www.clovis.edu/web2/palabras/index.asp

PalabrasJournal of Exchange

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Palabras publishes original research, essays, fiction, poetry,and art by Clovis Community College students and residents of New Mexico. Palabras is also an academic journal and accepts submis-sions from students across the United States who are cur-rently working on undergraduate degrees.

palabrasje@hotmail.comPhase V, Office 509

(505) 769-4906

© 2002 by Gina L Hochhalter, representing Clovis Community College

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SSTTAAFFFFEditorGina L Hochhalter

Associate EditorRaymond E Atchley

Second AssociateVirginia Martinez

Technical EditorGinny Buchfink

Cover Art CoordinatorJan Lloyd

PPRODUCTION CCREWJan HamiltonAuxiliary Services CoordinatorAlice WylieMarketing AssociateJacque OchsDirector of Auxiliary Services

www.clovis.edu/web2/palabras/index.asp

Editors’ RabbleRaymond E Atchley

Einstein’s Effort . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1Gina L Hochhalter

A Case for Argument . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1

Essays Commentary Michael Merritt

Islamic Fundamentalism? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2 Controversy (or perspective) Selena Wolfe

Human Nature . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .3 Health Jennifer B Nelson

Migraine Headaches and Depression Disorders . . . . . .5Technology Deborah L Snipes

Technology: The Loss of Human Symbiosis . . . . . . . . 8Business Gena Hankins

Overcoming Negativity in the Workplace . . . . . . . . . . .10Self Analogy Danielle Turner

Don’t Ask Alice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11Narrative Charles Lott

Sitting Down: A Dedication . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14

PoetryGen Lawson

Envelope . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16Catherine Anderson

Teachers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16Shannon Lujan

Dying Embers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16

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SUBMISSIONSPalabras favors an open submissions policy: anyone who would like to submit, may. Pleasesubmit work in hard copy format to the editor in Faculty Office 509, in e-mail format to palabrasje@hotmail.com, or in hard copy format to the CCC Bookstore. Please include aphone number or e-mail address so the editor may contact you.

Submissions should be no longer than 5 double-spaced pages, or approximately 1500 words. If documented, then in MLA, APA, or other acceptable format. If you have an essay, paper, orstory longer than the specifications mentioned, please contact the editor at 505-769-4906 orat palabrasje@hotmail.com, as excerpts may be publishable.

If you have questions, comments, or suggestions, please write to the editor at palabrasje@hotmail.com.

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EINSTEIN’S EFFORTRAYMOND E ATCHLEY

Dennis Brian, author ofEinstein: a life, relates howProfessor Heinrich Burckhardtof the University of Zurich hadcommented that AlbertEinstein's thesis on measuring the size of moleculesshowed “crudeness in style and slips of the pen inthe formula…” (63). The year was 1905 and thiswas the second paper of four submitted by Einsteinthat year. The third paper, however, had proven themost sensational where-in Einstein had explainedhis “Theory of Relativity.”

I, for one, am thankful that Dr. Einstein submit-ted his “less than perfect” papers, and hope that allwho peruse Palabras will consider making a contri-bution of their own thoughts and ideas. In an articlefrom the August 1999 edition of NationalGeographic entitled “The Power of Writing” byCarl Wolinsky, the author reflects on the “magicalpower” of writing and how “Words on paper, creat-ed by ordinary citizens, have changed the course ofhistory” (116).

I encourage all readers to imbibe in the "magic"of this journal; you too may change history.

Works Cited Brian, Dennis. Einstein: a life. New York: John Wiley &

Sons, 1996. Wolinsky, Cary. “The Power of Writing.” National

Geographic Aug. 1999: 110-132.

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A CASE FOR ARGUMENT

GINA L HOCHHALTER

Argument is to make a case for something webelieve in. Sometimes, if we’recurious enough to look further intoa matter, we find that when weconduct enough (or rather, toomuch) research, we come to real-ize that anything we believe in canbe disproven – and very well – by others.

Although the fact that we can be disproven haslead some into a maddening despair, the crumplingof beliefs doesn’t need to lead one into crisis. Onthe contrary, an openness to alternatives is exactlythat which heightens an arguer’s credibility andgives to him or her a profound purpose and respon-sibility. If one ruminates on the possibility that tohave beliefs and be learn-ed at the same time is justplain ridiculous or even preposterous, and if one canaccept beliefs as fluid and multiple, then he or shehas an intriguing opportunity to poke some holesinto the box within which s/he lives, maybe pushout its walls – and hence, to knowingly act withrespect and care in the face of another’s beliefs.

Although an arguer’s job is to formulate a solidthesis and convince someone else that what he orshe has said about it is at least a viable option, anarguer will want to know as much as is possiblebecause an arguer, in the Aristotelean sense, mustact ethically in the interest of the populas.Assuming there may eventually be a Truth thatapplies to all people equally, it’s important not tooffer just one, but a number of ways to see the situa-tion or the issue at hand (no matter if personal orpublic or intellectual). No matter how certain a fewof us are (i.e. how persuaded we’ve been by ourown, uh, argument), our effects on others should be,morally, always checked and double-checked in theinterest and attainment of a Higher Good. Becausean arguer doesn’t know what that One Higher Goodmight yet be, he or she should always argue withdignity and purpose, and also in respect of thosewho walk beside us, or those who will be hearingand responding to what we have said.

PPeerrssppeeccttiivveessArticles or essays of controversy are one ofPalabras’s favourite pastimes. If you’d like towrite a refutation or an alternate perspective toany article herein, the deadline is January 31, 2003for the February issue.

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ISLAMIC FUNDAMENTALISM?

MICHAEL MERRITT

Recently, the U.S. government released a video-tape of Osama bin Laden attending a terrorist dinnerparty revealing to his friends that he played animportant role in the attacks that took place onSeptember 11. Before the government released thevideo, careful attention was paid that the video wastranslated correctly from Arabic to English. Expertsin the Arabic language were brought in to make sureOsama's words were understood correctly and takenin the right context. In addition to the government'stranslation, the media subsequently came out withtheir own translation. Before we worry about under-standing bin Laden, maybe we should think aboutwhat bin Laden stands for.

When thinking of adjectives to describe AdolphHitler, one doesn't have to try very hard. Obviousterms like Nazi, fascist, and anti-Semitic come tomind. However, when describing Osama bin Laden,some mental lightweights have been throwingaround some very heavy words. Many characters inthe media have been describing bin Laden as an"Islamic fundamentalist," while at the same timePresident Bush speaks of "the peaceful teachings ofIslam" and says that on September 11, 2001 the ter-rorists "hijacked Islam."

Webster defines fundamentalism as: “n (1922) 1often cap: religious beliefs based on a literal inter-pretation of the Bible 2: a movement or attitudestressing strict and literal adherence to a set of basicprinciples – fundamentalist n., adj.”

Obviously "Koran" can be substituted for"Bible" when speaking of Islamic fundamentalisminstead of Christian fundamentalism. The questionis: How can bin Laden have hijacked the "peaceful"and "loving" religion of Islam when he himself is anIslamic fundamentalist? If bin Laden literally inter-prets the Koran and stresses "strict and literal adher-ence to" its "basic principles," what can be peacefulabout the "basic principles" of the Koran?

The answer is: If Osama bin Laden is a funda-mentalist, then Islam can't be a religion of peace.Either the terrorists have hijacked the peaceful reli-gion of Islam, or Islam isn't a religion of peace.Which is it?

President Bush has spoken about how muchMuslims have in common with their Christian andJewish brothers. Like Islam, Christianity and otherreligions have their fundamentalists, too. Right?Yes, an example of a Christian fundamentalistwould be Mother Teresa. Yes, Mother Teresa was aradical and fundamentalist Christian. The Amishcould also be described as Christian fundamental-ists. Mahatma Gandhi could be described as a fun-damentalist Hindu. Tibetan monks could bedescribed as fundamentalist Buddhists. MotherTeresa and Mahatma Gandhi were great teachers ofpeace. There are no Amish suicide bombers. Tibetanmonks don't walk into mosques with dynamitestrapped to their backs. Religious fundamentalistslike these are peaceful and kind. They practice thefundamental elements of their respective religions.

If bin Laden is a fundamentalist, could one callthe 19 hijackers of September 11 missionaries?When Christian missionaries travel to third worldnations, they bring with them clean water, food, andmedicine. When American-born John Walker trav-eled to Afghanistan, he took his AK-47. Whilestudying the "peaceful" religion of Islam, Walkerpossibly murdered some of America's Muslim alliesthat fight with the United Front.

It's very confusing. If Islam is a religion ofpeace, like the President has said, then we must stopreferring to Osama bin Laden and the Taliban asIslamic fundamentalists. One would think that peaceloving Muslims would be offended when they heardsomeone refer to bin Laden as a fundamentalist.That suggests that killing (Christians, Jews, Hindus,Buddhists, other infidels, and nonbelievers) is fun-damental to the Islamic religion. If you were apeace-loving Christian, wouldn't you be offended ifsomeone referred to the Ku Klux Klan as a funda-mentalist Christian organization? That would sug-gest that hatred toward blacks and Jews is a funda-mental part of the New Testament. Calling binLaden a fundamentalist suggests that violence andsuicide are fundamental elements of the Koran.

If the U.S. government and the media are goingto translate bin Laden's words with such painstakingcare, maybe they should translate what they meanwhen they call terrorists "Islamic fundamentalists"and then say in the same breath that fundamentallyIslam is a religion of peace.

Michael’s taking classes at CCC in Liberal Arts for “some-thing to do.” He [might be] working towards an Associate’s,and then may go on to receive a Bachelor’s from ENMU.22 CCoommmmeennttaarryy

HUMAN NATURESELENA WOLFE

What is evil? Most people would agree that evilis inherent in the "seven deadly sins": pride, deceit,murder, scheming, malice, betrayal, and backbiting(Holy Bible 559; Prov. 6:16-19). It must be noted,however, that these sins, taken at their most basicstage, all narrow down to one trait: selfishness.Every sin is performed in order to either please one-self, protect oneself, or further oneself (Hume 206).The seeds of selfishness and self-interest are presentin humans from birth; therefore the potential to doand be evil lies within the reach of every humanbeing. Human nature itself must be evil in order forit to be capable of performing evil.

The Bible uses the term "heart" to describehuman nature. In this paper, these words will beinterchangeable. According to the Judeo-Christianviewpoint, human nature is base and wicked. Theprophet Jeremiah describes the heart as being"deceitful above all things, and desperatelywicked..." (Holy Bible 678; Jer. 17:9). In the gospelof Mark, Jesus states that "from within, out of theheart of men, proceed evil thoughts,... wickedness,...pride, foolishness" (886; Mark 7:21-22). The bibli-cal stance is that humanity is naturally, lamentablyevil.

According to an old platitude, "actions speaklouder than words." This is essentially true in deter-mining human nature. Since the "heart" in questionis not really the blood-pumping organ but a theoreti-cal, immaterial idea about the psyche of human-kind, it is difficult to factually prove anything aboutit. So the only observable traits of human nature arethe actions and attitudes that human beings display.

What actions have humans displayed throughouthistory that reveal their hearts? While it is arguablethat much good has been done on the earth and has,in a sense, pulled humanity back from the brink,much more evil has been committed. Wars andinjustice have been a reality on this small planet forthousands of years. People have been hurt, maimed,and killed by others who only think of themselves(Aulson). A closer look at individuals shows thathuman nature is indeed wicked. The actions of peo-ple like Hitler, Stalin, and Nero show that somethingwas fundamentally wrong in their hearts for them tobe able to perform such actions.

A person with a good nature literally cannotperform evil deeds. Evil must be present in the

nature of humankind to allow them to commit atroc-ities. Does this mean that some people are evil andsome good and that their natures are arbitrarily setby some jokester in the sky? No, everyone starts onequal footing. It is a long-held belief that "all menare created equal" and all women as well. What ahuman becomes depends on what he or she doeswith the materials at hand. It is up to a person to beresponsible for his or her own actions and rise abovethe evil in him/herself.

Some people do, in fact, live responsibly and donot murder or steal or do anything that breaks thelaw, yet their evil nature is still present and at workin little ways. Real love, kindness, and selflessnessdo exist in the world and benefit many. However,most relationships are started to benefit the individ-

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Timothy FrazierTim is working on a CIS degree at CCC.

PICTOGLYPH

ual and not on the premise of doing good to theother person (Hume 207). These relationships canevolve into something true and meaningful, but inthe beginning, humans look out for themselves.

Self-preservation is only a variation on thetheme of selfishness and self-interest. Most peoplewould not balk at committing a sin if it meant that itwould save themselves, their family, or their posses-sions from trouble or harm. For example, someonewill lie to keep themselves out of trouble. However,sometimes the self-preservation instinct is whatdrives a person to do good. Humans will obey thelaw if only to keep out of jail (206). The moralimplications are, as it were, left to the philosophers.

The philosophers tend to argue back and forth ifevil is ever present or brought on by circumstance(Brociner par. 10). Some people say that humannature is good, yet becomes corrupt because of"extenuating" circumstances. Then why is it that aninfant thinks only of itself and its own comfort?Why is it that one of the first words out of a tod-dler's mouth is "Mine!"? Either a corrupting influ-ence has reached that child insanely quickly, or it isacting upon its natural instincts. No one has to teacha child to be hateful and mean. Nor do they need tobe taught how to lie and manipulate. These thingscome naturally to them (Aulson). Children do, how-ever, have to be taught how to share and play nice.

Programs have been enacted to bring justice andfairness to society, but they have failed because ofhuman failings. Every Utopian society, every social-ist dream has fallen short of perfection because theyare all balanced precariously on the idea that hu-mans can live together in peace without any greedor discord erupting. This overly optimistic view ofthe altruism of human beings has sounded the deathknell for many bright ideas for society. Leftists andsocialists are starting to doubt if humans can do any-thing good (Brociner par. 12-15).

Humanity cannot by its own means cure itselfof evil (Mitchell). Perhaps a few strong people canlive justly and try to do good to all, but they cannotstop their natural instincts and they cannot helpunintentional offenses. People try anonymous pro-grams and self-help classes, with little success(Aulson). Twelve-step programs have become a jokein society because people realize that humans cannotchange themselves. Humans need to have their verynatures changed before they can alter their behavior.

People try to reach the highest Good, or God,by themselves and fail miserably time and timeagain. "Religion is man's attempt to reach God"(Aulson), but ceremonial, empty religion is theresult of their self-righteous, proud efforts. Humanity must realize that it is finite and incapableof reaching God. The evil in humans is what repelsthem from attaining the highest Good. God cannotallow evil in his presence, so every finite, graspingattempt to somehow earn goodness is a failure. Sothe prospect of changing human nature looks prettybleak.

However, God would not really be good if Hehad not provided a means of redemption for thehelpless human creature. Only God can change aperson's nature because He is the only infinite beingand the only One, ideally, who is totally good. Whathas God done to reach humanity? He has sent HisSon to change human nature, to "take the stonyheart out... and give... a heart of flesh" (Holy Bible734; Eze. 11:19). "Jesus is God's attempt to reachman" (Aulson). "The Son of God became a man toenable men to become sons of God" (Lewis 50).God's plan was to have His Son take the place ofhumans in receiving punishment for their evil sothey could join Him as beings with a good heart(Mitchell).

Someone might ask why Jesus is different fromothers since He was a man and therefore had thesame nature as the rest of humanity. In Hebrewbelief, the sinful nature of humanity was hereditarilypassed down through the man. Jesus was virgin-born. In other words, this belief did not applybecause He had no physical father (Mitchell). Thisdoes not mean that God "raped" a virgin. In a senseGod is present in every conception and wears the"glove" of human history and human nature that isinstilled into the new life. In the instance of Jesus'sconception, God took off that glove and instilled Hisdivine nature into the human fetus (Lewis 57-8). SoJesus was fully God and fully human and perfectlysinless (Mitchell). Who better then, to teach ever-failing humans how to attain perfection? He is theonly human who has been able to get through lifewith all of its temptations without sinning once.Corrupt humans have already found it impossibleto help each other or themselves. Only the incorrupt"God-man" (Mitchell) can replace a human being'snature.

Now, as followers of Christ will agree, this is anongoing process, and not an instantaneous change44 PPeerrssppeeccttiivvee

(Aulson). Some things do change automatically, oneof them being the viewpoint from which theredeemed person looks at life. Drug addicts havealso reported an instant freedom from that bondage.However, the more subtle changes happen from dayto day and require the creation to be open and mal-leable to the Creator. Decisions that the humanmakes day in and day out shape his or her newnature, whether it is Christ-like or like the old, self-ish nature.

Fortunately for humans, God will not rest untilHis creation is perfect. He requires the whole of aperson, not just the bad parts, but the good partsalso. He then takes the corrupted human nature andthrows it away and starts to meticulously shape anew nature into something like Himself (Lewis179). However long He takes depends on if the per-son is open and willing to change, but He is deter-mined to do it. What results is a freedom from rely-ing on self and a change from the evil nature ofhumanity to the divine nature of God.

Works CitedAulson, Peter. Pastor of Potter's House Christian Fellowship

Center. Personal interview. 3 Nov. 2001.Brociner, Ken. "Utopianism, human nature, and the left."

Dissent 48.1 (Winter 2001): 89-92. [FirstSearch].Holy Bible. New King James Version. 1979. Nashville, TN:

Thomas Nelson, 1988.Hume, David. Hume's Ethical Writings. Ed. Alasdair

Macintyre. Notre Dame: U. of Notre Dame Press, 1965.Lewis, C. S. The Joyful Christian. New York: Macmillan,

1977.Mitchell, Gary. Professor of Philosophy and Religion, per-

sonal interview. 21 Nov. 2001.

Selena received her Associate’s of Liberal Arts from CCC inMay of 2002.

MIGRAINEHEADACHES ANDDEPRESSION DISORDER

JENNIFER B NELSON

I originally intended to focus my research on thesubject of migraine headaches. Operating under amistaken belief, I sought to explain a far more sim-ple occurrence, namely why migraines almostalways cause nausea as a secondary effect. In the17th century, Sir Thomas Williashypothesized that migraines werecaused by an increased flow ofblood to the brain. This increasedblood flow caused the tissues of thebrain to swell and expand, resultingin pressure on the nerve endings.This was thought to be the cause of all migrainepain until as recent as the last decade (Loder 4). Yetnew research over the last ten years has led manyresearchers to believe that there is a far larger pic-ture. Migraine headache is a more complicated issuethan previously believed, and is now being tenta-tively linked to other disorders such as depression,anxiety, sleep pattern disorders, and even anincreased tendency towards drug and alcohol addic-tion.

New technological advances such as MRI(Magnetic Resonance Imaging) and PET (PositronEmission Technology) have now proven that previ-ous assumptions surrounding the migraine headachewere incorrect. With such tools, researchers havelearned that the brain undergoes many physicalchanges before, during, and after a migraine attack.As a result, investigators are now gaining a betterunderstanding of brain chemistry and the biochemi-cal process involved in pain. A new theory which isgaining support is centered around a bio-chemicalcalled Serotonin. Serotonin is defined as a neuro-transmitter, or a body chemical which relays infor-mation from one neuron in the brain to another(Hockenbury 48). Serotonin, in particular, has beenassociated with sleep, moods, and emotional stateswhich include depression (48).

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The Deadline for publication in theFebruary issue is January 31, 2003

New research shows that during a migraineattack, Serotonin levels in the human brain drop aswell. Researchers believe that this causes thetrigeminal nerve to release substances called neu-ropeptides. These in turn cause blood vessels in thebrain to become dilated and inflamed. This results insevere head pain (The Mayo Clinic 3) and states ofconfusion.

At this point in my research, I forgot my originalquestion and turned instead to further studySerotonin itself. As a person who has been diag-nosed with depression, I recognized this particularbio-chemical as being one of the primary suspectswhich doctors have long felt to cause mood swingsand erratic thought patterns. Was there a connectionbetween depression and migraines? It seemed as ifthere may be, for as I looked again to my migraineresearch I realized that many of the secondarysymptoms listed for head pain were also familiar tome. Indications such as drowsiness and irritabilityare listed as possible warning signs that a migraineis about to begin; they are also classic signs of clini-cal depression.

Further research supported this assumption. Newstudies are now showing that there may be a correla-tion between migraines and certain mood dis-orders – particularly depression, anxiety, and possi-bly panic attacks. These studies show thatmigraineurs (patients who are prone to migraineheadaches) are up to four times more likely to suffera major depression than those who do not sufferfrom migraines. Conversely, individuals who aredepressed or are anxious are more likely to havemigraines than those who do not (Matthew 3).Tentatively, some researchers have gone so far as tosuggest that depression and migraines are a co-mor-bid mood disorder, meaning that they may be oneand the same physical, neurological condition.

I also learned another fact: antidepressants havebeen shown to help not only with depression, butthey also seem to combat many secondary symp-toms as well. Prozac, a popular example, increasesthe availability of Serotonin in the brain. It works byinsuring that messages are able to be relayed proper-ly through the brain, preventing interruptions ormis-relayed information which medical sciencealready knows to be the root cause and effect ofdepression. Yet at the same time, many patients havereported a decrease in migraine frequency and inten-

sity as a secondary benefit. This has led someresearchers, such as James Hudson and HarrisonPope of Harvard Medical School, to suggest thatthese drugs work by effecting what they call an'affective spectrum disorder.' Many conditionsrespond to the same type of drug because similarbrain processes are functioning abnormally in all ofthem. Certain neurotransmitters are just not doingwhat they are supposed to be doing – in depression,just as in migraine, or bulimia or even panic disor-der. The central connection among all these disor-ders is the chemical Serotonin (Dowling 13). Whenlevels of Serotonin are increased to normal amountsin patients who suffered multiple conditions, theeffect seems to be a general relief all the way aroundthe board.

As a result of such new discovery, many disor-ders which have long been thought to be only in themind are now being regarded as more biochemicalthan psychological. They are not necessarily mentaldisorders; they are not curable by talking or byhours spent upon a couch with a therapist who'sdiagnosing a patient's innermost thoughts. Manypreviously assumed mental disorders are now treat-ed on the basis of being an actual physical medicalcondition. For example, migraine is now listed as aprimary disorder, meaning that it is a physical ill-ness and not a secondary effect. To patients whohave been told for years that it was 'all in their head'or led to believe that they were somehow mentally'unbalanced,' this comes as good news. As neurolo-gist Michael Cutrer, who has himself sufferedmigraines since the age of 14, explains,

If someone gets kicked in the knee, they feelthat stimulus as pain; that's rational... But whatwe find in people with chronic head-aches is thepain without the physical stimulus; that's irra-tional... Since doctors didn't know what theproblem was, they would sometimes blame thepatients for imagining things. Now we knowthat the brain itself is the new arena forheadache research. (Curtis 2)

Like migrainuers, patients with severe depression oranxiety have also faced the same false assumptionsthat it was all in their mind.

To this date, further research on the effects ofSerotonin as a possible connecting factor betweenmigraine and mental disorders has been complicat-ed. Serotonin has been divided into at least five dif-ferent sub-classifications of receptors, each seemingto target a different aspect of the whole picture. For66 HHeeaalltthh

example, lack of sub-type 5HT(lb) in laboratorymice has been shown to increase aggressive behav-ior as well as preferences to alcohol. Sub-type5HT(2c) has been linked in experiment to migraine,sleep pattern disruption, and increased food intaketo the point of obesity (Kennet 3). Medications thatare effective in increasing levels of one sub-typemight inadvertently lower other sub-types, creatingor complicating side-effects. Thus far, a combinationwhich would be beneficial on all levels is yet to bediscovered. In the future, the potential for a univer-sal treatment and cure is impossible to ignore.

However, the idea of a 'wonder pill' has mademany in the physiology field nervous. That so manycomplex issues might one day be resolved by a sim-ple daily medication seems almost too good to betrue. As the very concept of neurosis itself comesunder fire, years of thinking must be changed toadapt to the new possibilities. And yet, to patientssuch as myself, it is a tremendous relief that cannoteasily be placed into words. That there may some-day soon be hope at last and finally an end in sight,is too exciting not to want to jump and cheer aboutit.

I have migraines, severe enough that I havecome under fire on my job for missing work. I havebeen told that a little headache is nothing, and that Iam over-reacting or even somehow weak. Yet until aperson has had to live with continuing pain for threedays, sometimes more, they cannot understand whatthe word 'migraine' truly means. Until they have feltthemselves hitting the floor with sudden and intensepain that is so violent they cannot even remembertheir own name, or that of their child, they cannotidentify or truly understand what these advancesmean to those of us who have been there more timesthan we want to count.

I have been diagnosed with depression; I wasaccused of seeking attention again, of exaggeratingmy problems, even making them up to have a reasonto complain. Yet though I cannot tell you why Isometimes cry for no reason, or why I will walk thefloor at night unable to sleep for days at a time, Ican say that this is real. My moods swing every win-ter; I start to gain weight and loose the energy toeven get up and take care of simple tasks.Sometimes I will wake up in the morning feeling'bouncy' and happy, knowing that nothing in theworld can bring me down. Only to find that an hourlater I am screaming at anyone and everything thatgets in my path, unable to stop myself or say what it

is I am angry about. An hour after this, I will belocked in my own dark room crying again because Iknow that I am not right, and yet no one will believeme or listen to what I am trying to say.

Yes, a universal wonder pill to solve all my prob-lems does seem too good to be true. Yet so does theidea of being able to live a normal life. No morecounseling and rehashing my past over and over toan uncaring psychiatrist who tells me I can 'cure'myself by rethinking my attitudes. No more goodintentioned souls telling me that all I have to do isquit smoking, or get married, or find a better job andit will all go away. My problem is not stress; I amnot crazy, or a hypochondriac whining so that theworld will notice her. It is not my fault; I did noth-ing to cause this upon myself. My condition is phys-ical; I am no more to blame than a person who dis-covers they have cancer or a heart condition.

This ends a bit more personally than I intended;however, I feel like Alice in Wonderland, when shesuddenly woke up on the grass to know it had allbeen just a dream. A bad dream, maybe. But I willwake up, and I will finally have help. As researcherslearn more about the effects of Serotonin and thereal causes of my problem, I will be able to livefully. I will be able to help my child, if it happensthat he has inherited this same condition. Already,the relief I have found from even this simple re-search makes it all seem somehow easier to manage.

I am not crazy. And that is making all the differ-ence in how I look at myself.

Works CitedDowling, Colette. You Mean I Don't Have to Feel This Way?

New Help for Depression, Anxiety, and Addicion. NewYork: Maxwell Macmillian International, 1991.

Hockenbury, Don H. and Sanda E. Hockenbury. DiscoveringPsychology. New York: Worth, 2001.

Kennet, G.A. "Serotonin Receptors and their Functions."SmithKline Beechum Paharmaceuticals. Oct. 3, 2001.<http://www.tocris.com/serotonin.html>

Larkin, Marilynn. "The Role of Serotonin in Migraine."Newsline. The Journal of the American MedicalAssociation. 1997. 4 Oct. 2001 <http://www.ama-assn.org/special/migraine/newsline/briefing/serotonin.http>

Rist, Curtis. "The Pain is in the Brain." Discover 21 (Mar2000): pp. 56-63.

The Mayo Clinic. “Diseases and Conditions A-Z.”September 20, 2001<http://mayohealth.org/home?id=DSS00120>

Jennifer is pursuing a degree in Graphic Arts at CCC and isinterested in obtaining a Bachelor’s in English Literature.

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TECHNOLOGY: LOSS OF HUMAN SYMBIOSIS (HEED THE WARNING SIGNS!)

DEBORAH L SNIPES

INTRODUCTIONThose of us who are most sensitive to the rapid-

ity of change are harshly judged archaic. It is thehumanistic, rather than the biological aspect of cop-ing that brings a seemingly irrational resistance tochange. The ambiguity of the future keeps mostaging humans stubbornly rooted in the comforts ofestablished and familiar communication practices. Itis not the computer as a tool that worries the oldergeneration, but the computer as a human surrogate.

Is technical communication decomposing thesocial structure of human value? Is it inevitable thatthe human experience be replaced by the cyber-rela-tionship; will e-mail become a substitute for a smileand a handshake?

The invention of the automobile brought peopletogether: roaming the countryside in a fraction ofthe previous time, meeting new people and seeingnew places. The implementation of technical com-munication has separated people; symbiosis cannotbe achieved on the Web. In his book TheMetaphysics of Virtual Reality (1993), MichaelHeim implies that our world changes gradually butinevitably. However, there is nothing gradual aboutthe world of computers; just as you're learning oneprogram or machine it becomes obsolete. Thisassuredly results from a lack of consideration for thefuture; the cyber-age is not concerned with rele-vance, only speed. As we prophesy the destinationstoward which change carries us, we must include theconsequences of pace. There must be a balancebetween environmental change and the limited paceof human response.

RESEARCHAlvin Toffler's Future Shock (1970) is an in-

depth look at the affects of rapid change on thedevelopment of society as a whole. Touching on vir-tually every aspect of human growth in the advanc-ing age, this piece of work was instrumental in

establishing the [already noticeable] potential costsof the swift, heedlessness of technology. In the year2002 it is easy to be impressed with the insightfulviews of [hu]man's advancement into new conceptu-al environs that were written 30 years ago, includingdiscussions of the many clues and precautions of theimpending difficulties that are still applicable today.

As an expert in the field of psychology and con-tinuing education, Claude Levy-Leboyer's (1979,Trans. 1982) research in environmental psychologyhad a comprehensive take on social developmentand the use of space. Territoriality has definite age-related levels; the internet has all but abolished age-appropriate territory. The perception and evaluationof one's environment is vital to social harmony; asLevy-Leboyer states, "...territory is a guarantee ofsafety and therefore of survival... and of affirmingthe identity of an individual and [her] species mem-bership."

Dorothy Hertzel's report on government andindustry efforts to preserve children's privacy on-line is very telling of an ongoing failure to do so.Knowing whether you're talking to a 12 yr. old or a22 yr. old is on a real "shaky" trust basis whileyou're surfin' the Net. It is becoming increasinglycomplicated to protect our children's territory. Wemust be cautious, realistic, and involved whenallowing room for our kids’ advancement.

DISCUSSIONCulture shock is the result of one's sudden immer-sion into an unfamiliar environment while beingexpected to adapt immediately. Super-industrial[hu]man traces an electronic path through a world ofcolliding sub-cultures; this is the social mobility ofthe future (Toffler, 1970, p. 37). The search for per-sonal style is becoming increasingly intense. Yet, aswe are bombarded with a growing mass of choices,we lose the focus if not the purpose of that search.Quantity can actually decrease quality; to "stop andsmell the roses" is a useful analogy when trying toextract meaning from material.

According to Toffler (1970), "We expect thatcertain kinds of relationships will endure longer thanothers. It is, in fact, possible to classify relationshipsin terms of their duration" (p. 90). In the pre-techni-cal era, the majority of relationships were stable,long-term, and often intimate. Now, however, thesituation is reversed, with the majority of contempo-rary human relationships being transient. Whilemost people have a core of regular associates, they88 TTeecchhnnoollooggyy

also have hundreds, even thousands of people whothey may only interact with once or twice ever.People no longer want to define social behaviorface-to-face where individuals have to defend theirterritory in person (Levy-Leboyer, 1979, p. 121).Bravery in one's utterances has become effortless inaddition to inconsiderate; to think before you speakis no longer a goal that growing humans are tryingto develop. The landscape of interpersonal relation-ships is being bulldozed at an alarming rate.

It is the scientific analysis, and not the familyrecipe,that tells us how we should actually eat.It is the scientific diagram, and not the paintingor sculpture,that tells us what the world around us is actual-ly like.It is the scientific account, and not the creationmyth,that tells us how things actually began. (Bruce V. Foltz, Inhabiting the Earth, p. 64)

CONCLUSIONWhile technical communication is not the only

source of change in social relationships, it isundoubtedly the most aggressive. The Internet hascreated a whole new set of concerns for parents withschool children. The strictest of self-regulation must

be implemented with the purchase of a home com-puter, especially where children reside. Although thecomputer industry and government legislatorsattempt to address consumer concerns for matters ofonline privacy, it is ultimately the responsibility ofthe parents to monitor this unique social threat.Predators have been handed all new ways to abusethe Constitution. With nearly 66% of our nation’schildren using the internet, the ability for the "badguys" to victimize the children is a pressing danger(Hertzel, 2000).

Self-concept and personality development aredirectly influenced by the mirror of our individualcultures and society as a whole. As technical com-munication practices to re-shape social reality, indi-viduals race to keep abreast of their conceptualselves. Parents strive to maintain a balance betweentheir children's access to technological advantages,the threat of invasion, and time away from the com-puter screen. Why go out and find someone to playwith when you can hang out with the characters onThe Sims game and have any kind of life you desirewhen you can make the unreal characters do any-thing you want? As we retreat farther and fartherinto the privacy of our self-contained environments,we are letting go of the essential basics of humandevelopment; there is no acceptable substitute forlive human contact. Let us not abandon our cyber-environs, but merely proceed with caution, a grainof judgment, and a healthy regard for reality andpace.

ReferencesFoltz, B. V. (1995) Inhabiting the Earth. New Jersey:

Humanities Press Inc.Heim, M. (1993) The Metaphysics of Virtual Reality. New

York: Oxford University Press.Hertzel, D. A. (2000, Mar.) Don't talk to strangers: An analy-

sis of government and industry efforts to protect a child'sprivacy online. Federal Communications Law Journal,52(2), 429-451.

Levy-Leboyer, C. (1979) Canter, D., & Griffiths, I. (Trans.1982). Psychology and Environment. Beverly Hills: SagePublications.

Toffler, A. (1970). Future Shock. New York: Random House.

Deborah is soon to be a Nursing student at CCC and is looking forward to the challenge.

TTeecchhnnoollooggyy 99

PICTOGLYPH

Timothy Frazier

OVERCOMING NEGATIVITY IN THEWORKPLACE

GENA HANKINS

It's just another day at work. You show up with asmile on your face ready to tame the challenges thatlie ahead. Your day begins by having to overlook thefact that a co-worker has parked in your parkingspot. Not a big deal, since your name is not official-ly on it, but still disturbing. A fresh cup of hot coffeewill soon erase your dismay, so you make your wayto the break room. You grab a cup and start to pourthe coffee, when you notice that someone has takenthe last drop and did not bother to make a fresh pot.You wonder, why? To you, it seems like a commoncourtesy, but to another, it may seem an inconven-ience. Who knows the reason why, but it still makesyour day start off on a sour note.

You paste a smile back on your face, sit down atyour desk, and begin the grueling process of bootingup your computer. It always takes a while to do this,but on this particular day the network is exceedinglyslow. You log into your phone and it starts ringingimmediately. Customers are bellowing out demandsthat you can't possibly meet because you can't getyour screens to change. What would usually takeyou thirty seconds is now taking you three minutes.

Your mind is racing with things you could andshould be getting done, and you feel your bloodpressure starting to rise. You are getting frustratedwith the computer department because no one, inyour mind, is trying to get to the bottom of this.Then a co-worker comes in to ask for help on some-thing that you know you've explained to him or hera thousand times. You are now on edge – what morecan happen? You decide to check your e-mail, whenyou notice a meeting request that has been sent toyou on how to overcome negativity in the work-place. It started ten minutes ago. You quietly snickerand think to yourself, "Right." At this particulartime, you cannot conceive of any way to battle thisraging monster.

Does this sound familiar? Is the human racefine-oiled machines programmed to perform dailyfunctions? Or are we prisoners chained to our desks?

It's all about attitude. Attitude breeds productivity.Why is productivity a viable factor in this equation?A happy and positive person will produce far moreresults than a negative-Nelly. And since frustrationcan easily lead to negativity, life's unexpected road-blocks slow us down and even stop us at times.According to Joe Black, author of The AttitudeConnection, negative people are like squirters: theytend to go through life squirting other people; theyarm themselves with bad attitudes and hose othersdown along the way with their negative trash.

One thing is for certain, we do have control overhow we cope and how we handle negative situa-tions, but I am responsible for me and me only. If Iam having a bad day and am not happy, then whowill care? My employer may not care as long as Iam getting the job done right, and my co-workersmay not care as long as I stay out of their business.Frustration has to be properly channeled in order toproduce desirable results with your work, and laughter is thought to be one of the most potentstress relievers. It is known to help improve teambuilding, communication skills, aid in conflict man-agement, and increase productivity.

The goal to overcoming negativity is to expectthe unexpected and to go with the flow as much aspossible. In order to remain productive and keepyour sanity, you must work on not letting negativepeople or situations dictate the outcome. By lookingat humor as a stress-management tool, negativitycan be turned into laughter. People who laughtogether work together better, so by learning how todiffuse the frustration before it turns into negativitywill not only make us more productive, but will alsomake us happier people. Don't let society or culturedictate our existence.

1100 BBuussiinneessss

WWANT TO SSUBMITYOUR WRITING OR ART??

YOU MAY TAKE YOUR...Research, essays, fiction, poetry, and art to

Gina L Hochhalter in Phase V, Office 509Ramon Jones in Phase I, Office 141Paul Nagy in Phase I, Office 141Janett Johnson in Phase I, Office 141

DON’T ASK ALICEDANIELLE TURNER

I was like Alice in Wonderland. Like Alice, I wassearching for my white rabbit and like Alice, I gotlost. Like Alice falling down her rabbit hole, therewas no way out, no way back. I was entranced by thewicked, the absurd. Everything was, what it was not. Ichased my rabbit without caution, without fear. It wasall that mattered. Then finally I found my rabbit, butnot at all where I had been searching for it and not atall when I expected.

I was in high school. I was a normal girl, blondelike Alice herself, and popular. I participated in manytypical activities like school dances and footballgames, and had a lot of friends. I achieved decentgrades and was considered to be very smart.However, I felt something was lacking.

I began to grow bored with the typical and longedfor adventure. I began to seek out new and stimulat-ing people forever searching for my white rabbit ofhappiness. In my search I found the Mad Hatter andthe March Hare. I saw the tea mouse and we all sang,and danced, but no white rabbit would appear. Ibecame obsessed with my plight. My life hadchanged with my obsession and my world began tosplit. I had my normal world with homework anddances and parents; then, I had my Wonderland.Wonderland was where I was sure to find him, myrabbit. Wonderland consisted of friends that weremuch older than I, some of them models, some ofthem in college, all of them drug users, smokers, andheavy drinkers.

One morning my two worlds collided. On my wayinto my high school, some natives of my wonderlandparked outside the gymnasium caught my attentionand without much enticing, convinced me to skipschool and join them for something much more excit-ing. We went off to find a party, which in a normalplace would seem strange, but the second I enteredthat car, I entered the rabbit hole to Wonderland. InWonderland it was always somebody's Un-birthday,therefore, there was always a party, even at eight o'clock in the morning.

The rabbit hole I had found so enticing that morn-ing led me to an old house. Within that house was avast array of people and things that I found quite alienand intimidating. The house was very run down. Thewindows were boarded up and there was no lightexcept for occasional pockets caused by cracks in theboards. There was no real furniture, only a few mat-tresses spread on the floors of the three-bedroom

shack. Loud music filled with sexual innuendoes andexplicit language blasted through the rooms. The airwas filled with green and black smoke and smelled ofspoil and incense. People were milling around thewhole house but seemed concentrated in a large roomat the back, so my curiosity led me back there, travel-ing further down the rabbit hole and further intoWonderland.

Now in whatseemed to be themaster bedroom Icould see the castof characters in myWonderland. Thesecreatures seem to fittheir surroundings.With one look, Iwas perfectly awareof their evil –aware, but strangelyintrigued. Suddenlymy intimidationdisappeared. Ifound it odd thatthey didn't frightenme. Funny that inactuality, theyannoyed me, the demons in that house.

Amidst this evil was the tea mouse, a small manencircled by the ogres Tweedle Dee and TweedleDumb. His intelligence was questionable; however,his influence over the group in that house was not. Hewas obviously the one in charge. I observed from aconcealed corner of the room as the mouse coaxed hisfollowers into such demeaning tasks as bringing hisdrinks and wiping the sweat from his brow.Considering my observations, I let slip a small giggleas the vision of dogs walking humans ran through mymind. It then occurred to me that this wasWonderland, so however odd, anything was accept-able.

As I looked around the room, I began to findmyself in an uncomfortable state. I was still notafraid, and now no longer intrigued by my surround-ings. I ceased to want to mingle with the group. I hadgrown bored with my observations, and I realized Iwas no closer to my white rabbit. Feeling frustrated, Idecided to find somewhere to be alone while I sortedout what to do. I waded through passed out bodies,dried vomit, and drug paraphernalia until I found

AAnnaallooggyy 1111

myself at the door of a closet. Normally very claustro-phobic, I took a look at my surroundings, and sudden-ly the claustrophobia was overshadowed by my needto be away from this scene. I took refuge inside thecloset, sitting myself on the hard, cool floor.

Suddenly from the darkness of the small spaceappeared a Cheshire cat. He was colorful and mysti-cal. He smiled a most innocent smile and asked methe matter. I told him that I was lost. I told him I waslooking for the white rabbit but I could not find him.

The Cheshire cat said nothingbut again flashed a slightsmile. I looked at him andalmost pleading said, "Doyou know where my rabbitis?" He closed his eyes andseemed to be in thought as

his colors shifted from pinks and purples to blues andgreens. I thought he should be considered beautiful atthat moment, but by the next moment I found myselfhating him. I hated him because he was laughing atme. He opened his eyes, saw me imploring him forthis knowledge, then began laughing so hard he rolledabout in the air like an astronaut in space. He said heknew what I was after and I should never find myrabbit because I was too stupid to know where tolook. I was so angry I screamed at the laughing cat,but he laughed on. I reached out with fists of rage tostrike him but in an instant, he vanished. I began tocry. I cried out because I was so angry with theCheshire cat for taunting me and then just vanishing. Isobbed as I felt the torture he inflicted upon me, pre-tending to be a friend, only to turn on me in ridicule.However, most of all, I cried because I feared that hewas right.

Then my tears were stayed. I noticed that one ofthe fists I had swung at the evil cat had opened into ahand, and that the hand had landed on something. Iclosed my hand around the strange object and pickedit up. Using a bit of light that shone through a hole inthe closet door, I saw that it was a bottle. Attached tothe bottle was a note written in silver calligraphy;"Drink Me" was what it read. Clear, crystal and pure,the contents of the bottle called to me. I envied itssimplicity, its clarity. Where did it come from? Didthe Cheshire cat leave it? Did he decide to help meafter all? I was intrigued by the prospects of my find.

I found myself convinced that this bottle wouldlead me to my rabbit. So fearing nothing as I was sureI had seen the worst, I put the bottle to my lips and

began to drink.I hear it's cold in Russia. I felt the chill of a bliz-

zard on the steppes as a small piece of Russia foundits way through my lips into a downward spiral, thatwould soon spread the cold of Russia throughout myentire body.

The tension around me began to ease. I felt asAlice did as she began to grow larger among the deckof cards that at one time held her captive, then in amoment she was towering over them, able to shufflethem in the palms of her hands.

The bottle made a clinking sound as I placed itback on the floor, now empty.

I exited the closet, confident now that the whiterabbit would soon be in my grasp.

With the contents of the bottle now thoroughlyabsorbed into my body, I began to feel a change. MyWonderland began to spin and all that had seemedthreatening, or annoying, or curious, became funnyand blurred.

I lost sight of my search. I felt as though I wasdrowning. Cold and darkness surrounded me. Onlyperiodically could I bring my awareness to the surfaceand catch a glimpse of the horrifying situation intowhich I had gotten myself. My overwhelmingly curi-ous Wonderland had become, in an instant, the mostterrifying of all hells.

Peeping through a keyhole, too large to get throughthe door, I could see myself on the outside. I saw theperson who I had once been. I saw school dances,football games, and me cheering with the crowd andfeeling free. I found myself longing to go back there,but feeling as though I could never return to thatplace. Now, turning my back to the door, looking atwhere I was, I watched myself dancing in blacknesswith the Cheshire cat, Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dumb,the mouse and the rest of the cast, but no white rabbit.Where was he? Lost forever? The Mad Hatter and theMarch Hare dance to me with bottles and powders intheir hands; I laugh and drink and smoke and sniffwithout any conscious idea of why. I slid down thedoor until I was sitting and I realized I was flirtingwith Death. I had lost all control. I put my head in myhands and closed my eyes.

Surrounded by darkness, and unable to find a wayout, I again began to cry. This time I cried because Ihad given up. I thought I was forever lost in the ever-so-confusing world of Wonderland and I should neverescape.

Suddenly a voice came from nowhere. It called tome, but I did not want to answer. I had answered oncebefore and the Cheshire cat trapped me in this hell forit. I was too tired and angry to be scared, but I was

1122 AAnnaallooggyy

cautious enough by this point that I would not befooled again. I would rather sit and cry and rot awayin Wonderland. I really had given up.

The voice became louder and more demanding. Itcalled my name and beckoned me near. Out of frus-tration and fear it would never leave me in peace, so Iwent towards the mysterious voice. Following its call,the voice led me to a strange sight indeed. Amazinglyenough, this voice unnerved me; I was set aback, andperhaps saved by the fact that any stimuli could seempeculiar to me now.

My search for the voice ended at the feet of a verylarge caterpillar who sat upon a mushroom stool,smoking a hookah. Inside myself I thought, "Now

what ridiculous torment isthis?" The odd creaturetold me it had somethingto show me. I told thecaterpillar that I no longercared about the white rab-bit, so his game would bea waste of time. At that Iturned and started to go. Iwas but only a couple ofsteps away when very

"matter of factly" the caterpillar said, "Okay, but I justwanted to show you how to get home." I stoppedwhere I was. I thought about turning to go back, but Itold myself it was a lie, a trick. "He will only hurtyou," I told myself. Resolving that I was already hurt-ing and had nothing to lose, I turned and went back tohim.

I approached the caterpillar with skepticism andhope, and asked, "How do I get home?" Then thecaterpillar began to change. Colored smoke began toswirl around his body, wrapping him like a mummyuntil all that was left was his head. I watched as hishead changed, too, but not in the same way. With thecocoon of smoke still swirling around his body, hishead began to morph into that of my mother. I sawher smiling and telling me to come home. I wanted toreach for her and hold on to her, but before I could,the head again changed, this time into my brother. Mybrother did not look at me; instead he looked aroundand called to me as if he were searching for me. Iscreamed to him, "I am here, I am right here!" but hecould not hear me, and instead he kept calling. Thehead continued to change, showing me all of the peo-ple of my other world, missing me, wanting me.

I couldn't take it anymore. This was the worst of itall. How could this horrible caterpillar punish me so?Why tease me with these people that I love and missso much? I wanted to scold him, but before I could

find the words, the smoke cocoon covered him com-pletely and like the Cheshire cat, he was gone.The caterpillar was gone but his voice remained tosay one last thing. "You have the key." I cried out andbegged for him to explain, but I knew it was no use. Iwas so incredibly tired of this place. At the top of mylungs I screamed "I WANT TO GO HOME!" Thenthe door again appeared in front of me, but it hadgrown. The door was now large enough to getthrough. I ran to it and hoping for the best I opened itand went through.

I opened my eyes to find that two years had goneby since I entered the rabbit hole. I was laying in apool of my own bloody vomit in a parking lot. Thebright sun hurt my eyes and my head was pounding. Ihurt all over and felt near death. I was home. I gath-ered myself up and by some miracle managed to gethome. Feeling as though I had been gone forever, Ilooked around trying to find my way. I found thebathroom and decided to get a look at myself.Looking in the mirror, really looking, for the firsttime in a long time, I saw that Wonderland had takena toll on me. My once beautiful green eyes weresunken into my face, and surrounded by black circles.My weight had reached very unhealthy lows, and mybody was bruised and battered. I felt tired and sickand ashamed. I did not want to live in Wonderlandanymore. I wanted out. I wanted to stay in this, thereal world, forever.

I went to the people of this world. I sought the helpof the faces in the caterpillar. I cried to my motherand my friends. I knew only they could help me stayaway from the rabbit hole. They could keep me safe.Slowly I found my way back. I was out ofWonderland forever.

A few months had gone by. I had put on a littleweight and began to regain some color in my face. Iwas feeling safe, and was confident that the Cheshirecat and the others were gone for good.

I woke very early one morning and for some rea-son was drawn outside. I grabbed a stuffed cat madeby my grandmother and walked out into the frontyard. I was barefoot and the dew of the grass tickledmy feet. It had been so long since I was able to noticesuch a simple splendor that I cried a little at the joy ofit. I looked straight up and after all that time in dark-ness, at last saw the sun. The beauty of this morninghit me so hard that I fell over. Lying on my back inthe wet grass, I rolled my head to the side and studieda single blade of green. I took a moment to reflect on

AAnnaallooggyy 1133

how lucky I was to see such a marvel and appreciateit. I looked at the top of the blade to see perched everso gracefully a butterfly. Its wings were perfectlybeautiful. It stayed only a moment, then fluttered uptoward the sky. I followed its flight until it paused,hovering for a second, then flew off and was gone,leaving only sky. I thought the pause odd at first butthen I understood the meaning of the gesture. Thebutterfly was leading me and I followed. Still on myback, looking straight up at the sky, I saw what it wastrying to show me.

I was still for a second, then, an explosion. I beganto laugh and cry and scream all at once. I was hysteri-cal, for at last I had found him. After all this time, allthis hell. Lying in the grass, looking up at the sky, Isaw a formation of puffy white clouds that had longwhite ears, a fat round body, and a little puffy tail. Itwas a rabbit. It was my rabbit, my white rabbit. Icould not believe it. There he was – the rabbit I hadsearched for through hell and back, he was rightthere, I had finally found him.Not in a bottle, or powder, orpill, but right there in the beau-tiful morning sky. I continuedto laugh, and a part of me con-tinued to cry. I cried for all thepain I had inflicted on myselfand those that loved and stoodby me. I cried for the bit ofanger I felt at myself for thehuge chunk of my life that Ilost. But I laughed for joy. I laughed because I knewthat things would finally be okay.

I finally realized that I am not perfect, and not sin-less. But now I know where my rabbit is. He is not inWonderland, but always with me – here, here in reallife.

Here is where I plan to stay from now on.

Danielle is a Nursing student at CCC.

Illustrations are borrowed from Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland.Ed. Donald J. Gray, 2nd edition. New York: W.W. Norton & Co.,1992. Jabberwocky (reproduced in Palabras, p. 11) illustrated by SirJohn Tenniel.

SITTING DOWN: ADEDICATION

CHARLES LOTT

Seated comfortably at my desk, I have a ratherprecarious query. How many different places haveyou taken the opportunity to sit in your lifetime? Ifind it almost impossible to name all of the possibil-ities that occurred just in the last week, a conclusionthat leads me to believe that seats, in all of theirshapes and sizes, may be the most under-appreciatedconception I can think of. Chairs, couches, benches,five gallon buckets, or any number of things to siton always seem to be around whenever someoneutters that infamous, and sometimes ominousphrase, "have a seat." Rather than ramble on aboutpossibilities, let me share some stories of friendsand myself in which we were grateful to have aplace to sit.

ONEI was young, a second grader sitting at my desk

daydreaming about kickball at recess. My teacher,Mrs. Beasley, was telling us about the unparalleledsignificance of the events that were about to takeplace. NASA approved the first civilian ever to beallowed to accompany a shuttle crew in to space.The civilian was a teacher also; I believe her namewas Christina. Mrs. Beasley always seemed to beoverly excited about events like this. I can remem-ber thinking to my self, a shuttle launch? Big deal, Isaw lots of spaceships flying around last night dur-ing the Star Wars movie I watched. About this time,the shuttle crew, dressed in orange moon suits, hadexited the building they were in and started walkingtowards the lift. Mrs. Beasley hushed the class andturned the volume up on the television.

The announcer began to spit colloquialismsabout patriotism, the excitement in his voiceincreasing with every word spoken. The crewreached the door of the shuttle, waving to the crowdbefore they entered. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,five, four, three, two, one. The engines fired, grayand black smoke bellowed from beneath the shuttle."We have lift off!" the announcer roared. The classwas in frenzy; I was on the edge of my seat. Wewatched as the shuttle climbed higher and higherinto the baby blue sky of Cape Canaveral. Secondslater the shuttle erupted into a gaseous inferno. 1144 NNaarrrraattiivvee

"The Challenger has exploded, oh my God!" theannouncer repeated.

Shock. Disbelief. Silence. I felt my heart sink into my stomach, slumped

back into my seat, laid my head down on my desk,and began to weep.

TWOHarry, the starting center on the Blackcats foot-

ball team, is having his seventeenth birthday partytonight. The Blackcats are hosting the undefeated,top rated Scorpions tonight to determine the numberone spot in the upcoming playoffs. Willie, the quar-terback of the Blackcats, had a monstrous game:throwing for 267 yards and three touchdowns to theBlackcats' victory. The celebration began in thelocker room and quickly moved to Harry's house.Best friends on and off of the field, Harry and Williewere pretty much inseparable.

"Man what a great feeling to be number one onmy birthday," Harry said triumphantly.

"Yeah, I know; man, there must be a hundredpeople here," Willie replied. "You know what wouldreally set this party off?" Willie asked. "A little bitof booze."

"Man, you know I don't drink," Harry snapped,then reconsidered, "But I think this definitely quali-fies as a special occasion."

Neither could buy alcohol, being underage.Unfortunately, being underage was not a problemfor Harry's older brother Phil, who was in town forhis birthday. Phil was more than happy to run to theliquor store for his little bro, especially after the waythat the Blackcats knocked off the Scorpions.

After Phil returned with the alcohol, Harry andWillie decided to take a little ride in the new truckHarry got for his birthday. They slipped away fromthe party, bottle in hand, and left for destinationunknown. Harry drove miles out of the city limits ona dirt road that led them to a dead end. Theylaughed, drank, talked, drank, spilled, and drankuntil there was no more to drink.

''Well, I guess it's time to head back to theparty," Willie said.

"Yah, let's go!" Harry screamed as he threw thetruck into drive and slammed on the gas pedal. The truck began to speed down the road.

“Faster... faster!" Willie demanded.

Behind them the truck was leaving a cloud ofdust; in front of them the road had a very sharp 45-degree turn, which was almost impossible to see inthe dark. Harry missed the turn. The truck was mov-ing 90 miles per hour, struck the bar ditch andflipped five times. Harry and Willie were both killedin the accident. No one ever knew how the boys gotthe alcohol. No one knew when the boys left theparty. The biggest question no one had an answerfor was Why?

Phil attended the boys' funeral. He sat on thepew in front of Harry's casket, at the head of thechurch. He listened as friends and family of the boyssaid kind words on their behalf and he sank lowerand lower into his seat on the pew. In his heart Philknew the accident was not his fault, but the feelingof guilt was too severe. The next day, while sittingon Harry's bed, Phil put a pistol in his mouth andpulled the trigger.

I have witnessed nearly all of the significantevents of my life in the arms of one form of chair oranother. It seems that there has always been a seataround when my knees weren't quite there.

Now, in the twilight of my life, I find that I sitquite a bit more than I stand. I often ponder storiessuch as these while I rest and watch the sun set. Ifind great joy in watching my grandson play withhis toy tractor around my feet as I sit. It is never aproblem for me to recall tales of ending up on unex-pected seats, while having unexpected feelings totell my grandson… but that is another story.

Charles is the head of the Measurement Department at PNMin Clovis. He takes courses at CCC in pursuit of anAssociate’s in CIS.

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ENVELOPEGEN LAWSON

The envelopethe envelope pleaseI think I’ll foldmy Self flat,fold flat into the envelopein your fingersin the flutter of your fingersyou flip me from your fingersAnd I,I lie flatlie flat in the envelopeflipping from your fingersAnd I,I feel like I am flutteringI am fluttering downfluttering down to the river.

TEACHERSCATHERINE ANDERSON

We real cruel. We run school. We

up late. We grade straight. We

don't tolerate. We lecture long. We

quiz long. Wenever wrong.

Catherine will receive her Associate’s of Liberal Arts inDecember, 2002.

This poem is a play on Gwendolyn Brooks’s “The Pool Players.Seven at the Golden Shovel” which can be found in The BlairHandbook, 4th edition (English 104 course text, p. 139).

DYING EMBERSSHANNON LUJAN

Like fuel to a fireSo is my hate to youThrown in It explodes with mightStrong and torturousBurning bright Long into the night The fire dims And yetThe embers burn onAlways holding a spark of spiteThe flames grow and roar againConsumingEngulfing all that's insightThe barren wasteland is left behindCharred to a blackness of desolationNothing can grow No hope of survivalNo chance at lifeExtinguished but not goneThe scars left upon the surfaceAre the mirror to a soulA life covered with blacknessSmotheredBeneath the surface of the whole

Shannon is working towards an Associate’s of Liberal Arts atCCC and has an interest in studying Literature.

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