Original text Mother Teresa a Christian missionary was one of the most influential humanitarians of the 20th century. Her selflessness has profoundly impacted the world and the knowledge she has left with us, invaluable. Teresa’s most recognizable work was the creation of the Missionaries of Christianity. This organization runs hospices and home for people suffering from diseases along with offering counseling services for children. Members of the order must adhere to the vows of chastity, poverty and obedience, and the fourth vow, to give "wholehearted free service to the poorest of the poor.” Teresa believed that regardless of you religious affiliation, race or gender all would receive help. Teresa achieved a goal that so many of us wish to achieve; to leave the world a better place than we entered it. As an enlightened thinker Teresa left her knowledge for anyone who cares to unravel it. “People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway.” Being born in the beginning of the 20th century Teresa lived through some of the darkest moments of recorded history, the unnecessary death of millions yet managed to remain hopeful. People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; these qualities can be a dangerous combination if they become to extreme. Love them anyways; it could simply be the warmth of your love that is needed to thaw their cold view of the world. “If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives. Do good anyways.” The heartbreaking truth of today’s society is; that it’s hard for someone to believe that you are doing something purely out of selflessness. This is a reflection of today’s worldview: have we become so cold that we cannot believe that there is true good in the world? Do good anyways. “If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyways.” False friends are those who will claim to be your friend due to your current statues such as your economic class or popularity. When life gets hard and you begin to fall you may reach out for their hand, your “friends” will be nowhere within your reach. Succeed anyways. “The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.” Throughout history there have been countless civil libertarians that have been deified and will certainly never be forgotten. Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream, that dream has become a reality for many. It is the average persons good deeds that are forgotten. A simple ‘hello’ could change someone’s day; it probably won’t be remembered yet it must be done anyway. If we only did good for self gratification the world would be a much less welcoming. “Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.” A world of Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Tumblr and countless other social communication has allowed us to present a perfect version of ourselves. We are more connected then ever yet have never felt more alone. We compare ourselves to the world’s unattainable idea of perfection, making us self-conscious, self-loathing and terrified of rejection. André Berthiaume wrote, “We all wear masks and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing our own skin.” We put on a false face to hide who we really are; and in time we begin to believe in whom we’re pretending to be. I would rather be vulnerable than have to hide myself from the world. There is no purpose to life in we can’t stop trying to make ourselves into what other want us to be. “What we spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.” Simply refusing to create new thing because we’re afraid that they might be destroyed is no more rational than fear of fear itself. We must live each day as if it were our last because we never know when that day will come. “People who really want help may attack you if you help them. Help them anyway.” Often it is those who are bitter and hate filled that need help the most. They are scared of rejection or simply showing a softer side of themselves as the world has made them callous. They may attack you, maybe not physically, but it is our duty as moral beings to help those in need. “Give the world the best that you have, and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway.” As Teresa has emphasised in this powerful passage one must never give up and attempt to create a better world. We have an obligation to those who are suffering to attempt to lessen their woes. If everyone took away some piece of information form Teresa’s teachings the world would be on the right track to creating a brighter future. I have learned much about suffering in my short time on this Earth. I’ve experienced it personally and I’ve seen others fall victim to its treacherous grasp. As one might imagine being gay in today’s society is still not an easy task. I heard everyday that ‘this is gay’ and ‘you’re a fag’ eventually leading me to the conclusion that there was something wrong with me. I was plagued by an increasing weight inside of me and every day became harder and harder. With the support and love of those around me I got out of this pain. From that day on I knew that I never wanted anyone to feel the way that I had felt. As all great

accomplishments start small I decided to start a Gay Straight Alliance at my school in an attempt to reduce bullying and make the school a safer place. Along my journey I befriended a girl for the sake of anonymity I will call her Kyra. Kyra was the sweetest girl; she always complimented you and asked for nothing in return. One day Kyra stopped talking to me and started to distance herself from everything she cared about. I knew that something was wrong because I had done the same thing when I was depressed. I asked her everyday what was wrong but she wouldn’t say anything. So I did little acts to remind her that even if it was just one, someone cared for her. One day when we were talking I managed to slip a note into her phone case. We were texting later that night when suddenly she stopped responding to me. I was worried yet realized that there was nothing that I could do. The next day I saw Kyra at school and she ran up to me and gave me the biggest hug. I asked her “Why did you stop texting me last night?” She began to tear up and replied, “The pain I felt last night was so horrible. I was so close to ending it. People were making fun of me on my phone so I threw is against the wall and a piece of paper fell out.” She was having trouble speaking now and I just hugged her. I said, “If you are ever feeling alone, or you feel helpless look at that note and remember, that I care.” I learned a great deal from this; no matter what it is you do for others it makes an impact on them. Don’t ever feel like you can’t make a difference, it doesn’t take much, and who knows, you might even save a life.      Edits Mother Teresa, a Christian missionary, was one of the most influential humanitarians of the 20th twentieth century. Her selflessness has profoundly impacted the world, and the knowledge example she has left with us, is invaluable. Teresa's Her most recognizable work was the creation of the Missionaries of Christianity Charity. This organization runs hospices and homes for people suffering from diseases along with and offering offers counseling services for children. Members of the order must first adhere to the three vows of chastity, poverty and obedience, and then to the fourth vow, which is to give "wholehearted free service to the poorest of the poor.” Mother Teresa believed that regardless of your their religious affiliation, race, or gender, all people would receive deserve help. Teresa She achieved a goal that so many of us wish, but sadly often fail, to achieve; —to leave the world a better place than we entered found it. As an enlightened thinker and bold doer, Mother Teresa left her knowledge example for anyone who cares to unravel it willing and courageous enough to imitate it.

Your  opening  sentences  have  a  somewhat  choppy  rhythm—one  that  can  be  smoothed  out  by  blending  this  series  of  short  sentences  into  a  longer,  more  fluid  line.  Here's  a  suggestion:    

Mother Teresa, a Christian missionary and one of the most influential humanitarians of the twentieth century, has profoundly impacted the world by her selflessness and her creation of the Missionaries of Charity, an organization that runs hospices and homes for people suffering from diseases and offers counseling services for children.

 

To  say  that  Mother  Teresa  has  imbued  us  with  "knowledge"  is  questionable.  In  a  sense,  she  has  taught  us  nothing  we  didn't  already  know—namely  that  loving  and  caring  for  each  other  matters.  The  problem  is  that  far  too  many  of  us  fail  to  act  on  that  knowledge.  We  don't  love  and  we  don't  care—not  in  the  way  that  Mother  Teresa  consistently  did  for  so  many  years,  for  so  many  people.  It's  not  what  she  knew  that  enriches  us.  It's  what  she  did  that  inspires  us  to  do  likewise.    I  don't  know  what  her  opinion  on  this  would  be,  but  we  probably  do  best  to  refer  to  her  as  Mother  Teresa.  To  refer  to  her  as  Teresa  alone  sounds  rather  too  familiar  and,  so,  a  trifle  disrespectful.    

Note  that  this  passage  and  a  few  other  passages  following  include  misplaced  semi-­‐colons.  See  the  document  "Grammar-­‐Punctuation"  (which  is  to  be  found  under  the  website  tab  "Writing  Skills  –  Readings")  for  information  on  the  correct  use  of  this  punctuation  mark.    It's  worth  noting,  incidentally,  that  the  semi-­‐colon  is  generally  a  redundant  mark  of  punctuation.  One  can  almost  always  do  without  it.    

“People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway.” Being born in the beginning of the 20th twentieth century Teresa , this humble yet dauntless woman lived through some of the darkest moments of recorded history, a period that saw the unnecessary deaths of millions, yet managed to remain caring and hopeful. People She knew (perhaps better than most) that people are "unreasonable, illogical and self-centered,"; and she knew that these qualities can be a dangerous combination if they become too extreme. But she chose to "Love love them anyways."; it could simply be the warmth of your She knew that only love that is needed could hope to thaw their cold view of the world the ice in people's hearts. She knew, too, that “If if you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives. , but chose to Do "do good anyways.” The heartbreaking truth of today’s society is; that it’s hard for someone many to believe that you are doing something people are capable of acting purely out of selflessness. This is a reflection of today’s worldview: have we become so cold that we cannot believe Indeed, it is hard for them to accept that there is true goodness in the world? at all. In spite of this, said Mother Teresa, Do "do good anyways." She cautioned also that “If if you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyways. ,” but her addendum to the caution was an encouragement: "succeed anyway." False friends are those who will claim to be your friend due to your current statues such as your economic class or popularity. When life gets hard and you begin to fall you may reach out for their hand, your “friends” will be nowhere within your reach. Succeed anyways. “The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.” Throughout history there have been countless civil libertarians that have been deified and will certainly never be forgotten. Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream, that dream has become a reality for many. It is the average persons good deeds that are forgotten. A simple ‘hello’ could change someone’s day; it probably won’t be remembered yet it must be done anyway. If we only did good for self gratification the world would be a much less welcoming. “Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.” A world of Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Tumblr and countless other social communication has allowed us to present a perfect version of ourselves. We are more connected then ever yet have never felt more alone. We compare ourselves to the world’s unattainable idea of perfection, making us self-conscious, self-loathing and terrified of rejection. André Berthiaume wrote, “We all wear masks and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing our own skin.” We put on a false face to hide who we really are; and in time we begin to believe in whom we’re pretending to be. I would rather be vulnerable than have to hide myself from the world. There is no purpose to life in we can’t stop trying to make ourselves into what other want us to be. “What we spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.” Simply refusing to create new thing because we’re afraid that they might be destroyed is no more rational than fear of fear

Note  that  my  main  emphasis  in  editing  the  first  third  of  this  body  paragraph  is  to  improve  coherence  by  finding  ways  of  embedding  quoted  passages  into  your  own  text—this  as  opposed  to  somewhat  roughly  inserting  them.  The  document  "Quotation  Format"  (also  under  "Writing  Skills  –  Readings")  includes  the  following  material  on  the  embedding  of  quotations.    Embedded  quotations  must  be  assimilated  into  your  text—which  means  that  they  must  be  smoothly  and  logically  blended  into  your  own  text.    Here  are  three  examples  of  unassimilated  quotations:    The  two  brothers,  even  after  eighteen  years  of  separation,  cannot  be  differentiated.  "Say,  stand  apart.  I  know  not  which  is  which."    Luciana  tries  to  show  her  reason.  "O,  know  he  is  the  bridle  of  your  will."    Understandably  angry,  "There's  none  but  asses  will  be  bridled  so  …  This  servitude  makes  you  to  keep  unwed."    The  merchant  protests  Angelo's  debt,  which  keeps  him  land-­‐bound,  "but  that  I  am  bound  for  Persia,  and  want  guilders  for  my  voyage."   Here now are revised versions of the above passages with quotations assimilated:  The  two  brothers,  even  after  eighteen  years  of  separation,  cannot  be  differentiated.  In  frustration,  the  Duke  insists  that  the  twins  "stand  apart,"  for  he  "[knows]  not  which  is  which."    Luciana  tries  to  show  her  reason,  saying  to  Adriana,  "O,  know  he  is  the  bridle  of  your  will."    Understandably  angry,  Adriana  responds  to  Luciana's  comment  by  saying,  "there's  none  but  asses  will  be  bridled  so,"  and  says  further  that  "this  servitude  makes  [Luciana]  to  keep  unwed."    The  merchant  protests  Angelo's  debt,  which  keeps  him  land-­‐bound,  declaring  that  he  is  "bound  for  Persia,  and  [wants]  guilders  for  [his]  voyage."      

My  suggestion  now  is  that  you  try  some  editing  of  your  own  on  the  remainder  of  this  body  paragraph  (from  "False  friends  are  those"  to  "creating  a  brighter  future."  Try  to  find  your  own  ways  of  embedding  the  Mother  Teresa  quotations—that  is,  of  more  smoothly  weaving  phrases  from  them  into  your  own  commentary.  In  my  revision  below,  I've  left  out  this  unedited  section.    

itself. We must live each day as if it were our last because we never know when that day will come. “People who really want help may attack you if you help them. Help them anyway.” Often it is those who are bitter and hate filled that need help the most. They are scared of rejection or simply showing a softer side of themselves as the world has made them callous. They may attack you, maybe not physically, but it is our duty as moral beings to help those in need. “Give the world the best that you have, and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway.” As Teresa has emphasised in this powerful passage one must never give up and attempt to create a better world. We have an obligation to those who are suffering to attempt to lessen their woes. If everyone took away some piece of information form Teresa’s teachings the world would be on the right track to creating a brighter future. I have I've learned much about suffering in my short time on this Earth. I’ve experienced it personally , and I’ve seen others fall victim to into its treacherous grasp. As one might imagine, being gay in today’s society is still not an easy task. I heard Truly, it's not easy to hear everyday every day that ‘this is gay’ "this is gay" and or that ‘you’re a fag’ "you're a fag." Such statements—sometimes tossed off carelessly, sometimes uttered as vicious attacks— eventually leading led me in younger years to the conclusion that there was something wrong with me. I was plagued burdened by an increasing weight inside of me, and every day became harder and harder than the one before it. With But with the support and love of those around me who, like Mother Teresa, knew that love is the great healer I got out was relieved of this pain. From that day on I knew As well, I came to know with perfect clarity that I never wanted anyone to feel the way that I had I'd felt, and so I chose to do something about it. As all great accomplishments start small, I decided to start a Gay Straight Alliance at my school in an attempt to reduce bullying and make the school—our school, for it's a place that must include all of us—a safer place. Along my journey, I befriended a girl, who, for the sake of anonymity, I will call her Kyra. Kyra was the sweetest girl; she always complimented you offered love and asked for nothing in return. One But one day Kyra stopped talking to me and started to distance herself from everything she cared about. I knew that something was wrong because I had done the same thing when I was depressed. I asked her everyday every day what was wrong, but she wouldn’t say anything. So, I did little acts what I could, little acts of kindness, to remind her that even if it was just one, just me, someone cared for her. One day when we were talking I managed to slip a note into her phone case. We were texting later that night when suddenly she stopped responding to me. I was worried yet realized that there was nothing that I could do. The next day when I saw Kyra at school and she ran up to me and gave me the biggest hug. I asked her, “Why did you stop texting me last night?” She began to tear up and replied, “The pain I felt last night was so horrible. I was so close to ending it. People were making fun of me on my phone, so I threw is against the wall and a piece of paper fell out.” She was having trouble speaking now and I just hugged her. I said, “If you are ever feeling alone, or you feel helpless, look at that note and remember, that I care.” From this I learned a great deal from this; no matter what it is you do for others it makes an impact on them that kindness can have as powerful effect as unkindness can. As easy as it is to wound with casually uttered words, it is as easy to heal with small acts of love. Don’t ever feel like that you can’t make a difference, it . It doesn’t take much, and—who knows, following the lead of Mother Teresa—you might even save a life lives along the way.      

The  adverb  "personally"  is  redundant.  If  you  say  that  you  have  experienced  something,  it's  already  understood  that  it  was  experienced  personally.    

The  word  "everyday"  is  written  as  one  word  only  when  it  stands  as  an  adjective—for  instance,  in  phrases  such  as  "an  everyday  problem"  or  "an  everyday  outfit."  When  your  reference  is  to  something  that  occurs  each  day,  you  write  it  as  two  words.    

Revision Mother Teresa, a Christian missionary and one of the most influential humanitarians of the twentieth century, has profoundly impacted the world by her selflessness and her creation of the Missionaries of Charity, an organization that runs hospices and homes for people suffering from diseases and offers counseling services for children. Members of the order must first adhere to the three vows of chastity, poverty, and obedience, and then to the fourth, which is to give "wholehearted free service to the poorest of the poor.” Mother Teresa believed that regardless of their religious affiliation, race, or gender, all people deserve help. She achieved a goal that so many of us wish, but sadly often fail, to achieve—to leave the world a better place than we found it. As an enlightened thinker and bold doer, Mother Teresa left her example for anyone willing and courageous enough to imitate it. Being born in the beginning of the twentieth century, this humble yet dauntless woman lived through some of the darkest moments of recorded history, a period that saw the unnecessary deaths of millions, yet managed to remain caring and hopeful. She knew (perhaps better than most) that people are "unreasonable, illogical and self-centered," and she knew that these qualities can be a dangerous combination if they become too extreme. But she chose to "love them anyway." She knew that only love could hope to thaw the ice in people's hearts. She knew, too, that “if you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives, but chose to "do good anyway.” The heartbreaking truth of today’s society is that it’s hard for many to believe that people are capable of acting purely out of selflessness. Indeed, it is hard for them to accept that there is true goodness in the world at all. In spite of this, said Mother Teresa, "do good anyway." She cautioned also, “if you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies,” but her addendum to the caution was an encouragement: "succeed anyway." False friends are those . . . creating a brighter future. I've learned much about suffering in my short time on Earth. I’ve experienced it, and I’ve seen others fall into its treacherous grasp. As one might imagine, being gay in today’s society is still not easy. Truly, it's not easy to hear every day that "this is gay" or that "you're a fag." Such statements—sometimes tossed off carelessly, sometimes uttered as vicious attacks—eventually led me in younger years to the conclusion that there was something wrong with me. I was burdened by an increasing weight, and every day became harder than the one before it. But with the support of those who, like Mother Teresa, knew that love is the great healer I was relieved of this pain. As well, I came to know with perfect clarity that I never wanted anyone to feel the way I'd felt, and so I chose to do something about it. As all great accomplishments start small, I decided to start a Gay-Straight Alliance at my school in an attempt to reduce bullying and make the school—our school, for it's a place that must include all of us—a safer place. Along my journey, I befriended a girl, who, for the sake of anonymity, I will call Kyra. Kyra was the sweetest girl. She always offered love and asked for nothing in return. But one day Kyra stopped talking to me and started to distance herself from everything she cared about. I knew that something was wrong because I had done the same thing when I was depressed. I asked her every day what was wrong, but she wouldn’t say anything. So, I

did what I could, little acts of kindness, to remind her that even if it was just one, just me, someone cared for her. One day when we were talking I managed to slip a note into her phone case. We were texting later that night when suddenly she stopped responding to me. I was worried yet realized that there was nothing I could do. The next day when I saw Kyra at school she ran up to me and gave me the biggest hug. I asked her, “Why did you stop texting me last night?” She began to tear up and replied, “The pain I felt last night was so horrible. I was so close to ending it. People were making fun of me on my phone, so I threw is against the wall and a piece of paper fell out.” She was having trouble speaking now and I just hugged her. I said, “If you are ever feeling alone, or you feel helpless, look at that note and remember that I care.” From this I learned that kindness can have as powerful effect as unkindness can. As easy as it is to wound with casually uttered words, it is as easy to heal with small acts of love. Don’t ever feel that you can’t make a difference. It doesn’t take much, and—following the lead of Mother Teresa—you might even save lives along the way.