Office 0903
Transcript of Office 0903
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100:00:05,494 --> 00:00:06,576Good morning, Dwight.
200:00:09,687 --> 00:00:11,343Who are you?
300:00:11,544 --> 00:00:13,010Who am I?
400:00:13,187 --> 00:00:14,282I'm Jim.
500:00:14,328 --> 00:00:16,584We've been working togetherfor 12 years.
600:00:16,833 --> 00:00:18,508Weird joke, Dwight.
700:00:18,552 --> 00:00:19,414You're not Jim.
800:00:19,445 --> 00:00:20,844Jim's not Asian.
900:00:21,035 --> 00:00:22,501You seriously never noticed?
1000:00:22,521 --> 00:00:25,556Hey, hats off to youfor not seeing race.
1100:00:27,941 --> 00:00:29,542All right then, Jim.
1200:00:29,912 --> 00:00:31,606Uh, why don't youtell me about that sale
1300:00:31,624 --> 00:00:33,569that you made yesterday?
1400:00:33,601 --> 00:00:35,201Uh, Wellington Systems?
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00:00:35,216 --> 00:00:37,875Sold them ten casesof 24-pound letter stock.
1600:00:37,981 --> 00:00:39,798Or were you talkingabout Krieger-Murphy?
1700:00:39,823 --> 00:00:41,104Because I didn't closethat one yet,
1800:00:41,123 --> 00:00:43,719but I'm hoping I've got avoicemail from Paul Krieger
1900:00:43,758 --> 00:00:45,558waiting for me.
20
00:00:46,425 --> 00:00:48,792Please enter your password.
2100:00:53,567 --> 00:00:55,399You have one new message.
2200:00:55,437 --> 00:00:56,376How did you know?
2300:00:56,410 --> 00:00:57,823
No!No, no.
2400:00:57,872 --> 00:00:59,171That is sensitive information.
2500:00:59,173 --> 00:01:01,479Only for employees,not outsiders!
26
00:01:01,497 --> 00:01:03,004Dwight, cut it out.I'm trying to work.
2700:01:03,054 --> 00:01:05,148You don't work here!You're not Jim!
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00:01:05,173 --> 00:01:07,204Jim, I got usthat dinner reservation.
2900:01:07,256 --> 00:01:08,556- Grico's, 7:30.- Oh, great.
3000:01:08,576 --> 00:01:10,701Can't wait.
3100:01:13,021 --> 00:01:14,682Jim's at the dentistthis morning,
3200:01:14,722 --> 00:01:17,056and Steve isan actor friend of ours.
33
00:01:17,102 --> 00:01:19,015I don't know who you are,
3400:01:19,029 --> 00:01:20,962but you are not Jim.
3500:01:20,995 --> 00:01:23,696This is Jim!
3600:01:27,100 --> 00:01:29,068
Oh, my--
3700:01:29,070 --> 00:01:31,370oh, d--oh, how did--
3800:01:50,344 --> 00:01:52,953Sync and corrections by n17t01www.addic7ed.comResync for WEB-DL by Norther
3900:01:55,142 --> 00:01:57,517Hey, study buddies!
4000:01:57,581 --> 00:01:59,204Oh. Okay.
4100:01:59,293 --> 00:02:01,293
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Getting things done. Awesome!
4200:02:01,339 --> 00:02:03,983It's all about finding waysto make yourself more efficient.
4300:02:04,033 --> 00:02:05,249Life hacking, baby.
4400:02:05,289 --> 00:02:07,156This morning, I brushed my teethin the shower.
4500:02:07,158 --> 00:02:08,991Saved myself 90 seconds.
4600:02:08,993 --> 00:02:10,576Which I just usedto explain this to you.
4700:02:10,578 --> 00:02:11,911Damn it.
4800:02:11,913 --> 00:02:15,129Since Andy promoted meto Assistant Regional Manager,
4900:02:15,190 --> 00:02:16,522I've been trying
to step my game up.
5000:02:16,561 --> 00:02:18,210You know, be more productive.
5100:02:18,278 --> 00:02:19,479In fact, you know what?
5200:02:19,513 --> 00:02:21,021Let's knock out a few more of
these sound bites
5300:02:21,060 --> 00:02:23,008while we're here.
5400:02:23,507 --> 00:02:26,008Whoa.That person has really
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5500:02:26,010 --> 00:02:30,095gotten him-- or herself--into quite a predicament.
5600:02:30,097 --> 00:02:32,648S'il vous plait...
5700:02:32,650 --> 00:02:35,601Dites-moi...
5800:02:38,689 --> 00:02:40,973Ah, French.
5900:02:40,975 --> 00:02:42,825It's a great language.
6000:02:42,827 --> 00:02:45,361
If you'rea chain-smoking acrobat.
6100:02:45,363 --> 00:02:47,863I'm just trying to fit inbetter with Andy's family.
6200:02:47,865 --> 00:02:49,949They all speakmore than one language.
6300:02:49,951 --> 00:02:51,533Usually when I'm there.
6400:02:51,535 --> 00:02:53,502You want to learn a reallyimpressive second language?
6500:02:53,504 --> 00:02:54,753Try Dothraki.
6600:02:54,755 --> 00:02:56,205Win over any man in my guild.
6700:02:56,207 --> 00:02:58,340Dothraki is the native tongueof the nomadic,
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00:02:58,342 --> 00:03:01,126war-mongering horse lordsof Essos, as featured
6900:03:01,128 --> 00:03:04,630in the superb Home Box Officeseries Game of Thrones.
7000:03:04,632 --> 00:03:06,265It has a lot of nudity.
7100:03:06,267 --> 00:03:09,685Which I fast-forward throughto get to the chopped-off heads.
7200:03:09,687 --> 00:03:11,854I could teach you if you want,it's a lot easier than French.
73
00:03:11,856 --> 00:03:12,972Yeah.Let's do it.
7400:03:12,974 --> 00:03:14,723- Athdavrazar!- Oh--
7500:03:14,725 --> 00:03:16,191It means "excellent."
7600:03:16,193 --> 00:03:17,192And we have begun.
7700:03:20,982 --> 00:03:22,014Is everything okay?
7800:03:22,016 --> 00:03:23,348Hmm?
79
00:03:23,350 --> 00:03:24,650Oh--oh, yeah.
8000:03:24,652 --> 00:03:26,235Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine.
8100:03:26,237 --> 00:03:28,020
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Fine, fine, fine.
8200:03:28,022 --> 00:03:30,239I mean, I d--I just don't want to burden you
8300:03:30,241 --> 00:03:32,157with my massivestress freak-outs.
8400:03:32,159 --> 00:03:33,575Great.
8500:03:33,577 --> 00:03:36,328It's just that I am takingmy driver's license test
8600:03:36,330 --> 00:03:38,714in two days,
and I need to practice
8700:03:38,716 --> 00:03:40,299with an experienced driverin the car.
8800:03:40,301 --> 00:03:42,084But I've had no timeto do that,
89
00:03:42,086 --> 00:03:45,337thanks to "Demandy."
9000:03:45,339 --> 00:03:48,040I just wantto hit the open road
9100:03:48,042 --> 00:03:51,376and drive, man.But...
9200:03:51,378 --> 00:03:52,561in whose car?
9300:03:52,563 --> 00:03:54,763Nellie!
9400:03:54,765 --> 00:03:57,683
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Get your wrinkly old ballsin here.
9500:04:02,023 --> 00:04:05,157Nellie, I could practicewith you in my car at lunchtime.
9600:04:05,159 --> 00:04:06,391Oh, Pam, thank you.
9700:04:06,393 --> 00:04:08,811You are my savior.
9800:04:10,230 --> 00:04:12,247- Oh, my God--- Ohh--
9900:04:13,918 --> 00:04:15,701I'm sorry I'm leaving
you alone for lunch.
10000:04:15,703 --> 00:04:17,870Don't worry about it.
10100:04:17,872 --> 00:04:20,873I have a thing.
10200:04:20,875 --> 00:04:22,708A thing of soup.
10300:04:22,710 --> 00:04:27,129Which I've been wanting to try.
10400:04:27,131 --> 00:04:29,414This is my research
10500:04:29,416 --> 00:04:31,750into how we might producechild-proof paper
10600:04:31,752 --> 00:04:33,936that doesn't give youpaper cuts.
10700:04:33,938 --> 00:04:35,104We can't.
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10800:04:35,106 --> 00:04:38,891And here is a printoutof your genealogy
10900:04:38,893 --> 00:04:40,442from thisisyourfamilytree.com.
11000:04:40,444 --> 00:04:42,561Executive-summary me.Hit the highlights.
11100:04:42,563 --> 00:04:44,096Well, it turns out
11200:04:44,098 --> 00:04:46,982you area distant blood relative
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00:04:46,984 --> 00:04:50,069of Michelle Obama.
11400:04:50,071 --> 00:04:51,203- As in--- Wife of Barack,
11500:04:51,205 --> 00:04:54,406loves gardening,wants to wipe out fat children.
11600:04:54,408 --> 00:04:56,325Wow.
11700:04:56,327 --> 00:04:58,744This issuper-flattering.
11800:04:58,746 --> 00:05:02,831She's the most popular personin America.
11900:05:02,833 --> 00:05:05,067This is a big dayfor both of us.
12000:05:05,069 --> 00:05:06,752My fellow Americans,
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12100:05:06,754 --> 00:05:08,670I have a feelingmy approval rating
12200:05:08,672 --> 00:05:11,123is about to gothrough the roof.
12300:05:11,125 --> 00:05:16,461Turns out, I amrelated to Michelle Obama.
12400:05:16,463 --> 00:05:18,564I was intimidatedby Andy's family before.
12500:05:18,566 --> 00:05:21,517And now I have to seethe First Lady at holidays?
12600:05:21,519 --> 00:05:22,651She's gonna be like,
12700:05:22,653 --> 00:05:24,153"what's your stanceon politics?"
12800:05:24,155 --> 00:05:26,605Or, "what is
the best war to do?"
12900:05:26,607 --> 00:05:28,907And I will just be like,
13000:05:28,909 --> 00:05:30,526"duh--"
13100:05:30,528 --> 00:05:31,660All right!
13200:05:31,662 --> 00:05:34,079We gotta get rid ofall this junk food.
13300:05:34,081 --> 00:05:35,697Get fit, America!
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13400:05:35,699 --> 00:05:39,284Not sure if the buzz has reachedthe annex yet, but, uh,
13500:05:39,286 --> 00:05:42,671I'm related to Michelle Obama.
13600:05:45,592 --> 00:05:46,825Yeah, we noticed early on
13700:05:46,827 --> 00:05:48,794Andy really appreciatesenthusiasm.
13800:05:48,796 --> 00:05:50,596So we decided the best wayto get ahead here
139
00:05:50,598 --> 00:05:51,880is to be his cheerleaders.
14000:05:51,882 --> 00:05:54,383Ohh!
14100:06:01,724 --> 00:06:03,559It's starting to have thisreverse effect, though,
142
00:06:03,561 --> 00:06:06,311where I really do thinkthe stuff he does is awesome.
14300:06:06,313 --> 00:06:07,863Yeah, me too.It's weird.
14400:06:07,865 --> 00:06:09,648Hard to remember what's realat this point.
14500:06:09,650 --> 00:06:12,317Just clap through it, man.
14600:06:12,319 --> 00:06:15,237You're logging salesat ten different times.
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14700:06:15,239 --> 00:06:18,123If you log 'em all at once,you save a lot of time.
14800:06:18,125 --> 00:06:19,124It's called batching.
14900:06:19,126 --> 00:06:20,242This is really good, Darryl.
15000:06:20,244 --> 00:06:21,794Life hacking, man.
15100:06:21,821 --> 00:06:22,803There he is!
15200:06:22,828 --> 00:06:24,134Andy, you gotta
check this out. He just--
15300:06:25,466 --> 00:06:28,417Right now I needcanned tuna, okay?
15400:06:28,419 --> 00:06:31,303Darryl, guesswhich talented individual
155
00:06:31,305 --> 00:06:33,472who also hasa killer singing voice
15600:06:33,474 --> 00:06:35,641is related to the First Lady.
15700:06:35,643 --> 00:06:37,509Tracee Ellis Ross.
158
00:06:37,511 --> 00:06:41,313Daughter of the First Ladyof Motown, Diana Ross.
15900:06:41,315 --> 00:06:42,347It's me!
16000:06:42,349 --> 00:06:43,816
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I'm related to Michelle Obama.
16100:06:43,818 --> 00:06:45,517What?Really?
16200:06:45,519 --> 00:06:47,486I mean, it's distant,but--
16300:06:47,488 --> 00:06:50,088That's cool, man.
16400:06:50,090 --> 00:06:51,323Right?
16500:06:51,325 --> 00:06:54,226Darryl said,"cool, man."
16600:06:54,228 --> 00:06:56,561He called me a cool man.
16700:06:59,232 --> 00:07:01,917You know, I really do think itwould be worth it to pull over
16800:07:01,919 --> 00:07:03,502and just take
ten minutes to eat.
16900:07:03,504 --> 00:07:05,838Mm--the thing is, Pam,
17000:07:05,840 --> 00:07:07,589I'm gonna be eatingwhile I'm driving,
171
00:07:07,591 --> 00:07:09,041so I might as wellget good at it.
17200:07:09,043 --> 00:07:11,543Brake lights. Brake lights,brake lights, brake lights!
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00:07:11,545 --> 00:07:13,378Whoo!
17400:07:13,380 --> 00:07:15,881I'm just saying, what does itimply in this country
17500:07:15,883 --> 00:07:18,550when a white person sharesan ancestor with a black person?
17600:07:18,552 --> 00:07:21,186You think that Andy's familyowned slaves?
17700:07:21,188 --> 00:07:23,588Well, somebody owned somebody.
17800:07:23,590 --> 00:07:27,192
And I don't think anybodywould buy an Andy.
17900:07:27,194 --> 00:07:28,277I throat-rip.
18000:07:28,279 --> 00:07:29,645Foth aggendak.
18100:07:29,647 --> 00:07:30,863
You throat-rip.
18200:07:30,865 --> 00:07:32,097Foth aggendi.
18300:07:32,099 --> 00:07:33,649He-she-it throat-rips.
18400:07:33,651 --> 00:07:34,700Foth aggenda.
18500:07:34,702 --> 00:07:35,934More of a barbaric growl.
18600:07:35,936 --> 00:07:37,369Foth aggenda.
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00:07:37,371 --> 00:07:39,321Louder. You're shouting itfrom the back of a horse.
18800:07:39,323 --> 00:07:41,073Foth aggenda!
18900:07:41,075 --> 00:07:43,909Pretty crazy about Andyand Michelle Obama, huh?
19000:07:43,911 --> 00:07:46,211Yeah.
19100:07:46,213 --> 00:07:48,997It's almost unbelievable.
19200:07:48,999 --> 00:07:50,048What?
19300:07:50,050 --> 00:07:51,717Well, do you know howAndy has been
19400:07:51,719 --> 00:07:54,619really saltingmy onions lately?
19500:07:54,621 --> 00:07:55,888
Sure.
19600:07:55,890 --> 00:07:58,056Well, when he asked meto look up his ancestry online,
19700:07:58,058 --> 00:08:00,058I remembered that news storyabout Michelle Obama
198
00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:02,511having white relatives,and I just knew
19900:08:02,513 --> 00:08:04,963he would eat that up.
20000:08:04,965 --> 00:08:07,399
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So he's not relatedto Michelle Obama?
20100:08:07,401 --> 00:08:08,767Pam,
20200:08:08,769 --> 00:08:13,739I barely know howto turn on my computer.
20300:08:13,741 --> 00:08:15,991Nellie's pretty fearless.
20400:08:15,993 --> 00:08:19,828And I think she might bemaybe even almost sort of fun.
20500:08:19,830 --> 00:08:21,163Pam!
20600:08:24,817 --> 00:08:26,335Well, if there's anotherexplanation,
20700:08:26,337 --> 00:08:28,870I don't really seewhat it could possibly be.
20800:08:28,872 --> 00:08:30,255
I--
20900:08:30,257 --> 00:08:32,257What's going on here?
21000:08:32,259 --> 00:08:34,343I'm relatedto the First Lady, okay?
21100:08:34,345 --> 00:08:36,128
Get over it.
21200:08:36,130 --> 00:08:38,297I still need weeklystatus reports from most of you.
21300:08:38,299 --> 00:08:41,383So can we get
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back to work, please?
21400:08:41,385 --> 00:08:42,551Get back to work.
21500:08:45,856 --> 00:08:47,222Andy--
21600:08:47,224 --> 00:08:48,273Andy, no!
21700:08:48,275 --> 00:08:50,175I would be very polite today.
21800:08:50,177 --> 00:08:51,843Why, is it employees' dayor something?
219
00:08:51,845 --> 00:08:53,946I cannot keep trackof these BS holidays.
22000:08:53,948 --> 00:08:55,847Your connectionto Michelle Obama
22100:08:55,849 --> 00:08:59,351has certain negativeconnotations.
22200:08:59,353 --> 00:09:01,853Most likely,your family were...
22300:09:01,855 --> 00:09:04,039slave owners.
22400:09:04,041 --> 00:09:05,574Does anyone else
think it's possible
22500:09:05,576 --> 00:09:08,627that I come from slave owners?
22600:09:11,998 --> 00:09:14,499Whoa.That person has really
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22700:09:14,501 --> 00:09:17,052gotten him-- or herself--into quite a predicament.
22800:09:18,485 --> 00:09:20,025Hey, mom, it's Andy.Give me a call
22900:09:20,044 --> 00:09:21,857when you get a chance.Got a quick question for you.
23000:09:21,891 --> 00:09:24,054Uh, no big deal, just aboutAmerica's national shame.
23100:09:24,079 --> 00:09:26,235Thanks, bye.
23200:09:27,122 --> 00:09:28,154Where were we?
23300:09:28,197 --> 00:09:29,730Uh-- yes,okay.
23400:09:29,768 --> 00:09:32,060Your... productivity thing.
23500:09:32,082 --> 00:09:33,399Yes, yes, yes.
23600:09:33,423 --> 00:09:34,380Great.
23700:09:34,411 --> 00:09:36,728Ooh, spreadsheets.Yum, yum.
23800:09:36,987 --> 00:09:38,270I included sometime-saving ideas.
23900:09:38,295 --> 00:09:39,114Uh-huh, uh-huh,uh-huh.
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24000:09:39,139 --> 00:09:40,202Look, I'm not gonna lie to you.
24100:09:40,223 --> 00:09:42,293I'm a teensy bitdistracted right now.
24200:09:42,365 --> 00:09:44,398Look, Andy, evenif your ancestors
24300:09:44,594 --> 00:09:47,512did own slaves,it wouldn't be your fault.
24400:09:47,514 --> 00:09:50,177This is only weirdif you make it weird.
24500:09:50,406 --> 00:09:52,073Right on, brother.
24600:09:52,147 --> 00:09:53,146Word dat.
24700:09:53,167 --> 00:09:54,333Mm--
24800:09:54,891 --> 00:09:58,148- Ador!- Daras.
24900:09:58,656 --> 00:09:59,469Qazer!
25000:09:59,503 --> 00:10:01,086Daras.
25100:10:01,137 --> 00:10:03,421Does anyone here havefermented mare's milk?
25200:10:08,373 --> 00:10:09,540Hey, Erin.
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00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:11,092Atchomar chomakaan!
25400:10:11,332 --> 00:10:13,050Oh-- okay.
25500:10:13,146 --> 00:10:14,863Sorry.
25600:10:15,181 --> 00:10:17,300Oh, still, it must be greatto have something else going on
25700:10:17,318 --> 00:10:18,388outside of work.
25800:10:18,421 --> 00:10:20,221Yeah--turn signal.
25900:10:20,236 --> 00:10:21,735It's exciting to bepainting again--
26000:10:21,737 --> 00:10:22,770those are the wipers.
26100:10:22,772 --> 00:10:24,647So the--
it's just--
26200:10:24,715 --> 00:10:25,831there you go.Yeah.
26300:10:27,226 --> 00:10:28,909Yeah, things get so busywith the kids--
264
00:10:28,911 --> 00:10:31,412red light-- that it's niceto have that creative outlet--
26500:10:31,414 --> 00:10:32,746red light, red light,red, red--
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00:10:36,168 --> 00:10:38,169That is brilliant, Pam.
26700:10:38,171 --> 00:10:39,703I'd love to seesome of your work.
26800:10:39,705 --> 00:10:41,372Well, since we're stoppedat a light...
26900:10:41,374 --> 00:10:44,842uh, here is...
27000:10:44,844 --> 00:10:47,845the mural I didfor Angela's baby.
27100:10:47,847 --> 00:10:50,581
That is amazing, Pam.
27200:10:50,583 --> 00:10:53,934Oh, I lovethe lion in the tuxedo.
27300:10:53,936 --> 00:10:58,589Angela insisted that allthe animals be fully clothed.
274
00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:02,943Hey, has anyone turned intheir status reports up here?
27500:11:02,945 --> 00:11:05,362Vos.
27600:11:05,364 --> 00:11:08,098So no?
277
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:09,783Do you think maybeyou could remind people?
27800:11:09,785 --> 00:11:12,036I'm trying to downplay the wholebossy-boss thing today.
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00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:13,070Because of your slaves.
28000:11:13,072 --> 00:11:16,574Not my slaves, my ancestors'.
28100:11:16,576 --> 00:11:19,109Maybe.Probably not.
28200:11:19,111 --> 00:11:21,045Well, if it makes youfeel any better,
28300:11:21,047 --> 00:11:23,280the Dothraki wordfor "slave master,"
28400:11:23,282 --> 00:11:27,551
azzafrok, is a term of respect.
28500:11:27,553 --> 00:11:29,553I'm learninghow to speak Dothraki.
28600:11:29,555 --> 00:11:30,787Color you impressed?
28700:11:30,789 --> 00:11:32,590
- That you're learninga made-up language
28800:11:32,592 --> 00:11:35,009from HBO's Game of Thrones?
28900:11:35,011 --> 00:11:38,479I have a lot going on today,
29000:11:38,481 --> 00:11:42,466
but this wasa great nerd-out.
29100:11:42,468 --> 00:11:43,974Dwight, you didn't tell meyou were teaching me
29200:11:43,993 --> 00:11:45,049
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a fake language.
29300:11:45,148 --> 00:11:46,554People laughed at Klingonat first,
29400:11:46,606 --> 00:11:49,337and now you can major in it.
29500:11:52,644 --> 00:11:53,644Hi, guys.
29600:11:53,646 --> 00:11:55,829Hey, boss.I am so thirsty,
29700:11:55,831 --> 00:11:57,915can I have a scoop of water?
29800:11:57,917 --> 00:12:00,034Yeah.You don't have to ask me--
29900:12:03,489 --> 00:12:05,005Ha ha.Okay, great.
30000:12:05,007 --> 00:12:06,173Very funny.
I get it.
30100:12:06,175 --> 00:12:08,008Just because my ancestorshappened to be--
30200:12:16,935 --> 00:12:18,719Very funny,Kevin changed my ringtone.
303
00:12:18,721 --> 00:12:20,003Very funny.
30400:12:20,005 --> 00:12:22,473I liked the original songon my ringtone.
30500:12:22,475 --> 00:12:24,108
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Which, you may remember,
30600:12:24,110 --> 00:12:26,360was Diamonds on the Solesof Her Shoes by Paul Simon,
30700:12:26,362 --> 00:12:28,011featuring,
30800:12:28,013 --> 00:12:32,516Ladysmith African-AmericanMombazo.
30900:12:34,452 --> 00:12:38,455Good. Very good.
31000:12:38,457 --> 00:12:41,041Oh-- no.
31100:12:41,043 --> 00:12:43,193Here, it's, uh,a text from Andy.
31200:12:43,195 --> 00:12:46,580"New special proj.Need fam. Tree for evbody.
31300:12:46,582 --> 00:12:49,216"Really dig up dirt.
ASAP."
31400:12:49,218 --> 00:12:50,301And then in parentheses
31500:12:50,303 --> 00:12:51,802he wrote out,"as soon as possible."
31600:12:51,804 --> 00:12:52,970
Mm.
31700:12:52,972 --> 00:12:57,241Ugh, looks likeit's pretendy time again.
31800:12:57,243 --> 00:12:58,809Write back,
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31900:12:58,811 --> 00:13:00,694"looking for dirt."
32000:13:00,696 --> 00:13:02,496Oh, can I help?
32100:13:02,498 --> 00:13:05,148We could say someoneis related to, um,
32200:13:05,150 --> 00:13:07,201Tonya Harding.
32300:13:07,203 --> 00:13:10,487Pam, I'm relatedto Tonya Harding.
324
00:13:10,489 --> 00:13:11,589Oh--gee, I'm--
32500:13:11,591 --> 00:13:14,675No, I'm justpracticing my lying.
32600:13:14,677 --> 00:13:16,827- I love it.- Brilliant.
32700:13:16,829 --> 00:13:18,963What should we say about Jim?
32800:13:18,965 --> 00:13:22,266Um, oh-- uh, sayhe's related to Richard Nixon.
32900:13:22,268 --> 00:13:23,384It's an inside joke.
33000:13:23,386 --> 00:13:25,269He looks really Nixonywhen he wakes up.
33100:13:25,271 --> 00:13:27,438My ex behaved like Nixon.
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33200:13:27,440 --> 00:13:31,725All of the lying,none of the sexual charisma.
33300:13:31,727 --> 00:13:33,844I just made a joke then.
33400:13:33,846 --> 00:13:34,945I'm sorry.
33500:13:34,947 --> 00:13:36,530It's just, um--
33600:13:36,532 --> 00:13:38,048I actually do havethis weird feeling
33700:13:38,050 --> 00:13:39,683
that there's somethingJim isn't telling me.
33800:13:39,685 --> 00:13:41,568Oh, no.
33900:13:41,570 --> 00:13:43,103Ugh, an affair.
34000:13:43,105 --> 00:13:45,356
It is always an affair.
34100:13:45,358 --> 00:13:47,191Jim?No.
34200:13:47,193 --> 00:13:49,326How can you be sure?
34300:13:49,328 --> 00:13:53,280
Because he justloves me too much.
34400:13:53,282 --> 00:13:56,500You're a cocky little thing,aren't you, Pam?
34500:13:56,502 --> 00:14:00,537
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I have done a littlegenealogy research of my own.
34600:14:00,539 --> 00:14:03,207Turns out I'm not the only onewith a few skeletons
34700:14:03,209 --> 00:14:05,342in the ol' family closet.
34800:14:05,344 --> 00:14:07,911For example,
34900:14:07,913 --> 00:14:09,546Phyllis'great-great-grandmother
35000:14:09,548 --> 00:14:12,850was responsible for spreading
cholera to the United States.
35100:14:12,852 --> 00:14:13,934Ew.
35200:14:13,936 --> 00:14:16,720Kevin is related to bothJohn Wayne Gacy
35300:14:16,722 --> 00:14:18,389
and John Wayne Bobbitt.
35400:14:18,391 --> 00:14:20,858And John Wayne?
35500:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,359No. Not thatI see here.
35600:14:22,361 --> 00:14:25,145
Wayne Johnson?The Rock?
35700:14:25,147 --> 00:14:28,232You mean Dwayne, and no.
35800:14:28,234 --> 00:14:30,067What about Jim Halpert?
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Uh-oh.
35900:14:30,069 --> 00:14:32,936Turns out, distant relativeof the reviled
36000:14:32,938 --> 00:14:34,822Richard Nixon.
36100:14:34,824 --> 00:14:36,907Pam always saysI look like Nixon.
36200:14:36,909 --> 00:14:38,709That's crazy, right?
36300:14:38,711 --> 00:14:41,295I mean, there's nothing there.
36400:14:41,297 --> 00:14:46,116Tru--
36500:14:46,118 --> 00:14:48,535Oh, no.
36600:14:48,537 --> 00:14:49,636Dwight's grandfather--
367
00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:51,422Was a member of the Bund,
36800:14:51,424 --> 00:14:53,474which is not technicallythe same thing
36900:14:53,476 --> 00:14:54,508as the Nazi party.
370
00:14:54,510 --> 00:14:57,177So--
37100:14:57,179 --> 00:14:59,313I was gonna sayhe was a tax evader.
37200:14:59,315 --> 00:15:01,315
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Oh.
37300:15:01,317 --> 00:15:03,400I was joking aboutthat whole Bund thing.
37400:15:03,402 --> 00:15:05,235Oh-ho, the lookon your faces.
37500:15:08,491 --> 00:15:09,940And Meredithis a blood relative
37600:15:09,942 --> 00:15:11,024of Lizzie Borden.
37700:15:11,081 --> 00:15:12,020Cool.
37800:15:13,175 --> 00:15:14,601Stop it! Stop it,you're frightening me.
37900:15:14,648 --> 00:15:16,597Andy, did you call this meeting
38000:15:16,634 --> 00:15:18,553just to talk junk
about our families?
38100:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,650Yeah, that-- you're beingreally mean.
38200:15:20,652 --> 00:15:22,986No, I'm proving a point, okay?
38300:15:22,988 --> 00:15:24,654
We all have ancestorswho may have
38400:15:24,656 --> 00:15:26,823done horrible thingsin the past.
38500:15:26,825 --> 00:15:29,259
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But it's in the past,and it's not our fault.
38600:15:29,261 --> 00:15:31,161So we don't haveto talk about it.
38700:15:31,163 --> 00:15:33,514The difference is, Andy,that you're the only one here
38800:15:33,516 --> 00:15:36,350still benefittingfrom the terrible things
38900:15:36,352 --> 00:15:37,501your ancestors did.
39000:15:37,503 --> 00:15:40,304
Might have done,and how do you figure?
39100:15:40,306 --> 00:15:41,972Your family's rich.
39200:15:41,974 --> 00:15:43,357I have to believethat a big part
393
00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:46,009of the Bernard fortune wasearned on the backs of slaves.
39400:15:46,011 --> 00:15:47,144You know, there's nothing wrong
39500:15:47,146 --> 00:15:48,845with being successfulin America, Oscar.
39600:15:48,847 --> 00:15:51,231I'm not gonna apologizefor my family's wealth.
39700:15:51,233 --> 00:15:54,684That wealth could one daybenefit society,
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39800:15:54,686 --> 00:15:56,670if capital gains are evertaxed at the same rate
39900:15:56,672 --> 00:15:57,721as earned income.
40000:15:58,707 --> 00:16:01,375Okay, Kevin did that.
40100:16:01,377 --> 00:16:04,044I do not wish I was in Dixie.
40200:16:04,046 --> 00:16:05,295Hey, mom.How are you?
40300:16:05,297 --> 00:16:08,215
Did any Bernards ever own
40400:16:08,217 --> 00:16:11,552a plantation in the South?
40500:16:11,554 --> 00:16:13,137She said no.Take that!
40600:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,439
Follow-up question,did any Bernards
40700:16:15,441 --> 00:16:18,475ever make moneyin an unsavory way?
40800:16:23,398 --> 00:16:24,615I just asked you--
409
00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:26,533why didn't youused to say that?
41000:16:26,535 --> 00:16:28,235Okay, stop, stop.
41100:16:28,237 --> 00:16:29,486
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Stop talking.Stop talking.
41200:16:29,488 --> 00:16:32,489That's-- no.I don't want to know that.
41300:16:32,491 --> 00:16:33,874Okay, you're interruptinga meeting.
41400:16:33,876 --> 00:16:34,908I have to go.
41500:16:34,910 --> 00:16:37,661Love you.Bye.
41600:16:37,663 --> 00:16:41,048
Well, turns out the Bernardsof yore did not own slaves.
41700:16:41,050 --> 00:16:42,299Really.
41800:16:42,301 --> 00:16:43,884We merely transported them.
41900:16:43,886 --> 00:16:47,721
Which, at worst,makes us amoral middlemen.
42000:16:54,275 --> 00:16:56,087Yo, D-Dog.I need your help.
42100:16:56,111 --> 00:16:57,718I'm trying to think of thingsI can say that make it
42200:16:57,723 --> 00:16:59,222sound like I had a soredifficult childhood
42300:16:59,243 --> 00:17:00,078than I actually had.
424
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00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:01,596- You gonna po' mouth.- Exactly.
42500:17:01,609 --> 00:17:03,051Help me po' mouth, Darryl.
42600:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,196Actually, Andy,you promised me five minutes
42700:17:05,314 --> 00:17:06,908to talk about productivitysuggestions--
42800:17:06,939 --> 00:17:09,027What if I saidthat my dad beat me,
429
00:17:09,201 --> 00:17:11,652and I just left outthe croquet of it all?
43000:17:11,991 --> 00:17:14,129Or, I could just go all the way
43100:17:14,164 --> 00:17:15,552and say I grew upin an apartment.
43200:17:15,591 --> 00:17:17,324Or is that too crazy?
43300:17:17,326 --> 00:17:19,276That could work.
43400:17:19,278 --> 00:17:20,994You know, Darryl, this is
435
00:17:20,996 --> 00:17:23,463textbook assistant regionalmanager stuff here,
43600:17:23,465 --> 00:17:26,299and I feel like I'm doingall the heavy lifting.
437
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00:17:26,301 --> 00:17:28,702I'm coming upwith all the ideas here.
43800:17:28,704 --> 00:17:30,721I'm going for a walk.
43900:17:30,723 --> 00:17:32,756Okay.
44000:17:38,179 --> 00:17:39,846Good...
44100:17:39,848 --> 00:17:40,981Good, and--
44200:17:53,578 --> 00:17:55,112You doing all right, man?
44300:17:55,114 --> 00:17:57,447I'm done.
44400:17:57,449 --> 00:17:59,583I gotta get out of here.
44500:17:59,585 --> 00:18:01,084Yeah.
446
00:18:01,086 --> 00:18:04,037Not the easiest day to beAssistant Regional Manager.
44700:18:04,039 --> 00:18:06,840It's not just today,it's every day.
44800:18:06,842 --> 00:18:08,759Seems likethe better title I have,
44900:18:08,761 --> 00:18:10,577the stupider my job gets.
45000:18:10,579 --> 00:18:14,097Aw, come on, it can alwaysget better, right?
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45100:18:14,099 --> 00:18:16,967Hmm.Yeah, right.
45200:18:16,969 --> 00:18:18,051No, I'm serious.
45300:18:18,053 --> 00:18:20,554There's alwayssomething better.
45400:18:20,556 --> 00:18:21,772Like what?
45500:18:21,774 --> 00:18:24,641Like, hypothetically,
45600:18:24,643 --> 00:18:27,811
if I said thatthere was another job
45700:18:27,813 --> 00:18:30,263that you and I could both have.
45800:18:30,265 --> 00:18:32,098What kind of job?
45900:18:32,100 --> 00:18:37,404
Something cool,like sports marketing, or--
46000:18:37,406 --> 00:18:38,905does that sound likesomething you'd be into?
46100:18:38,907 --> 00:18:40,073- Hell yeah.- Right?
46200:18:40,075 --> 00:18:41,124That sounds awesome.
46300:18:41,126 --> 00:18:42,242Okay, but wait.What if I told you
464
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00:18:42,244 --> 00:18:43,293that it was in Philly?
46500:18:43,295 --> 00:18:44,995- So you'd have to--- I love Philly.
46600:18:44,997 --> 00:18:46,379Right?
46700:18:46,381 --> 00:18:48,248- It's not even a thought--- Not even a thought.
46800:18:48,250 --> 00:18:52,002It's not even that far away,I could still commute-- exactly.
46900:18:52,004 --> 00:18:53,670
Exactly.
47000:18:53,672 --> 00:18:55,622All right.
47100:18:55,624 --> 00:18:56,723What?Wait, wait, wait.
47200:18:56,725 --> 00:18:58,188
So what, is this happening?
47300:18:58,267 --> 00:19:00,101Oh, it's happening.
47400:19:00,134 --> 00:19:01,466Let's just keep itbetween you and me
47500:19:01,487 --> 00:19:03,125
- for right now, all right?- Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
47600:19:03,143 --> 00:19:04,100For sure, for sure, for sure.
47700:19:04,132 --> 00:19:06,682Man.
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Needs something, doesn't it?
49100:19:32,262 --> 00:19:33,478I'm thinking,
49200:19:33,512 --> 00:19:35,993a mural.
49300:19:36,365 --> 00:19:37,234You mean me?
49400:19:37,272 --> 00:19:38,652Yes, you.
49500:19:38,700 --> 00:19:41,275You are so talented.
49600:19:41,386 --> 00:19:43,220
It's going to be my nextspecial project.
49700:19:43,222 --> 00:19:45,806Hiring Scranton's mostdangerous young muralist
49800:19:45,845 --> 00:19:47,689to paint the warehouse wall.
499
00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:49,195Oh, my God, I love it!
50000:19:49,240 --> 00:19:50,656Uh-- I--Nellie,
50100:19:50,696 --> 00:19:52,445this is brilliant!
502
00:19:52,747 --> 00:19:53,753- Hey!- Hey.
50300:19:53,783 --> 00:19:55,366Can I talk to you for a second?
50400:19:55,418 --> 00:19:58,787
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Anything you haveto say to her,
50500:19:58,821 --> 00:19:59,853you can say to me.
50600:19:59,855 --> 00:20:00,904She never loved you.
50700:20:00,906 --> 00:20:02,656What? No, I--I got this.
50800:20:02,658 --> 00:20:03,857Okay.
50900:20:03,859 --> 00:20:05,024Okay. This is his fault.
51000:20:05,026 --> 00:20:06,507It is not your fault.
51100:20:06,534 --> 00:20:10,169I am gonna find yousomeone better, and rich.
51200:20:10,340 --> 00:20:12,065And Filipino.
51300:20:12,111 --> 00:20:15,430But we'll break thatto her later.
51400:20:16,082 --> 00:20:17,865You know whatthis is all about?
51500:20:17,923 --> 00:20:19,639Yeah.
51600:20:19,641 --> 00:20:20,707You too, huh?
51700:20:20,709 --> 00:20:24,210Yeah.
518
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00:20:24,212 --> 00:20:27,314Go on, spill it.
51900:20:27,316 --> 00:20:31,151Tell her all the gory details,you snake.
52000:20:31,153 --> 00:20:32,485Hey.
52100:20:32,487 --> 00:20:34,170He deserves this.
52200:20:34,172 --> 00:20:38,024And he said I couldget in on it too.
52300:20:38,026 --> 00:20:40,861Yeah.
52400:20:40,863 --> 00:20:43,613Oh, Pam, no.
52500:20:43,615 --> 00:20:45,498Oh, I can't bear to watch this.
52600:20:45,500 --> 00:20:47,667I don't know what I wasso worried about.
52700:20:47,669 --> 00:20:51,338I have the best wifein the world.
52800:20:51,340 --> 00:20:54,357I still can't believehe didn't tell me.
52900:21:02,380 --> 00:21:03,692
I was helpingNellie drive--
53000:21:03,722 --> 00:21:06,557Do not care.
53100:21:11,136 --> 00:21:13,437Fonas chek!
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53200:21:13,701 --> 00:21:15,739Dothras chek!
53300:21:19,212 --> 00:21:21,119I like that guy.
53400:21:21,198 --> 00:21:23,249We should hook him upwith Meredith.
53500:21:23,402 --> 00:21:24,317Hmm--
53600:21:28,737 --> 00:21:33,250Sync and corrections by n17t01www.addic7ed.comResync for WEB-DL by Norther