Paper MoonBy Samuele Voltan

2015 Samuele Voltan

This book is free of typos, inconsistencies, and improbable presents that become pasts andvice versa thanks to the help of a good friend of mine, Federico Cima.

Also, thanks to all those involved in the song project linked to this book which will beavailable at a later date whose names I won't list here as some more might join or leave;

without all of you, probably, I would've given up halfway through or I wouldn't havestarted at all.

~To Iva

Simply, thank you.

Teddy bears, unicorns and rainbows.

~

A few basic things

There exists a quaint, little village on the shores of a crystalline lake, where the sunshines brightly on the day, and the ever lucent moon cools the starry night. A corner ofparadise on Earth that is mostly untouched by nowadays' worries and woes, troubles andtribulations, vices and vortexes of haste and hurry, hollow and miserable remnants andleftovers of feelings and emotions barely felt and never expressed. A haven for hearts andsouls who think alike and act alike, for dreamers and lovers alike.

The chirping of birds can be heard throughout the day, while the gentle chant ofcrickets colors the evening music. Deer and does are spotted on the grassy meadows,tranquilly browsing grass and leaves, perhaps as a mother with a kid gives them some,freshly picked.

A place where time seems to have stopped, where happiness is not an unreachablegoal but rather a sound trait and an achievable feat. Our story will deal with innocence andguilt, with tenderness and firmness, with progress and immobility, with trust and doubt.

1 CHILDHOOD2 ADOLESCENCE

3 YOUNG ADULTHOOD

Childhood

Take my hand. Gil, the boy, said.Why? Sophia, the girl, asked.It's dangerous, I will hold your hand. Gil said.

Gil and Sophia were classmates who always liked to do things together. The teacher hadeven allowed them to sit at desks next to each other. In their free time, they would merrilyrun around the village, always being careful not to stray too far lest their parents get angry,and merrily were they running now, crossing a tree log that formed a small, improvisedbridge over a gurgling creek. The log was a bit unstable, and creaked under their feet.

Will we make it? Sophia asked.We will make it. Promise. Gil said.Don't break the promise. Sophia said again, and Gil could not see her but she was

smiling.The two successfully crossed the creek and were now on the other side, uncharted

for them. They were still holding hands.Now you can let me go. Sophia said to Gil.Yes. I'm sorry. Gil apologized.It's OK. Sophia murmured.While walking, they saw numerous flowers and plants they had never known before,

some of which had purple and yellow petals. Sophia noticed that Gil was kneeling down alittle bit further forward, near a rock. After a few moments, he got back up and turnedtoward the girl.

What is this? Sophia asked, seeing something colored in Gil's hand.It's for you. Gil simply replied.Why? Sophia inquired.Because it's pretty. Gil answered.Sophia instinctively smiled and took the colored thing, it was a violet flower with

some yellow streaks. She put it in her golden hair, it was not perfectly stable but she lovedit.

Back at the entrance of the village, they realized that it was almost time to gethome, they still had to do their homework for school, and their parents would not behappy if they got late.

See you tomorrow at school? Gil asked, always fearing a No for an answer.Yes! Sophia answered, as she waved bye and went towards her home.

It is indeed intriguing to try and describe those two little fledglings' relationship.Sophia's parents were accountants, and so went to work in a big city nearby; as aconsequence, she never really saw them much, and spent most of her time with Gil, otherfriends, or the nanny her parents had hired.

Gil, on the other hand, was a son of farmers, and therefore more accustomed tonature. He never liked staying inside the house, and had a penchant for exploring. He alsofrequently hung out with other classmates, apart from Sophia.

The village consisted of the usual buildings a village commonly has: some small

shops, mostly food but tools and decor as well, a church with walls and painted glass thatwere starting to look scraped and faded, whose parvis was one of the main meeting points,the other being the main village's square a small open space with a quaint fountain fromwhich fresh, drinkable water would joyfully gush.

The lake did attract some tourists from time to time, but was mostly an unknownbeauty left luckily concealed from strangers' interventions. Always calm, never enraged, itsnearly indiscernible waves soothing whomever was looking for some solace and rest onthose shores. On the lakeside, trees, benches and lampposts greeted walkers and passers-by.

Like dots on an impressionist painting, some other houses and buildings tinted thelandscape and completed the view, and finally, there was the road that led to the greatbeyond, the city, whose skyline was faintly visible should one climb on the highest hillduring a clear and sunny day.

Gil's house, his parents being farmers as we said, was located a bit in the outskirts,but this fact should not give the wrong impression that center town was a crowded placewith a multitude of houses cramped together, all the contrary.

Mom! Dad! I'm home! Gil shouted, slamming the door shut.Good evening, Gil. Please don't shut the door, dad's resting. His mother said, with a

warm smile. He had worked the whole day at the farm.Yes, mom. I'm sorry... Gil apologized.Where have you been? Did you go around the village with little Sophia again? You

know it could be dangerous! Look at your jeans, I'd just washed them... oh, you will makemom go crazy... Mom said again, slightly raising her voice.

We are OK! We just went across the creek- Gil said, immediately, and he could seehis mother's face turn a bit paler.

The creek? She inquired, sternly. You know dad forbade you from going there, Gil.There are dangers.

Which dangers? If I knew, I'd be ready.That's very sweet of you to say. I won't tell dad, but you have to promise me never

to go there again, OK?But mom-No buts, Gil. Pinkie swear....Pinkie swear. He yielded, while tying his pinkie finger with his mother's.Now go wash up, do your homework and go to bed. There's some dinner left on

the table also, but better to change your clothes first. She said, as Gil meekly startedheading upstairs.

Oh, mom- this is for you. He said, turning around and rummaging in his pocket.What is this? She said, almost without looking.A flower I picked from a field on the other side of the creek. He added, swiftly

putting another violet in his mother's open hand and running into his room.

The days passed by in the usual, fashioned way. Nothing extraordinary happened,Sophia and Gil kept hanging out (Gil kept his promise not to cross over the creek again),and school slowly drifted, lesson by lesson.

Gil! Stop looking out of the window! Why are you always so pensive? The teachersaid, but he obviously did not hear her. Sophia nudged him with her elbow.

Ouch, Sophia! What- He said, massaging his hip, only then realizing that the wholeclassroom, Sophia included, was looking at him and laughing.

Welcome back to planet Earth, Gil! The teacher gleefully said with a smirk. Gil kindof blushed.

T-Thank you! He promptly answered, acting cool, which sparked even morelaughter.

Now, Gil, and all of you kids, pay attention! You know there will be a test in thefollowing days...

You should pay more attention during class. Sophia said during recess.I was thinking. He replied, still with his gaze drifting away.You always think. What are you thinking about?Why you ask?I want to know.Nothing, I think thoughts.That's intelligent. My daddy says that thinking people are smart.Really?Yes.And Gil had told the truth. He really did not know what he was thinking about, just,

his mind sometimes wandered off, and he imagined things, scenarios, places, people, someof which he had already met, some of which he had never seen in his life, situations, events,possible futures, different presents and pasts, choices he had made. Big thoughts for a littlekid. None of this, in fact, made sense to him, yet.

Recess was a peculiar moment, as most kids preferred to play outside, some a weirdand cute form of soccer, others tag, girls mostly talked and played with dolls and thebraver joined the boys in their games.

Sophia and Gil, on the other hand, did not necessarily play, usually they talked, butmostly they spent time gazing at the horizon, at the faraway outline of the lake that couldbe spotted beyond the school fences, with swans, ducks and, sometimes, doves.

What were you thinking, during class?Why are you asking again?You were thinking again, I saw you.That's not true. I was listening to teacher.And what did she say?Hum...See? Don't lie to me! Sophia finally said, and stopped walking. The two were

heading towards their homes.I was thinking about growing up.Growing up?

Yes. Growing up is important.But it will be the future.Sure. The future is important. You know, I am scared.You are scared?Yes, I am.Of what, Gil?I don't know. Mom and dad are grown up. Your mom and dad also.So?So, they don't look happy.Maybe they're tired.Maybe. I think it's work. Work is for grownups, right?I think so. But everybody has a different work.This was just one of the many seemingly deep and adult conversations the two kids

would delve into. Gil was indeed scared, as lately his parents were arguing more often, andhe associated their being adults with cries and woes. He liked being little, being a kid,doing what he was doing, but deep down, he probably knew that he would need to growup, sooner or later.

When they reached Sophia's house Gil would always accompany her home first,just like a true gentleman he spoke.

Can you make a promise?It depends on the promise. Sophia replied, looking puzzled.It's important, so promise you'll promise!This is so complicated! What is it?Promise me we will grow up together.Why do you want me to promise this?Because I'm scared.Of what? Growing up?Yes, but if I grow up with you, it's OK.OK, then I promise.For real?For real. I promise.Thank you. I promise too.

Going back to his own house, Gil entered and saw his mother sitting at the table,her hand covering her head.

Hi, Mom.Hello, Gil.Are you OK?Yes, I am. Thank you. She answered, and they hugged. However, Gil could sense

that something was amiss, but he decided not to ask about it. It was grown-up stuff. Hetried to change the topic.

Mom, what it means when you like being with someone?That's a very cute question, Gil.So?Well, let's see, honey... It means that that person makes you feel well, don't you

think?I think so, yes.Is that all?I think so. Or, no, wait, and, it means you and that person will be together?Sometimes, Gil.Why only sometimes?Oh... because some other times, it's not possible.And why? If two people like being together... He started arguing.You'll understand when you're older. Her mother finally said, smiling. Gil nodded.

Grown-up stuff, scary and worrying as usual. He headed towards his room, but beforeentering he turned again.

Mom?What is it, Gil?Do you and dad like being together?Yes. And you are the most wonderful proof of that.I see. Thanks. He said, now also smiling, and he entered his room.

Putting his rucksack on the small desk, Gil threw himself on the bed, and just as heloved to do during class, he let his gaze out of the window. His mind was filling withquestions faster than answers were able to remove them. Mom said that she and dad likedbeing together, right? So why were they arguing? If you like a person, he thought, arguingshould not be possible. If you argue, it means you do not like the other person. Maybe.You'll understand when you're older. His mother's words echoed in his head. Always thesame answer. From one side, he wanted to get older soon, so he could understand all ofthis in a much better way, but again, he was also scared. He liked the present and did notwant the future, because the future was scary and unknown.

After a few weeks, the class teacher decided to enact some sort of socialexperiment, as she liked to call it when speaking with the kids' parents. In short, studentswould switch places randomly in order to know each other better. Therefore, for a goodspell, Sophia and Gil's secret and whispering machinations were put to an end, at leastduring school. Sophia did not give sign of minding in a special way, choosing instead tofocus on school, something she already had a penchant for. Gil did not particularly likeanybody at first, obviously missing his fun times with Sophia, but he did come to know acertain boy quite well. His name was Jean, he had a red patch of hair on his head, alwaysscruffy and untidy, which made him well recognizable.

It is not entirely clear what Gil saw in Jean, it might be said that he bonded with himout of necessity, for otherwise school days would be solely focused on listening to theteacher, and Gil was not very good at that. Still, he found himself gazing at the windowmore than ever, and it was only thanks to Jean's providential intervention that the teacherdid not catch him.

During recess, Jean would often talk with him about games and such, but moreoften than not he still wanted to hang out with Sophia. However, one day, he tried to bewith her, but yielded once he saw that she was already speaking with some other girls, andhe decided not to disturb her. He did feel a tinge of disappointment, though.

Wanna come to my house this afternoon? We can do homework and play. Jeanasked.

Sure, yes. Gil replied, still surreptitiously looking towards Sophia to see if she hadfinished talking.

Jean's house mansion, rather - was actually near the church, and for Gil'sstandards, was also humongous. On three floors, plus a basement that Jean's parents hadturned into a sort of exotic dining room with statues and such, it gave the pretty clear ideathat Jean was a rich kid. He had money, Gil thought, but he still was too little to understandany of it. Jean had things, simply, that Gil had not, and could not have.

His parents were very kind, but there was some sort of veil between them, and alsobetween them and Gil. He was not able to understand it, but it was as if they were wearingsome mask, as if their smiles were fake, forced. Of course, he could not find the words toexpress these thoughts, and even if he could have, he would have said nothing to Jean.

The two went to Jean's room (which was roughly half the size of Gil's entire house)to do the homework.

What do we have? Gil asked.Maths, aaaand... History, I think. Let me check! Jean answered, and he opened his

stylish agenda.They spent a few minutes in silence, meticulously working on their homework. Then,

Gil raised his head.Jean?Yes?Does your mom like being with your dad? He asked, and Jean raised his eyebrows.

Such a strange question!Yes, of course! Why? He replied.So they never argue?

They argue sometimes, yes.But why?Because sometimes they're angry. Jean said, and shrugged his shoulders. Gil

considered the thing for a while. It made sort of sense, after all. But then, they werearguing about other things, not with each other?

So, things make them angry?Yes, also teacher gets angry with us.But it doesn't mean she doesn't like us! Gil said, and he was starting to understand.

When his parents argued, there was always an external reason, so Jean's explanation fittednicely. They continued working on their homework.

Your parents argue? Jean asked after a while.A bit.What about?Usually it's about money.They don't have money?I don't know. It's strange.Why?Well, money comes from work. They work in the farm, so it's strange they argue

about money.You're right. Jean concluded, and they did not bring up the topic again.

Some hours later, it was dark, and Gil's mother came to fetch him at Jean's house.After saying bye, they started walking in the streets brightened by the lampposts. Theywould have to walk a little on the lakeside before reaching their house on the outskirts.

The sky was clear, without a single cloud, and the moon shone in her pale shimmer.So, the sun during the day, and the moon during the night, right? Gil asked her

mother, who smiled.Yes, that's right.And why is that?Because the sun gets tired of staying there, up in the sky, the whole day, so the

moon once told him to go and get some rest, and that she would be there in his place forthe night.

And this is because the sun and the moon like each other, right?Yes, they do favors to each other.But then, they never meet? They never are together?I guess so.Is this what you mean when you say that people who like each other can't always

be together?Perhaps, but people are different.Hmm?Well... yes, you'll understand when you're older. And Gil snorted. No, listen to me!

It's true, two people are not like the sun and the moon. They can have different lives, andsometimes, there are problems, so even if they want something, they cannot get it.

It sounds so difficult.It's not. Think of it like this, Gil: if it must happen, it'll happen.

This sounds easier.Yes, but you must at least try.What do you mean?Well, you have to talk with people and know them, and if you know them well, it

will be easier to like them.I don't think I get it.Think about the sun and moon again. If the moon didn't propose the idea to the

sun, he would've kept working in the sky the whole time.So they helped each other because they talked and they knew what the other

wanted and needed?That's right, Gil.I think I get it now.Good, very good. Now back home, dinner's ready, and we'll also ask dad what he

thinks about the sun and the moon if he's not too tired from work, OK?OK.

During dinner, it was immediately clear that Gil's dad was not in a conversationalmood. He just kept mumbling his Hmms, and Gil's mom decided that, for tranquility'ssake, it would be better not to try and force him to talk more. Work had been particularlyharsh, those latest times, as the harvest had been lackluster, and some of the animals hadfallen sick and needed special care.

Gil. His father said, shocking even his wife.Y-yes, dad?I'll probably need your help, these days, can you do that for me?For what, dad?For work, obviously. He answered, slightly rising his tone of voice.You mean the farm? Gil's mother intervened. But he has homework to do...I'll talk with the teacher, don't you worry. I can't do this by myself, and I can't afford

to ask somebody else to help me. You know that, Dora.I know, but-No buts, so Gil, again, can you do that for me?Yes, I can.Very good, now come give your dad a kiss and back to your room.

Gil was in his room, but he purposely left the door a bit ajar in order to hear thevoices downstairs.

He's just a kid, we can hire somebody... have you tried asking Roy?We've got no money for that, if he doesn't want money he'll expect a present, and

where do we get the dough for that, huh? I can't even make enough to mend my owntrousers, for God's sake!

Please, calm down. He'll hear.I'm sorry, it's just, I don't know what to do. I need all the help I can get, Dora.I know, I understand, sorry I had doubts.Gil was not sure about everything they had said, but one thing was clear. They had

argued, but now they were OK. This was strange, as if they had managed to reach some

kind of agreement. So, maybe, arguing meant that two people give their own opinions andthen they fuse those opinions together until they reach a new, better opinion? Thatsounded fair.

The other thing he understood was that money was a problem, so it meant thatwork and money did not necessarily go together. He made a mental note to ask Jean againabout this, maybe his parents could have helped. If they had enough money for... for 10people, for example, it only felt fair that they gave some to his parents. 3 people in Jean'sfamily, 3 in Gil's, there were still 4 people they could have helped.

The teacher looked quite puzzled when he saw Gil's raised hand. That kid was adreamer, continuously drifting in his own thoughts, and that was a big shame, for he had ahard-working brain indeed.

Yes, Gil?I had a general question. General question usually meant that students wanted to

ask something unrelated to the lesson being taught. Probably not the most appropriatething, but the teacher wanted to reward curiosity and participation, regardless of the topic.

Go on. She said with a smile.How do you make money? He asked. The teacher was just able to suppress an

expression of surprise. She had taken some psychology classes, so she immediatelyunderstood that there was only a single reason a kid would ask such a question moneyissues in the family. She thought about the best approach to take, and the best answer togive.

Well, Gil, this is a very interesting question.It's important.Of course it is, Gil. Every question is important. It means you're curious. So, where

to start from... Money is... And yet, she could not find the words. How do you explain to akid that money is earned through your work, or through a service you provide, and that inturn it is used to purchase what you need and/or what you want?

Money comes from work? Gil started saying, and she was glad to see that, at least,he already had some basic ideas about it.

Yes, it comes from work. People do what they are good at doing and they getmoney in return. For example, what does your father do, Gil?

He's a farmer!So, he grows food, right?Yep!Now, Jean, what does your father do?He is the owner of a company that makes metal in the city!...OK, not the best example, whatever, so, Jean, can your father grow food?No, but he buys it.Very good. Where from?The supermarket or the food shop here in town, or the baker's!Good, and who gives the baker what he needs to make bread?My father! Gil said, all happy.Precisely! And money is used in all of this. The baker gives money to Gil's father as

he doesn't grow food, and Jean's father gives money to the baker as he doesn't make

bread. With money, the baker can buy more wheat from Gil's father, and with money, Gil'sfather can grow more food. Is that clear?

Very clear. Thank you, teacher. Gil said.Good. She answered, and for once, she was pretty satisfied with herself. She had

managed to give a very good explanation. Maybe she was cut for that job, after all.

Why did you ask this? Sophia inquired, while going back home with Gil.Dad asked me to give him a hand with the farm. He said back.Really? That sounds nice!I don't know. It means we don't have money.Why do you think that?Well, you heard the teacher. If we had money, we could give it so someone that can

help my dad. I think he also said something similar.That sounds right. But is this a problem?I don't know. I didn't think about this.I don't think this must be a problem.Maybe you're right. But it makes my parents argue.So you think that, with money, they will not argue?Good question, but maybe no. Also Jean's parents argue, he told me.So?So, they have lots and lots of money, and they still argue.So I was right, money is not the problem. It probably is something else.I guess.

Gil started helping his dad out, and all things considered, it was not that bad. Ofcourse, as he was still very young, his father did all the tiring work, and Gil was usuallytasked with standing guard or carrying some light baskets home, or using the water hoseto clean the stables (not at full power, for obvious reasons).

The farm was actually built adjacent to their house, on a very big plot of land, partof which was used as fodder for the animals, and part of which was used to grow wheatand other cereals and plants. As we said, this year the harvest had been particularlymeager, and some animals, especially cows, had felt sick, which meant that they producedless milk, which in turn meant less money gained from sales.

The fact that Gil was helping his father did not influence his performance at schoolthat much, something which reassured his mother. Since he already did not exactly pay alot of attention in class, not much had changed. However, there were days that he wascompletely unable to attend lessons, but his parents had actually spoken with the teacherand the headmaster and they had agreed.

Sophia will bring you homework when you cannot attend. Gil's mother had toldhim, and he was very happy at the news, obviously not because of homework. Since hecould not see her at school if he was working at the farm, it meant he could at least see herin the evening, even if just for a Hi! and a Bye!.

Days and weeks passed by, and Gil managed to get used to this new situation. Hisfather seemed a little cheerier, probably because he was happy to see his son so eager tohelp him, and yes, a helping hand was also useful of course. Gil, by reflection, was alsohappy, but he missed Sophia a little bit. So he thought something up.

Dad. He said, during dinner.Yes, son?Can we invite Sophia here one of these evenings?Sophia? What for?No, no! Not for work, of course! Just, just to stay here.I don't think she might want to, Gil.Well, I think yes. She's home with her nanny, you know, her parents are not home

often, she probably feels lonely.You think?I'm sure. She told me. It was not true, but it was a lie told in good faith.Well then, if she told you, I think we can work something out. She can help you

stand guard and watch the animals. How does that sound?It sounds perfect. Thanks, Dad.

During recess, Gil approached Sophia.Hi, Sophia.Hi, Gil!I wanted to ask you something...What is it?Do you want, maybe, to hang out with me one of these evenings when I'm working

at the farm?Hmm? Why? She asked, and Gil felt a slight sense of uneasiness at her reaction.

Hum, nothing, just to pass the time.But will I have to work, too?Oh- no! No! No work, I'll think about that, don't worry!Well, I suppose I can ask nanny about this.Or, even better, you can come earlier, we can do homework together after lunch,

then go to the farm, and then my dad and I will walk you back home!That sounds nice, I'll let you know.Great! See you!

For once, everything seemed to go as planned. After a few days, they were finallyable to organize their meeting, and Gil was happier than ever about spending more timewith Sophia, just like in the recent past.

Gil was sitting on the grass, with Sophia alongside him.The moon is bright tonight. Sophia muttered.It's full. He said.So what does that mean? She asked, but Gil shrugged his shoulders. The full moon

was indeed shining and giving a faint blue tint to the whole area.How is school when I'm not there? Gil asked.The same, more or less. The teacher looks a bit unhappy.Really?!Yes, I think she liked it when she told you to stop looking out of the window.Is that a good thing?I think so.I'll try not to do that anymore.What?Looking out of the window.It's OK to do it. Maybe don't do it so much.Right.Thanks, by the way.For what?For asking me to come here, it's a nice place.I like it too. Do you feel OK?Yes, I do.Good.

After a few minutes, Gil's father was done working, so he could wash his hands withthe hose and accompany Sophia home, after taking Gil to bed. While in his room, the boythought about many things. If Sophia had said that she was feeling well in the evening, itmeant that they liked each other.

He looked out at the window, once again, and saw the full moon. It was curious, hermother had told him that it was there to help the sun, but what did the sun do to help her?Maybe she did not want anything in return, maybe sometimes people help just becausethey want to help and not because they want something. After all, some people do favorsto each other without asking for money, so it felt fair that also the moon had helped thesun simply out of kindness and affection. And then, there was that peculiar thing that the

moon was always changing shape, whereas the sun remained the same. Why was that?Maybe the moon was helping many people, and so she was also getting tired, and whenthe sun was up she used that time to rest.

I wish I also could help. He said to himself.

The next time Gil and Sophia met at the farm was about 8 days later, as the girlcould not always come, and also her nanny elected not to let her out of the house so manytimes. Strangely enough, though, Gil was nowhere to be seen. When Sophia arrived withthe nanny at their place, it was Gil's father who answered the door.

Hello, Sophia! He said, with a smile. Hello, mister. Is Gil not here? She asked, curious.I think he's somewhere around, don't worry, we can go to the farm, he'll reach us in

no time. He answered, always smiling.OK! She exclaimed, and said bye to the nanny.Together, they went to the farm, and Sophia sat next to the stable, near the animals,

while waiting for Gil. So strange for him to not greet her immediately, and she actually felta little bit disappointed at him, as if there was something more important than her. A cowlet out a loud moo, and she laughed. Gil's father, meanwhile, was busy harvesting somecrops.

A few minutes later, finally, Gil showed up, looking all hot and bothered.Gil! Where were you?! Sophia said, a bit resentful.I'm sorry, I was... finishing some things.What things?School stuff.We can do it together next time.Yes. I'm sorry.The afternoon went by as Gil proceeded to help his father do the usual tasks. While

dad was washing the stables, the two kids were sitting on the grass again.The sky's not so bright tonight. Sophia muttered.I know why. Gil finally said.Why? Sophia asked.Look at the moon. Gil said, pointing at it. Sophia looked upward, and she could see

that it was, indeed, only half.Why is it half? she asked, her blue eyes wide open.I know why. Gil repeated, although his voice was shakier.Hmm?You know, she's doing the sun a favor.What?Yes, my mom told me. The sun was tired of always being there up in the sky, and

the moon said to him that she can be there in the night in his place.She was so kind.Yes, and this is because they liked each other.What do you mean?They talked and the moon found out that the sun needed some rest, so she helped

him.

I see.And... and I've talked to the moon, the other day.You... you've talked to the moon?Yes, I gave her a phone call!Gil, I don't think this is possible.Yes, believe me! I asked if she can help me too.And what did she say?She said she can help me.And why do you need help?Well, not me. Just, I was thinking, I asked her to give me some of her light, for you.What?I asked and she said yes, and then she gave me some of her light. Here. Gil finally

said, and, putting a hand in his rucksack, he took out a crudely painted yellow piece ofpaper, shaped like a half moon. He had made it in the previous days.

What is this? Sophia asked, curiously.It's some light from the moon. It's for you....This is... Sophia muttered, unsure what to believe, or what to think. She chose to

stay silent, and simply took the paper moon from Gil's hands. Then, they resumed lookingat the real moon in the starlit night sky, and it did not matter for her that what she washolding was made of paper, for she felt as if she had actually received a piece of the moon.

Do you like it? Gil asked, after a silent while.Very much. She answered.So you see, this is why the moon is only half, tonight.I see, but!What?She gave you some light, won't she miss it?Don't worry, Sophia. She can grow her light back, with time. Mom told me.Your mom knows many things.Thanks.The evening went on for a few more instants, after which Gil's father accompanied

Sophia to her house as usual. She was still clutching the paper moon.

As Gil's father did not propose the idea any longer, it was more and more difficultfor Sophia and Gil to meet again at such a late hour. All in all, Gil was OK with this, he feltthat, somehow, if the same situation repeated many times, it would lose its magic. Themood of Gil's father improved, and as most animals had recovered, he told Gil that hewould no longer need his help with the farm, which was also a bit of relief for the kid. If hecould not see Sophia, then there was little point. Going back to school full-time was amuch better alternative, at least there they could talk during recess.

Gil was slowly forming the idea in his mind that his life would always be like this.When he grew up, he would help his father with the farm, Sophia would move in with himand they would be even more together than they were now. After all, this was made himfeel happy, and so it felt natural for him to wish it for the future as well. Maybe growing upwas not such a bad thing. He also was ready to argue with Sophia, if needed, if it meanttalking with her and staying with her.

One fine day, they were hanging out at Sophia's house, for a change. Her parentswere away for work as usual, so the nanny had prepared a very nice lunch, consisting ofmeat, fish and potatoes. Gil, not accustomed to such plenty, happily wolfed everything,washing it down with soft drinks. After lunch, they started doing their homework, but aftera while they simply sat on the couch to watch some cartoons on TV.

School was nice today. Gil said.Yes.Where are your parents?They are working.I know. They come back?Yes, in the evening.Lunch was very good.Yes, nanny cooks very well. She said. And they kept watching. Gil was obviously

trying to speak more with her, as cartoons did not interest him much. He felt he was a bigboy for cartoons. There were more important things.

So you are OK?Yes, Gil, I am. Why?Just asking.It was time to leave, in a few minutes Gil's mother would come and take him. He

said bye to the nanny and started heading towards the door with Sophia. When he turnedtowards her, he was shocked to see that she was crying.

What's wrong? He asked, worried. He thought he had said or done somethingwrong.

N-nothing...You can tell me.It's school.What?Milly t-told me...What did she tell you?S-She told me I have a big nose.That's not true.R-Really?Really. I like your nose.Thank you.It's OK. So stop crying.OK. Bye, Gil.Bye, Sophia. He finally said, as he saw his mother approaching.

Adolescence

Life can be drastically different and take unexpected turns pretty much anywhereyou live, but there are also huge variations if, for instance, you are in a metropolis or if youare in a tiny village with a lake. In big cities, many facts, occurrences and events areamplified, and yet several of them go unnoticed due to their very sheer number.

While growing up, you are faced with sudden and apparently insurmountablechallenges. Entering the gilded albeit multifaceted realm of adolescence, you discover alode of inestimable pros and cons that you are not yet able to discern.

At the volatile age of fifteen, Gil had been taking the first turns of the road towardshis rebellious period. Being both a thinker and a maker, this was somewhat hard for him, aspeople tend to be distinctly divided into those two specific groups. He had also startedsporting slightly longer hair, and acne was starting to make its presence felt on his face.

Hanging out with Jean and the others near a building on the outskirts of town, Gilwas lazily chewing some gum.

What for the evening? Said one of them.Pool, beers, the pub oughta be free...Pool? What are you, a geezer? What next, dude? Cards?Poker'd be nice... Gil intervened, considering the idea.Nice? Let me tell you, mate, poker ain't nice, poker is a way of life! The excitement

of the gamble... Black-haired Shaun started saying.What are you doing here anyway, Jean? Another scruffy-looking young man

exclaimed, turning towards the redhead. Ditching school? What will pops say, huh?Shut up. Jean retorted.Leave him alone. Gil added, putting himself between the two, but he knew that the

guy was sort of right. Jean, the rich kid, was supposed to be the best, great expectationsand everything a doctor, an architect, someone with a bulky wallet and an even bulkierpersonal vault in a bank, much like Sophia... actually, what about her?

What? The guy asked in rage, and Gil came back to Earth.I'm going. Gil said, and left the group, unresponsive to the others calling him back.Returning to school was out of the question, as it was already late and there would

be no point in following like half a lesson. Therefore, he settled for waiting outside thechurch.

After around half an hour, he saw the river of students coming from the school.Lessons had ended. Among them, he spotted Sophia, hand in hand with another guy, andimmediately his own heart skipped a beat. Who was he? He did not recognize him fromschool, but then again, he was not exactly attending lesson that often, and he haddeveloped the slightly unpleasant habit not to care about people that he deemedunimportant. The two got closer to him.

Hi, Gil! Why did you ditch school again?! You'll flunk out if you go on like this! Shetold him with an air that he perceived as being of disdainful superiority.

Since when you switched places with my mother? He bitterly retorted, and he felta mote of burning pride in seeing her hurt face at his words. For a moment, he thoughtabout apologizing, but the thought quickly dissipated as his eyes darted again towardstheir interlocking hands.

Sorry for caring, then. She simply answered, and went on without another word. Gilraised his eyebrows, puzzled. Had he overreacted? He did not think so. What had been thepoint, then, of waiting for her outside the church, if everything he did was barking at her?Good question, he could not find an answer.

You sure made a lasting impression, huh. Someone said around the corner. Gilturned around and saw Jean coming towards him. He shrugged his shoulders. Thanks forearlier, by the way. Jean added, shaking his head. I guess I still have to get used to allthis... ditching school thing.

Don't. She's right. As always. Gil commented.Well, we're not hurting anybody. Perhaps not.What about tomorrow, Gil?I think I'll pass. A single school day won't kill me, I guess. He finally said, thanking

Sophia in his mind for getting some sense into him.Nine years after our previous tale, Gil had inadvertently changed. He somehow felt

angrier, more bitter towards life, as if there was something missing he could not grasp. Hefelt it was there, but he could not pinpoint it. He lacked something, that much was obvious,but he found himself having less and less patience as time passed. He would answerangrily to his father, and even to his mother, and, as he had just done, to Sophia as well,and what disgusted him was that he did enjoy it a little. It made him feel powerful, it madehim feel like he could influence what people were feeling. A surge of excitement that heboth resented and enjoyed.

As the years went by, he had slowly, automatically found the answers to most of hisquestions, and looking behind, with hindsight and with the blazing fierceness that marksadolescence, he was amazed that he could have been so short-sighted and stupid. Allthose doubts about work! And money! He felt like he had answers, and yet something wasamiss. As if he were missing the big picture.

Plans? What about plans? He had no plans, plans were a thing of the future. He was now trudging through

school, lesson after lesson, test after test, trying to get out and to be free to focus on...what? He did not really know. What is it that he wanted to do, after school? Heremembered that, when he was little, he had this dream of taking over his father's farm andhave Sophia move in with him, but those dreams seemed so childish, and yet he could notforget them.

Right, Sophia, why was it that he enjoyed teasing her? Perhaps it was the burningjealousy he felt when he saw her hand in hand with that... who was he, again? Somenobody, for sure, but that was not the point. The point was that she had forgotten abouthim, and he felt powerless about it. As much as he enjoyed playing the tough guy, he couldmake nothing to bring things back to the way they were. No more gazing at the moon forSophia and Gil, he bitterly thought. So much for the promise of growing up together. Heknew that, if he told her, she would reply in some offended way, like We're still here, Gil,nothing has changed. But, how could she be so blind, how could she not see that thingsdid indeed change? For Gil, it was a matter of simple logic. Were they doing the samethings together as they did when they were little? No, therefore things had changed.

And about the farm, naturally as his father grew older, he required more and more

help from Gil, who did not always necessarily do that gladly. This was a cause for somebickering which, luckily, had never resulted in actual fighting. Yet, at least.

When he had no impending tasks or nothing interesting to do, he would take walkson the lakeside. The view of the shores was somewhat able to soothe some of his innerturmoils, even though the area had seen a surge in tourism in the last years, and wastherefore often kind of crowded, something which he hated. It was as if they weretrespassing into his own secret place.

It is difficult to say whether he actually wanted to meet people he knew while hewas walking. He was, as they say, between a rock and a hard place. He wanted someone totalk with or rather, he missed talking with Sophia but at the same time he gloated in hissolitude. I don't need people was his mantra, now.

Except that, one evening they were old enough to walk around the village bythemselves he actually met Sophia near one of the benches. He did not particularly feellike talking to her, for some reason. Or maybe he simply did not know what to say, so hejust tried to pretend he had not seen her.

Hey, you. She said flatly. He turned around.Oh, hey, didn't see you.Liar.So, how are things?Good, thanks for asking. And you? I'm glad you're back to school again. Two days a

week, at least, that's a start...I just have nothing better to do.Wow, what an empty life you must have, Gil.Yeah, I guess. See you around, then.Going already? Not even talking a little bit about our days and stuff?Nope. Bye. Say hi to the professor tomorrow from me.What?!Yep. Gotta help my dad out with the farm....I see.You're staying here?Yes, I am.OK, then I'll leave. 'Night. And he went away. As he got farther and farther, Sophia

did not take her eyes off him. Of course, she knew that Gil's father needed no help the nextday, that was just another lie. Finally, she turned her gaze away, and, shaking her head, shelooked at the old oak near the bench and the lake.

Gil was not sure whether to consider that conversation a success; whenever he couldleave Sophia speechless, he was happy. He wanted to impress her, and appearing cool,mysterious and rebel seemed like the best way. Not that it was working that well, headmitted, but he was sure he would soon reap the fruits of his efforts. After all, ever sincethey were little, he had accomplished virtually nothing by being nice and caring. After allhe had done, especially that stupid and embarrassing painted piece of paper he had givento her, she still had forgotten about him and gotten far from him, so what was the point?And yet, as he was thinking this, he could not help but smile, remembering the story about

the phone call to the moon. That was nice, I could write stories like that for a living, he saidto himself, an idea he scrapped after three seconds.

Something unpleasant started building in his stomach as he headed home. He hadlied to Sophia. For a stupid reason, even. He desperately tried going back throughout theyears to find another such occurrence, but to his dismay, he could not find any, except thepaper moon story, but that was not a lie, it was more of an expertly crafted cute thing thatdid not make him feel bad, unlike this last. Well, he thought, my father does indeed needhelp... I can just tell him tomorrow morning that I can't, that I have like a test at school orsomething. He nodded, satisfied. Still a lie, but at least not to Sophia, he thought.

You're late. Wytt said.Sorry, had a row... Gil answered, looking flustered.They were at the entrance of the village, and they were four. Gil and other three guys

from the same company as the other afternoon. The sun had just come up, the plan wassimple: disappear for a day to have fun in the metropolis nearby. Mishaps? Unaccountedfor. Worries and woes from friends and parents? Not by a long stretch.

Wytt was of age, therefore he could drive. He had managed to take his father's carwithout telling him. He knew his way around the city, so he would be their guide, so tospeak. Gil did not say it, but, with the exception of a museum visit with the school someyears before, this was his first actual time in the city proper. As they got in the car, Wytttook out some cigarettes from his pocket.

Want some? He asked the others.Sure.Cool.No thanks. Gil said.Health freak? I didn't know that.I just don't like smoking.Good, me neither. Wytt retorted, while lighting his cigarette and starting the car. As

he looked out of the rear window, with the sun that was slowly starting to gain power, Gilfaintly smiled, sure that, if Sophia had been there, she would have immediately correctedWytt, saying something along the lines of It's Neither do I, not Me neither!.

The sight was almost unbearable, a labyrinth of streets and tall skyscrapers thatlooked dark even in sunlight, as well as artificial and mechanical. This was so different fromanything he had ever seen, that it was almost scary. Gil immediately felt out of place, andregretted his decision. Still, he wanted to go on, to show that he was tough, a grown-up,and grown-ups know how to have fun in the city.

Buildings, buildings everywhere and not a spot of nature to see. And then people,lights, more people, crowds, flocks of bodies and minds, clothes, flamboyant and dull,writings, colors, a veritable Pandora's box of the unknown. Amid fears and doubts, Gil alsofelt some weird kind of excitement.

They left the car in a parking silo, and then headed out, and were swallowed by thatmetal monster. Juxtaposed with the village, the city looked, sounded and smelled... alive,perhaps. Chaotic, indifferent, welcoming and brutal at the same time. You could not tell ifshe was greeting with you with a warm smile or with an evil grin.

Where are we going? Gil found himself saying. He did not want to waste a second,so many things he would do, so many stories he would have to tell! Wytt smirked at hisexcitement.

Calm down. He simply answered.

As they walked and visited the dingiest and sleaziest parts of the city, Gil discovereda world he had never heard of, sheltered as he had always been. He found out about vices,sins and situations that were probably a bit much for his age, but he was going with theflow and tried not to think about it too much. How peculiar, he thought, that all thesepeople seemed both alive and dead at the same time. Where would they go when theyneeded some time to relax? To your lake, that's where, a voice in his head suddenly said.Slaves to a hasty rhythm, no time to enjoy the little things of life. Was this his future, too?Was he headed towards it? It had its merits, sure, but it seemed so wrong, as if theysomehow had been dragged away with force from a place they enjoyed. And yet... wherewas better? At his father's farm, or here? The village or the city? Or perhaps both, given theright circumstances?

The group lived the day, until the evening came, and it was almost time to go back,or at least that was what Gil would have wanted, but the other three did not seem to be ina jolly cooperating mood.

Go back? You crazy? The night's the best part! Wytt said, before spitting on thesidewalk. Clubs, parties, drinks! You'll see, we just need to introduce you to the goodstuff! He added. Gil was not convinced. At all. He gave a hopeful look to the other twoguys, but they agreed with Wytt. He thought about his parents and the village, howworried they would be, but then again, they... more or less knew where he was, probablyalso with whom, as he had mentioned something in the morning before leaving, which ledto that heated discussion, but still it seemed wrong to him. Whatever, it's not like I can gohome on foot from here! He thought, and finally nodded towards the others, who shoutedin glee and patted him on the back.

So what?There's a very nice pub. Been there a few times, hot chicks serving drinks, dubstep

music, good place, good people, you'll all see! Wytt explained.But we're not of age... One of the other guys said, looking discouraged.

No big deal, you're all with me, plus I know the owner! Wytt said again. Gil couldnot help but feel envious. Wytt was so decisive, so sure, he knew many people, knew whichpalms to oil, he had an answer and a solution to everything. If only he, Gil, were like him.

The place was noisy, smoky, which made Gil feel uneasy at once. He realized he hada secret passion for silence and quiet, after all. They sat down at a table in the corner, andwhile waiting for drinks Wytt was taking care of that Gil had the chance to look aroundand make some considerations.

Everyone was there, men, women, boys, girls, couples, friends, singles, old-timers,most were smoking, drinking or both. The music was loud, too loud, so loud that patronswere shouting, laughing, almost maniacally. A single question immediately filled theentirety of his brain: Why?, what could make these people prefer this cacophonous cage toa walk by the lakeside? Maybe they did not know that there actually was a lakeside nearby?Thinking about it, it was kind of reassuring, he would not want them to soil it.

The waitresses were provocative, curvy, something he had seen only on TV late atnight the year before, by absolute chance. Not that he did not like that, obviously, just,here it seemed so over-the-top, so superfluous. Admittedly, though, there was a cute one,a redhead with blue eyes, and he could have sworn she had smiled towards him...

Here you go, guys! Enjoy! Another waitress suddenly said, and Gil turned awayfrom the redhead. Drinks were here.

Right after the first drink, Gil could feel his inhibitions slowly crumble. He felt like hecould talk about everything, he was there with his best friend, people who cared abouthim, and, yes, this was true life, not anything he had seen, said or done before that veryevening. There was movement, there was enjoyment, he felt powerful, no matter that thiswas just a facade.

Another round, girl! Wytt shouted to the waitress, and she obliged.As the music got louder, Gil could see that, in a corner of the pub, people were

actually dancing to it. Why not? He thought, and how ironic it was. He got up,accompanied by a cheer from the others, Wytt included, and headed, zigzagging, towardsthe jumping crowd, joining them.

Thump, Thump, Thump, he was doing something that, with sound mind, heprobably would not have enjoyed, but these thoughts did not belong to his brain rightnow. He had locked them inside a drawer, and had swallowed the key with alcohol. Thump,Thump, Thump, he felt bodies pressed to him, like too many stones inside a small glass jar,he felt hands pushing him pulling him, as they all jumped to the rhythm. For most of thetime, he had his eyes closed. Blurry images crossed his mind, everything and everyone, thelake, Sophia, the farm, the village, the school, the drink, the car, the cigarettes, the pub, thewaitresses, the paper moon, the music, the city, the skyscrapers, smells, sounds, sights,thoughts, feelings.

Look who's here! Gil, right? Hey, guys, he's that loser my sweetheart told me about!A voice said, but he surely had heard wrong. That dude probably mistook him for someoneelse, the city was so big, surely there were similar faces, and in the global confusion, onecould easily see wrong. Right?

Hey Gil! Hey buddy, whatcha doin' here? Another equally unpleasant voice said,and Gil was finally forced to open his eyes, slightly irritated as well as intoxicated. In front

of him, among the dancing crowd, three guys were looking at him with an expression ofdrunken stupor and grinning scorn.

What do you want? He instinctively said, and their expressions became even morescornful, as one of them even burst into laughter.

Hey, dude, it's OK. No harsh feelings. The guy in the center said, and, not withoutsome difficulty, Gil started to recognize him it was the guy Sophia was interlocking handswith the other day.

Oh, it's you. Gil said, in the flattest possible voice, and even trying to put somedisdain in it as well.

So, is this the guy who can't get over it, Herbert? the guy on the left said, andstarted laughing showing his rotten teeth. Or at least they looked rotten, Gil thought.Wait...

Yeah, that one! But he seems to me, he's having his own share of fun, now, ain'tyou, kid? The guy in the center, apparently named Herbert, added.

Whaddaya mean I can't... can't get over it? Gil slurred. These guys did not evenknow him, were they just picking on a random target?

Oh, nothing, a little bird confessed to me you seem to be... I don't know, tormentedis the right word, I think!

Tormented? What the hell are you talking about? And who told you this? Jean, I'llkill him! Gil thought. Never minding his own business!

Yeah, Sophia told me, you know her, right? She was even a bit tearful......What? Gil muttered, incredulous. For the second time in minutes, he thought his

hearing was somewhat impaired. The guy on the left joined the argument.Oh, look at him, he's gonna cry! I think he loves her! He said....Shut up. Gil whispered, and it did not matter that they could not hear him. Or

maybe they could and did not care.Yeah, funny thing, you really think a girl could love a nobody like y- But the guy

with rotten teeth could not finish the sentence, as Gil hurled himself towards him with allhis weight, pushing him, and they both fell on the dancing floor, fighting, or trying to, asthey were both quite tipsy, if not more. Some punches did indeed connect from both sides,however, and people quickly scattered as the security service grabbed them and hauledthem outside the pub, where Gil was helped up by Wytt, while the other two had to stopthe guy with rotten teeth from attacking Gil again, but mostly he was barking rather thanbiting.

The hell got into you, man? Wytt said, both entertained and worried, while Gil,staggering, puked all over the sidewalk what he had drunk. Oh, OK, easy man, easy, let itout. He added, shaking his head.

The trip back, late at night it was about 2 or 3 AM, was mostly spent in silence,with Gil looking out of the car window, shivering, a cover on his shoulders. As they wereapproaching the entrance of the village, Wytt finally spoke.

You mind telling us what was that all about? He said, but Gil did not answer. Hedid not feel like talking and, actually, he did not feel like doing anything, not just talking.How cute, the moon was in the sky, and when he got out of the car and was headinghome, his body still trembling and his legs still shaking from a mixture of sickness and cold,

he had just one certainty something was wrong. He did not know with whom, with him,with Sophia, with all the other people in the world, with the way he was living, or not living,with the way he was behaving, with what people were saying, or doing, and his head wasthumping and these thoughts were heavy and he just wanted to sleep and not worry aboutanything and just be happy and not be scared or worried anymore and he craved hiscomfy bed with pillows that had just been washed by mom and actually the moon is verybright tonight and maybe even closer than usual so for sure from the hill near the lake youcan see it very well and how nice it would be to be there with Sophia just like old timesthat now cannot be back and why is that because it feels so wrong and unfair.

When Gil opened his eyes, he was in his room. It took a while to recognize him, butit was definitely his own, cozy room. He was home, after all, but he did not rememberentering it. As he woke up, he looked around, and saw his mother sitting on a chair at hisside. Her face was wet from tears.

Mom... He only said. He understood that whatever he said, it would be pointless,and that was how it should be.

I... I don't want to know what happened. Or how. Or where. Just, I want you to think,to try and imagine for at least a second, how I felt. How I felt when I saw you... when I sawyou outside the house. Passed out. I... I thought... She said, and she started crying again,which was even more painful for Gil as he realized there was nothing he could have said tomake her feel better.

I'm sorry. He whimpered. You'd better be. Now, things will change around here, Gil. I don't know what's

gotten into you this last period, but you can't go on like this.Don't tell me what to do!I'm your mother, I will and I will force you to do it, if I have to.You can't! And after saying this, Gil was incredulous at himself. Was it really so

important to establish his independence. Was that the right path to tread?You're being childish. His mother retorted, and this was the worst possible offense

for Gil. He got up, ignoring his mother's pleas, and left the house. He took a long breathand tried to calm down. He was soon reached by her.

I won't tell dad what happened, in what... sorry condition you came back. I just toldhim you were back late, that's all. If he knows the truth, you'll be finished, you know that.You know how he'll react.

...Yes. Gil simply said. He also wanted to add a Thank you., but could not find theheart to do it.

Mind you, he's still angry that you came back at such a late hour, but he'll get overit, just try not to do anything funny from now on. And, it goes without saying, you owe meone.

Yes, mom.Good, so the first thing I want you to do is to go back to school on a regular basis.

No more games, this is your life, Gil, you only get one.I know.Then act accordingly, if you really know.I'll try.

Promise me.I promise I'll try.Fair enough, Gil, now come inside, you have to eat something.

What followed was a relatively calm period for Gil, who was still too shaken fromthat experience to try anything like that anymore. He found that he was also slightly morepeaceful, as if that exploit had somehow helped him let some steam out. His mother kepther word, which meant that his father was none the wiser about that day. However, he stilldemanded that Gil help him with the farm, more than usual, and he gave him the heaviesttasks as well. Gil accepted without a single complaint.

He started going back to school more often as well, much to Sophia's satisfaction.Right, Sophia. Something had broken, or at the very least had cracked between them, Gilwas sure of that. He had not forgotten Herbert's words. The whole day was very muddledin his brain, true, but some parts of it stuck like nails to his head. He could not forget, couldnot forgive that she had said those things to a person that, for him, was a completestranger. What made him even angrier and more disappointed was that she acted as ifnothing had happened. How could she not understand that, however he felt, those wereprivate things? It's not like I ever told her how I felt about all this... He thought. She couldhave asked him. The hell, it's all so complicated. Sophia, also, noticed that. Even though hehad gone back to school and she really was happy about that she could tell that therewas something different in him.

What's up, Gil? She tried saying, after a school day when they were heading home.Not much. The usual. Gil was not in the mood, obviously.Good. I'm also OK.Good.Yep....So, Gil, I was wondering, did something happen?What?I mean, did I do something?Why are you asking? Gil's voice suddenly got a little higher.Don't shout with me!You are shouting!Why are you so frustrated?I don't know!Then talk to me! You've been awfully silent, these weeks!Maybe I don't want to talk with you, Sophia.Oh. She just said, and she stopped walking.What?! Gil shouted again, turning towards her. She looked terribly stricken by his

words, but Gil did not understand that. She had been the one forgetting about him, shehad been the one going out with other people and forsaking him. She had told peopleabout how... tormented he was. Why was she feeling sad, all of a sudden?

Nothing. Probably I just had the wrong idea. I'm sorry. She muttered between herlips, and hastily moved away from him, heading towards her house. Gil would not let hergo that easily, however.

You know how Herbert called me tormented? I wonder from where he heard that,you know? I've been thinking about it an awful lot! He shouted at her while she wasgetting farther and farther, faster and faster.

Going back to his room, he slammed the door shut and crashed on the bed in rage.So much for peace and quiet, he thought. Things were getting worse. He started thinkingfuriously. He did not want to lose Sophia, but at the same time he was angry with her. Thiswas so complicated! He went back with his mind to a time where these things seemed sofar away, when he was young, and he still did not understand why grown-ups who likedeach other would argue and discuss. Hell, I don't understand it even now! He thought,cursing. He could not forget what Sophia had said about him, but could he forgive her?How does one forgive? Very good question.

It was a strange sensation. Sophia spent the following four or five days not evenlooking at him. As a consequence, he got closer to Jean once again, even though they werenot seeing eye to eye as once.

What's the matter with her? Jean said, as they were hanging out outside school.Not much. We just sort of argued.Hah!What's so funny about it?Nothing, I just remembered when you used to wonder about that stuff.Yeah, true, I've been thinking about that, actually.So?So what, Jean?What's your conclusion?I have none. Gil said and shrugged his shoulders. I don't think words will be very

useful, in this case... He added, trying to collect his thoughts.And why's that?I don't know. I can't seem to find something to say that will make things better.So, maybe in such cases you just need to look away and do something else, you

know, let some time pass, until things slowly go back to the way they were.Wow, Jean... that's some deep stuff.Thanks, I read it in a book somewhere, or maybe it was a song, can't remember.

Anyway!And so he did. He tried to remove Sophia from his mind, for the time being. So

ironic that he, who was disappointed at her for her broken promises, or what he perceivedwere broken promises at the very least, was now the one forcefully forgetting about her.He understood he had to do it to feel better and more serene, but still it made no sense tohim. For a while, he became a child again. Why can't two people who like each other betogether?, a kid's voice said, resonating in his head. And why do I have to stay farawayfrom her in order to go back to being close with her? It added, and Gil agreed. It madezero sense. However, it had to be done. With huge effort, he managed to both keep Sophiaout of his mind and keep going to school, something which really required all hisremaining soundness of mind. He was trying to do everything healthy he could in orderto not be reminded about her. He thought that if he could keep his mind occupied, hewould not have empty moments anymore. And, at least partially, he succeeded. Maybe lifehad other meanings, after all. Maybe life was worth living in itself, even if that one goal youhad is not possible. Maybe.

At times, it was hard. In some cases, he was hanging out with Jean around thevillage, and he would spot Sophia and Herbert hand in hand. Such a sight would cause amote of anger from within, and it was not because she was with someone else. It wasbecause she was not with him.

Dude, dude, we talked about this. Let it go. Jean said, shaking his head.I know, it's just... I can't help it.Well, you'll have to help it. Jean retorted, and burst into laughter.I'll try.Yes. I was thinking...What?Maybe we should try to organize something, like, do something together. What

about a trip?To where?I don't know, somewhere far, don't worry, it'll be on me! Jean said, patting himself

on the chest. Gil shook his head.You know I don't agree with that, Jean.I know, but still, you're not asking for it, I am proposing it, so you shouldn't worry

about it. We'll just go somewhere far, maybe on the seaside.We have a lake...Yes, but it's not the same. There will be other people, unknown people, maybe

you'll meet somebody...Is this why you're proposing this?Oh, Gil, cut it out! I was just sharing some ideas with you! It doesn't always have to

be about you!I'm sorry.It's OK, man, you're sort of right. I'm also doing this for you, or I wouldn't have

asked.I know, I'm grateful.Yeah, yeah, anyway, where would you like to go?You're making me choose?Well, no, but I'm giving you the illusion.Hah. Well played.Thanks, I've been practicing.This friendly banter, Gil found out, was like a balsam for his mind. It did not carry

excessive responsibilities something he felt he still was not ready for, it was funny, itmade him laugh, it freed his mind, except for that 1% of it that still wished it had beenSophia instead of Jean. In the end, they did not organize anything, but it did not matter.For Gil, the thought was enough. He had found a friend whom he could trust.

Everything was well and good, as long as Gil was with somebody else, usually Jean.However, when he was alone, and when he had nothing on hand that would keep his mindoccupied, there was not much he could do.

One day, after he had spotted Sophia and Herbert walking hand in hand on thelakeside (Can't I have some peace and quiet? Can't those two leave me alone?! was histhought, forgetting that, well, you cannot really forbid anyone from going to a public place

after all), he went back home, fuming, and tried to consider all the options and scenarios.First of all, was it jealousy? Was it frustration? A bit of both, perhaps?It was clear that ignoring all of that was not an option. It was all just a big pretense,

and it would be much better to face the issue as a man. A fifteen-year-old man, but still aman.

He had shouted. Again. And Sophia had left in a hurry, without saying a word, withHerbert following her and giving hateful looks to Gil. What was worst is that he, Gil,actually enjoyed that moment of power, of dominance, even though he had sworn not todo that any more. Now, lying on the bed, he knew he was not strong enough for this, andthe realization came abrupt as a roof tile on his forehead. If he was not strong enough forthis, he may not be able to get over it. In a bitter twist of irony, yes, Sophia was right. Toobad that it was all her fault for forgetting about him in the first place. Had it been for him,they would already be together. Too bad that he did not realize that other people wereinvolved into the equation as well. If he could choose, he would choose Sophia. Too badthat he did not really take into consideration what Sophia, instead, would choose.

Maybe he should have really organized some kind of trip with Jean... asking wouldnot hurt.

It's very important, and I don't know how to say it. Jean said, looking uneasy, afterschool. Gil was puzzled.

What's this all about?Well, circumstances have changed, you know my parents...Yes, what?It appears they will be soon asked to manage a foreign branch of the company

they're currently working at. Well, my father will be asked, mom will go with him.That sounds cool, Jean, I'm sure it's for the better, and?And...What, you think you'll miss them? Don't worry, I'll make sure to cheer you up,

mate!No, about that, that's the point, I'm going too.What?Yes, well, you know, the opportunities there will be immense!I'm sure.I knew you'd take it bad, that's why I didn't want to tell you.What? What, you thought I'd explode or something? Did you actually want to leave

without telling me anything? Don't you think I've had enough of that?...Aaand I think I was right.Well, OK then, nice having met you, is this how you wanted to end your speech?I just wanted to let you know about my decision.We could've talked about it, Jean!Yes, we could've, but it's my life, not yours, and I don't think you'll ever understand

this concept.Sophia's parents are never home and she is here.Sophia's parents work in the city, you idiot. My parents will be abroad the whole

time.

Well, then if you've already made up your mind, what's the point in discussing?...You're hopeless. You see? You can't even decide, did you want me to tell you or to

hide the fact that I was going away? You'd have gotten angry either way, Gil. You havethis... this anger inside that I honestly am even a bit afraid of.

Yes, whatever.I'll keep in touch, anyway.Do what you want.So, hmm, goodbye.Bye.And so Jean went, and Gil remained.

Young adulthood

Again the same dingy road, the same scraped walls and the same sleazy and ranksmell paired with the pink graffiti on the adjacent buildings. Gil fought back the usualsense of vomit that accompanied him all the way until his small apartment.

It was 10 years later.He had not heard from her since. Maybe he did not want to. He could have asked

around, some old schoolmates, with the exception of Jean for obvious reasons he wasstill abroad, according to what he knew -, even Herbert, if for some cruel joke of destiny hewas still alive after all, the few that he was still in touch with, but he was not sure himself ifit would be the right thing to do, all things considered.

He was a grown-up, now. At long last. You are here, kid. Welcome.Things look different, things are different. Once more. And there will be no going

back.The gilded color that once covered his eyes was now a smothering entity. Adult.

Responsible, or so he wished. The more he thought about the past, the worse he felt.Promises broken, promises that could not but be breakable, and now he knew that, but itstill did not make him feel better.

As he reached the building door, all the memories stabbed him like a sizzling flashof molten flame. He remembered her, her hair of pure gold, her eyes of icy winter, hersweet, light freckles that he loved so much, just like everything else about her. All thegestures they had made, all the vows, unbreakable, that were broken by time and growth,and, again, he thought it was so unfair. So incredibly unfair.

No one warns you, in your childhood, that things will change. You have no sense ofprogression, the present is all that matters. You want to be with a person and she wants thesame? It will be like this forever, or that is what you believe, but no one has the heart andstrength to tell you that circumstances will tear away at your heart. His mother had tried,yes, you'll understand when you're older, but no one teaches you what to understand orhow to understand it, and different people have different reactions when life is coldly putin front of them.

And still, could he have done something about it? Maybe, but it was too late now.

He entered the apartment and, as always, he put all the work-related stuff in thetoolbox on the corner of the living room. He took a quick shower, carefully rinsing his shorthair. He thought he could call his parents, see how they were doing, as mom had recentlybeen quite sick and he was worried about her.

Gil lived in a worn-out apartment on the outskirts of the big city, a smelly placewhich was the only one he could afford with the meager salary he had as a factory worker.How ironic, he thought, that he be gone to the metropolis, while he had sworn to foreverlive in his native village, together with Sophia, after having experienced the dreadfulthreats hidden in the city. However, life had called him to this place and he had no choicebut to come quietly, like a good kid. Like the good kid he had always been. Spineless,almost.

Sophia was... somewhere, he thought. Maybe in the same big city, maybe abroad,maybe on a spaceship somewhere. The image of her kept crawling in his dreams, seeping

through the membranes of his slumber and blossoming like a spring flower every time heclosed his eyes. This blond woman, whose pictures as an adult he had seen last year whenhe had visited his parents and her parents as well in the village, was always in his head.

Were they meant to be together? He thought so as a kid, but what can a kid knowabout this? And yet, the feeling of unfairness came back again. They wanted it, so whycould they not have it? They felt good together, they had plans, dreams, why was life socruel, to take everything away? Life is about choices, your choices, and they had chosen tobe together, and yet they could not. That did not seem right. That was not right.

After dressing up, he took a long look at the mirror, and saw someone who wassurviving, not living.

What are your dreams, Gil? he said to himself, shaking his head. What are youliving for? Who are you living for?. He could only find one answer to this question, butsomehow that very answer did not seem right. Not completely, at least.

The village was quiet, as always, and everything looked the same. As if it had beenfrozen in time. He spent most of his monthly money to arrange this unplanned trip, but hewanted it, so he was not regretting it. He looked around, and saw the church, lookingbattered by the elements, but still standing strong. Only a few of the small shops wereopen, plus some that he did not recognize or remember. Time hurts all people, he thought,after all. Following this short tour, he visited his parents, and was elated when he found outthat mom was feeling better. The village doctor had prescribed her some drugs for somedisease whose name he did not know, but it was enough to hear that she was improving.Then, he headed towards the house where Sophia's parents lived. Being in retirement, theywere now spending their whole time in the village, something they could never do whentheir daughter was a kid and a teenager.

As they let him in, another painful flash of memories seized him, but he tried to fightback the tears and strove to appear as happy as he could, which was harder said thandone. They gave him hot tea with cookies, and said how joyful they were that he hadcome to visit. As he sat at their table, the first thing he thought was that he was the biggestidiot on the planet. Why had he not tried to do this before, like three years before, even?

And how is Sophia doing? His lips muttered, before he could control them. At theirdaughter's mention, the two seemed to gain new life force.

Oh, our little Sophia! She works abroad, you know! Some big country, you know,big city... big tasks, you know, big responsibilities... what does she do again, dear? Thewoman asked her husband.

Accountant of some kind, I believe, money stuff, very important... He said in hisusual, low tone of voice. Abroad, they had said. Great, just what he needed, where wouldhe ever find enough money to travel abroad?

Come to think of it, she will be here next week!Wait, what?Had he heard well?Sophia would come back to the village?No, she won't be here, well, we expect her to visit naturally, but she phoned us to

tell us that she has some kind of, you know, conference, big meeting, at a hotel in the city,so she will pass by. Hey, you can stay in touch, Gil! She will be so pleased to see you! Her

mother said with enthusiasm.Terribly excited at first, Gil was a bit heartbroken when they mentioned that Sophia

had been keeping in touch with them. Why not with him too, then? Had she, perhaps,chosen to willfully forget about him, once and for all? Was he the remnant of a past thatdid not belong to her anymore? Was he expendable? This last thought was too much forhim.

No, thank you, I really can't afford to take another leave at work, they will fire me.He meekly said, and trying to fight back the tears once more, without looking at theirpuzzled faces, he said bye and left the house.

He got back to his place late at night, the train being late as usual. As soon as heentered, he threw himself on the bed and cried, he cried as he had never cried before. Hetried to stop, not recognizing himself anymore, not accustomed to this horrendous feelingof loneliness, powerlessness, this feeling of being trapped in a whirlpool of events on whichhe had little to no control, as if he were being tossed around. Life was unjust, unfair, hewanted something, and yet he could not have it.

She had forgotten about him. For real. That was the simple truth, like a hammersmashed on his face.

It was OK. In the end, all things considered, he was not smart, he was not goodlooking, he probably had no brilliant future in front of him. His road had been clear fromthe very beginning. He was stupid to have dreams. Having dreams is foolish, for certainpeople. Not everyone is the same. Not everyone has the same possibilities. He did nothave them. And how unfair it was, because he knew what he wanted, but he could not getit, no matter how hard he tried. But she was... she was different. Of another league. Ahigher level, higher expectations, she was to be perfect. But Gil did not need that, for himshe had always been perfect. And yet, apparently, this was not enough.

But, but if feeling well with a person is not enough to stay with her, then what is?What should he have done instead? Something more? Something less? The same questionthat had haunted him throughout his whole life arrogantly came back.

In truth, Gil was a simple man, with simple thoughts. For him, it was a naturalconsequence. I feel good with you. You feel good with me. We will be together. This wasnot about love, he had no idea what love was, for him all that mattered was to stay withher, it was the only thing he wanted from life, the only answer to all his questions, and lifehad seen fit to take her away from him.

He thought that, if he were to move on, he would need to say goodbye to his pastonce and for all, or it would always stop him. Unsure of what to do, he was at least sureabout where he would need to be. In the following week, he would go back to the village.

So there he was again. After not such a long while, actually.He had visited his parents once more, they were happier than ever to see their son

more often, even though his father did not show it.Gil did not feel OK.He did not feel OK while walking through the village streets, seeing the shops, the

church, as if it were the last time. A fitting valediction, he thought, for a place that gave himso much, maybe too much, as it had also taken it all away. He had his roots here, true, butwhat had he been able to gain from them? What lasting bonds and friendships had hebeen able to forge and maintain? What seeds for the future had he been able to plant?What was he reaping right now?

Ain't no place like home. He said, with a bitter smile. He kept walking, and walking,and walking, until he reached his father's farm, now a plot of land they did not even ownanymore, as it had been sold. It still was not clear whether it would be used as a farmagain, or it would be turned into something else. A shopping mall, perhaps. Nearby, theplot of grass where everything had started, had been set in motion, by him, nonetheless.The place where he had given Sophia that paper moon. With hindsight, would he havedone the same? No, if he knew how this would have ended, naturally. But he was a kid, hewas not supposed to know. He was allowed to have dreams and wishes, back then. Andperhaps it is too easy to live while already knowing the consequences of your actions,where is the spice in that?

Still, he would have liked a better outcome. He shrugged his shoulders. Better lucknext time, perhaps. He went on walking, and reached the lake. It did not seem anydifferent. He sat on a bench, putting a scrap of paper in a basket nearby. He gazed at thecalm waters, and tried to remember some happy moments, a technique that always helpedhim. On the shores, gently drifting in the ripples as if nothing were happening, there weretwo white swans.

Something was off in his life, he had very well understood that. He was living in thatapartment, with a job that did not exactly excite him. And now he was here, on the shoresof the lake that had been a part of his childhood and teenage years, a spectacle of naturethat still touched him. To say farewell to a view, a landscape that he had sorely missed, hethought, and so he asked himself why he had not instead chosen to remain in the villageinstead. Whatever job he could find would have not been worse than his current one, afterall. Was he, perhaps, running away? Was running away the right thing to do?

Gil! A voice suddenly called his name. As he turned, his heart instantly filling witha weird and fleeting blend of foreboding, hope, and curiosity, he saw a figure drawingnearer, a figure that he had for so much time longed for and not seen in thirteen years.Sophia was as beautiful as ever, with long, golden hair, those blue eyes that used to peerinto his own for so long, with her freckles that reminded him of days gone by, of a time helonged for, without worries and issues and problems. He got up as quickly as he could.

You can let me go now, Gil. You're squeezing me. Sophia muttered through Gil'sworn-out jacket.

I'm sorry, I might've overreacted a bit, but... I mean, how much time was it? Heretorted, letting go of her.

Years. Ten. She simply said. My parents phoned me and told me where to find

you... funny, huh, they knew you'd come back here. She said, with a smile that brightenedher face, which however soon turned into a serious grimace. You look... not like yourself.She then added. Gil knew she would say something like that, everybody had the same ideaabout him, after all.

Well, let's just say that... that I'm not going through the best period of my life, rightnow. He said, unsure whether to let everything out at once.

Why is that? Where do you work? She asked, with a sincere look of concern in herblue eyes, as blue as they had always been.

I, hmm, work in a factory... He muttered, almost as if he were ashamed of that.And do you like it?It's the only thing I can do.You could've stayed in the village, take over your father's farm.The farm's no more. Dad sold the land and the animals, they are just... living

together now, and, just enjoying their time with what little money they were able toamass.

That's actually very endearing. Sophia noted, and Gil could not help but smile.What?! she said, a bit hurt.

'Endearing', this is really you, Sophia. Everybody else in the world would've said'touching', instead. She blushed.

Well, OK, yes, maybe, anyway! We were talking about YOU, Gil.What about me?Well, you know, we were the best at school... OK, maybe I had better grades, but

you... you were a dreamer. You could've gone so far, if you'd wanted...For Gil, this was already enough. He had never really liked rebukes and reprimands

(who does, after all?), but hearing another one from Sophia, towards whom he had mixedfeelings in that very moment, was worse than everything. He had never accepted thefeeling that she did not approve of him, or of what he was doing.

What? What did I say? She added, looking worried.You say all of this as if this was so easy, it wasn't easy, it still isn't. You know how

many times, these years, I've... thought. Yes, I think a lot, I know that. But... I was there, lyingon the bed, sometimes on the floor of my disgusting apartment, just, I didn't feel like doinganything, there weren't important things for me, I was just... going on. Living day by day.Doing what my body told me to do. Waking up. Eating. Working. Showering. Sleeping. Soon and so forth. My mind, instead, was full with... thoughts. Again. He said, in a full andseamless river of words. And when he turned towards Sophia, he could see she wassmiling. Wait a minute, she was smiling?

Surely it's been a long time since you last talked free like this. She said, still smiling.Go on, please. She added.

I think I've... kind of let my life take over, you know? All this time, I felt like drifting,not in control of my present and future, I didn't want to let the past go, I still reasoned likea kid, probably I still am... Gil went on saying, not quite sure about what he was speakingabout, and most importantly, having absolutely no idea what it was that he really wantedto say. And when I thought about coming here and say farewell, I was sure it was the rightchoice, but once again, just like always, it just feels wrong, so in short, I really don't knowwhat to do.

The past is the past, it should be kept there, and used as a paradigm for the future,things to repeat, things to avoid.

Listen to yourself, using again all those fancy words now! Gil said again, with asmile.

Words are important, you know? Every word means something, and there's areason why I use one instead of another.

I know that perfectly well.Good! Then, well, how do you feel right now? Better, Gil?I don't know. I think so, I'm still unsure what to think, I mean, there are things I'd

like to say, but at the same time I don't think that saying them out loud would be the bestidea, and some of them are positive, some of them are negative, I guess I'm just trying tofind some harmless way to let everything out, everything that boiled inside of me thesepast years.

Are you angry with me? Sophia asked.Maybe, a little bit, maybe not with you, but angry at... something I thought about

you. I thought you had genuinely forgotten about me, you know that? Not a word, not amessage... try and see things from my perspective. Gil said, and he saw Sophia adjustingherself on the bench, clearly not completely at ease. When we were kids... I had dreams.He finally confessed. I had... stupid, childish dreams, and those promises we made, well,they meant the world to me. You meant the world to me, and as a matter of fact, you stilldo. My biggest regret is that I was never able to show this to you. I let you go, so it's myown fault. I got angry at the first occasion you gave me to doubt you, but deep down Iguess I was simply unsure. You had forgotten about me, that was my idea, and I clang tothat as hard as I could. It gave me energy, the wrong type of energy. I couldn't understandhow you could break such an important promise. But I didn't get that it was just a childishthing... maybe I still don't get it now. He said, all at once. Sophia listened very carefully toevery single word and, after a few seconds, she started speaking herself.

I never forgot. All these years, I had doubts too. About life, about you. I thinkeveryone has these doubts, you know? You're not the only one. People cope differentlywith life. It's OK, it's nothing to be ashamed about, I think. And about me... whenever I feltbad, whenever I was unsure, I knew you were thinking about me, and that made me feelbetter. I looked at your paper moon, and I felt you near me. This is not about love... love issomething else, love is less important, you know? This is about our bond of friendship,about what we were