Orange reAT P ATes eel g reAT azette esulTs - K All ane odAy … · 2015-01-07 · Orange...
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Orange Peel gazette - Kane COunty edItIOnGreAT rATes - GreAT resulTs - CAll TodAy! (815)751-1286
LOOK FOR OUR NEXT ISSUE ON JANUARY 21Page 16
If you are age 7 - 107. . . Enjoy Your FREE Copy Of The Orange Peel Gazette
advertising: Michelle (815)751-1286 email: [email protected] Mailing: PO Box 703, deKalb, Il 60115
OOrangerange PPeeleel ggazetteazette OFOF KKaneane CCOO
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OOrangerange PPeeleel ggazetteazette“the Hottest little Paper In town!”
January 7, 2014 Volume 9, Issue 8
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Expires 1/30/15With approved credit. Cash rebates available fromNicor and ComEd up to $1000. Exp 1/30//2015 Must present coupon. Not valid with other offers.
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These I Can PromiseI cannot promise you a life of sunshine;I cannot promise riches, wealth, or gold;I cannot promise you an easy pathwayThat leads away from change.But I can promise all my heart's devotion;A smile to chase away your tears of sorrow;A love that's ever true and ever growing;A hand to hold in yours through each tomorrow.
Yes, I'll Marry You
When we dream alone, it is only a dream. But when we dream together, it is the beginning of
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WANT To APPeArIN THe NexT Issue oF THe
Orange Peel gazetteCAll MICHelle AT 815-751-1286.
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When it comes to going after what you love in life,
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SSuuppeerr
SSaallee!!Orange Peel gazette
proudly dedicates our January issues
to all happy couples in 2015.
If you’re newly engaged or celebrating your 50th WeddingAnniversary, please enjoy somefunny and heartwarming storiesabout couples and their lives
together, as well as some specialoffers from our advertisers.
Orange Peel gazette - Kane COunty edItIOnGreAT rATes - GreAT resulTs - CAll TodAy! (815)751-1286
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925 Sixth Ave Aurora IL 60505Providing affordable, quality, all-inclusive, Independent and Assisted living in a gracioussetting adjacent to Philips Park Golf Course.
Breakfast Club - Wednesday, January 21Breakfast at 8:30am; speaker at 9am
rob russell, Kane County Coroner speaking on what their office does
Call in reservations to Cecelia at 630-898-7844, ext. 15 by January 19.www.sunnymere.com Facebook at Sunnymere of Aurora
������������������� ����������������������������� ����������������������������� ����������������������������� �������������������Providing affordable, quality, all-inclusive
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������������������������������������������������ �������������������������������������������������������������������������������� ��������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������
������������—Wednesday, January 21st
Breakfast at 8:30 a.m.—Speaker at 9 a.m.
Rob Russell, Kane County Coroner speaking on
what their office does Call reservations to Cecelia at 630-898-7844, ext 15 by Jan. 19th
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The Hope Chest The Hope Chest Resale StoreResale Store
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36 N. Lincoln Ave., Aurora(630)892-4239 Ext 234All proceeds benefit the many programs of
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Scented Candles for Men It seems in this day and time you can't go into an
area dominated by a woman without detecting the'aroma' (odorous terribilis) of some kind of bizarrescented candle. everything from 'BoysenberryVanilla Potpourri' to 'spice orange Jasmine Chocolate'. sometimes it gives me a headache!
Well, it's about time men had their own scentedcandles. Below you will find a few scents men wouldappreciate. '62 Chevy truck - Interior and exhaust Gunpowder Wet dog (only if it's your own dog) Frying Bacon (actually, a lot of different fried foods) Wood smoke Chainsaw exhaust Freshly Caught Bass ozone (arc welder, of course) Acetylene Freshly Moved dirt silage sawdust New Tires Hot Metal 3 year old Cap Ammonia Fertilizer (light, of course) Burning Grass or leaves Alfalfa Firecrackers latex Paint
yard Sale A woman was taking her time browsing through
everything at a friend's yard sale, and said to her,"My husband is going to be very angry I stopped at ayard sale."
"I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him aboutall the bargains you found," her friend replied.
"Normally, yes," she said. "But he just broke hisleg, and he's waiting for me to take him to the hospi-tal to have it set."
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2015
tHanK tHe BuSIneSS WHere yOu PICKed uP tHe Orange Peel gazettePage 4
Orange Peel gazette - Kane COunty edItIOn“THe HoTTesT lITTle PAPer IN ToWN”
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Gavin Woodworking, Inc.Furniture refinishing - repairing
Special Wood Products - Chair Caninggeneral Machining - general Painting
a Woman's Week at the gymIf you read this without laughing out loud, there is
something wrong with you. This is dedicated toeveryone who ever attempted to get into a regularworkout routine.
dear diary,For my birthday this year, my husband gave me a
week of personal training at the local health club. Al-though I am still in great shape since being a highschool football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided itwould be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. Icalled the club and made my reservations with a per-sonal trainer named Christo, who identified himselfas a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model forathletic clothing and swim wear. Friends seemedpleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The clubencouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
MOnday: started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough toget out of bed, but found it was well worth it when Iarrived at the health club to find Christo waiting forme. He is something of a Greek god -- with blondhair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. WooHoo!! Christo gave me a tour and showed me the ma-chines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in whichhe conducted his aerobics class after my workouttoday. Very inspiring! Christo was encouraging as Idid my sit-ups, although my gut was already achingfrom holding it in the whole time he was around.This is going to be a FANTAsTIC week!!
tueSday: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but Ifinally made it out the door. Christo made me lie onmy back and push a heavy iron bar into the air thenhe put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly onthe treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewardingsmile made it all worthwhile. I feel GreAT! It's awhole new life for me.
WedneSday: The only way I can brush myteeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter andmoving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe Ihave a hernia in both pectorals. driving was oK aslong as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top ofa Geo in the club parking lot. Christo was impatientwith me, insisting that my screams bothered otherclub members. His voice is a little too perky for thatearly in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this
Orange Peel gazette - Kane COunty edItIOnGreAT rATes - GreAT resulTs - CAll TodAy! (815)751-1286
tell Our adVertISerS, “I SaW yOu In tHe Orange Peel gazette.”Page 5
First 2015 Show: Feb 28 - March 1April 4-5 May 2-3 June 6-7 July 4-5
Aug 1-2 Sept 5-6 Oct 3-4 Oct 31-Nov 1 Dec 5-6
Welcome Home provides people who have moved with useful community information and Free gifts from localmerchants: all to help you become familiar with the area.
Call or Text For a Visit -Elburn - St. Charles Batavia - North Aurora Geneva/Mill Creek Batavia/Mill Creek
Polly Ruzic - 630-365-5990 Jennifer Zack - 630-229-2001
Moved Recently?We would enjoy meeting you!
- www.welcomehomebatavia.com -
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a Woman's Week at the gym (cont’d)nasally whine that is Very annoying. My chest hurtwhen I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on thestair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine tosimulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?Christo told me it would help me get in shape andenjoy life. He said some other stuff too.
tHurSday: Christo was waiting for me with hisvampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips werepulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a halfan hour late -- it took me that long to tie my shoes. Hetook me to work out with dumbbells. When he wasnot looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sentsome skinny girl to find me. Then, as punishment, heput me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
FrIday: I hate that jerk Christo more than anyhuman being has ever hated any other human being inthe history of the world. stupid, skinny, anemic,anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part ofmy body I could move without unbearable pain, Iwould beat him with it. Christo wanted me to work onmy triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don'twant dents in the floor, don't hand me the barbells oranything that weighs more than a sandwich. Thetreadmill flung me off and I landed on a health andnutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someonesofter, like the drama coach or the choir director?
Saturday: satan left a message on my answer-ing machine in his grating, shrilly voice wonderingwhy I did not show up today. Just hearing his voicemade me want to smash the machine with my planner;however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV re-mote and ended up catching eleven straight hours ofthe Weather Channel.
Sunday: I'm having the Church van pick me upfor services today so I can go and thank God that thisweek is over. I will also pray that next year my hus-band will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a rootcanal or a hysterectomy. I still say, if God had wantedme to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floorwith diamonds!!!
Words Women use Fine: This is the word women use to end an argu-
ment when they are right and you need to shut up. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this is half
an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you havejust been given 5 more minutes to watch the game be-fore helping around the house. nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This
means "something" and you should be on your toes.Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in"fine". go ahead: This is a dare, not permission, doN'T
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Phone (630) 801-8888 520 W. Galena Blvd Fax (630) 566-3755 Aurora, IL 60506
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- - - - -If your wife laughs at your joke, it means you
either have a good joke, or a good wife.
love Or Marriage?LOVE:
When you write poems about your partner.MARRIAGE:
When all you write is checks.LOVE:
When your eyes meet across a crowded room.MARRIAGE:
When you lose your child in a crowded room.LOVE:
When your heart flutters every time you see them.MARRIAGE:
When your wallet empties every time you see them.LOVE:
When you have concern for your partner's feelings.MARRIAGE:
When you have concern for what's on TV. LOVE:
When you share everything you own.MARRIAGE:
When the bank owns everything.LOVE:
When your farewell is "I love you, darling." MARRIAGE:
When your farewell is "Pick up some toilet paper."
tell Our adVertISerS, “I SaW yOu In tHe Orange Peel gazette.”Page 7
Orange Peel gazette - Kane COunty edItIOnCoNNeCTING CusToMers ANd BusINesses. . .THAT’s WHAT We do BesT!
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Happy New Year!Is It love? Bill and steve are discussing the possibility of
love. "I thought I was in love three times," Bill says."Thought?" steve asks. "What do you mean?""Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman
who wanted nothing to do with me," Bill says."Wasn't that love?" steve asks."No, that was obsession," Bill explains. "Then two
years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive womanwho didn't understand me."
"Wasn't that love?" asks steve."No, that was lust," Bill replies. "And just last year,
I met a woman while I was on a cruise. she was gor-geous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had asuper sense of humor. everywhere I followed her onthat ship, I would get a very strange sensation in thepit of my stomach."
"Well, wasn't that love," asks steve."No. That was motion sickness!" Bill replies.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~• Men are like a fine cheese.
They start out as milk, and it's up to women to mold them
until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Orange Peel gazette - Kane COunty edItIOn“THe HoTTesT lITTle PAPer IN ToWN”
tell Our adVertISerS, “I SaW yOu In tHe Orange Peel gazette.”Page 9
Orange Peel gazette - Kane COunty edItIOnCoNNeCTING CusToMers ANd BusINesses. . .THAT’s WHAT We do BesT!
tHanK tHe BuSIneSS WHere yOu PICKed uP tHe Orange Peel gazettePage 8
The Mora Farm is a place where you can get away from it all and enjoy the beauty of the Illinois countryside.
Experience the tranquility, harmony and beauty of a place
like no other. With over 7 acres ofland and located only 45 minutesfrom Aurora IL, the Mora Farm is the right place to host your next bigevent or unforgettable reunion. Ourstaff is here to serve you and will
transform our Farm to fit your needs.
Weddings ~ Quinceaneras/Cotillions Corporate Events ~ Birthday Parties
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www.TheMoraFarm.com10816 Watson Road ~ Waterman, IL 60556
Se Habla Espanol
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1945 W. galena BlVd. aurOra, Il ▪ 630-264-0515 [email protected]
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5C Extra per lb on Aluminum Cans & Aluminum Siding.with coupon Expires 1/30/15
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Some tips for your 2015 big day~The biggest trends for 2015 weddings is very personaland intimate atmosphere, as if we had brought togetherour family and friends at home. In this theme, the focusis on long wooden tables instead of round ones andwooden chairs or benches, as well as white twinklylights as a key element in decorating and creating thiscozy environment.
The flowers used in weddings are also going to be ofrustic and country inspiration – with floral arrange-ments and bridal bouquets composed of flowers thatseem freshly picked right off the field.
Wedding dresses: it is going to be the year of vintagedresses, with defined silhouettes. dresses with pockets,dresses with lace sleeves, dresses in pastel colors,namely pink.
In terms of accessories for the bride, Veils return in fullforce regardless of the style or wedding dress chosenfor the big day.
the priest who married us forgot ournames.
He was at the pulpit and said "We are gathered heretoday to celebrate the marriageof.....of......of.......of......" cue him screwing up his eyesand trying in vain to see our names written on a scrapof paper which he had left on the altar. "of....of...." hecontinued....then came a divine flash of inspiration andhe settled on "these two young people".
Kids? don't ya just luv em!We went to a cousins wedding with son #1, who
was about 20 months. They just got to the point wherethey ask: "If anyone knows of any reason while thesetwo should not be wed, speak now..."
To which son #1 piped up No! No! No! No! . (Iwas trying to pick him up off the floor at the time.)
One track Mind!A long time ago I was a bridesmaid at my cousins
wedding. It was a full catholic mass type thingy thingand at one point an altar boy walked down the aisleringing a bell - one of the little ones shouts as loud ashe can: "It's the ice cream man".
life InsuranceAn insurance salesman was trying to persuade, Mrs
Warren, a housewife, to buy a life insurance policy.'Just imagine,' he pronounced, 'if your husband was
to die tomorrow, what would you get?''oh, a yorkshire terrier dog, I think,' responded Mrs
Warren brightly, 'they're so well-behaved.'
Writing your Wedding Vowssit down in a quiet space with paper and pen and answer these questions. even if you don't think the an-swer will end up in your wedding vows, still take thetime to write it down. It may help you in the long run. 1. What is the single greatest thing about the person
you are going to marry?2. When did you know that you were in love/ know
that this person was the one you wanted to marry?3. What does marriage mean to you? 4. Why do you want to be married?5. What is the most important thing you want to
promise to your partner? What is the promise you most want to hear from them?
6. What will change about your relationship once you are married? What will stay the same?
OrangePeel
gazetteOF Kane CO
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Orange Peel gazette - Kane COunty edItIOnCoNNeCTING CusToMers ANd BusINesses. . .THAT’s WHAT We do BesT!
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Join Us for Tasting...Annual
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Join the MV transit teamSeeking Professionals
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large FamilyBen came from a large family. He had five sisters
and three brothers. one day he was looking through the family photo
album with his mother when he noticed, in page afterpage, that all the children were dressed in the same col-ors.
He asked his mother why they were all dressedalike.
she explained, “At first, when we had just four chil-dren, I dressed you alike so we wouldn’t lose any ofyou. “Then,” she added, “as other five came along, Istarted dressing you alike so we wouldn’t accidentallytake one home that didn’t belong to us.”
attainable new year's resolutions This year I resolve to...
- Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. - stop exercising. Waste of time. - read less. Makes you think. - Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff. - Procrastinate more. starting tomorrow. - Take a vacation to someplace important: like, to see
the largest ball of twine. - stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out
more. - Buy a 1983 Cadillac el dorado and invest in a really
loud stereo system and get the windows tinted.
- Never make New year's resolutions again.
Orange Peel gazette - Kane COunty edItIOn“THe HoTTesT lITTle PAPer IN ToWN”
FOr adVertISIng, Call MICHelle at (815)751-1286 Page 10
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Personally I think one of the greatest things aboutmarriage is that as both husband and Father, I cansay anything I want to around the house. Of course,
no one pays the least bit of attention.
Why are you not Married? Here are some comebacks:
•you haven't asked yet.•I was hoping to do something meaningful with mylife.•Because I just love hearing this question.•Just lucky, I guess.•It gives my mother something to live for.•My fiancée is awaiting his/her parole.•I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America.•do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to Misssaigon?•I'm waiting until I get to be your age.•It didn't seem worth a blood test.•I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.•Because I think it would take all the spontaneity outof dating.•My co-op board doesn't allow spouses.•I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.•They just opened a great singles bar on my block.•I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheerhappiness.•What? And lose all the money I've invested in runningpersonal ads?•I don't want to have to support another person on mypaycheck.•Why aren't you thin?•I'm married to my career, although recently we havebeen considering a trial separation.•Bonus reply for single Mothers: Because having ahusband and a child would be redundant.
Bad Hair day "What happened to you?" asked the bystander of
the man lying on the sidewalk outside of the beautyparlor.
The man shook his head groggily and rubbed hisbruised chin. "Well, the last thing I remember was mywife coming out of the beauty salon. I took one look ather and said, 'Well, Honey, ... at least you tried.'"
Visit our website at ~www.OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo.com
You can read the Orange Peel Gazette online.
*
tHanK tHe BuSIneSS WHere yOu PICKed uP tHe Orange Peel gazettePage 12
Orange Peel gazette - Kane COunty edItIOnAdVerTIsING sTArTs AT JusT $22.00 Per Issue
aCrOSS1. www.NI_____Guide.com4. Baptism & _____ Gowns7. The first in _____8. www.old_____works.com12. High Amp _____
down2. A _____ decision3. Gutter _____5. enjoy the beauty of the _____countryside.6. We pay _____ on the spot!9. New york _____ Wash10. _____ for your special day.11. The pefect day, the _____ look
all answers Can Be Found Throughout The
ads appearing In This Issue Of TheOrange Peel
gazette
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~ ~ ~ ~ ~do you Know your Wife?
'Is it true, dad,' asked Joey, that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.'
'That happens everywhere, Joey, everywhere!' responds his father.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~By all means marry. If you get a goodwife, you'll be happy. If you get a badone, you'll become a philosopher...andthat is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates
Expires 1/31/15
Orange Peel gazette - Kane COunty edItIOnGreAT rATes - GreAT resulTs - CAll TodAy! (815)751-1286
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$668,000 Question...Who was the first vice president to become president upon the death of a chief executive?A) Martin Van Buren B) John Tyler C) Andrew Johnson d) richard M. Nixon $669,000 Question...Who, at age 36, was the youngest person ever to serve asvice president?A) richard Nixon B) John C. Breckinridge C) dan Quayle d) Franklin d. roosevelt
$670,000 Question...Who was the only vice president indicted for murderwhile in office? A) Aaron Burr B) William King C) Thomas Hendricks d) John Nance Garner$671,000 Question...Who was the first vice president to serve as acting president? He served as acting president for eight hourswhile the president underwent surgery.A) Chester Arthur B) Theodore roosevelt C) George H. Bush d) William r. King $672,000 Question...Who was the first person to serve as vice president undertwo different presidents? A) George Clinton B) John C. Calhoun C) Henry Wilson d) Andrew Johnson$673,000 Question...Who drafted the doctrine of states' rights, which eventually helped bring on the Civil War?A) John C. Calhoun B) daniel d. Tompkins C) John Breckinridge d) Henry Wilson$674,000 Question...Who was the only VP elected by the senate?A) elbridge Gerry B) richard M. Johnson C) Millard Fillmore d) Alben W. Barkley
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FOr adVertISIng, Call MICHelle at (815)751-1286Page 13
Opee gazette says: Let’s Play!Who Wants To Be a Zillionaire?
a Child's ViewJack, a very young lad aged 4 years, says to his
father, 'daddy, daddy, I want to get married.'His father explains, 'For that Jack, you have to have
a boy and a girl.'so Jack answers, 'I've already found a girl.''Who?' splutters his dad.'Grandma,' continues Jack happily.“Now, let me get this straight,' his father says. 'you
want to marry my mother? ................. you can't dothat.'
'I don't see why not?' Jack responds, 'you marriedmine!'
Wives go Fishing •Wife after returning from fishing trip with husband
to neighbor: "I did everything all wrong again today --I talked too much and too loud. I used the wrong bait.I reeled in too soon and I caught more than he did."
•shivering wife to husband while ice fishing: "Tellme again how much fun we're having -- I keep forget-ting."
•Wife to her husband returning from a weekend fish-ing trip: "Gesundheit ! What else did you catch ?"
•Wife to husband while fishing: "I don't know, it stillseems to me that the boot you caught yesterday put upmore of a fight than that inner tube you caught today."
Big date A young man called his mother and announced ex-
citedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams.Now what should he do?
His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send herflowers, and on the card invite her to your place for ahome-cooked meal?"
He thought this was a great strategy and arranged adate for a week later. His mother called the day afterthe big date to see how things had gone.
"The evening was a disaster," he moaned. "Why, didn't she come over?" asked his mother. "oh, she came over, but she refused to cook..."
FOr adVertISIng, Call MICHelle at (815)751-1286 Page 14
Orange Peel gazette - Kane COunty edItIOn“THe HoTTesT lITTle PAPer IN ToWN”
Hetts auto Saleslooking for a quality used
vehicle? All our vehicles aresafety inspected, have a
carfax report and many arepriced in the
$3000 - $8000 range. Viewour inventory at
www.hettsautosales.comHetts Auto sales is located
in downtown oswego by ther/r tracks, “our
mission is to give you apleasurable buying
experience” and remembered and John are your friends
in the car business.Hetts auto Sales
69 W. Washington St. (rt 34)Oswego, Il 60543
630-554-9339www.hettsautosales.com
AUTOMOTIVE
BUYING
CaSH PaIdWWII, WWI
Military uniforms,photos, weapons, medals,patches, helmets, posters,
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Garage Doors by Curtsales and service
We sell CHI doorslift Master openers
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ANTIQUES HELP WANTED
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residential & Post Construction Cleaning
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Northwestern suburbsHourly $14 + benefits.
Please call (630)540-9627
$125 Mixed Face Cord$150 oak/Hickory
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FIREWOOD
tHe PICKer SISterSestate & Moving sales
Antiques and Collectiblessally (630)945-6158
Visit MantIQueS SHOP721 s. lake st, Montgomery
(630)429-0760Buy ▪ sell ▪ Trade ▪ Find
let's Make 2015 Best year!Work Home:FT/PT
Will train: Travel AgentsFor Interview 630-766-8231
lanza Masonry Inc.Brick, Stone, tile
Pavers retaining Walls 847-833-3384
MASONRY
DRYER VENTCLEANING
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Need help on your nextmove? Call the professionals
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MOVING
WeBMarC dOOrSresidential & CommercialGarage doors and openerssales and service. Familyowned and operated in
Kane Co. Webmarc doorsA Mark of excellence.
24Hr service (847)888-2212
Bill’s Custom ServicesInterior/exterior
Painting & drywall etc.Wallpaper hanging/removalover 20 years experience
Free estimates/Insured(815)482-4155
PAINTING
West Aurora - ranch home.Personal family room,
bedroom & bath.Includes utilities, use of
kitchen, laundry. No pets.Mature woman preferred.$700/mo. (630)465-1866
HOUSING TO SHARE
J & l BuIlderSBasement Finishing
Kitchen & Bath remodelingFlood damage repair
your Complete remodelingservice. Free estimates
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electrical - WallsBathrooms - KitchensWater Heater repairs
from $150.00Habla Espanol
(847)809-1102 Jesus
tell Our adVertISerS, “I SaW yOu In tHe Orange Peel gazette.”Page 15
Orange Peel gazette - Kane COunty edItIOnGreAT rATes - GreAT resulTs - CAll TodAy! (815)751-1286
Wanted to buy junk -Cars, Trucks, Farm
equipment/Machinerysemi-Trucks Trailers
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(847)456-0974
Cash Paid for old Fishing/Hunting
equipmentCall Tim (630)327-1557
Next Issue: January 21Ad Deadline: January 9
adVertISe In tHe Orange Peel gazette
Call Michelle at (815)751-1286Rates starting at just $22.00 per issue.
Information gathered herein is from sources considered reliable. Accuracy however cannot be guaranteed. All humorous stories and
jokes appearing here are intended for entertainment purposes only andare not meant to disrespect or harm any group or individuals. Ads appearing in this paper are not to considered as an endorsement or validation by orange Peel Gazette for products or services offered.
WANTED
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do-It-yourself tips For real Men leak stain on ceiling: Cut a piece of plywood into a
square. Nail it over the stain. Put a handle on it. Telleveryone it's the door to your attic. (Not recommendedfor basement apartments).
Crabgrass: In one corner of your lawn, assembleyour mower, rake, shovel and weed killer. using rightindex finger, dial any asphalt company. Have themcome over and pave your lawn -- mower, rake, shoveland weed killer included.
Burn on rug: Cut one lemon in half. squeeze juiceinto large glass of gin mixed 50-50 with tonic. Add ice.drink enough glasses of this solution until burn be-comes blurry. Move couch over mark.
dirty paint brushes: soak brushes in pail of paint re-mover. read paint remover directions carefully. Noticethey say solvent should not be inhaled. Move brushesand can to airy place -- like the backyard. Notice thatsolvent can kill grass. Move can and brushes up offlawn onto suitable surface like, say, barbecue. Now no-tice that solvent is highly flammable.
annoying drips: don't invite them over anymore.
Joe’s lawn equipment1029 rural st, Aurora
Commercial/residential(630) 201-4772
SNOW BLOWER REPAIR