Olivia Wilde's Advice for Turning 30, Glamour Magazine
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Transcript of Olivia Wilde's Advice for Turning 30, Glamour Magazine
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7/22/2019 Olivia Wilde's Advice for Turning 30, Glamour Magazine
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Olivia Wilde Tells Us Her Dos andDon'ts of Turning 30
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The star of Drinking Buddiesand Rushis about to hit 3-0 and is defying all
Hollywood stereotypes by being...wait for it...excited.
In human years I am 29. In actress
years I'm the ripe, promising age of
18 to 35. That's how it works here in
Hollyweird. You aren't a specific
ageyou're an amorphous mystery
cloud of time that molds to whatever
the director has in mind. "Sure, I'm afreshman in college! Can't you tell by
my ponytail and henna tattoo?" or
"Of courseI'm a 34-year-old
neuroscientist. Did you not see my
lab coat and sensible shoes?"
Back in the human world, though, I'm
hitting a major milestone: 30, or as I
like to call it, the Cut the Bullsh-t and
Go Be Awesome stage. I'm thrilled
about this impending development (I
might finally grow boobs!), but my
brain has some catching up to do
(I'm gobsmacked when bartenders
by Olivia Wilde
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to play dumb. So I'm welcoming this development with open arms, and so should you.
Here's some advice I'm offering (and hopefully also taking).
DON'T freak out about all the brilliant people who
accomplished more than you by 30.Yes, Einstein had discovered the theory of relativity by your age, and Emily Bront had
written Wutheringfu*#ing Heights, but honestly, what you achieve is far less important than
what kind of human being you are. What do you want people to say at your funeral: "Olivia
may have cured HIV, but she ran over my cat and drove away laughing"? No, thanks! I'd
rather be a good person who makes people happy than a dick who wins a Nobel by 32.
DO enjoy your sexual prime.Hey oh! According to horny Professor Alfred Kinsey's 1953 page-turner Sexual Behavior in
the Human Female, women really start heating up in their thirties, so let's just say it's finally
your turn to act like an 18-year-old boyexcept you'll be 1,000 times better at...everything.
DON'T cut your face.I am so saddened and grossed out by young women who look like creepy, old aliens
because of their new Barbie noses and lips. Is that a smile or a grimace? Did you melt hot
wax on your face, or is that your skin? A better approach: Take care of yourself now that
you're old enough to know how. Drink water, sleep eight hours (I wish), and don't go within
400 feet of a tanning booth or I'll slap you. Hard.
DO travel.This is possibly the last time until retirement that you won't be considered a bad person forbooking a last-minute ticket to Morocco with friends just because you damn well feel like it.
You're old enough to know where not to go (Cancn) but young enough to feel guilt-free
being entirely unreachable.
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clouds your ability to get to know someone.
DON'T feel pressured to pop out kids.I love kids with a passion I usually reserve for hot cheese, miniature chairs, and Prince
concerts, but I feel no stress to reproduce simply because of a fear of withering eggs. Wait
for the right partner, and make sure you're where you want to be in life before picking
neighborhoods based on school districts. This is not to suggest you should live irresponsibly
for the next 10 years, then expect to get knocked up when your chosen dude finally
sneezes inside you. But you'll never find the right baby-maker or enjoy baby-making if
you're doing it out of anxiety. Relax, be good to your body, and when the time is right, get
busy.
DO reap the benefits of your accumulated wisdom.You're 30: You know stuff now. Your twenties were for "ducking up," as my auto-correct
would say, and learning from those mistakes. (For instance, never again will I convince
myself that sleep is for sissies and go straight from a party to the airport. You will not "sleep
on the plane"; you'll vomit in the security line. Go to bed.) Now you get to live with that
knowledge under your belt. Also, make it a nice belt. You're 30. Stop dressing like a hobo.
DO learn a new skill.You've already lived longer than most women in the thirteenth century, so why not look at
your thirtieth as a rebirth? I started stand-up paddleboarding at 29 and consider it my baby
step toward becoming a badass 30-something semipro surf goddess (as long as the sharks
go vegan).
And DON'T be bogged down by your past.Saturn has now orbited the sun once since you've been alive; make this next go-round
whatever you want it to be. Consider your baggage (bad boyfriends, job setbacks, body
issues) lost by the airline of life, leaving you empty-handed at your new destination with only
one choice: Go shopping.
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To read more from our September issue, download the digital edition(it's packed
with bonus app-only exclusives!), or pick up a copy on newsstands now.
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