rochesterWomanmag.com :: november 2014 1

november 2014

f o r a l l t h e t h i n g s t h a t y o u a r e . . . r o c h e s t e r w o m a n i w w w. r o c h e s t e r w o m a n m a g . c o m

three local women

are making spirits bright

not suckhoW to make the holidays

heartWriting With a

song in her

small town Farm girl with a

Big Heart

special 2014 ultimate

Women’s expo insert

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60

8out & about 7

platter chatter: Wallstreet 8

Fashion ForWard: holiday Fashion tips 10

Fabulous Finds 16

local business matters: anything goes 18

Queen oF arts: the dance training center 22

reads & Writes: Josie Waverly 24

For a good cause: making spirits bright 26

cover story: small town girl with a big heart 28

ulitmate Women’s expo program 35

tips For Women 49

special Feature: holiday cooking on a budget 50

Fitness 52

menopause minute: What’s sex got to do With it 54

dr p’s positive mind/positive liFe 56

rW inspires 59

calendar oF events 62

snap out oF it! 64 56

24 28

64

20

33

16

November

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L E T T E R F R O M T H E P U B L I S H E R S

AdvERTISE wITH US...unlike any other publication in the rochester area, our feature articles address major topics that interest local women.

each issue includes articles on health, fashion, fitness, finance, home matters, dining, lifestyle and personal perspectives, as well as a spotlight on local rochester women.

the print magazines are distributed locally in over 350 locations and will be in your inbox electronically by the first week of every month. The publication is available free of charge.

contact our home office 585.727.9120po Box 90798 i rochester, nY 14609info@rochesterwomanmag.comDownloaD our meDia kit at www.rochesterwomanmag.com

the magazine is published 12 times a year by rochester Woman magazine, llc. 1115 e. main street, box 60, rochester ny 14609.copyright © 2014 rochester Woman magazine, llc. no part of this magazine may be reproduced or republished without the consent of the publishers. rochester Woman magazine is not responsible for unsolicited submissions, manuscripts, photos or artwork. all such submissions become the property of rochester Woman magazine, llc. and will not be returned.

Publisherskelly breuerbarbara mcspadden

editor-in-Chiefbarbara mcspaddenassoCiate editormargaret madigan

Creative direCtor/designerkelly breuer

PhotograPhyve Ja broyld, sr.tiffany boulaeieio photographystephen reardonbrandon vick

Contributing Writers vanessa cheekslaura dicapriorebecca Fergusonlauren greutmancynthia kolkoJoan e. lincolnmargaret madigansraddha prativadi, mdnicole sheinJames Woods, md

for advertising information: please contact sales@rochesterwomanmag.comor call 585.727.9120

OUR TEAM...

“Sharing the holiday with other people, and feeling that you’re giving of yourself, gets you past all the commercialism.” – Caroline Kennedy

You can feel it in the air can’t you? The trees have shed their leaves. The holiday decorations have been in the stores for months now. Yes, once again the holiday season is again upon us. This really is a remarkable time of year. It’s a time when we give thanks for what we have. We make time to celebrate with family and friends and remember those who are no longer with us. Most of us also take the time to give to others and share what we have with those who may not be so fortunate. That after all is the true meaning of the season.

Our cover woman is certainly no stranger to giving. Wanda Polisseni, matriarch of the Polisseni family and a founding member of the Polisseni Foundation has been giving back to this community for over a quarter of a century. She believes that a person’s success is measured not by material things but by what you do for others and she lives that belief every day. Read her inspirational story on page [28].

In the holiday spirit of giving, we stumbled upon a new organization dedicated to making sure that families in need also have something to celebrate this holiday season. Started by three local women wanting to fulfill a need, Making Spirits Bright adopts families in need and through volunteers and donations, make sure that they have presents under the tree and food on the table for the holidays. Read more about this incredible organization on page [26].

Throughout her successful career, local country artist Josie Waverly has worn many hats; Nashville performer, dance club owner and now she can add children’s book author to the list. Josie has teamed with local artist, Jaime Rizzo, to create Josie’s first children’s book is appropriately titled Josie the Singing Butterfly. Read more about her new book and what her life is like now on page [24].

Many of you know that our Associate Editor, Margaret Madigan, is a published author. Her book, When Life Gives You Lemons at Least You Won’t Get Scurvy. Now Margaret brings her own unique brand of humor and insight to the pages of RWM with the debut of her new column Snap Out of It! Margaret’s first column, aptly named How To Make the Holidays Not Suck, takes a humorous look and what stresses us out this time of year and how to deal with it…or get over it. Read her column on page [64]. Let us know what you think and add your own holiday advice by posting on our Facebook or Twitter pages with the hashtag #RWMSnapOutOfIt.

Have you marked the date on your calendar? The RWM Ultimate Women’s Expo is Saturday, November 22nd at the Memorial Art Gallery. We’ve got lots of great vendors this year as well as lots of terrific free stuff for everyone! The first 100 people through the door will get a free Expo t-shirt. The first 1000 people to the event will get a swag bag filled with wonderful products and offers from our sponsors and vendors. Josie Waverly will be on hand to sell and sign copies of her book, we’ll have three incredible fashion shows, and a live performance by local Grammy nominated artist Deb Magone, and a whole lot more. This event promises to be the best one yet so save the date, grab your girlfriends and join us for the ultimate girls’ day out!

Sincerely

Kelly & Barbon our cover...Wanda Polisseni, shot on location at the home of son Greg Polisseni, with make-up by Joan E. Lincoln, fashion by Artistix Jeans, and photography by Stephen Reardon Photograpy.

O&A

RBTL and Albert Nocciolino are delighted to announce that the new 2014 national tour of JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAMCOAT, directed and choreographed by Tony® Award-winner Andy Blankenbuehler, will play November 11-16 at the Auditorium Theatre in Rochester. Tickets go on sale at 10am on Friday, September 26 and will be available at Ticketmaster.com, 800-745-3000 and the Box Office. Prices will range from $32.50-$72.50.

Broadway and television star Diana DeGarmo (Narrator) and Broadway star Ace Young (Joseph) head up the cast, which also features Paul Castree as Simeon, William Thomas Evans as Jacob/Potiphar, Brian Golubas Reuben, Max Kumangai as Judah and Ryan Williams as Pharaoh.

The Cleveland Plain Dealer raved: “Joseph thrills with Diana DeGarmo and Ace Young. The new production is an exuberant success that stays true to all of the original’s joyfulness, humor and fantastic songs while subtly updating it for a 2014 audience.”Husband-and-wife team Ace Young and Diana DeGarmo first met when they shared the Broadway stage in the 2009 revival of HAIR. “I am so excited to star as ‘Joseph’ alongside Diana,” said Ace. “It’s great to be back! I too am so excited to star alongside Ace in the very role I once looked up to years ago as a child in the choir,” added Diana.

One of the most enduring shows of all time, JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAMCOAT is the irresistible family musical about the trials and triumphs of Joseph, Israel’s favorite son. The first collaboration of composer Andrew Lloyd Webber (Jesus Christ Superstar, Phantom of the Opera, Cats) and lyricist Tim Rice (Jesus Christ Superstar, The Lion King), JOSEPH blends pop, country and rock into an uplifting, technicolored story of biblical proportions. Retelling the Biblical story of Joseph, his eleven brothers and the coat of many colors, this magical musical is full of unforgettable songs including Those Canaan Days, Any Dream Will Do and Close Every Door.

Joseph anD the amazing technicolor Dream-coat - novemBer 11-16

Brightening spirits BY Becoming a Depaul holiDaY helperWith the holiday season nearly upon us, DePaul, a not-for-profit community support organization based in Gates, is seeking the community’s support for its annual Holiday Helpers Program. Individuals and service organizations can “adopt” clients from DePaul’s mental health residential programs who may not have family support.

Participants can select from items on a wish list or choose to donate generic gifts such as hats, gloves, personal care items or socks. Past client wishes have included items as simple as a piece of chocolate cake, boots or basic clothing items.

For nearly 20 years, generous members of the community have made the season special for someone less fortunate by taking part in DePaul’s Holiday Helpers Program. DePaul serves some 5,000 people annually in programs that encompass mental health residential and treatment services, senior living residential services, addiction prevention and support programs, vocational programs and affordable

For more information about the Holiday Helpers Program, please contact Amy Cavalier at (585) 426-8000, ext. 3102 or via email at acavalier@depaul.org. You can learn more about DePaul or make a tax-deductible monetary donation to the Holiday Helpers program by visiting our website www.depaul.org or by liking DePaul on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/depaul.org.

movies

::out & about o

Discover the secrets of the most en-tertaining and mysterious birds in the global espionage game: Skipper, Kow-alski, Rico and Private now must join forces with the chic spy organization, the North Wind, led by Agent Clas-sified, voiced by Benedict Cumber-batch, to stop the villainous Dr. Octa-vius Brine, voiced by John Malkovich, from taking over the world.

The story of Olympic Gold Medal-winning wrestler Mark Schultz is sum-moned by eccentric multi-millionaire John du Pont to move onto his estate and train for the 1988 Seoul Olympics. Du Pont begins “coaching” a world-class athletic team and, in the process, lures Mark into dangerous habits, breaks his confidence and drives him into a self-destructive spiral.

foxcatcher – nov 14

Twenty years after Harry Dunne and Lloyd Christmas set out on their first adventure, they head out in search of one of their long lost children in the hope of gaining a new kidney.

Dumb and Dumber to – nov 14

Against all odds, Katniss Everdeen has survived the Hunger Games twice, but even though she’s made it out of the bloody arena alive, she’s still not safe. The Capitol is angry. The Capitol wants revenge. President Snow makes it clear that no one is safe either -- not Katniss’s family, not her friends and not the people of District 12..

mockingjay: part 1 – nov 21

the penguins of madagascar

more than Just bar FareWallstreet Bar & Grill

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by nicole shein | photos by brandon vick

Based on the name, you might think that Wall Street Bar & Grill is a hangout for high-powered investors and financial moguls; based on its East Avenue location, you could assume that it caters to trendy 20-somethings sporting Abercrombie hoodies or Love Pink yoga pants. To do either, however, would be a disservice to the restaurant’s newly reinvented identity as a destination for fine food.

Wall Street’s menu represents a balancing act between the customary fare that bar patrons require when knocking back a few cold ones -- wings, nachos, pretzels, burgers -- and a selection of dishes that are sophisticated without being pretentious. I started my tasting menu with several of the latter sort, including a creamy and comforting crab bisque and a substantial stuffed-mushroom appetizer. The mushrooms were presented “Alexander”-style, with feta, spinach, roasted red peppers, and applewood bacon. This was an earthy, salty, hearty offering that would be substantial enough for sharing.

An unusual riff on surf and turf came in the form of Portuguese clams, each one topped with a slice of andouille sausage. The spicy sausage was offset by a lovely, creamy tomato sauce, perfect for sopping up with the accompaniment of toasted garlic bread.

Also spicy, but at the same time cool and crisp, was a Buffalo chicken salad. Wall Street breads their own chicken tenders, fries them up and plates them with romaine, carrot rounds, celery, and blue cheese, then drizzles even more of the hot Buffalo sauce over the whole thing. Want the decadence of wings combined with the virtue of salad? This one’s for you.

Perhaps my favorite of the dishes I tried was a trio of Philly sliders. The slow-roasted prime rib was tender but toothsome, and topped with a well-balanced blend of sauteed peppers and mushrooms, as well as melty provolone cheese. The buns for these small sammies were perfect, as well: sturdy enough to stand up to the meat, but also yielding and soft.

Wall Street’s version of the classic American hamburger has a decidedly Western profile, thanks to an A1-peppercorn sauce, horseradish mayo, a fried onion ring, bacon, sauteed mushrooms and cheddar cheese. If you think that sounds like a big burger, you’re right; served with a pile of crisp fries, it’s definitely food-coma material, but well worth it.

Fish fanatics will do well to try out the fried haddock, which has a breaded, not battered, crust. Its flaky, moist interior is set off nicely by the crispness of the breading, and the traditional sides of slaw and fries are worthy dishes in their own right, not just afterthoughts.

I also tasted chicken primavera -- an imposing portion of pasta, tossed with broccoli, carrots and zucchini in a garlic and white-wine sauce. There’s also a shrimp version, but mine came with generous chunks of juicy chicken. Protip: try this one if you want to be sure of leftovers for the next day’s lunch.

There are a few dishes here for vegetarians -- salads, of course, as well as a handful of appetizers and some sandwiches -- but the menu here largely favors meat-and-potatoes folks. Diners who are in the mood for beef have lots of choices, including a prime rib panini, a steak fajita sandwich, a French dip, the aforementioned burger, or the sirloin au poivre. Dramatically presented with a rosemary sprig, garlic mashed potatoes make a classic side for this steak, which is itself topped with a brandy cream sauce and sauteed mushrooms.

Wall Street Bar & Grill offers a selection of daily specials in the soup, appetizer, salad, entree and sandwich categories, and also entices customers with themed evenings like Taco Tuesday, Market Crash Monday, and Ladies’ Night on Thursdays, when you can buy two martinis and get a free appetizer.

Wall Street Bar & Grill i 330 East Avenue i Rochester NY 14607www.wallstreetrochester.com i 585-319-5696

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by Joan e. lincolnDig into your wardrobe this holiday season and see what incredible combinations you can make. Holiday dress is always a bit challenging going from office to holiday happy hour, dinner or party! There really are no rules on how to dress, but acknowledging the invitation attire notation or the venue will guide you in the right fashionable direction. You don’t want to be that employee that is the “talk” of the water cooler chat or office buzz the following day. velvet: Although this is a traditional fabric for many throughout the Holiday season, wearing velvet to the office can be a bit tricky. Pairing your one favorite velvet piece is probably enough for day wear, slipping into a velvet skirt or trouser for the evening event can be just the ticket to upgrade that velvet jacket your wore all day to a more fashionable evening outfit. FootWear: is also something to pay attention to throughout the coming season. As we make our way through the Upstate NY winter you should remember to have a snow boot that can be worn to and from your car to the office or event. This pair is strictly for the snow, salt and slush. This will preserve your finer leather, suede or embellished footwear for the quick change once you have arrived at your destination. Coat rooms allow for this transition. Take advantage of this service and save your soles! try to be a bit playFul With color. We all get in the rut from time to time with the go to color of black. Even adding a splash of color by tying a scarf around the handle of your handbag can make all the difference. Experimenting a new lipstick color or even nail polish to add that little burst of “WOW” will make an enormous difference.

holiday ettiQuete: Three Things to remember:

1. If you are attending a house party please remember, arriving empty handed is not usually a good idea. Being Italian, I was raised to always bring something; I usually offer a bottle of wine from a NY Winery such as Swedish Hill or Goose Watch from the Cayuga Lake area. Since I was raised in the Finger Lakes, it’s always been a good ice breaker “Home is where your story begins” conversation. 2. The fashionably late statement drives me crazy! I have taught my daughter’s the gift of punctuality, I recommend you show up closer to the party start time versus the end time. Be respectful or at least notify with an appropriate RSVP that you will be arriving late. 3. I just have to... don’t drink and drive...ever!!! Celebrate safely, fashionably and with Panache this Holiday Season!

Joan Lincoln owns Panache Vintage and Finer Consignment in Brighton Commons. Her Fashion Forward segment can also be heard every Thursday morning during Wake Up With Tony on WARM 101.3 exploring all of the latest fashion trends and styles.

HolidayFashion tips

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16 november 2014 :: rochesterWomanmag.com

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The Gold Exchange, located in the Village Landing in Fairport has been buying and selling estate and fine jewelry for over 35 years. What makes this store unique is that unlike other similar style stores, who melt down the jewelry they take in, the Gold Exchange in Fairport strives to preserve the history of the Estate Jewelry and other pieces that customers bring through their doors. Walking into the store is like a trip back in time. You’ll find everything from fine gold and silver jewelry and engagement rings to antique cameos and pocket watches and everything in between.

June Stolt, who has been working at the Gold Exchange for two years, says she enjoys sitting with customers and explaining to them type of jewelry they have and what its value is. “Even after years of lecturing on costume jewelry I never tire of hearing someone say ‘I remember that’, says June.

the gold exchange FaB FiNdS

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Everyone has a memory of their mom, grandmother, a special aunt or teacher wearing a rhinestone Christmas tree pin. In fact some of you probably even have one tucked away in a jewelry box somewhere. June has a remarkable collection of these pins some worth hundreds of dollars.

holiday pins

Whether it’s a pocket watch that your grandfather carried daily to grandma’s wedding ring, the Gold Exchange has large selection of antique jewelry that was a family heirloom. This sterling love token bracelet presented from a class to their teacher in the late 1800s is a wonderful example of the truly unique pieces you’ll find.

estate JeWelry

Gold, silver, platinum, diamonds and more. You’ll find earrings finely crafted from colorful gemstones to elegant costume jewelry. They even have modern designers like Silpada , Pandora and Lia Sophia.

earrings

Elegant heirloom pins and broaches reminiscent of the ones you grandmother used to wear. All beautifully crafted of gold and silver embellished with diamonds and other precious stones.

heirloom pins & brooches

Although they do carry new engagement rings and settings, the Gold Exchange also has the beautiful white gold filigree settings with old mine cut diamonds from the 1920s that people still love. They have items from 2.00 to 20,000.00, and most are a fraction of the cost in a typical retail establishment. Looking for a unique setting, they have those to!

engagement ring sets

Just like grandma used to wear. The Gold Exchange has a large selection of vintage cameos that will make a truly unique and special gift for someone on your Holiday gift list.

cameos

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by vanessa J. cheeks | photo by eieio photography

When you walk into Anything Goes Consignment Shop, it feels like anything but. From the couture pieces on the racks to the charming style of the interior design it is easy to see exactly why the shop owned and operated by Rhonda Miles, boasts the longest residency of Fairport’s Village Landing plaza.

“We make this store look like a boutique” beams Rhonda who began working the counter 28 years ago when her mother opened Anything Goes. “You don’t get a sense it is a used clothing store” With name brand pieces prominently displayed the atmosphere is almost like entering your own personal (huge) walk-in closet. It’s inviting and while brands like Chico’s, Chanel and Vera Bradley are showcased front and center, none of them are hands off. “I want people to pick things up, touch them. Sometimes all you need to do is see it on” explains Miles.

The vibrant layout, complemented by Rhonda’s dynamic personality draws in Fairport’s canal-town crowd. Sitting on top of the Fairport Public Library, the steady stream of foot traffic invites customers in but it’s obvious just by talking to her that Rhonda is what keeps them coming back. “I often get customers telling me, you know I only come here for you” A complement she credits with the unique service that anything goes provides.

With more retail based consignment chains popping up that offer small amounts for trade-ins and very little of a personal touch, anything goes can only be described as Rochester’s premier full service consignment boutique providing a fair consignment policy as well as taking the time to reach out to each customer. “You get customer service, we are still a small store, these chains that are out there are in the business to make money and it is just a different feel in here.”

Different is right. Compared to more main stream consignment stores, Anything Goes offers a variety of not only name brand clothing but, high quality pieces that won’t cost you dearly at nearly three quarters of the original price according to Rhonda. “If it’s fashionable, trendy and it looks good. I’ll take it!” beams Miles. But, don’t let the bubbly personality and perfectly placed lipstick fool you. This woman knows her stuff.

Miles’ fashion sense is only matched by her business sense, something she says is important in the industry. “Everyone thinks this business is easy and it isn’t. We make it look easy” explains Miles about the many similar shops she has seen come and go over the years. “This is a hard business…you have to know your designers, condition and customers and really it is just years of experience”. Rhonda makes it her primary role at Anything Goes to know her industry and that’s to her customers’ benefit. “I’ve learned to tap into other people’s artistic ability” she boasts of her staff’s capacity to make everything stand out and harmonize within the store. “Now I have more time to spend researching product and with customers.”

Knowing the products inside and out and also knowing what it takes to engage her audience are key facets to operating one of the most successful consignment boutiques in the area. It is easy to see the drive that Rhonda Miles has to provide service and quality product to her clientele will push Anything Goes well into the future. “I still constantly love to learn and grow” explained Miles. And growing they are, beginning to branch out into Social Media. Miles hopes to bring new attention to the store front and share one of Fairport’s best treasures.

more than Just a consignment

Shop

http://www.vanderstynetoyota.com

http://www.artistixjeans.com

22 november 2014 :: rochesterWomanmag.com

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dancesharing her unwavering love for

by rebecca l. Ferguson | photos by eieio photography

“To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful. This is power, it is glory on earth and it is yours for the taking.” Agnes De MillePoised, energetic and living in the moment, Nicole DiNorma has embraced life passionately. Owner of Dance Training Center, located in North Greece, NY, DiNorma has drawn on her life experiences to offer boys and girls of all ages and abilities in an atmosphere to promote creativity, positive self-image, discipline, passion and perseverance. From the young age of two, DiNorma has loved and lived dancing, “I have been dancing for over 25 years, and the past twelve years I have been teaching.” She recalls knowing she wanted to own her own dance studio at the early age of nine. As a child dancer, DiNorma could always rely on her strong, supportive family, she says, “If you want something, you go for it” and dancing infused her with fluidity both on and off the dance floor.

Enthusiastic to connect her passions and curiosities with entrechat finesse, DiNorma challenged herself to pursue other areas of interest. With her here and now approach, she decided to attend cosmetology school shortly after graduating from Spencerport High School. Loving cosmetology, she also found this to be a continued asset to her long term goals.

“I have always enjoyed learning new things, I just want to know and experience the world,” shares DiNorma. “…all of my adventures have given me so much as a person…as a dancer…as an instructor”

With her unwavering love for dance and readily inquisitive nature, DiNorma utilized her affection for movement to broaden her knowledge base and became a certified PiYo Instructor. The combination of Pilates and Yoga has become a valuable asset as a dancer and instructor. She explains, “We take time to warm-up our bodies, turn up the heat, dim the lights and focus on

centering our mind, body and spirit. Being proactive and mindful of our body mechanics dramatically decreases the risk of muscle strains and injury. Plus, the students really love it!”

Holding true to her childhood dream and entrepreneurial spirit, DiNorma began taking classes at MCC to complete a degree in Business while working as the office manager for a dance studio in Webster, NY. Between her classes and hands on, behind the scenes experience, DiNorma began to create her own business plan.

In 2012 Dance Training Center was born and opened their doors to the public. DiNorma has worked diligently to find the right mix of staff, which would foster and nurture her vision. Current staff includes Elizabeth Rodbell and Alina Wright, both Rochester City Ballet dancers, as well as Suny Brockport graduate, Sierra Overmoyer who holds a degree in dance education. It was important to create a friendly, technique-driven and family-oriented studio. With a strong staff on board, she praises her instructors and students, with their desire to mentor one another.

DiNorma also explains that the success of her studio could not happen without the tremendous dedication and time parents have devoted. “My parents donate so much of their time to set up fund raising events, scheduling, helping around the office and of course, ensuring the children are in the studio on time. I love them and I am so grateful to have so many wonderful people by my side.”

Outside of the studio, DiNorma keeps very active with her three year old son and job with Unity Hospital as a patient care technician. It would be an understatement, to say that DiNorma has a fierce heart for people and giving back. Always looking forward to new opportunities and generating a feeling of warmth and family, DiNorma is one outstanding, gracious and kind woman.

For more information on The Dance Training Center, visit www.dancetrainingcenter.com.

The Inn on the Lake 770 South Main Street Canandaigua, NY 14424 585-394-7800 - 1-800-228-2801 - www.theinnonthelake.com

The Perfect Finger Lakes Getaway

New Fall Menu at The Shore“Fall always brings nostalgia for me. It reminds me of going back to school, my childhood. In an effort to reflect

those feelings, we’ve created a menu based both on the flavors of fall and the cuisine of my youth. We’ve re-

imagined several classic dishes with fresh eyes and modern sensibilities. We’re proud of the result and know

you’ll love them.”-Executive Chef Sean Wolf

Kiana Simons Photography

2833 Ridge Rd W | Rochester, NY 14626(Wegmans Ridgemont Plaza)

585-563-6669 | www.clothesmentor.comFind us on Facebook: Clothes Mentor Greece

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Heartwriting with a song in her

24 november 2014 :: rochesterWomanmag.com

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by cynthia kolko | photos by stephen reardon

During her tenure as a Nashville performer, country singer Josie Waverly heard plenty of advice. Indeed, minutes before Waverly took to the stage in front of twenty-thousand concertgoers as the opening act for Loretta Lynn, the “Coal Miner’s Daughter,” offered her some words of encouragement.

“Keep belting them out,” Lynn said.

Never a wallflower, Waverly had no problem following Lynn’s advice. And in the years since that concert, which was one of the highlights of Waverly’s career, she has easily applied the mantra to other aspects of her life. From singing to owning a business to writing shows, Waverly, a Hilton native and resident, has tackled each creative venture with gusto.

Now, Waverly is “belting out” a series of colorful children’s books that are not only fun and engaging, but which also contain life lessons for children, gathered from her own experiences as not only a singer, but as a mother to two and grandmother of five. In the first book, Josie the Singing Butterfly, the title character derives happiness from singing. Her wings glisten when she sings; the more she sings, the more they sparkle. And she longs to share her joy with others. The main lesson of the story is to “use your talents to make others happy.” Of course, it’s no accident that the butterfly’s qualities evoke Waverly herself.

“My husband calls me Butterfly,” says the upbeat Waverly of the nickname she has long held due to her energy and can-do spirit. “I was always all over the place. And I’m very Pollyanna.”

As a grandmother who regularly cares for her young grandchildren, Waverly hatched the idea for the first book this past spring. That seed blossomed into plans for a series of twenty books. To date, Waverly has already written sixteen of the books. Josie the Singing Butterfly is available now, with subsequent titles due to be published at a later date. Some of the other themes presented in the series include bullying, making new friends, and diversity. And each book, including Josie the Singing Butterfly, also comes bundled with a separate activity book of games, coloring pages, and doodle space. All the books are intended for kids from early childhood through around age seven. Indeed, Waverly’s five grandchildren, all under age five, are eager fans of Josie the Singing Butterfly.

“The kids just beam when they look at it,” says Waverly.

But Waverly’s grandchildren are not Josie’s only fans. Waverly and her business advisor in the venture, Myke Merrill, tested out Josie the Singing Butterfly by showing it to other children who expressed a similar enthusiasm for the book. They did, however, offer a few suggestions that are hardly unexpected coming from their generation: an electronic version, an app, an online game, and maybe even a made-for-television cartoon.

“I would love to see her animated, brought to life,” says Waverly. While some of those ideas aren’t “front burner” material yet, Merrill agrees that an electronic version of Josie the Butterfly is “vital,” and thinks that more books may follow the first series.

“The concept... has enough depth with sixteen books in the full series planned out, with the possibility for additional books if consumer interest is warm as the series is released,” explains Merrill.

Waverly envisions, or rather hears, songs to accompany the stories– new ones that she will write and most likely sing, too. It is, after all, singing that has nurtured her creative spirit for so long.

lyrical beginningsOne could say that Waverly’s birth certificate hinted at her future career. The document is illustrated with a singer, a record, and a microphone, and the words say, “let it go on record...” Fittingly, Waverly grew up singing along to the records her mother stored in a box. They were country records, mostly, and it is to that genre that Waverly gravitated as she came of age. It was not

unusual for Waverly, while riding in the truck of her high school beau, Bob (now her husband), to switch the radio from rock to country.

“I could understand the lyrics,” Waverly explains. “But I like all kinds of music. I’m open to a lot of stuff.”

In her twenties, Waverly sang at a backyard party, stunning those in attendance with her vocal gift. On the spot, a group of musicians asked Waverly to join their band, which she did. Eventually, she formed her own band.

Pretty soon, Nashville beckoned. Waverly had a friend with contacts there, so the go-getting Waverly went. Before long, she was meeting record executives and scored a coveted deal– with a hitch. She had to eschew her given name (withheld here by request) for something more distinctive and country-ish. She and Bob went through the alphabet to decide on a name, mulling over some possibilities, but none rang out to either of them. They decided to sleep on it.

That night, Bob woke up sweating. “Josie,” he said. “It’s Josie.” Waverly loved the name. “It sounded sassy,” says Waverly. As it turns out, Josie was also the name of Waverly’s great-grandmother, who loved to sing in church. “Waverly” was Loretta Lynn’s home town. Josie Waverly it was.

The next day, Waverly phoned her mother. “Grandma wanted you to be named Josie,” her mother said upon learning of Waverly’s stage name; she pointed out that Waverly’s great-grandmother passed away at the age of

twenty-eight, and that Waverly was right then twenty-eight years old. Ever a believer in fate, Waverly was years later shown the

blueprint of her childhood home, the first place anyone had ever heard her sing. Printed on the blueprint were

the words “The Waverly Estate.”

Soon after settling on her new name, Waverly met another namesake, Nancy Josie, who became Waverly’s manager and who was among a cadre of positive people who, along with her faith, kept Waverly from feeling the discouragement that is par for the course for most who embark on a music career.

“She furthered my career a great deal and never took no for an answer. She always saw the glass

half full,” says Waverly.

That positive attitude seemed to work in Waverly’s favor. Throughout the 90s, Waverly opened for such

acts as Charlie Daniels and Randy Travis, who Waverly describes as “one of the best. His whole group was so kind

to work with.”

And yet, she never moved to Nashville, instead traveling there for recording, touring for shows out of state with Bob, who by then had become her sound engineer, and returning to Rochester, where their two children stayed. It wasn’t an easy life, and Waverly missed her kids terribly when she was on the road, although she would take them along when she could.

A broken foot and family illnesses curbed Waverly’s tour bus, but not the tunes. From 2000 to 2005, she ran a dance club in Rochester called Josie’s Country Jukebox. But she also ran something of a hospice in her own home for her ill relatives, and with touring no longer a part of her life, Waverly fell into something of a funk. One day, she looked at her grandmother’s portrait and flipped on the radio. Martina McBride’s “Do it Anyway” wafted through the room.

“Deep down, I wasn’t done singing yet,” says Waverly. With strong encouragement from Bob, she made the decision to return to the road, this time with her self-produced show, “My Gal Patsy” (featuring the music of Patsy Cline), and her latest, “Queens of Pure Country” in which Waverly impersonates nine different country music stars, changing clothes and wigs backstage in a minute and a half. Additionally, she performs with the Josie Waverly Trio at assisted living and senior living communities, and is working on a new CD, her fifth one. She does all this while caring for the grandchildren twice a week. Did I mention she wrote a children’s book series?

“No grass can grow under my feet,” says Waverly. “I’m afraid of not doing everything I want to do before I die.”

26 november 2014 :: rochesterWomanmag.com

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Brightlocal women are making spirits

by rebecca l. Ferguson | photo by ve Jay broyld, sr.

“A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal.” Steve MaraboliIt all began when Webster, NY mother, Jessica DeMitry, volunteered to participate in a school event which partnered with Rochester City School #17 in a gift giving program last Christmas. The idea was simple; the results were astounding. DeMitry explains, “When we received the wish list from the students of school #17, it became a real eye opener. Here, the students could ask for whatever they wanted, and seeing the wish for shoes really changed me.” Webster parents and students excitedly rallied in their efforts to make the wish list a reality. As donations began to pour in, DeMitry had identified a common theme, “So many people wanted to help but didn’t know where or how. We ended up with more gifts than were actually needed… and I started thinking.”

In divine fashion, shortly after the school event DeMitry stumbled across an article in a Syracuse, NY newspaper. She read how a Syracuse business owner had hosted an evening of dining, fellowship and gifts for local families that were in need. “This is it! We need to do this in Rochester”, DeMitry exclaimed.

Wasting no time, this excited mother picked up her phone and reached out to high school friend, neighbor and fundraiser extraordinaire, Jamie Buss. Immediately, the women began to collaborate and turned a sparked thought, into a blazing desire. As assistant director of Dream Factory, a local volunteer- based organization granting wishes to children with chronic and critical illness, Buss is no stranger to fundraising. That same day, Buss utilized social media and presented the idea to her family and friends, Buss says, “There is no reason to reinvent the wheel, this is working in Syracuse, so we are going to follow this formula.” Still needing a name for their organization, Buss once again sought the help of fellow Facebook friends. Making Spirits Bright… fitting perfectly

with the intended vision to have a non-denominational, all-encompassing organization that could make the holidays a little brighter for struggling families.

Quickly, friends and family reached out to DeMitry and Buss, asking how they could help. Still unsure of how they would connect with families in need, Jeanette Wittmeyer, Rochester City School teacher, contacted Buss wanting to aid in the cause. Jeanette soon drafted a letter to social workers and parent liaisons throughout the district, knowing the increasing needs among students and families. It’s important to note that the City of Rochester currently faces a fifty percent poverty rate…fifty percent!

Buss states, “Everything we have done has lead us to the next step. I’m a spiritual person through and through, giver, believer in faith, and everything that has fallen into place has been for a reason.”

In need of a venue, Wittmeyer’s husband, talented photographer Matt Wittmeyer offered his studio space in addition to capturing the evening by photographing the event for the families. Next, Sassafras Flowers will be donating their decorating services and business owner Erica Denman of Balance Fitness located in Webster, will be donating proceeds from some of the studio’s classes.

Moving full steam ahead, Making Spirits Bright is now working with school # 33 where families in need have been identified. The organization plans to post the needs and wish list of the families (approximately fifty people in total), by the first week of November. Community support and awareness are still needed. The women continue working to connect with the community for food, transportation, gift card and monetary donations. “This event is going to be an explosion of awesomeness,” cheers Wittmeyer. The women also wanted to thank their worker bees; Amy Herbst, Nicole Millard, Cheryl Marrese and Ali Buchta, whom are imperative to the entire operation. For more information and to learn how you can contribute please visit www.makingspiritsbright.net and liking their Facebook page.

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Heart

::cover storywanda polisseni cs

small toWn Farm girl With a big

by margaret madigan | photos by stephen reardon

“I’m just a small town farm girl. I’m no different from you. I’m no better than you.” Is the most important thing Wanda Polisseni would like people to know about her. Mrs. Polisseni and I disagree on her statement, I believe she has many others beat in one area, having a big heart… and the loves of her life are her family, horses, and helping others.

‘Tis the holiday season and the house on the hill in Perinton is being readied for all to enjoy. Every year cars line up bumper to bumper to catch a glimpse of the elaborate wondrous Christmas lights and displays arranged by Mrs. Polisseni. However, what many don’t see is the knock-your-socks off decorations inside the house. The inside is like stepping into a Christmas song… riding through the snow in a one horse open sleigh! White branches with twinkling lights and Christmas trees throughout the house. “At night when you open the door and all the lights are on, it’s like a winter wonderland,” she says.

The story behind the elaborate festive display starts with a dairy farm in Potter, NY, where Mrs. Polisseni was raised. She loved to decorate for Christmas as a child, but her family was unable to celebrate more than the bare minimum as money was scarce. She wanted her children to enjoy what she couldn’t so she thought she would turn up Christmas to eleven! The decorating escalated further when her grandchildren came along. But it

took on a life of its own after she realized how much it made other people happy. It’s been a tradition for two decades now.

Mrs. Polisseni then began opening her home to seasonal charity events, including the annual dinner for the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and Bivona Advocacy Center. Hosting these types of charity events is something Polisseni enjoys, not just in her Perinton home but at the family’s house on Canandaigua Lake.

Back to that home in Potter, NY… Mrs. Polisseni was raised on a farm where she spent most of her time caring for horses, which started her lifelong love of horses. More on that later. After high school, Mrs. Polisseni attended SUNY Delhi, earning a degree in Hotel Management. That is where she met her future husband Gene Polisseni, an Irondequoit native. They were married, settled down in Irondequoit and started a family. Children soon arrived and Gary, Valerie, Kim and Greg became the center of Wanda’s universe.

A young couple just starting out, the Polissenis were go-getters from the get-go. Gene Polisseni and his friend since childhood, Tom Golisano were always thinking up new business ventures. Mrs. Polisseni remembers those early days of she and her husband and Golisano often getting together and stirring up trouble. “I remember going to the drive-in one time, a few of us, and we put Tom in the trunk so we didn’t have to pay as much”,

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recalls Mrs. Polisseni of her adventures with Golisano.

At one point Golisano came to Gene Polisseni with an idea for a new company. He thought payroll for smaller businesses would somehow be a good venture, since nothing like it existed. Mr. Polisseni resisted for a while. Mrs. Polisseni recalling his answer as “No way”. Soon Mr. Polisseni relented and eventually became Vice President of the company that started out in a garage, now known as Paychex.

After living in Irondequoit for 14 years, Mr. and Mrs. Polisseni moved to Cincinnati to start a franchise of Paychex. The pair were the only employees of the Cincinnati outfit. Wanda was the salesperson making sales calls all day trying to procure new clients. Mrs. Polisseni recalls having loved going out and talking to small businesses, she loved meeting new people. Then she came home at the end of the day to do the actual bookkeeping and payroll processing for the company. Of course this wasn’t done until after she cooked dinner for the family, made sure homework was done and spent some quality time with them before they went to bed. After bedtime was phase two of the Paychex job, the payroll. Chief cook and bottle washer, indeed.

“Sometimes I wish I hadn’t work so hard and had spent more time with the kids, but that was just our path at the time”, says Mrs. Polisseni. But after listening to Polisseni talk about all the things they did as a family and all the kid’s sporting events she attended, you’d think she spent every waking moment with her children. Despite her regret, it sounds like she did a good job.

She relayed how her son Gary played quarterback on the football team in high school and college and how she was at every game walking up and down the sidelines as they moved down the field. Always yelling words of encouragement and cheering him on, even giving him some friendly advice… “Stop licking your hands!” Polisseni recalls yelling on several occasions. “It drove me crazy with that licking the hands before throwing the ball”, spoken like a true mom.

As much as Mrs. Polisseni was a fan of the kids while they were growing up, she also wanted to make sure they were always accountable. One of the children had a low mark in school while growing up and their coach wasn’t fazed by it. But Mrs. Polisseni wasn’t having it, she told the coach, “Either you do something or I will.” And so the young Polisseni sat out one game. Lesson learned.

The Polisseni family returned to Rochester in 1980 as Gene was needed at the Paychex headquarters as the company was quickly expanding. This time the family settled in Fairport so the younger children would have a fresh start. As usual all major decisions were

made with the children’s best interest in mind. Mrs. Polisseni has always thought of her children first.

Shortly thereafter, oldest son Gary transferred from the college he was attending in Ohio to St. John Fisher in Rochester to be closer to his family. Mama Polisseni was very happy as it was easier to be on the sidelines while Gary played football, this time at Fisher. She never missed a game (home or away) his entire college career.

Tragedy struck in 1983 when the Polisseni’s eighteen-year-old daughter Kimberly was killed in a car accident. The family was devastated but Mrs. Polisseni was determined to make Kim’s life mean something, as short as it was. “When Kim was about nine years old, she was watching a program that touched on child abuse and from that moment on she decided she wanted to be in law

enforcement so that she could help children who were being abused”, said Polisseni. Thus the Kimberly

M. Polisseni Foundation was born. The foundation was originally created to serve

the interests of law enforcement and organizations for abused children in

Kim’s honor.

Not long after, Mr. Polisseni became ill and subsequently passed away in 2001. In commemoration, Mrs. Polisseni shortened the name of the organization to simply The Polisenni Foundation and opened up the funding to more diverse groups in order to serve

the interests of both Kimberly and her Father. As well, Wanda

still decorates one room in her home with Kim’s favorite color purple, to

pay tribute to her. She also has a room in the house dedicated to her late husband. It

is a true testament to the love and dedication she has for her family, whether with her or not.

She is still her children’s biggest fan as evidenced by her support of her son Greg’s art career. Greg is a popular and successful abstract artist and creator/designer of the Artistix clothing line and Mrs. Polisseni can be found at every exhibit opening and fashion show he holds. Whether it’s Fashion Week in New York City or Rochester, she’s there. “She is the salt in my ocean”, Greg says of his Mother. “We’re both single and we’re always each other’s dates to events”, he jokes. All joking aside, the bond is clearly evident between Mother and Son; fun and playful, yet very loving. Clearly she is his biggest fan and he, hers.

She also loves spending time with her daughter Valerie and her three children. Valerie is also on the board at the Polisseni Foundation and they work on many projects together. Mrs. Polisseni notes how she still feels bad that Valerie was a senior in high school when they moved back to Rochester and wasn’t an easy transition for her.

However, Mrs. Polisseni is resolute to state that “I can’t live my life through my children.” Meaning, she has never wanted to force her interests or goals on her children so that she could live vicariously through them. She has always encouraged their individuality, to have their own interests and goals and urged them to go for their

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individuality, to have their own interests and goals and urged them to go for their dreams.

Mrs. Polisseni is well-known for her philanthropy as the Polisseni Foundation has contributed to make improvements and additions to many local institutions such as Rochester General Hospital, FF Thompson General Hospital, St. Luke’s Hill Nursery School, Advent House, Al Sigl Center, St. John Fisher College, and the just recently opened Gene Polisseni Center ice arena at Rochester Institute of Technology. She has also created many scholarships and grants through the foundation as well that benefit students and small non-profits. She helps them so that they may help others. “I like making a difference with the smaller organizations”, she says. She has also had a long standing

relationship with National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, serving on its board since John Walsh had created it under the name Adam Walsh Outreach Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

“Money means nothing. Material things come and go. What measures success is what you do for others. I love to do for others”, says Mrs. Polisseni. She remembers growing up in a rural area where people didn’t have much nor did they have many resources to get their basic needs met. She wants to make sure that no one has to live like that.

Speaking of her rural upbringing, as previously mentioned, that’s where her lifelong love of horses began. As a woman of many interests and one who loves a challenge, Mrs. Polisseni has combined her ambition and love of horses to build a thoroughbred racing empire. She owns 120 horses that are housed in various places between her stables in New Jersey

and various race tracks throughout the country. During her interview with RWM the 75 year old checked her iPhone a few times to see how her horses were doing at the track. That is just one of the reasons we love Mrs. Polisseni. “I fly all over to watch them race, all the time – Aqueduct, Belmont, Saratoga, Churchill Downs, Santa Anita.”

With so many achievements and accomplishments including, model, salesperson, clothing buyer, entrepreneur, philanthropist, and race horse owner, what else does Mrs. Polisseni wish to tackle? “I’ve achieved everything I wanted to achieve”, she says. When asked if there was anything she didn’t get to do and always wanted to she replied, “You mean what do I regret?” Always thinking of the children first she said, “I regret not having another child so that Greg wasn’t always alone. There was a big age difference and then when Kim passed, he was always alone. I always made sure he brought a friend along on outings.” However, Greg seems to have turned out just fine.

Now as the children are grown and have their own children, you can imagine Mrs. Polisseni is quite the doting grandmother. She was excited to hold her annual Halloween extravaganza with a maze out in front of the house and refreshments in the garage for her grandchildren, their friends, and all the neighborhood children. However, now her grandchildren are growing up as three are in college and two are in high school. You can probably bet the farm that whether they are related to her or not, Wanda Polisseni will always be entertaining and trying to make others happy for years to come. “And please, never be afraid to say hello, I’m just like you.”

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::tips For wom

en

Are you working out, but still struggling to shed those extra pounds? Studies show that eating small frequent meals high in protein and vegetables can help boost your metabolism, burn fat and gain muscle. The most important thing to remember is to listen to your body; know when you are tired and when to push yourself more. Focus on losing inches, not pounds, because muscle is denser than fat. Focusing on your body fat percentage rather than strictly body weight will give you a better indicator of your progress. Tracking your inches and body fat percentage gives you a more healthy and stable measurement of your success. Take before and after pictures of your body! Before you start eating clean and exercising; take a picture, get your measurements and body fat tested. Then, once a month, repeat that. Let the progress that you have made in one short month be your ultimate motivation!Drinking plenty of water is also important. Water is vital in the calorie burning process; dehydration slows down the fat-burning process down. Drinking plenty of water also reduces muscle and joint soreness and recovery time.

Prepping meals will also help; this stops you from binge eating. Grabbing the first and easiest thing you can think of isn’t always the

healthiest option. Portioning out easy, healthy and well-balanced meals once a week in Tupperware really helps create consistency with your diet. Use spices on healthy food you believe to be “bland”. Dash cinnamon over apples, and microwave for a minute, for a quick “apple pie” tasting snack. Don’t have time to make eggs? Want a quick breakfast? Crack an egg in a cup, scramble it, and cook in the microwave for a minute- instant scrambled eggs!

It’s hard to stick to a workout regimen. Changing up your routine is not only good for your body, but it keeps exercising interesting and fun. Try new things; Yoga, Pilates, Zumba, Bokwa, Kettlebell are great ways to change it up.

We women love to compare ourselves to others. Remember that your only competition is yourself and your goal is to be better than the woman you were yesterday. You only have one body to live in so why not love it!

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tips to shed those extra pounDs

50 november 2014 :: rochesterWomanmag.com

on a Budget

lauren’s easY Bolognese sauce

prep time: 25 minutescook time: 20 minutestotal time: 45 minutes

serves: 8

ingredients 1 lb ground beef, 1 lb ground sausage,1 celery stalk,

finely chopped, 2 medium-sized carrots, finely chopped,1 medium onion, diced 4-6 cloves garlic, pressed or minced,

1 cup beef broth, 6 oz. tomato paste, 1 can crushed tomatoes (28 oz.), 1½ tsp oregano, 1½ tsp basil

1 tsp black pepper, 1 tsp salt, ½ cup whole milk

directionsin a large sauce pan, combine sausage, beef, onions, carrots

and celery and cook over medium heat. brown meat, and then cook for another 10 minutes or so to

soften vegetables. add garlic and cook for an additional 2 minutes.

drain meat. add all other ingredients, bring to a boil and

simmer for about 10 minutes.

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rochesterWomanmag.com :: november 2014 51

on a Budgetf::specialfeature sf

by lauren greutman The holidays are a time for getting together and sharing conversation and food with the ones you love. My husband and I spend the holidays with 24 of our family members, and 14 of those family members are under the age of 9. It can get expensive and stressful to cook and entertain for that many people during the holidays, so we have come up with some non-traditional ways to still be able to cook a big family holiday dinner, but on a budget.

1.) thanksgiving dinner. In order to keep the cost down on Thanksgiving dinner, we have a few strategies. Here is what we do: The host prepares the turkey, and all of the other family members bring the sides and desserts. This helps keep the cost down for everyone. We send out a Google Doc the month before, and everyone signs up for a dish or two, which makes it very easy to guarantee that we have all of our traditional sides covered, and add in any additional ones we want to try that year.

2.) christmas dinner on a budget. We decided a few years ago that instead of cooking a big Christmas feast, we would opt for something less expensive and much easier to prepare. We now make our family homemade sauce recipe and serve chicken parmigiana for dinner. We can prepare the chicken the night before, and this creates an easier and less expensive meal option.

3.) Another thing that we do to keep the cost down during the holidays as a large family is skip the big meal and opt to do hors d’oeuvres all day instead. With 14 kids under the age of 9, it is not a very enjoyable time to sit down and eat dinner together. It probably is more stressful than fun. A few weeks before Christmas, we send out an email asking for everyone to sign up for a few appetizers. We serve these all day long, so people can eat as they want throughout the day. This makes for a very enjoyable day, free of stress.

4.) shop at aldi. Aldi is a fantastic place to get the baking and cooking essentials at almost half the price. Check out the Aldi meal planning page on my website (iamthatlady.com), which features a holiday meal plan that teaches you how to cook a holiday meal, plus 20 other dishes for under $150 at Aldi.

5.) use things you already have around the house. Growing up, my mom used to take the heels off the loaves of bread and stick them in a bag in the freezer. Then, at Thanksgiving, she would take out the bag and use those pieces of bread to make our Thanksgiving stuffing. A very simple tip saved her time and money every year.

Most of all, you want to make sure that you plan ahead. One hour of planning saves four hours of execution. If you plan ahead the entire month before that big holiday dinner, I guarantee that you will save a lot of money!

Lauren Greutman is the owner of THAT Lady Media LLC. For more information, visit her website iamthatlady.com, like her page at facebook.com/iamthatlady or follow her on Twitter at @iamthatlady.

lauren’s easY Bolognese sauce

prep time: 25 minutescook time: 20 minutestotal time: 45 minutes

serves: 8

ingredients 1 lb ground beef, 1 lb ground sausage,1 celery stalk,

finely chopped, 2 medium-sized carrots, finely chopped,1 medium onion, diced 4-6 cloves garlic, pressed or minced,

1 cup beef broth, 6 oz. tomato paste, 1 can crushed tomatoes (28 oz.), 1½ tsp oregano, 1½ tsp basil

1 tsp black pepper, 1 tsp salt, ½ cup whole milk

directionsin a large sauce pan, combine sausage, beef, onions, carrots

and celery and cook over medium heat. brown meat, and then cook for another 10 minutes or so to

soften vegetables. add garlic and cook for an additional 2 minutes.

drain meat. add all other ingredients, bring to a boil and

simmer for about 10 minutes.

how to cook a big, Family holiday dinner

52 november 2014 :: rochesterWomanmag.com

by colleen Flaherty For many of us, the holidays mean busy, non-stop family/friend visits where we consume rich food and drink. This throws us off our normal routine. Sure, it’s a loving fun filled time of year but it leaves us exhausted more times than not. I’ve compiled a few ways to keep your body, mind and holiday spirit optimized.

reWrite your holiday mindsetDo you fall into the holiday mindset that it has to be a stressful time of year? A time you (and your bank account) feel exhausted? Why? It’s your life, choose to think and feel the way you want by choosing to participate in activities that make you feel stress-free, happy, abundant and loving. Baking 200 frosted gingerbread men for your family and friends makes you hyperventilate because that’s one more thing on the calendar? Why don’t you make a party of it by opening your home? Everyone decorates their own cookies, you drink some cider and create beautiful, fun memories being together!

rethink your goals For the holidaysYour extended family has grown because 10 new babies were born and everyone expects presents for them. You feel like you must participate in all family present purchasing because your siblings do. What are your goals for the holidays? Do you feel pressured to keep up? Is present giving the best way you show your love and thanks to the people in your life? Does attending high-stress family gatherings give you hives? If you show your gratitude in a different way and it makes you feel 100% authentic, do it! Your family might be feeling the same way so open the flow of conversation around expectations. The people who love you will respect and honor this gesture from you.

redesign your entertainingNo one can recreate a party scene from Martha Stewart Living while proclaiming, ‘it’s so easy!’. Perfection is difficult to obtain, even for the most detail attentive hostess. This made up pressure because we think our loved ones expect something grandiose. Most women have the goal of gathering together family and friends in a fun, delicious way letting it stress them out for no reason. Don’t go over the top. Set yourself up for success. Keep things simple. Ask for help on your menu or host a potluck. Your house is already decorated for the season, a quick tidying up is all that’s necessary. The laughter and stories you create with your loved ones are the things everyone will remember.

redirect your energy to Feeling goodIf you think the holidays are going to be stressful, they will be. Your thoughts become things. What will happen if you teach yourself the holidays are a fun, abundant, low stress time? How will this change the activities you participate in? The gatherings you attend? The amount of things your purchase and for whom? Choose a couple words (abundant, blessed, loving, happy) that represent how you want to feel for the next couple months and only do things in line with them.

recreate holiday Favorites With healthier ingredientsMost women fret over the holiday 15lbs. Increased alcohol consumption paired with sugary desserts and rich meals equals weight gain. Avoid gains with a couple tips: 1. Eat before you go to parties, drink plenty of water. This will help you avoid over-consumption of appetizers and sugary drinks to quench your cravings.

2. There are plenty of ingredient swaps for recipes that call for lots of butter, cheese, flours. Google: “vegetarian/vegan/gluten free (insert what you’re making here)”. This will give you a variety of ways to make your dish without wheat, dairy or animal products. I love this because I learn so much about creating healthier foods!

3. Walk every day, even if you don’t usually. Make walking the minimum exercise you incorporate into your routine. Better yet, join a group activity from November to February. And bring along a friend or two for support. Do not make exercise a New Years Resolution. Find an activity you like to do with friends and sign up! If it’s paddle ball, swimming, hot yoga, Olympic lifting, START NOW! Don’t wait until 1/1/2015. Life is happening now. Not only will this help keep your weight normal, it will release stress and tension!

4. Drink your weight in ounces of clean water with lemon essential oil or lemon wedges. If you’re 140 pounds, drink 140 ounces of water. Lemon is a detoxifier and energizer. You’ll need its help this season and it’s an awesome life-long habit to keep incorporating.

Colleen owns Awakened Athlete where she empowers young athletes to adult women on their journey to holistically achieving their goals based on their intuition, mindset, nutrition, emotions and physical capabilities. Learn more at awakenedathlete.com.

::Fitn

ess

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by James Woods, md and elizabeth Warner, mdMany women reach menopause and wonder what happened to their sex lives. They feel decreasing desire for vaginal sex but crave partner intimacy and trust. Sexuality evolves as we age. Intimacy is defined in this context by Webster’s Dictionary as a close personal relationship marked by affection and love. It has also been used to denote sexual intercourse. Intimacy in menopause does not necessarily involve sexual intercourse.

Anthropologists tell us that the driving purpose of sexual intercourse is to reproduce the species. Humans are in a rare group of primates in their desire for sexual monogamy. The human desire for sexual intercourse and intimacy continues throughout the lifespan of men and women despite the fact that a woman’s ability to reproduce rapidly declines after age 40 and ceases by about 50.

Hormone blood levels, unfortunately, do not provide a clear picture of why sexual desire and satisfaction change over time for many women. Blood levels of androgens (testosterone, dehydroepiandrosterone sulfate (DHEAS), and androstenedione) decline by two-thirds between age 30 and 70 reaching a lower but stable level during menopause. Unfortunately women with low libido and those with normal libido can have similar levels. We do know that removal of the ovaries in premenopausal and peri-menopausal women can precipitously cause many menopausal symptoms including decreased desire. Some antidepressant medications also can reduce libido.

A recent AARP survey indicated that over 70% of baby boomers said sex was still important and 54% were satisfied with their sex life. Yet 76% indicated that sexual desire had declined in the past 20 years and by age 75 to 85 only 16% of women and 38% of men were sexually active.

Many emotional changes impact intimacy and sexuality around the time of menopause. Children leaving home, elderly parents becoming more dependent, job stresses, and relationship stresses all can effect sexual feelings. Women more than men often need the right “frame of mind” to have increased desire and sexual intimacy. The willingness to become aroused occurs first followed by sensing the emotion of desire which can then usually lead to pleasurable sexual intercourse. Emotional and physical obstacles, however, can interfere anywhere along this path. Sexual dysfunction can result from any of the following symptoms; loss of desire, difficulty in arousal or orgasm or occurrence of discomfort or pain, AND personal distress about the problem.

At the end of the day, each woman needs to decide how intimacy and sexual intercourse fit into her life. For many, partner intimacy and sexual satisfaction are not defined by genital function alone but complimented by friendship, loyalty, history and trust. Is intimacy reflected by one’s sexual activities or instead the unanticipated flowers for no reason, the hand that holds yours during the darkest moments of cancer therapy, or the comfort of knowing that the foot touching yours in bed late at night loves you for being you. You choose.

James Woods, MD is a practicing gynecologist and a regular contributor to Rochester Woman Magazine. Elizabeth Warner, MD, is a retired gynecologist living in Rochester, NY. For questions regarding this menopause minute or other menopausal issues you would like to see addressed in future editions, please call him at (585) 271-7800 or email him at james_woods@urmc.rochester.edu.

::men

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54 november 2014 :: rochesterWomanmag.com

What’s SEX Got to Do With It?

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Henry Hess, MD, PhD Kalin Warshof, MS, RN, FNP-BCJim Woods, MD

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season oF:p

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Sraddha Prativadi, MD is an integrative holistic physician and Assistant Professor at the University of Rochester School of Medicine and Dentistry. She is a Certified Premier Consultant with Proctor-Gallagher Institute’s Thinking into Results Program for Leaders and founder of Doctor P: Power of your Positive Potential, YourDoctorP.com , providing individual, group, corporate and elite mind training to manifest untapped potential and achieve success.Visit www.YourDoctorP.com and Your Doctor P

on Facebook to connect with her and let her power YOUR positive potential!

gratitude

season oF fsf:positive mind,positive life pp

gratitudeby sraddha prativadi, md

In this season of Thanksgiving, historically we have observed the expression of gratitude that was expressed by original European settlers in the Americas. For those who risked all they had, ventured over unknown waters - no maps and street signs on the Atlantic Ocean! - and showed up on new territory, having to learn new ways and collectively achieving this success by learning from the wisdom of the Native Americans who were already successfully harvesting crops here, the act of gratitude was a deeply wise gesture in the process of manifestation. Gratitude is so important to becoming alive and present. Acknowledging and honoring what we already have opens us up to the experience of enjoying our lives. By holding our hearts and minds in vibrational harmony with the abundance that is already around us, we invite into our lives the very experiences that we seek. It’s like creating open doors and open invitations for emotional, material, financial and relationship success to enter our lives.

“The miracle of gratitude is that it shifts your perception to such an extent that it changes the world you see.” - Dr. Robert Holden

As you move forward in this season of gifts, if you truly want to feel wealthy, give thanks for what you already have and enjoy, especially those things that money cannot buy - hugs from friends, kind words, expressions of appreciation, smiles, laughter. I certainly do not discount the material experiences either. Material possessions are tools for living the life that we want. Be grateful for even the things you desire to come true in the future. Remember time is merely a dimension we are subject to as humans. Use your mind to visualize into the future you want and it will become your present experience. Gratitude is the key to opening this door.

positive philosophy. Every day you start anew with your life, your thoughts, purpose and processes by which you manifest your life. Gratitude and appreciation and love are the highest emotions one can feel. Why do I say this? Because, if you fill your mind with thoughts of love, appreciation and gratitude, the Universe has a way of opening gates and paths to your dreams and holding your hand on the path toward your goals.

Again what is the holiday of Thanksgiving? It is a harvest festival. What does the word harvest actually mean? It is reaping what you sow. In our lives, what we experience is exactly what we have planted and sown in our minds. Whether you like or don’t like what you see, you have placed the seeds of that experience in your mind at some deep level. The word sow does not only mean “to plant seeds”, it also means “to make appear”. Reap means to collect what has appeared. Ask yourself, “what seeds am I planting in my mind?” To answer that question, simply look at what is surrounding you, the emotions that you are feeling and the level of love and abundance your are enjoying. That is what you have planted in your mind and made appear in your physical and emotional reality.

positive purpose. What is it you desire - health, wealth, relationships? What is it YOU desire? Not what you think others want of you or for you. Most people don’t even know who they really are. They do not know what really makes them happy, what makes their heart sing and their spirit soar. Figuring this out takes courage as you have to go into your heart and mind with complete honesty. But the path is unlike any other, and your path is meant for you to experience and share with the world. So . . . who are you and what makes you happy? What do you want to reap in your life? Sow those thoughts into your mind now.

positive processes: Beginning your day with gratitude is like opening up the gates of your positive potential at the start. If you have a meditation discipline in the morning, great! Spend five minutes of it specifically expressing thanks for anything and everything now and in the future. If you do not take time for yourself in the morning, I urge you to do so. You are an important person. Give yourself the time, respect, love and appreciation in the morning by honoring your deep desires with a gratitude process and you will see that your outer world will reflect your inner world. You have to hold yourself in emotional, psychological and mental harmony with it. Use your mind to make gratitude, appreciation and love a habitual way of thinking. Then you will see that you will habitually attract into your life that which you exactly desire.

This is not new knowledge. It has been there since time immemorial. I visited an ancient temple in southern India a few years ago. Do you know what was written there within the ancient symbols?

remember and think. believe. express gratitude.Wonderful, Simple. It’s the truth.

This is a sample from my gratitude list . . . What are you grateful for?

I feel so wonderful and grateful that I have lovely readers reading this column of Positive Mind. Positive Life with Doctor P and eyes, fingers and brain to create the article.

I feel so wonderful and grateful for my friends Barb and Kelly who believe in my writing and my message and that I have the opportunity to positively impact lives through my writing.

I feel so wonderful and grateful for my family, mentors, friends, and colleagues who all hold a flame of love and appreciation for my inner light.

I feel so wonderful and grateful for my warm meals, clean air, fleece jackets, warm bed, hot showers and the warm hearts and hugs of all those who surround me and support me in my vision to elevate minds and elevate lives.

I feel so wonderful and grateful for YOU!

“Gratitude is an attitude that hooks us up to our source of supply. And the more grateful you are, the closer you become to your maker, to the architect of the universe, to the spiritual core of your being. It’s a phenomenal lesson.” - Bob Proctor

Spend five minutes in the morning to start your day with gratitude. List out seven things you are grateful for and let that feeling sink into your mind and heart spaces. Likewise, finish your day with gratitude for all the learning experiences the day has brought you. Conclude your day with calm, quiet gratitude and allow your body and mind to rest while the Universe problem solves on your behalf while you sleep. Then next morning, start again, and be grateful for any new insights you have received. They will guide you on your path to which you were meant to be.

And, don’t wait till Christmas to send out cards. Send out gratitude cards now to those who have impacted you in positive ways and contributed to your growth and development. I am sure it will make their day!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Reap Positive! Sow Positive!

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Inspirerochester Women

rochesterWomanmag.com :: november 2014 59

arlene nanryrn, ocn, hospice evaluator, chairman of story of hope comfort care home, inc.by laura dicaprio | photo by tiFFany boula

Everyone has a story to tell and Arlene Nanry’s passion is listening to and making sure stories of people are heard and not forgotten. While her extensive resume spans several careers including many in the healthcare industry, she is currently working on a new chapter in her own story as the Chairman of Story of Hope Comfort Care Home, a new hospice house scheduled to open in Gates within the next few years.

After moving to the Rochester area from New York City with her husband over 40 years ago Nanry felt called to help the elderly, but without a car and with two young children to take care of, her options were limited. She started out grassroots-style by posting fliers in a nearby senior apartment complex offering her services and companionship. She soon struck up a friendship with an older woman who did not have family in the area and the two enjoyed a wonderful relationship that spanned 22 years.

As her children grew, Nanry’s desire to help people strengthened and she started nursing school at the age of 50 to pursue her RN degree. “Nursing school was very hard for me, but I was able to pass and get my degree” she shares, “It was there that I first experienced hospice care and was immediately drawn to it.”

Nanry admits that not everyone shares her passion for hospice care, but to her “it’s an unbelievable, tremendous honor to take care of a patient who is dying…to take care of people during that precious, sacred time…it touches my heart.”

Caring for the dying is a calling that she lovingly pursues and is expanding with her desire to open her own hospice care home. The Story of Hope Comfort Care Home (Hope House) was an idea that first came to fruition in March 2014 and together with a small team of volunteers Arlene has been working tirelessly over the past few months to turn this dream into a reality.

The home will be the first of its kind in the Gates area and will serve all individuals regardless of religion, age, or disability. “I want this home to be open to everyone and want to provide them with everything they will need.”

The home will be free of charge to patients and open to people from all walks of life. Nanry’s goal is to provide the proper care that patients need, regardless of their background or health requirements.

Along with this accepting environment, Nanry hopes to get to know each patient’s story and then document those memories as a keepsake for the families after the patient passes away. Ensuring that each person’s story is remembered and celebrated is a unique gift that Arlene hopes to present to every family that stays at Hope House.

Nanry envisions Hope House to have two separate bedrooms, each with an adjoining suite or common room for the patients’ families. She wants patients and their families to be as comfortable as possible so that the house feels like it belongs to them for the

(continued on page 62)

by margaret madigan | photo by tiFFany voula

“I always wanted to marry a priest”, jokes psychotherapist Vickijo Campanaro. A joke that has a bit of truth to it as Campanaro grew up in a very Italian Catholic family and religion and spirituality are still very important to her. While not exactly wanting to become a nun, she wanted to combine everything she loved. Her deep interest in spirituality led her to help found The Assisi Institute in 2006 with her now husband Craig Bullock.

At 60 years old, Campanaro is the Associate Director of the Assisi Institute, a not-for-profit meditation center that hosts services, classes, retreat facilities and events promoting a harmonious integration of Eastern Philosophy and Western Mysticism. The teachings of the institute are meant to be complementary to any faith. At Assisi, Campanaro is the driving force behind the music program. The Institute offers many workshops and classes involving music and chanting.

Campanaro is a native of Rochester, NY and graduated from Cardinal Mooney High School. After high school she attended SUNY Fredonia where she received a B.S. in Music Education. Later she received a MS.ED in Clinical Counseling and Applied Psychology from SUNY Brockport and has been in private practice as a psychotherapist for more than 25 years.

In honor of the holiday season, The Assisi Institute will be holding its annual Beacons of Light ceremony on Decmber 20th, featuring luminarias, small paper bags with a candle in the middle. Luminarias have been used over the centuries as a way of uniting people and bringing light and hope to the world. The public is invited to make a $10 donation each to light a luminaria to honor a special person in their life. Luminiarias will be lined around the Institute building at 1400 N. Winton Road, as prayers are said and the names of each honoree read aloud to a soft contemplative music background.

The feeling of peace is palatable as you walk into the Assisi Institute and Campanaro radiates with kindness and peace herself. There is a warm, peaceful, cozy feeling that encompasses the entire organization, building, people and all. “We want to give people a place of peace to get closer to their God, whoever that is. To welcome all religions, especially the way the world is today”, she states.

Throughout various rooms at Assisi you will find relics from many religions – pictures of Jesus, Paramahansa Yogananda, Vishnu, Buddha, St. Francis of Assisi, and symbols such as crosses, Star of David, star and crescent of Islam. But the Assisi Institute was named after St. Francis of Assisi, the patron saint of Italy who founded the Franciscan order of priests in the Catholic Church. He was chosen because his teachings speak to the immanence of God found in all of creation.

Finding peace was not always easy for Campanaro as she raised three children mostly on her own, one of whom, her son, who became paralyzed at age 13 from the shoulders down after jumping off the family’s deck to make snow angels for his sisters. From that day forward Evan has remained in a motorized wheelchair, however with his Mother’s guidance, perseverance, and courage he has since

(continued on page 62)

“We want to give people a place of peace to get closer to their God,

whoever that is.”

vickiJo campanaroassociate director, assisi institute:r

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“When we see the survivors take their lap. They are living proof of

why we do this.”

::rWinspire

rochesterWomanmag.com :: november 2014 61

by vanessa J. cheeks | photo by tiFFany boula

When speaking with Jillian Ference you get the feeling that once she sets her sights on something she goes for it full throttle. A fast talker, you can hear the excitement and passion in her voice when recalling how she, a marketing professional from the automotive world, ended up working for Relay for Life. One of the most popular nonprofit cancer fundraisers in the United States, raising to date over 5 billion dollars according to the American Cancer Society who hosts Relay for Life. While it was not the traditional career change, it was inspired by Ferenece experiencing the sudden loss of her father to Cancer. It has untimely been a transition for the better of herself and the community.

The Pennsylvania native originally began her career with various automotive companies starting at a dealership and working her way to a startup company. Focusing on Search Engine Marketing, she never thought her path would be involve cars but, enjoyed the work all the same. “I focused on companies coming up in searches, like Google, it was fun but I don’t think anyone wakes up and says they want to market cars”

It was in 2010 when Jillian set foot on her first Relay for Life event. The previous year, her father John had passed shortly after he was diagnosed with cancer. “It was seven months between his diagnoses and when he passed…we were very close” explained Ference who decided to preserve her father’s memory while helping others by volunteering with the community event. “For me I was at my first event when I realized… I would describe it as the support group I didn’t know I needed.” she continued about finding the true value in Relay.

Soon, Jillian’s spare time was used to volunteer with the American Cancer Society. Much like her marketing career she started by helping where and when she could, She moved gradually up to the planning committee and ultimately her work garnered her a volunteer position as Event Co-chair. “I had been working with Relay and ended up loving it …when I heard a position opened with the ACS and relay for life I applied immediately.” Jillian said of taking the leap of turning her activism into her career.

Leaving the auto industry behind she is now a Relay for Life Specialist traveling around the region assisting volunteers, something that is no easy feat. “You need to know how to communicate to different people from different backgrounds, what works with one person might not work with another so communication is important.” Jillian is also able to credit her time spent working with clients, listening to what they are looking for and translating that into a finished product as a huge help in understanding the importance of listening as well.

Although a challenge, the 29 year old blogger and self-proclaimed “bleeding heart” would not have it any other way. Celebrating her first month in her new position with the ACS she beamed knowing that the career change was the right choice “This is what I needed” she explains “If I was not doing this it would just be another job, I

(continued on page 62)

Jillian Ferencerelay for life specialist

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iregraduated Magna Cum Laude from Carnegie Mellon Institute and is now directing theater productions in New York City. Daughter Alana is also in NYC working for Steve Madden and daughter Tori works at Strong Hospital in Rochester on the cardio vascular surgery floor. She is also quick to state how proud she is of her stepsons, Nick who is a music producer in Nashville and Michael in forestry and conservation in Syracuse.

It is that tenacity to provide the best for her children and to help others that helped build the Assisi Institute. Oh did we also mention she donated a kidney to her sister? Yes, she absolutely did and is hesitant to say so, because to her, giving is just something you do from the heart and not for accolades.

The Assisi Institute has other holiday activities coming up including a Holiday Bazaar in their gift shop, which will also feature a new Christmas CD including songs in five different languages performed by Campanaro and Swami Nirvanananda. And as always every Thursday night 7:00pm-8:30pm is their cornerstone event, the Kriya Yoga Meditation Service. To find out more information please visit www.assisi-institute.org.

vickiJo campanaro(cont)

duration of their stay. She is currently looking for a one-story house that fits this description.

Along with hunting for a house, Nanry is applying for her 501( c )( 3) status. She’s also working on spreading the word about Hope House in order to find donations and the volunteers who will be instrumental in running the home once it opens. She estimates 100-150 volunteers will be needed in order to run Hope House effectively. “The volunteers will be the backbone of the home,” she says, “we need everything…people to help with marketing, nursing duties, fundraising, and even clerical duties.”

To find out more about The Story of Hope Comfort Care Home, including information about how to donate and volunteer opportunities, visit www.storyofhoperochester.com or email storyofhoperochester@gmail.com.

arlene nanry(cont)

would be earning another paycheck. I feel like I am going to work doing more than just that” says Ference.

After six years of volunteering Jillian Ference has five Relay events under her belt and while she describes it clinically as a fundraiser she recommends seeing it for yourself “When we see the survivors take their lap. They are living proof of why we do this. I believe the work I am doing is truly helping people.

The American Cancer Society Relay For Life is the world’s largest and most impactful fundraising event to end cancer. It unites communities across the globe to celebrate people who have battled cancer, remember loved ones lost, and take action to finish the fight once and for all. For more information on local Relay for Life events visit www.relayforlife.org

Jillian Ference(cont)

november2014events calendar

All women Rock

8

21-2344th RMSC Annual Holiday Bazaar

organization: rochester Woman magazineWhere: memorial art galleryWhen: 10am – 5pmWebsite: www.ultimatewomensexpos.com

Where: genesee country village &museumWhen: 10am – 4pmWebsite: www.gcv.orgcost: $6.50-$8.50

Where: park avenueWhen: 5-9pmWebsite: www.park-avenue.org

Where: memorial art galleryWhen: 6:00pmtickets: $40/$55

organization: Women’s council of the rmscWhere: rmscWhen: Fri 9pm-5pm, sat & sun 9:30am-5pmWebsite: www.rmsc.org

RwM’s Ultimate women’s Expo

Breakfast with St. Nicholas

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december 421st Annual Park Avenue Holiday Open

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Suck!

::snap out oFit s

by margaret madigan I’m Madge Madigan and welcome to my column. I will be planted here on a regular basis dispensing knowledge and useless facts and imparting words of wisdom that I obviously learned from someone else. You can find more stories that will make you smile and realize you’re not alone in wading through the crap in life in my book, “When Life Gives You Lemons… At Least You Won’t Get Scurvy!”

What better time than November to discuss the ensuing holiday marathon that we will all try to endure? If you don’t manage to stress yourself out in some way, shape or form, someone else will. Oh I can pretty much guaran-damn-tee it. Between Veteran’s Day, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Feast of the Immaculate Conception, Festivus, Christmas, Boxing Day, Kwanzaa, New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day, Mawlid Un Nabi, the Epiphany, and any other thing I left out… something is going to set you off.

First and foremost, I would just like to make my stand on the holidays perfectly clear…

IT’S NOT A COMPETITION, PEOPLE! IT’S JUST A HOLIDAY! A DAY TO BE ENJOYED!I see so many Facebook and Twitter posts every holiday season that state how stressed out people are with the holidays. I was about to call the suicide prevention hotline for one woman, she seemed so on edge. I also saw another post that was so smug about how far ahead she was of the game with all her shopping and wrapping, I wanted to throw a shoe at her.

There’s so much talk on social media and in real life about who’s going where and who’s making what. The whole week before Thanksgiving is all food talk, all the time. I don’t get myself worked up, ya’ know why? Because I… don’t make much. Best way to handle it. And I do everything on Thanksgiving Day. I’m not making homemade this and homemade that all week, I just do the turkey with my special basting slop, I do make homemade mashed potatoes (how hard is that?), I cut up a yam, and I make that green bean casserole because the kids love it. Hey, don’t judge! It’s about making the comfort food that my kids like that have become traditions. If I wanted the froo froo asparagus and pine nuts and junk, I’d go eat out. (which I love, by the way). Between the wine and the hot flashes, I sweat enough that day, I’m not doing any more than I have to!… And that is why I buy my pies too.

Then Christmas, oh my god with the Christmas! You know, I’ve never heard any of my Jewish friends stress out about Hanukkah. Ok, I’ve only heard one Jewish friend complain but it was mostly about having to get on a plane to see her parents that happen to be at the further end of the AARP spectrum, who like to eat the early bird at Howard Johnson’s then go to bed at 7:30 every night while she’s there. But her bitching is usually just purely for comedic value anyway. However, she never complained about buying presents and decorating. Jewish folks make it simple, no tree, no decorations, one simple light fixture, eight days of presents so in case you forget something the first few nights... no pressure. Well, except there is a bit of food, but nary do I hear any complaining about all the schlepping to make it.

So back to the Christmas. Enough already! Enough with the buying and the wrapping, and the baking, and the decorating and the parties… no wait, the parties can stay. It’s one thing if you really love this stuff, then do it, just don’t be a martyr all over the place about it. Trust me,

nobody likes a martyr.

You know how to survive these holidays? Just chillax. What gets done, will get done. No one will notice that you forgot to put out your Wayne Newton dressed as Santa statuette. No one will notice that you only made a batch of sugar cookies and not peanut butter cookies. The kids won’t care if you wrapped their stocking stuffers or not. Just try to enjoy the spirit of Christmas, family and friends. (yes, even if you hate your family)

And speaking of that… what if you are thrust into a situation where you have to be with people you don’t particularly care for, nay even hate? Suck it up and deal. Be nice and civil. Remember you’re not the only person in the room. I know you have your pride but why ruin everyone else’s holiday as well as yours? Don’t be antagonistic, stay away from touchy subjects and hold your tongue if you are provoked. That will beat the hell out of having to post bail on Thanksgiving night for aggravated assault. I know some women have fantasies about exacting revenge on their mother-in-law that might look like Alexis and Krystle from “Dynasty”, rolling around slapping and ripping out shoulder pads. But most of the time those things end up looking like Snookie and Angela pulling out weaves on “Jersey Shore” with their skirt over their head showing their butt in a thong. Not pretty. Next thing you know you’re on an episode of “Cops.”

As matter of fact, even if you like the people you will be spending the holiday with, just stay away from controversial topics all together that might start arguments – religion, politics, sex, and Grandma’s will.

Back to the overdoing it and not being a competition with every other parent or homemaker in town… You might say, “What about the kids? It’s important for the kids.” Guess what? The kids will get over it; they don’t need every gift under the sun or to live in a winter wonderland every day of the holidays. I believe you might be teaching your kids a far more valuable lesson in life if they don’t get everything they want this year. I kid you not, there were years when things were rough being a single parent and my kids got construction paper or earrings or mittens from the Dollar Store. I cried and cried. Yes, I felt terrible that I couldn’t give my children everything I wanted to, but my children have learned that life isn’t fair and to be thankful for what they do get. I’d like to think I won’t be raising a bunch of spoiled ingrates. However, as a loving Mother I wish I had the means to raise spoiled ingrates just so they could have nice things, but I realize the life lesson and not having ingrates is better and will last a lifetime, unlike an iPad or Beats by Dre.

Hey, didn’t that Christmas angel say, “Peace on Earth, good will toward men”? THAT’s what it’s about! Please everyone, spread peace and good will to others, and accept peace yourself. That’s really the key, peace within yourself; it feels wonderful and it’s uncanny how it spreads to others.

Take a deep breath and relish the simple joys. And remember, you will not be put to death by lethal injection if the silverware isn’t polished or the stuffing is dry or the kids wouldn’t sit for the Christmas card photo. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Festivus, Happy Kwanza to all and to all a good night! And most importantly… Peace!

Margaret “Madge” Madigan in the Associate Editor of Rochester Woman Magazine, and author of the best selling book, “When Life Gives You Lemons…At Least You Won’t Get Scurvy!”

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