of those jokey online degrees or wacky Catholic ...€¦ · WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE 7 C’mon, Man!...

WE’REALLGONNADIE 2

TableofContents

We’reAllGonnaDie:BeNotAfraid?...................................................3

What.MeWorry?.................................................................................5

C’mon,Man!.........................................................................................7

Who’sYourDaddy................................................................................9

JesusIsn’tLitigious.............................................................................12

MathIsn’tMyStrongSuit..................................................................14

He’sCalledGreatForAReason..........................................................16

MosesTheBlack.................................................................................18

I’mAfraidOfBadLyrics......................................................................20

CrutchesAreMyFriend......................................................................22

I’mNotDeadYet................................................................................24


We’reAllGonnaDie:BeNotAfraid?Coronavirushasbeenofficiallydeclaredaworldwidepandemic.Therearequarantinesandtravelrestrictions.Everythingiscancelled.Sincemillionsofpeoplecountonmetoinspiretheirfaith.AndsinceIdohavemeaMastersDegreeinTheology(andnotoneofthosejokeyonlinedegreesorwackyCatholicuniversities)…Iwanttohelpyouwithsomereassuringthoughts.Andherewego:We’reallgonnadie!Thegoodnewsis,youalreadyknewthat.Theonlyquestionis:areweallgonnadieofcoronavirus?AccordingtoCNN,yes.AndPresidentTrumpiskillingmeintentionally.AccordingtoFox,nope.There’sjustlikeanoldpersonsomewhere,buttheyweregonnadie,anyway.Sonothingtoworryabout.AmIafraid?Yes.


Honestly,I’mprettyfreakedoutbythewholething.Andthat’sok,becauseJesusneversaid“Benotfreakedout.”I’mnotsurewhyI’mwritingthis.OnThursdaymorning,IwasflyingfromNYtoFloridaandstartedputtingmythoughtsdown.It’snowFridaynight.Andinbetweengivingatalk,sittingatthepool,eating,drinking,andsleeping,I’vebeendoingthis.Therewillprobablybetyposandideasthatdon’ttotallymakesense.Ithoughtofitasadevotional.ButthenIhadtodecidehowmanydaysofdevotion.AndwhatifIwrotea10daydevotional,butwealldiedbythe7thday,thenitwasawasteoftime.Plus,ifIputallthereallygoodcontent(asifthere’s“reallygoodcontent”here)atthefront,andhadnothinggoodattheend…you’dbedisappointedtohavelivedlongenoughtoreadit.Soreaditallatonce.Orspreaditoutoverdays.Idon’tcare.Youdidn’tpayanythingforit.


What.MeWorry?StPadrePiosaid“Pray.Hope.Don’tWorry.”AndwhatIfindmostironicisthathewasItalian!Asaginzomyself,I’mlike,whatkindofItaliandoesn’tworry?Tellingawoplikemenottoworryisliketellingmenottobegreasy.Ortonotcareaboutifthepastaisaldenteornot.Somostofthetime,Ispendmoretimeworryingthandoinganythingelseinmylife.I’vebeenworriedaboutgermsfordecades.Andwhenitcomestocoronavirus,Iseepeoplenowstartingtowashtheirhands?Well,Iwasaheadofthecurveonthisone.Andbeengoofedon.Idon’twanttosay“Itoldyouso”,but…well,I’llletyousayit.Iwasright.Feelfreetopracticeityourself:“Linowasright.Linowasright.”Themoreyousayit,theeasierit’llbetoacceptitinyourheart.SowhatIaskmyselfis:AmIworriedaboutgettingsick?Worriedaboutdying?I’mnotafraidofdying.I’mafraidofsicknessthatleadstodeath.Andthere’sahugedifferencebetweenthetwothings.


It’sbeensaidthatabsencefromthebodymeanspresencewiththeLord.SoIshouldlookforwardtodeath.ButIdon’t.I’mCatholic,butI’mnotasadist.(Though,Iadmit,it’softentimestoughtotellthedifferencebetweenthetwo).IcouldgoallweirdBiblescholaronyouandtellyoutheetymologyofthewordafraid.AndwhatitmeantinGreekorHebreworAramaic.Butwhatmattersrightnow:whatdoestheword“afraid”meantoyou?Itbringsmeanxiety.SothenwhenGodsays“Benotafraid”…butIamafraid.ItmakesmefeellikeI’mfailingGod.I’mafraid.ButIshouldn’tbeafraidbecauseGodisincharge.ButlikeIsaid,Iamafraid.ButHetoldmenottobe.SoI’mdisobeyingHimbybeingafraid?Great,nowI’mafraidandI’mdisobedient.Thatsucks.


C’mon,Man!Whenitwasevening,hisdiscipleswentdowntothesea,embarkedinaboat,andwentacrosstheseatoCapernaum.Ithadalreadygrowndark,andJesushadnotyetcometothem.Theseawasstirredupbecauseastrongwindwasblowing.Whentheyhadrowedaboutthreeorfourmiles,theysawJesuswalkingontheseaandcomingneartheboat,andtheybegantobeafraid.Buthesaidtothem,“ItisI.Donotbeafraid.”John6:16-21Sometimesitdoesn’tfeelfairforJesustosay“Donotbeafraid.”IfItrappedyouinasaunaforafewhours,letyouout,andthensaid“Donotbethirsty”…Ithinkthefairresponsewouldbe,“Thendon’tputmeinadamnsauna!”Well,inthiscase:Bunchofdudesinaboat.It’snighttime.Theboatdoesn’thaveelectricitybecause,youknow,firstcenturyproblems.Windiskickingup.Thingsaregettingdicey.Thentheyseeadudewalkingtowardsthem.Onthewater.Irepeat:onthewater.2,000yearsafterthefact,it’sbecomeoneofHismostpopulartricks.Backthen,thewhole“walkingonwater”conceptwasa


novelty.AsfaithfulJews,theywouldhavebeenfamiliarwiththeol’“Moseswalkedthroughwater”business.Butwalkingonit?Thisisallnewmaterial.Sothey’rerightfullykindabuggingout.Jesusisactuallyphysicallywalkingonwater.AndthenHesaystonotbeafraid?Bud!Don’tshowuplookinglikeaghost,andbelike“Sup,pigs?It’sme.”Andthenwe’rethebadguysforbeingafraid?Don’tbeafraid?Well,don’tshowuplookinglikeaghostwalkingonwater!Youfreakedusalloutandnowwe’rethebadguysbecausewe’rescared?C’mon,Man!JesuscansayitasoftenasHewants,buttherearesituationsthat,quitefrankly,we’regoingtobeafraid.SoifHismainpointis:I’vegotyou.AllI’msayingis,cool.Butsomesituationsaregoingtofreakmeout.Andrightnow,thecoronavirusiskindafreakingmeout.


Who’sYourDaddyAnangelappearstoJosephtotellhimMarywouldbewithchild.Ok,cool.SoputyourselfinJoseph’sshoes:anangelshowsup.“Hellooo….”You’relike,hey!Thisiswhatanangellookslike?Neverseenonebefore.AndsinceJosephlivedinatimebeforequalityItalianart,Josephreallywouldn’thaveknownwhattoexpectanangeltolooklike.Theangelsays:“Joseph,sonofDavid,donotbeafraid…”ThatmayhavebeenconfusingforJoseph.Because,accordingtotheGospelofMatthew,Joseph’sdad’snamewasJacob.AndaccordingtotheGospelofLuke,Joseph’sdad’snamewasHeli.SoifI’mJoseph,I’dbelike,“I’dappreciateyouhavingthefactsstraight,angel.ButIunderstandwhatyou’regettingafterhere:TheMessiahmustcomefromthelineageofDavid.AndI’minthefamily.So,oh,ok.”


Nowifanangelcametomeandsaid“Lino,benotafraidofcoronavirus”…I’dbelike,ok.Butnotfair.You’reanangel.Youcan’tgetsick.I’veneverseenanangelwithpurellorwearingamask.Anyway,backtoJoseph.HelivedinNazareth;thislittlebackwatertownwithjustafewhundredpeople.Everyonekneweachother.Sofindingouthisbetrothedwaspregnant?WhetherthechildwasfromGodorfromShlomodownthestreet…hehadplentytoworryabout.Andbeafraidof.Sotheangelcansay“donotbeafraid”allhewants.Buttheangeldoesn’thavebillstopay.Andtheangelwouldn’tbetheonewhohastofigureouthowtotakeMary(and,soon,Jesus)toEgypt.ThewayIlookatitisthattheangelwassaying:TrustinGod.Andwhenyou’reafraid,giveittoHim.Bytheway,anangelappearingtoyoualsogivesyouabigboostofconfidence.Godtooktimetosendmeanangeltochat?Ibetthingswillworkout.Butangelsdon’treallyshowupfortherestofus.Whichkeepsthefearsaround.


Mytakeawayfromtheangelsaying“Benotafraid”?It’sgonnabeok.Butitisn’tgoingtobeeasy.


JesusIsn’tLitigiousSaintJohnPaulIIlovedsaying“BeNotAfraid!”Infact,IhearditfromhimsooftenthatitwasyearslaterthatIrealizedhelifteditfromJesus.IlovethatIhearditfromJPIIfirst.AndheprobablylovedthatJesuswasn’tlitigious.Whenhewaselectedtothepapacy,JohnPaulIIsaid:“Brotherandsisters,donotbeafraidtowelcomeChristandaccepthispower…Donotbeafraid.OpenwidethedoorstoChrist.”There’sonethingI’velearnedaboutchurchleaders.AndChurchfolksingeneral.Somemaybesmarter,orholier,ormorevirtuousorwhatever.WhichisobviouslythecasewithJPII.ButIdon’tthinkforaminutethathedidn’thavemomentsofdoubt.Andfear.Andfrustration.Towardstheendofhislife,athisfinalpublicappearance,hewasintheapostolicpalacedoingtheSundayAngelus.Hewasatthewindow,buthecouldn’tspeak.Hewasvisiblyfrustrated.IfItoldhim,“BeNotAfraid!”he’dprobablysay,“Nothelpful,Lino.”


Granted,hewouldn’tbeabletotalk.Butmaybehe’dhavewrittenit.ThemessageItakefromitisthis:It’stheunknownthatisscary.Thefrustrationofwonderingwhat’snext.OfcourseSaintJohnPaulIItrustedinGod,buthecouldtrustinGodandalsobeafraidofthefuture.HowdoeshecontinuehisministryastheSuccessorofStPeterifhecouldnolongertalk?Himsaying“BeNotAfraid”was:Don’tbeafraidtogiveyourselftoGod.Don’tbeafraidtoopenyourhearttoChrist.It’sthespiritualfearhewasreferringto.Don’tbeafraidtotryCatholicism.TotryJesus.Don’tbeafraidtocastoutintothedeep.Don’tbeafraidtoletGodin.ButI’mprettysurethathe’dagree:Ifamenacingdogisrunningatme,Ishouldbeafraid.Otherwiseitmightjumpupatmeandbitemyjunk.Whoknowswhatitsgonnado.It’sadog.Soyeah,beafraid.JustnotafraidoffollowingJesus.


MathIsn’tMyStrongSuitI’vehearditsaidthatsomeformof“donotbeafraid”appearsintheBible365times.Whichsoundstotallymadeuptome.Plus,whywasn’ttheHolySpiritinspiringthewriterstoincludeit366times,ifthat’sthecase?IsitoktobeafraidonFebruary29every4years?Anyway,Idon’thavethetimeorenergytocounthowmanytimesitappears.I’mabouttodieofcoronavirus.Butnomatterhowmanytimesitappears,it’soktobeskeptical.Deuteronomy31:8says“ItistheLORDwhogoesbeforeyou;hewillbewithyouandwillneverfailyouorforsakeyou.Sodonotfearorbedismayed.”Ok.ButHeisn’tgettingcoronavirusfirst.Thus,I’mabitdismayed.OrJudges6:23:“ButtheLordsaidtohim,‘Peacebetoyou;donotfear,youshallnotdie.’”


Mypointbeing,sure,theBiblesays“donotfear”.Butitalsosays“youshallnotdie.”Obviously,thisjustisn’ttrue.We’regonnadie.NotjudgingJudges.Butbefair.I’mnotsayingtheBibleislyingtoyou.Ijustreport.Youdecide.Ifalinelikethatbringsyoupeace,great.Butdon’twalkaroundthinkingGodisgoingtoprotectyouatalltimes.BecauseifIreadapassageandgetallcocky,Imightsay“I’mgonnagotauntthatbear.Godwillprotectme.”Asyouknow,bearsarefast.AndGodactuallysmilesuponbearskillinghumans.Weird,butBiblical.Checkout2Kings2:24(sorryforthehomework).Soscrewingwithabear,orlion(poorSeigfried.OrRoy.Orwhicheveroneitwas),orwhatever.Don’tsay“Godwillprotectme”andthenmakeHimwork.Heexpectsus,nowmorethanever,tobecautious.Tobesmart.


He’sCalledGreatForAReasonIusedtoliveinRome.IlovebringingpeopletoRomeonpilgrimage.Andtherearelotsofstoriesthatbeginwith“…therewasaplaguethatkilledthismanypeople…”and“then,theblackplaguehitandkilledhalfthepopulation…”andIwouldalwaysgetalaughoutofit.BecauseI’mmean.Andplaguesseemedlikeafunnythingfromalongtimeago.Notasfunnynow.Butinthesixthcentury,oneofthemplaguethingshitRome.Andtheydidn’thavePurell.NordidtheyhaveNetflixortheinternet–sobeingquarantinedwouldhavebeenhorriblyboring.Thus,aPopenamedGregorytookaniconoftheBlessedVirginMaryandJesusandhitthestreetswithit.Hopingtoendtheplague.(TraditionsaysStLukehimselfpaintedtheicon.Andbytradition,Imeanfakenews.Butwhatever.Itwasalongtimeago.)AsGregoryarrivedattheEmperorHadrian’smausoleum,theArchangelMichaelappeared.Michaelputhisswordaway(heyoh)andthiswasasigntheplaguewouldend.


PeoplewereprettypumpedaboutthisandhistoryknowshimasGregorytheGreat.Ifithadn’tworkedout,he’dlikelybeknownasGregoryTheGuyWhoWalkedAroundForNoReasonAndToNoEffect.TheiconisnowinthechurchofSantaMariaMaggiore.AndisknownastheSalusPopuliRomani:ProtectressandHealthoftheRomanPeople.Thecrazythingtomeisthatplaguesaren’tsofarawayanymore.AndwhenIhearofcivilizationsruined,buildingsdestroyed,it’snotjusthistory.Wearelivinghistory.Wedon’tknowhowthisstoryends.Whichisscary.WhatItrytotellmyselfistheChurchandtheworldhavegonethroughcrazythingsbefore.Andsurvived.Italwysseemstoworkout.(Exceptforthepeoplewhodiedintheplagues,ofcourse.Butlet’snotfocusonthem.)Gregorydidn’tknowhowitwouldworkout.Buthegaveitatry.Andmiraclesdohappen.Plaguesdoend.This,too,shallpass.I’mjusttryingnottopassalongwithit.


MosesTheBlackMyevangelicalfriendsrightnowareprayingtotheFather,inJesus’holyname,throughthepoweroftheHolySpirit…andtryingtogetridofcoronavirusthatway.Ofcourse,theyhavetomakea“lovedonation”tosometelevisionministry,andonlythenwilltheirprayersbeanswered.Catholicscangothatroute.Butwe’vealsogotmiddlemen.Andwomen.TheSaints.SoI’mgoingtooneofthemtoaskforthecoronavirustoend.Andifyoualreadyhavecoronavirus,maybeyoushouldaskfortheirintercessionstogethealed?(Btw,ifyou’vegotthecoronavirus,pleasequitreadingthisimmediately.I’mnotsurehowthevirusisspread,andincaseit’ssomehowthroughtheinternet,Idon’twanttogetitfromyou.Thanksinadvancefornotkillingme.)Myadviceiswheneveryou’relookingforsomedivineassistance,throughanintermediary,startbyaskingtheintercessionofsomeonenotyetcanonizedasaintwho’stryingtomakeanameforthemselves.


See,thebeautyof21stcenturyCatholicismistheonlywaytheygetcanonizedistohavetwosolidmiraclesattestedtotheirintercession.Picksomeonewhohasadecentchance.Don’tstartgraspingatstrawswithdeadpeopleandaskingforSonnyBono’sintercession.OrGaryColeman.Orwhoever.Besmart.Findyourselfsomeonewhohasbeenaroundforawhile.Maybethey’vebeenbeatifiedforcenturiesandneedthatonelastpushoverthehump.Maybethey’reanupstartofthelastfewdecadesstilltryingtogetafootinthedoor. I’mgoingwithMosestheBlack.He’sacanonizedsaintalready,sohehasnothingtoprove.Buthealsoislikelyveryboredbecausenooneeveraskshisintercessions.I’maskinghisintercessiontogetridofthisthing.Plus,I’vealwayssaidIwantedmyfinalwordstobe“LordJesusChrist,havemercyonmeasinner.”Butitwouldbekindafunnyifmylastwordswere“Damnyou,MosesTheBlack!WherewereyouwhenIneededyou?”


I’mAfraidOfBadLyricsAsI’mwritingthis,I’mlisteningtosomemusicbymyfriendMattMaher.Ifyou’veneverlistenedtohismusic,checkitout.Ifyou’velistenedtohimbefore,dosoagain.Ordon’t.Honestly,doesn’tmattertome.Whatdoesmattertome,atatimewhenI’mtryingnottobeafraid,isthatyoudon’tlistentooneparticularhymn:Asongcalled“BeNotAfraid”.I’vebeenrequiredtosingthisatchurchfordecades.Ifyou’veneverheardit:lucky.Ifyouhave,sorry.ButI’mgivingyousomeofthelyricsagain.Thechorusgoeslikethis:“Benotafraid.Igobeforeyoualways.Comefollowme.AndIwillgiveyourest.”I’msurethewriterofthesongwasagoodpersonwithgoodintentions.Someofyoumayevenlikethissong.MyissueisthatJesusissupposedtobesingingittome.ButHe’snotinthepewnexttomesinging.AndHeisn’tthecantor.Thus,I’msingingitforHim.Whichisconfusing.


IfIsing“Benotafraid.Igobeforeyoualways…”Doesthatmeanit’sLinoRullitellingthepersontobenotafraid?Whywouldtheylistentome?Andifthepersonnexttotellsmetofollowthem…andIdoso,allthewayhome,that’scalledstalking.SoIgetthesentiment.Butnotthesong.Anotherlyric:“IfyoustandbeforethegatesofHellanddeathisatyourside,knowthatIamwithyouthroughitall.”Wait.WhyamIatthegatesofHellifIhaven’tdiedyet?Thatseemsreversed.Andalso,whyisdeathatmyside?I’mnotdeadyetbutit’satmysidelikewe’resquaredancing?It’sallveryconfusing.Ineedgoodsolidmusicrightnow.


CrutchesAreMyFriendAtthispoint,Ifeellikemyonlyoptionistosay,withallthepassiveaggressivenessIcanmuster,“You’reGod,right?Andyoutoldmeabunchoftimesnottobeafraid.Thatyou’reincharge.Cool.I’llbeoverthereonthecoucheatingpotatochips.LetmeknowwhenIcangobackoutside.”BecauseeitherGodislying…whichwouldnotbecool.AndlyingalsoseemsveryUn-Godlike.OrHe’stellingthetruth:He’sgotthis.Inwhichcase,He’sgotit.SowhileI’vegotanxietyandstress,allIcandoisallIcando.AndIhavetorelyonHimtherestoftheway.I’mbrokenandscaredsoI’mleaningonHim.KindalikeifIbreakmylegandneedcrutchestomakethingseasier…Godismycrutch.I’mfromthegreatstateofMinnesotaandourGovernorJesseVenturaoncesaidreligionisacrutchfortheweakminded.TowhichIagree.ThoughIrealizehemeantitasanegative,Itakeitasapositive.WhichmightbeproofIreallyamweakminded.ButifGod’sthoughtsreallyareabovemythoughts….then,yeah,IleanonHim.He’smycrutch.


SonowisthetimeIcansayIbelieveHisWord.AndtrustHim.Notbecauseit’seasy.ButbecauseIdon’treallyhavemanyotheroptions.Infact,I’vegottwooptions:-BelieveGodistellingthetruth.AndtrustinHim.-Decidethatit’sallmadeupandJesusisaliar.Inwhichcase,I’mnowanatheist.Andnothingwouldmakemehappierthanifsomeonereadthissillyebook,suddenlyrealized,“Hey,Idon’tbelieveinGodanymore!Screwit!”andbecameanatheistbecauseofme.“Thanks,Lino!”AtleastIknewallthiswritinghadanimpact.


I’mNotDeadYetWhetheryoureadthisin10minutes…or10days…thegoodnews,you’renotdeadyet.Congrats.Andifyouwerehopingthatonthisfinalreflection,I’dgiveyouananswertohowitallwillworkout…Well…wow.Ifeelbadforyou.YoumistookmeforaCatholicwhopretendstohaveanswerswhentheirlivesareactuallyjustmessesliketherestofus.NoonehasananswerexceptGod.AndfarasIcantell,He’snotsayinghowitends.Otherthan:“You’reallgonnadie!”Soit’suptoyouifyouwanttobeafraidornot.ButI’dliketoendwiththisquotebyBlessedCharlesdeFoucald:“OneofthethingsweabsolutelyoweourLordisnevertobeafraid.”Neverbeafraid?!?Nope.Nothelpful.#notmyblessedAndonthatnote,don’tdie!Or,atleast,trytocontrolyourfeararoundit.That’swhatI’mdoing.

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