Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking in 21 Days

8/13/2019 Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking in 21 Days

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Benjamin van Spijck

Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking

workbook


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Contents

1. Foreword..............................................................................................................4

2. Fear under the microscope...................................................................................6

3. Getting to know fear of speaking .......................................................................10

4. Fear of public speaking under the axe ...............................................................15

5. Stop unhealthy reasoning...................................................................................19

6. Think of healthy ways of reasoning....................................................................23 7. Imaginary exposure ...........................................................................................24

8. Coupling relaxation to speaking situations ........................................................27

9. Exercises, the power of repetition......................................................................29

10. Natural speech-giving with mind mapping .........................................................34

11. Making a mind map ...........................................................................................37

12. Achieving Flow with visualization.......................................................................39

13. Applying visualization........................................................................................43

14. Youre there! ......................................................................................................45

15. Afterword...........................................................................................................46

16. Glossary .............................................................................................................47

Copyright vanSpijck e-marketing BV, the Netherlands.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or byany means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the prior permission of thepublisher.

ISBN/EAN 978-90-78974-01-7

NUR 770


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1. Foreword

For many of us, the fear of public speaking is an everyday reality. Striking up aconversation with a stranger often goes quite well, but having to speak during a meetingis far more difficult. Even the thought of a round of introductions breaks many peopleinto a sweat, and if they have to give a speech, many of them contemplate driving theircar into a tree.

But this isnt the fear of only a few. American research (Burnley, Cross and Spanos,1993) shows that more than eight out of ten people suffer, to a greater or lesser degree,from the fear of speaking in public. Four out of ten people place fear of public speakingin the top three of their personal fears; often even above the fear of a terrorist attack orthe fear of death.

What is it with the fear of public speaking? People are by nature sociable beings. Theyshare their lives with each other. They talk, laugh and cry together. They help eachother, teach each other. They make each others lives miserable. Its all so natural. Untilthe moment one person steps out of the group to address the others. Thats when thetension strikes: the speakers mouth goes dry, he breaks out in red blotches and hishands tremble. And a replacement-tension fills the audience; a tense hope that all willgo well.

What is the speaker afraid of? That his public will devour him? If that were the case hisfear would be justified. But its often the case that the public want only the best for thespeaker; so that actually makes the fear ungrounded. Or is the speaker afraid that hewill suddenly forget his story? But that doesnt happen when hes talking to friends orcolleagues, does it? If he loses the thread then, he makes a joke of it and gets back tothe essence. The more you think about it, the more you have to come to the conclusionthat fear of speaking in public is unfounded. Thats why psychologists refer to it as anirrational fear. The bad news is that possibly eighty percent of the human race is afraidof something they need not be afraid of. The good news is that an irrational fear caneasily be overcome. And thats what were going to do over the next 21 days overcomeyour fear.

Ill tell you now how I personally overcame my fear of public speaking.

As far back as I can remember, I was tormented by a fear of talking in public. I canclearly recall my earliest memory, when I was ten years old and had to stand in front ofthe class. Through the years my fear of speaking became a constant in my life. Imastered the avoidance of situations in which the spotlight would be on me. I made sureI was ill that day, I lied, hid behind others and, more than once, I even consideredcausing an accident while on my way to a meeting just so I wouldnt have to speak infront of others.

So, at the age of thirty-five, I decided it was time to overcome my fear of speaking inpublic. I started by taking a presentation training workshop given by a reputablecommunications adviser. She taught me how to build up an effective presentation, butunfortunately did nothing to reduce my fear of public speaking. I then found a coachonline who had developed a unique method for not only dealing with the fear of publicspeaking, but other phobias as well. I first read his book and, enthusiastic about the


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promises made in it, I took part in his training course. But unfortunately, this, too, didnot help me get rid of my fear.

I did, however, become more and more convinced that I absolutely wanted to overcomemy fear of public speaking and that it must be possible to do so.I started to understand that the fear of public speaking is a lie, an irrational fear. Afterall, why be scared of speaking in front of an audience that is made up of fellow humanbeings who often only want the best for you? Why be afraid to talk to groups whentalking to individuals is something you do with pleasure day in, day out? Why act as iftalking in front of a group is some kind of major performance? It really is nothing moreand nothing less than a meeting with other people during which information isexchanged. Why was I allowing that feeling of nervousness to reach panic proportions?Why shouldnt I be able to amplify the joy and energy I normally get from talking toothers when talking to a group?

If that were possible, then speaking in public would no longer lead to panic. It couldactually be fun!

With this motivation in mind, I started looking for answers. I studied the scientificbackground of the fear of speaking and other (social) phobias. I talked to psychologistsand trainers. I delved into information about Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) andEmotional Freedom Techniques (EFT). I began to understand what the fear of publicspeaking is all about and discovered why expensive workshops and books often do littleto overcome it. With all the knowledge I had gained, I developed a training programmefor my own personal use. And it worked. I succeeded in exposing the lie behind my fearof speaking. And by doing all the exercises I had developed, I completely overcame myfear. Now I can speak freely, comfortably and with pleasure. And very soon you will alsoexperience that wonderful feeling of freedom. It is now your turn to say goodbye to yourfear of public speaking. Believe me, in 21 days you will be speaking confidently andcomfortably, just like me.

Enjoy the course!

Benjamin van Spijck.

First some important words of warning. If you suffer greatly from a phobia, or if yousuffer from several phobias, seek advice from your doctor before starting thisprogramme. If you suffer from, or have suffered from breathing problems,hyperventilation, a heart condition, muscle problems or psychological symptoms, seekadvice from your doctor before starting this programme. Following this method anddoing these exercises could worsen symptoms or conditions. You follow thisprogramme at your own risk.


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2. Fear under the microscope

We cant live without fear. Fear is a fact and a very natural reaction to a threateningsituation. From the beginning, fear, just like pain, has been an alarm signal of greatimportance for the survival of the human race.

Ingrained and acquired fearsFears with which we naturally react to dangerous situations or objects are ingrained inhuman beings. Babies display a shock reaction when they hear a loud noise, and we veryquickly realize that it would be foolish to dive into an abyss unprotected. But there are

many fears that we acquire. A well-known experiment that falls within this framework isthat of the psychologist John B. Watson who taught a child of less than a year old to beafraid of white mice. He did this by allowing the boy, Little Albert, to play with whitemice, and every time the boy played with the mice, Watson made a loud noise behindhim. After doing this only a few times, Little Albert was already afraid of white mice,even when the noise was no longer being made. Fear of loud noise was alreadyingrained in the boys survival system; fear of white mice was acquired.

Real and irrational fearsBoth ingrained and acquired fears can be real, meaning that you are afraid of somethingthat presents actual danger. But fear can also be irrational: being afraid of somethingthat does not present danger. Even a real fear can take on irrational proportions: i.e.when you react to something quite harmless with the same intensity that you would if

twenty-five hooligans were chasing you down a dead-end alley. The lack of a real threattherefore differentiates irrational fears from normal feelings of fear. The symptoms arethe same in both cases: palpitation, dry mouth, an oppressed feeling, nervous tension,irritability, restlessness, increased muscle tension or sleeping and concentrationproblems.

Anxiety disorderReal fear is therefore useful because it keeps us away from dangerous situations. Manypeople are able to live quite well even with irrational fears, but problems arise when theirrational fear takes on such proportions that people are hindered from functioningnormally. In cases like these, psychologists speak of an anxiety disorder or a phobia.

Many people suffer from a social phobia. Actually, this is a severe form of shyness; thefear of losing face with other people. As well as the fear of speaking in public, fear oftelephoning, fear of eating out and fear of blushing or trembling also fall into thecategory of social phobia. Another group of frequently occurring fears is the fear ofsituations. People who suffer from this often have a persistent fear of things like water,heights, enclosed spaces, speed, flying, and the like. A third group of frequentlyoccurring fears is the fear of animals, and all sorts of other fears such as the fear ofpublic spaces, and fears of blood, pain and illness.

If someone suffers from one, or a few, of the mentioned phobias, the impact on their lifeis often manageable. Instead of seeking help, they often choose to avoid the fearfulsituation. However, it is often the case that people suffer from more than one or a fewfears. If they choose not to seek help but avoid all fearful situations, it almost certainlyleads to social isolation.


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This programme has been written in order to offer help to people who wish to overcometheir fear of public speaking. It appears that this method has also proved successful inovercoming other social phobias. And thats logical. The same twisted thoughts lie atthe root of the various social phobias, and it is these twisted thoughts that we are goingto unmask in the coming weeks. The exercises in this book are also perfectly suited toovercoming irrational fears that do not fall into the social phobia category. But, if yousuffer greatly from a phobia, or several phobias, then I seriously advise you to seekprofessional help; in the first place from your doctor.

In the following exercises, we put your fears under the microscope. In the first exerciseyou gain insight into the fears you have and the extent to which you have them. In thesecond exercise you get a picture of the characteristics of your major fears. This insightinto your fears is the first step to overcoming them.


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Day 1 - exercise 1 insight into your fearsThis is a list of frequently occurring fears.Indicate by ticking the boxes to what degree you experience fear.

Enclosed spaces no fear very fearful

Deep water no fear very fearful

Talking to a group no fear very fearful

Illness no fear very fearful

High speed no fear very fearful

Terrorism no fear very fearful

Aggression no fear very fearful

Dogs no fear very fearful

Telephoning no fear very fearful

Lightning no fear very fearful

Fire no fear very fearful

Blood no fear very fearful

Death no fear very fearful

Travel by plane no fear very fearful

Public places no fear very fearful

Heights no fear very fearful

Driving no fear very fearful

Arguments no fear very fearful

Being alone no fear very fearful

Snakes no fear very fearful

Blushing no fear very fearful

Mice no fear very fearful

Crowds no fear very fearful

Having to succeed no fear very fearful Natural disasters no fear very fearful

Panic attacks no fear very fearful

Bees and wasps no fear very fearful

Death of a loved one no fear very fearful

. no fear very fearful

. no fear very fearful


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3. Getting to know fear of speaking

Eight out of ten people suffer, to a greater or lesser degree, from the fear of speaking inpublic and this fear can be found in all age groups. Men and women suffer to an equalextent. The fear of public speaking is a persistent fear of critical judgement from others.Actually, it is fear of making ourselves look ridiculous.

The fear of public speaking is a social phobia that comes in various kinds and to varyingdegrees. Many people have trouble speaking to large groups. Others particularlyexperience fear during a one-to-one conversation. And there are still others who find itdifficult to remain calm while talking to superiors. Also, many people are terrified whenthey have to speak in situations on which something depends, like interviews and oralexams.

The fear of public speaking is also referred to as an anticipation fear, which means thatthe fearful person anticipates that speaking will lead to something awful like publicfailure or a black-out. He then anticipates avoiding the situation. For the fearful person,this seems to be the best solution. What he doesnt realise is that by avoiding suchsituations, the fear not only remains, it grows.

Opinions differ about the precise cause of public-speaking fear, although there are threegroups of causes that often play a part in the creation and persistence of the fear.These groups are: lack of knowledge or skills, bad experiences and negative thought.

Lack of knowledge or skillsFor people who dont know how to give a speech, the very prospect of having to do socan make them fearful. And fear of failure can strike those who have to give a speech ona subject they know little about. Fear that is based on a lack of knowledge or skills is, ingeneral, quite easy to resolve. The level of knowledge can be raised by a little study ofthe subject, and the necessary presentation skills can be gained by following apresentation training course. If someone with a lack of knowledge or skills does give apresentation, it can indeed result in a bad experience.

Bad experiencesBad experiences lie at the root of many peoples fear of public speaking. That couldhave already begun in early childhood. Many small children have bad speaking

experiences because others dont really listen to what they have to say. Being laughed atduring a talk at school is a bad experience. Repeatedly receiving negative feedback fromcolleagues or boss about your presentations is a bad experience. Bad experiences leadto negative thought: it didnt go well then, so it wont go well next time, either. That isthe thought pattern that hinders good preparation and strengthens the fear of speakingin public. You cant undo bad experience, but you can do something about the negativethoughts bad experiences have produced.


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Negative thoughtNegative thoughts are far and away the most important cause of the fear of publicspeaking. Negative thoughts are thoughts like: if I have to give a presentation, Illcertainly be terrified and everyone will think Im an idiot or theyll be bound to find mypresentation boring and think Im stupid. The source of negative thoughts is not alwaysclear, although it is accepted that in many cases they spring from bad experiences.Negative thought leads to an avoidance of situations in which public speaking isnecessary. Overcoming fear of public speaking resulting from negative thought is theessence of this training programme.

Fear of public speaking is unnatural, as are other social phobias. People are sociable

beings by nature; they depend on each other and most of them enjoy that. So, peoplewith a social phobia are afraid of something that, by nature, they should enjoy. Youprobably know the inner conflict: on the one hand the dream of speaking confidentlyand comfortably, and on the other the fear of actually having to speak. The followingexercise will give you insight into how your fear of public speaking relates to your wishto speak confidently and comfortably in public.

Day 3 - exercise 1 test fear and pleasure in public speakingAnswer the following questions by indicating to what extent you agree with thestatements. Dont think about it for too long; go with your first thought.

1. I feel pleasantly excited when I give a speech.

(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree2. When I give a speech, I am afraid Ill have a panic attack.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree

3. I say as little as possible when Im in a group.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree

4. In general, I feel comfortable taking part in a group conversation.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree

5. I enjoy taking part in group conversations.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree

6. When I talk to a group, Im afraid Ill make myself look ridiculous.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree

7. If I say something in a group, I say it as briefly as possible.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree

8. I believe that its possible for me to feel relaxed when giving a speech.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree

9. When giving a speech, I try to make contact with my audience.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree


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10. I feel afraid when speaking in a group.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree

11. I am uncomfortable speaking to strangers.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree

12. In general, I can say what I want to when speaking in a group.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree

13. I enjoy speaking in a group.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree

14. When giving a presentation, Im afraid Ill make mistakes.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree

15. I am extremely uncomfortable speaking in a group.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree

16. I feel fairly calm when speaking in a group.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree

17. I can easily express my opinions.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree

18. Im afraid and nervous if I have to give a speech.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree

19. It would be great if I never had to speak in public again.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree

20. I am confident in my attitude and behaviour in a group.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree

21. Speaking in a group gives me a sense of satisfaction.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree

22. When I give a presentation, Im afraid they can see that Im nervous.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree

23. My audience will probably find what I have to tell them boring.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree

24. I can speak to a group.(1) totally agree (2) agree (3) dont know (4) disagree (5) totally disagree


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A promise to yourselfDo you dream of speaking confidently and comfortably in public? Or speaking withpleasure? Or explaining your standpoint with enthusiasm? Or remaining calm if you areforced to the front? And if you could speak confidently and comfortably, what would youdo with your new-found freedom? Start going to parties again? Do that voluntary workyouve been planning to do for so long? Would you finally have the courage to apply forthat job? Many people with public-speaking fear deny themselves a great deal byavoiding situations that evoke fear. But that means that there are so many possibilities,once the fear has been conquered. What will you do with your new freedom?

Day 2 - exercise 2 a promise to myselfThink about what you will do when you have overcome your fear of public speaking atthe end of this programme. Which possibilities will you take advantage of? Which goalswill you set yourself?

Goal 1: ..

.

Goal 2: ..

.

Goal 3: ...

Now, with these goals in mind, make yourself a promise to persevere during the comingweeks and overcome your fear of public speaking. Say, for example, in your own words:I am prepared to do everything necessary to overcome my fear of public speaking. Or:I will do the exercises every day for three weeks so that I will then be able to speakconfidently and comfortably. Formulate your promise positively!

A promise to myself: .

.....

Just imagine; no more fear of speaking in public. In a few months, confident andcomfortable speaking will be normal for you; as it should be. And yet, if you havestruggled with this fear for a long time, overcoming it will most certainly be worthcelebrating. Dont let the victory pass uncelebrated. What will you do when youvecompleted the programme? Go out to dinner with your partner? Throw a party for yourfriends? Buy yourself something expensive? Donate a large amount to charity? Whateveryou do, your victory must be celebrated!

On day 21 I will celebrate overcoming my fear by:

.


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4. Fear of public speaking under the axe

Youve managed to get a good picture of your fear over the last two days. You have alsodiscovered how your fear relates to the pleasure you have in speaking. And you havewritten down everything you are going to do with the freedom living without fear ofpublic speaking will offer you. It is high time, therefore, to attack your fear.

Hanging on to fear by avoiding situationsFirst we are going to return to Little Albert and his acquired, irrational fear of whitemice. That fear was acquired because it was coupled to a loud noise. The fear was

irrational because the white mice presented no danger. In that way, it is comparable tofear of public speaking. You acquired your fear in the past, maybe by not being takenseriously as a child. Or by being laughed at or teased, or, for one reason or another, youbegan to believe that what you had to say wasnt worth saying. And that is why the fearsymptoms with which you react to public speaking are out of proportion. Speaking inpublic is actually just as harmless as playing with white mice.

You could be wondering why irrational fears dont disappear as quickly as they appear.Little Albert probably reached an age at which he asked himself why he was afraid ofsomething as insignificant as a white mouse. He probably saw others allowing smallmice to walk up their arms without any reservations. And he might have sought advicefrom experts who would have confirmed that white mice are harmless. You could alsohave discovered long ago that speaking in public is harmless, and that it is totally

unwarranted to react with a thumping heart, red blotches and a dry mouth.But it doesnt work like that, unfortunately. After the first learning experience whichconvinces us that a situation or an object is something to fear, we continue,subconsciously, to strengthen that fear. We do this by avoiding situations that couldevoke the fear. Little Albert probably avoided being anywhere near white mice (andmaybe he soon began avoiding all rodents). Some people walk up twelve flights of stairsrather than take the lift. Others avoid parks where dogs are taken for walks. Maybe youhide behind a colleague if a presentation has to be given. It feels good to avoid a fearfulsituation. We actually receive a reward for our avoidance behaviour: less fear. But thisrewarding of negative behaviour preserves the fear and helps it grow. In thisprogramme, we are going to use a few useful psychotherapy tools to break this viciouscircle: cognitive restructuring and imaginary exposure.


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Cognitive restructuring Cognitive restructuring is a technique used in cognitive therapy, one of the largermovements in psychotherapy. Cognitive therapy is a form of therapy that is based onthe idea that psychological symptoms or problems stem from the way in which peopleselect and process information. Cognitive restructuring is based on the fact that youdont so much react to a situation itself with fear, but to the way in which you interpretthat situation. In other words, to a large extent you yourself define whether or not yousee something as a problem, and how intense that problem is for you.

That defining happens in a fraction of a second and is often based on a whole complexof twisted ideas. With cognitive restructuring, you learn to replace twisted ideas withrealistic, positive thoughts: positive affirmation. You will be doing exercises that willchallenge you to correct irrational thought. Through insight and practise, you will learnto understand that your fear is not a rational reaction to (the thought of) publicspeaking. And just that understanding will give you a great feeling that your fear isdiminishing. And then youll ready for the next step.

Imaginary exposureThe next step is imaginary exposure. It is a technique used in behavioural therapy, asecond important movement in psychotherapy. The basic principle of behaviouraltherapy is that undesired behaviour is learned and can, therefore, be unlearned. Withimaginary exposure, you will expose yourself to situations that evoke fear, not in realitybut in imagination, in the safety of your own home. You begin with a situation that is theleast fearful and gradually, when youre ready, build up to situations that terrify you. Bybreaking through the avoidance, your fear will gradually decrease and you will become

used to what are for you very difficult situations.As your fear decreases, the desire to try speaking in public will grow, which issomething that, until now, you have often avoided. You will, therefore, have to becomefamiliar with a technique that will help you tell a story or give a presentation in a naturalway. Mind mapping is such a technique.

Mind mappingMind mapping is a way of organising and recording information that well suits thehuman brain. With mind mapping, information is not linearly stored, as we are used to,but is stored in a logically structured and, as much as possible, visual manner.Neurologists agree that this is a better way of clearly organising and rememberinginformation. By making a mind map, the presentation is actually recorded as a film in

your brain. During the giving of a presentation, you will be able to link outlines anddetails in a very natural way. You will be able to give a presentation confidently frommemory because you know that the information has been stored in an effective manner.


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VisualizationVisualization is an important part of the psychological training of top-class sportsmen.They prepare themselves mentally for a match or competition with this technique. Beforethe competition, they repeatedly visualize the event, and in that visualization they seethemselves performing well. They mentally practise an explosive start that immediatelyputs them in the lead. They imagine the forceful punches they will deliver. They feel theskilful goals they will score and they enjoy the crowds cheering. By doing this they buildhealthy, positive tension in their minds. In addition, they mentally work on their skills byfrequent repetition.

By applying this technique to the mental preparation of presentations you will learn to

build positive tension under which you will be able to perform optimally. So, from thismoment onwards, no more crippling stress but measured, positive tension that willbetter help you to perform. And, with visualization, you will learn to construct yourroutine so that during the presentation you will have time and energy for interactionwith your audience.

Do it!With the help of the above mentioned techniques, you can overcome your fear of publicspeaking in the safety of your own home. You will learn how to speak from memory andgive presentations in a natural way. When you reach this point, then you will be ready togive your first presentation confidently, free of public-speaking fear. The firstpresentation should, preferably, be given to a trusted group of between five and tenpeople. After that, grab as many opportunities as possible to speak in public: at work,

with friends, etc. Keep a note of what goes well, ask for feedback and work on yourtechnique. In this way, your skills will increase and your confidence will grow. Thevicious circle of fear has been broken; it has finally made place for an upward spiral ofpeace, pleasure and confidence.


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Day 3 - exercise yoga exercise full breathingIn this programme you will learn to react in a pleasant way to having to give a speech, oreven the thought of having to do so. At the moment you react with fear symptoms likeblushing and trembling. Soon you will react calmly and in a controlled manner. In anumber of exercises you will learn how to call upon that feeling of relaxation.

Today you will learn full breathing. This breathing technique is the basis of all the yogabreathing ever described. By breathing fully, body and mind find rest. All cells in thelungs are supplied with oxygen and therefore the oxygen supply to the muscles and tothe brain is increased. This gives rise to a feeling of peace and calm combined with afeeling of strength and concentration: the ideal combination for giving a speech.

If you suffer from breathing problems, hyperventilation or a heart condition, consultyour doctor before starting full breathing exercises. Such conscious breathing couldworsen symptoms or conditions.

Full breathingFind a quiet place where you wont be disturbed. Sit in an upright, relaxed position withyour back as straight as possible.

Breathe calmly and evenly through your nose:- allow the collarbone and midriff to drop: this makes the stomach expand and

oxygen automatically flows into the lower lungs. Allow the air to flow out naturally;- then expand the ribcage and chest in a smooth motion so that space is made there

and oxygen fills the middle of the lungs;

- in the same smooth motion, gently lift the shoulders and collarbone so that oxygenfills the upper lungs.

Hold your breath and smile.

Then, in one flowing movement, breathe out calmly and evenly through the nose:

- pull in the stomach and gently lift midriff and collarbone;- pull in ribs and chest and;- allow the shoulders to drop.

Breathe in this way for five minutes. Try to do it as smoothly as possible. Allow thebreath to flow naturally in and out by creating then reducing space. At the end of the

exercise, rest for a few minutes by lying on your back with your eyes lightly closed andbreathe calmly.

This breathing exercise might be a bit difficult at first; the movements may demand a lotof concentration and may not yet be smooth and flowing. But after having done thisexercise a few times, you will see that it is actually very natural and automatic. Itbecomes second nature and you will always, wherever you are, be able to call upon thatpeace and calm that is coupled with strength and concentration.


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5. Stop unhealthy reasoning

Your fear is based on illogical, twisted thoughts. Yes; its not that speech that scares youbut the string of negative thoughts that you have allowed yourself to acquire. One of theoriginators of this insight was the cognitive psychologist Albert Ellis. He discovered thatpeople are not so much confused by events themselves but by the manner in which theyinterpret the events. In other words, to a large extent people themselves determine howintense problems are for them. So, if someone wants to change something unpleasant,he can best begin by changing his own way of thinking.

An example: Imagine Ive been asked to give a presentation for a new client and it totallystresses me out: palpitations, panic, thoughts of escape. I assume my fear is caused bythe fact that I have to give the presentation. In reality, my fear is caused by the followingreasoning: I must deliver a perfect presentation for the new client. Oh no! Thats boundto go completely wrong and my boss will be there and hell see that Im useless. Andthats true; I am utterly unsuitable for this job. What can I do now? Help!

You can see that theres something wrong with this reasoning. Why would thepresentation have to be perfect? And even if a few things didnt go as well as others,why would the whole thing be completely wrong? Its true that Im not perfect, but theidea that Im unsuitable or useless is rubbish. Do you see whats happening? It is not thesituation that instils fear in me, its my own illogical reasoning with which I interpret thesituation. Im entitled to feel a little stressed if Im asked to give a presentation, but it isabsurd that that should lead to the conclusion that Im useless.

Physical and emotional reactions to fear are therefore not a result of the situation itself.These reactions exist because we see the situation through glasses of rational andirrational thoughts. That is why it is pointless to avoid situations. Avoiding presentationsor hiding behind an impressive PowerPoint presentation will not rid you of the fear. No,it is time to clean those glasses so you will be able to reason in a healthy manner.

In the following exercises you will attack your irrational reasoning. That doesnt meanthat you will learn to drown out or eradicate your negative thoughts, but that you willbring them back to a realistic level. Of course you are not perfect, but who expects youto be? And yes, you are a bit stressed about that presentation, but that doesnt meanthat youll clam up or black-out. And of course something could go wrong during thepresentation, but that certainly doesnt mean you are useless.


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Day 4 - exercise 1 cognitive restructuring 1You start with an exercise in which you map out which fears and worrying thoughts youhave with regard to speaking in public.

Step 1: think of three situations with regard to speaking in public that you might beconfronted with and that evoke intense feelings of fear. For instance: Giving a presentation to the management of a new client in which you have to

explain the advantages of your organisation. Giving a speech at your best friends wedding. A round of introductions at the beginning of a training day in which you and your

colleagues are taking part.Take your time. Think of personal and work related situations in which you could beasked on stage.

Situation 1: ..

Situation 2: ..

Situation 3: ..

Step 2: Choose the most fearful of these three and place a cross beside it.Now concentrate on that situation. Try to put yourself in that situation.

Step 3: If you were able to put yourself in that most fearful situation, make a list of asmany fears and worrying thoughts that you had. For example: It will be a disaster if I look nervous. Everyone will think Im an idiot. I have to appear intelligent. Only then will I be taken seriously. Im so afraid that Ill have a black-out and forget everything. They probably think my presentation is boring and that Im stupid. Soon theyll ask a question to which I wont know the answer. Why am I doing this? If youre not a good speaker, you shouldnt give a speech. It will probably go really wrong this time and then Ill never dare speak in public

again. How could I justify that in my job? When I feel myself getting nervous, I know for sure that my presentation will be

rubbish. Im afraid Ill have a panic attack and that Ill still have to completely finish the

presentation. When will I ever overcome this fear of speaking in public? I should just be able to do this.

Take your time be thorough. Write the most fearful and worrying thoughts on the topline. Keep the second and third lines empty for the time being.

Thought 1: ..

..

..


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Thought 2: ..

..

..

Thought 3: ..

..

..

Thought 4: ..

..

..

Thought 5: ..

..

..

Thought 6: ..

..

..

Thought 7: ..

..

..

Thought 8: ..

..

..

Thought 9: ..

..

..

Thought 10:

..

..


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Step 4: You have seen that fear of public speaking is not the result of the situation itself,so the situation you named in step 2 is not in itself fearful. Many other people would notreact with fear to the same situation. Its those glasses of illogical and irrationalthoughts through which you view the situation that cause your cold sweats and panic.Examples of illogical and irrational thoughts that cause fear: I have to be perfect and appear intelligent. Everyone has to like me. To be able to give a good speech, I must be completely relaxed. Speaking in public is a top-sport for which you need to be in top condition. Everyone observes me closely and judges me when I speak. Someone of my status or with my job shouldnt be afraid of speaking in public. Giving a speech is dreadful.

You should only speak in public if you are good at it. A negative reaction to my speech would be a disaster. Everyone in the audience has to look interested. One small mistake will ruin the whole presentation.

Now take the list of fearful and worrying thoughts that you compiled in step 3 and writeon every second line, per thought, the illogical and irrational elements that lie at theroot of the thought.

Day 4 - exercise 2 yoga exercise full breathingNow do the full breathing that you learned yesterday for five minutes.


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6. Think of healthy ways of reasoning

I am curious as to how you experienced yesterdays exercises. It is often a great eye-opener when people realize that they have made themselves afraid by their ownirrational reasoning. Today you are going to replace that illogical, fearful reasoning withrational, positive affirmation.

From a rational point of view, giving a speech is imparting information to a gathering ofpeople. Most people enjoy meeting other people. People are sociable beings. Totalisolation is reserved for very few, and an ideal for even fewer. The imparting ofinformation is also something that man does from the beginning. Even small babiescommunicate in their own way, and a three-year old child never stops asking questions.Many people enjoy sharing their opinions with others; opposing views often lead toones own standpoint being more forcefully and enthusiastically put forward. Andapproval and compliments affirm the speaker in his own ability. Speaking to people isnatural behaviour that makes you happy. No more and no less.

Day 5 - exercise 1 cognitive restructuring 2Take your list of fearful and worrying thoughts and replace the irrational thoughts withpositive affirmations. For example: It will be a disaster if people see Im nervous.

My public consists of fellow human beings. They want only the best for me. Im not a good speaker so I shouldnt speak in public.

Speaking in public is not some sort of blown-up performance; it is a meeting ofpeople and an imparting of information. I do that every day. I enjoy it and itenergizes me.

The whole presentation will be effected if I start shaking or have difficultyswallowing.Tension is normal; its a sign Im alive. But I dont have to exaggerate thenervousness the pleasure I get from speaking to people is far greater and moredeserving of emphasis.

When will I ever overcome my fear of public speaking?Tension is normal and useful. Im very good at speaking enthusiastically. Sometension helps with that. I dont have to be perfect.

Whats wrong with me? Why am I still seeking approval?I usually get positive feedback on my ideas, and thats nice. And Im always ready to

hear other opinions. Im not afraid to be vulnerable and I love new ideas. I should be able to speak in public.I can speak in public! I love enthusiastic communication with people! I dont have tomake the nervousness more important that the pleasure I get from speaking topeople.

Now go back to the list of fears and irrational thoughts that you compiled yesterday and,on every third line, place the positive affirmation that you will follow from now on.

Day 5 - exercise 2 yoga exercise full breathingNow do full breathing for five minutes.


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7. Imaginary exposure

Over the last few days you have discovered how you scare yourself with illogicalreasoning, and you have replaced the illogical reasoning that evokes fear, with realpositive affirmations. Then the question is: What now? The fear is there and wontdisappear just because you know how it came into being.

Everyone knows about the Pavlov dogs that started drooling the moment they heard alittle bell. If you ring a bell then give a dog something tasty to eat often enough,eventually he will react to the bell in the same way he would to being offered a bowl ofdog food; namely drooling and wagging his tail. This phenomenon is called conditionedreflex. Conditioned reflex is a deep-rooted acquired reaction to an event or stimulus.This conditioned reflex is also in effect in the fear of public speaking. For years you havebeen associating speaking in public with all sorts of negative, irrational thoughts. Thesethoughts result in cold sweats, a dry mouth, palpitations, the urge to escape, and so on.You dont even need the irrational thoughts anymore in order to have the various fearreactions, Moreover, you now experience fear reactions with anything that makes youeven think about public speaking. Many people have told me that they feel theirstomachs tighten just by hearing the word speech.

This conditioned reflex creates a vicious circle that the American psychologist Thorndikecalled law of effect. This law, simply stated, says behaviour is strengthened if it isfollowed by a pleasant reaction or reward, and, conversely, behaviour weakens iffollowed by an unpleasant reaction or punishment. People with public-speaking fearexperience unpleasant emotional and physical reactions when confronted with anythingto do with public speaking. Because of this punishment, they try to avoid situations inwhich they have to give a speech, and situations in which they may be asked to give aspeech. This avoidance is then rewarded with less fear. Every time you reward a feelingof fear with avoidance, that avoidance becomes more pleasant. But the fear of thesituation will just keep on getting stronger.

This vicious circle also works the other way round, fortunately. The more speaking inpublic is rewarded positively, the more pleasant it will feel. Because of this pleasantrewarding, you will more frequently seek out situations in which to address people. Thisstimulates a feeling of victory, and you will probably receive compliments and reactionspraising your performance which will further strengthen your pleasure in speaking inpublic.

The exercise for reversing the vicious circle can, luckily, be done in the privacy of yourown home. Psychotherapists have developed a technique called imaginary exposure.With this technique you imagine all the steps before, during and after a presentation.These steps are still coupled with feelings of fear, but you are going to break thiscoupling and replace it with a pleasant feeling of well-being. Repetition of this exercisewill gradually diminish your fear until it has totally disappeared.


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Day 6 - exercise progressive muscle relaxationWith imaginary exposure you call up a feeling of relaxation that you couple with thethought of a situation that causes you fear. In a few days you will try that out for thefirst time. Today you will learn a technique that you need for that, a technique in whichyou consciously reach a state of complete relaxation: Progressive Muscle Relaxation(PMR). PMR is a much-used technique that was originally developed by Doctor Edmund

Jacobson (1888 - 1983)

If you suffer from serious physical complaints, back or muscle problems, consult yourdoctor before starting PMR. The conscious relaxation of the different muscle groupscould worsen symptoms or complaints

The process of Progressive Muscle Relaxation uses a muscle physiology principle. Thatprinciple states that a muscle, after it has been tensed, reaches a relaxation that isdeeper than it had been before the tensing. With PMR you tense isolated muscle groupsin order to then relax them. Make a fist with your right hand and clench it tight. You canfeel the muscle tension increase in your hand and lower arm until it becomesunpleasant. After about ten seconds, unclench your fist, open your hand and feel thedifference. The muscle tension flows away, and more, the muscle is totally relaxed.

By individually tensing then relaxing all the muscle groups, you will reach a state ofcomplete relaxation. This is because of a domino-effect of the relaxation of body andmind. That domino-effect begins with total muscle relaxation. Relaxed muscles needless oxygen so breathing automatically becomes slower and deeper. The heart has tosupply less oxygen and therefore both heartbeat and blood pressure drop. Blood

pressure in the whole body becomes more even; hands and feet become warmer andstomach and intestines feel good. This relaxation of the body provides a general feelingof well-being. You feel calm and alert.

By practising PMR regularly you will learn to recognise the difference between a tensedmuscle and a completely relaxed muscle. And if muscle tension occurs, as a result offear for example, you can respond by relaxing the muscle. The domino-effect will thenensure that this muscle relaxation leads to deep relaxation of body and mind. Thisrelaxation can be evoked in any situation.

Progressive muscle relaxationFind a quiet place where you wont be disturbed. Sit in an upright, relaxed position withyour back as straight as possible. Do full breathing for a few minutes. After the full

breathing you may take a more comfortable position.Now you are going to tense a number of muscle groups individually, each for the countof ten. Then you will relax them, again for the count of ten. Concentrate on theindividual muscle groups; be fully conscious of the difference between the sensation oftensing and that of relaxing. Isolate the muscle groups as well as you can. Try not totense any muscles not belonging to the group you are working on. Continue breathingcalmly.


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1. Bend your right hand backwards from the wrist and tense for the count of ten.Release the tension. Experience the feeling of relaxation for the count of ten. Nowdo the same with the left hand. Bend it back from the wrist; tense for the count often, then release.

2. Make a fist of your right hand. Clench it tightly and feel the tensing in the hand andlower arm. Unclench the fist. Now do the same with the left hand. Be conscious ofthe feeling of relaxation in both hands and lower arms.

3. Stretch your biceps by bringing your right lower arm to your upper arm and tensingthe muscles. Hold for the count of ten, then release. Do the same with your left arm.

4. Now concentrate on your face. Tighten your forehead by lifting your eyebrows as faras possible. Hold for the count of ten, then release.

5. Squeeze your eyes tightly shut. Feel the tension around the eyes. Hold the tensionand breathe calmly. Release. Be conscious of the relaxation in the area around theeyes.

6. Clench your jaws tightly together. Hold the tension for the count of ten. Release andfeel the relaxation in the jaw for the count of ten.

7. Press your tongue hard against the roof of your mouth. Hold the tension. Releaseand feel how loose your tongue seems in your mouth.

8. Bow your head by dropping your chin to your chest. Feel the tension in the neck andhold for the count of ten. Release. Be conscious of the relaxation in your neck andfeel the relaxation spread to your upper back.

9. Raise your shoulders as far as possible. Continue breathing calmly. Feel the tension,then release and relax.

10. Breathe in deeply and at the same time push your shoulders back by stretching yourarms behind you. Feel the tension in your chest and surrounding area. Concentrateon this tension for the count of ten. Release and enjoy the relaxation in the chest forthe count of ten.

11. Pull your stomach in as far as possible. Hold it in. Release and enjoy the relaxation inyour stomach. Take a breath and now tense your stomach muscles as if you arepreparing to be punched in the stomach. Release and relax.

12. Tense the buttock muscles by squeezing them together. Hold for the count of tenthen release. Be conscious of the difference between the tension and the relaxation.

13. Stretch both legs and lift the feet a little from the ground. Feel the tension building.Release. Feel the relaxation flow through the legs.

14. Bend your toes upwards so they point to the ceiling. Feel the tension in the feet andankles. Release and relax.

Remain seated in this relaxed state with your eyes closed for a few minutes.Continue breathing calmly. Experience complete relaxation.


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8. Coupling relaxation to speaking situations

With imaginary exposure you break through the vicious circle of fear to make place foran upward spiral of pleasure and well-being. With imaginary exposure you exposeyourself to fear-inducing situations. Not in reality, but in imagination, in the safety ofyour own home. And you learn to replace the feeling of fear with one of calm andrelaxation. You begin with a situation that is the least fearful and gradually work up tosituations that terrify you.

Imaginary exposure works by means of a ladder of fear. This is a list of situationssurrounding the giving of a speech that instil fear in you. At the top of your ladder is thesituation that most terrifies you. At the bottom is the situation that causes you the leastfear. The ladder is, therefore, a reflection of the situations that cause you fear listed byintensity.

Imaginary exposure begins with the creation of a pleasant state of relaxation. To reachthis state you need full breathing and PMR. Once complete relaxation has been reached,visualize the situations that evoke fear. Visualize the situations one at a time, as theyare on your ladder of fear. In this way you learn in your subconscious to associate thesesituations with a pleasant feeling of relaxation. The negative vicious circle gets broken.You will be amazed at the result.

In the following exercise you will make your own personal ladder of fear. The imaginaryexposure exercise is planned for the day after tomorrow.

Day 7 - exercise 1 the ladder of fearDo you feel stressed when you are asked to give a speech? Do you feel agitated on yourway to a meeting? Does your heart start pounding faster when you enter a room whereyou have to address an audience. Do you break out in a sweat when youre asked to thefront? If so, the stress must be extreme when you take your place and all eyes turn toyou. Everyone with fear of public speaking knows that there are situations before,during and after the actual giving of a speech that evoke fear. And it is these situationsthat you are now going to place on your ladder of fear.

Get exercise 1 of day 4. You began there by writing down three situations that instilintense fear. Think about each of these situations separately. When you have, writedown on a separate piece of paper the precise moments or events around the situationthat evoked fear. Try to make a list of ten moments or events, as specific and personalas possible. If there are less than ten on your list, split them up into moments andevents, or allow the following examples to inspire you.

Asked to give a presentation. Practising the presentation at home in front of a mirror. Choosing clothes in the morning that you will wear for the speech. Travelling to the presentation. Thinking about who will be present and watching you. Meeting the other speakers and the team from the organisation beforehand. Inspecting the place the speech will take place. Being asked forward after having waited for your turn. Looking at your audience and giving your opening line.

Giving the speech with all eyes on you.


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Closing your presentation while everyone is looking at you. Being in the room after the speech, after everyone has heard your speech.

When you have compiled your list of ten, place them on the ladder in order of theintensity of fear they instil. At moment 1 on the ladder below, write the item that instilsthe least fear and build up to moment 10, the most fear.

Ladder of fear

Moment 1:

Moment 2: ..

Moment 3:

Moment 4: ....

Moment 5:

Moment 6: ..

Moment 7:

Moment 8: ...

Moment 9:

Moment 10: ....

Day 7 - exercise 2 yoga exercise full breathingDo full breathing for five minutes.


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9. Exercises, the power of repetition

You have completed the first week of the programme just fourteen days to go. Welldone for getting this far. You have recognised your fears and you now have a betterunderstanding of them. You have also become acquainted with ways to deal with yourfear of public speaking. I hope that you have come to realise that even you canovercome your fear. That moment is getting ever closer.

Last week you learned relaxation techniques and you worked on cognitive restructuringand imaginary exposure. This week you are going to put what youve learnt into practicewith daily exercises. I want to impress upon you the importance of doing the exercisesevery day. Take time for them because by daily practise your old pattern of thought willgradually be broken. A new pattern will replace that of tension and fear; one of calm andpleasure.

If you notice that its difficult to keep yourself motivated, look again at what you wrotefor exercise 2 of day 2. Remember the space and opportunities that will arise once youhave overcome your fear of public speaking. Look again at the promise you madeyourself. Look forward to the reward you promised yourself. You have never been thisclose to overcoming your fear. Hang on in there!

Day 8 - exercise cognitive restructuringOn day 4 you compiled a list of fearful and worrying thoughts that afflict you at the verythought of speaking in public. And then, per thought, you unmasked the irrationaltwisted thought that lies at the root of each of those fearful and worrying thoughts. Onday 5 you determined how you are going to react to those worrying thoughts in arational and positive way, because speaking in public is nothing to be afraid of; it is ameeting of people and the sharing of information. We communicate from birth and it isas much a part of us as breathing. Speaking to people is natural behaviour that youenjoy.

During the following exercise you will learn how to have your positive affirmationsalways at the ready.

Begin by doing five minutes full breathing. Breathe calmly and deeply through yournose. Hold the breath and smile; then breathe out through your nose. Try to breathe assmoothly as possible and allow the air to flow naturally in and out. Take your time.Experience that pleasant feeling of peace and calm. At the same time, notice howstrength and concentration increase. Rest for five minutes at the end of the exercise; lieon your back breathing calmly.

Now take the list from day 4, exercise 1. Steadily read through the worrying thoughtsand the positive affirmations. Think about how it will feel from now onwards to reactrationally and positively whenever those worrying thoughts appear. Concentrate todayon the first four worrying thoughts and the accompanying positive affirmations. Learnthe first four worrying thoughts and the accompanying positive affirmations by heart. Inthis way you will ensure that you always have your positive affirmations ready whenworrying thoughts appear.


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Day 9 - exercise imaginary exposureTake your ladder of fear and go to your quiet place. First you are going to relax with fullbreathing and with PMR, the technique you learned on day 6. Once you have reachedcomplete relaxation, you will then mentally couple that pleasant feeling to situations onyour ladder of fear.

Begin with full breathing for a few minutes. After the full breathing you may take a morecomfortable position. Now do the PMR exercise. Tense the muscle groups one at a time;ensure that you dont tense muscles not in the muscle group in which you are working.Continue breathing calmly. Hold the tension for a count of ten and concentrate on thefeeling of tension. After the count of ten, abruptly release and allow the muscle to relax.Notice that it can do nothing but relax. Continue experiencing that wonderful relaxation.Be conscious of the difference between the sensation of tension and the sensation ofrelaxation.

Remain sitting calmly after the PMR exercise. Keep your eyes lightly closed and breathecalmly. Be conscious of that wonderful relaxation. Remember this feeling.

Now think of the first item on your ladder of fear. Try to envisage the situation reallyhappening. Form an image of the situation in your mind and keep that image for thirtyseconds. Breathe calmly and remain completely relaxed. If tension appears anywhere,allow the image to gently disappear. Concentrate calmly on the place you feel tension.Tense the relevant muscle, hold the tension for the count of ten then release. Feel therelaxation. When you are completely relaxed again, allow the image of the situation toslowly return. Envisage it really happening and hold the image for thirty seconds.

Only when you succeed in attaching the feeling of complete relaxation to the image mayyou continue with the next item on the ladder of fear. Do not visualize more than thefirst four items this first time.

When you have finished your visualization, remain sitting calmly and relaxed. Then dofive minutes full breathing. Rest for a few minutes afterwards by lying on your back,breathing calmly with your eyes gently closed.


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Day 10 - exercise cognitive restructuringToday you are going to concentrate on learning a few more positive affirmations. Takeyour list of worrying thoughts and positive affirmations from day 4, exercise 1.

Begin with five minutes full breathing. Be sure not to omit this. It is important take thetime for it. Now test yourself. What do you remember from the positive affirmationsaccompanying the first four worrying thoughts? Practise these four again and enjoy thepositive thoughts you are teaching yourself. Then concentrate on numbers five and sixon the list and try to learn them by heart.

Day 11- exercise imaginary exposureToday you are going further with the imaginary exposure exercise. Take your ladder offear and go to your quiet place. Begin by relaxing. Once you have reached completerelaxation, you will then mentally couple that pleasant feeling to situations on yourladder of fear.

First do full breathing for a few minutes; then do the PMR exercise. Remain sittingrelaxed with your eyes closed for a few minutes. Continue to breathe calmly. Beconscious of complete relaxation. Notice that you are finding the exercises easier to doand that the feeling of relaxation is getting deeper.

Now go mentally to the first item on your ladder of fear. Hold that image for thirtyseconds. Breathe calmly and remain relaxed. Go to the next items on your list and holdthem for thirty seconds. Continue breathing calmly. If tension appears anywhere, allowthe image to gently disappear. Concentrate calmly on the place you feel tension. Tensethe relevant muscle, hold the tension for the count of ten then release. Feel therelaxation. When you are completely relaxed again, allow the image of the situation toslowly return. Envisage it really happening and hold the image for thirty seconds.

You may only visualize the first eight items on your ladder of fear today. But go slowly;only move on to the next item when you have been able to visualize the previous one ina state of complete relaxation.

Do full breathing for five minutes.


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Day 12 - exercise cognitive restructuringTake the list of worrying thoughts and positive affirmations from day 4, exercise 1.

Do full breathing for five minutes. Is this breathing becoming more automatic? If so, youcan apply it to calm yourself and help you concentrate wherever you are. Try it out, atwork, during a meeting, etc.

Test yourself. Read the first six worrying thoughts and try to remember theaccompanying positive affirmation for each one. Practise them a few more times. Thenconcentrate on numbers seven and eight of the list and learn them by heart.

Day 13 - exercise imaginary exposureToday you are going further with the imaginary exposure exercise. Take your ladder offear and relax with full breathing and the PMR exercise.

Recall the items on your ladder mentally, one at a time. Hold the image of each for thirtyseconds. Relax if you feel tension and only continue when you are able to visualize thatitem for thirty seconds feeling completely relaxed. If you are able to keep completerelaxation while holding the image of every item on the ladder for thirty seconds, thenyou may visualize the remaining items on the ladder.

Do full breathing for five minutes.

Day 14 - exercise cognitive restructuringTake your list of worrying thoughts and positive affirmations. Relax by doing fiveminutes full breathing.

Practise the first eight positive affirmations on your list. Read the worrying thoughts andtry to mention each ones accompanying positive affirmation from memory. Afterwards,concentrate on the last two and learn them by heart.

If you have succeeding in learning all the positive affirmations by heart, then from nowon you will always have them ready the moment a worrying thought appears. But dontworry if you are not yet able to call them all up spontaneously. Keep the list with you fora while and practise regularly.


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The power of repetitionYou now have one week of practise behind you. You have repeated a great deal and thatrepetition is extremely important. The old thought patterns have had years to nestle inyour brain; fortunately, breaking them will go much faster as you now know that theyare irrational. But still, practise is essential for your brain to learn the new positiveassociations.

If you have been doing the exercises regularly, you are now well on your way toovercoming your fear of public speaking. Take a moment. What is going better for younow than it was two weeks ago? Can you think about a speech without fear? Can youevoke relaxation with full breathing and PMR? Have you got up to speak more often?

Speak your progress out loud and be proud of yourself.Many people, at this point, dont yet dare to admit to themselves that things are gettingbetter. On the contrary, irrational thoughts can still appear and some people say: See,Ill never succeed. Or: Ill never be able to give a speech without this fear of publicspeaking. Dont allow such thoughts to make you despondent. Recognise them for whatthey are, determine why they are irrational and decide which positive affirmations youwill use to combat them in future. Of course I can give a speech without fear! Giving aspeech is nothing more than the meeting of people and the exchanging of information.You do that every day; it is natural and pleasant. You dont have to be perfect.


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How mind mapping worksMaybe you are used to writing out an important presentation or speech beforehand. Youpractise by repeatedly reading it out loud and try to commit chunks of it to memory. Youtake your script with you to fall back on during the speech. If you have done that, youknow how frustrating it is. The text wont commit to memory; the sentences you speaksound unnatural and, after youve lost the thread a few times, you decide to simply readyour story from the script.

You thoroughly prepare your presentation with mind mapping, too. Not by linearlywriting it all down but by logically structuring and connecting the various elements ofyour story, and by visualizing the elements and connections where possible.

Below is a mind map of the training programme Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking. Bymaking this simple mind map, I have logically structured all the information I want tocommunicate to you. And by making the mind map, I have the construction of it like afilm in my head. Every time I give a speech or course about public-speaking fear, I followthis mind map for the logical structure of my story. And one thing is certain; at the endof my presentation everyone in my audience knows how he can overcome his fear ofpublic speaking in 21 days.

Mind mapping combines writing and drawing. By using various colours, pictures andconnections, you construct strong associations. And that fits well with your memory,which also works through associations. Mind mapping stimulates both sides of yourbrain; the left side for rational and logical thought, the right side for creative thought.Mind mapping stimulates the recording, processing and retrieving of information inimages visual thinking.


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A mind map begins with a central word or concept in the middle of a piece of paper.From that central word, lines are drawn and on those lines the most important conceptsare noted. And from those concepts, more lines are drawn, and in this way you canmake the mind map as detailed as you wish.

By the making of a mind map for a presentation, you begin by noting the essence of thepresentation in the centre of a piece of paper. The essence is the part of the messagethat your presentation is all about; the part that you want those hearing yourpresentation to remember, even if they forget everything else. Pay a lot of attention tothe visualization of the essence. Use various colours for this.

Now think of the most import subjects that you want to share with your audience. Placethem around the drawing of the essence. Connect the essence and the subjects withlines. Its best if you also visually represent the main subjects. If you write them, be sureto use colours and alternate large and small letters. Underline the important parts, ormake the letters bold. Construct the mind map clockwise place the subject you want totalk about first at 1 oclock and your closing subject at 11 oclock.

Now fill in the main subjects. Think of what information you want to impart per subject.Which experiences do you want to share? Which examples do you want to mention?Place this information in catchwords or small drawings around the main subjects.Connect the main subjects with the relevant sub-subjects. Emphasize the examples thatyou particularly want to impart. Use different supporting colours.

Day 15 - exercise visualizing your speechSoon you will be giving your first speech free of fear. You will enthusiastically share yourstory with others calmly and relaxed. Think today about which opportunity you aregoing to seize for your first speech. Choose a situation with between five and ten peoplepresent, preferably in a safe environment: family, friends or close colleagues. Think of asubject that you feel comfortable with and plan a talk of about ten minutes.

Take your time until tomorrow calmly familiarizing yourself with all aspects of givingyour speech. Try to visualize the essence and think about which subjects you want tocommunicate to your public. Tomorrow you will make a mind map.

The essence of my first speech free of fear is: ..

Those present will be: ......

...

...


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11. Making a mind map

How does it feel being mentally busy with your first speech free of fear? Enjoy thepleasant thoughts that appear: the relaxed manner in which you speak; the interest ofyour public; the compliments you receive afterwards. Concentrate on these positivethoughts and dont worry if any worrying thoughts appear. Unmask them and thinkabout how you will deal with them in a rational and positive manner. Relax; do fullbreathing and the PMR exercise.

Today you are going to mind map for your first speech. In so doing, you will organizethe information you want to communicate. You will establish the essence, the core ofyour story. You will determine the main subjects and separate them from the details.And by visualizing, underlining and making connections, your story will form like a filmin your brain. Dont be afraid to make a rough copy in the beginning, or of makingmistakes. The making of a mind map is itself a very useful process.

Allow the creativity to flow; thats what making a mind map is. Combine text anddrawings. Use colours, images and connections. Use both sides of the brain. Think inwords and pictures. The more you immerse yourself in making the mind map, the betterthe presentation will lodge in your memory.

Day 16 - exercise mind map of your first speech without fear1. Take a fresh sheet of paper or use the following page. Write or draw the essence of

your speech in the middle of the page. Visualize the essence using at least threecolours, and write the essence in capital letters.

2. Draw a line from the essence to the side. Place three to five main points around theessence. Begin at 1 oclock with the subject your want to kick off your speech with,and place the subject you want to round off your speech with at 11 oclock. Keepenough space free between the main subjects. Try to visualize the main subjects. Ifyou use text, use only short sentences, catchwords or abbreviations. Use colours andnotes that are logical for you.

3. Then fill in the main subjects. Draw a line from each main subject outwards andplace the subjects and examples you want to talk about on them. Think about howyou are going to divide the available ten minutes. What information and examplesare you definitely going to communicate? What will you keep back? How are yougoing to make that clear by use of colour or other accent?

4. When the basis of your mind map is ready, concentrate on the details. Makeconnections between subjects clear. Accentuate. Use supporting colours. Remember,no-one has to understand the mind map but you.


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Mind map of my first speech without fear


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Achieving Flow with visualizationFlow is a concentrated tension; everything happens automatically; you have energy andstrength; everything succeeds without effort, pain or fear. To achieve Flow during acompetition, sportsmen visualize the event beforehand, over and over again. Theyvisualize themselves performing well. The mentally practise an explosive start thatimmediately puts them in the lead. They imagine the forceful punches they will deliver.They feel the skilful goals they will score and they enjoy the crowds cheering. By doingthis they build healthy, positive tension in their minds. In addition, they mentally workon their skills by frequent repetition.

Visualization works best if it is begun the evening before an event and repeated in themorning and again shortly before the event. Notice how athletes close their eyes and

sway gently from side to side before a competition. They are visualizing the event,enjoying their times and seeing themselves being the first over the finish line. They areready for their performance in ultimate Flow.

Visualization as preparation for a speechWhen you make use of visualization in the preparation of a speech, it is important to becalm and quiet. Use full breathing and Progressive Muscle Relaxation for this theevening and the morning before the speech. Full breathing will be sufficient for the finalvisualization shortly before the speech.

Taking it slowly, in chronological order, go through all the aspects of your speech, anddeclare everything positive. Allow your positive affirmations to inspire you. Think ofspeakers who have made an impression on you because of their style. Remember some

of your past successes.

By preparing a presentation in this way you are building positive tension under whichyou will best perform. From now onwards, you will use tension in a positive way insteadof allowing it to paralyse you. And you are building routine. Because you havethoroughly gone through your presentation a few times beforehand, you are preparedfor anything. And during the presentation itself you will have time and energy forinteraction with your public.


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Day 17 - exercise 1 plan of your first speech without fearIn four days you will be giving your first confident speech. You have already decidedwhat the essence is and who your public will be. And you have made a mind map so thatyou can play your speech like a film in your brain.

Now you are going to make a plan which you can use, in combination with the mindmap, for visualization training.

The time I need to arrive: ..

The props I need to have ready: ....

My public: ...

The essence of my speech is: ..

My opening sentence is:

My closing sentence is: ....


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Day 17 - exercise 2 checklist for your first speech free of fearTo be able to look forward to your speech in a relaxed way, you have to make sure thateverything has been well prepared. Give yourself enough time for this. A short speechcan be prepared one or two days beforehand; the preparation for a more extensivepresentation with a large public at an external location needs to begin weeks or evenmonths in advance.

Indicate what you have already arranged and what still needs to be done for next weekspresentation.

Checklist

Location arranged n/a yes no

Location inspected n/a yes no

Participants invited n/a yes no

Route description n/a yes no

Parking spaces n/a yes no

Clothing prepared n/a yes no

Mind map prepared n/a yes no

Laptop and projector n/a yes no

Laptop and projector tested n/a yes no

Flip-chart and felt-tips n/a yes no Sheets en hand-outs n/a yes no

Back-up memory stick n/a yes no

Notebook and pens n/a yes no

Name badges n/a yes no

Catering n/a yes no

.. n/a yes no

.. n/a yes no

.. n/a yes no


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13. Applying visualization

You are slowly approaching your first speech free of fear. You are almost ready. Theconnection in your mind between public speaking and fear has been broken. You havedetermined the essence of your speech. By making the mind map, the content of yourspeech is stored in your brain like a film. You have a powerful opening sentence andyour closing line is one the public wont soon forget. All the practical things have beentaken care of; time, therefore, for building healthy, positive tension under which you willbe able to perform comfortably. And time to build up your routine so that you will havetime and energy for a real meeting with your public during your speech.

Days 18, 19 and 20 - exercise visualizationBegin by taking another look at your plan and the mind map of your speech. Ensure thatform and content are clear in your mind. Now relax.

Find a quiet spot and do full breathing for a few minutes. Then do the PMR exercise.Remain seated in a relaxed state for a few minutes afterwards with your eyes closed.Breathe calmly. Experience full relaxation.

Now visualize all aspects of your speech in chronological order. Declare everythingpositive. Remember your positive affirmations. Remember the times youveenthusiastically told a story. Think about speakers who have impressed you with theirstyle.

Visualize those who will be present in your audience. Think about how interested theyare going to be in your story. See yourself talking to them before the speech. You feellike a fish in water; they are such sympathetic, warm people.

You walk forward to begin your speech. You wait for a moment, smiling at the late-comer. You take two deep, calm breaths.

Hear yourself deliver that first powerful sentence. Feel the curiosity of your audienceincrease as you allow a moment of silence to fill the room. Notice how physically strongyou feel and how wonderfully relaxed you are. Those PMR exercises really work!

You look for a moment at the mind map that you have in front of you, but you realisethat its in your head like a film. You wont need it today. You explain the essence ofyour story and introduce the audience to the main subjects. You can see from their facesthat they understand the logical construction of your story.

You hear yourself talking about all the main points. You notice how calmly and withexactly the right timing you support your story with gestures. You go through theindividual parts of your mind map. Your story is taking care of itself. You are actuallyspeaking as naturally as you do with family and friends.


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The speech is coming to an end. With the mind map in your thoughts, you mention theessence once more and summarize your story. Your closing sentence is a powerfulstatement that your audience wont soon forget. Your public applauds enthusiastically,and you see people who are important to you looking at you in admiration. You returnto your seat and accept the compliments. Speaking in public is such a wonderfulexperience! You are already looking forward to the next time.

Remain seated calmly for a while. Do full breathing for a couple of minutes.

Do this whole exercise on three consecutive days: 18, 19 and 20. Go through the fullpresentation each time. Dont be afraid to vary the content, but follow the lay-out of themind map.


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14. Youre there!

Youre there. Youre ready. Today is the day you give your first speech free of fear.Make today a special day. You have prepared well, so relax, take it easy.

If you have to go somewhere to give a speech, ensure that you are completely ready togo an hour before you have to leave. Take time for the last mental preparation. If yourpublic is coming to you, begin your mental preparation an hour and a half before theyare expected.

Take your list of situations and positive affirmations from day 4. Take your mind mapand your plan for the speech you are going to give today.

Go and sit in your quiet place. Do full breathing for five minutes. Calmly read throughyour positive affirmations again. Speak them to yourself, powerfully and convincingly.Remain sitting relaxed for a while, breathing calmly with your eyes closed.

Go once more through your mind map and plan mentally. By now you know that film inyour brain like the back of your hand. Do the PMR exercise for complete relaxation.

Now do the visualization. Visualize all the aspects of the speech. Feel totally confidentand relaxed. Everything you see is positive. Enjoy the feeling. Youre ready.


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15. Afterword

Congratulations! You have completed the training programme Overcoming Fear of PublicSpeaking. You have put your fear under the microscope, learnt to recognise your twistedthoughts, and you have attacked them. You have given your first speech free of fear.You are speaking confidently and comfortably. Do you remember how much you wantedthis? Dont let it slip away. Enjoy your new-found freedom! What did you promiseyourself on day 2? Dont forget to celebrate this victory.

Keep practising. Search out opportunities to speak in public. Continue improving.Prepare by making mind maps. Immerse yourself in visualization. And if you do happento notice a feeling of fear creeping in, dont worry; grab the exercise for day 4. Realisewhich twisted thoughts cause the feeling of fear, and get to work on them with the axe positive affirmation!

I get great pleasure when people learn to speak confidently and comfortably by usingmy method. You can do me no greater favour, therefore, than mailing me your story.

Have fun and enjoy your freedom,

Benjamin van [email protected]


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16. Glossary

A list of names and terms from the training programme Overcoming Fear of PublicSpeaking and the accompanying website www.overcoming-fear-of-public-speaking.com.

Albert Ellis(1913) Cognitive psychologist from New York: one of the most influentialpsychotherapists in history. Architect of Rational Emotive Therapy (RET), Ellis discoveredthat people are not so much confused by events themselves but by the manner in whichthey interpret these events.

Anxiety disorderPsychological problem characterised by recurring periods of fear without any realunderlying threat or physical cause.

Behavioural therapyAn important movement in psychotherapy. The basic principle of behavioural therapy isthat undesired behaviour is learned and can, therefore, be unlearned.

Cognitive restructuringTechnique used in cognitive therapy, based on the fact that fear and depression areoften caused by irrational thought. Cognitive restructuring replaces irrational negativethought with realistic positive thought.

Cognitive therapyAn important movement in psychotherapy. Cognitive therapy is a form of therapy that isbased on the idea that psychological symptoms or problems stem from the way in whichpeople select and process information.

Edmund JacobsonDoctor from Chicago (1888 - 1983), founder of Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR).

Jacobson studied the relationship between muscle tension and various disorders of bodyand psyche over a period of 50 years.

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)A controversial psychotherapy tool developed by Gary Craig in the 1990s. The theorybehind EFT is that negative emotions are caused by disturbances in the bodys energyfield. EFT treatment aims to restore the balance of the bodys energy field by tapping onmeridian points while thinking of a negative emotion.

FearA sense of threat or danger: a useful and natural reaction to a threatening situation. Thesymptoms of fear are palpitations, dry mouth, an oppressed feeling, nervous tension,irritability, restlessness, increased muscle tension or sleeping and concentrationproblems.


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Fear of speakingSevere irrational fear or phobia of speaking. The main manifestation of this phobia is thefear of speaking in public; but one can also be afraid of talking to superiors orexperience fear during one-to-one conversations.

FlowPhenomenon researched and promoted by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Flow is the state ofconcentrated relaxation; the state between maximal tension and maximal control. Flowexists in the

Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking in 21 Days

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