Office -- Bowling

8/14/2019 Office -- Bowling

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THE OFFICE

B.O.W.L.I.N.G. Day

Written by

Sachi Adorno-Weatherford &Rania Razack

12/5/2007


2/36

COLD OPEN

INT. OFFICE - DAY

MICHAEL awkwardly exits his office holding a covered display

board.MICHAEL

Attention, Dunder-Mifflinemployees!

Plopping the board down, he flips over a piece of paper toreveal BOWLING DAY: B ringing O ur Work L ove I nto N ew G round.

From their respective desks, PAM and JIM exchange amusedglances. DWIGHT, ANDY, KEVIN, and PHYLLIS immediately lookreally excited. Everyone else responds with deadpanexpressions.

MICHAEL TALKING HEAD

MICHAELChemistry in the office hasunfortunately been at an all-timelow lately.

INT. OFFICE - EARLIER THAT MORNING

A shot of the office, looking as normal as ever. Michaellooks on at them, worried, through the glass windows in hisoffice.


MICHAELSo I thought what better way tobring everyone back together thanbowling? Its one of my favoriteteam sports, and you know, whodoesnt like bowling?... Plus I had

a gift certificate for two freelanes that expires next week.

INT. OFFICE - DAY

JIMOur work love, Michael?


3/36

MICHAELYes.

TOBYDo you really think thats

appropriate for a professionalouting?

MICHAELWell --

OSCARSome people might misinterpret whatthat means.

JIMWe cant maybe bring our work livesinto new ground?

Michael considers this, but cannot come up with a verbalresponse.


Michael pauses, thinking excruciatingly hard. He takes anexcessively deep breath.

MICHAELI...

He lets out a long exhale.

MICHAEL (CONTD)Love was the first L word that cameto mind. After that other L word,obviously. Ladies. That would havebeen even less appropriate, so... Ithink love is a fine word to use ina professional environment. I love

my fellow Dunder-Mifflinites andIm not afraid to say it.

He smiles.MICHAEL (CONTD)

Except for Toby. I definitely donot love Toby.

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PAM TALKING HEAD

PAMI think bringing our work love into

new ground might be one of the bestideas Michael has ever had. Eventhough I guess Jim and I havealready been kind of doing that onour own for a while.

She pauses to reminisce.

PAM (CONTD)Weve brought our work love toseveral new grounds actually.

JIM TALKING HEAD

Jim smiles smugly at the cameras.

PAM TALKING HEAD

Pams smiling face transforms into a look of concern,realizing how her last comment sounded.

PAMWait, I didnt mean that in a dirty

way, no. Um, I meant because wevegone out to a lot of differentrestaurants and museums and... Notlike weve been having --

She stops herself before the hole shes digging gets anydeeper, flashing a look of desperation at the cameraman.

PAM (CONTD)Anyway...

INT. OFFICE - DAY

MICHAELThe bowling alley is only a fewblocks away so were gonna walk it.Sound good? Everyone be ready intwenty minutes.

Michael disappears into his office. Dwight stands up abruptlyfrom his desk and takes off toward the door at a run.

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DWIGHTI better go grab my ball bag from

my trunk!

Jims eyes wander from the door to Andy, who is looking at

the display board, confused.JIM

Whats up, Andy?

ANDYJust trying to figure out whatD.A.Y stands for.

END OF COLD OPEN

4.


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ACT ONE

INT. OFFICE - DAY

Michael exits his office and clasps his hands together.

MICHAELOK! Everyone ready to B.O.W.L?

ANDY(enthusiastically)

Into New Ground! Yes!

Stanley rolls his eyes. Michael smiles cordially at Andy,though it appears even he fears Andys enthusiasm.

ANGELA Michael, were not going. I dontthink you understand how importanttoday is for the accountingdepartment.

OSCARWe really dont have time to take afield trip --

MICHAELFirst of all, its not a fieldtrip. Field trips take place at thezoo.

CREEDI like the zoo.

MICHAELBusiness exercises take place at abowling alley. Its a team-buildingbusiness exercise.

ANGELA Its stupid.

Michael pretends not to have heard her.

MICHAELAnd second-of-ly, we cant be ateam without all of our team

members, so you dont get to argue.Youre going. Toby, you can staybehind and man the office.

TOBYNo, Michael. No.

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MICHAELExcuse me?

TOBYYou cant - I stayed back on Beach

Day. I want to bowl.ANGELA

Toby can play in my place. Ryan isgonna be calling to check in,Michael. We absolutely cannotleave.

KELLY appears from her cubicle.

KELLYRyans calling? I can stay behind.I hate bowling anyway.

MICHAELNo, Kelly. You guys, this isexactly what I am talking about! Weneed to be a team! Everyone --

KELLYI SAID IM STAYING BEHIND!

Everyone is aghast at her outburst. She continues to stareMichael down.

When Michael appears to want to interject again, Kelly widens her crazed-looking eyes, daring him to argue with

her.

MICHAELFine. Toby, you can go.

Kellys eyes return to their normal size as she smiles.

EXT. OFFICE - STREET - DAY

Everyone saunters slowly away from the office.

To everyones disdain, Michael drives by in his car andhonks. His car dons a sign reading: GO TEAM DUNDER-MIFFLIN!

MICHAELAlright, Team! Race you there!First one inside gets a prize!

They watch him speed by and exchange looks of disbelief.

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INT. BOWLING ALLEY - LOBBY - DAY

In a seedy-looking bowling alley, the gang (sans Michael)stands, already bored and annoyed. Michael rushes in, out of

breath, chewing on a Slim Jim.MICHAEL

Im here. Sorry. I had to stop toget gas.

Jim looks confused.

JIMThe nearest gas stations like a

mile away. In the oppositedirection.

Michael shrugs and chomps on his Slim Jim.

MICHAELDont worry about it, Slim Jim.

Jim raises his eyebrows and mouths oookay. Dwight materializes at Michaels side.

DWIGHTI was the first one here! Wheres

my prize?

Without looking at him, Michael pulls another Slim Jim from his pocket and hands it to Dwight.

MICHAELThere you go.

Dwight grasps the Slim Jim tightly, looking like a child onChristmas morning.

MICHAEL (CONTD)To the lanes we go!

Michael marches forward as Meredith heads straight toward the

pizza parlor inside that has a neon signing reading BEER.No one except Angela seems to notice.

ANGELA Why does she get to leave?

7.


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MICHAELDont worry about it. Shesprobably not supposed to be bowling

with her hip injury anyway. Comeon, gang.

INT. OFFICE - DAY

Kelly sits at Pams office and answers the RINGING phone.

KELLYRyan?

She makes an annoyed face at the stranger on the other endand hangs up.

INT. BOWLING ALLEY - LANES - DAY

Dwight comes up behind Angela, surveying a row of bowlingballs.

DWIGHT(softly)

Monkey?

She turns in response.

DWIGHT (CONTD)I found the lightest ball for you.

He hands it to her. She remains stoic.

ANGELA Thank you, Dwight.

She and Dwight join the rest of the workers, who are squeezeduncomfortably into the bowling alley chairs. Michael standsbefore them.

MICHAELAlright, has everyone picked their

balls?Jim eyes the camera, withholding a smile.

MICHAEL (CONTD)Good. Captains, your time has come.Choose wisely, young grasshoppers.

Michael takes his seat as Dwight and Andy rise from theirseats, chests puffed with pride.

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DWIGHT TALKING HEAD

DWIGHTMy strategy is simple. Pick the

best. Period. Im an excellentjudge of bowling character.

ANDY TALKING HEAD

ANDYStrategy? Who needs strategy? Team Andy Bernard always wins.

PHYLLIS TALKING HEAD

PHYLLISI dont think its fair that Dwightand Andy get to be team captains.If Michael really wanted to buildoffice morale, he would stopplaying favorites.


The captains ready to make their decisions.

DWIGHT(indicating the left side)

Everyone on Team Dumbledore sitsover here.

Andy scoffs loudly.

ANDY(indicating the right

side)And everyone on the winning team onthis side.

STANLEYRight. Because we wouldnt be ableto figure that out ourselves.

CLOSE ON: Pam and Jim.

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JIM(aside; to Pam)

Does it make sense that this is forteam building and yet were not allon one team?

PAMMichaels in charge. Of course itdoesnt make sense.

BACK TO SCENE:

DWIGHTI choose Michael.

Michael jumps up to stand next to Dwight.

ANDYAngela.

Dwight looks surprised and hurt at Andys first choice. Andydoesnt notice as he beams at Angela.

DWIGHTPam.

ANDYTuna.

Jim shrugs oh well at Pam. Before Dwight can select hisnext teammate, Michael interjects.

MICHAELStanley the Manly!

Dwight glares at Michael.

DWIGHTMichael, I am the team captain. Youare my assistant.

MICHAELFine. Pick whoever you want.

Dwight succumbs.

DWIGHTStanley.

STANLEYIm not getting up.

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Angela whispers in Andys ear, who nods in approval. Dwightis horrified.

ANDYKevin.

Kevin fists his hand in celebration.

DWIGHTOscar.

Andy and Angela look disappointed at losing the lastaccountant. Oscar looks sadly in their direction as he joinsthe other side.

ANDYToby.

Michael scoffs.

Dwight surveys the final two: Phyllis and Creed.

DWIGHTUh... Dammit.

Phyllis looks on the verge of tears at being overlooked, while Creed is completely unwitting.

DWIGHT (CONTD)I guess, Phyllis.

ANDYCreed.

CREEDWhat do you need?

ANDYYoure on my team.

CREEDFor what?

Andy looks at him, incredulous.ANDY

Bowling.

CREEDOh. Sure thing, chief.

ANGLE ON: Pam and Jim.

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JIMYoure going down, Beasley.

PAMGame on, Halpert.

JIMHey I have an idea. How about... if

my team wins, you stay at my placetonight?

Pam looks unsure at this, but nods.

PAMAnd if we win, you plan a weekendtrip for us.

JIMFair enough.

PAMA good one.

They shake hands.

INT. BOWLING ALLEY - PIZZA PARLOR - LATER

Meredith sits at the counter with four empty beer bottles infront of her. The unattractive middle-aged FOOD COUNTEREMPLOYEE uncaps another beer and slides it over her way.

FOOD COUNTER EMPLOYEESo, you here with friends?

She finishes a huge swig from the bottle.

MEREDITHGod no.

The employee smiles flirtatiously. Meredith smiles back.

INT. BOWLING ALLEY - LANES - CONTINUOUSThe camera focuses on the electric scoreboard above, whichreads: TEAM ANDY: 42, TEAM Dumbledore: 29.

MICHAEL (O.S.)(upset)

Dammit, Oscar!

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Oscar and Stanley look at Michael in disbelief.

STANLEYSeriously?

MICHAELWhat? All I'm saying is that it'sjust a game. Right, Oscar?

Michael pats Oscar on the back. Oscar can't believe Michael'ssudden hypocrisy.

OSCARSure, Michael. Sure.

Michael smiles. Creed, unfazed by Andy's anger, gets his balland makes his way to the lane for his second attempt.

PAMYou can do it, Creed!

DWIGHTPamela, we do not cheer for theopposing team. Where is yourloyalty?

Dwight continues to shine his ball as Pam and Jim laughsoftly to themselves.

Their laughter ends when Andy YELLS in frustration overCreed's second gutter ball. Andy begins to pace back andforth.

ANDY(softly to himself)

Deep breath. Deep breath. Channelyour aggression. Relax.

Michael shakes his head disappointedly at Andy's behavior. Helooks up to the scoreboard to see that it is FLASHINGPHYLLIS' NAME, indicating her turn.

MICHAEL

Where is Phyllis? It's her turn.PAM

She went to the bathroom. She saidshe'd be back soon.

Dwight picks up his freshly polished ball, determined andready to win.

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DWIGHTUnfortunately, we cannot wait. Asteam captain I have no other choicebut to step in for her.

TOBYDwight, I really don't think that'sfair.

DWIGHTAll is fair in love and war, Toby.

TOBYBut this is bowling.

DWIGHTNo. This is war. And I love a goodbattle.

Toby just gives Dwight a strange look as Dwight makes his wayto the lane, bowls, and knocks down eight pins.

Michael stands and CHEERS.

MICHAELWay to go, Dwight!

Dwight does not crack a smile as he waits for his ball toreturn, rubbing his hands together in front of the airblower.

Phyllis returns from the bathroom, extremely peeved to findDwight bowling in her place. She approaches Dwight and tapshim fiercely on the shoulder.

Dwight turns slowly.

DWIGHTYes, Phyllis?

PHYLLISDwight, you stole my turn.

DWIGHTI did not steal anything.

PHYLLISYes, you did. I'm supposed to bebowling now. Not you! Youre notbeing a team player.

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DWIGHTPhyllis, the rules are plain andsimple. If you snooze, you lose. Ifyou leave to poo, it's up to you.If you leave to pee, your turn goes

to me.Phyllis, extremely upset and on the verge of tears, returnsto her seat near a sympathetic Pam.

DWIGHT TALKING HEAD

DWIGHTI learned a long time ago theimportance of maintaining controlof one's bodily functions,especially during crucial timessuch as today. Holding it in getsyou ahead.

INT. BOWLING ALLEY - LANES - CONTINUOUS

Pam puts her arm around Phyllis to help comfort her.

MICHAELSorry, Phyllis, but Dwight is ourteam captain. He knows what's best.

Dwight picks up his ball and is about to bowl when he seesAndy bend down to tie Angela's shoelace. This completelybreaks his concentration and causes him to bowl completelyoff course. He misses the remaining two pins.

MICHAEL (CONTD)(yelling)

Dwight! What kind of captain areyou? That was the easiest spareever, and you missed it!

DWIGHT(snapping back into

reality)I am so sorry, Michael. Something must have -- dust flew into my eye.

I swear.

PHYLLISIt's called karma, Dwight!

DWIGHTOh be quiet, woman!

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Dwight, dejected, slumps down into his seat.

Andy jumps up and down to get his team excited. Toby gets hisball and prepares to bowl.

ANDYOkay, Toby. Just focus and you'llbe fine.

Toby bowls over only one pin. Andy tries to remain calm asToby gets his ball from the return.

TOBYSorry, guys.

JIMDont worry about it, Toby. You'redoing great.

Pam smiles at Jim. Toby sadly notices.

INT. OFFICE - SAME TIME

The phone in reception RINGS. Kelly rushes from the kitchento answer it.

KELLYHello?

RYAN (V.O.)Who's this?

KELLYRyan, it's me, silly.

RYAN (V.O.)Where's Pam?

KELLYAt Bowling Day.

RYAN (V.O.)

Bowling Day?!KELLY

Ryan, remember that time we wentbowling? It was so much fun. Andthen afterward, we went back toyour place and -

We hear a DIAL TONE.

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19/36

KELLY (CONTD)Hello? Ryan?

Kelly seems confused.

KELLY (CONT'D)Damn phone service.

She hangs up, then picks up the phone again to dial *69.

INT. BOWLING ALLEY - LANES - SAME TIME

Toby ignores Michael and takes his time to concentrate. Hebowls but only hits one more pin.

Andy stomps his feet angrily. Michael laughs.

MICHAELHey, Toby, looks like you're almostas good at bowling as you are atgetting divorced.

No one else laughs, including an extremely annoyed Toby.

TOBY(serious)

Well at least I got a woman to marry me.

Jims eyes widen. Michael, clearly taken aback, grabs hisball and bowls. Without trying, Michael surprisingly gets astrike.

Dwight jumps up and down with joy.

DWIGHTYeah! Great job, Michael.

He goes to give Michael a high-five, but Michael brushes byhim without noticing.

MICHAEL

In your face, divorcee.Toby ignores him and sits back down.

Angela gets up and also bowls an amazing strike. Everyone isimpressed, including Andy, who high fives her. She barelycracks a smile.

KEVINThat was awesome.

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ANDYWay to go, Angela.

Dwight stares at Andy and Angela, concerned.

DWIGHTBeginner's luck, Angela. No need tocelebrate.

ANGELA Youre just jealous because Team Andy is winning.

DWIGHTJealous? Team Andy can kiss my -

Andy gets ready to hurl himself at Dwight.

STANLEY(without looking up from his crossword book)

Andy, do you really feel likeattending an anger managementsession this early in the day?

Andy recomposes himself.

ANDYNo, Stanley, I dont.

He glares at Dwight, who stands glaring back.

ANDY (CONTD)But if I must, then maybe.

Jim smiles and shrugs his shoulders at the camera.

DWIGHTStay far away from me, Andy.

ANDYTuna, hold me back!

Jim looks confused - why me?. After a moment, he gets up tohold an unmoving Andy back, at which point Andy decides topush forward.

ANDY (CONTD)Thought I was kidding, didnt you?

Dwight pulls out his pepper spray, jumping back a good threefeet from Andy. Everyone gets up at the commotion.

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DWIGHTCome on, give me your best shot!

MICHAELWhoa whoa whoa!

Jim gets Andy to sit down. Dwight slowly lowers his pepperspray.

OSCARThis was a bad, bad idea.

ANGELA I agree.

KEVINYeah. Whose idea was bowlinganyway?

There is a tense silence as Michael looks nervously into thecamera.

END OF ACT ONE

20.


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ACT TWO

INT. BOWLING ALLEY - LANES - CONTINUOUS

Two bowling alley employees are installing bumpers into one

lane. Michael exits the restroom, observes their work, andsmiles contentedly.

The rest of the Dunder-Mifflin group slowly file into thepizza parlor area behind Michael.

Toby too exits the restroom and, seeing the bumpers, smiles.

TOBY(excitedly)

Oh great, bumpers!

MICHAELJust for Team Dumbledore.

Toby looks incredulously at Michael, whose eyes remain fixedon the lanes.

TOBYMichael, that's cheating. Thatgives your team an unfairadvantage.

MICHAELNo, your team had an unfairadvantage.

TOBYBecause we were winning?

Michael starts to nod, then catches himself.

MICHAELNo! Just trust my leadership, OK?This evens the playing fiel --lane.

Toby sighs, confused and annoyed, and heads toward the pizza

parlor.MICHAEL (CONTD)

Yeah, go get yourself a Diet Cokeor something and calm down a littlebit.

TOBYI don't drink soda.

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Michael makes his way toward the lanes.

INT. OFFICE / NEW YORK OFFICE - DAY

INTERCUT between Kelly and Ryan on the phone with each otherat their respective desks.

KELLYGosh, Ryan! Phone service in NewYork must really be bad. We'vegotten disconnected like ten times.

RYANYeah, it is. How bout I just callback later when --

KELLY(a mile a minute)Anywho, like I was saying, I bought

these new jeans at Abercrombie theother day, and they totally make

my butt look awesome. You reallyhave to see me in them. They'relike the best pair of jeans ever.Not too loose, not too tight, greatstyle. Practically perfect, justlike you!

RYAN...That's nice, but I really justneed to talk to Michael.

KELLY(annoyed)

Well did you try calling hisoffice?

RYANYou're at the office. Alone.Remember?

KELLY

Oh yeah! I forgot. I always feellike Im at home when I talk toyou.

Kelly laughs as Ryan cringes on the other end.

RYANIm just gonna try him on his cellagain.

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DARRYL walks into the office, smiling at Kelly.

KELLYGotta go! Darryls here to pick meup for lunch.

RYANWHAT?

KELLYGood luck getting in touch withMichael.

She hangs up. Ryan stays on the phone.

RYANKelly?

He hangs up, then begins hastily dialing.


With the workers behind him, Michael takes another Slim Jim out of his pocket and begins chomping down on it.

MICHAELI decided to let Team Andy havebumpers also. Not because of whatToby said, though. I just figured

we needed to spice things up a bit.You know like Emeril always says,"We're gonna kick it up a notch!"

Michael laughs to himself and takes another bite.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)BAM!

(quietly)But seriously, some people here arenot that great at bowling. I won'tembarrass them by disclosing theirnames, but...

Michael's phone RINGS and he looks down to see whos calling.

MICHAEL (CONTD)Ryan again.

In the meantime, the camera tilts up and zooms on thescoreboard. Michael has the lowest score, by a longshot.

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Michael clicks IGNORE on his phone and looks back up at thecamera.

MICHAEL (CONTD)As I was saying, I think Bringing

Our Work Love Into New Ground isgoing pretty well so far. Thingsgot a little heated, but were afamily. Well get back on track.

He looks at the cameraman as if they just asked him something.

MICHAEL (CONTD)Where are my Dunder Mifflinitesnow, you ask? Eating pizza.Together, as a TEAM!

INT. BOWLING ALLEY - PIZZA PARLOR AREA - SAME TIME

Lugging two large pizzas, Meredith stumbles over to thetables where the two teams sit. The group digs in.

JIMThanks, Meredith.

KEVINYeah, thanks. I was starving.

MEREDITHNot a problem. I got 'em for free.Bubba over there thinks I'm hotstuff.

Meredith turns back, winks, and lifts her half empty bottleof beer at the middle aged unkempt food counter employee from earlier. He smiles back flirtatiously.

Angela turns to Pam.

ANGELA Hey, Pam.

PAMYeah?

ANGELA Which would you rather have as aboyfriend, a sweet but deranged catkiller or a romantic rage-a-holic?

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Pam looks stunned as Jim tries to contain his laughter nextto her. Jim then mirrors Angelas stare at Pam, anxiouslyawaiting a response.

PAM

(hesitantly)Um, I dont really think --

ANGELA Oh, why am I even asking you? Lookat your history with men. Youruined a perfectly decentrelationship with Roy and nowyoure with Jim.

Jim tries not to look offended. Pam gives Angela a dirty lookas she reaches to hold Jims hand.

Angela turns next to Phyllis, who has not been listening toanyone around her and stares down at her plate.

ANGELA (CONTD)Phyllis, youre married...

Phyllis looks up at her with sad eyes, still not listening.

PHYLLISThey dont appreciate what I canbring to the team.

She turns to Stanley, who does not care.

PHYLLIS (CONTD)I'm good. Bob Vance and I are in aleague, with matching shirts andeverything.

ANGELA Oh, get over it!

OSCARLighten up, Angela.

ANGELA I dont remember asking youanything.

OSCARI might know more than you think.

ANGELA Why would I want your advice on

men?

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Kevin leans forward.

KEVINBecause hes gay.

Angela stares at him: obviously.ANGELA

But whens the last time he had two men to choose between?

(to Oscar)Or even one for that matter?

KEVINOoooh, burn!

Oscar turns sharply to Kevin.

OSCARMind your own business, Kevin.Better yet, why don't you get backto the office and actually get some

work done for once? So I don't haveto keep on picking up your slack.

KEVINWhat is that supposed to mean?

OSCARAll you do half the time is work onstupid new lyrics for your stupidband.

(to Angela)While youre busy bidding on littleporcelain collectibles on eBay.

Angela looks at him as if shes just been outed.

OSCAR (CONTD)Thought I didnt notice? Well I do,and Im sick of it.

ANGELA

Oh yeah? What about the hours youspend logged into outinscranton.com during work hours?

KEVINYeah!

OSCAR(unconvincing)

I dont even know what that is.

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Angela and Kevin exchange skeptical looks.

ANGELA Oh really, Accountingman570?

Oscar is too embarrassed to fight back.

ANGELA TALKING HEAD

ANGELA Outinscranton.com? Its this onlinesocial networking site for gays inScranton.

(whispering)And lesbians.

(normally)We found it on Oscars computer oneday when he called in sick. It hasforums and chat rooms and you canpost pictures --

She stops herself.

ANGELA (CONTD)Well we only glanced at it, so Idont know too much about it.

KEVIN TALKING HEAD

KEVINIt even has horoscopes, but theyrecalled...

He erupts in a fit of giggles and has to collect himself tocontinue.

KEVIN (CONTD)Homoscopes.

OSCAR TALKING HEAD

OSCARMy sign? Im a Scorpio.

He looks quizzically at the cameraman.

OSCAR (CONTD)Why?

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INT. BOWLING ALLEY - PIZZA PARLOR AREA - CONTINUOUS

At the far end of the table, Creed looks around skeptically.With no one watching, he takes two slices of pizza, wraps

them in napkins, and puts them in his pocket.Dwight appears out of nowhere.

DWIGHTI saw that!

CREEDSaw what?

DWIGHTThe slices of baked cheesy goodnessyou just inserted into your pocket.I'm not a fool, old man.

Creed scoffs at this, further enraging Dwight.

DWIGHT (CONTD)Promptly remove the pizza from yourpockets!

Creed eyes Andy over at the bar drinking a beer.

CREEDAndy didn't tip the bartender.

Dwight glances at the bar then turns back to Creed, torn at which crime is worse.

DWIGHTIll deal with you later.

Creed is already off running in the other direction.

AT THE BAR

Dwight approaches Andy, obnoxiously clearing his throat.

DWIGHTThe bartender deserves his rightfultip. Fifteen percent or more if I'm not mistaken.

ANDYGood thing I already tipped him.Twenty percent. Because Im agenerous guy.

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DWIGHTI highly doubt that.

Andy slams his beer on the counter and gets in Dwights face.

ANDY(loudly)Do you? Why don't you ask Bubba?Better yet, why dont you askAngela how generous I can be?

DWIGHTWhat did you say?

ANDYYou heard me.

BACK AT THE TABLE

Stanley accidentally knocks over Meredith's beer as he putsdown his crossword book and reaches for another piece ofpizza.

MEREDITH(slurring)

God, Stanley!

STANLEYOops.

MEREDITHI wasnt done drinking that!

STANLEYNot like you need anymore to drink.

Meredith begins slurping the spilled beer from the table asStanley watches on, horrified.

STANLEY (CONTD)I stand corrected.

Andy and Dwight, shoulder to shoulder, approach Angela at the

table.ANDY

Kitten?

ANGELA What.

Dwight cringes at Andys pet name for her.

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DWIGHT TALKING HEAD

DWIGHTFact: Monkeys are far superior to

kittens in both a) intelligence andb) size. In a face off between a monkey and a kitten, the kitten would be beaten to a bloody pulp

and devoured. Whole.

INT. BOWLING ALLEY - PIZZA PARLOR AREA - CONTINUOUS

DWIGHTWe need to ask you something.

ANDYActually I need to ask yousomething.

An edgy Dwight nudges Andys shoulder away from him.

DWIGHTWell I do too!

The concurrent arguments between the employees at the tableincrease in volume as Pam, Jim, and Toby look on, unable andunwilling to do anything about it.

SUDDENLY

Wars Why Cant We Be Friends? starts to play over thefighting voices. Everyone quiets when A VOICE begins to singalong.

SINGING VOICEOoh ooh ooh, ooh ooh ooh...

Pams head snaps toward the other end of the pizza parlor.

PAMOh my God.

The voice sounds conspicuously like...

PAM (CONTD)Michael.

Everyones eyes look in the same direction as the camerafollows their gaze to

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THE KARAOKE STAGE

where MICHAEL grips the microphone and sings to hisemployees.

MICHAELWhy cant we be friends? Why cantwe be friends?...

All anyone can do is stare on in amazement.

MICHAEL (CONTD)I seen you round for a long long time.

He points at Meredith, who smiles sheepishly.

MICHAEL (CONTD)I remembered you when you drank my wine.

Kevins head bops along to the rhythm. Andy joins in thesinging of the second chorus.

ANDYWhy cant we be friends? Why cantwe be friends?...

Michael points at Stanley.

MICHAELThe color of your skin dont matter to me.

Then at Oscar.

MICHAEL (CONTD)As long as we can live in harmony!

As the song continues, everyone in their own way miraculouslygrooves to Michaels clumsy, yet heartfelt rendition of thesong.


Michael smiles at the camera, obviously very pleased withhimself but trying to act humble.

MICHAELWell, as the leader of this family,I just did what I had to do.

31.

(MORE)


33/36

Its like Dwight said, alls fairin love and... War.

INT. BOWLING ALLEY - LANES - LATER

The sound of falling BOWLING PINS and subsequent CHEERS.From the lane, now equipped with bumpers, Pam turns around toher team in triumph. Oscar gives her a high five. Angela isseated next to Andy.

ANGELA Good job, Pam.

Angela gives her a taut smile. Pam appreciates the gesture.

PAMThanks.

Andy smiles at Angela, who looks down then nervously up atDwight, as if checking in with him.

Jim stands slowly, apparently dreading his turn. Pam smilesat him encouragingly. He hauls the ball down the lane withovertly horrible technique.

PAM TALKING HEAD

PAMOh, the bet! Yeah, Im totally

winning. Its not even a challenge.Jims a terrible bowler.


Even with bumpers, Jims ball rolls down to hit one cornerpin. He walks back to the chairs, shrugging at Pam.

JIM TALKING HEAD

JIMI am a terrible bowler. Shesbeating me fair and square.

He lets out a smile.

JIM (CONTD)I might be letting her win a littlebit.

32.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)


34/36


35/36


MICHAELYes, Bowling Day was a success, as

I knew it would be. My team won ofcourse. Not that winning is thatimportant. But it kind of is.

EXT. BOWLING ALLEY - DAY

Everyone exits the bowling alley in good spirits, startingthe trek back to the office.

MICHAEL (V.O.) (CONTD)I think everyone learned someimportant lessons today about

working together in harmony.

EXT. BOWLING ALLEY PARKING LOT - DAY

Alone in his car, Michael puts his car in reverse, nearlyhitting an off-balance Meredith behind him. He puts his handsup in apology and waits for her to stumble on.

MICHAEL (V.O.) (CONTD)Sure there were a couple bumpersalong the way, but we spared noexpense to make sure that no one

was left in the gutter or struckout.


Michael looks up from the small note pad he was reading from,confused by his mixed sports analogy.

MICHAELWait...

END OF ACT TWO

34.


36/36

TAG

INT. OFFICE - DAY

In the accountants corner, Oscar points out a picture of a

man on his computer screen to Angela.Jim walks back to his desk from the reception area.

Phyllis smiles as she places the tiny MVB (Most ValuableBowler) award she received on her desk. She puts it next toher Dundie award for Bus(h)iest Beaver and a picture of BobVance.

INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - DAY

Michael puts the absurdly large team trophy he has kept forhimself on a shelf for display. Hands on his waist, he beamsat it proudly.

END OF SHOW

35.

Office -- Bowling

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Transcript of Office -- Bowling