theres some irony here because Im blogging about this and on

the verge of launching a podcast. (No linkthat would be

toomanipulative.)

Like money, social media is a terrible master but a

wonderful servant.CLICK TO TWEETPowered By CoSchedule

So how does pride sneak into a leaders life today? In many many ways.

I am NOT saying any of these operated in Pastor Marks life or Pipers or

Mahaneys. I have no idea. All I know is they can operate in mine and in

the lives of other people I know.

Here are 5:

1. When Im more focused on growing my personal platform than advancing

the mission of the local church

Social media gives everyone a bigger soap box. And many are pursuing it.
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A constant temptation for many leaders today is to put themselves ahead

of the mission of the local church.

Above all, I want to be a faithful local church pastor committed toadvancing the mission of our church and helping people discover the love

their Saviour has for them.personally.

But sometimes its easier to soak in the accolades of people youve never

met than it is to deal with a mess youve created and need to work

through (thats what leadership is, right? Solving the problems youve

helped create.)

And sometimes its frustrating that the people who work with you every

day (and live with you) are sometimes less impressed with you than the

people who get a curated and edited version that ends up online.

The people closest to you see your flaws. Which is why its so easy run to

those who dont.

Stay grounded. Stay local.

Stay honest.

Stay focused.

The people closest to you see your flaws. Which is

why it's so easy to run to those who don't. CLICK TO TWEETPowered By CoSchedule
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2. When I pursue being known more than I pursue knowing Jesus

Its fairly well known that many ministry leaders strugglewith their

personal walk with God. It can drift. It can even die for a season.

I have to be disciplined daily to keep my relationship with Jesus fresh,

alive and vibrant.

Whether you want to be known and loved in your local church or a wider

platform is irrelevant.

When I pursue being known more than I pursue knowing Jesus, I risk

everything that the Gospel is about.

3. When my platform outgrows my character

Your character has to be bigger than your talent or skill set or you

inevitably implode.

If your church outgrows your character, youre in trouble as a leader.

If your platform online outgrows your character, its only a matter of

when, not if things begin to implode.

After almost two decades in ministry leaders, I am constantly amazed at

how hard I have to work at developing my character so that my private

life and public walk line up.

That should be no surprise, of course. We used to call it sanctification and

its still the work of the Holy Spirit.


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Im passionate about character development andwrote more about it

here.

If your platform outgrows your character, implosion

becomes a 'when', not an 'if'.CLICK TO TWEETPowered By CoSchedule

4. When I expect the people who knowme to treat me like the people

who dontknow me treat me

The cool part about being an outside speaker or having people who dont

know you follow you on social media is they always treat you with great

respect.

We men, in particular, crave respect.

And of course, respect is earned.

Which means you have to work harder to gain it with the people you love

and serve every dayyour family, your team, your staff, your friends

than you do if you blow into town for a day to speak somewhere or if

someone reads your blog and thinks youre amazing.

AsAndy Stanleysays, when the people who know you the most love and

respect you the most, youve got the balance right.

When only the people who dont know you respect you, pride has likely

taken your focus off what matters most.
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When the people who know you the most love and

respect you the most, you've got the balance right.CLICK TO TWEETPowered By CoSchedule

5. When I resist accountability

Pride resists accountability.

It says Ive got this figured out. Im fine. Ive got this mastered. I

dont need anyone.

And pride couldnt be more wrong.

In fact, the more successful you become, the more accountable you need

to be.

You dont have to be transparent witheveryonebut you need to be

transparent with someone.

Someonelike a board, or a group you dont fully controlneeds to

have full access to your finances, to how yourereallydoing, to

whatsreally going on. And you need to approach them with completely

open hands.

Accountability at first looks like a threat. But when you have it, you realize

its a life saver.

Pride resists accountability. And pride couldn't be

more wrong.CLICK TO TWEETPowered By CoSchedule
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I know this is deep stuff, but then the work were involved in is deep stuff.

It matters.

I will be praying for Mars Hill and Pastor Mark and his family, not from a

place of judgment (I hope), but as one (from distance) who stands

alongside.

And Ill be praying as one who hopes for a magnificent restoration and a

story only the Gospel can write.

For that is the story the Gospel is writing in all of us.

What about you?

How do you struggle with pride?

Are there things you are doing you find helpful?

Please leave a comment. And please know any comments that reflect

negatively on Pastor Mark or Mars Hill will be deleted immediately.

No stones. Not one.

This is about all of us.

10 Ways to Reignite Your Love for the ChurchHaving been in ministry for over 30 years, I understand. The church is sometimes not

easy to love. People claim to be Christian but act like the devil. We say the words, I

love the church while knowing our heart isnt there. When youve had enough bad

days in ministry, love for the church seems to disappear completely.

Still, though, were called to love one another (John 15:12). Here are some ways to

begin reigniting that love:


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1. Read 1 Corinthians. In 1 Cor. 1:4 Paul wrote, I always thankmy God for you

(HCSB). In the last verse of that book, he wrote, My love be with all of you in

Christ Jesus. In between these sections, however, the apostle essentially said,

Youre an absolute mess. Paulthanked Godfor and deeply lovedone of the

messiest churches in the New Testament. Thats a good model for us to follow.

2. Read the Gospel of Mark to see the portrayal of Jesus disciples. They were

untrained and uneducated men who often did not listen, seldom fully understood,

and sometimes failed miserably. Meanwhile, they debated who was the greatest

and fought over the best seats in the kingdom. Still Jesus loved themand we

must love our church folks who are often quite like them.

3. Check your heart. Sin still haunts us, even as church leaders. Sometimes we

hold bitterness as an idol. Be honest: were not always lovable

ourselves. Nevertheless, even those who know us best still love us. We owe to

the church the patient love that others give us.

4. Count your supporters. Just a few opposing folks in a church can make it

difficult to love the whole church. My experience is, however, that leaders often

overestimate the opposition and give too much attention to a few people. Count

your supporters instead of the opposition, and you might be reminded of lovable

people in the church.

5. Take a vacation. Sometimes our lack of love for others is really just fatigue. The

little things get magnified when were tired. Frustration sets in. Love gets

strained. Take a break to recover and replenish, and you might find yourself

more open to loving your congregation.

6. Take some folks on a mission trip. Get away from the day-to-day grind of

church work while also taking the gospel to the nations. Something unique often

happens among a team of believers on the mission field. Get them to focus on

those who need to hear the good news instead of on themselves, and you willlikely see them as more lovable.

7. Hang out with a few members who want to grow. Loving the church is not

possible without loving a few. Rather than trying to immediately love the whole

Body again, focus on a few. Find some believers who are open, and invest in

them. Its amazing how just a few healthy relationships can change your

perspective about the whole church.

8. Get a vision about someth ing in the church. Ask God to help you

concentrate on one area of the churchs ministry that most motivates you. Just


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as focusing on a few believers can be helpful, finding that one area can begin to

reignite your love for the church. An outward focus just does that: it takes your

eyes off self, and renewed love often follows.

9. Seek reconciliation with that person. Whether we recognize it or note, onesour relationship can color the way we feel about an entire congregation. Maybe

its time to say something like, Im sorry, please forgive me, or I fear you have

something against me, and I want to fix it.

10.Keep doing ministry. When your love for your church is strained, withdrawal is

not the answer. Nor is laziness or disobedience. Real love demands that we

continue to serve the church even when we dont feel like it. Be faithful in doing

loving ministry for your church, and you might find your heart catching fire for

them again.

The church that has worn you out is still Gods church. Perhaps undiscipled and often

stunted in their growth, they still need our love. Ask Him who loves them enough to

have died for them to reignite your love for them.

Para El Pastor 2

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